#This post is kinda the blind leading the blind if we're being honest

[thatuselesshuman]

Caspers Guide to Social Events

(Specifically events where you don't really know anyone so you have to smile and make small talk)

Whether it be a baby shower, a wedding, or just some random ass get together, we've all been in that situation where you have no clue who anyone is except for the person that invited you but you're expected to not implode. No one likes it, but we all have to laugh and pretend we're not watching the clock, hoping enough time will pass that it's socially acceptable to leave.

You may be thinking that you're just resigned to this fate forever, cursed to make small talk you never really understood in the first place because you're autistic, but fear not! This very guide is here to help

Hopefully this makes those events at least go by faster, if not bearable

Without further adieu...

Step One: Dress for the Occasion

Most events you go to will have a dress code of some sort. If you're not sure what it is, ask whoever invited you. Usually, it'll be one of a few options: casual, Sunday/church wear, business casual, semi-formal, and formal. We'll go through each of these below.

Casual: This is exactly as it says, casual. Wear what you feel most comfortable in. Don't wear anything too dumpy though, like pj's or stained jeans. This one is very dependent on your personal style, so I'd say a good rule is to pick something you'd go to a nice restaurant in.

Sunday/church wear: Nicer clothing. A safe bet would be khakis and a polo for guys, and a sundress for girls. If you go to church, this one is pretty easy, as you literally would just wear what you'd wear to church.

Business casual: This one is the toughest in my opinion. I'd say a nice blouse and pants is a good approximation, but this one is where I'd ask my friend what they were wearing.

Semi-formal: Dress shirt and pants for guys, nice cocktail dresses for women. Don't wear anything too revealing or flashy.

Formal: Suit and tie for men, ankle/calf-length dresses for women. Nothing too poofy, but it's fine to have a bit of flare. Just once again, nothing revealing or too flashy. Showing your shoulders is fine, but I'd say limit your cleavage and no super high slits.

Step Two: Brainstorm Talking Points

Life is much easier when you have talking points. If you go in with a plan of attack, you won't be put on the spot so often. Below are some common events and usual conversation topics.

Wedding: The couple getting married, relation to the couple, basically just anything about the person getting married

Baby Shower: Baby name, relation to couple/mother, how cute the baby is going to be, if you're going to be an aunt/uncle/etc how excited you are

Work Get Together: Current project, your position, basically anything about work

Generally Good Topics: "cute outfit, where'd you get it", "The weather has been good/bad", "The food is delicious", "how are you"

Step Three: Getting to the Event

A good rule is the five minute rule. Either be 5 minutes early, on time, or 5 minutes late. For something like a wedding, on time or 5 minutes early is great. For a Baby Shower, on time or 5 minutes late is good. For a Work Get Together, 5 minutes late is acceptable. Basically, if it's formal be on time, if it's more casual you have some leeway.

Step Four: Have a Drink in Your Hand

This one may seem silly, but there's logic behind it. Having a drink in your hand makes you look less awkward, gives you something to do with your hands, and gives you an excuse not to talk to people. It doesn't have to be alcoholic (it's probably better if it's not tbh), I've done this with water. What matters is that you can take sips of it which gives you something to do. It also has the added bonus of helping you blend into the crowd as just another face.

Step Five: All Things Small Talk

The dreaded small talk. No one likes it, we all do it. Fear not, however, as I will personally walk you through some common small talk and explain it in a way even me, an autistic individual, would understand.

"How are you?": Unless you're really close, they aren't asking you how you're really doing. If you're doing great say great, if you're doing okay say good, if you're barely surviving say fine/okay. Once you answer, it's courteous to say "How about you?" back. Keep the conversation light.

"The weather is good/bad": Basically just talk about the weather. If it's decent, then say that. If you like cold weather better, say something like "It is pretty nice, but I personally would prefer if it cooled off a bit more. I'm not built for warm temperatures". If you like it warmer, say the inverse of the sentence above. Keep the conversation light.

"Cute outfit": Say thank you then find something about their outfit to compliment. If you can't find anything specific, you can just say "thanks! Your outfit is cute as well!"

"Cute outfit, where'd you get it?": Don't go through the list of where you got everything. Pick one or two of the biggest components and tell them that. "Oh I got this dress from target" "Oh I got this shirt from Anne Taylor". If they ask further, that's when you can add more details.

"How is school/work?": a joke or something would work wonderfully here. "Oh y'know how it is, I'm chugging along" "I'm surviving" "it's been alright" are all also good options. Once again, keep the conversation light.

Step Six: Leaving

Our favorite part, am I right? Now, to leave tactfully, there's some rules that'll make leaving seem alright. If one of the following occurrences is true, you are free to leave

Over half of the event has passed

Someone has already left

It's past 10 pm (assuming the event didn't start at 10 or later)

A lull in the event occurs (switching between areas, etc)

You have already informed people that you can't stay long

"Oh I have to get [person] home"

"I have a test to study for/a project to complete/something to do early tomorrow"

"I have [different event] to get to"

Any of the above accompanied by enough goodbyes and apologies (usually a "sorry i couldn't stay longer") will be seen as perfectly acceptable in most applications.

Now, that should be all you need to get through any social event life throws your way. Get out there and suck at small talk slightly less than before!

(If you have any extra questions I'm happy to answer them)