#This man doesn't brush his teeth like what do you expect from a guy like that

[wisasslocs]

Oh WoW! A serial killer Overlord that used to broadcast his victim's screams over his radio show is a bad person! What a shock!

[katz-chow]

nsfw headcanons with the 141 + graves

warnings: nsfw 18+, gn!reader (amab & afab versions), past sexual trauma in ghost's part, bondage, edging, denial, teasing, dom & sub dynamics,

a/n: i really thought about this mostly because i don't like it when the fandom has like these takes that are i guess...expected from these men when they're literal soldiers...some are just takes that i deem unrealistic so here i'm trying to humanize them. hope y'all enjoy!

john price

6 in hard, cut, trimmed but is not really maintained as well as his beard, around med thick, a bit darker than his skin tone, curves up pretty straight i feel he's the type to like it really slow and gentle with you. like he takes his time, cigar in his mouth, and just his hand on you constantly. he loves to just relax after an action packed day, so having this as his peace of mind is something he'll really appreciate. he has the oldest, cheesiest playlist that he'll sometimes puts on whenever there'll be a day where he has a whole date planned. like this mf really thinks "rock your body" by justin timberlake something he can get down too. you make fun of him but he feels so good so it's ok. surprisingly has really good stamina for a 37 y/o dude. is very vanilla but he loves body worshipping. loves you like a divine being and to him you really are. he'll rather take you on the kitchen counter whenever you two are too impatient, maybe even on the bathroom vanity when you looks so cute after brushing your teeth that he just can't help it before he goes to work. would rather be on top of you, not really a dom & sub dynamic, just him taking over to make sure you're taken care of. a real good ol' fashion lover boy. after a long day at work and he just wants to relax, he'll just either ask you to blow him while he manspreads on the couch or he'll make you ride him on your bed. this man talks you through, never degrades you unless you ask for it. he'll prefers to baby you like the pillow princess you are...but he also expects the same when he's lazy he also loves it when you tug his hair when he goes down on you, grinding against his face or whatever. won't whine or whimper, but will pant like a dog in heat (he is) tits/chest kind of guy, loves to have his hands on your chest and squeeze them, so squishy! aftercare with him is like heaven because as soon as you two are finished, he immediately cleans you up and draws a bath for you both, or just you, to enjoy. good ol' fashion lover boy

simon "ghost" riley

6.5 in, uncut, doesn't really shave or trim, pink, warm undertones, i'd say pretty girthy, curves left so, so gentle with you. just like really soft with you, always making sure you're okay and that you're comfy the type to lay you down and just slowly press in, making sure your face is full of pleasure and not pain. because of his past experience, getting him to have sex in the first place took a long time, actually it was like year. so now that he's comfortable with you, he makes sure, for sure, that you're comfortable with him. consent is sexy. likes positions where he can sees your face, just to check up (and because he thinks you looks so angelic when you o) i feel like he wouldn't listen to any music while going at it, he doesn't want to be distracted from you. you love seeing his face too so its okay. incredibly hesitant and will not push your boundaries, also hard for him if you do end up doing something you haven't really talked about, even if it was accidental. his fav positions are anything that allows him to see your face and is easy for you to speak, that means no doggy, no pressing your face into the pillows etc etc. is not into bondage or tying you up, hates the fact that it feels like he's interrogating you and he hates the feeling of himself being tied up. always make sure you know what the safe word is, even if he's never going to push your boundaries or even go near it. once he finds a safe zone, he stays there unless you ask and he considers it (the safe word is pineapple) very vanilla and i feel like he wouldn't sub until there is a detailed talk beforehand and really, really trusts you. even then he still makes sure that you're in his view and you both know the safe word. once he does subs and lets you take full control, he's pretty vocal with you, talking to you, groaning and moaning, but he's still pretty quiet actually first time you introduced aftercare to him, he cried. he didn't know how loved he could feel while in the topic of sex, thought it was all hot and rough and not this soft. his favorite thing to do with you is to just wipe you both clean with a baby wipe from a packet you two keep in the nightstand. then he'll put on some clothes for you and him and just cuddle and kiss. he likes when you get him food afterwards when he subs someone please hug this man

kyle "gaz" garrick

7 in, cut, def trimmed, sometimes he'll even shave, darker than his skin tone, med thickness, doesn't curve but kinda rises straight up and hits his stomach, very cute he's 10000% down to do it any time whenever you two are at home. such a good balance between degradation and praise, only if you're okay with it. have you heard this man? he's a giggler, he'll giggle and tickle you and make funny jokes. one time, one of you farted (you two are still denying who it was to this day) and he couldn't stop laughing and mimicking the little toot sound i have a big feeling that he's into choking, but only you choking him. otherwise, he likes having his hand on your throat but not actually squeezing, just to keep you in place and for you to claw at speaking of your claws, he likes when you push him away and scratch at his forearms whenever he's overstimulating you. he just thinks it's so cute. definitely has a few playlists he shuffles through depending on the mood, one for a serious, hot and dirty mood and another for when you two are just chilling and being silly goofy, no kinky stuff. also into handcuffs, especially the fluffy ones. he thinks they just feel so soft and nice, a perfect balance between vanilla and kinky stuff. also because he feels like hes being pampered when he wears them attached to the headboard. lets out such cute and pretty moans no matter if he's domming or subbing. when he is subbing though, he lets out these really nice, low whines and pouts followed by a little giggle if it was silly your safeword is definitely something really funny and an inside joke that instantly ruins the mood (it's toots) he will actually ruin you if he's upset; def the type to have angry sex with you if two end up being really upset with each other. frustration sex? yes definitely. loves when you fuck him really rough, deny him, edge him, make him blabbering. he'll thank you afterwards too. if he's domming, he'll make sure you shower first and foremost, then orders take out and watch some stupid romcom. he loves romcoms (10 things i hate about you, will sing along with heath ledger) if he's subbing, depending on the intensity, he'll either just roll over after you wipe him down and immediately sleep as you pet his hair or he'll cling onto you and you two play minecraft together with him between your legs. 10/10 he's very adaptable

johnny "soap" mactavish

5.6 in, uncut, trimmed and maintained constantly, pretty pink but not much different from his skin tone, vvy girthy, leans a bit left but pretty straight this man is so damn funny. listen this mf has fell, cut himself, slipped, had a cramp, and hit his head too many times. he's so fucking clumsy but he's also so curious! but also...why does he want to have sex upside?!?! ughhhh!!! definitely a switch and definitely a power bottom...for a good 5 minutes. yes he will bite you and act like a brat whenever you dom him and mess with him, but as soon as you tie him up and edge him once, he's a goner definitely makes fun of you to see your flushed face, but also makes fun of himself. he uses his cock like a puppet and it has its own personality and voice. you laugh so hard and honestly that's better than hearing your moans. he loves your laugh makes his cock salute you before you two go down, it's so fucking funny. his "little buddy" jumping up when he calls attention and in parade rest. god it makes you laugh every time. his favorite position when he's subbing is cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. he's such an ass man, loves him some ass, will bite you like its actual cake. reverse cowgirl is reserved for when you're feeling mean though, because sometimes you just pull off of him to jerk him off and sit on his stomach. he has a nice view of your ass but can't see what you're about to do to him :( a big tease when he's domming, will have the most randomest patterns ever just to get you to whine and beg for him to go at certain pace. give him a few pouts and glossy tears and he'll do whatever you want, he's a big softie behind all the tease and bratiness. also a fan of doggy if you two are doing it quickly, he loves bending you over a surface and just going ham at it. good position for him to reach and jerk you off at the same time too. immediately cuddles as aftercare and not cleaning up right away, when he's subbing though, you def clean him up while he clings to you because he's so touchy feely but you want him to feel clean too, esp when he leaks so much (so much). when he's domming though, you two would just lay in bed (maybe even go for another round if you feel like it). gives you kisses and asks what you like and didn't like, a full debrief. plays mario kart afterwards with you and you let him win because you're tired. such a silly man

phillip graves

5.6 in, cut, not really trimmed or maintained, a pretty pink almost red tip, med girth, he curves UP like UP this man is a big tease, and super egotistical. he'll make you beg, whine, pout, and grind against him before he will even touch you. he likes cockwarning a lot while he's on a business call or doing paperwork. he's patient. makes you cum first, doesn't matter if he's domming or subbing, he wants you to use him like a toy for your own pleasure until you're satisfied enough that he'll even think about cumming. when he's domming, he loves to call you the nastiest things (if you allow him), absolutely ruins you and coats you with his cum. he's a southern gentlemen though and will make your mind go numb with pleasure, def a pleasure dom now that i'm using my noggin his fav positions are cowgirl, missionary, and doggy. lotus mostly so he can wrap his arms around you. makes you wear his cowboy hat when you ride him. and will use the hat rule in public to get you to suck him off in the car LOLOL i feel like he's big into gags, not really on you, but def on him. wants to be drooling and leaking all over himself while he whines and begs you to touch him, he's cute. likes being manhandled. grabbing his jaw, digging your nails into his back, biting him, even if he's on top, he'll enjoy it. he likes the scratch marks you give him and wears them like a trophy for his shadows to see. very vocal with you and loves to be a pillow princess when he bottoms. likes to be tied up with a vibe on his cock and edged and overstimulated will whimper and whine and moan and pout, like a little puppy. would probably grind up against your leg when he feels extra needy. aftercare with him is kinda shitty whenever he doms ngl. he'll make you something to eat and probably take you shopping afterwards. not a big cuddler but would hold you if you curl up into him. if he was subbing, he would probably take a nap after you pester him to take a shower. he'll just nap and finally wake up when he smells food that you get him for being so good lol saved by the grace of southerner charm

[willowser]

okay but imagine one day the little one goes up to his daddy and tells him you introduced a guy to him and how much he doesn’t like this man. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic partner it could just be an old friend but lil one and ex!husband bakugou instantly assume you have a new man in your life

omg. the heart attack bakugou is having.

your son is standing on his little step-stool in front of katsuki's bathroom mirror. meant to be brushing his little teeth, but he's mostly chewing on his toothbrush, poking around in his dad's cologne and aftershave and deodorant. at least he's put his pj's on by himself.

katsuki is finishing up his own shower, glancing at him every now and then as he washes the shampoo from his own hair, and when he's finally done, the little boy hasn't gotten any closer to having clean teeth; now he's drawing mindless little shapes through the steam that's built up on the glass.

"oi," he only has to say it once and then your son is letting out a little sigh before brushing the way he's meant to — even if katsuki knows the there's not a lick of toothpaste on that thing.

"dad," he says suddenly, distracted as he turns around to face him. "mommy doesn't let me take a shower."

katsuki moved on from bath time rather quick. in the very beginning, it was fine, because he washed his squirmy son and then wrapped him up in a towel and that was it, but in the last year or so it's turned into "how many toys can i bring with me this time, dad?" and then sitting in the water until it's run cold. it's much easier to get him in the shower at the same time, to shampoo his head and scrub his little butt and then kick him out.

"oh, yeah?" he murmurs, adjusting the towel on his waist. "s'cause mom's better at baths than me."

the little boy only shrugs, before continuing. he's in a small phase right now of 'dad? hey dad? um, dad?' every time he's got something to say, and katsuki finds it both cute and a little exhausting.

"hey dad?"

katsuki hums.

"mommy had a man in her shower."

the first image that comes to mind is of himself, in your shower; the many times you'd taken one together and hugged him beneath the warm water; how it clung to your eyelashes and sat in your cupid's bow. warm, made soft and tender in the steam, like he could mold you against his body forever.

— and then his stomach is swooping so hard, he thinks he might be sick.

"what?" katsuki asks, voice loud and affronted, snatching all his son's attention. "sorry, 'm sorry," and then because his son is still looking at him with wide eyes, he pulls him up close, rubbing his back once before setting him to stand on the counter — which he never gets to do.

guilt twists in his stomach for yelling, though his son seems unbothered now, at new heights. katsuki grabs him by his little tiny shoulders and tries to keep his face smooth and calm, his pending heartbreak hidden.

"who was in mom's shower?"

but your son is smarter than that, can read katsuki like an open book, somehow. as if you passed all your understanding down through the womb; he came out of there knowing exactly what dad was thinking with a single look.

your son only shrugs, averting his eyes to katsuki's shoulder as he lightly pinches his wet skin.

"'m sorry," he says again, shaking his little body around until the boy is laughing. "i'm not mad. i just..." katsuki sighs and tries not to pout. "wasn't expecting that."

"are you mad at mommy?"

the divorce isn't new, and katsuki's not stupid.

you've been on a handful of dates, been open about it, encouraged him to do the same. not that he's bothered, but anyone with eyes and half a brain would try to swoop in on someone like you, so — as much as it makes him want to knock some fucking teeth in — can't say he should be surprised.

he shouldn't be, at all.

still feels like shit, though.

"no," he finally says, tugging the little toothbrush from his tiny fist to put some actual toothpaste on it. "'m not mad at anybody."

"are you sad?"

maybe it's another purposeful distraction, to get out of doing what he's told, or maybe he's probing at nerves because he's too young and too curious, or maybe he just knows his dad too well.

katsuki frowns at his big eyes, staring back at him, before lightly patting his little hip. "brush your teeth, i ain't tellin' you again."

he tries not to think about it, but that just makes it worse. can't stop imagining you in the arms of some other asshole, what stupid shit they must be doing to flirt with you, how they're making you laugh; just the image of it alone — you, besides some fucking bozo, head thrown back the way you do, laughing louder than you ever did with him — makes his stomach hurt.

it makes him dread the hand-off, too. his house is gonna feel too quiet now, after a week with the little brat, and that's a big enough wound to leave him with nothing to say — but you always try to insist on katsuki finding someone every time you get back out there.

it makes him physically ill, just watching the side of your face as you buckle your son into his car seat, all grins because your house gets to be lively with him.

and when you close the door and turn to him and mutter out your little, "hey, by the way....", he has half a mind to just walk away, right then.

"your son," you start off, lightly punching him in the shoulder. "got into the dryer sheets last week and flushed a whole bunch of them down the toilet."

oh.

"oh," katsuki says, and then he narrows his eyes at his son through the window, even though he's not paying any attention.

(on the nights when the little boy can't sleep, is more emotional than usual, katsuki calls you because that's what your son really wants.)

(very relatable feeling, katsuki thinks.)

"yeah," you smile, "and my coworker's husband is a plumber, so i was able to get it all taken care of. just...thought i would let you know."

katsuki shrugs like he could care less, but you see right through it all, of course. the both of you, mother and son, too understanding for his own good.

almost like you were made for him, like you're supposed to still be his.

"yeah, good," he nods once, glancing over your shoulder to see your son finally sitting up a little bit, peering through the window with his big, sad eyes.

just watching the two of you. just knowing.

[iovetecchou]

funeral grey / akutagawa ryunosuke

prompts... "Don't you dare walk away from me." & "He doesn't fuck you like this, right? Then you don't need him."

contains...! smut. port mafia!reader, posessive!aku, power imbalance, finger sucking, dirty talk, degrading terms (pathetic, whore), choking, rough sex, public sex, brat taming (?), jealousy, biting, creampie

AFAB Reader.

2,057 words.

“Lackluster, as to be expected. Is that really all you got?” Akutagawa spat out from where he stood beside you. You clicked your tongue at his words. Rolling your eyes in frustration before you tried one last time. Giving your all into defeating the lowly enemy that continued to beg for mercy.

This time, your skills were a success. Killing the pathetic man before you in an instant. Your superior, Akutagawa, let out a sound of approval before a fit of coughing crawled up on him. “That was better, but still not good enough.”

You whipped your head in his direction. Eyebrows scrunched up in frustration as you gave him a piece of your mind. “Are you fucking with me, Ryu? Look, you and I both know that was my best attack yet. Drop the tough guy act. It’s just us.”

Akutagawa looked dumbfounded by your bold words for a moment before he composed himself. Removing his pale hand from where it covered his mouth. His dark eyes met yours. “I am your superior above all else. When we are working, you watch the way you talk to me. Know your place, y/n… this is your last warning.”

You hated how much he plagued your mind. And how his words affected you so greatly. You also hated the way his touch was burned into your skin. Or how he was so different with you behind closed doors. But most importantly, you hated yourself; for not hating him at all. 

“Oh, that’s real nice. I’m not dealing with you today, Ryu. Maybe I’ll go see what Chuuya is up to right now. I’m sure he’d praise me for my improvements.” You struck a nerve, and you knew it. The moment those words slipped out, the aura around Akutagawa shifted. You turned on your heel, making quick strides out of the desolate alleyway.

"Don't you dare walk away from me." His voice was laced with venom, coarse words sending a chill down your spine. Causing you to freeze in your tracks. You could feel his presence looming behind you as his footsteps echoed throughout the alley. You jumped ever so slightly as you felt his lips brush up against the shell of your ear.

“Take one more step, and It’ll be the last thing you do. I warned you, y/n but it appears you need to be put in your place.” His breath fanned over your cheek as he spoke. Heat pooling in your core at his actions. Your body always betrayed you when it came to Akutagawa.

“What’s the matter? You were so mouthy just a minute ago, and now you are mute. How pathetic.” Before you could process his words... you were slammed up against the rough alley wall. A wince slipped past your lips as Akutagawa glared down at you. His eyes were as void as ever. Lips pulled into a tight line.

You refused to speak up. You knew that if you did, your voice would fail you. And you weren’t quite ready to swallow your pride. Akutagawa brought a finger up to your chin. His cold digit burned into your skin. His touch always ignited your flesh.

You gazed into his eyes as you scored your bottom lip with your teeth. “Did you forget how to speak? You were blabbering about ‘praise’ from Chuuya only moments ago. Like some… desperate whore. But now you have nothing to say? When I’m standing right in front of you?”

His other hand came up to your waist. A cold hand slithered under your shirt. Eliciting a sharp breath from you. His lips curved up into a faint smirk at your reaction to his touch. He decided to push further. Ice-cold digits snaking their way under your bra. You let out a small gasp the second his thumb swiped over your nipple.

You bit your lip even fiercer, that familiar metallic taste coating your tongue. Akutagawa's eyes darted down to your lips for a moment. He was amused by your stubbornness, but he was also determined to make you break. His finger that still resided on your chin moved further up. He pressed his nimble fingers to your lips.

“Open. Now.” He ordered. You finally released your lip from your firm bite. “Are you fucking- mfh-!” Akutagawa shoved his lithe digits inside your mouth. Not letting you speak any further as his next orders followed. “Suck.”

Your eyes were blown wide at his demands. Eyebrows knitted in anger from the way he was handling you. And yet... you couldn’t hide the blush that enveloped your cheeks. Or how your thighs rubbed together, which Akutagawa didn’t fail to notice.

The corners of his lips curled up even further as you began to suck on his digits. “How despicable. Keep sucking, whore.” You let out a whine around his fingers from the degrading term. As much as you tried to hide the effect Akutagawa had on you... your body gave you away.

You pushed into your desires, resolve snapping like a thread. As you sucked on Akutagawa's digits with more vigor, he began tweaking your nipple from beneath your bra. He flicked and twisted your nub as he so pleased. His eyes never once parted from your lips. Akutagawa was entranced by the way you lapped at his fingers.

This continued for a few moments more, before Akutagawa retracted his fingers from your mouth. His other hand snaked its way out of your shirt as well. Instead, his hands came down to the front of his slacks. Akutagawa didn't bother to pull his pants all the way down. Just enough to free his semi-hard cock. 

His saliva-coated digits wrapped around his aching length. Giving it a few languid pumps before his voice rattles through your brain once more. "Are you just going to stand there and gape at me? Strip, now." Akutagawa demanded. Shooting yet another icy glare your way. 

You scrambled to free yourself from your clothes. Pulling your pants and panties down with one swift tug before moving to your top. You yanked the offending article of clothing over your head before lastly unclasping your bra. Bearing it all to Akutagawa and any passerby who dared to peek down this alley. But you couldn't bring yourself to care about that last part right now. You were too far gone at this point. 

Akutagawa's dark eyes glazed over your exposed frame before he pressed further into you. Now chest to chest as his gaze locked with your own. He brought his free hand up to hook under your thigh. Pulling it up far enough until it settled beside his waist. 

"Keep this leg up, or I'll leave you in this alley to take matters into your own hands." You nodded at him once. Too focused on the feeling of his cock prodding against your entrance to respond verbally. His grip on your thigh tightened as the tip of his dick pushed past the tight ring of your slick pussy.

He stifled back a moan as a fit of coughing washed over him. You brought your hands up to grip his hips. Pushing up against him in an attempt to have Akutagawa fill up your wet heat. But he wasn't having this, not even for a second. "Oh, and now my whore is trying to take control? Don't even think about trying that again." 

With that, Akutagawa slammed his hips forward. Burying his entire length inside you. "Hah... Ryu-!" You whined out. Gripping onto his sides for dear life as you tried to adjust to the sudden intrusion. You could feel his balls twitching from where they kissed the underside of your pussy. 

"Be quiet." He grunted out through gritted teeth. Snaking his hand up to grasp your throat. Akutagawa held you still with his grip on your neck. Not daring to squeeze down... just yet. He brought his face close to yours. Lips ghosted over one another as you both panted out. Akutagawa tried to regain his composure. He always became slightly overwhelmed each time you two became one. 

“Are you still desperate for Chuuya’s praise? Or is my whore satisfied?” Akutagawa grunted out. The sultry moans that slipped past your lips encouraged him to fuck up into you with more force. You gripped his waist for dear life. In a desperate attempt to ground yourself. "He doesn't fuck you like this, right? Then you don't need him."

Akutagawa’s grip on your throat tightened. Not appreciating your lack of respect in the slightest. “You speak when you are spoken to. Understood, whore? I’ll ask this one last time… are you satisfied?” You clenched fiercely around his throbbing cock from the harsh way he spoke to you. Akutagawa cursed under his breath from the way your needy pussy pulsed around his length.

He was getting close, but he needed to hear you say it. Your eyelids opened slowly, meeting his intimidating gaze once more before you squeaked out, “Y-Yes Ryu! I’m more than pleased! You fuck me so good… I-I only want to be praised by you-!” His eyes widened at your bold confession. Nearly cumming on the spot from how desperate you were for him.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, darling.” You couldn’t control the whine that slipped past your parted lips from his sweet term of endearment. There was that soft side that he reserved for you. You felt so special when he spoke so softly like this to you while he fucked you senseless. The coil within you was mere moments from snapping, and Akutagawa could tell.

“Are you going to cum, darling? How obscene. Getting all worked up from being fucked out in the open like this. Anyone could walk by and see you. But that gets you even more excited, doesn’t it? You really are nothing but a vulgar whore. My filthy little whore.”

That was all it took for the coil within you to snap. Drool seeped past your lips as a choked-out whine of his name slipped out. You gushed all over his cock, pulsing and squeezing around him for dear life as Akutagawa worked you through your high.

He was quick to follow after you. The sight of your eyes rolling back into your head once more and the feeling of your cunt gripping his cock like a vise was all too much. Akutagawa delivered one last thrust into your weeping pussy. Burying himself to the hilt inside you as his first ropes of cum spilled out past his slit.

The grip he had on your throat loosened. Akutagawa nestled his face into the crook of your neck. Biting down on the exposed flesh hard. Stifling his needy whines as he pumped you full of his cum. “Hmn… so good, Ryu. Feels so good…” You babbled out. Feeling completely dazed from your intense orgasm that Akutagawa so graciously granted you.

He pulled away from your neck, covering his mouth with his free hand. Partially to cover up his blush but more importantly to conceal his coughing. A smile tugged at your lips at the rare sight of him being flustered. You moved your hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks. You leaned in further. Placing a lingering kiss on the back of his hand.

Akutagawa’s blush deepened immensely from the indirect kiss. He cleared his throat before slowly dragging his cock out of your spent pussy. You both gasped out in unison at the feeling of being separated. Your arousal and his cum trickled down your thighs, causing you to squeeze them together.

Akutagawa languidly tucked himself back into his slacks. Scrunching up his face in displeasure at the uncomfortable sticky feeling. You let out a small chuckle at his expression. “And what’s so funny? I would tread lightly if I were you right now, y/n.” He snapped his head up in your direction. Giving you a pointed look as he awaited your response.

“Aww… what happened to you calling me darling? I was really starting to get attached to that little nickname.” And... you were back to your usual self. So much for Akutagawa fucking the brat out of you. He invaded your personal space, leaning his face dangerously close to yours before he spoke up once more.

“Watch your tongue, or I’ll fuck you stupid again.”

[saltydoesstuff]

King Bowser! Raph head canons

Wanted to hop on the train of the Four kings au with some head canons! Going off of the 2023 Mario movie and just what I know about Bowser in my experience (which isn't a whole lot so I'm sorry if some things are not accurate)--

CW: Kidnapping, Implied violence?

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Much like Bowser, King Raph would be a powerful and often feared ruler to the other Kingdoms. He is seen as aggressive and impulsive, quick to react with a fight if anything offends the King. His anger can blind him, which as much as it can get him what he wants- it also can be his downfall.

But he is not heartless. Raph takes good care of his kingdom and his people, which leads to his citizens being very loyal to his cause. So long as you follow his rule, you are protected under his care. I mean, have you seen how the King fawns and babies the stray animals he finds?

Big puppy energy. This man is very lonely and kind of awkward when it comes to anything outside of war and conflict. He leans more towards a tsundere way of dealing with his feelings, brushing them off as quickly as they come with a huff of smoke from his nostrils or a growl. He is the King. He must not show weakness. But around you, he like an excited puppy. Stumbling over his words and twiddling his claws like a love drunken fool.

Would do absolutely anything for you. Want to sit on his throne? Go ahead! A piranha plant bit you? It can't bite you anymore when its ash! He would conquer any land or defeat any foe if it meant keeping you by his side. Just say the words and he's sending armies to take care of it. Has absolutely no idea how to be normal about crushes. Raph always just takes what he wants, why would you be any different? Expect to be kidnapped a lot by this big guy. Doesn't matter if you live in his kingdom or not, he will always find a way to snag you away to spend time with you. Though he is very gentle with you, so you are never harmed in these schemes. You seem to be the only person he can't be truly angry at. It's... a bit unnerving to his guards sometimes. But if keeping you around means they get thrown into the dungeon less, they don't really mind. If you choose to come with him willingly, he is over the moon! He is all over you giving you affection, carrying you around in his arms like the princess he sees you as (Though he hopes to soon make you a Queen). Despite all his spikes and his horns and sharp teeth, he is very cuddly. He'll often rest his head in your lap with his arms wrapped around you, churring loudly as you give him head rubs and gentle scritches. His tail will thump loudly behind him as well, which has knocked things off of shelves and tables more than once with the mini earthquakes it produces. Is very quick to jealousy. King Raph is often seen as scary or seen as a monster most times, which leaves him insecure about his appearance from time to time. He's afraid that you're scared of him too and will leave him for someone less 'monstrous' like his brothers, making him very clingy each time he thinks you're showing any signs of disinterest towards him. You're the one person he does not want scared of him. Please don't leave him or see him as a monster. His heart wouldn't be able to take it. :(

Overall, Raph is very brash and impulsive, but very kind and compassionate as well. Gives kind of wet cat energy in a weird way. He really is just trying his best here, even if his actions come off as intense.

[hexgaywire]

LUXIEM Bedtime Routine

Writing type: Headcanons

Rating: SFW

Total Word count: 1036≈(before edits)

Other notes: Implied some sort of established relationship with the reader (you can interpret as platonic or romantic, it's up to you)

Featured?: Ike, Myta, Vox, Luca, and Shu

Author comment: HA! with a blog name like mine you'd expect a XSOLEI headcanons first but gotta keep them guessing ig.... Please enjoy;; my headcanons are a stream of my consciousness if anything; I haven't written anything publicly in like a year ahaha (killme)

Disclaimer and Reminder; this is based on the characters made by NIJISANJI, not the people behind the character voicing them. If in the future the person expresses or states that fics of this nature makes them uncomfortable I will 100% remove this or anything I write about the characters involved.

Bedtime routine:

Always has a cup of sleepy time tea before bed

Will force you to drink one too (because you both have no sleep schedule <3)

For nights where you both go to sleep on time, skin care routine

Hear me out.... I'm talking face masks, creams the full sends baby

Once all of that is taken care of y'all will eventually change into whatever you sleep in (Oliver-sensei outted Ike the other day for sleeping in only boxers lmfao but that's not relevant)

He will spend at least an hour reading in bed before falling asleep, be prepared with a sleeping eye mask maybe?

Or start a night time books club with him because he will not change this

He is a novelist after all

Once he's done reading and the glasses come off, one of two things will happen

He will fall asleep immediately

Or you guys will be up for the majority of the night talking about deep stuff

You know those sleepovers you have with your homies where it gets deep, that's what I mean

Regardless what time you pass out you are sure to sleep safe next to Ike!

Extras:

Ike doesn't strike me as a guy who likes to cuddle in bed, if anything you accidently snuggle up to him he'll shuffle away from you

He sometimes will fall asleep at his desk which is a habit he only started since streaming, back when he was novelist he didn't have this problem for some reason

Ike sleeps with like one blanket? I hope you like the cold &lt;3

Bedtime routine:

I feel like Mysta's bedtime routine is a wildcard, you never know what he's gunna be doing to eventually end up in bed

You brush your teeth and he goes "OoOOoh I knew I was forgetting to do something."

Sleeping feels more like a chore to him then a necessity

You'll catch this man up at 3 am playing Minecraft and he'll still be like "Oh shit, is it bedtime?"

He's a piece of work to even get him to start to migrate towards the bedroom

Once he finally changes and lays down; he's kind of like Ike, where he'll immediately pass out or will spend hours talking to you

However the conversations are more like "Why is cheddar cheese orange do you think?"

GOOGLE IT IDK I'M TIRED

Once he finally falls asleep he 100% mumbles in his sleep, you find it endearing as you slip on a pair of headphones or earplug's

Extras:

Opposed to Ike; you will wake up either cuddling or being cuddled by Mysta

Despite the struggle to get this man into bed, he sleeps better next to someone

Known to occasionally sleep walk

You found him in the bathtub one time it was kinda scary

He firmly denies this ever happened

Bedtime Routine:

Vox is very ritualist when it comes to bedtime

He's also a very sleepy demon and enjoys maximizing his sleep to its full extent

So with him it's very "no nonsense"

He takes a shower

Blow-dries and cares for his hair

He brushes his teeth (While still in a towel)

Again h e a r m e o u t....

He's a voice demon that came back to life, he has a skincare routine for bedtime (Still in a towel btw)

All luxury products of course

After that he change into something comfy

For some reason after all of that this man sleeps in mismatched socks like a sociopathy

Once y'all lay down he'll watch some stupid memes on his phone of a bit or do some light reading

There is no in between

Once he's done however he is out like a light, usually within an arms reach of you

Extras:

Similarly to Mysta, you will wake up in his arms

It's funny because he insists it's entirely your doing

On the rare occasions where he can't sleep he'll get up and cook something

He says it helps him relax

The delicious aroma however wakes you up and the two of you share a lovely midnight snack

Bedtime Routine:

Luca tends to stay up really late

This is partial because of old work habits (if no ones awake to see you get rid of a body then it isn't a problem)

Luca like Vox though has bit of a ritualist bedtime getting ready routine though

Shower

Brush teeth

Change

Without fall no matter how late into the night (morning) it is

Once in bed, he crashes

The man is out like a light

I think because his bedroom is definitely his own space he feels at ease and can just doze off

It does help that he has a very nice bed I guess too

Once again you know you can sleep safe next to Luca, he wouldn't let anything disturb you

Extras:

Like Mysta, Luca does occasionally talks in his sleep, but not nearly as loud as Mysta does

He doesn't strike me as the cuddling type either, i think if you tired it wake him up

Despite being able to sleep easily he also wakes up super easily

Again probably due to his pat

Fear not though, once Luca let's his gaurd down again he passses out pretty quickly again

Bedtime routine:

Shu, like Ike, has a big cup of tea before bed

He swears up and down that drinking something warm before bed gets you to sleep faster

He's also diligent with his night time hygiene needs

Once again; for the final time, I'm asking you to hear me out

Skin

Care

Routine

You cannot sit here and tell Mr. Shu Sorcerer Yamino (eyyyyyyyyy) doesn't take good care of his skin

Off track but anyway

Kind of like Luca, once he's in bed he is out

I also feel like Shu snores but like not loud? It's kinda like white noise (like listening to ocean??)

Sleep well sweet sorcerer

Extras:

Shu is also not a cuddler, he's more the type to like accidently fall out of bed if you snuggle up to him

He doesn't like feeling the extra body heat on him while he sleeps

Off topic again but he also has a strict morning routine which consists of him getting up early

He's be trying to get you on board but like sleep ya know?

(My request are open plz send me some)

[devilslamb]

I want to know if Dale decided to hire an assistant, besides Ruth, one who was actually on a payroll and would just help him make the dolls, what would their first day of working for him look like? I want to know how that man would welcome someone completely new to his Satan cave.

ouuu, this would be so interesting. hmmm,, id imagine him probably getting ruth to put in ads in the paper, waiting for someone to call the house number. waiting by the phone all day when he hasn't anything to do (and lets be honest, he doesn't do much other than make dolls now that ruth is his accomplice LOL)

i think it'd be pretty uneventful just because i think dale is dutiful, no shenanigans on the job type of guy, especially with such gruesome work.

their first day... slinking into a crowded house and down into the basement isnt at all what they expected when they called in for the ad. the stairs are steep, and the basement is so cluttered yet so.. organized? it's quite odd how the room is so put together yet so clunky with books and blankets and handmade quilts.

he makes his presence known by giving a high pitched "oh!" you know how. he's suddenly behind you with his hands politely crossed in front of him, fidgeting with his fingers. probably scaring the shit out of you. he doesnt really introduce himself. rather, he tells you to sit down at the bench so you can get started

most of the work is in making the dolls, so you'd be sharing the workload with him, if you're quick to learn

dale is a very hands-on teacher. not in that way, either. i dont think he's a man of many words, so trying to explain stuff would be so frustrating for him when he could just show you how to do it

you're seated at his work bench and he's so uncomfortably close behind you, shoulders practically caging you in between him and the bench. you can smell him, he's so close.

hes watching you carefully, raggedy breaths in your ear. it's so uncomfortable and tense for no reason. like something bad is about to happen. but nothing ever does.

all you hear is the occasional footsteps above you, eerie whispering, and his heavy breathing. no music or white noise to avoid any distractions. just him and the devil keeping you company.

he hands you the tools and gives you the name along with it. short little "brush" or "glue" in his sluggish voice. he doesn't say much else.

when you're making a mistake, he grabs your wrist in a sluggish motion but with a firm grip and redirects the tool in your hand. he's extremely picky but spares the patience for you.

though after a couple of hours of things not going right, he twitches, shoulders curled up like a threatened cat. he's huffing and puffing a bit, burning holes in the back of your head with his stare. hes grinding his teeth a bit too.

if you do something right, he gives your shoulder a gentle and reassuring squeeze (though it unnerves you) accompanied by a low, gravelly "mm good". he doesn't spare the praises either, making sure to let you know well you're doing.

once he's a little more confident in you doing each task right, he'd probably pop a record on. maybe one of his own, or maybe one he favors. something old and classic, maybe some alice cooper. just light listening to offer a much-needed buffer from the silence.

before you know it, you're there through some of the night, and it seems time has flown by when doing the devil's work, but he lets you know to come back tomorrow depending on how well you've done.

sorry this is a little boring, but i cant imagine him getting someone to help. hes such an insular person to me that hed rather do it himself to ensure it gets done right, but yk i dont think he'd be too terrible at training someone to help him. he'd probably very much appreciate it.

[https-sonshine]

Hi I can request where son heung min is dating actress they watch the new show together and he gets jealous because you kiss another man

I hope it makes sense-💌

Thank you-❤️

authors note: heyy thanks for your patience i hope you enjoy this one and let me know what you think 🫶🏾

warnings: none just pure fluff , jealous sonny

word count: approx 800 words

                       ________________________________

It was late at night, so you and Son were both in your pyjamas and cuddling on your couch. You're using his shoulder as a pillow for your head while lying on the blanket that the two of you are sharing. You start browsing Netflix and recommend something lighthearted and humorous, but Son suggests that you watch a drama instead. You can tell that he wants to watch a drama because of how serious his face looks, so you agree and tell him to pick while you get some snacks. You pick up the blanket off you both and get up to get the snacks, snuggling it close to your body like a makeshift robe. This elicits an annoyed groan from the Son, at which you simply stick your tongue out. He shakes his head at you before grabbing the remote and browsing through the list of dramas. When you come back to sit down with a bowl of popcorn, Son has already started the movie, and your eyes widen as your face comes into the frame.

"I'm beginning to regret choosing this drama to watch," he says as he watches you lock lips with the male lead.

Something about how the guy looked at you, the way only he should be allowed to, and how his arm was wrapped around your waist bothered him. But to see him kiss you? That was too much for him. He wanted to support you, but seeing you kiss that other guy made him realize how much he wanted you for himself. Nothing could have prepared him to see your lips meeting someone else's.

Your head shook as you tried to reach for the remote, "We don't have to watch this"

"Why can't I watch my girlfriend now?" he muttered angrily, "You guys are just acting. It's no big deal, really."

"Right…"

"Is there something you don't want me to see? Is that it? What does he kiss you better than I do" Sonny questioned.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you quickly picked up on what was going on, "Why did you pick this drama if you were going to get jealous?"

"I'm not jealous of a kiss." he scoffed, exasperated, as he looked away from you.

"Tell your face that," you teased as he tried to straighten out his expression. "It's a kiss for work, Sonny. It's nothing for you to worry about."

Sonny gritted his teeth, rolling his eyes in an attempt to brush off the subject.

You snuggled up closer to him. "It's just a kiss, nothing more," you whispered, planting a small peck on his cheek. "Come on," you said, brushing a lock of his hair back. "I can't believe you actually think I would like someone else when I already have you." "I don't know," Son defeatedly replied with a shrug, "it's common for co-stars to fall in love on set."

You smiled, taking his hands in yours, and said, "I don't care for what's 'common.'

Son glanced back at you, "How can you expect me not to think like that? Look at that; you two are kissing so passionately that any person would think you're in love."

"It's a good thing I'm not anyone else; I'm just me." You laughed and kissed him again, pressing your forehead against his and saying softly, "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, okay?"

You made a silly face, earning a smile from the pouting boy. Satisfied with his reaction, you settle into his lap on the couch, wrapping the blanket around both of you. He sighed, resting his chin atop your head and squeezing you tightly as you two resumed watching the movie.

"He's tall," Son muttered under his breath as your co-star appeared on the screen.

"You're taller," You said with a sly smirk, eliciting a chuckle from your companion.

As the movie continued, he scoffed, "He's just so good-looking and so popular, too. What if fans start making edits of you two kissing or start shipping you two?" you looked down and smiled, shaking your head in disbelief. You turn around so you're straddling his lap while facing him, taking his face into your hands. You look into his eyes and say,

"Then you just have to let them know that no one can kiss me as good as you do." before pressing your lips against his.

[candywife333]

Bucket- List of Teasers

Will close poll probably after 4-5 days

I guess the angst won out amongst all of you guys😂😂😂. Dumbo it is then 👍🏼👍🏼

DUMBO

chubby reader x rich, cold husband jungkook

"I lub you". Excuse me Sir, what did you just say? "I lub you so much, can I hug you?" I scrambled for an answer, "Sure I guess". He didn't even hesitate as he grabbed me, pressing my face to his chest, his lips and face buried into the groove of my neck.

This was not what I was expecting, when they say Karma is a bitch. Because, who would even think that my cold hearted, mamma boy, cheating ass ex-husband would come back to me with the mental intelligence of a 10 year old. Karma is a bitch, I agree. But not just to the sinner. She was punishing me also, for god knows what reason. I did not want to put up with this dumb fool, but it looks like I didn't have much of a choice in the matter

BED POTATO

chubby reader x hot roommate jungkook

I drawled to my bestie on my phone, "My bed is my savior. Is it so bad that the only religion I faithfully follow is cartoons on a Saturday"? I almost plugged my ears with the yodeling I heard on the other end of the phone, "You stupid BITCH, why are you still watching Cartoon Network right now???? Are you so fucking demented to still be watching 'Amazing World of Gumball' in a white shirt with pasta stains all over it".

I sniffled , eyes red, offended maximally , as I screamed out in a raspy voice, "Why did you have to come for me like that bitch? Let a bitch eat chocolate and die in a sugar coma on a Saturday morning, would you now? Thank you very much". I threw the phone on my bed just for effect. I might be ugly but at least my bed doesn't discriminate against me.

After yelling at her, I laid on the bed totally tired. My roommate, a total extroverted introvert was ready to go out this entire day. He was a super cute guy with a coconut head hair cut and doe shaped eyes. But he was an alcoholic and man whore so I did not have a great opinion about him. I was spread out like a starfish in just my black granny panties with no bra. I hadn't shaved in ages, but that is okay, because being a virgin at least had one advantage. I could stay a Wooly mammoth. Before I could process the squeaking noise of the door hinges, my roommate walked in holding two outfits.

I screeched like a pterodactyl "OMG, GET THE FUCK OUT! I HAVEN'T SHAVED IN 2 YEARS!! AND ALL MY SQUISHY BED POTATO BITS ARE ALL OUT!! ABORT MISSION!! I REPEAT, ABORT MISSION"!!

I expected him to leave instantaneously. But to my great surprise, a totally different outcome happened. I felt a dip in my bed as I felt him plop down right on top of me, caging me between his arms as he whispered darkly, "And who said I didn't like potatoes"? He nibbled on my ear lobe, squeezing my butt in one hand as his warm breath caressed the nape of my neck, "I eat my veggies everyday baby. Never skip a day".

WATER IS WET BITCH

chubby reader x siren jimin

"When I said I wanted a pet goldfish, i didn't mean one that was this big…or that talked back to me". He stared back at my face with a seductive curl of his mouth as his twinkling voice warbled out, "I am not a goldfish darling. I am more magnificent than that. Mere mortal such as you would never comprehend how much I have seen".

I scoffed, brushing the crumbs off my skirt, "You mean to tell me you are a grandpa essentially? I don't fuck older men, if you catch my drift. So no thank you good Sir. Keep those teeth to yourself, away from my pussy. I don't like how they are glinting in the sunlight like daggers". He drifted in one position, stunned at my remark. I asked him again before he could say anything else, "When you make out in the ocean, don't you swallow too much water? How do you handle that much wetness grandpa? Perhaps you could enlighten a mere mortal such as me".

He looked smug as he bit out, "You are that inexperienced you young mortal? Never been with a human male before?" I swiveled my head, shaking it, "No it's not that, I have fucked other guys. It's sort of a past time for me. Just never in the ocean". His eyes squinted , his aqua foamy hair tousled up in agitation as he menacingly reprimanded, "Oh, I see that you are a loose one. Getting wet when catching sight of any male".

I shrieked out, "You slut shaming me, old dude? You know what is worse than getting slut shamed by a human male? It is getting slut shamed by an old fish". His anger started showing in his face, as his sharp teeth glinted in the sunlight, eyes looking red and bloodthirsty. I continued, as though I was not even affected by him, "Answer this one question for me, and I will believe your immortal intellectual superiority. I've always wanted to be railed by a fish. I just can't tell if I'm getting wet right now cause of the ocean spray or because of you."

Jimin barked out mocking laughter, gesturing smoothly with a muscular tan arm outstretched towards me, tilting up one of his brows inquisitively , "Why don't you come closer and find out"?

CAN'T FAKE IT

bimbo chubby reader x asshole rockstar Jungkook

"Even if everyone leaves me, my glued on eyelashes never will. That is ultimate loyalty". I am sure this quote would go down in history as one of the most profound realizations a girl could ever have. I checked my make up quickly, venturing backstage into the concert arena, trailing away from the section where groupies are usually seated.

I saw a dude, with black leather jacket on, tattoos trailing around his neck and lip piercings smoking a cigarette. I smiled at him with a wide grin, cheerily giggling out "Just remember , a cigarette a day keeps the bitches away. I mean to say that you stink of nicotine and rotting flesh. Not that alluring, if you get what i mean Mister ."

He smirked , unworried , "And who let you into the restricted staff only section, you overfed hippo? I don't remember groupies being this ugly". He continued staring at me, clearly looking to get a rise out of me. My eyes flashed as I coolly replied, taking the cig from his mouth, dropping it onto the floor, grinding it under my heel, "When you are the owner of a concert hall, you will be concerned about a homeless looking dude smoking in a no-smoking zone backstage".

[hear-something-different]

Have you heard this song?

https://youtu.be/NrfikKxF4Ps?si=bE4tFQ7Hko-8vN93

Thanks for bringing this song back to my attention!

I personally don't follow any k-pop artist religiously like some of my friends do. However that said friends are my intel about them.

Namjoon is such an artistic, emotional man and a great leader. I think his new single proves that once again. 'Come back to me' tells a very different story than what people first think after listening to it. Instead of being a love song like pop tends to be these days, it's about a journey through finding yourself once again. The song's MV is a beautiful short movie which pushes us to accompany Namjoon on this journey.

The music video starts with a man partying with his friends in his living room although he seems out of place. We watch as he navigates through his house. A scene is shown where a little girl runs up to him, bringing the man closer to the bathroom sink where he, the girl and a woman can brush their teeth. An awfully domestic picture expect the man sticks out visibly like he does not know what to do and where he is. He runs and he runs whenever he's stuck in a situation he's a stranger to and when he chooses to hide, he ends up in a baby crib with his parents towering onto him in a playful matter. But the 'baby' does not act like he's supposed to, being an adult man instead. The disappointment is clear on the parents' faces and the man sinks more into himself, hiding. When he looks up again, he's in a completely other place when an alternate version of him barges into the room, searching and running just as he is. He still chooses to stay hidden and observe but now, instead of running he follows the alternate version and the two finally meet. I believe in that moment, they realize this is where they're supposed to be. What they're supposed to do. They talk and they sit together when suddenly, everything fits into place. I think the upcoming album's name fits it perfectly: 'Right Place, Wrong Person'. It's not an another person the title's talking about, it's Namjoon's versions of himself from the past and the future. He's in the right place but he's not in the right 'time' to be exact. He keeps coming back to the past and losing himself in the future while all he had to do was to live in the present. He doesn't have to be anything he sees, he just needs to find himself again. With that realization the family becomes loving, the couple is laughing again, talking through their problems, the family is lively with the baby hugging his parents. The story is nicely executed with a soft music and beautiful lyrics from RM. I'm always a fan of acoustic beginnings that errupts into a colorful, powerful song with more layers towards the end and 'Come Back to me' did not disappoint.

I highly recommend showing your support to RM guys. Oh also, the song is six minutes long how cool is that? We're so used to micro songs and short tunes with our shortened attention span these days and it's refreshing to finally see a good song being long. Come back to me for more song recs!

[sleepy-achilles]

Like That

Yes the title is from that jack and jack song. Yes it's all I listened to whilst writing this. Yes it's the reason this exists.

WWE Hall of Fame anyone?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Drew brushes his hair as the lockeroom gets busy. "Wheres Lee?" Sheamus asks. "Uh he was getting ready with John and Cassie before they goto a photoshoot and then prepare for takers introduction" drew answers adjusting his jacket. "You ain't seen him yet?" Finn asks. "No why?" Drew asks. "They wanna see Leon in a suit" Randy hums. "Oh Leon doesn't do suit and tie. Not even at our wedding." Drew chuckles. "Ok I'm not expecting a tie but you know, the rest sure." Sheamus states. "Yeah he'll probably have a button up on. Don't get weird tho" drew warns. "Never" sheamus holds his hands up. A knock at the door tells them it's time to go. "Well, let's go sit for a few hours" drew yawns. "Gonna feel like a proper assembly" sheamus smirks wrapping an arm around drews shoulders as they walk out.

Both men immediately stop.

"Damn" drew mutters. His heart races as he takes in the sight. "Damn right" sheamus huffs.

Leon looks over at his partner and friend. "Hey guy" Leon smiles slipping his shades off. "Lookin good boys" he smirks. "You are so fuckin hot" drew blurts out. Leon's eyes widen before closing and smiling. "Well thank you, I do try"

Drew moves closer, placing his hands under the red jacket to rest on the black shirt. His eyes immediately land on the opening of the shirt, how his name is on show. "That-" "every photo and interview. Told them no editing" Leon smirks, leaning up to kiss drew. Drew can't fight the growl that escapes his throat as he kisses back. Leon pulls back, nipping his lower lip. "I like it." Leon mutters, his eyes not on drews outfit. "Yeah baby boy?" Drew smirks. Leon practically purs at the man. "Ew enough! Showtime!" Cassie gags. "Reckon you can hold it in?" Leon smirks patting drews chest. "A lot better than you" drew smirks taking Leon's hand so they can begin walking together.

"I reckon we add some bandanas" cassie states to John. "I aint messing my hair up" Leon frowns. "Wear it around your thigh, like your pa used to." Drew suggests. "See! That's why we have you around drew" John smiles tossing the bandana to Leon. "Why man" "we both have something taker themed. Big evil is the only one left to represent and he is your favourite." John states, tapping his hat and motioning to cassies dress design and gloves. "Red and black not enough?" Leon asks. "What if we tricked you and its not red?" Cassie smirks. "Already tested it with my phone dipshit" Leon smirks causing the girl to huff as they get to their seats.

Once sat, drew slings Leon's leg over his. "Aw drew I don't want to dirty your trousers-" "don't be stupid. No one will see" drew tuts as he ties the bandana around Leon's thigh. Leon doesn't move his leg, especially as drew places his hand on it, rubbing it with his thumb. Leon relaxes,allowing one hand to twirl and fiddle with drews hair as the show starts. Leon kisses his teeth as he uses his free hand to put his shades back on.

It's gonna be a long show.

--------

"You know, this will be you one day." Drew whispers as the speech continues. "Speeches ain't my thing." Leon mutters. "Not the Speech-" "I know. It'll be us some day" Leon chuckles. Drew looks at him. "You think?" "I aint getting put in the hall of fame without you Drew. Not even as a husband thing. You've been my longest tag team partner. Even with the amount we argued and fought, you always had my back. Even when we weren't on the same team" Leon explains. "Yeah...vince hated that time period." Drew chuckles. "Best tag partner...no, best partner anyone could ever have. So they either put us both in here or don't even bother" Leon hums. Drew smiles. "God why can't you always be this sweet?" Drew coos kissing Leon's cheek.

Leon can't help but smile. "Gotta keep ya on your toes darling"

---

"Now, put your hands together to welcome The Michaels consisting of, John cena, Leon Michaels and Cassidy Michaels."

Leon huffs and kisses drews cheek before forcing himself up. Drew can't help but smile as Leon falls into performer mode as soon as he stands.

Leon and John stand either side of Cassie as they stand at the podium. The siblings stand and look as the crowd cheer. Leon looks around and this causes the fans to get louder. He can't help but chuckle and shake his head. He leans down to the mic. "Calm down, you'll be seeing us at wrestlemania ya dogs, this isn't about us" Leon tells them. As Leon straightens up the deepest voice he's ever heard yells, "I LOVE YOU LEON!" The siblings burst into laughter as Leon shakes his head. "Heel! Heel people, cmon" Leon huffs.

"Enough, this isn't about us. It's about our father" John states. "The Undertaker" cassie says in a spooky voice. "Something, not a lot of people can say" cassie adds. Leon leans against the podium causing John to glare at him. "Oh cmon, we all knew I was going to break rules straight away. I'll pay the fine" Leon shrugs. "We were given rules and threats of fines. That is true. Leon's already getting fined." John states. "Cannot mention vinces name. Cannot try to embarrass the undertaker. I'm basically not allowed to do anything but breathe, John has to keep his shirt on and cassie Cannot swear." Leon explains. "Two fines now" cassie smirks.

"Yeah, let's start before Vinnie fines us for going over time" Leon smirks. "Three."

-----I do actually have a mini fic about their speech. I just haven't finished it because I don't know what to write. Soooo no speech for ya yet-------

Leon pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and gives it too a crying cassie. Cassie smiles and accepts it. "You got anything to say about Undertaker?" John asks him. Leon hums before pushing his shades onto his head. "I don't have to say anything about The Undertaker. You all know him, you all know the legend and the phenom that is the Undertaker. The man who scared but inspired millions. Made a few class memes." Leon comments getting cheers. Cassie moves back and John pulls Leon into the middle. Leon looks down at the mic. "I could tell you what you already know, or I could tell you about the man who was not only my hero but my saviour." Leon states.

John smiles at his baby brother. How far he's come. How far they've all come. He can't wait till its their time to be in the hall of fame.

"Dont get me wrong, we definitely had some really rough patches together but everything you saw? Between us, that was always real. That mentor storyline? It wasn't a storyline to me. That was real. To me atleast, I don't know how he feels about it or me infact but..I owe that man a lot. He saved me when I was going down a dark path. Helped me learn to control that anger and violence yall saw in me at a young age. And I will always be thankful for him. Proud to call the undertaker my father." Leon speaks.

He glances up as he realises the arena is dead silent. "Ah fuck it I don't do speeches. Imma go pay my fines, yall enjoy the rest of the night!" Leon yells. The crowd goes wild again. "Sorry vinnie" all three smile before walking off.

Leon collapses in his chair as their father comes out. "Not into speeches huh?" Drew asks pulling Leon to stand. "Shut up" Leon huffs watching his father's embrace. "I think you did amazing" drew smiles. "Thank you" Leon squeezes his hand before he's pulled into a hug. Leon can't help the yelp. "Thank you Lee." Taker whispers. Leon sighs and hugs him back. "Anytine old man" Leon smirks.

Taker chuckles and clips the back of Leon's head as he pulls back. "Hope you know vince is writing all three of you up. Especially you" "Ah its worth it. Now go bore them to death" Leon claps his shoulder. "Yeah yeah, gonna stare at them all and not say a word." Taker smirks as he walks off.

Leon sits back down. "Never seen so much emotion outta you two before" drew teases. "Yeah yeah" Leon smirks tilting his head back. Sheamus leans forward behind him and knocks his shades back. "Thanks Bullet" Leon hums. "Anytime Slim" sheamus hums.

"We getting pizza after this?" Leon asks. The group hums in agreement. "Awesome" "Leon shush" Shawn scolds. "Sorry pa"

--------

The group sit around the empty pizzeria. "I want to thank you all" Taker smiles. "Eh don't get sappy on us now old man" Leon yawns. "I'd hate to have a moment here lee" Taker snarks. "Good. I've had enough for one night" Leon leans forward. "Yeah, he's had a whore moment and a emotional moment" cassie smirks. "Whore moment?" Leon asks. "You think we didn't notice you flashing the drew tattoo every chance you got?" John asks. "Just letting the peeps know who I belong too. No harm in that, dad does it every day" Leon states nodding at takers neck. "Damn right I do." Taker smiles at shawn.

"I think you should get one" Randy smirks. "No way. You get one." John huffs. "Im getting one" Rhea hums. "Yes! I get to feel what yall feel" cassie smiles. Shawn smiles at his little misfits. His weird made up family. He watches as sheamus and Leon feed each other as finn and alexa tease them. He watches as randy and John argue with cassie and rhea and liv about whatever. He watches as Taker and drew are the only ones having a civil conversation. Yeah, even though not all of them are here. Cody at aew, Adam and Naomi gone too. Mattie and Val taking the world by storm their own way. The elders off doing their own thing. It's family. And that's all that matters, even if they aren't always together.

"Shawn" Shawn looks at taker. "Go on drew he's all yours." Shawn looks at drew. "Thank you for passing your beauty onto Leon. I am blessed each and every day. And thank you for letting me have his hand." Drew smiles. Shawns cheeks heat up as he smiles. "Thank you for taking him off my hands and looking after him. Feel like I should be paying you for the crap you put up with." "Oh I know, I don't deserve him" Leon cuts in. "Now what did I say about moments? Eat pizza or go wait in the corner." Leon frowns shoving pizza towards drew. The group laugh.

And that's how the night goes on.

No drama. No fights.

Just laughter and love.

------------------------------------------------------------------

SOBBING

Tumblr posted this before it was finished.

I saved it too my drafts

[neon-lights-stardust-nights]

How about 🔪 and 💌 for Luxord?

First things you do when you wake up before Splatfest (apparently)

Brush your teeth

Drink some water

Play Turf Wars so you're ready for when 7 hits

Think F/O thoughts for the strength to bring your team to victory

[meme]

🔪 || How far would they go if they ever feel jealous of someone? What would they do to deal with those feelings? + Luxord

Oooo, I feel like he's the kind of guy you don't expect jealousy of. Less that he isn't a jealous type, and more that he's just laid back enough you think it'd be a bygones be bygones situation. I mean, you're on this blog, so you're wrong--but this imaginary "you" I'm talking about sure did figure so!

He's a bit healthier than the F/Os who jump straight to murder (staring directly into the souls of Strange, Terry, and a slew of others,) but that doesn't make him too much better. Luxord would probbaly prefer to engross himself in games as a way to get his head out of it, but c'mon! This is yandere Luxord we're talking about! It doesn't work forever!

He mostly enjoys humiliating the target of his jealousy. Yvan/Xavyn gets to win a game every now and then, and is sort of in awe of Luxord when he does things like play cards. An absolutely humiliating defeat where Luxord was cheating harder than the antagonists in Kakegurui is thoroughly on the table. He won't kill them, but he'll make them wanna crawl in a hole and disappear all on their own.

Though, that does raise the question of how you define the act of "killing them." If they're a serious rival, and not someone he can cope with sharing faer with (Xigbar/Luxord/Xavyn is very common around here,) then he does resort to meaner means (heh, get it?)

I mean, sometimes people react to harassment in horrid ways, anonymous or otherwise.

Isn't it fucked up, the shit that keeps being sent to them?

And seriously, they just can't catch a break. Even a card game offered to get them away from it blew up so royally in their face. Luxord can't even let them win.

Everything seems to be going wrong, and they don't even realize Luxord's been behind the scenes making sure it would.

If they skip town, that's fine by him. If they give the concrete a big ol' smooch, that's also fine. So long as they're gone!

Whoa this is longer and darker than I expected it to be. The fuck do Turf War wins do to a man.

[bunderful-life]

Fate and Misfortune

"Give it up, pirate!" Even with his boot on my neck I could smell this guy's breath. I guess the navy doesn't promote dental hygiene. But then, I couldn't tell you when I last brushed my own teeth. Yesterday? Last week? "...ghh..." I managed to reply weakly. "I can't hear you, worm!" He growled. "...time out..?" I managed to gasp. He wasn't expecting that and his foot relaxed for the barest moment. But it was moment enough for me to wiggle out from underneath. "Time out!" I said, louder, but this time he answered with his right fist, rattling my skull and making me see stars. His left snatched for the amulet around my neck and he tried to wrench it free. The chain gave in the same moment I surged forward, headbutting him below the jaw. The airship chose this exact moment to lurch starboard in the turbulent air and we sprawled in a tangle of flying fists, finally coming to a stop against the taffrail. A glint of silver caught my eye as I triumphantly pinned the other Viera below me and we both watched as the amulet skidded happily between the ornate railing past our hands and out into oblivion.

"...Fuck." I let go of the man and flopped down in a sitting position beside him, my back to the rail. We were both panting heavily. They don't really show it in plays but fighting, real fighting, for more than a few minutes at least, really takes it out of you.

"Well there goes a moon and a half! All my evidence, just gone." The Yellowjacket sighed and hunkered forward, looking sidewards at me from beneath his blue eyebrows. "Just how in the Hells did a moron like you get your mitts on the Eye of Omphalos anyroads?" "It has a name?" I blinked, for once genuinely surprised. "A name, and a purpose. And an owner. An anonymous tip says you and your band of cut-throats lifted it from a private barge in the Sea of Jade." "That'd be a stretch," I answered, Rising to my feet and also stretching, "Since my father gave it to me ten years ago. And also since the skies over the Jade Seas are worse than the Devil's Shroud." The Yellowjacket mulled that information over and scowled, seeing the truth in them. "So I've been had. And the damned trinket's swimming somewhere in the Rhotano by now." He concluded, scowling again at me. He was a really good scowler. Probably practiced in front of a mirror. "Sorry to waste your time, officer." He grunted and got to his feet. "This ain't over, you know. We'll pin you and your lot for something, yet."

"Will you cuff me personally, my dear wasp?" I purred. His fists balled again and I braced for another punch. But then his hands relaxed, clearly deciding I wasn't worth the split knuckles. "Let me put it this way;" he answered, putting his face close to mine. I winced at his breath. "There won't be enough of you to cuff!" He turned and strode towards the Flying Fish; my cloudmallow dinghy, and let it carry himself off, back towards land. I fanned away the last air of his stale breath.

"Fun guy." "Who, me?" Came an affable voice from behind me. "I was just thinking we should do something fun. Unless it's 'fungi'. I didn't know you were into mushrooms." I started and wheeled towards the familiar voice. This one belonged to Merely, or whomever he was claiming to be today. Seeing his face split in a wide yawn made me tense up anew. I could never tell what he was thinking, but he was whatever passed for a friend on this tub. "Ah, you're awake." I forced a friendly smile. "You slept through a hells of a fight. I won, of course." Merely shook his head. "You woke me up!" he countered. "Sorry, I'll fight a little quieter next time." "No I-- I'm about to tell him, alright?" He snapped at nobody and huffed. As if remembering he was still talking to me, he glared in my direction and thrust his hand out, silver necklace hanging taut with the weight of the star-shaped ruby it supported. "Addi, you threw your dad's necklace through the porthole at me!"

[selfclaimedcatowner]

It's just so unbearable. Everyday I try to hold it in and go through the day but it seems that time just passes me by. It's almost funny because I'd say that "time passing faster" would mean that the hard days will be over soon but it always seems like I'm stuck in an iterant cycle, experiencing the same pain over and over again, unable to escape my sorrows.

I just want to write my feelings out, and show it to the world. Because, the fear of judgement looms over me, and I don't trust anyone with my vulnerability.

Everything is bad. My appearance, health, financial situation etc.

You name it and I can assure you that it's bad as well

I'll start with my appearance.

I've always been underweight. Throughout my childhood and teen years, I've been made fun of by peers and family for my thin frame. They've always seemed to blame it on my tendency to not eat a lot, which I do. And I've always been insecure about my skinny self. Whether it was wearing short sleeves that would show my thin arms or wearing shorts/dresses that would show my ankles and calves. It really affected me.

I'd often find myself feeling comfortable only while wearing clothes that hide my body, and even though I have the desire to wear more revealing clothes, I can't seem to get out of my shell and do so.

It doesn't really end with my body too. My face is something I've been insecure about ever since I've entered high school.

High school is the place where most people make friends and find love, which is something I've struggled to find no matter how much I've sought.

I'm not an attractive person, and I struggle alot in social situations because I'm shy and fear people's opinions of me.

It really messes with your self esteem when you're the only friend with no boyfriend. When you're the only who's never been on a date before or had the luxury of experiencing teen love. And whenever i try to complain, I get the same comments from my friends.

That I'm "pretty" or I "shouldn't let a man define who I am" and it pisses me off because they're the exact same people who tend to attract guys by simply existing.

And it's not my personality. I've been told that I've had a great one, even by guys I've been interested in. But they'd end up saying that they're not attracted to me because of my appearance.

I wish I could just disappear and exist out of a living form. I don't want to abide by society's beauty standards but that's the only way to find love these days.

My health is also deteriorating.

I'm a high-school student so I often find myself staying up to revise for upcoming exams or sleeping for a few hours because I don't have time to be sleeping.

It really infuriates me, Yk? That I spend my entire time studying and risking my health just to get grades that I'm not satisfied with. I also struggle with procrastinating and my attention span is FRIED so it doesn't really help with getting the grades I want.

My parents have high expectations for me, and I usually struggle to meet them.

Anyway, I've been suffering from toothache for probably the past 4 months and I can't seem to get rid of it no matter what I do.

I floss my teeth and brush them twice a day, and I'm always keeping my hygiene up. But nothing seems to be working.

Also my teeth are misaligned and I have an overbite which really doesn't help with the toothache at all. (It's probably the reason for it, my tooth is aching rn)

Overall, my health Is all over the place and there's nothing I can do about it.

Now to my financial situation.

I've always been a grateful kid because I didn't grow up rich and I've been fully aware of my parents financial situation from a very young age.

But no matter what, I've never been able to get anything I wanted.

I'm not sure if it's the constant "poverty" were living in or the fact that I'm just really unlucky.

My dad has been in debt for probably 2 years now, and it's not because he "gambles" his money away or spends it on useless things. No.

My dad is an immigrant, And has spent his entire life slaving away at a job he absolutely loathes just so he can make a living for himself and his family.

And he's been saving up for almost 20 years to start his business, and guess what? It all goes downhill when a civil war started in my home country and he lost his entire business. The place was stolen and destroyed, and it left him feeling miserable but he still stayed strong for us.

He never complained about our living situation, or the business that he lost. And he always makes sure to make ends meet.

Whether it's paying for our school tuitions, or new clothes that we need, or even basic stuff like water and electricity bills. He never once complained about it.

I'm forever grateful for the love he's shown me and my family, and for providing everything that we need.

I wish that I could earn the money to help out my family.

I also wish to have the things that I've always wanted.

I've always wanted a camera, a vintage one, And an electric guitar because I'm a huge rock fan and would love to cover some of my favorite songs.

But I can't afford these things. Sometimes I can't even afford to go out with my friends.

Whether it's a simple outing or a full blown dinner, I never had the money for it.

Which really isn't a problem, because I don't like going out that much, But i also wanna enjoy my teen years.

I wanna go out and enjoy a boba drink. I wanna go kayaking or camping.

I wanna do alot of things but I don't have the money for it.

And I'm not too ashamed to ask my parents when I'm fully aware of our rough financial situation.

I know they'll never say no to me, but it's too shameful.

I wanna earn my own money but jobs for teens aren't really available where i live which is REALLY shitty.

Anyways, there's countless things that I wanna vent about but they're not really important

Im really sorry for my English (it's not my first language) and thank you for reading this :)

Have a good day/night!

[knwbetter]

day 3 since i ended my situationship: i felt much better today compared to other days, although i have to admit he still enters my mind very frequently. first thing i did today was checked my phone obviously, to see if he texted but there was absolutely nothing from him. i kind of expected it but i was still disappointed at the same time. idk why i still expect him to text out of nowhere when it's clear as day that he doesn't give a damn about me. i don't think he ever did actually? if so, his manipulation game goes crazy. like why waste all that time talking to me? spending and investing time on me? just to throw me away the minute he got what he wanted from me. all the sweet things and compliments he said were nothing but bullshit. i know never to fall for that kind of trap again the next time. no more shallow and surface level words. i need full on meaningful sentences and conversations, i won't accept anything less. and actually demonstrate what you're saying. i'm not a fool to go through this the second time. my pride still hurts for being treated this way, the way i feel so stupid pains me the most. i still keep on checking discord and steam to see if he's there and he is but since there's nothing but silence from him, i clearly don't mean much to him at all. everything he told me was just a lie, he never really liked me. if he actually wanted me, he wouldn't be treating me this way but he is. so, i gotta accept the reality and move on. i still cannot fathom how he spent all that time on me and even bought me a game just to brush me aside and go on like i never existed. idk how a person can be capable of something so heartless. is there something wrong with him? did i misjudge him? i usually trust my judgment when it comes to people. he did seem genuine and nice but there were definitely parts of him that got me all yikes. there was a point where i thought to myself "what if he's a s*rial k*ller?" with some of the things he told me. it could just be me psychoanalyzing him with my psychology background. now that it's over, this whole situation makes me want to pursue graduate school and do a study on this kind of behavior. could he have been a narcissist? possibly. i think he might have been using me to stroke his ego which is extremely disgusting. the way he pursued me from the start and showed interest from the get go was very unusual, i have to say. and he was very trusting of me too which made me uncomfortable since i didn't know who the tf he was. funny how the tables have turned, now he's acting like i never existed. i have to keep reminding myself that he never really wanted me and do i really want a guy like that? good luck stroking that stupid ego of yours! a real and secure man would never. i thought you were the one but it was all just in my head. i must have been praying to the devil. i wasn't able to drink today bc of stomach issues but hopefully i'll be able to tomorrow. i miss that alcoholic taste on my tongue and the way it makes me feel. also, pestering me for my pictures and acting like it was no big deal how i look when the minute i sent you my pictures you started acting off? mhmm yea, keep lying through your ugly teeth. and just so you know, you don't deserve a baddie and never will. no one's going to ego boost you like i did. now i totally understand why you're alone without friends, it's bc you're a fucking creep. get your head checked! you need it. despite this, i still think about how i would've loved to have so much fun with you outdoors in the american wilderness. it was all just a fantasy tho, i deserve better than you. all those sweet words for nothing. for a little ego stroking. you should be disgusted with yourself. i feel violated for being used by you. joke's on you, i probably played you instead for my future study. you were just an experiment to me. (this is how i brainwash myself so it hurts less) i hope you never fill that void in your heart. you don't deserve it for playing with me like this, like i'm some toy you can discard. real men don't play with the feelings of women.

[muertawrites]

Omg yes please give us perv!eddie he’s not Jonathan ffs

yo are you KIDDING ME jonathan is such a FUCKING CREEP taking pictures of the girl he has a crush on having sex thru her bedroom window like please sir go to PRISON that is where you BELONG

i'm gonna get self indulgent again. honestly just expect it from me.

18+ minors go play roblox

perv!eddie is such a babe. he is so gross. has so many intrusive thoughts. not a decent thing happens inside that pretty little head of his. he babey <3

the thing that makes his perversion so weirdly charming is that he just feels so guilty about it. like it's okay to have fantasies. sex is fun for sane, consenting adults.

but this poor man feels so bad because he can't stop thinking about how much he wants to fuck.

he has an insane collection of porn. he's got magazines, erotic novels, dirty videos, each one more depraved than the last. he researches sex positions for fun. he writes erotic poems (most of them are about you). he has an extensive list of songs he wants to get down and dirty to, many of the entries scribbled out and reordered. he's put a lot of thought into it.

and his toys? he has so many. cock rings. ball spreaders. fleshlights. vibrators. stimulating lube. lube in different flavors. you name it, he probably has it. this man loves to make himself cum.

big pillow humper. he'll grip and bite his pillow and fuck it hard, talking to it like it's the one girl he wants to be with most (you know who. steve lmao.)

he's definitely tried to suck his own dick before. not successfully, but he had to make an attempt. for science.

but he doesn't want to just blindly fuck anyone. no, he's too insecure for that. and how much fun can you really have with a stranger? he wants to fuck someone he knows and trusts, who'll care enough to get him off and who he wants to see get off, too.

you. he wants to fuck you.

you live rent free in his head. not only are you the prettiest thing he's ever seen, but you're smart, and you're funny, and god he wants to hear what kinds of sweet little noises you'd make with his mouth pressed to your clit.

and that makes it very hard to be such close friends with you.

every little thing you do makes him want you. when you wear a low cut shirt, he can't stop himself from peeking at the dip of your cleavage. when you bend over, all he can think about is how amazing your ass would look and feel pushed up against his dick. when you wear shorts or a skirt, he just wants to slip his hand between your thighs. and don't even mention watching you eat - anything you put in your mouth conjures images of your lips wrapped around his cock.

touches of any kind drive him crazy. when he hugs you, he can feel your breasts, the curve of your waist, how good they feel. he's squeezed your love handles a little bit before, saving the memory of the sensation so he can imagine gripping them as he pounds you into his mattress. he "accidentally" brushes his arms and hands against your chest any chance he gets. he tenses up whenever you put your hand on his shoulder, or grab his arm, his entire body fizzing with electricity because you're touching him. that one time you kissed him on the cheek? best day of his goddamn life.

oh, and the one time you guys went to the beach with a group of friends? and he caught a little glimpse of your pubic hair under the line of your swimsuit? and your naked side brushed up against his naked side? he came so hard thinking about it later that night that it was like a religious experience.

he's a bathroom masturbator. when you hang out together, he disappears at least once to go rub one out, his cock straining painfully against his jeans because all he can think about is what you probably look like naked. how your nipple would feel between his teeth. how your pussy would feel around his fingers.

and listen. you and eddie are tighter than one of his cock rings (you know about his cock rings for heck's sake. gareth and jeff don't even know about them, and you've seen those men do tradesies of different issues of playboy with each other). you know he's depraved and totally disgusting but. you can't help but find it.

so cute?

like he gets all blushy when something turns him on, and he can't make eye contact with you, and he goes into Ultra Chivalry mode to try and make up for it. he really is just the sweetest guy in the world, if also the most painfully horny guy in the world.

but he's also your best friend. you bonded over pulling each other's strings and being generally annoying and irksome to each other.

so do you take it easy on him?

lmao no. teasing him is too easy and way too much fun. you're not mean about it, though.

once when you were in his room you caught a glimpse of one of his porno mags, how the woman on the cover wore a velvet choker and nothing else, how the page was pretty crinkled with... use.

the next time you hung out you wore a velvet choker, and styled your hair a little bit like hers. when you got in the front seat of his van he just stared at you for a moment, eyes bugging out of his head, cock straining against his zipper. when you bit your lip and giggled at him he thought he was gonna cream right then and there.

you also love dropping hints about your kinks to him and calling him little nicknames that'll get him going. "hot stuff" is a winner, as is "big boy". you risked calling him "daddy" once and you thought he was gonna combust. one time he was helping you fix the collar of your blouse and he pulled the ties at the neck a little to tight; he apologized immediately and profusely, but you just shrugged and said "it's cool, i like being choked"

the fantasies he had about you that night.

because gareth and jeff still see you as just one of the guys, you're often invited to their kickbacks in one of their basements. of course eddie is there, and of course there's beer, always. you have a few too many at one of these hangs and, when the conversation between the three virgins switches to condoms, you chime in.

"i just think it wouldn't feel good," jeff says

"gonorrhea doesn't feel good either, man," gareth giggles (he's stoned off his ass on the good weed eddie brought over)

"yeah, and condoms can be really sexy," eddie adds. he's about to quote something from his literature when you speak up.

"they can," you agree. "i know how to put a condom on with my mouth."

the room goes dead fucking silent, all of them staring at you like you just admitted to hosting orgies with the local recreational softball league every weekend.

"what?" you laugh. "it's not hard."

"yeah but now eddie is"

that was when he decided he needed to man up and ask you out. you gave him a demonstration of your little trick not long after. he refuses to put a condom on himself now that he's seen you do it.

as a boyfriend eddie's still a little perv. he's just got all his perv energy focused on you, and he doesn't have to hide it anymore.

he's very handsy. he's respectful of your comfort level with pda, because at the end of the day he loves you and wants you to be comfortable, but that doesn't mean he always keeps his hands to himself - he just puts them where no one can see them.

you're at the movies? he's got his arm around your shoulders and his hand down your shirt, cupping your breast. grabbing a bite with friends? his hand is between your legs, squeezing your upper thigh at a dangerous height. in an empty aisle at the local bookstore? he's pulling you in so he can suck on your neck, hands planted firmly on your ass cheeks.

when you kiss him goodbye on nights you're not spending together, he usually goes back to his van and immediately jerks himself off to the thought of you. when you do spend nights together, he likes to undress you as soon as you're through the door, sometimes even before. if you're wearing a skirt, that's a challenge for eddie - he's trying to sneakily get your panties off under it the entire way back to whoever's place you've decided on.

speaking of panties.

he's a little thief. and he's not even discreet about it.

you stay over at his place? your panties will most certainly go missing at some point, only to reappear a week or two later. he comes over to yours? he's opening up your drawers, looting through undergarments, pointing out his favorite bras and pocketing his favorite undies.

"why are you so gross?" you ask him once, teasing.

"gross?" he gasps. "i miss you so much when you're gone that i've gotta have a little piece of you with me, and you call me gross?"

he's not even lying when he says that. having a piece of you is just part of it for him. he loves you, even if it is in kind of a weird way.

one of his favorite dates is going to sex shops with you. he loves picking things out for you - lingerie, restraints, gags, toys, he wants to try it all with you. his favorite thing he's ever bought you is an o ring gag (paired with some numbing throat spray). his favorite thing you've ever bought him is a vibrating cock ring with an attached clit stimulator. that gets used a lot.

he's also made it kind of a hobby of yours to read erotica to each other. you'll alternate picking books - he reads the ones you pick, and you read the ones he picks. you actually tend to get side tracked talking about plot points and character arcs. but eddie is pretty proud of himself for being able to finger you and read aloud without losing his place or missing a beat.

now let's talk photos.

if we're sticking to canon, he uses your polaroid camera more than you do. he loves taking nudes of you, with you, and has multiple shots of what you look like from his point of view during sex pinned up on his wall (and in his wallet, and in his van, and in his work locker, and...). he also likes to slip naughty photos of himself to you, slotting them in beside your bookmarks and under the windshield wipers on your car.

if we're going for a more modern twist, oh my god this guy loves making you his personal cam girl (and being yours). the lockscreen on his phone is a post-sex picture of you, all fucked out and beautiful curled up next to him. he sends you teasing pictures throughout the day, broken up by a few cumshots and masturbation videos. he loses all sense of reason when you do the same to him, even going to the extent of faking an illness so he could get out of work and meet up to fuck in the parking lot of your own workplace. not a fan of cyber sex, though. he likes being able to touch you.

and on that note, he habitually fucks you in public. you've lost count of how many bathroom stalls you've left used condoms in.

he showers with you often, but strangely enough, you've never had shower sex. he likes the intimacy of it, holding you close and kissing your shoulders and just feeling like you're the only two people on earth. if you're showering, he'll slip in with you without a word and just hug you, especially if he's had a rough day.

when it all comes down to it, eddie loves you. he may be depraved and hornier than any other man you've met, but he would never do anything that makes you uncomfortable or crosses a line.

he's lucky you're a dirty little freak like him.