#This isn't a second chance; it's unexpected overtime

[httpuckdrop]

ashes – day 144 (2)

author's note: pretty sure this can be read as a standalone fic, or as a part of my "ashes" series! this is the real alternative ending… considering how the game didn't end as we hoped…. you can check out that part too here, though, because i added some important-ish things to it. anyways i kinda really like how this chapter ended up sooo hope you enjoy too. <3

jack barely said a word to you all evening.

when you met him in the hallway leading to his changing room after the game, he seemed as miserable as ever. barely looking into your eyes, thoughts clearly on something else, rubbing his temples tiredly. you tried everything you could to light up his mood – a cheek kiss, intertwining your fingers with his, whispering sweet nothings into his ear – but he wasn't having any of it.

not that you didn't understand. he had just lost a major game and gone through this championship with just one point to his name. this was definitely not something he was used to, or what he had expected from himself. it didn't surprise you the slightest that he wasn't happy with the outcome of tonight.

after a long and painfully silent taxi ride back to the hotel, jack hurried off to his own room – the one he was sharing with a teammate – to gather some of his things and bring them to your room. most of the american players were going out to drink the loss out of their minds, and jack had no intention of being in his room when his roommate stumbled in drunk at four in the morning.

you'd expected jack to maybe stay in his room for a while and collect his thoughts before coming over to yours. you knew he had a lot to deal with, and you knew he wasn't always the most articulate about these things. talking wasn't his way of letting things like these out.

and yet, he knocked on your door just minutes after you'd parted from him in the hallway. he dumped his bag on the floor after he'd stepped inside, barely acknowledging you as he walked in and sat on the edge of the bed.

this wasn't his usual, relaxed and comfortable silence; this one was heavy, rugged and loaded, making the air thick. jack looked like he wanted to punch something, and you were almost scared that he would – but instead, he simply pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and breathed deeply through his nose.

you'd seen him get irritated over games before – but this wasn't like any of the other games. this was a chance for him to prove that he belonged on the international level.

"i should've reached more for that pass," jack said after a few long moments. he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "i should've stood a little closer, read the game better."

sitting down on the bed, though giving him some space, you were unsure what to say. you knew he didn't like platitudes such as "you were good anyway", and you knew he hated when people tried to comfort him in a way that made him feel like they were just belittling his anger. you had seen enough hockey games at this point to know that there isn't just one mistake that makes an entire game – if the us team hadn't let in two goals earlier in the game, they would have won without going into overtime – but that's not how jack saw it. in his head, it wasn't about the team.

it was about him.

you tried to swallow but your mouth was too dry. his voice was full of contempt, but he needed to let it out, so you didn't say anything. you placed a hand on his back, slowly and carefully, to see if he could even accept any kind of comfort right now.

at first, the thick muscles of his back tensed. but after a few seconds, he breathed out and dropped his face into his hands. "fuck."

his voice was so low, so weak, but it carried his entire frustration.

you didn't say anything more – and neither did he. until he finally looked up, right at you, chest trembling with his unsure breaths. "i need you."

the unexpectancy of the words felt like a dagger to your heart. it wasn't a sexual thing, not even a romantic thing. he just said it like the words escaped from his lips before he could stop them, before he could think them through.

you had no idea what to do. jack, ever the controlled and confident man, spoke with a voice so frail that it broke mid-sentence. he had never said something like this before; jack had always been the strong one, the one to not admit his weaknesses. he showed his feelings, but very rarely said them.

that's when it hit you – he was feeling more than he said out loud.

you knew you should answer him. say anything, but no words came out. so you did the only thing you knew of; you scooted closer, arms draping across his shoulders and pulling him in for a hug. he froze, but only for a second before melting into the embrace. with his face nuzzled into your hair, he whispered, "i really wanted to win this. not for the team... for myself. to prove that i'm capable of it. because it's... all i have."

hockey wasn't just a career for him, nor just a sport he loved. it was a part of him.

and you were a part of him, too.

"you have me," you whispered back, unsure if it was a promise or not. but at this moment, it was true.

it took jack hours to fall asleep. it was just as hard for you to doze off, to be fair; his words kept echoing through your mind all night.

i need you.

you knew he said it in a moment of vulnerability, that he wasn't thinking. but... he still said it. it definitely could still be true.

instinctively, you turned around to face him in the darkness. the contours of his jaw were illuminated in the soft moonlight, the soft stubble almost begging for you to brush your thumb across it. but when your gaze climbed higher, you realized – his eyes were wide open, staring into the ceiling.

"you're not sleeping," you whispered.

his breath hitched ever so slightly. busted. "no." his voice was hoarse, tired.

"what are you thinking about?"

he was quiet for so long that you were scared he wouldn't answer. "the fact that i'll never be good enough."

it was so out of the blue that your chest ached with guilt. "jack..."

"it doesn't matter how much i practice. there will always be someone better, someone who scores more points than me, someone more worthy to work on."

it hurt to hear him talk that way. both because it was so far from the truth – did he not still hold the record for most points and assists in usntdp history? – and because he was always so sure of himself, so good at pushing himself forward, never letting his insecurities win over him. "you know that isn't true."

he turned his head in your direction. you couldn't properly make out his expression, but you could feel his gaze on you. "do i?"

"jack," you let out a low sigh. "if you hadn't been good enough, you wouldn't even have been here. you've already made it further than most people. this was one tournament, one game; it doesn't define you."

he shut his eyes as if trying to take in your words. when he opened them again, there was something heavier in his eyes. "it feels like it does."

you wanted to say something more, to make him understand. you wanted to rabble records at him, remind him of what his teammates think of him, what all of the reporters say about his talent. yet, there was something about the way he said it that made you realize that none of those things were what he needed. he didn't need someone to say that all was well – he just needed you to be there.

so you moved closer, resting your head atop his shoulder. it wasn't a big step, but it was enough. "it wasn't your night," you whispered eventually. "but you're still you."

it took a while, but then you felt it – his hand, dragging slowly up your arm. he didn't say anything, letting his touch act as a way of thanking you.

that night, you fell asleep closer than ever.

[funkymbtifiction]

I am confusion

I asked about Ne vs Ni predictions because I was just watching a video on Ni ,and if focused a lot on how Ni is this future reading function. It even called them prophets. I was typed as ENFP by you almost a year ago (here's the post, btw), so after reading your answer I'm wondering, do I use Ni instead?

I don't know; maybe it's time to buy my book and read the first-person narratives to find out. There's only so much I can tell you from a distance. From reading what I said in response to a 4,000 word post it seems like I was pretty confident of my typing for you. *shrug*

To me life is all about patterns: things tend to repeat themselves over time (just look at human history: Time/society is cyclical), and people seldom really change or are that surprising. So as long as you know who/what you're looking at, there's a good chance you can predict what's gonna happen. It's Ne and Si, you can't separate them. The issue is when you're dealing with someone/something for the first time, 'cuz there's no precedent. Then there's all this possible scenarios playing out in your mind at the same time. And like Charity said, either Te or Ti would also play into it, that's the probability calculator. I think people who have the "anything is possible" mentality don't have really developed logic, because limitations are very much a real thing one has to take in consideration in order to succeed.

You are correct, anything is not possible. It's more about who you know than the level of your talent, and it's all about your work ethic and ability to roll with the punches, not necessarily your dreams. Life is about being realistic and reaching for what's achievable for you.

How my intuition works is that when I am thinking about something, or problem-solving, or doing anything, my mind generates possibilities -- and I pick one and operate off that assumption, until it's proven or disproven; being an ENP, I don't stick to anything that isn't working out of sentiment, the second I recognize this is the wrong idea / conclusion / approach, I switch to a different mental track and try something else. It's effortless for me, whether it's deciding to take a different route home from work because there's unexpected delays or dumping 40,000 words in the trash and starting over from scratch because that plot twist took me straight to a dead end. I don't formulate things specifically inside my mind and weed them down to One Right Path (Ni), so much as I work through them in "real time" (Ne).

I think Enneagram plays into that, a 7 might not want to try and predict the future because it might ruin a prospect for them, or might have their sometimes excessive optimism make them overestimate the chances of something happening. A 6 might feel the need to predict what's gonna happen to deal with their anxiety etc. As a 3 with an 8 fix  I don't really like surprises, they put me in situations I can't be sure I can competently deal with, and it takes away my autonomy. So predicting things is not just a hobby applied to tv shows and book series(though I really enjoy theorizing about those), but something I naturally developed overtime and it's always in the back of my mind.

I have to disagree here; 7s are always trying to predict an optimistic future full of fun. They are always making "plans" so that they don't miss out on anything (fear of missing out is huge for them). 6s try to predict how things are going to play out, so they can be prepared for them (thinking ahead, in other words). I also hate surprises, as a sp6, because I have no time to get in the right mental space to react to them, and I can't adapt quickly to a situation until I've had time to mentally process it. I "think" my way through life, I don't just feel things or do them.