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chocopvffz · 4 years ago

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My Problems with Fandom

It’s been a while since I’ve kinda just let out my thoughts and feelings on this stale hell site. It’s just now more than ever I’m having the weirdest realizations while I’m participating in any Fanbase. This topic may piss ppl off. But to that, I say fuck it, I’m gonna do it.

Around 2 years ago I took a backseat to actively participating in fandom. So I’d be more of an onlooker rather than someone who contributed. Just reblogging stuff rather than making my own content. Usually in fandom, things are said in the heat of the moment, with little thought and more emotions. Taking a step back I started to realize that while that’s fine in and of itself, You’re entitled to what you like and what’s interesting to you, but I’ve realized that people kinda settle for the bare minimum. Especially now that representation for marginalized groups is becoming the norm. Which is great, but there are still problems that plague us as a community.

I just finished watching Unicorn of War’s video on RWBY, and they delved into the absolutely garbage writing that surrounded The White Fang subplot. I highly recommend you watch the video, it’s about the bad representation of minority oppression and how it relates to RWBY as a whole. While this post doesn’t stem from that in particular. what did was though is how UoW confessed that they were guilty of completely ignoring how harmful the writing was for pocs, as well as downright silencing and downplaying poc that had a problem with the writing. Unicorn of War is not racist, the fact that they realized the type of systemic racism they’ve been inadvertently spreading is so harmful is a a step in the right direction. Here is where the problem lies. UoW said that they were a perpetrator of this because they were to focused on the representation the show did give the fans. They said that they lumped all of the genuine criticism of the problems with homophobes and bigots because they didn’t want to hear any of the criticism at all. RWBY has some pretty shit representation in ever field. UoW said that they were settling for the stuff they did get because they get so little, and their whiteness blinded them to listening and trying to understand why so man poc had an issue with the show.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that, a lot of the time In Fandom, ppl would rather settle for what they do have and what caters to them, rather than criticize a product of its faults and ask for more.

I’ve been scared to talk about She-Ra because the fandom is pretty scary. I liked the show. To me it wasn’t anything special. But it was a fine show, and I can’t wait for what the crew does next. But here’s where a lot of the issues come from for me. There are some problems both w/ the show, and the representation. Catra and Adora have been queercoded up until the very end where it does get revealed that they are in fact lesbians. Which is great and all but at the end of the day. They kiss at the very end of the last episode, nothing was explicit before then. But the thing is that Catra is an abusive manipulative person, that kinda just gets a pat on the back, and all is forgiven when she realizes she’s alone(both in the fandom and the show). I mean glimmer got more hate than Catra. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve seen way to many ppl ignore the fact that they side stepped the development of Catra and Adora, and kinda get mad at the ppl that criticize that we could have gotten better rep. For a lot of the fans, at least from what I’ve seen, yall are okay with the problems the show has as long as you get some form of rep. Which is valid, but when that complacency spills over into silencing ppl with criticisms. This usually happens when someone has had another experience with the show where the thing that represents them isnt done as well. it rubs me the wrong way. Someone could see Catra’s behavior, liken her to a toxic person they knew, criticize how the show kinda ignores that. I can bet that some ppl would tell this person that they’re wrong, because she ended up where she did at the end.

This brings me to my last example, during my watch of Infinity Train, I started getting a little bit more involved in the fandom; reblogging, commenting. During the show I noticed a small amount (larger than I would have liked) making passive aggressive remarks toward Grace (the only black girl and protagonist of the season). They were all in regard to her having a redmeption arc. At first I was kinda in denial. Like most ppl are immediately after suffering an injustice, cuz despite her being an awful person at first. She gets better. And there are so little black women that are protagonists. I felt represented. But then I’d see ppl demeaning her in order to make her friend Simon (basically the antagonist) more sympathetic. Mind you he’s white. And after the show ended I had a weird encounter. There were many posts about how enthralling it was that Grace, a black women, telling Simon, a white man, that his problems were his own, and she doesn’t have to be the one to fix them. Most of the ppl that made these posts were woc. The show isn’t about race, but the fact that the character is black resonated with a lot of ppl.

Under ever single one of these posts, I saw multiple people, getting weirdly angry at them. Like “this has nothing to do with race, why are you bringing it up here.” Which I guess is fair, but no one says it as much to ppl when the post is about sexuality. So getting fed up, I responded to one of these ppl explaining how odd it is that the characters that get really popular are always of the same archetype. White Sad Boys, it’s the same with ships. Instead of critiquing the show or anything I wanted to call attention to subconscious biases in fandom. The person accuses me of calling them racist, tells me that race isn’t an issue in fandom, and tried to gaslight me into thinking that what I was talking about doesnt apply to how ppl choose who their favorite character is.

This issue here isn’t about the race, or the actual content in the show. It was about the person telling me that the empowerment I and other woc experienced while watching infinity train s3, doesn’t exist and we shouldn’t criticize ppl putting her down in order to uplift the antagonist.

Which leads back to the point I’m trying to make. So many ppl in fandom settle for whats there instead of trying to make things more representative of everyone. Representation can always get better, we just have to stop fighting ppl that give constructive criticism to the things we like.

And I’m completely guilty of this too, that’s why I took a step back. I don’t like silencing ppl when they try to criticize something that resonates with me. So I try to sit back and let them tell me what can be done better based on their experiences. I’m still struggling. I’m pretty sure I was ultra defensive with the person telling me that race doesn’t matter.

This happens a lot more with white ppl than it does with people of color. And this isn’t a dig on any white person at all. It’s just that white have a vastly different experience than a poc. A white LGBT person is going to have a completely different experience than a black lgbt person. Just like a cishet white person is going to have from a poc cishet person. And since we have different experiences, there are aspects of my life you won’t understand and vice versa. An abuse survivor is going to be more equip to tell us what works better than other things in a story that tackles those subjects. You see what I mean.

I just want everyone to take a step back and consider the criticism that is being made. And try to understand why this person may see it that way.

TLDR; We need to stop silencing marginalized ppl just because they criticize things we relate to, especially when it pertains to their experiences. It’s settling for the bare minimum when we deserve better. Just because we’ve got a gay character doesnt mean the show is perfect. It happens way more than we think. Especially now more than ever.

Sorry this is so long, and full of typos. I just needed to rant.

#she ra spop #spop spoilers #she ra princess of power #infinity train #infinty train spoilers #rwby v7 #rwby volume 8 #rwby #queen of typos #just getting my thoughts out

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remus-lupin-is-my-type · 4 years ago

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Where have I been? (a post for anyone who might still care lol)

Anyone who knows me knows I’ve taken a looooong hiatus from cosplay, but I’ve also taken a general hiatus from this blog as well. I wanted to take the time to explain some of the reasons why. Explanation below the cut.

1. Toxicity

I’ve had this blog for many, many years. It’s always been My Thing to follow back everyone. But in doing so, I’ve accidentally created a pretty decently toxic environment for myself on my own dash? It seems that wherever I scroll, there are people arguing, constant reminders of how terrible the world and society are, and people shaming other people for things they like. My once-fun dashboard of fandom and all things queer, has just become not quite fun anymore? Social justice issues are really important to me, deeply important, but constant reminders about how terrible the world is can really bring me down (particularly in these already troubling times). I know that running from it is a particularly privileged thing to be able to do (I may be pan, but I’m still white and cis), but sometimes I just gotta put myself and my own mental health first. One day I’m hoping to try to take back control of my blog and do some much needed purging, but it’s going to be a monumental task after so many years. But I really do miss reblogging fandom things. I’ve made a completely separate blog for all things Aesthetic that do nothing but make me happy—essentially creating my own little safe space. It’s been a great non-pressure, anonymous way to just de-stress, but I do miss mucking around in fandom nonsense. BUT this also brings me to another reason...

2. Supernatural and The Destiel Debacle

*spoilers ahead for the final season of SPN* That final scene with Cas absolutely destroyed me. I’m a few seasons behind, but when I woke up one morning and Destiel was trending everywhere, of course I looked up and watched the video. And guys. I SOBBED. Not just a few tears, full on WEPT for at least an hour. I was so heartbroken, not just because a beloved character died, but of how he died. The fact that Cas told Dean everything I’ve always wanted him to, but in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE, only for him to promptly die without Dean even saying anything. I just couldn’t deal. I was Properly Depressed for several days after that, and I still sometimes think about it and get really sad. I could have forgiven this, had they put Cas in the finale, gave you hope that maybe he and Dean could be something in Heaven, together, but no. Of course not. The whole thing genuinely put such a bad taste in my mouth for all fandom and network television in general. Also, it hurt me to see people actually calling this a WIN. I’m not here to take away anything from anyone—if you loved it, that’s great and I’m happy for you. But GUYS. It was CRUMBS. Is it great that Cas is a confirmed queer character? Sure, but they killed him the second his confession was over. Rowan Ellis did a great YouTube video about the whole thing, and I highly suggest you watch it, it really put things in perspective for me. The fact is, they had TWELVE YEARS to give you this, and they didn’t. It’s like Marvel expecting us to be singing their praises cuz a Russo brother mentioned a boyfriend, a few minutes out of their ENTIRE MOVIE FRANCHISE. Anyway, I was so disheartened I didn’t want to participate in fandom whatsoever. (Luckily, I’ve recently fallen in love with Black Sails—also thanks to Rowan Ellis—and its amazing writing, characters, story, and queer representation helped give me hope again).

3. Self-image

This more directly relates to cosplay. I gained weight again, and my motivation to cosplay dropped significantly. Suddenly there just didn’t seem a point to getting into all the makeup and putting in the effort if I wasn’t going to like what I saw on the webcam. Luckily, I’ve recently read a FANTASTIC book called “What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat” by Aubrey Gordon, and it was honestly life-changing. It forced me to completely reframe how I think about myself and society, and I’ve actively been making an effort to feel better and unashamed in my own skin, and it’s been going well! I’ve stopped planning my entire life and happiness and worth around whatever number I wanted the scales to reflect. But, that being said, cosplay is still a struggle for me. Though I’m generally more accepting of myself now, I still find it difficult to play my favourite characters, almost all of which are attractive males. I’m admittedly hard on myself about it, my subconscious constantly telling me that I’m not androgynous enough or sexy enough to play these characters. Of course you don’t have to be these things to cosplay, I’m a huge advocate that ANYONE can cosplay WHOEVER they want, but this is what I, personally, am going through. One step at a time, as they say!

And that’s about it. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, and I make no promises. But maybe I’ll pop in to post a gay gifset or two sometime :) I’ve also been pondering TikTok a lot, so who knows, maybe that’ll be a thing in the future. This explanation was as much for my benefit as to those reading—it feels good to get this stuff off my chest and I hope you understand. Love you all so, so much and I hope you’re all getting nothing but the best out of this hell site lol ❤️

Stay safe and stay happy, Nicki xo

#personal #hp rp community

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eloquenceassassinated · 5 years ago

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I’m Leaving Tumblr: A Farewell to my Followers

I haven't been very active on this blog lately. If you're observant, you've probably noticed it. If I really wanted to, I could probably just leave it that way; everyone would eventually take me off their followed list as an inactive blog and absently wonder where I went. But I don't really want to do that.

In his poem “The Hollow Men,” T. S. Elliot wrote, “This is how the world ends: not with a bang, but with a whimper.” In my case, though I'm not a popular blog by any stretch, and though this arguably isn't a website that deserves the fanfare, I don't want to leave with a bang, but at least with a whisper: “Thanks for the memories. I'll be on my way now.”

To do that properly, I have to take you on a little ride.

In my time on this website, I:

Joined tumblr in June of 2017 for the purposes of posting art.

Proceeded to not post a lot of art.

Found the Captain America, Voltron, and Ninjago fandoms on here and got swept up in those instead.

Got my first 100 notes on a post about Dr. Julien. Dabbed in celebration.

Made a post about Shiro and Bucky maybe being friends.

Bought a mug from mintmintdoodles—and liked it!

Went on a missions trip. Came back.

Reblogged a LOT of fandom stuff.

Saw Wonder Woman, which was good.

Celebrated my first Steve's Birthday—I mean Fourth of July on the site.

Made lots of Clone!Shiro theory posts.

Made a dumb “who in Voltron likes anime?” post.

Fell in love with Matt Holt.

Started posting “Grass Whistle”, my first multi-chapter fanfic.

Got a job, which kinda put the kabosh on the fanfic for a bit.

Bought a print from mechinaries.

Found a bunch of my other fandoms on this site including Lord of the Rings, How to Train Your Dragon, and Hamilton.

Celebrated my first Christmas on the site.

Participated in the Ninjago Secret Santa, where I actually got my friend Candaru's prompt and it was hilarious.

Kinda ghosted through the first winter months of 2018 as my job occupied more and more of my time.

Resumed posting Grass Whistle in the spring of 2018 and finally finished it, to a wonderful reception.

Saw Black Panther and loved it!

Started posting “The Run and Go”, to a better reception on FF.net than this site.

Saw Thor: Ragnarok and wished we got to see that hug.

Witnessed the best season of Voltron (S6) before everything went downhill.

Went on vacation. Came back.

Wrote and posted “Brother”.

Posted art celebrating Candaru's story “Several Dead LEGOs Play Cards”.

Went on the missions trip again. Came back.

Saw Infinity War and was in DENIAL.

Reconnected with a friend with whom I'd been through a really rough patch over the past couple of years, and began to mend our friendship.

Posted a really long queue of LotR stuff for no particular reason.

Watched Voltron end; it was terrible.

Started a new year and continued to keep the blog busy with lots of queues.

Watched Alita: Battle Angel and it was AMAZING.

Posted a really long How to Train Your Dragon queue for no particular reason.

Continued to dread Endgame.

Watched Endgame. Stayed in denial.

Fell behind on Ninjago seasons.

Watched the Voltron and Ninjago blogs I follow fade into inactivity until I was left with nothing but gifs of Endgame and my own sadness.

Kept the charade going until the summer of 2019 hit and I realized that I'm doing out of obligation what should be for fun.

I don't really know how to state this in a kind way, but neither the circumstances that brought me here nor the conditions that kept me here exist any longer. This is a fandom blog, and it's a tough break when you've fallen either out of step or out of love with your fandoms. Keeping up the queue is the only way that my blog stays active on my work days, but it isn't fun. This blog stays inactive because upkeeping it is a chore—a chore that I keep putting off, and a chore that no one asked me to do.

2 Timothy 2:20-21 says, “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”

I never really understood that. What does Paul have against common things? Does he have beef with clay? But I think I get it now—it's a simple matter of removing clutter. Cleaning out what's unnecessary so that the only things that remain are the best ones.

I'm not leaving tumblr because I have any anger against the site or any one person or fandom or whatever. I'm not leaving because something cataclysmic happened, or because I was abducted by aliens and their planet has bad wifi. I'm leaving because I've had some time to think, and I've decided that it's for my best mental health that I leave this chapter behind. Plain and simple.

Those who know me personally probably know that my prayer for 2019 has been centered around a single word: Restoration. The past few years have been hard ones for me, and it's time to rebuild and restore what's been broken. Sometimes repairing a house means tearing out the moldy walls first. Sometimes being your best self means eliminating distractions.

Because that's what these are—distractions, layered on distractions. Marvel distracted me from the real world, and Voltron distracted me between Marvel movies, and Ninjago distracted me when Voltron turned sour. When those fell through, I turned to old fandoms to distract myself. And when I finally extricated myself from that mess, made amends with some people, looked up, and faced my situation for what it is, I realized that it's not something I can maintain.

I'll still keep the blog up. I won't deactivate it, because deactivated blogs make me sad and wonder if there's some tragedy here that I don't know about. Especially since the platonic prompts post continues to make rounds, I want people to be able to come back to this blog if they wish and see what the original poster was like—someone who loves friendship in fandoms, celebrates it, and spent two years creating a safe haven of nothing but positive, pro-bromance content. If this blog was ever a safe haven for anybody, I want them to still have it available in its entirety. Even if it should never have been work, I did work hard on this. I don't want that to go to waste.

As for those I follow, there will still be some blogs that I check on from time to time—particularly the ones that my personal friends run—but I likely won't be interacting with the posts. If you know me in real life, you can still contact me through email or my fanfiction account. I'll be there.

But starting today, I'm taking the tumblr app off of my phone. I might come back sometime, but I don't see it happening. No offense or hard feelings to anybody—I'm just done for now.

If I ever made anyone smile, I think this would all be worth it. If I made someone laugh, or think, or cry, or if I inspired them to write something or draw something or create something that had never existed before, I think it would all be worth it. If I can truly say that I was a positive Christian influence in my short time here—that I touched somebody—I think it would be worth it.

After all, life isn't about followers. It's about friends. It isn't about notes. It's about whose lives you touched, whose day you made just a little bit better. And I know that all of you (except for the pornbots) are real people, and I want you to know that, to the best of my ability, I care about every single one of you. I want all of you to live happy lives, and I hope that God makes Himself very, very real to you and fills you with a love that words can't explain and a joy that our hearts can't contain and a hope that our minds can't imagine in our wildest dreams.

I wish all 119 of you well. I wish everyone who has ever crossed my path through this blog well. I hope I could make you smile. It's been fun, and I've met some great people and made some wonderful friends, and I'm glad to have been here.

Thank you to my friends. Thank you to anyone who ever liked or reblogged my art. Thank you to everyone who reblogs the platonic prompts post—it's just over 3,000 notes as I write this, which is about the size of my church, and while that isn't terribly a lot I guess it's still wild to think about.

I especially want to thank the Ninjago community for always being so enthusiastic, warm, and wholesome my whole time on this website, from giving me my first 100 notes on the Dr. Julien headcanon post just a few days into my time here to your staggering and sincere support of Grass Whistle a year later. Never stop being your wonderful selves—it was wonderful to interact with all of you.

Thanks for the memories. I mean that.

Here's a picture of one of my hermit crabs, Clover, on a tiny boat I got in Michigan. Peace out!

—Sincerely, EA

#ea speaks #mine #my writing #blog maintainence #real life #and so another chapter comes to a close #and i get way too emotional about it

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highkingfen · 5 years ago

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You are so “positive fake”. You say you understand why people are mad yet never address the lgbtqia problem. No wonder since you aren’t in the community anyway. Stop pretending things are perfect your the reason the fandom is bad right now, it’s ok for us to be mad and hate the author. Fuck your fake happiness. Hope you stay in your depression until you realize what you do is wrong

Alright, It took me a moment to answer this because the last sentence you said just broke my heart. Whatever our opinions are, wishing someone to stay in illness is just pure cruelty. We may agree to disagree, but this is going way too far and I think most of my friends here and irl would tell you the same. Please ask yourself why you needed to end your message that way.

Second, this is not fake positive. If you read my blog, you’ll see I post sad things to, I just actively decided not to engage in the fandom debate because I have a different opinion, and also because I don’t think adding my voice will bring something to the conversation. I do talk actively about the season 4 finale, just in private.

In fact, today I will record a special episode of my podcast Fillorians United with Vanessa Zoltan from Harry Potter and the sacred text and one of our point of discussion will be how to conciliate your love of something while having a problematic author (for her, it is JK latest tweets). I wanted to bring that into the fandom later and hope this will make people heal a bit more. That’s my way of taking care of the fandom. Vanessa is really insightful and her word in private helped me feel better about how I handle The Magicians content, when I will publish the mini-episode, please listen to it.

Third, I am not vocal about it but I AM in the LGBTQIA+ community. I am a biromantic asexual who is married to a bisexual transgender man. I do not see my sexual identity as my identity as some member of the community may have (i.e my husband is strong in Montreal Queer community and needed to find others like him, I do not carry that wish but respect his and, by being with him, meet a lot of people in the community as well.) I DO understand what you are going through. I DO read a lot about it. But does this mean your voice is more valid than mine?I don’t think so. I think the internet and this fandom is big enough for people to be mad and express it and have people that don’t feel as strongly as you and still want to enjoy doing gifset and writing fics without making it political. Both are ok. I hate seeing people getting angry at actors or lashing at the on twitter like they had a saying in what happened.

People forgot that most of them learn the true finale 2 days before us and that their job is to act. If they defend the show they are in, most of it is because this is their secure job and they fight for it to stay alive. You don’t like this? Then stop watching instead of being mad at people that are simply the tools of what writers wrote.

I also want to make a note for anyone that, as someone who studied Public Relation during a crisis, I would have recommended to Sera and John not to talk anymore because whatever they do or say will never be good enough for part of the fandom. Better for them not being attacked for everything they tweet and focusing on their job. They are in a hurricane and, right now, I don’t blame them to need to be in their safe house. When the storm will be calmer, I would tell them to go back on twitter. But right now, whatever they say will not be enough and will just put oil on fire. This is why I do not resent their silence. Even if I wish they’d talk, I understand why they don’t.

Also anon, all of The Magicians isnt hurt and hating the show now. I want to show you how amazing this fandom is

Because of the fandom, my 2nd edition of The Magicians DND book on Kickstarter is 130% funded and If I get 1500$ will be able to afford to take off work for a whole month and work on it, but even if I get 3 weeks it is because fans were willing to give me a bit of their money to say “hey, what you do is cool and I want to encourage you.” In my wildest dream, I’d never believed this could happen.

I see people doing cosplays and getting ready for ComicCon, encouraging each other, screaming when they see pictures. And I am here for it. I went in so many fandom that was taking apart everything a cosplayer didn’t do instead of adoring the hard work people put into it

There is AT LEAST 5 lets-keep-busy-during-the-hiatus project happening! From The Welter Challenge to a Big Bang to a Queliot or an Alice week! It is WONDERFUL to see that despite it all, some of us stay and don’t want the hiatus to means nothing happens here

people are SO fucking creative! I can’t keep up to ao3 anymore which is AMAZING! When I arrived in the fandom there were 15 fics at most. I see people doing pins and shirt and prints and fan art and gifset and analyzing the clothing and their meaning and I’m just....!!!! I think something becomes meaningful and bigger than itself the moment it makes people create.

The fact that, while I write this, I have several tweets telling me that I am loved, defended and 98% of people here do not tolerate bullies. We do not gatekeep your ship, or your notp, or if you only participate by reblogging and not doing new stuff. A fan is a fan. But what we gatekeep is hate, is attacking people because you want them to feel as bad as you, is wishing someone depression

See. I was positive. Yet I didn’t talk about the season finale. Because there is 3 season and a half that I FUCKING adore, people that are worth praising and I decided to focus on that.

Lastly, my choice to be positive is harder than it looks. Sometimes I want to scream too. Or reblog rants. But I try to spin this into my creations and another way to make people smile, feel a bit better and heal. I said it and I will repeat it again, I started to adore Fen when I realized she made the choice of kindness. And you see her struggle in season 3 because part of her want to cross her arm and let the bad things happen. But Julia reminds her, and me, that hurting doesn’t mean other people are hurt too,

This is why I will finish this with a word of wisdom; If the show hurt you so much that you want to hurt back, maybe its time for you to step away from the fandom for a moment, and ask yourself if it is worth making someone cry while being anonymously mean.

#the magicians #A bunny Asked!

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mittensmorgul · 6 years ago

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Like, what was even the fake destiheller’s point? That destiel shippers will most likely follow a destiel blog? I mean congratulations lol, can’t really argue??

god I wasn’t even gonna say anything about this because *sad, largely irrelevant blogger who never shuts up about what they hate but was essentially unknown to huge swaths of the fandom because aforementioned irrelevance and general not-niceness* goes so far out of the way to pull an ultimately pointless long con by setting up a blog proclaiming to love the thing she hates, but gears it not toward the active destiel writing/meta/art/gif/creator fandom that I’m part of but toward teens, by pretending to be a teenager and complaining about school and being sad they don’t have more time to blog about the thing they claim to love, while generating very little in the way of original content and largely letting the blog sit there to gather pornbots like dust for three years…

(under a cut, because when I get going I have to make all the points… consider this my personal version of one of the “Let me introduce myself…” memes. I’m actually Andrew Dabb, but only when he’s being interviewed)

I mean… three years… that blog existed, while I’ve been on this hellsite nearly every day during that span and had never even heard of their lil blog– regardless of the number of followers they somehow attracted. I have “liked” over 100k posts, and even if 2/3 of my posts are reblogs (often conversationally, as many of us add thoughts to posts, etc), that still adds up to more than 20k posts I’ve reblogged and still never stumbled across one of her supposedly HUGELY popular blog posts… I mean… the blog was so quiet she literally had to send herself ask messages. So I know those aren’t the sorts of people who are actively participating in the same vast swath of fandom I and the people I follow and interact with every day occupy.

And heck… now I wonder how many of the cringeworthy anons in my inbox may have been from her pretending to be clueless about aspects of fandom that her own comments to herself seemed to be trying to address and just… ew.

(for the record, I don’t generally reply publicly to anons I don’t have wank-free answers for– either wank-free in my opinion, or on topics that generally tend to draw even more wank to my inbox. I do not want my blog to be one of those bitter places filled with half-assed rants and facts I just pulled out of my ass because YEAH LET’S BE CRANKY ABOUT SHIT WE DON’T KNOW ALL THE DETAILS OF will never be my brand…)

(And if you court teenagers to your blog by pretending to be a teenager, most adults will not interact with your blog on purpose, because most adults aren’t creepers… I don’t think I follow anyone under 18, but if I found out I did, I’d probably unfollow unless it was someone I knew or talked with, beause while I’m not a creeper I do my best to be a kind person who doesn’t dismiss young people for being young. But I am an adult, and therefore should know better than to deliberately target people who are younger than my own kid under false pretenses– I will never refuse to give out mom advice if asked even if I’m only a half-assed adult and my advice is to seek out an another adultier adult… whatever, this is going off point…)

Is she somehow deluded into thinking she had most of the destiel people following her? Because I’d honestly never even heard of the blog before today. Some major fandom impact, right? Really showed us what for! >.>

No original content in almost a year, and still gaining followers? I’m betting most of them were bots. Because that’s who follows inactive blogs.

I talk to so many people in this fandom every day, and have for years, and never even registered that blog’s existence before.

So what did she gain? Well, in the aftermath she’s suddenly a hell of a lot less obscure, you know? Every blog that’s posting (yes, often hilarious) stuff today about the incident is basically free real estate for her. She’s in everyone’s head now, even if *we* get that it’s kinda sad and we’re all just a bit skeeved at just what sort of person would spend any of their energy on something they hate so much… I think in her mind, at least we all know her name now. We’re all spending *our* energy not creating actual SPN content today. We’re doing exactly what we accuse *them* of doing all the time. So at least for today, she was not irrelevant.

(I mean, in her own mind, at least…)

That post was like the saddest and most pointless Evol Villain Speech of all time. Like, standing before the gates of the city proclaiming victory while the townspeople go about their business, stopping every once in a while to mutter get a load of that one… what the hell are they going on about now? And then resuming their business as usual because most of us have actually interesting things to dedicate our blogs to. Like content that’s NOT about how dumb the people who aren’t in our particular corner of fandom are.

>.>

Which is why I’d been refusing to give her any free real estate here, because sure, have a laugh because wtf, but then just… get over it. Because giving a crap about what “their side” is up to is just as lamentably sad as her giving a crap what *we* are up to, you know?

And that is everything I have to say on the matter.

Oh, and thanks for the great memes, but really nothing’s more laughable than the original.

#wtf do i even tag this disaster of a ramble #wank adjacent #i guess wtf #Anonymous

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pagerunner-j · 6 years ago

Text

Before I begin, the obligatory disclaimer: the following is a bit of a feelings dump, and it’s more personal than I meant to get, especially since I’d intended to avoid posting personal stuff here at all. When I say “please don’t reblog,” I mean “PLEASE LISTEN THIS TIME AND DON’T REBLOG.”

But there’s a lot I’m trying to process about last night’s story, the friction between narrative and game mechanics, and the emotional repercussions of this sort of scenario. It’s been a long build-up that all kind of came to a head for me last night. Ergo, this post.

To give proper context, though, I need to back up a bit to the first campaign and explain why Percy’s second death, brief as it may have been, was ultimately worse for me than the first.

—

2017 did not start well. One January day I got a call from my audibly ill father saying that both he and my mother were in the emergency room. She’d been admitted for congestive heart failure. He was diagnosed within the day with what turned out to be stage 4 colon cancer. He’d been avoiding appointments, ignoring symptoms, and putting off the inevitable, until the doctors went in only to find that the tumors had spread to the point that there was nothing they could do. I still have a clearer mental image than I’d like of my dad’s scars, along with bags and tubes hanging out because what was left of his system couldn’t do its job anymore. They stitched him back up as neatly as they could, but there was no fixing the real damage. It was done.

I didn’t have much room to breathe for quite a while. My life was pretty much consumed with trying to figure out how the hell to handle any of this. I did manage, for better or for worse, to keep carving out a little bit of time each week to watch Critical Role, because I needed something good to think about while everything else was falling apart.

Unfortunately for me, it took less than two weeks between the day all that began and the final battle with Raishan.

I was braced for possible bad outcomes, considering the severity of the fight, but what I wasn’t prepared for was for someone to get felled in a way that was basically mundane. Sure, it was a dragon that did it, so much of the situation was fantastical: an enormous mythical monster, and a swipe of larger-than-life claws. But what I had to deal with, because it was, of course, described in detail, was an evisceration. It was, to be blunt, my favorite character getting his guts ripped out. And because Pat had to go and up that ante, writer that he is, I found myself sitting numbly through a scene afterward of Kerrek beside Percy’s body, trying uselessly to put the ruined mess back together.

I still can’t think about that scene without feeling sick. I couldn’t even feel properly relieved when Percy got revived. I wanted to. Obviously I was glad that he was there for the rest of the campaign, because I wanted to see his story find a less abrupt end. I just didn’t feel any better about the idea that well, sure, he got a magic fix. It just kind of ended up spotlighting the futility of what I was staring down.

My dad died in May that year, on a Thursday night. I got home very late after hours of trying to deal with things, and found myself alone, overwhelmed and unsure what to do with myself. For lack of anything else better to do, I pulled up that night’s VOD. I couldn’t really focus on it; I kept drifting out and only sort of coming back to. I let the episode keep running for a while, though, at least wanting some friendly voices to listen to.

Then I realized what everyone was doing, and I looked at the timestamp, and I counted backwards. And I froze.

While the party was playacting at speaking with the dead, I was sitting in a hospice room listening to my father pleading with us to let him go.

I only got a few seconds further in before I stopped the video and turned away.

Despite the fact that I’ve watched almost everything Critical Role has ever done, I still have no idea how that episode ends.

—

After all this I went in for my own medical tests, since my own heretofore-handwaved-by-my-doctors health concerns suddenly seemed more pressing. It turns out, unsurprisingly, I inherited all the fun stuff. Fortunately, none of the growths were cancerous yet, because at least my unfortunate genetic legacy is something that, with proper screenings and care, it’s possible to stay ahead of. But I was told they’d need me to come in in another six months, and probably every year after that forever — or until something finally goes nuclear, whichever comes first.

Guess we’ll see.

My shorter term problems were enough to deal with on their own. The day after the test, I found out I was losing my health insurance. Two days later I found out I was losing my job. Everything since has basically been trying to patch things together from scraps. Sometimes things are sort of okay. Sometimes it’s a bottomless pit of uncertainty. Obviously, nothing in the wider world has exactly improved since, either. In sum total: fun times, especially considering I was already struggling with severe anxiety before all this began.

I wasn’t really sure how to emotionally process the ratcheting stakes in Critical Role at that point either. When you’re still watching the show because you need a breather from months of continual crisis, but your beloved characters are facing down things like, oh, a dread god and the very real possibility of everything going straight to hell, it’s…not exactly something you can turn to for relief, per se. I kept on going, because the bright spots were still so good, but I can’t exactly say I was enjoying myself for significant parts of the run, either. It was also where I started to feel a very real frustration with D&D and the inherent capriciousness that can creep in.

In short, I desperately, desperately did not want this battle to go wrong. I didn’t want to have to face a story that I’d become so invested in going completely south not because it necessarily made narrative sense, but because the dice (as they always have the opportunity to do) said “fuck you.” Yes, the feeling was probably more selfish on my part than anything else. But I still hope it’s understandable for emotional reasons, and it also got me thinking again about the entire logic of “that’s just how the game works,” and how far you can run with that before you finally trip and hurt yourself.

I’ve always had problems with a few common things in game design. One of them — usually less of a problem when we’re talking about high-level D&D, although it can still surprise you — is when things arbitrarily become harder in the game than they would be in real life. (Floor/jumping puzzles in video games where you can’t step diagonally For Reasons, I’m looking at you.) Another is any kind of gameplay mechanic that robs you of your turn or otherwise puts you out of play. Varying degrees of success or failure is one thing, but I could never understand what’s ever fun about being stopped from participating in the thing you’ve come to do. Still, one way or another, there are so many ways for that to happen. Failed dice rolls, getting stunned or disabled, outright death: there are so, so many ways.

And it’s one thing if that’s happening during the course of, say, an everyday board game, but it feels different if it starts changing the course of a full-blown story.

Part of this is the editor in me talking (who will have words with me about this post, I’m sure), because she has Opinions about it all. She always wants to keep the story on track, not go off on useless tangents, and not drop things without getting proper resolution. She’s big on structure and pacing, suspicious of too much chaos. She does not get along well with D&D. This isn’t to say that this forms the entirety of my opinion, mind; I can still appreciate the way the game works, and the fact that so many interesting and unexpected things can be born entirely because of the random element, improvisation, and decisions you have to make in the moment. But dropped threads, unfinished plots, interrupted ideas, the things that get lost, or the characters that do…those can end up haunting me.

Honestly, and this is probably always going to be a fundamental disconnect between me and any D&D game: I’ve discovered both through watching CR and playing the game a bit myself that I don’t really care about the game as much of anything except as a skeleton for storytelling. If it supports the narrative, if it gives structure, if it enables activities, if it provides opportunities for play, I’m all for it. If it yanks the rug out from under you just because, again, the dice decided to say “fuck you,” or the rules get weird, or there’s something else that just doesn’t mesh between player and scenario and/or DM, I have a harder time with it.

And it’s crushing when stories I care about collapse or turn sour because the game says so, and for reasons that feel almost cruelly arbitrary — particularly when I’m getting more than enough of that in real life.

So for CR, the ending of campaign 1 was an exercise in protracted anxiety. I was in a space where I needed something to work out, but even the entertainment I’d been turning to was becoming dangerously precarious. Wasn’t the best feeling.

In the end, luckily, it ended about as well as it could have: not without consequence, but without everything crashing down. I felt relieved, and satisfied, and glad we got a chance for resolution with the characters we’d been following for months. If anyone had to permadie, the character who was already bound to the goddess of death was not a shocker, and in many ways it’s the kindest choice; he got more resolution than any human being in the real world ever will. It barely even registered as a sad ending. I envied him, really.

I’ve watched far worse go down.

Meanwhlie, i was also thinking that even though it would be tough to say goodbye to these characters, it could also be a refreshing reset. We’d get new characters needing to find out who they are, what they want, what they’re good at, how to relate to each other, how to begin. Smaller stories, with not everything having to be about the END OF THE WORLD (again). Lower stakes. I was fine with the idea of lower stakes for a while, and less threat of impending death and pain.

Well. Like I said. It was an idea.

That brings me around to Molly, and to story decisions and gameplay decisions that both broke my heart seven ways from goddamn Sunday.

—

It took me a while to come at this part, because it took some time for the thought to crystallize that I wasn’t only reacting to the rolls of the dice in last night’s scenario. That was part of it, absolutely. Luck is a thing, strategies work or don’t, fate is capricious. I wish that several things had played out very differently, and I’m especially upset that the way things fell out, it stopped a story in its tracks that had barely even started. (I’ll come back to that.) So the start of the thought was still game vs. narrative, and it’s part of why I wrote that whole run-up you just read.

That said, the more I poked at it, the more I got upset that we were playing out a scenario like this at all.

I was thinking aloud about this in another post, but to preface it a bit better: There’s an entire meta level to three players being gone last night that everyone knew about. I understand the impulse to avoid metagaming, but it also creates some odd situations, like everyone trying (and failing, because — yep — the dice said “fuck you”) to investigate the area and find out why their friends were gone. So we had to start with a big, clunky process of the characters figuring out what the audience and the cast already knew: that Matt had written Jester, Fjord, and Yasha out by having them get kidnapped. The story is streamlined enough. The gameplay around it, not so much.

But here’s what I got hung up on once it all sunk in: why did this have to be the story in the first place?

I’m not thrilled with how a situation that arose in real life because of pretty much the prototypical joyous event (i.e. a new baby) and something that had been mundane on the show until now (Ashley being away) got turned into a brutal story about a triple kidnapping and trafficking, which promptly resulted in a death. And it says a lot about the underlying plot they’re dealing with, which is not something I’m sure I’m willing to ride with much further. I’ve been leery for a while – starting off with mutterings about an evil god only a few episodes in put me on edge from the start – and then there’s the political unrest and the religious conflicts and people disappearing…it’s all going somewhere really unpleasant really fast.

It’s also derailed a story I wanted, which hurts like hell.

We’d barely even gotten to know Molly. Molly had barely even gotten to know Molly. We got tantalizing hints, and plenty of suggestions that there was more to discover — probably an entire character arc’s worth of material. And then…this. My inner editor? Yeah, she’s screaming with frustration. In any traditionally structured narrative, this would not have happened, because even if a death was in the cards, ether it would have been timed differently so that you could get further down the road with him, or if the character was always meant to die early, any decent edit would have trimmed out most of the details that suggested at things that never got payoff. But it’s D&D, and so it’s the push-pull at work: game vs. story, plus a(n un)healthy dose of “unavoidable meta circumstances vs. the apparent need for A: drama and B: to barrel right ahead into a crisis even though there were other choices that could have been made in the light of said meta circumstances.” And…here we are.

Here we are, with a dead character who should not, let’s be honest, be dead, and a story left hanging, and far fewer obvious options for fixing it than we had at any such crisis point in the previous campaign, and lots of miserable, hurt people.

One of them being me.

—

There’s a reason this shit hurts. Personally speaking, it would hurt even if I didn’t have over a year’s worth of unfortunate circumstances making narrative swerves like this even harder to take. It hurts because the story and the characters are so engaging, because they’re worth the investment, and, yes, because when things go wrong, sometimes they’re for reasons that make me want to flip a goddamn table. And yes, maybe it’s silly to get worked up when they might — might — be able to do something about it. But we can’t count on it, and so yes. It hurts. It hurts to have a source of joy becoming something else, especially when there were so many other options. It hurts to watch favorite characters get hurt and killed, yet still be expected to write it all off as “that’s just how the game works!”, as if having emotions about it is a weakness and to be scorned.

Honestly, I found myself screaming “FUCK THE GAME” aloud last night (and probably upsetting the neighbors), which sums my feelings up succinctly enough that I should have started right there. :\

But…again, here we are, and here I am, struggling with feeling hurt and sad and exhausted with so many things veering toward pain again when I was hoping for something different, and writing big long word-vomits of posts about it.

Because D&D.

(Memo to Editor Brain: I’m tired, and I’m not going to give you another three hours to edit this post into something more manageable, so you will just have to cope. Not everything or everyone gets good endings anyway. Apparently.)

#cr talk #cr spoilers

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psicygni · 7 years ago

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commenting is hard and scary: general trends in the reasoning of fic readers

an incredibly academic review of answers, asks, and replies by me, 2017, tumblrdotcom

Introduction

This post concerns the super scientific survey from yesterday. A couple of you asked, so: the reason I wanted to know why folks don’t regularly comment is a combination of things. The first is writing for spones, which is a rather new experience, and the comparatively tiny number of comments on what I think is a pretty darn good story, compared with the overwhelming enthusiasm for the s/u piece I posted the other week- it got me thinking, needless to say. Second is the ever present discrepancy between number of comments and read-counts on new chapters when I post them. Third is receiving comments that start ‘I never comment, but’ and finally giving into the curiosity of what that’s like, to read all this fic and not comment on it. Fourth is the always circling posts of ‘comment on the fics you read!’ with explanations of why and how - it seems like those don’t totally get through to people? I don’t know, maybe they do, but it’s not like I reblog one and wake up the next morning to a bevy of comments.

Methods

Participants included the metric butt-ton of anon commenters, plus those who replied to the original post which you can read here. Too many to respond to without clogging everyone’s dashes, so we’re doing this instead.

Results

There were five main categories that responses fell into: not having much to say (and the temptation of the kudos button), RL issues, finding commenting stressful, perceptions of the author, and other.

The Profundity of Comments

The most reoccurring reason for not commenting (or not commenting regularly) was a feeling of not having much to say other than ‘I liked it. As one anon wrote, “i just honestly never know what to say and other comments are so well-constructed that i feel like my random "aww theyre so cute" would be inadequate.” This pressure to feel profound was reiterated by others, such as another anon who suggested “I think not all readers are former lit majors who may get intimidated to leave a "thoughtful" comment and are reading to de-stress or something.”

Beyond this lack of profound and interesting statements on fics, there was a general feeling that leaving a kudos, favoriting a fic, or creating a bookmark was akin to leaving a short comment saying ‘that was great’. One anon put it this way: “if I'm just saying 'great fic', it feels interchangeable with giving them a kudos”.

RL Issues

There was a reoccurring sentiment related to feeling like one has to be profound: not having enough time to sit down and leave the type of comment the reader wanted to. Also included in this was not having the energy to do so, either because readers were enjoying fic as a way to relax and de-stress, or because they were reading in bed and were tired. Another issue raised was the fact that mobile reading doesn’t lend itself to commenting, and it’s awkward to have to switch to a desktop to comment. Finally, there was the simple problem of forgetting, despite all best intentions. Life, as we all know, gets entirely too busy sometimes. @samttuummaa ties this all together nicely and puts words to what a number of other folks said in their own replies: “Here's the recipe: start with I read on my cell, where typing is a moth#£$&#@! of an experience. Combine that with the fact that I always had a million things to say so the reviews were rarely short. Toss that with a toddler wanting my attention. Let it all simmer in the fact that I only got to read in spurts of just a few minutes at a time… modify this recipe by adding a 2nd baby”.

Commenting as a stressful activity

This section of results fell into two main categories. First was readers who struggle with social anxiety. Second was readers for whom English is a non-native language, and either the difficulty of writing in english was prohibitive, or they were too self-conscious of their writing to enjoy the process of leaving a comment.

Author as a roadblock

Interestingly, many folks wrote about ways in which authors themselves were an impediment. There was a general sense among respondents that if authors don’t respond to comments, it’s not worth leaving them a comment on their story. One anon raises an interesting question, writing: “if the author then doesn't engage with the comments… why is a comment better than a kudos?” Additionally, readers felt that writers who don’t respond to comments might ignore the comments they leave, or commenting might be bothersome or irritating to these authors.

Some readers had negative interactions with authors which turned them off from commenting. One anon wrote: “Actually I left a good comment to a fic arthor and she didn't reply back to my comment but replied back to everyone's else and felt so horrible.” Another recounted a story of an ongoing correspondence with an author that went south for no discernible reason, which made them wary of engaging with writers in the future.

Another aspect of the way in which readers’ perspective of the author interfered with commenting was a perception that fic authors don’t like short comments. A second was that authors - myself included - are annoyed by pleas for updates, but that is what the reader really wants to write. (footnote 1: there is a difference between ‘update please!’ and ‘can’t wait to find out what happens next!!’ For me at least, the latter is more than welcome, while the former does tend to feel quite rude)

Finally, @what-if-im-a-mermaid and @mizjesbelle offered insight into the feeling that authors have their friends in fandom and that fics have an ‘insider/outsider’ culture, which the reader can be very much on the outside of, or that as an unknown reader, that feedback wasn’t pertinent compared to the author’s friends comments. As @what-if-im-a-mermaid wrote “I also remember having this vague impression of fandoms as these groups of people who all know each other and comment on each other’s work and are friends and feeling, idk, ‘excluded’ is not the right term because i wasn't sad about it, but like it was something I wasn’t part of? Like it didn’t concern me?” @mizjesbelle follows up this comment by writing, “@what-if-im-a-mermaid I know what you mean about a comment section sometimes feeling like a club you're not part of. I follow a lot of webcomics, and there are some I don't comment on because everyone clearly knows each other. I know they don't mean to be unwelcoming, but it can feel awkward.” (footnote 2: I have made all of my fandom friends through discussions started in comments on stories and trust me, if you comment on a story of mine, I remember you and I love you)

Other

There were a number of reasons that fell outside the above mentioned themes. These are that a fic is bad and the reader doesn’t want to leave criticism, being overwhelmed with feels after finishing reading a fic, the story is old, as a writer themselves they don’t care to receive comments and therefore don’t leave them as readers, and not realizing how it feels to put yourself out there and publish creative work. @what-if-im-a-mermaid writes, “I think part of it is that if you’re a casual fic reader and you’ve never put yourself out there by posting stuff you created to The Interweb it can be hard understand how incredibly rewarding receiving any feedback at all is. For the longest time I thought of fic writers as a bunch of people who find writing so easy and intrinsically rewarding that they post billions of words on line for free, because it makes them happy. They’re obviously Real Writers, very good at what they do, so why should feedback from a random girl who knows nothing about lit and writing affect them in any way? ‘ (footnote 3: it does make me happy, it’s so asldkfjasldkjf not easy, and if you enjoyed my story, you’re not random, see footnote 2 about how much I love you)

Discussion

Overall, a number of reasons stated here have made the rounds in fandom before: old stories tend to get few comments, folks don’t want to be rude and leave criticism, English is a ridiculous language, talking to authors can be scary, commenting is just plain hard when we all have work/school/kids/whatever, and the kudos button is right there for the clicking.

One aspect of these responses that surprised me was the variability. A lot of people have very different reasons for not commenting, which I hadn’t ever really considered before. As a writer, I interpret a lack of comments to mean that my writing is bad or boring, and even if folks are reading it, it’s more so out of not being able to find better fic than any true enjoyment.

Another thing I hadn’t thought about was the fact that for readers, the kudos button can feel the same as leaving a short comment - I don’t know about other writers, but those two feel entirely and hugely different to me. However, having read through all your responses I think I can change a bit and take kudos more to heart and hear what you’re all saying: you enjoyed the story and had you commented, that’s likely exactly what the comment would read. At the same time, I’d encourage all of you to consider how it feels to see a list of names of folks who have left kudos and know full well that only a handful of them stopped to tell you that they liked your story.

I was also surprised by the way in which a writer responding to comments made such an impact. I had no idea anyone responded until one day I left a comment and got a response back and then I started doing it myself. I mcfreaking love talking to readers through comments, especially on chaptered fic as I get to see their reactions as the story develops. It’s like getting to read my own story through someone else’s eyes and experience it as if I’m the reader who doesn’t know what’s coming up in the next chapter, with all of that thrill and fun. The same goes for one shots, though I don’t get to build that rapport over the course of the story.

Further Research

One question I’m left with is: for those of you who do comment, what is the draw for you? And for those of you who don’t, is there a way for authors to engage you so that you would comment? An anon wrote, ““FFN has this culture of the idea of asking for reviews being tacky, probably from the occasional 'I'll post the next chapter after 100 reviews' fics” which I’m not suggesting or anything of the sort. I don’t think that begging for comments is exactly the way through this. I’m more curious as to whether there is anything that might change your commenting behavior - because trust me, I’ll do it.

Conclusion

Fandom is the best and continues to be one of the great joys of my life, and I imagine many of yours. I wish I could convince everyone to comment, but I also respect all the reasons all y’all have furnished as to why that’s not realistic to ask.

#at the same time...#it's the holidays #leave a fic author you love a note #commenting #fic comments #long post #writing is fun!

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sufferthesea · 7 years ago

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Transitional Period

Okay so I feel really lame writing this but I think it's also important. I keep apologizing for not being super active on this blog anymore, and there's a number of reasons I haven't. Most of it has been health related but anyway. I started this blog because I hated my other blog and wanted to do something new with a fandom I'd been in for a long time (10+ years), so after talking with Katie ( @shiranuigenma ), I decided to create this Naruto blog. But it wasn't intended to be just a Naruto blog, but that's how it kind of ended up since that's what I was into when I made it.

The fact that I've kept this a 98% Naruto blog is awesome because my attention span and energy allotted for a fandom is around 3-4 months. After that I usually get bored or burnt out and have to find something else. Making friends and participating in things like Kakashi Week, and just doing art and writing fanfics, has helped me to maintain interest in this blog for a lot longer than I thought I would. So thank you!! You guys are awesome!!!

(Okay real quick I'm not quitting lol. I know it sounds like it. But I'm not.) Basically, I was getting so burnt out on Naruto that I was dreading getting on this blog and I didn't want to watch it anymore. That's why I've been MIA. I literally only follow Naruto blogs at the moment. I don't want this to become a trash blog like my last one that I abandoned, so I'm still going to be kind of selective with what I reblog. Anyway. To combat the staleness and burnt out feeling I had, I got into a few other shows with my friends and that's really all I've been watching (RWBY, RvB, and YouTube if you're curious). It sounds dumb but it's really helped me a lot because I'm not so exhausted and wearing myself out trying to be ~the cool singular fandom blog~ that I'm really not meant to be. (Yo, major kudos to those who can do that.)

So anyway, 2018 has been not super unkind, but very tough for me. You grow from challenges, right? But it's also important to not be challenging yourself 24/7 for 6 months straight with little sleep and locking yourself away in your bedroom. I am not Maito Gai. I cannot do that. So here's a few things about my blog that'll carry us into summer 2018 and hopefully allow me to be more active and not so stressed and sad!!!! Esp since I still don't have a job even tho I'm looking!! And I'm getting tired of ppl telling me “Well just get a job??? Just go get hired???” like !!! what do you think I am doing???

Requests are now closed indefinitely. I'm going to finish up the few I have, but after that I'm closing them. They were super fun but I have so many things backlogged that it hasn't been as fun anymore. I send love and thanks to all those who sent in requests while they were open! It was a fun experiment and I got to really test myself by writing for characters I don't normally write for!

Writing commissions are closed indefinitely. I’ll complete the one I have, but then that’ll be it for now. These too were also fun and challenged me more than anything else I've done. I got to write some very unique and difficult topics and I'm so thankful for those who trusted me enough with their stories to do this. However, the amount of time and mental energy it took was too much and severely underselling myself made it difficult to justify the time I was spending. (I've read writers should charge around 1 – 3 cents a word. I was charging $0.001 cents a word lmao. Whoops. I actually don't mind but it is hard to make a living like that.)

Art commissions are still OPEN! And btw, I do have a ko-fi. I'm thinking about doing something like, one coffee = one bust of your character of choosing? (which is same price as commissions whoops lol.) Idk yet. I won't be doing any writing for ko-fi, though.

I was going to create a side blog for the other fandoms I'm in but side blogs are tedious and annoying to manage so I'm probably just going to start posting stuff here. If you don't want to see it, you can start blacklisting tags now. I'll be tagging things as #rwby, #rvb, #not naruto (that's my catch-all tag for anything, uhh, not Naruto). Expect a lot of Ozpin, Qrow, Church, and Washington because even tho I was inactive here, it does not mean I stopped hoeing around in other fandoms. Oh, also expect an occasional #game grumps because #dan avidan is way cute.

I'm also going to be posting fanart for other fandoms here too. It's been nice to draw stuff other than Nardo. I'll still be doing Naruto stuff (I have a ton of Naruto projects I'm working on) but silly little doodles will probably be from RWBY.

I'm also in this weird kinda scary period in my life with school and career options. I have a degree in English and it's always been assumed I'd be a teacher but I don't want to be?? I realized recently that I love to draw and I'm getting quite good at it (with the help of my sister who is my own real-life youtube tutorial for SAI), so both my sister and I are going back to college for a Studio Art degree. I'm thinking about getting into animation and I'm scared because it's not a secure or “traditional” job??? I'm scared because I'm not settling on a job I don't want or a field I just assumed I'd go into. I'm not good with big changes or going into things when it's uncertain, so I'm like ….. /anxiety increases/ But I'm hoping it'll be good.

Just as an extra bullet point and a reminder, I still really love Kakashi, Iruka and Obito, and all my other guys!! Don't think I forgot about them!!

Sorry this is 10 million years long but it was important to me to write all that. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reblog your art or fics and comment on them. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you guys and responded to messages. I'm sorry I'm not as active. I've just been figuring stuff out and hanging out with friends, and watching other things so I don't grow to despise Naruto lol. So. That's about it. I probably forgot something.

Oh, I have 21 plants growing in my windowsill. 2 are decorative and the other 19 are going to go in my garden in the backyard bc they’re herbs and vegetables. And I'm going to cosplay for the first time next month and I might meet the voice actor for kid Obito. So. There's that.

#mine 44 #akimi.txt #transitional period #updates #so anyway #/breathes easy/#sorry to be dramatic #thank you for putting up with me #i love you guys!!!#im gonna go finish my weiss drawing #and then watch some youtube

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prixmiumarchive · 6 years ago

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Hi Skyeward Tag

So, like, it is a unique kind of hell to finally come to peace with how much I love SkyeWard after three years of running from some sad emotions and weird Fandom Politics(TM). It’s also sort of tricky because while AOS is still ongoing, the initial fervor for SkyeWard seemed pretty effectively squashed among people I followed for AOS back in, like, S2. Recently, my best friend and some nostalgia have dragged me down a rabbit hole, and I am really enjoying myself while hating it. It kind of seems like SkyeWard fandom never died but that it sort of went underground, but upon learning that the Framework arc was even a thing I decided I needed to rewatch AOS and suffer so that I can eventually see this and also suffer.

I’m making this post in an effort to create a sort of follower train thing for those of us who are still around and want people to tag. It sucks getting really into something and finding yourself in an empty echo chamber, and I’ve seen @celticheartedfangirl making her posts about watching Agents of SHIELD unspoiled for the first time and maybe being interested in the ship. I wondered if maybe some others could rally out of the woodwork so that we can hang out and tag each other in things. Networks are also so 2014 but this is just an informal follower train thing if anyone will pick it up to help gain traction. Below I’m gonna put a little form for myself, and you can reblog the post and copy/paste/edit it to your liking so that we can make acquaintance for the purposes of tagging whether or not we follow-back.

Blank Version of Form Under the Read More.

Agents of SHIELD

I have seen through: I think I stopped watching actively toward the end of Season 2. I was sad about some of the narrative decisions being made in the show, and I was just exhausted by the shifts in several fandom climates of the time. I always meant to go back to it, but then I would get discouraged. However, recently realizations about my own likes and dislikes, nostalgia, and my best friend watching the series again have drawn me back in. I want to see the Framework arc, and I watched the first episode of Season 5 on a whim with my best friend.

Am I still watching? Yes* | No *Sort of but I’m actually rewatching.

Favorite Character Other than Skye|Daisy or Ward: Probably Jemma.

Other Ships: FitzSimmons. I am passively interested in Coulson/May. Skimmons from time to time. I used to kind of ship Skye and Mike Peterson because Skye would have been the greatest step-mom in the world and J. August Richards is attractive, but SkyeWard is my favorite ship for her.

A favorite moment/episode: I am chomping at the bit to watch the Framework arc. Honestly, the Captain America: The Winter Soldier tie-in arc is still amazing to me even if I’m disappointed about the way canon followed it up with regard to these two characters. It’s so well-acted and interesting. I also had somehow never scene 1x03 before and I think the part where Ward is teaching Skye to take a gun from someone is hilarious. “I’m a proper southern girl...” Please help.

Anything else: I’m a big fan of both canon-compliance and canon-divergent AUs. I occasionally produce fanwork and feel the itch that I might for this ship when I cautiously avoided it in the past.

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Do I also follow the MCU? Yes | No

Favorite MCU character(s): Gamora, Peter Quill, Steve Rogers, T’Challa

Favorite MCU movie(s): Guardians of the Galaxy Vols. 1 & 2, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Thor: Ragnarok, Black Panther

Favorite MCU ship(s): Romanogers (Steve/Natasha); CATWS OT3 (Steve/Sam/Nat); Starmora (Peter Q./Gamora)

The Top 5 Other Fandoms I blog about lately are:

The Expanse - An excellent, diverse, beautiful science fiction show that everyone should check out. Recently saved from cancellation.

DCTV / Arrow - The CW DC properties. My favorite is Arrow, and I loosely follow the whole universe.

Star Wars - Honestly, I follow mostly Reylo, Finn(Rose), and Anidala content, but a general fan.

Doctor Who - I’m always into it. I haven’t quite finished every episode in the middle of S10 because I was in grad school when it was airing, so the lack of Bill content is not a lack of love, it’s a lack of knowing her as well as the others. I love all the companions a lot; you’ll never see companion-hate from me ever unless Thirteen’s companion is a jackwagon. Clara is my favorite because she is a small, bisexual, brunette teacher like me; she is my best self and bitter I cannot be her. I also like Thoschei/Twissy stuff and well honestly most things.

Shadowhunters - Maybe? Honestly this fifth spot is a toss-up and I provided it for clarity. I blog about a ton of other fandoms in a wild smattering, but I might do this one slightly more than the rest. I don’t care about Cassan/dra Cl/are except the fanlore.

Anything Else

I’m friendly, please talk to me. I’m a between-assignments English teacher. I want to produce fan content, but I wanted to know if there’s still, like, a community/audience before I get too psyched about it. Skye|Daisy is one of my favorite characters ever, and I love her very much with or without a ship. You can always blacklist anything I post that you don’t like; I tag everything. Even if you don’t follow me or anyone else who (fingers-crossed) participates in this, always feel free to tag me in related content. People are too antisocial on this blue website.

Agents of SHIELD

I have seen through:

Am I still watching? Yes | No

Favorite Character Other than Skye|Daisy or Ward:

Other Ships:

A favorite moment/episode:

Anything else:

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Do I also follow the MCU? Yes | No

Favorite MCU character(s):

Favorite MCU movie(s):

Favorite MCU ship(s):

The Top 5 Other Fandoms I blog about lately are:

Other Fandom #1

Other Fandom #2

Other Fandom #3

Other Fandom #4

Other Fandom #5

Anything Else

#skyeward #agents of shield #aos #grant ward #skye | daisy johnson #skye #daisy johnson

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kingofthewilderwest · 7 years ago

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do you still blog about httyd anymore or should I just give up on this blog now?? I really don't wanna give up on this blog though

Short answer: Helheim YES, you bet Odin’s black eyepatch I’m still blogging a ton of HTTYD! Looking forward to RTTE S6, any of ya’ll?????

Long answer: Thank you for asking and seeing what I intend, you sweet friend! It’s very thoughtful of you to check with me rather than assuming something about my intentions and accidentally unfollowing someone who’s still going to blog plenty of HTTYD. If it’s okay for me to say, sending you nothing but kindness… perhaps in the future consider avoiding words like “give up on this blog” - those words can come across unintentionally unkindly. I know you’re expressing your own emotional worries, and I understand that, though unfortunately this can come across as hurting since it seems to suggest others’ interests are a disappointment to give up on. But don’t worry, it didn’t hurt me one bit, I’m thankful you think my blog is worth holding onto… and thankfully, you have a happy answer awaiting you.

I ***absolutely*** do blog about HTTYD. HTTYD’s still the bulk of what I talk about and what I plan to keep talking about. I know that that’s what my follower base wants and I’m never going to ignore that, so this is a HTTYD blog to stay forever. I can’t escape ya’ll, nor do I want to. ;) If you take a peek, even just yesterday, I posted another HTTYD analysis about Hiccup and Astrid influencing one another in incidences like Blindsided! In the last few hours I have answered two asks about my opinion of HTTYD characters. Within the last week, I’ve also talked about topics such as Heather’s dragon lens and reblogged a number of fandom art, images, and links about DreamWorks Dragons. And tomorrow I have in queue another HTTYD-focused analysis. So I’m mostly definitely blogging about HTTYD still!

What’s awesome is you also have got a lot of power within you to help direct my blogging habits, too! ^.^ Lots of my blogging is based upon the questions people field me. Feel free to send me ask prompts about anything HTTYD if anything comes to mind! Interacting with other dragons fans is something that helps keep me stimulated, excited, and active, too! I’m not saying on you, of course, to keep me blogging, because that’s not true… but it’s definitely a fun and energizing way for us all to participate in fandom to our fullest together. It makes us all in the community more active. I can only say so much without bouncing off others who share my same love.

If you’re wondering why I’m a little quiet about HTTYD right now, it’s because I’m waiting for RTTE S6. Because of the long hiatuses between content, it means that sometimes I’m going to be a little quieter about this fandom than other times. There’s a nice, natural ebb and flow to fandom. Sometimes I’m quieter, but never hibernating; sometimes I’m blogging four analyses a day about HTTYD, sometimes blogging HTTYD analyses twice a week. I know some people newer to fandoms get worried when fandoms enter their quieter phases, but that doesn’t mean the fandom is falling apart… in truth it’s probably just a happy, healthy, hearty fandom as always. I’m definitely not drifting away from HTTYD. Even in the quiet times, I never fully stop blogging HTTYD, and frankly I’m much more consistent blogging HTTYD than many fandom blogs are during hiatuses. And since RTTE S6 is coming really, really soon, you’re frankly about to be inundated with HTTYD. Inundated.

For you can bet your boots that the second RTTE S6 hits Netflix, that’s all I’m going to be raving about, and I’m going to be raving about it hard.

Now, it’s true that I’m someone who does like multiple fandoms, and I’m not going to restrict myself from blogging about the other things I love. I mean, that’s the point of us having recreational fun on this website, right? To interact with that which we love and care about? There’s freedom in us expressing what we love, and so I shouldn’t be restricted, either! ^.^ That said, knowing some people don’t want to see everything I’m interested in, I’ve separated some of my non-httyd content out onto another blog. I have a side blog for video games, space, aliens, and the like.

And within this own blog, if you watch the tags, I’m quite vigilant about tagging everything and anything. I’ve tried to make my tagging system a valuable resource for anyone who wants to control what content they wish to see from me. I know not everyone does blacklisting, but I’ve set my tagging up to make it easy to blacklist. If you don’t want to see non-httyd content from me, I’ve created a personal tag for all material that isn’t about DreamWorks Dragons! That tag is #non-dragons. If you blacklist #non-dragons, you won’t see a single post from me that isn’t about the How to Train Your Dragon franchise. I also have tags marking all my fandoms - be it #vld, #lotr, #mcu, or anything else I enjoy that isn’t DreamWorks Dragons. You’ve probably noticed I’ve got a bit of Voltron stuff I blog about. That’ll still happen - consider when Season 5 comes out at the start of March - but that doesn’t mean I’m abandoning HTTYD, or have quit blogging about HTTYD during the premieres of other shows I lot. I’m never not blogging about HTTYD. So if you are someone who does a tag blocker, feel free to block out Voltron, and you should be all set to go to see lots of RTTE stuff without anything else.

There will of course be some periods that makes my life busy and mean I’m blogging less than average original content. That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped blogging or that I intend to slow down long-term. We can’t decide that a recent blogger’s trend means that they’ve forever abandoned you, because we often don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes influencing their blogging habits. Oftentimes, it’s the blogger dealing with temporary irl situations. Once the blogger deals with that temporary event, they’re going to be back on track. That’s definitely the way it is with me. I can’t control all my life circumstances and sometimes things come up. Like, well, now, for instance. In the last few weeks I’ve been fighting to get enough money to pay rent. Thankfully that trial is coming to an end and I’m ready to jump back and pound things out on tumblr again. But whenever I get into irl situations like those, I use a queue and reblog fanart from any fandom. It’s not as HTTYD-centric, but it quietly shares with people that I’m still kicking and haven’t left this blog behind. ^.^

And yes, there will be asks I receive that aren’t about How to Train Your Dragon (and I fully welcome those asks, by the way! Please send anything about anything I love!). But it’s definitely the case that the majority of the people I interact with are in the HTTYD fandom, the majority of my internet friends are in the HTTYD fandom, the majority of the content I search for on tumblr is HTTYD, and the majority of my analyses past and present and future are going to be HTTYD.

I’ve explained in posts months back that I do have to balance my time online writing analyses (which can take a very long time to write). Several years ago, circa 2015, I had more free time. Now I have to balance my blogging life with a financially strained position where I have to focus on making a living for myself and paying rent. I mean, I’m twenty-five, I’m an independent adult, I have to take care of myself, it eats hoards of free time. Adulting sucks. But because How to Train Your Dragon is so important to me, and interacting with the HTTYD fandom is so important to me, I’m always trying to make the effort to keep my blogging active. I’ve been slightly quiet in the last week because I’ve had a bit of irl circumstances hit me hard, but they’re alleviating again. Hence why I can guarantee there’s going to be another HTTYD analysis on the blog tomorrow, 9 AM MST, and more to come thereafter!

And really… guys… the HTTYD fandom means so much to me. I’m sad someone thought I’d stepped away from this fandom because I’m always wanting to be here as a forever friend to the HTTYD community. It’s my forever home. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep on saying it: you guys have made a difference in my life. I’m so thankful to be in a community like this. It’s very important to me and you all are reasons why this is such a great place to be.

I hope this helps thoroughly explain what you’ve been seeing in my recent blogging habits, friend. I hope it assures you that I’m still heartily blogging HTTYD (and that even more concentrated HTTYD is on the way). I mean, I posted an analysis yesterday on HTTYD. Pretty sure it’s still something I talk about! XD

Now, sending you best wishes, and have a wonderful day! Take care and stay awesome!

#httyd #httyd fandom #How to Train Your Dragon #ask #ask me #long post #my analysis #analysis #awesome anonymous friend #Anonymous

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ampa-larra · 6 years ago

Video

Lmao, I was purely running on adrenaline when I posted this that’swhy my brain just farted out anything that what came in to my mind. ((This is also my third attempt of rebloging this because the first 2 tries was a flop, tumblr, how could you))

Anyway, now that I’m able to freshen up and have a clear head, I’d like to say a quick thank you to @bailci for being so supportive, honestly, you helped me grow as an artist, the boost your blog gave me helped a lot with dealing with my insecurities, I have a reaaally low self esteem and I get really scared in reaching out to people, you may not know it but your love for solangelo motivated me to be better. I am forever grateful for your existence and I wish you all the best .3.

ALSO, Belated happy birthday to @buoyantsaturn and @the-forgotten-traveller !! I really wanted to participate in @solangeloweek ‘s birthday birthday birthday event but I didn’t have the time ;_; I greatly appreciate solangeloweek for doing all these events for people to contribute and stuff. The increasing lack of new content is actually quite sad but you guys help so much in making the fandom get more active. Your efforts does not go to waste! Thnk you so much aaah AND ALSO while I’m at it, THANK YOU TO ALL THE FANFIC WRITERS! Honestly, the happiness I get from seeing you guys update and bring out new stories makes me sob tears of JOY. Thank you for sharing your talent i love you all <3 <3 <3

AAAhhhhh I’ll stop being sappy now, wish you guys all the best in life!! 6(^3^)9

AAAAAHHHH JUST A QUICK SMOOCH BECAUSE AAAAAHHHHH

#solangelo #will solace #nico di angelo #tbh my addiction to fanfic is borderline scary lmao #to the point I need a fanfic rehab plan #but no #you cant pry fanfic away from my big meat claws

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traveller19 · 7 years ago

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Breyerfest Preparation

Happy Fourth of July! Since I have the day off for the holiday today, I’m taking a little time to psych myself up for Breyerfest. I haven’t been quite as deliriously excited this year as usual. I think it’s because a.) I’m not doing the show (I kind of regret not signing up now, but I’m also looking forward to volunteering and getting my volunteer model instead) and b.) I’ve been working and stressed and much further removed from all the hype than normal. But it’ll still be amazing, of that I am sure.

For my family, Breyerfest has always been a time of tradition. As a family, this is our thirteenth (my twelfth) year - we have been participants since 2005. Our every activity - what we do, who we make sure to catch up with, right down to where we eat - is preceded by years of having done it before. That being said, I think we make new traditions every year! I’ll be volunteering at the help booth (the tent outside the covered arena, next to Fluffy) this year on Friday morning and Saturday afternoon. Stop by to say hi or ask for recommendations of things to do in the area, or if you are new to BF or the model horse hobby and have questions.

Introduction over, I will now put forward Some Thoughts (THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS and you are welcome to differ but please do so NICELY):

1. I cannot WAIT for room shopping at the CHIN. This is my absolute favorite thing OH MY GOODNESS. I don’t know what I want to buy, but I’m ready to squeeze my way into tiny crowded crappily lit hotel room after tiny crowded crappily lit hotel room. Especially if I have friends I haven’t seen in a year in said hotel room.

2. If the Bollywood Surprise model isn’t something I like this year I’m going to be sad. I was so disappointed in the Esprits last year - I’m not a fan of the wonkiness, and I still have one of the black and white pinto matte ones (if anyone wants to buy it, hit me up!)

3. Speaking of buying and selling - MY SISTER AND I WILL BE TABLING AT THE SWAP MEET THIS YEAR. Look for two blonde girls in their early to mid (that would be me, yikes) twenties. Buy my stuff, feed my plastic pony addiction.

4. On the special runs:

-Indu: I love the IDEA of him and his artist’s proof, but I’m worried his dapples will be super fish-netty. I’m still going to get him.

-Darjeeling: I love everything but that stupid white tail tip. But I’ll probably get past it, because he’s otherwise gorgeous.

-Saffron: Meh. Will want to see in person, but will probably pass.

-Namaste: Never in my life have I wanted to own a model horse less than this one. Bank account, you will find no threat here. Blergh. (Rejoice...not my thing. I sold all mine a couple of years ago at the last Swap Meet I tabled at.)

-Diwali: I was going to pass him (her?) up because...not a horse...but then I saw there were only 750 of them. Oh boy. And chalky. Yeah. Plus Dad loves cows. Lol.

-Kaalee: Cautiously optimistic. Want to see in person - the head might be a little big (I don’t think I’ve seen this mold IRL). But I might end up with one. It’s a definite possibility.

-Vahana: I WANT SO BADLY TO LOVE THIS HORSE. I mean, it’s a DRAFTER. And I absolutely LOVE the mold. But the color...I can’t. I just can’t. I might wait to try to get my hands on one of the bay original issues because I LOVE them. But this one...gah.

5. I’m really pleased with the Celebration Horse this year. Love chestnuts, love the Marwari, looks like decent shading, fingers crossed for an LSQ copy.

6. I have an extra special run ticket/button/celebration horse ticket for volunteering this year. HUZZAH!

7. Found out recently, much to my dismay, that the restaurant we often stop at either one the way to or from BF in Burlington, NC closed permanently. That was part of our tradition, and I am sad. (It closed due to tax evasion...what? Lol). Oh well.

8. I’ve GOT to get my hands on the SM single day ticket drafter Tushar. Wouldn’t mind the cantering WB Vivaan as well.

9. Anyone else REALLY looking forward to fresh squeezed lemonade at the park? ;)

10. “High Flying Haflingers”: sounds like something I HAVE to see!

11. That little Daly and Spanky Shetland/JRT store special set...yeah, I’m gonna need one of those.

12. Both raffle models are yummy, but I’m going to spend more money on tickets for the Sunday one. My family has only ever won Sundays anyway...three of them, to be exact! Fingers crossed.

13. I love watching the Splash Dogs and I hope I get a bit more time to watch this year. Happy dogs in water...it makes my heart feel warm.

For restaurant lists, recommendations, or general chat, comment/message/reblog and tag me! I LOVE talking about the hobby/BF. I’ll probably be posting some stuff on here prior to and hopefully during (though things get CRAZY) BF, tag “traveller does breyerfest 2017″. I hope to see some of you crazy model horse people there!

#traveller does breyerfest 2017 #breyerfest 2017 #breyerfest 2017 gateway to india #breyer #model horses #model horse hobby #breyerfest

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motherboxing · 8 years ago

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WHO’S THAT HAWKPERSON (ladies edition)

This has been bugging me because every time I post stuff about Hawkpeople, people tag it with the wrong names. Worse still, I keep seeing stuff about how Kendra is the reincarnation of Shayera Thal, which is just irritating to me because the reincarnation stuff makes Hawk mythos things ENOUGH of a mess already. Anyway I hope this helps. Let’s get started. This is under a cut because it’s very long and probably quite pedantic.

This is Shiera Saunders-Hall. She was the first ever Hawkgirl. She is a human, from Earth! She’s married to Carter Hall, the first ever Hawkman, who is also a human from Earth. These two are the Hawks Mark One - they were introduced during the Golden Age and their backstory is probably one you are familiar with if you follow Legends Of Tomorrow or any contemporary stuff in DC Comics with Hawkman and Hawkgirl. This is how Shayera Thal explains the whole thing back in 2003:

Shiera and Carter can fly with wings and harnesses constructed from Nth metal, and they use ancient weapons, which is kind of cool, but they aren’t really superpowered themselves, they’re just kind of weirdly-dressed adventurers - they’re both archaeologists, and spend a lot of time using their memories of their past lives to track down artifacts, preserve languages, etc. Still, they were members of the Justice Society Of America until their eventual retirement.

This is Shayera Hol. She was the second-ever Hawkgirl. She’s an alien from Thanagar. She is married to Katar Hol, also an alien from Thanagar. They both are essentially detectives/police officers. These iterations of these characters were introduced during the Silver Age. Katar and Shayera Hol, like Carter and Shiera Saunders-Hall, get their powers of flight from the Nth metal harnesses and wings that they wear, but they also have a few added bonuses - enhanced vision, stronger than the average human, able to talk to birds (although not command them, unless the bird in question is willing to cooperate). They also have advanced knowledge of all human history and culture because of a device called the absorbascon. They run a museum in Midway City and keep their identities as aliens a secret. These iterations of the Hawks have been retconned out of current continuity, replaced with different, contemporary versions of the characters who were introduced in the 90′s. They basically only continue to exist in Elseworlds and in other alternate universe-type storylines - and sometimes in other media, for example:

That is also Shayera Hol! She is Hawkgirl in the Justice League and Justice League: Unlimited cartoons. Notably, her wings are actually a physical part of her body, as they are with all Thanagarians in that particular universe (although not, as we see in the Beyond-verse, with people who are half-Thanagarian, since Shayera and John Stewart’s son does not nave natural wings). This Shayera Hol is kind of an interesting spin on a number of different Hawkladies - she has the name, alien origins, and costume design of the Silver Age Hawkgirl, the reincarnation backstory of the Golden Age Hawkgirl, and the overall chip on her shoulder that Shayera Thal is kind of notorious for.

I’m not REALLY gonna get into Elseworld’s or New 52 stuff because Elseworlds are irrelevant and New 52 stuff irritates me generally (although Kendra Munoz-Saunders is cool, she can stay) and anyway I’m only PARTIALLY trying to explain continuity here, the main point of this post is not “trying to fit all these characters into a cohesive narrative” it’s “explaining the differences between them as characters”

Next we have Sharon Parker. This is Sharon Parker:

Poor, martyred Sharon Parker, you never had a chance :(

Sharon Parker was a human woman from Earth who had the misfortune of marrying a Thanagarian spy named Fel Andar. Fel Andar’s job was to infiltrate Earth’s superhero community and report back to Thanagar in advance of the Invasion! storyline, an arc in which a coalition of alien forces that included Thanagar attempted to invade Earth. She discovered her husband’s deception and he killed her before fleeing back to Thanagar, but she was able to warn Martian Manhunter and a couple other JLI members about what was happening before she died.

Sharon Parker was basically created to explain why there was a Hawkman and Hawkgirl active in the Justice League International after Carter and Shiera supposedly retired, but before Katar Hol and Shayera Thal arrived on Earth in the 1990 series Hawkworld. This never made a whole lot of sense and most people have basically forgotten it. Sharon Parker does not come up basically ever in any contemporary stuff about the Hawkladies, and identifying her is tricky because you rarely see her out of costume ever and her costume is a pretty generic Silver Age-inspired bit, but I REMEMBER YOU, SHARON. YOUR SACRIFICE WAS NOT IN VAIN.

Oh, also, she’s Golden Eagle’s mother, but hoooooly shit is that a mess so, uh. Never mind.

Okay. Next in line to wear a weird feathered helmet in the dubious name of justice is Shayera Thal. This is her:

Shayera Thal is a soldier from Thanagar. She is crime-fighting partners with, but not married to, Katar Hol, another soldier from Thanagar. I say “soldier” but the police force and military on Thanagar are basically the same entity - they’re cops, essentially, in a fascist regime. After Invasion!, Thanagar decides to open diplomatic relations with Earth, and sends Katar and Shayera to Earth as ambassadors, where the media just kind of decides that they are the new Hawkpeople now, although Shayera absolutely draws the line at being called “Hawkgirl” and insists on being called Hawkwoman because it’s the 90′s, dude! Of course they both have ulterior motives (Katar is hunting an intergalactic fugitive; Shayera is spying on Katar because he’s secretly fomenting antifascist rebellion efforts on Thanagar) but, moved by what they learn about humanity, they eventually (after a series of intergalactic incidents that mostly involve more fomenting rebellion) break with their homeworld entirely and settle on Earth. During this time they also fall in love and are pretty adorable.

At this point there’s a whole bunch of VERY messy bullshit about the Nth metal and the general Hawkpeople mythos that I won’t get into because it wasn’t really sustainable in terms of plot and I hated so much of the stuff that it led to in the mid-90′s, but the important thing to know is that Katar Hol was at one point fused with every single incarnation of Carter Hall ever and also a spirit from the Red that embodies the hawk and as a result he went completely nuts and was basically mercy-killed by a mystic named Arion and Martian Manhunter, leaving Shayera alone on Earth, where she more or less remained in relative obscurity, until returning for a role in the Rann-Thanagar War, where she was regrettably fridged.

Now we get Kendra Saunders, my precious soft daughter! Kendra Saunders is, in most media now, the current Hawkgirl. Remember how the original Hawks, Carter and Shiera, get reincarnated all the time? Kendra is the reincarnation of Shiera, who, weirdly, was also her great-aunt. Kendra had kind of a rough childhood (her parents were murdered, and she was raised by a relative, who did his best but wasn’t super equipped to deal with a grieving young woman with obvious mental health issues) and attempted suicide as a teenager, at which point the soul of Shiera Saunders manifested in her body, saving her life. Sometimes she has access to Shiera’s memories, and sometimes she acts like Shiera, because she may or may not like, psychically BE Shiera. Anyway, following this she starts training as Hawkgirl and joins the JSA, where she participates in the resurrection of Carter Hall, with whom she forms a tentative partnership, because he looks at her and sees like, his wife of the past thousands of years, and she looks at him and sees, like, her great-uncle, and is like, “this is creepy and weird”. Because it is. It is creepy and weird.

GROSS, DUDE! Carter Hall is a dick.

Anyway, there have also been a few different takes on Kendra in various other media, obviously she’s in Legends Of Tomorrow:

which has caused me to literally transcend this plane of existence but who cares. Legends Of Tomorrow Kendra is basically comics Kendra but with a little bit of additional Hawk mythos stuff thrown in for good measure (possibly possessed by a hawk-type spirit/god, for example, as happened to Katar Hol in the comics - no spoilers for the show though, I’m actually not totally caught up on it right now). There is also a version of Kendra in Earth-2:

who is kind of an amalgamation of a bunch of different Hawk characters.

I actually am not totally sure about Kendra’s current status in the comics - there was at some point a plot where Kendra just like, turned back into Shiera, and I hated it and basically ragequit Hawk stuff and I still have not fully recovered. However, that’s MORE OR LESS what you need to know about various iterations of the Hawk ladies.

On the surface, this all seems pretty easy to understand, right? Shayera is an alien, Shiera and Kendra are humans and also kind of but not really the same person. It gets a little fussy when you try to tell the complete story of every Hawk lady in order but if you put continuity aside and just focus on the individual characters it’s easy enough to make the distinction.

Now please stop tagging your reblogs of my posts about Shayera Thal with ‘Shayera Hol’ and ‘Hawkgirl’ and ‘Kendra Saunders’ because it’s making me sad.

#crying about Thanagarians

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yoyo-inspace · 8 years ago

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Hello! I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for being the voice of sense with the Johnlock conspiracy stuff. I've had to come off tumblr so many times because it was getting stupid how worked up everyone was getting about it. The reaction to TFP has just made me so annoyed, everyone reacting as if it was obvious and clearly stated that it was going to happen but it's just really about how people interpret and amplify it in their heads...I'm rambling now but seriously thank you

If you think I’ve been a voice of reason, then I’m very happy and you’re very welcome. :)

Personally, I feel like I’ve been staying away from it all really. I haven’t wanted to debate, because I’m not as engaged in Sherlock as I once was, and I’ve mostly just reblogged smart stuff people far more invested than me have said.

I understand that people are upset, and why. I have friends who probably are too. But I personally think there’s a lot in what you’re saying about interpreting and amplifying.

Especially with a show such a Sherlock that goes on for years, the fan-community is going to grow a lot on its own, in between seasons. I understand that it’s been a lot of people’s refuge, and people want to look for representation in those places. I get that.

People better at expressing themselves than I am on whether or not Sherlock was queerbaiting at some point. Mark Gatiss has had his explanations for his “people would assume they were together” jokes, and I get where he’s coming from, but I also get where people are coming from saying they’re unecessary. But I think I can firmly say at least for the last two seasons it has undeniable not been that. It’s not queerbaiting if the creators go out of their way like that to say “hey that’s a neat idea and you should do it at some point but it’s not the story we’re telling” over and over.

But because the fan-community has built up in such a way, that’s not going to come through. I’ve been in similar situations, I know how easily you get wrapped up in that stuff. To look for details are fun, to make your own interpretations, author is dead, all that. It’s fun. It’s interesting. It can be transformative. But there’s a point where you apply those ideas on the actual medium where it becomes unhealthy for you, especially if you’re pouring that much energy and love into it.

It shouldn’t turn into so much hate. It shouldn’t turn into calling actual LGBT people who are uncomfortable with the ship homophobic for not shipping it. It shouldn’t turn into death threats or talks about stalking the creators.

I’m sorry to be so frank, but if it’s representation you’re looking for, there are shows much more worthy of your attention than Sherlock. And I’m not even saying that as a “Sherlock is a shit show!”. It’s not. It has good bits and bad bits. But if you’re looking for representation and not just for fulfillment of your ship, there are tons of other shows more worthy of your attention. And I’m sorry for those who have poured so much energy into this thinking it would be what it was never trying to be. Shipping can be fun and wonderful and creative, but it shouldn’t end up like that. Sherlock has meant a lot to you, and that’s good, because I’m assuming you took something from it. Keep those good things you took from it, and move on, if it’s hurting you right now.

The thing is, shows are for the casual viewer. There is never going to be some huge conspiracy in a show like this. I’ve talked to several people who both love and like and dislike Sherlock, but who are not versed in the fandom world of tumblr. And all of them reacted in surprise when I told them about what the whole johnlock thing was about. If it’s only out there for a select few who dug around in creator’s interviews and in obscure references, it’s not going to work as the kind of show Sherlock set out to be.

But a message to TJCL-people.

I get being upset about once again not getting the representation you wanted, if that was indeed what you were looking for. But at least for the past two years or more, Gatiss and Moffat have both very adamantly tried to avoid that from happening.

But even if we disregard that - fuck what they’ve said - you move on. Even if this had been what some are accusing it of being - 7 years of queerbaiting - don’t let that get you. Be sad, yes. But then, move on. Go out, write your own story, create your own world, encourage others, create your own representation, make a difference that doesn’t rely on this show. Pour that discontent into something else. Hell, as a post I reblogged earlier today said. Take a break. Watch something else. Watch something with amazing representation. Find the story for you. There are some great stories about representation out there. Find that.

So I’m rambling a lot too. Sorry about that. But that’s my two cents on it. Whether you (the general you, not you specifically anon) thought the episode was awful or amazing (and I haven’t touched upon the writing at all here), and whatever your opinion on Johnlock are, I hope that you can appreciate what the show gave you in terms of insights and friends and if you’ve been an active participate in fandom, that you can take that creativity and pour it into something else. Maybe a work of your own some day.

And for those Johnlock shippers, maybe their work could be a future adaptation of the story that never stops getting adapted, Sherlock Holmes. And maybe in their version John and Sherlock be together, romantically, sexually or whatever one prefer. One adaption will certainly do it one day, and to imitate Gatiss and Moffat, one adaption should. It definitely is a story that should be told.

It just didn’t happen to be this one.

Thanks again, anon, for giving me an excuse to ramble.

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #Anonymous #the final problem #sherlock spoilers

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