#This is so far outside of my norm I couldn't even post it on main

[anjumstar]

Why Izuku reads as comphet.

I had so much fun writing about Katsuki reading as queercoded that I couldn't resist jumping in with my twin theory about Deku reading as comphet.

Disclaimer, this isn't to say that Deku is definitely queer or not heterosexual, it's just an exercise in reading him through a particular framing! IzuOcha is a cute ship!

"Compulsory heterosexuality, often shortened to comphet, is the theory that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced upon people by a patriarchal and heteronormative society." Thank you, Wikipedia.

With that in mind, I'll jump into the main crux the idea, which comes down to two things.

Izuku has not been socialized around girls his age

He doesn't know how to recognize and identify his own feelings

We see in the manga that Izuku and Bakugou's middle school is an all boy's school, and all of the flashbacks of them include only boys as their peers. So, at least through middle school, if not before, Izuku didn't spend much time around girls besides his mother. When you live in a comphet society, ideas are built up around what it means when boys and girls spend time together. Especially when these rules more unspoken, there's a level of anxiety that can be built up when you don't have practice navigating those social norms. That is what I believe we're seeing in Izuku when he first meets Ochako. As far as we're shown in canon, Ochako is the first girl Izuku has interacted with as a pubescent teen ever.

It's obvious in these early interactions that Izuku is feeling nervous. He responds in odd ways to Ochako, saying what he thinks is expected of him instead of what he would say to someone he felt more comfortable around. At the same time as Izuku meets Ochako, he speaks very frankly and with a lot of guts to Katsuki, his recent bully, but he completely withers around Ochako. We see this when he says Ochako can call him Deku, completely bug-eyed and red in the face, or we have a couple times where he's unable to speak at all.

Ochako is a girl his age, and a pretty one at that. Izuku acknowledges that she's cute as early as the first day of class. But, to me this informs his behavior as comphet rather than being evidence of a crush. Honestly, he seems too afraid of interacting with a girl to even dive into the feelings pool of having a crush. Rather, her cuteness is what makes her someone worthy of being nervous around.

Under comphet, one behaves one way around the opposite (apologies for the binary language!) gender, if they're seen as a potential viable match. Age is an obvious factor, which is why Izuku being close to his mom doesn't help his interactions with girls his own age at all, but attractiveness is a factor too. Our society diminishes people's sexuality and gender if they fall outside of the standard of beauty, be it related to aspects of size, race, age, and/or presentation. Under that idea, someone like Izuku would react differently to Ochako than, say, someone like Hagakure.

This is all to say, that comphet society has told Izuku that being around eligible girls is something that should make him nervous, because it has layers of unfamiliar social context around dating and all that comes with that. So when he indeed feels nervous around Ochako, he thinks that's the same thing as attraction.

I've made a post dipping my toes into the headcanon that Deku is not as well equipped emotionally as a lot of people think. I think Izuku's emotionally avoidant, and we see that from the beginning, where he gets his quirkless diagnosis and then completely doesn't deal with that for ten years. His plan is still to go to UA even when it makes zero sense to do so. Of course, processing something that big is a lot to ask of a 5- to 14-year-old, especially given that his mom doesn't help. Nevertheless, I think the emotional patterns that occur to him at that young age continue with him even after he gets a quirk and gets to be a hero. He completely spaces out when he thinks he's failed the entrance exam, he doesn't talk about anything he's going through with his mom, and the only way he can express his emotions in the early chapters is via explosive tear ducts when he's completely overwhelmed. At times later on, he doesn't express them at all.

So when it makes sense to him that the nerves he feels around Ochako are normal, that they're what he's supposed to be feeling, he accepts that without ever investigating if he has feelings for her or not (while she very much does investigate those feelings!). That is compulsory heterosexuality in action. I could get into my bkdk agenda now and say that these same habits are exactly why he wouldn't come to recognize his admiration as Katsuki for anything more than an All Might-esque admiration, but eh, maybe next time. (Let me know if you wanna hear that one, lol.)

As far as I've read, I don't think it's been made explicit in canon if/that Izuku has a crush on Ochako the same way it's been made obvious on her end. That isn't really what my thesis is in this post, even though it kind of seems like this. Whether Izuku actually believes that he's attracted to or has a crush on Ochako or not, I think that he thinks that he should, and that that's what his nerves are indicating. That's it. Tl;dr: For Izuku, pretty girls = nerves = attraction. And I think this is salient whether you ship IzuOcha or not, it doesn't really negate it or support it, and I hope that's clear!

[spunkykirby]

Oh this conversation brings up good points + is hilarious. I'm not trying to force a back and forth convo but I did want to plaster rumbling thoughts on my blog. I don't go here so I won't comment on any of your other posts outside of this one 💀 (and once again feel free to ignore or whatev b/c this is just some random commenter's rambling).

Almost the whole thing can almost be summed up as:

"I'm open to criticisms (which hints to being able to discuss the main targeted person at hand and certainly not deflecting to other's issues to avoid criticism) and I'm not above them!"

Mediator who had nothing to do with the convo: "Ok, this is simply what Ei was trying to say-"

"Well did you know that her AND your nation went thru [unrelated topic brought up to deflect from your criticism of me]?1?11?!"

...

Additionally and ironically, it could be argued one who went through a certain conflict (and SOLVED it, unlike a certain Hydro Archon) would be in an understandable position to bring it up in advising others due to them experiencing it all personally before. They know what to point out early on for others to not make the same mistakes. Instead of. You know. Interpreting it as a Biased Attack™.

Ei's "mistakes" (I don't even think she regrets doing them lol don't we love problematic characters) aren't really defensible at all, but she wasn't the main criticizing topic at hand lol, this (almost) entire thing is one of the biggest deflection-based "discussions" I've ever seen despite raising interesting points.

1. "It took you ages to get to a mindset Barbatos applied from the start!1!"

Oh my! The same mindset that immediately and rapidly developed slavery and torturous child trafficking as the social norm? Because there was a rule of "no order from an Archon"? Amazing!

Did she also forget Morax's "rulership" integrated Venti's ways in a slightly different (and arguably healthier) manner via literally meeting and advising his citizens only once a year before leaving them to their own devices for the rest of the year?

He's literally almost as hands off as Venti. The only time(s) he "actually" intervenes/rules in civilian affairs is when there's a godly threat threatening to destroy them or when they need desperate help in cultivating their environment (re: him teaching them how to build houses out of Mora). That's it.

2. "Political and Civil unrest created by yours truly"

This has to be one of the most onesided "criticisms" in the series. Firstly, what makes Furina assume the problem didn't start with the Tsaritsa (with Liyue being forced to react) but with Morax only? the Tsaritsa was coming to stir up trouble/war (as she's doing to ALL nations) with or without Morax's intervention.

If anything, his presence "smoothed over" the negative consequences of a LITERAL inevitability. This "unrest" issue with Liyue started due to the Tsaritsa essentially starting a Gnosis war with every Archon. The Tsaritsa wouldn't stop an inevitable confrontation with Liyue should Morax refuse to give up his Gnosis, which would've caused far more casualties Liyue couldn't afford.

3. "A test that shouldn't have come from your hand" so is this confirmation Furina was solely praising Venti's "hands off" strategy to shat on Morax? There's very little reason to state someone else's way of ruling is better just to force the exact opposite logic later ("you should've manually controlled more via making things easier").

Additionally, it's arguable that the test NEEDED to be severe due to the fact the Adepti and Humans were NOT going to actually ally with one another lest an extreme situation forced them to (as showcased with their first conversation following Morax's "death").

"But do you truly think you would've saved them all unscathed" you mean the same way the court of fontaine executes it's (as Furina professes) totally Equal, Fair, and Logistic judgments, of which is shamelessly responsible for ruining/killing countless innocent's lives and families by setting their traumas up as mere entertainment and nothing more?

But to actually answer the question, as the oldest Archon who has objectively backed his sh*t in every single extreme situation he's ever come across in lore (including what happened in gamecanon, pointedly unlike Furina so far), yes. The following Millelith soldier confirms nothing severe happened as well.

["Not as badly battered as I feared we might be" is a dead giveaway the most severe consequence, rampant death among everyone, did not happen. You can also check in with the surrounding soldiers after the battle is over for further proof favoring the little to no casualties argument]

This "Night of the Perilous sea" is mere child's play to the actual threats that are to come, re:Abyss Sibling, Heavenly Principles responsible for shattering nations, etc. It'd arguably be more of an insult of a test should Morax give a lighter test all future conflicts/enemy lore considered.

3. "Did you tell your people about Azhdaha?" "In a manner where it could still happen again" Yet another victim-blind virtue signal disguised as a criticism. Azhdaha can be a semi exception b/c there are very little alternative safe options. The Adepti LITERALLY helped Morax fight and seal away Azhdaha the first time, therefore they know he's still alive. Making something as detrimental as Azhdaha common knowledge among everyone certainly isn't as big of a smart choice either.

Morax COULD NOT (and still cannot) kill Azhdaha due to his death potentially blowing up 60% of Liyue and potentially destroying their leylines beyond repair. You know. The actual threats explained in Azhdaha's backstory/history that Furina supposedly skimmed, hence showcasing she's potentially the one on the higher-than-thou trip she accused the others of being on initially?

It also goes without saying the Qixing would (more than likely) know, now that they're closely affiliated with the Adepti and they're in close communication when it comes to Actual Threats re:Beisht.

I'm sorry I may have missed something but where exactly was it confirmed that he never ever told the Adepti (who already know of Azhdaha's status) and the Qixing about Azhdaha? Why exactly would Zhongli immediately inform the Adepti + Qixing he's actually alive via dreams following a major incident like his death but not Azhdaha? That doesn't make sense.

With Venti...he's more of a mystery than Zhongli in some aspects. In addition anyone could see his surface level flaws a mile away. I had similar thoughts about him. Don't forget he was pretty flippant about Albedo potentially destroying Mondstat in the future and basically doing nothing to stop it lol.

"Do not speak as if your methods are more correct" When did they confirm they were trying to project their methods were better when they didn't even mention them? Their (or really, just Ei's) concern lie with one subject at hand before Furina spiraled it all into some major deflection-projection wombo combo virtue signaling rant...? "Hey I'm concerned about this topic concerning you" != "My past is all the more superior. Bow to my judgment."

Claiming you're not above criticism, and then deflecting to someone else's unrelated problems everytime they mention a sliver of a solution to something you potentially need advising on is not the mature + accurate standpoint she thinks it is. If we're being accurate, actually stay on the main topic/person for starters. We couldn't even stay on that point, due to the other Archons being forcibly restricted from actually criticizing her (save for maybe Ei, but that's a stretch given all Furina was allowed to say about Ei vs what Ei would have to say about Furina).

Gods judgment

Furina:*bites cake* Ugh, why must being an Archon be so polarizing at times!? I’m near my wits end.

Ei:While I agree to the sentiment, you’d have much less to complain about if you were diligent in your duties.

Pleasant vibes stop

Venti:Oh boy…

Nahida:What’s happening.

Venti:Shhh, pretend you’re invisible,

Furina:Baal, I am positive you of all people didn’t just talk to me about diligence regarding my responsibilities.

Zhongli:She was merely giving you advice since-

Furina:Oh are we really doing this? Do I need to remind you that if anyone has to the authority to judge the ways of other gods it is I, Focalor. *stands up*

Zhongli:Failure to take criticism will only slow progress.

Furina:Don’t misunderstand my situation. You forget yourself, Morax. Criticism indeed has value, and I’d made certain not even I can go unchecked in my own nation. The problem here is that two of you dare to speak in a tone that implies superiority when all you hold is errors so catastrophic that it’s felt in every wave.

Ei:Are you truly one to talk about errors when your problems arise from negligence?

Furina:Ha! That’s rich coming from the Archon who literally made her problem. You dare speak of negligence when you all but abandoned your people to the whims of an unfeeling stand-in? My people and I face a catastrophe forced upon us while yours endured the weight of your grief. Do not speak to me about negligence.

Ei:…..

Furina:But hey, grief is a toxic and dangerous thing that mortals and the divine understand. I do not judge you for feeling pain. It is far more reasonable flaw than that of the eldest of us. *looks at Morax* You want to discuss slow progress and criticism? It took you ages to get to a mindset Barbatos applied from the start!

Venti:Oh, wow. Zhongli she might actually have a point.

Furina:*points* Don’t get too proud of yourself, Barbatos! You’re next.

Venti:Hehe, I figured….

Zhongli:The circumstances between Liyue’s development and Mondstat’s are vastly different in what problems stood in their wake. Liyue would not have lasted to this day without a firm hand guiding the way. Much like how your nation has greatly benefited from your Chief Justice.

Furina:I do not deny my Iudex has been indispensable in Fontaine’s development. However, once again, you are mistaken about the problem. I have no issue in the role you choose for yourself to craft your land. I think it’s quite magnificent. But a show and by extension, a role is only as good as its ending. The protractor of the land chooses to exit the stage with political and civil unrest due to scheme crafted by his truly. As the God of Contracts, could you not have made one with your people stating a resignation in the coming years. In that time you would sufficiently train them to live without you instead of awakening an old adversary.

Zhongli:Preparations only go so far. A test would have to come eventually to truly put my mind at ease.

Furina:A test that shouldn’t come from your hand and not as severe. Life is the test. Make no mistake, I fully believe you would’ve handled it if your people failed, but do you truly think you would’ve saved them all unscathed. You, who knows the chaos war and battle well? I recognize my bias when I say this but it truly disgusts me to see an Archon through the night of a perilous sea at it’s people just to see if they could retire to sipping tea. To make matters worse, you’re not even consistent.

Zhongli:What are you-

Furina:Did you tell your people about Azdaha? From what I gathered, not only did you handle that actual catastrophe discretely, but in a manor where it could still happen again. You want the best for your people, yet you deny them the opportunity to prepare for the future you yourself could prevent.

Zhongli:….

Furina:Barbatos!

Venti:Ley me guess, I’m too lazy?

Furina:Your nation speaks for itself. Calm, self sufficient, and joyous for extended periods of time. I would never say any of you aren’t attentive to your people.

Ei:This sounds like nothing but praise!

Venti:Maybe I’m just a champion of work life balance?

Furina:You sleep too late.

Venti:….*rubs head* I could see why you might say that.

Furina:So could anyone who knows your nation’s history. It’s never a question of if you show up, but when. Although I love a hero arriving in the nick of time, I’m sure your people would’ve loved to see you before the slavery was institutionalized. Not only that, but it’s your failure to arrive punctually that created a harbinger in the first place.

Venti:No god can be everywhere at once or go indefinitely without rest.

Furina:Correct, but no other god here besides Buer and myself have the means to have a steady pulse the people like you do. You are The God of Anemo. There is no whisper in your land that you can not hear. Frankly I wouldn’t have a reason to judge your methods if you didn’t sleep through the tragedies. I’ll admit, I am a tad envious of your prosperity.

Venti:Hmm, I can’t lie and say I don’t see a little merit in that criticism. Although if you ask me, I don’t it would solve as many problems as you believe. Even so, I can accept that perspective for what it is.

Nahida:(He’s rather accommodating to her outburst. Perhaps he’s trying to diffuse the situation?) Hmm!?

Furina:*staring*….

Nahida:H-Hello.

Furina:You understand I’m not above judging even you, a fellow young Archon? My dear Buer, I suspect you’re aware of your faults; or does your wisdom not extend to introspection?

Nahida:No, it does. *slouches* In a lot of ways, I let my nation unravel because of my own self pity.

Furina:I guess your wisdom is boundless if you can admit to that. Feeling unwanted and trapped, you thought it best to have them walk over you for their own benefit until you finally decided a line was crossed. Your wrongful imprisonment should’ve been that line. Though the irony of your situation is how you were never truly trapped, were you? Arriving in dreams and controlling minds without their knowledge was more than enough power to start a coup. No matter how you look at it Buer, you could have fought back. Instead you acted as powerless as they called you.

Nahida:Sigh… You’re right. That sort of force of authority though really isn’t in my nature.

Furina:You remind me of Neuvillette. So soft by nature. Far too conservative about exercising what is yours by right. That being said, people like you aren’t bad. Anyone could chalk it up to inexperience or a way of belief. In fact, that could be said about all of you.

Ei:If that’s apparent to you then what was the point of this so called “judgement?”

Furina:As I said earlier, I’m not above criticism. I’m not even claiming my way is the most splendid. That being said, do not speak to me as if your methods are correct. Look down on me all you want. I refuse to let anyone judge my methods against the likes of my fellow Archons as if anyone of you or doing this job “correctly.” Especially when one of the seven thrives in dangerous tension and another has the audacity to send her people to overthrow our nations. For as long as I reign, I, Focalor, will hold one thing as an absolute truth. I am not lesser than any other ruler. I rest my case.

Nahida:I thinks you’re doing your best.

Furina:….*wipes face* Thank you.

Zhongli and Ei: (So high strung) *pats her head*

Furina:Excuse me!? I -I don’t need to be coddled!

Venti:*plays calming music*

Furina:Sigh… *accepts comfort.

[jessieliveblogs]

Aces in Hockey

Written for the prompt: Total au! 2.9k (Ao3)

Four was quiet by nature. He was a classic former victim of child abuse: strong, silent, enigmatic. He didn’t mean to be. He didn’t try. Any first-year psych student could tell you about the conditioning environment in his formative years to make him like this. And more than one first-year psych student had.

He was allowed to be quiet on the ice.

Not during actual play, obviously. He was the captain – constantly making calls to his team and conferring with coaches. But he stayed out on the ice after practice, letting everyone else go shower in the locker room as he made lazy circles on the ice. It was a calming cool-down, reminding him of times when he would spend hours on the pond just to be out of the house. He’d skate circles until his feet were way past aching and chew up the ice far past what was safe. He no longer had to worry about falling through the ice in the rink but there were other dangers.

“Please tell me your dramatic brooding is coming to a close. We do need the ice, you know.”

Four kept his head ducked, concealing the slight smile that he could feel quirking his face.

“Just because I’m the strong and silent type doesn’t mean every one of my actions is brooding,” he answered before turning to the voice.

She stood just inside the door on the ice. She was half-dressed in her skates and hockey pants but she hadn’t put her pads on yet, standing there in Under Armour and a backwards snapback pulled over head. He was glad to see she looked more teasing than genuinely angry: a recent development he was more than happy about.

“Well now I just feel lied to,” she said. “You think every young-adult book and movie in existence would just lie?”

Four shook his head, his chuckle probably too low for her to hear. He knew she knew he was laughing anyway.

“I still have twenty minutes before your practice, Tris,” he reminded her.

“No, the ice crew has twenty minutes before my practice to fix this mess your team left us.” She crossed her arms in an intimidating display no one who was that small should pull off. “But they can’t do that until you get off the ice.”

Four sighed, skating toward her. “I don’t know why none of them could tell me that.”

Tris backed up to let him through the door, following him out. “They’re all afraid of you. Duh. Remember the dramatic brooding I mentioned?”

Four leaned against the wall, putting on his skate guards, and watched Tris as she did the same. “Not you, though.”

Tris looked over at him, balancing on the blade of one skate. She smirked. “What do I have to be afraid of?”

He smiled back.

This easy camaraderie between the two hockey captains was not always so easy. They started out in pre-semester barely acquainted yet antagonistic.

It was August and Four had been doing his same slow circles on the ice when this tiny, angry girl stormed onto the ice.

“Hey hot-shot! You mind getting off the ice? Your time ended an hour ago.”

Four skidded to a stop, more confused than anything by this interruption. “So?”

She dramatically rolled her eyes. “So, it’s my ice time now. Move.”

Four assessed her. Slight build, powerful looking legs. Figure skater?

“You can have this half,” he offered, diplomatically. “I’ll stay on the other side.”

She looked furious. “Are you an idiot? We need the whole rink! What do you think we’re trying to do here?”

He was even more confused now. “Who is we?”

“The women’s hockey team!” She seethed. “I know there’s a sexism problem at this school – and in sports as a whole – but I would think that the captain of the men’s team could at least acknowledge that the women’s team might need to practice, too.”

“Oh!” He would never have pegged this small girl for a hockey player. He’d seen them play but he was sure he’d never seen someone this small. “The women’s team don’t usually practice this early.”

“Well, we do now. And if you’d bothered checking the rink schedule, you’d know that.”

Four looked at her some more. She wasn’t wrong: he shouldn’t be on the ice this long after their time ended. But he didn’t like the way she talked to him.

“Does your captain know you’re out here?”

She seemed to grow three whole inches.

“I am the captain,” she told him, her voice low and dangerous.

Four’s eyebrows shot up. He gave her another once over. “You’re Prior?”

“Tris,” she said by way of a yes. “So you have heard of me.”

He had. A sophomore being voted captain was incredibly rare. She’d been the lead scorer last season, earning herself a hat trick in the playoffs. Four himself had seen it happen. But he couldn’t reconcile this tiny angry girl with the fast and ruthless number 6 he’d seen play last spring.

Well, maybe the ruthless part.

He took off his glove, extending his hand to the diminutive captain. “I’m Four.”

She took his hand, squeezing roughly. “I know who you are, Tobias Eaton.”

He looked squarely into her eyes, squeezing her hand back so he could feel her knuckles grinding together. “It’s Four.”

Tris didn’t flinch. He actually thought he might see the beginning of respect behind her eyes.

“Get out of my rink, Four.”

 And he had. They had a grudging respect for each other since that day, calling each other on their bullshit and supporting each other’s teams through the season. Four was a fifth year Criminology student and managed to hold onto the captaincy in his final year. Tris, too, had held onto her title and Four suspected she’d keep it until she graduated. What could be said? They were good at their jobs.

Despite the grudging respect, Four wouldn’t have thought of he and Tris as friends. Not until Tris invited him out for trivia night.

“It’s just my brother,” she’d said, rolling her eyes. “I invite him because he’s smart and I’m in it to win, but he’s awkward around girls. Will you come and be a buffer?”

“Come with you and your friends?”

Tris had snorted. “You’re my friend too, doofus.” And then she’d punched him on the shoulder.

So he’d gone to trivia night.

 It wasn’t as awkward as he’d feared. He hadn’t really spent time with anyone since his best friend, Zeke, had graduated last year. The problem with a 5-year degree is that all of your friends are done in 4. Luckily, it seemed Four now had younger friends.

He knew Tris’s friends, Christina and Lynn, from the women’s hockey team. He only knew their numbers, of course, and had never spoken to them, but they could all fall back on hockey discussion if there was a lull.

Caleb Prior was a completely different story.

“It’s not that I don’t believe in total egalitarianism but the state of equity is completely dependant on the will of a nation’s constituents, and the arc of apathy in this nation in particular will drive us to total corruption. Socialism is a pipe dream, and without financial equity, the opportunity of total egalitarianism is just not feasible.”

Four threw back the rest of his whiskey. “Right.”

Trivia hadn’t even started yet and Caleb had ranted about six different political issues he felt were of the utmost importance. He also had mentioned that he was a Libertarian no less than 15 times.

Four eventually understood why Caleb was there when the trivia started. He may be a pseudo-intellectual – a pretentious blowhard who tried too hard to seem smart – but that definitely lent itself to him knowing a lot of menial shit.

And, for whatever reason, Caleb had decided Four was his new best friend.

“I just don’t get it,” Caleb had said, hair a little more disheveled than when he’d come in. Four had discovered early that he got more tolerable the more he drank so he had kept buying Caleb sea breezes. “I never got it when Beatrice wanted to play as kids. What’s so great about hitting things with sticks and getting hit by bigger people who also have sticks?”

Caleb was the only person that called her Beatrice. Her teammates called her 6. Everyone else called her Tris. But Caleb seemed to have that family privilege.

Four shrugged. He’d started responding to Caleb’s questions halfway through trivia which only made Caleb talk to him more but Four was drunk enough not to care.

“Why do people want to be gladiators?”

“Well, historically, the Roman gladiators were actually sold into it through the prison system or as some kind of raid against Christianity–”

“Fun,” Four told him, deadpan. He took another shot. “Glory.”

“But no one remembers the specific gladiators,” Caleb shot back, almost smug. “We remember the politicians and scholars of that time.”

Four snorted. “What use is glory once you’re dead?” He asked. “Back in ancient Rome, women would buy vials of the sweat of their favorite gladiators to wear around their necks. That kind of devotion is what real glory really is. And it can help you while you’re alive, even.”

Caleb reeled back, impressed. “There’s something to that argument.”

Four raised his glass in acknowledgement, shooting it back in one.

He hadn’t meant to get that drunk which meant when the party at the bar broke up, and Caleb had left, Tris treated him with simultaneous guilt and annoyance.

“Jesus Christ, I know my brother is hard to put up with but was this much alcohol intake really necessary?”

Four chuckled, much looser around her than he normally would be. “He’s not so bad.”

This only seemed to alarm Tris. “Oh God, it’s worse than I thought. Come here.”

She slung Four’s arm around her shoulder and started frog marching him out. He’d been more drunk before. He figured he could probably walk under his own steam without embarrassing himself. But he let himself be manhandled because a) Tris may be tiny but he knew she was strong enough to handle his weight and b) it was a good excuse to be close to Tris without all the gross implications that would normally come with Four intentionally getting close to her.

This had been a problem for him for a while. He had a crush on Tris – of course he had a crush on Tris – but he couldn’t have crushes like normal people. Because crushes come with expectations of follow-through. And Four could only follow-through so much.

What he could do though was enjoy the movement of muscles beneath Tris’s skin as she maneavoured him. That he could enjoy a lot.

She dropped him bodily into the passenger seat of her Prius and it became a game of Tetris trying to fit all of his limbs in the tiny space. Four pretended to be more drunk than he was so he wouldn’t have to do any of the work. He wasn’t proud of it. But it was funny to see Tris struggle.

She didn’t seem to have any reservations about touching him – grabbing his thighs and shoulders in a perfunctory, practical way. He appreciated that but he was curious about it. He knew now that they were friends now but he also might have thought that they had… maybe… been flirting a little bit. Was he reading things wrong?

Sober Four might have ruminated on that. He might have anguished over it, brooded over it, considered it thoroughly before dismissing it entirely.

Drunk Four did no such thing.

“I probably could have done that,” he told her as she herself collapsed into the driver’s seat. “I’m not that drunk.”

Tris snorted as she started the car.

“I’m too drunk to drive my bike home,” Four corrected, grimacing. He hated leaving his bike overnight. “But I can move my own body.”

Tris raised her eyebrow at him, not looking away from the road. “Then why didn’t you?”

Four shrugged, his body doing this weird tilting thing in his slump. “You were doing such a great job.”

Tris snorted again, but this time she was smiling.

“I actually had a question about that,” he continued, his brain vaguely yelling in the distance.

“Oh?”

Four nodded, pulling himself more upright. “We’ve been flirting and stuff, right?”

Tris’s head jerked back a little, a subtle sign that she was surprised he’d brought it up. “Yeah. Yes, we’ve been flirting.”

“Right.” Four nodded. “So did you manhandle me so impersonally because you were being respectful or because you’re not attracted to me?”

Her surprise was more pronounced now. “Uh…”

Four waited, staring beningly at the side of her face while she drove.

She seemed to puzzle over this question for a while before slumping in her seat. “I’m not sure what answer you want. Because my answer is a little of both.”

Four nodded again. “That is pretty close to the answer I want.”

Tris looked over at him in a double take before looking back to the road. “It is?”

“Yeah,” Four said, slumping into the seat again. “For one, it’s honest. And I like honesty.” He lolled his head to look out the window. “But also I’m asexual so I’d rather you weren’t sexually attracted to me. That would make things easier.”

The voice that had been vaguely yelling at him was now very present in the middle of his forehead. Intellectually (or as intellectually as he could be in his drunken state) he knew there was very little risk in coming out to her. She’d basically admitted the same thing. Well, she hadn’t – she could just mean that flirting with him meant nothing and she wasn’t attracted to him, even romantically. Maybe he didn’t think this through. Maybe that’s why the voice was yelling.

Because he’d never come out to anyone. Not to any girl, anyway. Not anytime it mattered. Zeke knew but only because Zeke had helped him figure it out. No one else knew.

He’d had crushes but he’d let them go, not bothering to take things further knowing he could never go far enough. This thing with Tris felt a little more high stakes. For one, they were both captains of their respective teams that worked very closely together. Four had spent more time with Tris over the past year and a half than anyone else he went to school with. It would be super awkward if things didn’t work out between them.

But also, he had feelings for Tris. Real feelings. It felt high stakes because he’d graduated from casual crush sometime last spring. He was in full-on-infatuation land now. He’d get through a rejection but it would be ten years, probably, before he put himself out there again.

He definitely shouldn’t have gotten so drunk. He shouldn’t have agreed to come out with her in the first place. He should have just pined his way to graduation. That would have been better, probably.

All of this internal turmoil happened between breaths. Between him speaking and Tris asking, “Things like dating?”

Four’s nod was strained, already regretting his entire life and feeling more sober than he’d felt before he’d even left for trivia night. “Things like dating. And the whole ‘asexual’ conversation.”

“Oh, you mean the conversation where people ask if you’re a plant? And that’s if they’ve even heard the word ‘asexual’ before. Usually it’s ‘what’s that?’ and ‘You’ll grow out of it.’ Or, my favorite, ‘All women feel like that but you have to have sex if you want to get a boyfriend.’”

Four blinked. “Yeah.”

Tris snorted. “Yeah. I’m familiar.”

Four sat up, slowly. “So we don’t have to have that conversation.”

“No. I would rather we didn’t.”

Four watched Tris drive. Her cheeks had pinked slightly but she was smiling, softly.

He waited until she’d parked outside of his apartment. He hadn’t known she knew were it was.

“I’ll see you at the rink?”

Tris turned to him, smirking in full force. “Yes, you will.”

 And she did. She barged onto the ice during his post-practice cool down, as usual, but instead of yelling at him, she smiled.

“Let’s go out.”

Four could feel his mouth start to spread in a grin. He bit it down. “Like a date?”

“Like a lot of dates,” she answered. She needed to crane her neck to look up at him but her confidence and her presence made her fill up the whole room. “Be my boyfriend. Let’s be that cliche. The captain of the girl’s and boy’s team are boyfriend/girlfriend. It’ll be gross. We have to.”

Four’s stomach jumped at the word ‘girlfriend.’ He’d given up a long time ago on ever having one of those.

“Well, if we have to.” He grinned.

She grinned back, reaching up (and up and up) to cup his cheek. “Can I kiss your face?”

“I would love for my girlfriend to kiss my face.”

Which was a good thing too because he had to do most of the work to bend down to her. Her lips were soft and undemanding.

Which was exactly what he hoped the rest of their relationship would be.

[sopafa]

Paraplegic Douxie Fic P2

Previous part | Next one

"I don't feel my legs."

A simple and short phrase that had escaped from Douxie's lips crushed Archie's heart like a tonne of hammers at the same time.

No one of them wanted to believe it. Or better say, no one of them could do it.

A short time passed before the doctors arrived, the alkiridians had come back with the needed help, some professionals that took care of the situation, and started checked the rest of the team for any injury post-battle, while the main part of the paramedics went straight to attend the wizard.

It took Jim and two Area 49 soldiers to get Claire away from her teacher, the shadow witch was stubborn about staying by his side, but then they explained to her that Douxie's injuries were different from the ones of the rest, that he should be treated in a hospital, and it should be now, but it would be difficult, because any movement, even the slowest and light could damage him on innumerable ways, so if he really mattered to her, then she needed to let them do their work.

Archie buried his claws on Nari's arms when a paramedic placed a neck brace around his familiar's neck, Douxie let escape a low groan and closed his eyes with pain. Still, the demigod of the forest hugged tightly the cat on her chest, sharing the concern for the wizard. Both of them held the air in their lungs when the soldiers finally placed the stretcher to lift him, Nari could feel Archie's fear and his little heart raising.

For the familiar, it hurt to see Douxie like that. Each second was total torture and the fact that he couldn't do anything to help him, hurt Archie even more.

It took them one movement to place the body on the table, one simple and fast movement. But it was more than enough to leave another scream, run from Douxie's throat before his eyes ere turned white and then he finally passed out.

They went to the hospital.

===

Doxie recovered and lost consciousness again several times during the journey. Flashes of memories ran through his head accompanied by waves of pain that forced him to throw up more blood on himself.

Cold. It was the first thing that he remembered.

Some blurry faces and distant screams, maybe.

Then, the patron on the ceiling, and doors, a lot of them, before finally being able to recognize a single face. It was a woman. She had red hair and some ocean blue eyes, her concerned mother look made Douxie's heartache. Ms. Lake took his hand and murmured some words that he couldn't understand, maybe her voice was so low, or maybe his head ached so bad.

Soldiers and doctors were running on the place, all of them were members of Area 49, and some brave volunteers that had stayed in the city after the evacuation.

There was noise. There was a lot. The machines beeping, and the monitors around him didn't make him comfortable. Everyone was touching him. He heard a rip, and then his pants were off, then his jacket. They were cutting his clothes, and someone pricked his arm. The pain didn't compare to the ache of his back, but he couldn't guard down.

He was scared.

For some reason he was scared.

And when a doctor brought a mask to his face, he tried to resist, but fuzz buckets, everything ached so bad, that he couldn't fight it. He didn't know when the facemask was placed over his lips, or at what moment he had fallen asleep.

He only remembered closing his eyes and accepting sink on Morfeo's arms.

==== That was a long night.

The protectors of Arcadia waited in silence outside the ER room, some of them shared concerned looks, and the lack of words only made it worst. But yet, no one dared to break the silence, it was as if the moment any of them said a word, things would become real. Douxie's words would become real.

No one was prepared for that.

Hours passed slowly before the sun finally came out. The trolls couldn't stay, everyone knew that, so Blinky and Aaarghhh returned to the safety of the shadows, the changelings, and the rest of the guardians kept their places outside.

Inevitably, some of them fell asleep on the wait. Claire used Jim's shoulder as a pillow and Strickler loaded himself on a wall, even Nari closed for a moment her eyes. It was not her fault, she was exhausted, her body was subjected to magic, body swaps, and the total manual manipulation of a titan; controlling one to fight on war one was a totally exhausting experience. The rest were going through a similar situation.

The only one that hadn't closed his eyes was Archie. The poor familiar stayed awake all night, and even more, time after he saw the sunrise. He couldn't rest, not when his Douxie was inside that place, surrounded by people he didn't meet. He wanted to be by his side, he needed to.

He could feel Douxie's ache on his heart, he felt the wizard fear through all night, the bonding between familiars connected them as one; he knew when his human was in trouble, how to find him, and more. His job was to protect him, his only purpose, and yet he could not do it. He could not help him in the fight, he could not stop him from the fall. And now...

The ER door opened around noon, a nurse with a green suit told them that the surgery was over and that Douxie was finally stable.

The next days were a bit of the same. Long stays in the waiting room, praying for the best, and hoping for any news, unfortunately, Douxie did not wake up.

Following the hospital norms was difficult, only familiars were allowed to visit him, but all his relatives were dead, and the one last left was not a human. On the other hand, the new members of the round table were not blood relatives from Hisirdoux, so the permission was not granted.

There has been a while since Archie turned himself into a humanoid form. He had copied Nari's appearance before in the past, so he did the same with a nurse that he saw in the hallway, to sneak into Douxie's room. Then he closed the door and changed back to his true form, once he was sure no one was looking.

Each day was the same, but it didn't make It hurt less.

The wizard was far asleep on the bed, with a long tube coming out of his mouth, connected to a machine that helped him breathe. His eyes permanently closed, and his skin was covered in bruces.

The beepings told him that his heart was still bumping, that his Hisirdoux was still alive.

So the familiar sneaked to the edge of the bed and snuggled on the feet of his human, waiting to be on his side the moment he woke.

[shepard-ram]

Hello again this is Ender-anon with the next chapter of this story as we move on to Wilbur. p.s the poem will be at the bottom.

The most important day of your life so far.

Everything was chaos, as people rushed back and forth getting everything ready for you coronation the next day, dignitaries from other countrys ariving with gifts, the kichens had to order food from abroad inorder to fully cater the event. You however were nervous for a different reasion between going over the speechs with Enciodes and practicing the holy vows you would undertake tomorrow with the current Saintess Anya Silverash ( Enciodes and Ensia's sister), the Arctic Empires delegates had yet to arrive you knew thanks to Tommys latest letter ( and hadn't that been a surprise learning that you friend was the third prince, but you had assured him that it would change nothing between you he was still Tommy to you) his brother prince Wilbur second in line to the throne would be arriving with them since Tommy father had said that Tommy couldn't go. Which is why when the Arctic Empire arrived (with so many gifts Tommy really had gone overboard you though) without the prince saying that he had gone on ahead of the main group a wave of panic sweeped through those in attendance. The wilds were dangerous for outsiders at night the beasts of the land wouldn't attack your citizens ( ancient magic prevented them from doing so a spell cast by an allie of your venerated ancestor) but a lone prince was a different deal. Jumping into action you asked the nobility in attendance the Silverash,Rostova,Schwire and Nearl to search their grounds as they were the few nobles with manors outside to capital and on the way to get your winter coat discretely ordered a hidden member of the Armourless Union to imform the three Obsidians that finding the prince was their new hightest priority and to sent everyone Platinum, the two Lapis Lazuil and to track what woodlands hadn't been searched yet. Rushing out of the capital, lanturn in hand rushed into the nearby woods, woods that you had explored as far back as you could remember, woods you knew like the back of your hand as such when you heard the wolves howling in the distance you knew the quickest route to take after all those seconds could be the difference between finding the prince or finding a corpse.

Leaping over a ridge you found yourself between a terrified Wilbur and a pack of 5 wolves both pausing with your entrance. Wilbur snaped out it first yelling " Kid get out of here, I can distract the wolves RUN" you instead turn towards the wolves and told them to leave as they do you grab the stuperfied princes hand and lead him back towards the capital where you hand him off to his countrys dignitaries while you returned to the palace to get some sleep ready for your coronation tommorow. You looked at your reflection now dressed in your ceremonial outfit based on you ancestors outfit minus the black helmet of course looking over at your soon to be ex-regent Enciodes who looked at you with pride in his eyes, after gathering your nerves you follow him knights flanking you to the second biggest building in the capital after the palace, the temple to the Karlan Goddess. Kneeling before Anya at the goddesses alter you swore to protect your people, your nation and to uphold you nations values rising after Anya placed neatherite crown upon your head. Turning to look at those in attendance you saw Enciodes with tears in his eyes, Buldrokkas'tee with his daughter Yelena holding her up so she could see and curiously prince Wilbur looking at you with a weird look in his eyes that was a strange combination of pity and longing all while clutching a piece of paper close to his chest. During the after coronation celebrations you did manage to start a conversation with him by talking about Tommy of all thinks but he was what you two had in common you both cared about him a great deal before you left you handed him a letter to give to Tommy once he got back to the empire, he staired at it for a moment before handing over the piece of paper you saw him holding earlier you looked at it to see a poem on it "Its my gift to you, as thanks for saving me" he proclaimed after reading it you saw the themes of close bonds and friendship ( at least thats how it looked to you) and as such you thanked him for such a thoughtful poem giving him a hug " I must admit I can most certainly see why my baby brother is so attached to you" and with that he turned and left with the other delegates back to the Arctic Empire.

The most important encounter of his life

Wilbur was pretty sure even before meeting this ruler that he would hate them even though he hadn't met them yet. Why you may ask? First they charm his precious baby brother into letting them call him Tommy something that he only allowed family to do but he wouldn't stop carrying that doll dressed in black claiming that it was a gift from you, then whenever post would arive he would all but tear the poor messenger apart just on the chance you sent him a letter he remembered after he sent the letter informing you of his status he was sure that that would end this farce and he would have his adorable little brothers attention again but nooo you sent a letter telling him that it didn't matter Tommy was still your friend and that reguardless of his title he you wouldn't treat him any differently and to your credit you didn't. But thats nothing compared to what he's currently going through no since Tommy is to young he has to be the representative of the royal family to your coronation (despite Tommy throwing the biggest tantrum he had ever seen), so now he's walking along a poorly constructed road with a the other delegates with the mountain of gifts that his brother has bought you using every coin he had. Tired and just completely done with this day he told the others that he would be walking on ahead and they would meet back up at the palace, that was the plan at least he thinks to himself as he runs before he had strayed from the dirt path and stumbled upon a wolf pack that was now chasing him so his day has gotten even worse great. As he hits a dead end he turns to face the wolves looking around for a way to clime up the ridge above him as the wolves closed in, only for a kid in a winter coat holding a lanturn to jump down inbetween him and the wolves startling them both thankfully he snaped out of it first and yelled at you to run he wasn't about let a kid only a few years older than his baby brother get torn apart by these wolves but instead of fleeing you gave him a reassuring smile before turning to the wolves " He is no enemy of our nation, leave now" you commaned and to his surprise they obeyed his mind going blank trying to process what he just witnessed as you lead him out of the woods. It wasn't till he was in his room in the newly built embassy that he realised he never learned his saviors name after interrorgating the delegates he learns to his suprise that his savior was the person that took his place in his brothers heart.

Maybe he misjudged you he thinks as he spends the time before your cononation collecting information about you pretending that he was merely a curious tourist and when he returned to get dressed into his formal wear he thought about what he had learned, the most dishearting information was how alone you were you had no surviving family no cousins,no siblings and no parents but you still found reasions to smile, to try you best to be the ruler you nation would need despite the fact that said nation in his humble opinion was undeserving.How he had missjudge you so much, of course his brother would try and give you family that you never had he couldn't even think of a world without his little brother, his twin or his dad but you had to endure a world where that was the norm for you, and now he though bitterly this nation would be your burden to carry alone without family to turn to for help. He of course need to thank you and in his own way apologize for his incorrect image of you, he didn't bring his guitar so a poem would have to do, perhaps he could put an offer of family in it so you knew that you wouldn't be alone, yes that sounded good. As he stood with the others of importance during you coronation he couldn't help but think how small you looked in that all black outfit dispite knowing you were older that Tommy in this moment you didn't look it to him as you made vows that in the eyes of your nation, in the eyes of your goddess would forever bind you to a nation undeserving of you, a nation that had caused you to grow up alone surrounded by advisers and (if his brothers rants were anything to go by) a schemeing regent. He truly pitied you and wanted to take you away from this back to the empire where you could be a child for once not be forced to be a ruler, Tommy would be happy if he wisked you away and he realised as they placed a neatherite crown on your head he wouldn't mind having being your big brother. To his surprise you can over to talk to him during the after party, as the subject of conersation shifted to Tommy he saw your eyes light up as you trades stories back and forth acting less like royals from different countrys and more like siblings talking about their younger brother. Its only when you press a quickly written letter into his hands and asked for him to hand it to Tommy that he remembered his poem as such he handed the poem over to you and exsplaned that it was a thank you gift for rescuing him (and for him being so wrong about you) he searched your face as you read seeing if you got his hidden message before you thanked him for it and gave him a hug , hun he could in this moment certainly see why his baby brother was so attached to them oh if the look on your face was anything to go by he just said that aloud time to leave he thinks.On the plane ride home he can't help but read the letter you wrote for his baby brother only for his eyes to widen as you ask Tommy whats its like having a big brother like Wilbur or what its like having a big brother in general but a infuriated look fills his face as you say you think your starting to see Enciodas ( the scheming regent his brain supplied )and his sisters as your big siblings as your family,oh that seals it he thinks he is going to be big brother and save you from you misguided loyaltys at least he count on Tommy to help rescue their future sibling from themself.

Wilburs poem

It's hard to put into words, what I want to say.

But I want you to know your thought of, in a very special way.

Though the distance in between us, keeps us continents apart.

There will always be a place, for our bond within my heart.

Poems are strange arn't they, two people could read the same poem but come away with comletely different ideas as to what it means... Ender-anon

Okay I might stop talking all together on this entire FICS but this- yes absolutely very good

[melforbes]

what's been your favorite part of writing seaglass blue? is there a part in particular that you couldn't wait to write? is there one you were avoiding?

to be honest i am 100% flying by the seat of my pants with this which right now is out of character so i haven’t exactly gotten to the dreaded parts yet lmao

i have an ending in mind (and a final line) that i really like but that i have a gut feeling no one else will like but i’m not compromising with it and i’m a little nervous to post that eventually. i’m not nervous about writing it but i don’t think it will necessarily come across well. Like it feels a little end of the sopranos but also it’s not like that at all but it’s the same existential vibe if that makes sense. which it doesn’t at all. but still

i actively avoid dialogue because it’s not my strong suit. i also can’t get the Mulder Voice right (deadpan snark etc) and then throwing in Big Feelings i’m just so out of my element

so far i shockingly haven’t dreaded writing any part of it. i did end up blocked with this last chapter because i hadn’t entirely decided what to do with the plot and the plot i’d thought through and didn’t actually use (and lmao have since forgotten!) just was not working at all so i didn’t write and instead did the whole running in circles thinking it through thing that isn’t writing (i recommend reading atomic habits by james clear ahaha! that running in circles motion gets a massive drag in there) that ultimately was never fruitful AND EITHER WAY i started a new drug for the other side of my life and it gave me wicked insomnia and at two am everything righted itself so i finally figured out where i was going. But that being said i never really dreaded it even though i oftentimes dread a scene or two in most chapters i write and i think the lack of dread comes from how it’s all set up in a very cozy way and it’s hard to dread something like that

i couldn’t wait to write the wedding which is why i dive into it so quickly. And i really wanted to interject parts of their “wedding night” or afternoon or whatever because those were my favorite moments to visualize. there’s another part down the line that i can’t wait to write but i also can’t spoil that haha. i think like...the most anticipated stuff i have coming up for the next chapter (or maybe the one after that depending on how the wordcount shakes out) is a specific conversation about specific things that happens in the dark. and uh i will not elaborate beyond that aldskjasldkjfdalsgj

my favorite part of writing it. this answer is so disjointed i’m sorry. i’ll put the rest of this under a cut because i’m rambling ahaha

my favorite part of writing it has been like...i think this is a multitude of things which is why i wrote msr again after a long unintentional break from it. idk if i ever really mentioned this (or at least if i mentioned it recently) but i started writing msr here in mid 2016 to rekindle my passion for writing while i was very very ill long term, and that culminated in the “everyday msr” archive i have on my ao3, which thus was a log of self-comfort in hard times as well as (unintentionally) documentation of how i neurologically healed during that treatment. so, bizarre. i was in a hard place back then and writing helped me keep my head screwed on straight, and luckily with msr you can write the shittiest things and someone will still be genuinely happy to read it and will look past any lack of talent or training or experience or anything and instead see you, someone having an idea and offering it to others, sharing something for the sake of feeling something good together. that (combined with my own personal gratification of having done something) really helped me emotionally during that time. like when you can’t be of service to anyone in the world, barely even to yourself, it’s really reassuring to hear “i was having a hard day today and this small thing you did eased me” and know that they didn’t need quality or exceptional talent; they just needed you to show up. i’m getting off topic but all of this is a roundabout way to say that i’m essentially back in that same place right now and have been for the past little over a year and like. It’s bullshit ahaha. like it’s absolute bullshit. But it’s strangely valuable to have this like...same connection as i had last time, just in a bit of a different way. it’s still msr, it’s still a kind of Happy Place for me, but there’s an overarching plot, i have other stuff that i write too, etc. but still, i appreciate being able to go back to an original comfort and form that comfort in the same way. the “everyday msr” stuff was intended to be just extended written-out headcanons about domestic msr post iwtb or post revival #1 that i could write in one sitting, and this isn’t entirely different from that; it’s just that the domesticity has a twist and a different era. but it’s the same stuff as before - pictures of misty places, gentle music, living based on the season, being a homebody, cooking for your lover, natural beauty. it’s nice to return to that place right now

another favorite part of writing this is that maine was an important part of my childhood. my family spent a week of vacation there each year (outside of bar harbor, not on mdi but right outside of it) and i kind of associate that purity with it. it feels like one of the only elements of childhood that i haven’t found adulthood corrupting. like we learn that disneyland is just a capitalist hellhole and whatnot when we’re older but maine hasn’t been ruined for me yet and i treasure that. And having them there feels special as a result. i very much on purpose didn’t label a town they’re in (or even base where they are on a real one lol all of that is glossed over enough anyway that i’m not worried about it) but it felt important and right for them to be in maine. it feels special to tap into the very brief time that i shared with the show while i was still a part of its cultural landscape. that sentence makes no sense. in other words i was born in 1997 ahaha. but either way like...i get to people this place that is already special to me and give them love and safety within it and that feels good in a way that i’m struggling to describe. And also i could go on some stupid rant about how Cell Phones Hurt Our Social Circles or whatever but i do genuinely miss rental houses that got 10 blurry channels on rabbit-eared tin foil televisions in a day and age when you normally got way more than that, all while you’re in an era in which boredom is still normal enough that all of that means “well, no tv for this week i guess!” and then you play a board game instead. it feels good to voluntarily create a place like that, then ask in my own life, why don’t i just live like this? And then to struggle through plotting something because there’s no digital numbing with television and smartphones and whatnot, and to understand my own hesitation, and to explore that a little more whether or not it’s in writing

another favorite part (yes i will in fact keep going!) is that the writing style is a little bit atypical from my current norm which allows me certain freedoms that i haven’t really opted for in a while. on the off chance that anyone has read any of my other recent stuff (though this is...a very small chance ahaha) it’s clear that these chapters are much shorter and less prose-heavy than my other stuff is, and that’s really helpful in that editing it is much simpler and writing it happens much quicker. if life were predictable and i had better self-discipline (and better health! can’t discount that one haha) then i could easily get a chapter out every weeks, in comparison to other stuff that i updated once every three months. i’m trying to keep each chapter to being about 3k in length (which they seem to naturally tend toward anyways, i didn’t create that metric so much as just went along with it) and there aren’t frequent “flashback sequences” (there are callbacks and past things brought up, but they’re not significant portions of chapters that go back and forth in timelines and make a nonlinear plot, the linear plot dominates and each scene is more or less in chronological order even if there are callbacks) so i’m not too worried about pacing or structure or anything like that. i never set out to make it “simple” i think it reads better this way and i appreciate that a lot because i can take a break from other stuff that’s a bit more jagged and just do this instead. it’s also nice to write something that i feel is more on the readable side than other things. i think my biggest inspirations for this (which i realized accidentally with the “he wants to brush her hair” line ahaha) were our souls at night and the sunlit night, both of which have a kind of dainty prose style and are a little low on long descriptions but can say a lot with one simple sentence. recently i’ve focused a lot more about darker subject matter and uglier parts of humanity so it’s nice to be able to focus on something that i feel like matters and has a more readable quality to it without actually sacrificing anything in the process or trying to dumb something down

so i think that’s it! that’s my thoughts! this is too long and far too personal! haha!