#This is probably my delirium ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[itsaliveblog]

I made an elizabethan coif

Because why not.

Based on the Elizabthan Costume pattern, modified for my noggin (and to fit the tiny remnant of linen from my kirtle lining).

Plus a forehead cloth (due to aforementioned tiny remnant) based on some research by Amie Sparrow with freehand blackwork embroidery based on Sidney Eileen's research, (namely the unfinished coif with spirals and flowers) plus a couple modified cats for good measure.

The embroidery (obviously) took the longest while, I started it middle of November after doing a practice project of 18th century pockets (anachronistic for a Ren faire outfit but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Pockets.) Probably about 20-30ish hours? Amusingly the pocket practice was mostly for naught, in the early sections (very evident on the right) I started to get super ill and in my delirium did very poorly.

Then I did micro hems around the whole lot and added some cords I had from a Halloween project (godsbless because I went into a finger weaving rabbit hole that almost sank the project haha. I still might do some weaving for the kirtle laces, but for now, macrame cords are Fine™) But forgot to take photos of the flat lay, so here's the assembled coif and forehead cloth.

Anyway, what a delight it is to have needlework in the evenings and a little sewing bag to take on errands.

[arecaceae175]

1. How many works do you have on A03?

53

2. What's your total A03 word count? 228,530 :D

3. What fandoms do you write for?

On my AO3 account I only have Legend of Zelda fics: BOTW, TOTK, LU, Bonus Links, and Skyward Sword. I also have written for How to Train Your Dragon, The Walking Dead, Supernatural, and Arrow, bbut currently I'm only doing LoZ

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Only the Wild Ones - my first LU fic! Wild meets the chain fic where they meet him multiple times in his childhood

Authenticity - Autistic Wild and his interactions with the chain

Delirium - Wild angst fic from Sky POV based on art by kikker-oma

Whumptober 2022 - short prompt fills

In Defense of Honor - 8 times Sky defends the chain + 1 time they all defend him

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love responding to comments

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

My TOTK fics. Link is very sad and it doesn't get better. Hypothetically there will be a third installment after I beat the game where it does get better but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmmmm. I have quite a few fics there are pure fluff so I don't think I an choose just one XD

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got one transphobic comment on Authenticity when I wrote about Wild being nonbinary. Other than that I have never gotten hate <3

9. Do you write smut?

No. Well... I have one thing in my WIPs that will never see the light of day probably but for the most part no.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not really. I'm not opposed to it, but it hasn't happened yet

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Currently is GrooseZeLink. When I was younger it was Hiccup and Astrid from HTTYD

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Temple Escape

16. What are your writing strengths?

I write character interactions very well :D

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't edit lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Sure! I love seeing this in fics

19. First fandom you wrote for?

How to Train Your Dragon. I have an account on another website where I have 4 HTTYD fics posted. They were very important to me

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I CAN'T CHOOSE! Authenticity, IDOH, and Sentiment is always my answer lol

No pressure tags @majorproblems77 @the-sleepydetective @wildsage00 @ikaishere @somer-writes @legend-of-thyme and anyone else who wants to play!

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @the-real-azalea-scroggs! Had to wait until I was of my phone because doing these is a nightmare on mobile lmao

1. How many works do you have on A03?

18 as of a few days ago!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

60,763! Which is. Only a fraction of the word count in my Docs folder. Be prepared.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I mainly write for The Legend of Zelda; specifically Linked Universe! In fact, that's all that's posted on my Ao3 currently, since my fall into that fandom began with me uploading there! Pre-Ao3 I wrote for Black Cat (Anime/Manga), Megaman NT Warrior, various Pokémon things, Assassin's Creed, Yugioh, Final Fantasy XIV and Octopath Traveler! Some of these I still write privately, but I haven't gotten around to re-posting any.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Whistling on Deaf Ears - My longest fic on Ao3, focusing on Wild and Twilight's friendship and how good intentions can lead to disaster.

Iconoclasm - Warriors deals with the room full of portraits in Cia's palace. The Chain also deals with it, but with a bit more fire.

Deserving - Twilight finally tells Rusl that he was the wolf in the village during TP, but that also means dealing with some heavier topics. Colin half overhears them and forms his own conclusions.

Something Greater - The start of the "Hyrule can see magical auras" series! In this one we deal with Legend and his many rings.

Ocean Magic - Mermaid Legend and Zora Time have a race and then fight one of the Big Octos from WW! Fun times.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Every single one!! I love comments, they give me an excuse to ramble about my fic more!! I am always down to ramble about every single insignificant detail of any line and/or section. If you ever want more background info about one of my fics, look to the comments! So please, I adore comments, I treat them like treasures, not responding to them would be a CRIME.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

There's no contest; Inevitable, my (so far) only MCD fic.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmm, that's hard to quantify. I usually try to end fics on a hopeful note regardless. I'd say possibly either Deserving, where Twilight reconnects with his family, or Shimmering Blue, Striking White, where Time meets the Fierce Deity settled down on Satori Mountain and they both get closure.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully, no! I've been blessed with mostly amazing and patient readers, even when my upload schedule isn't the best.

9. Do you write smut?

No, not really. I've attempted it, but I'm too asexual for it lol

10. Do you write crossovers?

Very, very rarely. Mostly privately, and only very specific ones. Only a single one has had an actual plot, so far (more on that one in question 15!).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also a nope! I tend to write for smaller fandoms, where these things don't tend to happen a lot!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! But it's been a while. Over a decade, in fact! I tried to find the fic to link it here, but it was on the German fanfic website fanfiktion.de, and my friend who posted it back then must have deactivated her account, because it's nowhere to be seen (I still have the Word file though!). It was a Multi-Crossover that started as an RP in a forum, and we took turns turning the RP into prose one chapter each. "If a Hero Turns to Dark" was its title. We were edgy teenagers.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Hissssss. Bad question. Shoo. They are all equally important!! But it's probably TenRose from Doctor Who.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of the very few crossovers I've ever worked on; a crossover fic between Assassin's Creed and Doctor Who, that I have mapped out in both chronological and timeline order, and yes, those are different. I only ever wrote about a quarter of it, since my primary audience of it disappeared when we graduated. I doubt I'll ever pick it back up properly, and if I do it'll probably go through heavy rewrites first since it's so old. Finishing it is a nice thought, but realistically, after 9 years it'll never be high priority enough for it to actually happen.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, especially arguments, and emotional impact. I've been told I do really well making characters feel alive and believable! Also I like to believe I'm decent at setting a scene and giving it the vibe I want it to have!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with dialogue tags when nothing much is happening besides the talking. I always feel it's too bland, and fall back on the same phrases. My scene transitions could use some work too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done this with Japanese phrases, because I was a massive weeb. Usually I followed them up with their own translations, though; I'm not the biggest fan of footnote translations, unless they are properly linked to. Simple dialogue tags are my favourite way of indicating a language switch.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Black Cat the Manga/Anime! It's a series about an assassin turned bounty hunter trying to live a life separate from his murdery past, but getting dragged back into things by still wanting to avenge his best friend's death. The series has a special place in my heart and my bookshelf, it left an imprint on 13-year-old me that will never leave.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Probably Jailbreak, uncharacteristically enough! It's one of the only fics I never got stuck in once. Writing it was a great feeling from start to finish. I love writing all of my fics, but that was a special few days.

Tagging @ahrva @nowhere-to-go-but-down @silvercaptain24 and @aeghina! And anyone who wants to do it, really, go wild

[gas1le]

It seems to me that the relationship between Kai and Lloyd in the 3rd and 4th seasons was, so to speak, not enough. Is it because Garmadon got good and started spending more time with Lloyd?

Does Kai feel that Lloyd doesn't need him anymore since he has a father?

What is he experiencing? Anger? Sadness? Resentment? Injustice? Emptiness?Loneliness?

I wonder how Kai and Lloyd felt when they realized that they were moving away from each other?

Мне кажется, что отношений между Каем и Ллойдом в 3-м и 4-м сезонах было, так сказать, недостаточно. Это потому, что Гармадон стал хорошим и начал проводить больше времени с Ллойдом?

Чувствует ли Кай, что Ллойд больше не нуждается в нем, поскольку у него есть отец?

Что он испытывает? Гнев? Печаль? Обида? Нес��раведливость? Пустота?Одиночество?

Интересно, что почувствовали Кай и Ллойд, когда поняли, что отдаляются друг от друга?

[moldychocc]

saccharine | a seccolata playlist

pronouns and stuff are adjusted x)   [ the link is  h e r e  ]

saccharine — jazmin bean: everything you do/ i'm obsessed with you/i don't mean to scare/ but you're just so cute/ every move you make/ you're fucking sweeter than a cake/i wanna cut you up/ and put you in my oven just to bake/ this shit is scaring me/ the thought of caring/ for anyone makes me want to scream/ looking at you makes me wanna/ gouge out my eyes/ bloody surprise/ like cherry pie/ will you be mine?/ saccharine, feeling kind of sick vomit in my teeth/ i don't want this responsibility

baby eyes — green day: they say my middle name is danger/ the guy you keep away from strangers / i’m out of control/ oh baby when i see your pretty face/ god rest your fucking soul/ 'cause baby, baby I was born to kill

prescription — mindless self indulgence: i'm the doctor, i'm the patient/ don't forget that, it's important/ if ya love me, like i love me/ everybody will be sorry

nine inch nails — closer: i broke apart my insides/ help me/ i've got no soul to sell/ i wanna fuck you like an animal/ i wanna feel you from the inside/ my whole existence is flawed/ you get me closer to god

fuck time — green day: take a look into my eyes/ i wanna hold you 'til you're paralyzed/ oh baby, baby, it's fuck time/ you know i really want to make you mine

dna — little mix: no scientist or biology/ it’s only natural that i'm so affected/ and my heart won't beat again/ if i can't feel him in my veins/ no need to question, i already know/ it's in his dna

turn me on — nicki minaj: doctor, doctor, need you back home/ doctor doctor, where you at? give me something/i need your love, i need your loving/ you got that kind of medicine that keeps me coming

the dismemberment song — blue kid: hold still, my sweet/ i'm trying to measure the space between your molar and your jaw/ this caliper– no cause for fear/ no, it... it doesn't hurt/ it only helps me measure how much skin you have

can’t decide — scissor sisters: i can't decide/ whether you should live or die/ you'll probably go to heaven/ please don't hang your head and cry/ no wonder why/ my heart feels dead inside/ it's cold and hard and petrified/ lock the doors and close the blinds/ we're going for a ride

culling of the fold — the decemberists: cut him up boy/ he's a wicked disgrace/ and he said it to your face/ you better cut him up boy/ take him by the teeth/ get him down on his knees/ with your hands all shaking

what do they know? — mindless self indulgence: beat me up/ beat me down/ mess me up/ beyond all recognition/ for what it's worth/ i'd do it again/ with no consequence/ i will do it again

adrenalize — in this moment: i must confess i'm addicted to this/ shove your kiss straight through my chest/ i can't deny, i'd die without this/ make me feel like a god

love buzz —  shocking blue: would you believe me when i tell you/ you're the king of my heart/ please don't deceive me when I hurt you/ just ain't the way it seems

cascade — siouxsie and the banshees: the air was shining/ shining like a wedding ring/ barbed like sex/ i felt ten thousand volts/ my chest was full of eels/ pushing through my usual skin/ i opened up new wounds/ pouting, shouting

tear you apart — she wants revenge: he wanted her and this was bad/ he wanted to do things to him it was making him crazy/ now a little crush turned into a like/ and now he wants to grab him by the hair and tell her/ i want to hold you close/ skin pressed against me tight/ lie still, and close your eyes, boy/ i want to fucking tear you apart

drain you — nirvana: i don't care what you think unless it is about me/ it is now my duty to completely drain you/ chew my meat for you/ pass it back and forth in a passionate kiss/ from my mouth to yours/ i like you

touch — lights fade low: no one will stain you/ no one will pain you/ i'll keep you clean until my end/ no one will hurt you/ the way that i hurt you/ nothing will feel the same again

polly — nirvana: i think she wants some water/ to put out the blowtorch / let me clip your dirty wings/ let me take a ride, cut yourself/ want some help, please myself

qual — xmal deutschland: deine qual ist meine lust/ meine liebe ist dein tod/ nachts wenn du schläfst bin ich lebendig/ mein tag ist deine dämmerung/ meine wiege ist dein grab

clown — switchblade symphony: crying loud, you are crawling on the floor/ just a beautiful baby/ you're nothing more/ close your eyes/ you are crawling into sleep/ i swear i won't break you/ if you let me take you/ where the willows never weep

church of no return — Christian death: in the beginning there was sinning/ and in the end, well, let's pretend/ blessed is the fruit i dare you/ to take another bite of it/ and somehow i think you will/ in spite of it

bloody mary — lady gaga: love is just a history that they may prove/ and when you're gone/ i'll tell them my religion's you

spiritual cramp — christian death: crosses burn your temples on slaughter avenue/ it takes too much time to say 'i refuse'/ time is digging graves for the chosen few/ children dig graves for me and you/ describe the illness i'll prescribe the cure

cavity - first communion — christian death: nailing you to the wall/ nailing you to the spanish mystic/ i sit and hold hands with myself/ i sit and make love to myself/ i've got blood on my hands/ i've got blood on your hands

where did you sleep last night — nirvana: my boy, my boy, don't lie to me/ tell me where did you sleep last night

lithium — nirvana: i'm so happy/ 'cause today I found my friends/ they're in my head/ and i'm not scared, light my candles/ in a daze 'cause i've found god/ i like it, i'm not gonna crack/ i miss you, i'm not gonna crack/ i love you, i'm not gonna crack/ i killed you, i'm not gonna crack

carpe diem — green day: carpe diem, a battle cry/ are we all too young to die?/ making a living/ making a killing/ what's worth forgiving?

dirty rotten bastards — green day: calling all the demons, this is the season/ next stop is therapy/ we're the retarded and the brokenhearted/ the season of misery/ gonna take it further/ get away with murder/ and no one here is getting out alive

witness — mindless self indulgence (yes, unironically. no, i’m not writing down the lyrics.)

brain stew — green day: my mind is set on overdrive/ the clock is laughing in my face/ a crooked spine, my senses dulled/ passed the point of delirium/ on my own, here we go

minority — green day (my big cio song!!): i pledge allegiance to the underworld/ a face in the crowd unsung, against the mold/ without a doubt singled out the only way I know/ 'cause I want to be the minority/ i don't need your authority/ down with the moral majority

dr. feelgood — mötley crüe (dealer cio dealer cio dealer cio): i've got one thing you'll understand/ he’s not what you'd call a glamorous man/ got one thing that's easily understood/ he’s the one they call dr. feelgood

ich will — rammstein: ich will dass du mir vertraut/ ich will dass du mir glaubt/ ich will deine blicke spüren/ ich will jeden herzschlag kontrollieren/ ich will deine phantasie/ ich will deine energie/ ich will deine hände sehen/ ich will in beifall untergehen

gimme chocolate — babymetal: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

candy candy — kyary pamy pamyu (see above)

body — mother mother: take my eyes, take them aside/ take my face, and desecrate/ my arms and legs/ they get in the way

spellbound — siouxsie and the banshees: from the cradle bars/ comes a beckoning voice/ it sends you spinning/ you have no choice/ following the footsteps/ of a rag doll dance/ spellbound

someone’s in the wolf — queens of the stone age: he steps between the trees, a crooked man/ there's blood on the blade/ don't take his hand/ tempt the fates, beware the smile/ it hides all the teeth, my dear/ what's behind them/ so glad you could stay/ forever

gutter glitter — switchblade symphony: iridescent eyes, of the seahorse rise/ treasure he loves, others despise/ braceletes of silver adorn my wrists/ candy kissed from sugar lips

l’insetto — hiroshima mon amour: io voglio il cuore, io voglio il sangue/ voglio bruciare, voglio uscire/ io voglio andare dove mi porta la coscienza/ di essere un insetto/ voglio fuggire, voglio tornare/ é sempre il tempo per sognare/ ed ai miei occhi un fiore è differente/ un insetto è differente dagli occhi di un insetto

a day — clan of xymox: where are you/ when i am needing you… so far away/ i think you're the most important to me to me/ my sunken footsteps put themselves on/ through this gallery of deceased

restless heart syndrome — green day: i've got a really bad disease/ it's got me begging on my hands and knees/ so, take me to emergency/ 'cause something seems to be missing/ i'm elated, medicated/ lord knows i've tried to find a way/ to run away/ you’d be surprised what I endure

wallflower — switchblade symphony: something is happening underneath the ground/ for he’s been waiting to bloom/ thinking and wondering/ of his climb up to the sun/ “let me grow… the soil, it strangles me”

[snickertoodles]

Tagged by @thezaffrehammer​ :3 (I’ve been up working for at least 24 hours and I shouldn’t be awake much less answering this but hERE GOES)

Rules: answer 20 questions so your followers can get to know you better, and tag 20 other people you’d like to know better.

name: A special snowflake version of “Natalya” but seriously it’s just Toodles

nickname: Toodles, Nat if you’re a weirdo ( @the-chubby-dragones >_>)

zodiac sign: Aquarius (February 14)

height: 5′3. :C

languages spoken: English, the tiniest speck of an attempt at Japanese but not really

nationality: Murica

favourite fruit: I like all fruit! Don’t make me pick one!

favourite season: Winter. When it actually damn snows. Spring and fall otherwise.

favourite scent: Rain, smoke ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ), hazelnut, coffee (I definitely don’t stick my face into my coffee bag sometimes like a strange person)

favourite colour: Sangria! (AKA red-purple.)

favourite animal: Cute ones. XD And dragons.

favourite fictional character: Heck. Don’t make me pick that either. A tentative Cynder from TLOS just for nostalgia reasons? I’ve gushed over Yona from Akatsuki no Yona recently.

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: No one said I can’t have hot chocolate coffee!

number of blankets you sleep with: A normal comforter and another fuzzy layer when it’s cold.

when was your blog created: Weirdly, September of last year. Pretty damn strange because I created it during the nasty time I was in the process of being kicked out, tossed all around the state due to a hurricane, etc. And that was all a year ago now. Weird to think.

favourite subject: It’s hard to say. Humanities is probably the closest. But I’m only a little interested in history, not at all interested in art as subject, and once psychology stops being “reading about cool experiments/how children's brains develop/mental illness/etc” and “having to read a bunch of boring textbooks and stuffy literature from dead people” I’m out.

currently watching: Speedruns. Too many speedruns. I haven’t watched a real show in a while but I wish it was Avatar, sadly Nickelodeon can’t get their SHIZ TOGET--

favourite band: That is a question I could never possibly answer with any less than 12 entries, so the last thing I listened to was Mayday Parade.

instruments played: If I keep pretending I’m going to actually practice, I can say I play piano...

favourite book: Still yet to find anything I loved as much as Delirium, but I’ll get back to you!

@hannahcbrown @the-chubby-dragones @goldengriffinessartist @bionicfrogstudios

[d-joana-a-shippadora]

5, 7, 13 (I know it's probably fanfiction of fandoms I'm not aware of, but go on, my child, tell me everything about it!), aaand 35!

Ooooooh! Thank you very much for this ask!5. do you like to organize?Not really; I'm a chaos! My bedroom is... A chaos, again. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But! My PC, drive and my phone are organised. :'v At least that.7. what song is your aesthetic?That hard! I'm not a really musical person; I can listen to almost everything. So... Canção do Engate, by António Variações? I love it.13. talk about an au or story you came up withAAAAAAAAAAAH! OK, OK! SO, YOU KNOW HETALIA, RIGHT? I THINK YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE IT, BUT ANYWAY--- Basically, a bunch of personificated countries.So, this AU was created by me and @megthekitsune and it was based on the series Sandman. This AU, the countries have what we call as "guardian angel": the Alter Egos. For us, mortals, they are like gods: powerful and immortal, but, how can I say? They don't die by age, but we can kill them. Each Alter Ego represent a valour, like most mythologies we know, and they have kingdoms.So, the strongest are Time and Darkness; we can say they are the creators of Universe. They don't protect any country.Together, they have 8 children, considered as The First Circle. They are, from the oldest to the youngest: Destiny (used to protect Ancient Rome), Death (none), Destruction (Russia), Dream (Portugal), Desire (France), Despair (Lithuania), Delirium (England) and Passion (Spain). Actually, Passion was born thanks to a bet between Desire and Dream – Desire lost and she had to give a part of her kingdom to Dream.Anyway!Then we have Justice (New Zealand) that is called as The Pastor because he is the only one to have the right to judge the other Alter Egos by their crimes (by turning them into sheep) and, if needed, to end their life. Almost everyone feared him due to that. However, this power is more a curse to him than anything; better, a punishment for his sins – he used to be a human before! He can't leave his kingdom unless to do a judgement.There's more of them, but I already told you the general important stuff. Everyone has their own life story, some better planned than others tho :'v I'm open for questions!35. when you get angry, how do you show it?:'v I'm explosive and I lose my pacience quickly, so I start to talk loud and being very rude.

[candy-crackpot]

Transformation

Summary: Neah’s awakening. Thankfully, Allen is there by his side to the end. NeaPasta. Warning: mentions of violence and death.

Rated: T, 16+

I carved NeAllen so I wrote NeAllen¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Enjoy.

Read also: FFN, AO3

Neah woke with a groan, agony once again ripping through his heaving body. His muscles spasmed and his heart thundered painfully in his chest. But worst of all was his head. His forehead stung, his brain felt as if it would explode any minute and he could swear even his hair hurt. And then those grotesque, sickening visions… As if something buried deep in his old, forgotten memories was clawing their way out. He coughed up another mouthful of blood, hazily registering a wet towel wipe it away.

At first he thought he merely got a heatstroke from hanging out in the fields so long. He couldn’t help it, he couldn’t stay inside of that home when Mana looked like he was at the door of death. He felt he should have been with him, but he didn’t want to cry in front of him.

At first there was just dizziness with a light headache, that grew into nausea and and a damn migraine, fast. And then he vomited. The bile was stinking and bitter, but the truly alarming fact about it was that it was almost black. He vomited blood. Panic welled in him, terror that he would faint and then die. Hearing a familiar voice alleviated his worry a fraction before he lost consciousness.

Cracking an eye open, he met concern bleeding silver ones. “You gave Miss Campbell quite a scare,” he remarked lacking his usual mocking tone. “You’ve been out cold for nearly four days, either howling at the pain and hallucinations in delirium or screaming until you went hoarse from nightmares.” So that’s why his throat felt so raw and vocal cords burning.

Ah, poor mother of his. He felt a tingle of guilt for causing her grief, she already had her hands full with caring for Mana. But knowing Allen, he probably convinced her to care for Mana while he looked after Neah.

Despite the pain he managed to crack a smirk. “How unlike you to come running for my help.”

Allen scowled at him lightly. Oh damn, he must be truly worried if he doesn’t sass him. “You threw up blood, Neah,” he said quietly.

Neah. Not even Campbell. Wow.

“Come now, you know I won’t go down that easy.”

Allen shot him a look, not buying his obvious bravado. After all, they grew up together. The boy knew and read him well. That was a Bookman Junior for you.

Allen was a blessing compared to gazing at the horizon longingly. There were no other kids around and when he met them they were all so mean to him. He was a bastard child, they said, and his mother was a whore. But in the end they were the ones sobbing, Neah always beat up those nasty crybabies. No one insulted their saint of a mother. Incidents like this led him to become quite asocial and suspicious, which cut him off even more. It was lonely, always being on his own, so even an ass - an ass with a heart of gold though - like Allen was welcome.

Wordlessly Allen squeezed a drenched towel and replaced it with a half-dried and bloody one from Neah’s forehead. His frown deepened seeing the soiled towel dye the water in red.

Neah sighed feeling the blissfully cool water on his feverish skin, it numbed his pain somewhat. Just enough to open both eyes and have an actual look.

Allen has been considerate enough to draw the curtains - despite that he still felt it was too bright. Soft silk sheets tangled around his his body, light and nearly weightless. Next to him on the nightstand a basin was placed, no doubt to clean him. Despite how much he remembered sweating prior to passing out, he didn’t feel that sticky. Allen washed him. Brows furrowing, he glanced back at Allen, only noticing now how ashy pale his face looked. He reached a hand out to cradle Allen’s cheek, making him pause. His finger brushed the dark circles under his silver eyes. “You look dead. When was the last time you had a wink of sleep?”

Allen hummed in reply, exhaustion making him distracted. “Oh, ah, a week I think.”

“A WEEK?!” His vocal cords and raw throat were on fire, yet he couldn’t withhold that screech as he shot up into sitting position. It was a huge mistake. His body shook with the onslaught of hacking after his outburst and Allen quickly moved to rub soothing circles on his back. As it somewhat subsided, Neah glared at him. “Why the hell are you still awake? If you care for me while you’re weak you’re going to catch whatever crap I’m having right now.”

Allen gave him an odd look. “Neah, you’re not sick.”

Neah almost physically recoiled at the absurdity. “What do you mean I’m not sick?! I feel absolute shit! What else do you think I am?!”

For once, Allen didn’t return Neah’s fire with his own; he inhaled sharply and then exhaled loudly. Neah was left puzzled when Allen stood up and headed for his messy desk. He was truly flabbergasted to see him pick up an ornate hand mirror from among the unfinished musical scores. Not one of Allen’s facial muscles moved as he came back to him, mutely handing the mirror over. Hesitantly, Neah reached out and took the item, turning its reflective surface to face him.

His eyes widened seeing his reflection. The hold on the handle went slack and the looking glass fell out of his hand onto the covers.

“What the hell…”

A demon. He wanted to laugh. In the end, those mean brats were right. He truly was a monster.

Dark skin that was neither really brown, nor grey. Golden irises, pupils shrunk to slits. Seven strange cross-markings on his forehead. So inhuman.

A hand clasped around his concerned, snapping Neah back to reality, making him realise he had been giggling. His face felt wet too.

Ah, he truly cracked. He gave Allen an apologetic grimace; he scowled in return. Allen’s hand tightened around his, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back if his palm, the other reaching up to his face to wipe away his tears.

“You’re not a demon,” he clarified softly, still caressing his knuckles, deep in thought.

“What is happening to me?” Neah demanded. “What is… What am I becoming?”

There was a pregnant pause, filled with hesitation. It felt so wrong, the cocky Allen he knew never hesitated.

In the end, Allen too knew that he couldn’t keep this a secret forever. “You’re turning into a Noah.”

Neah blinked rapidly. Then he understood. Noah. Allen told him a little about them. They were some sort of inclusive, powerful clan of superhumans who shaped the history of the world. But from what he heard, they did nothing but sow chaos and destruction.

So that’s why he saw such gruesome visions. Of darkness and blood and death and massacres and mountains of corpses.

The memory of Noah was awakening within him - and wanted him and his ultimate proof of loyatly. The Devil was calling for him and the blood of Cain cackled in his veins, crafting him nightmares of murdering Mana. His Mana. His beloved brother. He vividly recalled the feel of blood on his hands, singing for him.

It felt so real.

It felt so unreal.

It felt so wrong.

It felt so good.

Even now, it was there: an unexplainable impulse, an urge. Mana was right across the hallway. He knew it. He could feel it. Like some predator that caught scent of its prey. If he got out if bed and stumbled over… Mana would be lying there, vulnerable. Just get close to him then-

He shoved the mental picture away before it made him gag. He’d never hurt Mana. Ever.

The feeling still didn’t go away.

He directed his straying attention back to the redhead, heart hammering in his ribcage.

“You knew?”

Was everything a lie? Did Allen only befriend him to witness this?

Allen flinched hearing the question, face white. He quickly shook his head. “I… knew there was something up with you. You were really out of it lately. But I never knew you’re a host until I’ve seen the Holy Marks.”

Neah’s tense shoulders fell and hung defeated. “What will happen to me now?” He whispered softly, his grip trembling around his blanket. Neah licked his quivering dry lips. “Am I… Am I going to disappear?”

His new golden eyes sought Allen fearfully, wordlessly begging him to deny, to tell him it was going to be alright.

Allen averted his eyes.

Neah’s heart sank.

“I have no idea what happens to the host when the transformation kicks in,” Allen admitted. “As far as I know, the Bookman Clan has no records of Noah awakening. I… have no idea what I could do for you.”

Tense second ticked by as Neah attempted to process everything, the fear of the unknown weighing down on him heavily.

These could very well be his last moments.

“If you want to…” Neah snapped his eyes at Allen, who still didn’t meet his. “I can… Tie you down… To make sure you won’t… I’ll tell Bookman I did it out of self-defen-”

Allen didn’t get to finish. His silver eyes rounded white, body frozen in shock until Neah retracted his lips from his.

Neah gave an apologetic grimace and let out a deranged laugh. He was so pathetic. He got so panicked at the prospect of death, he dove in and stole a kiss from Allen.

He didn’t even properly tell the boy of his dreams how much he loved him.

He couldn’t even keep these suppressed feelings so it wouldn’t get in the way of his career.

His heart clenched seeing Allen reach up to trace his pink lips. As amazing as this felt he couldn’t stop feeling he was filth for dumping his one sided love on Allen like that and wish Allen loved him back and they could continue to kiss until the end of time.

“I’m sorry, Allen.”

Sorry for kissing you and leaving like that.

He couldn’t keep himself from crying anymore. He couldn’t lie himself everything was going to be alright.

“I-”

Just as he stole Allen’s breath, Allen stole his. For a second he was frozen, unable to comprehend that Allen was kissing him, but thankfully his body caught up on it.

His eyelids slipped closed and he tilted his head to the side to deepen his kiss. Neah pushed a hesitant tongue to Allen’s lips, poking nervously. His heart fluttered when he was granted access. All thoughts melted away into passion. He conveyed everything he held in: his joy, his sorrow, his fear, his desperation… He laid himself bare for Allen and accepted the ones he got in return.

He broke away when another surge of pain rushed through him, making him whimper. He couldn’t even cry out anymore.

Allen gently pushed him back into lying position. “Try and get some rest, even if you don’t sleep.”

He paused when Neah captured his hand. “Allen. I think my transformation is going to end soon.” His instinct said so. Next time he woke up, he might be a completely different person. “I might not make it back and I know it’s selfish to ask this but-”

He was cut off by Allen’s mouth aggressively slamming into his, silencing him. The kiss was unlike the gentle, hesitant one they shared; this was full of passionate all-consuming fire that made his blood boil and head spin. He felt a bit lightheaded when Allen pulled away with a scowl. “If you want more of this, make sure you return, asshole.”

You have to come back. You must. Mana, Road and Miss Campbell are waiting for you. I’m waiting for you.

Neah cracked a smile, face twisting into exasperated fondness. “Of course. I’ll take the liberty to kiss the life out of you when I’m back.”

“Deal.”

Exhaustion finally overpowered Neah, he struggled to keep his eyes open. He didn’t want this wonderful moment to end, he didn’t want to wake up covered in blood, standing over Allen’s still warm corpse. He wanted to be with Allen so badly now that he knew his affection was mutual.

His eyes slid close. “This might be a bit childish but… would you do me a favour?” This might be his last wish, Allen will surely do it without a word. “Would you sing that song for me?”

His lips twitched into a grateful smile when a hand came to intertwine with his hair, followed by Allen’s soft singing. Damn, he needed to write a piano piece where Allen got to show this beautiful voice.

Once I’m back, he promised as he slipped back into unconsciousness, steeling himself for whatever Noah had in charge for him.