#This is pointless fluff crack idfk

[trashogram]

A Drabble for Octavia in the He Chose You universe (if you don’t know what that is, it’s just a Lucifer/Reader I’ve made — you’re the Queen of Hell) who deserves none of the BS she’s had to deal with in Helluva Boss.

Octavia knelt to sit on the playmat, long legs awkwardly splaying outward as she tried to get comfortable. Even if she managed to make her lower half unwind, the Goetian heiress couldn’t imagine her shoulders loosening in this expansive, unbelievable castle. It was even more opulent than her own home. Princess Charlotte watched her make the attempt with a wide, gummy smile from where she’d been trying to roll onto her tummy. Her mother, the Queen, had gotten up only a moment ago and was speaking in hushed tones with the person Via wished the least to see much less hear since she’d taken shelter in Lucifer’s palace.

Pudgy hands on chubby baby arms reached out and Octavia couldn’t help smirking. She reached back and allowed Charlotte to grab onto one of her talons, sharp point curled inward to prevent any injury to the fragile baby.

The baby yanked at her owl counterpart and babbled, until Octavia’s smile softened into something more genuine. It was as if Charlotte knew that Via needed distraction.

“Your majesty, I understand what you’re saying, but I must insist that I at least see my daughter.”

Octavia sunk down further onto the plush pink carpet at the sound of her father’s voice.

“It’s been days!” Stolas said, loud enough to be heard from behind royal walls.

“And as I said before, Octavia shouldn’t be forced to do anything that she’s not comfortable with.” The Queen countered politely, yet firmly.

“Mah!” Octavia’s gaze switched from the ground to Charlotte once again.

The threat of tears in the bird’s glowing eyes were forgotten momentarily as she watched Hell’s princess struggle to flip from her back to her belly. Octavia couldn’t help her frame from shaking with quiet laughter at the sight.

Charlie waved a hand again and her playmate finally took the bait and gently pushed the baby to maneuver onto her side. Charlie’s hooves kicked in the air for purchase as she flopped the rest of the way. She huffed in satisfaction before looking back up at Via with her round, ruby eyes, arms held out to grip and kneed at the fibers beneath.

Charlotte babbled before scooting up toward Via, moving like an inchworm just to get to her.

“What are you doing?” Octavia snorted, instantly stopping the Devil baby in her tracks by leaning over and plucking the tiny thing from the floor.

It was so easy, like picking up taxidermic armadillo paperweight to admire. Just a tad more wriggly and loud.

Charlie smiled widely again and lightly petted Via’s beak. “Mah!”

“Yes, I heard you the first time.” Octavia held the Antichrist close, for lack of any alternative. “You’re nuts, you know?”

The familiar whoosh and accompanying sparkling light of a portal opening up a few feet away had Octavia pulling Charlie to her chest tightly. It earned her a high-pitched bit of nonsense, but Via waited in fear for the figure on the other side to step through.

The becoming-familiar figure of Lucifer hopped through. “Hello girls!”

It took Octavia a moment to get her bearings. Charlie fussed in the owl princess’s loosening arms as Lucifer focused on the two of them.

“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry sweetie. Didn’t mean to startle you!” The King hunched in on himself to appear smaller, voice going low. “Mom said she had to step out and I got here as fast as I could.”

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” He continued. “Here, want me to take her?”

Octavia slowly gave Charlotte to her father, watching numbly as he lit up for the baby.

“Dah!” Charlie squealed.

“That’s right! Daddy’s here!” Lucifer kissed her brow, and Charlie was already enthusiastically babbling once more.

He looked back to Octavia. “I hope you weren’t waiting too long…?”

“No, he… he got here a few minutes ago.” Octavia answered.

Lucifer’s expression turned remorseful and subdued, even while Charlie grabbed at lapels. This was the fourth-going-on-fifth time Prince Stolas had come requesting his daughter’s return home, and the situation was becoming as sad as it was frustrating.

It was difficult for Lucifer personally. On one hand, he was a father, and he knew that he’d tear apart Heaven and Hell to keep Charlotte safe with himself and his wife. On the other hand, Octavia’s parents were definitely not Lucifer and his wife. Being around Stella and Stolas Goetia, especially at the height of their marriage falling apart at the seems and one attempting to kill the other — as well as the other flaunting their extramarital affairs (in front of Octavia for fuck’s sake) sounded like the opposite of safe.

“Hey,” Lucifer offered the Owl princess a hand while moving Charlie to his hip. “Are ya hungry? We’ve got a kitchen all the way on the opposite side of the house with anything you could ever want. Or oh! Maybe we could go to that arcade Mammon commissioned up here — Dag and Belphagor’s? I bet they have food, and non-rigged games! Well for us, anyway.”

Lucifer chuckled. And Via looked up at him for a long moment, sizing up the rather diminutive ruler of all Hell as he waited for her with utmost patience. Charlie mimicked him once she’d assessed the situation (as much as a baby could) and held out her hand to Octavia as well, with an energetic ‘Gah!’.

Via smiled before she took the offer. “Sure.”

[jujywrites]

Thanks to the Sigmund Corp Discord gang for this scribble! Sometime in the distant past WaluEpsi wanted a fic where Eva has to stay over at Neil’s house and ends up in his clothes. Voila, I finally wrote a thing. set during training/college/??? days idfk

I just wanted pointless fluff but I had to add a tiny plot. W H Y

(now with Eva’s POV!)

Distant thumping filtered into Neil’s headphones. Some part of his brain registered the noise wasn’t part of the soundtrack, but it wasn’t urgent– he was two photon bombs away from beating this boss, and he’d already died five times, and it wasn’t gonna be six.

The thumps grew louder. Like door knocks? It was a freaking typhoon outside, who would be at his door in this….

“Oh, shit,” he muttered, realizing, then, “Son of a bitch!” as the momentary lapse proved fatal to his avatar. He flung the controller onto the couch and hurried over to the door.

“Eva,” he said as he opened it, “what the hell–”

Her hand was raised mid-knock, and she looked like a drowned cat except three times as pissed. She said something as she sloshed past him but the words were lost in a monstrous gust of wind.

“What?” he said, half-shouting as he struggled with the door. Finally slamming it shut, he turned around only to crack his elbow on the doorknob when Eva let loose.

“I’ve had it up to here with those sadists at the academy!” She gestured wildly while she spoke, flinging water all over the carpet. “Heaven forbid you get one minuscule insignificant detail wrong in front of Peterson, we all know that, but I swear he has it out for me, Neil. Every chance he gets he’s the one that observes me and I thought I’d learned not to let it get to me but he brought a pack of his favorite bozos to the class today and he, he,” a breath, “he destroyed me. If I were a lesser person I’d have done something to put me on janitor duty for a week. No, a month.” She made a noise somewhere between a screech and a groan, shoving her hands into her hair. “Fuck. I hate him, I hate all of them. Damn it, I’m never gonna graduate because of them! I’m good at this, I want to be an agent!”

“You’re not good,” Neil interjected, meeting her sharp shocked gaze straight on. He’d eased toward her while she ranted and now stood an arm’s length away. “You’re the best. I guarantee Peterson and his cronies are terrified of you, and it doesn’t help that he’s a jerkwad of the highest order on top of that.”

“I don’t know how to win against him.” Her voice had shrunk, same as her posture. Head bowed, her face was hidden under the waterfall of hair. “This is all I know how to do now. If, if I don’t get my certification…”

While she’d vented, part of him was worrying over what exactly he could say that might help. But the way she stood there, looking so small, made him talk without thinking. “You keep going back. Keep doing everything you know how to do. Spend more time with Roxie.” That got a snort. “Don’t give up. That’s how you win. There’s only so long Peterson can hold out against your awesomeness. And don’t forget you’ve got allies over there.” Somewhat surprised by his own speech, he hid it by crossing his arms and regarding her narrow-eyed. “But… I know you already know all that.You don’t need me of all people giving you a pep-talk, right?”

“No. I don’t need it.” She stood straighter now, and had shoved some hair out of her face. A smile reached one corner of her mouth. “It’s still nice to hear y– someone else say it.“

Mission accomplished. “Glad to help.”

“Ah, jeez, I’m getting your carpet all soggy…” She stepped back, loosing a few more droplets.

“Never mind that,” he said with a handwave, walking past her. He turned when she just stood there. “Come on, let’s concentrate on you not turning into an Evasicle.”

“What? Oh–” Laughter burst from her, bending her double for a moment (he staunchly ignored his stomach somersaulting) before she followed.

“Bathroom’s here.” He waved at the door. “Hop in the shower, warm up, everything’s there you might need except a hair dryer, sorry. I’m gonna go grab you something to wear. Just leave all your clothes outside the door and I’ll hide out in the living room.”

She blinked at him, rubbing her arms absently. “Neil, you don’t– I can just towel off– I mean it’s nice of you but–”

“No buts,” he said over his shoulder as he started down the hall. “I think your lips are turning blue.”

He was rummaging through his closet when his neurotic side realized how she could have taken that. Grabbing the first shirt he spotted (something black) to go with the sweatpants he’d retrieved, he scurried back to her hoping she hadn’t–

“You been staring at my mouth, Neil?” She was smirking and shivering at the same time so it wasn’t as effective as it might have been, and yet.

“Please,” he scoffed while his mind yelled obscenities at him. “I could tell from 10 feet away.” He pushed the clothes at her. “You might need to roll up the pant cuffs, but they should fit. My room’s down that way if they don’t, take whatever you want, now go shower before you freeze any more.”

He spun around toward the living room, but managed to raise a hand in response to her soft, “Thanks.”

Somehow, cold had settled over him too. He took a detour to the kitchen and stared confusedly at the cabinets before the brilliant idea to make hot chocolate occurred to him. Does she like marshmallows…?

He was ensconced on the couch with two mugs of cocoa on the side table next to him, controller in hand, when Eva showed up again. He heard her before he saw her.

“I’m only going to say this once, so pay attention.”

Pausing the game, he gave her a glance and did a subtle (he hoped) double-take.

She hadn’t needed to roll up the cuffs, she was barefoot, a towel encircled her head… and she was wearing his Single/Taken/Anime t-shirt.

His brain was stuck somewhere between mortification and adoration and 100% confounded by the latter.

A slow grin stretched on her face. “I approve of your sartorial taste, Watts.”

“I, uh. Thought I got a different shirt,” he mumbled, scratching at his neck.

She quirked an eyebrow and walked over. “You mean you didn’t do this on purpose? Huh,” she said with a sigh as she flopped onto the couch next to him. “I’m almost disappointed.”

Strangely, having her near him was making it easier to think of words, not harder. Then again, talking was much better than imagining what scents would end up on that towel, or realizing that she probably wasn’t wearing underweokay OKAY

He dropped the controller with a groan, shoving his hands through his hair. “You already know I’m a nerd and I wasn’t planning for you to find out how much of a nerd I actually am.” He was absolutely not whining.

“Eh. I’d say you’re a moderate nerd. I mean, it’s not like you’ve kept up on all this season’s anime, or put volume release dates on your calendar, or anything like that.”

He turned, staring, hands retreating from his hair. She was smirking again, head cocked, even though she stretched her arms casually behind her. “You’ve miraculously discovered my secret,” she said, swinging one arm back around to make a sideways victory sign and sticking her tongue out for a moment.

“Oh my god, you’ve been holding out on me!” he yelped, pointing an accusing finger. “Where the hell were you when last week’s episode of Shadow Junction came out?”

“You’re joking, right? I was screaming at my laptop for twenty minutes.”

“Exactly! What the shit was that??? When Polygon of all people found the–”

“Aegis Stone! And then installed it! Without letting the Order know about it!”

“I felt so–”

“Betrayed,” they said at once.

“And now you’re telling me,” Neil said, flinging himself into the couch corner, “we could have been commiserating about it but you were hiding in the Boring People Closet. I’m shocked! Amazed. Taken aback.” He grabbed a cocoa mug and drank from it grumpily. “Hope you like marshmallows because this one’s mine now.”

And found himself uncomfortably close to choking when she crawled across him to snatch the other mug. She snapped back to her spot without noticing his momentary distress.

“You should’ve told me that right away,” she said, and slurped noisily.

“Ugh, you’re an animal.”

“It’s the proper way to gather the ‘mallows first, you uncultured swine.”

“I’m uncultured because I like my chocolate pure. That makes total sense.”

"What was that about the Boring People Closet?”

“Shut up and drink your cocoa, nerd.” But he couldn’t help grinning. Just for a second.

He set the mug down and went back to gaming. It didn’t take long, though, for his mind to start wandering. Why did he feel so… jumpy, when he snuck glances at her? No, not jumpy. Giddy. Like rainbows and sparkles should be floating around him. It wasn’t that big of a deal, she was wearing his crappy loungewear. But still. Eva in his clothes, and he felt warm? and cuddly about it?? What the f–

“Hey, there’s a kickass weapon in this area. See that crack in the mountainside?”

“Uh, yeah,” and he glanced at her to see her intent on the screen and his stomach was doing stupid things again, “but it’s just a cave. Already been there.”

“I can show you!”

He bit back a laugh at her poorly restrained grabby hands. “Sure. knock yourself out.” He handed her the controller and sat back. “How do you know about this anyway?” he asked, as she spun through his inventory and pulled out a silver hammer. “You play?”

She shook her head. “Watched Let’s Plays. Haven’t gotten into this one yet but I like the previous one…” She swung the hammer at a corner of the cave wall. “It blends in really well. You gotta mess with your brightness settings to find it but– ta-da!” A few cracks later and a treasure chest was revealed. She gave the controller back with a smug smile.“You’re welcome.”

“Holy cannoli, what a beauty,” he said, staring wide-eyed at the flaming sword the chest granted. “You’ve really been holding out on me, Rosy.”

He faked almost falling off the couch when she shoved his shoulder.

“Call me that again and you can forget about binging Kaleidoscope Morning together,” she said, sipping primly from her mug.

He nearly dropped the controller. “Wh– you– that’s available?”

“Legal and free,” she drawled. “I’ll have to train you in my ways, grasshopper.”

"Is platonic marriage a thing because I will totally marry you for that.”

She snorted, jabbed a thumb at the tee shirt. “How soon you forget.”

“Touché,” he said, mentally facepalming.

“Anyway, thanks for this.” She bumped his cheek with her mug. “And, you know, the rest of it. Putting up with my angsting, et cetera.”

“What are friends for?” But he paused, and looked at her, and smiled at the cliche. “Besides, I’d have been a total douchenugget to turn you away.”

She chuckled. “I know. Still, thanks.”

Her side hug was too brief to give him a heart attack, but his face still heated. And yet… She tucked her legs up underneath her, and he settled cross-legged in his corner, and listened to her tips… He felt so comfortable it was almost unbearable.

Thunder crashed outside. He saw her flinch in his peripheral vision as he shivered inexplicably. Still, he felt warm from the inside out. And some silly distant part of his brain decided that, if pressed to describe his perfect evening… Well, this was pretty damn close.