#This is my blog and I feel like chattin it up with myself!!!!

[resurrection-of-soul]

Flashback | BIOHAZARD 9

Writer: Akira (日日日)

Characters: Koga, Rei, Kaoru, Adonis, Keito

Keito: That's... Otogari, was it? And what's this about "vampires"? What are you going on about? Rei: (Genuinely, what am I going on about?)

[ For the best viewing experience, please read directly on my blog! ♪ ]

Koga: (Nn~…?)

Rei: (? Whatever is the matter, Koga? Is there something bothering you?)

Koga: (Sorta. I'm just wonderin' how Adonis is holdin' up. I mean, we barely had anythin' to do with him around this time, right?)

Rei: (I was acquainted with him prior to this. If memory serves, after I facilitated his introduction to thee, the two of you began to take lessons together, yes?)

Koga: (Yea. But it was only from time to time, we didn't really make a habit of it or anythin' 'til way later… Not 'til he officially joined us.) (In other words, we only started hangin' out regularly after DEADMANZ was reborn as UNDEAD.) (What the heck was he actin' so reserved for back then? He wouldn't even show up to lessons unless I kept botherin' him about it.)

Rei: (That child can be surprisingly shy for such a tough-looking boy. 'Twas especially so back then.) (That said, once he opens his heart to someone, he becomes sweetly, wholeheartedly devoted to them. That part of him is quite reminiscent of thee, is it not? Both Kaoru-kun, as well as Puppy¹ ♪)

Koga: (Hah? Who the hell're you callin' a dog when you're the one who can't stop waggin' your tail at us right now?) ²

Kaoru: (Ahaha. To be honest, I'm kinda curious about Adonis-kun's whereabouts too. In a situation as incomprehensible as this, I'd like it if we could stick together, y'know?)

Koga: (Ngh~ Hnnnngh~! Damn, it's no good. Seems like we really can't separate from our past selves, huh? It's gonna be hard to search for Adonis like thi—)

Adonis: (There is no need to search.) (I am right here.)

Kaoru: (Is that you, Adonis-kun?!) (That gave me quite a scare… You've gotta, like, properly let us know if you're there, okay?)

Adonis: (I'm sorry. I was confused by the situation and did not understand what was going on until I heard your conversation.)

Rei: ('Tis completely understandable. After all, though we can hear one another's voices, our eyes perceive naught.) (Even when in close proximity to one another, 'tis impossible to discern another's presence until words are spoken.)

Adonis: (Yes. I'm not a very talkative person, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage and having a hard time dealing with the situation.)

Koga: (Speakin' of which. We're just standin' around chattin' like it's normal, but why are you even here, Adonis?)

Adonis: (Do you mean that philosophically?)

Koga: (That ain't it! I just mean there's that whole thing where we can only exist here if we stick close to our past selves 'n— Ah damn it, now I'm lost too!)

Kaoru: (Feels like I'm gonna lose my mind at this rate… But um, basically, if Adonis-kun is here, the past Adonis-kun should also be nearby, or something like that?) (That's like, totally weird, right? I mean, we didn't hang out at all back then?)

Adonis: (I also thought it was weird. For some reason, Sakuma-senpai attacked me earlier.)

Rei: (Huh? Have I erred again, somehow?)

Adonis: (It wasn't the "wagahai" Sakuma-senpai, but rather the "ore-sama" Sakuma-senpai.)

Rei: (Thank you for the easy-to-follow explanation. However, thinking back on it, I do not believe I ever truly referred to myself using "ore-sama.") (Just where has that misconception come from? I, for one, would lay the blame solidly at Koga's feet. As he has modeled himself after my former self, everyone is simply swept up under the mistaken assumption that I once spoke as he— )

Koga: (The hell? You tryin' to say Adonis gettin' attacked was my fault?)

Rei: (Nay, 'twas not my intention… I meant only to say this situation is truly bizarre.) (All four members of UNDEAD, whose paths rarely crossed back in this era, have now gathered together here. Yet I have no recollection of any such event. Just what is the cause of the discrepancy between this scene and our memories? And, more pressingly, what meaning does that discrepancy hold?)

Adonis: (If you cannot figure it out, then there is no way we can.)

Rei: (Yet I am also not an omniscient and omnipotent god… Ah, quiet a moment. It seems something important is occuring between our past selves.)

Rei: Haha. Sorry ya had to go through the trouble of comin' all the way out here, but the case has already been solved. The culprit behind the "vampire attacks" is this guy.

Adonis: …

Keito: That's… Otogari, was it? And what's this about "vampires"? What are you going on about?

Rei: (Genuinely, what am I going on about?)

Adonis: (Even if you ask me, I do not know either.) (I do remember an incident occurring around this time. But I do not remember anything about vampires.) (Actually, wasn't that incident the reason we became UNDEAD?)

Rei: (Ahh, now that thou dost mention it… I do indeed recall something of the like. What fond memories.) ('Twas both DEADMANZ's final case, as well as UNDEAD's first.)

[ ☆ ]

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Rei doesn't actually call Koga "wanko" here, however…

This line translates literally to "Who's the one wagging his tail at who?" In JP, to "wag your tail" is a saying meaning to flatter/suck up to someone. So, following on from Rei's speech about how sweet they all are, the implication is very much a combination of "man, you're being embarrassingly mushy right now" and "okay now who's the dog here?" but the latter would be a nonsensical statement to just suddenly insert into this convo in ENG, and I didn't want to ditch the dog pun completely (Koga makes so many dog puns).

[khlomantic]

a little introduction!,

○ about me:

hi! my name is Khloe, i go by she/her, infp, fangirl :’)

○ about this blog:

I mainly made this a place for me to talk about whatever I'm interested in at the moment. I always want to talk about the things I like! so I thought to myself, why not fix this up and use it for that? So here I am, and I wanna try this out. I'd like to think of this as a brain dump, a digital journal (even though I do journal consistently.) or something of the sort!

○ interests and such:

I've been trying to get more into film, feel free to recommend some! My favorite actors at the moment are Austin Butler, Timothee Chalamet, and Callum Turner. I also saw Twisters recently, so I'll probably start chattin' about Glen Powell soon. I also of course love Harry Styles (as well as One Direction), Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, Lorde!! I've also been bumpin' Brat by Charli XCX. Anyways, you can find me on letterboxd as khloetpwk!

[vir2k]

hi sander sides enjoyer i needed somewhere to put my sander sides hcs thoughts and feelings lol

little intro

seven/virgil ☆ he xy ☆ lesbian&20

my favourite side is virgil! logan and janus are close seconds!! i do NOT like remus and will likely never speak of him if it isnt a general idea or in relation to another side. i just wanna be upfront about it. the reason i dislike remus is because mention of him and intrusive thoughts trigger my own, which makes me spiral as i have very dark ones that have left me in very bad situations. i want to make it clear, people with intrusive thoughts are NOT the problem, nor is thomas' representation of his own. im glad he can cope that way! it just personally puts me in a bad place.

i will mainly talk abt virgil lolol

i also like mitski, kpop, etc etc. this isnt my mainblog but i will not be telling what it is :)!! ive been a fan of thomas since his vine days, and ssides since its beginning !!!!! ive always loved virgil. i have a lot of feelings about in universe ssides & thomas but i want to make it SO very clear that i separate ss!thomas from THOMAS thomas!

ps this blog is mainly for me and my friends hehe haha tehe or whatever. i know it may seem like im chattin to myself but my friends keep up with my posts bc its our thing :)!!! if ur one of those people who feel immense guilt over seeing people get no interactions, dw lol! thats not whats going on here

[binniesthighs]

hi hi cuties and thigh enthusiasts!! just about a day ago my lil blog full of hornies and changbin thirst reached 1,500 and i am just jaflkjasd :’) since then haha 

ah ah this post is already so cheesy hehe but i wanted to say thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for following me along with my journey with this blog! after having the hobby of writing for the greater part of my life, i’m so immensely thankful that i started this blog and hopefully took ya all on some of the crazy adventures i keep locked up in my head hehe 

having this blog has been such a wonderful experience, from learning about myself as a writer, exploring the many, many hornies that i’ve got, and most of all, meeting all of the freakin’ fantastic individuals in this community! ~thank you to each and every one of you for being the sweetest, loveliest, most hilarious and welcoming people i could ever wish to meet and have the honor of getting to know and write for!~ 

to celebrate, i wanted to make a lil list n’ love letter to my lovely pals for ya to check out! there is fkn CRAZY talent on this list and i highly recommend that ya check out everyone and their masterlists! 

to my moots~ GAH I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH my whole experience here on smutblr has been made absolutely amazing by you all! GOSH hehe i am full of so much love for you all your brains are seggsy as hell and i’m always rooting for you!! thank you so much for being my friends <3 

to my readers~ my loves, thank you, as a writer, to bee seen and heard fulfills every word i write and every lil idea i scribble down. wherever ya are in the world, thank you for taking the time to read my pieces and for sending me love. you are my reason!! 

to my anons~ thank you my darlings for all of your kindness, screams in my inbox, every song rec, hard thought and word of encouragement. my lil anon family i love you and appreciate you all so much! thank you for reaching out to me and makin’ a lil home on my account! it means the world to me! <3 

to my bunch of (ro)ses~ thank you so much for hyping me with each of my updates, for showing up in my notifs and being overall frickin’ angels! thank you so much for reading as always and i hope that ya like what’s to come! 

~hehe i wanted to write ya all lil messages too! while they just scratch the surface, please know that i love ya all to the moon and back!! 🥰~ 

🌹Writers🌹

@aliceu ~ alice, hehe here’s to all the times that we would ramble about fantasy aus and bounce ideas off eachother, thank you so much for being my go-to and my muse at times! your works are literally magical my love! 

@bearseungmin ~ hehe dawn i think that you might be one of my oldest moots on this list! ever since i started out here in this lil corner on the internet, you have been the most supportive, sweet individual there is to me and I can’t say thank you enough! i’m also like, highkey obsessed with everything you write hehehe 

@binniesbrat ~ oh my gosh té , hehe lol i will bring this up over and over again bc i’m just so ah ah it makes me melt but fun fact hehe back when i was babybinniesthighs, té reached out to me, and made me felt like i belonged--i literally lysm! your hornies are fantastic my dear, we are so lucky to have you here! 

@bruh-changbin ~ dear sky, while we’ve only talked a little in asks, i wanted to express how very dear you are to me! hehe when i update and you hype me up it literally makes my whole frickin’ day! you keep me going! not to mention that your writing is *chef’s kiss* teehee 

@bubblelixie ~ ah! kc! we’ve also been moots for a good while, i think back when i was babybinniesthighs too! hehe your overwhelming love and support of me makes my heart frickin’ swell and seeing you in my notifs and my asks with hornies makes me feel so dang fuzzy! you are quite literally one of the most adorable cuties on here! your writing also just *knocks me out* OOF 

@chaangbin ~ ours is quite the story dear hazel bean...meaning....i was like, the biggest, nerdiest fangirl of your work for quite some time and very very shy to tell you that it was me ahhhhh haha well here i am ooP your writing is so beautiful and human and immersive in so many ways! i’m crazy lucky to be moots and friends with ya! omg if i say more i will literally embarrass the heck out of myself hahahhaha

@decembermoonskz ~ beautiful izzy, you are such, and i mean such an inspiration to me. the way that you write is so gorgeous and i feel as if i’m in every scene. the way that you create worlds and place your readers in them is frickin’ insane! hehe i love obsessing with ya over chan any day and night! keep goin’! 

@dom--minnie ~ len, when i think of comfort, i really think of you. the way that i feel so safe with ya is like, insane. even when we first started chattin’ i just knew that we had an amazin’ thing coming hehe. from horny rambles to literally just talkin’ bout life, i am absurdly lucky to have met you here! you literally deserve everything wonderful in life and i love ya so much! 

@etherealeeknow ~ gah gen, my dear, the way that you checked up with me over my lil break just huhuhu thank you so much for being such a lovely and caring person towards me and everyone else whom you meet! you are so precious and i hope ya never forget that! 

@fight-me-m8 ~ darling and sweet rosetta, FRICK literally when i think of you oh my gosh i get the fuzzies, i’m so happy that we met and that i was able to witness the beginnings of your account! you have so so much love to give and i will fight you and give you more love back. bb i’m so happy to have you as a moot! 

@film-in-my-soul ~ alex! hehe while our friendship is still in the bb stages, i wanted to throw some love your way too!! i’m so hyped to write with you in the future and talk even more! i love how fast we clicked when we started talking about BLs AHA darlin’ you are so sweet and i can’t wait to get to know ya more! 

@formidxble ~ kim oh my god, you are a frickin’ force. when you entered this community a lil bit ago, and then made it your own, sharing with us your beautiful brain and lovely kindness, i swear the world must’ve taken a breath or something LOL you always astonish me with your works and i’m literally so excited for what the future holds for you! 

@hanflix ~ i think that i speak for so many of us here that rue, you are truly an inspiration. back when i was starting out and even now, reading your works feels like such a treat and i try to savor them all up! as a writer, i look up to you so much and as a wonderful, humble and hardworking person i look up to you as well!! thank you so much for welcoming me when i was babybinniesthighs ilsym! 

@hongnanglen-arina ~ arina my fuckin’ love oh my god if i could fly to where you are i frickin’ would!! i really think that the universe did a lil somethin’ somethin’ allowing us to meet. i feel so comfortable with you talkin’ about anything and everything especially hornies they are fkn’ unbridled. i can’t count how many times you’ve made me topple with laugher at like 3am. i’m so happy to have you in my life! 

@hyunsluvv ~ kathy istg you are one of the sweetest people i have had the pleasure of meeting on this lil corner of the internet! the care and love that you give to each of your anons, moots and in your work is truly astounding. i remember when you were just starting out i knew that big things were in store for you, and they still are! hehe

@imagineinnie ~ el, you are literally an angel if i have ever met one. it means the whole world to me when i see your dms, and the way that you check up on me and so many others goes to show the utter kindness and selflessness that you exhibit. cutie, thank you so much for always cheering me on and being such a light in this community!!

@instachans ~  kenny, although we’ve just met, i’m already so excited for our friendship to come! you are such an angel and have so much love to give, i’m so thankful that you slide into my asks hehe the future holds such amazing things for you!  

@itsapapisongo ~ javi, my dear, there’s just somethin’ about us that flows like frickin’ water. i feel like there’s the people that you meet in life that you kind of just click with, and i’m immensely grateful that i’ve met you. your love, support, hornies and lethal timing with gifs keeps me smiling. you are an astonishing writer and i feel so lucky to be here with you! 

@jisungsplatforms ~ sweet ina hehe i’m so glad that ya slid into my asks the day that you did! your vibes are so sweet and peaceful and i feel as if you and your account are such a safe place! i love, love sharing hornies with you over our boys! there is so much ahead for you my dear and i can’t wait!!! 

@mochinnie ~ omg i’ve totally said this before so many times, but i am so, so wowed by your work isa and they stick with me for like days after i read your pieces! i am so utterly inspired by you! i love your blog’s aesthetic and how you are always truthfully yourself i admire this so much! when i was starting out your works kept me goin’! thank you so much for this hehe 

@mzmezzler ~ ryan you literally deserve the whole world! not to mention that you are doing god’s work writing sub!skz! sweets, each of your pieces are so wonderful and imaginative and your lil memes and thoughts are so cute! please always keep doing you!! 

@ohmysparkle ~ sparkle: oh my gosh where can i start??? you are one fkn’ badass sparklin’ cat and my freakin’ role model. every day i am so astonished over how well spoken, wise, and reasonable you are while also being off the walls unapologetically yourself. my dear plz always shout with me about sub!hyunjin teehee 

@seungmoomin ~ nia big sexy brain!! holy shit the fkn talent in this bus? astronomical! nia i am absoluately WEAK over your writings and highkey you as a person over all! i swear, your blog is a gold mine and your personality is so wonderful i can’t put it into words LOL there’s no one quite like you and i can’t even count how many times you’ve got me dying laughing here ily!!

@yourdaddychan ~ LUNA my queen of capitalization and screaming in dms, you add a spice to my life that i didn’t know was missing. talking to you in every  format is fkn fantastic and lights up my day no matter how gloomy its been. i really feel like this is your world and i’m just livin’ in it LOL I LOVE YEW

🌹Readers🌹

@introjoonie ~ mai, this account would literally not be in existence if not for you, and it’s provided me with such happiness over these few months! thank you so much for encouraging me to let my hornies to the wind, and for listening to all my rambles about it since. thank you so much for being a lovely best friend, cheerleader and person. i’ll be seeing you soon!

@jeonglixie, @lechanters, @inlovewithasa, @pixxie-lixxie ~ my loves there is something so, so beautiful about each and every one of you, i cannot thank you enough for reading my works and for being so overwhelmingly supportive and kind with your feedback time and again. i’m so blessed to have such wonderful readers such as you! my time here on tumblr has been made by you and so many others of my unbelievably sweet readers!

@lovesfaith ~ ahh tumblr is being rude not letting me tag ya but sweets i just wanted to thank you so much for your kindness too! i adore talking with ya about astrology n’ just life and the way that you read me like a book is CRAZY haha thank you for being you Bambi! 

@meow-minho  ~ marine, every time that i see you on tumblr i am so thankful for your grace, and just lovely welcoming vibes. i am so thankful to have such a lovely person as you in my life and i can’t express how much me (and i’m sure so many other writers on here) appreciate your feedback. thank you so much!

@synnocence ~ wonderful cee, since first meeting you i feel like i’ve had the pleasure of getting to know such a wonderful human and equally amazin’ fellow bin stan! i can’t thank you enough for how much you’ve helped me grow my bin collection! dm-ing with you is always such a joy and you deserve the frickin’ world my friend!!

once again, thank you so much for poppin by and giving me a read, an ask, a dm or simply just sending bin pics my way hehe 

i hope to write much more in the future and to lash out with all the hornies that i’ve got! i can’t wait to share more with you all! thank you so much for being my motivation, as well as seggsy ass cuties who i am so lucky to share this space with!! 

have you thought about changbin’s thighs today yet? well...now you have 😉

[takeiteasypeasybaby]

Save Me: Chapter 39 - Try

~Hey guys! Chapter 39 is out now! We’re almost up to 40 chapters of Save Me!! I can't believe it, it feels like just yesterday that I started this blog :) I hope everyone is doing well and enjoys this chapter~

Both Molly and Negan are learning to trust outsiders again. While Negan tries and struggles to open up to anyone who isn't Molly, Molly is trying to put the past behind her and find a new reason to carry on, which come in the form of new arrivals at Hilltop.

I reached Hilltop with a renewed sense of clarity regarding Negan.

I think it took me until now to realise that the past, while hard to swallow, is the past for a reason and it doesn't mean that he is the same person as he was back then.

Seeing the Sanctuary in ruin was what I needed to realise that what happened to me there is completely behind me and the man responsible is long since dead.

I think now I can finally learn to forgive him for his past crimes, after all we have all done things to survive and protect those we love.

I don't expect anyone else to forgive and certainly not forget, but perhaps just simply acknowledge that there is more to him than his past actions.

When I rocked up to the gates, my mind turned back to the attention of Tara's new people she had brought to us.

She had radioed me and told me that she found them in the woods just outside of Oceanside and thought that they would be of use at Hilltop.

'Mol!' Tara yelled happily as she waved while she ran into my arms.

'Agh! I've missed you so damn much!' I said squeezing her tightly and burying my face into the crook of her neck.

'So...who are they?' I said as she pulled away.

'Well, there are five of them. There were six, but he died en route' she said softly.

I just nodded, looking in the direction of the group she had just described who were standing around outside the house.

I exhaled, 'alright, let's get this shit done' I said enthusiastically, smiling at my sister who led me to meet them.

'Hi, I'm Molly. I am co-leader here at Hilltop' I said warmly as I shook hands with all of them.

There was one guy and the rest were women.

All extremely capable looking.

'I'm Yumiko!' a kind looking woman said smiling while she adjusted her bow on her shoulders.

A woman with sharp features glared at her when she did that, I guessed that she was the leader of this group.

'What's your name?' I asked softly to the leader.

'Magna' she said hastily.

I just nodded with a slight smile.

'I'm Luke, lovely to meet you by the way!' a large set man with soft features and kind eyes said as he shook my hand for the second time.

I just smiled and chuckled at his awkwardness.

'Great to meet you' I replied as I shook his hand.

Next, were the final two women who seemed to remain silent and very much bonded together which I could tell by their close proximity to each other.

'My name's Kelly, this is my sister Connie. She's deaf, but I can sign to her and translate' she said smiling.

I smiled and nodded to Kelly.

I then looked to Connie and signed to her 'It's wonderful to meet you Connie, I hope you will like it here'.

They all looked at me in wonder and Connie's smile seemed to widen at this.

'I learned to sign when I was at school. My cousin was deaf' I said verbally and with sign so that everyone could listen.

I wanted them to trust in me and I hoped I had done just that.

'We usually like to ask a couple questions to new citizens of the Hilltop community. Would that be okay?' I said, again also signing.

They all nodded, Magna was hesitant at first.

'Great, what were your occupations before?' I asked while Tara wrote down their answers.

'Gas station attendant' Magna said looking down.

'Lawyer' Yumiko answered while making direct eye contact.

'Music teacher' Luke said enthusiastically.

Kelly used ASL to ask Connie who replied that she was a Journalist and that Kelly was in High School.

I nodded to Tara, impressed by each of them.

'Who are you now?' I asked seriously.

'Survivors' Luke answered sternly.

'Good' I responded, 'well then, welcome to Hilltop' I added.

'So...whatcha think?' Tara asked me as she linked her arm through mine as we walked through the fields after the interview.

'I like them, they seem like genuinely nice people' I answered.

'I am a bit worried about Magna' Tara said nervously.

'She seems hesitant to be here' she added.

'You said they lost somebody before you brought them here right? No wonder she's unwilling to trust right away, I mean you wouldn't' I said reassuringly.

'You're right...as always' Tara said rolling her eyes.

I just chuckled as I said 'yep'.

We suddenly spun around to look towards the gates when a loud exhaust noise sounded from that direction.

It was a motorbike.

Daryl came driving through and parked up outside the gate.

'It's Daryl' I said tapping Tara on the arm for her to follow me as I ran down to see him.

'Hey!' I shouted as I came closer.

'Hey, just came to some equipment for Eugene's new radio thing' he said barely looking at me as he marched towards the house.

'That was odd' Tara said as we watched him leave.

'Yeah, that was weird. Fuck he must be mad at me' I said in realisation.

'It could be me?' Tara asked.

I just shook my head and chuckled saying 'he's never mad at you'.

I told Tara that I would meet her later but first I needed to talk to Daryl.

I followed him up to the house where he was placing down the equipment.

'Daryl...can we talk?' I asked anxiously as I peered around the door frame.

'I dunno, can we?' he answered with annoyance running through his voice.

I looked down, yep he was definitely mad at me.

'Why are you so pissed at me? I thought we worked everything out when we searched for Rick all those past months' I said furrowing my brows in confusion.

He sighed and stood up.

He pointed at me and said 'you're a real piece of work you know that' as he walked past me.

I opened my mouth in disbelief.

'What? what are you talking about?' I asked in confusion.

'You know what. Negan' he said as he carried on placing stuff on various surfaces.

'What about Negan?' I said looking away from his gaze.

'You two best buddies now? that all square?' he asked sternly.

'It's complicated' I answered so softly that he barely heard me.

He scoffed at this, 'the guy is an asshole and you're acting like he's hot shit' he answered.

'I believe that he can change, I believe he has changed, so does Michonne by the way and I don't see you attacking her for this. Why me, huh?' I said gaining more confidence as I walked slowly towards him with every word.

'You can do better' he grunted as he walked out of the room.

My eyes widened as the realisation of the meaning of his words hit me.

Negan's POV//

'You are here, aware of yourself' Gabe said softly as he tried to perform some meditation shit to get me to relax.

I had my eyes closed as I sat on the floor of my cell, Gabe on the other side.

'Just let it go' he added.

'Don't judge the distraction, accept it' he said, his voice muffled by the sound of children laughing and playing outside.

'Scaredy cat, scaredy cat!' the children chanted outside my cell window.

'Consider it, then release it' he continued.

This wasn't fucking relaxing at all. I scrunched up my face in frustration.

'Just let it wash over you' he went on.

'You know what, screw it. Mind never empties anyway, generally I go straight to that place which would blush the collar right off of you' I said as I opened my eyes and sighed.

'Although, now that you and Rosita are a thing, maybe I'm wrong...I mean, hot damn!' I said smirking and bouncing the ball off the concrete wall.

'I wanna understand why you do this. You clearly want help, I can see you trying' Gabe said softly.

I scoffed.

'Yeah, maybe we cooked it up, chewed it up and shat it out already. Maybe this is all we get' I said deflecting his statement.

'You don't feel like you're getting any benefit to our sessions?' he asked with a smile which screamed of annoyance.

'Well, I am reminded that another week has passed, but other than that...' I said continuing bouncing the ball.

Gabe sighed, frustrated with my response.

'Ah, don't take it personally Gabe, I know I'm never gettin' outta here. I do appreciate you coming down here and helping me when that was touch-and-go for me. But, now I got everything I need. This little window right here is just like a damn TV and I loved the shit outta TV when that was a thing!' I said enthusiastically.

'Acceptance is an important first step, but a life needs to have meaning-' Gabe started to say before I cut him off.

'Funny thing about this window right here, people stand out there and they talk. It's like they don't remember that I'm here, and that, well that is when I get the really good shit. You know just the other day, Rosita was out there chattin' up a storm. She said some things that you would find very interesting' I teased.

'I don't need you to tell me how Rosita feels about me' he said smiling falsely.

'Now who said she was talking' about you' I said smiling and catching the ball in my hands.

'We'll try this again next week' Gabe said tiredly.

'It's your world boss' I answered.

Judith's POV//

I sat on the stairs in my PJ's as mom locked the doors for the night.

'Judith Grimes!' she said sternly as she saw that I was holding my dad's gun in my hand.

'You said dad would've wanted me to have it, to protect myself and the people I love' I replied questioningly.

'He would've, but I'm the one whose supposed to be protecting you' mom replied softly.

'Is that why you don't want the new people here, because I think dad would've thought differently' I said.

Mom smiled as she said 'he would've and he would be so proud of you, your brother too'.  

'Then why won't you help them?' I asked.

'You'll understand someday' she replied.

I hated when she said that.

I got up, walked down the stairs and said sadly 'I know you talk to him sometimes, to Carl too'.

I set down my favourite figurine on the step, which mom said looked like my dad.

He wore a sheriff's hat and pointed a gun.

'I'm starting to forget their voices. I'm not trying to, but they keep fading away' I said as I started to cry.

'I hope you can still hear them' I said sadly before I ran back up the stairs to my room.

Somehow Negan now felt more like my dad...

[agentnoodles]

Oh.

So Arianna. In high school she cut me out of her life for no reason (from my perspective). I was still friends-ish with her ex-boyfriend (now he’s my stepbrother woahh!) and I guess she thought I was talking badly about her. I wasn’t tho yo, I was legit the most innocent high schooler on the planet. Ok. So I’m out of her life. Ok, fine, I can deal with that. So why she slidin’ into my DMs? Like? If you want me out of your life? Why you on my tumblr? Why you still chattin up Katie yall know she my sis? So if you wanted nothing to do with me you’d probably have to drop her by association (but girl I feel you, who could drop her when she’s a true honest blessing in life, proof there’s a god when you got a gem like her)

But I didn’t know you had this bad blood w/ me. I knew you were sayin shit like “I don’t have time for people like her” (@@@ you still talked to all my best friends (who were quite a lot like me) who would come tell me when you complained about my existence) So when Katie recently mentioned that you followed her on instagram, she was like “girl you should follow her too it’s been so long it’ll probably be fine.” So that was that, I wasn’t trying to target you or anything. Honestly. You were only ever a friend to me and it felt shitty at the time when you cut me out. I didn’t understand why. And honestly, girl, looking back it wasn’t my fault. Don’t know what you were going through and I‘m so sorry you’ve been depressed but the way you treated me is not my fault. I did nothing to you.

But everything clicked just now.

In terms of the hate mail, at least. For the past 2ish years, I’d get the occasional “fuck you” but what was suuuuper confusing was that whenever I’ve posted a personal note or selfie or whatever, I would get an anon that said “so unattractive” or something really shitty like that, even when I was really feelin myself. Then occasionally I would get something scary personal/specific like “you could never be a doctor ur so immature” LIKE HOW THIS ANON KNOW MY ASPIRATIONS IN LIFE WHAT. I had NO idea who was doing this. Now I know though. But it makes no sense? Like why you got your eye on my blog? Girl I look great. Screw all these wild white standards of beauty. I’m not that. Why would you support those? They will never work for either of us? Why you targeting me?

So you can keep sending your anons and I can keep blocking your IP and you can keep getting around it. But girlfriend, listen, you’re living in the past. I’ve been over you giving me the cold shoulder since senior year of high school. Like 2013.

Girl. I’m really, really sorry that you’re struggling. Seriously. It’s the worst when your own mind is tryna pick a fight with you. I hope you find help and I would offer my friendship, but I don’t think it would or could be a healthy relationship after all this.

So tldr. You have shit on my blog for so many years. Who’s the real bully here? I literally? Didn’t bully you? Or anyone?? What you doin?? But I respect your perspective and I give you permission to stop leaving toxic comments on my blog now. You can move on girl you are free. Thank you.

But truly. Addendum. For the record, I never thought you were stupid. You brought so much value to everything we did. You’re a brilliant rider. You think outside the box. And you were so freaking funny. Literally you have so much to offer the world so don’t think for a second that I thought or spoke poorly of you. I was just confused about what was happening.

[wearsdani]

#WEARSDANI: Kauai, HI

7-Day Itinerary 

*DISCLAIMER: This is my first blog post in a year and I’m a little rusty - the photos I took were (to me) mediocre (I COULD TOTALLY DO BETTER THAN THIS) and I tried my best to condense a week’s worth of activities into a short-attention-span-worthy-read (if such a thing existed). Alright, let’s do this.

Oh Kauai, you stole my heart from day one. Known as the “adventurous” and “lush” island, Kauai differentiates itself from the neighboring Oahu by staying true to its Hawaiian roots - untouched and slowly developed. If you’re planning a trip out here, I’d recommend staying in Kapaa or the south side of the island. My family and I were in Princeville (which is on the northern part of the island) and found ourselves having to drive far for most of the activities and attractions on our list. TBH there was a lot more to our trip than what I’ve mentioned below, but these are what I found most significant. I hope you find this post helpful and enticing enough to have you visit the island yourself!

MONDAY

Arrive at Lihue Airport

To get from airport to timeshare, we booked our ride with GO! Airport Shuttle - the total was $98.70 for four passengers. Overall, the drive from Lihue to Princeville is about 45 minutes and on our way to the timeshare, our driver gave us a little history about Kauai, recommendations on where to go and fun facts about the island.

Wyndham Bali Hai Villas in Princeville  

This was one of my favorite timeshares I’ve stayed at. The villas are beautiful, the pool is relaxing and the staff is so welcoming/helpful. I’d say the only downfall is that there wasn’t any air conditioning #firstworldproblems - we had the fans on full blast and left the windows/doors open to feel a breeze.

Foodland

Luckily the Bali Hai Villas offers a full kitchen including all appliances - this means homemade cooking for breakfast, lunch and dinner (Banana Macadamia Pancakes ALL DAY NAMSAYIN?!). Our go-to market is Foodland a.k.a. the Ralph’s or Vons of Hawaii!

TUESDAY

Hanalei

Check out Hanalei for boutique shops and local places to eat like the Village Snack Shop & Bakery at Chung Young Village (Order the chili pepper chicken or combo plate - you won’t regret!) or Jojo’s Shave Ice (Their serving sizes are HUGE and you get a little ice cream treat at the bottom of the cone).

Hanalei Bay

If it weren’t for Google Maps, my family and I would have missed the neighborhood entrance to this beach! We spent the 4th of July here, basking in the liveliness of the area - house music blasting in the background, family and friends chillen beneath the trees and cute grandma’s chattin it up while they tan their leathered skin (lol wait is that mean?)

WEDNESDAY

Poipu Beach

Of all the beaches we visited in Kauai, I’d say that Poipu Beach was the most crowded - but for good reason! This beach is family-friendly and has relatively calm waters. I noticed families snorkeling along the shore and swimming off toward a mini island where you can encounter sunbathing seals.

Lappert’s Ice Cream

I’m a sucker for good ice cream, and Lappert’s satisfied all my creamy needs. I ordered a scoop of Banana Fudge hehe (Ya ya ya, I could have gotten something waaaay more “Hawaiian,” but that’s what my body wanted at the time).

The Shops at Kukui’ula

Various events occur on a weekly basis at the The Shops at Kukui’ula, however we found ourselves in the middle of their culinary market, which happens every Wednesday from 3:30 p.m. to 5 p.m. Here, you’ll find live music, fresh produce and product from all over the island! The shopping center itself is a great place for tourists to eat, shop and catch Happy Hour (This is where you can find Lappert’s Ice Cream too!).

THURSDAY

Queen’s Bath

Little did I know there was a small trail behind our timeshare that lead to Queen’s Bath. Queen’s Bath is a series of tide pools located along the coast. To get to the bath itself requires a ten-minute hike past a waterfall. The hike was relatively easy and the path down to the bath isn’t very complicated, however I’d suggest wearing water shoes or a sturdy pair of sandals (I wore pair of Havaianas and the strap popped out lol oops – don’t be me). You’ll notice that there are multiple tide pools that you pass, but in order to get to the *actual* Queen’s Bath, you walk about 5 minutes past the lava rocks (You’ll feel like you’re in the middle of a Jurassic Park scene. It’s. So. Dope.). Click this link to get more information on how to explore this area safely.

Koloa Zipline

My sister and I ziplined through the jungle at sunset with Koloa Zipline. There are a total of eight lines that you can fly across, one of them being half a mile long! This was such a fun experience because we got to fly in different positions (upside-down, backwards, “flying Kawaiian”). However, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND wearing bug spray and pants (yoga pants will suffice) because holy shit I got bit like crazy. Literally 12 bug bites on one leg, no joke. Also, our travel lady recommended the sunset tour because it would be “pretty and not-as-hot,” but the tour took at least 4 hours and by the time we were halfway through the course, it was completely dark and we couldn’t enjoy the view! Other than that, our experience was A1 and I would totally do it again.

FRIDAY

Kayak Wailua River to Secret Falls

Our vacation was jam packed with adventure (Shout out to my family for keeping up!) We booked a kayak tour with Ali’i Kayaks and spent the whole morning exploring and learning about the Wailua River and hiked to the “Secret Falls.” (Rumor has it, we didn’t go to the *real* Secret Falls - I feel gypped… jk). The distance from the dock to the hike was about two miles and the hike to the waterfall was about one mile. It sounds waaay worse than what it actually is, so just dooo ehhht. Also, shout out to Kai for being such an amazing tour guide! The kid knows his stuff!

Dinner at The Bistro in Kilauea

This was probably the fanciest restaurant we ate at during the whole trip, mainly because our trip consisted of Hawaiian BBQ and homemade meals. Our server was so kind and the food and drinks were delicious!

SATURDAY

Na Pali Coast Tour

This was by-far my favorite activity in Kauai. The Na Pali Coast morning tour was so much fun! We booked our tour with Go Blue Adventure and hung out with our tour guide, Madz all morning! This tour is like no other because you are in a completely open pontoon boat, going hella fast across the ocean (If you have any serious medical/physical issues or can’t handle the waves, maaaybe this tour isn’t for you?) We spotted dolphins (There were sooo many. Fun fact: Dolphins are my spirit animal), swam with the turtles, snorkeled with the fishes, explored sea caves, learned about the history of Kauai and even jumped off the boat with the valleys and mountains as our backdrop. If you find yourself in Kauai, I would definitely mark this tour at the top of your list!

Kauai Coffee Company

In a world full of coffee addicts, I find myself on the other side of the spectrum, but that didn’t stop me from stopping by Kauai Coffee Company. They offer tastings, a roasting demonstration and a walking tour of their estate. While my family enjoyed the variety of coffee flavors, I was in line for another ice cream cone lol, but it was coffee flavored ice cream, so that counts for something, right?

SUNDAY  

Anini Beach

One reason why Kauai is so great is because there are so many beaches to choose from. We started off our Sunday morning at Anini Beach. Although there is a only small strip of sand to lay out, this beach offers plenty of shade under the trees and calm waters for everyone to swim safely. My family rolled out our mats and rested beneath the trees and watched locals fishing around the shore.

Kalalau Trail

There are multiple stops on this trail, but my family and I hiked up to the Kalalau Lookout - it took just about 12 minutes to get there. Again, I hiked this trail in my Havaiana’s #rebel, but I recommend closed toe shoes. Just picture a never ending staircase, and that’s exactly what this trail is. The view is totally worth it!

Ke’e Beach

Ahh, I wish my family and I spent more time at this beach. Found at the end of the road, Ke’e Beach is the perfect spot for snorkeling (I realize that all of the beaches I mentioned were great for snorkeling, but this is the “perfect” spot, so go here). On the way to the beach we passed by a massive cave and the trailhead to the Kalalau Lookout! I’d have to say this beach was picturesque and the definition of a tropical oasis.

Kilauea Lighthouse

The Kilauea Lighthouse is also a wildlife refuge that is open from Tuesday to Saturday and requires a $5 entry fee. Unfortunately, we did not know this prior to driving out to the landmark, so we were only able to admire from afar *sigh* but you can view the Lighthouse from afar in my photo diary below :) 

[cvptaingiordano]

300+ FOLLOWERS BIAS LIST

wtf okay - fam idk h o w we’ve hit this number already seeing as mason hasn’t even been on indie for a year, b u t SHIT BOI I GOTTA SAY I’M SURPRISED YET I’M FEELING SO LOVED !! even with my shitty activity gap back in march - april y’all still stayed here with me ayyy.

i do have to say the past two months on tumblr have been a blast. not only when it comes to writing but also ooc banter. fuck okay i’ll admit the banter���s been hilarious.

because of how thankful i am for every single one of you guys i’ve come to the decision of making one of these. it’s been a while since i made a proper one anyway (   and by a proper one i mean one like back in christmas   ) so why not ey.

below you’ll find people listed that i either LOVE ; ADORE ; OR ADMIRE FROM AFAR pls don’t be mad at me or start shit if you ain’t on here i’m forgetful but i love you too - and just like all of them you’ll also get an onion from me i promise. i’ve got for a bunch ; enough for e v e r y o n e.

THE SQUAD

@helmct​ bitch i’m so thankful for you, you can’t even imagine. that dead ass verse where we never even wrote brought us together and all i can say is thank fucking gOD THAT I JOINED THAT. legit, you’re the chips to my ahoy, the milk to my oreo, the dorito to my mountain dew. a tru friend that i know i can count on. still there’s something we gotta work on ma friend and dAS WRITING BC WE BARELY DO LMAO. anyways dad just know that i really care about you and that imma always be there for u yeh ; you’re bae papi. ; an onion for u to show u ma love

@sheriis​ bitch i’m glad alex sent that link over to wherever but i’m so gLAD THAT YOU DECIDED TO JOIN THE DISCORD VERSE. i’m like b l e s s e d™ ; literally i feel as if baby jesus made an appearance only to drop you off in that hell of a chat. c’mon i’d be lying to myself if i said thAT IS NOT HOW IT IS LMAO. for reals tho i grew super comfortable so fast ; we didn’t even know each other and we hopped on a call (  which is surprising bc i talked so much and we even where alone for a while and we didn’t shut up ???  ) the ooc banter over here is real fam. i’m just so glad we met and i like the plotting we do from time to time and like iDK I WANT MORE THING W U OKE YOU’RE BAE AND U KNOW IT. i’m rlly fuckin glad to have u here boo ; u can’t imagine. ANYWAYS imma always be here for ya hunty ; here u go an onion

@newgiirl​ ayyyy mariesa mariesa la que me la pone to tiesa here we go again bitch ; you’ve been more than supportive. whenever i had a problem you were there, whenever something went wrong you were there to pull me back up. if it weren’t for you i wouldn’t have met jae and alex in all honesty so i am grateful for that. it’s funny how small this world is ; a tiny cycle that made us friends, verses and more verses as well as plotting and more of that. i do miss writing and chattin with you but i know how busy you are with everything rn so i got your back. i lOVE YOU MA FRIEND YOU’RE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME SO U KNOW THAT ; did u no onions have many layers - like my heart

@tragedywept​ hOE ; idk what account to @ u on so i went w/ the first url that popped to my mind bUT ANYWAY. shit i remember the days u being on here me LIVING FROM AFAR when i saw u on my dash until we began writing ; imma admit somethin i used to find you intimidating af ??? (  idk why u simply were super duper quality in my eyes WHICH YOU STILL ARE OFC  ) and it’s hilarious because now i feel as if i do say a lot of fucked up shit in calls which does probs make you question why you even put up with my ass lmao. anyways pUMPKIN just so you know i do hope we’re able to write more or even talk ooc more than the occasional short chat we have ?? das just me tho i know that shrek fanfiction scared u away tho so like i wOULDN’T BE SURPRISED. anyways naeva or wHATEVER YOUR ACC NAME IS AYYY imma call u miranda ; thank u for being here pumpkin you’re actually probs one of the best people on the platform and i feel like this is too random and probs too long for how short it could be but who cares. you’re rad and i’m glad to have you around. i love all your muses and i hope we get to chat more and plot when we set down to do so XDD stay rad. sends u lots of onions xxoxox

@humantovch​ erin erin erin erin erin erin erin eRIN I MISS YOU OKE LIKE ACTUALLY A LOT. idk man it’s still weird not texting back n forth anymore, and while i could spam your ass until you get back i’m still like n a h imma not give her a bible to deal wit when she’s back ; bae doesn’t need that. sO IMMA MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER WITH THIS POST. mason and riley are sittin on a tree k i s s i n - k i s s i n (   what am i doing   ) i miss chatting with u i miss writing with u i miss u and i just want you to know that my butt hasn’t forgotten about you oke you’re always gonna have a space in these follow forevers like for reals. you put up with my crap and with my insecure ass and with everything, and you’re honestly someone i’m comfortable with to the point where i’m like open about everything with you. i’m thankful for you sliding into my ims a few months ago. i’m glad - vv glad. THANKS BOO HERE U GOT AN ONION

PEOPLE THAT I ADMIRE A LOT ( EVEN IF W/ SOME IT’S FROM AFAR LMAO )

@defiantiisms ( of course omg ) ; @darkcndtwisty && @sheseemsnice ; @dxrkparadise-xx ; @weakerblood && @imscandalized (  idk where you went but i miss you man ) ; @heartpride ; @hiraethc ; @ofcorruptiion ; @ofcherrywine ; @fearhermind ; @facetiious ; @pearlyfangs ; @eternallydreamingstar ; @thefineartofbitchcraft ; @unfadiism ; @usurpcd && @shebecame ; @rainsblood ; @helmctboy && all your other blogs cx ; @pink-gvy ; @brckenones ; @bxdyrxck ; @meddlingheels ; @lenasbeacon ; @lawtied && @loveceased ; @starsxmemoriesinthesky ; @draculaisms

hope y’ALL DIDN’T FIND THIS TOO LONG OOPS anyways ogres; until next time

[subconfessions]

Day 10

Ok it’s been a long time since I’ve updated this blog hehe so this is gonna be a long post. I’ve got about an hour to have it posted as well so we’ll see how that goes. As of today I have edged 975 times in the 17 days since my last orgasm.

To pick up from my last post, I had woken up that next morning in the bathroom. That night was definitely not comfortable but I was surprised with how easy it was for me to fall asleep in my little nest of blankets and pillows, thankfully I was able to snuggle with toothless and I had my collar on which made me super happy and I felt very little and submissive the whole night. I remember after I had bugged Daddy for a bit he told me he was going to go back to sleep for a bit and he told me to stay. And just oh my, those one-word commands really get me. So, I stayed like a good girl. One more time he had me stay, but not for long and I was able to get up and go make coffee.

I had some gardening to do that day, and after that I saw that I had a package. I had almost forgotten about the new toy I’d bought. It was a remote controlled vibrator that connects to an app, it’s really fun cause Daddy can play with it with me hehe

After charging it up a bit and figuring out how to connect to it, me and Daddy skyped for a little bit while he controlled the vibe, and it felt sooo good. Especially since using my wand has been a rare treat, but just not having control over the setting or the pattern or whether it’s even on was so hot. Such a direct way to really lose control. I even got a lil treat at the end of our skype call hehe Daddy put a plug in and let me watch him cum, and I got reallll close to cumming myself. It’s fun watching Daddy play with toys that I usually use, it’s always a bit of a surprise because I never really think about the toys Daddy has.

But then Daddy told me he was almost going to let me cum that day. But then remembered how much he wants to deprive me of it. I was so saaaad I wanted to cum so bad. But that’s nothing compared to now… but I’ll get to that. I got my 111 edges that I had somehow negotiated for myself up from 61 but at 30 Daddy told me that my blog made him really happy and that I could stoop at 61 and be all caught up with my edges.

And with that I got ready for bed and sent my goodnight video, apparently my best one yet hehe

The next morning was pretty relaxed. Daddy and I chatted for a bit, and I wore my clamps as I played games, but then I took off to hang out with some friends for a bit, of course using that good communication I’ve been learning heh and then Daddy let me know that this weekend he was going to be going on a fishing trip, which sounded like lots of fun, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to talk and play as much which was a little sad. But Daddy had a plan to keep me busy

Once I got home from friends Daddy told me tonight was the night for my special fantasy blog, and told me to go smoke my weed. I flew to my basement, I was nervous because I still didn’t really know what to write about, and I knew I was going to be writing it in a first person format, so I couldn’t be as general and open as I would usually be, I needed to be specific and actually think more in depth about the fantasy. But I would have to do that with my wand relentlessly tied to my clit. Tying the vibe on my clit was worlds different to when I taped it the first time. It was more secure, and was pretty locked in place and pressed tight up against my clit. It was impossible to escape this one without untying it. Daddy watched as I wrote and kept buggin me while I did hehe and made the deal that every time I had to turn the vibe off to keep from cumming, there would be a price to pay to Daddy. It was impossible to not have to turn it off, especially while thinking about a fantasy that I was extremely turned on by. Occasionally it would feel like the setting would get turned up on the vibe, and I was just so desperate, knowing I just had to keep writing or this torment would not stop. Finally after turning it off three times I was able to finish my story. I posted it and Daddy told me what I had to do for turning off the vibe.

Each stop was a snap with a rubber band on my clit.

Owwwwww

And after alllll that time with the vibe my clit was already soo sensitive, I remember getting out the rubber band and holding it there. It took so many tries for me to finally get the courage to let go of the rubber band. I knew the faster I did it the quicker it would be over, but my hand would just not cooperate and let go of the rubber band. And my god when I did, ooowww I don’t think anything stings so much. But after finishing all three I felt slightly accomplished after, having finished some daunting tasks. But it was a lot of fun getting to smoke and play with my toys and Daddy.

Daddy assigned me some tasks for the next day, and asked if he could plan my Sunday out, and come up with a nice long list of things for me to do while he was on his trip. I was really excited for this, I had at least five hours worth of tasks I had to accomplish, and knowing my procrastinating track record this would be a little bit of a challenge heh but a fun one at that.

Then Daddy told me he was tucking me in and oh did that make me feel nice and little, telling me I had to go to bed. I sent my goodnight video and like a good girl went right to sleep.

The next morning I had gotten up and was running errands and gave Daddy the chance to sleep in a bit, but then decided he’d take that opportunity to make me really work for my coffee. I sent him a little video tantrum and got my coffee hehe.

After that Daddy told me that Toothless would be able to go to my friends house!! I was really excited because that meant I was just a step closer to getting him back full time, but I was a little sad that I wouldn’t be able to have those little moments when Daddy says I could take him outta the box for a little bit. Daddy sent me out with my remote controlled vibe in my pussy and had me connect when I got there.

My friend as far as I know had no idea that I had the vibe on, it was so hard to concentrate on our conversation, especially when Daddy put the vibe on a high setting, but thankfully he dropped it down to the lower setting so I could focus a bit more. No matter, it was still difficult to focus on anything except the vibration on my clit and in my pussy.

Sadly, but also thankfully the vibe died, I was nervous I was going to start edging in front of my friend haha I was slowly coming up with ways to keep myself from cumming because I wasn’t able to escape the vibrations.

Daddy sent me to show him how wet I was, and then asked to talk with my friend. He wanted to borrow one of her corners for 10 minutes. I was embarrassed but I knew how little it would make me feel, so I obliged and handed my phone to my friend, who of course agreed that I could use one of her corners, and of course into the corner I went. Corner time is always a love hate thing for me, I really love how little it makes me feel and that time it gives me to think and kind of ground myself, but I also hate just having to sit there nice and still and quiet. And it was especially hard when my best friend was giggling and talking with my dom about who knew what behind by baaack.

She started teasing me and I couldn’t help myself but throw a small mean look her way before snapping my head back around, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be moving but I couldn’t help myself that time. And then I was given anotherrrr ten minutes on top of that!!! I was certainly pouting in the corner now. After my corner time was done I was given the choice to redo the corner time or take a secret unknown punishment. I picked secret at first but daddy said I would probably want to pick the other one, and would let me choose corner time if I did it topless. I picked corner time toplessss. Hmmph..

Back into the corner I went and I gave my friend my phone again. She took another picture to send to my dom and kept chattin with him. Then suddenllyyyy she was messing with my bra and it took everything I had to keep from moving or telling her to stop. She had successfully unhooked my bra and just let it there hanging and if I thought I was pouting before now I was really pouting. I couldn’t believe she betrayed me like this. First extending my corner time, and now succumbing to my Daddy’s silly jokessss ugh. How could she?

But I finished my corner time, and eventually went home with a good report from my friend. I finished my art and working out that Daddy had assigned for me, and got moving on my edges. And sent Daddy a goodnight video, and turned in a bit early that night.

Till next timeee

[geraldinesnell]

i don’t post much any more

because i realised that posting blehhhhhs on the blog was something to do in lieu of making actual art and to be like, a successful person you need to optimise your time and creative output and only do things which are gonna, y’know, ReSuLt in something, so any activity you do you have to say IS THIS activity taking me any closer to my GOAL, and if the answer is no then you don’t do it

so i’ve been focusing instead on making proper, long form ‘art’, a 20k piece of creative writing... a video... a plan for an exhibition etc. etc. which I think is all good and way more rewarding BUTTTT (and it’s a cynical BUTTTT), the thing is, why does it even matter if you’re making long form proper art when everything just ends up as an instagram image or a bit of stuff online which one may only skim-read or skim-glance and like based on the fact that one likes that the other person has produced something but really it’s just a gesture, a performance of support a LIKE, A FREAKINN LIKE, a feedbackless like, a hollow like, because you sort of like, LINGERED on that particular item in the data stream a little bit longer than you would other items and maybe it did resonate enough to validate with a like but what does the like even mean? it’s so... cold, really you know? 

re: optimising energies and outputs it does actually feel really good to be a bit more in control because whilst this might all sound like happy-clappy success individualist robot crap, there’s a lot to be said for it. during the completion of my teaching qualification over the past year i had to really put the chains on myself, really stop myself posting or getting excited because what’d happen is i’d get into something too late at night then when i had other stuff to be doing and i’d get carried away convinced that i had to write some blog post about the failure of all current systems of thought and language and general arrogant dumbass hubristic humans to deal with the current situation because what usually happens is i put my head down on the pillow to sleep and the brain goes DING... hey what about that email you were gonna send to blah blah? what about the fact that teaching in HE is so much less regulated than FE, don’t you think that’s stupid because you can be a subject specialist but know nothing about education so be shit at the actual teaching part which is way more important? HEY GEZ, what about the way the pigeons fucked in the garden earlier, that would’ve made a poignant shot for a video but it was so fleeting, how could you capture it? 

and general rumination on everything

currently I’m making a video, RIGHT, and i have enough other works for it to be shown in a real space / gallery as an exhibition, but it so just feels like... why tho... cos no one really cares, just make the work and put it online where people can actually watch or are free to skim through it whilst they have other windows open because the only time people will see the exhibition is at the opening when everyone is talking and drinking and not really looking at the art or on instagram where they might give it a ‘like’ and linger in the stream for a few secs

but ALSO, i know that that kind of thinking is the kind of thinking that LOSERS do, you know, you talk yourself out of stuff before you’ve even done it for fear of failure or whateveR? so maybe i’ll just do it anyway and not worry about it (lol i always say that)

i guess i’m not complaining because it’s still really special and a total privilege to be able to have the time to spend on your own dialogue with yourself (in the form of art making) and others and just generally having a rich engagement with stuff BUT it’s kind of demoralising to be an artist and care so much and make things which ultimately are just more CONTENT and wouldn’t it be more sensible to not make serious art and just monetise yourself somehow and create CONTENT or kitsch paintings which you could profit from? like this lass? just sayin...

but no, we are in the business of serious art and cRiTiCaLiTy here

but what does art think it is, really? it’s so insignificant all these dogmas and infighting who’s having more fun, that sophie who’s going round festivals covering her tits in glitter and doin brusho-y watery drip paintings of people’s pets for cash or the serious fine artist doin some practice led phd gettin eyeball deep in some people’s theories about some peopel’s theories n chattin a load of shit that would only be understood by people educated to the same level in the same theories (which are just THEORIES BTW, much of critical and cultural theory is so conjectural and so anecdotal and so not empirical) which no one’s gonna read or engage with beyond a like anyway?

bahhhh still maybe i should do a practice led phd... or maybe i should do portrait commissions and pretty things? what do other ppl think here? feel free to engage beyond a like because i’ve used vital creative energy writing this when the optimum scenario would’ve been to use it editing my serious video...