#This has been me trying to deal with some thought processes from this week. Apologies on it being so long.

[rjmhereunderprotest]

The Polly/Oz Shipping Post for Personal Mental Well-Being

It's been one of those past couple days, and frankly I'm in need of a break from... well a lot of thoughts. I've not been absorbing some stuff well. I'd normally slip into Gwenpool stuff, but at the moment that's kinda being a mental drain. So, I need to focus on something positive and happy and anything that makes me smile and- oh look Polly and Oz of Monster Prom!

For something that is not technically canon in any respect, because Monster Prom's canon is whatever the hell you want it to be relationship wise, Polly and Oz have always spoke to me as the S-Tier Romance of the game. Sure, many people ship Oz with Damien and Polly is... well I'm not sure who is preferred. I've noticed at least one person goes REALLY hard for Polly and Vicky. Regardless both and all Monster Prom ships, regardless of popularity are equally valid. This isn't a definitive statement about canon because right now canon isn't always the answer for me. Even though a lot of Monster Prom's promotional material likes to show Polly teasing Oz in an overtly flirty manner, that isn't a definitive statement about the creator's preferences. They've had Oz decide to date Zoe in a Monster Road Trip trailer, it means nothing. (Although Zoe is fricking awesome and is my second romance choice behind Polly) What matters most in Monster Prom, at least to me, is emotional connection and compatibility. I think it's the same for, well, frankly a lot of ships.

So this is a bit of Fandom Mentality self-care where I talk about why I've written in my mind that Polly and Oz make the most sense for romantic partners. Because I love them a lot and I find them cute and I think it just makes sense. So... let's start.

So, Oz... why do I main Oz so much is probably the real question I should be asking myself? Maybe because they fit the most with me and my high school experience. Oz is an extreme introverted, nervous social outcast. Everything about his dialogue and actions we can see him doing in the game suggests he is a mega nerd, a good student and, quite frankly, at the bottom of the Spooky High totem pole. Like I was.

I'm not a Vicky who was bold and outgoing, I'm not a Brian who was aloof and tried to coast, I'm certainly not Amira, the fiery bad girl. No, I was Oz, perpetually afraid of high school even as I took the work seriously but constantly wanted to get out of there because it was a fucking pressure cooker!

The difference between me and Oz is obvious, THEY are some kind of amorphous shadow creature who, apparently, is the embodiment of fear. He's probably older than even Liam. He's quite possibly super powerful. And his little imaginary friends who he uses to try to cope are real, they're those little phobias who pop up around him and do cute things. And yet, they choose to be THIS, they choose to be this scared high schooler who is insular, lonely looking and desperate for love/affection. At the very least he seems to WANT acceptance. Like most of the super thirsty monsters among the main characters of the game. I identified with that a lot. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, he's clearly lonely and probably not always in the best place mentally as he tries to navigate a high school that he probably doesn't need to be in. Honestly, none of the monsters need to be there though, I mean... they don't exactly LEARN anything there as far as I can tell. I'm not even sure if they have a full staff of teachers or if most of them are just jokes.

So I've always just seen Oz as my closest facsimile to my High School experience, at least in terms of how it felt, terrified of everything and wondering if I even belonged there. So while I like the other characters, Vicky and Brian especially, I always felt more connected to Oz as a result. I know this sounds like "He/They are Literally Me FR", but it's more... I just can more easily place myself into Oz's headspace and emotionally connect with him to a degree. I don't think I'd make all the choices he does, but I can certainly understand him the most out of all the characters in the cast.

When the eventual Monster Prom Reverse is released, I fully expect Oz's character will be better fleshed out. If he hasn't been already in those Monster Road Trip sequences where he can be a hitchhike passenger. This is mostly just my interpretation based on what I've seen. This is the unique thing about Monster Prom shipping when it involves anything with the MCs. A lot of it is speculation and, a little if not a lot, of self-insertion. So it's best to always keep that in mind. This is a dating sim after all, fantasy wish fulfillment is inevitable, it's something even the game criticizes about itself a lot. That a lot of this is very silly and stupid and unrealistic in terms of actually setting up a real relationship with someone, especially a romantic one. It's why it usually doesn't take itself too seriously. Which is epitomized by, who else...

Polly Geist, the ghost party girl who I'd call the face of Monster Prom if I didn't think Damian could arguably be just as much at this point, at least Tumblr wise. Polly is still super popular though and its easy to see why. She funny, fun, cool, extremely sex positive, her outlook is very progressive, lighthearted and she is herself... sexy as hell. She's just a really fun character and it's hard not to enjoy any of her scenes on their own.

Whether she's pulling pranks with Scott, (Well, mostly leading Scott into pulling pranks because the dude is too stupid and nice to know how to do them) starting food fights by flashing people, causing general mayhem in the pursuit of advancing the science of partying or scamming you into performing a nonsensical sex act, Polly is highlight of Monster Prom. Even when she's too drunk to know what's going on, or high, or drunk and high, Polly is the afterlife of the party... which goes on forever from her perspective because she's dead. And yet despite that she is the love interest in Monster Prom who loves life the most and refuses to not spend it to its fullest. You have to admire that level of extroverted joy.

But Polly is not a superficial party girl, she might be dead and therefore removed from all consequences of her lifestyle, but she isn't a shallow sex obsessed ghost. She has actual depth, probably the most out of the other main love interests, barring maybe Vera, but that's mostly because of her sisterhood with Valerie gives her some much needed motivation beyond just being an evil criminal mastermind/capitalist. (Although I imagine a few people would say there's little difference between the two professions) Polly's depth is ALL hers. Because this is the thing... Polly's Forever 22, Stupid and Partying attitude? It's a front.

Oh she doesn't actually HATE partying, sex or drugs. She loves and is ALL about that. That's as much who she is as anything, but she plays up the idea that she's an idiot... when she's far from anything. Polly is actually an accomplished MASTER Chess player, a highly advanced gaming skill level that requires a lot of forward thinking and strategizing. She really good at Chemistry, mostly because it enables to make her own drugs, but Chemistry is a highly analytical field involving math, problem solving and attention to detail. Her favorite field of study though is literature, Classic Russian Literature in the vein of Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. This is reflected in one of the Pre-Game Skill Boost choices, where the FUN option (Which is Polly personified) involves making a movie that has several of the most famous Russian Novelists going off on a Hangover-style adventure.

The point is, Polly isn't an idiot. She's actually highly intelligent... so why does she act like a fool? Because... she wants to. She wants to spend her afterlife how she most desires. That doesn't preclude her other interests of course, she still loves chess, chemistry and "War & Peace", but she's capable of more than just those nerdy pursuits. She pushes herself to remain highly socially, outgoing, never allowing her love of life to dim even in death. And she just doesn't want to advertise, I think, her more intellectual pursuits. Likely because she doesn't want to appear above all of that, as better than the people she cares about, because she does care about people.

Scott is probably her best friend, as a Fellow Prank Masterz (With a Z). And Scott IS an idiot, like a complete idiot. Look up the word Himbo in the dictionary and you find his face. He might be a lovable genuinely nice werewolf jock... but he is very clearly a dumbass. But Polly will spend time with him, why? Because she's enjoys his company, she enjoys being with him and pulling pranks. She never considers being more intelligent than him as something to lord over Scott. She might easily lead him into some situations, but she never wants to make him feel inferior to her.

And that attitude extends to other people, like Kale. You might know him as the plant guy, as well as the Asexual/Aromantic character of the game. He has no interest in sex or romance... but Polly hangs out with him and smokes weed with him anyway. When your character tries to seduce Kale (albeit you do not know he is an ace at the time) Polly is irate with you for making shit weird. It's very clear Polly understands and respects personal boundaries. She'll tease people, try to make them come out of their shells, open up, live a little... but if she knows that someone is not interested she won't push things. Kale is a friend and despite being a flirty party girl, she does not do anything to jeopardize that with him.

There's a lot I could on with about Polly honestly, her friends with benefits relationship with Faith of the Coven, her sunny friendship with the cold Vera, her seemingly really good organizational skills for setting up an Orgy... but at some point I'd just be arguing that Polly is best girl and that's not why we're here. I'd just wanted to lay this all out so we better understood who Polly is.

So why with Oz? I'd be lying if there wasn't some sort of wish fulfillment element to it. Like I said, a lot of dating sims fall into this category and Monster Prom doesn't pretend its any better, it's just trying to acknowledge it and offer a different take on it. So the idea of a popular party girl falling for a neurotic nerd who's afraid of everything is no doubt appealing to me on a personal level, but I like to think there's more to it. If only so my enjoyment of this pairing isn't completely concieted sounding.

Here's the deal, Polly's obvious flirting with Oz, pushing his buttons, taking an interest in him, is clearly an effort to get him to come out of his bubble and enjoy things. To not be so scared to live life. I don't think any of it is pushy though, it's mostly knowing looks, brushing her hands along sensitive spots, she's gentle about it. She never seems to be forcibly pushing Oz to leave his safe space, but urging him to try.

The idea that Oz would be willing to try, because this crazy hot ghost girl takes an interest in him is... well frankly cute in both respects. Him because he's willing to take a risk for personal self-growth. Her because she seems to be doing this without any concept of a reward. She's not overtly trying to get in his pants and I don't think she's maliciously messing with him, playfully yes, but she clearly doesn't have sinister designs to make a fool of him. She's just decided Oz could use the chance to escape his box and she'd like to be the lockpick... and knowing her she'd probably make that into innuendo, but that's just Basic Polly at that point.

But why would Polly be interested in Oz romantically? We can already discern why Oz would be. Polly is a sexy fun party girl, she seems to take an interest in him despite having the pick of the litter. Finding out her hidden depths would like only make Oz like her more, although I suspect he'd be concerned that he thought less of her for a bit. Ultimately Polly is designed, like all the love interests, to illicit this response with ANY of the main characters you can play as. The thing that makes it different, special with Oz is that his personality as the shy nerd boy makes their match with the outgoing party girl appealing aesthetically. But why would Polly be into Oz?

Well those hidden depths I mentioned are part of it to a degree. Polly's intellectual pursuits never held her back. She probably doesn't want the same for Oz. Although I feel their more calm, collected and less extroverted nature would give Polly an anchor that she probably sometimes needs. While she is good at knowing when to stop, what her limits are and should be, let's not kid ourselves, like everyone at Spooky High, Polly has a tendency to go overboard to an extreme degree. Like, one of her endings involves the literal apocalypse so... yeah. Polly could use a tether and she probably wants that to some extent. Both for reasons I'll explain soon and reasons I've already stated. Polly likes to know when she is crossing a line because she isn't outwardly malicious, she doesn't want to hurt people in her pursuit of fun. Polly only ever gets mad if you're ruining her fun by being boring or just by being a jerk to people she thinks don't deserve it. And Oz likely knows better at times what lines she doesn't want to cross herself.

Another part of it is who Oz is himself, besides seeing some things in him that are like her, Oz doesn't come across as the kind of person who would consider Polly as just another sexy girl they can bag. Oz very clearly respects Polly, that's what a lot of the point of the events that can lead to dating of the love interests in the game are about, respect. Respect for yourself and respect for the person you want to be with, understanding who they are and appealing to those aspects, showing you're willing to meet them at their level. In my mind, if anyone would respect Polly as a person rather than just a shallow sex kitten a lot of people sometimes see her as, it would be Oz.

And this is because... well Oz himself, or themself, isn't all they appear to be. They are, after all, the embodiment of fear. As I alluded to, Oz does not seem to fit in Spooky High in any sense. He's probably more of an Eldritch than even Zoe. At least Zoe has a recognizable form as basically an adorable version of some sort of Lovecraft Mythos Tentacle Beast. Oz is some sort of shadow creature. Some people have assumed he's like Slender Man or something to that effect. An SCP that's gone rogue and decided to attend high school. He should not be intimidated by anything here. Although I imagine, if anything could make a shadowy creature that is the living concept of fear itself quake in terror, it would be high school. Oz doesn't strike me as someone who sees people as what they are on the outside. Oh imagine he would be shocked to see how different Polly is on the inside, but he's not going to let that completely deter him. If nothing else I think Oz is a very determined shadow creature. Why would he keep up this appearance of a pathetic frightened geek? Maybe because he is genuinely frightened, maybe he has other motives, maybe he's just doesn't want to be defined by what the world says he has to be. But I am certain that, at the very least, he chooses to be what he is now as much Polly chooses to be what she is now. In a strange way, they're both seemingly living an afterlife... or different life.

As a sort of aside, there is something to be said on a mythic level too of a ghost, a spirit typically meant to evoke fear in people of the inevitability and permanence of death, and a creature that is the literal personification of fear itself, falling in love. A spirit that was once mortal and a being that has just always been since time immemorial. It's kinda like something out of Neil Gaiman's "The Sandman" when you look at it in that respect. And I do like me some Sandman.

But if that's not enough to convince you of at least some substantive reason for why I like Polly and Oz together... well here we go. The one time Polly ever got serious feels most appropriate when it is connected to Oz rather than any other character, to me. Let's talk about the Locket.

The Locket is an Event Item you can unlock in Valerie's Store, like most of the added Event Items that were added in around the Holiday Season, it's meant to flesh out the love interests some. While they're not exactly lighthearted, Scott's deals with being abandoned as a pup, they're not exactly bereft of comedy either. But The Locket comes close. It starts out with the mysterious haunted inhabitant of the locket trying to share his sad story of lost love... and then Polly shows up and decides to hijack that whole plot as she do! Because she's gonna smoke it! Yeah, she's gonna literally smoke a locket and she wants you to join her. This leads to a few choices about responsible drug use, probably useful. Honestly if I ever did drugs I'd at least want to be safe about it.

However the good times of you enabling Polly's addictions is somewhat ruined by the untimely arrival of the Coven, Spooky High's pre-eminent supernatural hero squad in the vein of Charmed/Buffy, except not objectively terrible (Charmed) or written by an asshole. (Buffy) They're quick to do the usual "Just Say No" deal at Polly, wishing she wouldn't supplement her partying with constant drug use. Polly, dropping her usual fun façade, gets serious and lectures back. Insisting she is not being irresponsible... she's dead. And therefore nothing she does can hurt her and even regardless she practices safety first with her drug use. She is not any worse than someone who really enjoys a lot of chocolate and she is in control of her drug use unlike such people. "Drug Use, Not Abuse" she explains.

It almost works, the Coven actually respectfully admit that they're probably sticking their noses in a place they don't belong. Polly isn't stupid, she is responsible and more importantly she is already dead so it's not like she can really harm herself anyway. Then Polly lets it slip that the locket she's smoking contains the soul of a dead guy and they take issue with that. Smoking haunted artifacts is fine, but a clear line in their eyes is basically smoking a soul for your own benefit and possibly destroying said soul's afterlife. Polly is fed up playing nice and tells them to fuck off, because it's HER afterlife and she'll spend it how she wants. Making reference that she knows plenty about drugs because drug use was how she died. Joy, the Coven's leader, then makes a mistake. Thinking this is another bit of the ongoing gag of Polly making up how she died, she has a lot of them and this feels no different, but seemingly more insensitive by making drug abuse a joke. She tells Polly that maybe she wouldn't be so flippant about her drug use if SHE had been harmed by someone's use of drugs.

And this is when Polly loses her shit. The insensitivity of the comment sends Polly over the edge declaring the Coven, and by extension us who have mostly been silent during this whole exchange, have no idea what her life was like and what she's been through and declared that if this is how they're going to speak to her about how she lives her afterlife, fine! Fuck everyone! She's going to party... but not fun party.

Polly's in-game sprite art takes on a horrifying visage. Her eyes glow, her smile turns to a painful scowl, her rage seems to basically circle her head like something out of Poltergeist or the Exorcist. And she can only speak in all-caps rage about how she wants to keep partying forever. Her anger affects the school all around her, as the halls apparently fill with ghastly wails and flying objects. You can't even talk to her at the lunch break, she will beam Liam in the head with a chair just for "Um Actuallying" her. Liam kinda deserves it, so it's funny, but the rest of this is not.

The Coven, mostly Joy, realizing their mistake, enlist you to help them fix this. You can do this by either contacting Polly's mom or a creepy yet friendly psychic kid ala the Sixth Sense. Either way, a successful meeting ends the same way, this reaction really is related to how Polly actually died but if you want to know what happened you need to talk to Polly herself.

You find Polly huffing gas in the school basement, completely forgetting her "Drug Use, not Abuse" statement in favor of just outright indulgence. Joy and the Coven apologize best they can and say they want to understand, but Polly is indignant. Revealing that her death was caused by her father. He was the drug abuser in the family and he made life difficult for everyone. He didn't cause Polly's death deliberately, it was a car accident while he was under the influence, killing Polly, her mom, her little sister... but leaving her father alive. She had been using drugs herself at that age, but she tried to be responsible with them. Possibly as an attempt to connect to her dad, it's not outright said, but it's implied. And despite her being careful she still ended up dying anyway.

Polly at that point demands to know what crazy idiotic choice between two options are you going to pick to suddenly make all this shit better. And even the game admits that this isn't really the time to be funny and offers two options that are sincere, supportive and apologetic. If successful, it breaks through Polly's emotional episode and allows her to finally put herself at ease and come to terms with her feelings.

You might be wondering why the player has to do any of this. It wasn't YOU who stepped on Polly's incorporeal toes and shamed her. You didn't awaken any long buried trauma with insensitive speech. Well, no, but you were kinda enabling Polly's worst habits. Not the drug use, but not considering the harm she could cause to others through it, like smoking another person's soul. So, really you're sorta responsible for not checking Polly's worse tendencies, just letting her ride the haunted locket smoke train without trying to dissuade her because it's just Polly being Polly. So being honest and trying to reach her by admitting that you just want to hear her out or even just be there for her right now, no judgment or anything else, that's an important step here.

Polly of course fakes crossing over as a prank to show that she's back to her old self again and promises to be more mindful of her drug use from now on. But it's not all good. After picking Polly to go to Prom, she admits to the player that she still feels hurt and sad. That in her pursuit of living her afterlife to the fullest, she got caught up in the same mistakes her father made and she's not proud of it. Most importantly though, she admits that despite everything she doesn't hate her dad for what he did, she still loves and misses him. That a lot of her drug use was more about just trying to forget rather than confront these feelings, ignoring the pain rather than dealing with it. Being happy is great and all, but not at the expense of acknowledging when you're hurting.

In all honesty, I feel this ending works best with Oz. Because I can more readily see Oz empathizing the most with Polly in this moment. If anyone knows about hurt, it's a creature that embodies fear. And Polly has admitted to hers, feeling hurt. Oz being there for Polly, trying to show that this is okay, that being not okay is ok, makes the most sense for me. Polly doesn't want to hurt anyone because she knows what it's like to hurt the people you love. And Oz I feel knows a lot about hurt being what they are. And maybe through sharing that kind of pain, in confronting things like Polly encouraged Oz to do with his own fears, they can both be stronger people.

This isn't to say these scenes can't work with other characters, they're not built to only work with one of the MCs. But for me, a lot of Polly's stories and events, this one especially, ring the most true when it involves Oz.

I think the relationship between the two can and could be very endearing. Allowing both to actually confront their fears, center themselves and be better people in the end. Monster Prom's tagline is "Be Your Worst Self", a sort of play on words, but a lot of its romances are actually a play on that concept. The phrase is really about being true to who YOU are more than anything, that includes the worst parts of you. If Monster Prom is about anything it's about finding happiness with who you are before you can truly find happiness with another. And I feel something like PollyxOz stands the best chance of achieving that goal.

I don't want to pretend it's the only solution, of course it isn't, none of this as said before is meant to invalidate your love for Oz getting with Damian or Zoe or Miranda or Polly with Vicky or Brian or even Amira. (Although I feel like no one is beating AmiraxVera on that one) This is about what works for me and my rationalization, you are free to think differently of course. I would hope this at least better explained my preferences and perhaps even helped you a little with your own anxieties as it has mine today.

Well I suppose I should try and lead you to some more Polly/Oz content if you're interested. While I do have ideas for fanfics and there's plenty of art you can look up, I'd rather just send you over to Vanilla Chinchilla, who is probably more prolific and better artistically concerning this than I ever could be. Again, this stuff is all just me working through some junk. Plus their artwork, such as the comic panels right above this paragraph, is really cute and fun and I enjoy it a lot.

That's really all from me, if you've honestly stuck it out this long with me rambling about the romance of two monsters from a silly video game... well I applaud you I honestly don't know if this is really all that compelling. This was an exercise for my own sake, but like I said, I hope you got something out of it. At the very least, I've put something positive into this place rather than just ragging on it for crass reasons. Thank you for your time guys.

[whalyrae]

DANCE WITH ME - CHAPTER 7

“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”

Summary : All your life, you thought you were a beta, a simple and boring beta. Until everything change. But now that you've presented yourself as an omega, how will you manage to live and hide it from your six friends and best friend, all alphas and all in the same pack? (a/n : I'm a shit for summary I'm so sorry-)

Genre : soulmate au (of course I'm a bitch for this), omegaverse, bangtan alphas au!, omega reader, fluff, angst, eventual smut, polyamory relationships

Status : In process

Word Count : 5k

Warnings : the usual one I guess, like smut, angst, fluff (yeah its a warning for some people ) mention of depression, abusive parents (physically and morally), violence and blood, PTSD, scars, self harm,…

Tag list : @ghostlyworld @kawaiikpoplover268 @scuzmunkie @iamkookiesforyou @00ihatesnaku @stellauniverse @akemiixx01 @aceofcards05 @strxwbloody @seoul9711 @amara-mars @alex-walker-86 @yoongicatcat @xicanacorpse @maciesmess 

A/N : It took me more time than I thought to write this sorry (again ;-;) dealing with mental health issues is shit really I wish I was strong and courageous like my characters LMAO. So as an apology, this chapter is a little longer than usual :D Hope you'll like it !

I'll never thank u enough for all the likes and shares despite the looong time I take to write and publish the next chapters ;w; that's my only motivation to keep writing the story tbh...! (I have severe impostor syndrome yes...... ^^) so thank you again !! Don't hesitate to let a comment here, or in my inbox !! ♥

Also I made a playlist for the story ! If you have any songs who made you think about the story, you can share it to me and I'll add it on the playlist ! ♥

Masterlist | ao3 | wattpad | Spotify playlist

Chapter 6 // Chapter 8

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

A/N² : again it's barely proof read, sorry for the potential mistakes TwT

. . .

The day has come. The practice exam was this afternoon. 

When you woke up this morning, you felt like you wanted to throw up. Being stressed was an euphemism. You didn’t even know why you felt like that. You spent the previous weeks practicing, alone and with Wooyoung. You even had some help and advice from his boyfriend, San. 

You never get why you were so stressed. Once the music started, all the anxiety and apprehension would disappear. It had always been that way when you danced. 

These last few months, your body was really testing you, and you weren't thanking it at all. 

You knew the steps perfectly, you and Wooyoung’s coordination and synchronization were perfect. You were more than ready, you knew it. And despite that, you were anxious, sure you’d fail everything, having bad notes, failing your scholarship after working so hard…

“Y/N ?”

The sudden voice startled you. In your kitchen, you were the last remaining in this apartment. Your roommates had already left, wanting to rehearse one last time before the exam. 

You would have done the same, but the stress and anxiety had given you such a stomach ache that it took you longer to get out of bed. 

You weren’t surprised to see Jimin not really anxious. You'd never seen him stressed when it came to dancing. And from the relaxed attitude Hoseok and Jungkook had shown since you'd met them, you suspected they were in the same category as Jimin. 

When you recognized the voice and noticed Jin facing you, you couldn't hide your surprise. 

“I thought you all left for work ?” you asked him, trying to stay calm. 

“Yoongi don’t need me at this hour,” Jin replied with a chuckle, “I'll be more of a nuisance than anything else. Is everything all right?”

You noticed the two cups of coffee held in his hands when he handed one to you. You silently thanked him and took a sip after blowing on the top of the cup to not burn yourself. It was delicious. Jin's coffees were the best. He'd never forgotten how you took it, ever since the first time he'd served you on the day you met. 

"I can smell your stress from the doorway, you know?" he said after a few seconds, seeing that you didn't answer because you simply didn't know what to say. 

You chuckled and pursed your lips, it was a nervous laugh. 

"Is it that obvious?"

"Trust me there's a picture of you next to the word anxious in the dictionary!"

Okay, the next laugh was more relaxed, more sincere. Jin had this sense of humor that some might find heavy and boring, but it was just the opposite for you. You were always the first to laugh at his jokes, sometimes even against your will. But what could you do? Jin was naturally amusing. He had a way of lightening the mood quickly and with just a few words. 

“Everything will be fine, you don’t have to worry about that.” He kept talking, as he took a step towards you, "You've worked hard, you've done your best, there's no reason for you to fail. Don't forget that you're good, you're really good."

Delicately, his hand came to rest on your shoulder, provoking a slight discharge that was anything but painful. 

How had you never noticed that what you felt for them, for him, wasn't friendship? That need you felt with every physical contact, your heart racing, your stomach twisting in such a pleasurable way. 

You felt both foolish for having been so blind and in denial all this time, but at the same time relieved to have finally been able to put a word to all these things, to finally have a clear vision of the situation. 

The only thing you couldn't control, and wouldn't control, would be the boys' reaction when you admitted to them that you were an omega. Because yes, now that the end of exams had arrived, and on top of that, you were going to be entitled to two weeks' rest, you were going to have to tell them (part of) the truth. You'd promised yourself you'd do it, you couldn't back out. Especially as your next heat could come at any moment. 

Perhaps that's also where the stress came from, that uncertainty, that lack of knowledge about the coming heat you were so worried about, about how you were going to manage it, about...

"Y/N... you're overthinking again."

You bite your lips nervously, shaking her head with a nervous smile. 

“Ah, yes, I’m sorry… I guess it’ll be better at the end of the day !”

Jin shook his head with a chuckle, and his face changed quickly from a most serious one, maybe the most serious face she had seen since she met him. 

“I’m sure it’s more than just… this exam, but you won’t talk to us, nor Jimin. You know we could never leave you, or judge you, no matter what it is ?”

So they all noticed you were acting differently, didn't they? Of course, they could. You weren’t the best to hide when something was wrong. And even if you were, Jimin could read you like an open book. And you did not doubt that he would have later confided to his partners. 

“I know, and it’s the same for me, I just… need to get done with this exam first.” you began, your voice trembling, “I know I haven't been... the most agreeable person lately, and I'm sorry for that, sincerely…”

You looked away, for some reason feeling your eyes sting, as if you wanted to cry. 

“Hey, hey, listen... look at me, please,” Jin's hands rested delicately on your cheeks. He waited patiently, and resumed once your eyes met, “You don't have to apologize, we all go through moments more tense, more difficult than others that make us more tense and nervous, no one here holds it against you, believe me.”

You nodded. He wiped the few tears from your eyes and leaned to place his lips on your forehead. And it's a good thing you had a certain amount of self-control, that you could restrain your actions, your desires, and your impulses, because the only craving you had right now when you felt Jin's soft lips against your forehead, was to raise your face and have your lips meet his. 

It was the hardest thing you'd ever had to do. 

“Ah, I have an idea !” he exclaimed as he stepped back, leaving you with a very unpleasant feeling of emptiness, “I'll drive you to your class, we'll go through the café, and Yoongi will give you croissants and coffee for you, Minnie, Kook' and Hobi!”

You blinked several times, not taking your eyes off him while he moved into your apartment to grab your bag.

“Wait!” You called out as you grabbed his arm, “I thought Yoongi didn’t want to be disturbed before the opening?” 

"Oh don't worry, we’ll be quick. Plus if it's you he won't say anything." Jin shrugged with a smirk as he handed her her bag, “You know, he doesn't show it, but he has a soft spot for you.”

You raised your eyes to the sky, trying to prevent your body from betraying you, but you couldn't. You could already feel your face and ears heating up. You knew Yoongi's temperament; he had his own way of showing affection to the people he loved. You also didn't doubt that he cared for you, but to use the word “soft spot”... 

“You're blushiiing...” Jin suddenly teased. 

“I'm not!” you exclaimed as you walked past him with your head down hiding any hints of blush if there were one, “Let's go! I don't want to be late!"

You didn't want Jin to be able to see what effect this was having on you, what effects they all were having on you. And that damn body that would only betray you... the coward! 

“Yes ma'am!” Jin couldn't hold back his giggle and stepped out with you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. The warmth of his embrace, his very singular scent didn't help your mood at all. “Aaah what are we going to do with you, little tsundere!”

“I'm not a... argh, you know what, never mind!” 

You didn't know why, but you had a feeling it was going to be a very long day. 

°°°

When you arrived at the dance hall less than an hour later, you quickly spotted Hoseok, Jungkook, and Jimin chatting with each other. Jungkook was the first to spot you and waved to you with his eternal big smile that melted you every time. 

You looked around for San and Wooyoung, remembering the day before that Wooyoung told you that some of the second and senior-year students would be there to watch the first years, which added a layer of stress because some of them, being alphas, were the ones who had almost harassed you to be an omega at the beginning of the year. 

But as you and Wooyoung had said to each other in the café when you first met: "We'll take the opportunity to nail all those pretentious alphas who like to spend their lives looking down on us!" 

And that was your main motivation right now. 

"Noona! We're here!" he exclaimed, drawing the attention of several students to you, which you decided to ignore because all their attention would be on you in about a dozen minutes anyway. 

"Oh great pastries!" exclaimed Jimin, taking the box from your hands as you handed it to him, "They're from Yoongi hyung!"

"Thank god, I love him so much, I'm starving..." muttered Jungkook who didn't wait to open the box and take out a cupcake which he bit into instantly. 

“Oh, you have Jin's scent on you...” Hoseok didn’t seem to be interested in pastries and approached you. You almost had the impression he was humming you quickly. "Hey, you're wearing his hoodie!”

You and Jin had gone to the café where Yoongi was already, and as Jin had told you earlier, Yoongi's face, initially shut and ready to scold Jin by reminding him that he didn't like to be disturbed in the morning, had immediately softened on seeing you appear beside him. Jin noticed this immediately and didn't stop himself from pointing out that he'd been right by giving you a little nudge on the shoulder and a chuckle, making you grumble as you did your best not to blush again. 

Yoongi of course understood why Jin had brought you along, because like everyone else, he knew that this day was important for Jungkook, Jimin, Hoseok, and you. 

He didn't ask any questions, he didn't even say a word. He just walked away and packed some pastries he knew you or the boys would enjoy, and you even noticed that he'd slipped a Strawberry Shortcake into the box, your favorite.  

When he walked to you and handed you the box, you could have sworn he brushed his fingers against yours on purpose, sending a long shiver down your spine. But he didn't notice, or so you hoped because even if he did, you didn't see any reaction from him. 

Once back in Jin's car, you noticed that you'd forgotten your jacket at the apartment, and unfortunately, you didn't have time to go home again. Jin hadn't hesitated to give you his hoodie, a café-au-lait-colored hoodie that was far too oversized for you, and you were floating in it, which made him laugh.  

The reason you couldn't say no was his smell. Like all of them, Jin had a very particular scent, very sweet but very strong, which invaded your whole being the moment the hoodie's fabric settled on your body. That same warmth returned to your stomach and probably also to your face, but Jin couldn't see it since you'd pulled the hood over your head. 

How could a simple piece of clothing make you feel so safe? 

“Noona? Noona!” Jungkook’s voice startled you, “Is everything fine? Don’t tell me you’re stressed!”

You blinked a few times and noticed your four friends staring at you, Jimin looking a little more worried than the others. Perhaps because he knew you best. 

“Ah yes, yes I’m fine!” you assured with a small smile, "Of course I'm stressed, not to be would be a sign of recklessness!"

"Well, I'm not really..."

"That's exactly what I'm saying!" you exclaimed, cutting off Hoseok who just couldn't help but laugh, "Ah and yes it's Jin's hoodie, I forgot my jacket at the apartment..."

"You could have asked me, I would have given you mine," Jimin muttered before receiving a small elbow from Hoseok. You looked at him, confused, and rubbed the back of your head with a shy smile. 

"You can give it to me if you want. No, wait... that's not what I meant..." you frowned, more to yourself, and tried to hide the heat wave by imagining yourself having not only Jin's scent but also Jimin's on you. 

"Oh no? What did you mean then?" Jungkook leaned towards her with a small smirk, "If you want I can pass you mine too, and I'm sure Hobi will do the same!" 

You frowned as you realized that Jungkook was starting to tease you, suspicions confirmed when Hobi also tapped him on the shoulder. But the mere idea of being surrounded by all the smells of your roommates and friends was enough to send a wave of warmth through your lower belly and your whole being. 

You had to change the subject, avoid the conversation going any further, or maybe find Wooyoung... 

Just when you needed it most, Wooyoung came up behind you and almost jumped on your back, snatching a laugh in the process. 

"Yo, did you miss me?" said Wooyoung in a cheerful tone who had his arm wrapped around your shoulder, he turned to your three friends and greeted them, a thin smile on his lips as he saw Jimin's reaction. It had reached the point where Wooyoung liked to make fun of Jimin's reactions, as he was the one who was the most protective of you, and according to Wooyoung, even jealous and possessive. But you still refused to believe it, being 100% certain that Jimin felt nothing but deep friendship. 

"You can't even imagine," you said ironically, rolling your eyes before grabbing Wooyoung's wrist and pulling you away from your three friends, "there's one last thing we need to discuss, good luck for later!"

"If you think we need luck..." chuckled Jungkook, making you roll your eyes at him again.  

You quickly walked away with Wooyoung, isolating yourselves in a corner of the dance hall, before letting out a long sigh.

"Wow, you don't look good, tense? Don't worry, we'll handle it!"

"Partly, but not only, there's something really weird going on..." 

You quickly told Wooyoung what had happened with Jin, then your reaction to your previous conversation with Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok. 

He remained silent for a few seconds after your explanation, before simply shrugging his shoulders. 

"It's a common thing with omegas, it's called a nest. Well, it's not a nest, but your behavior bears a strong resemblance to one." 

Seeing your confusion, Wooyoung gave a little laugh, not a mocking laugh, but an affectionate one, because indeed, you had a lot to learn. 

He then explained to you that a nest is usually a place where an omega can be comfortable and relaxed, whether they are in heat or just having a bad day. It mostly is the omega’s couch, filled with soft things, the most smelling like their mates if they have one. When they are mated, omegas can share their nest with their partner. 

"But that's the basic definition, made by idiots who like to put us in cases. It's happened very often with us that one of our alphas made a nest himself, because as long as it comforts them, why does it have to be only for omegas?" 

You nodded and smiled. Well, of course, Wooyoung was right, and when you learned this, you wondered why you'd never heard of what a nest was before today. Having grown up in an all-alpha family, a very closed-minded family at that, you weren't surprised that they didn't practice this sort of thing. Thinking back to your mother and sister, you realize that they could both use a little bit of it. As well as a good therapy.

"So that means it's not a sign that I'm going into heat?" you asked, a long sigh of relief leaving your lips as Wooyoung nodded. "Good, I wish I could tell them before it happens, I wouldn't like to... force it on them you know." 

"I understand, don't worry. Are you planning to tell them today?" 

You'd had a long talk with him the day before, about your decision to tell Jimin and your friends that you were an omega, to tell them the whole story. 

"Don't forget that if anything goes wrong, our door is wide open to you! Hongjoong hyung will welcome you with open arms, even though I'm sure everything will go perfectly!"

Wooyoung's optimism could be contagious at times. But he was right, you shouldn't think about the negative, you knew your friends after all, and you knew Jimin better than anyone else in this world. They wouldn't reject you for that. 

You hadn't had time to reply, the teachers, and a few senior students, including San, entered the room. The first-year students fell silent, knowing that the serious part was just about to begin. 

°°°

"Wait, you're first?!"

Jungkook exclaimed, looking at the grade board a few hours later. He turned to Wooyoung and you, as did several students who whispered words you didn't even understand. 

Slowly, you walked over to the board and looked at the sheet of paper on which the grades were written.

Jungkook Jimin and Hoseok were second. It had to be said that their performance was incredible. They had successfully mixed their solo and trio performances, creating a highly original tableau while respecting the given instructions. 

But apparently, the teachers preferred you and Wooyoung's performance. Even if there were only five small points that set you apart from your friends. 

A week before the exam, you and Wooyoung came up with the idea of teaching each other's solo choreography to the other. The solo instruction was that the creation had to be original and from the student himself, and there was no indication that the duo dance partner couldn't participate. Several of you had this idea in your class.

It seems this technique had paid off because you were now top of the class. 

"I don't believe it... Y/n pinch me please," asked Wooyoung in a whisper, before letting out a little scream as you obeyed. "Hey, that hurts!"

"You asked me to pinch you!" you exclaimed, turning to face him. 

"But it wasn't serious! Ah, we're first noona, we made it!" Wooyoung's face lit up and he took you in his arms, making you burst into a frank laugh, but also a way of letting out all the stress accumulated over the last few weeks. 

You hugged Wooyoung for a few seconds, unable to hide your joy and relief at having achieved such a formidable accomplishment, knowing the talented dancers in your group. Of course, you couldn't help but feel a hint of satisfaction at being able to rise above Jimin and your friends. 

You, who'd always had that imposter syndrome when dancing alongside talented dancers like Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok, seeing your name inscribed in front of theirs made you realize that you belonged here, that you deserved it, like them, like Wooyoung.

San called Wooyoung, who jumped into his arms and couldn't help but share his joy with his boyfriend. San hugged him back, praising him. He stretched out his hand to you, and you gave him a high five as he winked at you.

"Noona!"

You turned to Jimin, who was walking towards you with a smile like you'd never seen before. Behind him, Jungkook and Hoseok seemed to be just as happy for you, and that only made your heart beat faster. 

You'd always known that between you and Jimin, there'd never been any competition, but you'd had this little thought that maybe Jungkook and Hoseok wouldn't be like him, and you were so relieved to find out that you were wrong. 

“It’s amazing, you are amazing!”

Jimin couldn't resist taking you in his arms, hugging you tightly. This time, you couldn't refuse this hug, you needed it. The stress of the last few weeks was fading away, and you missed your best friend's touch more than ever. 

Anyway, you'd tell them tonight that you were an omega, you didn't want to hide anymore.

°°°

Or maybe, you could wait a little more? 

Because now that you were probably a few minutes before telling (one of) the deepest secrets you ever had, you didn’t know if it was a good idea. 

They were all here, you were all in Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi’s apartment. They had decided to order a multitude of dishes and side dishes, which you shared on the coffee table. At the center of the table was a large bouquet made by Taehyung himself, who couldn't help himself when he heard how well Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok and you'd done. 

“Y/N please, don't forget us when you'll be one of Beyoncé's main dancers, okay? I'd love to have an autograph!”

You nearly choked on your soda at Jin's remark, causing general hilarity. 

“I don't want to dance for Beyoncé!” you couldn't help but laugh despite it, and you got up to grab a towel from the kitchen to wipe yourself off, “ah I swear Jin... you do have an imagination...”

You rolled your eyes as you heard them still laughing and joking about it. From the kitchen, you had a perfect view of the living room and your friends. They were eating, laughing, and teasing each other. There was no negativity in the room. You didn't want to risk ruining it now. But at the same time, you told yourself that if you didn't do it now, you'd never have the courage to do it again. You'd then have your heat without the ability to hide it, things could then degenerate one way or another, and you could lose them forever. 

The thought only was enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

“Hey Y/N, everything okay?”

Yoongi's voice startled you, and you realized that he had joined you in the kitchen. The others didn't seem to have noticed your sudden tension, too busy with their conversations, unlike him. 

You didn't answer, just stared at him blankly at first, and could read the worry in his eyes, but also that little spark of gentleness that was so peculiar to him, a look that could give courage to anyone for whom it was intended. That look meant “You can do it, everything will be all right.” 

It was the same feeling you had when you spoke to Jin earlier this morning, except that Jin passed it on with his words. 

Your heart beat too fast, your mouth went dry. You had to do it. 

Without breaking eye contact, you finally opened your lips, and the words came out slowly, in an insecure, trembling voice. 

“I'm an omega.” 

The others didn't seem to hear you. Yoongi remained silent for a few seconds, without saying a word. Seconds that seemed to last an eternity. Seconds when you had time to imagine the worst possible scenarios, and he seemed to have guessed it.

It was only when he gently took your hand in his that you noticed it was shaking. 

“I know.” he murmured in a soft, reassuring voice, seeing your eyes widened with surprise and confusion, he shook his head with a small laugh, ” Later.”

You opened your mouth to reply but soon saw Jimin's face in your sight. 

“Noona! What's the matter? Are you alright? Did you burn yourself? you-”

“Jimin, let her talk, will you?”

This time it was Namjoon who had spoken, his voice sounding just as reassuring as Yoongi's. Everyone had fallen silent and was staring at you. You looked at each of them, ending with Jimin, whose gaze was filled with unspeakable concern.

You felt a slight pressure on your hand from Yoongi, who wanted to give you the courage to go for it. 

So, like with him, you did your best to gather your thoughts, to coordinate your voice and the words that should come from your lips.

“I... I am an Omega...”

Unfortunately, your voice was shakier than the first time. You couldn't help feeling even more ridiculous as you felt your eyes sting with tears.

“I am sorry... truly sorry I... I didn't mean to hide it...” you managed to articulate, ”I thought I was a beta until... recently and... I panicked.” you take a deep breath as you squeeze Yoongi's hand a little tighter, ”I'll understand if you're angry with me, if you don't want to be friends anymore or...”

“Don't be ridiculous!” 

You recognized Jimin's voice and embrace, which came suddenly, but which you accepted with barely hidden relief. His voice was shaking.

“You're my best friend, the most important person in my life as if that could change over something as trivial as that!”

You couldn't hold back a tear that ran down your cheek. Tear that couldn't finish its way when Yoongi ran his finger over your cheek to wipe it away. 

“It doesn't matter if you're an omega, an alpha, or a beta. You're our Y/N, we love you just the way you are!” exclaimed Jungkook, who sounded just as relieved as Taehyung and Jin. 

Namjoon nodded with a small smile and approached you. You had trouble seeing him, as Jimin had decided to cling to you. 

“It happens frequently actually. You think you are an alpha, and it turns out you're a beta, or an omega, or the other way around.” He explained, placing his hand on your hair as you acquiesced, which he began to stroke in a way that was intended to be gentle and reassuring. 

“You all don’t seem that surprised…” you said as you remembered words a few minutes ago, and when you heard Jungkook cough, you turned to him, confused. 

“I… I heard you a few weeks ago, you were on the phone with Wooyoung… Yoongi hyung heard me and we told the others…”

Ok, this one you didn't see it coming. But in the end, it doesn’t matter anymore. 

“Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jimin finally asked, looking at you curiously, and somewhat a little hurt by your silence, which you thought was totally valid. 

“Minnie, can you let go of her ?” Hoseok asked with a little laugh. 

“No, I have months of hugs to catch up !” he exclaimed, his grip on you tightening a little, making the others sigh. But you couldn’t help but let out a laugh. You didn’t mind it at all. You need it more than anything right now.

Oh how you missed his embrace, his warmth, his scent all over you. It felt so good, so right to be in his arms. It felt like where you should be. 

It felt like home.

“I didn't tell you because... when I saw the disgust... the disappointment in my mother's eyes...” You shook your head, swallowing back your tears, “That's why she asked me not to come anymore. I couldn't have supported... I couldn't have supported losing you too...” You looked at Jimin who held you closer to him, "to lose you all..."

Admitting these words out loud was harder than you thought. You weren't the kind of person to talk openly about your feelings, fears, and anxieties. 

“I don't want things to change, I don’t want you to treat me differently...”

You bit your lower lip. Your heart was beating a hundred miles. 

“I hope I never have to meet your parents,” Hoseok said in a cold voice you'd never heard from him, and strangely you found it oddly seductive.

“What a bunch of assholes,” Taehyung said disdainfully.

“I'm not even going to correct you this time. What a bunch of jerks.” Jin shook his head, frowning.

“Look, who cares? You're an omega, so what? Is this about your heat? We'll find a way to deal with it, just like we do with our ruts. We don't care, that's not the most important.” Namjoon smiles affectionately at you, “The main thing is that you feel comfortable with us, that we're all comfortable with each other, that's how a pack works after all, isn't it?”

This time, you hid your face against Jimin's shoulder, unable to hold back your tears any longer. 

“Wait... did I say something wrong?” Namjoon asked somewhat panicked, making the others laugh, even you, between sobs. 

“Don't worry, some stress to relieve.” Yoongi grabbed Namjoon's hand, kissing his cheek at the same time, before moving back to the sofa. “She’s fine now, everything will be fine from now on.”

“Ah Noona, I was so scared!” Taehyung exclaimed as he came around to hug you from behind, his torso pressing against your back. 

All these weeks, all this stress, this tension, this constant fear of living through this fateful moment had just come to an end tonight. 

Wooyoung had been right, once again. Things couldn't have gone better. 

Perhaps there was still the feelings thing, but for the moment, you didn't want to think about it. You just wanted to enjoy this moment, this acceptance you'd never had before today. You just wanted to enjoy Jimin's warmth, which you'd missed so much, and Taehyung's, and even Jungkook, who'd added to the hug somehow. 

As Jimin said, he didn't let go of you all evening, snuggling up to you like a Koala to its branch. You don't remember how the evening ended, except that you found yourself lying in a bed between Hoseok and Jimin. 

And for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, you slept a nightmare-free sleep, your heart and soul as light as they'd ever been. 

[tachimichishrine]

I swear no one does Higuchi justice like c’mon I’m BEGGING to be her cute wife that cooks for her whenever she comes from the Mafia. The chokehold she has on me is just *mwah* she’d be so sweet

also love your tachihara fanfiction it’s my dinner everyday <3

<never been crazy abt higuchi but writing for her just,,, it did smth ok- GAH HOW IS THERE NOT A SINGLE FIC OUT THERE FOR HER?? also you're so sweet ill be sure to feed u properly huheeheheh... thank you for your service to the tachi community btw, all the best w your writing n future fics ^w^ >

"housewife"

⫭◦⨝◦⫬

higuchi ichiyo x wife! reader

warnings: i attempt fluff again ; this is so short idk why, apologies my liege ; this is fiction bc there's no way i could cook smth and not poison my wife/ burn the house down in the process ,,, ; tw bath!! (/j it's all just fluff) ; l e s b i a n s ; love language is phys touch deal with it ; itty bitty cursing ; lowercase intended ; NOT proofread

you knew not to panic in such situations. waking up to disheveled sheets that had turned frigid, indicating that ichiyo had been gone too long. you allowed yourself to sleep in, given that you had the day off and decided you'd just lounge around, take a break and plan something nice for your lover in the meantime.

a stress-free period, but all you felt was anxiety when you dialed her number and got sent straight to voicemail repeatedly. this time, you decided you might as well actually leave a message when the line rang for too long.

"'chiyo, honey, call me back when you get this. just wanna make sure everything's okay, alright? I miss you already, love y-"

"who the hell is this?"

you'd been anticipating the automated voice so much that it barely registered that you didn't actually hear it this time, and a quick glance at the screen confirmed that you really were on call with someone on the other end of the line. the voice was raspy, definitely not hers, so you echoed back the question.

"um, who are you?" you challenged with a hand on your hip that they couldn't see.

except, instead of a response, you heard some distant voices on the other line, one rather hyper as it babbled something you interpreted as 'akutagawa-senpai!'. a few noises ensued along a brief chaos you couldn't see, and suddenly the phone was put back to someone's ear as they panted. you could recognize that heavy breathing anywhere.

"hey, hey, 'chiyo, what's going on?" you spoke softly, hoping she was alright and not trying to scare her.

she stuttered nervously. "sorry, I'm so sorry, I must've dropped my phone somewhere and akutagawa-senpai picked it up and-"

"woah, was that the akutagawa you're always talking about?" you couldn't believe it; after being with her for so long, you'd only ever heard stories about the people with whom she worked. you agreed that the kind of place where she operated was dangerous and it was better not to get yourself involved, so she kept you separated from everything she did. you appreciated the thought, but sometimes you felt a little frustrated that you couldn't meet the people in her life— you didn't even think they were aware ichiyo was married.

a tired sigh confirmed your theory. "look, [_____], I'll call you back when-"

"higuchi, who is that?"

akutagawa seemed to be speaking again, and quite frankly you didn't like his tone. if you were on speaker, you'd set him straight but for now you just listened to ichiyo ramble a response while not actually answering the question. he sounded tired of the bullshit and eventually the line was cut off harshly. something told you that you won't be able to call this number anymore.

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music played on the speaker as you hummed, tray of baked goods getting pulled out of the oven by your gloved mitten. the smell filled out the rather small place you shared with both your wife and sister-in-law, but the latter was out for the week on some kind of trip and left you all alone. you'd gotten used to ichiyo's erratic lifestyle, sometimes disappearing during the day and barely making it home at night. she sounded exhausted when she did arrive, so you didn't mind taking care of the little things.

proud of yourself, you put the assorted goods in various plates and left them on the table, waiting for her to come home. you couldn't call her, obviously, since it appears her boss had pulverized the device out of rage. you'd be worried if not for the fact that, based on her stories, it seemed this was a regular occurrence and she didn't mind it. you'd feel jealous of the man if it weren't for the fact that she fawned over you much harder in all the days you'd known her. she knows what she wants and does everything to get it, you'll give her that. by nature, ichiyo was incredibly caring and it was difficult to hold that against her

something was in your hands as you lounged on the couch, passing the time: a book, your phone, anything to keep your mind occupied. the sun had set and you were getting impatient, as nighttime meant she was going to be out until the early hours and might even come home with a particular scent on her clothing that resembled blood and death. how a person so sweet, so feeling could get into this kind of business was beyond you, much less how she could last thing long. she once told you that the only reason she could keep her mind this long was coming home to your soft kisses and pampering.

a clicking of the front lock and the creaking that ensued signaled that you were about to do that once more, and you strolled over to the entrance with an excited smile.

"welcome home, 'chiyo, how wa-" you caught yourself off when you saw a splatter of crimson along her cheek. your lips tugged downwards into a frown as a reflex, and you sighed gently once you saw her expression. she seemed so conflicted, not about whatever crime she'd done but about making you worry so quickly. "hey, hey, it's okay, c'mere."

with that, you pulled her into your embrace and set a kiss on her hair. it still smelled like that shampoo you'd bought her, a subtle vanilla and chamomile that reminded you of her. her entire body slumped into your strong arms, and she let you drag her across the house, shedding her shoes, meticulously pulling the elastic out of her hair to let her messy bun fall into a bob, then helping her out of her unbuttoned jacket. you pulled her body into yours as you laid down on the couch again, but this time with her head shoved into your chest, which was one of her favourite things to do.

"wanna talk about it?" you asked, dumbly, one of your regular antics. of course she wanted to talk about it; she did an awful job keeping things to herself anyways.

so, you listened carefully while she recounted stories with fake names to keep you protected and vague details in certain places, specific in others. she didn't seem hungry, so you just skipped the food for now and dragged her to your bedroom. you were about to throw her pajamas and get her to change so you could just lay down in bed for the evening, but the burgundy was darkening on patches on her arm and you couldn't help but stare at it.

"—so akutawaga-senpai showed up and I felt a little stupid but he-" you interrupted her by grabbing her shoulders and giving her a little shake.

"honey, can we clean off... that..." you danced around the topic, but she knew exactly what you meant when your eyes kept darting to certain areas of her skin. she nodded and you gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. "I'll run the bath and we can scrub it off. keep going, I'm listening."

she continued speaking as you did exactly that and eventually both of you were stripped and laying down in the tub. she was sitting in between your legs, with her back resting on your chest and head leaning back to rest on your shoulder. you traced her body, rubbing into certain patches until her skin was back to its beautiful glow. the warmth of both her and the water was too comforting, and you stayed longer than needed, your fingertips turning raisin-like in protest. despite this, you leaned down to kiss her up and down her neck while you gently massaged her flesh from her thighs to her hips, her stomach to her breasts. if she wasn't so tired that she eventually ran out of steam and stopped talking just to revel in your embrace, you might've handled her a little differently. yet, at this moment the only desire you had was to pamper her.

"ichiyo..." you breathed out slowly, lips grazing her ear while you kissed her again and spread out your fingers over her stomach. "mmmmn... 'missed you... i love you s'much..."

god, you would break her if you kept this up. so long together that you finally managed to put a ring on it yet she still fangirled over you like you were her high school crush. even as you pulled yourselves out of the sanctuary of steam and warmth in order to actually eat, she blushed every time you left a quick peck on her cheek or rubbed noses while chuckling softly.

she fell asleep in your arms, with her leg on top of you pulling you close like her very own plushie. it was hard not to smile at her once she began snoring and murmuring something about akutagawa during her slumber.

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hand in hand, you snuggled up in big jackets in the middle of the night to fend off the frigid breeze. holding onto your fingers wasn't enough, and ichiyo was fully clinging onto your bicep as you walked with her in the empty streets of yokohoma.

"this s-sounded so m-much more fun when w-we were inside... warm... by the f-fireplace.." her teeth chattered and she pulled herself closer into you.

"you were the one who suggested getting something from the café," you retorted with a chuckle, opposite hand brought up to tuck her hair behind her ear that was starting to turn pink from the cold. you rubbed your thumb along her cheek which was going through something similar, then sighed with a cloud of hot breath. "alright, honey we'll head in. i think there's another one on this street, we can just stay there and warm up before we go back, mkay?"

she would feel a bit ashamed about being so demanding if you hadn't pulled her in tighter and looked at her so lovingly. she had such an impossible time never believing she was capable enough at the mafia, and that discomfort disappeared as soon as you whispered sweet nothings into her ear and made her feel like everything was alright.

you turned your bodies together, door jingling as you stepped inside and the air blowing down from the heater hitting you. you realized that she was right, it was too damn cold outside, as soon as you felt the contrast of the inside. you turned towards your lover with a quick look to see if her body was as relieved as yours, but she was staring at something intensely on the horizon, like she'd seen a ghost.

you followed her gaze, and it fell on a man with tuffs of white in his hair standing next to a woman, slightly shorter but with noticeably long stands of black veiling the sides of her face.

"do you know them?" you whispered, and she jumped a little. part of her wanted to drag you outside, but she couldn't lie to you or keep things no matter how much her common sense told her to.

"that's... they're..." she was struggling to say something, anything, but you noticed she was letting herself get flustered. in these kinds of situations, you liked to interrupt her with a kiss to bring her back to earth from her constantly overreacting mind.

she pulled away before your lips could touch.

she'd never done that before.

you knew better, that this was probably a question of her not wanting the pda right now or maybe it had something to do with the duo standing over there waiting for their drinks, but it hurt nonetheless when you saw her squint her eyes shut and shake her head.

"that's akutagawa," she whispered as an explanation, and you felt simultaneously irritated and relieved, the former due to the fact that it confirmed that she hadn't told her boss that she was in a relationship, much less married. you understood why but it didn't sting any less.

"who's the girl?" you followed up, trying not to think about it too deeply. "is that.. uh... gin?"

she nodded meekly, and it was impossible to stay mad for long when she was so cute. you slid your hand around her waist, turning her around so that her back was to the pair and they wouldn't recognize her while she spoke to you. your voice dropped so low she could barely hear it. "should we get out of here so they don't see us? I'm not that cold, I can wait outside if it makes you more comfortable, honey."

how could she ask you to do something like that when your words were so caring, so honest? she took a deep breath and shook her head once more. in one impossibly fast motion you found yourself on the other end of the shop, standing in front of the man.

"akutagawa-senpai!" ichiyo exclaimed just a bit too loudly for this time of the day and the serenity of the empty café. she bowed her head down, speaking incredibly quickly. "I don't mean to interrupt your evening but it's come to my attention that you don't know that I'm married and this is my wife her name is [_____] and she's wonderful and-"

"'chiyo, he won't be able to understand what you're saying," you laughed softly, cutting her off as you placed your hand on her back reassuringly before addressing her boss with a respectful nod. "it's nice to finally meet you, akutagawa-san. I've heard a lot about you."

he barely bothered to acknowledge you, but the slight twitch in the spot that should've housed his eyebrows signaled that he was shocked. your smile grew wider when you looked to his sister who was sporting the same look. you pulled ichiyo against you from her hip as if to prove that she was indeed yours, and spoke slowly to explain snippets of the current situation. gin listened carefully without a word while the man tried his very best to seem completely uninterested.

as much as you wanted to learn everything there was to know about ichiyo's other side, eventually his drink was ready and he barely excused himself as he walked out. you watched him do so, and gin nodded to you and said something about how nice it was to make your acquaintance in a meek voice before quickly following him out. you waved, and noticed akutagawa watching you do so warmly before burying his face in his coat and scampering off.

"well," you giggled, turning back towards ichiyo, "that wasn't so bad. she's cute and he's an ass, but I trust your judgement in people."

you could practically see stars in her eyes; she rambled to you the entire walk home - during which she didn't complain about the cold a single time and was nearly bouncing off the sidewalk - about how much he clearly loved you based on his expression (apparently the fact that he didn't try to kill you on the spot was a sure sign of his support). she was so excited she even suggested bringing you with her to the port mafia tomorrow, but you stopped her and told her to slow down for just one second. you loved that she was so passionate about her emotions, but you wanted to talk and think this through before you did anything.

for tonight, though, you let her radiate with happiness as she jumped on top of you, making the mattress creak while she climbed up to sit on your lap and curl her fingers around the fabric of your shirt. your hands on her hips, she sat down with her knees bent on either side of you like a frog and leaned so you were chest-to-chest. she tickled your skin to draw out soft giggles while she peppered you with kisses, littering you with her best efforts to repay just a fraction of what you did for her. you rubbed her thighs in long, loving motions and brought her up so she was sitting on your hips instead. you wanted her closer, and she was happy to oblige as she kissed your lips.

"[_____]," she said, smiling into you, "I'm so lucky..."

you cut her off with a press upwards and a firm grip. "shhh, don't say anything. I love you, you love me and that's all we need."

she murmured your name that night in her sleep instead of akutagawa's.

[connieisthesun]

Chemistry and Cadavers Chapter 2 - Conrad Fisher x Reader

Chapter 2: Dorm Dilemmas

Chapter Summary - Everything's going well in you and Conrad's friendship until you receive a letter from the Campus Housing office that changes everything...

Warnings - close proximity, banter and flirting

*Authors note* - Let me know if I should keep them coming, also share your thoughts about season 3 being filmed rn ahh. Enjoy loves!

The semester was well underway, and life at college had settled into a comfortable routine for Y/N and Conrad. Their friendship was flourishing, with their playful banter and flirtatious exchanges becoming a staple of their daily interactions. Little did they know that a mix-up in room assignments was about to add a new twist to their lives.

It was a crisp Friday morning when Y/N received an email from the campus housing office. She opened it with curiosity, expecting the usual update on dorm activities or upcoming events. Instead, she was met with a notification that left her staring in disbelief:

Subject: Urgent: Rooming Assignment Change

Dear Y/N,

Due to an administrative error, there has been a change in your rooming assignment. As of next week, you will be sharing a dorm room with Conrad Fisher, who was also affected by this mix-up. We apologize for the inconvenience and appreciate your understanding as we work to resolve the situation.

Best regards, Campus Housing Office

Y/N blinked at the email, her mind racing with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Sharing a dorm room with Conrad was something she hadn’t anticipated, but the prospect of spending even more time with him was undeniably intriguing.

Later that day, Y/N met up with Conrad in the campus coffee shop. As she approached their usual table, she noticed Conrad already waiting, his usual relaxed demeanor in place.

“Hey, Conrad,” Y/N said, sliding into the seat across from him. “I have some news that might be of interest to you.”

Conrad looked up from his laptop, a curious expression on his face. “Oh? Do tell.”

Y/N pulled out her phone and showed him the email. “Looks like we’ve been assigned to share a dorm room together.”

Conrad’s eyes widened in surprise. “Seriously? That’s… unexpected.”

Y/N nodded, her smile playful. “I guess we’ll be spending a lot more time together than we thought. How do you feel about that?”

Conrad leaned back in his chair, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “Well, considering how much fun we’ve had so far, I think it’ll be an interesting experience.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her tone teasing. “Interesting, huh? I hope you’re prepared for my impeccable taste in music and my tendency to hog the bathroom.”

Conrad chuckled, clearly unfazed. “And I’ll make sure to keep my collection of quirky socks and loud snoring to a minimum. Deal?”

They both laughed, the tension of the rooming situation easing with their lighthearted banter. The rest of their coffee date was filled with laughter and playful teasing, as they discussed their plans for the upcoming week and how they would adjust to their new living arrangement.

As the weekend approached, Y/N and Conrad began the process of moving into their new shared dorm room. The campus housing office had provided them with a room in a co-ed dorm, and the space was small but functional, with two single beds, a shared desk, and minimal storage.

When Y/N arrived at the room with her belongings, she found Conrad already there, his side of the room looking surprisingly organized. He was unpacking with a methodical efficiency, his belongings neatly arranged.

“Hey, Conrad,” Y/N said as she entered the room. “I see you’re already settling in.”

Conrad looked up and smiled. “Yeah, I figured it would be best to get things in order before you arrived. How’s the unpacking going on your end?”

Y/N set down her suitcase and began to unpack. “It’s going well. I’m just trying to figure out how to fit all of my stuff into this tiny space.”

Conrad chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll manage. We’ll make it work.”

As they continued to unpack, the air was filled with playful banter and occasional flirtatious remarks. Conrad would occasionally tease Y/N about her choice of décor, and Y/N would respond with witty comebacks and good-natured ribbing.

“So, Conrad,” Y/N said, holding up a poster of a famous band. “Do you think this will clash with your collection of motivational quotes?”

Conrad grinned. “Only if you promise not to play your music too loudly. I’m pretty attached to my study sessions.”

Y/N laughed, shaking her head. “I’ll do my best. But no promises about the occasional dance party.”

The days passed quickly, and the transition to their shared dorm room proved to be smoother than either of them had anticipated. Their dynamic was filled with humor and camaraderie, and their interactions continued to be marked by playful flirtation and light-hearted teasing.

One evening, after a particularly challenging day of classes, Y/N and Conrad found themselves lounging in their dorm room, the space now feeling more like home. Y/N was sprawled on her bed, reading a textbook, while Conrad was sitting at the desk, working on an assignment.

“Hey, Y/N,” Conrad said, glancing over at her with a smirk. “Did you know that sharing a dorm room with a friend can actually strengthen your friendship?”

Y/N looked up from her book, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “Is that so? And what’s your source for this fascinating information?”

Conrad pretended to think for a moment. “Let’s just say I’ve read some interesting articles. And besides, we’re living proof.”

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully. “Oh, really? And how exactly are we proving this theory?”

Conrad leaned back in his chair, a grin on his face. “Well, for starters, we’ve managed to avoid any major conflicts so far. Plus, our daily banter and teasing are a testament to our strong connection.”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh. “You make it sound like we’re conducting a social experiment.”

“Maybe we are,” Conrad said with a wink. “And if we’re being honest, I wouldn’t want to share a dorm room with anyone else.”

Y/N’s heart fluttered at his words, but she played it cool. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Conrad.”

Later that evening, after they had finished their respective tasks, they decided to unwind by watching a movie together. They set up their small TV, grabbing snacks and settling in on their beds.

As the movie played, they found themselves engaged in easy conversation, the chemistry between them as palpable as ever. Their playful teasing continued, with Conrad making occasional jokes about the movie’s plot and Y/N responding with witty comebacks.

At one point, Conrad reached over to grab a handful of popcorn from Y/N’s bowl, their hands brushing against each other. The touch was brief but electrifying, and they both looked at each other with a mix of surprise and amusement.

“Nice move,” Y/N said, her voice playful. “But you owe me some popcorn now.”

Conrad grinned. “Deal. I’ll make sure to replenish your supply.”

As the movie came to an end, they found themselves lingering in the comfortable silence of their shared space. The evening had been filled with laughter and connection, and the bond between them felt stronger than ever.

“Well,” Y/N said, stretching her arms, “I think we’ve successfully navigated our first week as dorm mates. What do you think?”

Conrad nodded, a warm smile on his face. “I’d say we’ve done a pretty good job. Here’s to many more weeks of shared space and friendly banter.”

Y/N laughed, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “And maybe a few more dance parties and impromptu study sessions.”

Conrad’s smile widened. “Absolutely. I’m looking forward to it.”

As they settled into their respective beds for the night, the comfort of their shared space was evident. The playful teasing and flirtatious exchanges had created a bond that was both enjoyable and meaningful, and the prospect of spending more time together in their cozy dorm room was something they both looked forward to.

As Y/N drifted off to sleep, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of anticipation for the days ahead. The new living arrangement had brought them closer together, and the adventures that awaited them promised to be filled with excitement, connection, and perhaps even a touch of romance.

Tag list - @conradfisherswifesstuff @cheezbot @grxnde-dwt @itsshayfr @lanivoid @calpurnia2002

Comment or heart to be added.

[amysubmits]

A Week (#6)

The other morning the first words out of his mouth were firm and at full volume. “On your knees.”

My body seemed to obey faster than my mind could process. He pushed his cock towards me and I took it into my mouth. He fucked my face for a couple of minutes before we went on about our day. 

--------

I was crying from bubbling-over anxiety as we were in a parking lot. It was a straw that broke the camels back sort of scenario. A stranger triggered a deep insecurity. Some of my insecurities have been particularly raw lately as I’ve been in a new wavy of understanding and accepting my my ADHD related shortcomings. I apologized CD for having to deal with my ‘crazy’. His voice was soft and his body was calm. He said I wasn’t crazy, that he understood my overwhelm and it would be okay. He sat with me until my emotions were regulated again. 

-------

He was talking off and on as I gave him a blow job. A mixture of praise and degradation. I was making a ton of noise. “A little bit of me talking is all it takes to turn you into an unrestrained whore, isn’t it?”

------

Another day he was highly stressed and anxious, in a way that felt to me like it was probably making him disinterested in sex. I was stressed to, but the kind that was making me crave release. I asked for permission to bring myself to orgasm. He said yes, but later he expressed that the way I had worded things made him feel like I was only interested in masturbating. This wasn’t the case, I had just asked to masturbate because I thought I knew he wasn’t in the mood for sex. 

I have been trying to work on initiating sex because I’ve always shied away from it. He’s always initiated often enough that I’ve never had to initiate to stay satisfied. I can always just wait, usually a day or less - and my needs will be met without expressing them, which has unintentionally worked as positive reinforcement for following that instinct I have to avoid asking. But he likes to hear my desire sometimes...and some part of me probably needs to learn that it’s good to voice my wants more often. Anyway, I ended up realizing that this was a scenario where I had shied away from asking what I really wanted (sex) out of fear of asking too much. So while it was good to express something about my sexuality (as expressing wanting relief is somewhat hard for me still) I still felt into the trap of avoiding the full on vulnerability...and it made him feel like I wasn’t interested in him in that moment. It felt like a failure, but I directly requested reassurance before bed, he gave it to me, and it silenced my insecurities. 

------

He picked out a tiny box of coffee cake from the bakery section at the grocery store. We very rarely buy items from the bakery like that. It just contained four slices of cake. The next morning he commented on how I hadn’t had any yet, and said I should. I said I would and went about getting myself a piece. 

“You know you always can have some of anything I buy, right? You don’t have to ask or wait for me to offer. You know that right?”

The honest answer is my logical brain knows, but my emotional brain doesn’t. He knows this, and it’s why he’s saying it explicitly. To remind the emotional part of my brain.

---- 

One day CD pointed out how a year ago, he was less open with me about something he does that’s related to his mental health. We got talking about how therapy has helped us to understand ourselves better and how that’s improved our intimacy. It feels to me like for years now, many times over, we’ve thought we had reached the deepest intimacy we could ever have...because it was the deepest we’d ever experienced before. And yet it seems like over time it always grows deeper somehow. At one point in this conversation we both got teary-eyed. 

-----

He was all “peopled out” but needed his prescriptions picked up from the pharmacy. He asked me if I’d go in. I threw on a hoodie, my shoes and grabbed my purse. “Are you going in wearing those?” he asked. I was wearing leggings. Before I could answer he explained “I don’t care either way. I just know you don’t normally wear them out.” Honestly, he’d probably enjoy me wearing leggings in public more often...but he knows I’m uncomfortable with unwanted attention and often change how I dress in public to reduce the odds of getting that unwanted attention. He was assisting me with managing my own boundaries and sense of safety.  

[thatgirl4815]

Hi. I really appreciate your insights on Only friends. I was rewatching ep 10 with some reactors and was pretty frustrated about the comments on the last scene. For me it was the best choice the creators could have made because A) we as the audience should see that Ray genuinely cares about Sand, and the most credible way to show it in a visual storytelling type is to put it in the characters imagination scene, with this one we know that when Ray saying he cares so much and Sand is so caring and Ray is so happy is 100% what Ray really believes. We have seen through the whole show that Ray can be manipulative to keep Sand around so I would have at least a bit of doubt if Sand was actually there for the apology from Ray. B) the screaming from reactors about Ray should try rehab for himself is just such idealistic thinking and doesn't fit the character arc of Ray. We see that he is deeply troubled and although he is selfish he doesn't love himself. So him stating throughout ep 10 that he tries rehab for Sand is the most logical thing for me. And I think in real life addicts motivation to try to get better for their loved ones is also pretty common. Why should this reason be less valid and desirable then the reason "get better for oneself"? What are your thoughts about this whole scene?

Hi! This reminds me of the discourse a few weeks ago (I wanna say around Ep7?) where the big conversation was whether Ray truly cares about Sand or not. And I agree that the final scene in Ep10 is one of the best ways we can be given the answer to that question (although I think there was striking evidence already, particularly with Ep9 and just how heartbroken Ray was during the apartment fight in Ep10).

I cannot see how there can be any question now that Ray loves Sand. As much as I want Sand to hear these words from Ray, I think Ray and the audience needed the Ep10 scene to fully come to terms with Ray's feelings. While his ways of dealing with those feelings have been complex (and not always righteous), the feelings themselves are actually quite simple: Sand makes Ray happy. They've been through a lot of drama, but that basic fact has remained true throughout. It also reminds me of what First said in that interview that came out the other day--Ray has always liked Sand, he just hides it more. And I'd argue that had a lot to do with the RayMew storyline as well as Ray's own perception of self.

I personally hope this means that we can put all the "Ray doesn't really care about Sand at all, Sand should find himself somebody who loves him, etc." comments to rest. Ep10 spelled it out pretty well, I think. This is a guy sobbing on his knees to imaginary Sand, thanking him for coming into his life. It doesn't get much more real than that.

About the reactions to Ray wanting rehab for Sand, not himself...I also completely agree that it doesn't fit Ray's character in the slightest for him to want rehab for himself--at least, not at this point. The only way I can see Ray agreeing to go to rehab is if it's for someone else, because we've been shown time and again that he thinks he's unlovable. It's part of the reason why he gets so attached to Sand, because Sand might call him a burden but he doesn't treat him like one. Sand sees Ray's flaws but he doesn't hold them against him. Sand thinks Ray is worth helping, and if Sand thinks so, then Ray can commit to it.

For me, Sand's love is the only thing that could have possibly motivated Ray to go to rehab. Sand says that Ray should go for himself, but saying that isn't going to make it true. As the therapist states, a lot of people are motivated to get help because of their loved ones, not themselves. I think the process is intended to help one overcome their addictions and learn that overcoming these addictions is about personal growth. Ray's self-worth issues are not going to disappear overnight, but going to rehab for someone is the first step towards going for yourself. Just like recovering from addiction, this way of thinking is a process. (I have faith that Ray could reach this point in his rehab journey, though it will probably take a while.)

Circling back to the last scene...I love it. I think the acting was phenomenal. I think it tells us so much about Ray. I think the dialogue is an excellent summation of his pain and guilt and love when it comes to Sand. Emotion-wise, I think it is the strongest scene in the entire show.

[kerrikins]

It's hard for me to tell at the moment whether I can't see anything in the Build tag because of the massive amounts of spam or if it's just that people aren't saying anything, but I guess that is neither here nor there, other than that if nobody is saying anything after the last week it leaves me a bit ??

I last posted about this whole topic back in July - if I remember it was right at the start of the July 17th leaks, though at this point I'll admit that it's all become a bit of a blur. We've had what, now, five leaks since May? Yeah.

I've thought a lot about whether or not to post again since then. I had a friend visiting from out of the country at the time, and between that and the insanity that is my workplace at the moment, I quite frankly did not have the time or the brain space to actually work through my thoughts and put them down on paper, so to speak. When I did have some more time things had quieted down again, and I thought - well, no use dredging it up again, since I'd already laid out a lot of my thoughts here and then on twitter, too. There was also the unspoken fact that I didn't know whether or not there would be another leak, of course.

So here we are a month later coming off of another round, and after the last week I feel the need to finally get some things off my chest.

First of all, I've done some poking around and I'm disappointed but unsurprised to see that as usual, there is very little discussion outside of pro-Build spaces about how disturbing and obsessive all this is. The campaign of hate, bullying, harassment, coercion and blackmail continues and by and large people are happy to participate in it because apparently those things become okay when they are dealing with someone they view as a bad person as long as they pay lip service to 'well they're both bad people', which does not even come close to being an actual criticism of what she's doing. As always, there's also little discussion of the clear fact that she obviously doesn't care who she hurts during this process, even if it's the faves of the same fans participating in the hate campaign.

None of this aligns with my moral code. It never will. I think it's disgusting and I think that the people participating in it should be ashamed of themselves, though I know that they never will be.

I've gone into detail on all of this before, however, so I don't see the point in going into it again. I will simply state that yes, I do still believe in second chances and opportunities for redemption for anyone, regardless of what they have done. So I will always say that people should give Build the chance to try and be a better person, and that they shouldn't try to dictate to others whether or not they support him.

However (you knew that was coming, right?) - what's in those messages doesn't align with my moral code either. And yeah, I do feel like I need to say it, partly because I feel like the bubble/byl fandom at large is being a bit too dismissive of it.

I get it. I laid out up above why I think what is being done to Build is wrong. I haven't changed my mind on that. People feel so strongly that what is being done to him is wrong that it makes them extremely defensive of him.

But this situation isn't black and white and never has been, and multiple things can be true.

Example A: Some people who hate Build are guilty of behaving extremely badly and contributing to the harassment and bullying and blackmail.

On the flip side: some people who support him are guilty of hating on the other cast members in spite of the fact that there's no evidence of them doing anything. Some are also guilty of willfully turning a blind eye to the fact that he has admitted the messages are his and has apologized for them - which means that as of today the current evidence we have says that they are his, they're not fake, and he is taking responsibility for them.

Example B: His ex is clearly mentally unwell, a narcissist who is obsessed with revenge and is conducting a hate campaign to turpedo his life and career while benefiting her own.

On the flip side: it seems clear that Build is guilty of awful behaviour, of saying horrible things about people who were seemingly nothing but kind to him, of being homophobic, racist and sexist. (I'm not going to touch on the abuse allegations here because I've discussed those previously.)

Again: yes, I do think he should be given the chance to start over and redeem himself and I like to think he's capable of it, but fans really should be acknowledging what he's redeeming himself FROM.

From what I've witnessed in a lot of spaces - that's not happening. I've seen a lot of denial, I've seen a lot of handwaving and glossing over the situation. I've seen some insane claims, too. Some fans are going so far as to say that they think that his show was never going to happen, that the messages are all doctored and this is all a plot between the company, his ex and his former co-stars. (Which is just - ??? I don't even know where to start.)

Some are simply refusing to read the messages (how can a person defend him if they don't know what they're defending? I don't quite understand) while others simultaneously claim that the translations out there are misleading - but refuse to share 'acceptable' translations because that's privacy invasion. Again - ???

It's insane and downright exhausting and I am just... done. I speak up for what I think is right and call out what I think is wrong, and I while I think the handling of this is horrendous and has been from the start, I also think it's wrong to minimize and downplay what he's done. In his apology he's holding himself accountable for what he did, why won't some of his fandom? How can people argue for him to get a second chance if they won't even admit what he did that he needs a second chance for? Technically this is a third chance, I might add, because some of those messages are from after his scandal last summer.

I want to reiterate here that I don't hate Build. It seems like so often any criticism of his behaviour at all means that suddenly you're an anti or that you hate him or you're against him. I'm not going to suddenly go on diatribes about how he's a horrible person. I think it's likely that there's a lot more going on here than what meets the eye, particularly since there are people who are still well liked by most of the fandom who have stood by him until July (a certain picture that was posted with a filter comes to mind, as does someone who liked every single one of his posts since his return until they were mentioned in one of the leaked messages).

What I mean here is simply this: I don't think Build is a cartoon villain, I think he's a whole person capable of a variety of things, both good and bad.

I also want to make it clear here that I'm not here to hate on people in the fandom. I mean - glass house, stones, all that. But also I think we've had enough of that. This fandom is one of the most polarized I've ever been in and the vitriol is off the charts, I'm not going to contribute to it.

I guess my hope is just that people will think about why and how they're choosing to come to his defense, if for no other reason than the fact that in my opinon and experience, the more extreme fan claims are making it worse for him, not better. I've said this on twitter and I'll say it here - when people are confronted with attempts to downplay things, it makes them more intent on proving the opposite. If you acknowledge them then you change the footing and the conversation can move on to other things.

As I said, this is a complex situation. It's okay to acknowledge that. Things don't have to be black and white. A lot of fans are in echo chambers right now on both sides of the aisle.

Anyway. I truly hope that this will be the last post that I ever have to make on this subject. For now, at least, I've said my piece and addressed what I need to in order to feel comfortable and not just like I'm avoiding talking about the topic.

In the meantime I've turned my attention to Bible and the rest of the cast because I always have and continue to adore them and I feel like I've neglected them over the last six months (as much as a fan can neglect celebrities, of course). For all my issues with the company, I've always loved the cast.

I'm more active on Twitter than here, but I do go back and forth between the two sites.

Take care. 💗

[winxanity-ii]

hey! here to say i’m sorry for the hate and vitriol you received from people angry the character wasn’t white? it’s funny because most media and the world is made for them so to get angry at the few things that aren’t? very entitled but also very fitting for white people

okay, i've been waiting for another ask like this to be sent becasue i'm too shaky to go back to the ones i've had sitting in my inbox for weeks😭, this might be a bit long, but bear with me, i can't help but making sure all points are covered.

so please, welcome how one of my character development moments came to be.... (p.s, sorry for the meme reactions they help me cope/try to remember the entire thing in a more humorous light 🫶🏾)

so basically, the entire issue that pushed me to lashout/get defensive/etc, was because i naively assumed that my thought process would be understood by everyone that came across my book, but in truth, it was more of a miscommunication issue that was exasperated by my using of random signifiers/hair types.

the miscommunications was when some assumed that by me giving the Reader has red hair and yellow eyes, i was assigning characteristics/making an OC, when in reality, i just gave Reader the main characteristics makima—the character who the whole personality is based on—had, which is: red/aurburn hair and yellow eyes.

now, this is where everything went down hill...

see, i tried to do this thing where once in a while, the readers skin tone/hair type was mention/hinted in an insignificant way, like saying:

"You pulled your hair into a bun, the soft curls tangling around your fingers in almost playful resistance; with an annoyed huff, you gave up, letting it fall however it wanted to."

or

"He grabbed your hands, captivated by the way they seemed to fit perfectly in his, unable to stop the adoring comparison; they were smaller than his, the warmth of your sun-kissed skin contrasting softly against his paler shade."

at random, like one moment it'll be curls, the next, straight, etc. ya know? but i also was kinda (read: was in fact) practicing my writing skills overall.

i adore reading—it's one main hyperfixation—so i just wanted to create what i've never had. and my writing style allows me to share this with those who've always felt the same, yet never had the guts/confidence to do it themselves...

anyways, getting back on track, combining the two, i had NUMEROUS angry/upset comments on all the platforms i posted it claiming that i was fishing for reads with a 'fake Reader' and how i needed to put blatant disclaimers that this was a Black OC—yes, you read that right ALL: wattpad, ao3, here, and quotev (especially quotev and here👀).

now, i understand the first part about fishing for reads by using an OC—i've had my fair shares of reading and going "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!" when getting duped by a good ass fic—but what lost me was that there were more anger about it being a 'Black OC' instead of just being an OC at all 💀💀 like WHAT???

i was so confused (and a bit pissed) because there's no way someone the word 'tan' or 'brown' and automatically assume 'black reader' as if other racial minorities doesn't exist.

like, if i really wanted to make a black reader i would have done way more effort to showcase it, not use a flimsy word or two, but let me stop here before i make an entire essay 💀

also, i'd like to give a small apology first on behalf of not communicating better; like stated before, i'm new to the sudden boom off attention and did not know how to properly deal with an huge influx of commentary.

though i knew it shouldn't have bothered me, the more negative ones stuck out more, so i distanced myself from interacting in general so i wouldn't have to see them at all.

i'll still be distant, but i'll do better at showcasing my appreciation in other ways ❤️❤️

but yeah, that's what happened, but no worries, i just had to suck it up, take a lil break and get back on my writing shit 😎 bad days don't stop these 'tismic delusions ❤️ see you guys soon...

[pernillemagda]

Exclusive interview with Nico on her retirement with kvindefodboldpodcasten

I want to apologize in advance for my spelling mistakes, I haven't read it through 😅

This interview was made with Nico a few days ago before her retirement was announced publicly. Not even her teammates knows at this point.

02:00 - She starts by mentioning that she has thought about it for a very long time

03:00 - Then she mentions her long-term injury, and before that, she had always thought “What would happen if I missed a game or a training” as she had never tried that before (never been injured)

The process already started back then when she got injured. When she was away from football, she realized, “Football is still working fine without me” (said positively and with a smile)

04:00 - Then she came back and really enjoyed “the first few weeks”, then it felt like hitting a wall, a wall she still has not come over today. She still finds it hard to find the motivation.

04:35 - She doesn’t find it fun anymore, and one thing she has always promised herself is, that when football wasn’t fun anymore, she should stop playing, she has been in a period of 10-11 months where she hasn’t found it fun, and she thinks now is the right time to stop.

05:00 - (she is asked why she didn’t wait until after the Olympics) She says she had thought about “keeping going” until the summer and Olympics if Denmark got qualified, but that it would be a long time for her to “keep going” when she didn’t really enjoy and kept feeling the way she feels right now.

05:40 - Her real plan was initially to wait to retire until the summer, but she decided to do it now, as she couldn’t wait until the summer. So for her, it was the right decision to make now. She feels like it would be weird if she didn’t feel it was fun, and she talks about how long time there still is until the Olympics, how many trainings and games she has to “go through” when she doesn’t enjoy it much anymore

06:40 - It is clear to hear in her voice and how she speaks that she is full of football right now, that she in some ways has gotten too much, and the host also speaks with her about that, and Nico says that it’s the way she has felt in a long time. She has tried to do a lot of things to get her motivation back, but it hasn’t come yet.

07:40 - She does not doubt for one second that this is the right decision

08:00 - The last few months have been tough to deal with these feelings and navigate around them, while still having to play. She says she felt “wrong” and didn’t fit in, as all her teammates and those around her burn for doing what they get to do every day, but she just wasn’t that anymore.

09:00 - She says football has been some of the best things of her life, she is extremely grateful for everything she has achieved through football, but she is ready to move on to something new.

10:00 - She says all those she hadn’t let in throughout the process when she told them, hadn’t seen her retirement come at all and had been very surprised, but really sweet.

11:00  - Talks about how she had gotten help through the club and what it was like when she first let them into her mind about this decision.

She talked a lot with a sports psychologist for both DENWNT and Everton

She found it very hard to open up to too many, she hadn’t even talked with her teammates about it. Only her family, boyfriend and very few friends.

14:00 - When she wrote her 1-year contract this summer, she was really in doubt about what she should do. She wasn’t ready to say stop back then, and she didn’t know if she should try playing somewhere else. She wrote on one year to see if she would feel better after this year and thought she would be able to make it through, but now it turned out, she couldn’t last for a whole year (at this point, it is really clear to hear in her voice, that it is very well considered, but that she also has gotten enough. She doesn’t have her heart with her anymore.)

16:00 - When she got home from the World Cup, she did not feel well at all. She says that no one at the World Cup (from the Danish team), knew she did not feel well during the World Cup as well.

17:00 - Both up to and during the Euros and World Cup tournaments, she felt like that was what she was playing for and why she played football. She had to be at those tournaments, but when she got there, it was really tough and not exactly for her (though it was really fun and a big honour).

21:00 - She makes it clear that the reason for her retirement is not because of external circumstances, but only herself. It is not due to playing time, coaches or anything else! Only about her and how she enjoyed football. She looked a lot at herself for who she plays for, “who does it make happy, cause it is not me” and that is the main reason.

In the rest, they talk generally about her career and other football stuff.

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Would you mind writing something for O.z from Mo.nster Pr.om? I'm imagining him using his gut to drag his crushes to prom. They might digest before the dance is over, but at least he's not showing up without a date~

I like that idea a lot, so sure!

This is just...embarrassing. The most embarrassing thing O.z has ever had to experience. It's the day of prom, he has his suit and everything, and...he doesn't have a boyfriend! He's been talking to a few guys, leaving his options open, but it's the day of and all of them...all of them turned him down. Now he doesn't have a date! Who goes to prom without a date?! He'll be the laughingstock of the entire school! Maybe he should go into hiding. Disappear, become a NEET or something, escape society and never have to face this!

O.z shakes his head wildly. No, no, no! He can't give up yet! There has to be something he can do. Maybe some flowers? Chocloates? If he just shows them how much they mean to him, they'll definitely want to take him, right? It's not too late! It doesn't have to be! He can...He can...

A deep, low groan rumbles out of O.z's stomach, making him freeze up and look down at it. He gently puts his hand to his flat gut and feels another nasty rumble come from it. He's never felt this hungry before. Maybe it was all the stress..? He should go eat something while he tries to think. He should eat...something...

That's it.

O.z went to prom after all, and in doing so, became the talk of the dance in an instant. He was wearing the nice suit he had picked out weeks in advance, but he didn't have time for any...modifications. That's why the jacket and dress shirt are both left open and his tie is left to hand limply around his neck. Although, most of that was because of his pre-prom binging.

The monster's smooth, black stomach is jutting out before him, grossly engorged with at least several men, the bulges they make shifting and moving around as they try to squirm in the tight confines of the stomach. O.z didn't pay them a whole lot of mind, as if their desperate attempts to escape--or even just find momentary comfort--wasn't a big deal. If anything, he was in a pretty good mood. He came to prom, he has his date(s), and there's no need for him to go off the grid in shame! Sure, having more than one date is a bit...unorthodox, and eating them beforehand probably is, too. But it all works out on a technicality! And if the night goes well, he'll be able to spit them up and maybe they can all have a good laugh about it.

Doing normal prom stuff was a little awkward with such a large gut. He kept bumping it into people and having to apologize when he winds up knocking them down. Getting drinks (he really doesn't have the stomach for snacks right now) was a little hard when his stomach is stretching out farther than his own arms. And he definitely takes up more of the dance floor when he tries dancing with such a large stomach since most people thought it was smart to give the overstuffed O.z a significant breadth to work with. He didn't get to talk to his dates much, either--what little things he could make out were 'Let me out' and 'Oh god, I'm melting!' which didn't make for great conversation. It did a lot to wrack up his nerves, so he made repeated trips to the drink table to slam down a cup of spiked punch. By the fourth one, he was hammered, and there was little chance of survival for his dates at that point.

A stomach, after all, isn't a safe place to store most things, but especially meaty dates to prom. The constant sloshing around as O.z moves about doesn't do much of help them, either. Being on the dance floor a second time, now fueled by alcohol, must have melted down at least two or three of them in the process, and every wet slosh of his stomach doesn't help those that survived it much better. As the night goes on, those detailed bulges become less detailed...and eventually less bulging. O.z winds up belching more and more when he moves around while his guts churn louder than the DJ's music. When he finally takes a break to catch his breath, his stomach is completely round and much smaller than it had been when he walked in. Even so, he never really seemed to notice. It didn't really matter if his dates were alive and kicking or dead and sloshing by this point, and he'd keep enjoying prom with whatever's left of them boiling away.

O.z would have a horrible hangover the next day. He'd think his messy, unkempt suit would mean he got some action that night but...it was mostly like that because his once thin body and ballooned outward in chub after processing about five bachelors in a single night. Prom was too much of a blue for him to remember all the details, though, and whatever clothes or bones were lucky enough to get belched up only vaguely reminded him of who met a grisly end in his stomach. Even if he can't fully recall the greatest night of his life, though, he'd at least have two commemorative photos. One from the start of the night, his gut taking up most of the frame with its distinct bulges, and one at the end of the night, his stomach a round pot belly hanging off his waist while he's blatantly plastered.

At the very least, O.z got to go to prom with his dates. Hopefully, he can find some new ones by next year, though. He's not going to be able to ask them out again.

[crippleprophet]

hi! i have a question regarding. doctors being shitty/being incredibly invasive and controlling

some background: ive had neuromotor symptoms since i was a toddler (i was 'bad enough' to have the school district pay for my pt/ot as a toddler) which was (badly) diagnosed as dyspraxia by a neurologist who then never saw me again after i completed pt/ot.

i still have all of those problems now despite on and off pt since then and consistent pt for over a year currently. we went back to my current hospital trying to see a neurologist to discuss the results of an mri i had at a different hospital and set up 2 appointments.

we had an appointment scheduled with a neurologist which we went to regarding my neuromotor issues + mri as well as migraines. all he talked about during the appt was the migraines and told me i wasnt drinking enough water despite me having pots and drinking more than 100oz a day and that i was just stressed. he did not ONCE mention any of the neuromotor issues and dismissed me when i brought them up. he also told us seeing the other neurologist would be unnecessary and that we should cancel the appointment. at the appt me and my mom agreed with him, but we were unhappy with the outcome of the appointment with him and decided we should keep the second appointment to act as a second opinion.

the day before the 2nd opinion, we get a call from the first neuro saying that he cancelled the 2nd opinion appointment after talking to the 2nd neuro. this is technically not prohibited in the hospital im at as far as i understand, and my mom is planning to call the ombudsman to file a complaint at the very least but both of us are at a loss for what to do. i know i am probably in a different hospital system than you are so the logistics of reporting this will be different, but do you have any advice for what to say? i am at a genuine loss and as long as this neurologist is my current doctor i have no idea if ill be able to see a different neuro for a second opinion lest he cancel that appointment too.

[tl;dr: i scheduled 2 appointments with 2 different neurologists to discuss neuromotor symptoms, a mri i had done at a different hospital, and migraines. i saw the first one and he was incredibly dismissive and told me to cancel the 2nd appointment i had scheduled. my mom and i agreed at the time but decided to keep it for a second opinion after the appt was over. the first neurologist canceled the 2nd opinion appointment the day before the appt without consulting me or my mom.]

disclaimer that i am in the US and also a minor. if you or your followers have any advice it would be greatly appreciated!! thank you and sorry this is so long!

god, that’s such bullshit, i’m so sorry. you don’t deserve to be dealing with this & that’s incredibly inappropriate behavior. i’m obviously just some guy on the internet so take all of this with a grain of salt / weigh it against your preferences & experiences - i don’t think there’s any one right or wrong way to handle this & i’m sorry you’ve been put in such an awful position. (also no need to apologize for being long - i’m about to write you a novel lol)

i definitely think contacting the ombudsman is a good idea & i’m really glad your mom is on your side; you can also find the complaint process for the medical board in charge of his licensure by searching [your state] medical board complaint. here’s an overview of what happens with that process:

if you’re on medicaid or medicare there are additional specific avenues of complaint through that.

i’m going to file a complaint against a doctor in the next couple of weeks for some fucked up shit of my own so my thought process for that has been like, i don’t expect anything to happen to him, but it might help some future person who complains for there to have been previous issues on file. you might be in a different emotional position, though - if your complaint going nowhere would be devastating, for example, it’s okay to factor that into your decision of whether to file one.

i also recommend checking your state laws around your rights to your medical records, and while there are ways to obtain it after filing a complaint, i’d personally try to get any test results or other documentation that you’d need to show a different physician before filing a complaint just to minimize the risk of somebody giving you grief & dragging it out. i went in person to ask for my bloodwork results from the shit doctor & let the rest of my record with them rot bc i don’t need to read the bullshit he wrote & certainly don’t want it impacting my care with someone else.

as far as getting a second opinion i think there are a few things to consider:

i’d personally be super careful when deciding whether to try to make another appointment with neuro#2. it could be that shitty neuro#1 just talked to the scheduling department or something, but if he talked to the doctor themself, it’s unfortunately really fucking likely that neuro#2 is already biased against you. most (not all - my pcp is fabulously untrusting of his peers) doctors will take a fellow doctor’s word over a patient’s any day.

do you have options that are outside of that hospital network, or something like a private practice that’s technically part of the network but uses their own scheduling system? if it’s an option i think getting as far away (in terms of connection, not literal distance) as possible is your safest bet; one of the very few good things about the US medical system is the lack of a centralized database, so in a lot of circumstances your medical record can’t follow you unless you let it. i’m a huge proponent of giving my doctors information on a need-to-know basis; my rheumatologist doesn’t know my pcp gave me tramadol while i was trying to get an appointment, for example, because i don’t want to be labeled drug-seeking.

if your only options are where neuro#1 would be able to see the appointment, it’s more dicey - hopefully the ombudsman has better / more specific advice, but if it were me, i’d probably try to make an appointment in person to get a sense of the vibe & if the person scheduling seems kind/decent, explain that i had a doctor cancel my appointment against my wishes & ask if they could make a note or something to only cancel it if i (or in your case maybe your mom) says so. kind of risky but this whole thing is a clusterfuck so it could be worth a shot.

is there any reason this neurologist needs to stay your current doctor? because like, if not, get your records and get the fuck out. usually i just ghost my providers but in this case it sounds like you’ll probably need to formally break up with him - if you have a follow-up scheduled then if you cancel that you can inform the front desk when doing so that you’re no longer going to be a patient at that office. heads up they’ll probably ask why, it’s up to you whether you want to be honest.

if you’re comfortable doing so, after you’ve extricated yourself from this provider, i’d recommend writing a public-facing review anywhere you can - google reviews for his practice / the hospital, your insurance website, healthgrades, etc - so other potential patients are warned. i’d basically say what you told me here about what happened.

as far as writing your complaints themselves, i’d try to found them on as much documented evidence from other providers as possible, because the system only respects itself. so for the complaint i’m working on, i’m going to include:

what the doctor did that was against current diagnostic guidelines, & cite those

previous diagnoses & medications he ignored

what i was subsequently diagnosed with & medicated with

statements he made that were factually incorrect, & citations of research disproving them

if he didn’t talk about your imaging you should definitely mention that too.

i hope some of that is helpful! i’ve been researching & sorting through my own neurological stuff so if there’s anything else i can do to help or support you feel free to send another ask or dm me! best of luck to you & you’ll be in my thoughts 💓🖤💓 other folks feel free to respond if you have further advice!

[long-distance-love]

Sorry for spam reblogging your posts recently.

I'm in a ldr and honestly I go a little insane when we are apart. I'm really fortunate that we can see each other every 1-2 weeks, but I kind of start losing my mind during the 2 week+ mark. The longest we've gone apart was a month and e half.

We met online and honestly it feels like I've known him forever. We were originally 6 hours away from each other and could see each other once a month. Now I moved and we're an hour and some apart and can meet up on the weekend.

I never expected to be in a straight-ish relationship (I'm a demi bi but I lean heavily sapphic) and now I literally cannot imagine life without him. Its funny because I didn't even like him in the beginning when we were talking on the phone and thought it'd pass in a few weeks, but we've been dating for almost a year. We have talked loosely about it, but I'm highly considering bringing up marriage after the holidays.

I'm sort of rambling, but I wanted to say thank you for having this blog. It helps me process and deal with the yearning in between visits.

Hi Nonny,

We absolutely love people spam reblogging our stuff, so we won't accept your apology!!

It's okay to not feel well when you're not together with your loved ones. Being together in the same space has loads of benefits both mentally and physically - you may be calmer, sleep better, be in a better mood. And that's okay, LDRs are quite the roller-coaster rides when it comes to mood. Try to call as much as possible, i.e. Benny and I found it easiest to incorporate video calls into our day-to-day schedule and it helped cultivate a bit of stability. Otherwise you need to find things to do on your own unfortunately, which I know is easier said than done!

I'm very happy you've found this blog a comfort - that's all I wanted when I started sharing our journey here, to offer a bit of solace and encouragement to those who go through long distancing. 💕

- Danny

P.S. It's amazing to see other demi bi folks find love, good for us haha!

[pedgito]

hi! would u ever be comfortable writing about eddie's uncut cock? if not, it's totally fine. hope ur having a great day! <3

author’s note: funny you ask, because yes, absolutely. and look, i know people have varying opinions but let me be a whore in peace with my own nsfw headcanons, i don’t care what others think about eddie’s dick because this is just what sits in my brain. this was meant to be a small blurb so ignore the lack of form that i usually keep.

cw: 18+ (minors dni) obviously lots of dick talk what else do you expect, talks of self-exploration/masturbation, eddie dealing with some body issues pertaining to the topic in the ask, handjobs, oral (m receiving), i don’t apologize for any of this.

word count: 1.4k

eddie doesn't realize how uncommon it is until the reactions become the same and frequent, eventually forcing eddie to hate any kind of sexual interaction outside of himself for a while—he knows it's not a big deal, but the judgey looks and offhanded comments about how weird it was didn't make him impenetrable. it was always there in the back of his mind.

but eddie has always been about self-exploration, maybe to an unhealthy degree as he got older, interacted with girls less, buried himself into hellfire club and his side business of dealing—he usually kept interaction to a minimum, which wasn't hard when most of the school despised him.

and he can't imagine how anything could be better, his dick laying heavy against his belly as his fingers dragged up under his balls, touching delicately, almost teasing in a way before he gripped himself forcefully, tugging down until the head peeks past the skin in all of it's glistening glory, precum smeared over the slit as he slides back up, squeezing the head between his thumb and forefinger under the foreskin.

he thought being this sensitive was normal, but he was proven wrong time and time again. he's learned over time and through a lot of experience how to hold himself back, squeeze himself at the base to keep himself from coming too early or letting go completely, occasionally trying the tactic of squeezing the head until the feeling fades, it works wonders, but still, it doesn’t prepare him for the real thing—he's embarrassed when he's coming in the hands of some beautiful girl he sat next to in english class at the beginning of his first senior year, only some unrhythmic strokes of her hand and her thumb rubbing over the head of his cock before he's there, spilling over her hand without warning.

and when he’s really eager and seeking the relief, he's quick, knowing just the ways to touch himself, how sensitive the head of his cock can get under the skin and he's there before he can even process, groaning through clenched teeth.

he meets you somewhere between the beginning of his hopefully last year of school and the few weeks before then end of '85—he doesn't understand how you came into his life, telling himself how he surely manifested you, that there's no possible way you were real.

regardless, eddie's is riddled with nerves the first time you touch him, making some off-handed comment about how not pretty his dick is, hoping it isn't a total deal breaker.

you can't help but look at him, eyes wide but your gaze scewed, confused on why any of that would matter. you can't remember the last time you've found that to be a dealbreaker.

when you finally get his pants down, sneaking your fingers into the waistband of his boxers until his dick springs free, you realize just how dramatic eddie was being about the whole thing, having been fed some idea that uncut dicks weren't as acceptable as the contrary and it's a shame, because if it isn't the prettiest dick you've ever seen, arguing his earlier statement with a quick quip that has eddie laughing through his nervous blush.

"eddie—i don't say this to too many guys, none actually," you glance up at him briefly before trailing your fingers along the hard ridge of his abdomen, barely grazing him, "your dick is very pretty."

"careful," eddie warns with a grin, teeth peeking through slightly, "you'll give me an ego."

eddie watches you wearily, your eyes taking in the full sight of him as your fingers wrap around the shaft, the soft velvety texture of his skin pressing against your palm and fingertips.

his thick, not so much that it's intimidating but he fills out your hand in the best way and somewhere between seven and eight inches, the head of his cock a deep pink that slightly contrast the softer shade of his skin and you're pulling the skin back to rub your thumb over the tip, earning a hiss from eddie in response.

"sensitive?" you ask teasingly, smiling at eddie's reaction before you repeat your previous movements, circling his head with a torturous pressure that has eddie gripping the pillowcase above his head, chin tilting down slightly against his chest to look at you, his eyes squeezing shut momentarily as the feeling becomes too much.

"okay, okay," he rushes out, "maybe ease up on that unless you want—want this to be over in the next five seconds."

he's right, so you relent, continuing the slow drag of your hand as you gauge his reactions, the easy glide that the skin creates until you're leaning forward to lick a stripe along the underside of his dick, tracing along the faint vein that ran there before you’re practically drooling over him, the mix of your spit and his own precome making it more overwhelming before you're closing your mouth over him completely, keeping the same pace of your hand as your mouth hollows out around the tip.

eddie feels like he might die, but he's fully accepting it.

"oh fuck—shit, that's so much better than—" eddie rambles mindlessly, "never—never had anyone suck my dick before."

which is a shame, because it's easily becoming your favorite thing.

"can't see how," you reply as your bottom lip drags along the ridge of his blushed tip, “but i guess that makes me lucky.”

“just—girls always looked at me strange, said it was weird,” eddie comments, “like i have any control over that, guess my parents have always been destined to fuck me over, even from birth.”

you laugh along with him, his rambling thoughts slipping past his lips and filling the quiet lull of the air.

you were so thankful eddie wasn’t the type to stay quiet, because while his sounds were torture, the way his voice cracked with every few words was even better. you let him talk as much as he pleased until he physically couldn’t, his fingers slipping over the top of your head and into your hair, squeezing lightly as your shifted your hand up, skin slipping back over the head as you pressed your tongue over the small glimpse of his slit that was still visible, moaning softly as he tugged a little harsher, mumbling something under his breath you couldn’t make out.

“can’t wait to have you inside me,” you confess, his eyes lighting up as they connected with yours, “don’t ever want you thinking anything negative about yourself again, either—it’s not true.”

eddie nods slightly, “fuck—can’t say stuff like that with my dick in your mouth, sweetheart.”

you prod further, breath ghosting over his dick as you spoke, “why?”

eddie groans quietly, speaking through gritted teeth, “really need you to stop unless you’re okay with me coming in your mouth—i’d hate—hate to do that without asking.”

your teeth drag along your bottom lip, biting at the skin briefly.

“is that you asking?” you giggle softly, stopping briefly with skin pulled back to take him into your fully and fast, earning a choked gasp from eddie.

eddie nods again, more needy, “uh huh—yes, yes—god, please—“ and it’s only a few seconds later that he’s spilling into your mouth, his own hand wrapping around his shaft to pump it quickly, swatting your own hand away, salty slick pooling over your tongue in spurts, the warm liquid wouldn’t be as enticing if it wasn’t for it being from eddie—and you wouldn’t dare let a man come in your mouth like this, but eddie had earned that right.

you pull back slowly, swallowing for show as eddie squeezed at his dick, thumb rubbing over the head tenderly as his body jerked slightly with aftershocks.

“i’ve never—“ eddie sighs heavily, catching his breath, “never came that hard, holy fuck. i’ve always been sensitive but jesus—“

“i guess that’s quite the perk then,” you tease, crawling back up the slowly until your clothes cunt is pressed over his slowly soften dick, “amongst others.”

“you sure it doesn’t gross you out?” eddie asks curiously, having been programmed to always think it does, needing to hear the words for reassurance.

you grind the soft fabric cover your hips over his cock, feeling the subtle pressure it applies and watching eddie wince from the overstimulation, chucking weakly.

“positive.” you smile, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss against his lips, quickly turned dirty from eddie’s obvious impatience, his tongue slipping into your mouth to taste a mix of you and himself, the tanginess strange but welcoming as you moaned into his mouth openly.

“about being inside you—“ eddie starts, speaking softly against your lips, “can i take you up on that?”

“i thought you’d never ask.”

and it’s safe to say that eddie never doubts himself again, learning just how beautiful every piece of him is.

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

You’ve Got Me | J.A.

Pairing: Jackson Avery x Reader

Summary: After a shitty day, the last thing you want to do is schmooze hospital donors. Your best friend finds you hiding from the crowd and makes your night better like he always does.

This is based vaguely on the Rory/Tristan scene from Gilmore girls cuz it just felt like it fit jackson

A/N: I honestly really truly hate this, but I’ve been picking it apart for literally a month and rewriting and now I feel like I’ve just gotta post it 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s also not proofread which is becoming the usual so I’m sorry

Warnings: none?

Word Count: 950 (she a short one)

-

Tonight was the annual fundraising gala for Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. You couldn’t stand these events. It always felt like you were being auctioned off like some prize calf, all the posturing and showing off your accomplishments while not-so-subtly begging donors to give you money. There was nothing you liked less than a night full of small talk while wearing a tight dress.

To make the night even worse, topping off your really shitty week of bad surgical outcomes and a lost patient, your boyfriend had picked an hour ago to dump you out of the blue. So now you have to go through the small talk and begging, sad and alone.

You had hoped to make a quiet entrance and head straight to the bar before you have to deal with any obnoxious patrons or drunk coworkers, but of course you have no such luck. Less than a minute after you step into the venue, you are cornered by two middle aged men pestering you with questions about your newest research.

When you finally extricate yourself from the pair of men after an hour of them asking condescending questions and trying to mansplain your own experiment back to you, you’re about ready to have a mental breakdown. Trying to keep your cool, you shake off the conversation and set back on the path to the bar.

You take a step towards the crowd of people and then stop again. It looks so overwhelming and you're already exhausted. Would they even really miss you if you left? Deciding to take at least a few minutes for yourself, you turn the other way. You wander down a hallway, finding a bottle of champagne on an abandoned tray. A quick look to make sure no one sees, and you swipe it before heading into a small quiet sitting room that’s just off the main area.

You slump onto the floor, kicking off your shoes and taking a sip of champagne. It feels like the longest day of your life and you’re just happy to finally have a moment of peace. You listen to the music flowing quietly through the wall and lean your head back, taking a moment to process the events of the day. Lost in your thoughts you don’t even notice someone has joined you until they speak up.

“Hey, you okay?” Jackson takes a seat next to you, concern filling his green eyes.

You give your best friend a small smile. “I’m alright, long day. I’m sorry for bailing out of the party. I just got a little overwhelmed.” You give him an apologetic look. Jackson has been working so hard on this fundraiser for weeks and you know it's been taking a toll on him. You don’t want him to feel like you don’t care.

He just shakes his head. “It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize, I get it. It was starting to be a bit much for me too.”

You pass him the champagne bottle and he gratefully accepts, taking a sip. “I know I was born into this life, but god is it miserable,” he jokes.

You laugh. “I don’t know how you do it, honestly. I was here for all of five minutes before I gave up and came to hide.”

The two of you joke and chat for a while longer, passing the champagne bottle between you until it’s empty.

“Hey, where’s your boyfriend? I thought he was coming with you. Is he out there looking for you?”

You shake your head looking at the ground before muttering, “He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

“Why not?” Jackson questions.

“Didn’t want to be.” You shrug.

“Idiot,” he laughs. You just give him a look. “I’m serious, Y/N. He just lost the best thing that ever happened to him.”

“I don't know about that, he seemed pretty happy to end it.” You shrug. “It’s fine. If I’m being honest with myself, the relationship had been falling apart for a long time. It just sucks that it had to happen this week.” Jackson nods. “Plus I had to come to this all by myself! You know how much I hate that!”

He laughs. “Yes, I do.”

You lean your head on his shoulder with a heavy sigh. Jackson has always been your rock, through thick and thin. You’re grateful he came looking for you tonight. His presence having eased your anxiety.

“At least I’ve got you,” you tell Jackson affectionately.

His body shifts towards you and you lift your head to face him. A look passes between the two of you that you can’t quite read.

“You’ve always got me, Y/N. I’m your person.”

Your breath hitches in your throat at the intimacy of this moment. You feel as though you should look away, or say something, anything, but nothing comes out. You can’t think of anything but his soft green eyes on yours and the small smile on his lips.

And then, his lips are on yours, soft and gentle. His hand moves to gently cup your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly close. Your head feels fuzzy and all you can focus on is Jackson, feeling his warmth in every inch of your body.

The kiss is everything you dreamed of and nothing you could have imagined all at once. It conveys every emotion the two of you have been holding inside for so long. The trust, friendship, longing, and love all mixed up together.

By the time you pull away, you believe his words with every fiber of your being. Jackson Avery is your person and he always will be.

-

Writing masterlist

[wheelsup]

kissing lessons

summary: one of your classic movie nights with spencer turns into a learning opportunity

A/N: this is really fluffy, but the whole story centers around kissing. use your own judgement! i’d say it’s at worst 16+

category: spencer reid x gn!reader, fluff (with a bit of spice)  best friends to lovers (sorta)

warnings: just kissing, a brief implication at the end

word count: 3k

Occasionally, the team will spend an extra night in their hotel before heading home from a case. Be it due to poor weather conditions, or the fact that your case wrapped in the dead of night, the reasons for flying don’t ever matter. Because the majority of the times when you have to stay that extra night, you and Spencer have sleepovers.

The routine is pretty much the same. You’ll stock up on gas station snacks – sour peach rings for Spencer, salted microwave popcorn for you – and reconvene in one of your hotel rooms. Preferably, whichever of you got the better deal that week – a bigger tv, a room further away from the ice machine. And you’d rent the cheapest movie available on-demand, the options spanning from low-budget sci-fi to poorly written rom-coms. That night, the viewing fell under the latter category.

Spencer perched at the foot of your bed with both feet tucked under his legs, criss-cross style, while you laid against the headboard to watch. Every now and then, you tossed out your commentary and he’d ignore it. He always says you’re too critical of movies and you’re of the belief that he’s too forgiving.

“I don’t think they should end up together,” you mumbled, words slurring around your mouthful of popcorn. You pulled a face right as the movie approached the romantic climax, after spending the past ninety minutes actively rooting against the couple. Spencer ignored you, pretending to be engrossed in the movie to spite your disparagement of it. “They both suck.”

You groaned, slumped further against the pillows, and shoved your sock-clad toes under Spencer’s left thigh in a call for attention. He jumped at the intrusion, but ultimately, your efforts were futile.

And then the big kiss commenced, and your booing finally piqued his interest. “Gross! I feel bad for people who kiss like that.”

A small bell went off in his head and he took a curious glance at you over his shoulder.

“What do you mean?” he asked. He stopped chewing and the piece of candy in his mouth pushed out his cheek, giving him an adorably innocent look. His brows scrunched in the middle and his nose had a tiny crinkle in it, utterly confused.

You scoffed and matched his expression. “Are you serious?” You jerked your head in the direction of the television and Spencer whipped his head back, squinting. He couldn’t figure out what you were pointing out, what it was that was so obviously wrong to you. “Spencer, he’s swallowing her chin!”

Oh. He hadn’t noticed.

Feeling dumb, he muttered, “I thought that’s how you’re supposed to kiss…” It wasn’t the deepest confession to admit to you that he lacked some knowledge when it came to kissing, but he still refused to look at you as he said it.

“Spencer, please tell me you haven’t been kissing people like that.” You narrowed your eyes at the back of his head, sitting up straighter in bed. He shrugged and lowered his head, focusing on his snack as his fingers dug into the packet of gummy rings in his lap.

He popped another piece into his mouth, pretending to be occupied with eating so as to avoid your prying. “I dunno.”

It didn’t occur to you until that moment that Spencer might have learned everything he knows about kissing – among other things – solely through watching movies. How else could he look at that and think it’s normal? And you’re left wondering if he’s ever even practiced it with another living human. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it, but unfortunately, that only heightened your interest. You had to know.

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?” You kept your voice low, your tone implying that you were ready to exchange this secret with him. You wouldn’t judge him if he admitted he hadn’t.

He scoffed loudly, and though you couldn’t see his face, you’re positive he rolled his eyes too. “Yeah, of course.” Then quietly, he added on, “But it was only like… for four seconds.”

You nodded thoughtfully, considering how this new piece of information adjusted your existing view of Spencer. For some reason, you couldn’t tell if you actually expected him to be experienced or not.

He didn’t exactly scream that he’d… gotten around, for lack of better words, but you’re still surprised to learn that he’s barely done it at all. You supposed he was objectively cute, that maybe you could see it if he weren’t your best friend. And yeah, he’s a little awkward, but he’s smart and kind, so he has three great things going for him, and you’re surprised more people haven’t swooped him up yet.

Your lips curled down in thought, brows raised in curiosity. “And was it good?” It was a genuine enough question, because you’ve never really thought about Spencer Reid and kissing in the same sentence before. As it turned out, there was a lot of missing information relating to those two things.

“I don’t know! I didn’t get, like, a feedback form,” he grunted, angling his shoulder even further away from you. If you could’ve seen him, you’d notice his face boiling and turning red with heat. All this inquiring made him think harder about his … talents … than he’s ever had to before, and he’s not a fan.

You were prepared to do some more digging when the slump in his back made you feel a tinge of guilt. It was your fault he looked so defeated. You pressed too hard, disregarding his boundaries just because you wanted to know more. And now, he was wondering if there was something wrong with him, because you wouldn’t leave it alone.

He barely noticed as you swung your feet from under his thigh and rocked onto your knees, leaning forward to nudge his shoulder with your palm. It hauled his attention out of his thoughts and back into the room. You wanted to apologize, but instead you settled with “I’m sure you’re fine, Spence.”

He nodded unconvincingly. By the glow of the screen, you could see he was still gnawing on the inside of his cheek, focusing his eyes as he played with a loose hangnail on one of his fingers. It made you feel even worse. “Are you actually worried about it?” you asked, laden with concern.

“What if I am bad at it?” He whispered, like saying it too loud would make it true. “And that’s why it’s only happened once?”

A large exhale puffed out of your nose as you weighed your options.

You could go back to your original plan and apologize for setting him down this path of doubt. But that wouldn’t do anything to stop him from worrying, anyway. You could tell him there’s no correlation between the way he kisses and how frequently it’s happened; that you’re sure the reason isn’t because he’s bad. But you don’t know that for sure.

So, fuck it, you thought, grabbing a fistful of his pajama shirt and tugging him closer to you roughly, pressing your lips onto his.

This way, you’d at least have an informed opinion to be able to tell him if he was good or bad.

His lips were softer than you expected – not that you’d thought about them often, they’re just impossibly softer than they look – and invitingly warm. But they were completely stiff.

You could tell he was trying to kiss you back by the way his mouth ferociously moved over yours. He was trying to be a passionate, engaged partner, but he forgot about the aspect of tenderness.

His lips felt like two solid objects just sliding around on your face. They didn’t move in any sort of accordance with yours. There was no push and pull, your lips didn’t mesh perfectly together to form a solitary unit as they moved in unison.

It felt more like his lips were your opponent, putting up an attack and defense play against the actions of your own.

You pulled away, resisting a giggle at his bewildered face. “You’re not so terrible,” you swipe the corner of your mouth, smudged with Spencer’s flavored chapstick, “But it could use some work.”

He was at a loss for words, mouth gaping open as his eyes darted around the room and all over you. Maybe he’d find an explanation for what just happened carved into the walls somewhere or written across your forehead.

What happened was that you kissed him. And he was a little bit bad. Simple as that.

“I-I wasn’t ready!” he stammered, chucking up his hands defensively. He’d process the fact that he’d just made out with his best friend at a later time, right now the bigger concern was the slight cringed look on your face. He sulked and folded his arms.“What was so bad about it?”

“Well,” you scratched the back of your ear, trying to gauge if he’d react well to getting some advice, “my first tip would be to relax your lips.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“And don’t think too hard. You should react to what’s happening in the moment, not worrying about what your next move is gonna be.” You could see the gears turning in his head as he tried to envision what that would play out like in a real situation. “You wanna try again?” you offered, figuring he’d learn much faster if he was more hands-on about it.

He nodded, and you leaned in close, waiting for him to go for it. His heart quickened under the pressure of performance, eyes screwing shut as he closed the gap. His mouth smashed into yours as he dove in hard. It was toeing on the side of too harsh, but you let that one slide in hopes it was just a byproduct of his nerves.

You had to tap his knee to remind him to relax, and he loosened some of the tension he had in his lips. He slotted his between yours, allowing them to be pliable to your movements and remembering to react, not plan.

He moved his mouth leisurely against yours, trying to match your pressure and pacing. They actually started moving in time with yours at some point. The kiss took on a shape of its own as he started getting out of his head, letting himself enjoy the kiss for what it was in that exact moment.

It was already better than before. Leaps and bounds better. But then he tried to deepen it, building on its intensity but adding more… something into it. You couldn’t even tell what it was he was trying to do.

“Okay, second tip…” you inhaled sharply, pushing him off of you with a palm against his chest. Whatever it was, it needed to stop. “You kinda do this thing like… where you’re blowing air into my mouth?” You scrunched your nose, punctuating your dislike. “That feels weird. Don’t do that. If anything, do the opposite.”

“I’m supposed to suck the air out of your mouth?” His face contorted, voice already slightly exasperated. He barely understood what the air thing was that you claimed he did. He didn’t realize in the process of trying to add pressure to the kiss, he was just forcibly blowing against your mouth.

“Not literally, no.” You laughed a little, rubbing your palm in a comforting pattern on his chest.”But you can use your lips to suck on mine, or my tongue… just nothing involving the exchange of breath. We’re not in CPR training.”

He eased up a little with your joke, adjusting to your advice he gave it another try. After a few moments, he latched onto your bottom lip with his own, sucking it softly into his mouth. “Yeah, like that,” you mumbled against him, voice pitching high in encouragement. He sucked on it with a little more greed, holding it for a second, then eased up, varying the pressure of his movements just like you did before.

You made a mental note to praise him for that at a later time, deciding to instead part your lips to see if he’d venture into further experimentation.

He caught on quickly. He parted them further, prodding his tongue against them as you opened to allow him entry. Just as you started to really enjoy it, he ran his tongue over the inside of your mouth, moving it fast and roughly like he was a washing machine.

“Stop,” you grimaced, tearing away quickly. You had to swipe your hand over your mouth to get rid of the excess saliva that really shouldn’t have been an issue in the first place, given how brief the frenching was. “Your tongue is way too aggressive.”

Overwhelmed, he tilted his head to the ceiling and let out a frustrated grunt, slapping his hands down to the top of his thighs.

There were too many factors to worry about. He had no idea how you looked at him with a straight face and told him not to think too much when there were a million things he needed to remember all at once; he needed to vary his moves to keep it interesting, but make sure he’s not ruining the flow by changing things up too much, and to be gentle but not timid.

All of this was second nature to you, but it was brand new to Spencer. Could you really blame him for not getting the hang of it right away? You decided to stop your list of critiques short for this round to spare him. He’d get there eventually, but not if he felt discouraged too soon.

“I don’t see why people like it in the first place,” he huffed, his head returning to it’s normal posture. In Spencer’s eyes, there truly wasn’t any appeal to kissing with tongue; it looked sloppy and unnecessary, and as you’d just confirmed, it actually was.

You thought about his statement for a second. There’s a certain allure to it, and you didn’t know how to describe it to him. So instead you cupped his cheeks in both your palms and slid your mouth over his again. As his jaw slacked its tension, you slowly pushed your tongue past his lips and gently pressed it against his own before swirling them together.

You sighed softly into his mouth, running your fingers through his hair and tugging carefully at the ends. He made a small noise against you, something like a whimper, and you swallowed the vibrations of it. As you retreated, you captured his bottom lip between your teeth and gave it a light, teasing tug. You soothed it again with your lips before releasing it, a proud giggle forming in your chest as Spencer chased after your lips as you broke apart.

“That’s why.” You smirked at the dazed look on his face. His eyelids remained closed longer than necessary, still feeling the ghost of your mouth on his and a tingle where your fingers were in his hair.

“Oh.” His voice came out meek as he slowly came back to reality, brows wrinkling up his forehead as he opened his eyes.

He put both his palms down on the mattress, one laying flat on either side of you, and dove forward to resume the kiss right where you left it. A surprised squeak left you as his mouth collided with yours with an insatiable hunger. You brought one hand back to his hair, and he was a goner.

He unfolded his legs from under himself and shuffled onto his knees, following his hands until he practically crawled into your lap. Each of his legs hooked onto either side of your thighs as he hovered over your lap, leaning his body entirely into yours.

The physics of it didn’t hold up; he’s taller than you are, and his chest was too heavy for you to carry. The balance was off center and it sent you tumbling back onto the mattress, bringing him down with you until his chest laid on yours.

It was the perfect force – the weight of him on top of you. He tasted like peach candy and sour sugar, and you found yourself craving more of it.

You shuffled higher up the mattress, giving him space to stretch out his body as he followed yours. One of his hands found your waist, gripping tightly, while he placed the other on the mattress beside your head, using it to steady himself. Sliding your legs out from under him, you wrapped them on the outside of his hips, using them to pull him closer down to you.

It only broke off in moments when both of you absolutely needed to get air, gasping as you pulled apart for brief reprieve before colliding again. He followed every word of your advice, getting better with each passing second until he exceeded expectations by leaps and bounds.

Your fingers weaved through his hair, passionately tugging the wavy strands to angle him against you and igniting his nerves under your touch. A soft moan leaves him and you’re encouraged to tighten your grip on them. His hips bucked reactively at the sensation, and he quickly pulled back, a slight embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. He got too carried away.

You took in his flushed face and swollen, kiss-bruised lips. They’d turned a shade of red brighter than you’ve ever seen them, and it was all you could do not to dive for them again as his tongue sweeped over them, soothing the burning heat you’d left on them.

Before he could apologize for his eagerness, you nudged your nose against his, your smile skimming against his lips. “So what else don’t you know how to do?”

☆

☆

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[mischievous-piltovan]

Undercity Development Section (NSFW)

Chapter 4: Weeks of Rumination

NSFW/18+

Warnings: Fluff. Angsty. Idiots in love. Masturbation. Implication of sex. Author is a non-native English speaker.

Synopsis: It has been two weeks since their trip to check the construction sites in the Undercity. Viktor and Reader are both struggling to figure their feelings about the incident out while Jayce frustratingly tries to aid them. 

Word Count: 4.9K

A/N: Wanted to post it today for the meow meow’s birthday, but I might tweak the ending a little bit afterwards - I’m not super happy with it. Also, didn’t read-proof it enough (imo), will do it later.

Chapter 1 /  Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 (END)

Also on AO3

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Viktor sighed, he sat at his desk at the HexTech Lab tinkering with a small device embedded with a blue crystal. He had been working on that device for two weeks now, based on a hypothetical prototype [y/n] sketched in one of her journals, but couldn't quite make it work.

The complexity of the project wasn't the problem, quite the contrary really - he had picked it up precisely due to its low intricacy level, almost like a hobby side-project to help him process some… things. It was said things that clouded his mind, making what would be an effortless endeavor way more convoluted than he anticipated.

It had been two weeks since the incident at [y/n] apartment. Two weeks since she abruptly stopped showing up at the HexTech Lab. Two weeks since he wouldn't try to reach her because he was still trying to understand what exactly happened and how to better deal with the situation.

But every time he tried recalling the whole incident for better analysis, his body betrayed him. Flashes of her on her knees between his legs, hair up in a bun and disheveled from the day, granting her that practical and charming appearance he loved. Her eyes looking up, piercing his from under thick-framed glasses while she carefully maneuvered the metal frame on his leg. The brief touches of her fingertips on his clothed skin that sent jolts of exhilaration from the point of contact through his whole body. The words "I'm just getting started." leaving her lips, compressing the already-well-pressured-down compressed coil in his belly…

He'd look down in disgust at the vigorous bulge I'm his pants that always accompanied this failed analysis. At that moment, he'd try to focus on the task at hand in an attempt to keep the lewd thoughts away and concentrate on the solution he desired.

It's been two weeks and he couldn't reach any of these two goals.

Night had already fallen in Piltover, Jayce had called it a day for some time now. And, as what had been per usual for the last two weeks, Viktor struggled with his inner conundrum, [y/n] device in his hands and an almost unbearable pressure in his pants.

A week ago a solution popped inside his head, one that he quickly swatted away. If he could bring down the interference of his… desires, maybe he could better analyze the situation and a solution would become clearer. But that solution meant… mentally using her. 

The thought of using her, even just mentally, to quench his desire seemed absurd. Especially because a solution to help repair a relationship that was torn apart due to his own incapacity to control his lust that rested on him acting on said desires seemed at least counterintuitive.

But then again, this indulgence could very well be the factor that could unlock the pathway to his goal.

He sighed, quietly deciding to give in to his more primitive side. He was a scientist, trial and error was in his very core, afterall. "My apologies" he mumbled under his breath before silently letting go of the device he was working on and leading both hands to his belt, unfastening it. He pulled his shirt up to his navel and pushed both his pants and his underwear down just enough to get himself completely out of them, the cold air of the lab hitting his swollen head, strongly contrasting with the heat it exuded. 

With a quick spit on his palm, he pressed his hands down the shaft, mixing up his saliva with the already formed pearls of precum flowing from his tip. He stifled a moan at the sensitivity - for two weeks he hadn't touched himself knowing full well his mind would bring her to the mix and he was desperately trying to fight it. Now, with two weeks worth of buildup, he felt that at least this would end fast.

With steady pumps, he let his mind roam free to savor all the thoughts he had previously refrained himself from even having. He imagined her on her knees, pupils impossibly blown out piercing him, but this time with a lot fewer layers of clothing. He fantasized about her fingers, swiftly working their way up his legs with the gentlest of touches, driving him mad with anticipation. Her tongue glistened wet out of her mouth, slowly steering closer to his erection. The following thought led to his undoing - he came in waves on his belly as the image of [y/n] fully taking him in her mouth flooded his mind. The sheer lewdness of the thought being his tipping point. 

He looked down at the mess his body had just provided and sighed in a mixture of embarrassment and disgust with himself. Before anything else, he forced his mind to go back to the day of the incident.

As soon as Jayce closed the door behind him, [y/n] jumped to her feet hastily reaching the door and opening it back up. "Jayce! You're early!"

"Oh, don't mind me. I'll come back later, sorry to interrupt." 

"There's nothing to interrupt, hahaha." She retorted nervously, the heat on her face and the unsteadiness of her breathing evidently counteracting her allegations. "Viktor was having trouble with his brace, you see. I was just helping him."

Jayce's grin slowly transformed into a confused frown. He peered inside her apartment, seeing Viktor on her couch in a very similar state of disheveledness, seemingly trying to calm down. The taller scientist squinted his eye, turning his attention back to [y/n].

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes! Help him get his brace back on, will ya? I will… ah!" She reached down to grab her and Viktor's bag from a nearby chair. "I will put this in the cab's trunk while you're at it. Just remember to lock the place up before leaving, please."

Without a second thought or letting Jayce respond, the girl dashed down the metal staircase. 

The ride back to the Academy was quiet. [Y/n] didn't hesitate on taking the front seat next to the driver, leaving Jayce and Viktor by themselves on the backseat. The weight in the air was so tangible, it almost affected the leaner scientist breathing. 

As they reached the Academy, [y/n] quickly paid the driver, grabbed her bag and took off with an almost inaudible "See you two later.", her eyes never meeting any of the men. 

It had been two weeks and that 'later' never came. Viktor went back and forth in his mind with their previous exchange, the significance behind her words and what her actions could have meant. With his pants still down, he grabbed his journal and started hastily taking notes, trying to make sense of his thoughts. Everything was definitely much clearer now. 

----------

The sun was starting to set on Piltover, submerging the Undercity in an early twilight. [Y/n] ran with a group of other children through the maze of narrow pathways in the Lanes, a group of Enforcers on their tail. Despite the bleakness of the situation, the group seemed confident, laughing as they took peeks behind their backs.

“This way!” Raph shouted, grinning as he led the stampede, taking a corner by his right - the rest of the group following behind him. 

“We’re through!” This time [Y/n] shouted as the group passed over a rope laying on the ground. When the enforcers were about to do the same, two kids hiding on the side lines gave a strong pull, lifting the rope up, making the first line of Enforcers fall to the ground - the rest of them toppling over each other. The success of their trap giving the kids enough time to climb up a barricade further down down the pathway, 

The group hollered and cheered as the last child crossed the barricade, still gaining as much distance from the Enforcers as possible. They took some additional turns before entering an abandoned building, where they finally stopped to catch their breath.

With her back on a wall, [y/n] slowly slid to the ground still panting. She smiled as she watched the group of kids around her - the Undercity children that accepted her despite being technically a topsider. Trying her hardest to engrave this moment in her memory, a pang of sadness coursed through her chest. This would be the last time she'd hang out with them.

She looked up noticing someone offering their hand - Raph looked down at her with a friendly smile.

"How's that for a good-bye mission." He asked. She smirked, taking his hand and getting off the floor. 

"It was everything I could have asked for." She answered. Raph grinned.

"C'mon, let's go see the fruit of our labor."

Raph climbed up the stairs, [y/n] following right behind him. After passing a few floors, they finally reached the roof. Their vantage point gave them an unobstructed view of the Undercity center. Raph leaned on the guardrail, a hand above his eyes as he scanned the scenery.

"There!" He exclaimed, pointing at something in the horizon while putting his other arm over [y/n] shoulder. She blushed at the contact, he had always been the touchy-type. Quickly recovering from the closeness, she followed Raph's finger until she could spot their work - a gigantic wall with the words 'All Enforcers are Pigs' spray-painted all over it in neon-orange and black paint. She smiled at how their work stood out amidst the buildings, no wonder they sent such a large number of Enforcers after them.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss this."

He let go of her shoulders, facing her. A sad smile on his face.

"We're gonna miss ya. Heck, I'm gonna miss ya… I'm not sure how I'm gonna deal with the boys without my second-in-command."

"Tsc, you're a big boy now, aren't ya." She retorted with a playful nudge. "I'll be turning 17 next summer, which means, you're what… 18 right now? You'll manage."

"Yeah… 19 next winter." She sighed at the realization she wouldn't be around for his next birthday. Raph noticed her crestfallen face, returning the playful nudge. "Hey now, it's sad that you're leaving, but getting a chance to study at the Academy of Piltover is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for undercity folk."

"Raph, I'm not from the Undercity."

"Yeah, I always forget that." She smiled, knowing full well he got her birthplace wrong on purpose - it was his way of letting her know she belonged. It made her happy, especially because it was… him.

Ever since she started climbing down from The Fringes 3 years ago, Raph and [y/n] clicked. They shared the same fiery passion, the same justice hunger and the same drive to act in making an impactful difference in the lives of the undercitizens. They'd go around the Lanes patrolling the streets, wreaking havoc whenever they spotted injustice of any sort, pranking their marked victims to the point of exhaustion. Their most common targets were Enforcers getting far too violent, evidently abusing their power. Soon, other kids started hanging around with them and, before they knew it, they were leading a sort-of unarmed militia of youngsters.

Now she was leaving to pursue change from within, to acquire knowledge and meet like-minded souls with money and power to help her change the Undercity for the better. A chance she took without blinking, knowing without a doubt it was a golden opportunity - she'd be able to make the undercitizens life better, her friends and their family's life better. His life better.

She gulped, looking down. Maybe this didn't have to be good-bye, maybe they could keep meeting as something… more than friends. She had been harboring feelings for Raph for a while now, born from their easy-going dynamic, their shared interests, his kindness and… his staggering good looks. And they were already so close, a match made in heaven. Even the other kids would tease them about it - they were known as The Power-Couple of the Lanes.

One of them just had to make the first move. And it was now or never.

"Raph…" She started, looking away as she still gathered courage. "...There's something I need to tell you."

Raph furrowed his brows at her.

"Is something wrong?"

"No! No… It's just… " She took a deep breath, looking up at his emerald eyes. She couldn't back down now��� Nor could she fail, they were too perfect for each other… Right? "You know how we're always beating around the bush…"

"I... don't follow… "

"C'mon, Raph, we're… " She looked down, looking for the best way to convey her message. In the end, blunt honesty seemed to be the best option. "I'm in love with you."

To her surprise, he looked at her with what seemed like… pity, instead of the happiness of someone getting his love requited. He looked down, scratching his neck. A freezing cold jolt up her spine… Did she make a mistake?

Suddenly, the world around her shifted. She wasn't a child anymore, but a grown-woman wearing her Academy Uniform. She looked around, and saw that the rooftop had transformed into a well-known closed space - the HexTech Lab. In front of her scratching his neck wasn't Raph anymore, but Viktor. 

"I am very sorry. It really makes me happy that you think this fondly of me, however…" Viktor's familiar accent echoed in her ears. He glanced up, the same pitiful look Raph had, but now it was his golden eyes that seemed to pierce her very soul. "I only see you as a sister."

Suddenly, the whole room shook. The walls started to shatter, pieces of the structure falling between the two, blocking off their view. Viktor's words echoed louder and louder by the second. 

[Y/n] woke up breathing heavily, a sheen of sweat plastered across her body. With eyes closed, she pinched her nose, trying to calm down - it was the fourth time in two weeks she had the same nightmare, it was getting tiresome. She slowly sat up on her bed, taking in the fancy bedroom around her as a grounding technique - it had already been four months since Viktor and Jayce used their status to convince the Academy administration to give her a proper bedroom - another item on the long list of perks she received once she partnered up with HexTech and that her horrid decision-making was about to ruin.

She sighed angrily, not knowing exactly what ruffled her feathers more - the fact her clock marked 4 am, the fact that a rejection from years ago still haunted her to the point of giving her nightmares or the fact that it had been two entire weeks since that Undercity trip and the incident at her apartment and she still didn't gather enough courage to just deal with the consequences of her actions.

"I'm a train-wreck, aren't I?" 

The same loop of thoughts that had been plaguing her mind since the Undercity trip ensued once again: She had trespassed a threshold with Viktor, and she couldn't take it back anymore. What could she even say to him? Greet him like nothing happened? Mention the incident and downplay it like it wasn't a big deal? Pretend that the memory of that night alone wasn’t making  her go insane with desire ever since it happened? And what about Viktor? Despite the reaction the situation triggered in his body, he didn't seem happy to be involved. The whole thing had made him very uncomfortable. She had made him very uncomfortable.

'Did you… want it to be serious?'

She groaned at that memory, covering her face with her hands. What kind of lust-indulced question was that? Since when did she become such a creep? Should she apologize? She definitely should… But what would happen to their dynamic afterwards? Would it become awkward? Would she and Viktor be strong enough to simply put it all behind them? Would he… even want to?

'Want to' - that's something she wasn't sure if she did. There was a side of her that fiercely screamed she didn't want to go back to quietly pining and yearning. That the incident was good, that she wanted it to become not a regretful memory, but a passionate one. 

"I can't afford to fuck this up."

What about the years of toiling away by herself at the UDS? What about the risk of losing the only real chance she's had so far to see her work bearing fruit? All that was crumbling because she couldn't control her own carnal desires. No, she was going to salvage it somehow.

She needed to salvage it.

The question was… How?

And that was the very question that had been stalling her from facing Viktor. That kept her heading to the UDS office instead of the HexTech Lab. That kept her prisoner of her carousel of nightmares.

She sighed, leaving the bed. Previous installments had taught her that trying to go back to sleep after that nightmare was futile. It was better to start off the day earlier.

---------

"In other news, I'm thrilled to inform you that the board has approved another fundraiser ball for HexTech." Heimerdinger added, an optimistic tone in his melodic voice. "As you know, attendance is very important, I'm counting on you to extend the invitation to Viktor and [y/n]."

The Professors and Jayce had just finished a Council Meeting and were heading together to the cafeteria. The tall scientist walked behind Heimerdinger, trying to match his pace to the yordle's.

"[Y/n] too, Professor?"

"Indeed! You see, the Ventilation System you three came up with caused quite a stir with our Patrons." The yordle explained. "They are eager to meet the mysterious architect responsible for aiming HexTech innovation to more urban-centered projects."

"[Y/n] is... a bit busy lately… " Jayce lied, trying to preserve the girl from unnecessary stress. "Me and Viktor can deal with that, we're already used to it."

Heimerdinger stopped abruptly on his tracks, Jayce had to steady himself to avoid tripping over the short Professor. He turned to face Jayce, exasperation in his eyes.

"That won't do!" Heimerdinger retorted. "The very reason we're having a fundraiser so early on, before the Ventilation System completion, is due to the Patron's perception of the many possibilities [y/n]'s expertise could bring to HexTech innovation. Her attendance is of utmost importance!"

Standing in front of the UDS office door, Jayce recollected the exchange he had earlier with Heimerdinger. He hasn't seen [y/n]'s face ever since the Undercity trip two weeks ago, much less talked to her. It was more than obvious that something was off, that something happened with her and Viktor when he left them alone.

He felt a bit guilty - the conversation he had with her right before leaving them at The Fringes hammered inside his head. Maybe he pushed her to do something she wasn't ready to do? Maybe she was mad at him, and wouldn't want to see his face so soon - she had made a point of not wanting to see him or Viktor by vanishing from the HexTech Lab for the past two weeks.

He bit his bottom lip sighing, maybe it still was too early to reach her, but he should at least make an effort to apologize. That way, he'd at least have some peace of mind. Jayce grabbed the door handle and, without knocking, slowly opened the door.

[Y/n] sat by the wall on the opposite side of the room, her back turned to Jayce. She seemed to be engrossed in her work, scribbling on a large parchment sheet atop one of the tables - the items that occupied that spot before were now unceremoniously shoved to the sides. He cleared his throat, the girl was startled, jumping back in surprise to meet whoever made that sound.

"Jayce!" She exclaimed coarsely. Her eyes darted around behind him, looking for… something. Once she realized he was alone, she relaxed, yet Jayce could see a tint of disappointment behind her eyes.

"Hey, [y/n]! Long time no see."

"Oh… yeah. I've been… a bit busy." She lied, looking around. She definitely wasn't ready to see Jayce today - she still hadn't worked on her speech to justify her prolonged absence from HexTech. All that was left for her was improvising. "Now that the Ventilation System construction is on the go, I thought I could… work on… some other unfinished projects y'know."

"Yeah, hm… sure." He bought her obvious lie. He was a bit relieved - if she was mad at him she'd already let him know from the get-go. "Professor Heimerdinger asked me to let you know about the next fundraiser ball for HexTech."

"Oh… sure. When will it be happening?" 

"This Friday, at 8." She frowned.

"But that's the day after tomorrow."

"I know it's short notice, but the Ventilation System got the patrons excited I guess." He justified, scratching his chin. She sighed in obvious distress.

"That's too short of a notice. I won't be able to make it." - I'm still not ready to face Viktor - she thought.

Jayce sighed again. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid - he was sure she'd be reacting that way and if there was one thing Jayce didn't like was being the bearer of bad news.

"Look, [y/n]... I'm gonna be honest with you." He started, his hands on his waist. "I understand that something… happened between you and Viktor, but Heimerdinger strictly emphasized that you need to attend, this fundraiser is basically happening because the patrons want to meet you."

[Y/n] huffed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose in irritation. She hated the idea of attending a social gathering without ample time to prepare herself - heck, she didn't even know if she had something to wear for such an occasion. But if there was a path to salvage her relationship with HexTech and keep UDS afloat, this was definitely the way. She needed to stay in the good graces of the patrons.

"I understand… " She murmured, unpinching her nose and looking down at the floor. "I'll just go to the shopping district tomorrow for a dress and I think I'll be ok… "

"Oh, about that… Mel offered to go with you, if you're interested."

For the first time in the exchange, she perked up.

"Oh… Oh! Yes, please!" She begged. "Oh my gods, Mel is super fancy, I could definitely use her help. I barely know how to dress like a human being.

Jayce chuckled. With the tension in the room down, he marched towards [y/n]. She looked at him expectantly as he got closer. With a warm smile, he placed a hand over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry for pushing you… again." He started. "Whatever happened between you and Viktor, I might be a little at fault too."

She shook her head. "Of courses you're not. Despite whatever you said to me, I'm the one who acted on my own volition."

"Wanna share? Maybe I could help you…"

She studied his face for a moment, contemplating his offer. It wouldn't hurt to get Jayce's input on the problem, would it? No, she nearly had anything else to lose.

With a heavy sigh, she started telling Jayce everything that happened that night. How she overstepped the threshold of their work relationship. How she got carried away with the banter and how Viktor didn't stand down. How the whole ordeal ended right before Jayce opened her door.

Jayce covered his face with both of his hands, groaning in frustration.

"Why are you two such dorks?" He slid his hands off his face, turning his attention back to the girl. "Are you sure you're not just inexperienced? This whole two weeks happened because of a single erection? Really?" She frowned at Jayce in irritation.

"I AM experienced." She barked. "It's just… things are… different… with Viktor."

"Oh, shit, you got it that bad huh?" Jayce teased.

"C'mon, Jayce." She was starting to regret her last decision.

"I'm sorry, I'm just kidding…" He apologized, his warm smile from before making a comeback. "I understand there's a lot at stake with him. But I want to assure you right here that our partnership will stand strong even if you fucked both of us." She inhaled sharply in embarrassment.

"Jayce, what the fuck?"

"Okay, in hindsight that wasn't the best argument. But what I'm trying to say is that our partnership lays above any personal conundrums between us. You might think the UDS is the only one being benefited by HexTech, but the reverse is also true." He returned his hands to her shoulder. "You think we had patrons eager to throw money at us even before the completion of a current project? This is a first!"

She smiled at him, feeling pressure she didn't know she was holding vanish in an instant.

"Besides… " He continued. "Our common goal to make lives better is as important to you as it is to us, especially for Viktor. You should trust in his willpower, something like that couldn't bend it."

"Thanks, Jayce… " She placed her hand on top of the one he had placed on her shoulder and gave a little squeeze. "I… needed this. To hear this, I mean… "

"Don't mention it. " He said with a kind smile. "Now if you excuse me, I'll head back to the HexTech Lab. The Council Meeting ended hours ago, Viktor must be wondering where I am."

------

"Where were you? Did something happen at the Council Meeting?"

Viktor's heavy-accented voice greeted Jayce as soon as he closed the HexTech Lab door behind him. The leaner scientist's attention still focused on the journal in front of him.

"Oh… In fact, yes." Jayce answered, walking towards where Viktor was sitting and taking a seat on the opposite side of the table, facing his partner. "We'll have to attend a fundraiser ball this Friday."

Viktor lifted his eyes to Jayce, a frown across his eyebrows. "So soon?"

"The Patrons pestered Heimerdinger to meet [y/n]." He explained. "The Ventilation System got them excited."

Still looking at Jayce, Viktor's mouth tightened into a thin line before he turned his attention back to his journal. "Figures… The Ventilation System is indeed remarkable."

"It sure is… " Jayce took a deep breath, leaning closer to his partner. "Say, V… I've been meaning to ask you something."

“Uhum?”

“What happened between you and [y/n] at her apartment while I wasn’t around?”

Viktor briefly looked up from his journal, but quickly returned his attention to it. “Nothing. She brewed some coffee and we waited for you.” He said with a dismissive motion of his hand.

“But you had your leg bracer half-way off, I helped put it back on.”

“I was in the middle of taking it off when you arrived, I wasn’t expecting you to arrive so soon.”

“I’m pretty sure I saw [y/n] on her knees in front of you when I opened the door.”

“Ah, yes… She undid some clasps near my foot for me.” Viktor lied.” I was having difficulty bending down. Just a simple favor.”

Jayce huffed in frustration at Viktor’s stubbornness. It seemed a more direct approach was needed. 

“From her perspective, it didn’t seem to be so simple.”

Viktor’s eyes shot up from his Journal. Jayce smirked, now he had his undivided attention.

“Did you… talk to her?”

“I did. I paid a visit to the UDS Office before coming here.” Jayce spit back, studying Viktor’s eyes to watch his reactions. 

“Oh… "Viktor murmured, slowly resting his journal down on the table. Jayce could see a glimpse of tension building up behind his partner's eyes. "And, how is she doing?"

"She… could be better." Jayce answered, not looking at Viktor. 

"Oh… " Viktor murmured again, brows furrowed while aimlessly tracing his index finger on the cover of his journal. He was clearly nervous. "Is she… disgusted with me?" 

Jayce lifted an eyebrow at him. "Disgusted? Why… would she be disgusted?"

"You know why, Jayce." Viktor uttered, lifting his eyes at the taller scientist. "If you talked and she told you about what happened that evening, you must know why."

Jayce studied his partner's face for a moment, trying to find the answer to his question. He squinted his eyes.

"What… do you think happened?"

Viktor sighed, leaning back on his chair - his eyes focused on some point of the Lab. "An esteemed work colleague kindly offered to help me and I answered her kindness in a… very unprofessional way."

"Oof, is that what you call a hard-on?"

If looks could kill, Jayce would have been decimated with the way Viktor's eyes pierced him.

"Look, I'm gonna tell you something I told her earlier." Jayce continued, ignoring his partner's death stare. "You are one of the most brilliant minds in Piltover, she's an amazing and empathic architect. But you two are the biggest dorks I've ever crossed paths with."

"What… are you talking about?"

"Let me put it this way." Jayce said, staring directly at his partner. "Had I not arrived so early that night, you two would have gone all the way. And this is not a guess, it's an informed opinion."

A faint blush creeped up Viktor's cheeks and ears. "So… she's not upset?"

"Why are you fucking playing dumb?" Jayce leaned over the table on his elbows, covering his face with his head in clear frustration. "No! She 's not upset! She's worried YOU are the one upset with her."

"Why would I be… "

"V, you figure it out with her." Jayce cut him off standing up. "I need to tell Mel [y/n] accepted her offer to go shopping. I'll leave you to your own devices.”

And with that, he was gone, leaving a very dumbfolded Viktor behind.

----------

Chapter 1 /  Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 (END)

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