#This feels fake now.... Its not tho... This is actually how I talk to myself

[nixierain]

I am deff not ok...

Tw: mental health

I am not a just 1 thing anymore it feels like. And now I lost past headmates so now I have no idea what these other things are. I feel like its all fake now, and people will think that I;m just faking for attention or whatever. But I'm not (unless I'm that deluded to the point that I am and that would be a whole other issue), I genuinly refer to myself as "we" and "us" when I;m by myself or in my head. And I have cinversations with myself as if I'm multiple people. I wish I knew who else was in my head. Raven can talk through me sometimes and talks alot in my head, but he's a spirit OUTSIDE of it. I have no idea who these other motherfuckers are... Did Death, Darkness, Melody, Ruby and Olive come back without me knowing or something?! But it doesnt sound like them...

Over the weekend this happened with this (i think it was a small child) girl was talking in my head and I was confusd on who it was, cause it wasnt Raven or Raymond or any other spirit I knew. Is it a new thing in my head? What is going on?! I can't bring this up to my mom, cause she'll dissmiss it like she always does when I have these breaks and actually tell her whats going on, because I only tell her when I spiral on my cycle and she blames it on that. But it happens around it and when I'm not on it, I just break during that week.

I honestly dont know how to ask and talk to my headmates now cause they just seem like variants of myself, but I think I'm the only one named "Rain".... So what are the others names?

Also a sample conversation on me talking to myself: (I'll put "me/Rain" in blue and put others in seperate colors)

~ "Alright so we need to do this"

~ "yeah we do, but then what?"

~ "I dont know, what do you wanna do?"

~ "I domt really know either, you got a clue?"

~ "No. not really"

~ "Damn, I mean I guess we could draw or something"

~ "oh yeah, good point!"

~ "Yeah, lets do that, good Idea Rain"

~ "Oh thanks, yeah lets do that!"

I'm pretty sure there are more than that, but yeah, main synopsis. Sometimes theres just voices arguing in my head or a bunch of mean comments towards me. That little snypit was BASED off of an actual conversation I had with myself I belive, tho I can never remember them, so yeah, that specific thing I just wrote to justify what goes on in my head was made up.

[prettyboykatsuki]

how do you reconcile with writing smut about characters who are canonically minors? i’m not trying to attack you or try to change your mind or anything, so sorry if my question reads that way. i’m just genuinely curious 😭

no worries!! this is asked respectfully so i dont mind answering even tho i usually just delete stuff abt this now

idk really know how to answer your question i have not reiterated many times. but like. i want you to really consider your own way of asking this to me critically. like what would i have to "reconcile" with exactly? them being minors in canon?

for me personally there's nothing to reconcile with. i feel no guilt or shame or remorse about aging up characters. or just like wanting to fuck them. or really anything i write in fiction at all, point blank - should i choose to explore it. like there's not crime i've committed other than being horny about some shit i made up, upon the basis some shit another guy made up.

partially this is bc characters in fictions are concepts. they're objects, thoughts, ideas. no matter how brainrotted i am about them, they don't live in material reality. im not harming them because they don't exist. outside of my phone and computer they are not real. harrowing myself with guilt over something that does not even exist is kind of insane. this applies to everything.

you can feel personal discomfort over aging up for yourself, but the reality is no actual minors are harmed in the process of me writing porn about anime characters. bakugou is lines on paper. i am allowed to cut him out like a barbie doll and play with him however i like. he doesn't get a say in that because he is fake lol.

there's like idk. all sorts of nuance to this and if you are respectfully curious im happy to talk to you about it. but they're just not real. no one is hurt in me writing this. so it doesn't matter to me at all. i would never hurt another person because of what im interested in fictionally, either. i have spent too many years becoming a decent human being to wonder about that

nothing i do in the fictional space is of any relevance to who i am, except for what things might cause genuine harm to another living breathing person. i write a lot of dark content in my smut also but

a lot of my content also while being dark, does not specifically deal with sensitive social issues so no one is hurt in that way either. i have enough confidence in my critical understanding of the world to write what i do understand to my ability. i mostly write about noncon and dubcon and yandere, all of which are personal violations and not social ones (OVERSIMPLIFYING THERE A LOT). i sometimes do write about social taboos of course but not whats outside of my ability

all in all its like. i dont know what i'd feel guilty over. no one is hurt and i have no intent to harm. nothing matters outside of that

[daz4i]

yknow what i have nothing to do and need to distract myself from *gestures vaguely* and i mentioned it a few times in the last few days so i may as well talk abt that one theory i like

first of all let me say. it's not my own original theory lol i can't remember where i saw it first but it's p common so it'd be a bit hard to trace who was the first to bring it up

second. i know it contradicts some themes or at least some messages bsd is going for. which is why i don't think it's too likely (on the other hand some elements in the story can def allow a plot point of that sort to happen without being contradictory asdfhg matter of perspective ig)

ANYWAY the actual theory:

dazai knows he's in a story and aware that he is a character

backup for that theory:

honestly not much. a minor fourth wall break for laughs (the "wow~" scene. you know the one) isn't really proof, but if it was true it'd add some depth to that scene i think!

the main thing i think is cool abt this theory is how it recontextualizes a lot of things about him;

the thing that made me think abt making this post is that collection of dazai saying "you can't kill me" at various points of the story. most of them have context for each scene (atsushi can't kill him bc nlh will nullify the tiger, fyodor can't kill him bc he has the power of friendship, etc), but the fact the same line repeats multiple times makes it stand out to me

so consider this: dazai is confident that he won't die because he knows he can't die before the story is over, bc that's what the narrative decided. that's why none of his suicide attempts ever work (tho you already know my opinion on why that is, in the context of the story itself). he keeps trying tho bc man. it's tiring to be aware

that being said! well. we know he's been suicidal from a very young age. he sees no meaning in the act of living. and, being a character in a story, knowing that your life is all fake, can certainly make one's life feel meaningless, huh.

and ofc, alienation from those around him, since he seems to be the only one aware of the story. he is quite literally separate from the human experience bc of this

also some more angst :) i do firmly believe dazai feels a lot of guilt, more for meta reasons than him really showing it. guilt is a very big repeating element in no longer human and its protag yozo, whom i think dazai is obviously very inspired by. soooooo now consider this :) guilt over odasaku's death. in the context of the story, there is no reason for him to feel that, more or less. maybe nothing beyond "if only i called ango out earlier" "if only i got there in time and got him help", he didn't actually cause oda's death, not more than mori did for example, and he did the best he could too.

buuuuuuut what if he's a character in a story. he doesn't know if the story is about him yet, but given how other people around him don't seem to notice they're characters, it must be, right? the narrative depends on him. and, in that narrative, odasaku ends up dying. if he didn't exist, odasaku could live (really interesting to think abt that in the context of beast, too)

actually since i brought it up. beastzai definitely seems to know he's a character. he knows his existence doesn't mean much, i mean his whole universe is just an offshoot of the main one, literally an au of canon. that's even more meaninglessness on top of canonzai's meaninglessness, and he experienced both of them at once. no wonder he ended up killing himself damn 😩 (sorry this is a joke. ik he killed himself for some noble reason. but also i bet this made it easier)

an awareness of this level can explain some things like how dazai knows things are gonna play out in certain ways - he knows he's in a story, so he knows the narrative has to end in some satisfying way. the main characters have to win, so the doa have to lose. fyodor can't kill him. and we're back to the start

problem with this theory:

that thing i mentioned abt themes and messages in bsd. a lot of the story seems to tell us dazai is HUMAN. having him aware of everything on a meta level, imo, may cheapen that message, bc that quite literally makes him More than others in the universe.

then again the story (and asagiri in interviews lol) also seems to show again and again that he is exceptional and knows best so eh. like i said, matter of perspective

how i think it might work:

no longer human lmao

yknow how it was said The Book was created by an ability (and that's probably why it caused a singularity when beastzai touched it). well. what if the whole narrative we're following, in a way, in the universe of bsd, can count as an ability too. like a combination of The Book and poe's ability, kinda. (i've seen some theories in the past abt how asagiri is gonna be the final boss of bsd lol and that he would indeed have an ability that's just. *gestures at everything* this)

sooooo while nlh can't take him out of the story physically, it nullifies his ignorance to the situation. in a way, he's out of the story because he sort of watches it from an angle others can't

ok i officially ran out of brain power. i might add more in a reblog at some other point but for now these are the only thoughts i have. if you subscribe to that theory as well, or even just thing it's cool, i would love to hear some of your ideas - what other parts of dazai and his story do you think this changes? what does it mean about his relationships with other characters? please share if you have any thoughts on the matter!!! :)

[wooahaes]

skz versions PLEASE

while im waiting for pasta sauce to thicken up a lil...

my immediate thought for 'older brothers best friend' is aussie bros being actual (adopted) aussie bros. reader is chris's best friend and felix is in love with them but has 0 idea how to talk abt it. where like... the seokmin-chan dynamic was "i'm worried abt how seokmin will respond :(", the chris-felix dynamic is "chris can never find out because he has so much dirt on me and i'll never live"

i like the idea that reader n chris meet in high school and just click together rly well lol and felix starts crushing on them after reader shows up to a swim meet a few years later while felix is a freshman. reader's cheering on chris and felix because they wanna be supportive and reader hugs felix afterward and he's like omg (flustered). he doesn't act on it for a while because he thinks the crush will go away, esp after reader goes abroad for school, and then they come back and felix's crush comes back in full force. all of his friends (the rest of the 00z + jeongin) know the lore by now and have been sworn to silence. there's just some sort of rekindling of things, both have matured a bit, and its kind of a "im getting to know you again and oops we're falling in love" while reader and felix scramble to keep their relationship hidden from chris (bc reader, like felix, also knows how much dirt chris has on them. neither part of this relationship will get to live with chris around)

i like to imagine that eventually it leads to a big fight because i live for the drama in fiction lol where chris finds out and he's hurt because two of the people he loves most have been hiding this from him and he feels horrible because why wouldnt they trust him??? reader calls things off with felix because they feel guilty for hurting him, felix is upset and feels guilty for hurting chris as well, and the three start to avoid one another fully after the fallout. it 100% takes the rest of their friends to trick them all into the same room and being like 'ok work this shit out because ur depressing us.' they work things out, probs w chris admitting he never wanted them to hide their relationship and he def didn't want them to break up as a result, he just wishes they had talked to him, etc. and they work things out and happy ever after :)

sorry u can tell i was thinking abt this while i was cooking sdkfhdsf

fake dating but the guy needs it instead of the reader... hmm..... god, who is the funniest option for fake dating.... my heart says seungmin if im honest because like. he feels like the type who's like "i would never get myself into that situation"

and then he turns around to reader and hes like "i need you to pretend to date me. don't ask questions." and reader (his friend and coworker) is like. uh. my guy, i kind of have to ask questions rn. and seungmin starts telling this long story about how he saw his ex out in public and they're dating someone new and they were kind of a shitty person when they dated and turns out they're still shitty bc they saw the chance to put seungmin down because ohh ur not dating anyone? of course ur not :) and hes like ACTUALLY I AM (pulls up picture of him and reader when they were hanging out) they're hotter than you :) and now he's invited to some party that he knows his ex will be at and he needs reader to go with him. readers like whats in it for me tho other than showing up ur bitchy ex. and seungmins like idk ill cover one of ur shifts.

thats not enough and he ends up promising to take u out for whatever food afterward and covering one of ur shifts as soon as u need it (barring him having any personal emergencies/being physically unable to cover it). reader is 100% the one who kisses seungmin's cheek while at the party...

and probably also the one who yanks seungmin in to make out with him in a bedroom when they hear seungmin's ex wandering around for him. they absolutely pull away and are fine right after its all over. the two probs keep up the fake dating for a while w the PDA becoming more and more common until seungmin just looks up one day and hes like

holy fuck. we're just like... actually dating now arent we.

they r idiots together <3 mwah mwah

[sarromanni]

sometimes i feel like some goofy little teenage girl with her silly illness and other silly problems that nobody knows about. and i enjoy being like this, i enjoy writing stupid things on my blog that receive two likes. i look in the mirror and i may hate what i see but i also imagine myself a few kilograms skinnier and that makes me happier. im daydreaming in school, thinking about all the things i can be once i lose all this weight. i go home, fall onto my bed, open tumblr and look at all these posts of people that actually understand me.

but there are days when i realize that this is just an illusion. that im actually falling apart and the fact that i romanticize it is making it even worse. i have nobody to talk to, nobody who gets me. i always get into stupid arguments about food with my parents or that one friend of mine. i cant eat until somebody suggests it. i hear my classmates talking about ana, one explaining it to the other and the other one saying "i dont even now the difference between ana and bul!m!a." "how can somebody be so stupid?" and im sitting there, feeling even more lonely. looking at those people who are loosing weight the healthy way, not understanding how they dont have eds. comparing myself to children, to random people on the streets. wondering which one of them also has an ed. overthinking every single bite, regreting it after. excersizing even tho im a dizzy mess, drinking tons of energy drinks, messing up my stomach. dressing into oversized clothes so nobody can see how horrible i look. covering every inch of my body, wishing i could also cover my ugly face. looking in the mirror and feeling absolutely nothing but pure pain. its not only about my stomach, thighs and arms. its about my cheecks, my fingers, my neck. every part of me feels fat, some parts with to be dead. its about my face, how i could never be "pretty skinny girl" but only "ugly skinny girl." and how im not even that. how im just fat. the fatest.

what if im faking it?

what if im faking it everytime i plan what im gonna eat in the whole week on monday morning. what if im faking it everytime i step on the scale, naked, making sure my pants dont weight 5kg. what if im faking it everytime i have to drink caffeine just to be able to walk.

what if im faking it because im so obviously not sick enough?

[atinyjules]

Broken Melodies: Fake or True ft. Lee Jeno {ch-7}

A/n: Welcome to another chapter of this series. The last chapter was a bit longer than expected cause my hands just wouldn't stop moving! 😭 This chapter might be shorter tho. MIGHT

Anyways, here it iss ✨

The mini - masterlist for this series can be found here

Eunbi's

"I don't know...okay? I could like him but my heart is so unsure. Do I like him? Even so...why? It's not like he treats me any better." I say as Hyuck and Renjun nod.

"I mean...if he treated you like royalty and was soft for only you...your feelings are understandable but it's not like that." Hyuck said as Renjun continued.

"Yeah...or do you feel like this cause it's your first time in a relationship? Sometimes when you do something for the first time...the feeling overwhelms you. You're pretending to be in love so I guess its just your mind confusing your heart that you like him." Renjun said making me gasp softly.

"I think you're right...I mean...Jeno has the looks and all but nothing really stood out to me even when we met for the first time." I said with a smile as the boys smiled at the appearance of my usual smile.

"Then that's your answer." Renjun said making me heave out a sigh of relief.

"That's a relief. I can't imagine being in love with him for real." I said as Hyuck laughed.

"Either way the both of you would make a cute couple." Hyuck said making me hit him.

"Hey, don't get too ahead of yourself." I say as he puts his hands up in defence as we break into a chuckle.

"But then again...Jeno can't like Xiaolian..." I say as they furrow their brows and look at me.

"Why?" Hyuck asks me as Jaem's peaceful, love filled expression drowned my mind.

Because my brother likes him...

"J-Just! I mean...if she is ready to lie and act naive just imagine how manipulative she could actually be! We don't need toxicity in the class room." I say and fortunately they buy it.

"I know...to be honest I had a bad feeling about her from the start." Renjun said as Hyuck nodded.

"She thinks she can fool me with her fake facade like Jeno and the rest but I'm wayyy smarter then I make out to be!" Hyuck says as me and Renjun narrow our eyes at him in a teasing manner.

"Oh really now?" we say as he breaks out into a whine.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Jeno's

"You won't go visit Eunbi?" I huff at the name of that girl. I turn to see dad peacefully drinking his tea.

"Why? She's the one who left first." I say as he sighs.

"If you keep treating her like that she'll leave. I know cause that's how I treated your mother. Eunbi is a lovely girl...don't turn her into an enemy just because of your rage." dad said making me soften at the mention of mom.

"B-But...why should it matter...it's not even real." I mutter as he just sighs.

"You'll understand one day...what I mean." dad says as he dismisses me.

I find myself in my bed staring at the ceiling again as I take out my phone.

Na Eunbi 🐛

Me: Why did you go off at Xiaolian?!

Typing...

Na Eunbi 🐛: Who ever I go off at is none of your business.

I let out a scoff as I sit up and type my reply.

Me: She didn't even do anything to you!

Typing...

Na Eunbi 🐛: She asked for it. Idk what that bitch told you but only I know what she really said! So...she asked for it and I have no regrets about my behaviour🖕🏻 fuck off.

Na Eunbi 🐛: Besides, why do you even fucking care what I do to her? Don't forget what we're supposed to do so don't go around protecting her. People will get suspicious. Now fuck off. Don't disturb me.

"What the fuck-" I quickly type in several messages.

Me: Na Eunbi!!

Me: Na Eunbi! We're not done yet!

Me: Na Eunbi!

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Eunbi's

"Why are you still in bed?" Jaem says as he enters my bedroom.

"Can you not see how sick I am?" I say as he groans and flicks my forehead.

"This is what happens when you date Lee Jeno. Bad things happen." he says making me scoff.

"Just because I got to date my crush and you didn't doesn't give you the pass to shit talk about Jeno." I say making Jaemin chuckle.

"Well, you have a wonderfully bad taste in men cause he's a jerk." he says with a smug face as I smile and retaliate.

"And you're being the said jerk you think Jeno is right now as well so why don't you just suck it up and go to college?" He huffs and begins to walk away but makes his way to me again and hugs me softly.

"Don't think I'm letting that slide just because I'm hugging you. Stay warm and try to heal by tomorrow will you?" he says as I smile and give in.

"Fine, I knew you wouldn't anyway...now go! I wanna sleep!" I exclaim as he chuckles and ruffles my hair before leaving.

After spending my day scrolling through social media, watching dramas and eating, I feel asleep for 3 hours and didn't realize I had a visitor until I woke up at 4 p.m. to see someone's hand on my forehead. I pushed the hand away as I tried and struggled to get up, I let out a huff when all of a sudden I could feel my body being pushed upwards.

"What are you doing here?!" I exclaimed at the sight of Jeno sitting by my bed.

"Shut up will you?! I just came to 'check' on you." he said making me huff as I tried to lay back down only to be pulled up by him again.

"Well, you checked on me. Now you can go." I said as he scoffed and flicked my forehead.

"I'm....I'm sorry okay?! If you're offended then I apologize." He mumbled making me quirk my brow up in surprise.

"You're...apologizing?" I asked as Jeno flicked my forehead again.

"I'm not repeating my words." he warned as I rubbed my forehead.

"You're insufferable." I said as he huffed.

"By the way...we're going on a camping trip. Just our class." He muttered as I tilted my head.

"A field trip?" I asked as he shook his head.

"A leisure trip. I already gave your name. Don't you dare cancel it!" he warned as I hit him.

"You didn't even care to ask me?" I questioned as Jeno gripped my jaw and pushed my cheeks together tightly making me wince.

"Ahh-led goh-" I winced in pain.

"Like you said, we have a job to do so fucking adjust." he said and got up.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he scoffed and threw his bag over his shoulder.

"Where else? Home." Jeno said before walking towards the door as I watched his figure walk away from the bed.

"Oh-" I said as he cut my words.

"I expect to see you at school tomorrow." he said in a surprisingly calm tone and left without any other word.

"Why is he suddenly so sweet?" I mumble and look at the door before wrapping myself in my blanket to sleep.

Maybe he likes you Bi ✨

That's it for this chapter ✨

Taglist: @multifandomania @chenlesfeetpic

I hope you guys are enjoying it as much as I am! 💖✨

Chapter 8 can be found here

Likes and rebloggs are appreciated 💖✨

[yourbigendergremlet]

Here is a bunch of rambles ive vollected over a few months instead of posting them in seperate posts

Feeling dysphoric about my face not being masculine, putting my hair down because it makes me feel masculine, i hate hair in my face, all my headbands to hold my hair back have bows on it, rip off the bows, wear is like a sweatband

Manly ✨

Even if i was ever gonna come out to my family as bigender, they wouldn't just say it is terrible, they would just tell me that im making no sense because i am still female, a part of me is still that, but they just wouldn't get that a part of me is also male, they would just say it was a tomboy. If they continue to misgender me, they aren't exactly wrong because i am still female so calling me she/her is still not wrong so i cant get that angry about it

Feeling dysphoria? I just made a new album in my gallery and copied any images that made me feel like a guy into there and named it "i am a big strong beautiful manly man"

Felt like a guy today but went to church and was gonna sit in the mens side but then felt extremely uncomfortable so i went to the women's side but i also felt uncomfortable with myself there and aaaagh

Me making braclets with my pride flags but my family dont know that thy are pride flags because they dont know the bigender and genderfluid flags 😎

Complaining to my little brother about our mum not letting me buy men's clothes and freely shopping in the men's section with him because he has not yet been tainted by our parents and older sister's views and feeling amazing even though he still knows nothing about lgbt stuffs

Me thinking of a plan to ask my little brother what his views on the lgtvs are but descreetly so that if he doesnt like it he wont tell mother 0.0

Conversation switches to "lgbt people bad", me goes completely silent 0.0 me: "haha yeah thats weird..." when talked directly to desperately trying to switch topic while not outing myself

My sister wants to try new nail polish but already has some on so asks my little brother to do it on him, parents being like "nooo he's a boyyyy" and my sister being like "yeah guys wear nail polish now tho but he still isnt gonna be able to be a girl" and me being there like "yeah, he can put on nail polish" and internally screaming that guys can be girls if they are aaaa

Hahaha internalised transphobia :D for a while there

Me: am i actually genderfluid or am i actually bigender? Am i faking it? Am i pretending to relate to genderfluid and ftm trans people? Am i only just female and male or am i non binary also a bit??? Am i duel weilding my genders or am i fluctuating between them right now i have no clue??????? Is that why im feeling like thisssss???

Me going out somewhere, analysing how guys walk and act differently to girls and taking mental notes

Walking two steps like how people say guys walk and feeling absolutely on top of the world before going back to normal

Hoping im being subtle in trying to lower my voice so my family dont question it (and horribly failing at being subtle why is lowering your voice a bit so hard??)

Tumblr recomending me a suspicious amount of transgender posts before i had started properly questioning my gender or even thought about it

If i was a AMAB, being bigender would be so much easier becuase it's easier to just wear a skirt or dress and look distinctly feminine and then wear other stuff and look distinctly masculine but as a AFAB when you wear male clothes you still look female but who just bought something from the male section instead of looking like a guy

My mum speaking arabic and using the masculine versions of words for me as a joke but me internally pretending that she is using my correct pronouns 🥲

Me considering getting the school trousers so i can wear that sometimes instead of my skirt but also its my last year and no point spending money on uncomfortable trousers ill never wear again if its only for one year

So in church, women wear something called an isharba which is a headscarf meant to cover your hair to be modest.

Ive noticed that on days where im feeling like a girl, i can wear the isharba theoughout the mass but on days where im feeling like a guy i feel very uncomfortable wearing it and dont usually wear it in the mass. On some days i can wear it on and off throughout as well. It's intresting how my gender also effects something like wearing a head scarf, but i guess it can also be kinda like skirts in that sense? It was also a very subconcious feeling and even when i wasnt aware of what gender i was that day i would sometimes feel uncomfortable

Some days i feel more comfortable with the label bigender, and sometime im more comfortable with the label genderfluid and it's weird

Today im feeling more masculine, but also not fully so im more between he/they. But also there is a small twinge of feminine but only a small amount.

So i dont really feel like he/him, but i dont like they/them for myself, but then also im not he/she because there isnt a lot of she in me but im not he/him because i dont feel fully like a guy.

Im not none of them because i am all of them but to varying degrees to the extent where im not comfortable with any of the pronouns no matter how they are balanced. Idk? Are people just not meant to refer to me when i feel like this????

A very specific feeling i want to experience is wearing a dress while looking like a boy, i really want to have the feeling of being a cis boy wearing a dress so much

I didn't realise how important having facial and body hair was to me until my mum and sister kept saying that i should shave it. I really really love my body and facial hair and i really want even a small beard but my mum and sister made me shave my tiny moustache hairs and unibrow for christmas and tried to get me to shave my leg and arm hair and i feel super dysphoric without it being there anymore

That moment of delusion where i pretend to myself that the soft fabricy present my sister got for me was a binder and fantasise about it but its just a jumper in reality

My sister was talking about starfield and how stupid it was that you could put pronouns "why not just have it male and female lol" and i tried to laugh along but really just could not make it sound energetic and i felt kinda sick

Ive recently had the epithany that as a bigenderfluid person i am still allowed to be a femboy or a tomboy and that being feminine doesnt necessarily make me a girl that day and i am still a guy and-

[weirdcat1213]

Its time for the weekly horrors- I mean Trimax vol 3 >:3

The Thoughts:

chap 1:

-AH EVERYTHING IS FALLING

-bro you are about to get into a fight can you stop thinking about your bf for 5 minutes

-fr tho, vash's words making him hesitate/angry is so dcfgjhbkml

-why everyone wants my babygirl dead :c

-now now, comparing someone with their brother isnt a nice thing to do

-oh so now we're not even making an allegory, he actually called him jeesus

-also "your soul is forced to endure the sorrow by the hundreds, suffering by the thousands, and the rage by the hundreds of thousands" im gonna throw up cuz of how that GOOD and PAINFUL that shit is

-the polar opposite of being a human huh...i mean besides something i said weeks ago about how he's further away from humanity more than he would like that point is interesting cuz most of the time we call him someone who is more human than any other person. he carries more pain than any human could endure and definitely has more patience than anyone will ever have but...hm...i want to come back to this

-ww pls dont make me cry today pls honey

-oh im gonna cry

-"your ideals will join you in the grave" i fucking hate thats the reason why we all try to be better people, thanks to that fucking wet cat of a man i cannot deal actually

-MILLIE :D

chap 2:

-i dont have much to say about battles but let it be on the record that I'm enjoying ww's eyes sm

-oh page 38 is cool as hell

-OH SHIT IS THAT HIS FUCKING SPINE????

chap 3:

-ww stop having pretty eyes youre distracting

-meanwhile :3

-ah geesus the body horror (so good but creepy)

-EYES :D

-so many fucking details. nightow got down even the smallest scribbles, as 98 vash would say

-oh right that....thats still upsetting

-i fucking swear people need to leave my son alone

-also fucking hate that he had to SHOOT A BABY even if it was fake

-I FUCKING HATE THIS ACTUALLY

-i can feel his fucking mind breaking i cant do this

chap 4:

-"i cant do this" yet here i am lmao

-i think if vash held me like hes holding that girl a lot of my problems would be resolved ngl

-characters reciting names always get to me :c

-also HA EAT THE PTSD ASSHOLE

-"why are there so many" brad you may want to sit down for this one

-..................i deadass thought "oh the doctor is here" IVE READ THIS BEFORE AND I FELL FOR IT AGAIN

-vash with his hair down :3

-nah hes not gonna kill you BUT HE FUCKING SHOULD

-oh i will kill so many people (vash is bleeding)

-hm. this reminds me of something in houseki no kuni (i wont spoil but maybe ichikawa had trigun as inspo which would be cool af)

chap 5:

-oh im yeeting myself (ww thinks about the children) -ww gives in his anger and fear when punching those weirdass faces but I'm gonna say this once: that doesn't make him weaker or worst. i haven't seen anyone think that of ww, i just feel that when he compares himself to vash he feels that way and i cant stand it :)

-vash i fucking swear-

-oh god the fingers...the fucking fingers...

-oh you are NOT talking to my vash about pain and agony

-OH WAIT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT PANEL OH GOD NO I HATE REREADS WTF

-XD my girls

no wait i need to get back to that. i thought that was emilio's dad not fucking vash himself oh my god I'm sick so sick actually wtfffffffffffff

chap 6:

-is this the chapter with the gays eyes cuz I'm not ready for that-

-oh fuck you nightow. fuck you for putting knives in the title page and the title being "families"

-i want to punch so many things but I'm at work. fuck

-also i forgot about this stampede parallel GOD WHEN DOES MY SUFFERING END

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE GAY EYESSSSSSS

-yeah i agree this is literally the moment. like fuck. fuck actually. fuck what else is there to say.

-fuck

-like hes so fucking terrified that he was afraid for him, what his journey is causing ww, but even if he wanted ww to stay away and safe he knows ww would say fuck off, but also vash would not be able to take it

-THERES SO MUCH FEAR AND LOVE IN THOSE EYES IM GONNA BITE MY HAND

-OH I CANT ACTUALLY WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH WTF

-im so fucking upset cuz the last 3 chapters were basically fights. they were full of energy and shit but now that is over and they are in a rare moment of peace, and everything fucking hits.

-im gonna go outside and step into oncoming traffic

-YES LUIDA MY QUEEN SHUT HIM UP

-WOLFWOOD :D pls never leave me

-i....*implodes*

-i am nothing. i just remembered that.

-OH CMONNNNNN

chap 7

-maybe i dont want to read trimax anymore. maybe a little person like me isn't strong enough for a 2nd round of the pain. with that in mind, lets keep reading :D

-WHERES THE NIGHTOW PUNCHING BAG WHEN YOU NEED IT

-wolfwood what he is it doesnt matter i swear pls cant you just love him?

-:c

-i dont like vash being emotionally attached to stuff cuz that means i have to yell HES LIKE ME FR FR

-oh that....that beautiful panel...amazing

-i think my mind blocked this out because of the previous sad things that happened, so now my brain is allowing me to process more sad things :3

-"i still have so much i must do" and i see i still have many tears to cry out huh?

-ofc wolfwood would ask about redemption

-cant my man show an important part of his past and show vulnerability in front of his friends in peace? damn

-im gonna start bitting my glasses

-GAY MOMENT PART 2 INCOMING

-luida pls i want to stop crying

-oh wolfwood honey....you just fell so hard for my man didnt ya

-i just realized the chapter is called "life as a" and I THINK the idea is to complete it with "life as a 'vash the stampede'" cuz he's not human

OK GREAT NOW I CAN RUN TO THE WASHROOM AND FUCKING CRY :D

[hexsstuff]

Wild thought just launched out of me:

"what if the cauldron was wrong?"

Well, if we want to take the idea that Elain and Azriel are actually mates then the cauldron was never wrong in truth.

Now, small disclaimer, cause i saw quite often a big debate into who with who should be and in truth all ships actually feel plausible until we get THE TRUTH itself. So, i don't deny any of the ships that are being theorised, but Elriel is just a bit closer to my heart than the others. I just wish to see those two together so let me delulu on this platform for a few text lines.

*ahem* so let me unload now:

My biggest wish would be that Elain would choose Az above the mating bond, to have that forbidden love that in the end is accepted, or they both die for it. Hope more for the former as i still like happy endings.

But, in an interview, we have been told that we already met Az's mate, so now my idea popped into what if Elain actually is Az mate.

Well then that means the cauldron was wrong?

No, not at all, if the Elriel bond exists as a mating bond casted by cauldron itself, then it was never a wrong.

But then what about Lucien and Elain?

They make sense, there are similarities. And they have stuff in common just as Elain has with Az and just as Az has with Lucien himself. They are plausible as bond truly so i don't deny being a truth.

But if i want to say Az and Elain are the real mating bond, then (if we exclude the possibility of a double bond, but that is more for spicy writing than actually helping the plot imo) Lucien and Elain are a fake bond.

Now, how do we even bring arguments at this statement. How can a mating bond be fake, if not if was casted as a spell itself. But, again, who would cast it and why in the world a fake bond would have been casted in the first place.

The idea of this spell has been talked before from my scrolls into other people's theories. Some say is Lucien the one who did it, and i find it impossible, some say is Koschei, which i do believe he is aware of Elain existence i can't accept that he doesn't have anything else better to do than that, so not him neither, or the Cauldron, in desire to protect, which it might be the most plausible but we are missing a last suspect.

The one i believe has casted the fake bond, my dear Watsons is Elain herself.

The girl, who in the whole books has found safety into being coddled and protected by others, got dragged out from her bubble and thrown into the Cauldron's cold water.

When Elain got out she was fae, shocked and terrified of what just happened, hit by the cold air on her wet clothes and completely lost by everything she was taking in, both the stuff that was going around outside her, and also inside her, cause we know cauldron gifted her powers we don't even know.

I can't put myself truly in her shoes but i believe that in those moments her biggest wish might have been that this was a nightmare only. She wanted home, she wanted protection she wanted to be safe.

Her "maybe true" mate, Az, was close to stepping in the afterlife so not like we had any chance for those two to lock eyes and snap a bond.

But she locked eyes with Lucien, and she was having powers she had no awareness of what they were, how to use, or even if that she cared about them in that moment. She wanted to be safe. So Lucien only looked at her and whispered "my mate" as the spell was casted and hit its target. Soon after, he offers his coat just to bring warmth. He was ready to protect her, instinctually to keep her safe, even tho' he was still remembering his past lover, and questioning why the bond didn't snap for her.

After that we know what is happening in the story.

Now i feel, that we had Lucien to be the one hit, instead of, i don't know, Tamlin!?, mainly because it opened to plot into adding another reason for Lucien to help Feyre, and not start an even bigger war that we were already in. But also them having similar traits made them make sense.

Also, if we look now at Az, while taking the spell mating bond as a truth, things start to look different. He feels like he should be her mate, maybe even thought about it in the first interaction with her, but our man woke up to life only to see his girl with another, and a bond existing. He questions it, maybe he was wrong, maybe what he felt wasn't the mating bond. But he is still attracted to her, wanting to be with her. When he says Lucien doesn't deserve her, it's because he feels he should be her mate, not because 3 bats 3 sisters, but because instinctively he felt her as his mate at one point and maybe he still has. But the bond is not snapping and there is already another, whose scent clearly makes him not want to be in the same room with them.

Now we can only wait and see what will be the truth.

PS

I feel Elain admitting her mistake or trying to find a solution in her head is why she can't properly push Lucien, and apologize. And i have more headcanons to speak about her but that is all for now.

[the-musings-of-a-manga-reader]

Majo Taisen

Majo Taisen - The War Of Greedy Witches

Do you want to watch women from history fight each other in skimpy outfits? Are you a fan of Record of Ragnarok?  Well, do I have the series for you! Majo Taisen aka The War of Greedy Witches

It’s like Record of Ragnarok but worse. 

I’m sorry that’s a bit too harsh. It honestly isn’t a terrible series and I quite enjoyed reading it even tho it has quite a few flaws.

In this series, 32 women from history are brought forth to fight each other in what is known as “Walpurgis”. These women are now witches with magic related to their desire, their greed. The winner of the tournament gets their desire, a wish, fulfilled.

Unlike Record of Ragnarok, the humans are pitted against each other and only one can win. However, like RoR, each time an opponent loses their soul is destroyed aka a permanent death. 

Now what I think is the fatal flaw of the series is the main character Jeanne D’arc or better known as Joan of Arc. It’s not so much her character that I find a fault with, I actually quite like her. The problem lies in her being both the protagonist and one of the fighters. With her being the protagonist it can be assumed that she’s not going to lose, meaning the women going against her certainly will. She has a ton of plot armor and I don’t think this is a series where the protag would be killed off. In my opinion, because of this, the story loses some of its excitement.

I have two other smaller critiques:

1. The Outfits; while I get the skimpy outfits are “hot”, they’re not the most functional for a battle. Nothing is being protected. And honestly with some outfits I have no clue how they aren’t flashing everyone

2.  The length of the battles. The battles are very short and so are each character's back stories. I do like that the battles aren’t quite as long as Record of Ragnarok, which can feel drawn on sometimes. But in this case, they almost feel too short. Same with the backstories, they only last 4 pages at the most. And I think because of that I don’t grow an attachment to most of the characters or get super invested in the fights.

Now onto some positives! What I do like is that the fighters are all women. Personally as a woman myself, it’s nice to see a tournament with all these women fighting and being strong and confident on their own not relying on any men. I also like the characters, I think they’re all interesting and have very differing personalities. It’s fun to see how the characteristics in this series were inspired by the actions and personalities of the real-life people. As of right now, my favorite is Tomoe Gozen cause she’s so cute! Hehe

One last pro is that there are multiple rounds. Record of Ragnarok has everyone only fight once, but with Majo Taisen, there will be a total of 5 rounds I believe. I’m curious to see how these future rounds will go since everyone has seen each other's magic. Meaning that they can prepare themselves for the fight rather than being thrust into a fight not knowing what the opponent can do.  

This next part contains spoilers for both RoR and Majo Taisen as I’m going to talk about similarities. 

Majo Taisen definitely seems to be inspired by Ragnarok. First, the cover designs are set up in a similar way. Both feature two of the fightsers on opposite sides of the covers. The name of the series between them in a rectangle shape

(Majo Taisen on the Right; Record of Ragnarok on the Left)

Parts of the stories share similarities as well. For example, the whole bringing dead people from history to fight in a tournament where if they lose their souls will be destroyed and they will no longer exist. The next similarity, that I saw was in Fight 3 of Majo Taisen. The winner of the fight wins by constantly lying and using fake outs, exactly like the winner of fight 4 in Ragnarok. Another noticeable similarity is in Fight 6, where one of the women’s magic focuses on probability and the one scene reminds me of one from RoR’s Fight 3 where Kojiro is able to predict Poseidon’s move.  It’s not the exact same but it definitely was noticeably similar to me.

(Right is Majo Taisen; Left is Record of Ragnarok)

Now I actually do like that Record of Ragnarok has clearly inspired other mangaka to create series similar. I very much enjoy this genre. I'm hoping that with future chapters Majo Taisen improves itself and really tries to break away from under RoR's shadow. Caused of right now it truly does feel like a worse version of Ragnarok.

I do recommend checking it out, as long as you don't take things too seriously. It's available in English on the manga hot app

(I took the images from fan scans so shout out to the people who worked on them)

[tickldpnk8]

Trope Game

Ooo! this one is fun! Thanks for the tag @orionsangel86! I had way more opinions on this than I thought I would.

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

• -10 -> very dissuaded

• 0 - don't care either way

• 10 -> very enticed

• nope -> if it's a hard no and you'd never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you'd insta click out of the fic if it wasn't tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it's conditional.

Age Gap: -5 depending on context

Basically, it’s gotta be two consenting adults. I don’t care if it’s an immortal and an adult, 2 ordinary humans with a 10 yr gap. As long as they’re both adults, I’ll consider it.

Codependency: 0

On its own, this one doesn’t necessarily entice or dissuade me.

Enemies to lovers: 9

Gotta love this trope! That’s Pride and Prejudice and Romeo and Juliette right there. But give me a good reason for them to fall in love: show the stages and the aha moment. Don’t just tell me it happened and leave out all the juicy details.

Enemies With Benefits: -7

Meh, I’m actually here for the plot and the characterizations.

Fake Dating/Relationship: 6

This one could be fun: love me some good rom/com material. So yeah, put them in all sorts of funny situations and I’m in.

Found Family: 0

This on its own isn’t enough to entice me. But! What if it’s not a romance/ship pairing. Then I’d be more likely to see how this group ended up claiming each other as family.

Friends to Lovers: 9

This is it! Like Enemies to Lovers, I live for that a-ha moment. Only now it’s in a nice package where they’ve been there all along.

Friends with Benefits: 0

Same as above with Enemies with Benefits; slightly more likely to click since this trope seems to pair more with Friends to Lovers

Hurt/Comfort: 0

Meh, depends on the fandom. Morpheus emerging from a fishbowl is going to have some issues to work through. But in mg other fandoms, it’s not as relevant.

Love Triangle: 0

Somehow these always end up feeling really stressful to read. I’m not opposed to the idea tho.

Mistaken/Hidden Identity: 9

Hilarity ensues! Yes!! But also could be good for a mystery or paired with enemy to lovers…lots of great possibilities here. I’m talking myself more into this and just upped it from a 7 to a 9. Ha!

Monster Fu... Relationship: 2

Only if one side of the pairing is actually supernatural somehow? And then it’s probably more about supernatural powers and less about sex.

Obsession, Possessiveness, etc.: -7

I can’t think of a good example story I’ve liked with this. In general, it can border on bad power dynamics for me. But maybe I’m missing something.

Opposites (like grumpy x sunshine, etc): 9

All good pairing balance each other out! But there’s also just good tension for plot to be found in opposites.

Poly: -9

SALS, but I’m just into monogamy with my escapist romances.

Pregnancy: -5

Never say never, but it would have to be the right pairing and the right story. I’m not into MPREG and don’t really read omega-verse so that feels like it rules out half of these. For the other half, I’ve yet to see a plot I really want to get into. Maybe a Momma Mia 2 fusion??

Second Chance: 7

With the right pairing, this could be a Lovers to Enemies to Lovers. And I’m Here For That! (Which is why I lament the lack of Calliope/Dream fics: in the right hands, it could be so good)

Sex to Feelings: 4

Indifferent unless paired with some of my favorite tropes.

Slowburn: 9

Bring on the yearning!

Soulmates: 4

I didn’t realize this was a trope until this game? Ha! I’ve apparently read a few of these, but it’s not something I look for.

Tagging: @two-hands-toward-the-sun, @windsweptinred and @writing-for-life if you haven’t done this, and anyone else who wants to play. (Or just tag me on a post I missed somewhere 😳 work continues to stress me out)

[thegeminisage]

last night when i stopped playing i aimed myself at a stable and jumped into the tower so i had no choice but to fly there upon opening the game today, even though i was going to fuck around and do something else lol. at least stables make me remember my amiibo...

omg its the infamous underpants stable...finally i get to see what it's all about. i should run around in mine too. solidarity

PRINCESS ZELDA ORDERED THEM TO--????

OKAY GIRL GET IT IG LOL

lmao when i talked to penn with no clothes on he was like. are you gonna investigate undercover??

SCREEEAM this guy is like oh you're dressed in our new uniform

aw. beedle goes "we meet again and again - i wonder how many times we met in our past lives!"

the girl with the dogs who straight up won't look at or speak to any naked men, including me. lesbian queen

alright, up the mountain road i go...totally naked

killing me to ignore these koroks but they're all just too far out of the way :/

oh i found it! lmao they really do think i'm one of them

ik this is like. fake zelda. im hoping its yiga zelda tho bc this is simply too silly. it reeks of yiga shenanigans. real fake zelda was a bit uncanny

ah, i'm required to go gearless for this...smh this eventide bullshit

"we'll learn from your methods, we're just not confident in the physical side of this" THIS GAME IS RATED E FOR EVERYONE

wow. i just BARELY made it. whew!!

omg they MISHEARD HER?? it's not even a yiga thing?? man come on this truly is the urban legend of zelda

rip they put their clothes back on. it wouldve been funny if they got so inspired they stayed naked forever lol

i guess i'll put my clothes back on, too...

froze in terror like a prey animal when i saw this block puzzle but i did actually get it this time.

standing under a talus's crotch trying to ascend up thru its body when i caught sight of zelda and my throat got a little tight. life truly is so textured

lol these treasure hunting bros are here. thank you for telling me exactly how to solve the puzzle! what is this skyward sword (sorry skyward sword)

most of my complaints re: tears of the kingdom center on botw exhaustion - that i'm sort of tired of the map and have no more joy of exploration anymore after 100%ing such an enormous game (almost twice - on the first file i did everything except the korok seeds, but i got enough to max out my inventory i think). but every once in awhile i will come across an area that looks totally and completely innocuous and get incredibly tense out of nowhere. and sure enough in a minute i will remember, "a guardian used to be here," or "a lynel used to be here." it takes a minute, but i do remember! and even knowing they aren't here anymore, it's a little hard to relax. if i were ever to play botw again*, i bet i would feel the same way about areas that have hands now lol. (*highly unlikely given the previously mentioned botw exhaustion - maybe in many years after some other zeldas have come out for me to chew on! i highly doubt i'm going to replay totk either. as much as i love it, this is It. inevitably though there will be dlc so this runthrough won't be my only time playing it Ever)

ANYWAY i have to take a break now to do stuff and idw this post to be really long again. so.

[euniveve]

OKAY I LOVE THIS DISCUSSION- IMMA JOIN IN;

i think i can explain a couple of things base on my own theory- i forgot if it's able to be supported by any reliable sorces but alot of it is just brainstroming and mindfukery from myself hehe (enjoy tho!)

for the theories:

Maybe one could argue that Zhongli petrified her body after she died and dissolved, and that both accounts are technically right. But again, such a thing was never mentioned by either sources. is it even possible to do such a thing? Also why in the world would he feel the need to construct a whole fake scenario instead of just telling CR and Ping? Did something happen that made him think he has to?

yes, i do think it is possible for zhongli to petrify her- the reason being zhongli's title; he is titled "lord of geo" (even before his archonhood), "rex lapis", and in chinese, "岩王帝君" < in chinese, it basically translates to (the god) lord/king of stone. i would imagine that dust being a part of geo, would have zhongli have somewhat of an authority over it (his burst litterally petrified people even without it being mentioned in lore much, and the "zhongli" we know has a muddled down power of what would be prime morax. my theory is that he might been there at guizhong's final moments, some of guizhong's body part would have start to dissolve to dust (because it was mentioned that she "dissolves" into dust, it is process, it's not spontaneous), zhongli petrifies her body (maybe out of grieve? of a friend, you wouldnt want a friend's body to dissolve now would you?) but it dissolves into dust anyway as in game, we actually have a tomb in the place where guizhong died, the tomb itself is "dusty" (one could argue its because of time, but seeing the location and significance of the tomb, its probably ... something else)

about construction of fake scenarios... i don't think he does? (unless you think the MoD lore to be zhongli's direct account, which i don't, since it's mostly framed as how liyue's storytellers would tell their stories, poetic, somewhat muddles and blurry with details, (a.k.a i'm saying it could be historical text that gets muddled over the century) - about him not telling CR and Ping of his experience finding a dead friend... i mean i don't think there's much to be said? cloud retainer's cutscene is supposed to tell us what she recalls yes? so i don't think there's much need for loud retainer to say "and Rex Lapis appeared to have petrify the body of our friend" (tho adding this would have undeniably smoothen the way, i think it's just how it is sometimes with lores and recounts)

Irminsul mind-wipe. This one is vague but Sumeru made it a possible option. However, why? why should they erase her? What did she do, what happened? They did put a glitch effect- so was that a creative choice or where they alluding to it? Also, again, what was that thing they were containing in the cutscene? also what's inside memory of dust and why did she ask zhongli to forget it?

i don't think the irminsul mind-wipe is plausible? mainly because if it is the case, we would not be calling guizhong "guizhong" and cloud retainer wouldn't be able to recall what happen- i think what CR doesn't show us is purely because CR couldn't see what happened herself, and again, zhongli doesn't seem to want to talk about guizhong.

i think the glitch affect isn't glitch at all- it's too delibirate, wth negative filters and all, not to be mention it looks more like a seal than anything, like a seal you would put if you want to contain an evil spirit -> this itself would imply that guizhong somehow got corrupted just before her death (chiyo in the shogun story style)

the thing that they are containing in the cutscene is probably guizhong- as in the aftermath of what happens when a god dies- we see this in havria, we see this in the erasure of rukkadevata. the yakshas/zhongli probably doesn't want to subject liyue to that so they tries to contain her as much as possible, as guizhong is probably more powerful than havria, therefore, her death would probably oblitarate more than what havria's death oblitarate

In MoD we see Guizhong say two contradicting things. She told Zhongli to forget about MoD. but later it seemed like she was about to tell him the opposite. We don't know what she said because she unfortunately was dead.

i got a theory of this; mainly that guizhong probably held a secret of some kind, probably about tevyat and celestia or even forbidden knowlegde (litterally or as we saw in sumeru). why and how guizhong have this? it is possible guizhong predates or is even from celestia, seeing her design incoperated some galaxy patterns that suggest she is of a higher being/ something of a different origin (like paimon!) and that she asked zhongli/ challenge him to open a MoD as a way to tease or perhaps even see if he can get those secrets himself; i theorize that the reason why guizhong told him to forget about it once she died is because if he did find out about this thing inside of MoD, he wouldn't have he help to either defend himself or liyue, so she advise him to do other wise.

remembering also that guizhong states that MoD contains "all her knowledge" i would say that it probably contains secrets as well, secrets even Morax doesn't know.

Some people theorized that Zhongli might've killed Guizhong himself, because of the lines in Jade cutter weapon lore. Again, why? they were close up to her death, as mentioned by MoD. If that happened, why?

ngl i do have a theory about this IF THIS DOES REALLY HAPPEN- it is probably because guizhong got corrupted and zhongli needed to subdue her to protect liyue. it is mentioned multiple times in lore how zhongli has put down friends to protect liyue.

Circumstances of Guizhong's Death

90% sure something's up with Guizhong's death because weapon lore is basically from the devs and is therefore reliable and yet it contradicts Cloud Retainer's account and cutscene and why in the world would Cloud Retainer of all people lie??? But her retelling doesn't really line up and Zhongli WON'T SAY ANYTHING. Mihoyo is definitely doing this with intention, because they have an eye for details. Also the yakshas appearing in the cutscene makes the timeline... Super weird???

anyway here's a list

Cloud Retainer said this: "Guizhong was overpowered by the enemy, and fell in battle. When Streetward Rambler and I arrived at the scene at long last, all that remained among the ruins... was her lifeless body."

This has several implications: CR and Ping found her when she was already dead. Her body was what was left. There were surrounded by ruins. She also fell in battle. (we don't actually who found her *first*, since the cutscene depicted everyone being there. However the phrase used was "all that remained...lifeless body" implying CR and Ping found her like that.)

SPEAKING OF THE CUTSCENE. We see her being basically petrified/turned into a statue. Again, everyone was there, even the Yakshas, and Zhongli. There was this magic shape thing above her in the cutscene, we dont know what it is. But when it played, there was this glitch effect and we see this:

again, we don't know what it is or why the devs chose to add that funky glitch effect.

WHY THIS IS WEIRD AND IMPORTANT? This is a quote from what Memory of Dust weapon lore says: "He also remembers those words she spoke at the end — again, amid the Glaze Lilies."

This alone partly contradicts CR. Glaze Lilies. Not ruins. Okay, but there could've been some ruins from battle. So this is not complete evidence. However, something else caught my eye.

this being: Zhongli was with Guizhong in her final moments.

Another very important quote: "Her final smile was a lonely one, even as her form dissolved into the finest dust. "It seems that our journey together has come to an end. As for that stone dumbbell, forget about it, would you?""

And also this: ""If you can unlock it—" Many years passed, and he was never able to unlock that dumbbell, nor would he ever learn what might have followed that sentence."

Again, according to this, Zhongli was with Guizhong in her final moments. He heard her last words. He was there/already there before she died, she was not dead yet when he was with her.

(what might've implied in this description: That Zhongli and Guizhong were alone and no one else was there, because no other persons were mentioned. Again, this is while likely is also tentative, because there was no explicit mention. This way Zhongli might've found her first.)

What matters was that there was no way they found her at the state of *already dead*. Because according to MoD, "Her Form Dissolved into the finest dust." She's turning to dust even before dying. There shouldn't have been a body to find if she literally dissolved into dust. This is Direct Contradiction from CR's account and the cutscene, which depicted her body as stone/petrified. In Memory of Dust weapon lore, Guizhong's last words were cut-off, meaning even Zhongli didn't hear everything she was going to say. This was the moment of her death- the moment she likely had completely dissolved into dust was when she was still talking to Zhongli.

Let's review

According to CR: She fell in battle, they found her body, already dead, among the ruins.

According to MoD: When she died, Zhongli was with her. He heard her last words. She dissolved into dust.

Contradictions:

In MoD lore, her form dissolved into dust but cutscene + CR said they found her body and that she was turned to stone.

They found her body among ruins/scene of battle according to CR but in MoD she died among the Glaze Lilies.

Yaksha timeline weird

Arguable/tentative/still really vague stuff: According to CR she fell in battle because she was "overpowered by the enemy"- how did that happen if Zhongli was there according to MoD? He's still alive, after all. Also ngl they had a moment™️when she died because he had heard her last words- shouldn't he be fighting lmao??? Also shouldn't the glaze lilies be destroyed by battle?

TLDR There was no way CR and Ping would've found her body if we're going purely by what was explicitly mentioned in MoD. Vice Versa, there was no way MoD scenario would have worked out the way it allegedly did if we're going by CR's account.

also what in the world was that thing that was supposedly contained in the cutscene? The one in the third picture above.

Theories.

Obviously, this means that we should not take these accounts at face value. Either *something else happened that we still don't know* OR *Only one of these accounts was right*. So there's like a bunch of theories abt this. Anyway these are just some of them.

Maybe one could argue that Zhongli petrified her body after she died and dissolved, and that both accounts are technically right. But again, such a thing was *never* mentioned by either sources. is it even possible to do such a thing? Also why in the world would he feel the need to construct a whole fake scenario instead of just telling CR and Ping? Did something happen that made him think he has to?

Irminsul mind-wipe. This one is vague but Sumeru made it a possible option. However, why? why should they erase her? What did she do, what happened? They did put a glitch effect- so was that a creative choice or where they alluding to it? Also, again, what was that thing they were containing in the cutscene? also what's inside memory of dust and why did she ask zhongli to forget it?

In MoD we see Guizhong say two contradicting things. She told Zhongli to forget about MoD. but later it seemed like she was about to tell him the opposite. We don't know what she said because she unfortunately was dead.

Some people theorized that Zhongli might've killed Guizhong himself, because of the lines in Jade cutter weapon lore. Again, why? they were close up to her death, as mentioned by MoD. If that happened, why?

So, thoughts?

[sams-blog-i-guess]

heehee brain rot

hello mtv welcome to my crib

fr tho, this is just my stream of consciousness thing because in order to actually work out my brain juice i gotta put it somewhere, and writing in an actual journal is annoying so TYPING WOOO

plus shit just reads better to me if i type it idk why

anyway here's the brain thought of the day, slightly more depressing than the first part of the post but

I think i legit have a fear of men hitting on me or smth

like im chronically aware of how i present to men and im terrified that anything that i do will present as me flirting with them

like i leaned over and put my hands on my coworkers desk today and i was immediately self-conscious like 'omg i hope he doesnt think im sticking my boobs in his face because i have Boobs yk and no matter what i do theyre just There unless i wear like a turtleneck or smth'

but like idk if thats narcissism or trauma

like ik the whole 'if youre asking if its narcissism its not narcissism' thing but also like i feel like im full of myself for thinking that men will just flirt with me at the first sign of whatever but yk

anyway the Trauma theory like it might just come from middle school? like these dudes in middle school essentially made a joke out of liking me and no matter what i would do would make a big show out of fake proposing to me in class in front of everyone or picking me up without permission because they think its funny yk

like i reacted cause i was fuckin 12-13 and boys and cooties and i wanted them to stop, not realizing that reactions fueled the whole thing

but like that whole thing made me not only afraid of speaking or interacting with men in general (which ive worked out mostly since getting out of an all-girls catholic school) but also just made me straight up afraid of men flirting with me, like panicking any time one tries smth type of thing

which yk ive had bfs and stuff since then its not like a chronic thing necessarily but its still There (ironic cause im sapphic now but haha)

it might also be from my second cousin asking to go out with me after meeting Once and him showing me furry porn and thinking that bonded us ig

or the countless 'nice guys' ive talked to/interacted with

yk, the usual.

BUT that was my big brain thought for the day its now time to go to therapy and get high :)

[astralsys]

Intro post?

I made this account for fun maybe? fun as in I just wanted to fuck around and vent a little into the void under an account that's not much connected to my other ones idrk. dont have much of an online presence really wanted to see how this will play / work out. even tho I already have an account on here that I use personally to gush about things cause I can't help it probs not gonna use this that much.... probably cause I'll forget this exists, anyways comma!

collective info about me:

💫 ✨ | Astral System | ✨💫

Either call me Astral or K!

They / Them ( NO plural prns / &!!! /srs I hate it fuck off people who use that )

Trans Non-binary Aroace Bodily Adult

Masc / Neutral, System, Alter, Human / Person

Proff Dx’ed w/ D.I.D. ( adult dx'es ) in recovery since 2018, dx’ed also w/ MDD, ASD & ADHD ( childhood dx'es ) [ not recovered ]

( I'm only saying this cause one of my parts may leak that info out by accident, dont know better dont have a consensus with privacy atm, and I would rather just say it now instead of worrying about it being outed later idrc if you think I'm faking or not I've been dx’ed for over 6 years now idc what rando’s on the internet think about me tbh )

❌ ❌ Other Info Never Disclosed ❌ ❌

DNI: Minors, NSFW shit, Queerphobes, Racists, Ableist, Pedo’s / Zoo’s, Proship / Anti’s discourse

Mspec “Lesbians” / “Gays”, Male “Lesbians” Queer ID’s based off people, Rad Inclusive, Transmed, BaB ( + all other queer exclus )

Any "System’s" ( No Matter What "Type", I dont want to see you fuckers fuck off with your “plural community” all of you are fucking bullshit ), “Endogenic System’s”, / “Mixed Origins System” / Tulpa, Pro “Endogenic” / Pro Non Traumagenic “Systems” Whatever Fucking “System Origin” You Fuckers Keep Coming Up w/

“Medically Recognized System” / “Dx”, Self Dx’ers, Pro Self Dx, “M.U.D.” / “M.U.I.”, ( Medically Unrecognized Disorders / Illnesses )

Anything on Pluralpedia! Any Discourse!

I dont wanna see it or you I will block you on sight. I dont care, i am not your friend I don’t want to be your friend leave me alone and out of this shit.

—

specific info about me:

K or Astral ( not giving you my full name )

They / Them, Fey / Fem, Ae / Aer ( + other neo’s )

Trans Non-binary Otherkin / Alterhuman Agender Aroace

Host of Few ( also not giving you their names who fucking does that? ) I'm an adult ( id w/ body age not getting closer than that )

interests / dislikes / triggers private fuck off idc I'm not trying to make friends here

I hyperfixate on a lot of things due to both having asd and adhd and it effects my life way too much it’s annoying af I actually fucking hate it… having both is a fucking mess istfg, also chronic depression that’s so cool who doesnt love that? been dealing with that one for years and it sucks it really sucks I dont wanna keep feeling this awful my entire life, but its not gonna stop for me i think atp.

having D.I.D. isnt something I am ever gonna get into specifically, cause why the fuck would I? why do people have the need to tell others about their extensive personal med hx "oh you have to know all about my / our "system" and everyone apart of it! and every single disorder I / we self dx'es myself / ourselves with too!" ( just had to put the plural pronouns cause that's how these people talk ik I've had personal experience with these kinda people ). do these people not understand anything about internet safety omfg do you not listen to yourself at all? you’re not going to know anything regarding my med hx that I havent already given you cause to be honest I dont trust any one of you with me and my fragmented self and you don't really need to know. my alter’s are not something I talk to anyone about online or irl really. my trauma also isnt something I am ever gonna talk about honestly me even typing all of this out is insane to me what is wrong with me….

credit: banner @/Suyasuyabi427 pfp @/muku_69.0

[fangtastic-vampyra]

TAKE ONE...... RECOVERING FROM COVID/UNPLEASTANTRIES....

i love this shirt, forever, <333

CAT EYEZ sunglasses

AND DONT KNOW WHETHER IM A BOY OR A GIRL, I THINK IM A CROSSDRESSER, IDK, HAHAHAHA.

(z courtesy of reminders of Louis..this retrograde umm.. He is always typing that way, (z instead of s) I am so glad I met him, he's my EX but I keep thinking about him, like we wanted to be each others primary, ) idek, I really thought our relationship was so innocent and cute, but meanwhile, Im trying to find my next meal and he's painting his nails and wont' buy me a drink when we go out.. idek.. but it was cute, and I would have married him..a few men i would have.. idk.. i think though, genuinely, im with or know or am about to find him. a few wanted to put a ring on it, but things just didnt work out, and havent popped out any kids yet... so >_> idek... hoping im not but i feel so weird rn.

even though im like mid sex change umm, no one talks about this, omgg..theres literally NOTHING, is it embarassing to people like fo srs i think its very fun and interesting.

tbh tho..im nonbinary (but i dont often remember when i act like a girl um) but i hate ugh... ugh hate being female soo soo much, it it wasnt the oppression, the overbaring patriarchy, and men literally hitting on females, like...idek... i wish i was a lesbian!!!, but im not, though i find i do want women to like me, but like, as a friend or a maaayyybe a bit more, like to have a good relationship with other women and to encourage having female friends with each other-- instead of worrying about stupid dudes that hurt us.. ugh...

idk, >_> I wasnt uh, lesbian with Livvy, Im a TRANS GUY.

LIKE ON HRT, THREE YEARS, PRETTY MUCH NO GOING BACK NOW, BUT I DONT THINKI WANT TO BE LIKE, A 50 YR OLD DUDE, MAYBE ILL STILL LOOK GOOD THO??,

Louis made my life beauitufl, I am enjoying the Dark side .... Industrial, REAL FUBAR SHIT THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED that he has pictures of, and struggling along.. Louis only got SSI too... Brenden gets child support for Jette and he is about to get hired as a maintenance, he is always running around cleaning.

TRULY-- I like people that liek downers cause Im so nervous. And MYSELF? i LIKE THE NEED FOR SPEED. But..... I dont do speed! Only a few lines. Yaknow. Literally. A few. Years and years and years and years. And I got on meds, and Im becoming a lot more wholesome. TBH. asking mum how shes doing and what she thinks of stuff and sharing recipes with her, like a FAMILY. They started the drugging out shit though, and i dont mind a drink here and there, im mostly a cig smoke these days, and cloves, i took a few puffs of weed and got nervous like and was hungry three hours later and felt bad like it had something wrong with it, idk do not want them to the point that they get violent, but you arent suppose to go over your limit with anything! Mum would come home and bark out orders and tlel me what im doing wrong, like she gave me three compliments in my life..the v2k (fake schizo voices cuz im a targeted individual) ... said.. she abandoned me in a parking lot!! pfft. Brendan said dont pay attn to that crap.