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symphonyofsilence · 2 years ago

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The sons of Fëanor: Headcanons & hot takes (Part 1 : Maedhros)

So since this dude lives in my mind rent-free 24/7 this got so, so, very long. Like essay long. Like you won't even believe how long it's not even funny! I'm probably gonna post the rest of the brothers in one post but this one is 10 posts in itself. So without further ado, let's get this over with.

I think he was very close to his grandpa Mahtan. I've explained here why I think his copper circlet was a gift from him. But also notice how Mahtan also wears a copper circlet. & I couldn't find it in the 'Shibboleth of Fëanor' which was used as the reference, but it was said on his Wikipedia page that Maedhros resembled his grandfather in 'face and disposition'. A part of it was probably inheritance (I personally headcanon that Mahtan had an easy grace & natural nobility to him that had nothing to do with being royalty. Finwë didn't have it. But Mahtan did & Nerdanel & then, Maedhros & Maglor inherited it.) But I think Maedhros might have spent a lot of time with Mahtan & loved him a lot & was happy that he looked like him & looked up to him & actively wanted to act like him.

Whoever his face took after, I firmly headcanon that he had Fëanor's eyes.

Being literally named 'supermodel', praised for his special hair color, most likely being the King's first grandson, most likely he was doted on from the moment he was born & he was very confident in himself. But Nerdanel would make sure that it wouldn't get to his head. He was very well aware of what a catch he is. But he would act down-to-earth about it.

Personality-wise I think he is charming, polite, at least on a surface level chill, laid-back, cool (the coolest cousin in the eyes of most of his cousins), confident enough to be humble, friendly & family-loving. But charismatic & with a commanding aura, he draws eyes to him even when he's sitting silently & when he speaks, he will be heard. he could get very serious. but I think he had an excellent sense of humor & he would use that to handle difficult diplomatic situations & gracefully lessen the tension in arguments or retort offensive comments. Like how he laughed off Thingol's cold message. (Or "you should excuse my brother. He's in a really hard place." "Oh really?" "Yes. His own head.") That sense of humor got really dark after Angband. Only Fingon, Aredhel Caranthir, Celegorm, in the version when he's alive Amrod, & weirdly Fingolfin & Lalwen got it. So he'd tone it down in company of others & use lighter jokes. After Nirnaeth & especially after Doriath, all that sense of humor turned to sarcasm, and salt & there was no other sense of humor but the dark one. I said he looked chill on a surface level, cuz I think he was one of those persons that as a friend or colleague or someone that you spend certain hours a day with them, he was excellent & you would enjoy your time with them, but as a family member, someone you'd have to spend 24 hrs with, he would get really, really overbearing. (a trait he shared with Fëanor. Except that it took much less time for Fëanor to become overbearing & he was like that with his friends & colleagues too one didn't have to be family.) & Maedhros, the excellent diplomat that he was, could get manipulative.& not just with other lords & ladies but in his daily life with people close to him. & he had a temper that rarely showed itself but when it did, it was scary. He wouldn't yell like the rest of his brother but his voice would become really quiet, his tone cold, & his gaze would burn. Maedhros was probably very polite & respectful. It's the default of how people at court are expected to behave, but I can't imagine Fëanor & his 3 middle sons to be exactly polite & respectful. But Maedhros was. Otherwise, how could he keep the Noldor together even in the worst of times? Also one can surmise this from the line 'If there lay no grievance between us, lord, still the kingship would rightly come to you, the eldest here of the house of Finwë, and not the least wise.' 'Cause if the law of succession is not Agnatic seniority then he's just saying this to say that he's not doing any favors to Fingolfin. Fingolfin is the rightful king. He's being humble & polite. Many could say many things about the first son of Fëanor (that however he acts he's eventually his father's son he's never done anything against Fëanor's wishes and such and such) but they can't deny he's ever been anything but nice & polite. I think there must have been something about the Fëanorians that all their relatives still wanted to spend time with them even after the ship burning. I think everywhere they went they were the life of the party. Even people who didn't like them couldn't deny that. And one of the things about Maedhros was that he was a very active listener. Whatever you were saying he would look at you like you were saying the most interesting thing. He showed the exact right reaction. Said the exact right things. Sometimes repeated your words or mirrored your expressions. Everyone loved talking to him. Though for a while after Angband he kept zoning out in the middle of conversations. His eyes looked empty & distant like he wasn't there at all. And he wouldn't react when they called him. Sometimes he wouldn't disassociate but his eyes had trouble focusing. He got better in time. He even went back to being an active listener. But after Nirnaeth & especially after Doriath, a lot of times he wouldn't even look at the person who was talking to him. He usually just had a frown & a stoic expression as he listened. His answers were short, sharp & to the point.

He was the perfect heir; Dutiful, obedient, loyal & loving to his family, diligent, determined, a skilled commander, graceful, proud, a charming & courteous company in court and councils. One would expect great things from him. (& dutiful, obedient, loyal & loving to his family, diligent & determined, he followed his father's path to the bitter end to his own demise.)

I headcanon that he learned writing from Fëanor, the inventor of Tengwar, himself. & As perfectionist as Maedhros was, he insisted to write just like Fëanor himself. So they had very similar handwriting & so Maedhros would write a lot of Fëanor's letters for him. Those who were close to them could still tell the handwritings apart & one should have very seldom met Fëanor to not be able to tell the writing apart. Fingolfin's children could always say when it was Maedhros who had written the letter & would laugh their asses off at the "dear brother" things & such kind words that they couldn't imagine with Fëanor's voice. He lost that handwriting with his right hand.

I headcanon that he kinda invented modeling & had a knack for being a fashion designer. Sure he would stand as a model for Nerdanel. But also he always had very specific designs in mind for his clothes & ordered new ones a lot. He would sketch them out & explain them in detail to the tailors. It never crossed his mind to design clothes as a job. But everyone would praise every new clothes he wore in every new public appearance & the business of his tailors bloomed. & he highly influenced the fashion of the youth of the Noldor.

Sure, genetics & height are important factors but you don't get to be named a supermodel without working your ass out. So I assume his hobby was all kinds of sports. Riding, archery, swimming, you name it. & since Fingon totally looks like a joke (& an adrenaline junky who walks into the depth of hell without even telling anyone & with absolutely no plan & starts singing) I think they were always together in their practicings. I headcanon that his & Fingon's big plan before all went downhill was establishing the very first sports club in Valinor. & they were starting to pursue their dreams but then all went downhill & they broke apart & neither of them dared to go on with that idea cuz the idea was both of theirs & the other could probably sue. (they both knew the other wouldn't tho. And even if they did-which they wouldn't- it would just be an uncomfortable talk with grandpa. Really it was just bc they both lost motivation. It was only fun if they were going to do it together). & Maedhros, due to being a son of Fëanor-his heir at that- & apparently very loyal to him, was too out of favor with every authority in Tirion to start such a thing.

It's canon that he was a great diplomat. So probably he knew so many things about every lord & lady & he would use them to win them over when the need arised. Was quite tactful & silver-tongued. He would do Finwë's & Fëanor's paperwork, boring works & Finwë's accountings for them. Fëanor more & more believed that sitting in councils with other lords & ladies was a waste of time on a bunch of pompous idiots. So Maedhros went to councils in his stead. (many would use "Fëanor would never send him in his stead if he didn't believe that he would get him what he wants. They're the same." ) he was also the one prince who people would go to when they had business in court and didn't want to go through the whole bureaucratic hell. He would make shortcuts for them. & thus he was one of the very popular princes.

I think it's obvious that his favorite brother is Maglor. I headcanon that he was okay with Maglor & enjoyed playing with his baby brother until Maglor reached the age that is the elven equivalent of 5 & then they were constantly at each other's throats mostly because they shared a room and Maglor was constantly playing something & singing (& for the first years of the 'civil war era' he was still learning so the quality was not as good as it would eventually come to be.) & there was no peace & quiet for Maedhros. Sometimes Maglor would 'get inspired' and start playing something at 3 A.M cuz he'd say he will forget it otherwise. and so Maedhros would wake up yelling that the next time Maglor gets inspired he might get some inspirations of his own too. & on the other hand, Maglor was an introvert who enjoyed his own solitude & would like to have the room for himself while Maedhros would bring Fingon & sometimes other guests. Nobody would back down the war was raging & they would get annoyed at each others' mere sight. But Nerdanel wouldn't give them separate rooms 'cause she insisted that they needed to learn to coexist in peace & compromising. (U know...their dad is Fëanor...& he's not exactly famous for being the best brother... so...they needed that.) And after a while when Maglor reached the elven equivalent of 13 suddenly they became the best of friends. It happened so swiftly they didn't even notice how & when it happened. But even before that, they've become more civil 'cause their troublesome little brothers were born & they were kinda bonding over being responsible older brothers of common 'disturbers of the peace'. They maintained the close relationship from then on. When Maglor married & left their common room & Maedhros had the room all to himself, at that point, he didn't want to. It felt too empty without the original disturber of the peace. After Angband, the shadow of how Maglor didn't go to Maedhros' rescue for 30-something years never quite left them. They'd reason that there was no way for Maglor to be able to save him. What could have he done?! But Fingon did. Didn't he? They'd forget it. Bury it deep in their mind. But deep in their mind, it was buried. They were very close. In Beleriand, more than ever. They were Each other's, constant companions. They went through everything together. They fought in battles. But there was a pang of underlying guilt in some moments of extreme loyalty or not leaving Maedhros' side in Maglor. & it didn't really show itself until after Sirion. When their relationship was outright toxic & harmful.

Maedhros had the most real heartfelt disagreements with Celegorm & Curufin was also kinda pitted against him from the get-go, & they clashed a lot. All the members of the family had strong personalities & would clash a lot but even if they fought among themselves, they would kill any outsider who would dare to fight their brother.

I think family was a very important concept for the Fëanorians. Since Fëanor didn't feel like a member of his primary family, he would try to make the most unbreakable family possible when he married & had kids & teach them to put family before everything. (& they didn't even notice when Fëanor himself forgot that. Not until later.)

Everything in his possession was considered public property by his brothers & they wouldn't even tell him when they "borrowed" his things which resulted in him constantly searching around the house for his things. His impressive height was a mercy from Eru so he would have clothes left in his wardrobes to wear. & his brothers would ruin the order of his room when they put his things back. He was especially orderly.

I don't think any of the Fëanorians are the cuddling type. They show their love in various other ways.

When Maedhros returned from Angband, Caranthir was the one who would bring him food & medicine (he once caught someone else taking an unchopped steak to Maedhros & he got angry saying did you expect him to chop it himself? Or were you going to chop his food for him in front of him & wound his pride like that? & he took the dish & chopped the steak himself & took the mission upon himself from then on), he would make Maedhros laugh with his sharp sarcasm & bitter humor, would chew out anyone who tried to help Maedhros without asking his permission when he was trying to do something, Celegorm would practice with Maedhros day & night tirelessly as long as Maedhros needed. Whether it was getting back on his feet again or sword fighting. He would also leave Huan with him in his room. Curufin made him a wheelchair, a walking stick, new swords & helm & armor & throwing knives & special shields & with the help of Celebrimbor(his first big project cuz he wanted to do something for his uncle) a mithril prosthetic hand, he & Ambarussar helped him to get back on horse's back, Maglor would help him catch up with everything that has gone with Noldor & help him organize the mess & do the majority of his work for him & keep the things between the 2 hosts civil, he would give him all the mental support he needed & he would play soothing songs for him. Ambarussar would take him out whenever he needed fresh air. Fingon would do all of these minus the smithy work whenever the brothers would let him. Or...u know....sometimes even if they didn't. (even though they were grateful to Fingon the guilt of not saving Maedhros themselves was ever-present in their hearts. So they'd always politely tell Fingon that "you've done so much already. we thank you. We can't bother you more. Leave the rest to us." To which Fingom would reply that it was no bother & he wanted to do these.)

He's always tried to be mama's & papa's perfect boy but after a while, these 2 were impossible to be simultaneously. As an oldest brother, I think of him as sth like Steve Crane in the Haunting of Hill House. He was always trying to be a good, responsible elder brother. & he was, for the most part. But after everything life has thrown at him, after Nirnaeth to be precise, he's too preoccupied with his own misery & conflicted emotions to properly function as a stable, comforting big brother. & even then he still tries to do his best towards his siblings. If he sometimes sounds harsh or bitter he almost immediately regrets it & tries to do better. But it's just that he has nothing left in him to give anymore.

He loved & respected & admired Fëanor a lot. I think they were very close. (they canonically traveled around Aman. The sons followed Fëanor everywhere. He's noted to seek their council during the flight of the Noldor. & maybe these 2 were closest cuz Fëanor married young & Maedhros was his firstborn so Fëanor was still very young when Maedhros was born.) His dad was the smartest person he knew & what he said was the truth. It wasn't that he did whatever Fëanor said it was just that what Fëanor said made sense. He was logical & persuasive. Even if Maedhros didn't always agree with his methods. It wasn't until after Losgar that Fëanor came to perspective for Maedhros. That ship burning was not only betrayal but madness. they needed numbers to defeat a god. & Fingolfin had the largest host. & Fëanor knew that too when he invoked them to rebel & when he made haste to get on the way before they change their mind. & after Fëanor died & left Maedhros alone in a wide, unfamiliar land to defeat a god with the little number they had, & after Maedhros' got outnumbered by Melkor & captured, & was eventually saved by Fingon, he couldn't help but go back to what Fëanor did, get angry, resent him, then remember that Fëanor was grieving & furious & paranoid & his judgment was clouded & he loved his sons with all his heart & he would never do anything that would hurt Maedhros. & the more the oath thing kept going, the more this cycle was repeated. He had to actively remind himself that he himself took the oath & followed Fëanor voluntarily, that Fëanor couldn't possibly know it would get to this, none of them did. remind himself of all the loving, caring, sweet, beautiful moments with his father, all the acts of love & care & affection & sacrifice his father had ever done for him & his brothers, remember that it was all Melkor's influence that drove him to his demise, it was all carefully planned & executed by Melkor, that Finwë meant the world to Fëanor & the thought of getting replaced by his little brothers in Finwë's eyes & then Finwë's death crushed his world, & then as he grew up & thought back on Fëanor, learn that in the end, he was a broken, lonely, scared man who was afraid of being replaced & forgotten. All this to subside his raging anger & hatred towards Fëanor. Whom against his own judgment subconsciously he blamed for everything. (though he told himself that it's all Morgoth's fault. & in reality, he blamed himself most of all) 'Cause, in the end, Maedhros loved his father. He loved him very much even when he hated him.& he would defend him against outsiders. Cuz family was family.

About his cousins, do I even need to say anything about Fingon & Maedhros? Turgon I think didn't like the sons of Fëanor at all. Turgon liked his peace & quiet & the sons of Fëanor when they stormed their house would ruin it. & he thought they were jerks & his brother & sister turned into jerks when they were with them. (they'd just lightly tease him. Nothing offensive.) & his reasons to dislike them grew more & more as time passed. He was a firm believer that Maedhros is no different than the rest of them despite appearance. Aredhel was clearly their friend. So I think was Argon. & Finrod too. (less than Aredhel & even Argon. He was mostly friends with Turgon.) Angrod & Aegnor at first didn't really like Maedhros 'cause they loved Fingon & wanted to be his friends & they thought that when Fingon was with Maedhros he wouldn't pay them enough attention. & they had "grown-up" inside jokes & "grown-up" subjects to talk about. Later when they grew up they all became friends. Galadriel canonically never liked the sons of Fëanor. But headcanon that even if she didn't generally like him, in a semi-banquet among the newly reunited Noldor, when the time for dancing came, & Maedhros who had not completely healed at that time & relied on a walking stick, stayed sitting & did not participate, it suddenly came to Galadriel's attention that during years of the trees, Maedhros was his favorite dance partner (After Finrod) during balls. cuz he was one of the few men taller than him so she could finally have the elegant effect she was looking for when she was dancing. & they talked about sports events & he was witty & funny & would make her laugh. & she didn't quite realize that until then.

For the life of me, I cannot imagine this elf in a romantic relationship with a lady. Like, I certainly can't imagine him as straight but I can't even imagine him as bi. he's either gay or aspec or somewhere in between.

When I read his dialouges I can clearly hear his voice in my mind & it's raspy. His cheekbones & jawline could cut diamonds & he kept his hair long & with braids that differed from era to era. After Sirion, subconsciously, his braids resembled Celegorm's, he wore eyeliners like Caranthir, there were elements of Ambarussar's clothings in the way he dressed & his armor & prosthetic hand & weapons were already Curufin's work. Both to show his loss of identity & more than that, loss of himself in family obligations, & to show that he's haunted by ghosts.

It was interesting to me that out of his 3 Quenya names, he combined two of them & left his father's name out. I think it confirms that Nelyafinwe was a jab at Fingolfin. (I think Fëanor intended to secure his line as the line of succession. Even if Finwë to their knowledge wasn't going to die, maybe he would someday want to retire.) & I think Maedhros knew that, & didn't like that. (I think Nerdanel & Finwë & others would bring all kinds of ridiculous alibies to say that no, it's not a jab at Fingolfin & they would all jump on his mother's name when Nerdanel gave it to him & until then just call him Nelyo or sweet baby or sth. But everyone knew the truth. & Fingolfin would always especially call him "Nelyafinwë" to show Fëanor how unphased he was by this petty move. He continued to call him that even after Fëanor's death. & Maedhros was less than impressed by being used as a political ploy like that.)

Probably elves that don't age & don't grow sick, take their looks for granted. When Maedhros came back from Angband, he looked like a skeleton, he was scarred & they had to shave his head to check for injuries (& also that very, very long tangled greasy mess could not be washed.). When he first looked at himself in the mirror, he who even among the fair folk has always been known for his good looks, & now was probably the most unpleasant-looking elf amongst such dashing people, had another breakdown. He was no Maitimo (well-formed) or Russandol(copper-head). For his Sindarin name, He combined the two names & named himself Maedhros. It was a reclaiming. It was a promise. The dead king was back.

He seems like a very inspirational leader. The very fact that he was alive was a miracle let alone getting back on his feet & defending the borders & healing rifts. & with his level of determination & charisma & strength & big plans, of course people would follow him to Himring even if he wasn't Fëanor's heir. Some would follow him to hell. (So it's all the more tragic when some of his followers turn against him in Sirion.)

I stand by what I said here.

From "the eldest, whose ardor burnt yet more eager than his father's flame. Than Fëanor's wrath." I surmise that he had many hopes & dreams.

He went to battles with a very small vial of poison hidden in his clothes after Angband.

I said a lot of what I had to say about his relationship with the Peredhel twins in this fanfic. I won't repeat them now cuz this post is already so long. (I've said before how much I love the grumpy murderous morally gray dad involuntarily adopting the traumatized gremlin trope & goes from "Nah thank u, no kids for me." To "I've had X for a day & a half & if anything happens to them I'll kill everyone in this room & then myself". (Like Joel/Ellie, Logan/Laura, Silco/Jinx and such...)& since Maglor seems like a mild-mannered person even & even at his worst he doesn't seem grumpy & he willingly adopted the kids, Maedhros if is then.) He comes to love those kids. He would kill & die for them. But because he fears that by considering them family, they'll come under "the house of Fëanor & those who follow them" & thus under the curse of Mandos & the trauma of "those who followed the house of Fëanor" in Nirnaeth never leaves him, he will not let them consider themselves family. He even orders to have shields with the star of Earendil made for them as soon as they learn to fight so they would not use Fëanorian bearing on their shield. Elrond & Elros at first feel upset that the lord of the house doesn't want them as family but they understand when Maglor explains the reason to them. When a subconscious part of Maedhros' mind keeps seeing Elrond & Elros as family his conscious mind insistently shuts it down. (They do feel like family in his heart though, against his will.) They're just his brother's wards, he keeps thinking, & his responsibility towards them is no more than an adult's towards kids. The lord of the house towards the wards. & someone responsible for them being orphans in the first place. As he keeps reminding himself. He feels very guilty towards them. He feels like keeping them is selfish & twisted & just to ease their own guilt. He feels like the association with them will ruin the twins' reputation & life. So he tries to keep his distance (an effort entirely ignored by the twins & especially Elros, As I said in the fic.) He will say he's sorry but he won't ask for their forgiveness 'cause he fears that they will grant it & that would be because they're children raised by them & don't know better & he'll be exploiting their innocence & naivety. But despite all his feelings, even if he doesn't ask, he's forgiven. & even if not in name, in their own strange way, they're family. & love grew between them.

I'm not really sure if Maedhros would accept Mandos' call. I will preface this by saying that I don't think any of them got cast into the void & thus "doomed to eternal darkness" bc Fëanor himself got to the halls of Mandos & I think it misses the point. The point was that there was no point. The oath was in vain. They wouldn't truly get condemned to eternal darkness if they forsook the oath to prevent kinslayings. The eternal darkness was eventually what they brought on themselves. It was a self-fulfilled prophecy. (& I think the oath was eventually fulfilled. One of the Silmarils was with Fëanor's great-nephew & thus, his kin. The 2 others also were eventually in the hands of Fëanor's kin. Maedhros died with Silmaril in hand. & it doesn't say that "Fëanor's kin" can't cast the Silmaril away.) IMO there are several ways that it could go after his death : (CW mention of suicide ahead.)

You see, one really beautiful & tragic thing is that, after Angband, yes "the shadow of his pain was at his heart" but also "the fire of life was hot within him" & considering everything, from what we know, he seems to be doing well. Shortly after his rescue, He functions better than most people do in all their lives. He reunites the Noldor, we see him laugh (how many characters do we see laugh in the Silmarillion if you don't count the "fay" & evil laughs?) arranges his brothers' lands in a way that they have the least interaction with their uncle & cousins. Chooses his own land right on the borders & makes a stronghold & keeps it for years, he attends feasts & goes hunting with his brother & cousin. (& these are why I don't believe grim & gloomy Maedhros quite emerged until after Nirnaeth. Sure he would get very serious & focused & determined & brooding & there was a shadow of pain and depression on him but the Valinor era Maedhros was still there. Until Nirnaeth.) He was still hopeful & fierce & fighting. After Dagor Dagorath, even though the Noldor seemed defeated & they had lost their king, Maedhros, who was the only one whose kingdom was not hidden but RIGHT ON THE BORDERS & managed to keep it, got inspired by Beren & Lúthien & formed the Union of Maehros & sought to destroy Melkor, & even after Nirnaeth, he is still persistent & unstoppable it's just that now his persistence has turned to a dark cause. & it keeps going on like that until the third kinslaying. Time & time again, he keeps falling down & then he keeps getting back to his feet (& this is one of the things really admire about him). So when in the end, he ends his own life, I think he was pushed to his limits & that was finally a fall that he couldn't get back up from. So he just made the final, ultimate fall. (& I don't think it was his first suicidal thought I think he had these thoughts for a long time. They came & went & he kept pushing them back but they were there.)

You see I think when he got rescued from Angband he made one promise to himself & that was to eventually see it burn. & when in the War of Wrath Angband was destroyed & Maedhros watched it fall, his story drew to an end. After that, it was Fëanor's story going on through his two eldest. So when that ONE thing that kept driving them, that ONE thing that made them do such terrible things burnt his hands & he figured that it was all in vain, it was the final straw. He wouldn't want to go to Mandos or anything. He just wanted not to be. To end it all. He didn't want to face Mandos or his family or the Teleri. Or someday get reimbodied. He wanted to fade. To get lost & forgotten. & he wouldn't think himself worthy of healing. & the Silmarils apparently agreed.

This is not a version I like though. Not at all. & it doesn't even have any bittersweet beauty to it it's just bitter.

But another possible reason for it is that we see how he doubts that the Valar would show them lenience & MAYBE he blamed Mandos for the curse & how he doomed them from the start & didn't give him any chance & left no room for improvement. So he didn't like him, didn't trust his judgment & didn't want to get judged by him.

Also, it seems like Maedhros' case was like the second one talked about in LaCe.

But let's get to why he might have answered Mandos' call :

As you see above, the way "not answering Mandos' call" is talked about in the LaCE makes it sound like in the eyes of the Valar & the Eldar, it's the ultimate wretched thing an elf can do. Like if somebody does that, there's no way back for them. They're lost. The lowest of lows. I doubt any of the Eldar would dare reject Mandos' call. Even Fëanor who so fiercely & famously disliked the Valar didn't do that. So I don't know if Maedhros would. Also by the way he & Maglor talked about the Valar & Illuvatar looks like they still hold them in reverence & fear them. Maglor even hopes that they would show them mercy. & Eonwe DID show them mercy. So-...

If he gets to Mandos' halls I think he will spend either a long, long while or forever just sitting somewhere & sulking. Nienna can't help him cuz he doesn't want to be helped. Fingon can't cuz Maedhros is ashamed of him & can't look him in the eyes. (though I think Fingon would persist & eventually win & get to help him. Not that he wasn't upset with him but he directed a lot of his rage & blame on Fëanor cuz it was easier. & also seeing how Maedhros suffered all those years & eventually killed himself he pitied him & knew he regretted everything & his heart was still in the right place. Also, what can he do, good or bad he loved him.), his brothers were in need of healing themselves so there was not much they could do for him. & his father, well he was in need of healing but his son was more important. I think Maedhros was numb from pain but still, if any feelings could be felt within him, he did feel hatred & anger towards Fëanor, but hatred & rage take so much energy so he couldn't hold on to them, he wanted to get rid of them, he couldn't even feel them fully. & he still loved & needed his dad. & Fëanor would give him distance if he needed it, give him hugs when he needed it, if he needed someone to yell at & blame, Fëanor would take the blame, if he needed someone to give him comfort, Fëanor would do that too. He would do anything to give Maedhros what he needed to heal. & show love & remorse in his deeds.

& one of my headcanons is that when Elros dies, he tells Mandos that there is someone who owes him a proper goodbye. & if he's stepping into the unknown, he wants him to accompany him. & since Mandos is apparently soft for this family he allows it. So Maedhros & Elros meet. & their words to each other shall remain private between them like how Arwen & Elrond's last meeting was. & Maedhros accompanies him until he can go no more & they say farewell. But that conversation with Elros changes everything. & he does mourn him even if Elros seemed happy & content & in peace. But after a while, after more than 4 centuries of sulking, he steps into the path of healing. & the path of healing is not known for its easiness. There are many fallbacks & stumblings but he let Nienna & Fëanor & Fingon help him & he will help his brothers too & they will help him in return & he tries hard & will eventually get there. Maybe he will never leave the halls, but he eventually heals. & helps others heal.

& this might seem far fetched & unlikely but even if he doesn't answer Mandos' call right away I like to headcanon that when Elros goes to the halls he still asks after Maedhros & when Mandos says that he's not here, he didn't answer my call, Elros will answer "but he will answer mine." & he does. & it goes just like what I said above after that. (There is poetry in that the last good thing he did in his life was helping raise the twins & eventually it pays off.)

I strongly associate him with the amazing devil's "farewell wanderlust" like "I'll promise you I'll be better I promise you I'll try but like robbing wine stains into rugs it's my curse to try & make it right but by trying make it worse"?! Come on that's him!

& finally

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