#They don't understand what he's going through tho

[rainix13]

Don't Forget

Doubt by Twentyone Pilots

masterlist

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

words: 4,2k

description: after Y/N gets rescued from Hydra she's not really herself but Natasha's determined to bring her back -

Genre: idk you tell me?? ._. hurt/comfort ig??

Warnings: legal age difference (Nat= 32, R = 22) split personality?, not proofread

I'm not overly happy with everything but overall it's okay i guess (also It's 3am idk what I'm saying anymore, any corrections probably in the next few days)

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𓅨⋆｡°✩✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩｡⋆｡✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩✮ ⋆ ˚｡𓅨⋆｡°✩

You didn't know what was happening but you were sure something was.

There was a shift in the air. A tension lingering between the people around you. Something was off.

A red pop up on a monitor you could barely see blinking constantly but you couldn't read what it said.

You tried to hear the guards whisper but they were too far away. But even their usual composed, ice cold appearance seemed to crack a little. At least the three that seemed to be in their mind.

The fourth was a mystery to you. He barely moved all day, you never saw him even blink just once.

If such a thing was possible he didn't even hold any body language.

Scientists were packing a ton of stuff up.

Vials, some empty, some still filled.

Two of three monitors.

Tools, syringes, notes, official paperwork.

The door opened for a short moment. The blaring of people shouting, shots being fired, more people running around, a faint explosion filled the whole room for the mere two seconds, then it fell shut again.

Two more agents entered the room shouting some things you couldn't understand but next thing the whole scientist team got escorted through the backdoor.

Ok, so at least your instincts still work. Still you felt off. As if you were there but more as a watcher than on actual control of yourself. That feeling was new. It only came up a few minutes ago but you couldn't shake it. Something definitely was fundamentally off. Maybe-

You didn't get to finish that thought when suddenly the door got broken down. Three people stormed in, followed by a whole bunch of agents.

This time the door wasn't closed again and the blaring of a battle filled the room, accompanied with the smell of smoke and a cloud of dust.

Your eye caught a wave of red and your heart jumped. You didn't exactly know why. But it felt familiar. It felt right. You felt slipping deeper in the part of your mind that was only able to watch. Observe something but not work through it. The presence that formed normality for your time being here kept you from understanding.

One of the agents tore the straps open, which until now, you didn't even realize held you in place. Why were you strapped in a chair again?

It oddly looked like one of those dentist chairs...

"Don't just stand there, do something bitch!" He spoke with a hard accent.

Do something...? What exactly should you...do? Why would you fight these people? Who even are they? Being trapped between what seemed to be two independent minds you didn't know how to function.

And for a while you just stood there, in the middle of the room. Everything still felt like a movie, chaos all around you, agents coughing, some dying slower than others, new agents rushing in. And in the middle of it all? You.

That was until someone pulled on your arm, in the direction of the back door the scientist fled through.

Without realizing how you freed yourself, fighting the agent off.

"Let go of me", you hiss. "Y/N!!" the voice felt familiar but you couldn't put a face to it. Nonetheless it switched something inside you. You pushed the guy and he stayed still on the ground.

Another hand grabbed your arm and on instinct - even tho not sure from which side of your mind - you fought them off but this time it was harder.

You got countered more often, hits were harder to land. You kept fighting them, trying to escape their grip until suddenly everything went black.

Back at the compound Nick Fury was waiting for everyone to bring the youngest avenger back. And he wouldn't admit it openly but when they rolled out a stretcher some tension fell off him. It meant that at least you were alive.

"What happened?", he asked, not a single trace of emotions in his voice.

When Natasha didn't answer right away Steve did.

"We're not sure. She didn't seem quite like herself."

The Shield director raised an eyebrow "and that means?"

"It means she fought me when we tried to get her out. We had to hit her unconscious", Natasha snapped.

"But she fought them too. She's still there." Steve tried to soothe her but only received a more desperate than annoyed.

To add to Steve's resignation Fury chimed in "She's been there three weeks and we have no idea who of us she's gonna try and kill and who not."

"What are you trying to say?" Clint asked defensively.

"None of you will visit her until we're sure she's back." Without any further explanation he gave a sign to the two medics that stood at the stretcher to follow him with you.

For the Avengers? No other choice but to watch after you. They just stood there in silence, no one quite sure what to do with themselves.

The past three weeks were relentless work, trying to trace every detail that might give away your position. Now you were found. And they weren't even allowed near you anymore.

Tony stepped out of his suit and carefully put an arm around Nat's shoulder, pulling her into a side-hug.

With you and Natasha some tension always was in the air. Flirty but neither of you acted on it for a long time. You weren't dating for long but it made you happy. You, just living in your perfect little world, until it got ripped apart when they caught you.

Tony was the one who got you to join the team. Convinced you, welcomed you, comforted you when things got hard. He became a safe constant and over the course of four years he became a father figure to you.

With a deep sigh, again Steve broke the silence "When even Tony doesn't have some sarcastic remark or a joke to ease the tension..."

No trace of humor in his voice, not a glint of joy, just stating a fact.

Maria Hill stepped outside, clearly not happy, after what was probably a disagreement with her boss.

"There's nothing I can do for you. Go get some sleep, you all need it."

Short and to the point. Like everything that's been said.

Nonetheless she was right. Nobody has slept much, especially not Tony and Natasha so now that everything seemed to be done this was the only logical consequence and with that everyone slowly made their way to their room.

✮ ⋆ ˚｡⋆｡°✩

The next few days went in a blur for Natasha. She tried to stick to her old routine. Getting up, going on a run, breakfast, training, lunch. That's how far her routine went. After that she just didn't know what to do. Wherever she went something reminded her of you. She tried to convince Fury to change his mind about seeing you.

What she hated most was how everyone looked at her. How everyone seemed to see through her. As if her walls were made out of glass. As if they could see how worked up she was even though she made a point in acting normal. In giving the training courses she usually does, being as harsh and demanding as she always is. In the way she walked through the hallways, cold, calculated. Purposely avoiding the wing she wasn't allowed in right now.

Still they looked. As if they could see everything.

As if they could see how she still barely could sleep, how she couldn't look at anything without thinking of you, how every time she passes Fury in the hallway a passive anger boils up.

As if they could see how much she cares. How much she misses you.

As if they could see how scared she was to lose you forever.

The private area for just the avengers wasn't any more comfortable. Everyone tried to have normal days. Doing the things they usually do. But still everyone noticed the tension that didn't seem to fade.

The unknowing of how you are, the awareness of your missing laughter and your own sarcastic remarks. Everyone notices Natasha's bad mood and how she's being more reserved around them. Even Steve misses Tony's biting and teasing comments and while he throws one every once in a while, it just doesn't feel the same without someone who counters him just as sharply.

Right now Natasha was laying awake once again. Another evening. She excused herself from watching some movie and went to bed, so now she was staring at her ceiling. It was only 9 pm.

But laying there and having her thoughts running in circles wasn't an option tonight. With a sigh she put her sweatshirt over her sleep-shirt and made her way to the medical wing, avoiding the busy hallways.

The first thing she saw were mostly empty beds. The second was Dr. Cho.

"Where's Y/N?", Natasha asked. Her voice didn't hint at the emotional chaos in her head but it didn't need to. Dr. Cho was well aware of the flirting going on between you and even was rather surprised when she found out that the two of you weren't already dating for longer.

"Y/N is currently being held in cell 1.4 in this wing" Jarvis responded before the doctor could.

"Director's orders", was all she added clearly being uncomfortable with the situation.

"How is she?" Natasha's voice dropped to a dangerous level. She was furious and it brimmed just beneath the surface but she chose to prioritize you over Fury's bad decision making.

"She's doing ok so far. Vitals are stable but her mind isn't. Sometimes she speaks with us as herself but then suddenly she doesn't recognize us. We gave her some things that should help her gain stability and fight of who or whatever they implanted in her brain but it's going rough. Up until now she's the most stable when I or Agent Phil Coulson are around, he leaves only when he has to."

The redhead let out a humorless laugh.

"And did any of you think that maybe someone she's closer with might help her?"

Of course you were close with Phil. But she and her teammates were the people you spent every day with after all.

To her annoyance Dr. Cho shook her head.

"That's still out of question. Director's orders...again."

With a scoff Natasha left. Director's orders.

There was a point reached where she was done with her director's orders. Point reached.

And without another thought Natasha stood in front of the door that led to cells 1.3-1.6, guarded by two agents when the doors just opened and Coulson's stepped out.

"Natasha?"

"Phil."

"I guess it was only a matter of time until you show up here" the older agent sighed.

"I need to see her, Phil" It was a statement. Nothing more. No emotion, no arguments, just a statement.

"Why? You know the Director's orders."

God if she had to hear those words one more time she might go insane.

"I need to see her alive." Now this was beginning to sound like the negotiations of a kidnapping.

"She is alive, Natasha. You know that. Why do you think you can just walk in there if you have clear orders not to?" He wasn't backing down easily.

And the answer to that question laid on Natasha's tongue. It was simple. But she didn't want to say it out loud. But maybe she needed to sacrifice that at least towards Phil, if she wanted a real chance of convincing him to let her in.

"Go." The redhead orders the two agents watching the door. After a short nod of approval from Phil they did.

"Why?" Phil asked again now.

Natasha thought for a second before answering "They say she's unstable-" her voice broke off, eyes glued to the door.

And for a moment Phil got caught off guard. In all years of working with Natasha he'd only ever seen her facade crack a handful of times.

He sighed. "She's fighting, Natasha. Every minute. She's tired, barely sleeps but she's getting better. Slowly. Helen finished all possible tests and thinks we have now the right medication to help her as much as we can."

"I want to see her."

"Do you?", Phil finally met her eyes, "or do you want to know if she sees you? If she recognizes you?"

"Phil, please", Natasha pleaded. And at last he gave in. He stepped aside, opening the door. "Just be careful. You can see when she remembers you but the conversations don't last long. She's fighting."

With a nod Natasha walked past him and only stopped a second before the door could fall shut. "Thank you."

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Carefully Natasha walked up to the only occupied glass cell and there you sat. Back towards her, crouched down in a corner. Your hands were behind your head, legs pulled up to your chest and she could see you picking your nails to a point where almost all were bloody and damaged.

Natasha's chest tightened and she barely kept herself from gasping audibly. You looked so small, so lost. Every few seconds your whole body flinched, causing you to shift just so slightly.

"Y/N...", the redhead whispered. She didn't know what to expect, she didn't even know what else to say.

But the moment your name left her mouth you completely stilled as if you were waiting for something. Natasha took that as a sign to try again.

"Y/N?"

You breath caught in your throat and you raised your head, your eyes finally leaving the ground beneath your legs.

And after what felt like eternity your eyes finally met hers. Looking up at her, your greyish green met her clear emerald eyes. "N-natasha?"

"Heyy", the older woman still whispered and got knelt down to be at your level. Her hand pressed against the glass as if she could touch you through it. Anything to feel closer to you.

"How are you keeping up? You remember me? And the team?" Maybe it was selfish to ask that but she already knew how you were doing aside from that and she didn't want to remind you.

But that seemed to only partially succeed as you subconsciously shifted a bit to the side, bringing only very few more centimeters of space between you and the glass, you and Natasha.

"I-I'm afraid I can't tell you that" your voice was shaky, hands trembling just enough for Natasha to notice. "I'm just not sure", you added shamefully.

"It's okay, don't worry about that", Natasha tried to soothe you.

Quiet whispers come up in the back of your mind. 'natasha, natasha, you need to forget her, natasha'

Those thoughts come and go, the voices never stop forever but right now you tried to focus on her. Because for once she seemed to be actually there. Not just a voice that will belong to no one once you open your eyes. Now, she was there, in person. And maybe you could remember her. You need to. You have a feeling that she's important to remember.

"I remember some things. Names, memories come and go like guests. But only fragments, not enough to create the whole picture"

'you will forget her, natasha-'

"Anything I can do to help you?"

"No...when I saw you a few memories swept into my mind, all together with your name...I don't think you can do much more" You sigh, the voices in the back of your head growing stronger. You know you need to fight them. That's what Hydra anchored in your brain and you need it gone. But the louder the voices get, the more you feel your control slipping.

'Black Widow, need to kill'

The endless cycle of the last few days and even though you're starting to be in control of your mind and yourself longer and longer, you start to grow tired. You just want it to finally end. But they grow louder and louder and you already know that you'll crash eventually.

Natasha noticed the sudden change as well. Your hands started trembling again, your breath became shorter.

'Betrayal, Forget, The End, Natasha'

"I could come in. Let you take my hands or braid my hair. You do that sometimes. Maybe it would-", she starts, wanting to calm you down but you interrupted her

"Natasha, no!" Your voice was low, dangerous and your eyes suddenly held something darker. You tried to keep up with yourself, tried to shut down the voices but with every second it got harder to dominate over Hydra's part of your mind.

"I'm not afraid of you", the redhead tried again. She already got up, walking to the numpad that unlocked your cell.

"BUT I AM!" You cried out. The voices grew louder and all you could do was grasping on the very last bit of being there. Like an almost invisible string that kept you in touch.

'Forget Black Widow, Betrayal, Kill, End'

You jumped up backing away from her.

Voices overlapped, so loud you couldn't bear it.

Someone was talking to you, you couldn't even tell the difference if it was the real Natasha or just another voice.

'Forget, Betrayal, Kill, End'

Natasha watched you pacing, your breath was ragged, hands in your hair. Your whole body was shaking and it broke Natasha's heart.

"Y/N please, listen to me. I'm here", tears filled her eyes. It physically hurt her to see you like that. So torn apart.

Your head was pounding against the palm of your hands, heart racing. You didn't even know where you were anymore and only felt slipping. Slipping away into the darkness. Where you could only watch yourself, screaming at your body without getting a reaction.

"Y/N, please...",

"STOP IT" your hand clashes into the glass wall.

Your eyes met the person who said something. Red hair, green eyes.

'Don't just stand there, do something'

Something seemed familiar.

You need to kill her. She's not supposed to be here.

'Don't just stand there, do something'

No, you don't want to kill her.

"Y/N..."

'Don't just stand there, do something'

And then everything went black.

Natasha could only watch as your body hit the ground with a loud thud. You didn't move, just laid in the middle of the cell.

The conversations never last long. That's what Coulson told her. She should've been prepared.

She needs to get out.

With that she left, the image of you losing the battle in your mind, collapsing, laying on the ground. All of it was burned in her brain.

She left the room, tried to sleep, went on her morning run. All she could think about was you. Everything she saw was a replay of the night. The fear in your eyes just before you lost, your scratched fingers. Nothing would make it go away.

Her own fear of you losing against Hydra's work, fear of you forgetting about her, about yourself, the fear of losing you entirely gnawed at her relentlessly.

And all she could do was watch herself. Force herself to go through her day and come back at night. She needed to see you again. The real you. And she would do anything to achieve that.

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When she entered the room you were still asleep on the small bed in your cell.

As quiet as possible she unlocked the door and stepped inside, sitting down on the floor, right next to your head.

Groaning you opened your eyes. You don't even remember falling asleep after your last talk with Phil.

When you saw a familiar face next to you suddenly you were wide awake.

"Why are you in here??" Immediately you scooted to the other end of the bed, as far away from Natasha as possible.

The panic in your voice was unmistakable.

But this time Natasha didn't give in, this time she went after you, moving on your bed until she sat right in front of you.

"Hey, hey listen to me, okay? Just breathe, deep breaths", she took a deep breath in, clearly wanting you to follow her. And you did.

You repeated this a couple more times until you calmed down a bit. You gaze dropped down to see your hands in Natasha's and give it a gentle squeeze. An unspoken thanks.

"There she is. There's my favorite girl", Natasha says with a smile playing around here lips.

"I'm your favorite?" You asked, a careful smile playing around your lips as well. You knew the answer. Right now you did.

"Always been that way" she replied with a cheeky smile and you let out a small chuckle.

After a short pause the redhead added "I've missed you"

You didn't miss the vulnerability hidden behind those words. You didn't miss how she avoided your gaze for a second.

You just lean on her shoulder. "I've missed you too...but you can't be here Nat", you sighed.

"But I wanna be here. I'm not afraid of you"

"But I am, Nat." You argue softly, your eyes already filling up with tears.

Before she can interrupt you, you continue.

"You-you don't understand I-", Natasha squeezes your hands softly, encouraging you to continue.

"I- I'm scared of hurting you. When I'm not in control of...me the other part wants to kill you. I just don't know if I'll be able to hold back if I lose that control again."

Your tears start falling but you don't even care anymore.

"Every time I see my reflection in the glass I see what they did. I can practically see myself slipping away into that...space and I can't control it. And that scares me shitless. I'm laying here, staring at the ceiling and I don't know anything. I keep remembering more everyday but then at some point I spiral down in that fear and-and then I lose it again and that thing is back in control"

Now Natasha was actually speechless. She hates to see you so broken, so scared. So she just hugged you, choosing silence until you broke it once again.

"The uncertainty just kills me. The uncertainty of maybe I'll forget everything again. The uncertainty of when I might crash again or rather when it'll stop. Helen said it today should've been the last day but I just don't know. I'm afraid I'll forget you..."

Gently she reaches up to your face, tilting it so you have to look at her. "You won't forget me. You can doubt yourself all you want but I won't. Tony won't. He's upstairs, waiting for you to come back. Everyone is. And look at you. At us. You recognized me immediately when you saw me. You became more stable, right? That's what Helen told me this afternoon"

You nod carefully, letting her continue. "Maybe you just need to see the rest again. To ground you. Please. Come back to us"

You look at her hesitantly "What happens when I'm not me again?" You wanted to believe her that everything will turn out fine. But you don't want to hurt your family. Especially Nat.

"Please Y/N, trust yourself. And if you don't trust yourself, then trust me. I know we can manage this. You're not alone. And if you slip, I can protect us. Even if you can't stop yourself, you know that I can stop you."

Her eyes held nothing but honesty. Pure faith in you, full on trust.

"You guys are no good without me anyway, right?" you joke. Your voice was still hoarse from crying.

"Damn right, we aren't"

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You didn't move back to normality instantly. But small steps are progress nonetheless.

So the next morning you went upstairs with Natasha for breakfast.

"You okay?" she asked, your hand in hers as she stood right in front of you.

You took a deep breath and nodded. "I am."

Just before she moved away you caught her wrist again "Tasha?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. I love you"

She chuckled pulling you in by your waist. "Of course. I love you too, princess"

You stood on tiptoes, giving her a quick kiss before pulling her gently towards the door.

It was early enough that no one would be around, Steve out on his run, the rest still asleep.

You didn't meet anyone except for Phil but it was a start. Familiarity. The feeling of another thing that could keep you grounded.

Next thing was dinner in the evening. Still unusual late but Tony ran into you.

He full on walked in on you and Natasha having pizza and for a second he just watched you. You, sitting there like teenagers having late-night pizza on a gaming night.

The moment you noticed him he full on launched on you, pulling you in the biggest dad-hug you ever received. "I missed you, kiddo"

And all you could do was cry and laugh, burying your face in his shoulder "I'm no kid, old man"

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[kaikaikarasu]

BABY KARASU BABY KARASU BABY KARASU BABY KARASU I MIGHT CRY

This hurt my heart

Sweets I love you so much

Also this panel gives me deja vu cause remember that one Kaiser panel?

Yeah.

[ardenrosegarden]

The general meaning of The Moon Tarot card in an upright position is that everything is not as it seems. It is also the Major Arcana Tarot card of intuition. The Moons tells you that something about a situation or person in your life is not what it appears to be and you need to trust what your instincts are telling you in order to see past this illusion... ...In a general context The Moon Tarot card reversed can signify releasing fears or negative energy clearing. It can also indicate secrets or lies being exposed...If you have been awaiting a decision on something, The Moon reversed indicates that you will get an answer or clarity on the matter.

-The Moon

The Two of swords The Heirophant The Hanged Man The Devil The Lovers The Sun The Six of Pentacles Justice The Chariot

[sskk-manifesto]

!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rubiatinctorum]

when you see discourse about the true meaning of an element in a text and what that implies concretely for the morality or affect of the characters and work and discussions of such

[evilkitten3]

this image lives in my mind rent free. there's so much here and i really wish the manga had gotten deeper into these two's deeply fucked up relationship bc it's fascinating.

according to wikipedia, yin (the black bit) represents the female/passive/negative principle in nature, while yang (the white part) represents the male/active/positive principle in nature. yin is covert, of the netherworld, the north side of a hill, the south bank of a river, the moon. yang is overt, belonging to this world, the south side of a hill, the north bank of a river, the sun. some other stuff too

the name hyuuga is written with the characters for "sun" and "approach", but the second character can also mean "defy". hinata's first name is just a different reading of the kanji of their surname (which is hilarious but that's not the point), but as a noun "hinata" means "sunny place" or "in the sun". i believe it's also been used to mean "the direction the sun is shining". with the reading "hyuuga", though, the same kanji is also an archaic noun meaning "facing (opposite) the sun". so hinata, the all-but-disowned heiress of the clan, is "a sunny place facing the sun" - both an undeniable part of her family, yet ostracized for her weakness.

neji's name means "screw", or it can refer to a key or a spring in like a watch or a clock or something. there's a few kanji it could be written in, but only one of them caught my eye - 螺旋 is a rarer way of writing "ねじ" (usually just written in hiragana afaik, tho neji the character's name is written in katakana) but the more common reading of 螺旋 is ら(螺)·せん - rasen. if you haven't already caught it, the kanji for rasengan is 螺旋丸­. that's not super relevant, just interesting. anyway, neji who "defies" the main family is one who "faces (opposes) the sun". but at the same time he's its strongest member (or. the one with the most potential. probably most of the jounin hyuuga were stronger than genin neji). so he's "a screw in the sun" - a fundamental piece of the machinery that it may not be able to function without, even if it can't be seen from the outside, like the inner workings of a clock.

idk where i'm going with this i just think these two are fascinating and i would've liked to seen more of them concerning one another

[exoexid]

the suyeol lore is so crazy

[joshnekuu]

Neku is happy to be back. There’s no uncertainty in that happiness- being back in the Realground, being Home, that’s all he’s wanted for the last three years. Now that he’s gotten it though, he’s not always sure what to do.

Things are different than he remembers them. That should go without saying, it has been three years after all. The shops he’d become so familiar with have mostly been replaced, new brands he doesn’t recognize, some names familiar but just different enough that it’s almost uncanny.

He has his friends though. Even if things aren’t quite the same as they were three years ago, Shiki is still Shiki, Rhyme and Beat are still Rhyme and Beat. And he has Rindo, Fret, Shoka, and Nagi now as well- more people who understand what he’s been through.

(he doesn’t need to talk to Him.)

None of them quite understand though. Not in the way that he sometimes wishes they would. The way he immediately feels guilty for thinking about, for wishing that kind of solitude and sorrow on them in any form. He’s glad they weren’t in Shinjuku with him, he’s glad they didn’t have to experience that.

But he doesn’t know how to talk about it with them. He can’t stand the guilt in Beat’s eyes when he mentions it. The subtle agony in Shiki’s gaze if he brings it up. They both say they’re fine talking about it of course, that he’s always free to lean on them, to share his feelings with them. They want to be there for him, to support him- and he wants to let them. He does. It just feels wrong to make them shoulder that burden.

Shiki and Beat don’t really talk like they used to, Neku has realized. Thinking back, he isn’t actually sure how much they ever talked back when he was still around. They were friends, but did they ever really have anything in common besides the Game? Did any of them have anything in common besides that…?

(they did. He was the one Neku related to the most. but he’s not ready to talk to Him.)

No. He won’t think like that. The Game might be the thread that connects them all, but their friendship is a choice, one they’ve all made; a commitment they choose to treasure and maintain.

Right?

It feels weird, seeing them as adults. They’re all still kids, really, but technically they’re grown up now. Shiki is running a business. Beat dropped out of school. He won’t say it, but Neku knows it was because he was looking for him- because he was too depressed to go about life as normal when Neku was missing, when he’d watched him get shot and disappear before his very eyes.

Neku can’t help but wish that Beat weren’t quite so loyal. He wishes he hadn’t spent the last three years of his life searching for someone he couldn’t hope to find. He doesn’t want to say that it was a waste, but he can’t help feeling it. Beat deserved better than to agonize over him all this time.

He’s glad that Shiki was able to move on somewhat. To get her life together and follow her dreams with Eri. He knows she never gave up on him, she never would- it’s who she is, and why he loves her. But her job keeps her busy, and as much as she tries to make time for him, he feels guilty keeping her. She and Eri are doing what they always wanted, and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that in any form.

(he knows how it feels to have an anchor, something tethering you to the past. he doesn’t want to be that for her. for any of them.)

He can’t talk to Rindo. Or maybe it’s more like he won’t. Because Rindo is free now, he’s safe- Neku will make sure of it, he won’t let the UG sink it’s claws into him again and drag him back like it did him. But Rindo is young, and he looks at him with eyes full of faith, like he’s some sort of hero. Neku won’t make him shoulder his trauma, won’t force him to commiserate his time in the Game for his own comfort.

The same goes for Fret, Shoka, Nagi. If they come to him to talk, of course he’ll be willing- be a good mentor, be a good friend, whatever they need him to be, whatever he didn’t have coming out of the Game. But he won’t start a conversation about the UG. He won’t make them relive those experiences.

(there’s only one person he doesn’t feel guilty talking to. only one person he feels deserves to see his anger, to bear the burden of his grief.)

(he isn’t ready to talk to Him, because he’s not ready to accept what it means that he Wants to.)

(he knows that He’s watching, always from a distance He thinks Neku won’t notice, but never quite far enough away. maybe it’s on purpose. that seems like something He would do.)

(or maybe Neku’s just thinking too much about everything.)

[astralmarionette]

im currently writing an atsugawa (I hate the name shin soukoku or whatever I'm sorry but I'm actually not. also I cannot pronounce soukoku {this is the real reason I don't use soukoku}) and I don't even ship it lmaoo

[reinemichele]

I think I need to go to bed, I understand Less now . And, I've spent Years begging for more Thanatos/Lost references, & Revo showed up with a bat (literally)

[mercvry-glow]

It's never over

parings. jack abbot x reader

summary. after a fight with jack, you spend the rest of your night clubbing with some friends. unfortunately that choice lands you into your partners er.

warnings. implied age gap (jack late 40s, reader late 20s/early 30s), established relationship, jack and reader fight, reader gets drugged and creeped on, hospital setting, medical emergencies, reader is okay tho, accurate as possible medical talk, soft!jack eventually, angst and hurt/comfort, let me know if there's anything else!

notes. I can't believe this is my longest fic and I don't like it 😭 I do love them though, and I love the angst, I just think this wasn't my strongest so we'll see how I feel when I get some more of yall's opinions. as always any and all feedback is appreciated!

wc. 4100+

You were just finishing your makeup when you heard the shower turn off.

It was a quiet kind of hope that filled your chest—small and delicate, but real. It had been weeks since the two of you had a night off together. Back-to-back night shifts, emergency call-ins, 4 a.m. arguments whispered in the dark… it had all blurred into something numb. Something too heavy.

But tonight?

Tonight was supposed to be the reset button.

You stepped out of the bathroom, smoothing your dress down with your hands, a nervous flutter in your stomach. Something soft played from the speaker on your nightstand. The perfume you wore on your first date still lingered in the air.

Then you saw it.

Black scrubs. His badge clipped to the collar. Go-bag on the floor.

You froze.

Jack stepped into the room, towel around his shoulders, running a hand through damp curls. He paused the second he saw your face.

“Babe—”

“No,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Please don’t say it, you didn’t…”

He glanced at the scrubs like he wished they’d disappear. “Shen called when you were in the shower. They’re short. Real short. Two nurses out and a doctor is MIA—he’s drowning.”

You blinked. “And you said yes.”

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “He sounded desperate. I figured you’d—”

“You figured I’d be fine,” you cut in, hurt creeping into your voice. “Because it’s always me who has to make the compromise.”

“It’s one shift,” he said, already tugging on his top.

“It’s never just one,” you snapped, then caught yourself, hands tightening at your sides. “I got off three hours ago, Jack. I’ve been dragging myself through twelve-hour nights, sometimes more just like you. And the one time we both actually had a night off…”

He looked away. “This isn’t about us.”

“Isn’t it?” you said, your voice cracking. “Because it feels like it is.”

Silence pressed in between you.

“I get it,” you added. “I know what it’s like when the unit’s falling apart. I know what it’s like to be needed, to be the one that says yes every time. But God, Jack… when do I get to be your emergency?”

He stiffened.

“You think I want to do this?” he snapped suddenly. “You think I don’t feel it too? That I don’t want to just stay here, take you to dinner, act like our lives aren’t chaos 24/7?”

“Then why don't you?” you said, voice breaking. “Why is it always someone else who gets the best of you?”

He looked at you then, eyes tired, voice bitter. “Because they need me. You wouldn’t get it.”

Your heart stopped.

“What did you just say to me?”

He hesitated—too long. “I didn’t mean it like that—”

“No. Say it again,” you said, stepping back. “Say I don’t get it, Jack.”

Jack sighed, frustrated. “You know what I mean. You’re not—”

“Not what?” you snapped. “Not enough? Not capable of understanding? I work the same damn shifts as you do. I patch up the same wounds, hold the same dying hands—don’t you dare act like I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he muttered, but it was already too late.

You grabbed your bag, throat thick with hurt. “You want to play doctor, Jack? Fine. Go save Pittsburgh. But don’t expect me to sit here and wait again for whatever’s left of you after.”

He moved toward you, but you stepped around him, heart pounding in your chest.

“I gave you tonight,” you whispered at the door. “And you gave it away.”

And then you left—heels in your hand, dress still clinging to hope, the soft click of the door the only sound between you.

Things didn’t get much better after you left. 

The music thumped in your chest, the bass vibrating through the soles of your feet. It was loud. Too loud. But that was the point, right?

After the fight, after the disappointment and the sting of Jack’s words, you just needed something different. Something that would make you forget for a little while. So, when Marina and Kat suggested hitting the club, you agreed. You’d always enjoyed the energy, the people, the feeling of being free, even if just for a night.

So now you found yourself in a packed, dark club with flashing lights and bodies grinding against each other on the dance floor. You didn’t know exactly why you were here, but the thought of being home alone, stewing in anger and confusion, was too much to handle.

The girls were already lost in the crowd, their laughter cutting through the music as they grabbed drinks from the bar. You followed, trying to shake off the ache in your chest, the one that kept whispering that Jack should’ve been out with you, not  at work.

“Another round?” Kat asked, leaning close enough for you to hear over the beat.

You nodded, your eyes scanning the bar area, the chaos of the club almost soothing in its madness. The atmosphere was a welcome distraction, even though it wasn’t the night you’d planned. You hadn’t expected to feel so… hollow. Jack’s absence was like a weight pressing against your chest, and you were trying to ignore it. Trying to not think about how your plans had been shattered, how this whole night had been supposed to be different.

You made your way toward the bar, needing a moment of quiet, a break from the noise, when a guy approached. He was dressed in a tight shirt that seemed to shimmer under the club lights, his hair perfectly styled. He smiled at you, one that was too eager, almost practiced.

“Hey, I couldn’t help but notice you,” he said, leaning in just a bit too close. “I’m Alex. And you—wow. You look incredible.”

You forced a smile, taking a step back instinctively. “Thanks,” you said, trying to keep the interaction polite, your voice still a little stiff. “I’m just here with some friends.”

His smile didn’t falter. “I can tell, I just had to come over. I mean, with a woman like you, how could I not?”

You glanced around, hoping to spot either Marina or Kat, but the crowd was thick and you were feeling boxed in. “I’m not really looking for company,” you said, hoping that would be enough.

He didn’t take the hint. Instead, his hand moved closer to your arm, brushing against the bare skin of your shoulder.

“You sure? I’m just trying to have a good time, and you seem like you’re someone who knows how to enjoy herself,” he said, his voice dropping lower, almost a whisper. A chill ran down your spine. You weren’t sure if it was the way he said it or just how off his energy felt, but it made your stomach turn.

“I said no, thank you,” you said, trying to sound firm, but your words barely made it through the noise of the music.

He didn’t back off, though. His dark eyes raked over you like he was trying to figure you out, like you were some new prize to be won. “Come on, what’s the harm in just one drink? One dance?” He stepped in closer, his breath warm on your neck.

You shook your head, feeling the walls close in. Your palms were starting to get clammy, the tightness in your chest spreading. “I’m not interested,” you repeated, your voice sharper this time, but his grip on your arm tightened, just a little.

“Don’t be like that,” he said, his fingers brushing the strap of your dress. “You know you want to have some fun.”

That was it. The polite smile you’d been forcing finally slipped away. You wrenched your arm free from his grip, your voice loud and clear now.

“I said no,” you snapped, the force of your words cutting through the loud music.

His eyes flashed, surprised at your sudden change in tone, but then he just scoffed. “Fine, whatever,” he muttered, his expression turning into a sneer. “Guess I misread you.”

You didn’t even wait for him to finish walking away. You turned sharply, heart pounding in your chest, as you made your way back toward the dance floor. The excitement of the club had completely evaporated, replaced with the taste of bitterness and frustration.

You made your way back toward the dance floor, heart still racing, the heat of the club suddenly feeling suffocating. The beat of the music had lost its pull on you, replaced by the sting of unwanted attention and the frustration of a night gone wrong. You barely noticed the way the crowd shifted, how people pressed against you as you walked through them, each of them just another stranger in your path. You tried to shake the unease away, but it lingered like a shadow.

Marina and Kat, the only two familiar faces in this chaotic scene, were still at the bar, but you couldn’t muster the energy to go back to them just yet. You needed a moment alone, even if that meant getting lost in the crowd. You found a quiet corner at the edge of the room, trying to collect your thoughts, breathing in the air that smelled of alcohol and sweat, but it did little to calm the storm in your chest.

The drink you’d had earlier—a rum and coke—was still sitting in your hand. You’d been nursing it for most of the night, the ice now long melted, the liquid a watered-down version of what it had been when you first grabbed it at the bar. It wasn’t your favorite, but you didn’t mind. You hadn’t been focused on the drink anyway, just trying to keep the edges of your frustration from seeping through.

But now, as you took another sip, something felt off. Your stomach tightened, but not in the way it usually did after too much alcohol. It was deeper, almost hollow, like there was something foreign inside you. You set the drink down on the nearest table, trying to ignore the growing sense of unease gnawing at the back of your mind.

Your vision started to blur, the flashing lights of the club becoming a chaotic swirl of neon. The music, once a vibrant pulse beneath your skin, now felt distant—like you were hearing it from underwater. The pressure in your head built an oppressive weight that made it hard to think clearly. You stumbled slightly, your legs growing heavy, and it took all your effort just to stay standing.

You glanced around for your friends, but the crowd had thickened, and the girls were nowhere to be seen. Panic crept up your spine. You needed them. You needed someone to help. But the room felt like it was spinning now, faster and faster, and your body wasn’t cooperating with you anymore.

"Hey, are you okay?" A voice cut through the fog in your mind, but you couldn’t place where it came from. You tried to focus, to find the person speaking, but your vision darkened again, everything going black at the edges.

You blinked, trying to fight off the overwhelming dizziness, but it was useless. The world around you tilted, and the last thing you remembered was sinking to your knees, the floor rushing up to meet you.

The ER was chaotic as always.

Monitors beeped in staccato rhythms, stretchers lined the halls, and the air was thick with the scent of antiseptic and the metallic tang of adrenaline. Jack hadn’t stopped moving since he walked in, not even long enough to get a proper cup of coffee. His scrubs still clung to his damp skin from the rushed post-shower change, and his muscles ached from tension he hadn’t had time to notice until now.

A code had just cleared. He stood in the corner of north three, charting with one hand, the other gripping a barely-sipped paper cup of coffee that had long gone cold. The flicker of a headache gnawed behind his eyes.

He shouldn’t be here.

His mind kept drifting—back to the house, to the way you looked in that dress, to the way your voice cracked when you said “when do I get to be your emergency?”

 God, that had hit harder than he’d let on.

And then he’d said the wrong thing—“You wouldn’t get it.” The words kept echoing back in his ears like a cruel joke. You did get it. Maybe more than anyone ever had.

He hadn’t checked his phone since you left. Couldn’t bring himself to. If you texted, he’d crumble. If you didn’t… Well, that was somehow worse.

“Dr. Abbot!”

Jack snapped out of it at the sound of John’s voice shouting down the hallway. He turned toward him, brows knitting together. Shen was already halfway across the ED, panting slightly, eyes wide.

“What is it?” Jack asked, already moving toward him.

“Overdose. Young woman—unknown age, female. Brought in from the strip district—some club off Penn. Unconscious on arrival, GCS dropped to six en route.”

Jack's jaw tightened. “ETA?”

“They just pulled up.”

Jack tossed his chart aside and strode toward the ambulance bay without another word, adrenaline already kicking in.

Shen jogged beside him. “Paramedics think her drink was spiked—GHB, maybe? Said she started seizing before they got her out of the club. Friends couldn’t find her at first—she was alone when they found her on the floor.”

Something twisted in Jack’s gut. He didn’t know why. Just a flicker of unease, a sick chill climbing up his spine.

The ambulance bay doors opened with a mechanical hiss. The flashing red lights reflected off the glass like warning signals in his head.

He stepped outside, heart thudding.

And then he saw her.

Or You.

Unconscious. Oxygen mask strapped to your still pretty face. IVs in both arms. Your dress—the dress you had bought—bunched awkwardly around your hips. One heel missing. A smudge of mascara on your cheek like a cruel reminder of what tonight was supposed to be.

The paramedic was shouting something, but Jack didn’t hear it. His vision tunneled. His world narrowed to just you—still, and small on the gurney.

“No,” Jack whispered, stepping forward, his breath catching in his throat. “No, no, no—”

He pushed through the medic, grabbing onto the rail of the stretcher.

“What happened?” he barked. His voice was hoarse, shaking.

“GHB suspected. Found alone. Low responsiveness. HR is unstable. She’s seizing on and off—”

Jack was already moving, wheeling you into trauma bay one. “Get Narcan ready just in case. Push fluids. Get me labs, tox screen, full workup. Page neuro for consult—now.”

He didn’t even care that his voice cracked. Didn’t care that every nurse and medic in that hallway was staring at him like he’d lost it.

Because he had.

You were his emergency now, and he was terrified he might be too late.

The doors slammed open with a bang as Jack wheeled you inside, every step fueled by sheer panic and clinical precision. His hands moved on autopilot, but his mind? His mind was screaming.

“She’s hypotensive,” a nurse called. “BP’s dropping—seventy over fifty.”

“Push fluids—hang a liter of LR, now. Get a second IV. 16-gauge if you can find a vein.”

Your head lolled to the side as the team lifted you onto the bed. Jack’s breath hitched.

“Jesus, she’s burning up,” he muttered, pressing his palm to your forehead. “Get her temp.”

“102.6,” Shen called.

“Possible serotonin syndrome or stimulant combo,” Jack said quickly. “Start cooling measures. Ice packs under the arms. Get a foley—need accurate output.”

A nurse moved to cut the dress from your body, but Jack put his hand out. “Don’t—” His voice cracked again. He paused, swallowed, forced the words out through gritted teeth. “Let me.”

No one argued. Everyone knew—this wasn’t just another patient, you were one of them, you were jack’s. His slightly trembling hands carefully unzipped the side of your dress, easing it off your shoulders and down. He fought to keep his face unreadable, but his throat felt raw, his stomach twisting into knots. The scent of your perfume—the one you wore on your first date—still lingered faintly in the air.

“Vitals?” he barked, refocusing as nurses applied leads to your chest.

“HR 122. O2’s eighty-nine but climbing. BP’s coming up a little.”

Jack leaned over you, brushing damp hair from your forehead. Your lashes fluttered, just barely. A flicker of awareness behind your lids.

“Come on, baby,” he whispered, not caring who heard. “Stay with me. I’m right here. You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

You stirred faintly, a tiny groan slipping past your lips.

“Hey, hey—it’s me,” he said, brushing his knuckles gently along your cheek. “You’re in the ER. You’re safe now, alright? I got you.”

Your eyes opened a crack, glassy and unfocused. You blinked slowly, clearly struggling to process. And then—

“J…Jack?” you croaked, barely above a whisper.

He exhaled, choking on relief.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he said quickly, squeezing your hand. “I’m right here. You’re gonna be fine, I promise.”

You blinked again, trying to sit up, but your body betrayed you. “What… happened?”

“You were drugged,” Jack said gently. “Spiked drink. Club downtown. Do you remember anything?”

You shook your head faintly, then winced as pain rolled through you. “I—he—there was this guy… he wouldn’t leave me alone…”

Jack’s jaw tightened. Fury flared behind his eyes, but he pushed it down.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he murmured, brushing some hair out of  your face. “Don’t worry about that right now. You’re here. You’re safe.”

“Y-you were supposed to be at work,” you mumbled, confusion clouding your voice.

His heart cracked clean in half.

“I am. But they brought you in,” he whispered, gripping your hand tighter. “They brought you in… and everything else stopped.”

He didn’t realize his hands were shaking until your hand weakly squeezed his.And for the first time that night, Jack let himself fall apart—just a little. Because you were the emergency. And nothing else mattered now.

After an hour of working on you, Jack stood at the foot of your bed, hands braced on his hips, watching the slow rise and fall of your chest. Monitors beeped in steady rhythm. The IV pumped fluids into your system, and you were stable now—groggy but safe.

It had been the longest hour of his life..

He didn’t realize how tight his jaw had been until he stepped out of the trauma bay and let the door swing closed behind him. He needed a second. Just one.

But that’s when he saw them—Marina and Kat, hovering near the nurses' station down the hall like two ghosts.

They looked like hell. Club makeup smudged, heels in their hands, eyes wide and red-rimmed. They’d followed the ambulance but hadn’t pushed forward until now.

When Jack made eye contact with them, they froze. The hallway felt too quiet, the tension snapping taut.

He moved toward them with slow, deliberate steps. His face was unreadable—too calm to be safe.

“You two were with her.” His voice wasn’t angry, not exactly. But it carried the weight of someone barely holding it together. “So tell me what happened.”

Kat opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

Marina stepped in instead, her voice small. “We didn’t know. Jack, we—we didn’t know. She just said she needed a minute and went to the bar. We were right there.”

“She was alone,” Jack said, his tone still deceptively even. “Long enough for some asshole to slip something in her drink.”

“We didn’t see anyone,” Kat said, her voice cracking. “We were watching her an-and then she was gone until someone screamed. She collapsed. We thought—Jesus, we thought she just had too much to drink, but she only bought one.”

Jack closed his eyes for a beat, dragging a hand over his face.

“She didn’t,” he muttered. “Tox screen lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree. Probably in that one drink she barely touched.”

Marina blinked, horrified. “She said it didn’t taste right. Said it was too sweet.”

“She was trying to be safe,” Jack said, his voice tightening. “Did everything right. Still ended up in my fucking ER, barely coherent.”

Neither of them had anything to say to that. Because what could you say?

“I should’ve been with her,” Jack added quietly, more to himself than to them. “We were supposed to have tonight. And I left.”

Marina stepped forward cautiously, soft as always. “She didn’t blame you, Jack. She didn’t even say your name like she was mad. She just—she was looking for you.”

That hit harder than it should’ve. Jack’s throat worked as he swallowed, glancing back at the trauma room door behind him.

“She’s sleeping now,” he said finally. “Out of the woods.”

“Can we… see her?” Kat asked gently.

Jack nodded. “Just be quiet. She might not wake up for a while.”

Marina hesitated, then touched Jack’s arm, tentative. “She loves you, you know that. Don’t let tonight be the thing that breaks you both.”

Jack didn’t answer, but something in his expression softened—just barely. The steel cracked for a second, showing the man underneath. The one who hadn’t left her side. The one who never would.

And then he stepped back toward the door, glancing once more at the monitor inside.

“Tell her I’m here,” he said. “When she wakes up…”

The soft beeping of the monitor was the first thing you heard. It was steady, rhythmic, almost comforting, but it felt like the sound was a distant echo, like you weren’t quite sure where it was coming from. Your eyes fluttered open, blurry at first, the room around you coming into focus slowly.

Your head throbbed with a dull ache, a tightness in your chest pulling at your breath. Something felt wrong—like the world had shifted just slightly, leaving you off-balance.

Then, the scent of antiseptic and faint, stale coffee mixed with the familiar one that had always been home to you: Jack.

Your eyes scanned the dimly lit room. There, sitting at your side, was Jack—his back to you as he slumped in a chair, his hand resting near yours on the bed. His posture was stiff, but there was something in the way his shoulders hung, the way his breath came a little too fast, that told you he wasn’t just tired.

He was worried.

You tried to speak, but your throat felt dry, raw. You croaked out a faint sound, and Jack snapped to attention, immediately leaning forward. His eyes met yours, and there it was—the instant relief, mixed with guilt, storming across his features.

“Hey,” he said softly, his voice hoarse. “Hey, look at me. You’re okay.”

You tried to say something, but your voice wouldn’t cooperate. You croaked again, your hand weakly reaching for his.

Jack’s fingers tightened around yours, warm and steady. His thumb traced over the back of your hand as if to reassure both of you.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured, his voice cracking. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve been with you.”

You blinked, your mind sluggish as it pieced things together. You could barely remember what had happened. The night, the club, the man at the bar, the drink…The wave of nausea hit you, and you squeezed his hand harder. He immediately noticed.

“Take it easy,” he said, his free hand brushing a few stray hairs from your forehead. “You’ve been through a lot.”

It wasn’t just the physical toll—it was everything else. The confusion, the anger, the heartbreak.

“I… I didn’t…” You stopped, your throat closing up. The words didn’t come out easily, but Jack was right there, waiting patiently.

“You didn’t deserve this,” he said gently, like he could hear everything you couldn’t say. “I know. I should’ve done better. I should’ve been with you.”

You squeezed his hand again, the weight of his words and your own swirling in the space between you. The thought of him taking the blame—the one who had stayed behind, who had always put in the work—was almost too much.

And you didn’t have the strength to argue.

“You’re here,” you whispered finally, eyes barely open. “That’s all I need right now.”

Jack’s chest tightened at that, his eyes darkening as he bent closer, brushing his lips against your forehead.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered. “I’ll never do that to you again.”

Your heart gave a flutter at his words, and though your head was still spinning, your chest felt just a little lighter.

A quiet comfort settled between you, something unspoken but deeply understood. For all the chaos of the world outside, for all the mistakes and regrets, you knew that together, you’d get through it.

And for tonight, that was enough.

mercvry-glow 2025

[luv-lock]

Omfg just read your mark x alien girl reader and I’m obsessed and I’m in love😩😩my question is tho how would alien reader react if she ever found out eve was trying to get with mark? Would mark go out with eve just to save face n show ppl he’s not in love with some crazy alien chick? Would reader lose her mind? I need answersssss 🙇🏾‍♀️

No, she wouldn’t lose her mind. That implies she has something fragile to break in the first place. She isn’t human. She doesn’t love. She doesn’t grieve. She doesn’t even understand the concept of monogamy, jealousy, or emotional attachment in the way humans do. Mark is hers, yes—but not in the sense that she would weep if he strayed. He belongs to her in the same way a favorite meal belongs to a starving beast.

And let’s get something straight—she isn’t some cute, misunderstood alien girl fumbling through human emotions. She isn’t an affectionate, starry-eyed creature desperate for his love. And it’s not like she’s some naive virgin who’s fallen in love with Mark. She’s a dictator. A war criminal. A predator that has seen entire species rise and fall beneath her rule.

She is old. Really, really old. billions of years old. having evolved long before humanity even crawled out of the primordial soup. The Qu described as a nomadic, galaxy-spanning civilization with a godlike mastery of genetic engineering and nanotechnology. Maybe she's the last of her kind. Or maybe she simply left them behind, the way one discards a broken tool. Either way, it doesn’t matter. The universe has long whispered myths of the Qu, painting them as monsters in the dark, as something that should not be. But she doesn’t care about history or legacies. She doesn’t even care about the fear she inspires. She only cares about what pleases her in the moment.

And right now, that’s Mark.

No one knows where the Qu came from. No homeworld. No records. No evolutionary path that makes sense. Some say they are older than the galaxies themselves, remnants of something much worse, something forgotten. Others say they are proof that gods are real—and that they are cruel.

They do not build. They do not create. They do not leave ruins behind. The Qu are nomadic by nature, descending upon civilizations like parasites, taking what they want, and leaving only silence in their wake. They don't have a culture, history or moral. They don't care about fame, power, respect or fear. Think of them as cosmic gardeners, except their idea of gardening involves reshaping entire species into grotesque forms for their own purposes. They also have an aquatic larval stage in their life cycle, hinting at origins on a watery world, though their home planet (possibly called "Puwan-2" in ancient records) is a mystery.

Their society is a nightmare. A hive structure ruled by a single female, the queen, who is infinitely more powerful than the mindless, disposable males that serve her. Male Qu exist only to fight, kill, and die in her name. They are born knowing their place, existing only to be used, discarded, and eventually devoured. A queen will birth hundreds at a time, a swarm of violent, hungry creatures that live only to serve her. And when they are no longer useful? She eats them. Their bodies nourish her, strengthen her, sustain her.

They are obligate carnivores, meaning that while they can eat other things, only meat actually satisfies their hunger. And not just any meat—Qu queens eat their own males. Cannibalism is a normal part of their lifecycle.

The Qu’s defining trait is their obsession with remaking the universe according to their own inscrutable dogma. They travel from galaxy to galaxy, finding intelligent species and altering them—sometimes stripping away sapience, sometimes twisting them into bizarre, nightmarish forms. They don’t just conquer; they remake. When they encounter another species, they see a rival species daring to be more than animals and being intelligence and powerful—something the Qu consider their divine right. So, they get pissed.

The Qu invade the Star People’s galactic empire, which spans an entire arm of the Milky Way. The Star People are no slouches—they’ve got weapons that can blow up stars—but the Qu’s tech is on another level. They crush them in less than a thousand years, colonize every habitable world, and start experimenting. They transform Star People into countless new forms: some become mindless worms, others living tools, and a few are turned into tortured, sentient monstrosities as punishment for resistance. The Qu rule the galaxy for 40 million years, leaving behind massive, featureless pyramids (their weird architecture of choice) before eventually moving on to mess with other parts of the universe.

A queen is immortal. Or close to it. Time does not wither her. Age does not dull her. The only thing that can truly kill her is another queen, a clone of herself—a perfect copy birthed through self-fertilization, as some Earth reptiles do. But this is rare. Queens are narcissists. They see themselves as gods, as divine, as the peak of evolution. Creating another like themselves is… distasteful. And so they rarely do.

The result? A species with no future. A species destined to burn itself out. And maybe that’s what happened. Maybe that’s why she’s the last one. Or maybe… she simply got bored and left the others behind. Who knows?

The Qu’s motivations are tied to their ideology, which people describes as a kind of religious zeal. They believe they’re the rightful masters of the universe, tasked with remaking it in their image. This dogma started as a way to control their own power (possibly to avoid self-destruction), but over eons, it warped into blind fanaticism. They see other sapient beings as raw material—either to be reshaped into “useful” forms or punished for daring to rival the Qu’s mastery.

There’s a sadistic streak in them too. They don’t just alter species for utility; they do it to assert dominance. Species who resist them, like the ones dubbed “Colonials,” are turned into forms designed to suffer eternally. It’s not about hatred—it’s about control. They’re so far removed from empathy that they don’t even see other species as deserving moral consideration.

After 40 million years of domination, the Qu leave the Milky Way, presumably to screw with other galaxies. Their absence lets the post-species evolve—some into new intelligent species, others into extinction. Fast-forward 500 million years, these who hated them and were destroyed by them band together with other galactic civilizations to hunt down the Qu. They finally defeat them in a massive, offscreen conflict. It's not clear if the Qu are wiped out or just subjugated, but their reign of terror ends.

To say she loves Mark would be incorrect. Love is a human thing. Love is fragile and sentimental and full of limitations. But she does want him. And that’s far worse.

She is possessive of Mark—not because she sees him as an equal, not because she fears losing him, but because he belongs to her. She has decided this. And that means no one else can have him. Not because she’s jealous—jealousy requires emotional attachment—but because she does not share her things.

And she is incredibly affectionate with him. Why? Because she wants him to fuck her.

Mark isn’t just an amusing pet—he’s a potential mate. The first she has considered in… well, maybe ever. She is starving for physical pleasure, for something that isn’t just mindless obedience. The males of her species were drones—barely sentient, incapable of giving her any real satisfaction. Mark, on the other hand, is different. He has free will. He has fight in him. He is defiant, loud, emotional.

And that thrills her.

She enjoys licking and biting him not as an act of affection, but because she is genuinely considering eating him. Not metaphorically. Not playfully. Literally. She wonders how he would taste. If he would scream. If he would beg. The idea excites her. Not because she wants him dead—but because she could. Because he is fragile. Because his life is a flickering flame, and she could snuff it out on a whim. And yet… she hasn’t.

Because she likes him as he is.

He amuses her. He resists her. And that is something no one else has ever done.

Let’s say Mark did start seeing Eve. Or Amber. Or anyone, really.

Would she cry? No. Would she be heartbroken? No. Would she beg him to come back to her? Absolutely not.

She simply wouldn’t understand. She doesn’t grasp the concept of emotional exclusivity. The idea of Mark choosing someone else is ridiculous to her—because what does choice have to do with anything? She already decided he was hers. That should be the end of it. To her, Mark is an entertaining little pet—noisy, interesting, and fun to mess with. But at the end of the day, if she really wanted to, she could turn him into a mindless thrall who obeys her every whim. She just doesn’t, because what’s the fun in that? She enjoys him as he is.

And no, she’s not crazy or stupid. The reason she doesn’t speak other species’ languages isn’t because she can’t—it’s because she doesn’t care. She sees herself as a god. Why would a god bother to learn the language of ants? She doesn’t need their approval, and she certainly doesn’t care what they think of her.

Does she care if he likes Eve? No. Not emotionally. Not in the way a human woman would. But if she wants Mark, then that means Eve is an obstacle—and obstacles get removed. Easily. Effortlessly. Without a second thought. Mark isn’t in love with her? That’s fine. He doesn’t need to be. She doesn’t require his love. She requires his body, his attention, his submission.

And if she ever did get bored? If she ever decided he was no longer entertaining? Well… there’s always the option of eating him.

[bxtonpxss]

Cages and ropes, he knew what those were. Common tools used to trap and contain wild Pokémon like himself to make it easier for them to get caught, but jails and handcuffs? Those words were foreign to the wild rodent's ears but he understands that they're just other methods of capture a human might use. ["Of course it's ok! I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't,"] he snorts before raising his head to glance at Daisuke when he pulls his hand away. His ears would fall back against his head as the other explains what he was, what he did, and why he did it.

["Human rules sound stupid."] Thor says simply, rolling his eyes with a huff. ["I don't let what a human says or does stop me from bein' who I am. I don't think you should either."] Sure rules were in place for a reason, but humans always seemed to make things so much more complicated than they ever needed to be. ["Some of the stuff you said, I don't really understand,"] he admits with a bashful expression, ears lifting slightly then falling back down. ["But it sounds like you're trying to be helpful in your own way, so if others can't see that, then that's their problem."]

Daisuke didn't seem like a bad person, maybe to others he seemed bad, but it sounds like they just didn't bother trying to understand him. They haven't even been together that long, but Thor feels like he's gotten sort of a general idea for how the boy operates. He might not even be revealing everything to him at this very moment, but his actions spoke louder than his words and he seemed like a pretty decent guy.

["Well, if a human tries to capture you while I'm around, I'll make sure to shock em!"] Nobody else he knew was getting caught while he was there. ["I won't let them catch you, cause nobody should be getting caught against their will, it's…"] Thor takes a sharp breath as the memory of his eldest sister being captured so suddenly right in front of him flashes in his mind's eye. Then he lets it out evenly through his nose. ["It's not right, and it's not fair!"]

he almost laughs after dark shares every word with him , but something keeps his face stuck at bashful and troubled . humans can't even get caught in pokeballs --- of course , that was a simple fact . yet there were still plenty of other traps that humans could use to try to capture and subdue . ' there are still things like jails ... or ropes and handcuffs , and cages . not to mention , even if it has no effect , having a pokeball thrown at you still kind of --- um , hurts . '

would a wild pokemon have even known what a human jail or pair of handcuffs was , or what any of it was like ? for all he knew , thor might not have even known what a criminal was . human beings and their laws were always like that , and having to explain the way that he was not only aware of certain complicated , sometimes unnecessary human rules , but also a person that was readily outright breaking them --- felt like an awful , awkward confession to make .

' i'd also ... like to be your friend . if it's really okay --- is it really ... ? ' he couldn't have blamed anything or anyone for at least a little defensiveness , and likewise he would have understood if thor suddenly decided to change their mind and run away from him as well . his hand retracts from the space of the other's head to anxiously grip a fist above the space of his own heart , the niwa fretting already about the outcome of the sort of unpleasant self-description that would have no doubt alarmed if not disgusted a great , great majority .

' i'm ... a thief . ' then --- ' a phantom thief . i take things like arts , or treasure , or sometimes ... even pokemon from other people . ' a swallow , and he quickly continues . ' --- b-but it's not because i want to hurt them ! the ones that need help , or the ones that are being abandoned or mistreated , i just want to be able to do something for them ! there are these distortions , too --- where pokemon , all the time , are getting misplaced in completely different times or places , and i try to bring as many as i can back home , ' he winces a little , here .

' humans ... i'm breaking a lot of human rules , and they also --- think that those distortions are my ... dark's fault . i wouldn't --- i don't want to hurt anyone , but because of the way things are ... ' he hopes the other could somehow understand . ' ... it's dangerous . i'm --- ' a bad person , he can't help but briefly think to himself . ' ... sorry . i'm sorry . even if it should be okay if you don't have a trainer , and you live here where no humans are , i still don't want to bring you --- anyone here any trouble . i'd never try to capture you , but there are --- a lot , always a lot of people who always want to capture me . '

[flowerandblood]

The Song of Promises [1/3]

[ canon • Aemond x Royce • female ]

[ warnings: loss of virginity (both characters), sex content, unprotected sex, oral sex, targcest stuff, smut, angst, abduction, description of eye loss, mourning, child abuse, Aemond being a self-absorbed, vain guy ]

[ description: Aemond's childhood is filled with loneliness and regret until Daemon arrives in the Red Keep with his first-born child, daughter of Rhea Royce. The fact that neither of them has a dragon of their own binds them together with a thread of understanding, and their slowly developing relationship gives birth in the young prince's mind to a plan of which she is a part. Slow burn, childhood companions to lovers, first intimacy, rude, insolent, arrogant Aemond with big ego. ]

This is story that describes the events of what would have happened if Aemond had met Daemon's daughter earlier (i.e. as a child). The characters are exactly the same as in the original The Price of Pride, but still, this is a standalone story that can be read separately: you don't need to know that story to read this one.

I have tried to show how the need for closeness matures in adolescents as they get older until they fully understand what they want and how to achieve it. Decide for yourself what happened between them when and at what age so that you feel comfortable with it (let's agree that the ages from the books and the series do not apply here, because at the end of the chapter we are still before Helaena and Aegon's wedding: everyone is simply older than in the source material, decide for yourself by how many years).

A big inspiration for me to wrtie this story was my relationship with my husband (everything was going very slowly for us and each new base was an achievement and a great event). That said, this story you will read alternately from two perspectives (not the same events tho).

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

Aemond

That night he slept exceptionally badly: he wriggled in his bed for a long time, struggling to hold back tears of anger, thinking of what Aegon and his nephews had done to him. His older brother was spiteful by nature, but until now he had believed that they would support each another in the presence of the Strongs.

He was mistaken.

The pig with wings he had been given by them – according to Aegon's assurances, as a consolation prize – was eye-watering proof of the humiliation he had suffered at his hands for years. The way they all laughed out loud while he stood completely petrified with shame and the fact that they considered it amusing made his whole body begin to shake.

He wished the sun would never rise again.

When he woke up the next day, his meal was served as usual: to his delight, his mother, although she did not usually allow it, ordered his favourite sweet cinnamon rolls to be brought to him. While he still felt miserable, eating them made his spirits lighter, as the pleasant thought went through his head that his mother loved him.

During the sparring, Aegon acted as if he had forgotten what he had done to him the day before: he said something to him and laughed, as if he expected him to feel like replying to him after the humiliation he had suffered at his hands.

His silence, unfortunately, was not met with understanding from his brother either.

“Must you always be such a twat?” Aegon asked.

Again he did not answer, pressing his lips into a thin line with rage, and hit one of the targets with all his strength with a wooden sword.

He did not utter words that Aegon or his nephews could use against him.

He thought he would never give them a reason to mock him again.

Silence was safe.

However, he was snapped out of his reverie by the voice of Jace, who had been speaking to Luke during one of their short breaks.

“Mother said they would be arriving today. Daemon and his firstborn daughter. He killed her mother.” His nephew spoke in a whisper, clearly excited, but he stood close enough to understand what he said.

Daemon's firstborn daughter.

It was true that he had heard of her and knew that she existed, however, her person did not particularly concern him: she had no dragon and she was a girl, so she did not threaten him in any way, yet she also had nothing that would make him find the subject of her arrival interesting.

Or at least that's what he tried to tell himself, as he involuntarily strained his hearing, standing with his back to them, pretending to stretch before his next routine, paying no attention to the fact that Criston Cole was shouting something to him and Aegon.

“He killed her mother?” Squealed Luke, and Jace shushed him and tapped him on the head, clearly wanting his little brother to be quiet.

“It's gossip. Mother says we have to be kind to her. She won't have here anyone but us.” Jace explained to him.

Although he kept telling himself that he didn't care about some pathetic little girl without a dragon, the next morning he sat with his face pressed against the window, waiting for them to arrive.

He didn't know what he was actually waiting for: Daemon had always seemed intriguing to him. His uncle was confident and ironic, on top of which there was no one, except perhaps Ser Criston, who could match him in wielding a sword.

Deep down he admired him and the possibility of seeing him again thrilled him.

He twisted in his seat, rising higher on his arms as the gates to the courtyard opened and indeed, he saw his uncle on a white horse and a little girl with long, dark hair sitting before him in the saddle.

He snorted at the thought that, like his nephews, the gods had not bestowed upon her the Targaryen colour that he wore proudly on his head.

However, she was a legitimate child and had certainly inherited the colour of her hair from her mother, so he felt that this was not reason to mock her.

After all, his mother also had dark hair, and he held her in high regard and respect.

Daemon jumped off his mount lightly, then grabbed his daughter under the arms and helped her down, without waiting for the servant to run up to them.

He saw that she had started to look around – he thought that she was certainly enthralled and overwhelmed by the beauty and grandeur of the Red Keep, but when she turned her face towards him he recognised that her facial expression was more one of uncertainty and fear.

She will have no one here but us.

He killed her mother.

For some reason, for a moment, but only a moment, he felt pity for her.

Although she was not a princess or anyone special, news of her arrival and the reason for it had spread through the fortress very quickly; he usually preferred to stay in his chamber or in the library, but on this day he had left his safe places to stroll the corridors and the castle, hoping to see her.

He wanted to judge her carefully in his mind: he had formed an opinion about everyone, and she could not remain an exception.

A sting of disappointment spread across his chest when, to his displeasure, he did not see her until the next day during sparring, in the company of Jace and Luke. They spoke to her, gesturing vividly, apparently showing her everything they could, she, however, simply looked at them with big eyes, terrified, and said nothing, looking where they told her to.

“My Princes. Come over here. Let's begin.” Criston Cole called out towards them, clearly impatient.

He grinned under his breath with satisfaction, feeling a pleasant pride at the thought that Ser Criston preferred them to the Strongs and was clearly showing it.

Jace and Luke stepped closer, and Daemon's daughter approached with them, her eyes wide, her small hands clenched into fists from anxiety.

Looking at her closely, he decided she was not ugly: her face seemed pleasant to him, her eyelashes and eyebrows long and dark, accentuating her skin tone in some interesing way. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, as were her lips: she was a little shorter than Jace, but like them, she was dressed in a training garment.

“Our cousin used to practise archery in Runestone. We thought she could do it here too.” Luke said.

Cole straightened up and sighed, clearly frustrated.

“Consent would have to be given by Prince Daemon himself. I cannot make that decision alone.” He replied matter-of-factly, causing the girl to lower her head, disappointed.

Jace, however, was not giving up.

“Then we'll ask him.” He said with vigour, glancing at his cousin, who shook her head.

“I don't know where he is. I can't find him anywhere.” She muttered.

“Prince Daemon, from the information I have, set off to Essos before dawn. Without his permission, I cannot take responsibility for your safety, my Lady.” Ser Criston explained, already a little softer.

An uncomfortable silence fell around them, one he'd experienced for the first time in his life: it wasn't filled with irritation or rage, but with the fact that it seemed to him that neither of them knew how to act in such a situation.

Usually when Jace or Luke didn't know or couldn't do something, it was a source of pride and mockery for him and Aegon: their nephews reacted similarly to failures on their side.

However, he didn't know what he should feel or think upon hearing that a little girl didn't know that her father was now with his second family.

He looked at her to witness her reaction and felt a strange squeeze in his throat seeing that she obviously did not know about it – her lips were slightly parted in disbelief, her gaze wandering from one person to the next, as if she felt humiliated and abandoned, left alone in a place foreign and frightening to her.

“With your permission, I will return to my chamber.” She mumbled and bowed, only to turn and move towards the cloisters, disappearing into one of the corridors.

“Did you see that? She is crying like a little baby. Would you like to join her, brother? You two fit together.” Said Aegon and patted him on the shoulder, making his cheeks flush scarlet with shame.

“That's enough.” Cole said. “Get back to practising.”

Although he occupied his head with various activities for the rest of the day – mostly reading books on Westeros history – his thoughts kept returning to her face then, when she found out her father was gone.

She wasn't as annoying and provocative as Jace and Luke, of that he was sure – nor had she inherited Daemon's aggressive manner, at least not in the way he'd expected. As much as he wanted to assign her to the Black party, as Daemon had always supported Rhaenyra, he wasn't sure she was even aware of the division between them and that she had to choose.

She was thrown between strange walls and strange people, left alone.

Even for him, it was quite cruel.

But it was not his concern, he consoled himself in spirit, trying to start a chapter concerning Winterfell.

For the first time in a long time, he looked forward to the supper with excitement: he knew that his father-king would surely invite his niece to it and say a few warm words to make her feel at home.

He hoped she would be seated close to them and not next to the Strongs.

She shouldn't spend time with the bastards, but he didn't blame her for doing so – he guessed that she simply didn't know who they really were.

Perhaps I should tell her about it, he told himself in spirit sitting down at the table in his seat, recognising that, in fact, he would be doing her a favour by doing so.

Indeed, there was one more chair placed at the table than usual. His cousin walked into the chamber, accompanied by his mother and sister. Helaena was saying something to her, and Daemon's daughter was smiling, looking down at her feet, apparently trying not to fall over in her long, brown gown.

Once again he felt a sense of pride, for it was his sister and not his nephews who had made their guest feel better.

To his satisfaction, which, however, he did not give expression to, trying to keep a stony face, his cousin took a seat next to his sister, that is, opposite him and Aegon. When she looked in his direction he did not leave her gaze for a moment – however, when she smiled, he turned his face away, feeling embarrassed.

He felt a sense of distinction because she had paid attention to him.

No one ever did that, because he was a second son without a dragon.

But she didn't have a dragon either, he consoled himself in his mind, and for some reason he felt relieved.

They were alike.

As he expected, his father greeted her in the presence of everyone, apparently wanting to give her courage.

“As I'm certain you all know by now, we have a guest. It is my brother's daughter, whom I welcome with great joy and love. From now on, the Red Keep will be her home and I ask you to treat her with kindness and understanding. A strange place, even more so for a little girl, can seem frightening. I trust each of you to care for her as best you can.” He said, then nodded and allowed everyone to begin their meal.

One more interaction occurred between them that evening: when he tried to reach for a pate that was too far away from him, she helped him by handing him a platter. She smiled at him again then, and he reciprocated the gesture awkwardly, feeling that for some reason his palms had started to sweat.

His king had said they should be kind to her, so he simply followed his order as any good son would do, he assured himself in his head.

Then Jace suddenly spoke up.

“My King. Our cousin is an excellent archer and we think she should be able to practice with us in the Red Keep as well. Ser Criston said that without her father's permission this is not possible. Wouldn't the King's order be more significant?” He asked, and all eyes fled towards his father.

“Little girls shouldn't be involved in such things.” Said Queen Alicent, taking a sip of wine, for some reason casting a long look at Rheanyra, sitting across the table.

“Why?” His half-sister asked. “Are all women in this world the same?”

His father decided to put an end to this brief argument by giving his own opinion on the matter.

Viserys decided that she could practise archery during their sparring, if it didn't interfere with their training.

She usually stood on the side and shot her bow at targets standing in a completely different part of the courtyard, so everyone quickly forgot about the dispute and stopped paying attention to her.

Or at least that's what he tried to convince himself.

He often looked at her, because when their gazes met, she usually smiled.

It was a warm smile, devoid of prejudice or malice: he did not usually reciprocate the gesture, fearing that Aegon would see it and find another reason to mock him.

She spoke to Jace and Luke, also occasionally smiling in their presence, but when she did so while looking at him, she looked different.

Perhaps it was just his childhood desire to be special to someone, to be noticed, that made him live in the belief that his cousin wanted to know him better.

He craved it too: confirmation of his suspicions, of the fact that, indeed, he had caught her attention. The reason, after all, could have been any feature of his personality that no one had noticed before: his intelligence, his knowledge, his rhetoric, his calmness and composure, how different he was from his brother and nephews.

His pride, however, prevented him from taking the first step: he knew that if anyone found out he was seeking her company, his brother would again call him a twat and say that he liked to play with girls because he was one himself.

That left him internally torn.

The opportunity fell upon him like a thunderbolt from a clear sky when one afternoon, as always eager to search the library for more reading for the dull, monotonous evenings, he saw Daemon and his daughter sitting at the table, bent over a thick, old volume that he knew intimately.

High Valyrian.

His cousin lifted her head upon hearing someone enter the room and bestowed upon him a broad, soft smile – Daemon's expression was not as friendly and expressed boredom.

To his relief, she spoke up first.

“My father is teaching me the language of our ancestors. Would you like to join us?” She asked, surprising both him and her father.

Daemon sighed, but did not protest, spreading out comfortably in his chair, giving him a look as if challenging him.

On the one hand, he was terrified and just wanted to run away, but on the other, this was his chance to get closer to both of them.

He nodded, embarrassed, feeling his hands involuntarily clench into fists.

The fear of humiliation was greater than the excitement.

“Sit down.” Daemon commanded.

No one had ever spoken to him this way, not even his own father; for some reason, however, it did not frustrate him, but made him feel even more respect for his uncle.

I want to be like you, he thought in the back of his mind.

Confident and fearless.

So he sat down on the other side, in the empty chair next to Daemon, and moved closer to the table – he was ashamed that his legs still didn't reach the ground, but he hoped it wasn't apparent yet.

Just a few more years and he would become a man.

He felt much more confident when he saw that they had just reworked a chapter he had already read before.

“Perzys zaldrīzī ossēnagon daor.” Said Daemon, glancing at his daughter expectantly, apparently wanting her to translate the sentence.

“Fire cannot…” She started, but fell silent, clearly not knowing what one of the words meant.

“Fire cannot kill a dragon.” He spoke up, proud to show his uncle how broad his knowledge was.

“Good.” Daemon said.

He swallowed quietly, glancing at his cousin: her downward gaze and her hunched figure told him that she was sad that he hadn't even given her time to think.

He decided that perhaps he shouldn't come out in front all the time, lest he come across as vain.

“Zaldrīzo ānogar.” Said her father – he stirred in his chair, excited, knowing exactly what it means and that it is a fairly simple, even obvious phrase.

Daemon did it so she could respond too.

“The dragon…” She muttered, incorrectly constructing the sentence syntax.

When she looked at him, his lips uttered quickly the soundless ‘blood of the dragon’. She drew in a loud breath, an expression of relief flashed across her face.

“N-no. Blood. Blood of the dragon.” She quickly changed the order of the words, and Daemon nodded, moving on.

He didn't know why he had helped her then, but he liked the way she looked at him from then on.

With curiosity and gratitude.

In secret from his mother, grandfather and brother, he would sneak off to the library to learn with his uncle and his daughter about what he had been studying with the Maester earlier. He didn't admit that he had a kind of advantage over her, but he would sometimes pretend that he didn't know something in order to give her the opportunity to prove herself to her father.

Daemon seemed to him the embodiment of everything he himself wanted to be. Unlike his father, who did not find the strength or time to teach him about the history of their lineage, his uncle shared it extensively with him and his daughter, seeming indifferent and matter-of-fact at the same time.

Daemon was a demanding teacher, but this made him turn on his natural desire to compete: his cousin, however, did not have as much knowledge as he did because she could not have it, so he did not treat her in the same way as Jace and Luke.

They did not speak with each other outside the library; sometimes she smiled at him, but he only reciprocated this expression when the others could not see it – the corner of his mouth then lifted slightly upwards in an attempt to present some pathetic caricature of cordiality.

He wanted to be liked and admired, but didn't know how to achieve it.

One day, to his surprise, his cousin visited him in his chamber when the sun had long since set – he was already lying in his bed while reading a book.

He didn't like anyone invading his private space, but he couldn't say that the sight of her made him uncomfortable either.

He remained silent, deciding to listen to what she had come to him with.

“Tomorrow I am leaving to Essos. My father wants me to meet my sisters and stepmother.” She muttered, lowering her gaze as she spoke the last sentence.

She didn't want to see her replacement.

He grunted quietly, fiddling with the page of the book he held in his hands, feeling some kind of regret and disappointment.

“I see.” He replied, not knowing what more he could add.

She, however, was still standing in the same place, as if expecting to hear something more from him.

“I want to thank you for... for helping me then. Before lessons with my father, I repeat everything he taught me, but when I sit next to him, I suddenly forget the words. My head is empty.” She choked out finally, making him involuntarily look at her, surprised.

He felt a pleasant wave of pride and self-satisfaction ripple deep into his chest.

He lifted his chin higher, wanting to look more mature and dignified.

“You're welcome.” He hummed, hoping to hear even more praise from her lips.

“Sleep well, cousin.” She said and turned away, leaving him once again with a cold feeling of disappointment.

He realised that he hadn't asked her when they were coming back.

As she and his uncle disappeared, he felt with redoubled intensity how invisible he was to the inhabitants of the Red Keep: or at least that was how he perceived it. Even if he had wanted to, he no longer had anyone to show his intellect and knowledge to, no smile waiting for him when he sat down to supper in the company of his loud nephews and his half-sister, whom he deeply despised.

He was the embodiment of all his father's dreams, he was the reason he opened the womb of his first wife while she was still alive: he was the son he was always waiting for.

But his father could hardly eat on his own, let alone pay attention to him or the other children Queen Alicent had given him.

“Pass me the porridge platter, sweet Aemma.” He said to her once, pointing his blue finger at the dish he was thinking of, causing everyone around him to freeze.

He felt some kind of constriction in his throat when he saw his mother swallow this humiliation with difficulty, reaching for the platter and handing it to her lord-husband without a word.

He lowered his gaze to his plate, trying not to think about it, realising that he would like to see her comforting smile again.

He was beginning to grow impatient.

It had, after all, been several weeks.

As always when something was bothering him, he went to the only person he truly trusted.

“When will uncle Daemon return?” He asked, feigning indifference, fiddling with one of the flacons of expensive oils that had belonged to his mother.

Alicent looked at him, sighing quietly, clearly tired and embittered, probably by what his father had done.

He didn't know how he was supposed to help her, so he remained silent.

“The longer he's gone, the better.” She replied, surprising him.

“Why?” He asked, and she sighed again.

“He's a dangerous, unpredictable man. I pity his daughter. He drags her around all the continents like an object.” She said with a kind of impatience that made him unsure if she really meant what she said.

Adult people often spoke in riddles, which frustrated him constantly.

He preferred it when someone was direct.

The conversation with his mother brought him neither answers nor relief; the only person who showed interest in him was far away, and he was once again learning High Valyrian alone.

That night he prayed to the gods to help him tame a dragon and for his cousin to return quickly to King's Landing, so that she would continue to be kind to him.

The gods listened to his requests, or at least some part of them.

After a few days, Daemon, his daughter from his first marriage, Baela, Rhaena and his wife, lady Laena, reached the Red Keep.

He came to see them because he hoped to see her.

Indeed, when he stepped into the chamber, where his mother, Rhaenyra and Helaena were also present, he spotted her at once, standing behind her father's back. She was looking at Daemon, as if hoping that he would turn his attention to her, but he did not – his uncle was looking at his brother, who was holding Baela hand in his.

His only child who had a dragon.

Although no word was spoken, he understood what had happened.

She had only regained her father for a moment and lost him again.

A pleasant shiver ran through him as she looked around the room, but her gaze stopped on him when she noticed him: he offered her a sad smile of comfort, and she reciprocated the gesture.

Although everyone at supper that evening was loud and chatty, she sat quietly, staring at her plate, immersed in her thoughts. He could see that she had not eaten much; her lips were tightly clenched, her gaze fled again and again to the silhouette of her father, who was talking aloud about the magnificent mansion they lived in Essos and their desire to stay there.

He felt an unpleasant twinge in his stomach at the thought.

“Do you like insects?” He suddenly heard his sister's voice leaning over their cousin.

Her question seemed absurd and out of any context, but Daemon's daughter was clearly trying to focus and answer the question.

“I like butterflies. And bumblebees.” She said after some thought.

Helaena twisted in her seat, delighted, and invited her to come to her chamber later that evening so that she could see through her large collection of dried moths.

He sighed, trying to hide the unpleasant sting of jealousy that an object that raised his self-esteem had just been stolen from him.

He wanted her back for himself, so that she would say nice things to him.

He wanted her to admire him.

He wanted her to love him and cry for him with longing when they were separated.

He would never reciprocate this, of course, because these were tender, feminine concerns, but it would certainly satisfy his vanity.

He noticed, watching them from the sidelines, that a strong, cordial bond developed between her and his sister after that day: otherwise it would surely have caused his irritation, but at some point he began to see it as an opportunity.

The more she became attached to them and to the Red Keep, the more she would desire to stay with them.

To his surprise, Helaena too had begun to care that her new companion remained in King's Landing; she shrewdly tried to address the issue as they set off together to the Great Sept with their mother.

“I have no trusted lady of the court, Mother. I don't like the fact that they put things in different places than I want. They disturb my order and speak too loudly. She is kind. She always asks my opinion first before she touches me or my things. We embroider together and watch insects. I would like her to stay with me.”

Though his mother easily denied him and Aegon, to her only daughter she could not.

To his satisfaction, she turned to her lord-husband, and he convinced his younger brother that his daughter needed stability and a girl her own age as a companion.

Though reluctantly, Daemon agreed.

He couldn't say that everything had gone according to his plan: now his cousin was his sister's lady-in-waiting, spending a lot of time with her. This meant that she couldn't give him as much attention as he would have liked.

However, one day everything changed.

“Helaena said the Maester is teaching you High Valyrian. I was wondering if you could teach me too, as my father is not here anymore.” She mumbled, clearly fearing that her offer would not be attractive for him.

He sighed, pretending that her words made no impression on him.

“What can you give me in return?” He asked defiantly, though he knew he would have agreed even if she had not been able to give him anything.

“...and what would you like?” She answered question for question, staring up at him with her big eyes, playing with her fingers in a nervous reflex.

“You will obey all my orders without complaining.” He replied at last, feeling that satisfaction, not blood, was now flowing through his veins.

His cousin furrowed her brow at his words, clearly worried and concerned.

“What if you make me do something bad? Or something that will bring me disgrace?” She mumbled.

“I won't make you do such a thing. I am a man of honour.” He said proudly.

He blinked, shocked to see that she nodded at his words.

That's it?

“When can we begin?” She asked, and he pressed his lips together, struggling not to smile.

“Come to my chamber tonight. I'll draw you a map so you can get to it through a side entrance. And don't you dare tell anyone about this, or I will kill you with my own hands.”

She was clearly unaffected by his threat, because she smiled broadly, her face beaming with joy.

Indeed, his quarters could be accessed not only through a door, but also from the side of his bed: there was a small tower with stairs leading up to one of the rarely used corridors of the Red Keep.

He was worried, waiting for her, sitting over a mountain of books, whether the journey through the dark alleys of the fortress would prove too difficult for her: for some reason he was relieved when he heard quiet footsteps in the distance, and then saw her in the passage, looking up at him with big eyes.

She smiled broadly at the sight of him, apparently happy that she had managed to find the right way and not get lost; he grunted as she sat down beside him, pulling off the thin grey cloak thrown over her shoulders.

“Where did you and your father finish?” He asked, forcing himself to be indifferent – he swallowed hard, noticing with horror as he reached for one of the volumes that his hand was trembling with excitement.

He had never yet invited anyone to his chamber, much less without the knowledge of his mother and father.

It was their secret.

“On chapter twelve.” She said lightly, moving her chair closer to him so she could better see what they were about to discuss.

He felt relieved at the thought that he and Maester were already on chapter forty.

“Very well.” He hummed, pleased that he would be able to show off his knowledge and proficiency in this area.

His cousin, when her father wasn't around, proved to be a focused and curious student. She would ask him lots of questions and go back to things he had mentioned earlier, giving him proof that she was really listening to him.

He liked the role of teacher very much: he felt that it added to his esteem, while reassuring him that his time spent over the old tomes, contrary to what Aegon had said, was not time wasted.

He didn't know who he was really doing it for: whether for himself or for her. Certainly, in his own mind, he was convincing himself that the fact that he had agreed to teach her in Daemon's absence was an act of his favour, something for which she should be eternally grateful.

In fact, she was grateful to him.

He found it harder and harder to pretend he didn't see her during sparring or supper; some part of him, to his dismay, had come to the conclusion that he was enjoying her presence.

She cared for his older sister and was her faithful companion, but she also found time for him and his perpetually praise-hungry ego.

He was embarrassed by the way she smiled at him when their glances met in the courtyard or at the table: he had the impression that her eyes shone with joy for some reason, the expression on her face gentle and warm.

Kind.

He chastised himself for these thoughts and the strange yet pleasant feeling that filled his chest every time he lowered his head, stopping the corners of his mouth from rising with difficulty.

Then it was revealed that lady Laena was expecting another child, and something in her suddenly faded.

She felt less and less visible in the eyes of her father, who was far away, on another continent, while she was here, all by herself.

Looking at her and his own mother, Queen Alicent, sitting near her, he compared the shades of their hair, their eyes, the shape of their noses, hands and faces.

After thinking about it for a while, he decided that differences between them were not that great, and that if he had forgotten that she was the daughter of Prince Daemon Targaryen and Lady Rhea Royce, his cousin could be the daughter of King Viserys Targaryen and Queen Alicent Hightower.

His sister.

In truth, he was only a month older than her, but that did not change the fact that this would make him her older brother: this, in turn, would mean that since it was Helaena's destiny to marry Aegon, it would be his younger sister's destiny to marry him.

He lowered his gaze at this thought, feeling a burning red blush of embarrassment spread across his pale cheeks at the thought.

His heart thumped harder in his chest when he realised that nothing in that thought had rejected him.

But what if she didn't want it?

If she felt disgusted at the very thought of marrying him?

Rejection was something he couldn't afford.

It was safer to remain silent.

He felt his own blood under his tongue when his teeth involuntarily bit his lower lip at the word that her father wanted to take her to Essos.

“You have been away from home for too long. You should spend more time with your sisters.” He heard Daemon's voice outside her chamber door a few hours after her father had arrived in King's Landing.

Eavesdropping was not in good taste, but for some reason he couldn't help himself.

“What should I say to Helaena? I don't want to leave her.” Mumbled his daughter, clearly trying to come up with something quickly that would allow her to stay in the Red Keep.

“That you will now spend time with your true family.”

Your true family.

He didn't know why, but his jaw clenched in rage when he heard those words, a sharp pain piercing his heart, which beat harder in his chest.

And then Daemon took her away.

The first months without her presence had been the hardest for him, as he'd forgotten she was gone: he'd flipped through the books, wanting to prepare for their lessons, reminding himself angrily after a while that they weren't going to happen after all. Her chair had disappeared from the supper table, and her silhouette was not standing in the courtyard, aiming at a target with a bow.

It was as if she had never been there.

And then word reached King's Landing that lady Laena had died in childbirth.

It was a time of sadness in the Red Keep: previously Rhaenyra had mourned the death of her lover and father of her bastards, Harwin Strong; now, however, someone who was related to them all by blood, a close part of their family, had died.

He was ashamed that during the journey they had taken the whole family on to attend lady Laena's funeral, he had struggled to hold back a smile, feeling excited at the thought that the largest dragon in the world had just been left without a rider.

Although he tried to fool himself, he was enjoying not only the opportunity to claim a dragon, but also to see someone else.

The sea journey he had been forced to make, unlike his siblings, had dragged on mercilessly. When they finally reached the shore, he vomited: however, he quickly pulled himself together, recognising that neither she nor his nephews could see him in such a state.

His family were welcomed into the fortress with honours; he felt his heart pounding hard as he looked around the courtyard, hoping to see her. As he raised his head, he drew in a deep breath, catching sight of her silhouette in one of the open windows.

When their gazes met, she smiled.

Despite the fact that he should be concentrating on grieving, all he did during the funeral was listen for any sounds of the dragon that might be coming from afar and glanced at her, shocked that she seemed slightly taller to him – he also had the impression that her figure had become more girlish, whatever that meant.

When she caught him staring at her, he lifted his head up, embarrassed, pretending to look at the sky.

During the feast, which took place in one of the courtyards situated high above the sea, all he could think about was how to get her to speak to him. He did not want to be the one vying for her attention, running after a woman: this was foolish and, most importantly, unworthy of a man.

A man was supposed to be strong and proud, cold if necessary, but never weak.

Nevertheless, he longed to spend time with her, though she did not know it: she watched from the sidelines her half-sisters, embraced tightly by their grandparents, drenched in tears. Daemon and Rheanyra had disappeared somewhere, and she was left alone, not knowing what to do with herself.

After a while, their gazes met again – this time, though with difficulty, he did not look away. They continued like this for a while, until she made a slight movement with her head, as if pointing to the stone steps that led behind the wall, and then walked down them.

She wanted him to follow her.

He swallowed hard and glanced at his bored brother, who held a refilled wine cup in his hand.

“I'm going to take a walk. I have no desire to stay with these people.” He said to him dispassionately.

Aegon shrugged his shoulders.

“Do what you want.” His brother replied, looking intensely at one of the servants in the distance.

He sighed silently and moved ahead, feeling his heart in his throat.

What if someone sees them?

Was this a good idea?

Maybe he should turn back?

Hundreds of thoughts beat against each other in his head, but his legs led him to the stone stairs anyway, and then down to where no one could see them.

His cousin stood by the wall, looking beyond it to the sea; her long hair was partly tied back with a blue ribbon, the rest of it was blown by the wind. When she heard his footsteps, she looked up at him and smiled in a way he knew very well.

She was glad to see him.

“I'm glad to see you, cousin.” She said softly when he stopped in front of her, as if she was reading his mind.

He nodded, embarrassed, feeling for some reason that despite the cool sea breeze around them, he was hot.

“My condolences.” He muttered, reminding himself that his mother had ordered him to say it to everyone he met.

His cousin lowered her gaze and nodded, accepting his words.

“Thank you.”

They both fell silent, looking out at the sea, simply standing side by side. He was afraid that he should say something and was thinking hard about what neutral topic he could raise, when he suddenly heard her voice beside him.

“She was a good woman. She never tried to replace my mother, but she did everything she could to make me feel that she cared about me. I regret that I never thanked her for it.” She muttered, her voice breaking more and more with each sentence.

He looked at her uncertainly out of the corner of his eye, fearing that she would cry.

He wasn't good at consoling, so he remained silent.

“But I couldn't love her. Nor my sisters. I couldn't form a bond with them. My stepmother died, and I don't feel anything.” She said in a breaking voice, tear after tear ran down her cheeks red from the cold.

“If you don't feel anything, why are you crying?” He asked, looking ahead, straight at the setting sun hiding behind the horizon of the sea.

“Because I'm ashamed.” She confessed, making him feel a squeeze in his chest for some reason.

“You don't have to. She was not your mother, and they are not your sisters. You don't owe them anything.” He replied matter-of-factly, feeling that this was exactly what he believed.

Contrary to what Daemon had told her, they were not her true family.

They only pretended to be one.

“Who then is my family, if not my own father, his wife and daughters?” She mumbled with difficulty, as if his words frightened her even more.

He pressed his lips into a thin line, wondering if he should say it.

“Unlike my nephews, you are a true blood of the dragon. You can decide for yourself who you will love and who you will despise.” He replied with emphasis on the last words, involuntarily glancing in her direction.

She looked at him in disbelief, her dark eyes larger than ever, as if what he was saying shocked her.

“We don't control who we love.” She said, looking him straight in the face.

“We don't control. We choose.” He finally stated and drew in the air loudly, folding his hands behind his back. “You also have to choose. If you wish, I will take you with me back to where you belong. To King's Landing.”

Her lower lip twiched at his words, as if he had stabbed a dagger straight into her heart.

“I don't believe you.”

He wanted to answer her, but he flinched when he realised that he had heard the screech of a dragon in the distance – he raised his head and followed with his eyes the small, dark silhouette flying between the clouds.

Then he made his decision.

“I will take you to the Red Keep on the back of my dragon.”

She did not understand what he meant, however, he preferred not to initiate her into his plan: she had promised to obey him, so when he commanded her to go to sleep and worry about nothing, she did so reluctantly.

He, on the other hand, set out under cover of darkness to meet his destiny.

The trip through hills full of sand and stones was difficult and exhausting, but what he saw was sufficient compensation for his efforts. Vhagar was frighteningly beautiful: she was big, magnificent, and she evidently saw in him what none but his mother and cousin could, for although she opened her maw to burn him, when he spoke to her in High Valyrian, she hesitated.

Climbing onto her back, his palms were sweaty from nerves and terror, his body trembling as he tried with great effort to reach her saddle. When he finally succeeded and lifted into the skies with her, he realised that the gods had given him a sign, revealing to him his fate.

He had made Vhagar his dragon, and in the future he would make his cousin his wife.

In that moment, as he screamed with happiness, flying between the clouds, it made perfect sense to him. He didn't see this idea as something to do with physicality, but rather the conviction that since they both held affection and respect for each other, someday they would surely be able to beget offspring together, to create a lineage they would both be proud of.

In that one moment, he felt like he was holding his destiny in his hands, only for the gods to flip a coin again.

As soon as he landed back on the ground his nephews were already waiting for him and gave him another gift, this time one he was never to forget.

If he had to explain to someone what the pain of his eye being pulled out of his eye socket was, he wouldn't be able to describe it: it seemed to him that not only he was screaming, but his whole body as well, that his fingernails would pierce the frame of the bed he was lying on, that he was about to die and would never wake up.

He feared death.

“Mother, don't let me die.” He mumbled out, choking on his tears, his hands clenched into fists on the sheets.

His mother squeezed his arm harder, giving him courage.

“You will not die, my brave son. One day we will have our vengeance.”

Though Luke had taken his honour and his face, he had gained something more: a dragon.

A dragon that no one could challenge.

He knew that what happened after he returned from Vhagar's liege had nothing to do with Daemon's daughter: he had ordered her to stay in her chamber until he came for her, and so she did.

When he walked into her quarters, she rose from her seat, her face flooded with tears.

Daemon had already told her what had happened.

“I –” She began, but he would not let her finish.

“Fly with me or stay. I won't give you a second chance to choose.” He said coldly.

He was a man of honour and he kept his word.

He was sure she would refuse.

He was sure she was a coward.

But she nodded her head.

Neither of them knew how furious Daemon had been when he and his daughter had taken to the skies without his knowledge: when, in his eyes, he had abducted her as it was in the tradition of Old Valyria for centuries, to one day make her his wife.

Lady Royce

Her father punished her escape with his silence: the very thing he knew would hurt her most. He didn't answer her letters or explanations, and for months, then years, he didn't visit the Red Keep even at the invitation of his brother-king.

She knew that he considered what she had done a betrayal, and she suffered greatly because of it.

Nevertheless, she could not lie to herself and pretend that returning to King's Landing did not bring her relief. Between her half-sisters, she felt invisible, her father's person crushed her, and now she was free again.

At least in theory.

Queen Alicent was enraged when she saw her in the company of her son as soon as they returned to the Red Keep: she considered it their act of disobedience and a reason for Daemon to take revenge on her and her children. Her husband, however, was not so harsh about their misdeeds.

“They are just children, my love. My niece can stay here as long as she wishes. My brother and his daughters are in mourning. Let her not surround herself with sorrow and death.”

Although, in fact, King Viserys was partly right, her father was not really focused on mourning, but on marrying another woman as soon as possible.

Rhaenyra.

Only then did she feel as if someone had drawn a clear red line between one part of her family and another: the one that supported Queen Alicent and the one that supported Princess Rheanyra.

She herself wasn't sure she supported anyone: all she cared about was keeping Helaena safe. She was unable to bond with Baela and Rhaena, but she treated the king's daughter like her true sister.

She was calm, quiet and kind, full of warmth that gave her a sense of safety.

“I'm worried about Aemond.” She said one day, bent over her beautiful embroidery depicting a spider. “I feel that he is retreating more and more into the darkness of his mind.”

She lowered her gaze at her words, understanding perfectly what she meant: she answered nothing, however, as her cousin forbade her to speak of anything they discussed or did behind the closed door of his chamber.

He had kissed her for the first time when they were thirteen; he was respectful and gentle when his hands cupped her soft, pink cheeks during one of their lessons in his quarters, his caress slow and warm.

He was clearly nervous and excited, his breath heavy as their skin pressed together in a wet, sticky act she had only heard about from girls older than her.

She was convinced that this gesture was not a proof of his affection for her, but jealousy that Aegon had more experience with women than he did.

Nevertheless, since then, there had been a change in him that she had not expected: he had apparently regarded that incident as a turning point of some sort.

He began to speak not of his lineage but of their lineage, not of his heritage but of their heritage.

“From now on, I will be to you like an older brother,” he communicated to her proudly, looking down at her, having long been much taller than her, “I will protect you and surround you with the care a man should bestow on a woman.”

She accepted his words with joyful disbelief, feeling her heart flutter like a bird in her chest.

On more than one occasion, she had witnessed Aegon encouraging him to join him in a brothel – according to his older brother, only intercourse with the body of a mature, experienced woman could make him a real man.

It seemed to her that her cousin was inwardly torn listening to these words – some part of him clearly wanted to prove to Aegon that he could be as good a lover as he was, but on the other hand he dismissed him, saying that he was interested in the arts of war and sword, not old courtesans.

Occasionally he would glance at her out of the corner of his eye, as if the fact that she was listening to this exchange of words made him uncomfortable; then, for a moment, the thought would cross her mind that perhaps she was the reason he was refusing him.

She realised then that there was some kind of plan in his head, a vision of which she was also a part.

She craved it and was terrified of it at the same time.

She was not a mature woman, let alone an experienced one.

When she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw with sadness that, compared to the other ladies of the court, she still looked like a child; the delicate outline of her breasts under her gown could not compare with the full, plump shapes of the other women's chests, as much as with their wide hips and coquettish smiles.

She didn't know what to do to make the change inside her happen faster, until one day she found out that transforming into a woman wasn't as pleasant and beautiful as it might seem.

“You are bleeding, my love,” Queen Alicent told her, trying to reassure her after she woke up, all sticky from the blood leaking from between her thighs, “your flower has blossomed. It means you are fertile and can become a mother. It's natural, although unpleasant.”

“When will it end?” She muttered, twisting in her seat, already dressed in clean smallclothes, filled inside with materials that were apparently meant to stop the bleeding.

“In a few days. But it will happen again in a month. It will continue to happen for years, as long as you and your future husband do not conceive a child.” The queen explained to her.

“For years?” She squirmed, feeling that something in that thought had broken her.

She did not know why she had cried that day, lying in her bed. She resented her father that neither he nor his second wife had warned her what the woman's fate was.

She did not know that she would feel painful spasms in her lower abdomen, she did not know that the warm, disgusting liquid would flow out of her again and again, making her uncomfortable.

She felt that there was no glory in it, no reason to be proud – on the contrary, for some reason she felt an overwhelming, deep shame.

She shuddered and covered herself more tightly with a fur when she heard the door to her chamber open – her cousin stepped inside without a word, striding towards her with his hands folded behind his back.

It was the first time he had come to her, rather than she to him.

“My congratulations.” He said, stopping beside her bed, looking at her with some kind of curiosity and satisfaction.

“I don't follow.” She mumbled, surprised by his choice of words.

“Fertility is a reason for every woman to be proud.” He stated, cocking his head to the side.

She lowered her gaze, realising that he knew what was happening to her.

“I didn't know it would be so painful.” She finally confessed, wondering if he would scold her for self-pity.

He, however, was silent for a long moment before speaking again.

“That's because you're not carrying a child inside you. When you become my wife, I will see to it that you no longer suffer.” He replied at last, struggling to remain calm – she had known him long enough, however, to know that he feared her reaction.

She looked at him with big eyes, feeling her heart pounding like mad.

What?

“What do you mean?” She muttered without thinking, even though she understood perfectly well what he was implying.

She just couldn't believe he'd said it out loud.

She saw that he swallowed hard, struggling to keep a stony face.

“Do you wish to marry someone else?” He asked, a hint of frustration in his voice that sent a cold shiver down her spine.

She shook her head quickly, horrified at his suggestion and the direction their conversation was going.

“N-no.” She mumbled.

“Good.” He said and turned away without another word, leaving her alone with his suggestion of what he truly desired.

Despite his words, he didn't try to kiss her for a second time; apparently his pride wouldn't allow him to ask again for something that, in his mind, was no more than a naïve female fantasy.

That he was incapable of expressing and showing his feelings openly, she had known for a long time; anything that might make him be seen as weak or naive was an unnecessary risk for him.

His older brother watched him closely, mocking and commenting aloud on any behaviour he found amusing and worthy of his attention.

To her cousin, the thought that he was constantly being watched, and thus could not afford to make a mistake, was completely petrifying.

This was the reason he avoided using words; it frightened him how many undertones and misunderstandings they involved, how easily he could destroy his reputation in the eyes of others with one ill-considered sentence.

She was then left with no choice but to use her intuition, carefully observing his subtlest gestures and glances to understand what he was trying to convey to her wordlessly. It was a difficult process, because he too often did not know what his needs really were and what they stemmed from.

“I don't want to strain you. We can discuss this chapter another time.” She said uncertainly, seeing that ever since she had crossed the threshold of his chamber his figure had tensed and his face expressed cold displeasure.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye in a way from which she felt a squeeze in her throat.

“If you want to leave, then do so.” He replied, making her blink in astonishment.

“I just want you to rest properly.” She muttered, playing with her fingers in a nervous gesture.

She felt around him like she was with her father, never knowing what would satisfy him.

“Are you afraid of me?” He asked at last, forcing the words out with some strange difficulty, as if this thought had been weighing on his heart for a long time.

She swallowed hard, completely surprised by his question.

“No. I just… I just find it hard to comprehend what could possibly please you.” She choked out with difficulty, feeling ashamed at hearing how pathetic that sounded.

She thought he would laugh mockingly at her words, but his face was completely grave.

“Your kiss will please me.” He said with some kind of regret, as if he was suffering from having to ask her for it.

It hit her that he simply wanted reciprocation when, at the same time, she was afraid that if she offered it herself, he would consider it undignified behaviour on her part.

She sighed, trying to calm herself down and moved closer to him – she saw that he drew in air loudly through his nose, as if he was trying to mentally prepare himself for what was about to happen.

He shuddered as she took his face in her hands, exactly as he did then – her thumbs stroked his cheeks and he closed his eyelid for a moment, as if he felt relieved. She took advantage of the fact that he wasn't looking and leaned in, letting their lips join in a moist, soft kiss – he surprised her when he parted his mouth and gently deepened the caress, making his warm breath fill her throat.

She closed her eyes, for some reason not wanting to pull away from him – she let his fingers run through her long, loose hair, let his hands roam tentatively over the back of her head and neck, while their lips brushed and teased each other with the quiet, sticky clicks of their saliva.

Eventually they ran out of breath, so they broke the kiss, however, their foreheads remained pressed together.

“Leave, if you want to.” He whispered, clearly indicating that he had no intention of taking advantage of her in any way.

“I don't want to leave,” she mumbled, embarrassed by her own words, “I want to fall asleep by your side.”

“My mother would kill me.” He mumbled out, as if he was fighting the strenuous urge to succumb to her.

“Then I will leave. I don't want to be the reason for you two to disagree.” She said, stroking his cheek with her palm, trying to comfort him.

“No,” he breathed out, his fingers digging harder into the fabric of her robe at her back, “stay.”

So she stayed.

There was something naïve about the way they lay far apart on his bed, the way his hand grasped hers and squeezed it, as if he wanted to find out if it was really happening.

“Don't tell anyone.” He asked, a sort of childish desire in his eye, from which her heart filled with warmth.

“I won't.”

That night it seemed to her that he didn't fall asleep even for a moment – she felt his hand run over her fingers, over her shoulder, and when he was sure she was immersed in a dream, he smoothed her cheek with his thumb.

What surprised her was that every time he did this a warm, pleasant shiver ran through her body – she wished he would never stop, because this was the first time in her life she had felt so comforted by someone.

This event had changed him; clearly the realisation that she reciprocated his affection had emboldened him in some way.

When they finished their lessons, they often lay on his bed facing each other and talked, touching each other's hands, faces and hair at the same time. Her heart pounded like crazy as his fingers combed through her curls, as his hand closed around the back of her neck, massaging it gently.

“I like the way you smell,” he said once out of nowhere, surprising her completely, “and the fact that your skin is so pleasantly soft.”

She realised he was trying to offer her a compliment – the thought of the two of them taking a walk through the royal gardens or showing interest in each other in public filled him with embarrassment, however, he had clearly found that in the privacy of his chamber he was willing to give her something he was not offering anyone else.

His words.

She smiled broadly at his confession, feeling a pleasant warmth in her lower abdomen spilling over her insides like a wave.

“And I like your big hands,” she replied shyly, stroking the skin of his wrist with her fingers, “and your beautiful white hair.”

She saw that he swallowed loudly, and his lips tightened in an involuntary attempt to stop himself from showing any reaction to her words; nevertheless, his eye betrayed him – it grew large and full of something she understood perfectly.

He needed to hear that something of value could be seen in him too, including physically.

That he wasn't a cripple in her eyes.

The way he slowly leaned towards her, his lips that barely brushed hers in a gesture full of invitation, their hands that clasped in their hair seemed as natural to her as breathing – the caress of their lips was hotter and more intimate than they had ever been before, deep, filled with something she was yet to discover.

Kisses were a form of reward for them, but also some kind of consolation on difficult days; in this way, although they could not speak openly to each other about this subject, they gave each other a sense of mutual care.

Over time, although it carried a high risk of being caught, they took this caress beyond the thresholds of his room; it was enough for him to catch her in one of the less frequented corridors of the Red Keep for their brief – even rough on his side – exchange of words to end with his tongue invading between her plump lips.

He liked it when their tongues met and licked, because he was obviously aroused by how perverse and passionate it was; his healthy eye was closed when his body pressed hers against one of the cold stone walls, while their hot mouths melted together again and again.

It was a warm, wet experience, filled with their loud, raspy breaths, their hands tentatively trailing the silhouettes of their bodies, giving them only the promise of what they both desired.

In that moment, in some strange, chaotic way they were devouring each other.

Her cousin evidently believed that he did not need to explain or confess anything to her; no words of affection, if he had any for her, ever left his lips. On the contrary; as he grew taller and his physique grew stronger, so did his ego, and with it the impression that he could not afford to show what he thought was a mere feminine sentiments.

Perhaps this would have been the reason for her distress, had it not been for the fact that he paid more attention to her than to anyone else anyway; above all, to the despair of the other ladies of the court, she was the only person besides Criston Cole and members of his family with whom he spoke in public of his own free will.

He usually approached her when he had something to say to her and announced it to her as simply and quickly as possible – he would then stand erect in front of her with his hands folded behind his back and look off somewhere into the distance, glancing at her only occasionally, usually driven by mere curiosity.

“A wild dragon has been seen in the Vale regions lately.” He said to her one day, as she happened to be heading to his sister's chamber to help her change before supper. “He is said to be larger than Meleys.”

She blinked, feeling her heart begin to pound like mad – she looked around quickly, wanting to make sure no one had heard what he had said.

“Help me.” She whispered. “Please.”

Her cousin cocked his head and hummed, looking at her with his mouth formed in the shape of an o, as if he wanted to whistle in satisfaction.

He liked it when she begged.

“Hm. How can I be sure you won't use this dragon against me and my family one day?” He asked offhandedly, looking down at her, a kind of challenge in his voice.

She blinked, feeling cold discomfort in her chest at his words.

“I am your family.” She mumbled.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them – she could see in his gaze that he was thinking about something, at the same time unable to deny her words.

“We leave tomorrow, at dawn.” He finally communicated to her in boredom, leaving her bewildered.

“And the Queen and your grandfather? Do they know what you intend to do?” She asked, and he rolled his eye, clearly frustrated by her remark.

“Sheep don't understand the ways of dragons. It's beyond their comprehension.” He recognised with some kind of pride, from which she pressed her lips together to keep from expressing her disbelief.

Clearly something in the expression on her face must have betrayed her, for he looked at her suddenly with a piercing, watchful gaze, his jaw twitching in a reflex she knew well.

“Come to my chamber tonight.”

Just as she had done in their childhood days, to leave her rooms now she had to wait for the watch to change; only then would she slip out and take advantage of the moment to make her way down a dark, rarely used corridor through a side entrance to the prince's quarters.

She had no idea if anyone but her knew about it; presumably if they did, the guards thought the additional door remained locked. However, her cousin had left them open for her, and it was through these that she entered, stepping into his chamber, enveloped in the warm light of the fire.

She spotted his silhouette at once – he was sitting at the top of a long table, on which lay stacks of maps and letters, a thick, old volume in his hands.

When he heard her footsteps, he lifted a glance of his healthy eye to her, and then returned to his reading again, carelessly turning the page over.

She was not bothered by this; he was often in the habit of pretending not to see her at first. From her perspective, it was his attempt to cope with the fact that, although accustomed to solitude, he was hosting someone else in his private quarters.

She untied her cloak, placed it on one of the richly decorated oak chairs and, wearing nothing but her nightgown, took a slow, quiet step towards his bed. She knew she could do it, and that she was certain to stay with him anyway, so she simply lay back on the soft sheet and closed her eyes, listening to the pleasant sound of the sizzling fire.

For a moment, all she could hear was that and the rustle of pages being turned – the smell of him and the parchments pleasantly filled her nose, calming her.

The quiet creak of wood woke her from her half-sleep and she shuddered, opening her sleepy eyes – she spotted his silhouette heading lazily towards her. His hand rose to the belt of his tunic, undoing it with the quiet click of a buckle.

“Tomorrow. You must promise to obey me. Otherwise I will not fly with you.” He said calmly, looking at her with an expression on his face that pretended to show indifference.

“I will.” She said.

“Mm.” He hummed under his breath, finally pulling the leather material off his shoulders.

She made room for him and moved sideways on the bed as he sat on the edge of it and leaned over, pulling his boots off his feet. She watched wordlessly as he did the same a moment later with his eye patch, finally throwing it carelessly onto the stone floor. He sighed and hid his face in his hand, massaging the area around his scarred eye socket in some subconscious reflex.

Stress was causing discomfort to return to the left side of his face.

“You are in pain.” She whispered softly, raising herself up on her elbow.

He didn't reply, just swallowed hard and froze in stillness.

“Let me.” She insisted, and he finally looked at her and nodded.

She raised herself up on her knees and moved towards him, sitting down so that she could see his face. He looked at her silently with some kind of melancholy as her hands gently grasped his face and her thumbs began to massage his temples.

He immediately closed his eye and flinched as her thumbs moved over his brow arches and cheekbones – he twitched when she did it the first time, but relaxed more and more with each subsequent stroke, and his face took on an expression of relief.

“I wouldn't object if you did this to me all night.” He said quietly, his eyelid still closed. She smiled involuntarily at his words, running her fingers over his forehead, nose and cheeks, going back to the beginning – to his temples and brows.

“I can.” She said warmly, but he shook his head.

“We need to rest. Come. I want to sleep.”

She nodded and held out her hand to him, shifting back towards the middle of the bed – he moved obediently to follow her and literally fell into her arms, pressing his nose against the space between her breasts.

She wasn't sure if he was able to breathe in that position, but she could see that his chest was rising and falling, so she didn't comment on it, combing her fingers through his white hair.

She knew that he was hiding from the world now: he wanted to disappear for a while and simply not be, like a small, defenceless child.

The control that he, in his mind, had over his life had a high cost that he did not speak of – it superseded any of his other needs unrelated to survival and victory, whatever that victory would mean.

While it may have seemed complicated, in fact the truth was much simpler: he was tired. It wasn't so much a physical fatigue, however, but rather a spiritual one – the self-imposed compulsion to remain silent when he was still a child was something that kept him safe, but also imprisoned him in his own head.

She mused on this as she watched him in silence, playing with strands of his long hair, feeling his body grow loose in her embrace, the tips of his fingers wandering lazily over her bare arm, his eye remaining closed.

He craved her closeness, but in more ways than one; preferably ones he could see as safe in his mind.

Lying in her embrace was such; he could just lie there and let her stroke him, listening to the slow beat of her heart. He could smell her scent and feel the warmth of her body, hear her breathing, have her to himself and know that she would fall asleep with him.

It calmed him.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the touch of a familiar hand – when she opened her eyes, she was in the midst of darkness. Her cousin was still snuggled up against her body, and he was obviously convinced that she was deeply asleep – it was only because of this that he allowed his fingers to travel up to her breast and squeeze it gently, as if checking to see if it was as soft as he imagined.

She couldn't stop the hot shudder that ran through her body or the pulsing she felt deep between her thighs. Other than that, she didn't move; she felt him freeze for a while, but after a moment, when he recognised that she had reacted in her sleep, he went back to stroking her plump bosom with his fingers.

A soft, shaky breath escaped her lips, her hands tightened on his back, holding him close; she felt him flinch and he froze again, taking his hand quickly off her chest.

She heard him swallow hard as she grasped his wrist and, in a gentle, slow motion, placed his hand where it had been – her fingers intertwined with his, allowing him to sink into the softness of her flesh again.

She thought it was a very intimate experience, one from which her whole body grew hot and her cheeks lit up red. She closed her eyes, hearing both of them breathe a little louder, their bodies pressed tighter together, seeking closeness.

Her wordless consent apparently made him feel bold, because he leaned forward, closing his lips around her nipple, clearly visible under the thin material of her nightgown. Something between a moan of surprise and a sigh escaped her throat when she felt him begin to suck as if he were a baby – her fingers clenched on his hair, holding him close.

“– lēkia (big brother) –” She whispered and flinched as she felt something long and hard pulsate in his breeches, pushing against her thigh.

She didn't quite understand the purpose of what he was just doing, but it was pleasant; she thought perhaps it was one of the secrets Aegon had told him about the pleasures of the female body.

She kissed the top of his head as his hand slid down her waist, slipping uncertainly under her linen shirt to finally touch her bare knee.

She felt that something throbbed hard deep inside her, that something sticky ran down her buttock to the sheet beneath their bodies.

They both began to pant as his broad hand went higher up her thigh and then to her hip, squeezing it finally between his fingers.

She shuddered as his wrist slid lower, between her legs, and his hand immediately froze – exactly like her body – when he touched her moist, pulsing womanhood.

“May I?” He asked in a whisper, still snuggled into her chest, not daring to look at her.

“What… what do you want to do?” She answered question for question, unsure of how much she herself was ready for.

She heard him swallow hard, as if he was terrified of having to answer her out loud.

“I want to give you pleasure.”

She felt her heart pounding like mad under his cheek, her fingers gently stroking his head.

She wondered if she should say it.

“I'm afraid.”

He took his hand from between het thighs at her words.

“What are you afraid of? I would never hurt you.” He assured her with a kind of surprise and regret, as if he didn't believe he had to say it.

“It's such a… private place. I…”

“I didn't mean to rush you. Forgive me. Do not be afraid.” He whispered, his voice strangely soothing, as if he understood what she meant.

“I'm sorry.” She mumbled in shame, feeling that she had ruined something that could have changed everything between them.

Her cousin raised himself on his elbow to look at her, but her big, red eyes made him freeze.

“Daor, hāedar (no, little sister). Gaomagon limagon daor (do not cry).” He said in a quiet, melodious tone, his large hand gently cupping her hot cheek.

“It was happening so fast. Your hand…”

She didn't finish as he leaned over her and placed a soft, gentle kiss on her lips. They stayed like that for a while without separating their bodies, her fingers grasping his, holding him close.

When he finally pulled away from her, his gaze was calm.

“I should have prepared you better. Explain what I want to do.” He said with a kind of weariness from which she felt a squeeze in her throat.

It was the first time he had spoken openly.

“Can you explain it to me now? So that I understand?” She asked, and he swallowed loudly, lowering his gaze for a moment.

He began to play with the material of her nightgown between his fingers, apparently struggling to find the right words to describe his desires.

“The source of a woman's pleasure, from what I understood from my brother's babble, is deep between her thighs. It is hidden there and must be found and caressed for a woman to achieve fulfilment.” He choked out finally, looking at her womb and hips, now hidden again under her shirt.

She twisted in her place, intrigued.

“The ladies of the court say that a man's tongue down there can perform wonders. But I don't know what they meant by that.” She said lightly.

She saw that he looked at her in shock, his nostrils twitched in a deep breath.

“You've heard about it too. From whom?” She asked amused.

He grunted and shrugged his shoulders, turning his head in the opposite direction.

“Aegon likes to brag about what he does to his whores and servants.” He muttered, feigning indifference, but his breathing, deep and uneven, betrayed him.

“Would you like to try it? That tongue thing.” He suggested suddenly, glancing in her direction out of the corner of his eye.

She drew in a loud breath, twisting in her place again, feeling her womanhood swell suddenly and pulsate around nothing at the very thought.

His mouth, down there.

“Doesn't it disgust you?” She mumbled in shame.

“You took a bath before you came to me, didn't you?”

“…I did.” She admitted, looking at him with wide eyes.

“So I can try. To satisfy our curiosity.” He proposed, apparently wanting to find any justification for what he wanted to do.

She nodded, feeling her heart in her throat, her stomach no longer filled with fear but with pure, hot excitement.

“If you don't like it, say so. I don't want to force you.” She said in a voice breaking with tension, watching in disbelief as he moved down, kneeling between her legs.

He threw her a meaningful look, in which she saw some kind of mockery.

“As if it's easy to force me to do anything against my will. Who do you think I am?” He asked with a wince, a slow, lazy movement of his hand lifting the material of her nightgown above her hips.

She had never been so exposed to anyone before in her life; she had to turn her gaze away to avoid looking at it and closed her eyes, trying to calm her breathing. Her hands tightened on the pillow on each side of her head when she felt him gently take her thighs in his rough hands and spread them slightly apart.

For a moment nothing happened; she thought he was just looking at her, or rather at what was between her legs. She sighed and flinched, surprised when his thumb ran down the length of her opening, apparently wanting to collect what had managed to leak out of her.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked uncertainly, clearly not understanding if her reaction was due to discomfort or not.

She shook her head quickly, looking up at him only to close her eyes again a moment later, overwhelmed by the helpless position she had just found herself in.

She was at his mercy.

He won't hurt me, she assured herself in spirit.

He promised me that, and he is a man of his word.

This thought calmed her.

Her heart thumped harder in her chest when she heard the bed creak loudly under the weight of his body, and then his hot breath enveloped her throbbing womanhood – a quiet moan of surprise broke from her throat when she felt his slick tongue run over her flesh, causing an aggressive shiver to pass down her spine.

She didn't have time to calm down after that first, shocking sensation, and his tongue again clung to her smooth, dripping cunt, licking it like a cat drinking milk – her hands involuntarily reached into his hair and clenched on it, her hips made a motion forward as if trying to sink into his face.

“– oh – yes –” She breathed out, but it seemed to her that this voice was not her own, its tones squeaky and girlish, full of surprise.

She thought her body was on fire, arching as it rocked to the rhythm of his caresses – she heard him sigh, obviously feeling her wetness begin to run down her buttocks. His lips closed gently around the sweet spot she felt most strongly and began to suck, making her cry out loudly, throwing her head back.

“– Aemond –” She whined out pleadingly, though she didn't know what she was really asking for – all she could hear and feel were the wet sounds of slurping and licking, lazy and unhurried, full of a thoroughness that drove her mad.

As she glanced down at him, for some reason wanting to see him now, she noticed that his eyelid was closed and he was completely absorbed in his task – his head was moving back and forth, disappearing again and again deep between her thighs.

It felt like a bolt of lightning pierced her lower abdomen when she felt his tongue burst inside her body and begin to thrust between her fleshy, hot walls.

“– g-gods – gods, oh, fuck, fuck, yes, yes, brother, here, right here, yes –” She begged, completely losing touch with reality, feeling nothing but overwhelming pleasure as again and again the tip of his tongue teased a spot deep inside her, from which the tension in her loins became unbearable.

She felt that some sort of peak was approaching, that if it lasted even a moment longer, her poor womanhood would simply explode.

“– ah! –” She almost screamed out in pleasure as a convulsion shook her body – she threw her head back, feeling a wonderful, overpowering, tickling wave of heat spread across her insides, flowing through her mouth, her breasts, her belly, down to her throbbing, leaking cunt.

She panted for a moment longer, wishing the feeling would never go away, until she froze powerless, breathing heavily with her eyes closed. She only looked up at him when she heard the quiet rustling of fabric, followed by quick, rhythmic, sticky splats – before she could make any sound his mouth was on hers, tasting foreign, salty and sweet at the same time.

She moaned into his throat, surprised when she felt something warm and long rub against her womanhood again and again – at first she was frightened that he craved fulfillment inside her, but contrary to her assumption, he did not try to take her. He caressed himself with his hand, squeezing his manhood at the very root, teasing its smooth tip by running it over her moist, oversensitive slit.

She murmured contentedly, sinking her hands into his long hair, letting it fall lightly against her body. Knowing that he was balancing on one hand and just giving himself pleasure with the other, she decided to help him achieve satisfaction, exactly as he had helped her.

He looked at her with his mouth wide open, breaking the kiss for a moment when he saw her slide her nightgown off her shoulders, revealing the fullness of her breasts to him. He closed his eyes and gave her a quiet little moan as she lifted his shirt up, exposing his chest, and with a gesture of her arms, encouraged him to let their bare skin touch.

“– hāedar – mmm –” He breathed out into her mouth, sliding his tongue deep into her throat, his free hand grasping her breast so that with every movement of his hips her nipple rubbed against his chest.

Her body was all flushed from what she had experienced with him earlier, and his uncontrollable, almost animalistic movements were giving her some strange kind of pleasure. She knew he didn't want to take advantage of her – on the contrary, he no longer knew what to do with the tension he himself felt in his loins and was looking for a way to take her while not depriving her of what should not yet be his.

She didn't know what he thought of it, but she let her hands roam over his bare neck and down his back under his shirt, to his exposed buttocks from which he had slipped his breeches off. His body twitched each time her fingers explored a new region of his skin that no one but himself had ever seen or felt before – the slaps of his hand became faster and harsher, his breath heavy in her throat, the bed on which they lay began to creak loudly under their weight.

And then suddenly he made a sound of strange relief, as if he had sighed deeply and was about to cry – she squealed quietly, surprised to feel something warm and sticky spill over her abdomen and thighs, realising after a moment that it was his seed.

His body fell inertly on top of her, as if what he had done had cost him all the strength he had left, and he drew in deep breath, apparently trying to calm himself. She felt his heart pounding hard in his chest, pressed tightly against hers – his manhood, still twitching and pulsing, now lying between his body and hers, was nestled against her stomach.

She stroked his hair and his back, cuddling her cheek into his temple, trying to calm down with him and comprehend what had really happened: their bodies were hot and wet with sweat, she felt a drop of it run down her spine.

She had never been more exposed, but she had also never felt more safe.

She wasn't sure if she should say anything – she really wanted to, however, she feared that the barrage of words that would flow from her mouth would simply overwhelm him after what had happened.

She suspected that, like her, her cousin was in a state of some sort of shock.

She blinked and shuddered when she suddenly heard his voice near her ear.

“Forgive me.”

She swallowed hard, feeling discomfort at the words, for some reason filled with guilt and resignation.

“What should I forgive you for?” She asked in a whisper, looking uncertainly in his direction.

Their eyes met.

“I was supposed to protect you. I didn't keep my word.” He said finally, startling her completely.

“You can't protect me from lust. You can only make it a pleasurable experience for me, in your strong, safe arms.” She replied with a kind of conviction that evidently impressed him, for he remained silent for a long time, looking at her with wide-open eye.

“You don't resent me?” He muttered, and she shook her head, smiling for some reason.

“No. I am happy that we are discovering these fascinating mysteries together. I could not imagine a more beloved and trusted companion for this journey.” She whispered, and he snorted, but she noticed in the darkness of the chamber that the corner of his mouth twitched upwards.

“Let's sleep.”

Aemond

When he woke up, the sun had not yet risen on the horizon – he always got up before dawn. The order of his day was predetermined and he didn't like anything to change his plans. First he would eat his morning meal, preferably one that would give him energy before sparring. Then he would move on to training his body, spending long hours in the courtyard with a sword in hand.

When this was behind him, he would take a nice hot bath in the privacy of his chamber, spending the rest of the day delving into old, thick tomes that smelled of dust. He was not fond of suppers with his family, for they bored him and were a time of mere, even simpering courtesy which he did not understand, he endured them, however, because he could then look at her in peace.

As in their childhood, she was sitting in exactly the same place now – opposite him, at the side of his sister Helaena, at the very end of the table.

To their right sat only Daeron.

Helaena was fond of her, because their cousin understood and respected her barriers. It was something he himself deeply valued in her – the fact that she could watch someone carefully and knew the boundaries she could not cross.

It made him, as well as his sister, enjoy being in her company – they knew they would not be surprised in an unpleasant way or put in a situation that would be uncomfortable for them.

In the case of her and Helaena, a sincere, warm friendship had grown between them over the years; he didn't mind this turn of events because he knew that his cousin didn't gossip about his sister with the other ladies of the court and that she kept her secrets, like his, deep in her heart.

He, of course, was not such a fool as to share his worries or thoughts with her, however, he would be lying if he said that he did not enjoy speaking with her, though he usually tried to give that impression.

“Will you stand to fight in a tournament in honour of our king's Name Day?” She asked him, putting her bow and arrows back in place while he sharpened his dagger, which he always carried with him.

Ever since she managed to tame Sheepstealer she has been more brazen than usual.

“Do you want to annoy me?” He answered dryly with a question to a question, not even looking at her despite his overwhelming desire to do so – her familiar scent reached his nose, making his manhood pulsate softly in his breeches.

His tongue swirling around her hard nipple, his two long fingers thrusting deep into her throbbing, hot cunt, all leaking with desire.

He felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine and he swallowed hard, trying to keep a stony face.

He heard her laugh behind him.

“No, but my wreath will have to fall to someone else. Pity. Perhaps I'll give my blessing to your uncle.” She said lightly, and he struggled to hold back the grimace of displeasure that pressed against his lips.

Gwayne was fond of her, and his affection was reciprocated – when he came to the Red Keep to visit his father and sister, he often chatted with her during supper and teased her in ways that drove him mad.

Usually, however, one sharp look from him over the table in her direction was enough for his cousin to turn to Helaena and pay no further attention to his uncle.

“Do what you want.” He burbled coldly, and she sighed heavily.

“Just don't be surprised.” She said disapprovingly, but before he had time to answer her anything she turned and disappeared into the depths of the castle, leaving him with her words and the discomfort he felt in his heart.

Did she really have to give anyone that fucking wreath?

On the other hand, what would it look like if she refused to give it to anyone?

What would his mother have said?

Whether he wanted to or not, he had to watch the next day as his uncle, proud in his armor, sat on his gray steed, holding aloft his lance, on which his cousin had placed a wreath of field flowers.

He looked ahead as she sat back between him and his sister, pretending not to feel how she pressed her arm against his. His gaze involuntarily fled to the side, to her hand, when he felt her little finger brush over his.

He swallowed hard and crossed his legs, shocked that this public expression of intimacy aroused him.

Did the people sitting behind them see it?

Rumors about the nature of their relationship had been spreading around King's Landing for years anyway.

His fingers involuntarily began to pluck the cuticles around his fingernails in some subconscious, nervous gesture full of excitement, the source of which he did not understand.

That night he took her for the first time.

At the beginning, it was simply a coupling similar to others they had experienced so far, but more fiery and loud, full of his frustrations and her assurances that she was faithful to him.

But then, instead of just rubbing his long manhood against the space between her thighs as usual, he decided to experience the warmth that was hidden deep inside her.

“– now I will receive my wreath – the only one that matters –” He exhaled into her ear, involuntarily pushing the tip of his length, swollen with pain and desire, against her moist, pulsing opening.

She let out a moan full of surprise and effort, her nails digging into the bare skin of his back.

“– Aemond – we can't – we can't –” She mewled and gasped as she felt that with a steady, slow thrusts he began to force his way into her hot, fleshy interior.

“– fuck –” He mouthed, feeling his heart pounding like mad, thinking that he shouldn't be doing this, but he had to, because he couldn't bear it any longer.

“– just let me –” He asked in a breaking voice, and she complied with his request.

She stared at him with her mouth wide open, trying to catch her breath as he began to move inside her, sinking deeper and deeper into her body with each deep push.

He pressed his forehead against hers, panting along with her, and stroked her sweaty cheek, looking at her with desperation, wordlessly asking her for forgiveness.

He expected it to be pleasurable, but didn't know it would be that much – her insides were warm and moist, enveloping his manhood on all sides, while squeezing him so tightly that he had trouble taking a deeper breath.

He had the impression that he was in some kind of trance, and the sounds that left their throats were not their own – their moans were high-pitched, similar to crying, her fingers clenched on his buttocks, her hips seeking rhythm with his thrusts, rocking back and forth.

“– I need this – do you understand? – I need you –” He mumbled in pain, imposing a faster, sharper pace on her, finally filling her completely.

His hips pounded against her buttocks with loud, wet splats, her moist, hot walls throbbing around his manhood, clenching against it in a way from which he felt like howling with pleasure.

“– here – please, here, brother –” She sobbed, arching her back so that the entirety of his manhood brushed against the upper wall inside her hot, spasming cunt.

“– here? – here it feels good? –” He panted with excitement, grabbing her hips in his hands, deliberately teasing the area she had showed him now – she threw her head back, her girlish cries of pleasure had to be enough of an answer for him.

“– yes – g-gods – ah –” She whimpered out, clearly experiencing it as extremely as he was, wriggling under him in pure ecstasy.

He just stared at her as his thumb ran over her swollen, plump lower lip, as her breasts bounced lightly with each of his deep, sharp stabs, until he finally felt what he so craved approaching.

An almost animalistic sound of relief came from his throat as he reached his peak inside her – he heard her sweet sound of pleasure and felt the shudder that shook her whole body, her leaking womanhood squeezing his cock greedily, sucking his seed deep inside her.

He collapsed on top of her and snuggled into her warm, sweaty skin, letting their arms embrace their figures tightly. They were both panting and quivering, feeling each other more than ever, wanting to stay that way.

As one.

He had promised himself, however, that he would never beget a bastard, and having his cousin drink moon tea was not an option for him.

He was not going to kill his own blood, his own heritage, his own child.

Then he decided that the time had come.

“Marry me.”

[midnightwriter21]

demon slayer hcs: motherly hashira!reader x the hashira pt 2

characters: fem!reader x muichiro, sanemi, mitsuri, obanai

AN: this is a pt 2 for the request from @danielle-marie

READ THE FIRST PART HERE

MUICHIRO

I LOVE THIS BABY SM U DONT UNDERSTAND

he's the hashira that ur most comfortable around

he was a hashira before u

but u get promoted and its an instinct

child.

must protect.

at first he probably gets annoyed by you

he's not used to someone caring for him the way that u do

but then one day ur sent on a long mission

maybe a few weeks long

and he finds himself missing something

of course he has no idea what it is that he's missing something

he completely forgot about u

but when you get back to the butterfly estate and he sees u

it clicks

he remembers

he missed you

he missed your overprotective nature

he missed your soft caring voice

he missed the way that you brush and style his hair

he REALLY missed that ^

walks up to u, grabs ur hand and tugs u away

doesn't care if you were talking to someone

and doesn't say a word

brings you to his favorite cloud watching spot with a tight grip on your hand

makes you sit down

and lays his head in ur lap

stop im squealing and kicking my feet from the cuteness

SANEMI

my guyyyyyy

have i ever told yall that i love him?

only in every single thing i post

anyways

he HATES you at first

lmfao rip u

your shy and quiet nature reminds him of giyuu

and if theres one person sanemi can't stand

its giyuu

therefore he don't fw u

and doesn't pay u much attention

UNTILLLLL

he witnesses u pulling genya by the ear to the infirmary after a mission

and telling genya tf off for pulling som stupid shit during the mission

+100 respect right there

not only are u actually talking

but ur screaming??

at his brother??

and taking care of him at the same time?????

my guy is lucky if he doesn't pop a boner right there lmfaooo

starts paying more attention to u after that

and is noticeably a lot nicer and calmer around you

will blush beet red and deny tf out of it if the other hashira comment abt his change of heart

but def develops a soft spot for u

MITSURI

SWEETEST HUMAN BEING TO EVER EXIST EVER

she loves u

ofc she does she's the love hashira

but in mitsuri's mind how could she not absolutely ADORE u

not only are you breathtakingly beautiful in her eyes

but she sees the way u interact with the younger slayers

how u genuinely care for everyone's wellbeing

if she wasn't looking for a husband she would wife u tf UP

she still might lol

mitsuri is gonna go out of her way to become friends with you

she's inviting u to her estate for girl's night with shinobu

she's dragging u along to her favorite restaurant for lunch

she's inviting u to join her at the hot springs to relax

she really enjoys ur presence

even if ur shy she thinks ur very soothing to be around

she loves when you do her hair!!

and when u cook for her??

mitsuri alrdy eats a lot

but if u made the food for her??

girl is not letting a CRUMB go to waste

loves the way u take care of everyone

especially when u take care of her

10/10 would recommend a mitsuri

OBANAI

someone pls love this man

he needs it so bad

so dude had SHIT parents

like bad bad

so when he sees ur interactions with the younger slayers he's prob a lil put off at first

like ma'am?

this is the demon slayer corps??

we don't have time for all ur mothering and coddling

but then he's injured on a mission

and waiting in the infirmary for shinobu to show up and patch him up

and then u bust through the doors???

confused asf

shinobu is on a mission and you've been helping out in the infirmary

so looks like ur the one taking care of him today

and turns out his injury is bad enough to land him an extended stay in his lil hospital bed

and after a few days of u taking care of him

with ur red face and soft stuttered words

he learns that you're not so bad

and he actually enjoys being around you

and being taken care of

won't voice this tho

but when Aoi comes in to give him his meds one day he gives himself away by accident

with a

"where's y/n?"

he's a blushing grumbling mess after that lol

after he discharged best believe the next time he gets injured he's not even going to the infirmary

he's hunting u tf down

nobody else gets to take care of him except YOU

and thats period.

[softsunnyy]

hi!!! i just saw your luke hughes thing and I LOVE IT 🥰 but I’m more of a jack girlie so could you write about jack being protective to you after some crazy devils fan is rude to you?

hi sweetie!! sorry it took me a couple days, hope u like it <33

here's some angsty and fluffy Jack just for u

the place was electric, full with fans wearing your boyfriend's team jerseys, and many wearing his last name on the back. Lights illuminating the ice, music filling your ears. People drinking, smiling children, couples in love, and friends betting. 

today would be different tho, because you'll sit close to the ice, away from your friends who usually sat higher up. Jack asked you, convincing you with a couple of kisses and sweet words that made you giggle with love. 

the Devils are facing the Flyers, and you hope it´ll be one of those games that has you on the edge of your seat, screaming and cheering. 

your boyfriend's team has been going through a rough patch, with some heartbreaking losses and others really frustrating.

you had seen Jack in a bad mood, frustrated with himself, and receiving constant talks from different people telling him to just shoot the puck.

you´re his support, even before you were a couple. You keep him grateful, reminding him why he loves what he does so much every day. You help him enjoy, but also process his emotions, giving him a safe space to be himself; away from the cameras, the press, the judging eyes and the cruel questions. 

your relationship is not that new, but for months no one outside your private circle knew about it. You both preferred it that way; private. Unfortunately, one night a video was leaked of the two of you in your car, arriving at a game when some fans stopped you. Since then you´ve also been part of his public life, where some of his fans love you, talking about how happy you make him; and others hate you, saying that the Devils' recent results are due to you and your relationship with their star. 

you usually try to avoid these comments, knowing full well that most of them come from people who are frustrated, and who are trying to find a reason, someone to blame, so they don't get angry with their team anymore. You understand it, you don't share it, but you can understand where they´re coming from, and you try your best not to take it too personally.

when the game started, the speed was incredible, mesmerizing. Your eyes move, following the players. You cheer, you get angry, you get happy. You're caught up in the game, becoming one with the people in the crowd, hoping that luck will be in your favor that night. 

the first two periods were tense. Some stupid penalties, many shots on goal, but no goals. The crowd is hungry. The chants from the fans are incredibly loud, stunning you. 

anxiety consumes you, you want the game to move forward, for the boys to win. Besides being Jack's girlfriend, you're a fan of the sport, you understand what you're watching and you get to a point where your emotions depend a little on how that game went. 

you get frustrated, you get happy, you live it as if you were playing. You even try to learn from the players, giving your boyfriend some advice when you sit on the couch to watch the replay, making him notice certain details that can help him.

that's why you feel devastated. With only 20 seconds left, in a 0-0 game, one of them steals the puck from Jack and scores the winning goal, in front of a stunned, hopeless arena, that went completely silent for a few seconds. 

you see the faces of the team as they begin to surrender, sighing, convincing themselves that in the remaining seconds they´re not gonna be able to do anything. 

but what hurts you the most is seeing Jack's face, and the way it fills with frustration. His stick crashed on the ice when he returned to the bench 

it's a depressing end to a game that everyone thought would end differently. You could already see the articles for the next few hours, or the cruel comments from the reporters. Everyone questioning Jack, like in his first season. 

with a sigh you get up, ready to buy something to drink before approaching the locker room, knowing that the boys would take a while before coming out. 

as you went to buy a coffee, you tried to be quick, trying not to be seen. You thought you won, but as you were on your way to the locker room, with your coffee in hand, someone called your name, making you turn around, with tense shoulders and somewhat confused. 

“yes?” you asked, seeing a man, somewhat drunk, approach you.

“you should tell your boyfriend to learn how to play, y´know?” he said, slurring his words and standing a little too close for your liking. You frowned, moving away slightly as you tried not to grimace at the smell of alcohol reaching your face. 

“sure... have a good night,” you said quietly, trying to avoid the situation, feeling nervous with the interaction. 

“i always said that bitches make these players play like shit,” he said, ignoring the way you wanted to leave. “Jackie’s been playing like a pussy since he started dating you.” You tried to keep walking, but he was coming up behind you, his voice rising with every word. A few people turned to look, but kept walking, clearing that area in a matter of seconds as everyone left frustrated after that game. 

“excuse me, sir, i understand your frustration but…” you started to say, turning to look at him, your senses on alert and anxiety seeping into every part of your body. He interrupted you before you could finish. 

“no, you clearly don’t understand, you’re just a silly brat who’s ruining our star.” He approached you again, your hand gripping the coffee tighter, full of tension. 

“i’m sorry sir, i didn’t…”

“shut up!” he raised his voice, and a sharp pain settled in your chest. Your legs feel like jelly and you feel nauseous. You wanna run, scream, leave. You feel humiliated, scared, frustrated. You want to leave. You wanna throw your coffee and run to your car, away from people, away from that. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” he asked you, frowning and getting dangerously close to you. 

at that moment a hand landed on your waist, fast, agile, and moved you backwards. Soon your boyfriend’s body was in front of you, facing the man, who opened his eyes wide, surprised. The man stammered, distracted, forgetting for a moment all the rage he felt. 

Jack was about to explode. He was coming out of the locker room, with Timo at his side. His head was somewhere else, and all he wanted was to take refuge in your arms and recharge his energy. It was a surprise when his teammate gently nudged him with his elbow to get his attention. 

his stomach dropped, his breath hitching. Anxiety, surprise, panic. He could see the way your body looked smaller and smaller.

he reacted automatically, moving before he could think twice. 

“man, what a surprise,” the man said, still disoriented. Jack could smell the alcohol on his breath and frowned. 

“do you have a problem?” he asked, his voice calm, although you noticed the coldness in his words. His arm stretched out at his side, preventing you from getting closer. 

the man laughed nervously and uncomfortably, not looking at you again, now with his eyes fixed on the floor. 

“i don’t wanna see you near her, if you have a problem, you can come talk to me or the coach, or whoever, but not her.” Jack stared at him. Out of the corner of your eye you saw everyone slowly getting closer. Timo had warned them. They were there, they were protecting you too. 

“yeah, i’m sorry,” the man muttered, his face and neck flushed and still looking at the floor. 

“don’t apologize to me man, apologize to her.” this time, Jack failed to hide the disgust in his voice, and he complied, looking at you with panicked eyes. 

“i’m sorry, kiddo, i actually like your relationship, i’m just a little frustrated.” he tried to laugh, but when no one laughed with him he just apologized and tried to leave as quickly as possible. They’ll have to keep an eye on him from now on, Jack thought.

when you saw him disappear behind the doors, the air left your lungs shakily, the now cold coffee almost slipping from your hand. Your body leaned forward, and your free hand rested on your thigh. Jack quickly turned to look at you, and with one of his hands he gently caressed your back. 

“are you okay, babe?” he asked in a sweet and low voice. He knew the answer, but he wanted to check that you were paying attention. You nodded in response, although both of you knew the truth. 

they gave you a few minutes to lower the tension, and then one by one the boys and your friends approached to make sure you were okay, wishing you two a good night and then saying goodbye. 

Luke isn't going to stay with you that night, since he won't be home. So before he left he came over to you to hug you tightly, almost breaking that image of security that you had tried to maintain. Whispers of comfort filled your ear before he pulled away, and with a small smile he left.

when you and Jack were alone, he took your hand and quickly led you to the car. You quickly climbed into the passenger seat, and when he sat down, it only took you a couple of seconds before you burst into tears. His arms wrapped around you tightly, moving your body and settling you on his lap. There, in his arms, was your safe place, where you could break and put yourself back together. 

Jack spent the night reminding you how important you are to him, because he would never let you forget that, but at the same time, you did not forget him, and you tried your best to comfort him. 

cuddled up in the bed you both share, you found your safe place again, where everything would be okay no matter what, because you have each other.

divider by: @cafekitsune