#There’s a power differential but I don’t think Marcus sees it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sarahjkl82-blog · 4 years ago

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I have a question about Anushka & Marcus but I'm worried that it veers very close to spoiler territory so feel free to hoard this ask till we reach this point in the story! So the principal conflict between Jas and Nush was that there was a massive power differential between them in terms of career goals and prospects. Now Marcus is her boss. How do you think Anushka would reconcile her own career ambition with being in a romantic relationship with him? Love you lots Sarah, have a nice day x

Ooooh, you’re a minx! So this is an incredibly hard point to explain without giving away part of the ending so I am going to try to do my best to answer and yet not (and also truly hope that this makes sense!).

As you say, Anushka is pretty devoted to her work- in fact, I’d go as far to say that it was pretty much what she felt her defining factor was. She’s from a mixed family- her father is a white English man and her mother from Pakistan- both with their own professional careers (both now retired) plus the added element of immigrant work ethic so she had two stellar examples of complete workaholism. She has also very much stepped away from the expectations of the family- she has not gone into medicine so she has an added element of feeling like she has to prove herself whilst also hiding what it is she actually does for her career.

Poor Nush! She has so much to try and balance- it’s hardly surprising that at times she is so inept and feels so broken.

Coming back to the ask- So whilst she was with Jasper, she was wholly aware of the power imbalance and to me that’s the main reason that she says no to marrying him. He didn’t understand or accept his white man privilege, thereby allowing her to be pushed to one side and not questioning why she felt that way or addressing it in work. Not a bad man, just a really lazy one who enjoyed the benefits of the white patriarchy. PART OF THE BLOODY PROBLEM!

Now Marcus- he’s highly unlike Jasper in that he can see the imbalance and injustices that occur. He already spotted Nush becoming twitchy in that meeting where that man talked over her and loved that she had scrawled TWAT across her notes as a response. Now it might seem that Marcus didn’t speak up for her here but he felt that Nush had it perfectly under control and didn’t want to talk over her, thereby silencing or making her seem too weak to deal with a dickwad like him.

Of course, Marcus has already shown how much confidence he places in Nush’s prowess. Getting her to lead in relaying the information at Interpol is the first instance of this. We actually see this happen in the Mentalist too- where Marcus asked for Patrick Jane’s help. Whilst he’s outstanding at his job, he’s unafraid of asking for additional support where needed which we see him doing with Nush. And as we see him saying to her, he doesn’t quite understand why she didn’t go for lead role in the team. Her confidence has been so destroyed with everything that has happened in the past that she needs to rebuild herself before she’s able to take on that role.

As for their future relationship... Marcus keeps everything above board from the off so that the team and their superiors are aware and know that it won’t affect their work. You’ll see Nush struggle with that as she doesn’t really know how to have an above board relationship- Jas was her first real long term one so despite being older, she has zero experience to understand how it should work. Marcus also has to take things carefully too as he’s been so broken by Lisbon and his ex-wife- such an eager to please puppy that he puts his own needs off to ensure that Nush is ok (hence @silverwolf319 ‘s ask!).

I don’t think anyone needs to worry that Nush will become that archetypical housewife (and there is nothing wrong with wanting that either- it’s just not Nush!). She will always need to work as it’s such a huge part of her - where she finds value and meaning from the world. Nush is so incredibly passionate and involved in her work that separating her from it is not possible. With Marcus, as her boss, exalting her and helping to put her in positions where others can appreciate her excellence, people in London start to remember what made Nush so amazing.

Nush also has to do her own work on understanding what’s happened to her plus the work she has to put in to rebuild herself post Jasper and everything that happened in London, there is no way that she will sacrifice that for anyone even the dreamy Agent Pike!

Marcus, however...

So before I spoil too much of the storyline, I shall leave it there!

I love you @leonieb ❤️❤️❤️

Tag list for AI: @yespolkadotkitty @astroboots @disgruntledspacedad @danniburgh @pedropascalito @green-socks @silverwolf319 @agirllovespancakes @absurdthirst @zukoyonce @tardisfangurl @sirowsky @the-ginger-hedge-witch @lv7867 @songsformonkeys

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sazandorable · 5 years ago

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MAG146 got me thinking again about the (few) people who get away and the ones that don’t

this isn’t particularly important or new but i just think it’s neat how there are, broadly, 3 different manners in which people continue to get supernatural experiences after a first encounter, sometimes until death (and they weren’t very obviously different at the start of the series):

deliberate chasing by a person/sentient being (eg: the Distortion playing with the McKenzies, the way Jude Perry still keeps an eye on the kid of her first victim and intended to hurt Jack Barnabas, Carlos Vittery was most likely a victim of revenge for his spider-murder, seems to have been Mike Crew’s case, the blanket monster from Tucked In, Jane Prentiss coming after the Archives)

a non-sentient monster/item/place just... existing around you, and not out to get you specifically (eg: the garbage at the house from Thrown Away, Ivo Lensik going back to work on Hill Top Road, the giant thing in space that Jan Kilbride heard and eventually encountered just because... he was... in space..., the being that may or may not have been standing Upon The Stair, the exterminator from Pest Control who probably just keeps running into unrelated Corruption cases coincidentally because of his job; lots of Leitners as well as the vase from Lost And Found may count, though lots of them do seem to attach themselves to the statement-giver specifically after a possibly accidental first encounter)

the pure essence of a fear unleashing on you (eg: Jason North having his entire life burnt and destroyed in Burnt Offering; possibly also the nature of the curse of Piecemeal and the reason why Oliver Banks just randomly started having dreams; possibly Decrypted; quite probably the nature of Jon’s dreams)

And these explain why someone may or may not manage to get away for good.

In the 1st case, you might get away for real if the chaser just decides to stop bothering (with) you (the Distortion didn’t need to eat Marcus McKenzie and could have conceivably gotten bored of its game with him), or is given reason to (Jack Barnabas — although the Lightless Flame might come after him now that Gertrude has died), or is destroyed before you are (Julia has probably gotten away from the Church and its beast). Or you might just die from something else first (Paul McKenzie... technically was natural causes).

In the 2nd case, if you were just there, and not a specific target, chances are you can get out scot-free (or could have if you’d realised what the issue was coming from in time). The coroner from Taken Ill lost her hand because she came into direct contact with the infection, but she’s probably good now.

In the 3rd case... you’re fucked. Although Jason North, with his sacrifice, did manage to stop it from affecting his son!

So it’s interesting to differentiate those cases and realises that you’re not always necessarily doomed — you rarely truly are, actually! Most of the time, it’s ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘just’’’’’’’ a matter of encountering something powerful without the knowledge nor means to fight it, but someone (like Gertrude, Gerry, Adelard...) might conceivably survive the exact same situation.

... And one of my favourite things is when we or the characters think it’s one situation, and it turns out to be really another.

There’s a very big difference between the child of Jason North from Burnt Offering and the child of Nicholas Tregenza, Jude Perry’s first victim from Twice as Bright. Jason managed to save his son because the Desolation was unleashed on him, specifically; if he had been pursued by an avatar, it’s likely that they would have just moved on to his son to continue feeding from him, the way Jude is doing with Desmond Tregenza.

The Montauks seemed to be doomed and pursued for life by the Dark, but it was all very deliberate and stemming from personal grudges, and Julia has outlived the Church.

Similarly but with a different outcome, Sebastian Adekoya did not die from boneturning because he had encountered The Boneturner’s Tale. He could conceivably have lived long and gone the rest of his life not running into any other supernatural event. He just died from having been considered a prick by Jared Hopworth, who decided to kill him.

Evan Lukas: until Family Business, I assumed he’d ‘naturally’ died from going against his ‘nature’ as a servant of the Lonely, but Gerry and Jon raise the possibility that he was just killed off by his angry family.

... For a long time, I thought Not!Sasha was chilling and just existing and living its monster life, and while Sasha’s death was tragic and horrifying, it was almost funny to see Jon go insane with paranoia while completely skipping over her. BUT NO. NOT!SASHA VERY MUCH HAD SPECIFIC PLANS TO FUCK WITH JON SPECIFICALLY.

Tim was never chased by the Stranger. Nikola recognised him, but they didn’t seem to be after him; he only kept encountering them and running into circus cases because he was actively searching for it. He got away the first time; he could, conceivably, have never encountered them again. He almost did and I genuinely think it wasn’t doomed fate, just choices and real coincidence that the Unknowing was attempted in his lifetime.

... and perhaps I do have a small point after all:

... Before this occurred to me, I thought that Jon was touched-by-the-spiders for life and couldn’t ever truly escape them. But that’s not at all necessarily the case — there are quite a few statement-givers that have had 1 accidental encounter and that was it. Meaning...

1) The fact that there are still spiders after him means something more — they have a specific reason to still be chasing him. It’s not just to be expected because he happened to half-read a book twenty years ago.

2) ... He’s not doomed. He might be able to get away from them after all, one way or another. Perhaps even in as simple a way as killing Annabelle or even just yelling at her really hard until she gets bored, or if someone manages to get rid of his lighter for good.

#the magnus archives #meta

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cruciformity · 5 years ago

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Christianity: the only way to God?

One of the most contentious issues today for Christians is the division between those who believe Christianity is the only path to God and those who think it is one of several equally valid ways. It is unfortunate but not surprising that the split has become so binary but this seems to be human nature - action and opposite reaction. The funny thing is both share the same problem. At this point you might be thinking how can such diametrically opposed approaches have the same difficulty, but bear with me.

I'll start with looking at Christianity as one of several paths to God. I doubt anyone who takes that view believes that literally all religions lead to God. For example, most would want to exclude cults. They would narrow it down somehow. The question is: how can we determine which is an authentic path?

It is surprisingly challenging to differentiate objectively between a cult and a religion. To quote others who responded to me on a forum: "Cults...seem like fledgling religions with a devout following". They "are always defined by their enemies. Nobody has ever said 'We are a cult.'"

A useful definition a responder gave me was: "a cult as an organization with:

a leader who cannot be questioned or criticized

a system of mind control and brainwashing

a history of threatening, intimidating and retaliating against critics"

Even the above though is problematic because many religions not usually labelled cults have shown those symptoms. For example, Christians have killed each other over theological differences, for example in the historical conflicts between Protestants and Catholics.

The theologian, Marcus Borg, used the idea of "enduring religions", which seemed satisfactory until I began to wonder what he meant by "enduring". For example, scientology and the Unification Church have been around for more than half a century, but few would want to include them in the list of valid ways.

One proposal was that he was referring to those that have survived for more than 1000 years, but the issue I see with that centres on how they have endured. For example, the ancient Inca and Aztec religions didn't last because Christians exterminated and force converted the populations. Conversely, long thriving religions, notably Christianity and Islam, were spread by empires through violent conquest. The endurance of a religion then is less about how it helps a person improve their relationship with God and looks more like a function of success in war.

Another idea was to consider how the religion uses its power, authority or influence, but given the frequency with which these attributes have been used negatively, this does not help much either.

The issue is that whatever criterion we have looked at so far, it ends up being rather subjective and actually that's also the issue with Christianity being the only way to God. If that's the case, what about cults within the faith? If we narrow it down by doctrines, who decides what is essential and what isn't. Which of the many many denominations, mostly formed as a result of theological arguments, have the "correct" set of views?

I'd like to suggest that the one way we know as Christians to God is the one that Jesus showed us, a path we can stick to if we are willing to take up our crosses and follow Him. This is not some abstract assent to a set of precepts, but a call to partake in a journey, one which will inevitably involve self sacrifice for the sake of our neighbours and enemies. We are to concretely love as Jesus demonstrated in the gospels.

What does this mean regarding the validity of any particular religion, X (insert religion here)? I think the honest answer is I don't know, in fact I can't even pretend to know since I haven't studied X to anything like the degree I've examined Christianity. Nevertheless, my feeling is that to the extent to which X encourages the kind of compassion, humility and other positive qualities that Jesus had, (which reveal to us God's character and nature of self giving love), it will lead adherents towards rather than away from His path, something that I touch on in my faith journey analogy.

In short, I know that Jesus is the Way and it is He who guides me. I cannot say if other religions can lead their worshippers to discover the same Way - I will not assert their validity nor will I boldly claim their falseness or inferiority. The furthest I will go towards forming an opinion about where any individual's faith is taking them is to look at their fruits.

#jesus #faith #Christ #Christianity #christlike #cruciform #cruciformity #cruciform theology #pluralism

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5questions · 6 years ago

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Joselia Hughes

Joselia "Jo" Hughes is a Black 1.5-generation Cuban-Jamaican-Guyanese-American writer and artist from the Bronx. She lives with Sickle Cell Disease (HBSC) and ADHD.

Where did you find the 3rd grade poem? How did you decide to include it? What other collage or found art/poetry do you like?

The 3rd grade poem was from a collection of student works, Witch’s Brew, released by my grammar school, Horace Mann. I have two issues from 2nd and 3rd grades. Both of my works were quartered in the “Fantasy” section. There was another section called “Feelings” and, I think, The Sky more accurately suggests a feeling. Scratch that: it explicitly discusses a feeling. This misidentification by academic administration/curatorial staff (which doubles as a political demonstration) is telling. I think it explains a lot about the root confusion between what I have felt/feel to know as Experientially True versus what I’m told to know as The Truth. When considering the emotional and material lives of Black femmes, we must remember Black femmes have been historically disallowed, disavowed and dispossessed of creative virtuosity. Too often, we are strapped in the monolith of stereotyped caricature dictated by the manifested destiny written into commandments/constitution of misogynoir. Black femme virtuosity is reappropriated, regesticulated and worn like some earned bloody body wisdom by the Opps (Oppressive Forces). While I didn’t have those terms as a child, I experienced the consequences of misogynoir in conjunction with dis/ableism and classism, which aren’t separate entities but necessary vices that amplify asphyxiation. Is disabled Black femme loneliness only permissible when classified as fantasy? That shit don’t sit right in my spirit. I also used the poem because the title is Witch’s Brew and my zine, Heartbeats But No Air (HBNA), is a kind of exorcism. A few years ago, I pieced together that my maternal grandmother was a covertly practicing Bruja. With the widening reclamation of ancestral wisdom by BIPOC, in an effort to decolonize our existences, I was tapping into that tender tendon of wisdom.

Understanding my grandmother’s practice reminded me that she wanted to name me Darthula Verbena (daughter of God, enchanting and medicinal). I started referring to myself as DV, my pre-name, and inspected my childhood. That’s been a remarkable endeavor. I had to teach myself to play again. Through play, I learned how to feel. Learning feeling meant learning the qualitative and quantitative nature of the labyrinth of my thoughts. Once I learned some of the turns of the labyrinth, I could feel to know how to navigate the terrain without fear and engage in the rigorous study that’s always characterized my central self. Play is a code switch. I often think of code switching as a means to subvert/refigure power differentials. To hide in plain sight by retooling “seeing” to perception/sensing. How much are we perceiving/sensing? How often do we mean perception/sensing yet default to “sight”? Perception/Sensing adds dimensionality that isn’t always articulated with and through “sight” and “seeing”. Ralph Ellison’s identification of “lower frequencies” and J. Halberstam’s configurations of Low Theory do this work. I toy with these multiplicities in the zine. I work low to the ground which means I work close to my heartbeat, my central drum. I work meta; I go beyond. I like to sprinkle codes, tickle clues, tuck in questions, sew in wisdoms so I know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, who I’m doing it for and to always remember the fun of FLiP (Feeling, Learning, iPlaying).

Some of the works/folks who’ve helped me FLiP are Dana Robinson’s meditative and piercing collages; Zulie’s mind bending, heart wrenching, time suspending zines; Nikki Wallschlaeger’s I HATE TELLING YOU HOW I REALLY FEEL; Seth Graham’s tattoo practice/paintings/unbounded love of outer space (they’ve done 3/4 of my tattoos); Amanda Glassman’s razor sharp poetry and encyclopedic curiosity; L’Rain's music has literally helped me scale the side of a mountain and carried me through hospitalizations; KT PE Benito’s multidisciplinary liberation praxis and collaborative friendship; Zoraida Ingles' holistic creative prowess (a conversation with her is why Heartbeats But No Air, as a title, exists); and Marcus Scott Williams’ writings/video/sculpture work that readily embraces the persistence of ephemera. This isn’t an exhaustive list—I have a solid library of books and papers and zines and tunes at my crib—but, genuinely, I’m inspired by everyone I’ve had the honor to encounter.

There are themes of love and race and beauty and culture and self-transformation in this book. Paired randomly, some pieces may not make as much common sense together, but as a whole, it feels powerful and cohesive. What was the structuring process like for this chapbook? Each zine is different, right?

It is one zine. I find it cool that you consider HBNA a chapbook made up of many zines. The word chapbook had never crossed my mind. I walked into the process with DIY zine logic and HBNA was printed using office photocopiers. I think the feeling of cohesion you mention is what happens when you witness a lot of parts of one person. In this case, you’re witnessing a lot of different parts of me, my thoughts, my actual labor. Whole is the goal ‘cuz people are whole. I am whole. I consider HBNA a single revolution of myself— one big twirl around a fire, a sun. I was in a very strange place. I’d alleviated, with the help of acupuncture and CBD products, a significant amount of the chronic pain I’d been experiencing since August 2014. I fell around love with someone and rose in love to myself (thanks Ms. Morrison and Ms. Stanford!). I was in an unfamiliar painless trance. I created and tinkered with all of those pieces during a very short period of time from Summer 2017 to Summer 2018. HBNA was originally named Girl Pickney (the prose pieces were written under that moniker) and before that NggrGrl (a nod to Dick Gregory). I wrote the poetry in an even shorter period of time—March to July 2018—and the poems are actually part of a full length collection that I wrote in those four months. I didn’t decide on the layout of the zine until I was with two friends formatting it for printing two days before I was going to read at The Strand and sell it. I kept all the pages, the puzzle pieces, in a folder. A lot of book structuring, for me, is based on emotional knowing—when to slap, when to pound, when to breathe, when to confuse, when to stun, when to anger, when to tell, when to soothe. All of my structuring decisions are fly about to get swatted dead but fast enuf to fly away first intuitive. If I’m channeling that intuition, I know I’m in running in the proper heat and lane.

You were in an MFA program at one point. How does this chapbook contrast with your style from before that program and during that program? Did that program have an effect on your writing? This doesn’t feel like the most MFA-y writing, which is why I ask, and which I mean as a compliment.

I’ve attended a few schools. I’ve completed fewer than I’ve attended. Until my late 20s, I was shy and desperate for people, those noun-verbs, to stay. This desire for people to stay meant I spent an inordinate about of time and energy relegating the difficult parts of myself to the margins of the margins and continually stepped into social/academic shoes that did not fit. HBNA was the first fitting of the bespoke shoes I can now emotionally afford to make. The first copies I sold had typos! I misspelled my own pre-name and that’s exactly what I needed to happen. It needed it to happen because I’m full of mistakes and yet! I try! I understand HBNA as a radical refutation of embarrassment. Depending on when you purchased a copy, you’ll see I used white-out to make a few corrections. No two zines are the same; only 80 copies exist. I’m printing 12 more copies (they’ve already been claimed) and then on to new pastures! The zine was printed in three different places (two offices I don’t work in and a local printing shop) and I was lugging around 800 individual sheets of paper that I stapled, numbered, indexed and decorated with stickers by myself…standing barefoot on the carpet of Staples in Co-Op City, listening to Ryo Fukui’s Early Summer on repeat until I finished and then I jetted to the Strand to read. HBNA was how I knew to embody my physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual labor. I’m a goofball with zany ideas, an indifference to external definitions of relevancy, sickled cells and a lot of chaotically grounding love. I write for myself first. Of the school lessons I did receive and learn, there weren’t many I didn’t later disassemble to rebuild, freak unfamiliar or completely misunderstand. J. Halberstam calls this “failing”. Rejigging failure has been such a gift to me. How wonderful! A failure AND still happening? Fuck yeah! I was a wildly uneven student whose knees buckled at mere thought of rigid academic authority. After years of shame and refusal, I can finally admit I am an autodidact. I intentionally get lost and navigate in and to the direction of my own senses. School didn’t teach me to write for myself and that’s who I always have to write for. If that’s selfish, so be it. I am my first audience. If I’m sus of me, then me and myself got foundational problems. I know my writing is non-institutional and that lack of institutional alignment and support, while scary as shit, pushes me to make and take risks to believe beyond the immediate demands/plans/remands of whatever external force I am facing. My writing is constantly colliding into A New I can’t predict. I’m fully committed to unfolding, unraveling, for curiosity’s sake.

What’s a typical day like for you?

My day to day life is as predictable as it is unpredictable. I am formally unemployed and have been for awhile. I live on very little cash and am kept afloat because my mom is a gem and hasn’t kicked me out. My days are 100% influenced by the weather and I spend a good portion of my time negotiating how to minimize the occurrence of vaso-occlusive crises and other complications from the disease I have, Sickle Cell. Between January 2018 and January 2019, I was hospitalized three times. Each hospitalization was about a week long and recovery took significantly longer.

Here’s a sketch of what I call a really great day: I wake up before 10. If the night’s sleep was especially restorative, I can comfortably rise at 8. Depending on how my body feels, depending on how much pain I’m enduring, how much fatigue is shrouding/clouding my faculties, I decide if I have the energy to take a shower. I do the bathroom routine, get a cup of orange juice and take my medications (Endari, sometimes Adderall, Folic Acid). I use the first hours of wakefulness to connect with loved ones via text-phonecalls-DMs and browse the internet for headlines-news-updates-new smiles. I wear my fits comfortable. I call comfort my uniform—upend normcore to body sensible—sweatpants/leggings, pullover, one earring (although I’m leaning to pairs again), handy dandy baseball cap and sneakers. I keep it simple. If the weather is aight—if it isn’t too cold or too hot and if precipitation is mostly at bay and air quality isn’t extremely poor—I go outside and get some living exercise. When able, I take extremely long walks. Once I walked over 50 miles in a week! It’s my preferred form of meditation. Walking/body movement grounds my ADHD symptoms more effectively than stimulants, strengthens my body for potential Sickle Cell episodes and satiates my unyielding need to feel connected to other people. I’m at my best when outside and happening. Illness can create an inescapable interiority. Inside reminds me of the hospital and my relationship with the hospital is, at best, fraught. Walking allows me to follow myself. I engage in peek-a-boo with babies, witness accidents, smile at strangers, duck the eyes of leering people and learn how to love differently too. I go to playgrounds and swing. I take photos and notes. If I’ve got a lil cash, I ride the subway for fun. I poke into shops, admire graffiti and other street signs. I have one woman dance parties on sidewalks. I rest on park benches and read. I pick up grub from hole in the wall spots—you know—I live my life and embrace as much as I can while centering kindness and gentle flow. The walks are my favorite part of my job, which I do not have. When I return home, I rest then get to crafting which I sometimes call spelling. Crafting/Spelling can be anything from adding to my I-Box, spitting verses from the abstract (poetry), spinning short stories, detailing journal entries, doodling, painting, knitting, researching & studying, dancing & stretching, bugging out on Twitter or reading. My bedroom is my studio so I work small yet widely. I intentionally provide myself with many targets so I can a) keep my thoughts and feelings flowing b) find the connections between all of my actions and c) mitigate the stress that sits in the heart of a lone project. I am a multifaceted, multifauceted being. Why not turn on all the taps?

The more long form prose pieces in here have the feel of nice punch-y flash fiction. Are you writing a fiction collection without poems and collage in it? I want to read that, too :)

Hahaha! You’re onto me! Yeah, I am writing another book of poems, a manifesto zine and a collection of fiction. I’ve been writing a collection of fiction since 2012. I had a lot of the difficultly writing the fiction because I was too attached to the title, the characters I conceived needed to grow up with me, and I experienced many years of unremitting and improperly managed mental and physical illness. I was holding onto and telling lies. The shame woven into those lies kept me silent and scared. All of that shit needed to get integrated or dropped. I couldn’t enter the prose/fiction I’m currently writing without learning how to survive myself and the world and bottom-belly-believe in survival too. I’m getting there— healing with primary, secondary and tertiary intentions. Won’t say much about the fiction pieces of than: ~15 stories, lyrically speculative fiction, capital B Black, disabled, and queerfemme parables of creation and destruction and maintenance. My website is in flux but I do readings and performances. Hit me up on Instagram , Twitter or email me at [email protected]. Might take a minute for me to respond because I’m thoughtful yet questionably organized. Now go play, ya’ll!

Unintentionally wrote a poem in the interview. I call it A.B.B in Lieu of A.B.C

beyond

fly, about to get swatted dead but fast enuf to fly away first,

always believe beyond

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chotan-mol-blog · 6 years ago

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Dark Core Personality Test

Kaio Susuzi

Egoism: “Excessive concern with one’s own pleasure or advantage at the expense of community well-being.” (Weigel et al. 1999)

Machiavellianism: “Manipulativeness, callous affect, and a strategic, calculating orientation.” (Jones & Paulhus 2014)

Moral Disengagement: “A generalized cognitive orientation that differentiates one’s thinking towards unethical behavior.” (Moore et al. 2012)

Narcissism: “An all-consuming drive towards ego-reinforcement and an egotistical interest in, or admiration of, one’s self.” (Jones & Paulhus 2014; Smith 2017)

Entitlement: “A stable and pervasive sense that one deserves and is entitled to more than others.” (Campbell et al. 2004)

Psychopathy: “Deficits in affect and self-control (i.e. callousness and impulsivity), as well as a lack of remorse, antisocial behavior, and volatility.” (Jones & Paulhus 2014; Smith 2017)

Sadism: “A tendency to humiliate others via cruel or demeaning behavior, or the propensity to intentionally inflict physical, sexual, or psychological pain on others in order to assert power or for pleasure and enjoyment.” (O’Meara et al. 2011)

Self-Interest: “The unprincipled pursuit of gains in socially valued domains, such as material goods, social status, recognition, achievement, and success.” (Gerbasi & Prentice 2013)

Spitefulness: “A tendency to engage in behavior that would harm others but would also entail harm to oneself.” (Marcus et al. 2014)

Total Dark Core: Your total Dark Core factor. Higher scores indicate a darker personality.

>> Test <<

I was tagged in this by : @goldvinematriarch and @lheott

Sorry took me too long to post my results !

I don’t have many ppl to tag (new blog) So if you see this and take the test tag me so I can read it!

#susuki-no-kaio #rp meme #dark core personality test

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vanceencounter-blog · 7 years ago

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My Faves of E3:Part 1

Microsoft

Favorite Game: Cyberpunk 2077- I have been excited for this game based solely on the merits of the Witcher 3. CD Project Red left a great impression on me with that release (I have never played Witcher 1 or 2, don’t @ me). I am typically not willing to fully sign off on a game until I see actual gameplay footage. While the general public did not get footage, we did get an awesome cg trailer that did a great job building excitement for the game.

The world seems vibrant, colorful and unique. It also seems jam packed with many different locations, types of people and activities. We see the V(your customizable protagonist) riding a train, driving in a night rider esque car and while we didn’t see them flying, it seemed to heavily imply that was possible as well. People of various augmented varieties were seen throughout, allowing them to shoot hoops better, lay a beatdown on a sparring construct and even alter their facial appearance.

CDR did a great job with Witcher making a dark and interesting world while not making a game devoid of fun or humor. That tradition seems to carry on here, based on V’s exposition. He states that Night CIty is worst place to live in in America but everyone still wants to live there. More of a town of dreams where bad things happen, than a full on city of darkness a la Arkham City. This sets the tone of the game nicely, along with the pumping synth music, vibrant lights and even the font for the game itself.

I have learned that the game will be first person instead of third. This has caused backlash among the CDR faithful, hoping for a cyberpunk version of The Witcher. I am not at all shocked or appalled by this change. I like seeing developers be able to stretch their wings and make new types of games. If we kept devs locked into doing the same thing forever we would never get Horizon Zero Dawn or Child of Light. As an augmented human being in a futuristic setting, it makes much more sense from a gameplay perspective to be an fps. This allows you to have augmented vision and have better control over aiming your guns.

I can’t wait to hear more about this game. I fear that we won’t have a release date anytime soon but I appreciate CDR’s dedication to their craft. Witcher has bought them some well earned breathing room and freedom to take their time making a polished product. They have also promised to have continual post game free content, as is their tradition. For now I remain excited for the next glimpse they provide us.

Honorable mention: Gears of War 5- I have been a long time fan of the Gears series. I was unemployed and dropped out of school at the time of the first Gears, which meant I had a hell of a lot of time to myself. Time I spent playing a copious amount of GOW. My proudest achievement to this day is “Seriously”, which was presented to those who had 10,000 online ranked kills. It was one of the only online games I actually spent the time and energy learning the glitches to allow me to play on even footing. So you can understand how I may be interested in another entry to the series.

This Gears glimpse did not pick off right where the last game left off. Instead we see a JD with a messed up arm in some sort of incubator like device, with a shaved head and facial scar. Marcus and JD don’t seem to be getting along anymore. Even Kait and JD seem to be at odds. This leads to Kait and Del striking out on their own to find out the truth behind Kait’s newly acquired locust pendant. It was her grandmother’s which seems to lead us to believe Kait may be Queen Myrrah’s grand daughter.

I love the fact we are getting a game about Kait and Del. Marcus has had more than enough time in the spotlight and JD wasn’t terribly interesting. As a PR move, this is genius as well. The game’s main character has never been anyone but a burly white male marine. By following Kait as the main character, it helps silence the criticism the series carries for being too much of a “bro shooter”. This story seems personal and poised to offer many twist and turns. It seemed like there was some definite friction that was gonna happen between our two protagonists. I would be surprised if we didn’t at least play some of the campaign as JD and Marcus but would not be disappointed if that were the case.

From a gameplay perspective we didn’t get to see a tonne of new weapons yet. This is slightly disappointing given Gears’ track record of cool and unique weaponry. I do know a few people who would love to take up those bone sticks and bash people online. There were quite a few new enemies including the locust who gives up said bashing sticks, a leech like creature and some DBs, that seemingly have been taken over by a locust infection of some sort.

Cyberpunk gets the nod here for me, as it is a brand new property in the video game space.

Ubisoft

Favorite Game: Assassin’s Creed Odyssey- I have been a long time Assassins Creed Die hard. The series has been a real roller coaster ride, with the highs of ACII and ACIV Black Flag and the lows of AC III and AC Syndicate. I think Ubi made a smart choice putting the series on pause and reevaluating it’s direction after the general populace started to fatigue on yearly releases. AC Origins proved to be a triumphant return, albeit in a different form. A form which Odyssey seems to embrace and enhance.

Odyssey is even more of an RPG than Origins was. In addition to gear with levels and rarity distinctions, they have added dialogue trees and the the ability to choose your character at the start of the game. RPG elements have been blended into games for years now but I can not get enough of them. The ability to customize your character through their perks and your weapons of choice, lets the player fight in the manner that best suits their playstyle. Now the story can play out in a similar fashion by allowing you to direct character interactions however you please.

Another issue the franchise has had is the division between the life of the Assassins which is grounded in reality and history and the science fiction elements of their present/future story line. They seem to be leaning more into the scifi elements of the future in this entry. Rarely do we see any of the artifacts of the god like alien race. When we do, it tends to just be the apple and every now and then we catch snippets about the number or details of the remaining artifacts. Based on the abilities the spear of Leonidas grants you, it would appear that it is one such item.

I’m torn between the inclusion of this weapon. In terms of the modern day story it makes sense that the Assassin’s and Templars would come into contact with these items and use them to their benefit. The problem is the game is based in the real world so if these items were used frequently and openly in the past, surely we would know about their true power today. At this point I think it would behoove Ubi to either turn up the sci-fi in the past and finish out the story of the gods or drop the god storyline and make these period pieces solely. From a gameplay standpoint I like the idea of getting more interesting weapons. This would allow each Assassin to feel even more unique from game to game and the devs would have more game mechanics available to them.

Regardless of these concerns, I am excited by the freedom the gameplay and story provide. Being able to choose your gender and character without the loss of a defined character is great. Not saying Brodie was the best protagonist in Far Cry 3 but I prefer that over the silence of the Far Cry 5 hero. Any game where I can collect sweet loot and level up always has my attention and as such I remain hyped for AC.

Honorable Mention: The Division 2- The Division is back! Enough time has passed to be excited, especially because I never played any of the DLC. They are doing quite a few things that makes this look more than a rehash of the first game.

First off, the setting is summer time in D.C.. This gave us more variety in scenery, with a jungle environment shown off as well as the typical urban environments. The devs also had more freedom in the clothing options they provided to the player, as they now no longer have to worry about getting frost bitten.

Enemies look a little different this time out. There are now heavily armored enemies that signify they are going to be bullet sponges. This is a welcome change from the first game where a random high level enemy would be taking a hundred bullets to the toque before they would drop. Non-armored enemies do appear but are much easier to dispatch than in the first Division. The time to kill dropping I fully endorse and I appreciate them attempting to ground the game further in realism. Enemies had some new tricks up their sleeves, such as gooping a player to the ground causing them to need their team mate to release them. I hope this is indicative of an effort to have more unique challenges to face along the way.

The enemies aren’t the only ones with a few new tools in their belt though. There were some new gadgets like a device that split into little bee-like things and heat sought an enemy before exploding. The biggest and baddest additions to your armory come in the form of high level special weapons. Once you hit the end game you will be presented the option to wield a grenade launcher, a 50 cal sniper or a torque bowesque cross bow. I am always up for more differentiation between party members and players, so I think this is a great change.

The raids will be launching soon after the release of the game in order to give players a chance to gear up and get high enough level to participate. The raids are 8 players and will require good gear and high level play to conquer. Personally I find this sort of end game content much more interesting than grinding endlessly in the dark zone. We didn’t get much about the dark zone but this first look at the game was more than enough to sate me for now.

In this instance Assassin’s Creed wins based on the hooks it has had in me for years. Division I enjoyed but has a lot to prove. I am hoping they have heard the player’s feedback and are able to turn that into a game with a deep end game, diverse enemies and characters that feel like your own.

Sony

Favorite Game: The Last of Us 2- This is one of those games I think you could release nothing about and still have people lined up outside of their local game store on day one. I think they have done a good job so far giving us just enough information to tantalize without overloading though.

We started on a scene where Ellie is at a dance and life seems to be going a lot better for her these days. Joel isn’t seen but is eluded to by a fellow community member. This seemed like a very deliberate decision to leave him out of the spotlight and make Ellie the focus. In fact in the whole trailer he never showed up once. The developers have stated that this is her story but I would not be surprised if we had the inverse of The Last of Us and have one or two Joel levels. The trailer continues with Ellie dancing with another woman and ends up kissing her. People who never played the The Last of Us dlc may not know Ellie was a lesbian but the devs have stressed this is a part of who she is, making it important to display this. I am all for getting more diverse characters in games over having the 100th old grizzled army vet character. Unfortunately for her life isn’t all kissing girls and dances though.

We quickly cut from her at the dance to being out in the dark, shanking an enemy from behind. The cut scene looked great but in true Naughty Dog fashion the in-game graphics were just as impressive. The first thing that struck me was the visuals but as the trailer progressed it was the movement that stuck with me. Everything Ellie does seems realistic and once she engaged with a group of enemies it became clear the level of immersion we will be experiencing.

The melee combat seems much more refined and interesting in this game. Any weapon an enemy holds Ellie can pick up. Even if it’s a heavy one handed weapon it will just become a slow two handed weapon for her. The melee kills were so detailed and unique they seemed like pre-scripted quick time events. When she killed an enemy their arrows clattered to the ground and Ellie would physically pick them up rather than having them just pop into your inventory when stepping on them. This was a lot to take in before even factoring in the exploration.

There is a jump button now included in the game. This sounds like a game changer when it comes to traversal and the ability to sneak up on enemies. Speaking of sneaking they have significantly increased the nuance of hiding in tall grass. It is no longer a simple “I’m in the grass so I’m invisible” situation. Enemies can now spot you if they are close enough which makes things much more harrowing. You can now duck under cars as well but the enemies will search under them for you. In a section of a supermarket they also showed her squeeze in between shelves to flank her enemies. This breadth of options makes simple scenarios have many different ways to tackle them. In that super market section you will notice enemies tell one another to spread out and search for you. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to their AI.

Each enemy knows that you are in a given space once alerted. This leads to them searching for you until they find you and not giving up like in other stealth games. They also have individual names, which their compatriots will call out. Changes like this make every grunt seem like a real person rather than a nameless thug. They also do not have patrol routes but move with a sense of purpose based on contextual clues they have. All in all it seems like Naughty Dog is poised to raise the bar for gaming yet again.

Honorable Mention: Ghost of Tsushima- This is a game we knew next to nothing about but it blew me away with its impressive showing. From the get go it was visually striking and unlike anything else we have seen. The use of color was striking with very muted tones at the start which easily drew the eye to the red tree matching the leaf that the main character, Jin, picked up. Apparently this is very much an open world game and the focus of the demo was a side quest. The fact that there was this level of detail in an open world game is impressive to say the least.

Once the titular ghost arrived on the scene of the crime he runs into three mongols terrorizing the locals. In typical Samurai fashion they square off before he one shots the opposition. The combat seems more involved than something like Arkham Asylum. It reminded me of For Honor where blocks and parries will be vital to survival.

Once Jin got closer to the temple it became a stealth section or so I thought. The devs confirmed he could have went in the front door swords blazing but he probably chose the smarter option. By using his grappling hook he was able to sneak in through the temple roof and dispatch of the enemies silently. The grappling hook is only one of many weapons that our protagonist will unlock throughout the game. It shows the necessary transformation he goes through from samurai to something more, in order to overcome the tremendous threat the mongol hordes pose. There was a section where he stabbed an enemy through a sliding screen door which was very cinematic but was not scripted. The end result would have been the same with backup being called but it would have come to fruition differently based on how you tackled the enemies. As I have mentioned time and time again, I value this level of player agency very much and can’t wait to see all the options available to the player.

In the end he had to confront his ally as she was threatening to kill the proprietor of the temple. Jin states that we should be fighting the mongols rather than out own country men. She chooses to rebutt with steel. Once again the swordplay seems very intense with slow mo dodges and sword clashes. Flaming arrows rained down around your battle and started a blaze as your duel waged on. The fact that this was not a main mission but had such a memorable set piece bodes very well and earned it my honorable mention.

#ghost of tsushima #the last of us 2 #sony #microsoft #ubisoft #gears 5 #cyberpunk 2077 #assassin's creed #The Division 2

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eddycurrents · 7 years ago

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Marvel Legacy is the next in a line of rebranding promotions from Marvel akin to Marvel NOW!, All-New Marvel NOW!, Avengers NOW!, All-New All-Different Marvel, All-New Avengers Marvel Brand New NOW! 2.0 NOW!ER 2099, and you get the idea. Usually these initiatives involve a relaunch of a bevy of new number one issues, a few new titles or a family of titles popping up out of a singular previously successful title, and occasionally some shuffling of creative talent.

Marvel Legacy only really differs from this in that the titles aren’t being relaunched as new number one issues, rather they’re gaining “legacy numbers” with some series seeing numbers as if their first volume was never cancelled/relaunched.

Also, many of the Marvel Legacy story-arcs, much like the ad copy and homage covers, look to tap into Marvel’s “rich history of storytelling”. Otherwise, it’s pretty much the same as previous rebranding initiatives.

Marvel Legacy #1

Writer: Jason Aaron | Artist: Esad Ribić with Steve McNiven | Colourist: Matthew Wilson | Additional Artists: Chris Samnee, Russell Dauterman, Alex Maleev, Ed McGuinness, Stuart Immonen & Wade von Grawbadger, Pepe Larraz, Jim Cheung, Daniel Acuña, Greg Land & Jay Leisten, Mike Deodato Jr., David Marquez

Published September 2017

Marvel Legacy #1 functions a lot like the Point One issues that previous Marvel initiatives and relaunches have had, in that it focuses primarily on one central story, and then shows bits and pieces of the rest of the world spinning out into other titles.

Jason Aaron splits the issue into four main interwoven narratives.

The first was used as the selling point of the book and one of the primary marketing campaigns, the introduction of the “One Million BC Avengers”. It’s a team of gods and super-powered beings including Odin, Phoenix, Agamotto, an Iron Fist, a Ghost Rider, a Starbrand, and a Black Panther. Aaron sets them up in battle with a Celestial and, unfortunately, that’s all we really get of them. They’re interesting, but the story doesn’t go particularly in depth with them besides introducing them as the archetypes for the “hosts” we’ll see in one of the other threads.

The second narrative spins out of the one million BC flashback, with Robbie Reyes awakening thinking the events prior as being a dream. Then he gets attacked by Starbrand and most of this sequence remains a long, extended fight scene. In terms of story, it’s probably the weakest part of the book. While it’s heavy on action and allows the art the breathe, it’s a little disjointed. Robbie is displaying powers that he shouldn’t have (he’s technically not a spirit of vengeance) and Starbrand is acting wildly out of character. The former is addressed in story, so both are likely to be intentional character beats, but they don’t lead anywhere.

There is a redeeming quality of this thread, though, because it dovetails an excavation that leads to the modern day reveal of the Celestial.

The third narrative begins with Loki rousing a band of frost giants to fight on his behalf, then spirits them away to a SHIELD storage facility. This follows a trio of legacy heroes in Jane Foster, Sam Wilson in one of his last turns as Captain America, and Riri Williams as they battle the frost giants trying to get whatever happens to be in the box Loki sent them for. It’s entertaining, and also allows Aaron to provide a gentle rib on legacy heroes sometimes not getting everything right through Riri’s inability to get “Avengers Assemble!” correctly. I also think that “Iron Ma’am” should be adopted over “Ironheart”.

Like the second narrative, this one dovetails a broader story with the return of a character lost for some time, along with what looks like an even larger quest than some solicitations have led us to believe. I won’t spoil the return, but it’s suitably epic. Especially in how Ribić handles the revelation. Just overall it’s a great sequence.

The fourth narrative provides the narration and glue to the issue. The reveal of who’s narrating the story, why, and how it ties together all of the disparate parts including the teasers isn’t revealed until the end of the book. It also features the return of a character I’ll not reveal, but it hints at something more hopeful, more optimistic coming in the future.

Aaron’s Thor: God of Thunder collaborator, Esad Ribić handles the lion’s share of the art here and it’s beautiful. Ribić is deft at action and the weird & wonderful world of gods and monsters, making the sequences with the “One Million BC Avengers” vs. the Celestial and Loki & the Frost Giants look amazing. The design for the Celestial itself is impressive, inviting many returns to its reveal page.

Matthew Wilson does an impeccable job with his colour work here. He changes styles and approaches to suit each sequence and each artist in the book, that you’d kind of think he’s multiple people. While much of the colour over Ribić’s work is somewhat ephemeral, the Ghost Rider/Starbrand sequences take on more bright primary colours, and the more explicit superhero portions show other textures and colour-schemes to differentiate them from the rest.

Steve McNiven lends a hand to what looks like primarily the Jane Foster, Sam Wilson, and Riri Williams sequences at one of SHIELD’s storage facilities and it acts as an interesting counterpoint to the softer pages with Ribić’s work. It features more flat colouring from Wilson and acts more like “traditional” superhero art, adding a different take on the story. Where much of the rest of the book has an almost ethereal quality to it, these sequences feel much more grounded in reality.

The teasers for other forthcoming stories and characters are pretty nice.

We get teases for Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Deadpool, Iron Fist, Doctor Strange, Norman Osborn, The Avengers, Thing & Human Torch, Black Panther, Totally Awesome Hulk, Jean Grey, Guardians of the Galaxy, and a few other hints here and there, and it serves its purpose fairly well in whetting your appetite for some or all of these stories.

The art alone on these pages is incredible. Particularly the pages from Ed McGuinness, Pepe Larraz, Mike Deodato Jr., Chris Samnee, and Daniel Acuña. These tease really make you want to check out what’s coming in the other Marvel Legacy branded titles. It’s just a shame that in some cases these artists aren’t going to be the ones associated with the forthcoming titles.

It’s not a bad overview of some of the corners of the Marvel Universe, but I think some of the connectivity could have been a bit better in regards to why they’re being included in-story. There’s a reason revealed at the end of the book, but some of the vignettes seem disconnected.

Now, where Marvel Legacy #1 really fails is where it goes next. This issue is incomplete in its story and we don’t know where to look next. The one page vignettes by various artists are relatively self-explanatory, but the story of the 1 million BC Avengers? No idea. The narrative of Loki, the Celestial, and the legacy hosts? Likewise, there’s no indication where this is going to be picked up next. I have a feeling that some of it is going to be followed in the Phoenix Resurrection: Return of Jean Grey series by Matthew Rosenberg and Leinil Francis Yu and another part in Gerry Duggan and Marcus To’s All-New Guardians of the Galaxy, but there are no clear sign pointers.

For something that is meant to lead people further into the wide world of the Marvel Legacy relaunch/rebranding, not having a clear direction for the main story spinning out of the book, at least at launch, is highly detrimental. It just leaves people confused as to what and where they can read further stories. It’s well and good to promote the other Marvel Legacy titles, even obliquely or simply as text pieces at the back of the book, it’s another thing to introduce a major story and not give readers a direction for where to continue reading that story.

It’s one thing to leave an audience wanting more, it’s something else entirely to leave them wanting more wondering if, where, and when there’s even going to be anything more.

This Week’s Legacy Titles

Eight titles kick off the Marvel Legacy repackaging proper, with two titles sporting new legacy numbering, four titles continuing their existing numbering, one new series, and Venom that kind of started the legacy numbering “craze” for Marvel a few months ago.

All of the series purport to start off new storylines, to ease readers in to these jumping on points, although two of them at least are definite continuations of the stories to date. Avengers #672 begins its “Worlds Collide” crossover with its sister title Champions. Jesus Saiz joins the book on art, providing a more traditional style compared to Mike del Mundo. Iceman #6 looks back to his Champions days, with the start of “Champions Reassembled”. Iron Fist #73 begins “Sabretooth: Round Two”, invoking one of the legendary battles in Marvel history from the introduction of Sabretooth back in Iron Fist #14. Jessica Jones #13 hearkens back to one of the most harrowing points in her life with part one of “Return of the Purple Man”.

Royals #9 continues its ongoing story since the first issue, but provides a point for new readers to pick up the series with Javier Rodríguez joining the series as its new regular artist, while plunging headfirst into the Inhuman Progenitor arc. Spirits of Vengeance #1 begins a new mini-series of a team-up of some of Marvel’s horror mainstays by Victor Gischler and David Baldeon. Venom #155 gains Mark Bagley as an artist while it continues its look backwards to Eddie’s days as a “Lethal Protector”, reconciling it with his and the symbiote’s attempts to be more heroic. And finally, X-Men Gold #13 begins its “Mojo Worldwide” crossover with X-Men Blue, bringing back Mojo, who really didn’t go anywhere in the first place. But Mojoworld is fun and equals ratings, right?

d. emerson eddy has no legacy numbering, has never personally been rebooted, and probably doesn’t have any iconic stories anyone remembers.

#Marvel Legacy #Jason Aaron #Esad Ribic #This Week in Marvel

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monoshah · 8 years ago

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Madness 2.0

Einstein said that stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. If that’s stupidity, then, what is Madness?

A branch of the same tree.

Since forever, we’ve been doing something over and over again. Regardless of age, color, or culture, we’ve been complaining about how certain things should be.

Now, that could be on a macro level (ranting about what a political party should do) or a micro level (getting angry with a friend). Regardless, it’s safe to say that today, we dedicate a big part of our life in thinking (or worse- talking to other people) about how certain things should be.

“I hate how the elections turned out to be”, “Did you hear the MLA talk about women? What the fuck man, our society is deeply flawed.”

And, the rantings go on and on.

Now, mind you- I’m not blaming anyone for this. Of course, our society, to some extent, is unfair. Just like life. And, if we’re being honest, complaining does make us feel better doesn’t it?

But, does it change anything?

Sadly- no.

Acknowledging Our Job

So, in times like these, we are in an urgent need to find clarity. Why? Because that is what will make us thrive, helping us change things for the better.

Thus, we need to step back, look at all of this mess and start differentiating between things that are in our control and things that aren’t, so, we can simply focus on the former and not waste time and energy on the latter.

The stoics used to do a similar exercise called The Dichotomy of Control to help them make rational choices (you can read more about it here).

Here’s Epictetus (a stoic philosopher),

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own.”

So, here’s a list of some things that, in fact, are in our control. Things you can start applying to your life at this very moment.

A List Of Our Jobs

#1 Effort, not results

I wrote about how we overvalue accomplishments earlier this year, where, I discussed the importance of reflecting on our endeavors. And, how, a huge weight can be lifted if we let go of results.

Today, we judge our (and everyone else’s) lives by looking at accomplishments. Its all about accomplishing more things. We think we’ll be satisfied, but, the vicious cycle never ends.

At first, we plan to accomplish XYZ, but then, after a failed attempt, we change gears. After the “I’m such a failure”, we start focusing on something else. There’s no discipline, because, we’re so addicted to results.

What’s so bad about results? We do not have complete control over them. Factors outside our control (luck, situations, etc), do play a role. And, as much as I hate to say this, you know it’s true- we just don’t have complete control over results.

But, guess what? We’ve got something that no one else can snatch, something, that, is always entirely under our control.

Efforts.

You DO have complete control over how much time, energy, and consistency you can give to a certain goal. YOU decide how hard you’d like to work on a task. Nothing in the world can take that away from you. And, the best part is, once you give everything you have towards something, success or failure won’t matter. It will become secondary.

If you succeed, great, if not, instead of feeling bad about it, you will think about what went wrong. Listen how Marcus Aurileus defines the term ‘enjoyment’:

Enjoyment means doing as much of what your nature requires as you can. And you can do that anywhere. Keep in mind the ease with which logos is carried through all things. That’s all you need.

So, remember that the next time you’re doing a task. Your job is to give it all. Once you do, you’ve won (regardless of the outcome).

#2 Choices

Think about this- right now, at this very moment (as long as you can read this), you have a choice to call the shots. You can choose to leave the world, but, you choose to live. You can choose to NOT go or go to that party. You can choose to say no or yes, to people and opportunities in life.

No one, regardless of how powerful they are, or, how closely related they are to you, can deter your ability to make rational choices.

And this philosophy can be applied to literally any aspect of your life.

You can chose to NOT be so reactive to political events, and instead, focus on doing YOUR job.

You can choose to educate yourself.

You can choose to take care of your mental and physical well-being.

You can choose to not act out when angry (and, instead- get help).

Now, if we have complete control over our choices, how do we decide what’s right and wrong?

By stemming decisions from our personal values and principles. And, we can have the right values and principles by reading. By reflection. Its our choice whether or not we want to sit back, and learn what’s it like being a good human. It’s our choice whether or not, we want to reflect on things that happen in everyday life, to branch out lessons that were learned.

No one can force us to be irrational (yes, EVEN when the opposite party is acting irrational). Victor Frankyl, inventor of Logo Therapy, Author, and a Holocaust survivor, writes this in his book Man’s Search For Meaning:

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing- the last of human freedom. To choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way. Fundamentally, then, any one can decide what shall become of them- mentally and spiritually.

Now, if a man who survived the Holocaust stated that, I’m sure we can choose not to lose our temper with the trivial things that happen in our lives.

#3 Actions and Reactions

A world driven by doing, our actions do, in fact, speak for us.

All our lives, things happen to us and we happen to things. Now, although we don’t have control over these things, we can control our actions and reactions.

Let’s briefly talk about each.

- Actions: Each of us has some sort of control over how we plan to spend our days. Once we keep this in mind, there will be enough clarity for us to start investing time in doing things that matter. Things that matter to us. Things, that, in the long run, contribute to our purpose and/or goal.

Practically, this would mean looking at one’s schedule, and differentiating between times when one is free vs time when one is bogged down by responsibilities (daily chores, work, etc).

So, if you work from 9-5, you have full control over how you spend your time before 9 and after 5.

No one can take that away from you, unless, of course, you deliberately let someone.

So, the way you act before 9 or after 5, is under your control. You can finally start learning that language, or, enroll in that Crossfit class that always felt challenging.

At the end of the day, our actions and efforts help us move ahead in life. Again, our actions=efforts. Results are external, not fully under our control. But, you decide whether or not to reflect on your failures or give up.

- Reactions: All our lives, things happen to us.

Your partner talks rudely to you, another driver on the road swears at you.

Not only in our lives, but, in the world overall. Call it destiny, call it whatever.

Now, although we may not have control over the things that happen to us, we CAN control our reactions to them. So, it’s your choice whether you shout back at your partner, or, ask them what’s upsetting them so much. It’s your choice whether you pull down the window and respond with cleverer swears, or, feel sad (and eventually- kinder) about the driver, as you think about what could’ve gotten them so mad.

Your choice whether you react to different opinions with anger or curiosity.

Your choice whether that bomb blast makes you discriminate towards a particular religion or no.

Its in stepping back, getting out of the storm, and, seeing the storm for what it is- a storm. Then, with clarity, thinking about how you can stop being carried away and influenced by it.

Over To You

Most of our lives, we’ve been investing a ton of time and energy in trying to control things and people, that, in reality, aren’t in our control.

So, let go.

For every single situation, ask yourself: What’s in my control? And, focus on that. As Epictetus puts it brilliantly,

“To make the best of what is in our power, and take the rest as it occurs.”

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janschreiner · 4 years ago

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Is TeleHealth Sex & Relationship Therapy Effective? 7 Ways it Might Be Better

I recently attended a Zoom meeting with 20+ other New York City sex and relationship therapists on the subject of how online counseling, or “TeleHealth,” has transformed their practices. Some of what I heard surprised me. Many said they missed seeing their clients in person, and that TeleHealth therapy was harder and took more energy. Those were things I’d expected to hear.

Surprisingly, though, many colleagues reported that they actually liked doing TeleHealth therapy. Some said they expected to hate it, but found it unexpectedly interesting and full of creative possibilities.

I’ve been doing TeleHealth somewhat longer than the average sex and relationship therapist. So I felt I understood both the negative feelings and the positive ones.

TeleHealth therapy is different from traditional in-office therapy. It’s also typically harder to do, at least for the therapist. But hey, that’s true of lots of innovations in health care. After all, it’s harder to do endoscopic surgery than the traditional kind. But way easier for the patient, and in the long run that’s what counts. I believe there are at least seven specific advantages to TeleHealth therapy for sex and relationship problems. Let’s start with the most obvious:

1. TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy Can be More Private

Most obviously, there’s no physical waiting room. There’s no possibility of anyone else seeing you, or gawking at you, or sitting there wondering what your specific problems might be. Big improvement, privacy-wise. On the other hand, if you’re quarantining at home with others, you might not have as much privacy in the actual session. As my colleague Dr. Daniel Watter notes, “Patients are aware of family members walking around, concerned that they might be overheard, sometimes even not wanting family members to know they’re in therapy.”

During the recent Covid-19 pandemic, both Dr Watter and I spent a fair amount of time with clients phoning in from their cars—which was the only place they could find under the circumstances. If you don’t have access to a car or an office, air-pods can do a lot to reduce the sounds of therapy. And for ultra-private details, there’s always text-messaging, which is now included on some HIPAA-compliant TeleHealth platforms.

2. TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy Can Eliminate Geographic Boundaries to Good Care

Most places simply don’t have enough fully-trained sex therapists, so seeing a good sex therapist can easily mean having to travel long distances—or its New York City equivalent, expensive parking or multiple subway line transfers. TeleHealth sex and relationship counseling eliminates all these problems with a click of the mouse.

As my colleague Dr. Bat-Sheva Marcus at Maze Women’s Sexual Health notes, “On-line therapy offers patients unprecedented access to a wide variety of therapists. You can find specialists in a very focused field and choose a therapist who’s a perfect fit rather than just someone convenient.”

There are downsides to everything, though. And one downside to the spread of TeleHealth is that there are now well-financed “therapy companies” investing large sums to advertise online. Like any business, these companies need to squeeze the most value from every dollar they spend. So they may rely on relatively inexperienced or less successful therapists to do the direct service. Buyer beware.

3. TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy Takes Place in a More Natural Setting

Think of it as the 21st Century equivalent of the doctor’s house call. TeleHealth counseling means finally getting to see your clients in their natural environment. True, there’s lots of clinical information lost. As a practitioner, you lose access to many non-verbal cues when you only see clients as “talking heads” on a screen. But what you lose in access to body language, you occasionally make up for in greater awareness of the setting. As a sex and relationship therapist, I find it valuable to see how my clients’ homes are arranged—particularly their bedrooms—and to witness the distractions they have to contend with. Like children and pets. Children and pets are second only to TV and electronics as obstacles to lovemaking.

4. TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy Can Give Clients More Power In sports this is known as “the home field advantage.” With TeleHealth, the client has the home field advantage. You’re granting me entrance to your space, rather than the other way around. The shift in power can be dramatic. When I’ve asked clients in traditional office-based therapy to describe what it felt like when they first arrived at my office, they often tell me that even before we met, when they were just sitting in my waiting room, they felt anxious and worried that I might judge or criticize them. TeleHealth doesn’t eliminate this kind of anxiety, but it mutes it. The client is more in control. This can be a very positive change, since worrying you’re going to be judged or criticized is as big an impediment to good communication in therapy as it is in real life.

5. TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy Can Help Empower People in Relationships

One practical advantage of TeleHealth for couples is that the two of you don’t have to be in the same room together. One of you can be in their office in Midtown Manhattan, the other can be on a business trip out-of-town, and I can connect you together from my office on the Upper West Side via 3-way video. The first time I tried doing this, I was worried there wouldn’t be enough feeling of “togetherness” for it to work. But the session was unexpectedly productive. I struggled to understand why.

In the years that followed, I’ve noted this phenomenon over and over: A couple gets more productive work done in couples therapy when they’re physically separated than when they’re together in the same room. The answer, as I’ve written elsewhere, is that most couples suffer not from being too separate, but from being too merged together. When couples occupy the same space, they adjust to each other in tiny ways, each sacrificing a bit of their self-hood, and the relationship is diminished as a result.

Three-way TeleHealth sessions can sometimes help a couple “differentiate” more fully. Relieved of the need to adjust to each other, they can speak with greater authority as individuals. This can feel like opening a window to let in fresh air.

6. TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy Can Be More Collaborative

TeleHealth, by reducing the power disparity between therapist and patient, can make therapy much more of a collaborative effort. This enhances motivation, reduces dependency, and empowers clients as partners in learning and exploration. I often encourage clients to audio-record sessions, since many clients have trouble remembering details of what we talked about. But recordings take time to listen to afterwards. If the matter is particularly complicated—as often occurs in sex and relationship therapy—I’ll often spend a few minutes at the end of the session typing out detailed notes, so we can all remember everything.

With TeleHealth, we can take this to the next level: I can create a document on Google Drive, share it with the individual or couple on my screen, and we can make notes together during the session. They can actually see me typing, rather than having to wait to get my notes later.

A few decades ago, so-called Cognitive Therapists would assign clients to fill out worksheets, noting their negative thoughts and critiquing them. On Google Drive, a therapist and client can now do this work on split-screen in real time, working collaboratively online while talking face to face.

7. TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy Can Be More Creative

Take away the physical constraints of the office, the waiting room, and the need to physically transport yourself to a particular location, and therapy can get much more creative. With TeleHealth sessions, it’s not necessary to decide in advance whether you’re going to see a couple individually or separately. If I’m conducting a couple’s session and it feels like I need to confer separately with each individual for a few minutes, that’s easily done.

There’s more room in TeleHealth for medical creativity as well. As an MD sex therapist, I often do sexual medicine evaluations for men and women whose sex problems involve a combination of biological and psychological factors. With TeleHealth, I can put everything about a patient on my desktop at once, with their medication list in one window, my cumulative office notes in another, and our live video discussion in a third window. It’s much easier to be “present” when you’re seeing everything at once, and not wasting time rummaging around in your files for important data.

The Future of TeleHealth Sex and Relationship Therapy in the 21st Century

That being said, there’s something about the seclusion of the traditional office therapy setting, and the reassurance of having a trusted listener physically present in the room, that may be impossible to reproduce online. Only time will tell, though, how much this difference is real—and how much it’s simply the comfort of what’s familiar. To quote Dr Marcus again, “TeleHealth therapy may not be exactly as helpful or productive as an in-person consult, but with a sensitive and savvy clinician it can be pretty darn close.”

The way we communicate with our healthcare providers has changed dramatically since the advent of broadband and the smartphone. It’s now less authoritarian. More democratic. Sex and relationship therapy too is becoming more democratic, more collaborative, and less limited by conventional modes of practice. I have decades of experience in my field. But my patients have access to the entire internet, and they frequently find interesting things online that I didn’t know about.

TeleHealth is simply another way for people to take greater responsibility for their health care. These days, the so-called “internet of things” allows patients to take much more charge of the data they share. Blood pressure readings, electrocardiographic rhythms, photos of skin lesions and sore throats, and sleep recordings can now all be up-loaded to your primary care doctor.

As a sex and relationship therapist, I have high hopes for this powerful new technology. And I can’t wait to see what our field will do with it in the years ahead.

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marcdouffet · 4 years ago