#There will still be Hypnosis

[sketch-twentytwo]

Redux Robotix AU

AU in which George Beard is bumped up to the third grade when he transfers to Jerome Horwitz Elementary School at the funny age of FIVE, leaving Harold Hutchins to make friends with an unlikely ally.

@infini-tree already did an AU based on this concept (their Lab Comix Inc. AU), which you should totally check out! But I wanted to try my own take!

My version is less of a roleswap, and more so a self indulgent exploration of the space—I’m mostly following the canon of the books, but this AU might ebb and flow into the movie, who knows?

————

Without George to save him from bullies in book 9, I think Harold remains a timid and quiet boy. He’d continue to be mild mannered and polite, just trying to stay out of the limelight as best he can in order to avoid trouble.

Harold and Melvin meet when Melvin successfully showcases his latest robot to the class. There's no funny business to intrude on his presentation, meaning when the robot inevitably malfunctions it is 100% his fault. Harold would essentially draw fanart of the robot destroying a city which sparks their interaction.

Melvin is outraged that Harold would think of his intentions as evil or destructive and Harold, without a confrontational bone in his body, would quietly apologize and dejectedly crumple up the drawing. Melvin, recognizing some of his own loneliness in Harold, apologizes for his own outburst and suggests Harold draw his robot saving the city instead. Then he’d give advice and pointers for robotic designs and the two would grow closer from there.

Melvin is still egotistical, but having a friend who doesn’t constantly make fun of him or his inventions helps him mature emotionally. Harold remains the quieter one of the two, but he’d become less shy and more silent by choice. He helps Melvin mellow out from being the disliked tattletale, allowing him be cool and relaxed. I imagine he provides Melvin a friendly outlet and introduces him into a world of creativity.

I believe George inspired a lot of the crude jokes that took place in the Treehouse Comix, so with them not being friends, Harold would have had a much milder sense of humor. At the very least, he wouldn’t admit to enjoying the potty jokes as much, but he might still have an involuntary chuckle now and again.

Because Melvin doesn’t have a sense of humor, I think his and Harold's M.O. would by less “entertain the school” based and more “revolutionize the school”. Melvin wants to make things easier for kids so his inventions would reflect that (imagine a Homework Doer 3000 or a Personal Water Fountain that walks with you, or inflatable dummies that let you sneak out of class—that sort of thing).

Melvin still craves adoration/recognition and Harold is fine to let him have all the attention. Publicly, they’d be seen as Melvin as the brains and Harold as his assistant (if anyone bothered to remember that Harold was there at all!), but behind closed doors they would be genuine best friends.

I don’t see Melvin replacing George as a writer, I think this unlikely friendship would result in a different tag team setup. Melvin supplies his ideas for robots, doodads, and inventions while Harold continues to supply the drawings/designs. Harold also probably tries to hype up Melvin's ideas, making them more grandiose and spectacular, though he'd deny any of the credit.

With his help, Melvin is seen less as a nerdy suck up and more a mad scientist whose always jotting down invention ideas into his notebook (it's not like he has to study in class lol). Harold is no longer part of a pranking duo, and is now a silent observer who is always doodling in class instead of paying attention (ADHD strikes again!)

Together they make blueprints and robots under the name Redux Robotix LLC!

Melvin and Harold aren't exactly rule followers, but Melvin is "rules lawyer" enough to semantics his way out of being in trouble, much to Krupp's annoyance and irritation. Generally, Harold doesn't like to make waves while Melvin will fight the system to prove that he was "in the right", even if only by a technicality.

Any trouble the Robotix Duo get into is purely unintentional and probably the result of a robot exploding and causing property damage. In this way they’re still infamous, but their relationship with the teachers is less contrarian.

—————

Which brings me to George.

In Book 9, five year old George was supposed to be bumped up to the Third Grade instead of remaining in Kindergarten, a move his parents rejected so that he could socialize with kids his age.

This is the decision that separates Redux Robotix from Canon. Here, George is three grades ahead of his peers.

As such, George does not meet Harold or Melvin until much, much later, although he has probably heard of Redux Robotix from word of mouth and seen some of the lingering aftermath scattered around the school.

In the books it is implied that George’s defiance and pranks were done out of boredom. I don’t think that would go away, even if he was placed in the “correct” grade.

George continues to struggle in class as a result of his ADHD and being surrounded by peers just as intelligent as him but lacking his sense of humor would definitely drag him down. He’d still be the class clown here, but his pranks would be a lone wolf vs. the world scenario. Think Rafe Khatchadorian from the first Middle School book, except since George is operating alone, he’d try to stay anonymous about his “work”.

George's pranking alias is 80-HD. 80-HD is like the Banksy of Jerome Horwitz Elementary, except his skill set is pranks, not graffiti (though graffiti isn't entirely off the table)!

I'm borrowing the name 80-HD from the Dog Man books as they were canonically created by the OG!George and Harold, meaning it would be something he'd still come up with here! :D

Krupp is onto George, and knows that he’s the culprit for the uptick in silliness and pranks at the school, but throughout George’s four to five years at Jerome Horwitz, he’s never been able to scrounge up any tangible proof that George is 80-HD!

That isn't to say that George is able to evade punishment for his other antics, however. George continues to write his imaginative stories, but without an artist to draw them, I think they remain in prose. 

Since George is no artist and has no Harold to help him make comics, I think he would've created his own newspaper to pass around the school! It's called the Treehouse Tribune, and it is his passion project/creative outlet that he uses to make editorials, spoof articles, parodies, and the like. He sells these babies for 25¢ a pop on the school playground and has gotten detention a bunch of times for it.

George is very lonely, though, since everyone in his grade is three years older than him and thinks he's too immature. People his age are three grades below him and tend to find him either intimating or they're too nervous to approach him (grade politics man, you hate to see it!)

I imagine that George, Melvin, and Harold wouldn’t be adversaries as much as brief acquaintances as the three end up in the principal's office a lot in passing. Melvin and Harold manage to squeeze out of getting detention, leaving George alone to deal with Krupp’s anger.

Because George is alone and very young in a grade with older peers, I think Krupp would've grown a soft spot for him. My Krupp is more inspired by the movie than the books, so instead of being cartoonishly evil and mean, he's just mean and grumpy but well meaning when it comes to bringing out the best in his students. He wants George to grow up, mature, and excel in his classes because he knows George is smart enough to do it. So he's hard on George but does let him get away with a few things here and there (favoritism? what's that?)

—————

The three boys are neutral towards each other prior to the start of Redux's canon (which roughly follows the movie's plot until it doesn't).

Eventually, the trio meets and a reluctant friendship blossoms between the three of them. Both George and Melvin would be easy friends with Harold, since he's the mellowest of the group, but George and Melvin together? Ho boy!

The end game dynamic is that the three kids become friends, with George and Melvin still butting heads from time to time, but ultimately learning to care for one another, with Harold often playing mediator.

(I do have an idea for how/when the titular Captain comes into play, but it might not be in the way that everyone hoped! I kinda find Captain Underpants one of the less interesting characters out of the whole story, the movie included. Movie!Krupp is wayyyy more interesting to me as a person, so if you're disappointed in the lack of CU in this CU AU, then I apologize in advanced!)

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more by following the Redux Robotix AU Blog or tag! Thanks for reading! :D

[puari-vol]

The Perfect Pet

cw: Hypnosis, Pet play

I was on my way home from work when I got the strangest text:

Tiff

Hey slut could you run by the laundromat and pick up my clothes?  should be in the third machine from the door.

You

Uh sorry I think you have the wrong number

It was a pretty embarrassing thing to accidentally text a stranger, I couldn't help but think that whoever this had been meant for must be in a pretty quirky relationship. I reminded myself not to be so judgemental, then I got another text

Tiff

Whoops forgot to do the thing lol Slumber party time

“I’m a good girl, I’m a good slut” I muttered to myself, my body suddenly felt very heavy. My arms fell to my sides and my eyes fluttered for just a moment. Then everything felt normal again. I lifted the phone and quickly reread the text conversation

Tiff 

Are you there, slut?

You

I’m here! Sorry about that Miss Tiffany,  You want your laundry right? I can be there in fifteen minutes

Tiff

good slut no rush lol key is under the doormat

I hurried over to the laundromat anyway, it just felt so good to obey. And if I was a good enough girl, then maybe she’d even use my mouth today. I grabbed the clothes and made my way to Miss Tiffany’s apartment. Once inside I took a moment to reminisce…there had been a slumber party here a few weeks ago, my fourth one I think? It was hard to tell them apart. Then I quickly texted Miss Tiffany back.

You

Delivered! Do you want me to fold them and put them away?

Tiff

Sure lol if you wanna 

I got to work, the rest of Miss Tiffany’s clothes were also unfolded and scattered around her room. So I cleaned up all of those too.

You

All done Miss Tiffany!

I waited a few seconds…then a few more…I bit my lip, anticipation building...until suddenly

Tiff

Good girl

I let out a soft moan and my legs felt weak. I basked in it for just a moment. Then I was already texting again

You

Is there anything else I can do for you Miss?

I felt a little disappointed when she replied:

Tiff

Na can’t think of anything, ur good

Feeling disheartened, I got ready to leave. Only for my phone to buzz again, sending my hopes soaring

Tiff

Actually, you gonna be busy for the next hour or so?

You

No Miss!

Tiff

Cool, why don’t you wait for me Just get comfy on the couch and press your button for me slut

You

Yes Miss!

I sat down, and raised my index finger in front of my face. I let my eyes focus on it, then I tapped myself on the-

…

…

…

…

*Tap*

I was lying down on the couch now. When I opened my eyes all I could see was Miss Tiffany’s beautiful pussy. My mouth fell open and she lowered herself onto me. She road my face while I did everything I could to pleasure her, after all if I did good enough she might-

“Good Girl”

My hips thrust into the air while I moaned into her, it was so much better hearing it out loud. She continued to pepper in ‘good girl’s' between her pants and gasps, and I got so fuzzy that all I could think about was the taste of her. Finally she was finished using my mouth. She got off me and slid me onto the floor, where I went to work dutifully massaging her feet. She stuck a toe in my mouth and I sucked it happily.

“That was great, you’re getting better at that slut. Such a good girl”

Her foot in my face stifled my moan, and she giggled at me. I noticed it was my phone she was scrolling through while I worked. 

“Looks like you got a few other orders while you were out. But you’ve been a good slut today already, want me to tell them to get someone else?”

I shook my head as much as I could with her foot in my mouth

“Of course you don’t, such a good little slut” 

She glanced back down at my phone and read to me

“Well, it looks like Mina wants you to do her homework, Alice wants her dick sucked, and Kelsey just sent a picture of a maid dress and told you to come over. You got a busy day ahead of you slut”

She pulled her foot out of my mouth and let me stand up, she handed my phone back to me with a smile, I went to put it in my pocket, then realized I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I quickly got dressed and made my plan. I could go see Alice first, then I should probably pick up Mina’s homework before going to Kelsey’s cause the maid thing was gonna take all day. It made me so happy knowing I was going to be such a good girl for them all.  

--

I wasn’t sure what else to do, Mina’s homework was done, and I was all out of maid tasks. Kelsey was fast asleep, she had spent most of the day surprise groping me while I worked on cleaning her dorm room, and apparently that had really worn her out because she didn’t look like she was waking anytime soon. I had been hoping for one more ‘Good Girl’ to finish off the day, but it was fine. I was a good slut, I was happy just to be used. I got dressed and headed for home. Another task came in over my phone. But rather than eagerly accept I found myself texting that this slut was tired and done for the day. I received a ‘good girl’ in reply which left me dizzy. But during the walk home, I found the day's activities began to fade from my mind. I had gotten off work, hung out with some friends…and now I was going home. I was standing outside my front door when I got one last text.

Mistress

Hey there cutie :) Did you have fun today?

Another wrong number? In the same day? I texted back to clear up the misunderstanding.

You

Yes Mistress

I stared at my phone, and tried to figure out why I had just typed that, and also why this stranger was named ‘Mistress’ in my phone. But before I could even begin to feel confused there was another text

Mistress

That’s good to hear I’ve been keeping an eye on you, and I think I’ve decided to make you mine Doesn’t that sound lovely pet?

You

Yes Mistress

I stared dumbly at my own thumbs as they typed out and sent the message for a second time. I received one last text, then everything went fuzzy.

The next thing I knew, I was standing somewhere else. I was in front of a completely different door, with my arm raised as though I had just finished knocking. Before I could spend any more time figuring out where I was, the door opened and a dazzlingly beautiful woman was standing inside. She smiled at me, I recognized the smile.

“Perfect timing sweetie” 

From behind her another girl walked out of the apartment. She had a vacant expression on her face, and didn’t even glance at me as she walked down the hallway towards the exit. The woman gestured for me to enter

“You’re up next, come on in” 

I did and she shut the door behind me

"Honestly I decided I was going to keep you from the moment we first met, breaking you mind was just so much fun"

"Um...thank you"

I couldn't really understand what this lady was talking about, but before I could think about it more I was distracted by the sight of another young woman who was curled up in a pet bed in the corner of the room. She was naked aside from a leather collar around her neck. I stared at her wide eyed while the woman took a seat on the couch. She laughed when she saw me looking

“Jealous?”

I tore my eyes away, my face turning red. I looked at the woman. There was something so familiar about her but I couldn’t quite place it. She laughed at me

“You are just adorable all confused like this, take a seat”

She patted the couch next to her, and I obeyed. Good Girls obeyed…something was swimming up to the surface of my mind Good Girls obeyed…

“Mistress?” 

I heard myself ask, it was like I was listening to myself from underwater. She smiled at me 

“Why don’t we get you all comfy pet”

She took me by the shoulders and pulled me down, she adjusted me until I was lying on her lap looking up at her. Somehow she seemed even more gorgeous looking down on me like this. There was a voice in my head that was still confused, still wondering why all of this was happening. But that little voice got quieter and quieter as I stared into Mistress's eyes while she gently stroked my hair.

“So do you remember why I called you here?”

I was suddenly broken free from my stupor as I struggled to process the question.

“Uhh, I’m uh…I’m…uhh”

She giggled and placed a quieting finger over my lips

“You don’t need to worry about it pet, you don’t need to worry about anything anymore” 

I sighed, that seemed so nice. She gave me another loving smile as I relaxed into her.

"Now pay attention pet, there's one last thing you have to learn about the button that turns off your brain. You know it can be pressed and you can be turned on and off, you know it can be held down and you can have new instructions installed. but did you know you can be reset completely?"

I just stared up at her, not fully comprehending

"It's true! I can just erase everything and start from scratch. and its going to feel so so good, you'll probably just cum the moment I do it. Then everything in your mind will be gone forever, doesn't that sound good pet?"

The words simply fell out of my mouth

"Yes Mistress"

"Good Girl, would you like to say goodbye?"

"...to who Mistress?"

"You silly"

She leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. My eyes rolled back and my mouth fell open as I gasped and moaned, pleasure I had never felt before wracked my body as my mind went blank.

…

“And now that everything in your mind is gone, I’m going to fill it back up. Your time as a slut did so good training you into my perfectly obedient little toy. But you aren’t a Slumber Party Slut anymore, you’re just Mine. You belong to me, and as far as you know, you always have. There is nothing else, there has never been anything else. You live here with me, and you do as you are told, because you are my perfect pet, my very good girl. All you need to know is that I am your everything. and Awake”  

Mistress snapped her fingers and gently pushed the pet off her lap

“Pets don’t wear clothes”

Mistress said, and the pet started stripping while Mistress left the room. When the pet was naked she fell to her knees. without Mistress in the room there was nothing for the pet to do, nothing to even think. The moment Mistress returned, She consumed all of the pets attention. Looking for a sign, waiting for a signal. Mistress smiled at Her pet and approached, She was holding a collar in her hand. She put a finger under the pets chin and tilted her head up, then tightened the collar around the pets neck. Without a word She clipped a lead to the collar, turned around and walked away. The pet followed behind on her hands and knees, the pet enjoyed the pressure on her neck as Mistress gently pulled her. 

“The leash is gonna stay on for a while, new pets are so very dependent, and I wouldn’t want you to wander too far”

She stopped in front of a computer desk, leaned down and clipped the other end of the leash to a hook set up beneath the desk. With another gentle tug She dragged the pet underneath, then pulled up a chair and sat down. Mistress rested her feet on the pet and went to work on something. The pet curled up and started getting comfortable in her new home…no…this had always been her home.

[hypnosis-microsys]

20 days of Hypmic; day 2 - fave division

data jingie

[pineapple-frenzy]

I can't decide which one I like better so have them all :>>>

[akkivee]

inspired by veil

[lezabeththetheodoraimposter]

charles rowland please for the love of all things good KEEP EDWIN AWAY FROM MAURICE

[spiral-radio]

I just want to have binaurals blasted into my mind so I'm completely blank, ready to be shaped and molded into the perfect obedient servant to someone.

[whump-on-a-string]

The Rare Bookseller

Fan art for @oliversrarebooks whump series.

[lauraleidownhere]

Got dropped so deep down and woke up soaked in my own mess, oh soo good to have your mind so malleable and blank that it empties itself out one way or another crafted by words so suggestible to you

[groppy]

mfw i can draw parallels between indoctrination theory and mesmerizer. mfw fuuta is the one to attack shidou instead of amane because he so desperately wants to be seen with approval. does anyone get it

[pocket-watcher]

May I request pet hypnosis but the hypnotist is an eldritch being that’s being ever so gentle with their adorable little human toy, wrapping them in their tentacles and enjoying simple cuddles, please?

You may! I haven’t written tentacles yet so hopefully I do them justice…

The creature stalked its prey, which was cooking, unaware, in the kitchen.

The human sang to itself as it added the sauce to the pan and began stirring.

The creature slinked closer, its thick tentacles stretching to support the silent movement.

Once it was close enough it’s tendrils began to slink slowly around the humans leg and-

“AH!” The human yelped. “Oh my goodness, you scared me.” It laughed.

The monster let out an affectionate noise. Now that it had been discovered the monster twisted its tentacles around the human in an embrace.

“I was wondering where you were. Dinner is almost ready.” The human smiled.

One appendage pushed the human’s hair out of it’s eyes. The human laughed bashfully.

They continued to cook, the comforting pressure of the creature engulfing them. Around the human’s mid section, arms, and thighs. The contact slowly seeping into the human’s mind.

“H-honey… do you mind? You’re making me a little fuzzy…” the human started, eyes slightly unfocused.

The creature lightened its grip, bringing the human back to reality.

“Thank you. Let me just turn off the stove…” the human placed the pan safely off the heat, securing everything, before the creature began constricting once more.

The pressure of being wrapped in tentacles set off a trigger in their mind.

“Okay… I.. um. I’m sure we can… we can reheat that later… dear…” the human melted into the touch, submitting and dropping so easily for the creature.

It supported the human’s neck as it lazily rocked into a comfortable position.

The touch of the creature was instantly calming. A fast-acting off switch for the human’s mind.

The human felt every worry, every annoyance, fade away. The feelings replaced with a relaxed bliss.

The creature happily cradled it’s human, pleased with the hypnotic effect it had on them. In fact, the creature found the human especially cute when it was like this.

The human found such joy in letting the creature, its owner, take over all responsibilities. The human no longer had to consider a schedule or a to do list. It only existed for the creature’s entertainment.

The creature pet the human’s hair as the two snuggled up tightly, and the human drifted into a pleasant trance, to dream of reheated leftovers later…

[sleepanonymous]

Remember when I said I swear I wasn't trying to drag out posting all the videos I took in Phoenix during the Teeth of God tour? 😅 Yeah, me too.

Like the description states, I almost decided against uploading this one altogether because of the angle and lighting. I eventually decided to because of a conversation I had with @autumns-veil about the lighting specifically during this song from the Teeth of God tour. Anyone lucky enough to make barricade in front of Vessel can attest to this, I'm certain; the lighting framed him in such a way that it felt like it was just you and Vessel in the venue together, despite being pressed up against 7 other people in the crowd and face to face with the security.

Whoever programed the lights, specifically for this song, deserves everything good in the world; a raise, awards, a good night's sleep.

[poliodeuces]

時間がない

doppo should go dancing it will be so good for him.

three years ago i thought "i should draw doppo like this" and didn't start until july 2023 💀 and now finished on december...

[kiryuing]

“U-Um, today’s my birthday… N-Nevermind, it’s nothing. I’m sorry.”

5/15 🎁 Doppo Kannonzaka

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 20 thoughts

dare i say it, once again… new favorite episode??

okay, my previous favorite episode was an ENTIRELY different direction from this one, but i’d say there should be one best episode for serious stuff and one best episode for the silly!!! and this takes the silly crown!! and tbh i can't make an actual hard and fast rating anyway because there are so many great things to choose from- but this is amongst them, for me, in terms of legendary episodes!

please, join me on this ride, which i enjoyed each second of, and will need to someday rewatch without pausing every 0.5 seconds to jot something i noticed down. the live experience begins beneath the cut.

it’s been 84 years…. (3 days since i’ve seen an episode)

ooo, this sounds interesting! is scully going to work with an author?? are we gonna learn more about the things that she reads?? this is prime content to a person like me

stars…. space ship….. filled with tubes and wires and other such things…… just kidding!!! it’s a guy working on some electrical stuff. whilst two people drive by!! i thought they were mulder and scully at first but they are not

“um, i don’t want to scare you, but i think i’m madly in love with you” says this guy who is not mulder but actually named harold to this girl who is not scully but is actually named chrissy. OH! and this is the first date. so that was a weird thing to say. i thought it was quite sweet at first but that changes things for sure.

GASP! UFO be upon them. creatures are coming out to get them. she asks what they are and he says “how the hell should i know?” ooo ooo i know! they are aliens 👽 and then the two fall on top of each other like they are knocked out… and the aliens drag them away???? 

until a king kong looking fellow rolls up. very puppet-y. and the aliens don’t know what this creature is either!!! and also ask what that thing is and the response is “how the hell should i know?” haha i see what you did there... out aliening the alien

bum bum bum bum…. (<- my attempt at recreating the noise of the intro)

now, what was that? i'm stuck on the king kong and godzilla love child puppet….

scan up on mulder’s iconic poster!!! and a guy is here who is yet again not mulder. his name is mr. chung and mulder will NOT talk to him… oooh, what is their beef…?

mr. chung is saying he always felt alienated on this planet, who can even imagine actual aliens! and he has a point there.

oh! scully is a big fan of this fellow, which is why she agreed to talk to this guy!!! he calls her beautiful, which is true, but time and place 

so he isn’t even interested in aliens, but his publisher said he should write a book on the matter. he is going to create a NEW genre: non fiction science fiction, a gimmick that will give him money. this seems somewhat disappointing to scully, who must be a believer in artistic integrity, but i find his honesty refreshing.

she wants him to tell the truth, but apparently he spent 3 months in kass county where all this stuff went down, and NO ONE could tell him what actually happened. the truth is just as subjective as reality. which sounds like something i learned in history class. and, it helps explain why everyone with an alien story starts with some variation of, "i know this sounds crazy, but"...

so he wants HER version of hearing of the case. also he touches her arm and... let's slow down a little there, mr. chung.

OHHH we are seeing a story told in flashbacks!!!! narrated by scully!! how wonderful!!!

this girl is suffering from “missing time”, a phenomenon we have come to know well here on this blog. also her clothes are inside out and she has signs of abuse. not looking great for her.

apparently mulder prefers the term “abductee” to “experiencer”, which mr. chung has valid disagreements with. we go on, however.

this poor girl is seeing aliens that are not there and her nose is bleeding. WAIT! it’s the guy from before! harold and chrissy! he comes to her window to say he did everything he could but she rejects him, thinking he had drugged and assaulted her. yikes.

harold is testifying that he was abducted by aliens, but no one believes him. he stuck to his story UNTIL our agents arrived!

(MULDER SAYS SOMETHING VERY OUT OF POCKET HERE ABOUT GOING TO PRISON BUT LET'S KEEP MOVING)

despite this announcement of presumed prison time, mulder brings chrissy in for questioning. asking her if she has all the symptoms of “post abduction disorder”, which she confirms, while scully rolls her eyes with great force in the background. and he talks the girl’s parents into letting her do hypnosis.

“what is your opinion of hypnosis?”, mr. chung asks scully, which is something i also have been dying to know! i mean, we saw her do a little bit before, but it didn’t seem to be a positive experience. she says it has therapeutic value, but has never been proven to enhance memory; it even makes memory worse. a very balanced and doctor-ly answer! 

LMAO scully is so cute… mr. chung mentions another book he wrote and she proclaims it “one of the greatest thrillers ever written” <- STOP I LOVE HER SHE IS SUCH A NERRRRD 😭😭

mr. chung said the FBI knew nothing about how hypnosis worked back during the MK ULTRA days… and he is fascinated by the idea of a person’s consciousness being transformed by listening to words. admittedly very fascinating! you could probably say the same about meditation, no?

(but he speaks to the power of storytelling, i realize now in hindsight! how we find ourselves wrapped up in the tales of things that never happened, how it fills us with sorrow or joy! how fascinating! i see what you did there, writers!)

cutscene to hypnotizing chrissy. who is seeing aliens. she is on a space ship wearing a fit that looks very similar to a lady gaga chromatica era performance, but it has tubes attached to her. harold is in a very similar contraption!!!!

she says the aliens are arguing without moving their mouths and she hears the lead alien in her head saying it’s for the good of her planet. and he is stealing her memories? um. for what purpose...

scully is serving looks in the corner while this goes down, looking mad as hell and very good. she says chrissy's abduction story seems a little TOO typical… and i have to agree! but mulder says no, there are TWO people with the same story! they can't both be lying, surely!

LMAOOOO they play with censoring the dude who comes in and yells at them… “well, of course he didn’t actually say ‘bleeped’” 

(BAHAHA i’m loving this insight into how scully’s memories operate. so this angry man is named detective manners)

“you still gonna hold the boy?” “oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep i am” <- i am a simple woman, and an actor delivering these lines with a straight face whilst surrounded by other actors keeping a very straight face is going to make me cackle. look at her looking so bored while he says that. i’m howling!!!!

anyway, harold has a very different story on what went down that night, that did not seem to involve gaga-inspired fits, but instead they were both placed in electrified cages. while another alien in a nearby cage smokes a cigarette. he seems to be what i would call “an unbothered king”

in this story, harold claims that he will protect chrissy and never let anything happen to her, and of course something immediately happens to her while he hides in the corner like a baby. lmao.

and this alien is talking in english! not telepathically! he keeps repeating “this is not happening” until harold ALSO gets taken by the thing that took chrissy. 

mulder is trying to figure out what is going on, but his predictions aren’t lining up with what happened to harold. scully is pacing and looking pissed, and again, very pretty.

“you know when you’re a kid, and you tore the legs off a bug for no reason?”, asks harold (cutscene to mulder’s face with visible confusion) LMAOOOOOOO

scully getting to business: did you engage in consensual sexual intercourse that night? she is not messing around! she's had it up to here with the shenanigans of harold and chrissy!

harold is very very quiet until he says that her father will kill him if he finds out!!! gasp!!! confirmation!!!

so is this whole story just… a cover up??? for fornication???

scully vs mulder time. “so what if they’re having sex?” he asks, which is funny coming from him; and anyway, he claims it happened BEFORE the alien stuff went down. but she thinks they’re traumatized, and that is more likely than alien abduction. 

until detective manners bursts in and claims he has an eyewitness to what went down! he used more blanks and bleeps and again the straight faces killllll me

and ALL OF THEM telling their stories start with “i know how crazy this all sounds” just as mr. chung had described LMAOOO. now who tf is this dude who says he was an eyewitness?

(i’m taking soooo many notes because i keep laughing and noting things. which is a good problem to have!)

this dude, named roky, spent 48 hours straight writing down what he saw, and said that by looking at this, they are putting their lives in danger. so okay. better be juicy.

he says his garage door opened up, a car pulled in, and a man told him some facts about venus. he says they put him in a trance! and that they were in all black……

mr. chung says that myths of men in black garments are nothing new!!! so take THAT, men in black legends, you are one of many.

back at roky's place, the other dude in black says jimmy carter thought he saw a UFO once, but it was just venus. roky is scandalized, grabs his paper, and states that he is a REPUBLICAN.

(omg jimmy carter is going to be 100 in a few months god willing…..)

this man in black is saying that roky saw VENUS and nothing else, just VENUS. and not to tell anyone he saw anything but VENUS or he will die. and then the car drives away. 

so after that build up, he gives mulder the manuscript, and says he is packing up and leaving. bye bye roky. hope you find some peace.

mulder is reading this story to scully who is sprawled on the bed, looking, again, angry and hot. it seems he is describing that earlier puppet-y action.

oh! roky was the electrical guy from the very beginning!!! he hides in his truck but the king kong looking fellow says “be not afraid” and that he is needed for the good of the earth? what is with the good of the earth here.

cutscene to a very baffled looking scully laying in bed as mulder continues to read LMAOOOOOO

AND ROKY’S STORY SAYS HE WENT NOT TO OUTER SPACE, BUT INNER SPACE HELPPP!!!! now, inner space is towards the core, if you, like me, were unaware. also, king kong godzilla dude’s name is Lord Kinbote, so jot that down.

mr. chung says he has a copy of roky’s manifesto- which was sent to his publisher? and LMAOOO the story is disturbing both for its soul orgy scenes and the fact that it is written as a screenplay 

well, surely your partner didn’t believe any of it, mr. chung states! “mulder’s had his share of peculiar notions” is scully's carefully worded reply... LMAOOO 

cutscene to her sitting up from the bed and calling him nuts <- LMAOOOOO but HE says that whatever roky saw may have triggered some delusions, and that the only story that doesn’t add up is chrissy’s, so he is calling to get her re-hypnotized, much to scully’s indignation!

so back to the hypnosis. and chrissy is now mirroring harold's story exactly. oh! she says the people who took them are from the air force?? so where did the gaga slay outfits go... 

the air force men are arguing in front of her. and then they say to “rinse her out”. saying it is for the good of her country. and stealing her memories!

so WHO is doing the real memory stealing here….. the aliens or the government?? an age old question!!! one that is at the heart of this series.

scully and mulder fight over what is going on, and he thinks that this might have nothing to do with aliens, until detective manners shows up with news that a crazy blankety blank claims to have an ALIEN BODY!!

(what if it’s a raccoon with mange…)

again, the man recounting this story begins with “i know how crazy this is going to sound”, but then says he wants to be abducted by aliens. well! i’m sure that’s a sexual thing i don’t care to unpack.

cutscene to mr. chung interviewing this same man, who wishes to go where finding a job is not a requirement. he was looking in a field for UFOs. and when he called the authorities upon spotting one, the agents show up!!

he says that scully was a man dressed as a woman but not pulling it off??? RUDE AS HELL! jail for 10,000 years. "HER HAIR WAS A LITTLE TOO RED, YOU KNOW?" LMAOOOOO and mulder was the “tall, lanky one” with a blank expression. well yeah that is an accurate depiction.

AND ACCORDING TO THIS GUY'S ACCOUNT, WHEN MULDER SEES THE BODY, HE SHRIEKS LIKE A STARTLED SQUIRREL I’M CRYINGGGG. so scully says to wrap this body up!

BUT THEN SHE GRABS HIM AND SAYS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE HE SAW THIS I’M CRYINGGGG... that had to be such a silly scene to film 

okay, seeing the part about subjective truths now. this is so funny... why is this loser making scully a hater in his version!!!

she’s PISSED to hear he claims she said this LMAOOO and that is ridiculous!! they even let him view the autopsy!!

so mulder takes this weirdo’s camera and records the autopsy?? scully cuts his brain open. and the tape ends up on late night television LMAOOOO

SCULLY IS SO EMBARRASSED THAT SHE IS ON THIS ALIEN HOAX AUTOPSY TAPE... I’M CRYING SOMEONE SAVE HER!!! and the host of whatever show they end upon is STUPENDOUS YAPPI FROM THE CLYDE BRUCKMAN EPISODE!!!! i'm howlingggg

she’s mad that whoever got the film edited out all the important scientific findings!!! like the two layers of skin!!!

wait. it’s a zipper. this is a dead guy in an alien suit. LMAOOOOOOOOO

the weird UFO cameraman kid is ill after realizing it was an ordinary dead guy, and scully looks deeply pained as he runs away to get sick LMAOOO

so: who is this dead guy? he was in the air force! and his name is robert. but who arrives but more people from the air force!! are they here to bury him?? or question the agents…

the folks from the air force want robert back, so she has to break the news that he is dead, and being kept for investigation into kidnapping. can they see him? scully is like yeah sure but mulder says no!!! but you CAN talk to the other AWOL guy we brought in. GASP!! a bluff!!! and it works!! from this they learn there is another missing guy!

LMAOOOO except it doesn’t go as smoothly as intended, and mulder is all “hmm he was here a few minutes ago… guess he’s still AWOL… anyway wanna see the body?” I’M CRYING THIS MANNNN IS SO RIDICULOUS 

but bad news: the body is gone. 

cameraman UFO guy is sitting on his floor watching the autopsy tape. when in bursts… the men in black from the earlier garage scene!!!! they knock him out. 

he claims mulder slapped him back to reality. and that he ALSO threatened him... me when i lie.

so mulder doesn’t have the tape. but when he drives home a fully naked man is walking about in the woods. it’s the other missing lieutenant, jack!! he is repeating “this is not happening” in the same voice as the alien as before!!!!! HUH WHAT IS GOING ON?

mulder takes jack to eat. he claims to have piloted the "UFO", and that all the abductions are military stuff, and at the base the abductees are messed with mentally, until they come out convinced they were probed by aliens. 

well okay, if its all the government, than what abducted YOU, jack? he isn’t sure about anything at all anymore, even if he exists. until who walks in... but the military!!

wait, mulder points out, it can’t all be fake- who was the third alien? jack seems to know him by name- lord kinbote. HUH?

and mr. chung heard a story about that same night from the cook at the restaurant! apparently mulder ordered sweet potato pie? huh, that’s interesting. and he kept ordering more and more pies with each question he asked the chef. LMAOOOO I just KNOW that scene was hard to film!!!! scenes where people eat always make me wonder how many times they had to have that damn bite of pie. 

but he claims there was no jack, nor any air force personnel at all. just a hungry mulder. again, so what is the truth...

mr. chung points out that scully doesn’t seem too phased to learn about all the contradictions in this story, and she says well no, not after what happened next. because when he got back to the motel, the men in black were in her room, going through her stuff! they claim she went to get some ice. he’s got 'em at gunpoint, screaming WHERE IS SHE!!! all protective, okay i see you. but she really did go to get some ice???

okay… man in black says that some alien encounters are engineered by the government and then exposed to discredit truth seekers. and mulder counters, well, people say the men in black also do purposefully strange things, so that anyone describing them sounds crazy! they proceed to… try and hypnotize him?

BUT IT’S ALEX TREBEK WHO IS DOING THE HYPNOTIZING???? LMAOOOOO HAS HE BEEN THE QUIET MAN IN BLACK THIS WHOLE TIME??

mr. chung is GAGGED, and wants to know if it WAS alex trebek, but sadly scully cannot confirm, for has no memory of this!! 

she woke up the next morning to mulder in her room….? and mr. chung is also gagged to hear this. me too tbh like did he just sleep on the couch? well we know that is how he sleeps at home so i guess i'm not shocked.

mulder’s trying to explain that she didn’t just "let him in" last night, but detective manners calls and says they found a bleeping UFO.

and what is it but…. a plane!! a secret plane!! and who are they carrying away on stretcher but the missing airmen, jack and robert???? SO HOW DID THEY DIE!

mr. chung puts his pen down, baffled, and scully points out that this story may not have a lot of closure, but it’s more than some of their other cases, which is funny because it is true. and she’s playing with her earrings and it’s so cute.

cutscene to mr. chung typing at his place. until a shadow approaches and he holds a tiny gun!!!! he is ready for a showdown but it’s… mulder at the door?

WAIT how does chung recognize him… did scully show him pictures i'm crying

mulder is in chung's apartment, asking him to not write the book, because it will do a disservice to a field that has always struggled to maintain credibility. we can’t understand these alternate realities yet!!! well. compelling argument... but mr. chung needs a paycheck. 

OH! and mulder suspects that the book is a “covert agenda” of the military industrial complex. always theories upon theories with this guy...

mr. chung says the book WILL be written, but he needs an explanation from mulder: what really happened to those kids on that night?

his answer: how the hell should i know?

(it was so perfect, i thought the episode would end right here)

mr. chung says he has deadlines, and mulder looks very sad, very previously neglected shelter dog rizz, and walks out. back to mr. chung’s furious typing. 

okay, so the cameraman now works for the electrical company roky worked for. because roky moved to california, preaching on purification and the inner earth and core enlightenment. right right right makes sense.

cutscene to scully reading the finished book by mr. chung!!! she is fictionalized as “diane” who is “noble of spirit and pure of heart” but “nevertheless a federal employee” LMAOOOO

and mulder is “renard muldrake” LMAOOOOO that is such a funny name... he's watching something in bed shirtless as his fictionalized self is being described- “a ticking time bomb of insanity” AND HE’S WATCHING THE BIGFOOT TAPES BAHAHAHAHA

chrissy now is an environmental advocate and harold still loves her but it isn’t required. aww harold :(

mr. chung ends by saying that we are not alone in this universe, but in our own way, we are all alone.

NEW BEST EPISODE CONTENDER???

this feels like one of those posts where people make up a bunch of information and then it all gets proven wrong so it is described as a "net zero information gain" bahaha

but don't get me wrong, i don't fully understand what happened, but i loved it. i was laughing, i was enjoying seeing the subjectivity of one story to the next, i was enjoying scully and chung time, and despite all the silly, we still got clues on the whole "is it aliens or the government" thing. and sure, maybe it doesn't make immediate sense, but you have to ponder these matters to learn what is at their heart!

so what DID we learn? well, some alien cases might be the government! but i guess that is still a "might", so maybe we can't truthfully say we LEARNED it. we learned that scully is a big fan of mr. chung!!! we learned that mulder is fiercely protective of his line of work from all his years of being ridiculed! and that he watches the famous bigfoot tape for fun and also maybe like sweet potato pie? it was unconfirmed.

i really enjoyed the playing with perspective, seeing how one character saw things, and then another. and seeing mulder and scully threaten that dweeb was so funny because it was so out of character and had to be silly to shoot.

and i thought it was impressive how it managed to tie back to the big alien and government mystery while still making me laugh so hard. how many past episodes can be analyzed through the lens of certain things being faked for exposure? and what REALLY happened to those airmen? we still don't know if mulder's convo with jack even happened! and we never will!

i came to appreciate the company of mr. chung immensely, even though i thought he was gonna be creepy after calling scully beautiful and touching her arm, but i suppose that he was just a genuinely sweet fellow. you can't blame me for being suspicious after some of the things she gets put through, but i'm sure that if i picked one of his books off the shelf, i, like scully, would be a fan.

overall, i am deeply pleased, and would love to give this a rewatch sometime when i am not taking notes so i could appreciate the pacing in more detail. man, season 3 has really been killing it, huh? and i'm nearing the end!!

[blackdragoncake]

I still have 12 mfs after this🤢