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dans-den · 1 year ago

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The Machine Movie Review

Hey what's going on everyone?! Dan here and today I'll be reviewing The Machine Movie, The movie based on the incredible story...notice how it doesn't say true story.

Now I've been a fan of Bert Kreischer these last few years. I remember first seeing him on the travel channel on his trip show, then I saw his machine story on YouTube, watched most of his Netflix specials and his Cabin show, and even saw him in person during the Super Bowl here in AZ with Guy Fieri. I honestly had no idea he was making an actual film this summer until over a month ago when I was watching an analysis video about Bert and how he's starting to become out of touch and egotistical, I'll leave a link to that video from Ghost Gum you guys should check it out.

(Ghost Gum video on Bert)

Now I've been watching several videos on YouTube about Bert and a lot of the issues are coming from his let's just say "exaggerated" stories and the authenticity of them as well as him being in denial about having an alcohol problem and overall health issues. His status has made him delusional about being better or above everyone else which is another factor of him losing respect from his fans. I feel this movie perfectly reflects all of these traits as well as justifying his behaviors and trying to poke fun at the criticism he sees. I was going into this movie thinking it would be so bad it's funny and I was partially right. Half the movie is so bad its funny while the other half is...just bad, it's boring and made to make Bert look cool or like he's the center of the world. I'll break down why I feel this way and what this movie could potentially do to Bert's reputation/fanbase.

Now let's start with a positive first, Mark Hamill. I love Mark Hamill not just as Luke Skywalker or the Joker, I love his work and I feel he was truly carrying this movie. I was weirded out that they chose Mark to portray Bert's dad in this film. I've seen what Bert's dad looks like and Mark looks nothing like him (at least not currently) so I wonder if it's for a cool factor or Bert is a huge fan of Mark Hamill or both. Either way Mark as Bert's dad carried the movie to where it was enjoyable at times and genuinely funny. He was the best character in this movie, yes, better than Bert, better than the Russian Mafia characters, he was just the best one because he actually made me laugh the most. When he laughs you can hear that Joker laugh slip through and I loved it.

Now with that positive out of the way, let's get to the negatives. The plot barely makes any sense, Bert's past with the Mafia comes back to haunt him and he has to go to Russia and find an Heirloom he stole from a crime family or else his eldest daughter (I think it's suppose to be Georgia) will be killed. Without getting into major spoilers, this plotline is so inconsistent in terms of characters, flow, and accuracy. So the Machine story setting was from Berts time at Florida State when he was 22. So Bert was born in 1972 and i'm guessing this was before his 23rd birthday, so that means the setting of the story should take place in 1995. Now the movie did not establish what year it currently was, but I have to assume it was 2023 or sometime in the 2020's. He said it was 23 years ago meaning the story happened in either the late 90's or the year 2000 since young Bert (played by Jimmy Tatro) is making Austin Powers and Beavis and Butthead references. That basically goes against the actually setting of the story which I understand movies aren't 100% accurate but normally the time period correlates with one another so this is either Bert forgetting or trying to appeal to the younger crowd like people my age or younger. The plot is this wild goose chase meant to make Bert look cool or go through this hero's journey which honestly just falls flat.

The characters were alright I guess. Like I said Mark Hamill as Berts dad is my favorite character, The Russian Mafia characters while a bit stereotypical were also funny at times, Bert had some moments I'll admit but those were few and far in between. I just didn't like the portrayal of him and his family or family friends they all seemed like they hated each others guts. Felt bad for the therapist character in all honesty, sad part is there are people like that in this world that try to act like nothings wrong and try to force their loved ones to see thigs their way even though that is certainly not the case. The family really didn't go through any major developments to warrant that ending, especially the daughter she just suddenly had a change of heart without really being in the story which is ironic considering the plot was also about Bert needing to know it's not always about him. That should tell you the mindset of Bert in real life. Once again, this was all meant to make Bert look cool, like he's life of the party, like everything he's doing is fine and how he is bigger than life.

Now let's get to the important part, the comedy. Wow...it is near nonexistent. The type of comedy in here is literally lowbrow, meant to look "Progressive", having Russian stereotypes, some physical humor, and overall just meh. Don't get me wrong I still laugh at these types of comedy but it depends how it's done. Some people do it tastefully and genuinely funny like a actual Comedian then there are others who do it without any set up or punchline like a middle schooler...can you guess which way The Machine movie does it? That's right, the humor is stuff I would have said or done when I was like 14 and I'm not gonna say I dislike immature humor, there are times where I still get a good laugh out of it and I laughed a couple times in this movie but again those moments are far and few in between. The issue I have with it is Bert's style of comedy doesn't work well, great storyteller, but horrible at setting up jokes or delivering punchlines. I'm just glad he didn't do that fake Hyena laugh too much in this movie.

Overall, this movie was meant to just inflate Bert's ego, I was genuinely hoping this movie would be hilarious but honestly I'm starting to see why people are slowly losing interest in Bert I mean he is a 50 year old man with a wife and two kids who actively gets drunk as a "career" because he can't do actual standup. It is a real fall from grace because the reason everyone liked him was because he was just being himself. But now he's become a complete try hard for laughs and clout and I don't find him as funny as he use to be. Bert if you by some chance see this, you need to get some actual help. Stop drinking and spend more time with your family because you're on a slippery slope to alcoholism and a short life span.

Rating this movie I'm giving it:

4/10

I do not recommend this movie, maybe I'll watch it again when it comes out on redbox and get drunk or high, maybe then I'll find it funnier but as it stands it's a bit underwhelming for a comedy film.

That's all I have to say.

See ya!

#dans den #movie review #bert kreischer #the machine #TheMACHINEmovie #jimmy tatro #mark hamill #comedy #sony #russian mafia

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