#Eleanor Infante

[bob-the-movie-man-film-reviews]

The Machine (15): Kreischer? Who?

#onemannsmovies review of "The Machine" (2023). #TheMachineMovie. Only three laughs for me in this US "comedy". 2.5/5.

A One Mann’s Movies review of “The Machine” (2023). There have been two recent examples of US ‘national treasures’ that have appeared in films who are relatively unknown in the UK. In 2019 there was Mr Rogers, as portrayed by Tom Hanks, in “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood“. And very recently, it was the author Judy Blume and her book “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret“. Now, it seems with…

[biffybobs]

Noa has become very close with one of her neighbours. In return for some knitting tips, Eleanor advises Noa to stop hanging around at home with an old bat like her and try meeting more sims her own age.

[flowerflamestars]

It is essential to me that my 3.5 migration patterns readers understand how insanely horny this story is about to get

[trentonsimblr]

babies!!! I finally updated my game and I love them!

[vir-adahlen]

in season 2 re: the fort conflict.. when flint tells eleanor “it’s not personal” and her face crumbles..….. oh no. she just wants to be his friend.

[pathologicalreid]

separation anxiety | S.R.

spencer's first case back from paternity leave involves children, so a concerned party reaches out to you for help

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff content warnings: mom!reader, dad!spencer, vaguely described breastfeeding, word count: 1.28k a/n: this is technically the reid family from cryptic, but you don't have to read cryptic in order to understand this fic.

Your book rested in your lap as you pinched the thin paper of the novel between your index finger and your thumb. You had one foot on the ground, and the other was on the bottom of your daughter’s stroller, effectively rocking the stroller in two-four time so the infant would stay asleep.

Just because the A-Team wasn’t around didn’t mean there weren’t people working in the BAU. A crying baby would certainly disrupt the workflow in the bullpen – even if the baby belonged to a member of the BAU. Although, you had already fed her – mostly covered – at Spencer’s desk, so maybe you were past the point of no return.

You and baby Nellie had just been staring at each other at home – she was doing tummy time – when your phone went off. A mysterious text from Derek Morgan had popped up on your phone screen.

Derek Morgan: Got a sec?

It wasn’t that you and Derek never texted, it’s just that it was usually under the realm of “on my way” messages and, more recently, baby pictures, but you usually communicated indirectly using a massive group chat that was created by none other than Penelope Garcia.

So, when you answered and he asked if you’d be able to meet the team when they arrived at Quantico, you hesitantly said yes. He explained more once they were on the jet, the case that they had been on involved young children, and there was a little girl that had struck a particular chord with your boyfriend – who was on his first case back from paternity leave.

Eleanor was three months old, and you weren’t sure who’d have a harder time being away from one another – her or Spencer. You hadn’t considered how Spencer would feel when confronted with a case involving children now that he was a father. Quite frankly, you had hoped that he would’ve had more time before he needed to face a situation like that.

You waited, still using your foot to rock Nell’s stroller as the cover diffused the fluorescent light, you could hear her moving now, likely having woken up from her nap, but if she wasn’t crying, you saw no reason to stop her from playing with the colorful toys that dangled above her.

Sighing, you peered up from your book to see the elevator opening on the sixth floor, revealing the team behind the steel doors. Morgan clocked you first, winking as he passed through the glass doors to the bullpen.

Spencer hadn’t noticed the two of you yet, so you slowly opened the cover of the stroller and picked your daughter up, holding her gently to your chest. The infant fussed a bit while she was being moved, effectively gaining the attention of her father, whose face lit up at the sight of his family waiting for him at his desk.

Pushing past the rest of the team, who had also noticed the small being in the room by this point, Spencer approached his desk, haphazardly dropping his bag on the metal surface before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Before even bothering to separate your lips, he was taking the baby from your arms.

“Hey,” he murmured, pulling away from you slowly as he secured the baby in his arms, bending his neck to place his lips on the crown of Nell’s head, “I missed you, angel girl.” His voice was gentle as you looked on fondly, she reached out a small hand and gripped the collar of his shirt. “How are you?” He asked, turning his attention back onto you.

You smiled at the two of them, using a cloth to wipe the drool from her chin before Spencer took it from you, deftly draping it over his shoulder in case he needed it shortly. “Good,” you answered, “tired,” you added.

Across the bullpen, Emily waved at Eleanor, grinning broadly as she walked over to her desk with JJ. To her enjoyment, the baby responded by letting out a coo and smiling before turning her attention to her dad, nuzzling her face in his chest, “Did I miss anything?”

Raising your eyebrows, you shrugged, leaning back and sitting on Spencer’s desk, “She pushed herself up on her arms yesterday.” It wasn’t a massive milestone – you were still grateful that Spencer had been present for her first real smile.

“Oh, yeah?” He responded, proudly looking down at his daughter, who had moved on from nuzzling and was now trying to see just how much of her hand she could fit in her mouth. “Did you know that babies usually go through a sleep regression right before they learn a new skill?” He asked, directing the question at Nell, “That must be why your mama looks so tired.”

You waved him off, crossing your arms in front of your stomach, “She’s lucky she’s so cute.”

The familiar click-clack of heels notified you that Penelope Garcia had made it to the party, likely signaled by another member of the team, “The cutest little girl in the world!”

Even though every member of the team had held your daughter at one point or another, you weren’t entirely comfortable with her being handed off like a hot potato. This, combined with Spencer’s aversion to germs, led to an unspoken rule: wait until one of her parents offered to let you hold her.

“Did you want to take her for a bit?” You offered, looking over at Spencer as you did. He needed time with her, it wasn’t your intention to deprive him of that, but you needed to check in with him without the distraction of the baby. Handing her off, you spoke up, “Watch your earrings,” you tapped on your earlobe, “She will grab them.”

As Garcia held the baby, she made her way around the bullpen, allowing Eleanor to make grabby hands at everyone and everything.

Keeping an arm around his waist, you looked up at your boyfriend, “Are you alright?” You asked, keeping your voice low as there was no sense in airing your concerns to the now bustling office.

Spencer’s smile faltered ever so slightly, “They were just kids. There have been kids before, but now…”

“Now you’re a dad,” you finished for him. “It’s not just something that you could see happening to someone else; it’s something you could see happening to yourself.” Pinching his side slightly, you smirked at him knowingly, “You know, your levels of empathy and sensitivity increase when you become a parent. Your brain adjusts to make yourself a better parent.”

Rolling his eyes slightly, Spencer raised his eyebrows at you, “You know, I vaguely remember telling you something very similar last week when you were crying at an ASPCA commercial.”

You reached up to ruffle his hair, “Nice try at sarcasm, babe, but you and I both know you never vaguely remember anything.”

“How did you know to come here? That I’d need to see her?” Spencer asked, watching as Penelope continued to parade around the BAU, now taking her up the stairs and through the roundtable room. “Was it a mother’s intuition?” He suggested, taking up a lighter tone.

Turning around, your eyes followed Garcia as she walked with Eleanor, “I was contacted by a concerned party.”

Spencer followed your gaze, “I’ll thank Garcia when she gives our baby back.”

You hummed, “Actually, it was Derek, he-“ Your voice cut off abruptly, “Oh, Penny, I told you she’d grab them!” You called from Spencer’s desk, but Garcia was already on her way to return Eleanor, holding one hand to her ear as she handed the baby back to Spencer.

[babydollmarauders]

1 + 2 = “NOT AGAIN!”

part of the el!hughes au

summary: in which jack and y/n (lovie) are pretty happy, but are even happier by the end of the day.

my fingers tremble as the back of my knuckles graze over the soft and supple skin on the cheek of my three month old, whom rests in his bassinet.

“what are you three doing today?” my husband lounges on the bed, his own hand sprawled on my sweatpants clad thigh; while i sit on the edge of the bed beside him.

“i think your mom is planning on taking El out to the water,” i reply, voice soft as i stare at our son, “and Leo and i are gonna go shopping.”

“shopping?” Jack inquires. the linen sheet falls down his toned stomach as he sits up to look at Elio in his bassinet, whose eyes crinkle when he sees his father.

“yeah, i need new clothes. don’t i? yes, i do. yes, i do.” my tone is squeaky and high pitched as i direct my sentences toward my baby.

the bedroom door squeaks as tiny toddler feet slap against the floor, running into the room and clambering up onto the bed.

“daddy! uncle winny ‘time to go!’” El stitches together through labored breaths, her chubby cheeks red from the exertion of running.

“uncle quinny says it’s time to go?” Jack deciphers her words, pulling the two year old into his lap as she tries to peer into the bassinet.

“mhm!” she hums, much too distracted by the baby that has scrunched his body up and opened his mouth into a yawn.

setting our daughter aside, Jack rises from the bed, hissing when i poke at a bruise on his hip as he stretches out his limbs.

he received that particular bruise as he was tending to Eleanor last night; running into her dresser as he navigated the darkness of her room after she woke up from a bad dream.

“lovie,” he grunts, batting my hand away and stepping back, “how would you like it if i poked your bruises?”

jaw dropping in disbelief, i scoff, “you do! all the time!”

a mischievous smirk spreads across his lips, accompanied by a chuckle, “i know.”

i scoot up the bed, El clambering into my lap and resting her head on my shoulder as i watch Jack bound around the room. from the closet, to the dresser, to the en-suite, and back to the dresser, until he’s dressed and ready to head off to the rink for training.

walking back to the bed, he dips down to peck a kiss to the top of El’s head before pressing his lips to mine in a goodbye kiss. when he pulls away, he turns and leans down even farther in order to kiss Elio’s chubby cheek.

“call me if you need anything,” he speaks, gathering his gear bag off the top of the dresser, “i love you, girls.”

“and you too, Leo!” he hastily adds as he leaves the room, just in time for his brother to call from the bottom of the lake house steps.

“Jack! let’s go!”

“i’m coming!”

**

a smile twists at my lips as i watch my toddler cuddle up to her grandmother, her eyes trained on the princess movie that plays on the living room tv.

“hey momma,” i start, catching Ellen’s attention as i pass by the couch, “i’m heading to put Elio down for nap.”

“okay, honey.” my husband’s mother nods, “i’ve got Eleanor, why don’t you go ahead and take a nap too?”

“yeah, maybe.” i shrug, “thank you.”

with the three month old in my arms, i climb the stairs, turning into Jack and i’s room at the top of the steps.

in a post-feed haze, Elio’s eyes are struggling to stay open and alert, rather crossing and fluttering shut before he pries them back open. the sight makes me smile softly, gently transferring him to the bassinet by the bed. almost immediately, his eyes fall shut and tiny little snores fill the air as he finally drifts to sleep.

i sit on the edge of the bed, admiring the infant in his little blue onesie as his fingers twitch in his sleep. and in a motherhood haze, i quickly lose track of how long i’ve sat, just watching him sleep.

“you get the snoring from your father.” i whisper, a loving gaze in my eyes as i scan his face.

“he does not! you snore like a freight train!” i hear from the doorway, my head snapping up to look behind me and finding Jack stalking into the room; closing the door behind him.

“okay, we both snore.” i concede, watching as my husband sets his gear bag back in place upon the dresser and strips down to get in the shower, “but i do not sound like a train!”

“no, you’re right.” he remarks, “you sound more like a helicopter.”

“i do not! i snore like the delicate angel that i am.”

“angel? yes. but snorer? also, yes.” Jack chuckles.

“we get it, i snore.” i huff, “how was training?”

“it was fine. i just need a shower and a nap now.”

i suppose he should enjoy naps while he can. it’s easy enough for him to have one right now.

“did you go shopping?” he asks, disappearing into the en-suite before i hear the shower water turn on.

“yeah! lemme show you what i got!” i leap from the bed, swiping the shopping bags off the floor by the bedroom door.

“shower fashion show.” my husband states, “i’m sweaty and i’m not about to listen to you complain about how bad i smell.”

“good idea.”

he hops in the shower as i bring the bags into the bathroom, dumping the contents upon the counter. and for the next fifteen minutes, i’m in a flurry of quick changes and listening to his comments of ‘oooh’ and ‘i like that’ and ‘you look so good in that, lovie’.

“use my conditioner.” i tell him as i step into a new article of clothing, “your hair is getting dry from the lake water and the sun.”

“copy that.” he calls out, and i turn around just in time to see him squirt a dollop of my expensive conditioner into his palm.

“okay, last outfit!” i announce, and he turns his head to look at me as i twirl.

“that’s pretty.” he comments amidst rinsing the product from his hair.

“hey, babe?” i study myself in the mirror as i speak, turning to the side. my heart races, and i’m fairly certain i can feel it knocking around against my ribcage as Jack hums in acknowledgement as he turns off the water, “does this skirt make me look pregnant?”

i watch his reflection in the mirror as he steps out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist as he studies my figure.

his brows furrow, face pinching in confusion as he analyzes my stomach; a small tummy left over from Elio’s birth nearly four months ago, “no?”

“‘cause i am.”

his entire body goes rigid in the mirror, eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

“say that again?” he chokes out, and i finally turn to face him as an anxiety ridden smile plays at my lips, tears gathering in my eyes.

“i’m pregnant.” i repeat, “again.”

Jack steps forward, wet hands plastering to my hips as his eyes dart between my stomach and my face.

“you’re sure?” he questions, receiving a nod in reply, “but we’ve only- the once- and i-”

“the once is all it took,” i shrug, resisting the urge to gnaw at my lip in worry, “i went to the doctor today before i went shopping, just to confirm what the test said a few days ago…. i’m 10 weeks.”

“three kids,” he breathes out, “oh lovie, how are we gonna do this?”

“with a lot of help from your parents and luke?” i tell him, but it comes out as more of a question than a statement. “how are you feeling?”

he blinks a few times before finally looking me in the eyes, pulling me flush to his dripping chest, “happy? scared? excited.”

“yeah?” my smile widens into a grin as his forehead drops against mine.

“yeah,” he reiterates, “we’re having another baby.”

Jack grins, his hands snaking down my hips until he reaches the crease between my ass and my upper thighs. lifting me up, my legs wrap around his waist as his lips crash against mine.

he steps forward until my ass rests on the counter, his lips trailing away to leave open mouthed kisses down my neck.

my breathing picks up, my heart pounding as my fingers sneak into the hem of the towel around his waist.

it’s at that moment that a faint cry echoes into the bathroom, alerting us that Elio has awoken.

“better get used to that, stud,” i laugh as Jack pulls away, a whine escaping his lips as he throws his head back in complaint, “because we’re gonna be getting interrupted a whole lot for the next eighteen years.”

**

“hey, Quinny,” i call out from the living room couch as he stands from his seat, glancing over as he hears my voice, “are you going upstairs?”

“i wasn’t planning on it, but i can?”

“can you grab Elio’s pacifier? there should be one in his bassinet, but if not then there’s some in my nightstand.”

“yeah, be right back.” Quinn jogs up the stairs, waving his hand up in acknowledgment when i call out a thank you.

the entire household is lounging in the living room, a child friendly movie playing on the tv. Trevor, Cole, and Luke build an intricate castle out of blocks with El, whilst Jim and Ellen sit on the other side of the couch, with Jack sitting beside me, and Alex sitting in an arm chair. Adam, Luca, Mark, Ethan, and Dylan all sit in chairs that they pulled in from the dining area, laughing at the sight of their friend taking building blocks with his niece very seriously.

“Trevor, stop. if you put that block there, it’s gonna fall!” Luke huffs, knocking the red block out of Trevor’s hand and onto the floor.

“you’re gonna teach baby Hughes bad things! stop hitting!” Trevor argues, making Cole roll his eyes as he continues building another wall of the already ginormous castle with El.

“your uncles are silly,” Cole tells El, tone serious and no baby voice in sight, “we don’t argue, do we? you and i, we make a good team.”

“she’s two, of course you get along with her!” Trevor grunts, “but if you were paired with mr. hot hands over here, you’d argue too!”

“i’m only hitting you because you won’t listen!”

the entire living room full of people is practically teeming with laughter at the scene on the floor.

“WHAT THE HELL!”

everyone freezes, the room falling silent as we all turn to watch Quinn bound down the steps.

his face is paler than usual, his eyes wild as he glares at my husband. my eyes dart around, scanning his stiff form. my body tenses as i see what’s clutched in his hand; the ultrasound photos from my doctors appointment just this afternoon.

i forgot i stuck them in my nightstand drawer. fuck.

holding them up, he glares at his brother, “NOT AGAIN!”

“hey! it takes two!” Jack pawns our small son off to Ellen, leaping from the couch and holding his hands out in front of him in attempt to placate his older brother.

“you really cant keep your hands to yourself, can you?” Quinn gruffs, “that’s practically my little sister! the poor girl can’t catch a break!”

“she’s my wife! and that night was her idea!” my cheeks flush as he announces our escapades to the room of our friends and family, “how were we supposed to know that would happen?!”

“well you’ve already had two! i think you should know by now how it works!” Quinn hisses.

“okay, can we just calm down?!” i snap, standing from my seat and facing Quinn.

“you two should be using protection,” Alex mutters from his seat. shaking his head, he looks over at Trevor and Cole, “i swear she gets pregnant every time he breathes on her.”

“shut up,” Jack growls, glaring at his best friends as they all snicker.

“you’re pregnant?!” Ellen shrieks, making Elio twitch in her arms. she looks down at the bundle in her arms, her voice softening “oh sorry, sweetheart.”

“we weren’t planning on telling anyone yet.” Jack sneers, eyes glaring daggers at Quinn.

“but yes,” i smile, looking around the room as i begin rubbing my husband’s shoulder in attempt to calm him, “we’re having another baby.”

“the last one for awhile, i hope?” Trevor questions, an eyebrow raised, but he cowers when i glare at him, “what?! the rest of us can’t keep up!”

“the last one ever.” Jack announces. “we’re not planning on having anymore. we decided a long time ago that we’re a ‘three and done’ kind of family.”

“yeah, alright.” Luke scoffs, “we’ll see how that goes.”

“can’t we all just be happy?!”

everyone’s eyes dart to me as i stomp my foot, tears welling in my eyes as i begin to feel overwhelmed with all the chaos and panic that’s filled the room.

“Jack and i are happy. we’re having another baby. that’s that! there’s no more discussion to be had!” i cross my arms over my chest.

suddenly feeling very immature for my outburst, i plant myself back onto the couch, taking my baby back from Ellen and focusing on his sweet little face to calm myself.

the room is still silent, everyone still staring at me as Jack lowers himself back down onto the couch beside me.

“hey,” he coos, “it’s okay. i’m sure they’re all very happy for us. right, guys?”

a chorus of ‘yeah!’s and ‘congratulations!’ fills the air, and my body relaxes into Jack’s embrace.

“i’m sorry, i overreacted,” Quinn sighs, crouching down beside the couch in order to look into my eyes. his hand splays across my knee, “you guys make some pretty cute kids, i can’t wait to meet the next little one.”

“yeah?” i murmur, looking at my brother-in-law.

“yeah. i just got a bit scared because you just had Elio and i’m worried for your health.” he explains, “but i promise that i am happy for you guys.”

“please don’t worry, Q,” i tell him, “my doctor says it’s completely okay and that i’m healthy. there’s nothing to worry about.”

“okay. as long as your doctor says you’re good.” he amends, and i nod.

“well i’m not good!” Jack huffs, “i’d like an apology!”

Quinn rolls his eyes, “i’m sorry, Jack.”

“not forgiven.”

“are you sure you want another baby with him? he’s acting like a child.” Luke remarks.

looking over at Jack, i smile as he grins innocently at me, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing the top of Elio’s head.

“yeah, i’m sure.”

[kayharrisons]

I was a child before the day that I met Eleanor [Tyler x fem!Reader] [part 1 of 2]

Upon the birth of Kay's baby, your boyfriend comes to the realisation that he wants one of his own with you.

A/N: I'M A TYLER GIRLLLY it's ab time I did a fic for him 🫶 fluff ahead!!!! Title is from A Father's First Spring by the Avett Brothers! V sweet song ab fatherhood:) this chapter is mostly just build up, next chapter will be actual pregnancy stuff!!

Series warnings: childbirth, pregnancy, cousin incest (Kay x Bjorn), fertility issues

Kay's son is born on one of the coldest nights on Yvaga.

You, Rain, Andy and Navarro sit outside in the waiting room, wincing at every scream, every curse from your dear friend as she brings her baby into the world.

Tyler couldn't be pulled from his sister's side, and... interestingly enough, neither could Bjorn. He'd damn near throttled the doctor who'd tried to remove him.

You don't know how long you all sit there before Tyler comes back out. His eyes are tired, his hair sticking to his forehead, but his smile is beaming, proud.

"It's a boy," he grins, glancing back behind him to the door. "Kay and the baby are doing great. You guys can come through in a little bit but... she wanted a minute alone, first."

None of you bring up the fact that Bjorn is still in the room with her, so technically it's not alone... but you move past that, moving over to your boyfriend with a gentle smile, rubbing a hand up and down his back.

"How's unclehood feel, Ty?" you grin, leaning your chin against his arm as you peer up at him. He laughs softly, pressing a kiss to your head.

"Insane. Surreal, actually, he's here, now. Kay's a mum. My little sister..." he blows out a sigh, shaking his head. "Bizarre, but like, in a good way, I guess."

You grin wider, leaning up and pecking his cheek, giving his arm a squeeze as you bask in his warmth, his joy.

It isn't long before you're all let into the room. Kay is still abed, naturally, her skin slick with sweat, her bangs plastered to her forehead. She's dressed in the standard issue hospital gown, her hair tied back into a lazy plait, her face exhausted.

But she's glowing with happiness, rivalling the warm glow of Yvaga's sun.

Bjorn is half perched beside her on the bed, eyes red rimmed and glued to the bundle in Kay's arms, as if he's afraid it will disappear.

"Guys," she begins, finally breaking her gaze away from the baby in her arms. "This is Felix," she whispers, beaming back down at her son, who coos and wiggles against her chest, letting out a squeaky yawn.

Needless to say, the entire crew's hearts grow three times bigger.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Felix is a cute kid; chubby cheeks, Kay's dark curls, a beaming smile, and alert blue eyes that look ever so familiar to-

"I'm telling you," Tyler insists, hands on his hips as he beams down at his nephew. Felix beams back at him. "Saw him crawl earlier! Go on, Fel!"

"Fucksake, he'll do it in his own time." Bjorn rolls his eyes, though there is a fond grin on his face. He's sat not too far from Felix, leaning back on his elbows as he keeps an eye on the infant. "Won'tcha, bud? Don't need no one dictactin' whatcha do, hm?"

Felix squeals, reaching over and yanking on Bjorn's nose.

You giggle, setting your datapad aside as you turn to the infant, quite contentedly pulling on Bjorn's nose, the man dramatically crying out and making faces at the baby as he does. "Fel," you coo, crouching down and holding out your hands. "Come to auntie, c'mon, sweetie!"

With another squeal, Felix abandons Bjorn, who collapses onto his back with an overdramatic cry as Felix promptly leaves his side in favour of crawling over to you on wobbly hands and knees.

"Yes!" Tyler cheers, fists in the air. "I knew it! Fuckin' knew it!"

"Don't swear 'round him," Bjorn tuts, shooting his cousin some side eye.

"You've got a bloody cheek."

You ignore them, just grinning wide as Felix stops by your feet, prompting you to scoop him up with a cheer of your own, pressing a smattering of kisses to his cheeks. "Such a clever boy!" you coo, laughing along with his sweet baby giggles.

Bjorn hops to his feet, standing and scooping Felix from your hands, keeping a careful grip of him as he lowers him to the ground, then holds him up high again. Felix shrieks with delight, and Bjorn repeats the motion a few times with a matching beam on his own face. "That's m'boy!" he cheers, holding Felix close and pressing a kiss to his forehead, his little nose. "Such'a clever lad, aren'tcha?"

"Gets it from Kay, clearly." You remark, smirking at him as he pouts at you from over Felix's head, his son's head.

He and Kay haven't officially said anything yet still, but it's obvious. Felix's eyes, his cheeky smile, they're both so completely Bjorn that even Tyler can't look past it.

Add in the fact that Bjorn practically lived with Kay, damn near spent every day with her and Felix... yeah, didn't take a genius to work it out.

You shake your head with a fond grin, turning to look at your boyfriend and gage his thoughts.

Tyler is already staring at you, cheeks a shade darker and eyes so unbelievably soft as they gaze upon you. You cock your head in confusion, smile softening the longer he looks at you. He moves past Bjorn and Felix, coming over to your side as if a magnet is guiding him. He reaches up, gently cupping your cheek in his hand, thumb oh so gently brushing back and forth over your cheek.

"What?" You ask, question in your tone, as your boyfriend's eyes search your face, trailing over your features one by one.

Felix squawks, and Bjorn hums back at him, glancing between you both with raised brows. He looks down at his son, blowing out a little huff of air. "Well, c'mon, then, let's go find'ya mummy, yeah?" and with that he swiftly exits, Felix quite contentedly chewing on the collar of his t-shirt.

Tyler opens his mouth to speak, before closing it with a shaky exhale, sheepish as he ducks his head down. "I really love you, y'know that right?" he asks, voice hoarse.

"Yeah, course I do," you say softly, carding your fingers through his hair. "I love you too. What's on your mind, Ty-"

"Iwannahaveababywithya." he blurts out, before wincing, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fuck- fuck, I'm sorry- that just- it just hit me, when you were holding Felix and-"

You blink at him, stomach swooshing and heart pounding in your chest.

"I mean, I love you to death, y'know? I'm gonna marry you," he says, oh so matter of factly. "I just... I look at you with Felix, and you're just... fuck, love, you suit it, being a mum. And I think about us, and us havin' a..."

"Tyler," you breathe, lips quirking up again.

"Yeah?"

"Okay." you whisper, and it's his turn to freeze. "I feel the same way, babe-"

You break off into a shriek of laughter as he scoops you into his arms, twirling you into a tight hug as he laughs nervously against your ear. You cling onto each other tight, your face buried in his neck and his in your hair.

"Shit, shit-" he laughs, setting you down and clutching your face in his hands, leaning his forehead against yours. "Fuck we... we're really-?"

"We're trying." You breathe, smile hurting your face with how wide it gets. Tyler's smile matches your own, and he laughs again before leaning down, pressing his lips against yours.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Months pass. Felix hits his first birthday, Rain and Navarro show up to family dinner holding hands one evening-

("Are you okay with us?" Rain asks Tyler, awkwardly, hesitantly, her eyes wide with fear.

"Hey, why wouldn't I be?" he asks, smiling fondly and giving her shoulder a squeeze. "You make each other happy, that's all that matters, alright?")

-and Bjorn is promptly chased around the block when Tyler finally pieces together just who had fathered his nephew-

(You'd never seen him so mad, as you held onto a sobbing Kay, as you watched Tyler and Bjorn scream at each other. Thank god Felix was out for a day trip with auntie Rain and uncle Andy, honestly.

"You fuckin' prick-" Tyler shouts, shaking his cousin by jacket collar. "Should fuckin' kill you for- fuck, did you even fuckin' THINK about what you'd done to her, huh? You, what, fucked your cousin and LEFT HER-"

"It's not FUCKIN' LIKE THAT-" Bjorn roars back, shoving Tyler away from him. "We've loved each other for years, not my fault your head was shoved way too far up your own arse to fuckin' NOTICE-"

Tyler shouts some more choice words, rearing a fist back to punch his cousin again. Until, that is, Kay breaks away from you and rushes between the cousins, eyes full of tears and chest heaving.

"Stop it, Ty!" Kay shrieks, arms protectively keeping Bjorn behind her and away from her brother's fists. "Stop! Fucking- I love him-"

Your boyfriend laughed, hiding his face in his hands. "It's- It's fuckin' weird-"

"I know, I know," Kay soothes, hiccuping softly. "And I'm sorry we never said anything sooner but- but this? It's exactly why I was so scared to tell you.")

Things had been tense, for a little while. Tyler and Bjorn didn't speak for a while, not until Kay had sheepishly announced her second pregnancy when Felix was nearing three. It was only then that the cousins reconciled, returning to how they used to be (even if Tyler narrowed his eyes every time he caught Bjorn and Kay kissing, or even merely holding hands).

You marry Tyler, shortly after Felix's third birthday. It's a small ceremony, moreso a signing of a document at a small colony office. But you return home, have dinner and drinks with your family, and he even carries you over the threshold, the pair of you giggling like two dumbass teenagers.

One thing, however, is missing.

Your birth control implant had been removed a week after you and Tyler had talked about having a baby. You'd both gotten tests, fearful of Jackson having done something to your fertilities.

According to those tests, you were both damn fertile myrtles.

It was baffling, the fact that three years later you still had no baby, your cycle was as regular as ever.

Until, that is, it wasn't.

[hypnostouched]

What im most thrown by in Dark Heir is that Eleanor carried Will. With everything in the first book, with her being so firm that he is not her son - that she actually birthed him is so interesting to me and I had to go look back at the first book. Will does wonder what him not being her son means, if she found him as an infant or went through a weird pregnancy to have him but.

I wonder if he is her son. In a blood sense; I wonder if Will is Sarcean reborn AND the Blood of the Lady.

His Dark powers are sealed within him, it takes magic to touch them and I wonder if this was intended by the rebirth or this is because he has the Lady within him, sealing his stronger abilities. James can't do anything else when he's focused on magic; so if the Lady's blood is focused on sealing the Dark then of course he wouldn't be able to use Her power to do anything else.

Eleanor was Blood of the Lady, and Will follows her words like law. She is his moral compass, and although he fails her, he is tormented and anguished by that failing. I wonder if that goes deeper than her just being his mother.

We know that the prophecy is supposed to end with the Blood of the Lady killing the Dark King but it feels incredibly unfair for that to fall on Elizabeth. Visander might count now but thats too obvious; The Queen's Champion, now wearing the body of the Blood of the Lady. Thats the obvious outcome, death by his hand.

No, I wonder if Will might kill himself. Blood of the Lady, killing the Dark King. I know Pacat lets anime influence his writing, and I'm considering Code Geass. Fix things, put it all on false shoulders and kill them.

[evan-on-the-internet]

I think. I think that might be something you should (CALMLY AND RESPECTFULLY) talk about with him?? I think that's TOO MUCH

Congratulations 🎉 Another gold star :]

uhmmmm. My reaction when ↓

HEY EVERYONE :]]]

I agree with anon!! Let's all collectively gentle parent Schlatt :]

NO DON'T DO THAT YOU BITCHY FUCKS!!!!! ILL KILL ALL OF YOU AND THROW YOUR BODY OFF OF MY HOUSE'S ROOF AND BURN THE LEFTOVERS OF WHAT THE ANIMALS LEFT OF YOUR CORPSE

chat. chat please. chat.

[apomaro-mellow]

Whatever Stevie Wants 8

Part 7

Steve dressed in the outfit his mother had set out and joined his parents in the dining room for lunch. It was a scene so familiar it made his stomach turn, and he picked helplessly at his food. He endured a couple minutes of them discussing whatever was going on with the Wilsons and their troubles with the Harriet family before finally speaking up.

“I’ve gone on with this long enough. Tell me where my children are before I call the police.”

“I don’t see how you expect to do that without your phone”, Margaret said. “And that staff has been instructed to keep you from the house phones at all costs.”

“This may seem extreme, son”, Layton started. “But it was necessary.”

“Necessary for what?! You both disowned me! And you didn’t say a word until I started dating Eddie and ‘besmirched the Harrington name’, so I changed my name and you went back to ignoring me. So why are you suddenly interested enough to kidnap me and my pups!?”

“We spent a decent chunk of our lives raising you, we deserve a return on that investment”, Layton said. “We thought allowing you to slum it out for a few years would bring you to your senses but clearly we were wrong.”

“We weren’t in contact because your father and I were hard at work for you, Steven”, his mother continued. “While you were working your tail off to drag our name through the mud. There’s hardly any alpha of good standing who will have you now. Barely any betas even.”

“Well it’s a good thing I’m already mated”, Steve said, arms crossed.

“That can be undone with a simple procedure”, Layton said, getting Steve to rise to his feet.

“You wouldn’t! You can’t! I won’t-!”

“Lower your voice!!”, both of his parents shouted back.

“I’m done playing along. I’m finding my pups, and I’m leaving this place even if it’s just with the clothes on my back. It wouldn’t be the first time.” Steve wanted to flip the table but instead he just stomped away from it.

Margaret rolled her eyes. “They’re not in the house.”

That got Steve to stop in his tracks. “What?”

“Maggie, don’t lie to the boy, it’s childish”, Layton said. “We considered leaving them at the villa, but knew you’d seek them out with no regard. They’re here and they’re safe with Eleanor.”

“...Prove it.”

Margaret scoffed but Layton went ahead and took out his own phone and brought up a camera feed. He held it out for Steve to see. There, in the very same nursery that Steve had spent his own infant years, were his girls. One was sleeping in her crib while the other was on her feet, tiny hands grasping the bars as if demanding freedom. Eleanor was sitting in a rocking chair, book in hand.

“Nessa, Vi…”, Steve whispered, tears coming as easy as breathing. He knew where that room was. He could-

“You will be allowed to see them soon. But first we need to talk”, Layton said as he pocketed the phone. 

“What more is there to talk about?”, Steve’s shoulders sagged. “You said yourself, there isn’t an alpha or beta who will have me.”

“We said ‘hardly’”, Margaret said. “We have found three men who are willing to open their home to you. Despite your…checkered past.”

“Now sit down so that we may discuss it”, Layton ordered.

Steve sat down, defeated but only for now. They had caught him off guard. But he wouldn’t fall for their tricks again. Now that he thought about it, the day before his mother had pushed seconds onto him. She had never encouraged him to eat more a single day in his life. That should’ve been enough to arouse suspicion.

“So first there’s Ridwan West”, Margaret started. “I think he’ll be your favorite. He doesn’t mind taking both girls. He’s actually trying to run for office and apparently diversity is in nowadays”, she smiled.

“But if you don’t want to throw your hat in with a politician, my top choice would be Findlay Weeks”, Layton said.

“Then why don’t you fuck him?”, Steve murmured under his breath.

“The Weeks have a diverse portfolio and they don’t rest on their laurels. You could be looking at exponential growth”, his father continued, used to his son’s mutters after years of them.

“But the Weeks are more…inclusive”, Margaret said. “When we mentioned your daughters, he’s fine with adopting Violet, especially if she blooms into an alpha….Vanessa on the other hand…”

Steve dropped his fork. “You would make me abandon one of my children!?”

“Don’t be dramatic, you would still have contact with her. Eleanor is amazing with children. And of course we have other omega maids who would love another child. How many pups did Nadine have?”

“One, mother. Nadine had one”, Steve said. But he didn’t expect his parents to recall details of their staff. Least of which is the fact that while having only one son, Nadine frequently watched her nieces, nephews, and younger cousins and thus had plenty of children in her life. Steve could remember because there was a time when the house staff were his only source of comfort and validation. But sometimes they changed as frequently as the seasons, his mother rarely ever satisfied.

“Regardless, that just leaves Ethan Mcbride”, Margaret kept going.

“Let me guess, he also wants me to leave behind my black daughter?”

“Well he would prefer it if you came completely unattached”, Margaret said. “Of course, Violet would be in just as good hands as Vanessa. And this way they could be raised together.”

“By a nanny. Or a maid. But not by either of you. And I should be so lucky!”, Steve raised his voice again.

“Your father and I have done nothing to deserve this level of disrespect, Steven!”

“I’m through with this. I’m getting my children and we’re leaving.” This time, when Steve stomped out of the dining room, he didn’t stop at his parents’ protests and he went right up to the nursery. He opened the door and his heart felt full as he saw them.

Violet, who was awake, saw him first and showed all her gums in her smile. Steve reached out and then felt something sharp puncture his neck. As he fell down and lost consciousness, he could hear Vanessa’s beginnings of a cry.

“Thank you, Craig”, Margaret’s voice could be heard. 

----------------------

Wayne let out a heavy sigh as he picked up the phone and made the call. He wished with all his heart he didn’t have to make it. But the longer he waited, the worse it would become. He rubbed his face as Eddie picked up.

“Hey, son.”

“Yo, Wayne. What’s up?”

“I’ve got some troubling news. Unless you’ve heard from Steve since he left for his folks?”

“We talked just before he left”, Eddie said. “He missed a call from me and Grant though. And he hasn’t been answering any of our texts. Is something up? Is he sick?”

“What’s the last real contact you had with him?”, Wayne asked.

“...The other day he sent a pic of the girls in some get up Madame Harrington put them in. But that was over a day ago. Wayne, what’s wrong? Where’s Steve? Where are the babies?”

Wayne felt his heart break at the worry already evident in Eddie’s voice and he handed the phone over to Beatrice. 

“Put me on speaker”, she said, knowing the others were probably close by. “You all need to get ready to cancel whatever you need with Chrissy so you can get home.”

“Mom?”, Jeff’s voice came over the line.

“And whatever you do Jeffery, stay calm. If any of you lose control, then this just gets harder.”

Eddie, Jeff, Grant, and Gareth held their breaths as Beatrice told them that they hadn’t heard from Steve for too long either. That he hadn’t returned when he said he would. Steve had sent the location of the place he was supposed to be meeting his parents. But when she and Wayne had gone over there, he and the Harringtons were nowhere to be found.

--------------------

When Steve came to, he was seated on a couch in the living room. The sun’s position was slightly different. It must have been a couple of hours at least. His mother sat across from him.

“You can’t keep me drugged up forever”, he said, his words still slightly slurred as he came to.

“Oh trust me, I don’t want to. But if you insist on sabotaging your own future, I will do what is necessary”, Margaret’s voice and expression sharp.

Steve could see the future she envisioned. Him, silent and obedient next to a man twice his age. And if he kept refusing, she’d make good on her threat. He’d be drugged until they chose someone for him. She’d never gone to these extremes, but now she’d already done it twice. He bit his lip. The important thing to do now was buy time. His pack would notice his absence and sound the alarms soon if they hadn’t already.

“Do you…do you really think any of them will like me? Any of those matches you suggested?”

“They’ve already expressed interest. And your father will be able to meet two of them today for lunch at the club”, Margaret switched gears easily. “You and I can spend today preparing, they’ll want to meet you soon, maybe even tomorrow.”

“Do you think I’ll be ready by then?”, Steve asked, hoping to prolong it a bit more.

“You may have covered yourself in grime, but Harringtons are diamonds that can shine through anything. Oh I’m getting giddy just thinking about the wedding we’ll get to plan. And just think, if you and Ridwan pair well, the wedding could be in the paper.”

Steve held back from rolling his eyes. His wedding to Eddie had already been covered by quite a few news publications. But of course, that didn’t matter to his mother. He wanted nothing more than to hold his children. He knew better than to ask for that though. At least for now. He would grit his teeth, grin and bear it. He could trust that whatever nanny they employ would take fine care of the twins.

And he knew if he was ‘good’, then his mother would reward him with some time with his own children. Having to play their game made his blood boil. But it was the only way to ensure their safety.

Part 9

[nanshe-of-nina]

Women’s History Meme || Empresses (4/5) ↬ Empress Yelisaveta Petrovna of Russia (1709 – 1762)

Yet Elizabeth’s flighty persona was a concoction to help her survive in a scorpions’ nest. While vaunting her numerous love affairs, she carefully concealed her political acumen. The British envoy’s wife reported, “In public she has an unaffected gaiety, and a certain air of giddiness that seems entirely to possess her whole mind… In private I have heard her talk with such a strain of good sense and steady reasoning that I am persuaded the other behavior is a feint.” … Numerous powerful families tried to persuade Elizabeth to stage a coup and proclaim herself empress. Afraid of bloodshed, Elizabeth hesitated until she heard rumors that Anna Leopoldovna was planning on claiming the imperial crown for herself and having her inconvenient cousin shut up in a convent. Elizabeth shuddered at the thought of religious life because, as one contemporary wrote, there was “not an ounce of nun’s flesh about her.” On November 25, 1741, hours before she was to be arrested, Elizabeth rallied loyal troops and invaded the palace. The coup was ridiculously easy; the people wanted the daughter of Peter the Great to rule. Anna was imprisoned in one fortress and her infant son in another. Elizabeth was gentle with her former enemies who now swarmed to proclaim their loyalty. She swore never to sentence anyone to death for political crimes. She outlawed the torture of children under seventeen and the cutting off of women’s noses. Even the humblest subjects were encouraged to hand Elizabeth petitions for redressing injustice. Unlike her three female predecessors—her mother, Catherine I; Empress Anna; and the regent Anna Leopoldovna—Elizabeth took her governmental responsibilities quite seriously, working most of the day, reading reports, presiding over meetings, forcing rival ministers to make peace. Mercurial and temperamental, Elizabeth had an arsenal of tactics to get her way—flashing a brilliant smile, stamping her foot in impatience, swearing like a fishwife, complimenting and cajoling. — Sex With the Queen: 900 Years of Vile Kings, Virile Lovers, and Passionate Politics by Eleanor Herman

[milo-igidk]

I keep thinking of the infant from that night...(Eleanor Olivia Wright) I keep thinking of the infant from that night...

[deadfrog-and-friends]

domestique, part 2

(part 1)

While Merxia and I were created by the same Mistress, I was not a prestigious cycling doll. I was Made years earlier, before Mistress had found her calling. I was Made to be a companion to an infant. Mistress brought in a tidy little sum making baby toys. But something went wrong with me. Maybe it was that she was distracted when she embroidered my eyes. I remember the needle stabbing my face so many times as she made back stitches and then picked them out again trying to get them right. The fabric can only take so many attempts. “Fuck, fuck,” were the first words I heard. And soon after: “no one will want you.” And no one did. Including her.

For years I sat on a shelf in her workshop silently observing her, watching other dolls come alive under her fingers, watching her smile at them in satisfaction, watching her try to forget I was there. Try to ignore my gaze on her back. I was not Made with the ability to speak. That was not required of most dolls owned by infants. But years in the presence of her, her spells, her tremendous hat, and one day my tongue untied and I could speak. I pondered how I would announce my new ability to her but I could not think of anything to say. Years of hearing her muttering to herself as she worked, of hearing her cooing at her new creations, the new athletic dolls that were bringing her so much gold, of hearing her flatter her richer and richer clients, and yet the only thing she had said to me was “no one will want you.” Instead of speaking to her I began whispering evil things to her works in progress when she left the shop at night. They started coming into being with a unexplained fear of the dark. For a while Mistress could not make out why they kept glancing furtively in the direction of the window, where my shelf was.

I do regret hurting my sisters in this way. I was full of rancor. When my Mistress figured it out, it finally won me her attention. She screamed at me. She threatened to Unmake me. I wept. Instead she gave me to her younger sister. I called her the Sistress. She called me Lil Nell. Nellie was Mistress’s name. Short for Eleanor.

Sistress didn’t exactly want me either. She had requested some kind of doll assistant since she doesn’t know how to Make, and Mistress ignored her for years before giving her the worst, most useless doll she had. I was designed to lay next to an infant, after all. I can’t walk, I can’t cook or clean, I can barely move.

But Sistress speaks to me. She carries me around the house and lets me watch TV with her and shares her tea and asks me for input about her witchy exploits. I believe she sees me as some kind of evil good luck charm.

I did not have any ideas about what to do with Merxia’s body, except hold a funeral. “We could invite Mistress’s other dolls,” I proposed. “Merxia’s sisters.” I wondered how many of them would recognize me. I wondered if they would feel a twinge of fear in my presence. I wondered if I would feel moved to apologize. But Sistress shot that idea down.

“No,” she said, tracing her finger along the jagged edge of Merxia's split skull. “She’s the most beautiful thing my sister ever made. And now she’s mine. My inheritance. Along with you, of course.”

“So…we keep it in a display case?”

“No,” said Sistress again. “I'm going to get her moving again. And you're going to help me.”

[amethystamanda]

1895, Part 1

The Samuels were blessed with Olivia as a calm infant and Eleanor as a sunny infant. They turned out to be not quite identical, with Eleanor having some moles that her twin did not. They have their papa's black hair and their mama's green eyes.

They were not prepared for twins, and the feeling lingered for Laurence.

Uncle Maurice, still a bachelor, brought over some toys for the children: dolls for the girls, a dragon for Andrew, and a dollhouse for them all to enjoy.

Is Miss Behr's reputation attracting dishonorable men, or is she chasing them?

Laurence went to visit her and her new son Luther, and...realized that he really should have listened to his wife...

He loves his wife. He loves his children. Telling Lydia would devastate her.

So he went home, and said that Miss Behr didn't need his support anymore, played with the children and the cat before bed, and that was the end of it.

Olivia and Eleanor's cc under the cut, and updated for Lydia, since it's been 5 years and she deserves some new clothes, and the toys.

This is not the normal time to end things. It's only Monday night, and I usually (for this save, so far) do Sunday-Saturday, one week, one season, previously one year. But it feels like the right place to stop.

Toys:

Playable Dollhouse Toys https://modthesims.info/download.php?t=554787

Aliki childroomdoll (deco, not functional) by @thealiceanstuff https://www.tumblr.com/thealiceanstuff/646554459999174656/mesh-by-cranberrymk-recolours-by-me-it-was-created

Fresh Victorian Dollhouse by @sonarisims https://sonarisims.tumblr.com/post/738375424248365056/thank-you-for-your-support-i-have-just-one-more

not placed yet, but also Midnight Hollows Toys (again, deco) by @anidup1-blog https://anidup1-blog.tumblr.com/post/140812562590/midnight-hollows-toys

Olivia wears a flouncier gown and a whiter bonnet than Eleanor most of the time. They dress the same for sleepwear, and have the same gown for cold weather.

sifix Elin Dress by @simverses https://simverses.tumblr.com/post/721288548562665472/sifix-elin-nightgown

Vintage Shoes by @historysims4 https://www.tumblr.com/historysims4/713420546595061760/hi-another-conversion-for-infants-is-here-this

Head wrap in Academia by @mccncasters https://mccncasters.tumblr.com/post/712270381015351296/infant-clothes-in-academia-and-a-moot-point-not

1830s Infant Outfit by @peebsplays https://www.patreon.com/posts/1830s-infant-92232260

Infant bonnet https://sims4nexus.tumblr.com/post/712801721620070400/infant-bonnet-go-to-download-page-this-was-a

Esther Dress V2 by @historicalfictionsims https://historicalfictionsims.tumblr.com/post/713805022473945088/esther-dress-conversion-v2-bgc

Victorian Robes for Infants by @vintagesimstress https://vintagesimstress.tumblr.com/post/713322401241399296/victorian-robes-for-infants-long-and-short

Everyday

Formal/Athletic

Sleep

Party/Swim

Hot

Cold

I'm not a fan of huge sleeves, but I'm glad bustles were 1870s-1880s.

Marjorie Hair by @buzzardly28 https://buzzardly28.tumblr.com/post/704554762855743488/weekend-number-4-of-december-1910s-set-part-1

1890s Early https://buzzardly28.tumblr.com/post/732722263683710976/1890s-hair-set-this-was-my-gift-for-week-1-of

The FINE FEATHERED Hat by @gilded-ghosts https://www.patreon.com/posts/mini-millinery-39795858

1889 Morning/Dressing Gown by @vintagesimstress https://vintagesimstress.tumblr.com/post/190880855027/1889-morningdressing-gown-for-women-sifix-saga

Lace Gloves https://www.mystufforigin.com/edwardian-fashion-01-conversion-gloves-hat/

Shirtwaist I and Skirt I and Jacket I https://gilded-ghosts.tumblr.com/post/689631149939736576/victorian-visions-i-a-mini-collection

Old West Teachers Dress by elfdor https://www.patreon.com/posts/old-west-dress-19868455

Picnic skirt 2 and tops 3 & 2 https://linzlu.tumblr.com/post/183990078506/commission-01-picnic-at-hanging-rock-i-want-to

the romantique riding dress by gilded-ghosts https://pandorasimbox.tumblr.com/post/185274110453/retro-pixels-the-romantique-riding-dress-a and the schoolmistress dress https://maxismatchccworld.tumblr.com/post/177061501145/retro-pixels-the-schoolmistress-dress-a-proper available here https://simfileshare.net/folder/133411/

notsooldmadcatlady’s Victorian nightwear (Part I) in JewlRyBox by @kissalopa (yes, I used the colourful recolours in white) https://www.patreon.com/posts/notsooldmadcatla-106920275

Perfectly Plain skirt and Ever Elegant Blouse https://pixelnrd.tumblr.com/post/627474128995336192/gilded-ghosts-the-new-woman-a-late-1890s-mix

Alice Mutton Sleeve Dress https://linzlu.tumblr.com/post/664710584730812416/alice-mutton-sleeve-dress-for-the-first-1890s

Fur Hat by @lilis-palace https://lilis-palace.tumblr.com/post/672287848483913728/seasons-of-ladies-hats

Rather Ravishing Skirt with apron by @gilded-ghosts https://www.patreon.com/posts/new-woman-late-40862046

and probably more that I'm forgetting that are listed here https://amethystamanda.tumblr.com/post/750183396505976832/1890-samuels-and-fitzpatricks

If I still forgot something, and you want to know, send me an ask.

[babydollmarauders]

OVERWHELMED — JACK HUGHES

part of the el!hughes au

summary: in which Lovie gets overstimulated and overwhelmed and Jack swoops in to help.

notes: this is totally not me projecting at all— nope- definitely not

it was something i wasn’t prepared for about motherhood— i’ve always been sensitive to loud noises, getting overstimulated and irrationally upset after a while.

i was fine in situations where i expected it; concerts, hockey games, the like. but when i was in the comfort of my own home or in a place that i wasn’t expecting it, it quickly became too much.

and when these situations happened, i became irritable and acquired a touch aversion. needing some quiet time to myself in order to recover.

when i became a mom, i was able to power through it. the newborn and infant years being an easy feat, as my daughter was a relatively quiet baby.

but with the toddler years has come the screaming, even when happy. Eleanor’s once quiet demeanor disappeared, replaced by excited squeals and happy yelling.

she would be playing and just randomly start screaming in excitement or get frustrated and scream out of annoyance and distress.

i was understanding. she couldn’t fully talk yet to express herself and for the most part, i could breathe through it and be fine. but there were those few times where it became too much.

like now.

El’s excited screams bounce off the apartment walls as she runs around the hallways with her tiny red target cart, full of her favorite toys. baby dolls and magnetic building blocks piled in the cart, running into door-jambs and furniture and clinking together.

i take deep breaths, my head pounding in ache as i sit on the couch. i love my daughter. so much. but this is entirely too much.

my husband stands in the kitchen, laughing as our toddler crashes her cart against the back of the couch, making the entire sofa jolt before she screams in excitement once again.

i flinch, squeezing my eyes shut and taking a deep inhale. i reopen my eyes just in time to see my two-old run around the side of the couch, slipping and falling onto her butt.

she lets out a shriek in frustration, tears springing to her eyes as she rises back to her feet, abandoning her play shopping cart in favor of fast walking over to me on the couch.

climbing up the couch cushions, her cries get louder with the close proximity, making my breath hitch.

“mommy!” she whines. her little hands grip my shoulder as she steps into my lap, plopping herself down and looking up at me.

i instinctively lock up, my back straightening and my hands flying up towards my shoulders in attempt to get away.

it makes me feel like a horrible mother. i can’t even power through the touch of my own child when i’m overstimulated like this.

El’s cries get louder as she reaches up to touch my cheeks.

“mommy! boo boo!” my heart aches in my chest and i’m near tears, myself. i hate seeing my baby upset but i can’t bring myself to do much. i bring my hand down, rubbing her back but even that makes my skin crawl in discomfort.

“it’s okay, El-Bell.” i attempt to comfort her, but my voice is near-robotic, just running through the motions.

my tears finally spill over and i send a desperate glance to my husband, who is already stepping over to us.

he gives me sympathetic eyes, quickly scooping up the toddler from my lap, which only makes her more upset.

“mommy!” she cries out, reaching around her father to make grabby hands at me, my heart shattering even further.

“hey.” Jack coos, turning around so that El’s back is facing me. “it’s okay, lovely. daddy’s got you.”

his eyes lock with mine and he gives me a quick and affirmative nod, letting me know that he’s got this, and i take that moment to rise from the couch, sneaking off towards our bedroom.

“you wanna watch a movie, baby? you wanna watch Ariel?” i hear him ask, resulting in the halting of El’s cries. i assume she’s nodding, as not a moment later i hear the familiar ‘thum thum’ of the disney+ app being opened on the tv.

i quietly creak our bedroom door shut, leaving it open just a crack before moving to lay on the bed, burrowing myself in the blankets. my head just barely peeks out of the comforter, providing me with fresh air.

sobs wrack my body, lightly shaking the bed. i cover my mouth with my hand, muffling my cries so that my toddler doesn’t hear them out in the living room, but it only serves to make me cry harder.

it’s moments like these where i wonder if i’m failing my child. because i sure feel like a failure. what kind of mother am i? to get so overwhelmed by my own child, that i can’t even stand being touched by her?

it feels like hours until my sobs finally subside, but in reality i know it’s only been maybe half an hour.

now i lay in the bed, staring up at the plain white ceiling and overthinking everything.

is El going to hate me for this one day?

have i let her down?

is Jack going to hate me for this?

will he get tired of the fact that i can’t handle our daughters loud noises and leave me?

my thoughts are interrupted by the dip of the bed beside me. i look over to see Jack laying a napping Eleanor next to me on the mattress before he lays down on the other side of her.

he looks at me with an expression full of worry, pity overtaking his face.

i turn on my side, facing my husband and our daughter, and he does the same.

“how are you feeling?” he questions softly, not wanting to wake our sleeping toddler.

“better.” i tell him, gazing down at El and running the back of my hand across her chubby cheek.

i love her so much.

“i feel like i’ve failed her.” i confess. “like i’ve failed you both.”

Jack is quick to squash those feelings, leaning over the toddler to press a sweet kiss to my lips.

“stop doing that.” he pleads. “stop reducing yourself down to your bad moments. i love you. El loves you.

“so you have a few times where it all becomes too much- i may not be able to understand it fully, but i do understand that it’s out of your control. you love El, i know you do, i see it every day. if it were up to you, i know you would never have these moments. but they do happen, and that’s okay. El may not understand it yet, but she will one day, and she still loves you regardless.”

his words make tears prick my eyes once more and i break our eye contact to gaze back down at our daughter.

“you are more than these moments, Lovie. and i will do whatever i can to help when they do happen.” he tells me, smiling softly.

“when i’m home.” he adds, making me let out a watery giggle.

“i love you.” i express, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips.

“i love you more.”

“thank you for being so understanding. and for swooping in to help.” i smile, raising a hand to cup his cheek, trailing my thumb softly over his cheekbone.

“thank you for being the most amazing wife and the best mother to our beautiful baby girl. thank you for giving me the best gift i’ve ever received.”

“your ‘#1 dad’ hat?” i joke, making him throw his head back in laughter.

“our daughter, Lovie!” he clarifies through chuckles. “although, i do love that hat.”