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thewickedbohemian · 8 years ago

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A Bit Of A Kin-Related Dilemma

There are these two villains I’m strongly questioning kin with but I’m not going to say who for fear that people will judge me based on them so I’m just going to call them Villain A and Villain B. However, I have quite a few problems with deciding which one of them (if any) I’m kin with and here they are:

Villain A is generally considered to be the worst (as in baddest, not lowest quality) villain in his franchise (or at least was until the latest installment came along) just because he was somewhat abusive (in a somewhat ableist way) towards one character in particular when, looking at their actual schemes, he’s far from the worst villain in the franchise. He just wanted power and control in at least a somewhat political sense but there were guys who were willing to “reset-button” civilization or the universe just so they could create a new one somehow that would be more in line with their values. Why I’m having such a hard time kinfirming this character is not just because of the obvious reason, that he was somewhat abusive and I’m afraid I am somehow as much of a bad guy for being kin with him, but because the few signs I’ve seen that might mean I’m kin/things that might be memories have indicated that if I’m kin with him, it’s from a slightly-canon-divergent timeline of his source. I’m afraid that if anything more (like a memory or something) is revealed that’s canon-divergent about the way he treated this one character (like if it wasn’t as bad, but still not good, or if, since the victim character was somewhat “brainweird”, it’s a memory and not just a headcanon that Villain A, who shows some autistic tendencies in canon, treated this character poorly as displaced self-hatred for his own neurodivergence), either it would actually be the case or people would just think it was the case that I’m not a canon-divergent him at all, just using that to rationalize away “oh, I’m not an abuser”. Also, I’m questioning kin with not just him but a lot of the higher-ups in his organization and they were working so closely together in canon that it’s hard to differentiate e.g. who possible memories that involve all of them actually belong to or if I know a seemingly-random-but-not-said-in-canon piece of information about one of them because I’m kin with them or just kin with someone they told it.

Villain B, despite being from a piece of what you could at least somewhat call urban fantasy media, is kind of very much a political villain. Because of this, a lot of people I follow in the fandom of his source have compared him to Trump (when the comparison is undeserving, he’s way, way smarter than at least Trump’s public persona, I say that because it’s far too easy to conspiracy-theory Trump into being smarter than people think). As you’d expect, I’m afraid that either I’m just as bad as Trump for being kin with this guy or I’m a hypocrite for not being a Trump supporter and being kin with them or, if I try and defend his honor from being compared to Trump like I just did, I’m a [Villain B] apologist. Although I do have his same sort of scheming mind and want to use it to aid the fight against Trump, I’m afraid I’m not being true to him if my methods of aiding are too straightforward/good and not underhanded/cunning enough. However, what is truly unfortunate about this potential kintype is that not only is it a kind-of rare/obscure kintype source (as in there are a lot of fans of it on Tumblr but there are only a few people actually fictionkin from it) but I can’t even reach out to the fictionkin there are from it to either get help kinfirming this type or not or to just build community with them once I’ve kinfirmed because the few I’ve seen are kin with protagonists of that source and I’m worried because Villain B is not only a villain but a villain that, in that source, those protagonists just recently kicked the crap out of, the people kin with them would be kinda judgmental about me being kin with Villain B.

So, what do I do? How can I find out which one I’m kin with if any? Do I have to accept the abuse part if I’m kin with Villain A and is being from a canon-divergent timeline where that part was somewhat different and perhaps less (though not to say all lollipops and rainbows) invalid and me just rationalizing myself into not having been an abuser? How do I unjumble the mess of questioning kin with a few characters (the higher-ups of the organization Villain A leads) that are so close with each other that it’s hard to tell where potential memories, kinfeels and random bits of info I might know from my life then and there come from? If I’m kin with Villain B, how can I defend myself/him from him being compared to Trump without being called an apologist or mocked because I’m kin? How do I find a community when the only other people kin from that source are kin with protagonists and might end up judging me for being kin with a villain they recently fought? Regarding both of them, how do I deal with the crisis of feeling like I either have to be that dark and underhanded with no regrets and if I’m kin with Villain A, it’s just as bad as if I myself were the abuser (because, like I said, I’m afraid that if I think I’m from a canon divergent timeline, it’s just me rationalizing myself out of being that bad), or be one of those villainkin that’s like (pardon my reductive imitation of their language/wording when I just made a post against that kind of impressions) “I am a totally nice person now and either I was then and somehow still the villain or I completely forgive everyone I might have reason to and apologize for and regret everything I’ve done and even actively support the heroes against myself in my fandom of that source and my heart is full of love and rainbows and smiles uwu <3″

#fictionkin

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