#The project (if y’all are curious) is a comic based on my friends and my Vampire the Masquerade game (I have started hyperfixaiting on it)

[willowbirds]

Trying to decide if I want to participate in art fight this year.

I’ve always wanted to do it, but I have a personal art project I want to work on and it would likely take up most of my time.

Besides, I haven’t drawn many refs of my OCs so I would have to use this month to do that when I would rather work on my project.

Honestly, wanting to do so many creative things and only having a certain amount of time is hard.

[iclaimedtobethebetterbard]

For the Sides impressions ask game, have you gotten Remus yet?

I HAVE NOT, THANK YOU SM AAA

[ask me abt my thoughts on tss characters]

First impression: i do not think i liked him all that much lol. i was definitely grossed out by the “logan’s teeth” thing and the “shuriken in logan’s forehead” thing in dwit, which probably emphasized that initial weirded-out-ness. like janus, i used to sometimes enjoy u!remus fics back when i first got into the fandom, but generally don’t anymore.

Impression now: ohhhh you have no idea how hard i can project onto this boy, y’all. and the fact that he really doesn’t have shame? SO cathartic. i project onto him and then have him do all the things i’m scared to. it’s amazing. he’s officially tied with roman for my 3rd favorite (but in reality my favorites ranking is all very very close together), i love him SO SO SO much gkhgdfkshgs. also. punk remus fanart hot. and he should kiss janus about it.

more relevant to his actual character, though: i am SO excited to see how he affects the plot of the show moving forward!! i’m very curious just exactly how involved he was in whatever drama went down between virgil and the other dark sides—like, is the beef mostly between virgil and janus, or is it between virgil and everyone? i’m also just. very excited to see his relationships with every other character on the show develop. and to see what directions he pushes them in. bc i’m pretty sure one big role of his is going to be an instigator of change. i’m excited for it!!

i also really want to see how he and patton will start getting along. bc i think that “everyone being friends” is one of the ultimate end goals of the show. but i don’t yet know how patton and remus are going to start being friends. bc see, the thing is, i could see either of them individually deciding the other isn’t that bad, but not in a way that would lead to a mutual feeling and then friendship. like, if patton warmed up to remus, i think he would do it in a similar way he did to virgil, all “omg that’s my weird new kid <3 what a sweetie!!” and even if he has learned to tone that down since virgil, i think that that treatment, even watered down, would be very off-putting to remus. meanwhile, if remus warmed up to patton, i feel like it would take the form of “my cat just dropped a gutted dead rat on my pillow to show me how much they love me” type stuff, which would be very off-putting to patton!! so i’m very curious how their relationship to each other will develop and what it will take for them to actually make friends with each other. they have a lot more in common than i think most of us realize, but they take it in such different directions that it can be hard to reconcile.

i ALSO have a theory that the show is going to have remus’s character arc actually be kind of similar to patton, not in content, but in outline. bc patton’s arc took the shape of him mostly being comic relief for a long time, and then he got his 2-part character development episode, and it was revealed that BAM there had been hidden angst all along. and i could definitely see remus’s arc following a similar pattern (while the specifics of what it’s about are different). (based on some stuff thomas has said about remus on his patreon livestreams, i’m not quite as sure about this now as i used to be, but i do still think it’s a very plausible option.)

Favorite moment: honestly everything he did in the 5 year special?? but especially how he responded to the very first question. it was. fascinating. i have many thoughts but will probably not be elaborating on them at this time bc this post is already going to be long enough lol.

Idea for a story: OH I HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC ONE I’VE BEEN WANTING TO DO FOR AGES NOW. IT’S SO ANGSTY YALL ARE GOING TO CRY WHEN I GET AROUND TO THIS. so this would be a songfic based on 18 by anarbor. it would be intrulogical, but with a bittersweet ending at best and honestly really just h/nc.

basically: logan, fresh to adulthood, decides to have a Rebellious Phase, instead of being the perfect son of his rich suburban parents like he always has been. and the main part of this rebellious phase takes the form of pursuing a relationship with remus, who is a year or two older than him and is Cool and Punk and is a studio artist and has a motorcycle and tattoos and is basically logan’s Bad Boy fantasy (and his parents’ Bad Boy nightmare).

and on the one hand, remus absolutely knows better than to indulge logan in what is clearly an impulsive choice, motivated by the desire to spite his parents and assert his individuality and ability to make his own decisions, rather than out of any actual love for remus. but on the other hand, remus has been hopelessly in love with logan since they were teenagers (they used to be childhood friends, together with roman; they were next-door neighbors growing up, but haven’t seen each other in a few years, as remus has quietly been cut off and estranged by his and logan’s families, who disapprove of his having dropped out of college to be an artist).

so even though he knows this is only going to end badly, remus lets logan kiss him (all clumsiness and tongue), and he takes logan for rides on the motorcycle, and paints him in his studio, and lets him live in remus’s tiny apartment. and when logan’s parents (who are probably patton and virgil) send logan’s rich lawyer uncle janus to try and intimidate the pair of them into sending logan home, remus tells him to fuck off, and ignores the way janus whispers to him as he leaves that remus doesn’t deserve logan. and remus lets himself pretend that logan loves him for as long as it lasts.

and of course it all comes crashing down a few months later, as logan realizes that this is not the fun glamorous life he imagined. and he realizes that following his parents’ plan—four years of college on a trust fund, get into a relationship with a nice guy, get a well-paying job, and settle down—is a lot easier and, frankly, more appealing to him than staying with remus would be. and remus pretends that it doesn’t hurt as he watches logan leave, to be welcomed back home with open arms, having used remus to give himself a prodigal son narrative and then thrown him away when he got what he really wanted all along. (he knows logan didn’t realize that was what he was doing. but that’s what it was.)

and then for the epilogue: some years later, remus crashes the wedding, which he was not invited to, of roman and logan. roman is the kind of Nice Guy logan’s parents approve of. roman is good and perfect and not messy or weird or disapproved of. roman is what remus never could be. the measuring stick remus was always held up to and found lacking against. it makes sense that when logan was done with remus, he would ultimately fall into roman’s perfect, gilded, golden waiting arms. it makes sense, and it hurts, just like everything about remus’s old life.

remus sits in the back of the reception, drinking champagne and quietly smuggling food from the buffet into the backpack full of tupperware he brought with him. later, he congratulates logan (who accepts it in a slightly strained way), and tells him he hopes that he and roman will be happy together. (logan hesitates for the barest instant before agreeing.) roman comes over, puts his arm around his new husband, and exchanges some extremely passive-aggressive small talk with his twin. remus takes a small bit of delight in needling roman, but it’s not all that fulfilling. the conversation is… dull. logan is no longer the bright-eyed, curious young man, passionate about so many things and ready to take on the world, that remus fell in love with. he has curled up into the mold of the perfect life he is expected to live, and left all the best things about himself behind. remus feels heavy inside, almost desiring to mourn—but he also feels a breath of air. he has not moved on from logan, and he knows he won’t for some time, but—now he knows it will happen. the logan he loves is gone and the man wearing his face is cold and clinical. remus can already tell that, through the disappointment and grief, he will find his way to closure.

logan’s eyes follow remus as he leaves the reception, something almost like regret on his face. but that’s fine. remus knows logan will box that up and put it away and content himself with his perfect husband and perfect life, because that’s what he should do, and logan really does love to do as he should. and that’s fine. logan chose stability where remus chose self. that’s fine. remus will go home to his art and his motorcycle and his new cat and learn how to start again.

Unpopular opinion: okay so. i don’t think remus has a ton of internalized angst about being “the evil twin” or around rejection. but i 100% do think his brashness and being so open about everything is a defense mechanism against rejection. like. i make myself very very visibly queer irl (which, let it be noted, i have the privilege to do in relatively total safety because i am white, have wealthy White Liberal TM parents who support me, and live in a relatively progressive area of the united states, all of which makes it much safer for me to do this without fearing repercussions) as a defense mechanism. i got treated really really badly by some homophobic friends in high school when i first came out, and i put up with it for way too long because i cared about them so much, and it gave me uhh a Lot of trauma; so now, being visibly queer is a way to make sure that those kinds of people stay away from me, and i don’t have the opportunity to start caring about them before they hurt me. i think remus is doing something very similar with his leaning so fully into self-expression. what you see is what you get, so he doesn’t have to worry that someone will act like they care about him and then change their mind when they get to know him better.

Favorite relationship: dukeceit my beloveds <3 but i already talked about that on my post about janus for this ask game, so a close second is creativitwins!!

i have a ton of younger siblings and i have really good relationships with all of them, and strong sibling relationships is one of the most common recurring themes in both my original writing and in my fics; i definitely project my feelings about my own siblings onto the siblings i write. (this is why u will find very few mentions of r*mr*m on my blog. it squicks me out so incredibly hard that i just. generally don’t even acknowledge its existence unless i have to.)

so i LOVE creativitwins stuff with all my heart. i always love angst, but honestly for creativitwins content i’m even more fond of fix-it fluff where they just care about each other and get along. i love giving them a really close healthy sibling relationship, instead of,,, [gestures at canon]. i really love them as twins in aus, of course, but i also enjoy making them be non-twin siblings!! and i like both options for who is older and who is younger, tbh. they both create really fun dynamics to play with. i really want them to start getting along in canon. (their logos are a sword and a shield they LITERALLY are MADE to work together and thomas will be SO much better off if they learn to get along and unlock their full potential!!!! they are brothers and they deserve to love each other again!! I Would Like To See It!!!!!!)

(ooh, and on a different note, i’m also a HUGE sucker for platonic/familial intrulogical, which i sadly don’t see content for all that often. romantic intrulogical is fine, sure, but platonic? i will give you my soul.)

Favorite headcanon: man has tentacles. because uh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, no further comments.

-

in case ppl don’t want to scroll back up: [ask me abt my thoughts on tss characters] [if anyone is curious: at this point i have talked about janus, patton, virgil, and now remus!]