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fernles · 6 months ago

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LEAVE YOUR LOVER (LEAVE HIM FOR ME) ––––– CHARLOTTE / MIA

rating: general audiences warning: just the general feeling of anxiety, but nothing major! fandom: the nursery nurse (webseries)

link to the ao3 version of this is here.

★ in which charlotte's old habits die hard, and mia's there to comfort.

Charlotte had never felt such anxiety.

When she was a child, she would constantly bite at the beds of her fingers, leaving them scarred with ridged edges as she attempted to release any nerves that plagued her mind. Of course, as the years went by, she lost the habit and eventually went away completely, her fingernails left alone. Seemingly, it was as if she had found a coping mechanism to use instead of biting her fingernails down to their beds. Well, that was until the whole fiasco with Jodie and Mia went down, and the overwhelming emotions she felt in the room when she unfolded the information revealed bits of her plan that she had to get rid of Mia.

Mia. The guilt churned in her stomach, threatening to spill over. Her thoughts raced; her heart pounded in her ears. It had never been this intense before — not in years. Charlotte couldn't bear to meet anyone's eyes, her gaze fixed on the floor. She tried to listen to the conversation, but emotionally, she was already gone. She had confessed that it was Mia — despite knowing full well that she had filled in the sheet. Charlotte should feel relieved that Mia was potentially getting fired instead of Jodie… So why was she feeling this overwhelming guilt? Why did she feel Mia’s actions were justified and she wasn’t to blame? Why was it that when Charlotte looked at Mia, she could see the whole world in her eyes, reflecting her guilt?

She forced herself to stop, to not think about the potential consequences. She told herself it was pointless, that she wasn’t the one in the spotlight, not the one facing the consequences. But deep down, she knew it was a lie. The future was a vast, uncertain void, and she was the one who had set it in motion. She was the one who had to live with the guilt and the aftermath of her actions, struggling to find a way to rationalise what she had done.

“I’m sorry, Roger, but isn't this serious misconduct? Her name is on here! Laughing at a child's pain,” Marjorie's voice cut through the air, her disgust palpable as she held up the paperwork that Charlotte had filled in.

“Well… Having admitted it, I would say that there is gross misconduct and grounds for dismissal,” Roger said, speaking slowly as though he would regret saying those words aloud. Marjorie exclaimed excitedly, celebrating the successes that they had gotten from getting rid of Mia. Even Autumn managed to crack a smile, and Charlotte’s guilt started to manifest into anxiety as she glanced up from the ground towards Mia, her eyes placed on Mia’s face as though she was trying to commit it to memory as if this would be the last time. But it was only a second before she looked away, back to the same spot on the ground.

“Are you actually firing me, Roger?” Mia said as she crossed her arms, tilting her head towards him.

“Yeah, I’m afraid I have no other choice—”

“That’s right! You’re out of here,” Marjorie interrupted as she crossed her arms, a victory smirk implanted on her face. Charlotte should also have a victory smirk; she should be celebrating; she shouldn’t have this feeling of ‘clouds covering the sun’, left in the cold as her chest heaving slowly. She could already feel her fingers fiddling with each other; it wasn’t long before she would start biting her nails, feeding her anxiety even more.

And it didn’t help when she could feel Mia’s eyes on her. It didn’t help when Charlotte decided to look back at her. She was surprised that Mia even had the guts to look at the person who helped remove her. Charlotte held her gaze, remembering all the attempts she had taken to get here: all the fake flirting, all the parents that Mia protected from Charlotte, and… the fact that she had switched her wedding ring without hesitation. She didn’t think it would impact her as much as it had against her. She fiddled with the ring as if she had manifested herself to do so—feeling its smooth surface and the coldness it gave her for the past three months. It was as if, just for a moment, she felt the warmness of it, but it didn’t come from her husband, but from…

And all Charlotte could do was look away from Mia.

“Excuse me,” Charlotte spoke softly, her voice barely able to be loud enough to disguise itself as confidence. She turned on her heel and went straight towards the door without hesitation. She didn’t think to look back, knowing that if she had, she would confess right there that Mia hadn’t done it. Charlotte continued walking out until she stopped in the middle of the hallway, pausing. Her heart pounded against her chest, loud enough to take over her hearing in her ears.

Slowly, Charlotte felt her fingers overlap each other before she reached up, slowly biting the edges of her fingernails. She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears that appeared as she took deep breaths. It didn’t help when she continued to bite her nails; it brought her back to when she was a child again. The desperation to be held flooded her brain, but she had no one she could reach out to; it had been too long since she felt comfortable.

——–

It had been a few minutes, and Charlotte still stood in the hallway, biting her nails. She wasn’t aware that she was still present in the middle of the corridor, but it was almost an excuse to keep listening to the conversation. She’d caught glimpses of some words, but she knew if she digested the words, nothing would subdue the guilt. It was complex, and she wished it was simple, but nothing was easy for Charlotte, especially not for the past few months.

“Hi, Charlotte,” a familiar voice spoke, catching Charlotte off—guard as she turned around, facing Mia. She blinked, unsure what to say, but she breathed slowly, nibbling on the thumb’s nail. Her eyes almost pleading for any sense of comfort or some familiarity in terms of banter with her, something that would take her mind off the overwhelming sense of guilt, feeling it crawling up her throat, wanting to be free.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to bite all your pretty nails off; it’s okay,” Mia said softly, and her sudden change in voice took aback Charlotte.

For a second, Charlotte was desperate for Mia to be mad, have some frustration, create a vendetta, and feel something to hurt Charlotte. And yet, Mia was soft—spoken, almost looking through a façade of who she was, and Charlotte was surprised. Charlotte’s heart stopped momentarily when Mia reached out to grab her hands away from her mouth and hold them gently in her palms. Charlotte was quiet, afraid to make a sudden move, but her gaze turned to watch Mia’s face.

God, she was so gentle with her that it scared Charlotte. Not because it was from Mia, but because it was from Mia, and she had wanted some contact for so long. It was desperation for gentleness, and Charlotte had craved it for ages. She had never experienced it this way, feeling some recovery from the old habits of biting her fingernails, but now… She craved Mia's gentleness and compassion. She almost wanted to say something, but she was too distracted by how her knuckles were caressed, each touch feeling like a soft kiss against them. A kiss that she craved.

It wasn’t long before Mia pulled her hand away, but it had felt like centuries to Charlotte.

“I’m not mad at you.”

“How can you not be mad? Like… You just lost your job because of me!” Charlotte exclaimed, and Mia shushed softly, reaching out as she touched Charlotte’s arm. Charlotte’s skin shivered at the touch, goosebumps appearing slightly, and she kept looking at Mia.

“Because you finally grew a backbone. Truthfully, I’m happy to have been the one you did it for,” Mia said with a slight chuckle, which supposedly put Charlotte at ease rather than nervous. Maybe it was because Charlotte knew that Mia could tell her the truth or that it was nice to hear that compliment from Mia herself. Sure, it would be nice to get that sort of thing from someone like Marjorie… But it isn’t straightforward. It’s… Different, and Charlotte cannot explain why.

“I don’t understand, you… you’re so nice to me, but I overheard what they just said in the office: You took money from their dad to torment them,” Charlotte said, almost confused about the whole deal, but Mia was reassuring — a rare moment from a character such as her in previous moments.

“I did, only because I thought I would be getting something in return.”

“What could you have wanted to warrant putting them through that?” Charlotte said as she raised her eyebrow, confused even more. Mia sighed softly as she placed her hands on her hips, and Charlotte waited. She fiddled with her fingers, but the urge to bite her fingernails slowly faded as her gaze softened in vulnerability for Mia.

“Roger promised me that if I did what he told me to and came in between them, he would tell me where my dad was,” Mia spoke, and Charlotte’s eyes widened slightly, surprised at the notion. She went to speak but paused to see if Mia continued. “He walked out on me and my mum when I was just a child.”

“I don’t understand why Reece and Autumn’s dad would know where your dad was?”

“Because my dad ran off with their mum,” Mia said as Charlotte’s eyes fluttered in shock. She took in the information and tried to digest it, running it over her fingers and processing it through her brain. But the more she tried to think about it, the more that nothing strung to mind about anything.

“I always assumed she was—“

“Dead? To Autumn and Reece, she may as well be. They’ve never forgiven her for what she said, but she’s alive and kicking out there right now, swanning around with my father.”

“Wait, so all this time… You’ve just been doing what Reece and Autumn’s dad told you to do? Because… Because he promised you information about your dad?” Charlotte spoke softly as she looked at Mia. Suddenly, she could see past the façade of who Mia was and saw who she was: someone who wanted answers. And Charlotte understood everything. “But… You’ve been doing this for 20 years, why? Why have you carried on for so long?

“Is there a time limit on how long you’d spend looking for a parent? Particularly if you had questions about why they were so comfortable walking out and breaking up a family. Because we both know that Autumn and Reece didn’t grow up in a happy household,” Mia said as she sighed again, crossing her arms across her chest, and Charlotte’s shoulders slumped a little.

“I… What about when you kept breaking up with Reece and getting back with him to try and come between him and Autumn all the time?” Charlotte questioned, and all Mia could do was give a soft laugh — a beautiful sound that warmed Charlotte up; had her husband made her feel this way before? She shook the thought away, but her presence didn’t help either.

“Yeah, well, quite a few times I’d break up with Reece and try and find my dad on my own, but then when I hit a brick wall, I’d come crawling back to Roger and beg him for the details. He’d say he’d only do it if I returned with Reece and got him on a short leash again.”

“So… You were like Roger’s puppet?” Charlotte spoke quietly, her voice cracking slightly, feeling her fingers fiddle with the edges of her fingernails.

“Yeah, that’s why he always got me out of trouble. It was a chance for him to keep me close so I could watch Autumn and Reece for him.”

“Oh my god, what… Wait, does that mean you didn’t want to be with Reece all these years?” Charlotte questioned, and Mia grinned as she rolled her eyes, seemingly amused by the conversation.

“Please, I didn’t want to be with Reece any more than he wanted to be with me. Plus, I don’t know if you noticed… But Reece isn’t exactly my type,” Mia said as her eyes scanned Charlotte and tilted her head to the side, almost as if she was analysing her, waiting to see what she would do. Charlotte’s cheeks started to show a pink tint across, feeling flustered as she looked away to compose herself as subtly as possible. As a force of habit, she reached up, placing her fingernail on her lips, contemplating before she cleared her throat to change the subject.

“Why crash Marjorie’s car? Everyone thought you did that out of jealousy?”

“Hah, God no, it wasn’t out of jealousy; she’s welcome to him. I was just a bit annoyed that day. If Reece is with Marjorie, and he’s not with me, then he’s not on a short leash. I’ve got nothing to offer Roger in exchange for the details of my dad. Crashing Marjorie’s car was me letting off a little rage. I’m a little toxic like that,” Mia said as she ran a hand through her hair, adjusting it as she moved it out of the way.

Charlotte burst out a chuckle by accident in response to the end of her sentence, a sense of friendliness as she stared at Mia, raising one eyebrow. “A little?”

“Okay, a lot,” Mia said, and Charlotte could have sworn she saw her lips tug at a slight smirk (not that Charlotte was watching her lips, no, she wouldn’t. She swears).

“So… What’s going to happen now? Is Roger going to give you the details?”

“No… It’s taken me a long time to realise that he probably never had the details. Going to try to find him on my own. And when I do find him, I have a few questions for Reece and Autumn’s mum, too,” Mia said as she scoffed softly and shook her head, quietly frustrated. Charlotte’s gaze softened as she continued to listen to Mia, knowing full well she could walk away, but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. “She knew exactly the kind of monster she was leaving her children with when she walked out on them.”

“You… almost sound like you care about them.”

“I did… Once upon a time, Autumn was like a little sister to me, and Reece was like a best friend. Everyone says how awful it was after prom night, but what about me? Sure, they lost each other, but I lost both. All because Roger has his claws dug into me,” Mia spoke, her voice borderline, almost pleading as if she needed someone to understand.

Charlotte took a deep breath, realising that the person in front of her, a person who had tormented two of the Nurseries with chaos, wreaking havoc with relationships and plans for things, all of it, was because she needed things to be recovered. Charlotte’s heart panged at the thought of young Mia being left alone by two people she cared about and continued to have this tear between them for years, all because of what? Because a man couldn’t admit that he didn’t have answers. Charlotte was conflicted between feelings, and as she kept looking towards Mia, all she could do was look into her eyes and piece together the pieces of the woman to understand the coldness balancing the warmth.

“I… I feel confused. You’re acting like you care, but you’ve done atrocious things since you worked here!” Charlotte said, reaching to fidget with her fingers, and Mia slowly tilted her head, her smirk still present.

“Such as?”

“Such as? You just tried to get Jodie fired!”

“Jodie? That baffoon that cannot be left unsupervised around children in case she tries to eat the plastic fruit,” Mia spoke, and she noticed the hesitation from Charlotte and sighed as she folded her arms. “Do you know how many toy apples we’ve had to replace because Jodie keeps eating them all? Ultimately, it got a little too exhausting, and I tried to get rid of her.”

“What about that little boy you would not let sit on a chair?”

“I had a bit of an argument with Roger that morning, so I was in a bad mood. I was trying to pick a fight with a parent.”

“Mia, she punched you!” Charlotte exclaimed with concern.

“I know, really makes you feel alive, doesn’t it?” Mia said, and Charlotte couldn’t help but admit that Mia did have a certain charm about her. There was something sweet about it that was unexplained; certainly, Charlotte did not have the words to describe any of this feeling. Even then, she had noticed that she stopped biting her fingernail a while ago, and… Charlotte had to admit that Mia was a good distraction.

She could feel the guilt she had previously started to subdue quietly the more she understood Mia’s motives for her actions. However, she hadn’t forgotten one thing. Charlotte’s arms stumped to the side, tense momentarily as she folded her arms. “And what about Carly?”

“Ah, you mean when I made—“

“Made her feel embarrassed about her period, yes.”

“… I hate Carly.”

“What! Why?”

“Because? I see way too much of myself in her,” Mia admitted, and Charlotte was astonished at first, shocked, because she didn’t see any similarities between the two. She tried to go through all the possibilities but to no avail.

“Carly is happy, friendly, and bubbly? I’m… Failing to see how you can see yourself in her,” Charlotte admitted, her voice soft to prevent further instigation.

“Yeah. Exactly how I was at that age before Roger got to me,” Mia spoke, and Charlotte’s heart broke. She never thought about how Mia was before all this manipulation, all the emotional blackmailing that Roger had done to Mia all these years. The more that Charlotte looked at Mia, the more she realised that there was an empty shell of who she was, and all Charlotte could do was say nothing. She continued to look at Mia, unsure how to reach out to comfort her and whether Mia even wanted to be comforted, but all she could do was look at Mia.

“She reminds you too much of yourself��” Charlotte whispered after a while.

“It’s not Carly’s fault. It’s just… She holds up a mirror I’d rather not look into,” Mia admitted, and Charlotte nodded for a moment, leaving the silence between them to be a comforting feeling for a moment.

Then, a thought came into Charlotte’s head. A string of words she never thought would be put together for someone such as Mia. She fiddled with her wedding ring, remembering the smoothness of it, the guilt that she previously fought against, the loneliness. All those feelings merged with newfound feelings that were too confusing for Charlotte. But instead of running away from them, she decided that maybe, perhaps, it wouldn’t hurt to explore them. All she had to say was four words:

“And what about me?”

Mia was momentarily confused, furrowing her eyebrows inwards as she focused on Charlotte. “I never did anything to hurt you.”

“Exactly, why… Have you been nice to me?” Charlotte said, unaware she was being timid about the situation. Mia paused momentarily before piercing the dots together, a smirk slowly appearing when she concluded what Charlotte had meant.

“You think I had an ulterior motive?”

“Can you blame me? Given everything else I know about you, I was just…” Charlotte sighed as she shrugged her shoulders, and Mia nodded slowly. She was oddly quiet about Charlotte’s question, almost as if there were layers to her, and Charlotte was nervous as her fingers latched on to each other.

“No ulterior motives with you,” Mia said, and Charlotte waited to see if she was lying, but the way her face softened when Mia had spoken, Charlotte believed her, and as she went to say something else, Mia spoke again. “Char, I just like you.”

Charlotte’s body tensed up from using the nickname, but it quickly faded when she realised she liked how Mia said it. She reached up, placing some hair behind her ear, turning away as she felt the warmth on her cheeks again. Charlotte’s mind was racing; plenty of thoughts went through the phases of her brain, none of which she could answer right away.

“But I definitely don’t deserve to have you, so I need to work on that.”

“Mia, you can’t have me, I’m married…” Charlotte said as she looked back to Mia, unaware of what she was saying. Mia’s eyebrow perked up when she heard what Charlotte had said.

“Are you saying if you weren’t… I could have you?” Mia questioned, and all Charlotte could hear was her heart beating fast, the drums in her ears as the pounding overtook her senses. She stared blankly at Mia, her eyes fluttering as her chest heaved slowly. Charlotte couldn’t look away, her fingers still as she processed the question.

The truth was, Charlotte couldn’t say anything out loud, but her thoughts were clear as day. She bit her lip, holding back the words on the tip of her tongue, afraid to confess, knowing that it would become reality when she did. The separation would be real, and Charlotte wasn’t ready yet. She needed more time. But fuck she hated being lonely in an empty house when the kids were over at their dad’s place. Charlotte hated the silence, wishing something to fill that space, someone to hold her in the night to cure the starving touch.

All Mia could do was look at Charlotte up and down with a smile that made Charlotte weak in the knees. “You just said a whole lot without uttering a word. That’s good to know for when I come back,” she said, tilting her head coyly, and Charlotte felt her chest take a sharp inhale.

Charlotte’s head snapped back, facing towards Mia, focusing on her words instead. “What do you mean come back? You can’t come back; you don’t work here anymore?”

And something happened. Charlotte watched Mia tilt her head again before giving one of the warmest smiles that she had ever seen from her—a smile that made Charlotte shudder within her skin. The genuineness was rare, and Charlotte was the one to witness it. “When I come back for you,” Mia spoke softly and turned away as she walked down the corridor.

“Wait, Mia!” Charlotte said as she hurried over to Mia, who turned around to face Charlotte, her facial expression soft. Charlotte knew she had to say something regarding the guilt she felt in her stomach. Otherwise, she couldn’t sleep tonight, her anxiety overtaking her dreams instead. “Why… Why didn’t you say anything in the office about the accident form? All they had to do was look at it and see it was my handwriting.”

“Truthfully, I was so proud of you,” Mia said as she shrugged her shoulders lightly, and Charlotte had to take a deep breath to hold in her thoughts. Hearing the praise did something to her soul; she hadn’t heard it in a while, and Charlotte held it close to her chest. “Plus, I wouldn’t do that to you anyway.”

Charlotte sighed as she gave a slight nod but paused as Mia took one step closer towards Charlotte, making her freeze as if she were a deer in headlights. “But while we’re on the subject of looking at you… If these people you adore so much took the time out of their lives to do that, they’d see what I saw.”

“What are you talking about?” Charlotte said, confused, biting down the anxiety crawling its way up.

“That switching your wedding ring to flirt with me was the closest you’ve come to being brave enough actually to take it off,” Mia said, and Charlotte gasped, her shoulders tense. She looked at Mia, the distance acting as if it held a secret between the two. She could feel her anxiety strike as she started fiddling with her fingers before reaching up to bite her fingernails, but Mia grabbed her hand softly and held them down. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, sweetheart. That’ll be our little secret,” Mia said as her thumb caressed Charlotte’s knuckles once more, giving her the familiar feeling of warmth from Mia’s fingernails before she let go, walking away.

Charlotte watched her walk out the door, standing in the middle of the corridor. She glanced down at her wedding ring; doubts were plaguing her mind, but nothing related to Mia. She glanced up towards the door Mia had exited and waited momentarily to see if she would return; she hoped. Her hand clasped in front of her as she held her fingers together before letting her thumb run over the same knuckles that Mia had done, avoiding the ring, just as Mia had done. It was new; the touch had a new meaning that replaced the bad.

And despite the guilt, the anxiety, and the thoughts that Charlotte had, nothing was on her mind except for the way that Mia had held her. And for the first time in a long time, even since the separation, Charlotte genuinely smiled.

#mialotte #the nursery nurse #nursery nurse #charlotte tnn #mia tnn #amelia roberts #mia x charlotte #tnn #ao3 fanfic #FERNLES WRITES !

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