#The nurse who did my blood test was really nice

[nightmaretour]

Now I just have to wait to find out if the metric fuckton of medication I'm being given has destroyed my liver

[frvnkcastles]

Hi favorite! 

Frank x reader who has panic attacks every time she sees a needle in a ptsd response and frank knows this, she needs to take blood for a test and he goes with her and calms the panic attack and comforts her

TAKE MY HAND, YOU’LL BE FINE ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: You’re terrified of needles, so when you have to get blood drawn, you need Frank more than ever.

Warnings: Needles, panic attack, feminine nicknames

Word count: 1.2k

Author’s note: Hope you like this anon! <3

Frank’s comforting hold on your hand was currently the only thing keeping you from absolutely losing your shit. The window of the car was rolled down so you could feel the cool breeze on your heated face, and your knee was bouncing up and down with a relentless pace. Despite Frank’s attempts to soothe you, you were so close to fully freaking out, and you weren’t sure he could pull you back from that dangerous edge.

You were regretting going to the emergency room terribly right now. You had gotten checked in for some dizziness and nausea, and the next thing you knew, the doctor had you signed up for a blood test — something you never, ever did. You had a zero tolerance for needles, and the idea of getting one inserted into your veins made you sick in the stomach and your knees weak.

But, with all love, Frank refused to let you risk it. You may not have been into needles, but he certainly wasn’t into your well-being being compromised. So, with reassuring promises that he’d be by your side the whole time, he had ushered you into the car a few days after your initial appointment and driven you to the lab.

”It’ll be over quickly, sweetheart. You’re my brave girl, you got this”, Frank started cheering you on once you were parked. In fact, the car had stopped minutes ago, but you weren’t able to get yourself on the move yet, your entire body stuck on the passenger seat.

With a sigh, not a frustrated one but a sympathetic one, Frank unbuckled himself and took the keys from the ignition before hopping out of the car and striding to your side. He opened the door and held out his hand for you, the look on his face full of encouragement, and with a shaky exhale, you interlocked your fingers with his thick ones and hopped out of the truck. You really didn’t want to do this, but the only thing getting you to act was the fact that you didn’t want to disappoint Frank. He believed in you so much, and he had driven all this way, so you refused to let him down.

He held your hand all the way to the waiting room where you sat down side by side, his alert eyes scanning the surroundings like he always did. There were only a few people, so you suspected you wouldn’t have to wait long, giving you only a little time to prepare yourself for the upcoming terror. As much as you wanted to be brave about it, you had no control over your reaction, and it annoyed you greatly. Frank understood, though.

”Hey, it’s gon’ be all right. I know you’re terrified, sweet girl, but in ten minutes we’re gonna be outta here. How ’bout I take you out for some pizza afterwards, huh?” he suggested, his eyes gentle as he looked at you, and with a faint smile, you nodded.

”That sounds nice”, you admitted, and with a grin, Frank pulled you in closer, his arm around your shoulders.

”Attagirl.”

Just like you had suspected, you were called in only minutes later, and with a gulp, you glanced at Frank. He gave you a look of complete faith and love, and you held onto that as you got up and pulled him behind you. Thankfully, the nurse didn’t protest when he walked in with you, and you clung onto Frank’s hand while you sat down on the chair with anxiety churning in your gut.

The nurse talked you through the process, promising that it was going to be quick, but you didn’t really take in any of what she told you. You were too preoccupied staring at the needle and the tubes that were going to be filled with your blood, and without warning, the panic kicked in.

Frank immediately noticed your shallow breaths and the way your eyes widened, and his heart shattered in his chest at the sight of you writhing in the chair. ”Give us a moment, yeah?” he asked the nurse, who kindly nodded and scooted her chair over to her desk to give you some space. Frank squatted down to be at your eye level, his hand finding a place to rest on your shoulder.

”Look at me, sweetheart. ’M right here. I promise you, it’s gonna be just a minute. All you gotta do is look at my face and squeeze my hand, aight? Squeeze it as hard as you can”, he comforted you, calm and collected as he talked you through the incoming panic attack. ”Easy, darlin’. Breathe with me”, he went on, staying close to you and locking eyes with you so that you’d have something to focus on.

You trembled, but with his help, you managed to fight off the panic, your breathing slowing down to normal. Your heart was still racing and your palms sweaty, but you chose to believe Frank — it was just going to be a brief moment, and he was right there with you through it.

”Okay”, you exhaled, ”I’m ready.”

The nurse rolled her chair back to you and praised you for being brave while opening the package of the needle. Frank noticed you staring at it again, and he quickly reacted. ”No, no, keep your eyes on me, sweetheart. Nothin’ else but my ugly mug”, he insisted, and a nervous chuckle slipped out of you.

”You’re not ugly, Frankie”, you argued back, but you still did as he had requested, and kept your eyes trained on him. You focused on his beaten nose, and when the needle pierced your skin, you took in a sharp breath and turned your attention to his deep, dark eyes. You saw the proud look in them, and it made you feel better. You looked at his lips next, convinced that he had earned the biggest kiss for when you’d be done.

”Doin’ so good, baby. Almost done”, Frank spoke with admiration, and as you trailed your eyes across the bruises all over his face, you were able to distract yourself from the needle.

The nurse finished, and while telling you that you had done well, she taped some cotton on your arm to stop the bleeding. You breathed out in relief, a tear escaping your eye as you realized you had survived the worst, and it put a smile on your face when you looked over to Frank.

”That’s my girl. Knew you could do it”, he commended you, leaning down to kiss the top of your head.

You said your goodbyes to the nurse and left the room, all the while applying pressure on your arm. Frank had a protective grip on your free hand, and when you made it outside, you finally felt like you could breathe.

”Thank you so much for being here. I really couldn’t have done it without you”, you reminded Frank, stopping him from walking just so you could reach up and kiss him. He happily responded, his nose brushing against yours as he kissed you back, passionate enough for heat to crawl up to your cheeks when you pulled away.

”Anytime, sweetheart”, he smiled, ”now, I’m pretty sure I promised you pizza.”

[aectpen]

cool in my book - loser sung hanbin x boxer reader

m.list

pairing: sung hanbin x fem!reader

synopsis: reader helps hanbin get revenge on his bully

words: 1.3k

you were doing your usual routine of roaming the halls during the lunch period at school. you told yourself it was calming, and you didn’t need to spend lunch with anyone. but it was because you kinda, no not kinda, you literally had no friends. 

you weren’t friendless in a “oh she’s so shy, i feel horrible for her” way. people thought you were mean and intimidating off of the first glance. sure, you did play into it with your not so nice attitude. getting yourself into plenty of fights, but hey it was always their fault.

you could hear whimpering coming from around the corner. you contemplated walking in the other direction, not wanting to go by them. but, your curiosity got the best of you. who was crying? you wanted to be nosey and guess what happened to them.

once you turned the corner and caught sight of who it was, you stopped in your tracks. the boy from your math class. why would someone have a problem with him? he only comes to school to do his work. he has a reputation of being the quiet, nice guy.

he glanced up at you, his nose and lips smeared with blood, clutching his stomach in pain. while you were known for being quite mean, you weren't immune to moments of vulnerability. seeing his quivering lips and his tear stained cheeks evoked an unavoidable sense of guilt.

after debating on walking away from him, you finally decided to help him, dragging him to the nurse’s office. you sat next to him while the nurse gave him an ice pack and returned to her desk.

 “you could come in with a gun shot wound and they’ll give you frozen vegetables.” you commented, earning a faint giggle from him. “who did that to you?”

“you can just go now.” he looked away.

“come on, i won’t judge.” you nudged him.

“yoon jihyun.”

you looked at him in disbelief. “you’re telling me you let that scrawny ass boy beat you up?” 

“hey! you said you wouldn’t judge!”

“okay, i’m sorry. but why would he do that?” you couldn't help but wonder how he managed to find himself in such a situation when he had his nose buried in a textbook 99.9% of the time.

he scratched the back of his head. “well, i said no to cheating on a test for him.”

“come on.” you pulled him up from the chair.

“where are we going?” he jerked his arm back.

raising an eyebrow, you replied. “we’re gonna jump him.”

“i don’t know who you think i am, but i don’t do that stuff.”

“okay, whatever. meet me right after school at the front gate.”

he wasted no time, practically sprinting to the school entrance the moment classes ended. he didn't have the slightest idea about your intentions, but he had no intention of either wasting your time or incurring your wrath.

"good, you're on time. i like that," you commented casually as you walked right past him.

he trailed closely behind. "where are you taking me?"

"you just love asking questions. what's your name?" you inquired.

"sung hanbin."

"my name is—" you began, but he interrupted.

"yn. everyone knows your name."

"now, can you tell me where we're going? this is the opposite direction of my house, and i have to get home to study," he said, glancing at you as you cranked up the music blaring in your headphones.

you finally disclosed the destination to him once you were down the street from it, nudging him to get his attention.

"a gym? i really don't have time for a workout," he said, considering walking away.

"next time you let him beat you like that, he'll do far worse than leave you with cat scratches and a belly ache," you reasoned. "i'm a boxer, i can teach you a thing or two about fighting back."

upon arriving at the gym, you guided him to the octagon. "take it all off," you instructed, gesturing to his school uniform.

"all of it?" he felt a slight blush tinting his cheeks.

“no, dipshit. leave some room for imagination.” you began putting on sweatpants and discarding your dress shirt and blazer.

he hesitantly took off his dress shirt, shoes, and blazer. “seriously, are you gonna beat me up next?”

he sounded extremely genuine. you couldn't help but laugh.

the rest of the afternoon was dedicated to teaching him various fighting techniques, but you noticed his gentleness. he wasn't a terrible fighter; he simply held back, unwilling to inflict harm on anyone.

“i don’t want to hurt you!” he held his bands behind his back.

“hanbin, i’m asking you to throw a punch. it doesn’t have to connect” you pulled his arms from behind him.

“but what if it does, then you start bleeding. then you’ll hate me.” he pouted.

hanbin’s mannerisms did warm your heart. at least there was still good people out in the world.

after the training session, you sprawled out on the floor, munching on a granola bar. rolling over, you glanced at hanbin, who sat there with his tank top clinging to his skin, his hair damp, and his gaze fixed on the wall. you had to admit, he looked hot. the school uniform certainly didn't do him justice.

you were oblivious to the fact that he had returned your steady gaze, your eyes moving over his biceps and tracing the veins that snaked up his hands.

"is there something on my face?" he asked in a soft tone.

you couldn't help but laugh at the striking contrast. "if our classmates saw you like this, they'd be all over you," you remarked boldly.

he scratched his head, asking, "is that a good or bad thing?"

you stared at him in disbelief. "i've never met someone simultaneously so smart and dumb, sung hanbin. i was saying that you look really attractive."

“oh! thank you,” a wide smile spreading on his face. “i mean, you’re really.. pretty.” he awkwardly looked away from you, twiddling his thumbs.

the next day, during the lunch period, you concocted a plan to get revenge on jihyun for hurting hanbin. after spending the day with him, you only felt more angry that he left hanbin crying in the hallway.

"wait right here," you instructed as you left hanbin in an empty room.

"sure thing," he replied, taking a seat at one of the desks.

you walked to the cafeteria and scanned it for jihyun, quickly hearing his loud voice. “jihyun! can i talk to you for a second?” 

surprisingly, jihyun followed you to the classroom where hanbin was waiting. he pointed at hanbin and asked, "what's this about?"

you rested your hands on your hips. "i'm giving you a chance to apologize to him."

“since when did you of all people become mother theresa.” he laughed. “and you. don’t you feel embarrassed? you can’t handle your stuff like a man? don’t make me bitch you again.”

“don’t talk to him like that,” you punched him square in the jaw.

he looked at you with pure anger before lunging straight at you. pushing you against a desk.

but before his fist could connect, hanbin held his arm back and forced him to the ground. jihyun tried getting up, but hanbin repeatedly punched him. 

you stood off to the side wanting to stop him from sending jihyun to the hospital, but you were highkey impressed. he definitely always had that in him. 

hanbin stopped once jihyun stopped fighting back.

“damn, hanbin. not bad.” you held out your fist.

“i’m telling the principal. i’m getting him expelled!” jihyun cried out.

you saw a flash of panic on hanbin’s face. the last thing he wanted was to get in trouble in school. did you corrupt him?

“you’re not gonna get in trouble,” you reassured him. “i’ll take the blame.”

“no, you can’t. it’s my fault you’re in this mess anyway.”

“my highest grade is a D+. i don't think they’ll lose sleep if i get into another scuffle."

“you people make me sick.” jihyun held his nose and ran out the room.

you two laughed at his dramatic reaction. 

“hanbin, you’re cool in my book.” 

“you were always cool in my book.” he responded.

[kk095]

Awake

Alice was 27 years old, standing at 5’4 with a slimmer build. She had shorter, dark brown hair with bangs that came just above her shoulders, and brown eyes that were normally behind a pair of glasses. Alice was the cute, shy, artsy, eccentric type, who was beautiful in a unique sort of way. She enjoyed and partook in pretty much any creative medium, and lived a more unconventional, bohemian type of lifestyle. Since Alice wasn’t quite like most girls, it isn’t a stretch of the imagination to believe that her time in our emergency department was quite unusual and memorable.

It all started last night. Alice was sitting on the trauma room table in the upright position, stripped down to just her bra and underwear. She had EKG electrodes stuck all over her chest, IV lines in both arms, and a nasal cannula in. She was breathing rapidly, taking deep, dramatic breaths, almost gasping at times. She had one hand on her chest, and a visibly pained, uncomfortable look was on her face. Alice squirmed around somewhat on the table, clearly distressed from the onslaught of symptoms that developed seemingly out of nowhere for her. She experienced shortness of breath, chest pains, heart palpitations, indigestion, and pain in her back between the shoulder blades. The heart monitors chirped and beeped loudly, displaying abnormal vital signs. Alice’s heart rate was in the 150s, her blood pressure was 80/45, and her oxygen saturation was surprisingly normal considering her most glaring, obvious symptom was shortness of breath.

“hi, I’m Dr Lindsay. What brings you to our emergency department tonight?” Dr Lindsay asks in a calm tone, entering the trauma room and approaching the table where Alice sat. Alice was wide eyed, trying everything she could to fight whatever was going on inside her body. She looked over at Dr Lindsay, and attempted to reply. “my… my…chest…” Alice told Dr Lindsay in a breathy, winded tone. “your chest hurts?” Lindsay asked, trying to confirm. Alice nodded. “it… it really hurts…” Alice said weakly. “I feel… I feel like….” Alice continued, but paused, feeling a bit lightheaded and dizzy. “you feel like what sweetie?” Dr Lindsay asked, wondering where she was trying to go with that statement. “like I’m going to die…” Alice replied, looking Lindsay right in the eye. “well, myself and our ER team are here to try our best and make sure that doesn’t happen, ok?” Lindsay said to Alice, to which she nodded in acknowledgement. “so can I ask a couple questions?” Dr Lindsay asks, to which Alice nods. “good! Let’s start off with an easy one. Can you tell me your name?” the doctor asks. “Alice…” she replies in a labored, weakened voice. “anna? That’s my girlfriend’s name.” Lindsay said. Alice was shaking her head no. “AHN. YUH.” Alice cleared up for Lindsay, still having a tough time breathing, let alone talking. “oh, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding! Alice. It’s nice to meet you! Just wish it wasn’t here in the ER of course. Anyways, how about I ask some other questions?” Lindsay continued, Alice nodding in response. “ok, great. So do you have a history of asthma, breathing problems, or lung problems?” Dr Lindsay asked. Alice shook her head, indicating she did not. “alright, good. What about any heart problems?” Lindsay asked. Again, Alice shook her head to tell the Dr no. “ok ok. What about blood clots?” asked Lindsay. Alice couldn’t muster up enough power to get the words out, but she mouthed “no” to Lindsay. The questions didn’t seem to get any tangible info the ER team could use. Lindsay asked more questions such as: “any medications?” “any allergies?” “any use of illegal drugs?” “any chance you’re pregnant?”. Even though Dr Lindsay didn’t get any helpful answers, she ordered the nurses to draw labs to be sent off to the lab for analysis. The tests she ordered were a CBC, BMP, toxicology screening, HCG, d-dimer, and a cardiac enzyme test. In the meantime, there was only so much that could be done. Nurses Heather, Lin, and Nancy stuck around to push meds to treat symptoms and keep an eye on the monitors to make sure there weren’t any changes to Alice’s vital signs.

A little while went by without any major changes or updates one way or the other. But then out of nowhere, things went completely sideways. Alice started gasping, her breaths becoming more shallow. Her eyes started to roll back, and she struggled to remain conscious. “Alice? Stay with us sweetie!” nurse Nancy shouted, doing a firm sternal run on Alice. The patient groaned in response, drifting in and out of consciousness. “I’m getting Dr Lindsay back in here.” Lin said, exiting the room with a pep in her step. The heart monitors showed more worrisome vital signs, showing that Alice’s heart rate was in the 180s, and her blood pressure was taking a nosedive. “P…please…” Alice uttered weakly to nurse Nancy and nurse heather. “d-don’t let me die…” Alice continued, having to put in maximum effort to get her words out. “it’s gonna be ok sweetie, we’re gonna take care of you.” Nurse Nancy told Alice in a calm, soothing, reassuring tone.

It didn’t take long for Dr Lindsay and nurse Lin to come back into the room. Everyone gave Dr Lindsay the update on what was taking place, and also explained that the labs hadn’t come back yet. While discussing what the next move would be, Alice’s eyes rolled back, and let out a calm exhale. Her tense, squirming body fell limp. Her rapidly rising and falling chest was completely motionless. “Alice? Alice?!” nurse heather asked anxiously, doing a sternal run that received no reaction from Alice. Nancy took a carotid pulse, placing 2 fingers on Alice’s neck. “no pulse Linds.” Nancy called out, shaking her head. Lindsay paused and looked up at the monitors. “pulseless v-tach. Lower the bed and start CPR! Get her intubated, then we’ll shock!” Lindsay barked, taking charge of the hectic situation that was developing.

The bed was lowered, and Alice’s bra was snipped off, allowing her perky b-cup tits with pierced nipples to spill out. Nurses Heather placed the heel of her hand on the middle of Alice’s chest, beginning to push down hard and fast repeatedly. At the head of the bed, nurse Nancy had a laryngoscope and 7.0 ET tube, which she carefully navigated into the young lady’s airway, securing it in place with a blue tube holder once she confirmed the correct placement. Lin got the defibs and meds from the crash cart set up for the doctor. But post intubation, a weird development occurred. Alice’s eyes opened slowly, then blinked a few times. Her eyes scanned the room, looking at the chaos unfold around her. She felt something on her chest and looked down, seeing Heather performing chest compressions. Alice moaned, horrified at this sight. “Huh?” Heather uttered, thinking she saw Alice blink and look around the room. “hey, let’s pulse check. I think I saw her blink.” Heather announced. “ok ok. Hold CPR.” Lindsay nodded in approval. CPR was halted, and Alice’s body went completely limp, her eyes wide open, completely glazed over and devoid of life. “no pulse, still v-tach on the monitors.” Nancy replied, taking a carotid pulse, also ambu bagging. “alright, let’s shock her. Charging paddles to 200. Everyone…CLEAR!” Lindsay ordered, readying the defibs paddles, pressing them up against Alice’s bare chest, sending the first shock of the night into her body. Alice grunted, her body tensing up and flopping on the table in response. The first shock didn’t eliminate v-tach, so the paddles were gelled, charged to 250 joules, and the next shock was delivered. KA-THUNK! Alice’s chest shot up, and her back arched, her eyes remaining wide open, staring helplessly above. “still nothing, resume CPR.” Ordered Dr Lindsay.

“…5…6…7…8…” heather counted out under her breath, getting the ball rolling on the next cycle of compressions. “MMMPH!!!” Alice tried to yell, one of her hands reaching towards her mouth to pull the tube out. Everyone was taken aback. “what the?!” nurse Lin said, not sure what to think of what she was looking at. “Calm down sweetie!” nurse Nancy told Alice, gently nudging her hand away from the breathing tube. “hold compressions!” Lindsay shouted. Heather promptly stopped CPR. And just like that, Alice’s muffled moans and shrieks stopped, her body falling limp again, the same deadly rhythm present on the monitor, along with no pulse. “let’s shock again. Charging to 300!” Lindsay shouted out. The paddles were gelled, charged, and pressed back up, another shock being delivered. Alice’s body was effortlessly thrown around on the table, the electricity running through her body in an instant. “damn it, she’s in v-fib now. Going again at 360. Everyone…CLEAR!” Lindsay commanded, shocking the patient again. Alice’s toes scrunched at the far end of the bed, showing off the matte black nail polish on her toes and the soft, delicate, velvety wrinkles throughout the soles of her size 7 feet. This shock failed to restore a heartbeat, so Lindsay delivered another shock immediately afterwards. “MMMMMPH!!!” Alice yelled, feeling every last bit of that shock. “still no pulse, resume compressions.” Lindsay ordered, placing the defbs back on the crash cart. Heather restarted CPR, and it didn’t take long for Alice to realize. Alice blinked a few times, her eyes scanning the room, watching the team work on her. She moaned and groaned, her eyes becoming teary. Alice’s eyes locked with Lindsay’s. The doctor was taken aback. “can you understand me?...” Lindsay asked a bit nervously. Alice held eye contact and nodded “yes”. Alice then reached out with one hand, holding onto Lindsay’s hand for dear life. “hmmmph….” Alice tried to say something to Lindsay. “we’re gonna do everything we can for you, ok?” Lindsay replied, holding the young lady’s hand. Alice nodded, still holding Lindsay’s hand and maintaining eye contact. Nancy gently stroked Alice’s hair. “it’s gonna be ok sweetie…you’re doing great.” Nancy said in a calm, reassuring voice.

After a few cycles of chest compressions and a dose of epinephrine and atropine, Dr Lindsay felt it was time to shock again. Compressions were held, and the right grip Alice had on Lindsay’s hand loosened, and Alice became unconscious once again. The paddles were charged to 360 joules, and she was defibbed again. THUNK! Alice’s torso bounced around on the table, her pretty brown eyes wide open. No change was noted, so Alice was defibbed again at 360 joules. Her shoulders shrugged and her body tensed up, before relaxing a split second later. Alice received another shock, but unfortunately she deteriorated into PEA, so CPR was resumed.

Heather had restarted chest compressions, and medications were injected into the IV line. Alice regained consciousness almost immediately after CPR resumed. Alice moaned, her arms flailed, freaking out at the sight of her own cardiac arrest. “stay still for us!” Lin stepped in, gently restraining Alice’s arms. Alice’s screams were muffled from the breathing tube, but the absolute terror she was experiencing was all over her face. Alice looked down, seeing Heather do CPR. Alice saw her chest cave in, her tits bounce around, and her belly ripple out. “mmmm!!!” Alice moaned, tears beginning to stream down her face. “it’s on sweetie…” Nancy told Alice, gently stroking her hair again. Alice cried hysterically, watching her chest get pumped violently.

Several minutes went by with no changes, and another dose of meds were pushed into the IV line. The tension was absolutely palpable in the room. The team had seen everything, but never this. “linds… I have a question…” heather asked, still pumping away vigorously. “go for it Heather.” Replied Lindsay. “with all due respect, what the hell is going on? She’s ya know… technically dead, but she’s looking right at me blinking…” heather asked, continuing CPR, Alice making eye contact, clearly listening to the conversation. “well, it’s something I only read about…” Lindsay said to heather. There was an awkward pause in the room, Alice’s eyes looking back and forth between Lindsay and heather, wanting to know the answer herself. “go on?...” heather asked in response, not satisfied with Lindsay’s incomplete answer. “I read a case report in Denmark or somewhere like that where a guy went into cardiac arrest and regained consciousness mid code. They said it was because the chest compressions created good enough perfusion and blood flow to the brain to restore consciousness.” Explained Dr Lindsay. “so how’d the guy in Denmark do? Did he make it?” heather asked, still going to town on Alice’s chest. There was pause. Lindsay sighed. “no. I think the guy died…” Lindsay reluctantly said. Alice’s eyes widened after hearing that, a look of fear all over her face. “it’s ok Alice! We’re gonna do everything we can for you!” Lindsay replied in a nervous, but somewhat reassuring tone.

The code continued with no progress whatsoever. Alice’s rhythm had deteriorated from PEA to agonal over the next little bit. She was still receiving chest compressions and wide awake during them. She had calmed down a bit, her crying stopped. She was holding Lindsay’s hand tightly, her eyes scanning around the room. Heather was absolutely gassed from all the CPR she performed, so she swapped with nurse Lin, hoping she had the magic touch. There wasn’t really a pause during the swap, and Alice never lost consciousness. “hmmp…” Alice tried to say something, looking up at Lin starting CPR. “it’s ok, Heather is just tired. Normally we switch who does CPR every now and then in situations like this. This is completely normal.” Lindsay explained, holding Alice’s hand, trying to keep her calm. Heather stood off to the side taking a breather. “man… they don’t teach you this shit in nursing school…” Heather said under her breath, referencing the events of Alice’s code up to that point.

A lot more time had went by, and Alice’s rhythm had deteriorated from agonal to asystole. Nonetheless, Alice stayed conscious the entire time. “meds in.” Heather called out, injecting another dose of epinephrine and atropine. “that’s the last dose of meds we can use. She’s maxed out on meds…” Lindsay explained. “what do we do?!” Lin asked, still doing CPR, Alice listening and watching. “let’s see if the meds kick in over the next little bit and go from there.” Lindsay replied, hoping and praying that these meds got a shockable rhythm back. But each minute ticked by, one more tense and anxious than the previous, asystole still on the monitors. The room was eerily quiet, Lin continuing chest compressions. Time continued to tick by with no change, and the team knew deep down they’ve done all they could, but there was a dilemma on what to do since Alice was still clearly conscious. Lindsay decided to break the silence. “Alice?” Lindsay asked. Alice looked over at Lindsay, making eye contact, her head bobbing gently from the force of the chest compressions she was receiving. “Alice… we’ve done everything we could for you. We’ve shocked your heart, given you the maximum amount of medications possible, and did CPR for almost 40 minutes, and your heart still isn’t beating. Unfortunately, there’s nothing more we can do…” Lindsay explained. Alice was terrified, beginning to cry and moan, shaking her head “NO!!!” at Dr Lindsay. “I know… I know…” Lindsay replied, trying to sympathize. “we’ll stop whenever you’re ready, ok?” Lindsay said, trying to offer some sort of compromise in the horrible situation. Alice cried hysterically, shaking her head passionately indicating “No!”.

Alice tried to buy herself as much time as possible, avoiding all eye contact with the members of the ER team. Alice cried, looking around the room trying to process the fact that she was experiencing her last moments. A teary eyed Alice regained some semblance of composure after several minutes, reestablishing eye contact with Dr Lindsay. Alice gently placed her hands on top of nurse Lin’s, nodding at Lindsay, indicating it was ok to stop CPR. Nurse Lin held CPR, and the monitors immediately went flat. Alice’s eyes glazed over completely, but still looked right into Lindsay’s. Nurse Nancy detached the ambu bag and turned off the heart monitors. Lindsay sighed. “time of death, 8:21pm.” Lindsay announced, stunned from the events she just witnessed. The EKG electrodes were then disconnected, and the defib gel was wiped off of Alice’s bruised, battered chest. The IV lines were taken out, and her body was covered up, hiding the haunting gaze on her face. A toe tag was filled out and placed on the big toe of her left foot. The tag dangled against Alice’s cute, wrinkly soles. Alice was a one in a million, unique girl, and unfortunately, she died an equally unique death in our emergency department.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 11 – A/B/O

Breaking Tony by AvocadoLove

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 6,385 Tags: Dubious Consent, Voyeurism, Orgasm Denial

Summary: In a world where everyone is born beta, leaders chosen by newly founded packs become alpha. Omegas are not born or made, they are broken. Steve wants Tony to become the Avenger's omega.

Reasons why I love it: I really like this take on A/B/O. The worldbuilding about all the ways people can be "broken" into omegas is super interesting, and the one Steve chooses makes complete sense to me, considering who he is as a person. Plus, that nod to Steve's ulterior motive at the end is like a nice cherry on top. I love this fic, and if dubious consent isn't a dealbreaker for you, then I bet you will too!

Against The Norm by justanotherStonyfan

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 13,004 Tags: Fuck or Die, Mutual Pining, Mating Cycles

Summary: When Steve and Tony wake up to find that they've been captured, they assume things can't get any worse. They're wrong.

Reasons why I love it: 'Bad guys made them do it' is my not-so-secret pleasure, and this one scratches that itch so goddamn well for me. The smut is hot as hell, but what really gets me is how desperately Steve is trying to hold himself back. His inner monologue is perfect, and I absolutely adore how, after everything is over, Tony comes to Steve's rescue. This is definitely one of my favorite fics in this fandom, so I hope you check it out for yourself!

In Tandem by RurouniHime

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 8,695 Tags: Mpreg, Illness, Heat Cycles

Summary: “Want a blood test,” Steve manages, because on the third night of their Week, he can think more clearly than he’s been able to for days. Tony’s scent is strong in his nostrils, cloying in a strange, sleek way he yearns after like a tune he nearly recognizes. “If you’re getting sick—” “God.” Tony shifts bodily up into him, clenching around him. “Yes, Mom.”

Reasons why I love it: This one is so fucking good! Steve and Tony really get dealt a shitty card by nature here, but the way they handle it is amazing. They're terrified, but they support each other, and that is just beautiful to me. The companion piece to this fic is also wonderful, in that it shows just how hard Steve tries to give Tony everything he needs, but also how Tony returns the favor. This verse is incredible, check it out, I bet you'll love it!

Inkling by Cluegirl

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 9,373 Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Outdoor Sex, Attempted Kidnapping

Summary: "Enough!" The doctor snapped, no trace of chummy comfort left in his voice as he shoved the hypospray at another of the nurses. "We have orders! MPs, get topside, now. Hooper, get another fifty of Xyladine into the Captain. Dacy and Roccio, prep the gurney. Seames, wipe your goddamned face off and prep for blood draw." "But Major, the muster-" Steve felt the cuff on his right arm begin to tear, blood slicking his wrist against the metal's bite. The doctor rounded on his aide, teeth bared. "Did. I. Stutter?" Another one tried, "Sir, the alphas will need-" "The alphas will fight, Corporal," The doctor snatched the hypospray back. "Rut haze or no, they'll fight. That's what we keep them around for, now get that man unconscious, or I will-"

Reasons why I love it: Rut-crazed Steve is one of my favorite things, and this one is just beautiful. I love how Tony instantly swoops in to take care of Steve, and the smut is hot as all hell. The rest of the Avengers are wonderfully written as well, and the first scene sets the mood perfectly. I love this one a lot, so I hope you check it out for yourself!

Never is a Promise by manic_intent

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 9,976 Tags: Bonding, Knotting, Alpha!Tony/Omega!Steve

Summary: Steve had to admit that he had some reservations about how the New Century handled the social balance between alphas and omegas.

Reasons why I love it: Taking the usual A/B/O trope and flipping it on its head. I love it! Steve is really amazing in this, and his inner monologue is super well-written. Poor Tony being a slave to his instincts makes for some incredible smut, and you know I always love a good "oh-shit-fuck-we're-compatible" storyline. This one is fantastic, and I highly recommend you read it!

[unholydeukae]

Your post is very good i can request à jiyoo (no gp) context nurse jiu x patient yoohyeon (sorry my english is very bad)

Hey anonie :) of course you can, and no worries about your English!

Sometimes, being clumsy isn't all that bad - that's at least what Yoohyeon's ex-girlfriend Hyuna always said to her when she did something awkward. "You're so adorable when you drop something and get mad and pouty!" Well, she did until it changed to "God, you're behaving like a toddler. Can't you watch out? It's so annoying that you constantly run against stuff and break things." And shortly after, Yoohyeon found out that she cheated on her with a man. A man. Yeah, that was the moment she decided that being clumsy definitely wasn't a good thing and will most likely never be.

Especially not now. Laying in a hospital bed, she tries her best to listen to her sister Sua who's been raving for what feels like hours about how she tripped while they were crossing the street, how the driver wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings and how he ultimately  hit Yoohyeon(thankfully at a very low speed). How SuA immediately called an ambulance and her girlfriend Handong got after the man before he could drive away as if nothing happened.

And that's why she's here, in a hospital bed, unable to move because of her pounding head and her left leg in a cast. Yoohyeon is glad that her sister is here, really, but no matter how much she tries, she can't focus on what she's saying.. A knock on the door interrupts SuA's torrent of words and a nurse steps in, closely followed by Handong who squeezes through the door right before the nurse can close it.

She looks at SuA and opens her mouth, but before she can say something, Handong scurries past her and takes her girlfriend's hand. "Come on, babe, Yoohyeon needs to rest and the nurse to run some tests. Let's go home."

The nurse smiles in surprise. "Indeed, I have to check on her and visiting hours already ended as well. But you're more than welcome to come back tomorrow when visiting hours start at 12pm!"

Handong nods and reads the nurse's name badge before she looks at Yoohyeon. "Well then, sweetie, I'm sure nurse JiU will take great care of you. We'll see you tomorrow, yeah? Sleep well!"

Sua follows her girlfriend's lead and bids her sister good night as well before they both smile at the nurse and leave the room. JiU turns to Yoohyeon. "Your sister seems really nice, she stayed here the whole day, even when you were asleep. You must be really important to her."

Yoohyeon nods and immediately regrets it - the pounding in her head has yet to subside. Talking works though, at least now, that it's quiet. "She is, I'm really glad to have her. But I wouldn’t try hitting on her, she and Handong have been dating for ages - they're even engaged now, finally!"

JiU turns bright red and fumbles for the pen in her pocket, then she pretends to write something on her clipboard. She clears her throat. "I.. I wasn't hitting on her, don't worry. She seemed really in love with her fiancé and to be honest, I prefer taller girls. Usually. I mean, it's not a deal breaker, smaller people can be great too, of course, it's just a preference, but yeah, as I said-"

With every word her face turns redder until she gives up. Yoohyeon is confused. Why is the, admittedly very cute, nurse so insecure? It's not an issue to like taller people, and as long as she wouldn't start thirsting after SuA, it's all good. She smiles at her - hopefully reassuringly. "Oh, no worries, I just wanted to clarify that my sister is not available. A lot of people want her, so I just got too protective I think. Sometimes that happens, even though I'm the younger sister."

Nurse Jiu's face slowly turns back to a normal colour and she writes some things down before checking Yoohyeon's blood pressure. The latter watches her while she checks a few other things and she's nearly sad, when JiU puts away her pen. "Everything seems in order, no values are concerning. Have a good night and if you need something, just ring the bell. I'll be here all night."

Yoohyeon feels a bit sad, she enjoyed the company of the woman. "Will you be here again tomorrow, too?"

JiU nods. "Yeah, I have the night shift again, so I'll be here again from 10pm tomorrow."

That slightly lifts the younger girl’s mood, but she’s still bummed that JiU wouldn't be there throughout the day. Still, she smiles at her. "I'm glad."

The nurse blushes again, and Yoohyeon doesn't really understand it either this time, but she waves at her when she leaves the room.

Nothing happens throughout the night and when a different nurse - her badge says her name is Iree - wakes her up and brings breakfast the next morning, she's only a little sad, knowing she will get to see JiU again in the evening.

Iree seems very energetic, given the fact that it's just 7:15am, but seeing her fiery red ponytail swishing around the bed to do a few check ups was enough to fully wake Yoohyeon up. Her stomach rumbles and Iree gives her a radiant smile. "It's so good that you're hungry! You should eat enough, so that your body has lots of energy to heal. I'm really happy that everything seems fine though, your vitals are perfect! I gotta leave, but if you need anything, just ring the bell and either I or my colleague Solar will be right with you."

Yoohyeon, who already started opening the little package of butter, nearly drops it and rushes to speak up. "Wait, Iree-"

The nurse, who was already halfway out the door, turns back around and walks to the bed. "What's wrong, dearie?"

Yoohyeon stutters a bit before she reminds herself that Iree is a nurse and that's her job. "I- I really, really need to pee."

"Of course, sweetie, I'll just grab a wheelchair real quick and then we can go!"

Nearly half an hour later, Yoohyeon is back in her bed. She would've never thought that going to the bathroom could be such a difficult task but the cast really caused issues. Thankfully, nurse Iree was very careful and gentle with helping her into and out of the wheelchair.

Just a few minutes after Solar brings lunch, the door to her room opens again and Handong and SuA step in. Her sister walks so hastily towards the bed that Yoohyeon is worried something happened.

"Yoohyeonie, who is that adorable nurse out there? She's so cute, Dongie and I would love to ask her if-"

Handong slaps her arm and SuA immediately shuts up. Yoohyeon swallows a spoon full of mashed potatoes.

"I thought you already knew nurse JiU? She was here yesterday evening and she's actually not supposed to be here again before the night shift starts."

SuA shakes her head. "No, no, not JiU. Why are you even thinking about her? No, I mean the one with the brown hair. Do you know her?"

Yoohyeon's face turns slightly red, but she internally blames it on the hot food. Her sister is right, why did she immediately think of JiU? "Oh- uhm, that's Solar. But if you wanna ask her what I think you will, maybe don’t. When she brought me lunch, she told me all about her wife and how happy they are that the doctors managed to create fully working sperm cells from Byul's - that's her wife - stem cells and now Solar is pregnant. Or something like that. It was a lot of info. But if you’re really looking for someone, the other nurse here, Iree, is very sweet as well, and I don’t think she told me anything about a partner. She has red hair so you can hardly miss her."

Handong walks to the door and looks around before she suddenly moves back into the room, closing the door behind her. "Babe, she's really pretty. And adorable. I would do so many... I'll be right back."

And before any of the sisters could say something, Dongie is out of the room.

"Well... I guess I'll wait for her to come back. How are you, Yoohyeon? You seem a lot better already."

About 10 minutes later - Yoohyeon has just finished her lunch and fails to open the pudding she got as a dessert - Handong barges in again, triumphantly waving her phone. She closes the door thoroughly before she walks over to the bed where Sua now opens the pudding pod for her sister. "I got her number and asked her if she wanted to meet up with us and she said yes! She's such a cutie, I'm telling you babe, she'll look gorgeous in between your legs."

Yoohyeon drops her spoon on purpose. "I'm really trying to enjoy my chocolate pudding and I would prefer if I didn't have to think about my sister and her fiancé in a threesome with one of my nurses while I do so!"

Handong waves her off. "Pfff, don't worry sweetie, you're just sad you aren’t getting laid. When you can walk again and stuff, I'll help you find someone. What about Vivi? She's been single for a while, I bet she wouldn't say no to some fun."

Sua elbows her side and Handong looks at her with a confused expression, but Sua just shakes her head.

The rest of the afternoon goes surprisingly smooth. SuA's jaw fell when Iree came to check on Yoohyeon and take the lunch tray, her eyes falling suspiciously low anytime she turned around. But of course, Handong was as elegant as ever and smoothly flirted with the woman while she was working.

Five rounds of UNO later, the couple decided that it was time to leave - visiting hours ended 20 minutes ago and Handong stated she wanted to go to the gym before it was too late because she also needed her beauty sleep.

After bidding each other good night, Yoohyeon looks at her phone. 7:23pm, still two and a half hours until Jiu's shift would start but she was so tired already, even though she didn't do anything today besides going to the bathroom three times - once with Iree in the morning and the other two times, Sua helped her since the nurse left the wheelchair next to the bed. Maybe she could take a nap and then she would wake up when nurse JiU was there already.

When she wakes up, she feels like she slept the whole night but a look at her phone tells her that it's only 9:48pm. Scrolling on Instagram for a few minutes, she remembers that earlier, Solar told her about a change of the medication she has to take before bed.

Just as she thought about it, someone knocks and Jiu steps in. Immediately, Yoohyeon's face lights up and she's glad that the light is off - it would be embarrassing if the nurse saw how happy she got simply at her sight. On the other hand, JiU looks happy as well - for what Yoohyeon can see with the light coming from behind the nurse.

"Yoohyeon? Are you awake? Is it okay if I turn on the lights?"

Yoohyeon nods, for a moment forgetting that JiU could hardly see her, and adds a verbal confirmation. The room lights up and the nurse walks to her bed, some blister packs in her hands.

"Those are your new drugs for the night, nurse Solar should've told you about it?"

The younger girl nods again, this time JiU can see her after all. She wants to say something but for some reason she can't, she just stares at the nurse. Her black hair is halfway up in a bun, the other half down and reaches just above her shoulders. Brown, friendly eyes and a heart-shaped mouth... A mouth that's moving, forming words-

"Yoohyeon? Are you okay? Why won't you say anything?"

"I- Solar- no, yes, yes, the meds did tell me about Solar. No wait, I'm sorry-"

JiU carefully takes Yoohyeon's hands in hers, either not aware or not caring about the effect that has on the girl, and squeezes them. "Hey, take a deep breath. Everything is okay. I'm sorry if I took you by surprise or something, I just wanted to check in if you were told about the change of medication already. I'll switch out the pills so you can take them soon and then I'll let you sleep okay?"

Yoohyeon's breath is a bit too shallow and fast to be considered normal; the cute nurse is holding her hands and apologizing even though she did nothing wrong, and it feels like Yooh's heart is beating five times faster than usual. She's so overwhelmed by her own emotions that she can't stop silent tears from running down her cheeks.

JiU gasps when she sees them and squeezes her hands tighter before she grabs a tissue from the night stand. Yoohyeon takes it and dries the tears, but more keep coming. She sniffles and blows her nose.

"Can- can I hug you?"

Jiu's eyes soften up even more than they already are and she nods vigorously. "Of course, Yoohyeon, come here!"

She takes a step closer to the bed and takes the girl in her arms, holding her closely but carefully to not put pressure on one of the many bruises that decorate her body. Yoohyeon hugs her back, her head on her shoulder and slowly, the tears become less and her breathing slows down again.

"I'm so sorry. I think I'm just a bit overwhelmed, so much has happened in the past two days and I can't really do anything besides laying here and thinking and maybe that's just not good for my mental health. And today I realised that I haven’t showered in four days already but Solar and Iree were so busy today that I didn't wanna bother them with helping me shower and my sister is scared she'd hurt me, so she doesn't wanna do it either and Handong - I guess I'd prefer to not be naked in front of my sister's fiancé."

JiU stands there and listens to everything attentively, carefully drying new tears whenever necessary. When Yoohyeon finishes, she gives her a little smile. "I only have four hours of night shift today because Yuqi, one of my colleagues, needed to switch her shift tomorrow afternoon with someone to go to an appointment. So if you want, I can help you shower then?"

Yoohyeon nods, sniffling only a little bit, and forgets for a moment what it means that JiU will help her take a shower. For now though, she decides to just take the meds and go to sleep.

When she wakes up the next morning, Iree is about to bring her breakfast again and after a trip to the bathroom, she checks some values while being even more chirpy than the day before. Yoohyeon feels like she also asks suspiciously many questions about her sister but she doesn't feel too concerned about it.

"How do you feel today, love? Did you sleep well? It seems like the different drugs helped you rest better, I'm glad about that!"

Yoohyeon agrees, she feels very relaxed and while still a bit drowsy, not uncomfortable. Iree leaves, so she starts reading the book that Sua brought her yesterday. It's a captivating crime; she only notices how much time has passed when Solar knocks and brings her the tray with lunch. This time, the young girl asks her for help with the bathroom and she has to admit that the transition from bed and toilet to the wheelchair and back was by far the smoothest of them all.

Her sister and Handong told her yesterday that they wouldn't be here as early today because - well, they were there, Yoohyeon saw Handong's Maserati in the parking lot and a few minutes later, her sister and Handong walked from the entrance of the hospital back to the car, a girl with fiery red hair in a high ponytail right with them.

She shakes her head, trying to get the thoughts out of her head and thankfully, she doesn't have too much time to start getting lost in thought before it knocks on the door. JiU steps in, two towels over her arm and a shampoo bottle in her hand.

"Hi Yoohyeon! How are you today? You seem to be doing a lot better today, I'm so happy!"

Yoohyeon beams at her, she nearly forgot about the shower - or at least she did in between the 86 times she thought about it from the moment she woke up until now. JiU brings the shower utensils into the bathroom before she helps Yoohyeon into the wheelchair.

In the bathroom, it thankfully isn't too complicated to take off the hospital gown, but suddenly Yoohyeon realizes that she's naked, in front of the woman she most definitely has a crush on. But for some reason, she still feels rather chill and doesn't even flinch when JiU helps her sit down on the chair-like thing in the shower - those new meds are really great.

Earlier, the nurse had wrapped her cast into a plastic bag so that it wouldn't get wet and as she now takes the shower head, she watches out to not point the water too close to the wrapped in leg. Yoohyeon closes her eyes, the water feels so good on her skin and she hums quietly. JiU takes the shampoo bottle and squeezes some into the girl's open hand so that she can clean her hair.

After washing it out, Yoohyeon continues to wash her body, slightly insecure when reaching her intimate parts, but JiU professionally looks to the side. Once she's done, the nurse helps her wash everything off. She grabs the smaller towel and helps her dry her hair a bit before she puts it into a turban. Then she brings her the bigger towel and carefully supports Yooh shakily standing on one leg while the girl dries her body.

Under the towels lies a fresh hospital gown and a new pair of underwear and Yoohyeon thinks she's never been so thankful for something before. Feeling fresh and clean, JiU brings her back to the bed and even gives her a mini-bounty she snatched from the employee's room.

They're still tucking everything back in the way it's supposed to be when it knocks on the door and Sua and Handong step in. If Yoohyeon was more mentally present, she would've noticed the hickeys on her sister's neck and that Handong's outfit is a lot more elegant than a visit to the hospital would require. But the afternoon drugs she just took and the relaxing shower are enough to make her feel drowsily content and blind to even the most obvious things - such as the heart eyes that JiU has whenever she looks at the patient.

Sua waves. "Hi nurse JiU! It smells nice here, what is it?"

Before JiU can open her mouth, Yoohyeon blurts out, "Sua! JiU helped me shower and she's soooo nice and careful and gentle all the time! Last night she hugged me when I felt overwhelmed and she smells so good, I wish I could bottle that scent up... I just wish she could take care of only me, she's so sweet and cute, I like her sooooo much. But she has to help Seonghwa with so many other patients around, so I get that she has to- hey, what are you doing??"

At some point , Sua had taken out her phone to record her sister’s ramblings about the nurse, who gets redder by the minute and Handong probably doesn't make it better when she winks at her, subtly pointing between them.

Before Yoohyeon can jump out of the bed to grab the phone from SuA's hands, the door slams open and Seonghwa looks around as if searching for something. When he sees JiU, his stressed face relaxes a bit. "JiU, there you are, I need your help in room 46, Mrs. Hwang's condition suddenly deteriorated drastically, please come quickly!"

And he's out again before anyone could even react - anyone but Jiu, who mumbles a quick "Sorry, gotta go" before she runs after her colleague.

Handong tilts her head at the rather confused looking Yoohyeon. "Do you, perhaps, have a big, fat crush on this nurse?"

Yoohyeon nods, her whole face beaming. "Did you see her? She's so cute, her hairstyle today is adorable and she smells so good. Her hands look so delicate but still strong and-"

"Yeah, we know, sis, no need to start again. So what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna ask her on a date?"

The girl shakes her head. "No, definitely not! Did you see her? She's a gorgeous goddess and I'm a clumsy fooll who got hit by a car, no way that she's even interested in me."

This time, Handong shakes her head. "Bullshit. I watched her during your speech. That girl is head over heels for you, sweetie. The last thing you have to worry about is a rejection. Promise me, before you get to leave the hospital you at least have her number, even better if you arranged a date already. You got me?"

Yoohyeon doesn't look very convinced. She just wants to open her mouth when-

"No buts, Handong is right. Get yourself together and her number and you'll see that we were right."

Sighing, the youngest in the room nods. "Fine. But if she rejects me, it's on you two to get me transferred to a different hospital so that I don't have to see her anymore and be reminded of the shame, okay?"

The two girls look at each other. "Okay. If she really rejects you, which I doubt, we'll arrange a transfer for you. Deal?"

Handong looks at Yoohyeon expectantly.

"Deal."

Yoohyeon doesn't see JiU again until the night shift starts. Around 6:30pm Seonghwa brings her dinner but when she tries to ask him about the incident earlier, he says he's not allowed to talk about it. But he seems relaxed enough, so she doesn’t worry too much.

It takes another four hours for JiU to show up. Yoohyeon has finished her book by now and thankfully, SuA remembered to bring a new one today. When JiU knocks and steps in, the lights in the room are still on. Yoohyeon looks up from her phone and smiles at her, although she's quite a bit nervous, due to all the things she said earlier that day.

"How are you, JiU? Did everything go okay with Mrs. Hwang this afternoon? Nurse Seonghwa seemed pretty stressed when he was looking for you but he didn't wanna tell me anything when he brought dinner."

JiU walks to the bed and carefully sits down on the edge of the mattress. She absentmindedly takes one of Yoohyeon's hands in hers and plays with her fingers.

"Everything is okay with her. She's often annoyed by the constant dripping of the IV, so she somehow removed the bottle. Seonghwa noticed that she wasn’t complaining as usual and when he checked on her, she just laid there unresponsive because she didn't realize with removing the IV she'd also stop the medication from getting into her veins. But it’s all good, we fixed it!" She pauses. "Listen, about what you said earlier today-"

Yoohyeon interrupts her."I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. Shit, with the drugs and the shower I just… lost all self control. I- I understand if you don't want to take care of me anymore now…"

JiU looks at her with soft, warm eyes. "Oh, Yoohyeon. I wasn't uncomfortable. I just didn't expect you to feel the same. But you're my patient and what I want to do goes against both ethics and morals, but I know I'd regret it forever if I don't do it."

Before Yoohyeon can react, JiU leans down and softly kisses her. Her lips are soft and a bit chapped and the kiss is way too short. At least her arms are fine, so Yoohyeon wraps them around Jiu's neck to pull her back down. Their lips meet again and this time, she can really feel her. The chapstick , that fails to fully cover the slightly rough skin on her lips, tastes like strawberry and Yoohyeon thinks that it goes really well with Jiu's own scent.

The older girl moves away again, but slower this time. "I'm sorry for not talking to you, I wasn't sure how to tell you howI feel but I guess now you know." Yoohyeon just watches her while she keeps talking. "I like kissing you. It makes me want more, but… that would not only be inappropriate, but also get me fired if we get caught."

The younger girl nods slowly. "I understand... I guess it was risky enough already."

"It would be very risky, yeah. But I've never done anything risky in my life before and you're the person I wanna do it for."

And with those words, she surges down and kisses Yoohyeon again. This time, passion takes over where once was sweetness. Her tongue runs across her bottom lip before it demands entrance and Yoohyeon moans. JiU parts slightly from the girl's lips. "You have to be very quiet. If someone hears us, we'll get in big trouble."

The girl looks at her with sparkling eyes. "I always wanted to try a nurse-and-patient roleplay!"

JiU chuckles for a moment, then her expression turns hungry. She shifts until she straddles Yoohyeon's hips - careful to not touch her cast - and kisses and licks her neck. The younger one can hardly swallow her moans but her mouth is immediately covered by a hand. Some more kisses and nips and her eyes roll back, this is better than any fantasy she ever had.

"We gotta be quick, I can't stay in your room for too long or my colleague will get suspicious."

Yoohyeon can't do anything but nod, her mouth is still covered. JiU turns her upper body until she can easily reach between Yoohyeon's legs with her other hand. She teases the hem of her underwear for a moment before she glides under it and feels the pubic hair under her fingers. Yoohyeon breathes faster; even though everything happens so fast, she still feels endlessly teased.

"Well, Ms. Kim, I think I got to do some internal tests to make sure I can help you best."

Jiu's voice is nothing more than a whisper but it's enough to make Yoohyeon's eyes roll back again and intensify her breathing even more. A quiet whimper can be heard from under Jiu's hand when her other one slides in between her folds and rolls her clit under the tip of her fingers. She dips lower after a moment and lifts her eyebrows in surprise.

"So wet from so little teasing? I really gotta do an internal check, Ms. Kim, I don't think this is normal."

The nurse can feel the pussy under her fingers pulsate and slips two of her digits inside with ease. Feeling around, she quickly finds her way and starts finger fucking her patient with a moderate pace. Yoohyeon is pretty much out of it, she has no idea how so few words and touches could make her so desperate and wet but here she is and she loves every second of it.

Her whimpers become louder under Jiu's hand and she's ridiculously close already. JiU seems to notice and slightly adjusts the position of her hand. Now the palm of her hand works some pressure on the girl's clit with every thrust into her greedy pussy. Yoohyeon's thighs start to shake and JiU grins when the girl grabs her lower arm with both hands, looking for any kind of stabilization.

It only takes a few more seconds for Yoohyeon to fall over the edge. She tries her best to not make a sound but some quiet high pitched whining can be heard even through Jiu's hand. Slowly rubbing her palm over her clit, the nurse helps her ride out her orgasm until Yoohyeon stops trembling.

"Such a strong reaction just from an internal check up, that's interesting. I think I gotta run some more tests with you over time. Are you free tomorrow, about 10:30pm? I think this room would be a good location again."

Finally, the hand moves away from her mouth. Still slightly panting, Yoohyeon looks a bit fucked out.

"Yes, nurse JiU, of course I'm free. I'll be here at 10:30pm so that you can do some more testing."

"Great!"

JiU removes her fingers from Yoohyeon's pussy and lets her suck them clean. A look at the clock makes her frown.

"I really gotta go and check up on the others - not in that way, obviously. But I'll be back later to see if you managed to fall asleep, okay?"

Yoohyeon just finished pulling her panties back up and nods. A peck and a minute later, JiU has left the room and the patient decides, she can run some more tests on her own.

The next day, Iree isn't there to bring her breakfast. Instead Yuqi, the nurse that's usually on the evening shift with Seonghwa, wakes her up. That girl must really change shifts more often than shirts. Yoohyeon likes her though and she proves to be nearly as great of a bathroom supporter as Solar is.

Spending time with her book, Yoohyeon nearly misses how Handong's Maserati drives into the parking lot at 1:26pm, about half an hour before the evening shift starts. She's not overly surprised to see Iree leave the car together with Handong and her sister - that explains why Yuqi worked the early shift today. At 2:02pm, Sua and her fiancé come into Yoohyeon's room, a very distinct glow in their faces.

Sua looks at her sister excitedly.

"You have no idea what happened yesterday and last night. So we decided to take Iree out for a date to get to know her better, right? But we didn't even get to the restaurant because Handong suddenly wanted to go all out immediately. We drove to an empty parking lot and..."

Yoohyeon listens to her sister's experiences, stopping her whenever the information become too intimate. All in all, it does seem like Iree has great sexual chemistry with them and Yoohyeon is happy for them; she knows that they were looking for someone to try out things with for some time (obviously completely sexual; Handong is way too possessive to share more than SuA's body with anyone).

"...honestly, whatever happened here in the past 24 hours, it couldn't ever be wilder than that. Although, what could actually happen in a hospital anyways, right?"

Sua finishes her stories and the younger girl grins to herself. She'd obviously never tell anyone about this, but she can't help to think "if only you knew...". Maybe, being clumsy could actually be better than she thought.

[nolanhattrick]

here is a a bullet point explainer of my top surgery day (like when i was actually in the hospital) because i feel like if i had something like that i would have been less horrifically life-endingly anxious

day before:

we drove to the city it was in because we were staying with family and wanted to get settled. we left around 10 ish? in the morning and it took us 3 or so hours to get there with all the bathroom stops we made

i received a call from my surgeon's office at 10:30 in the morning giving me the time i needed to show up at the hospital. i was to show up two hours before my surgery time (5:45 am ; 7:45 am), and i was first on the schedule

we showed up at my cousin's house and got settled, i was fasting as required and took my special soap shower at around 9pm. i needed to show up at the hospital at 5:45am but my cousin lives less than 5 minutes away from the hospital so i could afford to go to bed late.

day of:

i woke up at around 2 and went back to bed at around 3:30, woke up at 4:30 and took my second hibiclens shower. i got dressed in clean clothes and we drove to the hospital at 5:30 am

we had never been to the hospital before so we fucked around and found a place to park. we walked in and were confused until we looked around and found check-in. they didn't ask for ID or insurance, just my name. they scanned my advanced directive and medical power of attorney, told me to wait in the surgery waiting area, and told me that someone wld come find me! i was also given a hospital bracelet with my real name on it not my government name which is cool.

we waited for a little bit. there were two other people there. we were all in pajamas. it was great. the waiting area was full of local indigenous art. i wish i would have taken pictures now.

a nurse called my name and verified my date of birth and that i was there for gender affirming double mastectomy. she took me and my mom back to the preop area and took me to a preop room with a bed.

i was weighed and given a urine sample cup for pregnancy testing. this sucked bc i was NPO for like 12 hours and dehydrated as fuck but if you still have a uterus and ovaries you will have to do this.

she gave me a six pack of hibiclens wipes and instructions on how to do the surgery wipe down. neck to toes. one for neck and shoulders, one for chest and torso, one for back, one for arms, one for legs, one for groin and glutes. there r details on the paper. this is recommended but not required depending on ur surgeon. u do it urself. ur nurse does not touch u.

u put on ur gown and then ur given an IV with saline. i was given an oral anti inflammatory and 1000mg tylenol with a teeny bit of water. this is when they blew the valve in my hand. i COVERED my preop nurse with blood and almost threw up. it was great.

she went over some mental health questions and some physical health questions - are u depressed when did u last eat and drink etc. they were concerned because i hadn't eaten solids since the ninth and my surgery was on the twelfth but it was okay.

they asked me who my favorite music artist was because apparently listening to your favorite music while in surgery improves recovery outcomes. i blanked and then told them my chemical romance and the 1975. i hope they enjoyed that whiplash of a mix.

i was taken down and my mom was kicked to the waiting area. the elevator broke and we had to wait. awkward.

i sat in the real preop bay and started crying. got rly nauseous. a preop nurse gave me a puke bag and opened my fluids completely. i think this is where the additional damage to my arm happened but we're not sure. she was really nice but REALLY busy. she needed help lol it was just her for four people :(

she came and verified my name and date of birth. she gave me these sleeves that squeezed my calves to prevent blood clots. she put a warming blanket on me. she gave me consent forms to sign. she moved me to a private corner so my surgeon could draw guidelines on my chest. she put a scopolamine patch behind my ear and then dipped to do more work. love her

my anesthesiologist came by. she asked me my pronouns - the only person to do so (they're charted but still)! she checked my heart and lung sounds and complimented my lung capacity. she asked me what my fears were regarding anesthesia and told me that i was safe with her. she read over my consent and my preop EKG i got in weeks prior. she said that she considers me zero risk and that she is unconcerned which was a big calm down moment. she went to go do pre surgery things.

my surgeon came by. he unhooked my warm blanket and had me stand up so he could draw lines on my chest. he double checked my consent papers and then put me back under my warming blanket and gave me my puke bag back and then went to go do pre surgery things.

about 10 minutes later i was being wheeled into the surgery room. this is around 7:45am. it was actually REALLY close to preop. and it was very cold.

they had me put myself on the table. i was introduced to the rest of the surgery staff. they were literally all women. so cool. my head was going to be sitting on this jello bundt cake looking thing. i laughed and pointed that out. then i got hooked up to an oxygen mask by the anesthesiologist and it smelled like playdough. i commented on that and she laughed and that's the last thing i remember before

i woke up! i was groggy as fuck. first words out of my mouth in recovery were "oh that's exciting, i woke up" and the recovery nurse looked Very Concerned. she was nice to me. she also sprinted when i asked for a puke bag.

i was there for about two hours. one asleep, one awake. they needed to watch me eat and not throw up and i Succeeded and i also needed a bed to return to, which they didn't have.

my surgeon came by to check on me, said i did great! i don't remember much of this.

i went back to the same preop wing at, like, noon-thirty ish. i got to see my mom at one. my postop nurse was a SAINT. he monitored my immediate pain levels and the instant it got above a four he tried to get me pain medication, but was stonewalled by my surgeon.

he got me more food. i had like 12 ounces of apple juice and some cheese and crackers. he let me look at his tattoos and he told me stories while we waited for my mom and for discharge papers.

we got discharge papers, i got dressed mostly by myself. mom gave me my phone back so i could text my friends that i was alive. mom was also handed a 10 pack of gauze with nipple cut outs and we were told to open my swelling reduction binder and change them out once a day.

i was also instructed to empty my JP drains once or twice a day depending on fluid level and given urinalysis cups to empty them into. i never got more than 12mls out of them so this wasn't an issue

you just kind of pop them open and let the oily blood drain out and shake them a little and then squeeze and close them again. yes u can feel it sucking when u close it. it's not painful just weird.

then we went back to my cousin's house! and i devoured a burger and slept kinda shitty

i was up and walking normal same day. i got up slow and did circles around her living room. it was helpful.

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 18

Steve and I were escorted back to the SHIELD facility, where we were examined repeatedly. The nurse drawing my blood kept staring at me, as if I were some kind of mythical creature—or maybe she had already heard about what I had done. Steve was already waiting outside the examination room and smiled when he saw me. At least he didn’t look scared anymore. The nurse who examined me came out after and blatantly stared at him before she remembered she had a job to do.

I couldn’t blame her; he was built like a Greek statue. But to me, he was still Steve. He still had the kind eyes and a good soul. That’s why they had picked him, which made me question why they had picked me. Steve noticed that I was getting lost in my thoughts and stroked my arm. “Everything alright?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure if everything was alright. I had just killed someone, yet I felt fine. Maybe that was why everything wasn’t alright. “I’m good,” was all I could say. At least I was still alive, and more importantly, Steve was alive. He told me that General Phillips wanted to speak to us, so we made our way to his office.

He sat us down in front of his desk and told us he was going to send us to Alamogordo, a testing facility in New Mexico. With Dr. Erskine dead and no way to make more super soldiers, they wanted to run tests on us to learn more. I didn’t like the sound of that, and neither did Steve. Just then, there was a knock on the door, and an older man, whom I had seen at the facility where we got the serum, entered the office. He did not look pleased. “We’re not sending these two to some testing facility where they’ll never see the light of day again. Since their little stunt in the city, enlistment lines all over the country have at least doubled. We’ve got to use that, and you know it.”

That sounded promising, but it wasn’t what I had expected. “Captain America? I don’t know, that sounds… ridiculous. And the outfit,” Steve said, standing before me in the tightest pants I had ever seen, with blue and red coloring that was a little on the nose.

“I mean, the shield is nice… you can hide behind it. Looking like that, you should really consider doing that,” I quipped sarcastically.

He was not amused. “Hey, if that’s what doing my part means, I’ll do it.” There was a knock on the door, and a sweaty assistant came in, dropping a bunch of clothes into my hands. From the feel of it, it was the same material as Steve’s.

“Uh, what is this?” I asked.

“Your costume. You can’t go outside looking like that. You’re Mrs. America, his sidekick,” he said, pointing at Steve.

Steve began laughing, and I could not believe what I was hearing. “So he gets to be a captain, and I’m just the Mrs.?” But the assistant was already gone. Begrudgingly, I went behind the privacy screen and put on the horrible costume. I felt like a child playing dress-up. It had the same coloring as Steve’s suit, but with a little skirt and boots with heels. I looked in the mirror, and it felt surreal. I looked strong, and the tight suit accentuated my new muscles.

“Come out, let me see you,” I heard Steve say. I stepped out, feeling uncertain about what he would think, but he just looked me up and down and grinned. “You look dashing, Mrs. America.” He grabbed his shield, took my hand, and said, “Let’s sell some bonds.”

From then on, every night was the same. We got on stage, paraded around like court jesters, trying to make people buy more bonds and recruit more soldiers for the war effort. We kissed babies, shook hands, and shot little commercials for the local cinema. Captain America was the main character, and I was his trusty sidekick. A superhero couple that did everything together, even kicking some Nazi butts. SHIELD arranged an apartment in Brooklyn for us, where we spent our time when we weren’t working. Technically, it was against the law to live together when you weren’t married, but I guess it didn’t matter when you were the country’s mascot.

It almost felt normal to cook together, do chores, and spend evenings on the couch reading. When night fell, we went to our separate rooms. If you ignored the mascot thing, we were almost like your usual married couple. I liked living with Steve; he made me laugh and gave me comfort. I almost forgot that the reason I did all this was to find Bucky. Whenever we went outside, people wanted Steve to sign things, and women were fawning over him. But he never paid them any attention. It felt like Steve and I were living in our own bubble, and I was afraid he would get lost in this fantasy of us being a married couple. He would hold my hand when we were walking in town or put his arm around me when we were sitting at the cinema.

Not only was I afraid that he would get lost, but that I would get lost, because every time he got closer to me, I would get the warmest feeling. As if the whole world went silent and I was enveloped by the softest, fuzziest blanket. Like nothing could ever hurt me, just because he was by my side.

Next Chapter

[tiktaalic]

I hope these questions don't annoy you, but whats it like working in a lab?

I'm considering the same career path cause I really like my lab classes so far

Not annoying! from what ive seen there are 3 or so types of labs, which are labs in the hospital, which are obviously a faster pace (did half of my preceptorship in one), reference labs, which get a fairly high volume since they're doing testing everybody's sending out for (did other half of my preceptorship in one), and privately owned labs which pick up samples from clinics urgent cares nursing homes etc (both of my jobs have been with private labs).

I like it! It's very routine. I have my set of tasks i do when i clock in and my set of tasks i do at the end of the night and in between I'm just sticking samples on the machines and releasing results. and there is imo enough variation to it to keep it interesting - troubleshooting failed qc, or double checking criticals, or having to do manual difs. if you're liking undergrad lab work I'm assuming you're doing stuff like pcr and gels and micro plates? which is a lot of what molecular departments do in a lab besides micro which is micro. I currently work in the core portion of a lab, which is hematology, coagulation, urinalysis, and chemistry. You really only break out the microscope for urinalysis and hem. we have a micro department that handles all the cultures, and a molecular department that does molecular testing. lots of labs have small micro factions and do lots of micro send out instead. the last lab i worked at did that. the hospital i did my preceptorship at would do plating, but then send all the plates out to be read and send out all the blood culture tubes to be cultured elsewhere. the lab I'm currently at does most cultures in house.

re: education to work in a lab you have to be ASCP certified. After I got my biology degree, I enrolled in texas tech's CLS certification program, which was 3 semesters of classes (preceptorships were the majority of the coursework the last semester). I didn't mind doing it because I was a fresh graduate and I didn't want to Career Hunt or go to grad school. so 3 sems to get a guaranteed job sounded great to me. Since I had my bio degree, I had most of the baseline credits out of the way. chem biochem ochem cell bio genetics etc etc. And the 3 sems I did were lab specific courses like blood banking, clinical chemistry, molecular methods, immunology, phlebotomy, lab management, clinical micro and hematology. there are tons of post bachelor's cls programs, and tons of them are delivered online so that you can chip away at it part time while working.

A nice thing about it is that you can get work literally anywhere. I moved to a town with a population of 90k. Applied for 3 jobs as a brand new graduate. and got 3 offer letters. the payscale's pretty variable, depending on where you are, but it is nice to know that i'm certified in like. 47 states and could get some sort of job in any of them no problem. i think once you've been certified a year you can get cali state certification, which is the route a lot of people go since cali is on the high end of the pay scale. it'll depend on what the lab you're at is like, obviously, but it is pretty difficult to get day shift positions since what a lot of places do is open internal applications for any night/evening shift people who want to move up. I work an evening shift of 2pm to 11pm and i really like it. A very common complaint i see is that there's no like... career ladder. if you're a bench tech. you're a bench tech. which sometimes gets parlayed into section leader, or section manager, but that's a years of experience thing.

My plan is to work in the same place for a couple of years so I feel more experienced, and then to take a few travel contracts which are shorter term higher pay. again, they're available pretty much anywhere, but sometimes the tradeoff is lower compensation or a worse shift or being in the middle of nowhere america. but i think it'll be fun to get paid to bop around the country for awhile. I like my job and I like that it's very secure, but I do plan to go back to school for Something Else at some point and probably shift careers. My review: good thing to do in your twenties! good thing to have under your belt in general. very dependable.

if you have other questions in general or about anything I said you can 100% msg me! Ik I had a lot of trouble finding info when I was looking into this as an undergrad

[elprupneerg]

really not used to people being nice/patient with my phobia. had to get blood drawn today for the first time and it was very scary. but my gf was there and held my hand and did her best to distract me and the people running the blood draw lab were all very sweet. and when my doctor told me to go to the labs area she said that she requested as many tests as she could think of so i wouldn't have to do this again for awhile hopefully, and that while i should get caught up on vaccinations soon she's not gonna make me face my needle phobia that many times in one day.

like genuinely better than i could imagine anyone being about things. all my doctors and nurses and family growing up would've been (and WERE when stuff did come up) absolutely cruel about it. like i once had a nurse try to pin me down to get a shot back in middle school (which, turns out, did not make my fear of medical shit any better! and has actively made things a thousand times worse cuz now i don't trust medical professionals to respect my consent or autonomy. i don't remember her name but i hope that nurse never gets a good night's sleep again, evil fucking witch. she didn't even actually successfully vaccinate me, so the entire traumatizing mess was for Nothing)

so like. having people specifically schedule things to minimize my needle exposure? having people respect me as a fellow human being and not talk down to me even when i'm hyperventilating and terrified? they fucking gave me juice and crackers after we were done! my gf gave me her sweater so i wouldn't have to look at my arm! (there's nothing scary with it, its just an arm with a bandaid. phobias are fucking weird tho)

like, what the hell is this? am i allowed to have this? i feel like at any moment someone's gonna burst in and say there's been a mistake and they mixed me up with someone who deserves this stuff and actually i should've been yelled at for being a wimp, and its my fault for tricking all these people into being nice for no reason. which doesn't make any sense! and i'm home now and have been for a bit so its not like anyone's actually gonna jump in even if they wanted to! but its still weird as hell and idk how or if i'll ever get used to this sort of kindness

[john-marshall]

nobody who doesn’t experience it can wrap their heads around experiencing emergency symptoms all the time

if someone with a healthy body woke up one morning and experienced what i experience on an average day, they would probably think that they were going to die

across my symptoms, they could attribute the onset to a heart attack, stroke, seizure, sepsis, etc. they keep leaning over the edge of the bed and vomiting onto the floor. everything they ate for the last two days will come up. but unless they had their phone extremely close to them, it would be at least 20 minutes before they can call for an ambulance. when they are able to get up, they take a few steps before their vision clouds over and their ears ring. if they’re smart they get to the ground. if not they fall to the ground. they come to shortly after and crawl to get their phone.

and then they’d get to the er. the emts were. really nice, so they feel like they’re about to get help. they’d get an ekg, and they’d have mild arrythmias and a concerningly high heart rate. their blood pressure would be a bit low, but not a cause for concern. the doctor would run tests, which would come back normal. and then the questions begin

do you have a history of depression or anxiety? mhm, yea. okay so we’re going to put in a consult for you. eight hours later you’ll ask a nurse what’s going on, and they’ll tell you that you are not free to leave at least until the psychiatrist returns from jupiter

so you just… woke up and it was like this? 🤔

so do you drink? oh you drink, how much? hm yea you should probably cut down. it makes you dehydrated and that’s probably what happened here.

oh so you were vomiting? did you bring it with you? no? hmm. alright then.

alright let me see the backs of your hands now. hmm all clear. do you have any eating disorder history?

and then they would get sent home, told to take tylenol, follow up with primary care, and begin seeing a therapist

and all the while. the symptoms continue. happy, sad, calm, mad. in eating disorder recovery, struggling with an eating disorder. they max out the amount of tylenol they can take without destroying their liver but the pain remains. it’s always there. in the grocery store their legs will threaten to give out. when they’re playing with their young cats, the pain in their arm will become unbearable, and they’ll wear my cloak of guilt. they’ll wonder why medical doctors have failed them such that they can’t escape their illness trying to yank their joints outside their range of motion.

and then they learn that there is no light at the end of their tunnel

[bugbyte]

frustrated medical blabbing

Today was supposed to be an unpleasant but unavoidable thing. I had to go for a physical exam as part of the process of attempting to appeal for disability. They kept changing the date and time on me, this was supposed to get done months ago, but they set it for 9 am this morning so fuck it, let's go.

Stories about medical professionals being unpleasant under the cut. Lotsa unpleasant medical blabbing which explains why the comic will be late if I can't get my arms feeling better. 😵‍💫

Most mornings for me are slow out of necessity. It takes me a while to get moving, to feel well enough to eat something, for meds to kick in. It makes me feel awful and lazy but I've gotten better at accepting that this is what makes my body function better so I just go with it. Being nonfunctional hurts more than pushing my day around so that's what we do.

Anyway, I spent all night not sleeping well and feeling slightly worried because it's a long drive to the place, the last time I was there the building seemed non-ADA compliant and I smashed my hands trying to wheel through the doorframe, and all of that was later in the afternoon when I'd had time to be more put together. So that aspect was rough on me but not impossible.

I brought headphones because the last time I was there, there was a TV blaring the most insipid facts about "ways to deal with anxiety" and I really wanted to find the off switch and/or throw something through the screen, so instead I listened to music and didn't do that. I had to wait approximately forever to get called back and that's immediately where everything started going wrong.

The nurse was nice but immediately frustrated asking if I could stand. (For the record: I can, just not indefinitely, and prefer it to be brief in unknown circumstances like this.) Then she took my blood pressure but did something super weird with the cuff that I can't really explain because I don't understand it, and when she was done she just pulled the end without stabilizing my arm at all and ripped it off. Probably fine for most people; not fine at all for EDS joints. My shoulder was immediately on fire and I knew something was wrong. This will be like the fourth time now a medical person has injured this specific joint because they're unfamiliar with EDS and just pull on it.

So then she left, and thankfully I wasn't alone, so I explained what had just happened to my spouse (Delade) and we were both on alert.

The actual doctor comes in and is like a ten thousand year old white guy who mumbles in a way that's practically impossible to understand, and between my shoulder pain and my anxiety my brain basically shut off and had my spouse not been paying attention and asking questions I would have missed the next key thing: he muttered that he was doing an orthopedic exam, and I could say no to anything I thought I couldn't do, but the way it came out made me think that I had to do everything, and when I get stressed like that my reaction is to just do what I'm told. So I'm thankful for that.

He then barked his way through a series of basic tests about what I could bend and how far and made me get out of my wheelchair. Again, I can usually kinda manage this, but after sitting uncomfortably for so long, plus my shoulder being wrecked, I had to lean on something, and lasted about two minutes before I had to sit. During which he kindly took my chair away so if I fell I would have been flat on the floor. Great.

There were a bunch of things I had to say no to because I knew if I did them I'd be worse off, but then, because EDS is wildly unpredictable, my other arm started cramping up furiously. At this point the tests were over and he was just going through my chart being chatty and namedropping doctors he knew, and meanwhile my arm is getting more and more and more painful and I'm starting to sweat, a lot. He ignores me and starts chatting with spouse, who wants nothing to do with this either, and finally has to ask if I'm ok. I'm not.

I'm pretty sure this was another vasovagal episode because it came on fast and I was immediately shivering and drenched in sweat, completely nauseated. None of this got written down as a result of the testing, the guy had just blundered off at that point. Usually I'm able to move myself in my chair but with both arms down it wasn't happening, so Delade pushed me out and because the building isn't ADA-compliant, we had to get two nurses to help open the front doors so we could get out.

I was white knuckling it somewhere between passing out and throwing up, but getting into the outside air helped. I had to sit for a while before we could move the car. I felt somewhat better by the time we got home, but my shoulders and arms feel burnt and wrecked, like the worst lingering muscle pull combined with an angry trapezius shoving my shoulders around.

I'm just mad about the whole thing. Mad that they were so careless, mad that they didn't even know what EDS was so how could they possibly fairly judge me for it, mad that now I don't know how long it's going to take to feel better. Mad that they pushed me so hard that I was about to throw up, and then just didn't make note of that, or care. What was the point here???

Anyway, if the comic is late, I'm trying to recover physically and mentally from this. I just feel like at this point I never want another doctor I don't know to ever touch me again. Is this medical trauma? Probably???

[scribblesbyb]

Irene

Here's B's first scribble. Enjoy the blurb!

Disclaimer: Themes of violence, gory images, and l'appel du vide vibes. POV: absurd.

Irene (what kind of name was Irene anyway? Was it Irish? I wouldn’t know; look it up yourself) has always been haunted by distasteful visions of murder. They would hit her at the most random of times. 

Irene (seriously, Irene, that’s what we’re naming her?) sits in the doctor’s office. She listens and nods as this medical professional (professional my ass, he barely passes for a nurse) victim-blamed her instead of diagnoses her. Her fingers tap impatiently against her thigh (of course the doctor was a man, it was always a male doctor that’d make her uncomfortable) as she waits for him to finish telling her off,  

“There are no side effects. You’re making it up. You should be a writer; you’d make a really good one. My meds didn’t affect you. It’s your personality, Miss.” 

Scream at him; a primal, guttural scream that would shake his desk and make the dandy receptionist outside jump in her swivel chair. You can do it, Irene. Grab his snazzy tie – oh, look, there’s a black ink stain on it – and slam his head onto the X-rays laid in front of him. Do it.  

The doctor goes on. Irene looks up, fingers still tapping away, and notices the plaque this man (who could pass as her father for heaven’s sake, why was he being so rude?) flaunts on the wall behind him. Snatch it away and smash his brains in. Watch him spew blood onto your clothes and laugh. Release your anger with him on him. He deserves it. 

“And could you stick to what I tell you next time? Don’t go asking for blood tests I didn’t request, simply because you’re worried. Stop worrying, Miss.” 

Have you ever tried to relax? It’s a paradox. Isn’t that a quote from Rick & Morty? Does Irene watch that? The disturbing images on that show fit the ones that run through her head daily.  

What about Happy Tree Friends? Now that's a show Irene would love. How she’d cherish taking a chainsaw to the doctor’s gray hairs – or maybe stuff it in his big, round belly, make a mess of his intestines.  

Fun. 

She smiles as he reminds her that she should come in next week for a follow-up. Eat more of my money, you rude, fat fuck. That’s capitalism for ya. Or was this sexism? The dismissal of everything Irene complained about certainly felt like it.  

The receptionist meets Irene with dazzling white teeth. Is she trying to blind the patients? Is she flirting or something? Why the big, air-head smile? Supposed to make people want to kill you less? 

Irene hands her too much money (do I have the right change? Do I need some for gas later?) and thinks that maybe this is capitalism after all. The receptionist’s tight bun would look nice wrapped around that gazelle neck. Crush her. Drop her body onto the shiny tiles (did they just mop this?) and sit on her ribs. Punch those white teeth out. Step on and break them. Oh, she can practically hear the splendid sound tickle her ears. 

Irene – sigh, I regret that name – tucks her purse away to leave.  

The floor is too clean, it’d be hard to get the blood out of it, but it would look so much more beautiful with that wet, red color staining it.

Down the stairs, we go, out into the world, and as for those visions; mom’s the word. 

[whoslaurapalmer]

you can do readmores on mobile???? since when??????? goddamn!!!!!!!!!!!

so my mom is like probably fine and honestly she's been doing really well since her surgery in September and healing up really nicely!!!!! and after the surgery she gets 3 more rounds of chemo and then she's on ⭐️maintenance⭐️ for 2 years which is Not Chemo so her hair grows back which I am, very much looking forward to. anyway she was supposed to have a treatment today (the first of the 3rd round) but they called yesterday and said "you know you don't have to come in tomorrow, right?" and we were like. what. why did no one tell us until now. so now she doesn't have her third round until January 12th which is also my brother's birthday and I don't know if she'll be home from the office in time without rushing around and she keeps saying that we can do my brothers birthday on the 13th and he won't mind but //i// mind!!!!!!!! I just. Love my birthday. And I think all birthdays should be special. And I want his to be special too 😟

so anyway my mom is as you might expect just from seeing my anxiety, also a very anxious person (where else would I get it from.) and she keeps a lot of tension in her stomach so being told she didn't have a treatment today ONLY YESTERDAY clearly threw her whole system off and today her stomach really hurt and it got to the point where she decided to go to the emergency room (which she never does so it was not a lightly made decision) and asked my aunt to drive her and i came too bc my mom wanted me to so that's where I've been all afternoon!!!!!! sitting in my aunts car in the parking lot of the hospital, alternately reading and crying!!!!!!!! and I mean she's probably fine!!!!!! there's no reason she wouldn't be!!!!!! it's probably just gas stuck somewhere, because she's been doing so well otherwise and her cancer numbers on her blood work are FIFTEEN!!!!!!!! IN THE NORMAL NORMAL RANGE FOR A HUMAN BEING!!!!!!!! THERE IS MOST LIKELY NOTHING TERRIBLY WRONG!!!!!!! SHE JUST HAS A LOT OF ANXIETY AND A SENSITIVE STOMACH!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ELSE CAN I THINK!!!!!!!!!!!! but they have to do all the tests and stuff that people do at the emergency room including a CT scan and that takes, an age, and like, no I don't want to go home!! I don't mind sitting in the parking lot!!!!! I really dont!!!!!!! I am a seasoned waiting room player and that involves waiting in cars, too!!!!!! I brought Stuff!!!!!!! but I probably should bc it's not like I can DO anything sitting in the car and she's probably just worrying about me sitting out here (although it's a very mild 55 degrees today, quite frankly would've been a great day for a walk I tell you what.) and I probably should just let my aunt drive me home so I can, be home and eat dinner and let my aunt stay here bc who knows how long they will have to be here!! but I don't know if I want to!!!!!! BUT I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE ANYTHING IS GONNA GO REALLY WRONG, RIGHT??????? ALSO I NEED A STUPID TISSUE AND I DONT KNOW WHY I DONT HAVE ANY IN THIS HONESTLY ENORMOUS PURSE SO I HAVE TO KEEP WIPING MY NOSE ON MY MASK WHICH AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE IS GROSS!!!! (I'm not WEARING it while ALONE in the car but I wore it while my aunt was driving and when she comes out to ask how I am.) I don't know. I don't know if I feel lonely sitting out here so much as just upset. It's not even 4:30 yet and the lights are coming on in the parking lot. and I didn't text my brother to tell him bc why worry him??? Someone should be having a decent fucking afternoon!!!!!!!!!

also --

every nurse that passes by my mom, apparently: oh! you're shaking, are you cold? can I get you a blanket?

my mom: NO

my aunt: she's not cold!! just anxious!!!!!!!

[phantarein]

Hallo Rein, as someone who's been looking into getting gender affirming care do you mind telling me how the process went/is going for you? Like did you go alone or with family, or how did you do it for your doctor to prescribe you T or if they're nice or not, the whole process is really scary specially when i'm doing it alone so your experiencies might help me 🥲 Thank you in advance!

Hi hi! Well first of all, I don't actually remember that much...? It's been quite a long time so some details are foggy, but I'll try my best to help!

First, some context: my family took a long time to get used to my change and it was actually quite a horrible experience but in the end they got around to it and they helped me in each step of the way! So having anyone to support you emotionally or physically is quite important, however it's not impossible to do it without support!

So for the medical changes, it was actually my psychologist and psychiatrist who suggested I take the step, I wasn't going to do it originally but I did and it was one of the best decisions I made! So for some countries and stuff you need a psychiatrist to confirm if you're qualified for (in my case) testosterone. Then you gotta go to an endocrinologist so they make sure your body is able to accept the change, you have to take quite a bunch of blood tests too, personally I went to an online endocrinologist because it was hard to find one in my city. I got my first shot a month later, it costs around $100ish and it's an injection, I'm not sure if there are pills because there weren't any in my city. I've heard you can go to the hospital so they put the injection on you or do it alone, personally I went to a family member who is a nurse, but I want to learn how to do it alone.

I put the injection around October, so it's been almost three months, my next shot is in January, and the changes are very notorious in my case: my facial hair started growing quite rapidly, I gotta shave everyday, my voice got lower and more rough, I got a little bit taller (from 157cm to 160), but also I gained a lot of weight and got a lot of acne.

Now the most important part: The first week of T was the worst, I literally felt like my emotions were everywhere and I honestly wanted to die so bad, I got irritated for each and every detail and also couldn't stop feeling like shit. You'll fight with your loved ones and you'll be mean to yourself but remember that it's just a temporary feeling and it will go. Honestly I don't know if this is common because I take a lot of pills (lithium, olanzapine, brexpiprazol, Sertraline, Ambien...) but it was genuinely the worst.

But despite it I survived and now people perceive me as a man, if my voice was even deeper I'm sure they wouldn't even notice I am trans! Also in the medical field there have been goods and bads, when I went to the psych ward a nurse kept misgendering me and also dead naming me despite me telling her not to. But also for example, everyone else makes sure I feel comfortable and that I'm not dead named in the system once they realize I'm trans.

You don't know the euphoria of getting people to perceive you as you perceive yourself. Despite the microagressions and the mood swings, I feel like it's completely worth it.

May your journey be the way you want it to be, and if you ever want to talk more feel free to DM!

[iamthecomet]

Hoot once again!

I‘m really glad to hear this. Our little ritual means a lot to me <3

I am so sorry for her, but very glad that she figured it out now. Growing up undiagnosed can be (and is most of the time) very traumatic

While I’m a bit younger, I still spent my entire childhood and half of my youth (I’m gonna pretend it has been only half of it so far cause whatever the fuck I had/have is most definitely not a joyful youth). So while I can‘t fully relate, I still kind of get it and can at least imagine how it must me for her

It‘s pretty hard to get an autism diagnosis, because it cannot be done by a regular psychiatrist (unlike ADHD for example, which is why I at least have that diagnosis already). In my area there is only one place where you can get a diagnosis and the waiting list is LONG (not the worst I‘ve seen so far but at least half a year, which is terrible if you need to get help as quickly as possible but you need a diagnosis to get any kind of help). But I’m working on it

Thank youuuu

I planned chapter 2 out yesterday

It ended up to be “only” 5 pages, but it has 39 panels (chapter 1 has 24 panels)

So I think I’ll still get more of the story across even though it seems to be one page shorter

I will most likely start working on it in November

Your day sounds pretty nice!

Today, I was really stressed and worried about something and I did it okay-ish, but I can‘t change shit anymore now anyways so I’ll have to stop worrying and just wait and see

I also had a doctors appointment to get blood drawn and tested (cause due to the meds I take I’m apparently at a higher risk of malnutrition/lack of some stuff) and it was literally the most pleasant doctors appointment I’ve ever had.

I was a too early (as always) and had to wait outside a bit because they were still on lunch break but I was let inside a few minutes earlier anyways and so I was alone in the waiting area. And the nurse was incredibly kind and nice (she had me lay down for it because she didn’t want to risk that I could pass out and then she let me take my time to get back up again). It was overall incredibly nice and I was done not even 15 minutes after my appointment (so none of that annoying waiting time that usually comes with doctors appointments)

I also wanted to mention this in the past days already but I somehow didn‘t haha:

So I saw Someone do OC-tober and I absolutely LOVED the idea! (I’m one of these people that just never really draws their OCs lmao)

So I put together a prompt list for myself and I’m really excited about it ^^

(I‘m also planning on participating in Ghosttober with my writing which is why I’m probably going to be a little stressed all throughout October which is why I’ll most likely start working on chapter 2 in November)

I once again truly hope that you had a pleasant day! ♥️

~ @owlishanon

I like our little ritual too! ♥ When my friend got her diagnosis she couldn't get it from a regular psychiatrist either. She also got her ADHD diagnosis a couple years earlier because that was much easier. Autism she had to take a handful of tests over a period of time to actually get the diagnosis. But she was 98% sure what it would be before she got it. So I guess it's a pain in the ass no matter where you try to get it. Hoping that you are able to get through that process soon and get the help that you need. I'm glad your doctor's appointment went well and was easy. That's such a rare thing. And that you had a nurse who was really accommodating and understood what you needed. I was wondering why you said you would work on chapter two in November, until I got to the end of your ask. There are A LOT of things going on in October. And it will be kind of nice to take a pause on working so hard on that and doing some other stuff. I'm really excited for kinktober/ghostober whatever we're calling it. I'm trying to get the first week written and ready this week so that it's less likely that I fall behind. We'll see how that goes. Day one is written and ready to go--so that's something at least. And OC-tober sounds SO cool. I'm excited to see what you end up doing with that. I'm sure that will be a lot of fun too!