#The marriage and the change of her social cycle is like a bright light at the end of the tunnel

[immediatebreakfast]

Dear Lucy, she is so kind. Her first entry since months after those horrible nights in Whitby where dreams, and reality were blurred in a dreaded trance of sleeping in pain.

Seeing Lucy being so eager to help Seward makes me think of how she puts her own well being over the wants, and needs of other people. Yet, this time is different, it even writes different than before, this time we see Lucy step up to the role of a full hostess towards Seward the second she noticed his sleep deprived state. It was a delight to read.

"No sitting up to-night for you. You are worn out. I am quite well again; indeed, I am; and if there is to be any sitting up, it is I who will sit up with you." 

Lucy was commanding, she was asertive, she didn't miss a single beat of how to handle the situation without the help of Mina, or maybe her mother. Lucy instructed Jack what to do as she talked to him with invigorating energy like she had done this a million times, she even prepared a full contingency plan to keep Jack in contact with her even when they are in separate rooms.

It's like Lucy was waiting for an opportunity like this to show up, for her to finally do something with her own hands after being bedridden. This moment of functional planning gave her back the happiness she hasn't felt in weeks.

I feel so happy to-night. I have been so miserably weak, that to be able to think and move about is like feeling sunshine after a long spell of east wind out of a steel sky. Somehow Arthur feels very, very close to me.

Lucy isn't afraid anymore of the dark, nor the flapping by the window, nor her nightmares, or sleeping. She finally feels better after going through hell. It's like Lucy said, she feels in the sky.

I suppose it is that sickness and weakness are selfish things and turn our inner eyes and sympathy on ourselves, whilst health and strength give Love rein, and in thought and feeling he can wander where he wills.

Even the little detail of her mentioning her perspective around how her sickness equals to selfishness is on track with her new energy. Lucy has spent so much trying, and trying to avoid to become a "burden" for other people by worrying them that of course Lucy would feel like her being weak (for an inexplicable reason) is just another way to have unwanted attention towards herself.

There is something changing in the narrative, something is coming for Lucy, whenever it's recovery or doom, only time will tell.

[rourhksapocolypse]

So, the other day I mentioned to my brother (who is in leave, atm) @deadcatwithaflamethrower 's post about Ashoka being potentially anti semitic, and he just looked at me and asked, "So?"

This may seem insensitive. But it's actually profound.

When I was a kid, this kind of thing was silly. It was stupid. Why should I care that Brad Pitt broke off a "stable?" marriage because of Mr & Mrs Smith? Should I stop enjoying a dumb action movie because a marriage stopped?

A week ago or so, Mom made a fuss about me only wearing an undershirt at work, when that keeps my top shirts clean (and her making a fuss meant one of my only pure white shirts got permanently messy).

Why? Because it is unprofessional, and because, apparently, my corner of Colorado only associates undershirts as wife beaters and "Gay People Clothing". Because Queen wore undershirts without a top shirt.

Am I supposed to be offended by that? Am I supposed to change my ways so they don't think I'm gay? When I'm autistic, probably FIM Asexual, and leaving a social life or friends that aren't family because I drive people away by accident?

...

These thoughts come because of one simple question. "Have I become too 'Woke'?"

The answer, obviously, is yes. Because, as Mom put it, I had three mothers growing up, and only one of those wasn't a sibling. Because everyone, at all times, corrected me to what they thought was right, leaving me unable to form my own opinion, however well meant those controlling tendencies were.

Now, for those offended, those genuinely hurt, I'm gonna quote Xomniac in This Bites! here:

"I can't speak for you. I don't know what You've been through. I don't know your pain, your hardships. I can support you, but to keep the cycle of hatred from flourishing, I can't speak for you. You have to speak up and take action yourselves."

Is Disney hating on Jews with casting a traditionally "Jewish" actor as a greedy Imperial? Or are they just playing on public perception and image, using what's already there to convey the message?

Or is it even purposeful? Because I've hurt a lot of people with word choice and action that I didn't consider would hurt them. And all I can do is look for brightness in these dark times.

As I wrote this I remembered something else from the radio, K-LOVE, specifically. A guy who reads Bible passages and adds context in his little segment, Ruis Balau, once mentioned that he was having dinner conversation with his family and his daughter asked why he was focusing so much on the bad that he wasn't talking about the good in the world anymore.

Because, that was one of his jobs, as a Christian. Or, part of what he's supposed to do, same as me. To acknowledge the bad, yes, but to shed light onto the world with kindness and caring.

Am I falling into the same cycle of focusing on the bad and forgetting about the good?

Are we?

As the American people, are we forgetting the good in the world, and thus only spreading more of the bad?

Are we nitpicking enough, that we forget to appreciate what we have?

I needed to get this out of my head, so I leave my questions here, unanswered.

Goodnight, and get home safe. Hug your families and loved ones, if you have any left. Send love and support, monetary or emotional, to all those who need it in your lives.

Maybe that's me (and yeah, probably).

Maybe that's Flamethrower, who lost one of the last people who cared about her growing up and fears for her children, struggling with politics and money troubles.

Maybe it's someone I know nothing of and whose existence is meaningless to me, but everything to you, dear reader.

I don't know, but love them like a dog to his/her "Best Friend in the Whole Wide World" (tm).

[atlaskrr]

Butterflies and Love

let's get back to it!

So there's a lot of themes of marriage and conjugal love and what not. Basically unity and happiness between partners but what we're more interested in is the legends.

There is a well-known Chinese tale known as “The Butterfly Lovers”—usually abbreviated to Liang Zhu (梁祝). In the narrative, a little girl named Zhu Yingtai (祝英臺) persuades her father to let her become a scholar. Between 265 and 420 AD, when the narrative takes place, girls in China were strongly discouraged from pursuing scholastic studies. But Zhu’s father gives in, and the girl goes to school dressed as a boy.

Zhu meets Liang Shanbo (梁山伯) on her way to school, and the two of them become friends. They form a strong bond and become inseparable. Zhu eventually reveals her actual identity to Liang. They fall in love, but Zhu’s father has already promised her to another man. Liang dies because his heart is broken, and he is buried.

On the day Zhu is scheduled to wed her arranged husband, strong winds prevent her from being escorted beyond Liang’s tomb. Zhu, in desperation, asks Liang’s grave to open, and it does. She throws herself into the grave, and two butterflies emerge from it, rising into the sky and flying away. This is often seen as a symbol of their eternal love.

The famous “Butterfly Lovers” story, a Chinese folktale about two star-crossed lovers who are transformed into butterflies, has been reinterpreted as a metaphor for the struggle for individual freedom and the pursuit of social justice.

In summary it's like Chinese Romeo and Juliet (MY THEORY IS HAPPENING). Anyway yeah its basically like cxs dying and lg trying to move on but he can't so he goes back to change thing. They're "rebirthed" in a sense like the lovers turned into butterflies. Maybe what lg needs to learn is what the story tells. The way for them to be together forever ended up being in the afterlife but idk if I like the implications that brings.

Some more things to note about butterflies and love is:

In the East, single people use butterflies to decorate their homes in the hopes of finding true love.

The shifting feature of the butterfly’s life cycle takes on special significance in the world of Feng Shui.

Their metamorphosis is caused by external energy in the world around them.

The changes that occur when people fall in love are commonly equated with this transformation.

As a result, butterflies can be used by people who are looking for love.

This also goes for those who have found love and want to present it to the world in the most charming and romantic way possible.

Aside from that, two butterflies flying together is a sign of a good marriage in Japanese culture.

Butterflies are associated with happy weddings and marriages in their culture, and the Romans have a similar belief.

Yall know the implications of a single butterfly :))))) *dying noises*. Since it's shining light we cant only assume it's brightly colored

When one enters the house, a bright colored butterfly symbolizes the arrival of good news in terms of romance. Chasing them out of the house is akin to refusing to accept such good news.

This isn't super significant to anything but I just wanted to add it. Cxs is not chasing it away (well he can't boy is kinda passed out there).

Anyway that's all for butterflies and love. It's not super significant but did I want to add it solely for tragic and eternal romance. Absofuckinglutely. Next part I'll be covering about other symbolisms and anything I missed.

here

OP - old draft

Let's talk about Vortex? I recently saw that people were discussing on Twitter the draft for OP that had been posted a long time ago. I still have screenshots from that time.

If you haven't watched s1/s2, Friendly reminder - SPOILERS

It's obvious why the first draft was changed, although the idea remained the same - the original draft was too straightforward and contained too many spoilers for the plot, as I can say. I'm posting this purely to keep it in history, especially when the season has almost come to an end, and we already know the main points that could be spoilers in terms of visuals. Vortex. It's really Vortex..

The first part remained the same as it was: machins, water, drowning Cheng Xiaoshi who begins to “rise and fall” at the same time

Lu Guang and the broken glass shards still the same, he and Cheng Xiaoshi “fall” like a reflection opposite each other. And so do Li Tianchen and Li Tianxi.

Cheng Xiaoshi continues to fly in the air, but his direction changes. There was not just light, but a butterfly like light. Li Tianxi and control abilities.

While Cheng Xiaoshi is grabbed by the “hand” when the second part begins, the one who flies further in space is Lu Guang. This can be seen in the silhouette of clothes and hair. The one standing on the roof is Cheng Xiaoshi. Lu Guang tries to reach him, but :)

Initially, there are many more characters standing on the roof. Among them are Xu Shanshan (probably), Chen Bin, Li Fan, but not Qian Jin.

And then… the reverse begins.

Have a nice day ~

[jovialyouthmusic]

Proposal

A Royal Romance AU Fanfic featuring Bastien Lykel 

I’m so excited to reveal the fanart I commissioned from the talented @jadequarze​ for this two piece fic. It follows on from ‘Kiss from a Rose’  (link leads to the first of three chapters) and you might also like to read Changes, a drabble that links the two sequences together. Or you could just read this as a little bit of fluff. 

Word Count 3221

A/N The story starts with a flashback to Liam’s social season. Going back to the present (after the social season and Anton and the Sons of the Earth are no longer on the scene) Sophia has told Bastien that she’s received a job offer from Edinburgh University, and he plans to leave the Guard and go with her.

Accompanying song is ‘I Only Have Eyes for You’ by Simon Garfunkel

Proposal

Bastien heard Sophia coming along the corridor to their suite at Ramsford. The Beaumont Bash was underway and he was hard put to it to take this time out – a stolen moment for his goddess. He melted back into the shadows as she appeared and entered their room, closing the door behind her. He pictured her catching sight of the garment bag hanging on the wardrobe door and reading the note he had written

‘To my goddess

Should you decide to go to the ball, you deserve to look the part.

Wear this for me, and I will see you in the crowd, though you always draw my eye wherever you are.’

He counted out a minute to allow her to open it and discover the contents and knocked at the door, holding the corsage in his hand. As Sophia answered, the dress, a scarlet sheath cut to hug the figure and flare out from the upper thighs, sparkling with sequins hung behind her. She pulled him in and threw her arms around him

‘Oh Bas, it’s perfect’ she breathed ‘How did you know?’ He gestured to himself

‘You keep forgetting, I know everything, including the garment that will draw everyone’s eyes and make you the talk of the ball’

‘Bas, I’m not a duchess or a lady or a princess – I can’t wear this…’

‘You are my goddess, and yes you can. No one will dare touch you with me as your protector, I stake my claim – if that’s agreeable to you’ Sophia stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

‘Of course it is, I’m honoured - and you know you’re mine too, anyone makes eyes at you and they’ll regret it.’ Her eyes flashed with passion, then she took a deep breath and dismissed it from her mind, smiling sweetly again ‘Have you come to help me put the dress on?’

‘Yes, I have a half hour break and there’s something very special I want to do’

‘In this dress?’ she said, opening her eyes in mock surprise.

‘Not that, my goddess’ he smiled ‘I won’t get a chance to dance with you, so I have the perfect song lined up. Put it on, and we can have our own private moment’ Sophia stripped, selecting a bra that would support her without showing, and carefully pulled the dress on. She stood in front of the mirror for Bastien to zip it up, his lips lingering near the nape of her neck, her scent dizzying him. She took the corsage and strapped it high up on her upper arm, checking in the mirror that all was correct. She swiftly applied a little make up and selected a pair of strappy silver shoes. Bastien set up a speaker and flipped though his phone, waiting patiently as she selected a diamante necklace and matching earrings.

Finally she turned to him and he bowed

‘Perfect timing my goddess. Would you do me the pleasure?’ he finally touched his phone and music started to fill the room. He had chosen ‘I only have eyes for you’, and Sophia smiled happily as he took her hand and waist and they started to sway.

‘My love must be a kind of blind love - I can’t see anyone but you’

He gazed at her, smiling, and she sighed, melting into him, swaying and drawing closer

‘Are the stars out tonight? I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright ‘Cause I only have eyes for you, dear The moon may be high But I can’t see a thing in the sky 'Cause I only have eyes for you.’

‘Sophia, if I wasn’t working, I would spend the whole evening by your side. You are the most beautiful woman in the building and I want to show you off’ he said softly as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

‘I don’t know if we’re in a garden Or on a crowded avenue You are here, so am I Maybe millions of people go by But they all disappear from view And I only have eyes for you’

The music slowed and stopped, and they held each other for a little longer….

That was the moment, he realised – the moment he knew he wanted her to remain in his life, the moment he had a faint reckoning that he could allow himself a life outside his job – a partner, a wife – a family.

So he planned his proposal after their trip to Edinburgh on Valentines’ Day. He had wanted to propose then, but he was working and could not rely on having time allotted to such an important task. So now he mused, going over his options for the perfect opportunity.

------

Bastien gazed at Sophia over the dinner table. Music played in the background – a string quartet on a dais at the side of the restaurant. Rainbows of light danced across her face from the crystal chandelier overhead, and there was the muted sound of the conversation of the other diners around them. She sipped at the wine as the waiter cleared away the empty plates, then put her glass down as Bastien smiled fondly.

‘That was amazing’ she sighed, patting her stomach ‘I always wanted to try lobster thermidor – it’s a bit old fashioned but I’m glad I tried it.’

‘I hope you left room for dessert’ he said ‘They do an amazing dark chocolate and champagne torte with raspberry ganache’ She looked thoughtful

‘I’m not sure – but it sounds as if you’d like to try it, so let’s share’ She picked up her handbag ‘I’ll just go to the bathroom, you can order while I’m gone’

‘Of course, theá mou. Hurry back’ Bastien raised a finger to the waiter who hovered a little way away from the table.

‘We’ll have the special – the dark chocolate torte to share, please’ he said loudly, and as she walked away, added quietly ‘Tell chef which table it’s for – you know, the really special one’

‘Of course Sir – I’ll give the signal to the band too’

‘Yes, that would be wonderful’ Bastien smiled to himself, but felt the butterflies in his stomach too as he waited for Sophia to return. Before long she was sitting opposite him again, and the waiter sprang into action. The band stopped playing and waited for their cue to restart.

‘Sir, Madam’ he said, and Bastien indicated that the plate should go to Sophia.

‘Oh this looks amazing’ she said ‘Shall I be that person who photographs their food?’

‘If you like’ he smiled indulgently, ready to move from his seat when she discovered the ring in the first bite of the dessert….

 No, wait – what if she didn’t find it straight away? What if she bit into it and chipped a tooth – or choked? What if the torte went to the wrong table? That would be a disastrous marriage proposal. Sitting at his desk, Bastien put a line through the first line of his notes

Dessert at La Choiserie

He tapped his teeth with his pen and thought again, daydreaming about the next possible scenario for his proposal

------

‘Bas, my feet are aching – are we nearly at the top?’ Sophia asked as they trudged up the rocky path toward the summit of the highest point of the ridge that overlooked the capital. They would stay at the lodge further down and he would persuade her to take a walk instead of staying inside all day.

‘Nearly there, Sophia. I promise you the view from the top is worth it. This range isn’t as high as the mountains in Lythikos, but you can see them from the top. It’s a lot warmer here and there’s no risk of an avalanche.’ He carried on climbing, glad of the walking poles he had brought. Sophia had just the one stick, and they were surprisingly well matched in stride and speed for most of the time.

At last they were at the top, breathless and elated from the climb.

‘Oh Bas, you were right’ she breathed ‘It’s beautiful’ He smiled, putting his rucksack down and feeling in his anorak pocket for the velvet box, dropping to one knee on the stony ground…

 No, wait - what it if rained or was stormy? Was he sure he could still climb that hill with his injured thigh? What if he couldn’t persuade her to go for that walk? He crossed out that scenario too.

Summit of Duchy Ridge

------

His goddess looked radiant sitting in the hot tub at the lodge on the ridge. The crescent moon shone and the inky black sky twinkled with stars. He slipped into the water with her and she moved across to sit next to him as the water gently swirled and hugged his arm to her soft breasts.

‘Are you ready for the bubbles?’ she asked

‘If you are, theá mou’ She reached over to the control and before long the jets were emitting streams of bubble through the water. He positioned himself so that it massaged his thigh and Sophia laughed – a low melodious sound that always pleased him.

‘It’s like being in a champagne glass’ she said ‘only warm, of course.’

‘There’s a bottle chilling right now’ he said ‘we can have it after this cycle - I’ll get it’

‘Okay’ she sighed ‘I don’t want to get out of this – ever. I think this is my new favourite best place’

‘I’m happy wherever you are – my favourite place is next to you’

‘Bas, you are so romantic’ she sighed ‘what did I do to deserve you?’ They sat in companionable silence as the water swirled and bubbled. When it stopped, Bastien got out, looking over at his lover, who was lying back, her eyes half closed in bliss. He hoped to bring that expression to her face when they got out and went to the bedroom, he reminded himself – but first…

‘Here you are, theá mou’ He climbed into the tub and reached back for the glass of champagne, the ring at the bottom of her glass and waited for her to notice

 Well, that’s not a bad idea – but there is the risk that she might not notice the ring and choke. Bastien sighed and this time put a question mark next to it

Hot tub champagne glass

------

‘Come on in Sophia – the water’s lovely!’ Bastien called as he waded out into the cool azure water

‘I’ve only just put sunscreen on!’ she called out from the shore.

‘We can swim out to the grotto, theá mou’ He saw her perk up, remembering the time they had swum out to the secret place and made love naked on the water smoothed rocky ledge there. She was wading in eagerly in a trice, and he smiled, turning away, making smooth long strokes through the clear water.

When they got to the submerged entrance to the cave they held hands and ducked under to clear the rocky arch and gain the cave within. As before, the blue grey stone sparkled with reflections from the ray of sun coming from a blowhole up in the roof. They floated in the water, and she turned to face him, bringing her arms around him for a kiss. They slowly sank under the surface until they had to let go and strike for the surface, gasping and laughing. Sophia swam to the rocky shelf, sinuous like a mermaid, and he followed. She sat on the edge looking down at him, and he trod water in front of her.

Playfully she spread her legs open a little and drew him toward her with her feet. That gave him the opportunity to reach into his swim shorts for the little pouch containing the ring…

 No, wait – what if he dropped the ring and had to search for it on the deep rocky bottom? Maybe he should visit the cave the day before and hide the ring there? No – what if a freak wave washed it away? That wouldn’t do. He crossed it out

Portaviera grotto

 -----

They strolled hand in hand through the grounds of Applewood Manor, as well known for its rose garden as for its apple orchard. Her led her around the well tended beds, surrounded by neatly clipped box hedges. He told her the name and origin of every bloom, from white through a delicate blush pink, to peach, to magenta, to blood red.

‘I know you prefer to see flowers growing rather than in a bouquet’ he smiled ‘So I thought you’d enjoy this.’ He reached a bush at the centre of one of the beds and showed her a scarlet rose, the velvet petals giving off a heady scent.

‘Oh this one is beautiful’ she breathed.

‘I’m pleased you like it, it’s a new cultivar’ She leaned close to inhale the perfume, her blonde hair swinging forward and contrasting with the petals.

‘It smells divine - what is it called?’ she asked. He felt for the box in his pocket.

‘The name is as beautiful as the bloom.’ he smiled as he dropped to one knee ‘It’s called Sophia’

 No, there wasn’t enough time to arrange the growing of a new flower, he wanted to ask her soon, he decided. Again he struck his pen through the words

Applewood Rose Garden and thought again. He needed at least one more scenario – the perfect one…

------

They walked though yet another garden, this time at Ramsford. Maxwell was strangely absent and they made their way down to the aviary where the peacocks were housed.

‘What is it with Maxwell and peacocks?’ she asked, laughing as they stood by the pens. The birds eyed them curiously, looking to see if they had any tidbits.

‘I’m really not sure, despite knowing him for a large portion of his life’ Bastien replied ‘You know that the animal on their family crest is actually a squid?’

‘Oh, that’s why he wears the squid tie – and that odd suit of his’ She mused.

This time when he reached into his pocket it was for an apple, which the alpha peacock was particularly fond of. They came to his enclosure – he was kept apart from the others to preserve his plumage, as he was prone to fighting and although he was at the top of the pecking order, that didn’t stop younger males from trying to best him. Bastien was not fond of the creature, but he was determined he would play a part in his proposal, as he was a magnificent specimen. He was happy to see it wasn’t roaming the grounds.

‘This’ he said, waving the apple in the air enticingly for the creature ‘Is Betsy’. It stepped forward, its beady eye on the tempting fruit.

‘Oh’ said Sophia ‘But correct me if I’m wrong – Betsy is a peacock, not a peahen’ she indicated the long train of feathers trailing behind the bird. Bastien sighed heavily

‘Once again I have no idea why he named him Betsy. That young man has a very – unique – outlook on life’ Sophia frowned and looked closer at the bird

‘He’s got something tied around his neck – what is it?’

------

Bastien snapped back to reality. That blasted bird would NOT cooperate. He shuddered – pictures of the creature chasing him once he got out of his enclosure for him to retrieve the ring ran through his head. A vivid memory of the pain of Betsy pecking him somewhere very delicate made him sweat – and he was pretty sure he wouldn’t tolerate having the ring box tied around his neck – he wouldn’t be surprised if the damn bird found a way to open the box and either swallow or lose the ring.

No, that was his WORST idea yet. He sighed and got up to walk to the window and look out over the courtyard. He saw Lewis make his way over to the staff wing for the start of his shift, and he realised it was time to eat. He called one of the younger guards in.

‘Get cook to send some sandwiches in’ he said ‘and ask Lewis to come to my office.’ He thought for a moment ‘Tell cook to send enough for two’

It wasn’t long before there was a knock on the door, and Lewis put his head round the door

‘Sir’ he said

‘Come in Lewis, we have something to discuss’ Bastien motioned to him and Lewis sat on the other side of the desk. He steepled his fingers together ‘How are you getting on, my friend? Work wise, that is?’

‘Well, you tell me, sir’ he answered. ‘You’ve evaluated me, I take it’

‘Yes, of course – but do you feel you’ve performed well? Do you enjoy your work?’

‘I do feel a certain pride in my work sir, and I always strive for the excellence you’ve exhibited’

‘I’ve made mistakes, son’ Bastien pointed out ‘It wasn’t an easy job under Constantine, and things certainly didn’t get any better until we detained Severus. I hope that I’m passing over a tight ship now, but you should never let your guard down.’

‘Passing over, Sir?’ Lewis asked ‘Does this mean…?’

‘I’ll be handing in my notice very soon’ he said ‘I can’t tell you all of my plans as yet, but I’ll be moving put of the Palace completely.’

‘You’ll be sorely missed, Sir’ he replied

‘That’s as maybe’ he said. There was a knock at the door and one of the house staff entered with a covered tray and set it down on the desk, taking the cover off and leaving the room. There was a selection of sandwiches and salad. ‘Please, help yourself’ Bastien said, and the two men chose and began to eat.

‘So, there’s one thing I’d like to ask your advice on’ Bastien said

‘My advice?’ Lewis looked a little surprised

‘You’ve been married four years now, haven’t you?’ His junior nodded at the question. Bastien took a napkin and wiped his mouth

‘Can I ask how you proposed?’

‘Oh – I – well, it’s a funny story’ Lewis shifted in his chair

‘I’m eager to hear it’

‘I – well my wife proposed to me in a leap year’ Bastien raised his eyebrows

‘Did she, indeed.’ He said in surprise ‘Did that take you by surprise?’

‘It did Sir – I’d planned to ask her when we went on holiday – on the beach in the moonlight by a fire. But she beat me to it’ he shrugged ‘She uh – she dressed up - that is – it was very intimate Sir. You know – in the bedroom.’ He paused ‘I take it you plan to propose to Sophia, Sir?’

‘Very astute of you son – yes I am, but I can’t make up my mind about the details’

‘My advice would be to keep it simple, don’t overthink it and don’t leave it too long, Sir’

‘Wise words’ he smiled ‘Thankyou Lewis, I’ll keep you updated on when you’re to take over. I have to talk to the King yet, so don’t mention this to anyone please. As for the other matter – of course that’s also confidential.’

‘Of course Sir’ Lewis rose and left the room. Bastien folded up the piece of paper and got up to go and make an appointment to speak to King Liam.

[sarahburness]

How a Creative Hobby Can Boost Your Mental Health

“The world always seems brighter when you’ve just made something that wasn’t there before.” ~Neil Gaiman

A few years ago I wrote an article about my personal experience with bulimia. The piece was published by several different media channels, and some time afterward I was interviewed by CNN.

It was the first time I had publicly, and explicitly, spoken about that particular part of my journey. But the desire to acknowledge and address the emotional effects of my experience had been present for some time.

Prior to writing the article, I hadn’t felt ready to lay myself bare in such a direct way. However, I instinctively knew that I needed a means of self-expression that would allow me to speak of what I’d been through without being quite so specific.

That’s where creativity came in.

I began using photography as a way of expressing everything I was still too vulnerable to verbalize. It was a beautiful revelation for me to realize that I could share my thoughts and feelings in an abstract way. I could pour my pain into the creation of something new. This was a crucial step in my recovery.

I’d begun binging and purging as a way to avoid my feelings after the breakdown of my marriage. I had fallen out of love with my husband, and I was carrying a tremendous amount of guilt inside me, constantly feeling as though I’d failed my family and friends by not being able to make my relationship work. I hated myself for walking away from my marriage, for daring to want more.

I was also dealing with intense pressure at work and financial stress, all of which had left me feeling as though everything was out of control.

Bulimia had given me the illusion of control, but it was also a way of punishing myself for not being able to stay in a relationship that everyone else expected me to be content with.

Mental health issues are often accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt. We tell ourselves that we should be able to handle everything, that we shouldn’t be placing a burden on our loved ones. It’s a self-destructive cycle that has the potential to send us spiraling.

Although creativity doesn’t act as a magic wand, it does give us an opportunity to take a breath and gain a greater understanding of what’s going on internally. We can use creativity as a means of translating ourselves to ourselves.

Photography became a lifeline for me. I could capture texture and shadow, play around with light and motion. I could convey some of the darkness that was still haunting me, but instead of succumbing to my feelings, I was able to build something from them instead.

I also began to use poetry and creative writing as tools to help me channel my emotions. The personal value of this was enormous. In creativity I had a friend, a means of telling my own story in my own way, and a source of strength and support that I could rely upon to be there for me.

Here’s how a creative hobby can help us cope with mental health issues:

1. Creativity reminds us that we have the ability to effect change, and it also helps us be more present.

When we are experiencing mental health challenges it can be easy to fixate on the fear that there won’t be any light at the end of the tunnel. When I was dealing with bulimia, I would obsessively weigh myself every morning and every night. If I were away from home, or in a place where I didn’t have access to a bathroom scale, I would feel a sense of rising panic. I couldn’t imagine a time when I would be free of the need to control my weight.

Immersing ourselves in creativity can help us believe in our ability to heal, grow, and change because we are actively participating in the production of something new.

Whether it’s baking, gardening, painting, dancing, sculpting or any other creative pursuit, we are taking an idea and breathing life into it.

This not only helps to keep our focus on the present moment, thus alleviating future fears, but it also gives us the additional benefit of shaping and impacting an outcome through our efforts.

When we create we are combining imagination and resourcefulness. We are envisaging an end result and then taking action to make it happen. This adds to our personal skill set and emboldens us to have the same courage in other areas of our life.

Whenever I’m revisited by old demons that threaten to topple me, I create something. Anything. The act of creating helps me to re-center and focus on my abilities, rather than obsess about my perceived shortcomings. It also helps me step outside myself, shift my perspective on my challenges, and remember what’s truly important.

I recently herniated a disc in my back and was unable to practice yoga with as much ease as usual. As I lay on my mat at home one morning, feeling frustrated at my body for failing me, I began to slip into some old self-talk about not being good enough.

But then I noticed the pattern that the sunlight was projecting on the wall beside me. I took my phone and snapped a photo. As the light shifted again once more, I was reminded that nothing is static and everything is always changing. My energy automatically lifted.

Creativity teaches me about trust and impermanence, and also expands my sense of awareness. The simple act of witnessing and photographing the moving light was enough for me to remember that each day is full of beauty. I don’t want to miss any of it by wasting my energy on criticizing my body.

2. Creativity enables us to process some of what we’re feeling, without the intensity of putting ourselves under a microscope, and it can also help us meet our needs.

We’re not always ready to closely examine every experience. We’re not always comfortable talking things through, or wading into the depths of our pain or trauma. But we need to work through these feelings, or else they’ll lie beneath the surface, limiting and controlling us.

Creativity can offer us a safe space in which we’re able to release some of our emotional weight without over-analyzing. We eliminate the scrutiny but still receive the benefit of self-connection.

When we’re able to connect with what we’re really feeling—whether it’s anger or regret or disappointment—and then channel that into a creative project, we are less likely to engage in behaviors that are numbing or harmful. Which means we actually work through the feelings instead of just distracting ourselves from them.

Creativity can also be a compass. It’s a way of identifying an inner need, and then permitting ourselves to meet that need.

Perhaps you are craving more vibrancy or flavor in your life. Being creative might mean choosing bright, bold fabrics to make a clothing item, or being experimental in the kitchen with new cuisine.

And just as creating something from nothing can help us believe in our ability to create change in other areas of our lives, meeting some of our needs through creativity can empower us to meet other needs—the need for self-care or boundaries for example.

When we’re struggling with mental health issues, it’s easy to minimize or neglect our needs, but this only prolongs our healing. Creativity helps us trust our intuition and follow our instincts. It isn’t necessarily a substitute for therapy, but it can play a pivotal role in helping us build confidence and resilience, enabling us to both work through how we’re feeling and take good care of ourselves.

3. Creativity enables us to connect with others and build community.

Common mental health issues such as depression or anxiety can lead to social withdrawal and isolation, increasing feelings of loneliness and heightening the body’s stress responses.

Creativity is a wonderful way to connect with others. Social media platforms provide us with ways to share our creativity and spark conversation with people who have similar interests. When I first began blogging online I was amazed at how quickly I was able to become part of a supportive community, many of whom I’ve since met in person.

Most libraries or community centers offer group arts and craft classes. These are fantastic opportunities to establish local connections and circle with others. I recently attended a free creative sculpture workshop at the New York Public Library. I had no previous experience and my creation was far from perfect—none of that mattered. It felt amazing to come together with other people and make something.

We are all creative beings. Experimenting with different mediums can be a wonderful way to find out what sparks joy and brings comfort. You don’t have to be an expert. Remember, perfection is not the goal; you’re simply making your world a little brighter.

My journey with creativity has given me more than I could ever have anticipated. It may not always change external circumstances, but inwardly there’s a shift, every single time. An easier breath. A blank canvas and a fresh start. A reminder that I can begin again and again, as many times as necessary. And sometimes that’s all we need to be okay.

About Skylar Liberty Rose

Skylar Liberty Rose is a writer and an empowerment warrior. She is the creator of Fierce Females which she established as a way of celebrating the female spirit and to encourage women to live to their full potential, rather than playing small. You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Google+ and via her website.

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The post How a Creative Hobby Can Boost Your Mental Health appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

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What I Read In 2018 and My Favorites

Another year, another Goodreads challenge met. I started using Goodreads several years ago and I truly believe it has encouraged me read more. I love having a place dedicated to books and reading and keeping it all organized in a sense – and seeing what my friends are reading as well. Joining the yearly Goodreads challenge always motivates me to read more. This is definitely the most I’ve ever read! Reading relaxes me and takes me places – sounds hokey, I know, but I swear it’s true.

Every time I post what I’m reading on social media (Instagram specifically) I get comments from friends wanting to read more. My advice is always to just pick up a book and start. I know from personal experience that having my phone nearby keeps me from reading so I really make an effort to put it somewhere I can’t reach when I am sitting with a book to avoid the distraction. It really helps.

For 2018, I set my reading goal at 45 books. I achieved that goal, barely. I read my 45th book just last week and it ended up being one of my favorites this year (A Place For Us, see below). I love sharing book posts like this with you, mostly because I know I personally love to read book posts like this.

Please leave a note in the comments and share what you’ve read and loved, I love hearing from you!

Books I Read in 2018:

(Each link below will bring you to Amazon – affiliate link – where you will find a summary and option to purchase. Or find them on my 2018 bookshelf here on Goodreads where you can see ratings and add them to your To Read bookshelf. I’ve also starred ** the books I enjoyed and recommend!)

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine | The Child Finder | The Lying Game ** | In A Dark, Dark Wood | Seven Days Of Us | Little Fires Everywhere ** | Watch Me Disappear | The Good Daughter |                           The Great  Alone **

I Liked My Life ** | The Identicals | Erotic Stories For Punjabi Widows | The Woman In The Window | Promise Me, Dad | Love and Ruin | The Break Down | Happiness | Beach House For Rent **

The Precious One | The President Is Missing | Sea Change | The Cactus | Submerged | It Ends With Us **| Lies That Bind Us | Crazy Rich Asians | Next Year In Havana **

How To Walk Away ** | The Death Of Mrs. Westaway | Gold ** | We’re Going To Need More Wine |             I Found You | All We Ever Wanted  | Looking For Alaska | Now That You Mention It | An American Marriage

Two Girls Down | The Book of Essie ** | Rising Strong ** | You Think It, I’ll Say It ** | A Spark Of Light | Nine Perfect Strangers | All The Pretty Things | Girl, Wash Your Face | A Place For Us **

My Favorites of 2018:

Next Year In Havana by Chanel Cleeton

from Goodreads: After the death of her beloved grandmother, a Cuban-American woman travels to Havana, where she discovers the roots of her identity–and unearths a family secret hidden since the revolution…

How To Walk Away by Katherine Center

from Goodreads: Margaret Jacobsen has a bright future ahead of her: a fiancé she adores, her dream job, and the promise of a picture-perfect life just around the corner. Then, suddenly, on what should have been one of the happiest days of her life, everything she worked for is taken away in one tumultuous moment.

In the hospital and forced to face the possibility that nothing will ever be the same again, Margaret must figure out how to move forward on her own terms while facing long-held family secrets, devastating heartbreak, and the idea that love might find her in the last place she would ever expect.

Gold by Chris Cleave

from Goodreads: KATE AND ZOE met at nineteen when they both made the cut for the national training program in track cycling—a sport that demands intense focus, blinding exertion, and unwavering commitment. They are built to exploit the barest physical and psychological edge over equally skilled rivals, all of whom are fighting for the last one tenth of a second that separates triumph from despair. 

Now at thirty-two, the women are facing their last and biggest race: the 2012 Olympics. Each wants desperately to win gold, and each has more than a medal to lose. 

It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover

from Goodreads: Sometimes it is the one who loves you who hurts you the most. Lily hasn’t always had it easy, but that’s never stopped her from working hard for the life she wants. She’s come a long way from the small town in Maine where she grew up — she graduated from college, moved to Boston, and started her own business. So when she feels a spark with a gorgeous neurosurgeon named Ryle Kincaid, everything in Lily’s life suddenly seems almost too good to be true.

The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah

from Goodreads: Alaska, 1974.

Unpredictable. Unforgiving. Untamed. For a family in crisis, the ultimate test of survival.

Ernt Allbright, a former POW, comes home from the Vietnam war a changed and volatile man. When he loses yet another job, he makes an impulsive decision: he will move his family north, to Alaska, where they will live off the grid in America’s last true frontier.

A Place For Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza

from Goodreads: A Place for Us unfolds the lives of an Indian-American Muslim family, gathered together in their Californian hometown to celebrate the eldest daughter, Hadia’s, wedding – a match of love rather than tradition. It is here, on this momentous day, that Amar, the youngest of the siblings, reunites with his family for the first time in three years. Rafiq and Layla must now contend with the choices and betrayals that lead to their son’s estrangement – the reckoning of parents who strove to pass on their cultures and traditions to their children; and of children who in turn struggle to balance authenticity in themselves with loyalty to the home they came from.

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