#The level of swag coming out of this drawing is insane

[arthur-lesters-spinal-cord]

Bella and Noel from my Bellaverse au based off of that one Layendecker painting.

The au

[secretly-homeless]

Tuesday, Nov. 28 - Happy Thanksgiving and it’s been awhile.

Well, I realized that I haven’t posted in awhile. Depression does it’s thing. I’ve had some adventures since I was here last. I had a birthday (Sept 1st), looked for an apartment (a lot), went to the hospital (several times), and got sent to another shitty recoup care.

The view from my hospital bed. 

First off, I’ve been hospitalized several times because my oxygen went too low (and that’s a layman’s explanation). It happens because I’m holding onto too much fluid and my heart isn’t pumping well. Also, my potassium levels keep dipping too low. It’s all insanely dangerous. Your rate of oxygen saturation needs to be between 90-95%. Mine hovers around 83-84% when I’m awake and plunges to 45% when I’m asleep on a bad night. This will kill me.

Graphic pic under the cut...

So I was in hospital in October and missed my friend’s visit to California and I felt stupid for not taking care for myself better. I should have been there to host her for at least one day of her visit. 

I wasn’t 100% at the end of that stay and my doctors desperately wanted to keep me in a bed for another few weeks. I let them talk me into a recoup care. (”Recuperative care”, also another word for “nursing home”.) After the last one I had sworn never again. But I was ill and it was over 100 degrees every day and there was smoke in the air from the fires so I agreed.

Look at that nutritious meal! Full of salt and very chewy. 

Let me tell you that every bad thing you hear about state-funded nursing homes is true. I got no care, no oxygen, administered my own respiratory treatments and ended-up ordering my own supplies off of Amazon.com. By Halloween the weather had cleared and I checked myself out. (It was Halloween after all.) 

I was ok for about two weeks and then I started having problems with my left foot, which decided to swell like a goose egg and turn bright red. It really hurt, like I couldn’t walk hurt. So I had a follow-up with my GP and asked him to look at my very questionable foot. He decided to admit me because that’s never a good thing. 

Despite how it looks it doesn’t hurt. There’s no needle, just a soft plastic catheter that is threaded into a peripheral vein, flushed with saline, and then capped off for later use. 

And so back I went. I’m a terrible patient. I fight with my caregivers, won’t wear the c-pap, stay awake all night and insist on sleeping during the day, won’t stay in bed, won’t allow them to do an arterial blood gas draw and all my veins give out on short notice. (Above: Hep-Lock #2. The livid bruise is site of #1 that went south after only a day. I ended-up going thru 3 of them before I got out. The most I’ve ever had in at one time? 3 at once so medications could be fed in simultaneously but at different drip speeds. Remarkably, they don’t hurt. The band-aide on my wrist marks the site of an arterial blood gas draw - which, when improperly done, is one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced.) 

A long drive to bring me gum. That means someone really loves me! (The Sweet Mint is best for removing the taste of hospital food. The other two make you drool like mad. Excelsior!) 

This time around I was a lot more open about being in the hospital and friends came for short visits to talk and to drop off chewing gum (keeps your mouth from drying out when you wear an oxygen mask) and Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, they give you Thanksgiving food from the hospital food service, but it’s no match for food prepared in a Filipino kitchen! My doctor cleared me to walk the hallways unescorted as long as I kept my fingertip pulse-ox monitor with me and, after hearing my concerns, agreed no more recoup care.

Home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I had to defend my swag from the hungry staff!

This went a long way towards keeping depression at bay, which was good because in my extensive ramblings thru FB I discovered that not only were my oldest brother and his wife in California for a vacation but my niece by my second brother got married this June and he hadn’t even bothered to tell me. That led to a tearful breakdown right as my doctor was coming in to speak to me about that day’s plan. It’s a terrible feeling of betrayal and I do not understand how you can treat family that way. But maybe I’m stupid.

So, I got back out last night. Today was a write-off but tomorrow I need a long, hot shower and I’m meeting my housing coordinator so we can try again. I missed Halloween and Thanksgiving, but maybe I can make it indoors by Christmas. 

Thank you for sticking with me. Namaste