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wherevermyway · 4 years ago

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step out! do what you want (chapter ten)

pairings: reader/bang chan/han jisung, bang chan/han jisung side pairing: seo changbin/lee minho (referenced) rating: explicit | 18+ warnings (read please!): big fat warning for ambiguous HINTS of suicidal ideation, character deaths, mental instability, post-traumatic stress, profanity, use of firearms, graphic depictions of violence (fist fight, gunfight), blood, lots of smoking this chapter, mentions of sex, mentions of drug use, angst, drug dealer!au/organized crime!au. also, don’t drive this fast on the highway. word count: about 9,300 also on my ao3 here chapter/series navigation

chapter ten: je vois la fin avant le début | i see the end before it starts

recommended tracks: black swan by bts, can’t you see me? by tomorrow x together we go by stray kids, 777 by joji, the end/undead by hollywood undead and zero 9:36, simon says by nct 127, turn back time by wayv, begin by bts, tôt ou tard by eli rose, ew by joji, another day by stray kids. playlist can be found here.

note: I can’t believe this is almost done (thank god). I’m gonna warn you one more time: this story is dark as fuck and, if you thought chapter nine was bad, ten is also bad, and eleven is worse. eleven is going to have really triggering content (very explicitly labelled in several places) in it so please don’t hate me. I’m also turning off taglists for these last two chapters because I’m not comfortable tagging people due to the content.

disclaimer: any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable, please stop reading now.

side note: for the love of minho’s cats, don’t mix party drugs or drugs with alcohol.

It would seem that, even though you’re back in the real world, returning to reality is proving to be difficult. Since returning to Christopher’s apartment, you’ve had a couple of panic attacks that you felt made both Christopher and Jisung questioned their relationship with you. Most of the time, things were fine, but there were moments and entire days where they treated you like you were a fragile piece of pottery with a big, neon warning label slapped on it that said “Danger! Will shatter if mishandled!” in fat, ugly, blocky, black characters.

After screaming and crying at your therapist for an hour and a half, you decided that you wanted to be alone and would take an alternative route home, sneaking out the back door so that Christopher didn’t see you as he waited out front in his car. You peeked through the glass front doors, seeing his car parked there, right on time. It was hard to make out details from so far away, but it looked like he was staring at his phone, mindlessly scrolling along.

Perfect.

You smiled to yourself as you turned away from the front door. The last time you were here, you recognized a service entrance towards the back of the building that appeared to be unlocked. Timidly, you make your way towards it and jiggle the handle. The door popped open with ease, and you walked through, quickly bolting through the alleyway and make your way towards the Mojeon bridge in Cheonggyecheon.

The walk to the bridge wasn’t very long, so you took the long way, weaving in and out of various backroads and alleyways. You loved taking in the environment of small shopping stalls and the scurrying of busy folk. What you had enjoyed the most was the ambient noises of the city life around you. It was night and day in comparison to the past five or so months had been like, trapped in the hospital, then trapped in Christopher’s apartment, leaving only to go to your thrice-weekly therapy appointments.

It made sense why you felt so lonely. Christopher had been keeping himself busy, constantly coming to bed not long before the sun came up. You knew he wasn’t purposefully avoiding you or Jisung, but something about it didn’t sit well with you, likely because it felt like he was just avoiding handling the loss of Changbin, now stuck with all of the stress of dealing with the family.

Jisung had to have been feeling it, too. Neither of them were going out on collection runs or handling deals; they had left it to Seungmin and Jeongin, as well as just sending jobs back to the hyung-nim. Jisung would occasionally spend a few late nights in the studio with Christopher, and he would always come back to bed more frustrated than he was before he went to go assist his superior.

There was one night a few weeks ago where you went to lay down early, settling into a book that you weren’t really committed to reading, but what the fuck else did you have to do, cramped up in this apartment? All three of you were tense from being cooped up inside, save for your therapy appointments. Jisung and Christopher were arguing about something, their voices travelling through the open studio door, bouncing around the open living room and kitchen, finally making its way in through the bedroom door.

It was impossible to completely make out what they were arguing about, but you really didn’t care at this point. Everything was all about hierarchy and other bureaucratic nonsense that had been completely upended with Changbin’s death. Jisung came angrily padding into the bedroom, a scowl on his face as he grumbled and flopped down on to the bed face-first. He let out a long, drawn out, frustrated groan into the blanket.

“You gonna be okay, Sungie?” You put your book on the nightstand, adjusting your position so that you’re able to run a calming hand through the younger man’s hair. “Sounded like you two were disagreeing about something again.”

Jisung huffs, then rolls over onto his back. “I'm never gonna be cut out to be a leader, am I?” He turns his head slightly to look up at you. “Chan-hyung has a hard enough time, and I never wanted to do this, but now I don’t have a choice.”

You roll your fingers through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp, and smile at him. “You would be a good leader if you wanted be, but I think this entire situation has been stressful on everyone.”

A scoff leaves Jisung’s lips as he turns to face you full-on. “You’re starting to sound like a therapist.”

“Go figure,” you sarcastically grumble as you roll your eyes.

“You’d be good at it,” Christopher’s voice travels through the doorway, startling both you and Jisung. He walks into the room and worms his way around both of you on the bed. “I’m sorry,” he sighs out, “I’ve been so stressed this week with all of the exchanges of power and sheer amount of work that needs to be done. Jisung,” he sits up on his heels, draping his face over his junior. “I’m sorry if I made it seem like I was mad at you. There’s no excuse for that kind of behaviour and I’m sorry.”

Jisung softly smiles, grabbing Christopher’s face with both of his hands. “You can be a real jerk sometimes,” he croons softly, “but I know you don’t mean it, that you’re not taking it out on me, y’know? It’s been a long, chaotic few months. We’ve all had our moments of panic, and you’re unfairly shouldered with handling the family almost completely by yourself. “

Christopher sighs, turning his head to look at you before he grabs you by the waist and pulls you into an embrace, both of you unceremoniously flopping onto your sides. “How about I ignore all of the stuff with the family tomorrow,” he says, pulling you up against him tightly with one arm, reaching out to Jisung with the other. “We can have a day with just the three of us. Get some bad takeout, watch horrible movies, just kind of have a lazy day around the house?”

“I like that idea,” Jisung excitedly nods, then turns to look at you. “What do you think, bunny?”

You were happy with the idea, but you couldn’t find yourself to share the same level of enthusiasm that Jisung did, like you would in the Before Time, as your therapist coined it. Before, you would have jumped at the thought, with both you and Jisung likely driving Christopher somewhat mad. But now, things were just muted and toned down. Mellowed down, like food you would eat when you had the stomach flu. Everything now just emotionally felt like lukewarm, runny juk, when you were used to explosions of flavour and texture on your emotional palette.

“You okay, baby?” Christopher sits up, turning to look down at you. The expressions on his face and Jisung’s face fall flat with concern and nervousness. “Are you going to that headspace again?”

Suddenly, you come back to your senses. You couldn’t have them worry about you, after all. There was already enough, much more important stuff for them to worry about. Honestly, you were just some woman who got strung along for a wild ride, and now had to deal with something a bit more difficult than a modelling shoot being cancelled. You could handle this.

“I’m fine,” you say with a fake smile plastered on your face. That was one good thing that came naturally to you because of modelling: faking emotions well enough, for a short period of time, faking it so well that anyone would believe you. “I just got distracted with thinking about what we could do.”

Jisung flushes, clearly misinterpreting your intention. “Oh yeah,” he breathes out, “it’s been a while since the three of us…” his voice trails off as he alternates looking at you and Christopher, the blush on his face deepening as he awkwardly shifts around.

The blond-haired man rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Yeah, but,” he sighs, “that’s okay. It’ll happen naturally when we’re ready for it to happen, right?”

Luckily for you that night, the three of you were able to share an intimate moment together for the first time in literal months. It was fine and was fun, albeit muted like everything else lately, nowhere near how chaotic it was at the beginning of your relationship. At least you could get them off of your back for a little while longer.

As you reached the touristy area of Cheonggyecheon (when did you get here?), your phone buzzed twice in your pocket and pulled you from your hazy daydream. Nervously, you pull the phone out of your pocket, giving it a quick glance. Nearly all of the texts on your phone are from Christopher, unsurprisingly. There was nobody else, only Christopher and Jisung. Those were the only people you had now; everyone else either abandoned you, hated you, were outside of Korea, or had died.

16:47 | Running late? Figured you’d be done by now. 16:58 | Where are you? it's been a half hour 17:05 | seriously baby where are you?

His texts start to seem more panicked, his texting habits clearly more frantic.

It’s been over an hour since your appointment ended, and your phone won’t stop buzzing. You jam it back into your hoodie’s pocket and continue to ignore the barrage of calls from Christopher. He clearly got a hold of Jisung, because you’ve also started receiving texts and phone calls from him. A smirk creeps up on your face as you reach the Mojeon bridge. You quietly pace up to the middle of the bridge and poke your head over the railing.

It happens without even thinking. Almost mechanically, you take your phone out of your pocket and drop it down into the stream below you. It was almost ironic, honestly, that this was right above the spot where you got shot during Changbin’s funeral. It was a good area for your phone to die alongside where your sanity did.

You can’t help but cackle at yourself, earning some choice stares from passersby. There was no rhyme or reason to why you were doing this, but it felt good. The rushing water beneath the bridge was oddly calming as you stared at it over the railing. There was always something about the water that helped you feel grounded and calm. With all of this chaos around you, you needed something to stay constant.

As crazy as it sounded, the thought of jumping into the stream and letting it carry you out to the Han river did pass through your brain, but you managed to talk yourself out of it. “No,” you say aloud to yourself, “I couldn’t do that.”

The screeching of tires from the street adjacent to the walkway pulls you out of your thoughts. You turn your head towards the noise and see Christopher jump out of his car, haphazardly parked halfway on the sidewalk. He runs to you, yelling your name a couple of times, a horror-stricken expression on his face.

Your heart is about to explode out of your chest as you see him running at you. Part of your brain is telling you to run, but it would appear that your muscles have forgotten how to operate themselves.

Christopher slams into you, causing you to take a couple of steps back as you narrowly avoid being knocked down on to the concrete. His arms wrap around you so tightly, you’re afraid he’s going to pop your lungs. “Oh my god,” he cries out, “oh my god, where the hell have you been?” He puts a hand on the back of your head, gripping your hair, lifting his head to kiss yours with several small pecks, and you can feel his body twitch as he starts to cry.

“A walk,” you manage to quietly squeak out, “I wanted to go for a walk.”

Christopher pulls back, releasing you from his embrace and taking a step backwards. “A walk?” His bloodshot, glossy eyes open wide, his face red as tears streak down his face, and he shakes his head. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I would have -“

“I’m smothered,” you flatly say, not really able to allow yourself to process any emotions. “You and Jisung both have both been treating me like I’m just going to fall apart if you even look at me.” Christopher stares at you in disbelief as the pedestrians around you pointedly avoid getting close.

“Lover’s quarrel?” A hushed whisper travels on the wind.

“Youth always out here with their petty drama,” another whisper follows.

You and Christopher stand there, staring at each other for a while. He eventually runs his hands through his hair, turning to look down the stream as he wipes the tears off of his face. “A walk,” he whispers, repeating back to himself. “Smothered.” He sighs heavily and turns back to you, his brows furrowed in frustration.

“I thought you had been kidnapped, or that you ended up dead somewhere. Do you not understand that there are people out there that want us to suffer or, god forbid, kill us? You were shot right here the last time we were here, for fuck’s sake.” The tears continue to fall down his face as he puts his hands on his hips. “I don’t want you to feel like this anymore. I don’t know how to help you with that, but,” he pauses, dropping his hands from his hips as he takes a step closer to you, “if I could take away all of your pain, I would do it in an instant, even if I had to take it all on myself.” He pulls you into his chest by your hips and wraps his arms around your waist, a bit more gently this time.

“I can’t do this without you. You, me, Jisung: we’ve all gone through so much shit in the past six months and we need each other.” His phone starts ringing, but both of you deliberately ignore it. “Once we’ve dealt with Minho and Hyunjin, Jisung and I are gonna leave the family. I’ve got some connections in Australia that would make it easy for us to move there. Nobody would know us. We can get out of all of this and leave this behind. How does that sound?”

A hint of a smile creeps up on the corner of your face. “It's a good idea, Christopher, but,” you say, staring at a confused police officer standing over Christopher’s car, “you’re about to get a ticket and you might wanna deal with that first.”

“What?” Christopher gasps, pulling away from your embrace as he grabs your wrist and turns to look at the scene unfolding. “Oh, goddammit,” he whines, pulling you along as he walks towards his car. “C’mon, let’s deal with this and go home.”

The encounter with the police officer is uneventful. Christopher uses his charming charisma to talk his way out of it, even name-dropping some high-level official that he knows. Once the two of you are back in the car, he makes his way to an open parking spot and parks, pulling out his phone. He taps the screen a couple of times, and Jisung’s voice comes through the speakers of the car.

“Did you find her?” Jisung panics over the speaker, sounding as if he was nearly crying. “She isn’t answering my calls or my texts and I’m worried and I haven’t seen anything out here and I -“

“Sungie,” Christopher says, calmly, interrupting Jisung’s panicked word-vomiting, “I’ve got her, it’s okay.”

“I’m so sorry, Sungie,” you say, not really sure if he can even hear you.

“Oh my god, bunny,” he exhales, “are you okay?”

You open your mouth to say something, but Christopher interjects. “She’ll be alright. Go back home, and we can talk about it when we get back. We’ve got some things we all need to discuss.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung says with a deep sigh. “I love you, both of you.”

“We love you too,” Christopher smiles as he says it. He presses a button on the steering wheel, hanging up the call, then turns to you. He embraces your hand with one hand and grabs your chin with the other. “Do I need to take you back to the hospital?”

You shake your head.

“Okay, but if that changes,” he pulls you closer to him, and he rests his forehead against yours, “I need you to tell me. I can’t lose you, too. Promise me that you’ll tell me.”

“I promise,” you speak with feigned confidence. Liar.

“Good,” he tilts your head up with his hand, then gently kisses you on the lips. A repetitive chime comes from the centre console of the car, startling both of you, and Christopher rolls his eyes, letting go of your jaw and reaching out to press another button on his steering wheel. “Jisung, I swear, we’re -“

“Hyung,” Felix’s voice comes through the car’s speakers, cutting Christopher off. “Minho-hyung knows where we are. I don’t know if he’s coming here, but he knows where we are and I know he’s found out about Hyunjin and he is beyond furious.”

“Shit.” Christopher’s expression instantaneously sours and his brows furrow. “Did you call the hyung-nim?”

“Yes, hyung. He’s the one that told me. Can’t spare any extra bodies to protect us, though.”

“Alright,” Christopher tightly grabs his face and runs his thumb against his jawline. “You’ve got enough gear there? I’ll pick up Jisung and bring Seungmin and Jeongin with. We’ll be there in a little over three hours.” He lets go of your hand to grasp the gear shift, shifting out of park and into drive, merging his way into traffic.

“I do.”

“Understood. Call me if he shows up before we get there. I know there’s another group connected to the family that’s somewhere in Daegu that can probably help you out, but it’ll be the nuclear option and I don’t want to do it unless we absolutely have to.” Christopher deeply sighs, looking into the rear view mirror for a moment before focusing back on the road. “Hyung-nim’s already mad enough at us as is, but I’m not losing another brother today.”

“Will do,” Felix says with confidence, then cuts the line.

Christopher has a serious look on his face as he focuses on the traffic. He pushes yet another button on the steering wheel and tells the AI of his car to call Jisung. The trilling of the connecting line fills the car and everything feels tense.

“Hey, baby, what’s up?” Jisung’s voice comes through the speakers.

“We’ve got a problem with Felix and Hyunjin,” Christopher says calmly, but clearly concerned. “Minho knows they’re in Daegu and I’m assuming he’s on the way there.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah,” Christopher grits his teeth and exhales with force. “I’m on the way to pick you up. Call Seungmin or Jeongin. Have them both meet us at the apartment, alright?”

“You got it.”

“I don’t want her to come with, but,” you hear Jisung whispering to Christopher in the studio as Jeongin and Seungmin grab a few things from the studio and bring them out to the kitchen counter.

“She ran off, Jisung,” Christopher quietly bites back, “I can’t spare any of us to stay out of this just to watch her. You know that Minho is -“

Jeongin interrupts your eavesdropping as he sits down next to you on the couch. “It’s a nice view, isn’t it?” Part of you is upset that you’re socially obligated to socialize now instead of eavesdropping, but at the same time, you didn’t want to know how much you were inconveniencing Jisung and Christopher.

“Yeah,” you honestly agree, turning your head to look out the window. “I’m not sure how Christopher managed to get a property out here, but it’s impressive.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve chatted with each other.” Jeongin turns to look at you, a slight frown tugging at his lips. “Hyung had mentioned you were having a hard time coming to terms with everything. I know we don’t really know each other well, but you can always reach out to either me or Seungmin if you need to talk to someone different for once.”

“It’s true,” Seungmin perks up from the kitchen, walking into the living room and popping a couple of grapes into his mouth before he sits on the chair opposite from you. “We’re more fun than them, anyways.”

You smile at their words, continuing to stare out at the skyline. How was it that they had gone through all of this and came out seemingly alright? Why was it just you that had difficulties coping with everything? Why did you have problems with every little thing lately, but everyone else was doing so much better than you?

Christopher and Jisung come out of the studio, both of them visibly frustrated, but Jisung at least tried to hide it as he walked into the living room. Christopher grumbles something under his breath, darting off through the kitchen and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

“Hey,” Jisung awkwardly says as the door slams, closing his eyes tightly and sighing. “Are you all ready to go? We’re running a bit behind, so Chan-hyung is a little frustrated.” You knew that was a lie, that Jisung was just trying to keep the peace.

Seungmin lifts his eyebrows and cocks his head towards Jisung. He smirks, almost like he wants to make some sort of comment, but he shakes his head. “Yeah, I think we’re fine.” He turns to look at both you and Jeongin, then looks back to Jisung. “Hyung gonna be alright, or…?”

Jisung rolls his eyes, waving his hand dismissively in the air. “Yeah, you know how he gets. He’s just,” his eyes subconsciously dart to you, then to the floor as he stumbles over his words, “he’s got a lot to deal with right now. You know?”

Jeongin turns to look at you, gently placing his hand on your knee. “Are you ready?” You take a second to catch your breath, then timidly nod your head and he stands up. “Alright. I think we can get out of here.”

A loud clattering comes from Christopher’s room. The four of you exchange panicked glances with each other, and Jisung takes a step toward the bedroom, stopping as the door flies open. Christopher steps out of the room, now wearing a button up shirt and a thin tie, both in black. You notice he has black gloves on as he adjusts his necktie. There’s also an unlit cigarette in between his teeth, which you knew was a bad sign. He doesn’t bother looking at anyone before he grabs his car keys off of the island in the kitchen and making his way to the front door, slipping on a pair of black loafers. “Grab the shit and let’s go.”

Christopher chain-smokes for nearly the entire way to Daegu. He specifically asked you to sit in the passenger seat next to him, and you believe it’s so he could anxiously hold your hand. For the first forty or so minutes, until you get past Icheon-si, the air is so tense, nobody says anything. The bright LED of the dashboard reflects on Christopher’s face, illuminating the panic he’s trying to suppress as he takes another drag off of his third cigarette.

152km/h. That’s what you see when you turn to look at the big, bold digital letters reflected on the console. It felt much faster than you anticipated, and now you knew why, since the speed limit was 100. “You’re speeding,” you quietly say without thinking.

“Felix needs us,” Christopher says, his voice terse. “I don’t give a fuck about the speed limit. Nobody’s on the road right now.”

“Chan-hyung,” Jisung perks up from the back seat, pulling himself up with your seat to be in between you and Christopher, “you should probably slow down a little, at least. 150 is really fast.”

“Not happening.”

“Hyung,” Seungmin chimes in, “I don’t mean to overstep, but Jisung is right. We’re going to be no help if we -“

“Would all of you shut up?” Christopher shouts, letting go of your hand, flicking the end of his cigarette out of his window as he grabs another one from the open pack and the lighter in the cupholder. The speedometer slowly ticks up to 160 km/h, and the numbers change from blueish-white to yellow. “Nobody else is dying today, not if I can help it. We’ve lost too many people already. One person was enough. Changbin was enough.”

He lifts the cigarette to his mouth and his hands tremble as he flicks the black lighter a couple of times before the flame comes to life. The cigarette smoke always smelled terrible at first, until you got used to it about a minute in, but it wasn’t something you were overly fond of. Maybe once all of this was over, you could convince Christopher to stop smoking for good.

His left hand takes the cigarette from his mouth and he leans his elbow against the door, nervously rubbing his fingertips against his forehead. “Fuck,” he whispers under his breath. There’s another awkward silence as you feel Jisung let go of your seat, relaxing back into his spot. Jeongin whispers something that you can’t quite make out, and Christopher holds down a button on his steering wheel. “Call Lee Felix,” he says as the AI chirps at him.

“Calling, please wait.” the AI responds.

175 km/h. The numbers are now orange.

Christopher grips the steering wheel harder and harder the longer it takes for the call to go through. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he grumbles under his breath, eyes nervously darting between the centre console display and the road. “Fucking pick up, Felix.”

180 km/h.

“Yes, hyung?” Felix’s voice fills the car and you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, you picked up,” Christopher loosens his grip on the steering wheel just a bit, bringing the cigarette to his mouth and taking a drag from it. “Any word yet?”

“Not yet, hyung.”

“Good,” he exhales, and a cloud of smoke leaves his lips and is violently pulled out of the car through the window. “We’re on the way there, just drove past Icheon-si.”

“Icheon-si? Hyung, that’s…” Felix starts to say with a hint of concern in his voice.

“Don’t worry, I’ve been going a bit over the speed limit,” Christopher scoffs, “as it was kindly brought to my attention. Should be in Daegu in about two hours at this pace. Call me immediately if anything changes, understood?”

“Yes, hyung, but -“

“If you’re about to scold me, I highly advise against it.”

190 km/h.

There’s a momentary pause over the line. “Understood, hyung. My apologies for stepping out of line.” Felix’s voice sounds slightly dejected, but it’s barely noticeable.

“See you soon.” Christopher curtly ends the phone call by pressing the button on the steering wheel again.

200 km/h.

The display is bright red and there is a soft ding that brings Christopher’s attention to the dashboard. “Fucking shit,” he says, and the car slows back down as he moves his foot off the gas pedal. “I’ve never gone that fast before. Holy shit.”

You look at him, reaching a hand over to his hair, brushing it back behind his ear. It had gotten shaggier and curlier over the past few months, his dark roots starting to show more and more obviously as time went on, but it didn’t bother you. In fact, part of you was curious to see what his natural hair colour looked like.

“It’s going to be alright,” you softly whisper, rubbing your thumb against Christopher’s temple. He grabs your hand with his right hand and smiles.

“Thanks, baby,” he doesn’t look at you, but you know he genuinely appreciates the little ways you remind him that you care. He pulls your hand down from his face and gives it a quick kiss before he returns it to your lap, only letting go so he can hold the steering wheel when he ashes his cigarette.

145 km/h. That was tolerable.

It takes maybe an hour and a half to reach the safehouse in Daegu. The building is old, like it had been abandoned a while ago. Siding had started to peel off of the side of the building, making it look dilapidated.

“I recognize that vehicle,” Seungmin says with concern as Christopher parks the car.

“I do, too,” Jisung chimes in, and reaches for his phone. “Nothing. Have you heard from Felix?”

Christopher pulls out his phone, glancing at the screen as he turns the car off. “Shit,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening his door. “Minho just got here. Let’s go.” The five of you get out of the car, Christopher and Jisung out in front of you, hands on their pistols as Seungmin and Jeongin are on either side of you.

“Stay behind us,” Jeongin whispers as you go up the stairs of the building. “I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but Minho gets violent very quickly. He’s unpredictable; not to mention, he’s got to be exceptionally angry, given the severity of the situation. Both he and Hyunjin are good shots, so try to stay out of the way.”

You approach the top of the stairs, the sounds of shouting coming through the slightly ajar front door. Christopher throws his hand behind him, and everyone stops moving. He cranes his head around the doorframe, then walks in.

“Minho,” he says, as Jisung follows him inside. “You need to step back.” Seungmin and Jeongin follow their superiors inside, and you can’t help but poke your head into the doorway.

“Oh, of course,” Minho turns around at the sound of Christopher’s voice, laughing sarcastically. “Channie has to show up and save the day. What a hero, right? Or is it that maybe you wanted to have a little revenge on Hyunjin for taking away our Changbin?”

The way that Minho spoke made your stomach turn. Something about it made you feel like you were watching a dark psychological thriller film, like you needed to take a shower.

“We decide together,” Christopher calmly says. “Trust me, I understand how angry you are at him, I really do.” Minho takes a couple of steps towards Christopher and his eyes widen, almost like he’s ready to throw a punch at his superior. The three men around Christopher take their pistols and aim them directly at Minho as Christopher tucks his pistol back into its holster and lifts his hands up. “Changbin was my best friend. I’ve known him for almost half my life at this point. Trust me, I get it.”

Christopher turns his head, looking at Hyunjin, who wavers a bit where he stands. “I’d want to make him suffer, too,” he turns back to Minho, “but you know that Changbin wouldn’t want that.”

Minho scoffs, closing his eyes and shaking his head, tilting it down. “Yeah, I know. Changbin was always the level-headed one out of all of us when it came to the family.” He lifts his head back up and a dark expression covers his face. “Changbin isn’t here anymore, though. So, if you and the boys don’t mind,” he turns his head back towards Hyunjin, “I’m gonna get revenge with my fists.” He lifts one of his hands in the air, “Don’t shoot me, though, I’m just gonna beat some sense into him, mano a mano.”

Christopher sighs, turning his head a bit back towards the men behind him, waving his hand dismissively to indicate that the guys should holster their pistols. “Let him,” he simply says, then moves to adjust his necktie. “If it gets bad, we’ll step in.” A part of you didn’t believe that Christopher was being sincere. With how much he cared about Changbin, it was likely he wanted to see Hyunjin suffer, but didn’t want to be the one to deal with it.

“No the fuck you won’t,” Minho snaps as he walks towards Hyunjin. “Pretty boy is mine to deal with.” He grabs the collar of the younger man and shoves him up against the wall. Felix takes a couple of steps around the men, walking over to Christopher and whispering something unintelligible from this far away.

“You know this is your fault,” Hyunjin says with a cocky look on his face. “If you never fell for Changbin after Shanghai, you know we’d be at the top now.”

Minho takes one of his fists and brings it to Hyunjin’s cheek, it slamming against his cheekbone with a thump. “If you hadn’t gotten so goddamn cocky,” he grips the collar of Hyunjin’s shirt again, shoving him into the wall a little firmer, “we wouldn’t have fucked up that deal. The Triads were fucking pissed at you and that’s on you. I wouldn’t have gotten shot if it wasn’t for your shitty fucking bravado.”

Hyunjin scoffs, drawing his head back a bit and colliding it with Minho’s with a heavy thud. Minho lets go of Hyunjin’s collar and grabs his head, moaning out in pain. “Fucking hell,” he grumbles with a slight slur.

“You were such a coward. Still are,” Hyunjin says, grabbing his forehead as he knees Minho in the stomach. “Temporarily left the fucking family because your precious Binnie was so worried about you. You really thought you were just gonna leave, go somewhere and start a happy family?” He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “As if. No one makes it out of here sane or alive.”

Minho growls as he reorients himself upright. He draws his arm back and literally leaps at Hyunjin, his fist colliding against his face again. This time, however, they land on the floor and throw fists back and forth until their faces and knuckles are bloodied. “If you never got involved with that fucking Triad girl,” Minho spits blood down onto Hyunjin’s face in anger, “we would never be here. Changbin would still be alive, the two of us would be out, then you could have had it all. But you went and flew too close to the goddamn sun, you fucking traitor.” Minho pushes himself to his feet and reaches for his pistol.

A chill runs through the air as Hyunjin calmly stands up, drawing his pistol in response. “It’s not my fault,” he says coolly, then turns to glare at you. “If it wasn’t for her,” he nods in your direction, then turns back to Minho, “Changbin wouldn’t have died. All I wanted to do was to give him a little warning shot so Minji and I could get out of there. But, you know your precious Changbin. Always had to be the brave, strong hero.” He squints his eyes and cockily smirks. “You loved that about him and you know that.”

Christopher tenses, sensing the shift in tone, and he grabs his pistol, motioning for you to get back, but it’s clearly too late to intervene.

It happens in an instant, time slowing down like the time that Christopher got shot in front of you. You see Minho’s arms raise up, aiming his pistol at Hyunjin, who responds in kind by aiming his pistol at Minho. However, he’s a bit too slow.

Minho fires his gun once, square into Hyunjin’s shoulder. The younger man shrieks and recoils, but manages to fire a shot into Minho’s stomach before he collides into the ground. The older man falls forward, crashing into the floor like a rag doll. Blood flies everywhere, painting the room and the men in splatters of deep crimson.

Hyunjin weakly coughs a couple of times. “Idiot,” he groggily whispers before his head rolls away from you.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Minho coughs out, thick blood coming up from his throat. Felix immediately moves towards Minho, but the older man shakes his head once. “Let me fucking die.” The younger man stops in his tracks, nods, then moves to Hyunjin. He pores over the long-haired man, reaching up to his throat, letting out a deep sigh, shaking his head.

Minho lazily rolls onto his back, staring up to the ceiling. “I know you never would have wanted me to get revenge,” he scoffs, more blood coming up and spilling down his cheek, “but you knew me better than that. You were always the, ah,” he coughs a couple of times, “always the wiser one out of the two of us. I might have been older, but you were smarter.” He closes his eyes and lets out a shaky sigh. “I love you so much. You made me so much better. Sorry, baby. Hope you’re there on the other side. Heh. Hope there’s an other…”

A creaky groan comes from Minho, and that’s the last noise he makes. The room falls silent and nobody moves for a while. A few tears fall down your face. Minho may have been flighty and impossible to understand sometimes, but he showed you nothing but compassion and kindness when he first met you.

“Hi, I’m Lee Minho,” the memory of his introduction replays in your head. “Changbin’s probably talked about me by now.” You remember the way he softly smiled as he offered a slight bow to you. The way he looked at Changbin while he was half-drunk and high off of ecstasy, the way he whined at Changbin and pulled him into an embrace when he was half-asleep the next day. “Cuddle me and make it better.” There was no way he was truly a bad person, not by all of his interactions with you. He just loved Changbin and didn’t know how to appropriately act about it at times.

Your knees painfully collided into the ground and you just started sobbing. Sure, Minho had moments where he was absolutely insane, but the memories you had with him physically hurt as they passed through your head.

Daegu. You were in Daegu. You probably weren’t far away from where he and Changbin were for the Colourful Daegu Festival a long time ago. How happy they must have been when they were tripping on acid and listening to music. God, how much they must have loved each other. All of the happy memories they had, only to end in pain and misery and literal fucking death.

“Don’t let Channie intimidate you,” you remember him telling you the day that Christopher came home from the hospital, not long before Changbin brought him home. You were both on the couch, aimlessly talking about life as Jisung took a nap in the bedroom.

“What do you mean?” You had asked, turning to look at Minho.

“He’s a little intense sometimes,” he continued, folding his hands together and bringing them to the back of his head. “but he cares. Once he gets close to someone, he gets protective and it’s endearing. It’s usually just a bit intense at the beginning. I mean, you saw how he got when he found out you and Sungie had been together, but he cares. and just doesn’t know how to show it sometimes.”

You cocked your head to the side and mumbled in agreement.

“I remember when he found out that Changbin and I were dating. Wow,” Minho sighed as he rolled his head up to look at the ceiling. “Man, was he pissed. He yelled and yelled and totally reamed me. ‘First, you get shot for him,’ he said to me, ‘now you’re in love with him? With my best friend?’” Minho smiled at the memory. “That’s how I knew he really cared about Binnie. He wasn’t mad at me, he was just protective of his best friend.”

“Huh,” you mumbled out, then leaned back up against the couch, staring up at the ceiling with Minho.

“He gave me his blessing eventually,” Minho continued, “but he told me that if I ever broke Binnie’s heart, he’d break my kneecaps in two and make sure nobody found me at the bottom of the ocean.”

Your eyes widened and you turned to look at Minho in terror.

Minho tilted his head towards you and smiled. “Real charmer, ain’t he? Very endearing type. He falls fast. Probably loves you already, just doesn’t know how to say it. Be ready for it to come completely out of the blue.”

You run your hands through your hair, rocking back and forth as you sob so hard that your throat started to ache. Someone takes a few steps towards you, then bends down, pulling you into their arms. “It’s okay,” Jisung’s voice whispers in your ear, “it’s gonna be okay, bunny, I promise.”

Liar. Everyone was a fucking liar.

“I’ll take care of this,” Felix quietly says to Christopher as you and Jisung sit on the middle of the staircase. “Don’t worry about it, hyung.”

“You sure?” Christopher flatly questions, his voice devoid of emotion. “I can call the hyung-nim and -“

“Hyung,” Felix presses. “Do you know how many bodies I’ve dealt with over the years? All the time in nursing school? It’s fine. It’s just another part of the job. Besides, the hyung-nim is still pretty miffed at us. Can’t imagine how happy he’s gonna be to hear that two more of us are gone.”

Christopher sighs, and you hear them slap each other on the back. “Thanks, Felix.”

“Not by blood,” Felix starts.

“By the code.” Christopher finishes their pact with a deep sigh. “I want you to come back up to Seoul when you’re, ah,” his breath hitches as he speaks, “when you’re done. Alright?”

“Understood, hyung.” Felix says. “You’re buying the drinks, though.”

Christopher lets out a strained chuckle as he comes down the stairs. “Yeah, yeah.” He slowly approaches you, sitting down on the stairs behind you and Jisung. “I’m sorry you both had to see this. I’m sorry this went so badly so fast.”

“Chan,” Jisung turns his head over his shoulder, looking up to Christopher. “Are you going to be alright driving back to Seoul tonight? There’s the other safehouse, or I can drive down to Busan; it’s only an hour or so from here.”

“No,” Christopher says, probably shaking his head like he did when he pretended he wasn’t bothered by something. “I don’t mind. Just gotta stop somewhere, get an energy drink and another pack of cigarettes and we’ll be fine.”

You lift your head up from your hands, staring off into the horizon as the sun starts to come up. It felt like you had been here for an eternity. A burning, gnawing sensation burned in your stomach as you mentally pictured Minho laying on the floor, blood spilling down his face. A cold sweat broke out over your skin and your body started to tingle everywhere.

Oh, shit.

You were going to be sick. You bolt up to your feet, running down the last couple stairs and prop yourself up against the railing as you spill the contents of your stomach on the pavement, painting the ground in a disgusting shade of green.

“Ah, baby,” Christopher whines, coming up behind you as he rubs his hand on your back, pulling your hair back in a loose fist with his other hand. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

Liar. Everyone was fucking lying again.

Footsteps trail up the staircase, disappearing into the building as you hear Jisung say something to Felix. Your stomach retches again and searing acid comes up and splatters onto the ground, causing you to cough in a panic as it felt like your throat was closing. The cycle repeats itself a couple of times, and by the time you’re almost sure you’re done being sick, Jisung is on the other side of you, rubbing your lower back and handing you a cold bottle of water.

“It’s okay,” he lies, because everyone’s lying. Nothing was going to be fine. Nothing would ever be fine ever again. “When you can, take a drink of this. We can take as much time as you need.”

You snatch the bottle out of his hand with disgust, standing upright and breaking the seal of the bottle, taking a swig of its contents. The pH of stomach acid fluctuated between 1.5 and 3.5, you randomly remember from your university days. Water was neutral at 7. The way the water burned going down your throat made it feel like it was at a pH of 1.

Everything felt like battery acid. The way the stomach acid burned as it came up, the way the water felt as it went down, the way that everyone was lying to you, the way that life seemed to absolutely abhor your guts - literally and metaphorically. Even though you knew that Christopher and Jisung were doing their best at just trying to console you, their hands felt like battery acid burning into your back.

You sighed as you tilted your head up to look at the sky. The sun was coming up, but there was still a deep shade of violet far off in the distance, white spots spattered against the technicolour backdrop. A single red spot in the distance caught your eye. Huh. Wasn’t that supposed to be Mars if you saw a red star?

A red star. A red spot.

Wait a second.

Oh shit.

“Don’t we need to go to a convenience store?” You say, turning to Christopher, trying to sound as calm as possible as you do some mental calculations.

“Yeah, how come?” He responds, tilting his head in confusion.

“I’ll grab the stuff for you. I wanna grab a snack and some things to drink for the ride home.” You lie, a fake smile plastered on your face. “It’ll let you and the guys talk about family stuff for a minute without me, you know? Not like I can run away if you’re right in front of the store, right?”

Christopher’s face falls into a frown and he shakes his head. “I guess that’s fine. Jisung’s going with you, though.”

Shit.

“Chan,” Jisung says with a scoff, “I’ll just wait outside. She’ll be fine.”

Christopher glares at Jisung, then turns away, rolling his hands in the air. “Fine, fine,” he sighs, walking towards the car, “if she runs, you’re going after her.”

Jeongin gets off from the trunk of the car, shoving Seungmin’s shoulder and startling the poor man. Must’ve been nodding off. “C’mon, Seungmin,” he quietly says, “looks like we’re getting ready to go.”

“Is something wrong?” Jisung says as he steps in front of you, calculatedly avoiding your artistic addiction to the pavement. “Something doesn’t seem right.”

“It’s just a lot to process,” it’s a half-truth, really, “figured you guys could use a minute to yourselves and I could use a minute to myself.

“You’re not gonna run, are you?” Jisung sounds concerned as he tilts your chin up to look you in the eyes.

“I’m not, I promise.” For once today, you were telling the entire truth.

Jisung doesn’t really pay attention to you as you wander around inside the convenience store. You grab a couple of snack foods off the shelf, not really thinking or caring about what you grabbed, too busy focusing on the real reason you were there. You walk around the store until you reach the more household-like items. Nervously, you roll your eyes up, checking to see if Jisung was still staring off into space.

Luckily, he still wasn’t paying attention. You eye a box, snatching it off of the shelf, then spin on your heel and grab a few drinks from the cooler behind you. As you walk up to the counter, you ask the clerk for whatever stupid brand of cigarettes that Christopher smoked, trying to hide the box from Jisung’s line of vision.

The clerk eyes you with judgement and shakes her head. She rings up all of the items, saving the box for last, but you grab it from her before she can place it in the bag and you shove it in the pocket of your hoodie. She cocks her head in confusion, then decides it must be too early to really question anything. “₩21,050.” You pull out a few bills from your pocket and slip them to her. She hands you some change then asks, “need the washroom?”

You turn to look at Jisung, who’s staring at you now. “Y-yeah,” you stutter out, “lemme just give this stuff to my boyfriend real quick.”

“First door in the back, to your left. Good luck.” The clerk scoffs, then goes back to her coffee.

You take a couple steps to the door, opening it and passing the bag off to Jisung. “Gonna use the washroom, be back in a second.” He opens his mouth to say something, but follows you into the store.

“I trust you,” he lies, otherwise he wouldn’t be following you, “but you know that Chan would kill me if I didn’t follow you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you tuck one of your hands into your front pocket and open the door. “I get it, just give me a minute.” You slip through the door as Jisung stares at you in confusion.

06:32. You make a mental note of the digital display as you get back into the car and slide your seatbelt on.

“You look a little pale, baby,” Christopher says as he rubs his finger on your face. “I know today has been a lot, but are you alright? You sure you wanna go back to Seoul today?”

“I’m fine,” you lie, swallowing down some of your panic. Subconsciously, your eyes dart to the clock again. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day. Long month. Long year.”

Jisung sighs from the back seat. “You can say that again.”

Christopher leans in to kiss your cheek, then unwraps the plastic from the pack of cigarettes in his hand. He pulls one out of the package, lifting it to his lips as he rolls down the window. “Everyone ready?”

Nobody really says anything, so Christopher shrugs his shoulders, lighting his cigarette before shifting the car into drive and making his way through the streets of Daegu. He takes in a long drag from his cigarette and lets out a sigh.

06:34.

“What a fucking year,” he says, not really expecting anyone to respond. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do if something else happens to us. I just wanna get out of the family, you know?”

Jeongin chimes in, “Yeah, I think I’m about ready to call it quits, too. Maybe go back to school and get a degree in something. Be a productive member of society instead of whatever this is.”

Seungmin laughs. “I feel you on that. Kkangpae isn’t really a marketable skill on a resume, is it? Imagine how that interview would go. Yeah, I have some good business skills, sir, but you don’t wanna know how I learned them. I can tell you how much a single dose of molly will go for on the street, though. Did I get the job? When do I start?”

The guys laugh, but you offer a polite smirk as your keep your eyes trained on the clock. 06:36. Why was it that when you wanted time to pass faster, it always seemed to go slower? Why was life so paradoxically cruel sometimes?

“Chan-hyung and I are pretty good at music,” Jisung perks up, “maybe we could become some idols or something? I’ve got the face for it.”

Christopher snorts and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, like that would ever happen. I don’t want that kind of life, sounds too busy. Besides,” he looks over at you, then back to the road, “I don’t think they’d take too kindly to the fact that I’m already dating not only one, but two, people. Really wouldn’t like the fact that one of them is another dude.”

06:38.

“Good point,” Jisung says, probably rolling his eyes. “Life is a cruel mistress, isn’t it?”

“I just don’t get it,” Seungmin says, “like, why is it anyone else’s business what people do in the space of their own homes? If it doesn’t hurt anyone, who cares?”

Jeongin scoffs. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want people to find out about your collection of -“

“Shut up!” Seungmin pleads with a whine, cutting off the younger man. “Why the hell do we live with each other again?”

06:40. Good enough.

You tilt your head to the side, pulling out the piece of plastic, pretending you’re looking at a piece of string. Your face falls when you eyes see a bright pink cross staring back at you, as if it were another way for life to slap you in the face.

“You alright?” Jisung’s voice startles you as you jam your hand back into your pocket.

“Y-yeah,” you sputter, “just thinking about how life really is cruel sometimes, you know?”

You were pregnant and you were definitely not okay with the idea of that.

“It’ll be okay, though,” you say as you stare out the window.

Everyone’s fucking lying.

a/n: surprise! i literally cried writing this chapter too. chapter eleven is probably about halfway done as i post this, so hopefully you won’t need to wait too long for it. just a heads up, there will be triggering content in the last chapter, and it will be clearly labelled. the epilogue, step out! see you in the next life will briefly cover part of the ending of chapter eleven if you’re curious but don’t want to read it. thanks for sticking around for this wild ride. can’t wait to see you next chapter.

edit: mano a mano means hand to hand, not man to man btw. just found that out lol.

#tw: suicidal ideation #tw: death #tw: mental instability #tw: mental health #tw: ptsd #tw: firearms #tw: violence #tw: blood #step out do what you want

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rainey-staerie-daize · 4 years ago

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A multi-day journal entry because it’s been a few: 03.10.21

Went for a nice walk around the neighborhood on Saturday because I felt like being outside and not at home. Found out where exactly Xan’s school is and how to get to it because I may or may not have to drop him off if Mom is scheduled extra days this month. Passed lots of houses and found out how all the nearby streets connect. Would've taken artsy pics except I forgot to take a phone with me. Met two or three tiny dogs and two big dogs at two different houses, and they all barked at me as I said hello. Oh, and one guy in a truck with tons of oranges in the back asked me if I wanted to buy some, but I declined. COVID-19, no money on me, and I don’t really like oranges all that much anyway because of the texture. Also passed by a house that was for sale with a kitchen sink that faces the front yard. There was a faucet zip-tied in its box in one side of it, and it’s the same faucet we have: Glacier Something, that detaches as a sprayer.

Getting to Xan’s school was kinda rocky for me because I was wearing my bad, thin-soled flats and I didn’t realize that there was a paved path on the other side of the wash until I got to the end at the school. Partway, I went to take off the mask because nobody was around and I needed all my depth perception, but one side broke as I did, so I spent a few minutes awkwardly standing at the end of the path as I retied my mask. Also tied my flannel shut because it’s too small to button, and it looked just a little odd with my AMBITION shirt and leggings.

Being at the school was kinda nostalgic, even though I never attended that specific one. Enough things were the same though: sun-faded signs, bike cage, playground equipment, fenced in area for the kindergarteners, portables in the back, a huge yellow field, clinking chains on the tetherball poles, and the silence of nobody else there but me.

Except, I wasn’t waiting for a parent to pick me up for once. I was there on my own free will. Other things that didn’t match my childhood include the entrance to the playground being nicely framed by four or so trees, a nice round gathering area painted like the sun around the flag pole, “welcome back” spelled out in blue Solo cups shoved into the bike cage fence, and one of the “no parking” signs by the drop-off area being scribbled out so it said “park here.” It was nice, and I yearn to be ten or younger again.

Partway through my little campus tour, it got a little windy, and I briefly thought about going home, but I ultimately decided to keep walking the same direction and circle my way back home. There’s a big dirt lot right next to the field fenced off, and then I could see the intersection that I’ve walked to the other way around before, so I headed over that way. Came across a shopping center with a bunch of stores, and looked at each one as I passed them. Was able to see inside of a dry cleaner place and look at the machines inside, but after the guy at the counter acknowledged my presence like I was a potential customer, I told him I had never seen inside one before and was just taking a walk, and kinda just... quickly walked away. The shopping center also had a Walmart Neighborhood Market, and I spotted a wild dark-haired Karen with no mask, that I felt was way to close to me. Probably three or four feet away, I don’t know. My depth perception sucks.

Rounding about the other end of the shopping center after looking at Panda Express, Denny’s, and a pizza place, I heard a familiar couple of notes come from one of the vehicles in the parking lot. The beginning notes of She’s a Beauty by The Tubes, which I almost never hear play on the radio or anything because it’s from the early 80s. Despite not being born until 2000, I know a few of their songs because my uncle is the bass player and I’ve been to a few of their concerts when I was younger.

So I started singing a bit as I was walking, and as it started getting more faint, I stopped walking, turned around, and cupped my right ear with my hand to keep listening. Pretty sure one guy looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. After it ended, or at least, I think it did, I continued on my way, the same route I use when I’m returning home from that street’s bus stop.

When I got home, Mom was out cold on her bed after the facial she did earlier. Skye later told me she never even noticed I left because she went straight to bed for an afternoon nap when she was done, never leaving her room.

I finally reset my sleep schedule enough to wake up at 4 AM on Sunday, which is good enough for me because I used to wake up then in high school anyway. I spent a while just waking up on the toilet, and then decided to do some light cleaning and picking up around the house to surprise Mom when she woke up. She never notices, but I didn’t care about that then.

After tidying up Kare’s hair accessories on the counter and finding her toothbrush still with toothpaste on it from the night before, I decided to rinse out her unicorn wash cloth sitting on the counter, and maybe clean up the toothpaste on the counter with it, but then Mom woke up from the couch. I got scared that she’d be mad I was doing stuff in her bathroom, so I snuck out to the other one. Was a little bored waiting for her to be busy with something so I could finish her counter, so I wiped down the counter of the bathroom I was in.

She tried to come in to get laundry, which startled me because I was right next to the door, and immediately spotted the unicorn cloth. She went off on me for using “something that she uses on her FACE” on the counters of all things. Briefly mentioned wiping the toilet, as if she thought that’s what I did before I walked in.

I didn’t even try explaining myself. Just stood there and let her yell. I know I got a little carried away with cleaning stuff, but like, it was soapy. It’s like Mom complaining that I used the dish sponge with antibacterial dish detergent on Roxie’s food bowls. It doesn’t make sense, but I was too tired and down on myself to care about her seeing my side.

During the visit, Skye and I stayed home and talked in our room, and I looked up that house I saw for sale. Not that nice, and currently off the market, but I found two others that I absolutely love. Kinda wish I’d had a job this entire time. Then maybe I could have enough money to put down a down payment and get one of them. Oh well.

Mom came home while the littles were still at the visit, and Skye and I both pretended to be asleep so we didn’t have to interact with her. Some of her behavior has seemed kinda... sus. I ended up falling asleep for real though, on the carpet, woke up briefly a few times, and finally got up at 1 AM.

Mom was still up, and told me how one of my old friends was trying to contact me but couldn’t because my phone was off, so I turned it back on and we talked for a while. I gave her my Google number in case my actual phone wasn’t working, and wished her a happy birthday, but she fell asleep before she saw the birthday message. Don’t remember much else of the day, except I turned in a Japanese quiz early and cleaned Roxie and her crate. Like always, cleaning took a while because I am very thorough, and because she pooped in the crate when I was washing her bowls. I had to rewash her and the crate floor, which, after last time, I now know slides TF out.

Ended it all with a hot bath for myself, which I fell asleep in. Woke up cold because half the water drained out through the faulty plug, so I ran it again, and fell asleep again. Woke up cold again, refilled it, and finally washed myself. Got out and was relieved to find Roxie and her “room” still clean, and I finished it off with her blankets and one of her beds from the dryer. I tried a new thing with the blanket where I tie one end (two corners) to the crate ceiling to almost make a tent, and she seems to like it.

Not counting the bath naps, I stayed up for over 24 hours, but didn’t realize why I was so damn tired until late Tuesday morning. Ended up falling asleep for a couple hours that afternoon, woke up for a while, and then went back to sleep at a decent time time at night, but I was woken up around 2:30 AM by Mom looking for her keys. She was panicking because March has blackout days and she’s already near her point limit, so being late could literally get her fired. She kept asking where I put them, since her purse and dealer apron were moved off of the crate by me to clean it, but I told her I hadn’t even seen them. I don’t think she believed me, because she still sounded like she was blaming me for not being able to find them.

Not my fault that you said “stop putting things on the dog crate,” and then you kept putting your own stuff on top of the dog crate, and then wanted me to clean it. Where the Hell was I supposed to put her stuff while I was cleaning it?

Skye eventually found her keys in the unlocked car, and she finally left, but was back by 4 AM because she signed the EO list. She tried to prank us when she came in by telling us she was fired, but I didn’t buy it because she wasn’t crying. Trust me, she’d be bawling her eyes out if that had actually happened.

Bringing us to Wednesday, I was a tired mess who’d done Duolingo all morning when I showed us to my Japanese lecture. I only remembered to do it because I heard Mom doing it. She’s apparently gonna learn Spanish.

I still have a few things to make up for that class, but at least I’ve finally organized my worksheets into homework packets. I’ve gone this long before remembering we own a stapler.

#Raine's daize #the tubes

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robronsecretsanta · 5 years ago

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Hello, One Small Latte, Please

For @nooneelsecomesclose17 ❤️You are such a talented author, so I hope you enjoy this little fic! I made sure to keep it fluffy and have a happy ending! 😁

Summary: Five times Robert tries to get discounted coffee, and the one time Aaron finally relents.

Tags: 5+1, coffee fic, fluffiness, Aaron is exasperated, Robert is charmed by it

“Hello, one small latte, please.” The man says with a cheeky smile. He looks pleased with himself - a large grin on his stupid face.

“Right. Five quid please.” Aaron says dully.

“Think it’s one-fifty, mate.” The man says with this irritating smile. The man is referring to the sign outside the coffeehouse that Matty thought would be a ‘fun way to get customers to be nice’. It’s not been fun. In fact, Aaron has had too many customers trying to get discounted coffee and him having to explain the stupid sign. He’s going to make Matty be the afternoon barista and see how fun he thinks the sign is.

“Nice try, mate, but it’s just a tongue in the cheek sign.” Aaron gives the man a pointed look while he’s steaming the milk.

The man’s smile doesn’t falter - it actually grows. He leans over the counter as if he’s about to divulge a secret, “So what do I have to do to get a discounted coffee?”

Aaron finally gives a proper look at the man. He’s seen him a few times before - he’s managed to stand out to Aaron despite serving hundreds of people a day. This is the first time the man is trying to broker a conversation and Aaron is hardly impressed.

“Work here for an employee discount?” Aaron tersely suggests. The amount of times Aaron has had to have this conversation makes him especially short with this man. It’s hardly cute at this point, and Aaron is ready to strangle the next person who tries to get a discounted coffee.

The man chuckles and leans away from the counter as Aaron finishes up the latte. If Aaron is being honest, he’d probably enjoy the attempted flirting the man is trying at a different point in time, but as it stands, it just serves to annoy him. Aaron pours the steamed milk into the papered cup to finish the latte, and hands it over to the man. “One small latte.”

The man lifts his papered cup, as if to toast Aaron. “I’ll get you to give me a discount on your coffee one of these days, Aaron.” He gives a half smirk, looking at the apron Aaron’s wearing with his name stitched on it, and walks out before Aaron can respond.

Aaron makes Matty serve drinks the rest of the day, and Aaron sulks in the backroom.

When Aaron was a kid, he’d make his mum breakfast in bed for her birthday and other holidays. His favorite thing about making the breakfast (which usually just consisted of an assortment of toast and jams), was making a cup of coffee for her. Chas had a french press that Aaron would use to make the coffee. Sometimes, Chas would just politely drink a few sips but toss it when Aaron wasn’t looking. Other times, he would brew the perfect cup, and he’d watch her eyes grow in amazement and nod at Aaron.

Aaron’s passion for coffee grew as the years went by. And little by little, he saved enough money to open Has Beans. He had opened shop a little over six months ago to modest success. It’s been a dream come true for Aaron to now experiment and brew the coffee he wants as owner. He hired Matty a few weeks ago when the shop began to get more popular. Matty has been on a crusade to market Has Beans as a fun coffee shop; hence, the sign outside the shop. After the whole discounted coffee attempt from the sign, Matty has scaled it back to just coffee related to puns.

It’s why it’s a surprise to Aaron when the arrogant man from the other day comes back with the same smug smile from before and says, “Hello, one latte please.”

“You know that ain’t gonna work.” Aaron says with a roll of his eyes, “Five quid.”

The man chuckles but slides the fiver towards the cashier’s box as Aaron gets stared on the latte. He sneaks a few glances to the man as he prepares the drink. He’s looking intently at his phone, tapping away on his screen. He’s just as fit as before, Aaron is reluctant to admit.

“Y'know,” the man starts, looking up from his phone to talk to Aaron, “Think there’s something off with the way you make your latte.”

Aaron immediately stops making the latte, “You what?”

The man looks like a cat that got the canary. He smiles and innocently says, “You heard me. There’s something off with your lattes.”

Aaron has never hated a customer. He has sometimes felt a lot of anger and annoyance, but he always knew their interactions were fleeting and he’d get over their rudeness. But standing here, across from a man that Aaron has to listen to say his lattes are bad, Aaron hates him.

“You know what’s wrong?” The man continues, testing every ounce of Aaron’s patience.

“The fact I’m still serving you?” Aaron suggests, angrily frothing the milk. He’ll not let his temper impede his ability to make a latte, even if the man apparently finds the drink offensive.

The man actually laughs at Aaron, as if he made some joke. Just like the last time he was in here, the man leans over the counter to talk to Aaron. “I bet you’re using a single origin coffee as your espresso, right? The flavor peaks are interrupting the smoothness of the milk.” The man nods to beans that sit behind the counter with a knowing look.

Aaron doesn’t want to admit it, but the man has an excellent point. He has been using his house blend as a blanket base for his drinks. It’s not because Aaron thinks that it’s the best way to make his drinks, but because of his limited resources as a new business owner.

Still, he’ll be damned before he lets the man have a victory. “Here’s a thought: if you don’t like it, don’t get it.” Aaron snidely smiles, handing the apparently repulsive latte.

“Maybe you should start giving me a discount on my lattes for this free advice.” The man takes the latte from Aaron’s hand with a wink. He strolls out of the shop and Aaron has never hated someone as much as he does that man.

What bothers Aaron the most about the man’s criticism is, Aaron is passionate about coffee. He’s not some bellend who doesn’t know the difference between a dark roast or a light roast. He understands the criticism, but it gets under his skin that this stranger is coming into Aaron’s shop and trying to parade his coffee expertise. There’s a difference between actually being the brewer of the coffee and being someone who just drinks it. Aaron becomes determined to find the right blend to prove that smug bastard wrong.

The evening the man criticizes his coffee, Aaron goes home to his flat and spends his time roasting different beans. He has a vast collection of different sourced beans that he experiments on and finally settles on blends of dark roasts. It’s well into the night when the aroma of the blend tells him it’s the right bean and roast.

He uses a moka pot to brew the espresso - favoring an old fashioned way of making the espresso - and froths the milk to make his latte. The first sip, he can detect a few hints of chocolate - the espresso bold enough to withstand the milk creating a smooth body. He is pleased with that first sip, feeling confident that this blend will satisfy the coffee snob.

It’s a couple of days of waiting before the arrogant man walks back into the coffeeshop. Aaron, in the meantime, has received many compliments on his new lattes, and it’s bolstered his confidence enough that he’s not annoyed with seeing the man. He’s ready to wipe the smug look off the man’s face.

“Hello, one small latte please.”

“Five pounds.” Aaron starts on the latte without a second glance to the man. He takes out his new blend - grounded to a fine texture for the espresso - and begins brewing it fresh for the man.

“Are you ever going to ask me what my name is?” The man petulantly asks, placing a fiver on the counter. He says nothing about trying to get a discounted coffee, instead settling on his whiny question.

“You always come when there’s no one here. Don’t need to ask your name.” Aaron finishes steaming the milk and makes a little leaf out of the milk. He’s been working on his latte art lately but sticks to a simple leaf for Mister Coffee Snob. He’d no doubt find another way to critique Aaron’s coffee if he attempted something more ambitious.

“That’s nice.” The man says when he sees the leaf. Aaron wrings his hands a little nervously while he watches the man take a sip of the latte. The man’s eyes widen a bit when he’s finished with the first sip. “You listened to me.” He says with the smugest of grins.

“Yeah, well…” Aaron trails off with a half shrug. The man surprisingly doesn’t gloat but takes another drink of the latte.

“This is fantastic.” The man says with a proud smile, “I knew you had it in you to make this better.”

Aaron gives the man a tight but genuine smile. Strangely enough, he wanted to make this man proud. At first it was wounded pride and spite that made Aaron stay as late as he did to make the perfect latte for this man. But it morphed into also trying to better himself and serve coffee that will make his customers happy and Aaron proud to serve.

“I reckon this means I get discounted lattes from now on. I am, after all, the reason you changed the blend.” The man says with the cheekiest of smiles.

“Piss off, you.” Aaron says with no heat in his voice. They share a smile before the man leaves the shop.

Aaron doesn’t want to admit it, but he is finding himself less and less annoyed by the man. There was something very genuine about him the last time he was in here, complimenting Aaron’s efforts on the changed latte. Aaron has embarrassingly replayed the moment the man had realized Aaron made a change to the espresso many times. It’s strange to suddenly feel some fondness for someone Aaron had been so hellbent to hate.

Matty has been making fun of him every time the man comes in. If Matty is the main barista and sees the man come in, he’ll pretend to get busy so that Aaron has to serve him. “I figured I need to keep playin’ cupid, since it was my brilliant sign that has caused him to come in every day.” Matty said waggling his eyebrows. Aaron threw a tea towel at his face to get him to shut up.

It’s another slow part of the day when the man comes into Has Beans. Aaron does not smile when he sees him, he doesn’t.

“Hello, one small latte, please.” The man says, actually smiling (unlike Aaron, thank you very much).

“Right. Can I get your name?” Aaron picks up a paper cup and his sharpie. For the first time ever, the man looks thrown by the conversation. He had already taken out a five pound note, and was holding it midair when he gapes stupidly at Aaron. He turns around to see only a few patrons milling around the shop, no one in the queue behind him. Finally, his face lights up and a triumphant smile grows.

The myriad of expressions that dance across the man’s face makes Aaron’s face flush in embarrassment. Finally, the man leans over the counter, smile still intact, “You want to know my name?”

“Well what else am I supposed to write on here? Coffee snob?”

The man laughs and laughs, eyes crinkling and making Aaron chuckle himself. When the laughter has ebbed away, he looks Aaron in the eye and finally tells him his name: “Robert. But I do prefer the title of coffee snob.”

Aaron, against his better judgement, smiles back as he writes ‘Robert’ on the blank papered cup. “Okay, Robert, that’d be five quid.”

Robert laughs and finally slides the five pound note towards Aaron but says nothing. Aaron makes the latte in silence, trying not to look at Robert while he makes it. He feels embarrassed enough, and doesn’t want to do anything else he might regret. He finishes the latte and hands the cup with Robert’s name on it. Robert takes the cup and turns the cup around, examining the blocky letters of Aaron’s penmanship. “Shame.” He says when he’s done looking at the cup.

“What?” Aaron picks at some of the coffee utensils nervously.

“Well, you know my name now, thought that might have meant you wrote on here that I get a mate’s rate next time I’m in here.” Robert says.

“You think my knowing your name means we’re mates now?” Aaron asks with the barest of smiles.

“I’ve never worked this hard for someone to know my name. Think we might be more than mates, wouldn’t you say?” The unapologetic confidence that Robert exudes would annoy Aaron in any other person. But with him, there’s something very attractive about how confident Robert holds himself. It makes Aaron sway a little on his feet, leaning over the counter himself, trying to get closer to Aaron.

Unfortunately, before Aaron has a chance to say something back, a customer interrupts their conversation to order themselves a mocha cappuccino. It takes Aaron a few moments of preparing the drink that by the time he’s done with it, he notices Robert is gone. Aaron is not disappointed.

Just like how he wasn’t smiling when Robert first came into the shop.

It’s been a few days since Robert has come into the shop. One Robert-less day becomes two, becomes three Robert-less days. Until it’s almost a Robert-less month. Aaron has been trying very hard not to show it’s bothering him. But after snapping at a few customers, Matty gently suggests he should be main barista until Aaron cools down.

Aaron takes out his disappointment by spending some time roasting and grinding beans. It’s oddly therapeutic. As he grinds different coarseness, Aaron imagines he’s grinding Robert’s stupid face. After a week of roasting and grinding, he’s back out front as main barista.

He’s busy with the lunch time rush, not paying much attention to his customer’s faces when he hears that distinguishable voice, “Hello, one small latte, please,” and Aaron snaps his head up to see a sheepish looking Robert.

Aaron is too slammed to say anything, he busies himself with getting the latte done while Matty takes the cash (five pounds, as usual). When Aaron is calling out the latte for Robert, he deliberately touches Aaron’s fingers when he takes the cup out of Aaron’s hand. Aaron doesn’t spare him much thought as he continues to fill the orders and appease impatient businessmen and women.

Robert lingers at the shop, seating himself at a table and drinking his latte thoughtfully. Aaron is distracted by sneaking over glances towards him. The lunch hour seems to be extra populated with people, the hour itself feeling longer than normal as well. Finally, when the crowd becomes manageable, Aaron leaves Matty in charge as he takes a well deserved break. Aaron makes his way to the table Robert has sat himself at, and sits across from him.

“Alright?” Aaron asks, feeling awkward. This is the first time he’s actually started a conversation with Robert without an order being the starter to their conversations.

“Hmm?” Robert looks at Aaron with a curious look on his face. “Oh yeah. Yeah, alright.”

“Only, I wasn’t sure I’d see you again.” Aaron says a little nervously.

Robert lifts an eyebrow, and a teasing smile graces his face. “Well you know what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Thought I’d get you to miss me so much, you would have to give me a discounted latte in relief of seeing me again.”

Aaron can’t help but smile at the adamancy of Robert’s attempt for a discounted latte. He feels better talking to Robert again, not entirely sure why he was gone for so long, but happy his demeanor is exactly the same. Aaron gets up, ready to head back to the back of the bar, when Robert gently grasps his right wrist. “Hang on a second, Aaron.”

Aaron is still standing, but looks down at Robert in mild curiosity. Robert rarely has said Aaron’s name, but he likes the way it sounds coming from him. Robert looks at Aaron shly, before letting out a small sigh. “I have a confession to make.”

A slight trepidation fills Aaron, even though he really has nothing to be nervous about. Still, he waits patiently to see what Robert is going to say. “I have to admit that your lattes are good, but I’m not actually a huge fan of lattes in general.”

The relief that floods him that it’s something innocuous supersedes exactly what Robert said. Aaron lifts an eyebrow in confusion. “So all this time you’ve been trying to get a discount on your latte, and you’re not even a fan of them?” Aaron demands with a smile, Robert is the most incorrigible man he’s ever met.

Robert shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair, giving Aaron a lazy smile, “Well what can I say? I’m determined for me discounted coffee.”

Aaron flips him off before walking back to the counter, shaking his head.

Ever since Robert’s confession to not really liking lattes, he has started coming in daily into Has Beans. Aaron tries every time to guess the type of drink that is actually Robert’s favorite. Robert finishes every drink Aaron brews him, but always says with a smirk, “Sorry, try again.” It’s honestly been entertaining for Aaron to experiment on different drinks and having Robert try them.

Aaron never thought he would like Robert as much as he does when he first met him. Aaron had actually hated him for a brief moment, and now, Robert’s visits to Has Beans are the highlight of his day. Lately, Aaron has been wanting more from their interactions. Robert has started staying longer at the shop, the entire time it takes for him to slowly sip at his drink. They’ve been flirting with each other, but neither one has done or tried anything else.

Robert comes in during a peak time - Aaron and Matty churning out orders quickly and efficiently as possible. He goes and sits down at one of the few empty seats. Aaron shoots him a few looks while he’s busy making drinks and sees Robert is occupying himself by reading a local newspaper. It makes Aaron smile fondly as he continues to make drinks.

When the rushtime crowd dissipates, Robert gets up from his chair and makes his way to the counter. “Hello, one small coffee, please,” he says when he gets to the counter. Robert has amended his usual greeting somehow still trying to get discounted coffee despite Aaron giving him different drinks not even on the menu.

Aaron just shakes his head with a smile, but looks at Robert consideringly. One thing Aaron remembers when Robert first criticized Aaron’s latte was the fact he knew Aaron was using a single origin bean for it. It makes Aaron consider for a few moments before deciding on the cup he’s going to brew for Robert.

He takes his fruity light roast beans and grinds them into the portafilter and tamps it down as compactly as possible. The espresso brews perfectly - beautiful light brown crema percolates down into a cup - the light and fruity aroma filling the air. When the espresso is done brewing, Aaron adds boiling water and makes a cafe americano. A simple americano for a coffee snob such as Robert actually makes perfect sense.

“One americano.” Aaron says with a barely contained smile. Robert’s eyes widen in amazement, and eagerly outstretches his hand when Aaron hands him the mug of coffee. He takes a small sip of the americano, and Robert’s face lights up when he swallows the coffee.

“This,” Robert says with admiration heavy in his voice, “is the best americano I’ve ever had. You hit it right on the nose”

Aaron ducks his head in both embarrassment and pride. He knew Robert would love this drink, and knew as he made it, that this was the drink of choice for Robert.

“How much do I owe you?” Robert asks, holding the americano in both his hands, cradling it like it’s the most important thing he’s held.

“Nowt.” Aaron mumbles, cleaning out the portafilter to occupy his hands. He can hear the intake of breath from Robert, making Aaron’s face heat up in embarrassment.

Aaron still hasn’t looked up to see Robert’s reaction, but his smugness is palpable in the air just by the silence that fills between them. Finally, he hears Robert shuffle closer to the edge of the counter, folding his arms on top of the corian surface. Aaron looks up to see Robert grinning at him.

“Is that so?” The triumph in Robert’s voice is unmistakable.

Aaron gives a noncommittal shrug, but sways a little on his feet. Robert continues grinning at Aaron, before taking another sip of his americano. Leaning a little further over the counter, Robert suggests, “How ‘bout this instead: I pay for my americano, and you pay for tea with me tonight?”

Now it’s Aaron’s turn to grin, feeling all the embarrassment from earlier evaporate. “Smooth. Has this been your ploy all along?” Aaron responds with a smile.

Robert shrugs, “Obviously. A fit bloke like you and you make brew a mean americano. It’s a win-win for me. So?”

Aaron laughs a little, and looks behind him. Matty is further behind the counter, wiping down a few of the instruments, pretending not to listen to their conversation, but there’s a small smile on his face. Aaron claps Matty’s shoulder as he passes by and walks around the counter. Robert meets up halfway with a hopeful look on his face. It’s endearing to Aaron in a way that he never thought would be possible the first time Robert walked into Has Beans. “I suppose I can do tea. Got nothing else going on.” Aaron sighs dramatically.

Robert’s face somehow lights up even brighter than when he first took a sip of the americano, and snakes his arms around Aaron’s waist, “You know…now that I’ve got a date with you, I expect discounted americanos from now on.”

Aaron can’t help the laugh that escapes his mouth and shuts Robert up by giving him a kiss.

“Yeah, keep dreaming.” Aaron says when he breaks away.

#robron secret santa #robron fanfiction

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infinitestarsintheskye · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by the ever lovely @besidemethewholedamntime, thanks lovely! 😘

1. What is the color of your hairbrush?

Just plain black. Nothing exciting unfortunately!

2. Name a food you never eat

Mushrooms, and at the moment, cheese. Damned dairy intolerance.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Both, but usually cold. My internal heating and cooling system is truly buggered, thanks to the fact that I was a premmie baby. Just one of the many fun side effects.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Fannying about after having a shower. Every single day I do this and I don’t know why.

5. What’s your favorite candy bar?

CURRENTLY, it is the Galaxy Vegan caramelised hazelnut chocolate and oh my god it’s so good. A lot of vegan chocolate is really crumbly and whilst it tastes good, the texture is just off and that kind of ruins it for me. But Galaxy have really nailed the texture, it’s just creamy and good and just tastes and feels like real chocolate and I was honestly so happy the first time I tried it.

6. Have you ever been to professional sports event?

I have! I went to a few Scottish Premier League (football) games when I was younger, with my dad, before realising that I didn’t enjoy it much. I have also been to one singular hockey match, which really tells you everything you need to know about how I found that. Honestly I don’t really go in much for sports. I enjoy watching horse riding, show jumping and the like, and figure skating, and that’s about it.

7. What is the last thing you said out loud?

“WHAT ARE YOU EATING?!” To the doggo, who had just got a hold of the leftovers of my dad’s lunch.

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

Ben and Jerry’s do an ice cream that has vanilla on one side, and chocolate on the other, with a full ass BLOCK of caramel in the middle, and it is probably the unhealthiest thing I have ever consumed, but oh my god it’s so good.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Tea! Please assume that I am always drinking tea, it is a fairly accurate assumption.

10. Do you like your wallet?

Eh. It’s okay. It’s getting a bit old but I’ve been putting off getting a new one.

11. What is the last thing you ate?

One of those tiny little packets of haribo that are STILL somehow leftover from Halloween

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

I did! I bought a new top for work, a white jumper bc white goes with everything and I’m a bit lazy.

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched?

On purpose? The 2018 Winter Olympic Ice Dance final when Virtue/Moir FINALLY WON THE GOLD!!! It was on until like 3/4am, and I had 3 back to back lectures the next day, and I was SO TIRED, but oh it was worth it!! I think the mens individual final was on the next night but I FULLY fell asleep halfway through 😬

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Sweet and salty!

15. Who is the last person you send text message to?

My sister! I was ranting about The Crown and she was just kind of listening haha

16. Ever been camping?

Twice! Both my guide troop. Once just cause, and once bc it was the Centenary of Girl Guiding in the UK and all of the troops in our county pitched up in a giant field for the weekend, which was good fun! Would I do it again? Maybe not. I’m not really that outdoorsy, but I will give anything a go once.

17. Do you take vitamins?

Nope! I probably should, but I swear every time I start taking vitamin C I get a cold. Not sure if this is just my immune system being weird or if I am actually cursed.

18. Do you regularly attend a place of workship?

Nope! I am very much agnostic. I used to live almost right across the road from a church, that was fun on a Sunday morning no need to set an alarm, and I used to walk past, I kid you not four or five on my way to work, which is a lot considering it was ALL ONE ROAD and a fairly short walk.

19. Do you have a tan?

Nope! I’m so pale I reflect the sun back.

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza?

Pizza!!! I miss it!!! Dairy free cheese suuuuuccckkksssss

21 . Do you drink your soda through a straw?

Not really. I didn’t really before but I’m really not a fan of paper straws and them getting all soggy.

22. What color socks you usually wear?

Literally every single colour. A lot of blue and navy but I’m not kidding, it is every colour.

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I can’t drive so I can’t go over the speed limit haha

24. What terrifies you?

Oh well, what a fun question. So much. Ultimately failure. Failure to do anything worthwhile in my life, failure to help people, failure in my personal life. The list goes on. And heights. I am truly truly terrified of heights.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

The doggo!! 🐶

26. What chore do you hate the most?

Sorting through odd socks. All black socks should be burned imo.

27. What do you think when you hear Australian accent?

Neighbors. My mum loved Neighbors in its hayday, and it is always discussed when Kylie or Jason Donovan is on the telly haha.

28. Whats your favorite soda?

Good old lemonade.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit drive through?

Can’t drive so go in. My flatmate and I got really bad for ordering in McDonalds last year after it got put on Uber eats. She was a terrible influence on me I swear.

30. What’s your favorite number?

31. Who’s the last person you talked to?

My granny!

32. Favorite meal?

My mum’s leftover chicken risotto with bacony bits

33. Last song you listened to?

According to Spotify, Smoke by Gia Margaret (suprise surprise, its from the Normal People soundtrack)

34. Last book you read?

Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell. Such a beautifully written book. Very casually magical and oh so very sad.

35. Favorite day of the week?

Tuesday, but I couldn’t tell you why.

36. Can you say alphabet backwards?

Absolutely not.

37. How do you like your coffee?

I don’t like coffee. I like the smell but it is far too bitter for me and the caffeine makes me feel truly awful.

38. Favorite pair of shoes?

I have a pair of brown boots that are almost victorian in style, they lace up, and made of the softest leather and I love them to utter pieces.

39. Time you normally get up?

On a normal day, usually any time after 10am. I like my bed and I don’t go to sleep until quite late. When I’m working, it’s usually between half past 6 and 9am.

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunset?

Sunset. I am very much a night owl.

41. How many blankets on your bed?

At the moment I just have my big thick duvet which keeps me very cosy and I never want to get out of my cosy bed, but I FULLY expect that to increase as it gets colder bc I am a cold creature.

42. Describe your kitchen plates

Just plain white, fairly standard.

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment.

Clean???

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

Oooh, I like a Bacardi and coke or a gin and lemonade (which according to my gin and tonic loving mother is a sacreligous thing to do to gin). I don’t drink a whole lot, but those are my two go tos.

45. Do you play cards?

I can play cards, but I don’t do it on the regular.

46. What color is your car?

Don’t have a car!

47. Can you change a tire?

Nope!

48. Your favorite state or province?

Don’t really have that here, so I’m gonna be a bit cheeky and say Perthshire 😉. It really is beautiful though!!

49. Favorite job you’ve had?

My current job! It’s just a clothes shop retail job, but the company is so good (which is rare for a big company), the people are so lovely, the hours can suck sometimes, but I enjoy it so much more than waitressing and bar work!

Thanks again so much for the tag! I think just about everyone has been tagged in this, so if you haven’t done this yet, consider yourself tagged now!!

#skye rambles

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bucky-on-a-bike · 5 years ago

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Unexpecting (2/?)

Super soldiers don’t get stomach bugs. No one believes you when you tell them you’ll be fine in a few more days, so your loving husband Bucky makes you go to the doctor. Turns out, you’ve got a parasite.

Words: 1360

Warnings: None? There’s like... a scene but without any details at all because I’m shy as hell to write smut. Also that right there was the only “bad word” I used in this whole thing I think. Mama would be proud.

Part 1, Part 3

You drug your fingers against the painted cinder block walls as you shuffled down the hallway towards your room.

PREGNANCY: POSITIVE.

Someone was calling out at someone else down the hall and faint footsteps were coming your direction, but none of it broke through the fog in your brain.

PREGNANCY: POSITIVE.

The concrete felt rough beneath your fingertips and you wanted to pull away. You didn’t, though. You were sure that if you weren’t touching something solid, you would fall over and never get back up. Part of you was overjoyed at the thought of having a sweet little baby to hold and to love. Oh, how much fun will it be to pick out little outfits and snuggle and read bedtime stories. But…what happens when a mission goes sideways? What happens if there’s an accident, or a new super villain even stronger than the last one? What if there comes a fight you can’t win? Oh…What about Bucky? He’s terrified of having a kid…of being a dad and dealing with his mental scars while raising a baby. You turned the corner and continued your hike to your room. The walls changed from cinder block to drywall and the difference in texture caught you off guard for a moment. You paused and glanced at the wall, sighed, and kept going. Just a few doors down was your apartment. You can make it. Bucky won’t be too mad, right? He can’t be. It’s a baby after all, and one that he made! This is his child too. And it’s not like we’re teenagers that got knocked up…we’re married. For better or for worse. Or for children. Oh no…I’m pregnant. I’M PREGNANT.

Just as your panic was reaching a critical point, Nat popped up beside you and wrapped her arm around you.

“Hey, hey, hey, breathe please. Come on, let’s get you to your room. Are you going to be sick?” She kept talking softly and quietly to you as she opened your door and guided you to the couch in the corner. She retrieved the sick bucket from beside your bed and set it beside you. “What did Bruce say?”

You whimpered and looked at her with tear-filled eyes. “I’m…I’m…pregnant,” you whispered. You dropped your head onto her shoulder and said it again, even quieter if possible.

She wrapped her arms around you and smiled. “That’s a good thing, right? We used to dream about being able to be mamas, and now you’ve defied the odds and done it. Aren’t you thrilled?”

You pulled back and gawked at her. “You know Bucky won’t be happy. You’ve heard our conversations and even been a part of them when kids came up. We never really argued about it because I thought it wasn’t possible, but you KNOW he doesn’t want kids. He doesn’t think he deserves to bring life into the world and enjoy it after all the death he’s caused. Plus, you remember when Tony and Pepper had Morgan. He wouldn’t go anywhere near them for months. What if he doesn’t want to keep the baby? What if he doesn’t want to be around me? Nat, what do I do?” You burst into tears and fell back into her arms. After sobbing and snotting on her shoulder for a while, your tears subsided and you caught your breath.

Nat passed you a tissue and sat you up. She brushed the hair out of your eyes and smiled at you softly. “You know Bucky adores you. You know that he would give you the world if he could, and it seems like he succeeded. You’re going to be wonderful parents together. I tell you what, why don’t we go shopping for a few little baby things and we can plan how you’re going to tell him. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

You nodded and giggled. “I’m gonna have a baby. Can I go in shopping in sweatpants?”

Nat giggled with you and stood up. “Absolutely. How far along are you?”

“I didn’t ask specifically, but Banner said the baby would be here in about eight months and it’s May right now so…a January baby maybe? Do you think we’ll be able to find blankets and booties in May?” You picked up your purse and the two of you headed out into the hallway.

“Haha! The Winter Soldier is having a Winter Baby! Honey, I think we can find you whatever your heart desires. Especially since I have Tony’s credit card information.” She looped your arm through hers and away you went.

. . . . .

You bought blankets, toys, bibs, bottles, and diapers that day. You decided that instead of telling Bucky tonight, you were going to wait until tomorrow. Bruce was going to do an early ultrasound to confirm a due date, and you would use a picture of the ultrasound to break the news to Bucky. That way, you could give him a more solid due date. It would also give you one more night just the two of you without thinking and worrying about Baby. When you got back to your room, you opened your go-bag under the bed and stashed the baby things in it. Bucky would never need to go through that bag, so it was the perfect storage place. Just until tomorrow.

You stripped down and got into the shower. As the hot water cascaded down your back, you sighed and leaned your forehead against the shower wall. I can’t wait to meet this baby. I wonder if it’ll be a boy or a girl? What will we name it? Will the baby and I even survive childbirth?

Suddenly, two hands wrapped around your waist and your husband stepped into the shower with you.

“How is my beautiful wife feeling? Did you go talk to Bruce today?” he left kisses on your shoulder and pushed the hair out of your face. You leaned into him and pressed your face into his chest.

“Yeah, I went to see him. He drew some blood and ran some tests, but they were…inconclusive. I’m going tomorrow to get the rest of the details. I’m sure I’ll know what’s up when I see you tomorrow afternoon and I can give you a better answer. I did go shopping with Nat today though, which was fun. I feel a little better after getting out of the building for a while.” Don’t ask any more questions, I’m begging you.

“That sounds good. I’m glad you’re going to Bruce directly instead of fooling with the clinic. They’re wonderful people, but this is very important to me, and I’m sure the test would have taken longer than just a day. I trust him with my life, and yours. Here, turn around.”

Your husband washed your hair, massaging your scalp and getting every strand clean. He also used your loofa to get the rest of you clean before washing himself. You tried to help him, but he pushed your hands away. “No, not tonight my love. Tonight is about you.” He got done quickly and grabbed towels for both of you. After he dried you off and wrapped you up, he tied his towel around himself and picked you up. You giggled and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I do believe you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been around a long time. Do you think a girl like you would want to come back to bed with a guy like me?” He kissed your cheek and you grinned from ear to ear.

“Well, I suppose I could, as long as you don’t kiss and tell. I’m all yours, Sergeant.”

Bucky’s eyes darkened and you knew tonight was going to be one of the good nights.

. . . . .

Several hours later, you were lying in bed with your husband spooning you, arms and legs tangled together. He was gently snoring. It was one of your favorite sounds in the world because it meant he was really sleeping and not faking it for your sake. That was one sound he could never quite imitate right, and you always knew.

While he was far away in dream land, you were lost in thought. God, please let him be as happy as I am. Please…I need him to want this baby. Please.

TAGS: @buckysberrie, @100acresofwood, @whatsbetterthanfantasy, @dracodormiensnunquamtitillandush @bellenuit45, @ificouldhelpyouforget, @38leticia, @thisisthelilith, @englishwriter15

#winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes #james barnes fic #james #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic

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itsalliepg · 6 years ago

Text

Domestic Life (Drabbles) - Zig x Scarlett (MC) Fanfic

SUMMARY: An anthology about the life of ZIg and Scarlett in their apartment

PAIRING: Zig X Scarlett (MC)

RATING: Everyone

WORDS: 2.968 in total, divided into 9 drabbles (I swear I put the “Keep Reading” but I’m afraid it won’t work on mobile app, sorry for that)

NOTE: Hey! My post today is a bit different. Based on this post here and the fact that we almost had no moments of MC and her LI living together because we got too busy being manipulated by Nathan, I wrote some drabbles about their life together in the apartment. I really enjoyed writing these short stories and it might be that I write again like this!

English isn’t my native language. I write to practice and learn, so please sorry any mistakes. I hope you like it, and if you do, I’d appreciate if you like/comment/reblog!

Tagging @seawhite-seafair @maxwells-nut @flynnomalleys @purpledinosaur4ever @ziggy-o @writtenbycandy

-Person A falling asleep watching a movie with Person B so B carries A to their bed. Bonus: Person A wakes up in B’s arms but pretends to still be asleep so they can be carried to bed.

Words: 385

_What are we going to do now? – Zig asked Scarlett while they washed the dishes after dinner.

_Well, it’s Friday night, tomorrow we don’t have classes…we could watch a movie! – he snorted – what?

_Don’t you remember what happened the last time we watched a movie after dinner? You slept in the middle.

_But it was at the end…

_In the middle, Scarlett.

_Okay, but I woke up and kept watching.

_You slept again and I had to tell you everything that happened – he laughed.

_Well, it’s not my fault if you chose such a boring movie that I fell asleep – she frowned, and he kissed her temple, still laughing.

_My stubborn girl. Okay, today you can pick a movie. A very hectic then you don’t sleep.

_Fine, and I already know what movie we’re going to watch – after finishing cleaning in the kitchen, they sat on the couch and Scarlett chose a horror movie on Netflix – I read some good reviews about this movie, they said it’s really scary.

_That’s nice. This will keep you awake, because if you fall asleep, you’ll have nightmares – she rolled her eyes and leaned in him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

_You know I don’t have nightmares about horror movies, Zig – she tapped his nose, grinning and pressed the play button on the remote. During the first minutes, they made a few comments about the movie, but after a while, they stopped talking. Suddenly, a jump scare made Zig bounce in the couch, and Scarlett was strangely quiet. He looked to the side and saw her sleeping soundly. He shook his head negatively, smiling as if to say “I knew it”. He clicked the pause button and cautiously stood up to cradle her in his arms. He rested her head on his shoulder and slowly took her to the bedroom. Zig didn’t notice, but Scarlett woke up. When she realized where she was, she just pretended to be still asleep, feeling his warmth and scent. He gently placed her on the bed and covered her with a blanket. He caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead.

_Good night, Scar. I love you – he whispered and silently let the room and closed the door. She smiled and snuggled into the bed.

Good night, Zig. I love you too.

- Person A and B going grocery shopping together and Person A ends up holding B up to grab something off the top shelf.

Words: 250

_Where could this be? – Scarlett muttered, staring at the shelves.

_I think we have everything we need, let’s go to the cashier?

_Wait, Zig, I need some tomato paste.

_Tomato paste? – he grimaced – for what?

_Do you remember I said I wanted to cook my grandma’s Neapolitan ragù for the weekend? I can’t do it without the tomato paste.

_Couldn’t you use tomato sauce? I picked some cans.

_No. This is an old family recipe, and the secret ingredient is the tomato paste. The textures are different, I’ll show you when I’m cooking – they walked a few shelves then Zig stopped.

_It’s in there, Scarlett – he pointed to a high shelf with some cans of tomato paste.

_Great – Scarlett crossed her arms – when we’re in the cashier, I’ll talk with the manager. Why do they need such high shelves? I’ll never get there.

_Or, you can if I do this – with a swift motion, Zig grabbed her waist and lifted her in front of the shelf. Scarlett gasped in surprise.

_Zig? What are you doing?

_Now you can get what you need – she quickly glanced the cans and took one.

_Okay, babe, you can put me back on the floor – Zig lowered her, and she turned to him, smiling – my hero, you deserve a gift – Scarlett kissed him, sweetly.

_Well, maybe we shouldn’t complain to the manager about the high shelves – he winked and she giggled, nodding. She put the can in the cart and they went to the cashier.

- Person A and B going to a shelter/pet store and looking carefully at each of the animals trying to decide which one to get. Bonus: They keep pointing out which dog/cat looks like the other person most.

Words: 314

_Too bad our apartment doesn’t allow dogs and cats – Scarlett sighed, watching a group of kittens playing with a little ball – I’d love a cat, they’re so cute.

_I know – Zig squeezed her hand – I wanted a dog, I always had dogs at home… - he noticed she was laughing – what’s so funny?

_See that German Shepherd there? – she pointed to a dog laying on the ground. His head held high, observing everything around – he looks like you.

_Me? – he widened his eyes – what do you mean?

_I don’t know, he’s strong, watchful, and I’ve read they’re smart and good guard dogs, but they also get along with kids – she turned to him, giggling – I think if you were a dog, you’d be a German Shepherd – Zig smiled and kissed the top of her head.

_Well, if you were a dog, you’d be a Labrador, like that – he pointed to a white dog playing with another of the same breed, but black – they’re gentle, intelligent, and hardworking, they help blind people, and also in rescues, drug detection…they’re as kindhearted as you – Scarlett smiled and hugged Zig – but that pair of cats there looks like us during our tickle wars – he pointed to two kittens rolling together, lightly tapping their paws on one another, then chasing each other around the cage. Zig and Scarlett burst out laughing.

_Absolutely– she turned around and saw an aquarium full of different species of fish – and these colorful little guys here looks like the kind of pet we could have in our apartment – holding his hand, she walked over to the aquarium.

_Look at that blue and red, it’s beautiful!

_And this golden too… – she glanced at him – but they don’t look like us…

_How not? We just said how beautiful they are! – they laughed.

_Okay, you have a point. Let’s find a seller to get them for us.

- Person A trying to pay bills while Person B watches them. Person B gets fed up with A looking miserable and frustrated so they drag them away and watch TV together.

Words: 389

_Hey, babe! – Scarlett locked the front door and wandered to Zig, sat at the kitchen table, surrounded by papers and a calculator. She leaned in to kiss him and noticed a concerned expression on his face – what’s the problem?

_The bills this month…we had some extra costs…

_Are we out of money? Dad said we could ask him if we needed – she said as she picked up two mugs in the cupboard

_No, Scar, we don’t have to, but we’ll be in our boundaries. Look, this month our washing machine broke, and I also had to do some repairs on my car. And maybe we need another fridge soon…

_I know. Buying a second-hand fridge wasn’t a good idea – she sighed while filled the two mugs with coffee from the thermos and sat in front of him. He was so concentrated to his calculations that he even didn’t notice.

_Mom also said we could ask her, but I don’t want to. We can handle things by ourselves. I just need to find a solution.

_Maybe we could borrow from our savings account…

_No way, Scarlett – he interrupted, still looking to his notes – we’re saving that for our summer.

_And also for emergencies like that, Zig! We can replace it next month.

_Scarlett, don’t worry. We can live on less money this month, I still don’t know how much, but I’ll find out – she noticed how tired he was when he sighed

_And…since when are you here doing it?

_I don’t know, since I came in from class – she glanced to the clock on the wall.

_You’ve been here for almost four hours! I’m not surprised you’re so annoyed! – she got up and stood behind him, massaging his shoulders and feeling his tension – why don’t you put these bills aside and we go into the living room, then cuddle on the couch while we’re watching a TV show marathon?

_I’m busy, Scarlett.

_Are you rejecting a chance to do something fun with me, Zig? – she leaned over and kissed his jaw, then ran her hands in front of his chest. He finally sat upright, grinning.

_Right, what I was thinking? – he turned and kissed her deeply – these bills can wait – they shared a smile and headed into the living room with their mugs of coffee and a jar of cookies.

- Person A sleeps in late and wakes up to Person B cooking breakfast in the morning. A walks into the kitchen and just wraps their arms around B while they continue to cook.

Words: 295

Scarlett opened her eyes and felt her head heavy. That’s what happens when I sleep in late, she thought. She rolled onto the bed and saw Zig wasn’t there. She looked at her phone and saw it was eleven in the morning. She wasn’t an early bird, but never woke up so late. She got up and opened the room door, only to smell bacon and eggs filling the apartment. She walked to the kitchen and saw Zig, wearing only his pajama’s pants, frying some eggs in a pan. Scarlett went to him and looped her arms around his waist. He smiled.

_Good morning, my princess.

_Good morning. Why didn’t you wake me up? It’s so late!

_You were so relaxed and peaceful, I didn’t want to ruin this – he put the eggs on a plate and the pan in the sink. Then he grabbed another pan to make French toasts. She was still hugging him – besides, you needed to rest. This whole week you went to bed late.

_Yeah, I had some essays to finish plus some articles for the newspaper. This week was crazy – she kissed his back – have you been awake for a long time?

_Actually no. I got scared with the time too, and I decided to do something special for our breakfast – she finally pulled back to see what he did.

_Bacon, eggs, French toasts, orange juice…wow, that way we're going to have lunch at four in the afternoon!

_That’s what I thought, this’s actually a brunch, not a breakfast – they chuckled – and it’s Sunday, we won’t go anywhere, and since when do we have the right time to eat?

_You’re right, my angel – she kissed him – and I want to eat now, waking up so late makes me hungry!

- Person B has to get dressed up for a nice event. B is struggling with their tie/dress/suit and can’t get it right. Person A is surprisingly good at fixing it and Person B asks them how they did it.

Words:414

_Oh, no!

_What happened, babe? – sitting on the bed, Zig looked up from his homework.

_My dress button fell off – Scarlett looked in the mirror at her dress, half-opened on her chest – damn, I wanted to wear it so bad…

_Nothing that I can’t handle – he reached a drawer on the nightstand and took out a sewing kit – can you find the button?

_Yes – she saw the button on the floor and picked it.

_Great. Bring it and your dress to me – as he asked, she gave them to him, and within minutes, he was skillfully sewing the button back on the dress. Scarlett was gaping.

_Okay, that’s impressive. I knew you’re full of talents, but this is new…

_I know only the basics – Zig chuckled – I've lost count of how many clothes of mine and of my sisters' I've already fixed. Just do not ask me to work with a sewing machine! – they smiled.

_Well, you know more than I do. I’d love to know how you do it.

_Remind me to teach you someday.

_Sure – she suspired – are you sure you’ll be fine by yourself tonight? I wish I could take you with me, but they said it’s an exclusive event for English majors…

_Don’t worry, Scar. I’ll be busy with this bunch of homework to do. And you won’t be alone, James will be there as well.

_Yeah, but I feel bad for you anyway…

_I’ll be okay – he put the needle on the nightstand – and voilà! – Zig gave the dress back to Scarlett and she dressed again.

_So, how do I look? – she spun, and his eyes flashed.

_Perfect. As usual – he stood up, beaming, and kissed her.

_Thank you so much for fixing my dress, Zig. I don’t even know how to thank you.

_Well, you could bring me some of that fancy appetizers they have at these events – he joked.

_And why do you think I chose this purse? – she picked her clutch on the bed and they laughed. Hand in hand, they walked to the front door.

_Have fun tonight and make some good contacts. Who knows, one of these editors may offer you a job after graduation.

_I really hope so – they shared a kiss and she was about to go down the stairs when suddenly rushed back to him – I forgot something! – Scarlett kissed him again – I love you – Zig giggled.

_I love you too – he waved while she walked down the stairs.

- Person A leaving Person B little notes all over their house/apartment that say stuff like “Reminder: I love you.” and “Hey, you’re the best!” Person B then responds by leaving sticky notes for Person A around. Bonus: The notes that B leaves say stuff like “Of course I’m the best.” and “I love me too.”

Words: 325

While dressed to meet Reyna and talk about her next article, Scarlett noticed a yellow post-it on the inside of the wardrobe door.

“This note is a reminder that I love you <3”

She smiled and pulled out a coat from the wardrobe. When she opened the drawer of her desk, she saw another note taped into her notebook.

“You’re the best girlfriend in the world :)”

Scarlett giggled and picked a post-it pad to write down her responses.

Zig got home and found a pink paper pinned on the TV. He approached and read it.

“You’re right. I am definitely the best “

He chuckled and walked into the room. He saw another note stuck in one of the pictures on the wall.

“I love me too. We have this in common”

Laughing, Zig looked for his yellow post-its in his stuff.

While storing groceries in the kitchen, Scarlett opened one of the cabinets and found a new yellow note pasted into a box of powdered chocolate.

“You’re really conceited, you know that?

She giggled and was about to put the box back in the place, as her hand felt another note on the back of the box.

“But I like you anyway”

She returned to the purchases thinking where she could put her notes this time.

During a morning before classes, Zig was in the bathroom and opened the drawer to get his toothbrush. He saw a pink note there.

“I was joking. You’re also the best boyfriend in the world”

Grinning, he left the bathroom after brushing his teeth. After dressed, he was walking to the front door and his eyes caught another pink post-it by the side of his keys on the wall.

“And I love you too”

He heard footsteps behind him and turned. He saw Scarlett smiling to him. Zig dropped his backpack on the floor and pulled her into a kiss before they left home to their classes.

- Person A and B buy their first house together. When they finally start to move in Person B is in shock and just wanders around the house marveling at what they’ve just done.

Words: 291

_Scar, can you give me that box of screws? – Zig asked while attached a shelf in the living room. She just walked into the kitchen without realizing what he said – Scarlett, did you hear me? – he called but she didn’t responded. She came to the room again – Scarlett!

_Oh! – she startled – what’s up, Zig?

_I asked for that box of screws – he pointed to the floor and she handed him what he requested – sorry to yell at you, but you were so distracted…

_I know. Sorry about that too, but I was organizing our room and I realized something.

_What?

_Zig, we’re moving in together! – she grinned and he arched an eyebrow.

_Uh…yeah, so?

_Can’t you see how amazing this is? – she paced around the room, giggling – this is our first home together! Our relationship is getting stronger!

_You’re right – he put down the tools and came close to her – now I understand your trance – he kissed her cheek – and, what did you mean when you said “our first home together”? – he smirked.

_Did you really think we would live here in this little apartment forever? When we get married, we’ll need a house, big, for our children…

_Scarlett, one step at a time – he interrupted, taking her hands – we just moved in together, don’t you think it’s too soon to talk about it?

_Hey, wasn’t you who carried me over the threshold today morning when we got in with our stuff? – she tickled him.

_Fair enough – Zig snorted – and, well, when you’re willing to practice to have our children, let me know – he winked and Scarlett chortled.

_Yeah, I don’t think we need a lot of practice, but it’s nice to be prepared – she tilted her head to kiss him.

- Person A makes lunch for both them and Person B. B doesn’t like crusts on their sandwiches so A (even though they don’t really like the crust) eats it for them.

Words: 305

_Mmm…do I smell hot cheese and ham? – Zig asked while locked the front door and saw Scarlett making sandwiches in the kitchen.

_Your sense of smell is right – she answered while he sauntered over to kiss her – I went to the grocery and decided to do something simple for our lunch.

_Great, our fridge was kinda empty – he opened the door of the fridge and took a bottle of apple juice –you remembered to buying the peeled bread, right?

_Damn… - she tapped her forehead – I knew I was forgetting something. I’m so sorry, Zig, I forgot you don’t like the crusts…I saw we had bread, and I didn’t even imagined it wasn’t peeled bread…

_That’s okay, Scarlett. Once doesn’t kill me.

_No, that’s my fault. I forgot, so I should solve this – she picked a knife and cut the edges of some sandwiches, and then ate the crusts.

_Oh, Scarlett, you’re a sweetheart… - Zig kissed her temple while she chewed. He picked one of the sandwiches she cut.

_No problem. As you said, once doesn’t kill me. I also don’t like the crusts, but I can make this sacrifice for you – he almost choked on the food.

_You also don’t like? So why we keep buying the crusty bread?

_Well, it’s you who always buy it!

_I buy because I thought you liked it!

_Exactly, you’re so sweet thinking of me that I’m uncomfortable asking you not to buy – they stared at each other for some moments and burst into laughter.

_Are we a couple of dorks? – Zig asked while put the sandwiches and the juice on the table.

_For sure – Scarlett put two glasses and they sat down together. On the table, she squeezed his hand – I love you, Zig – he took her hand and kissed it.

_I love you too, Scarlett.

Thanks for reading!

Do you want to be tagged in future fanfics? Let me know!

#fanfic #choices fanfic #drabble #the junior #tj #zig ortega #zig x mc #zig x scarlett #choices #playchoices #long post

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redsunsetxiii · 7 years ago

Photo

**Please do not repost without credit**

[TRANS] 2018.06.25 SONE NOTE LIVE vol. 16 with Taeyeon

Staff: This time, you tried to make new pet clothes using a sewing machine! Please share any difficulties or particular points you had.

Taeyeon: I think this required more delicacy than what I tried before: glue gun art and accessory making, so I was a little worried at first if I could make it well. It’s the first time I used a sewing machine so I thought it might be dangerous, but it was so fun that those worries disappeared! During the session, I thought of all the stylists who made our stage outfits, finely adjusted and fixed them before concerts, and once again felt gratitude for them ^^

After trying it out, pet clothes and our clothes are the same, so it was difficult to make it thinking if the sizes and corners of the sleeves and neck parts don’t match then it gets hard to wear.

Staff: It was quite a complex process that started with making the pattern, then cutting it, and threading the cord through the hood.

Taeyeon: It might have been because it was my first time making pet clothing, but it was very curious to draw on the back of the cloth with pattern paper as a reference, and then sew it with the sewing machine. How will the shape turn out, how do I connect the sleeves with the body… I believe that it’s difficult work when I haven’t imagined those kind of things. After all, I couldn’t tell that they were sleeves just by looking at the shapes at first.

I couldn’t help but think, “is this really the shape of a sleeve?”, but once I was done with the sewing machine I was surprised it properly became a sleeve (laughs).

Staff: Do you make things like accessories for Zero at home?

Taeyeon: I make food (laughs). I just buy accessories and never thought to make them. I skipped thinking about the process and today suddenly just made pet clothes (laughs).

Staff: There was work with a sewing machine this time, but have you ever made anything using one before?

Taeyeon: I don’t have a sewing machine, so this is the first time I have ever made something with one.

The sewing machines that I think of are what I heard from my grandmother, that is you press down with your foot and have to move something, so for it to be this automated…(laughs)

It’s amazing how technology is so advanced. If the sewing machine I used today was that automated, I feel like I can make anything if just understand how to use it (laughs).

Staff: Has today’s experience kindled your interest with sewing machines?

Taeyeon: I believe so. I’m the type who wants to use a device once I see it, so I thought that I wanted to try using the sewing machine as soon as I saw it on the table today. Also, I did a pretty good job today making the clothing by myself so I’m really satisfied (laughs) I want to do it again ^^

I found myself thinking that if sewing machines were as easy to use as the one today, maybe I’ll buy one (laughs).

It seems very convenient to hem the length of pants, etc.

Staff: If you were to buy a sewing machine, what would you make?

Taeyeon: If I bought one, I’d want to make Zero a blanket.

Dogs need blankets, and they are absolute musts for when you hold them or go out with them. Especially since Zero is small… Now, Zero is 1.7kg, but I think he won’t get any bigger.

Staff: Not just limiting it to sewing machines, but have you had any interest in making accessories by hand before?

Taeyeon: I’m interested in dog scarves and hats. Not just limiting it to those that are handmade, but I often buy scarves, wool hats, socks, etc. I feel like I buy more things for Zero than my own clothes (laughs).

But since I was taught to make pet clothes today, I want to wear clothes that I made in the future!

Staff: How did you select the materials for making pet clothes today? Please share if there was a reason such as the color or texture.

Taeyeon: Since Zero is small, I thought that a thick fabric would be hard to move in, so I chose a cloth that was flexible and could stretch. For the T-shirt, I thought that Zero would suit something basic, so I chose the striped pattern! I chose gray for both, but that’s because Zero is gray! (laughs) Although I said that, after all it’s my favorite (laughs). I don’t think dark colors like black would suit Zero. That’s why I make him wear bright colors and gray clothing.

Staff: What color or item does Zero especially show interest in?

Taeyeon: He shows interest in all clothing. That’s because wearing clothes = going for a walk (laughs). That’s why when I take out his clothes, he happily jumps at it once he sees it.

Although it doesn’t necessarily mean he likes it, most of his clothing is navy or blue. There’s the fact that he’s a boy, but if anything it’s because I like it (laughs).

Staff: Do you usually make Zero wear clothes or accessories?

Taeyeon: Zero is very energetic and free, so whatever I put on him he takes it off by himself. He won’t obediently just wear the scarf or hat. I wonder if he feels restless…

I don’t really give him accessories to wear because he’s a boy. If he was a girl, I’d put a ribbon on him though…

Staff: Please share if there are any important points when you select items for dogs or even pet food, etc.

Taeyeon: I select handmade pet food. I’m especially aware for snacks. Things like chicken breast meat or handmade cheese rolls. Also, recently Zero is growing new teeth and he seems itchy, so I choose bones and the like that he can chew on. I just gave him some during the photoshoot, but also things like duck meat jerky. I believe any dog would like this jerky. I haven’t seen a dog who doesn’t like it so I recommend it (laughs).

Staff: Besides food, what is Zero’s favorite item?

Taeyeon: There’s a lot of toys for Zero at home, but among them he favors a chicken toy that squeaks when chewed on. It’s red and it seems that it’s the perfect size for his mouth.

Staff: Please share if there’s a place you’d want to go to together with him wearing the clothes you made.

Taeyeon: I’ve only walked Zero around the front of my home, but recently I’ve found some paths that look good nearby. However, it was cold and we could never go there...so I want to walk there together with Zero wearing today’s clothes when it’s warm. I want to dress him in these clothes and take him for a walk soon.

Staff: Please tell us how you came to adopt Zero and if you have any episodes. Also, what’s especially cute about Zero?

Taeyeon: Zero is too cute that I made an SNS account from his point of view (laughs).

I had a black poodle named Ginger up until a few years ago, but back then I was too busy everyday and I asked my mother to take him in so that he wouldn’t be lonely. It’s been so lonely with Ginger gone… But I would feel bad to take Ginger back after he got used to my parent’s place, so I met Zero when I decided to welcome a new family member.

Actually, the dog that was supposed to come home with me wasn’t Zero. By chance at the pet shop I dropped by in, Zero was sitting there alone and I felt that it was destiny once I saw him. Because of that, I adopted Zero instead of the dog I was originally going to take home.

Staff: Where did the name Zero come from? Please share more about Zero.

Taeyeon: His name came from my favorite character, Jack Skellington, who has a dog named Zero. So I named my dog after him. My Zero is stubborn and doesn’t have any tricks that I could show, but he knows “sit” and “shake”! (laughs) If there’s a snack in front of him, he’ll perform even better (laughs).

I’ve lived with Zero since October of last year, but in the fourth month in, he was able to “sit” and “shake”! Isn’t that amazing!? (laughs)

Staff: There’s a lot of SNSD members who have pets. Have you met their dogs or cats?

Taeyeon: The other day when the members gathered, I met Yuri’s dogs. Yuri has a pomeranian and a toy poodle and she brought them both! They were so cute! Not everyone at once, but I’ve met the other members’ pets once. Sooyoung’s dogs, and Tiffany’s Prince and Princess, Seohyun’s Poppo, Sunny’s Sogeum….there’s a lot~ (laughs)

Staff: If you were to make pet clothing for the other member’s pets by yourself, what would you give and to who? Please share what color, shape, material, the member and dog, and why.

Taeyeon: I want to give a present to Yuri’s dog, Dooe. She is the same breed as Zero so I want to give a pair look. Dooe is a girl so it’d be great if she could be friends with Zero. Dooe is a slightly brighter gray than Zero, so I think a pink hoodie would be cute! A sporty pair look (laughs).

And, I want to give a present to Ginger, who’s at my parent’s place. Ginger is twice the size of Zero, so I want to make loose sized clothing for him!

Staff: Please share if there is anything that are recently into or are collecting.

Taeyeon: I’ve paid more attention to cleaning my home since Zero came. Dogs move around with their nose on the ground, so I have to properly clean up so he won’t inhale things like dust. Also, I’ve recently bought a robot vacuum cleaner and have gotten into cleaning goods.

Staff: The 2018 Winter Olympics were held in PyeongChang. Was there any sport that you favored or watched?

Taeyeon: I particularly paid attention to and watched curling. It also made the most headlines in Korea. I also often watched ice skating. I think it’s a very beautiful sport! Figure skating outfits resemble our stage outfits, so I often remember performing when I see it. I’ve heard that figure skating is remembering the choreography first and then skating. It feels like a similar environment like my own so I watched with great interest. I’d like to try it out someday.

Staff: If there’s a winter sport that you’ve tried before, please share.

Taeyeon: When I was little, I’ve went skiing before, but I remember it being very difficult and falling down a lot. I’ve skated before, but it was so long ago that I don’t really remember doing it, so if I tried it now I think I would definitely fall (laughs).

Staff: Also, not limiting it to winter sports, but what sport would you like to try out?

Taeyeon: Not to try out, but I’ve recently started pilates. Instead of a sport, I’m concentrating on pilates for stretches and training my muscles.

Staff: Yuri also seems to be into pilates.

Taeyeon: Speaking of which, Yuri has asked me which pilates classroom I go to and for recommendations! (laughs)

Staff: Please share if there’s a hot topic or a memorable episode among members recently!

Taeyeon: The other day, I went to Tokyo to see a SHINee concert with Yoona.

I had a lot of fun and talked to Yoona a lot. Recently, even if we can’t see the other members, we exchange messages.

Staff: SONE NOTE LIVE is where we give preference to what the members what to try out, but do you all talk about your SONE NOTE LIVE activities? Also, please share if there is something you’d like to try next.

Taeyeon: I often think when seeing other member’s SONE NOTE LIVEs, “I should have done that” or “I wanted to do that!” (laughs).

Seeing Hyoyeon trying to make natural cosmetics, I thought, “I’m the one who likes make up the most…” (laughs). Hyoyeon already did make up, so I guess I’ll make soap (laughs). I like things that have fragrances, so I’ve made candles before. Making soap seems like fun so I want to try it!

Staff: You want to try making something then.

Taeyeon: Eh? I can do something outside of making something? Huh, really!? I thought I checked but I didn’t know…!

If that’s the case, I want to try skating next. Let’s go skating~!! Not roller skating, but ice skating!! If so, shall I try figure skating? (laughs)

Staff: Finally, a message for SONE JAPAN please!

Taeyeon: Recently, I’m sad that I can’t meet everyone in SONE JAPAN. Next time I go to Japan, I definitely want to meet you all up close, so I’m very happy to be able to have a showcase. Please expect a lot from my Japan activities. I’ll try my best to meet your expectations!

Translation by RedSunsetXIII source: SONE JAPAN website

**Please do not repost without credit**

#taeyeon #snsd taeyeon #sone note live #snsd trans #sone japan

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aslaton8-blog · 4 years ago

Text

I’m not a writer

Yet I’m so full of imagination. So what do I do with this? I guess I begin writing right? So here is a glimpse at what I’ve been working on for the last decade and finally started writing. WITH the help of my writer friends of course. I still have some notes in here of places I need to work on or add details but other than that this is the rough draft of the first chapter:

“What is there left to strive for? It’s all…perfect.” Orin thought this to himself as he stared listlessly at the wall in front of him. This was becoming a habit, this sitting and staring, mind looping around the tedious perfection that encapsulated him. Perfection. A word that on its own should elicit thoughts of triumph and rightness. It was starting to mock him. He was feeling a nameless emptiness now, and the wall in front of him was failing to rectify the situation. So he decided to go for walk. He put on his shoes and stepped out into a glorious golden afternoon. The weather was perfect. Of course it was.

(here might be a chance for a little world-building. Descriptions of particular flowers or trees, anything to make the world unique and enhance the imagery)

He strolled down the street toward the community center, where the Battle Games and other events took place. The Games. Why did the citizens even bother with this archaic tradition? Sure he was privileged to be a part of the warrior team, and the yearly festival helped to keep him sharp and in great shape. That was worth something he supposed. It was a reminder of where they all came from, why they all got to live the happy, perfect lives they did. It was supposed to be a faithful reenactment of the last Great War. These days it was a popularity contest. (here I omitted the brief explanation of the war itself and the history, because this is a story that you can find a way to tell organically later on)

The community center loomed large before him, filling his field of vision with shimmering memories of hard-fought victories and the revelry that inevitably followed. All in the name of the True Victory all those years ago. Of course, the True Victory was a victory Orin himself had taken no part in. Still, the architectural juggernaut at the center of town never failed to send a shiver down his spine, and he felt his bow hand start to tingle at the sight of it. He would be ready this year, oh yes. He was always ready.

His fantasies of future glory were shouted out of the sky by a spunky, pig-tailed fledgling bounding across the street towards him.

“Orin!” she cried, waving excitedly as she barreled forward.

He rolled his eyes big enough for her to see, but behind the dramatic eye-roll there was the hint of a barely-hidden smile. This was a common reaction to her infectious energy. Abella skipped the last couple steps towards him, already reaching for his hand before coming to a stop.

“Orin Orin Orin! Was just on my way to your place, Isumthikar said you’d be there. You’ve been sitting at home a lot lately huh?? Well—Doesn’t matter. I made something I wanna show you. Come on!”

Orin’s feet were moving before he had time to blink. She dragged him around the corner, past a handful of dog walkers (don’t exist) and young couples enjoying another day of peerless beauty.

Abella never once let go of his hand as she led him down the street and through the front door of her mother’s shop, Katrin’s Kolecktibles. The store looked as it always did, dusty shelves lined with exotic artifacts of various origin and composition. Anything from brass vases to homemade jewelry, dream savers to fortune beads (I just made up crap here, good opportunity for WORLD BUILDING). Stern-faced Katrin stood behind the counter as she usually did, bent over a well-marked ledger with a fountain pen between her teeth. She eyed Orin over her glasses and smirked. Her daughter’s feelings for Orin were no mystery to anyone, Orin included, so there was an expectancy that hung in the air whenever the two of them were together. This tension clawed at Orin, and while Abella was sweet and beautiful (a common trait among most girls in the community), he just didn’t want to think about that right now. He had no desire to lead the girl on, but she was no dummy either. She knew it wouldn’t happen now, or maybe even soon. The girl was crafty, playing the long game. Orin couldn’t help but admire her perseverance.

He blushed under Katrin’s gaze as Abella rushed him to the back of the store, where she opened up a stout leather case and removed a freshly-carved, newly-strung ironwood bow. Orin forgot himself for a moment, his mouth unconsciously dropping open as he gazed upon its craftsmanship. Abella must have been pleased with this reaction, as she let out a honey-soaked giggle and handed him the homemade bow. He took it reverently, sighting it and drawing the string to test the tension. Perfect. Orin was never one for overreactions, but today he couldn’t help himself.

“You…you made this?”

“Uh-huh,” Abella replied, nodding matter-of-factly. “And even better, I got custom arrow heads.”

She reached into a small bin and pulled out a shining black arrow head, the tip whittled to a lethal sharpness.

“Me and Prong went up to the Pyrite Mountains and collected rocks. We spent days carving them. Whacha think?”

She handed him the arrow head. He caressed it, feeling the smoothness. He tested the point with the tip of his index finger, smirking when a red dot of blood appeared. “This is amazing. I think you have some talent, Abella.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” She blushed and bit her lip. “Actually, I was also kind of hoping you’d use them in the competition this year.” She gestured to the bow in his hand. Her proposal hung heavy in the air as Orin not only considered the proposal itself, but also the implications of what it would mean, especially to Abella. The girl must have been reading his mind, because her eyebrows raised and she said:

“Just so you know, Prong will be using the arrow heads too.” The grin that spread over her face was rife with mischief. Crafty little Abella. So it was to be a challenge then. Orin was no stranger to challenges, and he was happy to accept this one. “Of course, Abella,” he said, bowing and pressing the bow to his chest, “I would be honored.” (here I omitted the explanation of Oauvyss courting traditions because it would be good to reveal this organically later on. I think for now it is enough to hint that Abella has serious feelings for Orin)

With so much light left in the day Orin departed Katrin’s Kolecktibles in search of a safe place to practice with his new bow and arrow. Nearby is a mountain range called the Kavos Mountains named to honor the hero of the last Great War on Oauvyss. This is where Orin’s parents died. He knew this would be the best place to practice because it always brings that darkness back enough for him to feel the true power of the weapon.

Orin was walking casually along the path toward the mountains when he spotted something very strange in the distance near the lake. It looked like a plant he had never seen before and looked like it didn’t belong in that area. “What was it doing there?” He thought to himself. His curiosity overcame him and pulled him toward the strange plant. As he got closer, the plant got bigger. He didn’t realize how far off in the distance he was looking at it. It started looking like some kind of plant made cocoon the size of an Oauvyn. He struggled with bad thoughts for a moment but then figured nothing bad could happen from a plant on Oauvyss yet he still had a bad feeling about it. It looked strange. It didn’t have the same vibrant colors the rest of the foliage around had to it. It looked like it was transplanted from another world. In an effort to understand this feeling it mustered inside of him, he investigated the cocoon further.

The hull glistened with tiny dark blue hairs blanketing its reddish-purple surface. Orin reached his hand out to feel the texture of the hairs but when he did he heard a loud snap in the trees behind him. His battle trained reflexes quickly shot him in the direction of the sound. He locked eyes on the trees looking for anything that could have explained that sound. His heart was pounding now.

“Why am I so afraid right now? This feeling is overwhelming!” Orin thought to himself in panic. He decided not to ignore the feeling and to take it seriously. He readied his bow and arrow he was just gifted from Abella.

“What a great time to have given this to me, Abella. I’m really feeling the power of this weapon right now and I hope I don’t have to use it.” He whispered under his breath to himself. “I just have a strong feeling about this strange plant right now.”

Suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere a shadow and powerful force or pressure pushed Orin down. Now Orin was more than battle ready. He had a bad feeling and now it was coming to life. “Shadow beings don’t exist so what the heck was that?!” He exclaimed out loud. He rushed back to town to get away from the strange events happening in that area and to hopefully inform somebody of the strange plant. He finds Prong first when he gets back into the village.

“Prong! Prong!” He screams at him from down the street. “What’s going on my friend?” he replied.

“Something strange is happening near Pyrite Lake in a field near the woods edge. Follow me, inform the other warriors!” Orin explained in a haste.

“Whoa! Slow down! What’s going on? What did you see???” Prong asked.

“No time to explain, we might be in danger. Just follow me and try not to alarm the towns people. “Prong ran to his house and gathered some things. On his way back to meet Orin and follow him, he made several stops to inform the other warriors. Lillium decided to follow as well while the others stayed behind to watch for any strange activity near the village. When they arrived the plant had bloomed but there were shadowy figures surrounding the plant from a distance in the trees. Orin pointed them out to Prong and Lillium.

“Look, right there! Those are the things I think that came with that plant. What should we do? Should we inform the villagers? I don’t want to put everyone in a panic but I also don’t want them to be unprepared.” Orin was concerned.

“We are emotionally prepared for danger, Orin. The villagers are not. I don’t think we should alarm them just yet. We need to know what we are even dealing with. You said it just bumped into you right?” Lillium asked.

“Well – Yeah but…” “But what?” “But I had a bad feeling around them.” “So? What does that even mean?” “I don’t know but I think we should listen to it.”

Lillium hesitated for a minute as she mustered up the courage to believe the words Orin was saying.

“Bad things don’t exist on Ouavyss, Orin… but we love you so I’ll entertain it.”

“If bad things don’t happen on Oauvyss then why did my parents die?”

“Everyone dies eventually, Orin.” Lillium rolled her eyes in a defensive manner. “But I guess you’re right. They didn’t die at an old age like most everyone else.” Orin was upset with Lillium’s reply but instead of keeping the anger between them he decided to switch the attention back to what he perceived as a potential threat. The shadows were just standing there...staring...from behind the trees along the treeline.

“What do you think it is Orin?” Asked Prong.

No one on Oauvyss had ever seen anything like these creatures before. Where were they coming from? Were they traveling from another part of the planet? Did they plant that strange flower there? The warriors were inspired with a flood of questions about these visitors. Orin seemed to be the only one concerned. He had a strange feeling about them and he believed his feeling even more now that he had opposition from Lillium. Anger is not common in Oauvyss. People get along mostly. He remembered the feeling of anger he had felt with Lillium about his parents. Why would Lillium be so careless about his parents death as if it was just another death. To Orin it wasn’t just another death it was a symbol. A symbol of his existence and what it means. He was gripped with purpose. He knew right then this was his mission. He needed to understand what that plant was doing there and why those creatures were just standing there and staring off in the distance.

Later that evening, Orin decided to go back once more on his own. He realized the shadow creatures weren’t attacking whiched conjured up the courage to revisit the strange plant. When he arrived it had bloomed even more. However when he got closer to the plant he saw something that blew his mind beyond anything he could ever imagine. He saw another Oauvyn fledgling curled up in the center of the flower bud. His heart sank and immediately ran to her rescue.

“What in the world was an Oauvyn doing trapped inside that plant???” Orin’s heart was in full panic and was racing toward the flower. When he got there the woman looked completely bare and sound asleep. Without hesitation he reached in and tried to pick her up. When he did, the shadows around him became restless. They began making a lot of noise and some even screamed at Orin from what felt like right next to him. This opened up the feeling of terror inside of Orin. This is not a feeling he ever felt before. He lifted the young woman out of the bloom and ran as fast as he could to the village.

“Lillium! Prong! Kragos! Somebody!! Help!!!” Orin shouted as he ran into town. Villagers started pouring out of their homes, interrupted by the screaming and shouting to see what was happening. They saw Orin carrying this woman and nobody came to help. They were all frozen like deer in the headlights. Orin looks down at the limp woman in his arms anyway and said:

“Don’t worry you’re safe with me now.” ------------------------------------ End first Chapter. Honestly never thought I would see my imagination on paper like this. It still has a lot of hashing and fleshing out to do of course but I think I finally have kind of a first chapter to this story! Wow! I’m feeling a little accomplished :)

#storytime #first chapter #fantasy #epic #fiction

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nyrator · 4 years ago

Text

more ramblings and ventings and some thanksgiving/reminiscing things

officially single for a week

still not a word from him, but that’s his choice. Probably hurt him pretty terribly, so I won’t pester, but the least I could hope for is him to acknowledge me in some sense- maybe I don’t deserve that much, though, maybe it’s retribution for cutting things off. He’s gone completely radio silent on the internet, though apparently still in contact with at least one other person I know last I checked. Maybe time away from the internet is what he needs, I just hope he can find a way to enjoy his time away from it.

It’s sad it had to be all or nothing, and my all just wasn’t enough. I’ll keep giving him space and maybe try to check with that friend of his later in the week to make sure he’s still alive- nothing in the obituaries yet, thankfully. Can’t keep worrying about that, though, it’s out of my hands what happens. I just hope he comes back around someday, would still like him to be in my life somehow, but maybe that’s just selfish of me- break things up and expect us to still be together somehow.

life’s been drifting along lately

after the break up, I felt a mix of rejuvenation and guilt/sadness, and felt like I could at least focus on getting myself back together. Quickly, though, fell back into the same endless routine. Days are flying by and just being slept away, while I spend them doing nothing. No cleaning beyond the cats basic needs, only managed to go on a walk once this week, not watching anything or doing anything, just killing time with Picross if anything- though that’s getting to the point where it’s taking me 30 minutes to do a single puzzle, so not sure how much longer I’ll keep doing it (just got to Wario level 6 in the SNES Mario Picross)

It really feels like there’s nothing left for me, at this rate. The cats are the only thing that keep me from sleeping all the time, and it’s getting harder and harder to keep preparing food for myself. I don’t know what day or what time it is most of the time, just sleep when I think I’m up too late and make food when I feel like it

hard to believe december’s here already, I feel like I haven’t done a single thing since my costume was finished- all the pieces are still out in my room from the last time I wore it.

went out with a friend before thanksgiving to window shop before everything closes again- not even sure why I took the risk since there was nothing I needed, but just had to get out, I suppose.

decided to buy a sleep mask, but it’s a bit tight and distracting (I could also get a my melo one, though...). I think light isn’t too big an issue when I sleep, it’s mostly the traffic outside, but it was cute and I felt like I needed to buy something

Thanksgiving was alright, at least- Spent the day at my uncle’s place with my aunt and their grandson (everyone else cancelled because covid). Tried pies for the first time (other than a pie made from peanut butter that a friend’s mom made for me years ago), apple and pumpkin, edible but not something I’d normally eat- pumpkin seemed better to me than apple, maybe for the softer flavor/texture, which is weird because while apple can be a weird flavor for me, usually not a fan of anything pumpkin. Tasted kind of minty for lack of better word, though.

They’re good people, good to me- they know a live florist who they plan on asking if I can get a job with (live flowers scare me and my allergies, and specifically my phobia of bees/buzzing insects, but it sounds nice), and they also found a used car that sounds pretty affordable that they may be able to get. It’s nice of them to help me.

They also had a bunch of old photos of me that they gave to me, which surprised me- I had thought all photos of me that weren’t school photos were destroyed already (my father would go through photo albums and tear them to shreds when we weren’t home to spite us/my mother). Nice looking back and seeing some things from back then- mostly baby/toddler Ny and Christmas Ny- I remember wearing matching onesies with my sister a lot for the holidays but boy are there a lot of us in matching red onesies throughout the years (also realizing we looked like hicks growing up, at least in candid photos). They even have a photo of me in that one extremely revealing swimsuit my parents got me one summer when I was like 8-10... still not sure why they thought it was a good idea, honestly

the photos from 2005/06-ish were haunting to look at, I never realized how awful I looked, and I’m not just being self-deprecating- I was disgusting to look at. To be fair, back then my diet was only soda, chips, cheese balls, and Burger King- nothing else, because my mother worked and my father just gave us bags of snacks for meals, basically, but actually seeing photos, it’s kind of revolting. I remember when I got to high school I was almost hitting 200lbs, and I made the resolve to cut all that junk out of my diet before I got diabetes or something and can gladly say I never got over that weight (here’s hoping I can get into a decent body for once by next year with this diet, lost 15-ish lbs so far since August, so here’s hoping)

But otherwise, was nice to see some things- Got to see a photo of my middle school computer setup (that chair was the main thing, I always remember it being a lot taller but now I have good art reference for it)

plus my cats sleeping with me... oreo... and patches too, but... oreo...

shout outs to my mess of a bed aka a couch wrapped up in many layers of blankets, forgot just how many different couches I slept on but there’s at least four different ones I’ve seen in photos, I feel like that one’s probably closer to high school than middle school Ny but I can’t tell- it’s a weird thing that sticks with me, sleeping on the couch with all those blankets

speaking of beds, debated doxxing younger self but instead have a younger pixelated Ny sleeping (kind of defeats the point but y’know)

there was also a brief stint where I had a bunk bed with my sister but I think I only used it in like the first half of elementary school, if that, otherwise my life was spent sleeping on couches until college

but yeah better not get too carried away in photos

I feel like my options are as follows:

Go to online school and get a degree in something, maybe programming since computer jobs are all the rage

Find a job online. I could probably do data entry but scared of being a secretary or anything involving communicating with people, and I wouldn’t know where to start- chances are it’d be fairly difficult, honestly.

Get a car and find some other retail work (in covid times, I feel that’s a lot more difficult, but if my uncle/aunt come through with the car/floral shop, who knows)

Apply for some kind of disability or something and live off the government for the rest of my days (my aunt sure thinks I should and she’s pretty savvy about that stuff, but I dunno)

Keep drifting aimlessly until I fall flat on my face or pass away

Most likely going to drift for a while, I’d imagine. It wouldn’t be as bad if I at least had something to work on- a series I wanted to marathon, or games I wanted to play, or most importantly, things I felt like creating. I just want to make something, but it feels like I’m just buried deep under a cloak of depression or something that I can’t even bring myself to do any of these things. Everything just feels heavier and harder to do anymore.

#text stuffs #nyrants #camera stuffs

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mysticsparklewings · 5 years ago

Photo

Duck Tape Mini Sketchbook!

Decided to break up the painting posts with another homemade mini sketchbook trying a few new/different things with my process/formula for them. If you want more details on my process for the sketchbooks in general and for any parts I miss talking about here, I direct you to the post for the first two that I made. This book actually exists because my mom asked me to make a couple of books to go with some baby blankets I made (also at her request for a couple of work friends), and since she was curious I was also trying to show her my process for how I make the books. Because I'm not really used to having an audience while I work, I was going a little too fast as not paying as close of attention as I should have, because while I was working on one of the books, I managed to cut the pages for the inside of the book to the wrong size--5.5" x 4"--as well as start gluing the spine on the wrong edge--the longer 5.5" side, and I didn't realize this until I was halfway through applying the second coat of glue. Fortunately, the second time I managed to measure and glue everything correctly, but what this meant was that I had a block of book pages that were essentially ready to go, just in need of a third (maybe a fourth if I felt like I needed the extra security) coat of paint on the spine. I didn't touch said page block for a couple of days because I had other things to do and also because I frankly didn't really know what I wanted to do with it. But then an idea hatched and I got busy. This time around, instead of using scrapbook/decorative paper attached to cardstock (or just plain cardstock) for the covers, since I had recently finally gotten my hands on some decorative Duck-brand duct tape I decided to try wrapping/covering the basic cardstock covers in tape, hence the title. This I actually really like, as the plastic-y texture of the duct tape feels pretty nice as a book cover, at least to my fingertips. The downside though is, since the duct tape is kind of plastic-y and a little on the thick side, I figured it wasn't a good idea to try and use my corner rounder on the covers. It might've been okay if I rounded the cardstock corners first and then shape the tape or had to round the tape by itself, but as it was, I was pretty sure it was going to either be too thick to even try, or I'd try and it would get stuck and leave an uneven edge. Otherwise, lining the pattern on the tape up was my biggest concern, but it ended up being not as bad as I thought, as this duct tape was more forgiving/repositionable than I had expected, and the way the pattern is printed it doesn't line up perfectly on the edges anyway so there was less pressure on me to line the strips of tape up exactly. I did still manage to get the tape on both covers slightly crooked/at a tilt though. :/ Then I went on to the splash pages, and I went with this blue paper because it matched the blue dots on the cover pattern pretty closely but wasn't completely plain. I would've gone with green, but what little of the proper shade I had wasn't enough to do even one splash page, let alone two. And originally, the plan was to use some funky scissors I have to give all of the pages a faux-ripped/rough edge, but I decided against it after realizing I'd have to cut a little further into the pages than I was comfortable with to make sure the pattern would be fully-formed and not have unnaturally straight lines in it because I was too close to the edge of the page (Although part of me wants to do some experimenting on other paper and still maybe come back and do that anyway if I can get it to work or get more comfortable with the idea). But this is why if you look closely you can see that I left the edge where the paper was perforated from the book of scrapbook paper it was in alone; I thought it was eventually going to get cut off since those edges are on the sides of the splash pages that got attached to the sketchbook paper block. Also originally I had picked out a bluish tape for the spine, but after some thought, I switched back to the hot pink tape I had also considered to give the book a pop of color. And I'm very happy with that decision. That pink did, however, make me feel like the inside of the book was missing something. I went back and forth on the idea a little, but ultimately I added the book pockets, which were actually the practice ones I made to figure out the size and measurements for pockets on one of the baby books, since they have the little hot pink dots, but are mostly white which ties in better with the cover. These I made (both for pockets that are wider and not as tall, like more traditional book pockets, which these were but I was too lazy to cut them so I turned them to be longer but just as effective pockets here) but deciding how far in I wanted the pockets to reach and how tall I wanted them to be, then adding 1/4" to the bottom and the edge facing the outside of the book. The corner of the 1/4' border was clipped, and the lines marking the 1/4" I scored by lining up a ruler to the line and tracing it with the tip of a pair of scissors since I don't have a proper scoring tool. The scoring isn't strictly necessary, but it makes those edges a heck of a lot easier to fold nicely when you're working with thicker paper like I was. The folded edges were then taped down to the back of the splash page the book pocket was attached to, and the book covers applied on top. My block of pages was at a bit of a slant, so my top cover ended up sticking out a little bit far and from the top-down, the book looks kinda funny, but overall I'm ultimately really happy with how this book came out and it makes me infinitely excited to make more. I think one of the next ones I'll be making/trying with these methods and the main process I used last time I'm going to attempt one with lined paper and see how that goes; I've already got some paper for it that I won't have to cut myself, so I mainly just have to get the pages lined up and glued and then I can move on to the fun stuff like the cover. I've also had a real itch to try a stitched/thread binding method lately, so sooner or later I may be posting a book made like that. We'll see. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble | Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

#sketchbooks

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aggresivelyfriendly · 8 years ago

Photo

Divide-Chapter Seven-Save Myself

“Baby, I Need You,” she knew what she sounded like, and had been distracting herself in every possible way to keep herself from making this call. Laurel had spent hours in the gym, had volunteered to cut patterns at work, and who knows how much time she had spent at the hospital.

She’d also been patently avoiding Willy. Laurel was fed up with herself. She felt like she was stringing him along and it was killing her. Two weeks ago she was all in. His accent made her quiver and he was everything she loved in a man, sexy and androgynous and talented. Even better, he was available and into her. He’d made it clear that he wanted her, but that included dates and doting and the deed.

Their first date he had arranged to close down a gallery and he’d shown her work by his favorite photographer. Laurel completely expected to walk in to rows of pictures of beautiful people and to be bored. She saw a lot of fashion photography at work. More concerning, what if the walls were full of him? Laurel could tell they had potential, he’d put his hand on her lower back and the region had lit up like a Christmas trees. Laurel was afraid if he was proven so hopelessly superficial already that her budding feelings, the first she’d had since she’d walked into Harry’s house two years ago for anyone but him, would wilt.

Laurel was pleasantly surprised to walk into a virtual photostory about human dignity in the midst of war and poverty and plague. Then, Willy further blew her away by explaining how he’d met the photographer once when he was visiting his family in Vietnam and that he’d spent most of his trip traveling with him and the volunteer work it sparked. He was heavily involved with water projects and had dug several wells in his off time. He then took her to a tiny noodle shop and they talked over £5 bowls of ramen for hours. He told her about Frank and their break up and how no one had caught his eye until her. It was great, and her mind only wandered to Harry a couple times, a record for sure.

The date ended well too. He’d walked her to her flat door and kissed her cheek so close to the corner of her mouth it had left her breathless. He’d then pressed his gorgeous lips to each of the back of Laurel’s hands and said, “I’ve had a lovely time. May I see you again tomorrow?”

Wow, very different from the relationship she was used to. Though that was a very loose term. And he did turn up the next day, and everyday they were available for weeks. And he didn’t kiss her, not for a long while, let alone receive her advances when she made her attraction known. Willy simply acknowledged and returned the appreciation. By the time they finally did kiss, right before going to a pub one evening, strangely close to Harry’s house, she was floating. His lips were perfect and he was so gentle and he cupped her jaw in his hands like she was made of glass.

She’d loved it. However, when she slept with him the night they ran into Harry again she was disappointed. He also touched her like she was made of glass. Willy was so slow to enter her and hesitant with his strokes. It felt good, but wasn’t enough. She’d taken the reins and found herself closing her eyes to climax, not to focus on sensation, but to visualize another set of eyes, another body. Willy’s body was beautiful, but completely unmarred, no dark etchings or moles or unexplainable chubs.

Harry occasionally touched her like she was spun glass, he’d then temper her with fire and test her strength. It was the contrast that made their communion unbelievable. Willy wasn’t so much bad, but he suffered by comparison.

So, after her first time accepting Willy into her bed and body, she found herself texting Harry. His hold had never broken, just slackened.

The next morning, she was so regretful she promised herself she would not contact him. Laurel threw herself into Willy’s arms and exhausted herself trying to force the connection. He was so ideal otherwise.

When that wasn’t working, she headed to the gym.

Sweat dripped down over her brow as she pushed herself through the set she was on. The cold of the universal bar sat across the meaty part of her upper back. Laurel bent her legs and held her core in tight until her thigh paralleled the ground. She pushed up through her heels and grunted. She’d intended to bench press today, but when she laid down on the bench she remember last September when she had worked out with Harry and the push and pull always present between them resulted in her balancing on her tightly closed knees, hands clutching the textured center of a thick barbel while Harry groaned behind her. The gym was ruined she guessed.

The next day, she went in to work early and stayed late, telling Willy that Ed had a private client to prepare for. Not a lie, more a fib. She cut the silk chiffon in front of her and put away thoughts of a similar folded fabric tied across her eyes so that her vision was obscured, not blocked. Laurel put that out of her mind and focused on the seam cutter she was using to open a hem until she heard Ed on the phone

“Yes, of course Mr. Styles, Laurel is here, would you like me to send it with her?” Ed asked.

She looked up frantically and shook her head twice, Ed got the message and found an alternative before he hung up. He looked at her quizzically but she stared him down until he bowed his head and stopped silenty asking. When he walked by, he placed his hand on her shoulder. Later, when he saw her shady button Willy, he was the one shaking his head.

The following day, her libido was in the backseat, but her emotional need was overwhelming. The air was stale and blowing hard enough to pebble every bit of exposed skin while she listened to the doctor. Laurel’s first instinct, after she emptied her stomach into a bin outside the sliding walls of glass, was to call Harry.

“Baby, I need you,” she said frantically.

“God, Laurel I need you too. What’s going on? It sounds windy,” Harry’s voice ticked up at the end.

“It’s the blower above the door. Can I come over?” She was already walking towards the tube.

Harry hesitated a moment, and she was relieved when he responded, “yeah, I’m on my way home. Should be there, like, in 5 minutes?”

“I think I could be with you in a half hour,” Laurel guessed as she scanned her Oyster card, “I’m going underground, I’ll see you soon.”

Once on the train she rocked herself back and forth and sang tupelo honey under her breath. Her mother always sang that to calm her down.

The intermittent rain that hung over London like a blanket was coming down when she exited the station near Harry’s place. Laurel barely felt it until her clothing was soaked through and a chill, separate from the one in her bones, crept in.

When Harry opened the door to her he tilted his head and gave her a quizzical look before pulling her inside and into his warm arms.

“You are wet through! Let me put on the kettle and get you some dry clothes,” he said as he pulled her from the foyer into his living room. “Just give me a minute.” He ventured up the stairs.

Laurel wasn’t sure what compelled her to follow him. Probably that when his arms were around her it was the warmest she had felt since the doctor came into the room.

Harry looked surprised by her presence in his room when he turned from his chest of drawers and found her under the door jam.

“You gave me a fright, you didn’t have to come up here, I was gonna bring them down to you,” he held the clothes out to her.

The snick of her shirt coming off was the only sound besides Harry’s breathing until her jeans and panties hit the hardwood with a wet thud. The Who t shirt and joggers fell from his hand when he reached out to catch her in her head long rush. The rain on her lips obscured his flavor at first, but soon she could taste the spearmint and coffee she associated with his breath. Laurel pushed him back to the bed and he fell when his knees made contact. She followed him down and her hair formed a curtain.

“Touch me, I’m so cold,” she didn’t recognize her own voice over the choked sob it came out on. Harry obeyed for a few moments, smoothing his large palms over her chilled goose flesh. The world inverted and she found herself beneath him as he pulled the blanket across them. All she could focus on was him above her and the warmth she’d missed since she heard the words ‘two months’ in the cold green room while sitting on the rigid brown chair.

Harry pulled back from her and she was reminded she preferred celery green to the dull moss. Laurel leaned up to kiss him but Harry pulled back from her.

“Are you crying?” His thumb caught the tears she was unaware were still tracking down her cheeks.

“Am I?” Laurel tried to roll away to hide her face.

“Laurel, baby, what’s going on? Did something happen with Willy?” He swallowed her boyfriend’s name like it tasted bad.

Her boyfriend, fuck she had to go. She didn’t want to be this person. Laurel was someone people leaned on, not this.

She scrambled up and tried to pull her clothes over her nakedness.

“Stop, Stop, Laurel your clothes are wet, take mine. What’s wrong? Please talk to me,” he begged as she grabbed the t shirt from him and carried the joggers to the door.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she repeated, to him and herself as she pulled his pants on at the foot of the stairs.

Laurel was almost the the door when he caught he about the waist and pulled her close.

“Baby, please talk to me, what happened, what is going on? Let me help,” he turned her round and used his thumb to raise her chin.

She looked at him through her tears. Laurel broke from his embrace and pulled open the door. She looked over her shoulder,“ You can’t Harry, I have to save myself.”

AN- thanks again @team-styles for the banner and @the-well-rested-one , @aboutalighthouse, and @tipsyandtalking for listening to me blather on. Also, this story has had an awesome response, thank you for reading and responding! Reblogs are love

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #ed sheeran #divide #song fic #save myself #one direction #one direction fanfiction

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iamnotaprepper · 8 years ago

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GO KITS!

I’ve been looking forward to writing this entry, because it’s way more fun than water storage. In a nutshell, the Go Kit (Kit, Bug-Out Bag, 72-Hour Kit, Go Bag, etc) is intended to keep you alive for 72 hours post-disaster, and it should be portable in case evacuation is required. You may be evacuating to a local shelter, or you may be leaving town by car or foot. Either way it’ll be handy to have supplies. And if evacuation isn’t required and you can stay at home or nearby, the Go Kit can serve to get you through the first few days, even if you’ve done nothing else to prepare for a disaster. As discussed in the last post, it’s not unreasonable to think that after three days there will be some assistance available, so let’s focus on surviving that long.

A few notes:

1) Two good lists for very good, very basic kits are at the Red Cross and Ready.gov. What I’ve outlined in this post is for a more involved kit. Here’s a link for my own checklist as a Word document. Please download a copy and edit away for your own needs.

2) Everything here applies to kids and adults (more on that below). Infants and toddlers have special needs, and probably necessitate a separate kit. This is way, way out of my wheelhouse, but the California Department of Health has a website with a ton of links for more information.

3) The Go Kit is for basic (very basic) survival, not comfort. We’ll get more into the comfort zone when we talk about hunkering down (rather than evacuation) in later posts. Think about your Go Kit as the worst case scenario.

4) Most of the stuff that goes in your Go Kit you already have around the house. HOWEVER, don’t load up your bag with stuff you use all the time. DO NOT USE THE STUFF IN YOUR GO KIT IF IT’S NOT AN EMERGENCY. I promise, you’ll forget to put the flashlight back and then you’ll be sorry. Basically, you’re going to need duplicate materials for your kit.

5) Wikipedia has a pretty good entry on survival kits, including a fascinating list of names for these kits. I prefer not to call it an “Emergency Kit” or “Emergency Bag” because that’s confusing with all the other emergency supplies you’re going to have on hand. I use Go Kit and Kit interchangeably.

6) I’m not going to write about guns or other weaponry. The internet can be a strange and dark place, and many of the sites with information on this topic are filled with post-apocalyptic fantasies involving all-out civilian warfare. These tend to have names like “Real Man Survival Guide” and talk a lot about how much spare ammunition you should keep in your kit. Apparently, allegedly “real men” will need all this ammunition to keep their women-folk safe from… whatever. I went there so you don’t have to. I’ll save the post-disaster community discussion for another post, but for now let’s just say that there’s not actually any evidence, based on other natural disasters in the US and around the world, that you need a gun in your Go Kit (or at all), so I’m skipping it.

Buy or Build

As stated above, most of the stuff in a Go Kit you already have around the house. However, I am lazy and so I just purchased a kit off the internet. [Actually it’s worse than that, I’m so lazy I asked my mom to get me one for my birthday one year. Thanks Mom!] I’ve since slowly added to my kit and replaced the items that aren’t right for us.

When I first got my kit, I was in a stage of my life when I was starting to worry about emergency preparedness but it was too big and scary a topic to spend much time thinking about. I had thought about building my own bag, but I’d get overwhelmed really fast and give it up. Having a pre-made kit gave me some peace of mind while getting me 95% of the way to being prepared. If you’re just starting with earthquake prep, I highly recommend purchasing a kit, to the point where if you actually know me I’ve probably told you at least twice to just go online and buy it already.

This is what our kit looks like:

It’s a 2-person, 3-day “Elite” kit from a company called Guardian Survival Gear. There are a lot of pockets because pockets are appealing. You’ll also notice there are lots of straps, which, since I’m from the Pacific Northwest, make me feel like I could attach all kinds of necessary but as-of-yet unforeseen things to the outside.

Kits seem to range from $50 to about $150. Make sure that you’ve got stuff for every member of the family, either in individual or combined kits.

If you’ve already got a kit, I’d skim this post and think about what you’ve already got. It might be worth switching things out or high-grading some essential items.

How Many Kits to Have

You should have enough material, in easy to transport bags (backpacks or duffels) for 3 days for every member of your family. We’ve got 1 kit that’s sufficient for 2 people for 3 days. The backpack is such that either one of us could carry it. We’ve also got a smaller, less extensive kit that lives in our car. That way, if we’re separated, both of us are likely to have access to one or the other kit.

As usual, when planning for an emergency, don’t forget about your kids (actually, probably just best to never forget that you have kids). It would absolutely work to count kids as adults and have the adult carry/manage a joint kit. For instance, a family of 4 with 2 parents and 2 children could just buy a couple of 2 person/3 day kits and plan on the adults carrying them. Make sure things like gloves and face masks are fitted for kids.

However, in this era extreme divisiveness in the American population, the one thing we can all agree on is that kids’ backpacks are freaking adorable. Less importantly, building a kit specifically for your kids, with their help, can be a fun and age-appropriate way to discuss emergency preparedness and your family plan. Having their own kit can give kids a sense of control in an uncertain situation. How Does She and Life As Mom (ugh, mommy blogs, I know. But again, we’re outside of my wheelhouse here) both have great tips on building kits for kids.

Organizing Your Go Kit

Everything in our kit came in giant zip-lock baggies, and I’ve kept that method as I’ve traded stuff out. Things will stay dry even in the rain, and it makes it easy to search for items very quickly, rather than digging through a bunch of random stuff (if you read this whole post, you’ll see there’s a lot of random stuff to pack). Also, I imagine the baggies could come in useful for other stuff.

What Goes in a Go Kit

Water. I’m so glad you took last month’s post to heart and filled gallons and gallons of water that are now safely stored away in case of an emergency!

But that’s not actually going to help in an evacuation situation. If we’re evacuating by private vehicle, you can probably load up those containers. But it’s not hard to imagine a situation where you’ll have to leave your stored water behind. For the Go Kit, I just bought water that’s rated for 5 year storage. Water bottles don’t stack or pack very well, but can be resealed (potentially a big plus). Our kit has juice-box style water, with 17 oz per person per day. It’s less than ideal, but remember, it’s basic survival.

I’d also recommend some kind of water purification in case additional water is available. Again, lots of details in the last post. Boiling is not ideal because then you need to carry fuel, and you want to keep things as simple (and light weight) as possible. We keep our Steri-Pen in the Go Kit.

Food. Full disclosure: Although I love to eat, I don’t actually cook, plan meals, or grocery shop, so I’ve got the least advice for this section. Our kit came with these gems:

I call this stuff People-Suet because that’s basically what it is. Two of these bars will give you minimum caloric intake for one day (12 bars total in the kit) and require no food or additional water. They’re small, don’t weigh much, and don’t require much. I’ve been curious to taste test, and since they’re nearing their 5-year expiration date, we opened a pack. I was prepared to be completely repulsed, but they’re… not bad? Sure, I’d rather eat cake, but I can now state with authority that these are way better than starving. They’ve got kind of an oily texture and are a bit sweet, so I’d probably pair with a dry German Riesling, or a Brut Champagne if you’re feeling a bit fancier.

Now that we’ve opened these, I need to replace with equivalent calories. There are lots of food options out there- MREs, camping food, etc. Think carefully about what you would need to consume those things in terms of fuel, extra water, etc. Canned food is very heavy for less nutritional payout. The Suet is potentially the least satisfying option in terms of flavor and volume, but it’s certainly the simplest and most space/weight effective, so I’ll probably get the same or similar product as a replacement. Others have informed me that they’d never eat the People-Suet and so have MREs. It’s your kit, so choose your own adventure.

Staying Warm and Dry. Since this is a worst-case scenario, think about the winter in Portland. It’s cold and wet, and you can’t guarantee what you’ll have on you when the earthquake strikes. I’d recommend ponchos and space blankets, since they’re easy and you won’t be tempted to raid your kit for them. Our kit also came with a very basic tent (essentially a fancy tarp), which is nice and could be useful.

There’s a lot of information on the internet about what clothing to pack in your Go Kit. I disagree with this a bit, since I’m not worried about having clean pants for each day of my 3-day use of the kit. I made a skivvy roll with wool socks and a thermal layer and that’s all I’m including for extra clothing.

First Aid. It’s safe to say that everyone should have a first aid kit as part of their Go Kit. Think about the things you’re most likely to need- bandages of all sizes, pain killers, etc. After opening things up to write this post, I decided I didn’t really like the kit that came with my bag- the hard case makes it bulky, and didn’t seem to have that much stuff in it. I switched it out for a smaller, soft case with more in it and added some extras, especially bandages and sterile gauze. Think about what you’re comfortable using and high-grade your kit. Also, we’re discussing a potentially low-water situation, so that no-water hand sanitizer is a very appropriate thing to keep in your kit.

It’s also important to keep extras of any prescription medication. Really, really important. I sometimes have asthma problems, and I keep an extra inhaler in my Go Kit. With all the dirt that’s going to be in the air, plus all the stress, there’s a high likelihood that I could need it and it’s the worst situation to be without it if I need it. Do you take anti-depressants? The post-disaster uncertainty and chaos is NOT the time to go off them. Even going off oral BC for a week or two can mess up your hormones in a way that could make it harder to function in a stressful situation.

Remember, you’re going to keep your Go Kit somewhere you’re likely to be able to get at it, even if you can’t get into your medicine cabinet because the house has collapsed. This can get tricky for a number of reasons, mainly:

1) Medication can have Goldilocks storage requirements (not too hot, not too cold) and a shorter shelf life than the other items in your kit.

2) Many insurance companies are dedicated to making sure you’re not stockpiling your medication and will only pay for enough to keep you going.

If you can get an extra dose/week/month of your prescription, or if it’s something you only need once in a while, rotate your newest batch into your kit and take out the older stuff to use in your house. You’ll probably still be going through it before any expiration date, but it’ll ensure that in case of an emergency, what’s in your kit is fresh enough.

For the second obstacle, you could call your insurance company and explain why you need an extra few weeks of your medication, and I’m sure they’ll help you out [HAHA! That was a joke. Good luck with that.] In reality, it’s worth asking your doctor for free samples of medications for your emergency kit. They may be able to give you something that’s off brand or close to your actual prescription that can do in a literal emergency, especially if you’re having trouble getting expensive medications. I don’t know how true this is across the medical profession, but a couple of specialists I’ve seen have been really helpful for this.

Safety Equipment. After an earthquake, there’s likely to be a lot of broken glass around. Leather gloves (or at least gardening gloves) will save you a lot of grief. Make sure there’s a pair for everyone your kit is providing for. The pair that came with my kit is way too big for me, so I high-graded to a nicer pair in my size.

Along the same lines as gloves, my kit came with respiratory masks and safety goggles, for obvious reasons. Neither of these items are expensive at any local hardware store so I’d throw them in.

Flashlight. Batteries have shelf lives, so they’re not really designed to be stuck in your kit and forgotten for years. Also, they’ve got limited life once you start using them, so you need to think about sticking replacements in your bag, too.

The obvious solution is to forget about batteries. There are many flashlight options these days that don’t require batteries. I personally like the hand-squeeze flashlights so much that when I found the one in my kit, I went online and bought a bunch of them to replace the regular flashlights in our house and car. They can be ignored forever and then they’ll work forever once you need them, and they’re not expensive.

Radio. Remember, cell phones aren’t going work and the power will be out. A little hand-held radio, either hand-crank or with extra batteries (see above), will help you to get information about the state of things and where resources are being gathered.

Lots of people keep walkie-talkies or simple 2-way radios in their Go Kits. Again with the batteries, but I think this is a pretty good idea. They generally don’t have a huge geographic range, but it’ll be better than nothing when cell phones don’t work. Decide on a channel for your family to use before packing it all up.

Documentation. Most lists recommend keeping photocopies of identification (DL or passports) for all family members. This could a) help prove you are who you are if you lose your wallet in the earthquake; b) help to track down missing family members. I keep these, and other documents, in a waterproof document package (expensive versions of this exist, but no shame in using a Ziploc baggie).

Copies of any essential medical information are important to keep.

Do you know the phone numbers for the people you’ll need to contact after an emergency? Me neither, and once my cell phone is out of battery, I’m out of luck. Write down those phone numbers and stick them in your kit.

Also recommended are copies of the deed to your house and insurance policies. I think this may be a holdover from pre-internet days, and I haven’t bothered doing this for our kit. However, it is important to know where to find those documents online. Since we’re talking about a regional disaster (not a planet-wide apocalypse) I’ve made sure this stuff is in a [relatively] secure place on the Cloud.

Cash. Without power and internet, cash will be king and may not be readily accessible from your bank. I don’t keep our cash (or personal documentation) in the kit, but in another location we’d be able to get to it. It’s not a long term investment strategy, but it could help to stash something aside.

Miscellaneous. Here’s some random stuff it’ll be useful to have:

Pocket knife and/or multi tool. This is pretty self-explanatory.

Cord or Rope. Rope is always useful. Make sure your knife is up to cutting it.

Matches. Essential for any survivalist fantasy.

Tissues and/or Toilet Paper. My kit came with about a billion little packets of tissues. I’d recommend this and/or a roll of toilet paper.

All-purpose camping soap. Good for hand washing, dish washing, showering, shampoo, etc. It’s not the best at any one of those things but it’s non-toxic and does the job.

Miscellaneous 2: Here’s random stuff that came in my kit that I find confusing.

Sewing Kit. My kit has a mini-sewing kit. I have no idea why. I don’t even know how to sew on a button or hem pants, so I have no clue what the hell to do with this stuff after an earthquake. The needle/thread aren’t even appropriate for surgical stitches, but I guess needles can be generally useful anyway.

Toiletry Kit. My kit came with a little toiletry kit, complete with toothbrush, wash cloth, hotel soap, and a razor. I’m into the toothbrush and paste, since dental hygiene is very important to me. I even traded out the toothbrush for one I like better, because I am a diva. I don’t see myself using the razor, ever.

Deck of Cards. All the lists seem to recommend this. I never play card games in my normal life, but maybe I’ll turn out to be a poker shark after the earthquake and I’ll use it to win essentials like fuel for my camp stove.

And that’s everything I know about building a Go Kit. Remember, it doesn’t all have to be completed in one sitting! Don’t Panic! Start with the most important things and work your way up to a complete kit you can be confident in.

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