#The joke isn't getting any funnier

[yenqa]

firsts

synopsis — sakusa and you have never had a conversation, and honestly you’re terrified of the man. but one conversation turns out to be many more of your firsts with sakusa.

warnings — reader is scared of men LMFAO, not really any

pairing — sakusa x implied fem!reader

wordcount — 710

a/n — happy birthday to himm! also my first hq post in a while OOPS also not proofread sorry!

You’ve never really talked to Sakusa.

You had been the manager of the volleyball team since your first year–and you had known him since then, but for some reason, you haven’t talked to him unless it’s volleyball related.

In fact–you don’t think you’ve ever had a conversation with him. But there's a first for everything, right?

Itachiyama has made it to nationals (not like it’s a surprise), and everyone has just arrived. The room continues to fill with people you don’t know, so you decide it’s best to stick with your team so you don’t get lost.

Well apparently that was a horrible idea to everyone else. Because you’ve lost everyone but Sakusa. 

And you’re terrified. Surrounded in a room full of men you don’t know sounded like your worst nightmare, and you were living it currently.

Frantically scanning the room for anyone that’s not Sakusa, you somehow can’t spot any of the familiar bright yellow and green jackets your team is wearing.

Everyone knows that Sakusa doesn’t like to be bothered. But when you make eye contact with him, you change your expression to a way where he understands you’re pleading for help.

And he nods once.

Your mouth breaks out into a smile, and you shimmy your way to the crowd. Letting out a sigh of relief–you lean on the wall for support, muttering a small thank you to Sakusa. 

You don’t expect him to say anything back, but you can hear his muffled voice say, “You okay?”

Tilting your head slightly up to make eye contact with him, you smile as you say, “Yeah–I’m fine. Are you nervous?”

You’re not sure why you ask the question, he probably doesn’t want to be bothered. I mean–you were still kind of shocked that he let you even be near him.

“Not really. Are you?”

You’re even more shocked when he continues the conversation. You’d expect he’d be the most rude person if he didn’t want to talk. “I-uhm I am a little bit. But we’re exempt from playing today right?”

Yeah–this definitely is the first and last conversation you’ll ever have with him.

He nods.

Then it’s silent.

Surprisingly, the silence isn't the most awkward thing you’ve experienced. It feels as if you’re just two people co-existing.

You watch as everyone excitedly hugs each other or glares at their next opponent. One person even tries to rile up the other, eliciting a small chuckle from you.

From the corner of your eye you can tell he’s curious, but he hasn’t said anything yet. This time, you take initiative to point at the players, also describing the jacket colors.

And you swear you can hear him laugh.

Not a full–hearty laugh obviously, but a small chuckle. A quiet one that you don’t even notice. But it’s definitely the first time you’ve heard him do anything resembling a laugh.

“You laughed.” You blurt out, before you even realize. 

He furrows his brows, “I did.”

Your eyes widen, “Sorry–oh my gosh, it’s just the first time I’ve heard your laugh before, Sakusa-san. I swear I didn’t mean it like that–you just have a nice laugh–”

And now he’s actually laughing–like not even hard to hear.

He’s laughing, he’s hunched over, shaking and clutching his stomach. You don’t think you’ve ever felt more mortified in your life.

“It wasn’t that funny was it?” You ask, a frown on your face.

Sakusa catches his breath, “Funnier than any of the jokes Komori tries to make.”

“There wasn’t even a joke! And I happen to like the jokes he makes!”

“Only if you’re sick in the head.”

You scoff at his remark, “Wow, Sakusa-san, you’re very hard to please.”

“Kiyoomi.”

“Another complaint?” You tease, trying to play dumb at what he’s trying to imply. 

“Call me Kiyoomi.”

You can feel heat rush to your cheeks, you tuck your hair back behind your ear and mutter, “Okay, Kiyoomi.”

And even though he’s wearing a white mask, you swear you can see his eyes crinkle and you can assume the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. 

You’ve had many firsts with Sakusa today. This is the first time you’ve seen him smile–just maybe next time he’ll do it while his face is fully shown.

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[cannedinternets]

Yanno, a thing i see a LOT in fics is that the Batfam think Danny is a meta, b/c ghosts don't exist. Which is valid, i mean they ARE a team of detectives with a shitton of wacky themed rogues and, at least on batman's part, a noted distaste for and disbelief in magic and the supernatural.

But bruce and tim have both worked with ghosts directly. (Maybe the others too? fuck there's a LOT of comics and animated series and-) So i think it would be much funnier if they think he's not a ghost, b/c Ghosts Don't Work That Way.

In fact, b/c Communication Is Not The Batman's Strong Suit, I think it's funny if all of them are wrong but for different reasons.

Bruce - has worked with Deadman. You can't see or interact with ghosts without magical outside intervention. Thinks Danny is a magic user who transforms a la Shazam/Captain Marvel.

Dick - Clown trauma? Mind control Trauma? One of your rogues tried to brainwash you to be his son/weapon? Damn kid you're like me if i had it even worse. Thinks Danny is a "regular" kid vigilante with a schtick.

Babs - Well the video evidence she can find deffo lines up with him being a super, but there's a hardcore blackout around his town, he doesn't legally exist, AND any outside info she runs into is usually cutoff by someone (tucker or technus depending), AND he's mentioned cloning. So he's probably a designer "cloned" (ugh dc that's not how cloning works) meta kid that's being taken advantage of by the government and/or cadmus.

Cass - Thinks Danny is a terrible liar (true) who is counting on the refuge in audacity to keep people from realizing what he is (also true). Thinks he's someone who got themed meta powers in a lab accident and is playing up the ghost thing b/c he fights ghosts constantly.

Jason - Glowing green eyes? Ability to manifest green constructs that look like they're made of goo? Constant death jokes? Aww, this dude is just another me but he is also a meta/somehow got anime girl powers out of getting dunked in the lazarus pits.

Tim - worked with Secret. Ghosts can fly, shapeshift, go intangible, teleport, posses people. Thinks phantom is an actual ghost that is possessing/overshadowing Danny, possibly consensually? He's looking into it. Ironically, is the closest to the truth.

Steph - Hasn't seen Danny do anything that the other bats can't do, and HAS seen him work on an engineering project for 16 hours straight. Thinks Danny is something like the bats, either under-powered or completely non-powered and makes up for it with tech and mystique. Also thinks Danny is a great ally in gremlinship.

Duke - his Ghost Sight does NOT play well with ghosts, ironically. Thinks Danny is some sort of eldritch horror with a human guise. He seems cool tho, Duke isn't gonna judge someone based on looks even if they do give him migraines.

Damian - thinks that Danny is a Pit Demon and you are all insane.

Jarro - thinks Danny is a Green Martian. Also thinks Danny is awesome.

[brionysea]

when it comes to the umbrella academy, a lot of people seem to think that the first half is great and the second half is terrible. personally, I think only the first *season* is great, or even good. here's why:

the mission statement at the end of season 1 is fixing viktor, but viktor isn't the only broken one, so you can infer that they're all going to have to fix *each other* - as a family, the one thing their abuser never let them be. and the world's burning down around them because of the most dramatic sibling confrontation to ever grace the earth, but they're holding hands and escaping together and surviving the impossible with the intent to move forward, even if that means momentarily moving backwards. it's a masterful allegory for finally growing up, accepting responsibility for your personal trauma and tragedy and how they shaped you, and the moment you take that power back by choosing to heal your inner child, only after being slapped in the face with the fact that if you don't, it *will* destroy everything you've ever built, ever cared about, and ever could.

and then the rest of the show forgets all of it. as it were, it goes in the *exact opposite direction.*

on the surface, the second season isn't *as* bad as the subsequent ones are. but season 3 and 4's faults can be traced back to season 2 by how it pivoted away from the serious subject matter that the story (not the plot - the *story*) was heavily baked in, leaning hard into the goofier elements instead, without ever understanding the contrast that those conflicting elements served to highlight. it made them both more powerful; the jokes were funnier because you were just devastated, and the trauma was more devastating because you were just in tears laughing. the emotional roller coaster is key to understanding these people, and you *have* to take the serious stuff seriously for it to work. at least half of the show doesn't, and as a result, the emotional moments feel hollow.

controversial opinion: as a character, luther is better in season 1 than he is anywhere else. he's more unlikable, but that's because he's implicitly there to show what *not* to do - even if he'd succeeded narratively by locking viktor up and saving the world, he still failed thematically by emulating their father and continuing the cycle of abuse - so luther's a character that's being very effectively used to add to the core theme of the story. he feels like a real, frustrating person, whose brain chemistry got messed up by years of abuse and isolation, all for the crime of thinking his father loved him and wanted the best for him. not like a made up guy on your screen doing silly stuff solely for your entertainment.

season 2 was also the start of the characters getting love interests instead of storylines, which season 1 never would have *dreamed* of; klaus and dave's tragic romance only served to further klaus's character arc, viktor's creepy boyfriend was actually manipulating him the whole time, five's fractured-psyche-mannequin was a narrative tool to let us see into the head of such an emotionally reticent character, and so on. the romance served the character, but fairly quickly into the show's progression, it felt like the character started serving the romance. five was immune to this curse for a long time due to aidan gallagher's age, which is why he's (for the most part) the best, most consistent character across the show, because they had to use their *imagination* for him and actually *write an arc* instead of falling back on tired romance tropes that any selection of characters could slot into to fill the dead space.

after season 1, the umbrella academy is entertaining, but it doesn't have anything to *say.* which is extremely disappointing when the show initially made such a strong case for what it wanted to be.

[xinganhao]

🪶 dead poets society!hhu x reader.

i heard the hip-hop unit asked you to join the dead poet's society! ✶ part of my svt university milestone event

⤿ hip-hop unit as members of a poetry society, choose-your-own romance (🙂), poetry references. more content + poll for special chapter under the cut. ♡⸝⸝ prompt from @taeraegyat! + a special shoutout to @biniaiahs, who helped me come up with the plot. that's #oomf <3

SEUNGCHEOL'S WRITE-UP.

i think i still see love as something that's built from the ground up. something you work on, something that can be encompassing and grand. even then, i'd be a fool to think it won't inevitably end. all good things do. (much like this club, though that's a sentiment for another essay.) the fact that it will all eventually crumble doesn't make it any less worth pursuing. and so we build our empires, brick by brick, in hopes that we can have everything our heart desires. that same night when i told you about what i want, i think i could have been clearer. i want everything, yes. but more than that, i want you.

WONWOO'S WRITE-UP.

we need people to live. that seems like a simple, cardinal truth— an echo of 'no man's an island'. it's not always easy to accept, though. i think that's how i've spent most of my days. don't get me wrong. being alone ≠ being lonely. i've always been fine with myself, fine by myself. but love is like a cat curled up in a patch of sunlight. oh-so comfortable in taking its time, coming and going whenever it pleases. much like you. you're a bit unfair, because you've made me less lonely. because now, i don't want to be alone when i can be with you.

MINGYU'S WRITE-UP.

i have a page bookmarked on my google chrome. 'funny, random & weird holidays'. i told you once before that i'm always looking to celebrate something, because that's just the point of living! to find small but certain happiness in our day to day! otherwise, life gets tedious and tiring. so can i be blamed for wanting to mark 'international joke day'? (july 1, by the way.) i think it's a bit of a coping mechanism, really. maybe on 'say something nice day' or 'richter scale day', you'll finally look my way. maybe if it weren't just a random thursday, you'd finally feel what i've always felt for you.

VERNON'S WRITE-UP.

this isn't the best version of me yet. i know that for a fact. there's a lot more that i can still be and i'm sure the same stands for you. on my end: i can probably be funnier, cooler. i could be more honest, too. the closest i've come to the truth is when i slipped and i said i needed to see you. not want; need. i like to believe that in a couple of years, i'll be the type of guy who can sweep you off your feet. i don't expect you to wait. it's just a quiet, blind hope— that i may one day be deserving, if i ever dared to ask.

[who-knew-a-sheep-can-write]

hey there! you’re like the one of few blogs that still write for bigby! you’re single handedly keeping my obsession alive with him. do you have just any random head cannons about him that you can share!

I'm doing it just for you pookies >:) Ima give you some romance headcanons

If Telltale won't give me more Bigby, I will always deliver

Also FUCK i missed doing headcanons, please send in some ideas

🌙This man is fucking dedicated to you and only you. As much as he hates the jokes about being a loyal dog or even a lap dog, it's kind of true when you both get serious.

🌙He cuts down on his smoking as much as he can. Bigby often smokes to dull his supernatural senses just to avoid sensory overload. However, when you both got together, Bigby noticed something worked even better than Huff n' Puffs: Your scent. What's the point of smoking upwards of almost two packs a day when he can inhale that sweet sweet scent of yours?

🌙Bigby tries to make himself more presentable at first. He feels like he has to make a good impression despite you both knowing each other for centuries. He shaves more to keep his ever-growing stubble at bay, he keeps himself groomed and washed, he starts to use his cologne more, he even puts more effort into his laundry to get the ash and whiskey stains out of his shirts and pants.

🌙He is a sucker for kisses on his cheek. Whether you have to stand on your toes or bend down, you can find him faintly blushing and looking away sheepishly from the act of romance. If you kiss him on the cheek while he's smoking, the poor cigarette would burn up fast and Bigby would almost choke on the smoke.

🌙Bigby's love language is definitely acts of service. Bigby loves doing things for you, especially the little things that really drive it into him how much he craves a domestic life. Unfortunately, Bigby is sometimes too busy to be there for it to be quality time - but fuck if he doesn't absolutely love every minute he spends with you. He isn't good with words at times which has lead to very awkward moments and even funnier ones. Bigby never had an eye for gifts and has little experience with them, but he fucking loves whatever you get him even if it's a new tie.

🌙Bigby loves dates where it takes place in nature, especially at night when there are less people out and about. Walks through Central Park, night treks through botanical gardens, going down the boardwalks in Staten Island, resting on the cold sand of the beaches. There was one date you both went on at the beach at night where it was just the two of you along the balmly coast. You and Bigby were messing around near the waves when you both somehow ended up knee-deep in the waves. Bigby had you in his strong arms, holding you close as you both laughed and kissed before you playfully splashed water on him. It was safe to say you both ended up at his apartment soggy.

🌙If you ever wanna make this man blush heavily: Compliment him. And do not let up. Bigby likes the act annoyed at first, hiding his face by turning away and playfully scoffing only for him to break and flush at your sweet words. He loves it especially if you compliment him on the things that normally make people uneasy. His gaze, his strength, his wolf.

🌙Bigby, at first, was uneasy turning with you around. He was worried that you would be terrified of him, and that was something he couldn't handle at the time. Despite the fact that you knew what he was before and now after the Homelands and even seeing all of him, he still wasn't excited to show them at first.

🌙You're the only one who can say things that someone would say to their pet pooch, but only to a limit. Saying stuff like 'Good boy' however is a good way to rile him up, especially if you say it all sultry.

🌙When you hang around his office, he likes it when you put on a true crime podcast for Mundies. He had somehow crammed a couch into his office for you to lounge on as you both listened to how fucking crazy those Mundies could be, especially from the state of Florida. Some of the stories you both listened to were so outrageous, that Bigby stopped what he was doing and completely forgot about it because he couldn't believe what he heard as you cackled at his expression.

🌙Ever since you two started dating, Bigby finally started to use his bed again. His poor chair was left abandoned at night when you both would go to bed unless Colin passed out on it. There were times where you would pop in and see Bigby passed the fuck out on it still. He definitely sleeps like a victorian boy with the plague.

🌙Bigby loves going over to your apartment just to drown in your scent. He often doesn't want to leave your bed at times just so he can bury his head in your neck or in your pillow if you had gotten up. If he could, he would want to spend all day in the sheets just lying with you.

🌙Another one of your favorite dates to do if the weather is shitty out is snuggling up together on your couch and watch Mundy cop shows, especially the ones with bad acting and writing. You like to ask him what he would do in the cases shown and Bigby's usual answers have to do with punching the crook or sarcasm.

🌙If Bigby wolfmans out, he loves it when you stroke his fur and scratch at the raw skin beneath, especially around his neck. He can't really speak like this but he's sure to groan and growl in pleasure. He loves how your hands roam freely, without a trace of fear, around his hulking body. He loves it when you compare the size of your hand to his clawed one.

🌙When it's a full moon, Bigby gets a little weird. He's not forced to turn thanks to whatever spells the witches on the thirteenth floor put on him, but he does act differently. He needs to be around you, needs to have you in his sights and he needs to smell you or else he feels the beast inside of him go crazy. Don't be surprised if Bigby gets excited that night.

🌙He loves it when you look into his eyes when they're all wolfy and yellow. He can see the faint glow reflecting off of your eyes and it makes his chest feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

🌙If you're a fable that can change forms, you both often turn behind closed doors and drawn curtains for both fun and comfort. Sometimes keeping the beast pent up for too long can drive Bigby crazy and he knows it's the same for you. There have been times where you both would wrestle for fun.

🌙There have been times where Bigby would come home bloodied and bruised. He hates seeing you so worried for him and he hates it even more that you always clean and patch him up. You shouldn't have to do this, you shouldn't have to take care of him like this but you do. Bigby would sit on the toilet seat silently and watched as you worried over him. He hates making you worry.

🌙Bigby sometimes gets into these moods where he feels like you could do so much better than him. He doesn't even tell you at first when you gently ask him if he was alright, but he eventually breaks. He feels like you shouldn't be with a monster like him. You get shit for being with him and he hates that. His thoughts get shut down quickly by you pressing a firm kiss to his cheek and tell him how much you love him and how you'll always love him.

🌙Bigby loves it when you compliment his strength. He never thought about it before until he had to hoist up a truck to help Flycatcher with no problem. Just hearing you compliment his strength made him almost drop the truck on the poor frog prince below. Ever since then, Bigby likes to show off here and there just for you to coo and oogle over him.

🌙When you both sit together on the couch, he loves it when you either sit in his lap or have your legs stretch over his own with his hands stroking them. If you're in his chair, he loves it when you straddle him, pinning him back against his chair with the tv forgotten about behind you.

🌙Play with his hair. Play with his hair. Just do it, trust me. He will be putty in your hands if you play with his hair, especially as you're kissing. Scratch your nails gently against his scalp, twist his thick locks between your fingers, tug on it. You won't be sorry.

🌙Bigby loves it when you wear his clothing, especially his button-ups even if they don't close up. It started one fall when the temperature dipped below what was originally forecasted. Bigby saw you shiver once from a gust of wind and off came his coat. And that's when it started. He claims it's another scent thing, but just seeing you wearing his clothes really stirs something inside of him.

🌙When you two kiss, he loves it when your hands paw at his body. He loves it when they travel along his brawny limbs and dance across his broad chest and shoulders and crawling down his trim stomach. It drives him crazy as he snarls into the kiss. Oh, and if you sink your nails into his skin? Nip at his bottom lip? You're tipping him over the edge.

🌙He rests so much easier now with you by his side. He's never felt like this before with anyone, his little crush on Snow doesn't even come close to the love this man feels for you. The ring hidden away in his desk was proof of that.

[hotchfiles]

hotch "representing the bau" hotchner x activist!reader who won't stand for bullshit

not like actual conflict cause we know hotch is a very principled guy

more like

"shit i can't shitpost about overthrowing the government anymore cause my boyfriend is the government" vibes

you have no idea how deeply i feel about this i've actually posted about this because i'm very much against all cops and he's a literal fed ! but

You met in the most conventional of ways, which makes the whole thing even funnier to the outside person. A bar. You noticed him the moment he walked in, too downright gorgeous to be ignored, you stare at him completely shamelessly and get a few shy awkward smiles in return while he sips on his first drink and talks to his companion, who you later learned was Rossi.

He will find it later on that you're not really up for games, but it takes him by surprise when you approach him, card in hand with your phone number and the red stain of your red lips on the other side. He's immediately smitten, being flirted with so openly at his age does wonders for his ego and he makes sure to text you as soon as he gets back to his apartment.

The texting back and forth goes for hours, a lot of flirting, you're much more outspoken than he is, but still you find him hilarious, you will be telling your friends he's the funny one between you two (none of them will believe you, but you like having this only to yourself as well).

You talk movies, plays, music, favorite drinks and by 2AM he asks you on a date. It’s perfect from the get go. He's flattering, compliments your choice of clothes, says he likes the lipstick (the same you used on the card he is keeping safe on his wallet), takes you to a nice restaurant.

You tell him since you made the very first move, he would have to be the one to kiss you, he argues he sent you the first text so you should be the one to do it, in the end none of you know who took the first move, you're just sure you were the one to unlock your apartment door, stumbling along with him as you two passionately kissed.

It's not common for this to happen for him, he's too much of a gentleman, sleeping with someone on the first date isn't the gentlemanly thing to do, you're not attached to those norms so even if he tried to argue, your lips glued to his neck as you worked on his belt took his mind off of it.

It's not until the next morning that he really notices your place: The types of books you had, some revolutionary art pieces and it's then he realizes he has no idea what you do for a living. Neither did he tell you he was a FBI agent. You two talked long hours and career wasn't even a topic (that may be why you caught his heart so fast).

You were a journalist, a writer, quite proficient and known for your progressive ideals and less than civil protests, so when you both realize the differences and the conflict it might bring, the first instinct was to pull away. Forget the whole thing. It was only one date after all.

It's a matter of days for the realization that being apart won't happen, your thoughts are filled with him and his voice and the way he touched you and Aaron can possibly detail every curve of your body and the way you smelled as if he was still in bed with you.

There's a mutual agreement of public discretion, you can't have your readers knowing you're falling for a fed, nor does the media needs any more reasons to write about the FBI.

His team knows though, and so does Strauss, she had to be warned of the possibility of your name popping up in some lists. She reads half of your writings after that, highlighting stuff you should not be writing about (you won't listen to her on it) and the compromise you make is to keep all of your opposition material completely professional, no tweets, no tiktoks, nothing of the sort with jokes about overthrowing the government.

"Did you... Did you just cite and use one of Stalin's books as a resource here?" He asks, he's in your bed, blue boxer shorts and white t-shirt on, completely comfortable with you already, his reading glasses sit on top of his nose like an old man and he furrows his brows, looking up at you. Aaron's interested in what you write, he truly reads whatever you hand him just to learn more about you, he's not the one to try to censure any of it.

"Well yeah... His writings are the easiest to comprehend on the topic." You shrug, not understanding the tone of his question at first.

"Honey... You can't just... Do you know how many... Forget it. Your editor will love it." His poor attempts to talk you down failing each time he looked over and saw your expectant eyes as his opinion is important to you. You smile at his defeat, taking the papers from his hand and throwing somewhere else in the room, his glasses go to the bedside table and soon you're kissing any of his worries away.

[fluentmoviequoter]

We've Got a Problem

Requested Here!

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!fiancée!reader

Summary: When you get arrested on Tim's day off, you have to call someone to get you out of jail. Tim doesn't answer when you call, but when he finds out what happened, he makes it a bigger problem.

Warnings: grumpy!Tim, fluff, mentions of homicide and drug trafficking; reader doesn't commit any crimes, so misunderstanding?

Word Count: 1.1k+ words

Picture from Pinterest

You can't decide what's funnier: that you are in police custody, that the arresting officers refused to believe that you are Tim Bradford's significant other, or that Tim isn't answering his phone.

When you switch tactics to call Wesley Evers instead of Tim, you decide that the last option is the funniest part of this ordeal.

"Hey," Wesley answers.

"This isn't a personal call," you begin with a chuckle. "Would you believe me if I said I'm currently being detained at LAPD Mid-Wilshire division on suspicion of a triple homicide and drug possession?"

"I really hope for Tim's sake you're joking."

"I'm not. I need a lawyer, Wesley. But I also need to ask you to find Tim to get me out. No one here will believe that he's my fiancé and he's not answering my calls."

"Can't imagine why they're so sure he's single. I'll get him down there and ask for the evidence. We'll get this thrown out, don't worry."

"I'll stop worrying when I'm out of here. Thank you, Wesley."

“Don’t hang up, I’m patching Tim in.”

“What do you want, Wesley?” Tim asks when the line connects.

“I want to know why you answer for him but not for me,” you interject.

Tim says your name before asking, “Where are you?”

“Jail,” you and Wesley answer together.

“What? Which station?”

“That’s your question?” Wesley replies. "Not what she did?"

“Your station,” you answer. “And I’d like to go home.”

“I’m on my way. Wesley, talk to me.”

“They’ve got her on suspicion of homicide and drug trafficking. Angela sent me part of the case file and it seems like you fit the physical description of the suspect, but that’s it. I have no doubt we can get this thrown out by the end of the day.”

“Tim, I’m sorry,” you offer. “I know it’s your day off.”

“At least it’s a good story,” he grumbles.

“Tim, I may have told a few cops that I’m your fiancée. They didn’t believe me, but I- I’m sorry for telling them.”

“Fantastic. I’m hanging up, I’ll be inside in a minute.”

“How mad is he really?” Wesley asks.

“I don’t think I want to know. Maybe I should’ve just asked you to come.”

“Good luck.”

✯✯✯✯✯

Tim yells your name when he walks into the holding area. He looks at you as you stand, walking to the cell door as another officer unlocks it.

“I’m really sorry,” you whisper as you step out.

“Later,” Tim answers, gesturing for you to follow him.

You walk behind Tim and the officer, waiting by Tim’s side as he completes paperwork.

“And what’s your relationship?” the officer behind the desk asks.

“I’m her fiancé,” Tim answers.

The officer raises his eyebrows but nods as he slides a paper to Tim. Tim carries the paper in one hand, raising his other arm to direct you into a nearby office.

“Sergeant Grey, a word?” Tim asks.

“Sure. Who’s your friend?”

You say your name, shaking Sergeant Grey’s hand.

“My fiancée. Celina and Nolan just booked her on suspicion for Lopez’s case.”

Sergeant Grey presses his lips together but fails to hide his smile as he begins laughing, leaning backward while he wipes an amused tear from his eye.

“Let me guess, you told them that you’re with Bradford and they didn’t believe you.”

“Uh, exactly,” you answer, surprised at how quickly he determined what happened.

“I’ll talk to Nolan,” Grey promises.

“I can do it,” Tim responds.

“No, Bradford, I’ll handle it. It won’t happen again.”

“It better not, or I’ll intervene.”

“I’m sorry,” Grey tells you. “The charges won’t be filed, so you’re not going to be impacted other than the inconvenience this afternoon. I apologize on behalf of the entire department.”

“It’s not a problem,” you answer softly.

“It is a problem,” Tim says before exiting the office. “Nolan!”

“Tim,” you call, rushing out after him. “What’re you doing? They didn’t even believe me about you.”

“Not the biggest problem. Nolan!”

“Uh, yes?” Nolan asks, glancing over Tim’s shoulder at you.

“You arrested my fiancée on a completely baseless allegation. Because she looks a bit like a suspect in a huge case. That is not good police work, that’s being lazy and making connections where there are none.”

“I-“

“Unless you’re about to apologize, stop talking. Care to explain why you heard my name and didn’t do anything?”

“She claimed to be your fiancée. What was I supposed to do, just believe who I thought was a suspect in numerous felony cases?”

“Doesn’t sound like an apology.”

“What are you so mad about? I did my job.”

“You did what you think your job is. As a TO, it is on you to make sure Celina is prepared to do her job without you. Bringing people in because they fit what is possibly the most generic physical description ever is not being a good officer.”

“This doesn’t sound like letting me handle it,” Grey says, stepping out of his office.

Tim clenches his jaw before pointing at Nolan. “For the record, she is my fiancée and I will not forget this.”

“You have a fiancée?” Nyla asks as she stops in the middle of the bullpen. “Wait, are you the one who got brought in for Angela’s felonies? The one who called Wesley?”

“Yeah,” you answer, supplying your name as you introduce yourself.

“Oh, this story needs to be told.”

“Don’t,” Tim warns.

Nyla pulls her phone from her pocket, smiling as she types. “Too late.”

“So much for my day off,” Tim grumbles.

“I got arrested today, and you had a long day?” you ask.

“We’re leaving.”

Tim leads you to his truck, sighing as he sits back in the driver’s seat.

“Tim-“

“Don’t apologize again. I’m not mad at you, for anything. Just… this is so stupid,” Tim concludes, smiling as he laughs.

“You’re telling me. Although Nolan and Juarez got a good laugh out of the idea of you having a fiancée.”

“I don’t think that’s funny,” Tim responds. “I think I just got very lucky.”

You smile, leaning across the console to kiss Tim.

“Excuse me, you’re parked in a tow-away zone. Tim?” an officer asks through the open window. She gasps before asking, “Is this your fiancèe?”

“Bye, Chen.”

Tim pulls out before she can say anything else, and you laugh at his dramatic sigh.

“Can you stay out of trouble for the rest of my day off?” he asks.

“I may need some incentive.”

“Then spend it with me. Not calling Wesley Evers from a jail cell.”

“Deal.”

You take Tim’s hand and smile. He brushes his thumb over your knuckles, keeping you close as he drives to his house.

"Wait, we should take a picture," Tim says after parking in his driveway.

"For what?"

"To commemorate your first arrest."

You roll your eyes but smile anyway. Tim takes the picture, and when he looks down to see how it turned out, you cup his face in your hands and kiss him. While he's thoroughly distracted, you try to grab his phone, but he moves it before pulling you closer. Maybe getting arrested and letting Tim's coworkers know he's engaged wasn't all bad.

[the-guilty-writer]

The Fake Doctor

Request from anon: Young autistic reader who’s Derek’s daughter and Derek needs Reid’s help with her 

Derek Morgan x daughter!reader

Summary: After babysitting you, Spencer isn't sure how to bring up to Derek that he thinks you're autistic.

A/N: This is very short and really the best I could come up with. I very rarely write young children readers, but I figured out a way to make this one work by making it more Derek and Spencer centric than reader centric.

CW: just lots of fluff

---

Derek looked down the extraordinary long list in front of him and sighed. He didn't normally write a list for the babysitter, but he was worried about Spencer’s child-watching capabilities.

Derek was, for the first time in what he felt was a long time, going out on a date. Of course, your normal sitter canceled last minute due to having the flu. He’d gotten the text that morning at work and was about to cancel his date as well when Reid had offered up his services. Derek knew Spencer was good with kids and you liked him, but your dad was a bit skeptical about if the young doctor really knew what he was getting himself into.

Did a babysitter with an eidetic memory even need a list?

Derek didn’t have time to decide if he should throw it out or not because the doorbell rang through the house. Even though you were distracted by your favorite TV show, you still covered your ears and made a face at the high-pitched sound.

He made a mental note to himself to change the bell to something more pleasant, and walked to the front door to let Spencer in. “Hey, Reid.” Derek let his colleague through the door. “Thanks again for doing this. I owe you one.”

“It’s no problem,” Spencer replied. The two men walked toward the kitchen. “I didn’t have any plans besides reading.” The doctor held a thick book under one arm.

“Well I wrote everything down,” Derek said, handing Reid the list. “But you know how to reach me if you have questions.” While Spencer read through the list, your dad made his way to you. “Hey, baby girl.”

“Hi daddy,” you replied. It made Derek smile - he’d heard from lots of parents that you’d probably switch to “dad” soon enough, but you were still stuck calling him “daddy” and he truly hoped that never went away. “Are you going out with your friend for dinner?”

Derek’s date had been on the calendar for over a week now to prepare you that he wouldn’t be home for bedtime tonight. The unpredictable schedule of his job made you anxious, so when he could let you know about a scheduled event, he put it on the calendar in the kitchen. It wasn’t a perfect fix, but it seemed to help take the edge off.

“Yep,” he kneeled down in front of you. “Dr. Reid is here.”

“The fake doctor,” you said. Derek couldn’t help but laugh and it was only made funnier by the expression on Spencer’s face.

“Yeah, he’s going to stay with you while I go out, like we talked about earlier. Okay?”

You nodded and threw your arms around your father’s shoulders. “I love you, daddy.”

Derek hugged you back tightly. “I love you too, baby girl.” He planted a gentle kiss on top of your head and you went back to watching your show, hugging your arms around your knees as if it replaced the absence of your dad’s presence.

“Good luck,” Spencer said to him, as he left the house.

“You too, kid,” Derek plastered a joking smile on his face to cover up his nerves. It wasn’t his date he was nervous about; he was far more worried about Spencer taking care of you.

---

Spencer sat in one of the armchairs in the living room, reading his book over again for the second time. The only reason it wasn’t the third time was because he wasn’t sure what to say to Derek when he got home. Of course, what Spencer had to say was in your best interest, but that didn’t make it seem any less like he had been profiling you.

Just as he was beginning to revise his opening sentence in his head, there was a click with the opening of the front door and light footsteps along the hardwood.

“Hey, pretty boy,” Derek said with a small but tired smile on his face.

“Hey,” Spencer tried his best to control the nervous pitch of his voice. “How was your date?”

“It was good, actually,” he said. “How was my baby girl?”

“She was good.” Spencer tried to look more casual as he walked closer, but he’d forgotten that your dad knew his tells better than he knew his own.

“Reid, what is it?” Morgan’s brow furrowed with concern. Spencer paused and opened his mouth, but paused before he could go further. “Spit it out.”

“I think she might be autistic.” Spencer searched Derek’s face for an adverse reaction - guilt, denial, anger. What he didn’t expect was for him to say, “Yeah. I know,” and go about putting his coat away like the doctor’s statement was nothing out of the ordinary.

“I’ve known for a couple months now,” Derek continued. “It’s part of why I was concerned about you watching her. She doesn’t do great with last minute changes. It’s also why she calls you ‘the fake doctor.’ I had to explain to her why we weren’t going to see you when we went to see the real doctor.”

“Medical doctor,” Spencer corrected. “And I’m not qualified to diagnose anything, but I can give you an opinion.”

Derek smirked. “Well, I know I already owe you, but I could use your help with special interest research.”

Spencer nodded happily. “I’m pretty filled in on what she already knows after tonight.” He thought about the way your face had lit up when you talked, how excited you had been when he gave you a new fun fact, the joy that radiated off you.

“I’m sure you are, pretty boy,” Derek smiled. “But I know she’d love to know more.” he paused. “And I would like to know more too - about how I can help her.”

“Of course,” Spencer replied. “She’s lucky to have you as a dad.”

“Thanks.” Derek’s voice switched from genuine appreciation to a teasing tone when he said, “We’re both lucky she has an uncle that’s a fake doctor.”

And this time, Spencer couldn’t help but laugh.

[iovebarca]

Kissed By The Pool - Fermín López

Authors note: send me some requests!

WC: 700+

warnings: incorrect grammar (probably), intended lowercase, my first language isn't english so if you notice any mistakes please tell me, just fluff!

summary: You and Fermín, childhood friends on holiday, find yourselves caught in a moment of realization on a family vacation.

you and fermín have been inseparable since you were born, your parents were friends and you've basically grown up together. you two even had your first kiss together with the excuse of just getting over with the whole firsts thing. truth is you liked fermín a lot and not just in a friends way. your mother who knew about your little crush, often told you to just go for it. according to her, he wouldn't reject you and even if he does, you guys would still remain good friends. however, that's not what you desired. you wanted something more than just being good friends.

currently you guys were on a holiday with your parents and as you both relax by the poolside of the grand mansion, surrounded by its luxurious beauty, a feeling of peace settles over you. the mansion is stunning, with its beautiful gardens and sparkling pool, making it the perfect place for a vacation filled with relaxation and fun. it even had a tiny football pitch. your families are laughing and chatting together, adding to the joyous atmosphere. It's wonderful to spend time with them in such a beautiful place, away from the usual busyness of life.

you both decide to take a dip in the pool, enjoying the refreshing water and each other's company. splashing around and sharing jokes, you feel closer to fermín than ever before. his laughter is like music, filling you with happiness and a sense of belonging.

"it's amazing here, isn't it?" fermín says, looking around with awe. "i never thought we'd get to experience something like this."

"i agree, it's surreal but i'm grateful for this time together" you reply, meeting his gaze with a smile.

fermín's smile is gentle, his eyes reflecting the shimmering surface of the pool. "me too. it's moments like these that remind me how lucky i am to have you in my life." your heart swells with warmth at fermín's words, his sincerity touching you deeply. "i feel the same way," you reply, your voice soft with emotion. "you've always been there for me, too. through thick and thin."

as fermín's words linger in the air, a comfortable silence settles between you, like a warm blanket wrapping around your shared moment. the only sound is the gentle lapping of water against the poolside and the distant hum of cicadas in the surrounding gardens. you become aware of the soft murmur of voices as the rest of your families wander off, drawn to other activities around the estate. their laughter and chatter fade into the background, leaving you and fermín in a cocoon of tranquility, undisturbed by the outside world.

the comfortable silence is broken by his voice, soft yet weighted with meaning.

"you know, it's funny," fermín begins, his gaze meeting yours with a hint of vulnerability. "i've always liked you more than just a friend."

his words hang in the air, sparking a cascade of emotions within you. surprise, hope, and a flutter of excitement mingle as you process his confession.

a soft smile tugs at the corners of your lips, mirroring the warmth that blooms in your chest. "i...i never knew," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.

fermín's eyes soften, a mixture of fondness and sincerity shining in their depths. "and you know what's even funnier? my parents always thought that we would end up together by the time high school ended."

as the weight of fermín's confession settles between you, the air crackles with anticipation, a palpable tension hanging between your shared gaze. with a soft smile, he reaches out, his hand gently cupping your cheek, his touch tender and reassuring.

in that moment, time seems to stand still as you lean into his touch, your heart pounding in your chest. with a silent understanding, you close the distance between you, the warmth of his breath mingling with yours as your lips meet in a gentle, loving kiss.

it's a sweet, tender moment, filled with a depth of emotion that words could never fully capture. in that fleeting instant, the world falls away, leaving only the two of you, lost in the sweetness of the moment.

As you pull back, your eyes meet, a shared smile lighting up your faces. In that simple exchange of affection, you find solace and reassurance, knowing that whatever the future may hold, you'll face it together, hand in hand.

[everytimewetouch-dot-mp3]

this is the serial killer direction i WANTED that actors au nonsense to go. all that shit is happening too, but this was the part that sparked that whole idea.

this post is loooong

warning binghe is an obsessive yandere freak 🥰 bingyuan are freak4freak tho so like…. it's fine

dead dove do not eat; he is a serial killer and he's kinda horny about it lmao

luo binghe is maybe shen yuan’s biggest fan. when he was fourteen, he saw sy as the male lead in a classical romantic opera and it inspired him to act. he’s seen all of shen yuan’s opening nights and most of his closings, and he was coached by shen yuan’s older brother (until shen jiu dropped him as a client…there was something Not Right about that boy and sj didn’t want him close). he’s got a bit of a shrine to shen yuan in his basement, filled with photos and newspaper clippings a few dried flowers—whenever he was given flowers on stage, shen yuan always tossed one back to the audience. binghe has three. he has every part of shen yuan he can get his hands on, but it's not enough.

when he and sy start working on sqh's game, it's like heaven and hell all at once. sy is even more beautiful up close, even kinder and funnier and smarter than he shows himself to be in the few interviews he's deigned to give. every moment lbh spends with him is ecstasy. every moment he spends apart from him is suffering unlike any he's ever experienced. every day he yearns to touch, to taste, to take shen yuan. to have him and keep him and treasure him the way no one else ever could. no one loves him like luo binghe loves him.

this video game they're working on—it's got a lot of endings. most of the game is the player on their own, but there's one path that gets the shitty teacher character as a companion. and further down that path…well, there are a lot of romance options in a game as big as this.

things start out fine; lbh and sy have great chemistry, it turns out. even when sy has to play the cruel teacher, it's got this undercurrent of something that could easily open the door for the romance arc later on. lbh knew they'd have great chemistry. he and sy are destined to be together; of course they'd work well on screen. they hang out between takes, eat their meals together, carpool when they can. it's amazing.

it's not enough. binghe burns with the need to possess his beloved, and every day he's denied what he rightfully deserves, that fire burns hotter. one night, he goes out to try to find a hookup, just to let off some steam. it's supposed to be a hookup, it really is. he finds someone who looks similar enough to sy from the back that he can almost pretend it's him. but his voice is all wrong, and his attitude is too brazen, and it pisses binghe off so bad that he chokes the guy just so he'll shut up.

it's just—he doesn't stop choking him until he finishes a few minutes later, and by that point, the guy is…well. mbj helps lbh scrub the body and cover his tracks, and the corpse is found a few days later with no real leads.

it happens again a few weeks later. lbh can't have shen yuan, but so many pale imitations throw themselves at him. and every time, he takes them to bed and he swears he won't get angry this time. it's not sy; he knows it isn't sy. there's no need to be angry with them for pretending to be sy when they're not.

he gets angry anyway. he can't help it. he accepts these men's advances, he takes him to bed, he kills them and kills them and kills them. eventually, news comes to light. the date-night killer, a deeply uninspired name born only from the fact that their last known locations were all night clubs. they're all around the same height, all have short brown hair and glasses, all similar builds.

one night binghe asks shen yuan if he wants to go get drinks. he knows a nice quiet lounge, not too crowded since it's so exclusive. shen yuan declines. jokes that he'd better not—the date night killer likes guys with short brown hair; maybe they'd go after him next.

the next body that turns up is…different. still strangled to death, but it seems like the killer (a copycat most likely, the cops say) felt regret afterward. on the victim's back, over and over again, is carved "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry…"

his a-yuan is afraid of him. luo binghe hates himself, and he hates all these people who put themselves in his path, who get themselves killed by daring to try to replace a-yuan in his heart. it's their fault a-yuan is afraid. binghe is the only one who can keep him safe. he knows he is.

binghe keeps it together until they're approaching the end of shen yuan's time in the studio. the arc is almost finished, and shen yuan mentions that in a month he'll be leaving for his next show's rehearsals. some opera, binghe's pretty sure; his hearing sort of cut out when his beloved said he was leaving. the news is a knife to the heart. his a-yuan can't leave. a-yuan belongs with him, no one can take him away. binghe needs a-yuan, and a-yuan needs binghe.

that night, luo binghe and shen yuan vanish without a trace. binghe has a house. it's under a false identity, and it's way out in the mountains. there, he can keep his a-yuan safe and comfortable. there, he can work to earn his a-yuan's affection. there, no one can take his a-yuan away.

he explains to a-yuan that they're home now, that they are together as they belong, that luo binghe will be the best husband to his precious a-yuan. and sy is so beautiful, so clever, of course he figures out that luo binghe is the date night killer. it's alright though, binghe promises, because he only killed those people for daring to imitate his beloved. now that he and his husband are finally together, binghe's got no reason to kill anyone else. they'll be happy together now that there's no one else in the way.

when shen yuan smiles, it's like the sun breaking through the clouds. he shifts, asks binghe to untie his arms. of course, binghe obeys. anything for his husband. he's not a fool; he knows shen yuan might try to fight and escape as a test of binghe's ability to protect him, and binghe's ready. but instead, shen yuan reaches out and stokes binghe's hair, his cheek. 'binghe went so far for me,' he murmurs, a hypnotic gleam in his eye that luo binghe has never seen. 'i hoped that night… i thought for sure you'd take me when i turned you down for drinks, but you tried so hard to be respectful, didn't you? well. maybe someday binghe will let me see him work? i quite liked the one you carved for me, but i really didn't need an apology. you can try again, can't you? will you make something pretty for me?'

the next corpse is rather beautifully arranged. the wounds carved into the body are artistic, elegant flowing lines and flowers carved into the skin. in the middle of its back, the double happiness character is drawn. shen yuan thinks it’s a lovely wedding present.

[rat-rambles]

I'm gona explain to yall why I think Stanley is the one that's ace aro in cannon and not Ford or Bill. (Yes all head cannons are vaild blah blah I love acearo people I am one don't kill me)

So basically it comes down to if stan wanted some he could. Young stan seems to be considered relatively conventional attractive (not like ugly men don't mange to hook up but still) and even as a "ugly" old man he is the hottest old person in town befor Ford shows up and. Once he gets over his social awkwardness he is actually able to date he just isn't about that life. "What about Stanley's ex wife's" I hear you scream at your screens well thanks to Bill I have notes.

Thank you bill now could be lieing yes but frankly I don't think his god Alex would let that happen for something like this. Especially becuse it's way funnier if it's all cannon. Now I think 2 of them can be considered legitimate and there not exactly romantic are they. Stanley is well known to care more about money than any romantic relationship witch dosnt sound like some one who's not aro to me. I'll give that there are a couple jokes pokeing wholes in my theroy however personaly any atemps at straightness by stan just feel very performative to me. Like there's something a whole easy to about how stans masculinity is just a reaction to incurity but all I'll say for now is stan is despite to prove he's not a failure and part of growing up in the 80s and not being a failure is geting bitches. And yet he can't comit to a relationship for more than a few days and it's not for commitment isues bitch comited to a fucking portal for 30 years AFTER NEARLY FAILING HIGHSCHOOL. As I said if he wanted to he would.

Now I'm going to go on a long rant about Bill and Ford so if you don't want that stop now

Ok for the record staring off bill and ford are both unreliable narrators.

Ford (my first victim)

We've seen him get rejected twice in the show when he trying to flirt with girls the more famous one being when he gets punch thrown on him. Ford is a very scentive guy he can't handle rejection obvouly he's gona wax poetic about how it's not that he can't get any he's just you know so very busy. Funny how he's not busy when Bill comes into his life or fiddleford for that matter it's almost like that's not the problem

Now I can see how you can read this qa acearo core but all I hear is the autism talking. There is something intently funny to me about the idea that he stright up was dating a male sided demon and is like but am I gay. It's very conservative up bring of him very relatable. But seriously if he was ace aro he'd just lean into being superior not what ever this is.

Bill ( he wouldn't escape me)

Same thing yeah he wax poetic about chemicals witch yeah is something ace aros do but also like incels.

He literally is just asking dear not to ask him out a real problem when every freak reading this book wants to make out with him sorry Bill your hot shit.

The book is shaking you by the shoulders begging you to tell that he's lieing for clout. Bill is also begging you to take him seriously and he can't be serious if he can't even get any becuse he's a unlikeable losser.

Like I'm sorry guys the text just dosnt suport these 2 being acearo this is not the show for ace aro rep I'm sorry. This show is actually really really really obsessed with romantic relationships it's a well Alex keeps going back to witch is why I'm so sure about stanly becuse he's like the one character who actively rejects dating instead of just saying he's into into it. ITS GRAVITY FALLS EVERYONES A FUCKING LIAR.

[janmisali]

Number Tournament: Honorable Mentions

well, you've all asked for it, and I guess there's no point in waiting any further now that round one is almost over. here's some highlights from the numbers that didn't get enough nominations to make it into the tournament. (as you can work out from looking at how many nominations the numbers that made it into the tournament got, my cutoff was seven nominations, which left room for me to hand-pick three numbers that only got six to fill in the bottom seeds)

six nominations

these are the numbers that were the closest of all to making the cut. in the end, I picked ten, Rayo's number, and omega to fill in seeds 62-64, but four other numbers got six nominations but didn't make it:

25: perfectly fine square number. notably funnier than 24

81: another square. I only wanted one "boring normal integer" for the bottom seeds and like come on it had to be ten.

5040: Plato's favorite number, a very fun one

42069: both 420 and 69 already made the cut, so this would have been excessive

and now for some miscellaneous fun ideas that not enough people suggested to make the cut!

cool math things

c (the speed of light) could have been a strong contender, but physics fans were pretty much universally putting their efforts behind the fine-structure constant and the Avogadro constant, leaving other universal constants behind

the Euler-Masceroni constant got five nominations super early on in the process, some of which were even intentional (there are so many things named after Euler but I made the call that people who said "Euler's constant" without specifying were talking about this one) but never got any further than that

a lot of infinite ordinals more interesting than the standard omega were in the running, but given that omega itself only barely made it in, numbers like omega to the omega power never stood a chance. of course, given how well omega did in round one maybe those other bigger infinities could have held their own if only more people suggested them before the tournament began

Not a Number's presence in the tournament is I think very fun, but other floating point things were also nominated, just not as frequently. negative zero was a fun one, as are the handful of nominations for just slightly-off multiples of one tenth

besides star, a lot of game theory not-really-number numbers had a few fans supporting them, such as dud (deathless universal draw), a couple of tiny numbers, and one suggestion for {69|420}

meme numbers

fans of boobs were split between 80085, 58008, 8008135, and 5318008, so none of the boob numbers made it individually

perhaps even more disappointingly, only five people suggested 1312

1337 is a super dead meme so that one being unpopular isn't as surprising. but then literally nobody suggested 9001? weird!

the AACS encryption key (an illegal number) only got a handful of suggestions, which is a shame because that's a really fun one

only three people suggested "your credit card number" but if it made it past the cutoff I 100% would have put that in the tournament

meta jokes

a few people suggested variations of "the number that wins the tournament", which I think is a funnier meta joke than either of the ones that actually made the cut

a couple people also did versions of "the sum of all other numbers in the bracket" (or "all other numbers people suggested in this google form"), with a couple people who said that also thankfully adding in some conditions to only include numbers where you can actually do that

a couple people have asked me what the smallest natural number was that nobody suggested, and unfortunately (by which I mean I love this) I can't answer that because a couple people suggested "the smallest natural number nobody else suggests"

another fun one was "the number of notes on this tumblr post", which only one person suggested

three separate people did "five (the word five not the number)", "5 (the symbol not the number it represents)" and "V (the roman numeral)" (looking at them all together it kinda looks like this was the same person all three times but that's because I'm paraphrasing all of them)

googologisms and otherwise big numbers

shockingly, the famously large numbers googol and Graham's number didn't get nearly as much support as the googologisms that made it to the bracket

five people suggested numbers in the Busy Beaver sequence, but none of them suggested the same Busy Beaver number

there were also things like "the smallest counterexample to the Collatz conjecture", fully hypothetical numbers

"zillion", "bajillion", and "fuckton" got two nominations each, any of which would have been extremely fun to see in the tournament

other

a couple people just said "fibonacci number" which. do you mean like the whole sequence? maybe these should have counted for phi

two people suggested "a grizzly bear". I'm assuming that's a reference I'm not getting, because it's way too specific of a joke for two people to say that independently

there was one suggestion that was the coordinates to a restaurant in yemen called burger king 2

anyway there's literally thousands of these, and I have no intentions of at any point making a full comprehensive list of what people suggested, but I think this is a pretty good sample of what the nominees were like. there were a lot of really good candidates, but I think the 64 that made it into the tournament are a pretty dang good set of numbers!

thank you to everyone who suggested your favorite numbers, it was genuinely very fun reading through everyone's suggestions.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

I do remember filming and loving that kitchen scene, the Super Bowl scene. Oh, so much fun. We had a great time. -Daniellle

I wanna talk about that because you look like you get chucked across the room. I I was like, I rewound. I was like, is there some kind of mat I don't see because she's getting just tossed. -Will 

This is better than the Balkans or? Or Soup? I mean, when he says, okay, soup I die. I wish Ben held for like another five seconds, but it was such a great joke...I, I actually was reminded of season one, the betting episode a couple of times because we listened to the radio in that.  You know, on the kitchen counter. And then we're jumping up and down, grabbing the phone just like this. This is kind of a fun callback to that Cory/Shawn energy from season one...It's interesting to me how much Cory oscillates between being as dumb as Shawn and then, and letting Shawn know that he's being dumb. And like, it's just basically whichever one's funnier for the moment that they'll have Cory play...there's a lot of funny beats in here. Yeah, yeah. But I got stressed out watching it and I was like, why am I stressed out right now? I was like, oh. Right. Because we were like beating this to death, trying, you know? And it is, it's a very funny, funny written scene, but it it like the rest of this episode, it didn't feel light to me. Like, I wish it just had like a lighter Yeah. More spontaneous touch to it. -Rider 

I would also say, Danielle, you're a very good physical comedian and I'm surprised after this they didn't do more of this. I, it was really funny. The physicality was hysterical and I was like, why didn't they go into this more? Like, why isn't Topanga more klutzy? Or we learned something about her, we, we get more of this because you were really good at it. It's like, this didn't make any sense. -Will

You, I do just remember, and I know I've been asked before, people have been like, when you did that was, was that a stunt double? Did you have a pad? And I remember that. No, I did not. And I remember being excited by the fact that I got to do that. Like I got to actually do that stunt. I don't necessarily remember feeling stressed about that aspect of it. I'm sure we were overhears, but I think I was more just like, this is cool that I get to and it's gonna look good. And it did. It looked good. It looks real. And I remember telling people like, no, I think I really just did that. And then when I watched it I was like, yes, of course I remember this. Yes, I really did it. -Danielle 

[girlwithwolftatoo]

Can I request jumpscaring or attempting to jump scare the moon boys? I think if you actually succeeded in jumpscaring Jake he would be proud of you but like so upset with himself for getting jumpscared

For some reason I enjoy jumpscaring as a joke. Some people find it not innofensive enough but bah...

Moon boys + reader jumpscaring them

Steven Grant:

How dare you to scare the sweetest boyTM? Besides that, maybe jumping from behind the statue of Sobek, who reminds him of a certain crocodile lady would be enough...

It works... perhaps better than you expected. Poor Steven literally jumps and he's so freaked out he makes the Mr Knight suit appear.

"Oh no no Steven, take that off!" you rush him before someone sees him. He'll stare at you during some seconds, figuring out what just happened.

Steven has a very strict rule about jokes, he's not a big fan of pranks since he considers them a socially accepted manner to bully people. But, well, it was you who did it, so he's not as bothered as he would.

"Wasn't funny (Y/N)" he nags you, but will recover soon and, in fact, he's smiling just to let you know he forgives you.

Jake Lockley:

Usually he's the one that scares you. There's a hint of pleasure in making you gasp anytime he approaches from behind and wraps your arms around you (there was this time he gagged you with a hand before getting in an alley for a very intense make out session), so he considers you an innocent little butterfly...

Well he shouldn't have underestimated you, because when you finally got him, he went so wild he shouted without embarrasment "¡AY CABRÓN, CHINGA TU MADRE!" (a very flexible expression that can be roughly understood as "Holy shit my fucking God!")

You come out, laughing at his face, not believing something that simple would actually work. Once he sees this was only you, he shouts some more spanglish phrases to show how affected he was ("Chingado, bonita, almost crapped myself!")

But he laughs too. He's, as you said, proud and surprise to finding you can be really mean, in a playful manner, towards him.

Anyways, don't think you'll come clean. He'll make sure you... pay for your little game. But don't worry, Jake knows how to make you scream... and not just by horror.

Marc Spector:

This man has enough traumas for a couple of lives, and maybe playing a joke like this to him isn't easy. Luckily, he's full of surprises, and you managed not only to get a weak and harmless spot to play with him, but also to prepare it in such a way he would never suspect it.

He also screams, but not as exxagerated as Jake and naturally not as freaked out as Steven. His scream is a short, sharp one, and you can see he turns back with an expression of disconcern and waste, as if he noticed quick this was just a joke and can't believe it.

While you come out of your hidden place, laughing, he stares at you with a silent "Are you for real?" glare, which makes the situation even funnier.

"Oh yeah, so funny, keep laughing" he grunts. He's not angry, it's just he considers this pranks as something childish and can't believe you, of any other person he knows, could take time to prepare this prank for him.

There's a chance he'll return you the favor, just to whisper in your ear after you screamed, "What, not so funny when it happens to you?" (all this while a mischiveous chuckle forms on his lips).

[coolcattime]

One day Jordan finds Capsize messing around with a flag. That's not exactly unusual for a pirate, but it doesn't look like any pirate flag he's ever seen and the colour scheme doesn't make it look like anything to do with Ianite.

He ends up asking her what it means, and Capsize raises an eyebrow and asks if he genuinely doesn't know to which Jordan affirms that he doesn't. There's a bit of a back and forth as she seems almost sure that he's joking, but when she finally realises that he is being serious she reluctantly goes to tell him. Only for Redbeard to interrupt with:

"Oh that flag represents Capsize's undying loyalty to Ianite and how she just never stops thinking about her ever."

He promptly takes off at a sprint with Capsize chasing him yelling a number of murder threats. When Capsize gets back (one murder and revival spell later) she finds that Jordan is gone, realises he definitely took Red's words as the wholehearted truth and definitely does not feel like sorting out that issue.

Tom later finds Jordan painting some very particular oranges and pinks onto his quiver, and immediately feels the need to ask what he's doing. Jordan tells him about what Redbeard said with the undying loyalty to Ianite which leds to:

"Okay, but you know that isn't actually what that flag means, right."

"No, it is. Skipper said that's why Capsize has one."

Tom proceeds to die of laughter and decides its so much funnier to not tell him.

About six months later in Ruxomar, Jordan is talking with Andor about Ianite and ends up showing the painted quiver and explaining the story. Andor, after a tiny bit of debating, decides to tell him.

"Jordan that's the lesbian pride flag."

Needless to say, Tom is killed several times that day. His defence of having tried to tell Jordan that Capsize liked women really not helping. Though, even with losing most of his stuff and his life several times, Tom stands by that it was worth it and funny.

[fountainpenguin]

Rewatching A New Wish - "Stanky Danky" & "Peace of Pizza"

SDLKFJSDKLFJS, I missed that the news channel refers to Dale as "Billionaire non-philanthropist."

I missed that Hazel actually did wish "people would stop being trash monsters," but Cosmo and Wanda only heard "I wish trash monster"... In my memories, she had a nightmare about a monster that they wished to life. This is funnier because I can't really blame Cosmo and Wanda for granting that.

I like when Danky opens his lid one eyeball at a time. Also ?? his elbow pads?? He's a living dumpster and he wears elbow pads... He's safe...

Also, I've watched Dale's presentation a bunch of times because I think it's silly when he hops backwards, or kneels to talk to someone (This is what I was watching again today when I decided to take more notes).

He has some REALLY fun body language, including finger guns. I like his big-armed gestures. He really puts on a show and I think that's hilarious since he doesn't love being in front of people. But I don't know what I expected considering that he likes to dance when he's by himself.

I like that his logo here is a combination of the D for his name and two stripes like a dollar sign... which is interesting, because the logo people have on their phones is a D-squared for his alliterative name.

We do know he's advertising Dimmazon "in partnership with Dimmadome Global," so they're probably separate logos.

And I enjoy his baby talk and finger guns when he's talking to Danky later. I think I already commented this in my first-watch liveblog, but I like how Dale lures Danky in with a dog toy?? It's a squeaky bone. I have a hard time imagining this man going to the pet store, but ??

I missed the fact that he brought TWO single-use helicopters to the park... something is very wrong with him...

As much as I joke about Dale's extreme amounts of trauma, I hope he talks to Vicky like this-

- when they finally cross paths again so we can see where that gets him.

On the one hand, I think it would be hilarious if he had a complete mental breakdown because he's extremely messed up. On the other... Now that he's an adult, can he TALK to her like that??

Assuming he didn't panic when he saw her again, I feel like this is the natural direction for his character: smug and rubbing his success in her face.

I have to assume she'd wreck him since she yelled in "Operation: Birthday Takeback" about her dislike for him (That he was lazy, but went on to be rich and successful and never gave her a cut). She's unhesitatingly mean to Crocker because she doesn't have to keep up appearances around him...

But it would be funny. Against all odds, Dale is not an easily frightened man. He works hard, plunges into the unknowns with his wild risk-taking, and he's the smuggest boy... but he also has meltdowns on the floor when he loses money. I like that.

- Huh. I wonder if Timmy would've grown up to be a lot like Dale if he didn't have Cosmo and Wanda. I mean, Vicky pushed him around too. - I was gonna make a joke about how I think Dale should be as obsessive over Timmy as he is Hazel, but... It IS Dale who got himself out of his torment, not Timmy, so I guess not.

??? Tina's running every position at the news studio.

SKLDFJSLDFJSD, wait, Dale has a lemon slice, but he specifically has PINK lemonade, which he probably did not have to make considering Vicky never sold any in "Nectar of Odds"....... oh my gosh.

?? That might be another drink, but even if it is, I'm pretty sure that's a lemon?

Dale drinking lemonade despite banning Dev from drinking lemonade is the biggest "Rules for thee, but not for me" plot twist of all time... Oh I HATE HIM /affectionate.

oh my gosh, wait...

It's a LIME.

??? Somehow that is exponentially funnier. Tell us how you really feel.

His drink is very possibly a Paloma cocktail, made from grapefruit, lime juice, and tequila (No lemonade required, can be pink, and isn't weird to drink with ice cubes).

I like how both Dale and Dev like to slam dunk trash... even in different episodes... They are Related and live in the Same House...

I don't think I've said it yet, but I appreciate how the Dimmadome tower seems to reach impossibly high into the sky for no reason, considering Dale's statue seems to be the only thing inside it and the statue isn't that tall. It's a brilliant parallel of Doug's hat.

I particularly think it's funny when you see it on maps or in the distance of some scenes. It's just... there.

Geez. Say what you will about Dale, but he's a very hard worker who pulls things together INCREDIBLY fast. I mean... logically, I know him being a super hard worker who gets sucked into projects is his whole thing and that's why he's not there for Dev, but... ?? Holy one-man PR and marketing team running around this episode, Catman.

Lastly... apparently Dale likes to take over Dev's lounge when he's looking at profit charts, because that's where he's sitting when he has a meltdown about his stock dropping 5 million dollars... I mean, I guess it's both of their lounge, but you get me. And here's his thinking expression because it's funny:

Every time I watch a Dale episode, he gives me huge "Fandom's special boy" energy and I don't look forward to leaving my spoiler-free zone and possibly finding out that is Not True... skldfj. Look at him. He clicks his finger guns and slam dunks and he's getting by on fragments of his soul. We get him for free.

Notes from "Peace of Pizza" I thought of when I went to fetch Dev's trash scene

This vampire at Versaille:

Strat and Oppy change expressions during flashbacks, but Closer's the same... I don't know what I expected.

So ?? I keep going back to this scene because... I swear that's the April Fool, Flappy Bob, and the Sandman... Maybe not Flappy, but the only other clowns I can think of are his parents and Bobo, and none of them fit this either and Flappy already had a cameo in "1500 Minutes of Fame," so they're very aware of him. I'm gonna check.

That's such an interesting choice of characters to use as models?? I don't have anything to say about it.

Hazel specifically wished for Dev to have "extra milk he could share" for kindness day. He ends up with two (Cosmo and Wanda), but he didn't even have one milk carton on his tray because he's lactose intolerant, so... he didn't pick one up to begin with.

And we KNOW that, because he's on the way to the trash can when people stop him to talk. Also, during the close-up you can see he didn't eat his broccoli or carrots and I think that's funny.

?? So, in my 'fic worldbuilding, people generally go along with wishes if they're affected by them unless something REALLY tips them off that something's completely wrong. I like the implication that Dev instantly went on guard because he was confused as to how he suddenly had milk.

Oppy only pretends to be sad when Dev turns to look at him... He is the Optimism Captain to his core...

Strat is once again putting his hand on Oppy's shoulder... they are brothers... he loves him...

why were they even allowed to run around the school and bother children... why was no one supervising the billionaire's kid and questioning the intentions of these mysterious adults hovering around him...

Stackable:

It is their natural state of being... Also, from a budget standpoint, identical triplets whose distinguishing feature is their eyes & who are based on peas so they're simple to design was a brilliant Season 1 move. I hope we see them again someday, though I'm completely fine with them being very rare appearances.

?? Hazel has Class 104 after Guzman's class ("Multiverse of Jenkins") and Dev has it after lunch, is that what I'm getting here?

That is a different design than the other Room 104... oh :'D I guess they only have the one sign model.

Y'know........ that WOULD be weird if Flappy was at that treaty in the flashback. That doesn't seem likely... but it stresses me out that the Pe-Az have a magical briefcase that can hold large items without harming them...

... because Flappy's briefcase ALSO does that. He keeps his clown stuff, dioramas, and employees in there. It's the world's worst conspiracy... The intergalactic diplomats, friends of the Pixies who are all about paperwork and neutrality and raised Flappy... I'm connecting the dots...

omg, do you think the Pe-Az are the reason Fairies and Anti-Fairies decide who gets the godkids with an annual bake-off? They do like their treats. That WOULD be fun to work with in my war & truce 'fics. Oppy: Everyone loves cake and brownies! Strat: Brother, the Fairy King literally just lost his castle and son. Isn't celebrating with treats a bit insensitive? Oppy: Listen, I have one job in this team and I'm going to do it. Their ancestors, anyway.

I don't think I said this in my first watch, but I really like Closer. He's fantastic. Shows up, selectively mute because he's saving his voice for when he needs to throw tantrums and asking the same question repeatedly to bug people, super thoughtful and well-prepared, considered the best at what he does, gets meme'd on by a 9-year-old iPad kid and loses everything. Flawless character.

He's one of my favorites in all New Wish. They all are; I love their dorky shorts and brotherhood.

I really like how Closer insists he'll be done with negotiations in "30 minutes or less" because his whole thing is pizza. But Dev broke this man in like, 20 seconds:

BROKEN HEART!!!

Also, Strat... <3 He's such a ping-pong ball of a person.

For some reason, it's funny to me their language is themed around arrows. That's brilliantly clever for a negotiating species; it kind of reminds me of how the Yugopotamian language is in swirls patterned after their exposed brains.

Also, Some Three Guys having the ability to simply "turn pizza off" for the entire world is such an insane plot set-up and I think they played it perfectly.

Oppy kicking up his leg & Closer's expressions:

Extremely funny to me that when I heard "pea pod aliens," I went on immediate defensive expecting "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" vibes, but they're just cute little guys who like treats and bribery. why do they dress Like That... The suits and ties, the teeny shorts, the white socks pulled high above black shoes... did they get picked on in school?

??? They're just one-offs, but they have so much character and they all have unique body language and speech patterns... love that for them. I want to write something for them. I have no clue what, but I think they deserve to be children negotiating on the playground or looking after one another.

Strat and Oppy I think I can get their vibe as children - the planner and the enthusiastic one - but little kid Closer would be interesting.

What's a good thing to negotiate over when you're a kid... Were they kiddos who made graphs and presentations while arguing over which TV channel to watch or who would bathe first, y'think?

I think "baby Pe-Az in the bathtub" is exactly the type of content people follow me for.

Wanda's face here cracks me up...

... and shout-out for Dev getting instantly weirded out with stranger danger when Cosmo pats him.

I love how when the O-pairs pick the Pe-Az up by their heads and put them down again, Closer's dizzy and he sways back and forth even though his brothers are fine... lmao. I guess people don't usually mess with him?

Also, when Dev switches from playing around to serious talk, all three Pe-Az instantly put their folded hands on the table. They are ready for a Meeting...

That is all.