#The idea that this person who made up my whole world was gone before I even had the chance to properly say good bye. It haunts me.

[healerelowen]

augh my back

but i have a vent thing so here ig/lh

(if the wording doesn't make sense, it's basically a hopeful plea that said friend is there, with the provided context that I’ve already lost a family member and a multitude of furry and feathery friends, it would only stand as a somewhat reasonable hope that he is with them too.)

[euphoricfilter]

HIIII GIRLY. I saw your drabble game anddd how about

"How could we ever just be friends" + yoongi djskskjs

just friends:

pairing: yoongi x gn! reader

genre: fluff || mild hurt with a lot of comfort || non-idol au

summary: maybe you were never just friends

word count: 1.2k

tags/ warnings: feelings, fluff, the smallest hint of hurt, they’re actually just really in love and the m/c is slightly oblivious but yoon is a big old sweetheart

notes: OMG HEY!!!!! you didn’t ask for a specific au so i did indulge slightly and made it fluffy and soft, hope you like it :D

drabble masterlist || all my other works

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆.

There had always been something utterly unique about Yoongi’s existence in your eyes. He had been the first, and only person whose life had meant anything to you.

You’d spent most of your life aimlessly wandering, taking each day as it came and only hoped it would get better the more you trudged through. Fingers letting go of the ropes of friendships you’d made and lost—people you didn’t pay any mind to now that they weren’t in your life.

You didn’t miss them. Never thought of them unless they were right in front of you, if they never made themselves known.

But Yoongi had been different.

It didn’t take his physical presence for you to wonder how he was doing. He didn’t need to message first for you to ask how his day was. Dreams filled with another reality, what the two of you would be doing the next time you met, how sweet your name sounded from his lips. Or that sweet smile he would give you every time you stumbled over your words, too caught up in his eyes your brain malfunctions and you forget how to speak.

Thoughts consumed by him, feelings wrapping around the idea of his existence, soul dancing around his in this weird push and pull, not quite just friends but not really anything more.

Special, precious, perfect, Yoongi.

In all your years alive you’d never had a crush until that first moment you met. Never once thought of another human being in any other way that wasn’t platonic. It felt as though part of your world had started to crumble to moment, you’d acknowledged how you truly felt about him, stuck in this endless dilemma. Because who were you meant to tell him about your feelings when he was your closest friend? What if he asked who it was? He knew you rarely went out, and you sure as hell would have told him if you’d gone on any dates. So, you’d been stewing in your own feelings for as long as you can remember, too scared to utter a word about what was really happening between the two of you.

Because, sure his touches lingered, warm skin pressed against one another until the heat has travelled to your cheeks and you refuse to look at him, too scared he’d see how flustered you were. And sure there was the nicknames, though that was something he’d started early on, and you had doubts he fell in love just as quickly as you did.

Sometimes it felt like he only smiled at you, and yet you could only assume it was because you were his best friend, a safety net for him as much as he was one for you.

But not once had he made it obvious he liked you any more than a friend. A fact you’d slowly decided you could live with.

Just like yourself, it wasn’t very often Yoongi went on dates, you don’t think he’s been on one in the time you’d been friends. Which makes this whole dilemma slightly easier to swallow, because at this moment in time you were probably the most important person in his life.

You got to live out your secret little fantasy, and he got a low maintenance friendship. The perfect exchange.

And truly you believed it would be like this forever, until that little dream in the forefront of your mind was shattered by someone else coming into his life, and the two of you slowly drifting apart.

That was until tonight.

It wasn’t often you drank, never indulged in the fine whiskeys Yoongi would bring over to your place, stashed away in the cupboard when he wanted a little something before bed. However, Yoongi had come over with a cocktail making kit, saying he’d done some research because he knew how much you liked sweeter drinks.

And maybe you’d had a few too many, eagerly asking him to make you different drinks from the little book he had, excited as you watched him mix everything together. Utterly amazed by how good everything he made tasted.

You can’t remember what you’d said, words tumbling out your mouth quicker than you could swallow them back down. The small, sane part of your brain slowly catching up to what was happening as you watch Yoongi’s face morph into something slightly more surprised.

“How could we ever just be friends?” he shakes his head, scooting closer to you on the couch.

“Because you don’t like m—”

He holds a finger up to your lips, quick to silence you.

“Don’t finish that”

A frown tugs at the corners of your lips, “but Yoongi—”

He takes hold of your hands, thumb running over delicate skin as he looks at your face.

“No” he shakes his head, “listen to me for a moment, yeah?”

He’s calm, voice tender and smooth.

You nod.

“You’re not forcing me into anything” he starts, “I thought I was being too pushy with you”

You swallow.

“Huh?” your eyes widen slightly, “But I could have sworn you didn’t like me more than a best friend”

The low rumble of a laugh vibrates from his chest, “Best friends don’t look at each other the way I look at you. They don’t hold your hand on days out, or wish they could kiss you when you make that sweet little face when you first wake up in the morning”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you murmur, “I really thought—”

“And why didn’t you tell me, hmm?” he smiles, “feelings are weird.”

You nod, outburst having helped you sober up slightly.

“What now?” your legs bounce a little, so far out of your comfort zone.

“Whatever you want” he reassures.

“I’m scared” it spills past your lips before you can think about it.

He tilts his head slightly in question, “About what? Commitment?”  

You shake your head, frantic “I just—I don’t know what to do I’ve never dated a person before”

He gives you a gentle smile, “Just be you. Just like you are now, that’s all I want”

“But what if I want a kiss?” you inch a little closer to him.

“Then I’ll give you a kiss”

“What if I wanted a kiss when we go out to dinner with your friends?”

He laughs, “Doesn’t matter when or where, I’ll always be willing to give you a kiss if that’s what you please”

You chew on your bottom lip.

“I’ve never actually kissed anyone before” you say, shoulders losing their tension, because now this felt normal. Like how it always was with Yoongi, where you didn’t need to have secrets or be scared about what he thought. Because for all the time you’d known him, he had always been by your side, and you hope it will stay like that for the rest of time.

“Then I’ll teach you” he hums, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, “Try not to worry your pretty little head too much, I know what you’re like”

“But—” you worry.

“Nope” he laughs, “We’ll work through this together like we do everything else, I’m always here for you, you know that right?”

Your eyes flicker between his for a moment, words settling into your soul as you nod.

“And I’ll always be here for you too, just so you know” the corners of your lips curl up into a smile.

[chaos-is-beautifvl]

𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 & 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: lip gallagher x fem!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: if there is one notable trait of lip gallagher other than his over-the-top cockiness and brains, it’s his disdain for all things lovey-dovey. but what happens when someone comes around who turns his world upside down?

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1964

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: i quickly finished this wip so i could meet my goal of posting at least one fic per month. next month will definitely have more writing but i hope you all enjoy this very late valentine’s day fic

check out my other lip fic, distractions here and my writing here! preview to my new lip fic, stress relief || fic here!

buy me a coffee!

— • —

Lip has never been one for theatrics or romance or anything of the like, and he prides himself on that. He thinks of himself as a simple guy who doesn’t need much charm to get laid.

So why is he standing in line on a cold, bitter morning to buy flowers?

When he met you, Lip had sworn off getting attached or dealing with girls who would be attached. He had dealt with so much drama and crazy exes over the years, and honestly, he was over it.

But, somehow, you had wormed your way into his life, or rather, him into yours. Something about the chase - you not wanting him and him wanting you - made the idea of being with you even more intriguing. Now, he knew no meant no, but after a month or two or three of him pursuing you, you finally obliged.

Unbeknownst to the brunet, your want for him didn’t suddenly start after he chased you. From the beginning, you’d found an interest in him, but unlike the previous girls he’d dabbled with, you weren’t looking for a wham-bam-thank you ma’am situation. 

You weren’t a sap. You loved your rom-coms, but you weren’t looking for Prince Charming to swoop down and rescue you. You certainly could save yourself. So, what were you looking for? You wanted someone who didn’t care about holding your hand but wanted to. You were looking for someone who wanted you for you and not what was in your pants. And that’s why Lip was not the person you had in sight.

You had too many people in your life who wanted you for the wrong things, and though you were strong enough to kick them to the curb, it hurt a little. You watched rom-coms, so of course, you’re a bit sensitive. And you’d be lying if you said those movies didn’t affect what you wanted in a partner.

So when Lip came around, all smirks and cockiness exuded, the only thought that crossed your mind was: “Hot.” Lip might have been hot, but he wasn’t so hot that he clouded your judgment. You’d quickly deduced that your interests were not aligned and didn’t even spare him a second glance.

Okay, that’s a lie. You thought the guy was hot, so saying you only looked once is incorrect. But there’s a difference between looking and fucking, and you certainly were not fucking him.

But sure enough, after getting to know him, you felt your walls crumbling down. Gone were the days when you would ask your coworkers to inform you if he came into the shop so you wouldn’t be unprepared. You liked the unannounced visits. 

You took the whole self-love thing pretty seriously, so before you let someone into your life, who could easily hurt you without hesitation, you wanted them to deserve you. Seeing his dedication made your heart skip a beat faster than you would like. And every time he showed up, you found a smile creeping on your face.

At one point, your manager even asked if you two were dating with how often Lip came around. He was a regular at your job and a constant in your mind.

He always came down to the little shop you worked at, chatting you up until the customers came in. Even then, he’d be staring at you, pulling faces and winking until you would roll your eyes and turn your head to hide your grin.

But despite the numerous butterflies he unleashed upon you, you were still hesitant, and rightfully so. Though Lip had proved himself to be caring, both of you knew that this whole dating and being romantic thing wasn’t him.

So, that’s why, when Ian was thinking about what he should get Mickey for Valentine’s Day, Lip knew what he needed to do. 

The idea was so foreign to him that he felt like a dumbass, but with the number of rom-coms you forced him to watch and how you fawned over the courtship, Lip pushed the discomfort away. After all, you were the only “normal” girl he’d ever been interested in that was interested in him too.

With how fast the news spread in his family, it didn’t take long before everyone asked about you - where you were from, what you were like, why you wanted to be with him, of all people. The last one had lowkey offended him, but he couldn’t disagree. 

You were special. You were the kind of person someone like him rarely came across, and he wasn’t letting you go that easily. Not if he could help, so brave the cold he did.

Lip was blowing hot air on his hands to warm them from the crisp winter air. He debated walking away and picking you some dry flowers from the ground but decided against it when he reminded himself that you deserved better than that.

Just when he thought his joints would lock in place, the line dissipated, the last person escaping the cold with their flowers in hand. Finally, it was his turn, but as he approached the stand, he was immediately overwhelmed by all the different shapes and colors.

His eyes scanned over the entire display as he fidgeted. Lip thought it would be easy to find you a bouquet of flowers, but it was proving to be more difficult than he thought. He racked his brain for any memory of you mentioning flowers you liked, but he came up empty.

“Can’t decide?” The seller asked, a hint of a smile on their face.

Lip laughed shortly, “Yeah, something like that. There are so many fucking flowers.”

“I like to have a variety. You’d be surprised how many people ask for the oddest flowers.” The seller watched Lip’s eyes flit from section to section before offering a reprieve. “What do you have in mind?”

Lip shoved his hands in his pockets, brows pinching together. “Uh, shit, I don’t know. Something purple, maybe?”

“Purple?” They clarified, nodding. “I can work with purple.”

As they readied their supplies, they nodded over to Lip. “Is this your first time? Buying things like this?”

The brunet suddenly felt exposed. “That obvious, huh?” He asked though he was sure his constant shuffling and wide-eyed expression answered his question.

“I’ve been doing this for a while, picked up some people-reading skills. For one, you look like you might throw up.” The scents were making his nose twitch. “And two, you’re nervous as hell. That usually means one of two things: you’re just awkward, which I totally get, or you don’t want to fuck up. I’m going to take a guess and say it’s the latter, right?”

Lip smirked, “Yeah, you got me. I don’t do this whole,” he removed his hands from his pockets to gesture to the wide display of flowers “romantic thing if you couldn’t tell.”

The seller smiled as they delicately placed the flowers together. “Oh, no, I definitely couldn’t tell. So I'll take it that this person is pretty special, huh?”

The brunet nodded, his smirk morphing into a genuine smile, “Yeah. Pretty special, yeah.”

“What’s so special about them?”

He had no idea where to start. There was so much Lip loved about you. “So, this girl, right? She’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, and honestly, I don’t know what she sees in me because I can be a piece of shit sometimes. I’ve never really felt obligated to do this for all the other girls I've been with before, but the thing is, with her, I don’t even feel obligated. Like, she’s not forcing me or some shit. I just want to, you know. She knows I’m not into all this sappy bullshit, and I doubt this is the last place she’d expect me to be, but I don’t know, it just feels right.”

Lip had been rambling about you for so long that he hadn’t even noticed that the seller had finished the bouquet and was listening to his words with a smile. “Ah, love is a beautiful thing.”

His eyes widened more than they had when he approached the stand, and the look of shock on the brunet’s face sent the seller into boisterous laughter. Lip’s words came out frantic. “I mean- love is a strong word- I don’t know. Maybe?” 

“Hey, don’t sweat it, kid.” The seller handed over the bouquet. “But you talk about someone like that, don’t let them go, ‘kay?”

-

All the way to your apartment, Lip thought over the seller’s words. He didn’t love you. Really, really like you? Sure. Love? No. Absolutely not. He just enjoyed your company, and you made him smile even on his bad days, and you didn’t give him shit whenever something came up with his family and-

Shit. He might actually love you.

He didn’t have long to ponder when the door to your apartment opened. Your roommate was on her way out when she bumped into Lip. 

“Oh, hey,” she said. Lip nodded in acknowledgment, adjusting the gift in his hand, which caught her attention. “You got her something for Valentine’s Day?”

Lip looked down at the bouquet, “Uh, yeah. Is she here?”

“Yeah, you know her, never leaves the apartment. But it's sweet of you. She’s a major sap, so she'll love it.” Lip was glad to know your best friend approved. He never sought other people’s opinions, but he knew you valued hers.

“I’ve got a date to get to, but I swear to whatever you believe in that if you hurt her, I’ll hurt you.” 

Now, Lip wasn’t easily deterred, but the smile on your roommate’s face as she threatened him had him slightly concerned. You saved him when you emerged from behind the door with a knowing smile. “Leave him alone. You’re going to be late.”

Your roommate checked her phone. “Okay, okay. I’m going.” She innocuously smiled at you before giving a silent warning sign to Lip, and it was then that he knew he needed to walk around eggshells when it came to her.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Lip produced the flowers with a smirk to hide his nervousness. Though he had been hesitant about getting you the flowers, watching your face light up made waiting in the cold and getting threatened by your roommate so worth it. 

You gushed appreciation, the smile on your face growing wide as you placed your flowers in a vase after inviting him inside. Lip watched you with a smile of his own as you added water and set it on the window sill.

You approached him with a simpering grin. “You must really like me, huh?”

He thought back on what both the seller and your roommate said. He wouldn’t just do this for anyone. But for you, he’d stand out in the rain if he had to.

He squinted his eyes, bringing you closer to him. “Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe I need a little convincing.”

You hummed, leaning forward to press your lips against his. You pulled away, leaving him chasing after you. “Only a little, right?”

“Maybe a little more.”

You kissed him again, this time more heated than the last. His hands circled your waist as he deepened the kiss. Your fingers found purchase in his hair, weaving through the messy tufts.

You were about to show him how convincing you could be when your phone chimed loudly, disrupting the moment. Much to his reluctance, and yours, you separated from him to check the message.

“use protection, kids,” was the text from your roommate. You showed it to Lip, who only donned a smirk as he reached for you again.

“Looks like we should take her advice, dontcha think, babe?”

———

click here for a preview to my upcoming lip fic, stress relief!

fic here

[goldsainz]

TALK IT OUT — one shot.

pairing: mick schumacher x reader

2K CELEBRATION. MASTERLIST.

taglist: @lorarri @lpab @whatthefuckerr @noncannonships @lunnnix

summary: misunderstandings are never fun, especially when others are involved.

request: “can we have an angst prompt? i personally want to see mick cry because nobody did write him crying yet - lmk if someone did please ❛ why are you avoiding me? ❜ + mick schumacher”

warnings: mentions of cheating, angst to comfort, the ending is rushed im sorry.

NOTE: first mick fic ever… kinda nervous, kinda excited about it. also hope i did your idea justice, i actually struggled to write sad mick bc he should never be sad as far as i’m concerned😭 that is my golden boy and i will fight for him if needed. (this is like 800 words longer than intended it to)

[ word count: 1,6k ]

Tabloids always lied. You knew this, yet there was a small part of you that knew that beneath all those lies a little bit of the truth always shone from beneath them. 

You trusted Mick with your whole heart, something that was essential considering he could be gone for several weeks or even months. It wasn’t that you lacked trust in him, you didn’t trust your own overthinking and negative thoughts.

But this time was different, something in your gut told you that this time was different. Something about the way the photo was taken and the way he was smiling, it just didn't make sense. Especially knowing he had told he had no plans of going out. But there he was, smiling down at a girl who looked nothing like you while you waited for him to come back from working abroad.

Suddenly, all the emotions and excitement you had about him coming home turned into pure dread as you figured out what the hell you were going to do. There was a chance that Mick didn’t cheat on you, but the chance felt too foreign for your broken heart to even consider. If Mick was the man you thought he was, he wasn’t someone who would betray you like that, but the situation was too bad to think straight.

It was late at night when your boyfriend arrived, you heard the door open and close all while clutching your pillow tightly. You hoped he would just see your form and assume you’re asleep, leaving you and your thoughts alone. You hoped he wouldn’t take notice of the tears that damped the pillow, the way your breath stuttered a little from all the crying.

The rustle from his bags didn’t stir you. He didn’t call your name like he usually did when he arrived home late from a weeks-long trip. You assumed he didn’t call for you because he saw your “sleeping” form and chose to leave you alone, probably because he knew how much you loved to sleep and knew better than to wake you up. 

After a while, the bed dipped as Mick made himself comfortable beneath the bed sheets. He settled next to you, moving around as he draped an arm around your waist. For a moment you relaxed slightly from his touch, like all the worries in the world could be erased simply because he touched you. In all honesty, his absence has made you slightly touch-starved and you let yourself have this moment of peace because you had craved it for weeks. It didn’t take long for reality to settle in though. The reminder of his actions haunted you, it had since you saw the tabloid just mere hours ago.

You fell eventually asleep, albeit late and with a struggle. The heat of Mick’s body had killed you to sleep and the tiredness of being sad had your body calling it a night. 

Waking up wasn’t easy. You wanted to pretend the day before had occurred, and in your head if you were asleep forever then you didn’t have to confront whatever happened. A part of you knew that if Mick didn’t do what the article suggested he did, then your relationship could either go on like it was or it would never be the same. You knew yourself, you knew that a small part of you would always have the nagging thought of “what if”, a thought that would follow you around forever.

You stretched as you got out of bed, feeling your boyfriend's sleeping form not shift in the slightest. You brushed your teeth and did your morning routine like usual, just this time with a terrible feeling at the pit of your stomach.

It wasn’t long after that Mick woke up, his eyes tired and his blonde hair a mess. You had your back turned to him as you prepared breakfast, this time instead of making it for the both of you, you just did two toasts and a glass of juice for yourself. 

“Hey, how are you?” He said, his voice raspy from just waking up. You just took a bite of your toast and ignored his words, almost acting as if he wasn’t standing near you.

If Mick found your acting strange, he didn’t outright mention it. Instead, he leaned down and went to press a kiss to your lips, just for you to turn your head sideways as you pretended to grab the glass of juice. His lips met your cheek, and while he would never complain about how he kissed you, Mick had been longing to kiss you ever since he left you. It was something he always looked forward to doing whenever he had to leave for long periods of time, or even short ones.

“I missed you.” His voice is unsure now. Unsure about your actions and if you will respond to him. Your humming to his words does little to console the feeling he gets from you ignoring him.

You place the used dishware in the sink, the clattering of the plates disturbs the uncomfortable silence that surrounds you both. 

Usually Mick knows how to keep his negative emotions in check pretty well. He never shouts when he’s mad, or cries when he’s upset, he just tries his best to talk out whatever is happening. But right now, having his girlfriend avoid him when he’s come back from an exhausting trip, is just too much for him to comprehend.

You haven’t even done much to get him teary-eyed, it’s just the simple fact that he craves your attention and you’re not giving it to him. He doesn’t even know why you can’t be bothered to give him the time of day, or why you seem so uncomfortable around him.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Mick asks you after some time goes by, watching as you do everything around the room except look at him. Something in you cracks at the way his voice breaks while asking the question, you know that if you look up at him and see his glossy eyes you will crumble under them. You will throw any anger you have towards him out the window, and as much as you want to, you need more than that to forgive or even forget whatever happened.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” “If I knew why you were avoiding me I wouldn’t be asking.”

“What were you doing Thursday night?” His face is one of confusion, his brows furrowing and nose slightly scrunching up as he assesses your question.

“What?”

“What were you doing Thursday night?” You repeat, this time your voice cracks as you ask him the one question you dread to hear the answer from.

“I worked at the factory till late at night.”

“That’s all? So, you didn’t go out at all?”

Mick’s face is one of pure frustration. Frustration because he can’t believe how oblivious he had been to your feelings, how he went out and you didn’t mention anything about it. Frustration because he should’ve known that the media would get to him and by relation, in between the two of you.

“I did.” He admits, “But it was with a couple of friends, whatever it is that you saw is not what it looks like. I swear.” 

“You just coincidentally had a girl all up on you, and you just smiled down at her?” 

“I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about, Y/N. I wished I could say I did, but honestly, if there was a girl next to me I can assure you I wasn’t smiling because of her or to her, for that matter.” 

An unshed tear falls down his cheek at the assumption you're making. The notion that you would ever think he would be unfaithful to you breaks his heart into a million little pieces, like he knows yours did the moment the idea that he cheated on you settled in. 

“I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel like I would cheat on you.” Mick approaches you slowly, wary of the way you might react. He doesn't think he would bear it if you pulled away from his touch, but he would understand. “But I would never ever do that. I need you to know that.”

When your boyfriend finally reaches you, you can't help but lean into his touch. The hug he gives you is almost crushing, likes he's scared you will run away from him at any given moment. It is just as comforting as it is devastating the way he is holding you, a part of you is grateful that he is so honest and raw with you, but there is a part of you that cant help and question if his words hold any truth, if he is not like many of the other men you've known through the course of your life. 

“I want to believe you.” You whisper against him, “I really do, Mick.”

His chin is pressed to the top of your head and you feel him shift to press a kiss to your forehead. 

“I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to, schatz, and that's a promise.” There is something about the way he says that, something about the sincerity his words hold that makes you believe him. It wipes away the worries you had and replaces them with pure love, in your heart of hearts you know that Mick would never intentionally hurt you, and if he could help it, ever. 

You know just by his words that you’ll be alright.

No matter the tabloids or the drama that follows you, you'll be alright. 

[javier-penas-wifexx420]

Godless

moodboard not meant to be a physical description of reader, just her vibes/clothes

western au! dark!outlaw!Joel Miller x f!prostitute!reader playlist

My contribution to dead dove December hehehe. I love dead doves so I'm very happy to participate! @romana-after-dark

Summary: You work at a brothel that operates above a saloon in your town. Joel is the leader of a group of outlaws that come periodically to collect payment and wreak havoc. One visit, you catch Joel’s eye and he decides he has to have you.

word count: ~5.6k

DARK, dead dove: minors dni!! rough smut, prostitution, reader gets called a whore, sexual slavery, being bought/sold, angst, being owned and considered property, descriptions of men being violent with each other, Joel is possessive and very dominant, reader is very submissive, stockholm syndrome. dubcon, reader obeys but she doesn't have a choice. It's only gonna get darker from here mamas. Unprotected sex, STDs don’t exist in this universe, yeehaw. No use of y/n

A/N: Prepare for light old timey language. Yeehaw shit, in my heart I am a wild west man. Also I have no fucking idea what kind of money they used in the wild west so I just wrote gold coins lmao. Reader doesn't necessarily have a specific accent but she talks like an old timey western person, reader is just a girl in the world, god bless her. set in old west California LAWLESS LAND CALI WAS CRAZY BACK THEN BRUH

-

You tried to even your breathing as you hurriedly did your makeup, slapping your powder onto your face frantically. The other girls scurried around you, the collective energy was tense and you all shared a feeling of anxiety that was rising as the minutes ticked on.

The bar always went into a frenzy whenever Joel Miller and his men rode through town. You hadn’t been working here for that long but you’d already been here long enough for their visits. His men were animals, every girl dreaded it when they came to the brothel.

Joel and his men are shameless, getting drunk in the saloon and picking fights, riding through town and plundering all the folks living there, demanding "payments" in the form of money, food, jewelry, anything they could find that was worth taking. Payments that the people of your town made so that he would let them keep living there. He made it clear that we could wipe out the whole town if he wanted to, leaving you a people without anything. And that's if he left you all alive.

-

You hadn’t been living in the town that long. After your father died, you set off west with a man who you thought had loved you. Things had fallen out with him when you finally reached California, and he had left you all alone in this scary new world.

Luckily the people of the town had taken you in, but your shelter and safety came at a price. When you arrived, you had nowhere to live, no money, nothing.

The town brothel seemed like the only solution. You had a place to live, a job, a community. You made peace with having to let men defile you. Most of them were nice enough and your pimp took good care of all of you.

This world was cruel, you did what you needed to do to get by.

-

You adjusted your breasts where they sat in your low cut dress, pushed up by your corset. You fixed your hair and adjusted the garter on your stockings.

“Well at least we look nice.” A voice snapped you out of your deep thoughts.

You turned and tried to muster a smile for your friend, Anna-Leigh, who was pinning up her blonde curls.

She clocked your fear and reached out her hand to take yours. You couldn’t look at her because if you did you’d cry, and you couldn’t afford to smudge the black pigment you’d put on your eyelashes.

“I know you don’t want to, honey.” She said softly, “But we’ve gone through this before.” Her southern accent never failed to soothe you.

You nodded,

“Yeah.” You sniffled.

“They’re gonna do what they always do, we just gotta deal with it and then they leave.” She said firmly.

“And if they really give us trouble, Mr. Polk will put a stop to it right quick.” 

You nodded a little more confidently, remembering that your pimp, Mr. Polk kept a gun on his hip every hour of the day.

No longer able to delay the inevitable, you took a deep breath, and followed your friend and the other girls out of the vanity area and down to the saloon.

-

Walking down the stairs, you analyze the chaotic scene. You’ve managed to understand how to navigate it so as to not cause any trouble. Keep your head down, be a good girl, let them do what they want and then they leave. Your pimp paid you all extra whenever Joel's men came through. Sometimes he’d give you all new dresses, it does make you feel better but it does little to ease the aching between your legs that persists whenever he and his men visit.

You all disperse and walk among the crowd. Usually most girls will immediately go and talk a man up but now you all just stand around awkwardly, letting men approach you and take you upstairs, or just take you right down here.

You’re taken upstairs a few times by a few different men. And later on, you’re sitting in a very drunk man’s lap down in the saloon with your breasts out, smoking a cigarette. He's playing a poker game and slowly losing everything.

Your eyes scan your surroundings: men brawling, naked women bent over, their legs splayed open. The usual.

Through the clamor around you, you can feel his eyes on you.

Joel Miller.

You'd seen him before, and his cold gaze had made your skin crawl.

You knew he was dangerous and you’d heard the stories about him. You’d never talked to him, only seen him when he came by. After making his rounds through the town, he’d just sit at the bar and drink as his men ran wild. To your knowledge, he didn’t even have sex with any of the girls.

You tried to avoid his gaze but you could feel his eyes on you through the thick haze of smoke. It wasn't fair that he was so handsome, weathered from the desert sun. His soft brown hair was laced with gray, just like his short scruffy beard. He looked like could've been a man that was kind, if it wasn't for the dead stare in his eyes. Meeting his eyes you could see how cold blooded he was, how merciless.

After a while, Joel instructed his men to gather everything up. The barkeep and your pimp seemed like they couldn’t wait to get rid of them, their regulars bloodied and slumped over, the bar a mess.

You were pulling the top of your dress back over your breasts when you spotted Joel speaking to your pimp, who was looking distressed. Your stomach churned. That couldn’t be good.

You were on your way up the stairs when you heard your name being called, panic flooded your system.

You turned, frozen. Your heart was pounding as the other girls ran by you.

Anna-Leigh tugged your arm, "C'mon!"

You turned and the only thing you could do was shake your head.

"What's wrong?" She asked, confused.

Your pimp, growing impatient, walked up the stairs and grabbed your elbow, dragging you down.

"I know y'don't want to." He grumbled, "But I'm not bein' given much of'a choice."

Your feet dragged on the wood as you struggled to catch your footing. Did Joel suddenly decide he wanted to fuck you? Mr. Polk yanked you over to him.

Joel's broad form towered over you as you approached. You felt small under his gaze, you'd never been this close to him before. You took in his scent of desert dirt and sweat. His broad shoulders, hulking biceps and soft stomach stretched his stained white button down. The fringe on his cowhide jacket swayed as he took his hat off his head and ran a hand through his graying curls.

You stood looking up at him, eyes wide. He looked down at you without a hint of warmth and grabbed your arm roughly, spinning you around.

You gasped at his touch and anticipated to be bent over and have your skirt hiked up. Instead he just looked at you and turned you back to face him. He made an approving grunt and nodded his head.

"Yeah." His voice was deep and gruff, "This one."

He reached into his bag on the bar and pulled out a sack that he let fall open, gold coins falling out all over the counter.

You started to feel sick.

"Give you this for her." He said casually.

A spike of fear bolted through you.

"W-what?"

Your pimp sighed and turned to you,

"Go get y'things honey."

"What?" That felt like all you could say, "N-no."

You turned to see Anna-Leigh and the other girls staring at you. Your friend looked just as terrified as you felt. Tears freed themselves from your eyes.

"God damnit girl I said go get your fucking things." Mr. Polk yelled and gave you a shake. You looked at Joel who simply nodded his head up, as if telling you to go upstairs.

You sniffled and ran up the stairs, your sobs breaking through as you graced the landing and echoing as you flung yourself into your room.

-

You hiccuped as you threw your few belongings into a suitcase, everything blurred as you cried.

You were only able to get a few items packed before you broke down and sobbed uncontrollably.

You suddenly felt the arms of your friend wrapping around you as other girls gathered around you, all stroking and hugging you.

You blinked back tears and tried to speak but you couldn’t. They just held you as you all cried. There wasn’t really anything they could say to make things better anyway.

You gasped and shuddered, trying to catch your breath. Anna-Leigh took your face in her hands,

“It’s okay, baby, breathe.” She said, tears falling down her face as well. You shook your head and kept crying.

Your pimp appeared in the doorway, looking mournful as he held his hat in his hands.

“How dare you!” Anna-Leigh screamed at him from where she held you.

“I’m sorry.” He said, looking down, “It’s either her or they take all a’you. Destroy the bar, hell maybe even the whole town.”

You cried harder, realizing that there was truly no way out of this. If you didn’t go with Joel, you’d be damning your sisters. You let out a final anguished cry before you got up shakily and continued to pack your things. You went down to the bar which was quiet, the men all watching with bated breath.

Mr. Polk escorted you down and you walked over to Joel again, whose smirk made you nauseous. You looked down at the floor as one of his men took your bag from you.

“Alright sweetheart.” Your pimp murmured, “You be good for Mr. Miller now.”

You nodded as tears ran down your face silently.

“Move out.” Joel addressed his men.

It hit you again that you were really leaving and you started sobbing again.

“No please!” You begged your pimp, “Don’t let him take me please!”

Joel reached out and grabbed your arm,

“I ain’t got time for this girl!” He sneered and ripped you away.

“No…” you cried as he dragged you along.

Anna-Leigh ran up and hugged you one last time. Joel let her, but made an irritated noise and squeezed you painfully when she took too long.

She pulled away and grabbed your face in her hands.

“You can do this.” She said, her voice breaking, “You’re gonna be strong.”

You hiccuped and shook your head,

“Be strong ok?” She nodded at you as Joel finally wrenched you away.

“That’s enough!” He barked, “I’ve already been mighty patient with you folks. Stop fuckin’ testing me!”

Everyone stared at him, silent and full of fear.

You could only cry harder as he dragged you outside. He picked you up and set you on his horse, untying its reigns from the post. 

“Hey!” You heard a voice call out and turned on the horse to see one of your drunken regulars, stumbling towards you,

“Thas’ my favorite whore!” He slurred, “My favorite fuckin’ whore, y’can’t-“ he hiccuped and stumbled. The people of the town shuffled out of their houses to watch the action.

Joel smiled at the man coldly,

“That’s your favorite whore, huh?” He asked, standing over him. He rolled him over with the toe of his boot.

“M-my whore.” The man warbled.

Joel didn’t really know why but white hot rage shot through him. He inhaled sharply and stomped on the man’s face, hard. He heard you gasp from the back of his horse which only ignited him further.

“She’s my fuckin’ whore now!” He yelled and spat in his face.

Fueled by rage and power, he turned to his right hand with an idea.

“Get me the rope, John.”

The man writhed on the ground, moaning and clutching his face. Joel approached the back of his horse with the rope, making you shuffle back in fear.

“Relax darlin’ this ain’t for you.” He breathed and tied the end of it to the saddle. Then, he turned to the man and bent down, tying the rope around his hands above his head.

You watched in shock and heard people around you, whispering.

“Alright!” Joel said after he was done. He got up onto the horse in front of you.

“Hold on baby.” He said softly and you reluctantly wrapped your arms around his middle.

Adrenaline coursed through him at the thought of the freedom of the mountains, of riding out of this stupid town with a pretty girl on his horse and a worthless drunk at his mercy. He turned to see John, who was giving him a knowing smile, the one he always gave him before they rode.

“Let’s ride.” Joel said, his voice gravelly like the desert sand. Before you could blink, they urged their horses onward and took off at high speed. You couldn’t help but let out a little scream as you startled and grabbed at him.

Your noise of shock was substituted by the agonized screams of the man being pulled by Joel’s horse. Begging and crying just like you had earlier.

You turned and watched the town get smaller, Anna-Leigh stood at the front of the crowd and gave you a pitiful wave. You looked down and saw the bloody body of the man.

You squeezed your eyes shut and turned back around, whimpering as you buried your face in Joel’s broad back.

Your tears stained his jacket as you rode away from the place that you had made your home. Towards a terrifying, shackled future.

-

As you journeyed on, you sat behind Joel on his horse, your hands clinging to his weathered leather jacket. His silence only made you more uneasy.

You feared for what the future held, gone was the stability of the brothel, the protection of your pimp. You were in a lawless land with a man who answered to no one. You’d heard the stories about Joel Miller, about the things he’d done.

You didn’t know how he’d treat a woman, if he’d be rough or gentle. Or if he’d throw you to his men. That was what you were the most afraid of.

You traveled for hours, eventually setting up camp as the sun began to set. As the air grew colder, Joel passed you a thick blanket to wrap around yourself. You sat in front of the fire with him as his men kept themselves occupied.

You brooded as you stared into the fire. You were still kind of in shock. This man had taken you away from everything, your life was gone. You didn't know if you were ever going to see your friends again.

You didn't realize, when you'd started spreading your legs for men, that this could happen. That you could be bought and sold like cattle.

You were scared for life with this godless outlaw. You didn't even know where you'd be living. Would you just sleep out in the desert like this? Would you spend the rest of your days being pounded by vicious men into the hard, dry earth?

"Want ‘sum meat?" Joel's gruff voice broke you from your thoughts. You turned to him apprehensively. He held out a piece of dried meat, offering it to you.

"Go on."

You slowly took it from him and took a bite like a scared wild animal. It was pretty good.

"Thank you." You said softly.

Joel looked satisfied with your response, you were both quiet for a while longer until you finally couldn't help yourself.

“Is this uh…” You spoke and he looked over to you, the fire casting sharp shadows across his handsome features.

“Is this how you normally live?” You finally asked, hoping you weren’t being disrespectful.

Joel shook his head after a moment.

“We’re travelin’ now.” He said, “but we got a place, nice and comfortable for a lady.”

You smiled a little bit at that last part.

“Thank you sir.” You wished you didn’t sound so scared, “I was just curious.”

“S’alright.” He grumbled out and began focusing on whittling a piece of wood.

-

The journey was hard but you tried your best to keep up. Joel never raised his voice at you, he didn’t really talk to you all that much in general. He hadn’t even touched you yet either. It seemed he was focused on getting everyone home.

His strength and capability drew you to him, but he still scared you.

After days of traveling, you finally reached where he and his men lived; a small grouping of cabins a mile or so away from a small village. It was just as well, since the sun was beginning to set over the horizon.

You still weren't sure what to think. Joel has been gentlemanly towards you so far. He still scared you though. His smoldering silence made you more uneasy than any unsavory man you'd ever encountered. He kept all his cards concealed, barely spoke, only when he needed to. His calm felt like that which preceded a storm, he commanded respect.

You didn't know what to expect from him.

You entered one of the larger cabins with Joel. It was nice, modest, and smelled of carpentry and tobacco. He set down his lantern on one of the wooden tables and dropped your things down with a slight groan.

His men unloaded everything, then they all nodded at each other and all left, closing the door and leaving you with Joel.

He moved purposefully, picking up wood from a corner and moving to the fireplace.

"Need to get a fire goin'." You heard his deep voice in the near darkness. The shadows thrown on his broad back made him seem even larger than he already was.

You didn't move, unsure of what to do, not wanting to make him mad.

After a fire was crackling he moved towards you silently, the wood creaking under his heavy footsteps. You resisted the urge to shrink away from him.

He was so close to you now, right in front of you.

"You were a real good girl on that trip." He said, his gravelly voice soft, the sound immediately went to your cunt and you were shocked at how aroused you suddenly became. 

You weren't sure what to say, you kept your eyes down, your hands behind your back.

He held your jaw and tilted your face up to look at him.

"You need to keep bein' good." He said, his tone a warning, "You don't cause any fuckin' trouble, you do what I say."

You felt breathless, the feeling of his hand on your face setting you on fire.

"Yes sir." You said quickly.

He smiled softly, "Good girl." He said gently and, to your shock, leaned forward and kissed your forehead. You gasped a little.

"Remember," His voice was still soft and velvety, "I own you now." He gripped the back of your neck tightly, "That means you're mine and I decide what to do with you."

You swallowed the dry lump in your throat. You wanted to cry. You never liked being a prostitute, but at least at the brothel you were free, not a man's property. At least, you thought you'd been.

But Joel had paid for you fair and square. You were his now.

You whimpered a little at the thought and he grabbed your hair, yanking your head back,

"Answer me when I talk to you girl." He spat.

"Yes sir, I'm sorry!" you choked out.

Seeming satisfied, he let go and patted your cheek, then moved away. It felt like you could finally breathe.

"I'm gonna get us some supper ," He said, "You stay here, make yourself at home."

With that he was gone. You stood in the single room cabin, your heart rate finally slowing down.

You looked around, the place was big enough, it felt cozy. There were some old chairs by the fire with a small handcrafted table in front of them.

The other side of the room had a big soft looking bed, then there was an area to the right with pots, pans and other things for cooking. Besides a small room off to the side with a basin of water and a cracked mirror, that was it.

It wasn't much, but it was nice. It felt normal. There were blankets everywhere. Cotton, knitted, animal hide, what have you.

It all made you feel a little better, but not by that much.

Joel came back in and gathered fixings for dinner. He had you both sit in front of the fire outside along with his other men. You all sat on logs gathered round. His men were boisterous and shameless as usual, but they only did so much as leer at you.

The food was pretty good, and you appreciated the hot meal.

When you shivered a little bit, Joel slipped off his fringe jacket and put it around your shoulders. You looked up at him and couldn't help but smile a little. How sweet, how...considerate.

He looked down at you, and smiled back. The wrinkles around his brown eyes became more pronounced, making his normally dead piercing gaze softer, kinder. A warmth bloomed in your chest.

-

After dinner was done, you both returned to his cabin. He cleaned up as you got comfortable, changing into a long, off the shoulder white cotton dress that held your breasts nicely.

You settled into his bed. It smelled like wood, tobacco, whiskey, him. The blankets and pillows were soft and you tucked your legs up, opening your diary. Beginning a new entry, you didn't even know where to start. Your entries were definitely going to get more interesting.

You wrote for a while before you heard a man enter the cabin. Looking up, you saw Joel and began to stand up but he put up a hand, stopping you.

You watched him walk over to the fire, his knees creaking a little as he bent down and threw a fresh log in. 

He sighed and slumped back in one of the chairs, kicking off his boots, unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his shirt.

You observed him for a while, his beautiful hooked nose illuminated by the firelight, his hair looked soft, his tough expression relaxed a bit.

You finally lost interest and returned to your diary, desperately trying to explain to it how you came to be in this situation.

Joel took swigs from his flask and worked on his whittling as you wrote. He liked the peacefulness, he liked that there was a pretty girl in his bed. You had come with him so easily, been so obedient. Sure, you'd been upset initially, but he hadn’t expected you not to be.

You'd been good, so far. You followed his orders and you were thankful for all the things that he gave you.

Compliant little thing.

He suddenly got an idea.

-

You had already covered two pages in writing when he called your name.

You sat up quickly and set your diary on his bed, slid off and walked across the wooden floor until you were in front of him.

“Yes sir?” You asked, your heart pounding slightly.

“Take off your dress.” He said quietly.

The command caught you off guard and you froze for a moment.

“I-what?”

“Take off. Your dress.” He repeated flatly, “Wanna take a look at what’s mine.”

His words both made your stomach hurt and your pussy ache. It felt like your feet and hands were going numb.

You took him in, his hard stare, the yearning and darkness in his eyes. You realized you had been fooled earlier tonight by his chivalry.

You swallowed and nodded, you were used to this business. You took a deep breath and untied the top of your dress, letting the bodice fall loosely around your chest. You gathered the fabric and pulled it over your head. You weren't wearing any undergarments so as your white dress billowed to the ground, you were left completely naked for him.

You heard him make a noise of approval and he nodded, smiling.

"Knew you were a good girl."

He eyed you up and down. His gaze made goosebumps erupt on your skin, causing your nipples to harden as he examined you. He stayed in his chair, his legs spread. You could see his bulge straining against his jeans.

You could feel your heartbeat pounding in your cunt...maybe Joel Miller would be gentle with you?

He finally stood up. Looming over you, he ran his large, rough hands over your arms, then your stomach and finally, up to cup and squeeze your breasts.

You couldn't help but let out a soft moan, Joel chuckled softly,

"I know baby," He rasped, "You've been waitin’ so long, been so patient."

You nodded quickly, your eyes wide as you looked up at him. Your complete submissiveness to him was due to his power, but you couldn't help but feel a little excited for this strong, terrifying man to take you.

"Go get on the bed for me."

"Yes sir." You said softly and he let out an almost inaudible groan. You walked over to the bed and laid on your back, immediately spreading your legs.

Joel laughed a little and shook his head as though in disbelief,

"Damn, I picked the right fuckin’ girl didn't I?"

-

He sat on the bed beside you as you lay, your pussy still on display for him, your arms on either side of your head.

Completely his, ready to be taken by him. It kind of shocked you that you had surrendered and accepted this role so quickly. But then again, you didn't have much of a choice, this was the easy way.

"Damn." He sighed as he let his eyes fall over you. He took his time touching you, slowly playing with you. You let your eyes flutter shut as you let him explore you, taking in his newest possession.

He touched you everywhere, except where you needed him most. You squirmed and whimpered, moving your hips to get his fingers anywhere near your wet cunt.

Joel quickly landed a harsh spank on your pussy and you cried out.

"Cut that shit out." He growled, "You're gonn' take what I give you and be a grateful little whore."

You nodded quickly.

"Say it."

"I'm-I'm gonna be a grateful little whore."

"Thas' right."

His thick fingers dragged through your dripping cunt and you let out a moan. He drew closer to you, inhaling the dizzying scent of your arousal and spreading your slickness up to your clit.

"Joel..." You whined and rolled your hips against his fingers.

"Good girl," He said huskily, "Jus like that."

He moved his fingers faster and you moaned and arched your back. No man had ever taken his time with you in this way.

You felt the pleasure wash over you and you let your moans echo around the cabin freely. You'd learned it wasn't a bad thing to be loud, your old pimp had always told you it was good advertising.

After taking in your reaction to that, Joel shifted his focus and curiously buried two thick fingers into your cunt. You moaned and gasped at the way he stretched you, it felt fucking amazing.

"Joel!" You cried out and rocked your hips in time with his hand. Following his movements and somehow doing exactly what he wanted.

He liked how responsive you were, how obedient.

He pulled his fingers out of you without warning and you whined at the sudden emptiness.

Joel got on his knees on the bed, towering over you. He pulled his shirt off and undid his jeans, pulling them down just enough to free his cock.

You audibly gasped when you took in the sight of it and he laughed a little.

"What? Not expectin’ me to be this big?"

"I-no-sir I didn't-I mean-" You stuttered.

"S'alright sweetheart." He murmured, "You wanna touch me?"

You stared at his thick manhood. You had no idea how fucking big it was, you reached your hand out and wrapped it around him, your fingers just meeting each other around his girth.

Oh fuck.

You whined and pumped his length, spitting on it and letting it spread over him.

His cock was beautiful, powerful and imposing, resting rock hard and heavy between his strong thighs. His balls hung heavy, his dark hair running wild up to his round stomach.

You sighed, contentedly.

Joel smirked, his large hand resting on the side of your head, cradling you as your hand worked him.

You looked up at him submissively, your eyelashes fluttering. Joel moaned at the way you pleaded for him without even saying anything. You were like a siren. He'd known you were the one the minute he saw you down in that saloon.

He suddenly pushed you back, roughly. Making you yelp out in surprise as your head hit the soft pillows. He looked at you hungrily and grabbed your hips, flipping you over so you landed on your stomach, bouncing up off the bed a little.

He yanked your hips up so you were on your knees, grunting and breathing heavily. You moaned and arched your back, spreading yourself for him.

You felt the head of his cock swipe through your folds and your heart raced with anticipation. He took a sharp inhale before slamming into your cunt with a snarl.

"FUCK!" You cried out, not expecting the sudden burn or stretch. Even with how wet you were, his massive cock split you open.

You gasped and whined as Joel kept himself buried in your pussy, groaning as he rocked his hips, getting harder and more forceful.

You let yourself become undone by him and he started sliding out and slamming into you more, getting faster and more enthusiastic.

He grunted and breathed heavily through gritted teeth as he pounded into you. He threw his head back, using his grip on your hips to move you and fuck your pussy. The way you moaned and screamed for him only spurred him further, abusing your cunt.

He was in control. He bought you, he owned you, you were his whore. Forever.

"Oh fuck!" He groaned, gasping as those thoughts brought him even closer, along with the squeeze of your cunt.

You couldn't even speak, your face was pressed into the pillow as you cried and drooled. You'd lost track of how many times you'd come, just letting yourself be used by him at this point. You couldn't deny that it felt amazing.

Joel leaned over and put a paw-like hand over the back of your head, crushing your face into the bed as he leaned over. Putting his weight on you, he used that to fuck you even harder.

Your cries were muffled and you almost couldn't breathe. Joel's thrusts became sloppier and you heard his breathing turn into desperate moaning. He finally came, thick ropes of cum shooting directly into you making you gasp and moan. The men at the brothel were never allowed to cum in you. If a girl got pregnant, she either got it taken care of or she was out.

But you were Joel's now. And Joel was the one who decided what happened to you.

He fucked his cum into you more, causing it to spurt out. Then he pulled back, you took a deep breath and relaxed onto the bed, his cock still keeping you plugged up.

"That's right baby." He murmured, "Good girl."

You let out a beautiful whine, your cunt tightening around his cock as he stroked your hair away from your face.

He sighed as he knelt over your limp form, his cock still keeping his seed in you.

You didn't move, When he finally eased out of you gently, you winced and cried out at the loss.

"I know, I know." He said softly, petting your hair.

He grabbed a cloth and wiped at your cunt, getting most of the mess cleaned up. When he decided that was good, he eased your hips down and turned you over.

You wriggled into a comfortable position, tucking your hair behind your ear and smiling up at him shyly.

He smiled at you again, the same one he'd given you at dinner. His normally cold eyes looked warm and safe.

You slipped your hands up around his neck, your eyes falling down to his lips under his scruffy beard.

He ran the rough pad of his thumb over your cheekbone,

"Such a good little whore." He said softly, then he leaned down and kissed you.

His lips weren't pressed against yours for that long but it still sparked electricity through you.

He pulled away and breathed out a laugh, "Alright, let's try an' get some sleep now."

"Yes sir." You said softly.

He put out the fire and the lantern and stripped off his pants before getting under the covers with you. His strong arms wrapped around you, pulling you into him, his softening cock pressing against your ass.

He buried his nose in your hair, each hand covering your tits, keeping them warm.

You nuzzled into his hold, you couldn't remember the last time you'd been held like this. You turned around and buried your face in his hairy chest. 

You had…liked that. You really liked it. You knew how wrong this all was. You knew that to him you were just a whore, his property, but…maybe you could make peace with that? Maybe Joel Miller would be a good owner.

You hated that you were even thinking that.

His large hand rested on your back, holding you close to him as your exhausted mind finally succumbed to sleep.

-

THANK YOU FOR READING I LOVE YOU

This is my first Joel fic AND my first dead dove fic which I didn’t think I’d be able to write but I had sm fun writing this!! Thank you to @toxicanonymity and @romana-after-dark and all the girlies with their scary Joels who inspired me🖤

YEEHAW LETS RIDE🐎🐎🐎

[jesssssssssica]

how you get the girl mv1

max verstappen was not normally someone who would go to other people for help, seeing as he deems it too embarrassing, expecting himself to be the only person that can fix his problems. 

that’s why when daniel was on the receiving end of a call with max verstappen at midnight on a tuesday, did he find himself shocked.

“i need your help”

“oh hello to you too max.”

“sorry, i just need your hel-”

“yeah, i heard you the first time. anyway you need my help? i thought you were mr independent, a lone wolf?” he chuckles slightly at the end of this question finding this whole situation quite ironic. 

“this isn’t funny dan, i really need your help, i messed up bigtime.” he whimpers, cradling his forehead with his spare hand. 

only now does daniel realise that his friend is truly being serious, having previously thought that the only help he needed was getting into his locked apartment but no it must have been much worse.

daniel quickly clears his throat before questioning,

“what happened max?”

“i broke up with her.”

silence. the air thickens on both sides of the phone, shivers running down the pair's backs. 

“why?”

that’s all daniel can say, knowing that if he were to say anything more he’d find himself getting angry at the issue at hand. in his mind a breakup between y/n and max wasn’t physically possible, they were so in love with each other it was insane. the pair were soulmates and nothing could get between the two which is why even the mention of a break up between the two leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

“i…” max slowly says, “i don’t know dan. one moment we were on the sofa just talking and then the next we were just shouting and i just got so mad and so i just broke it off and left.” 

“what were you two talking about? it must have been something if it caused such an outrage.” 

“i was talking about y/n giving up her job to join me…” he utters, embarrassed at his past self's words. he knew from previous conversations that y/n would never ever give up her career, having given up so much to put herself where she is right now. 

‘how could i ever think so selfishly?’ max thinks, pulling at his hair, fisting it and scrunching it up as he fights off the tears brewing in his eyes, waiting for daniel. 

safe to say daniel was not very impressed with his friends words, knowing that you had not liked to even think of the idea of leaving your job, it being a big part of your life. 

“max… you know how she feels about that, she’s just afraid that if you ever were to break up then she would just be stuck and as much as she does love you, she just doesn’t want to risk it and plus she loves her job!”

“i know daniel, i know! but i miss her too much and it’s not like i wouldn’t be able to support the bo-”

“max! you have to learn that y/n wants to be known as y/n not max verstappen's girlfriend, which already happens when you’re apart. what do you think would happen if she went with you hmm?”

it’s as if time has repeated itself as once again the call goes silent.

“i just love her too much to not be around her all the time. it’s as if i can only live when she’s around, and it’s probably true. y’know my mum told me that she’s never seen me as happy as she did when i was y/n, claiming that when she was in the toilet i wasn’t wearing the same smile i was when she got back. i know that she’s my future dan, my world and now i’ve gone and messed it up just like everything else. when i told her that this wasn’t going to work, i swear the look she gave me made me regret everything and yet i just stood there, looking adamant at my decision. even as she packed her things i said nothing, i watched her go and did nothing. who does that to the person they love? who just lets them go so easily and doesn’t fight for it? i need her back daniel but surely she won’t let me back into her heart when i’ve only just broken it.”

by the end of max’s ramble, daniel is sure he hears a few sniffles, though he’s not sure if it’s from him or max. 

“i’ll help you max.”

—

the very next morning, max is woken from his broken sleep by relentless knocks on his door, followed by the shouts of,

“max!” “let me in!” 

“what are you doing here daniel?”

daniel, doesn’t reply, instead reaching into his bag and tossing out a booklet. 

How to get the girl by daniel ricciardo 

“since the call last night, i’ve been making this guide on how to get y/n back and i swear if you follow these steps, then all will be good.” 

“oh really? this is what’ll take to get y/n back yeah? just a few simple steps?”

“well if you read it then you’d know what these ‘simple steps’ were.”

step one - go to her (preferably in the pouring rain)

so he does. 

‘stupid daniel’ max thinks, shivering in cold and dreary rain, waiting anxiously for you to open the door.

“hell- oh max. what are you doing here, it’s tipping down? are you insane?”

“i missed you.” is all max can say.

“you miss me? you broke up with me and then you have the audacity to say that you miss me?”

“i didn’t mean it y/n, i just really wanted you to come with me because i love you too much to live without me-”

“hang on, you’re saying that you wouldn’t be able to live without me and yet you did the only thing which meant i wasn’t in your life. max, you could’ve just let our life continue on as normal and then you would still have me but you didn’t.”

“y/n i’m a mess without you and i am so sorry for everything. i love you with my heart and without you i’m not me. i don’t know what came over me in that moment but i will never regret anything more than i did in that moment. you’re my soulmate y/n and i can’t continue living without you. i’ve lost sleep and i’m not the same person anymore. i’ve gotten snappier and i’m distancing myself from all my friends because i’m scared i’ll lose them too.”

“oh.”

step two - say nice things 

“i want you for worse or for better y/n and i would wait for thousands of years for you to come back to me and i wouldn’t regret it because it would mean i would have you again. i know i broke your heart but hopefully it means i can put it back together because i truly do love you y/n.”

“max you need to understand that it’ll take time for me to take you back because even though you regret it, i need to heal and maybe once i’ve healed i’ll let you back in. i do love you though max, always will and i thank you for loving me too.” 

“i won’t give up y/n, i’ll keep coming back.”

“i’ll be here max.”

step three - remind her how it use to be 

the second time max appeared at y/n’s, he found himself feeling much more confident than how he did during his first endeavour, daniel having given him some motivation. 

he takes a moment to breathe before knocking his fist on your door. 

“when you said you’d keep coming back i didn’t know you’d actually follow through with it.” 

“of course i would, i meant it when i said i wanted you back.”

you just stare at the man as he talks, arms crossed around your chest resting on your doorframe. 

“well… what do you have to say for yourself? or are you just gonna stand there and stare at me for half an hour?”

“well if you’re offerin-”

“max! get to the point please or i will close this door.” 

he only smiles, staring at your face, admiring you before coming to his senses and speaking once more. 

“i just wanted to remind you of the time we spent together, y'know. i mean i was just lying down on the sofa and just staring at some old photos and i was thinking of the nights where we would just stay and lay and cuddle. nights reserved just for you and i remember? or as soon as we both had time off work, then we’d just jet off to a new country and relax, tanning under the sun or skiing in the snow. we should do that soon, have a nice holiday to just relax and love each other, wouldn’t you just love that, a romantic holiday just for the pair of us?  i certainly would but we’d have to get back together first but i guess that’s why i’m here.” 

“that would be nice i guess but i could do that with any man, a man that wouldn’t selfishly try and get me to quit my job when he knows i love it so much.”

“they don’t know you like i do though y/n! they also don’t deserve someone as sweet and perfect as yo-”

“so what? that makes you the perfect man for me then?”

“yes it does as a matter of fact! i know that even though you say that you love redbull, you really wish that some other team was winning but you also love that i’m winning. you also say that you prefer dogs but jimmy and sassy are your only exceptions. i know that y/n and no other person knows that. you say that you don’t want kids but you can’t help but want them when you see luka and lio and yet you still always claim that you will forever be the cool aunt! i also know that even though you put up this strong front, i know that i hurt you and i know that i will have to fight hard for you but i promise y/n, i swear that i will fight for you, i really will.”

by the end of his speech, both yours and his ears are filled with tears.

“...max.. i don’t know what to say.”

“then don’t say anything but yes, don’t say anything but i trust you max. reassure me y/n, tell me that we still could be something, don’t give me false hope i swear. i know i messed up but i really didn’t mean it.” 

“i swear max, that if you fight for me hard enough, then i’ll let you back in.”

step four - Say more nice things!!! 

the next time you get a visit from max is a week later in the early hours of the day. 

knock. knock. knock. 

repeatedly max knocks his fist on the door, over and over. 

quickly you get up, rubbing your eyes, stretching your arms and legs as you walk across your apartment, yanking the door open. 

“max? what are you doing here? it’s…i don’t even know what time it is but it’s way too early for me to talk to you about this.”

“i couldn’t sleep y/n, you kept me awake, i couldn’t stop thinking about you and so that’s why i’m here. i’ve been losing sleep everyday anyway but tonight was just unbearable. i need you y/n, please.”

“come in max.”

so he does, walking towards the sofa when a cough breaks him out of his daydream.

“no max, if you can’t sleep then sleep in the bed.” 

max’s heart soars at the prospect of being back into your arms once more, which is why he immediately scoops you up into his arms and dumps you onto your bed, tucking the pair of you under the covers. 

it takes a few minutes of staring at the ceiling to finally break down and hold each other, you having the confidence to rest your head on his chest, that soothes you, listening to the beat of his heart. 

it’s silent before the sound of soft sobs are heard throughout the room. the sobs are then followed by shaking. it’s max. 

“i love you, so so much.” is all max can manage to get out. 

“i love you too max.” 

that’s all the reassurance he needs, both of you falling into a deep slumber holding each other, just as you always would.

and that’s how you get the girl.

a/n: so i didn't die but i've just been so unmotivated to write and i just keep coming up with new ideas but no words to go along with it but oh well! this is for 1989 tv xxx

[yanderecookierunkingdom]

HIII ITS ME AGAIN, i’ve got another idea for you, that you make a little drabble about.

so the time line is like before the yan!beasts got corrupted, or like post-corruption or something, reader is a very overpowered cookie but timid and shy in a way, including considerate and kind, they wants to help people they genuinely loves and cares about (including the beasts), therefore this also makes them a people pleaser/push over, so they keep theyre power secretive

after a while, reader started to see a shift in theyre personality and how they started to resent cookies that didn’t have the same power as themselves, and how they are being kinda possessive/obsessive towards reader, and more really unhealthy behaviors, but of course, like the fool they are, reader decided to ignore those red flags, cause it’s better then having literal no one (said by reader)

anyways when days pass, more things start to change, they start becoming more malicious towards other common cookies, how they cause more chaos and other stuff, of course reader is a bit too delusional to care… till the witches/creators came, saying they need to trap them for good, of course you retaliated (verbally), saying how you care for them and other stuff, and you won’t go through with this, and they tell reader something that will really open theyre eyes to the world, pointing out the actions the beasts do and how shitty and bad they are (including some things they say, how they treat reader etc) how bad their intentions truly are, after this reader was really upset about them, they might be delusional but not THAT delusional, so i think you can vison what happened next now, they advise a plan to get them in a place where the witches can trap them, using reader as a bait, then once it’s done, reader left, no matter how many pleads or yells the beasts through at them, reader didn’t turn back, not even to glance at the prison that they brought themselves upon, as reader walked off, they made a vow to themself, a promise to never be fooled and manipulated like that again, to never pretend to be something they aren’t, after that, they became a whole entire different cookie (woahhh character development, anyway imagine them having a more bayonetta like personality/mindset and strength and speed?) maybe a little crossing of paths once the beasts get out of prison

(also i recently just learnt I HAVE MY OWN TAG? idk why it just made me feel special)

You have?? Such?? Good ideas?? Never stop sending in requests, I love all the ideas you always come up with!!

You were a cold Cookie, with no one really knowing why. You hardly trusted and tended to be very suspicious of Cookies of power. To say it took you ages to even think of trusting the Ancients wa an understatement.

You were heavily against the idea of going to Beast-Yeast, yet you eventually relented. Not for yourself, but to make sure that none of them got manipulated like you did.

You were completely ready to throw hands when the Beasts showed up. To stay you were pissed was an understatement. Somehow, they were convinced they were the victims! Because their fun was cut short!

Shadow Milk Cookie is the biggest instigator. He still thinks you're a pushover and portrays you as such, only to be completely confused when he sees you decimate that animatronic. That was.. a change in the script he didn't expect.

Burning Spice Cookie and Silent Salt Cookie are both taken aback by how ready you were to fight them. Guess that shy part of you was gone!

Eternal Sugar Cookie used to lovebomb you a lot whenever you were still shy. She's surprised to see it no longer works, but doesn't mean she still won't try!

Mystic Flour Cookie is the only one who realizes that you're no longer the same pushover. However, it doesn't mean she won't try and use you for her own benefit again.

[goddessofroyalty]

So this was based on a silly joke I have in my head about hormonal birth control not working for omega!Sanji for (spoilers) reasons and him and Zoro then ending up with 3 kids on the pirate journey because they keep breaking condoms.

Anyway this is just them finally making it back to the Baratie and having to face up to Zeff about it (from Zeff’s POV)

Pairing: Zoro/Sanji

Tags: omegaverse, mpreg

---------

Zeff will admit he is slightly surprised at the swell in Sanji’s stomach when he showed up again as part of what seems to be the new Pirate King and crew’s Victory Tour.

It’s not that Eggplant had given him no indication of it – he had been getting more and more jittery every damn time he’d gotten in touch as the Strawhats made their various stops before reaching the Baratie. Saying how some things had happened during his travels and that he’d needed to talk to Zeff about them in person. But Zeff had assumed it was to do with his damnable family. Not that his woman-obsessed omega son had gone and got himself knocked up. By an alpha, going by the new layer of scent clinging on top of the one he remembers to be Sanji’s.

And, because wonder’s don’t fucking cease, they’ve only just gotten through their tearful hug when a little green-haired girl comes running over. Clinging to Eggplants leg and staring up at Zeff with curious, familiar, blue eyes.

“I thought you were staying on the ship Princess?” Eggplant says, brushing a hand through her hair. And Zeff is equally sure that actually Sanji told her to stay on the ship as he is that his boy was as much a pushover to his daughter as he had been any woman who had stepped foot into the Baratie before he left.

“You know she wasn’t gonna’ as soon as she found out this was your old home.” And there was the newly minted World’s Greatest Swordsman and apparently sire to Zeff’s grandkids walking in like it had been his home as well and not the place he had gotten nearly cut in half by the former owner of the title.

And, fucks sake, there was another little one resting on his hips as he does it with that same matching green hair.

“I do remember teaching you about the importance of making them wrap it,” Zeff grumbles, because going by the age of the older one the two it hadn’t been all that long after Sanji left that he had gotten himself knocked up. “I know you said you weren’t planning on getting with any alphas but I know you were still listening.”

Eggplant goes red at it before glaring at Roronoa who gives a grin back that is entirely too filthy and leaves Zeff sure that he doesn’t actually want to know.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Zeff asks more to move the topic away from his kid’s sex life before he finds out more about it than he wants to.

They had been exchanging letters and calls on and off the whole time and never once had Eggplant mentioned that he was going to be or had become a granddad in any of them.

“I did try to but I couldn’t say anything too direct in case it got intercepted,” Sanji explains, resting a protective hand over his middle while the other curls around the girl at his side.

It makes some degree of sense. Best way to keep the two, soon to be three, pups from being a target is to have nobody know they exist in the first place.

Maybe Zeff should have guessed something like this was up when Sanji had asked him how he had dealt with the stress of raising a kid in the dangerous world they lived in. But he had just assumed his boy had finally matured enough to realize how much of an antagonistic dumbass he had been at times.

“I did want to tell you though,” Sanji continues, his voice guilty.  

Roronoa has moved close to his mate’s side, not touching though. Which is probably what Sanji actually wants – always had been a bit funny about any too direct an offer of comfort. Something Zeff’s probably as much to blame for as anything else in his life.

“You have no idea how many times I nearly did.”

“Probably for the best you didn’t,” Zeff says because he can’t have his kid feeling guilty for doing the smart thing. “I don’t know if I’d have been able to keep away if you did.”

Neither he nor his ship these days are made for the journey to the Grand Line. And it wouldn’t have been good for Sanji or the rest of the crew of his to have an old pirate getting underfoot while they were making names for themselves on history’s pages.

“Hell, I’m gonna’ struggle letting you sail off with my grandkids with you now. You better come visit more than you have been!” He doesn’t actually hold it against them and damn well know the reason why this is the first time he’s seen them since Sanji left to join a pirate crew. But he still missed years of his grandkids lives as a result and they had better make up for it.

[lawva-girl]

Jealousy

Law x fat!reader

reader is gender nuetral. :))))

WC: 1365

shout out to @sukunas-play-thing for the idea!!!! I hope you like this with my whole heart!!!!

I just know in my soul Law would go so incredibly well with a plussized person!!!!!!!

Boa Hancock. The most beautiful woman in the world. Looking at her made you feel like there wasn’t even a comparison between the two of you, she was so pretty. You were… average? It was hard to tell. 

You, along with the Heart pirates, were all staring at her in amazement. You heard the voice of her sister, warning all the men of what could happen if their sister got upset. Saying something about how she isn’t afraid to turn allies either. 

It didn’t matter, they all still looked. You wondered if it worked on women too, since Ikkaku was also staring with heart eyes. After a quick glance around, you found that Law was nowhere to be seen. 

Suddenly you were storming into his room, desperate to find him. You knew it wasn’t entirely plausible but what if he had gone off and turned to stone? You had to find him, you could probably convince Hancock to turn him back… 

You turned the corner to leave his room, when a voice scared the fuck out of you.

“What are you doing here y/n-ya?” 

Freezing in place, part of you was incredibly grateful he didn’t turn to stone, another part of you was freaking out that your beloved Law had caught you in his room. 

“Oh Law… uhm the crew was staring at Hancock again… I came to get you.” You barely got the sentence out, since you were trying to make up a reason as to why you were here that wasn’t pathetic.

“Thank you for getting me, I’ll head out there now.” 

Suddenly there was panic in your gut again, but he was already on the move to you, where the door was.   

“Law, you shouldn’t go out there! You might see her!” You turned fully towards him and decided that you would refuse to let him pass. 

“Why would that matter?” He didn’t even slow down, just opened a room and ‘shambles’ his way past you. 

You turned as quickly as you could to look at him but his hat was the only thing you saw. He was gone.

You stood for only a second before beginning to chase after him. 

Once outside, there was a peculiar scene.

The heart pirates were all sitting on their knees, head hung low. They were sitting in front of Hancock and Law, who were lecturing the group together.

Upon seeing you on the deck of the polar tang Law nodded, then went back to yelling. You stood there confused, clearly something had happened, but you felt like an outsider. 

Not a clue as to what was happening. 

Thankfully, Law decided to clue you in on what occurred later.

The two of you were sitting in the medical bay, where he was patching up a gash in your leg. It had been an eventful day to say the least. The bay itself was quiet and calm though, not showing any signs of what had occurred that day. With the exception of you and your leg of course. 

“You can’t just run around however you want y/n-ya.” Law didn’t even look up at you as he spoke, instead focusing on the stitches he was putting in your leg.

“It’s not like I wanted to fall off the Tang… my depth perception was just a bit off. Plus I would’ve been fine if the repairs Shachi was working on were finished.” You closed your eyes when you felt the pinching pain Law was administering.  

“I’ve had to yell at too many people today, can’t any of you behave?” He grumbled, making it obvious for you that he was upset. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I promise I won’t fall again. It’s not like anyone would be able to fish me out if I did.” 

“What?” 

“What?” 

Law stared at you now, you assumed he looked up in shock at one point or another. 

“What did you have to yell at the others for?” You asked him, not giving him the chance to say anything. 

Law took a deep breath, “they almost got turned to stone, Hancock caught them all staring. Thankfully she wasn’t upset, since we had helped Luffy.” 

“Oh that’s good…” you laid back fully, closing your eyes. You had always worked as a somewhat friend to Law, hearing him rant and complain. It made you happy to have a use. It made you especially happy to have Law need you, despite knowing that you didn’t have a chance with him.

Law didn’t speak much in general, so if you wanted to know you kinda had to pry. You wanted to know so badly how he ended up lecturing beside Hancock, but you also did not want to know at all. 

“So.. you weren’t staring with them?” You felt your heart quicken, but you didn’t say anything to take it back. 

Law coughed a bit, then explained, “No. she’s pretty but I’m not… attracted to her.” 

“Why not? She’s beautiful and she has the perfect body! Plus her hair is perfect and she’s so skinny, anyone could fish her out of water.” You spoke the words before you even realized it, feeling the consequences seconds later when Law hesitated to respond.

“I don’t like…” he paused and smiled into an evil smirk, like it was second nature, “I prefer women who have something I can hold onto.” 

You sat up with eyes wide in shock, and mouth agape. “But…” 

“What? I’m not allowed?” Law looked at you now, and you could swear there was something in his eyes. Something that you could get extremely familiar with. 

While you remained there speechless, Law finished on your leg. As he smoothed the bandages over the slice, you stared at his hands. 

“I’m done. Just make sure you take it easy for 3 days, unless you want it to reopen.” Law stood, turning swiftly and started to clean his tools and pack his equipment. 

“You don’t like Hancock at all?” You called out from the hospital bed.

“No. I like people with something to hold onto. Like you.” Law turned slightly, you could just barely see his face enough to tell he was being serious.

“Oh! Uhm!”

“I like people who have soft thighs I can use as pillows, people who have a belly for me to grab while spooning, people that have a butt and love handles. I like to grab them and watch…” 

Your eyes were wide, unsure of why he was telling you this and why he wouldn’t stop. 

“I like people who have meat on their bones. Plus when a person like that is drowning, only a real man can save them. I can lift you, and I can lift you when you're soaked too.” 

“Law I.. why are you,” you couldn’t think of the words you wanted to use, until Law interrupted.

“Why would I tell you?” You nodded fervently, “I’m telling you because I hope you’ll do something about it.” 

You stared at him, he seemed so far from you. He wasn’t at all but you felt weird trying to stand on your leg that was freshly patched. So you motioned for him to come over to you with your hand. 

“Why?” He was walking over as he spoke. 

“I have to tell you something..” you motioned for him to come closer, so he did. 

You again motioned for him to come closer, and he rolled his eyes but did again.

You leaned forward and closed the gap between you two, whispering to him “my type in men.. its men who are named Law.” 

He turned his head towards yours in shock, and you chuckled. He took the opportunity of the proximity and pressed his lips to yours. Your chuckle died in your throat, as you pressed back into him. 

It felt like magic. His lips were soft, and soo warm. You were convinced such a cold steely man would have a matching body. 

Then you realized, all this time. Law wasn’t cold, he was just caring in a different way. He had answered every question you had. He never put you down, and he seemed to like you the way you are. 

[last-herondale]

Almost Part 8

Bucky Barnes x Femreader!

Warnings: none

Angst, heartbreak, healing

AN: this story is close to my heart. This whole series. I’ll go into more detail perhaps once it’s done.

Enjoy ❤️

Months had passed. The weather here in the islands was warm and tropical. You had always loved the beach. Watching the waves crash against the sand, feeling the warm beams of sun hit your face as you relaxed in a beach chair. Tony had several island houses, some remote, some really, really remote, and then there was the one you had chosen, which was completely isolated away from the rest of the world.

Tony didn’t ask questions when you came to him that early morning. You only told him that you needed to get away. Somewhere no one could find you. Somewhere you could be alone. He gave you an access card, an address, and sent you on your way in one of his private jets. The vacation house was huge, way too big for one single person, but you were not going to complain.

You spent the first few weeks in bed. Your body and soul felt absolutely exhausted. Guilt riddled your chest. You hated leaving your team like that. No explanation, no word at all. It wasn’t fair to the people who you saw as your family. But there wasn’t time to write every single one of them a note. You just left one for Steve and Nat. You left the note with Tony to give to Nat, but you left the note for Steve on your dresser.

It was short, but it was all you could muster before you chickened out. It hurt too much. Feeling like you used Steve, fighting with Bucky, and lying to yourself and everyone else that you are okay. There seemed to be very limited options as to what you could do about it without messing everything you built up. Without destroying the whole team itself, over something as trivial as your heart.

It felt like you were dying. Physically and spiritually. You took sleeping pills just to shut out everything racking in your brain. You hardly ate, even though Tony made sure to send groceries every week. No one had come to check up on you, so you assumed that Tony had made good on his promise to keep your whereabouts secret. It was strange to feel so conflicted. To want nothing more than to be alone, but also want someone to talk to.

So you opted for writing. Tony had plenty of empty journals in the house, some filled with new suit ideas or other inventions, but you found one that looked like it wouldn’t be missed and began writing. It helped. Writing down anything and everything you had been feeling when you felt it. It took a few weeks, but you finally decided to leave the house. You began taking walks, writing on the beach, reading the various books that Tony had. It was nice. It was starting to feel like a vacation.

You created a routine. You woke up early in the mornings on the weekdays, making sure to go on a long walk around the island before the sun rose. Then whenever you were ready, you went back to the house and made yourself something to eat. Sometimes it was breakfast, most times it was lunch by the time you returned. You spent your afternoons either reading or writing or sleeping. It was a bit boring and mundane, but it felt like it was exactly what you needed.

The only thing that bothered you was the zero contact. You did miss your friends. At the mark of one month of your isolation, you decided to write to Nat. You left a note for Tony, asking that he still not give out your whereabouts, but you trusted him enough to write a few letters with Nat. Nat seemed understanding, if not a bit disappointed you hadn’t gone to her first before leaving. She didn’t say anything about Steve or Bucky, although you were very careful not to ask or even hint that you wanted to know. Even though you did. Desperately.

You started writing to her every week. You thought maybe one day she would get fed up with you avoiding everything, but all Nat ever said at the end of her letters were:

“I love you. Just be careful, okay? I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”

It was everything to have her support, and Tonys. You felt as if you were finally getting better. You were finally taking care of your mental health and your feelings, rather than worry about everyone else. It was strange. It felt selfish. But you realized it was needed.

After two months, you decided you needed somewhere a bit more social to be. Tony was happy to oblige, and he and Pepper came to help you get settled into your new living space in Maui. It was smaller than the first house, much to your appreciation. Pepper and you talked for a bit, and it was nice to open up to her. She often seemed so set apart from the chaos of the tower life, so she offered her unbiased opinion.

Tony’s aim was to help you have fun again. Before he and Pepper left, he showed you his favorite spots, and ensured that the owners would take care of you, if you ever decided to enter their establishment. It was nice to be out and social again. Even just being out to dinner with the two of them livened your spirits up more than you thought it would.

That’s when you decided that it was time. You told Tony before he left, that he could share your whereabouts with the team. He had just given you a look of uncertainty, but then shrugged. You weren’t sure if he would follow through, but then Pepper put her hand on your shoulder and you knew she would take care of it.

The local city in Maui was wonderful. It wasn’t full of tourists, but it was bustling full of the locals. They were kind, and very pleasant to be around. Even if you didn’t talk to them much, it was nice to be back around people. You took up a small job, delivering merchandise for one of Tony’s recommended shops. You knew it was a small task, certainly not up to what you were capable of doing, but it kept you busy.

You still wrote daily, keeping up with your journal that was now full. Tony had gifted you a whole set, for however long you wanted to stay. You considered going home. Several times during your trip. The memories of what you left behind… who you left behind. It caused you too much pain.

The pain was ebbing, ever so slowly. The realignment, the refocusing your attention back to yourself made it easier. You realized that you deserved to put yourself first. That you needed to love yourself before you could love anyone. And so these long months have been your love letter to yourself. You followed your heart. Did what you wanted. You were honest with yourself and your needs. Things were finally becoming okay.

You felt like it was finally okay… it was finally acceptable to just be you.

A few people sent their regards. A few letters came in for you, one from Sam, Wanda, and even Scott. Nat visited you the next week Tony left. It was nice to be with her again and be able to cry and hug her. It was nice to converse and be around the people you loved. People that you had neglected in your mess. It made you feel whole again… well almost.

You missed them. Although it was hard to say their names still, you missed them both. You missed them terribly.

And like always, it seemed that the universe had a great sense of humor when it came to you. You were sorting through the mail, a normal routine you did once a week. The letters were from the usual suspects, but one name made your heart stop.

You knew it would happen. Maybe even hoped it would happen. And now it seemed that the time had finally come.

[valewritessss]

I saw someone on TikTok say that Percabeth is one sided and all I could say is that it looks like someone didn’t read Mark of Athena. Then I did some research and I found out they’re a Pereyna shipper(I had no idea that existed).

Personally, I don't get it, Reyna literally just tried to make a move on Percy but he rejected her and neither of them thought about it again so I don’t really see it. Either way, that's not the issue because I don't really care what people ship as long as it's not weird or creepy (I'm looking at any Artemis x Percy, Luke x Percy, Annabeth x Luke, or Percy x Nico shippers).

But back to the Percabeth is one sided thing, I’m a little bit confused. Because, did they miss the Annabeth pining silently but obviously for Percy for YEARS, Annabeth being jealous of Rachel partly because she liked Percy, Annabeth telling Athena that Percy is everything to her, Annabeth driving herself crazy those months Percy was gone and searching for him without giving up. So “Percabeth is one sided” where???

Then upon further research I found that of course, turns out they are an Annabeth hater(they don’t admit it but it’s obvious for apparent reasons). Some of their reasons: Annabeth's nickname for Percy, “seaweed brain” is degrading and implies he is stupid, Annabeth is mean to Rachel, and Annabeth is scared of Percy which made him feel like he deserves to die.

1. Annabeths nickname for Percy started out as teasing but became endearing for the both of them, just like the nickname “wise girl”. Percy even gets mad at Thalia for using this nickname because he considers it something solely Annabeth can use. In no way has Percy ever said or even mentioned that he feels put down because of the nickname. Also, Percy never hesitates to call anyone, even gods, out on their shit, so if it was really bothering him, he would most likely say something.

2. Honestly, the whole deal with Rachel was never that deep. Like, it did have a deeper meaning for Annabeth than many could comprehend but the whole catty part was never that big. A few snide remarks, sure, but it's not like she was bullying Rachel. If anyone thinks otherwise, that's okay, but in my opinion it was meant to be funny and it came off as such, and even Rachel and Annabeth themselves moved on and became fiends. Moving forward, considering the context of Annabeth's jealousy, it makes total sense for her to feel resentment towards Rachel. I'm not saying it's justified, but if a boy she'd been crushing on for years and is destined to die soon spends his last summer with another girl who is closer to normal than Annabeth could ever be, in what world would she not be mad? In fact, some of it was just teenage pettiness. And that's fine, she wasn't hurting anyone. Being a teenager with a crush is hard, and it's harder when you're a demigod with a huge prophecy hanging over you and your best friends heads. So is her anger justified? Maybe. But is she valid? Absolutely.

3. This is the most ridiculous reason yet. First of all, has Percy ever told Annabeth he feels like he deserves to die? I don't think so. Especially not before he almost let himself die with Jason there. I don't know if that person was just expecting Annabeth to guess, or what. Secondly, they were in Tartarus, and Percy did something scary. So of course, Annabeth is going to be scared. If Percy feels like Annabeth being scared makes him want to die, that's not really Annabeth's fault. And to expect Annabeth to make him feel better about something she is still recovering from herself doesn't make much sense, does it. At this point it just felt like they were going to hate Annabeth regardless, and these weren't actual issues they had with her they just saw a reason to hate her and went for it.

Hey, ship whatever you want and hate whoever you want, but don't come with false interpretations(that I know was easy to comprehend) as evidence for why you are right, please.

[impishjesters]

Mafia Boss Jax x Reader

warning(s): gun mentioned, stalking mentioned, domestic/soft Jax, marriage mentioned note(s): Honestly couldn't really see much worth tagging, it's all just stuff you'd expect to see mentioned in a mafia/gang headcanon... A/N: So I saw a fanart thingie (and I've had it on the brain anyway) and it made me thirsty for some mafia boss Jax and I just... I might have to write up a one-shot (or series) at some point but this was enough to quench my thirst...temporarily. I can definitely see myself building a universe around this idea though. I'm excited as you can tell because I just kept fuckin' going in writing this out... Also feast upon domestic Jax in the latter half, I got mushy...

Jax is a tricky boss, it’s hard to get a solid read on him, as an enemy or an ally. He’s almost always sporting a grin, making it difficult to gauge unless you can tell those smiles apart. If he’s frowning? Ha.

He’s that fine middle ground of laid-back yet strict. His word is law, get shit done and do it right and he doesn’t particularly care about the rest.

This person needs to be killed, but before that, they need to be tortured for information. How you torture or kill them doesn’t matter, you get that information or else.

Rabbits are his motif design, not originally by choice but it stuck. Purple rabbit head, his signature grin, it’s childish—which is why it’s perfect, only idiots see that childish design and think “Oh this will be easy” and then it’s fuckin not.

Working for him means nobody is an exception to his little pranks and fuckery. Nothin’ too bad—not intentionally anyways. Bunch of wackos with guns, who thought they’d get trigger-happy when startled?

If you work for him, chances are he finds you a fun target for his mischief.

He might seem buddy buddy with you, but remember he’s your boss. Chances are you are acquaintances at best, not friends. At least for now—who knows?

If you’re dating him, well howdy hey aren’t you a pretty little thing on his arm?

Just kidding, regardless of whether you work under him or not you are given standard gun training as protection for yourself and him, but mainly yourself.

He does like it when you are his date for any events, though he’ll never say it. Jax is the type to bring up an event and do the whole shtick of “guess I’ll need to find a date” sorta guy.

Back on the topic of dating him and gun training—on the off chance you are dating and don’t know about his little crew and lifestyle… What the fuck’s wrong with you? Are you that blind? His position isn’t some well-kept secret, well not to anyone who knows anything.

Jax is pretty straightforward about it, except with his track record of joking there’s like a 97% chance you thought he was kidding when he said he’s a mafia boss. Ha, surprise.

Now if the two of you are dating, and you aren’t part of his little world then he does do his best to keep you out of it. This means that there are periods when you won’t see him, whether it’s because he’s busy or for safety reasons.

You aren’t safe from spam texts, calls, and video chats though. Nah, that’s all fair game to him baby.

Oh, you got work in the morning? Tough, he’ll stay on the phone/video with you until you pass out—he might go a step further and stay on the call for hours even if you are unconscious.

He does it for one of three reasons…

One, it gives him fuel to use whatever shit you say or do in your sleep to tease you with later.

Two, your company, albeit silent and unaware that you’re keeping him company, makes him feel less alone. Moments like this are often when he’s not working and at home, alone. Hearing you breathe, babble, and shuffle around on speaker has him feeling less alone in that big home of his.

Three, it gives him some piece of mind that you are okay, he can see and hear you, and no guns or glass are breaking to be heard. You’re safe. Moments like this are usually after stressful events, whether it’s a job gone wrong, someone injured, etc.

Those calls usually last through the night into the morning and you wake up and see the call still on or see him on the screen. He’s never told you about why some calls continue into the morning, or rather why he’s still awake when he should’ve been sleeping. Though it doesn’t take a genius to figure out it’s not just him being a stalker, but something more serious—if the oddly sweet tone he uses when telling you good morning and asking how you slept is anything to go by.

That said, Jax is not a morning person—even to you. Though if he’s awake before you or has yet to sleep, he’s oddly tender and domestic when it’s just the two of you.

“How’d ya sleep, angel? Dream of me? Nah, don’t answer that, I know ya did.”

“Hey sleepyhead, got ya coffee and breakfast ready. No, I didn’t put anything suspicious in it. I’m wounded doll, ya think I’d put in all that effort to make you breakfast just to ruin it?”

Okay so he’s still a little shit, but he’s got an unspoken soft spot for you.

Speaking of soft spots, if he’s truly down bad for you then that means you are his weakness. He can’t have those—no he’s not gonna kill ya Christ calm down—that means you’re at risk of getting hurt if word gets out.

So if the two of you aren’t at that level yet and are still living apart, he tries hard to keep his distance to keep the attention off you.

But if you are living together? You’re still at risk but he’s got his security measures, and bodyguards galore—even if you don’t live together he always has someone watching you—sure it’s a little creepy but just don’t think about it alright?

I said don’t think about it.

Jax does yet doesn’t understand the line of stalking. To him he’s keeping you safe, to you it’s likely an invasion of your privacy—but if you are anything like me then as long as there’s no malicious intent he can do his own thing. I dunno bout you but I’d rather him have eyes on me than something bad happen to me.

While living together it doesn’t take a genius to tell you that Jax visibly relaxes in your presence, especially when he comes home and gets into bed with you. He’s such a domestic sucker deep down, but you don’t need words to see that.

Overall, I feel like Jax wouldn’t date you if he didn’t have serious feelings for you. His lifestyle isn’t for everyone and he doesn’t open up to just anyone, it could take years before he finally allows himself to even ask you out on a date before considering more. But once the two of you are together he sees the two of you in for the long run, he’ll probably be upfront about it and say if you aren’t in this for the long run and potential marriage then he can’t do it.

Your Jax’s ride or die, please allow him to be yours too.

[eggroll-sama]

THINGS THAT REMIND ME OF THE LI

This is purely self-indulgent and just based on stuff that makes me go, “it’s them!” when it’s unrelated to them. But here you go and hope you like it. To make it sound more accurate, I replaced the nouns to fit Touchstarved cast.

AIS

Tyler Durban and Edward Norton from the FIGHT CLUB— “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” “Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer,” “Only after you’ve lost everything you’re free to do anything.” “We are the same person.”

The song, ‘I Remember You’ from ADVENTURE TIME— “I can feel myself slipping away, I can’t remember what it made me say, but I remember that I saw you frown, I swear it wasn’t me…And I need to save you, but who's going to save me? Please forgive me for whatever I do, when I don’t remember you.”

The punk from FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF. I can just see Ais at a police station, giving advice to a pretty stranger, and end up making out with them.

This scene (warning: graphic violence and gore) from ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD. It’s just so Ais and Princess-coded

VENOM, enough said.

KURAS

The murder-mystery film, THE DA VINCI CODE. I feel like Kuras would love the movie if it existed in his world since it’s canon that he likes trashy murder mysteries.

The song, ‘No Good Deed Goes Unpunished’ from WICKED— “[MC] where are you? Already dead, or bleeding? One more disaster I can add to my Generous supply…No good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresented. No good deed goes unpunished. That’s my new creed.”

GONE WITH THE WIND— “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” This line was controversial when released in 1939 because swear words weren’t normalized. I feel like Kuras, like this movie, rarely swears but when he does, the whole room goes silent and you know shit’s about to go down. Also according to the RSS radial chart, Kuras has low empathy plus maxed out strength high wisdom, damn at some point that man might legit not give a damn-

MAQUIA: WHEN THE PROMISED FLOWER BLOOMS— “you smell weird, you smell like the sun;” “If you fall in love, you will truly become alone.” Contextually the line is about how an immortal should never get too close with mortals because they'll one day they’ll die, and it fits Kuras a lot.

HUNTER X HUNTER 2011—“[MC] you are light. Sometimes, you shine so brightly, I must look away. But even so, is it still ok to stay by your side?” I love the idea of an angel heavily associated with the sun (Prometheus, likes sunny days, radiates heat), finds someone that is the light of their life.

ONE PIECE— “I have seen the future of this country. And it is destruction. As long as [the Senobium] remains here, this country can never be cured, because even if medical technology progresses, even if [alchemical] research continues… there is no cure for stupidity.”

OPPENHEIMER. After I watched the movie all I could think about was Kuras doing the blank eye stare at the end of the movie.

LEANDER

Goob from MEET THE ROBINSONS (he’s literally just child Leander in the modern world ;o;)

Michael Scott from THE OFFICE— “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say no to being my friend,” “it’s not about the horniness, it’s about the loneliness”

The painting, Death of Sardanapalus, by Eugene Delacroix. King Sardanapalus palace is besieged by enemies and he decides to commit suicide after he learns of the army’s defeat, but not before ordering his men to destroy all his favorite possessions- wives, horses, pages, and dogs. He’d rather his valuables all be destroyed than his enemies own them. King Sardanapulus selfishness is humane, but the extremity’s he would go to keep what is his is monstrous.

GASTON from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST— Gaston and Leander both have similar vibes. They’re both trusted and well-liked by most people, viewed as heroes, are human but are monsters on the inside, overconfident, attractive, has a possessive streak, hangs out in bars, nice singing voice. The main difference is that Gaston doesn’t try to act like a nice guy like Leander Fake ahhh

The song ‘Burn’ from HAMILTON— “Do you know what [Vere] said when we saw your first letter arrive? [He] said, be careful with that one, love, he will do what it takes to survive…Do you know what [Kuras] said when [he] read what you’d done? [He] said, you’ve married an Icarus, he has flown too close to the sun.”

Michael Corleone from the GODFATHER.

Sampo from HONKAI STAR RAIL— I barely know anything about Honkai Starrail, but I was going to an anime goods store with my friend and one look at him made me think of Leander. My friend gave me a run down that he betrays you for money and runs away and unironically I could see Leander throwing us under the bus.

VERE

This scene from the movie, MALENA. Vere is heavily desired by men and women alike, but his flirty and fickle personality is just a front to protect himself. And he hates how people see him as a pretty face or someone who needs saving from the Senobium. Tbh Malena herself just reminds me of Vere’s problem of how being pretty is a double edged sword. People see you’re pretty, so they feel threatened or idealize you. You feel extremely lonely bc people are distracted by your beauty and won’t try to understand you intimately. So you either own it and be alone OR assimilate and have friends. Vere is the former.

Madonna-Whore Complex. This article explains it pretty well, “The Madonna Whore Complex (MWC) is a psychological complex often perpetuated by heterosexual, cisgender males which places women into two categories the “Madonna, a woman who is pure, virtuous, and nurturing, or a “Whore,” a woman who is deemed as overly sexual, manipulating, and promiscuous. The dichotomy of MWC creates a rigidity that limits women’s sexual expression, agency, and freedom by defining their sexuality into one of two categories.” Vere is the latter.

Ymir from ATTACK ON TITAN. Both of them were self-proclaimed deity, was caught lying (presumably), and paid for it. Their personalities are similar too except Vere masks himself through innuendos.

The song, ‘The Red Means I Love You’ by Madds Buckley— “The red on my face is matching you. And goodness, you're bleeding, what a wonderful feeling. You're down and you're pleading, my head is just reeling. The red means I love you. Tasting your blood means I love you.” (I can’t see Vere becoming a yandere because he’s already deranged)

MHIN

Another line from ONE PIECE —“Someday I will become too much of a burden. Someday you’ll betray me and cast me aside.”

SHUTTER ISLAND— “What would be worse, to live as a monster or die as a good [person]?” Mhin hates monsters ironically since they are one, and I could see them nearing the time limit where their curse becomes permanent and decides that maybe it’s better to die with their humanity than live forever as a monster.

The Beast from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. I already said this in another post but like IMAGINE THE AU. AHHHHHH

Felix from LAST LEGACY but more depressed.

Disclaimer: we don’t know much about Sen or Elyon yet so I don’t have much.

ELYON

THE GREAT GATSBY— “…can't you see who this guy is, with his house and his parties and his fancy clothes? He is just a front, a gangster, to get his claws into respectable folk…(to Elyon) We're all different from you. You see, we were born different. It's in our blood. And nothing that you do or say or steal... or dream up can ever change that.”

SEN

Unfortunately I don’t have any for Sen. Her design reminds me of Frankenstein’s creature tho.

BONUS:

MC

This scene from SHAPE OF WATER. MC falls in love with a monster and trying to save them from danger. MC knows that they are also an outsider, a monster. Being with the LI’s feels like they were finally accepted for who they are, regardless of their curse, so they can’t abandon them— “When they looks at me…the way they looks at me, they don’t know what I lack. How I am incomplete...and now I can either save them or let them die.” I think this quote can also be interpreted as the players choosing a route, essentially dooming the other players if we don’t choose them.

Famous line from 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU— “but mostly I hate how I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” The fact that us as players will keep coming back to them, replaying their routes even though they killed us, and obsessing over them. Yes they suck but we still love them.

This quote from Green Mile— “ I’m tired…I'm tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with.” I think this quote really emphasizes how touch-starved MC is, and how alone they feel from being betrayed by people they cared about in the past (also sparrow name drop ^-^)

[saetoru]

Rich boy reo in college sounds so cute!!! Because you're probably his first real love (and maybe even his first partner), and he would literally buy the world from you,(also, he probs doesn't have an idea how normal, healthy relationships work bc all of his sources come from like, super stereotyped and cliche media about how girls love expensive things, jewelry and money and shoes). And I picture his first real date with you is not at a fancy five star restaurant , but rather something like instant fire noodles ramen outside a conbini, so he's a little bit unsure, y'know this man has a personal chef at home cooking all kinds of extravagant food, until he actually tastes it and now he's addicted to the "broken collage student" diet. He's just so glad to experience new thing with you, even if they might seem mundane to you.

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。SWEETS — MIKAGE REO.

✩ — contents ⋮ introducing to you all: college au! rich boy! reo as your boyfriend—this time in your adventures, he tries a powdered donut for the first time

✩ — note ⋮ if you’ve been around for rb! gojo, you know the drill ;) also nonnie ty for the ask it was so cute

“what is that?” he asks, unsure. you look at him like he’s grown two heads.

“it’s a powdered donut, reo,” you raise a brow, “have you never seen one?”

“who powders donuts?” he tilts his head. it’s a bit cute, the slight pout on his face as he tries to decipher your odd little snack, the crinkle of his brow as he thinks deeply. “what’s it filled with?”

“nothing. i don’t like jelly donuts.”

“jelly?” he gapes, “just what do they feed you?”

“what do they feed you?” you ask incredulously. he shrugs, thinking about it deeply like it’s something he can’t hope to list all in one go.

“whatever my pastry chef makes, i guess,” he hums, “my dad had this one come from france once, and he made these—”

“eat this,” you hand him the donut, cutting him off as you purse your lips. “you’re not normal until you do.”

“my mom says those are bad for you,” he says like some kind of know-it-all kid—you suppose in a way, he is. “she says processed foods are not good for—”

“reo,” you say with a roll of your eyes, “your mom doesn’t love you if she doesn’t want you to have a powdered donut.”

“hey,” he pouts, “that’s not true. she’s just looking out for me—”

“just a bite,” you insist, holding it out to him as he eyes it like it’s poison in your hand, “i’ll even feed you,” you tease, reaching to pinch his cheek.

he grumbles, swats your hand away as he blushes and huffs a little at your smug grin—but ultimately, he caves, leaning forward and taking a small, hesitant bite of the confectionery in your hand.

the reaction is just what you expect: he chews, then he furrows his brows, and then he looks at you incredulously. you smile at him with a knowing look on your face as he snatches the last few bites of your donut from your hand—you can’t even be mad that he’s stolen your snack.

“why did my mother never let me have these?” he whines, “i’ve been missing out my whole childhood.”

“i’m sure you were doing just fine with private pastry chefs from france, baby,” you snort, reaching to thread your fingers through his hair as his head rests on your shoulder.

“nuh uh, they’re not like these,” he holds up his (your) nearly gone donut for emphasis, “these taste like pure sugar. i love it.”

“yeah they’re great,” you chuckle, “welcome to the lower class.”

“shut up,” he huffs, shuffling closer to you as press a kiss to his forehead, “you’re not lower class to me. you’re the classiest, most elegant, most priceless—”

“even in my coffee stained sweats?”

“especially in those,” he nods, “i’d never seen such artistically placed stains before. i was mesmerized.”

“oh good,” you giggle, hearing his quiet laugh ring next to you as he looks up and gives you a soft grin. you lean in, pressing another gentle kiss to his forehead as he closes his eyes and hums.

“thanks,” he mumbles, making you raise a brow in question.

“for…?”

“for letting me experience that,” he shrugs, a bit shy as he stares down at his lap.

reo’s always been a bit out of place. he’s always been the kid with the twisty crayons and mechanical pencils that the other kids stared at jealously. he’s always worn the brands no one can even pronounce as everyone around him went shopping together. he’s always eaten freshly packed lunch with a balanced nutrition while everyone else got soda from the vending machines.

a part of you feels bad for reo, feels a small bit of sympathy for the way he never really knows what to say or what to add in a conversation he can’t really relate to. you always watch him trip over his words when people complain about insane gas prices and the way eggs do not need to be that much per dozen.

so you smile warmly, grab his hand and lace your fingers as you grin, “experience a powdered donut?” you tease, making him huff, “oh, baby, wait till you hear about cupcakes.”

“i’ve had cupcakes,” he says indignantly, turning away from you with a pout.

“not the kind with cheap sprinkles,” you hum. “you’ll love them.”

something tells him he will, that here—with his head on your shoulder and your fingers in his hair, with store brought sweets that his mother would have heart failure seeing—here he’s just a guy, a normal guy who’s in love and that’s all there is to it.

“i love you,” he says quietly.

you smile, lean down and press a kiss to his mouth as you teasingly lick off the small bit of powdered sugar on his lips. “yeah, i love you too,” you hum, “but i would love it more if you didn’t steal my snacks next time.”

i lub him :( *holds reo in one arm and satoru in the other* these are my rich and spoiled lil pumpkins :(

[watchmegetobsessed]

FASCINATION

A/N: so it was pretty random, but this idea came to me today and yall loves these two, i mean who wouldn't love plus size reader with ceorry?? so here is a little part 2 to infatuation!!!

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

WARNING: very slight sexual content, struggle with body image

SUMMARY: Making your first official appearance as Harry's girlfriend brings some struggles, but you realize that nothing really matters as long as you have his love.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

Waking up is usually your least favorite part of the day, your sweet dream is usually interrupted by your evil alarm, signaling that it’s time for you to leave the comfort of your bed and face the big bad world again. So it’s safe to say you’re not a sunshine of a person when you wake up.

But if instead of a blaring alarm it’s soft lips that bring you back to consciousness, peppering sweet kisses along your spine… well, then it’s not that bad.

“Mmm.”

You hum into the pillow, eyes still closed as those lips you know so well keep pressing against your naked back. It’s a little cold, because he has pulled the sheets down your body, but the kisses make up for the discomfort.

“Good morning,” he murmurs against your skin and his husky morning voice sends a shiver down your spine instantly.

“Mm, hope you had a good reason to wake me up on a Saturday.” You try to sound mad, but you can’t hide the smirk that stretches across your face when you feel his hand on your hip, sneaking underneath you until his palm is cupping your breast.

“I have several good reasons why I needed you awake,” he chuckles, maneuvering you until you’re finally on your side, pressed up against his front. He cranes his neck until his lips reach yours, greeting you with his usual morning kiss that usually makes you dizzy. “I needed your pretty lips,” he mumbles against your mouth. “And I needed… your…” His hand has slid down your body, over your tummy and between your legs. Your satisfied moan finishes his sentence.

Seven months. It’s been seven months of bliss with Harry and every moment you spend with him just keeps on giving. After that incredible night you spent together, the one that was filled with emotions and passion after you had to face Vincent, you didn’t think it would be something that would last. You weren’t sure if it was just physical, but when you finally managed to leave bed in the morning and sat down to eat breakfast, Harry made it perfectly clear that he was all in.

“Do I want to have you naked in my bed every possible? Yes, of course. Do I also want to listen to you talk about your day, take you out on dates and know you more than anyone ever did? Absolutely yes.”

He left you speechless and all you could do was kiss him until your lips went numb.

So you’ve been his girlfriend since then.

Now as you’re tangled in his sheets, you’re chanting his name while he fucks you from behind, making sure your day starts perfectly. He knows your body so well he can get you to come faster than anyone has ever. You’re fully satisfied way before the clock hits nine in the morning.

You shower together and then make breakfast, well, Harry makes breakfast because you’ve learned that he is practically a master chef, so you usually just stare at him dreamily while he makes eggs and toast, his mouthwatering cinnamon rolls baking in the oven.

“I have to leave in like… twenty,” he sighs as the two of you sit at the kitchen island, your plates are now empty and he is sipping on his coffee. “I’ll be here at six to pick you up, but Lambert will arrive soon.”

“You’ll be gone the whole day?”

“I know, I have some business to take care of,” he sighs as he leans closer and kisses your pouty lips.

“It’s Saturday!”

“I’ll make it up to you. We’ll have a blast tonight, okay? I can’t wait to see you in your pretty dress,” he grins, kissing you one last time before he slides off his stool and finishes the rest of his coffee before heading back to the bedroom to get ready.

As you clean up in the kitchen you try your best to push the bitter feeling to the back of your mind, but it lingers over you inevitably.

Tonight you’ll appear together at a charity event for the first time together. Well, officially. You’ve been out and about plenty of times, even got photographed which blew your mind, because in your head only celebrities got papped and you never saw Harry as one, but it turns out that big, influential people get followed around as well. But you’re yet to make your official debut as a couple.

You haven’t told Harry, but it’s been scaring you to death. Appearing by Harry’s side at an event means that your relationship would be out there in the public, allowing everyone to talk about it. And that would bring comments into your life you would rather not face.

Though Harry has been treating you like a queen, quite obviously obsessed with you inside and out, that doesn’t mean others’ opinion can’t bring you down. Part of you still thinks Harry is ridiculously out of your league and apparently people agree with you as well.

There’ve been a few articles about the handful of times you were photographed together and though what they wrote in those were nice, the comment sections did not pass the vibe check.

“Wait, what? That’s his girlfriend? Wow…”

“What is he seeing in her?!”

“That man could have anyone and decided to date her. Let that sink in.”

“Harry, blink twice is she is holding you hostage! Lol.”

You tried hard not let it show how much those comments hurt you, but Harry could see through your façade.

“Babe, they would find something to talk about no matter what. I think you look stunning just the way you are. Don’t listen to jealous, faceless commenters.”

Then he loved on you all night long, made you forget about the comments in the best possible way.

But it doesn’t mean you grew a thick skin overnight and you know you’ll have to face the wrath of the haters after tonight.

When Harry steps out of his bedroom he is dressed and he looks so good you just want to drag him back to bed and take your time with him.

“See you later, okay?” he smiles softly as he leans down to place a chaste kiss to your lips.

“Okay. Have a good day.”

“Thank you, I love you.”

“Love you too,” you sigh against your lips and then watch him approach the front door. When he opens it, a familiar figure is standing there.

“Babe, I think you have a guest!” Harry calls out with a smile, shaking hands with the man that just stepped inside. “She is the boss today,” you hear Harry say as he pats Lambert’s shoulder, switching places and he is on his way.

“Good morning, Princess,” Lambert grins at you, greeting you with two kisses on your cheeks.

“Morning, Harry,” you chuckle.

“Your man said you’re the boss today. But I have plans for us, so let’s get you dressed, we have a lot to do!”

Lambert did not joke, he did have plans for you, lots of plans, to be exact. You start off at a spa where you get the full treatment, a massage, a facemask, you get your nails done and then you are off to get your hair done. He doesn’t let you pay for anything, but when you see your boyfriend’s credit card in his hand you know it was all Harry’s doing. He probably knew you were nervous about tonight and wanted to pamper you.

When you’re glowing you have lunch break at your favorite sushi place and then it’s time to figure out what to wear, your least favorite part of any event.

“I have plenty of options for you, babe,” Lambert tells you when you’re back at Harry’s place and you see that a rack full of clothes has been delivered while you were away. “Now, let’s turn this place into a runway, let me see you try these on!”

Dress after dress, Lambert makes you walk back and forth, the two of you rating them all. Some of them are surely your taste, but some are definitely too daring for you. He is trying to get you out of your comfort zone and you’re fighting to stay in it, knowing how nerve wrecking tonight will be, you don’t need to add to the discomfort with the dress as well.

“Okay, this is the last one I have. If you say no to this, you’re going naked,” Lambert sighs dramatically, as he hands you the last dress off the rack.

When you put on you already know this will be the one even though you haven’t even looked in a mirror yet.

“Oh my God!” Lambert gasps when you walk out with a shy smile. “That’s it, you’re wearing this tonight!”

“I agree,” you chuckle, checking yourself out in the mirror.

The black dress hugs your curves at all the right places. The V-neckline is quite daring, but it’s still tasteful. The waist is synched, the skirt is just the right length, reaching down to the floor and the slit comes up high, flashing your left leg when you walk.

You feel powerful and beautiful, just what you need for tonight.

You’ve just gotten ready when your phone rings and Harry’s name is flashing on the screen.

“Hey,” you coo as you answer the call.

“Hey babe, I have kind of bad news,” you hear him sigh. “I’m running kind of late, so I can’t make it back home, I have to meet you there.”

“Oh,” is all you answer, anxiety weighing down in your stomach instantly.

“I’m really sorry, baby. But I’ve already sent a car for you and we’ll meet at the venue. And when we get home I promise to make it up.”

You can’t see him, but you know he’s got that cheeky smile on his face that you love so much.

“Okay.”

“You’re all dolled up already?” he asks.

“Yeah. I can’t wait for you to see my dress,” you smile, biting into your bottom lip.

“I can’t wait either. And you know what else I’m excited about?”

“What?”

“Taking that dress off you.”

“You haven’t even seen it!” you chuckle, warmth spreading through your body.

“I’m sure you look fantastic, but nothing compares to seeing you naked.”

“You’re like a horny teenager, just always wants to get into my pants!” you tease him.

“I can’t help it when I have the most beautiful woman all to myself. Alright, I gotta go, I’ll see you there, okay?”

“Okay. Drive safe, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The call ends and you’re standing in front of the mirror, watching yourself take a few breaths before you force yourself to put on your heels and head out. You were counting on having Harry with you when you walk in there, but now you’ll have to endure those curious stares on your own. You can only hope Harry won’t take long to get there. You really need him by your side.

Arriving to the venue you feel like you’re showing up uninvited to some major event, there are limos lining in front of and behind you, you see women in gowns, men in tuxedo and you feel oddly out of space, wishing you had Harry holding your hand, telling you it’s gonna be alright. He texted you not long ago that he is on his way, so you estimate him to arrive just a bit after you, so hopefully you don’t have to wander around on your own.

Walking up the stairs the kind man at the entrance asks for your name and for a moment you start sweating, because you fear you’re not even on the list, but then you see him tick your name and then gestures for you to walk in.

You’ve never been to an event like this, it’s luxurious and stunning, definitely an unusual sight for you. A waiter walks by and offers you a flute of champagne that you gladly take as you make your way further inside, trying to figure out what to do until Harry arrives. You spot the buffet table and you take a turn towards it, you haven’t had anything since your lunch with Lambert, so you definitely need something to fuel you for the night.

You’ve just reached the table when you feel like you’re being watched. Before you could get anything from the food you stop for a moment and look around, spotting a group of women definitely watching you, whispering among them, most likely about you. They don’t think you can hear them, but you actually catch some of their comments.

“Is she on her own? Did he dump her but she still came?”

“That’s a very bold dress for someone the size of her.”

“I know, right?”

They start laughing and suddenly you’ve lost your appetite. Takin a deep breath you turn around and walk away before you could hear anything else that could hurt you, you’ve heard enough.

Through teary eyes you search for the restrooms and when you finally spot it you rush inside, away from the curious stares. Suddenly, you feel like a teenager again, being made fun of for being bigger than the cool girls. All your life you’ve struggled because you didn’t fit into what was labelled pretty. Because of your size you never felt enough, never saw yourself worthy of love and here you are, still fighting your tears as an adult.

It takes you some time to calm down and be able to breathe regularly again. You take a moment to think and get your thoughts straight. You stand in front of the mirror and take yourself in.

When you left from Harry’s place you felt beautiful, why are you letting people you don’t even know change your mind about it? Why would you be less or different just because you’re a bigger size? Why would you let strangers decide your worth?

The longer you’re looking at yourself in the mirror the more confident you’re feeling. You’re a great person. You’re kind and funny and smart, you built up your business, you have people around you that love you for who you are, they are the people whose opinion you should care about.

By the time you step out of the restroom you’re facing the evening with a whole different attitude. Holding your head high you enter the scene again and you look around, checking if you see Harry anywhere and you spot him before he sees you.

He is wearing a black suit with a black, silky shirt underneath, the first few buttons undone, showing you a bit of his chest and it’s definitely a turn on. He is craning his neck, most likely looking for you, phone in hand and he is just about to text you when he finally spots you.

The look on his face… you’ll never forget it as long as you live.

It’s like the rest of the room stops existing when his eyes land on you. The smile that spreads across his face is full of love and adoration, you see everything you’ve ever wished for in him and realization washes over you.

It doesn’t matter what others think as long as you have him looking at you like you’re his whole universe.

You make your way over to him and he starts moving at the same time, you only see him in your tunnel vision and you have to stop yourself from running towards him. Every step you take that brings you closer to him strengthens the feeling that takes over you.

Why would you ever care about others when you have Harry?

Slaloming between the guests you finally reach him and he takes your face between his hands kissing you with all his love and desire for you.

“Hi,” you smile against his lips, holding onto his wrists as if he could disappear any moment.

“Hello gorgeous. Let me take a better look at you,” he grins, letting go of your face just to take one of your hands so he could twirl you around. “Oh my God,” he taps his chest with his free hand.

“What do you think?” you giggle, pushing yourself up against his chest, his arm curling around your waist out of instinct.

“I think that… It’s a shame we have to stay here any longer, because I would love to just take you home and have you all to myself.”

Everything that bothered you up until a minute ago is gone, it’s just Harry and his love for you that matters to you. You have everything you need as long as he loves you.

“Let’s make our rounds and wrap the evening up early,” you suggest, biting into your bottom lip.

“Great plan,” he nods, stealing another quick kiss before the two of you move along.

You don’t stay long, not even two hours later you’re on your way back to Harry’s place, taking a stop at your apartment to get you some clothes. Harry walks you up and waits in your living room while you gather what you need and when you reappear with a duffel bag you find him curiously eyeing your place.

“What is it?” you ask.

“Just thinking,” he hums. “Do you… Never mind.”

“What? Tell me!” you urge him as you put the bag down so you can curl your arms around his neck, his hands finding their way to your hips.

“I was just thinking about how you barely spend any time here anymore.”

“Well, I do stay over at yours a lot,” you chuckle, oblivious to what he is about to ask.

“Rationally, it’s not worth it for you to keep this place anymore. So I was thinking that… maybe you could… move in with me.”

You never thought you’d see Harry nervous, especially not about your reaction, but as he’s looking at you right now you can tell he’s afraid what you might say. Cupping his face in your hands you pull him in for a sweet kiss before you give him your answer.

“I would love to move in with you, Harry.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you chuckle.

“I was afraid you might find it too fast,” he breathes out in relief. “That my fascination might be a little too much for you just yet.”

“I assure you, the feeling is mutual.”

He kisses you, slow and sweet, taking his time to remind you just how much he loves you.

“Thank you for accepting me as I am,” you whisper against his lips before you rest your forehead against his.

“You’re perfect, Y/N. You will always be. For me.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[ficjoelispunk]

Hi Emyyy! ❤️

I’m completely obsessed with Be my Assistant, I’m a ghost reader most of the time, but I make a point of saying that this story is amazing, looking forward to the next chapters.

I also saw that your Requests are open, and I thought if you could write something about Joel being extremely protective... just an idea…

OMG! Thank youuuu. 🥹 Be my Assistant, It means a lot to me... I’m glad you’ve liked it.

And, sure I can write for you, it be a pleasure <3

-

I’ll take care of you

"She never looked nice, she looked like art. And art wasn't supposed to be nice, it was supposed to make you feel something."

Summary: You needed to solve a situation that put you in trouble, your salvation was always around you and you never realized, you would never expect your salvation to come from it.

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem. Reader.

Wordcount: 6.4k

Warnings: Physical aggressions, canon, protective Joel.

Oneshot

A/N: Just to remind you that English is not my first language, so I apologize for the grammatical errors.

One of the few clandestine bars in the QZ was crowded tonight. Crowded bar in a QZ wouldn't be new, it's not like having a lot of programming on a night locked up in QZ. But it was clandestine because, you know, alcohol and the current situation of humanity awakens the worst of the human being, it’s difficult to maintain order when you have alcohol involved. So, FEDRA decided that ending leisure would be easier than monitoring.

You've never been here. You was accompanied by one of the teachers who teaching in the FEDRA school together with you, Denise, she was also your friend, or at least the person with whom you had the most contact here. And particularly, you was feeling so ridiculous for being here. But apparently that was the only way. Your only salvation.

When you live in an extreme environment. It seems that your whole mind revolves around extreme attitudes. God had already forgotten about you for a long time, you had been stuck in this place for 18 years.

It wasn’t as if before you had already gone through a training on how to survive the apocalypse, just as they did when the fire alarm roong in the school hallway sometimes for training. You were completely useless, if it wasn't for your brain. So, yes, you were stuck here, because it was a safe place.

It wasn't like you wanted to live in this world either. But you were here, you stayed for some reason then, it made sense to continue living one day at a time.

"It's the one who is leaning against the wall at the back of the bar"

You heard Denise's coordinates, but waited a moment to turn around and look. Unfortunately, the man was already staring at you. A burning cold radiated through your stomach as if you were losing the floor. You looked away quickly.

Ok. It's now or never.

You took a deep breath, taking the first step towards the man. Deviating from the people who crowded the unhealthy establishment. He was tall, his arms strong crossed, placing more emphasis on his imponence. The expression not at all friendly. His forehead formed a wrinkle between his eyebrows, which made his expression harder. The dark eyes, as if I could kill just with the look.

Your heart was racing, if it weren't for the music, and the buzz of the conversations, you could say that the sound of your heartbeat could be heard miles away. Nervousness, anxiety took over your body, your hands were sweating.

The man stared at you without even blinking. When you were close enough to him, you spoke.

"You're Joel, right?"

He studied you. Running his eyes through your body, without answering. He looked over your head, being silent, squeezing his arms more in front of his body. You wondered if you had spoken too quietly, and he hadn't listened to you. Or if he was really choosing to ignore you.

"Okay..." you hummed, looking at the side "sorry, that was a mistake" you turned around, to make your way back.

A man bumped into you. Joel pulled your body close to his, carefully, just in an attempt to avoid the shock between you and the man.

"Be careful where you walk" he growled at the man, who didn't even have the trouble to apologize.

***

Joel had seen you walking through the QZ before. The first thing that crossed his mind was, how God - if He existed - had the courage to leave someone like you, here, in this world forgotten by Him?

You walked so lightly that it was possible to believe that your feet didn't even touch the ground. Your features were delicate, gentle eyes. So soft. You were like a breeze in a field of flowers in the spring. Always stacking books in your arms. Walking as if no one could see you.

But Joel saw you. Not only did him see, how inevitably, him automatically blamed himself for thinking about putting his hands on you, feeling the softness of your skin, holding your hair, resting his lips on your neck, feeling your smell, your body on his, your warmth. For imagining how good you would feel with him. How good he could be for you, how he would do everything he could for you to stay that way, exactly like that, as if the fucking world wasn't over yet.

And now see you here, in this bar, in the underworld of the apocalypse, your angelic figure in a stupid summer dress, highlighting the soft of your breasts, your hair stuck behind your head, letting the rest loose fall on your shoulders, shit! What was the angelic creature doing here, in the middle of this hell?! What did you do walking towards him? Looking at him as if you were in pain... The things he would be willing to do to get you out of the middle of this dirt... take you away from this worm den.

Your voice was so sweet, that he could be selfish and ask you to repeat, just for him to listen to you once again.

"What do you want?" His voice was deep and hoarse, carried by the accent.

You turned your body to face him, while Joel held your arm balancing you so that you stood up again. As soon as he made sure you were balanced, he moved his hands away from your arm. And goddammit... your skin was as soft as he imagined it could be, it was a sin for him to touch something like you. You were so close to him that he could smell a lavender smell that exhaled from you.

You held your index finger, scratching your cuticle. Avoiding looking at him. It was almost painful not to be able to look you in the eye. He tried not to watch you so much, so as not to look like a crazy man.

"I heard you have pills, I need one"

Joel raised an eyebrow, looking at you again. Why did you need pills? You didn't do the kind of girl who used drugs, or who needed controlled medicines. You looked healthy, so healthy that it was offensive someone so healthy in the middle of this shit.

"What kind?"

"The kind that makes someone sleep. Sleep without the risk of waking up"

***

This man didn't even look at you. He seemed to be hating you with all his strength. Shit! You had never done that before, you didn't know how to do it.

Now his eyebrows were united. Maybe you didn't express yourself right.

You shook your head.

"Not for the person to die. It's not that" even though it would be exactly that "it's the dosage, the dose needs to be strong" you tried to explain.

He looked away from you again, straightening himself on the wall. It was as if he was disappointed that he had to deal with a person like you. Who doesn't even know what you needs, or what you wants to buy. A perfect idiot, who is making him waste time.

"How many?" He asked.

"How many do you have"

He looked at you from the corner of his eye.

"I'll deliver it to you in two days, after the turn"

You blinked a few times.

"Okay," you nodded, "where?"

"I'll find you"

***

You are a simple woman. So simple that sometimes the feeling is lowered to useless. You're not good with weapons, you know almost nothing about how to survive outside. Never - not even when you were in high school - got involved in a fight, in fact you were excellent at being invisible. Going unnoticed was your specialty.

Your tastes revolved around art, history, philosophy, music, cinema and books. No manual work, no engineering, no medicine, nothing that was really worth it now in this scenario.

But eventually, after the QZ was well established, you got a job at the FEDRA school, as an Arts teacher. That was your routine, teaching children and adolescents, what was art. Have you ever imagined a world without art? And an apocalypse with art? Yeah, none of these scenarios were positive. It was not an easy job, in fact this was the farthest from being something "risky" you came close to in your entire life. Teaching art to children in an apocalyse, it was like telling a terminal patient, to believe in a miracle.

Life for you passed in a quiet and tedious way. The only time you subjected yourself to something - in your opinion - absurd, was when you learned that one of the smugglers were selling a copy of Pride and Prejudice for 10 cards. It was the best.

Assimilating all this to cowardice is not that bad now, is it? You criticized yourself for not knowing how to defend yourself. For not knowing what to do in a risky situation. And now, more than ever.

Mainly because, approximately 6 months ago, a new battalion of FEDRA soldiers were reassigned to this QZ. One afternoon, Denise introduced you to her new boyfriend, who was accompanied by another man.

"Nice to meet you" you said shaking hands with your friend's boyfriend.

"The pleasure is mine. This is Maxwell"

The other man reached out to you. You gave in to the handshake, which he immediately pulled to his lips to press a kiss on the back of your hand.

"Nice to meet you, beautiful" he said.

The eyes running through you, as if you were a piece of meat.

Immediately your alerts were turned on, the discomfort ran through your veins flooding your body with an unconscious repulsion.

"I don't like him" you tell to Denise.

"Stop being paranoid, he's a gentleman, and his salary is great"

You made a face at her, who smiled ignoring your disgust.

Since then, you have practically run away from this Maxwell.

"Hey, Teach!"

The voice you try to avoid, entered through your ears and wrapped your stomach at the same moment.

You looked away from the book to the door of your classroom. Maxwell had his hand over the gun he paraded through the corridors, and a petulant smile stamped on his face.

"Can I help you with something?"

He came approaching your table, until he was in front of you.

"Actually, I’d like to make an invitation"

You sighed. Closing your book, keeping it in your bag, and getting up.

"Go ahead" you smiled embarrassedly.

"My turn ends now at 6 p.m., I thought I could accompany you to your house, who knows, eat something, I have some cards..."

Your eyes ran to the clock at the back of the room. 17:50.

"Sorry, Maxwell, I actually already have other plans, maybe another time?!"

You nodded to him, taking the first steps towards the door. But even before your hands could put your bag on your shoulder, your back hits the board hard, behind you.

Maxwell held your throat, while pressing his body on yours. His face so close to yours, just being separated by the beret flap of the FEDRA uniform he wearing.

"Do you think you can fool me? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Please, just..."

“Huh?”

He pushed you harder, squeezing his fingers more around your neck.

"You don't have any fucking plans, I follow you every night and you make the same route every day! Every time Denise invited you to dinner, you said there was an appointment, but you were at home..."

You were running out of air.

"What the fuck..." a third voice caught your attention.

The squeeze loosened, and you slipped down the wall, with your hands in your throat trying to relieve the pressure that settled there, coughing with the oxygen invading your lung.

Maxwell looked at the girl standing at the door, with her eyes snapping and her mouth open in shock by the scene she was witnessing.

"Ellie..." you tried to say, while straightening the posture.

The soldier walked towards her, but you held his arm.

"No. She's my student," you said with your hands on his chest, pushing him back, "it's all right"

"If you open your mouth" he growled on your face leaning over you "I disappear with you. You know that an art teacher will not be missed by anyone"

Since then, this bastard has been blackmailing you in every possible and impossible way.

Ellie was the only student really interested in your classes, she was interested in the techniques in paintings, the books you presented, you developed an affection for this girl, you would not be able to let something happen to her. Never.

And out of fear, an unreal fear that this man ended up implanting in your brain, you have been giving him more than half of your cards, with the thought that the cards will keep his hands to himself.

For a while, this worked, but now, he was bored. And he was furiously after you. The only way out you could think of was to disappear with him, before he disappears with you. That was the bravest act your brain could think of.

You would be ready, you would dope him and then kill him. And now you were waiting for the damn pills, to put your plan into action.

Your brain was so overwhelmed by despair and panic, that this was the best solution you thought of.

That was it, you just had to put up with two more days. Get out of class, and go straight home, as soon as possible, before Maxwell's turn is over, lock all the locks, push your closet on the door, and wait until the next day.

Your thoughts were aligned and you knew exactly what to do. You had passed by the library to take an anatomy book home, and study the possibilities of where exactly you should cut, so as not to make so much mess.

It would have to be like this, because you couldn't run away from the QZ, you couldn't report it, you would die. You would have to kill him, because it was the only solution. FEDRA soldiers die every single day. They wouldn't give importance to one more. Right?

Your feet made their way home automatically, practically running, while your mind rambling about the murder you planned. When a squeeze in your arm pulled you into an alley, lifting you off the ground, making you stumble on your own feet.

Your eyes snapmed with fear. It was Maxwell.

"Let me go" you knocked, uselessly, on the arm that pulled you. It was as if you were staping a wall, he didn't even seem to feel it. "Leave me alone"

"Your little shit" he murmured words over his shoulder, as he dragged you into the dark alley.

"Stay way from me"

He pushed you to a wall, damp, behind some containers of garbage and rubble.

His arm over your neck, leaving you breathless. His eyes looked like a hungry animal ready to devour his prey. While his hands slid harshly through your body, lifting your blouse.

"Let me go, you disgusting" you tried to push him, hyperventilating.

Would it be like that? Would you be raped here, in this place?

"You're a little beauty, I bet you must be all wet for me"

In a sudden movement, he turned you with your back to him, pushing your head on the wall, holding one of your arms against your back. You got dizzy, feeling the point that hit the throbbing wall on your forehead.

You were so disgusted, so scared, that your body disconnected from you, and you couldn’t order your brain to coordinate your movements to fight Maxwell, it was as if you were totally empty of strength. Incapable.

“That’s right, don’t fight, I don’t like to have a lot of work when you fight, but if you want, it will be more interesting...”

Maxwell squeezed your ass, before pressing his body on you.

"Stop, please," you murmured.

"Hey!" A deep voice echoed in the alley.

Maxwell, he moved away from you a little.

"Go away, man, I won't share this with anyone," he licked your ear.

You whimpered.

"Let her go" the voice was closer, you couldn't identify in the dark.

“I'm going to finish it quickly, man, you can keep her later, you'd better get out of here before you find problems"

"I told you to let her go" the man pushed Maxwell's shoulder.

He let you go.

Soon after, you heard the sound of a punch. You tried to concentrate, turning your body to see what was happening.

Maxwell was on the ground, trying to get up.

"Okay, man, you can get her first then"

Before Maxwell got up, the man kicked his stomach, keeping him on the floor, going over Maxwell, throwing several punches in his face.

The man raised Maxwell off the ground, holding his vest.

"Yeah, you piece a shit, I'm get her, but first I'll make sure you never look at her again"

He gave it one last punch. Releasing Maxwell's soft body on the floor.

He turned to you. Growling. Blood-red hands.

It was Joel. The smuggler you met last night.

Your eyes were snapping, you didn't know what to do, your whole body was shaking, you were hyperventilating. With your hands on your knee, trying to support your soft body.

Joel walked to you slowly with his hands trembling up.

"Are you okay?"

You got up, crossing your arms around your body. Looking at the disfigured soldier fallen on the ground, behind you.

Joel shook his head.

"Don't look at him, look at me"

Your eyes obeyed as if it were automatic. Joel's expression had changed drastically from a beast to a worried and cautious man.

He reached out his hand gently to touch your chin, turning your head to the side to look at you.

"Maybe you need stitches" the low and calm tone.

You frowned.

In the midst of all this chaos, you didn't even feel the hot blood running down your face.

Your hands went against the throbbing point on your head, pressing your fingers there, feeling the wet and viscous texture, bringing it to the front of your face to examine. Blood. A lot of blood.

"I can't..." you murmured, looking down, and back, as if you were looking for people who might be watching you "I can't go to the medical center, they'll want to know what happened, they'll know..."

Joel frowned, highlighting that expression mark that falls right in the middle of his eyebrows.

"You're losing a lot of blood" he said, without ever letting go of your face, his eyes examining you, his free hand reached a scarf in his jeans pocket, pressing the fabric on your wound.

Your hand grabbed his wrist, pulling the air through your teeth.

"We need to get out of here" Joel looked back quickly towards Maxwell's unconscious body, turning his eyes to you "I can take care of it, if you want, you won't be safe in your house, anyway"

It took you a while, feeling the small pressures he made with the fabric in your wound. But you nodded to him.

"Hold it like this, for me" he directed his hand to hold the handkerchief pressed on your forehead "can you walk?"

He walked away from you looking at you, looking for some more injury.

You nodded.

He wore the usual frown, one of his hands pressing the middle of your back, as he walked next to you.

Usually walking the streets was normal, no one wanted to look at your face. Today, on the other hand, there wasn't a person who didn't look at you. Joel, in turn, shot with his eyes every single person who took the look at you for more than 5 seconds, causing some to even cross the street.

You accompanied him to - where you assumed you were - to his house. He supported your elbows, helping you climb the stairs.

The apartment was not much different from everyone at QZ. But his was more disorganized. A small radio station - illegal inside the QZ - on the table, maps scattered on the sofá wear out. Empty glasses on the coffee table. Some windows blocked with wood. A layer of dust on all the furniture and especially on the floor. A yellow light was what made the environment a little more cozy, perhaps.

He pulled a chair for you to sit down.

Joel moved quickly through the small space, reaching from one of the cabinets, a first aid box - probably also the result of something illegal - pulling a chair in front of you.

***

Joel was not going to deny that he already imagined you here, in this apartment with him, but he never imagined you here in a situation like this.

Seeing your face bathed in blood was something that made his body boil. Your perfect face, now it would be forever marked by a scar, to remind you of that horrible day you are going through.

If only he could keep you by his side, he could guarantee that no one would ever touch you again.

***

"Have you ever taken stitches?" He asked, while taking some materials out of the first aid box. His voice was something comforting.

You shook your head, still holding the handkerchief over the wound on your forehead. Everything was happening so fast.

He separated a needle, thread and a whiskey on the table.

His hand reached yours, carefully moving the handkerchief from your forehead. The contrasting movement with the touch of his rough fingers, and the calloused hand.

"Let me see” he murmured, approaching your face, studying the wound.

You looked down.

"Okay, teach..."

"Don't call me that" you cut him off.

He walked away from you a little, to look at you.

Your eyes found his.

"Sorry" you looked down again "it's that..."

"All right, I got it" he pulled the chair closer to you, the inside of his legs touched your knees, he held your chin again "it's going to hurt, a lot, I have nothing to anesthetize, so I need you to be strong" He stared at you "do exactly what I say, can you do that?"

You nodded.

"Talk to me, I need you to talk to me, sweetheart"

You swallowed it dry. Looking at him.

"Yes"

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I can do that"

He nodded to you, reaching for a glass, and serving a shot of whiskey, and delivering it to you.

"Drink it"

You obeyed, turning the shot. The liquid coming down hot, burning in your stomach.

He threw some of the same whiskey on another piece of fabric, looking at you.

"Ready?"

"Yes, I am"

He pressed the wet tissue with whiskey on the wound. The burning seemed to run all over your face. You frowned. Squeezing your fingers on your leg.

He took a pocket knife out of one of his jeans pockets, and gave it to you.

You held it. Doing things automatically.

"Now, I need you to talk to me, okay? Stay awake. If you are going to delete it, tell me first"

"Ok"

"Good" he reached the line and the needle "bites it" he raised your hand that held the pocket knife.

It was wrapped in a leather holster, made especially for the pocket knife. You frowned. Joel bowed his head with disapproval.

You put the holster between your teeth. Your breathing is getting a little faster.

“Three stitches, it’s what you need,” he said before getting closer, with a needle “ready”?

“Ready”

You don’t know how to say exactly what he was doing, but you felt the flesh being pierced, a colossal pain taking over your head. You stuck your teeth in the leather, with an afflicted growl, squeezing your fingers on the flesh of your leg. The eyes closing tight. It looked like you were going to explode.

"Don't move," he said with his face so close to you that you could feel his breathing on you.

You wanted to cry, scream. Tell him to stop, that it was all right if you ran out of a piece of your forehead. Just stop. It hurt too much. Tears were running from your face, but you couldn't tell if they were tears or sweat. Probably both.

"You're doing well, very well" he took a short break.

You felt his hands holding your left wrist.

"Give it to me" Joel brought your hand to his leg "I can handle it" he moved your other hand too.

You didn't even realize how much you were squeezing your own leg. But you received a slight relief.

Your breathing was trembling. He certainly continued, without warning, because once again the absurd pain of the flesh being pierced took over your senses. It was too much. You didn't spare Joel's leg, squeezing as much as you bit the pocket knife holster. Crying. Fighting against your own body so as not to move.

"Just one more" he said, "you're doing well"

There were no explanations or definitions for this moment. You simply had your whole body contracted, taken by the pain in such a way that nothing but the injury to your forehead existed in you. You couldn't even tell if you were breathing. The pain was so much that you could swear that your whole body was the wound. Your body started to tingle. Your senses were no longer responding.

You spit out the holster.

"Joel..."

You leaned on his leg.

"No, no, no..." he murmured "stay with me, you're doing well, stay with me, sweetheart, we're almost done"

You tried to focus on his voice. That beautiful and deep voice.

"You can do it, sweetheart, I know you can do it, just one more"

"Joel..."

Once again the pain radiated through your head.

You don't remember how, or when, it ended. But you woke up in a bed. Your head throbbing, your hands went up to press your eyes, in a useless hope of warding off that acute pain.

"Hey!" A whisper next to you, time you snap your eyes, jumping on an involuntary scare "calm down, easy, it's me, it's me" Joel's hands held your shoulders, gently.

Your eyes found his, tender and careful, you close your eyes and rest your head on the pillow again.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, releasing the grip on your shoulders.

"Pain"

He smiles.

"Yes, I know, here"

You open your eyes, he has two pills in the palm of his hand, extended in front of you. You frown, your eyes dance between the pills and his face.

"It's for pain, and to avoid infection. Take it"

You hesitate, but take it. Your fingers slipping the skin from the palm of his hand. You lean on your elbow, putting the pills in your mouth, Joel promptly gives you a glass of water.

There was a moment of silence, the day had not yet cleared up, it was night, probably at dawn. He didn't seem to have slept, sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"For what did you want the pills? That night?" He leans against the chair that was sitting, holding the empty glass you gave him back.

You look at him.

"Did you get it?"

He nods.

"Yeah"

You look away, staring at your impatient fingers that remove the cuticle chips from the corners of your nails.

"I don't have any cards here now for you..."

"What did you want them for?"

You look at him, swallowing it dry, hesitant.

"I..." you look away "I was going..."

You close your eyes, laying your head on the pillow again, shaking your head.

"Tell me" Joel leans in the chair, placing his arms on his knees.

You look at him for a moment, but you couldn't say that by looking at him. Your fingers press your eyes again.

"I was going to use them with him. I would dope him, and then kill him"

You take a while to open your eyes, after Joel's silence, you get curious, to know how he is looking at you now.

Joel didn't seem surprised by your idea, it didn't even seem to judge you. He seemed worried.

"Why? Is he bothering you?"

You nodded.

"How?" Joel clenched his fists.

You frowned. You grabbed your hands close to your face, and shrunk your legs. How if you shrink your body, as much as you could, would make you disappear, and next to you all this shame you felt.

"Tell me" he murmured softly, encouraging you.

"You don't have to bother..."

"I want to"

Joel extended his arm, so that his hands could move away a lock of hair that was on your face. So soft. So careful.

"Maxwell came transferred from some other QZ" you started "an acquaintance who works with me at school, introduced him and another friend, who is now her boyfriend" you felt stupid telling this story "since then he has been calling me out, but I always invent something..." you hesitated, holding your knees close to your chest "one day he cornered me in the classroom, there was a girl... a student who saw, I was afraid of him trying to do something with her, and since then he has been blackmailing me, and..."

You closed your eyes, shook your head, trying to move away from your mind.

"And?" Joel encouraged, he put one of his hands on your calf, trying to comfort you.

"He has been taking a good part of my cards, and I knew that would not be enough, that at some point this would happen... and I wanted to be prepared"

Joel nodded, his eyes fixed on you, the crease between his eyebrows deepened.

***

It didn't get into his head like another man could find himself entitled to attack you. Chase you.

He needed to have a lot of self-control to be able to hear your story until the end, without getting up from that chair and going directly to this Maxwell and hitting a bullet right in the middle of his eyes.

But no, dying is something easy. It ends easy. Living is difficult. And Joel would make sure that the last minutes of this man's life were the worst of his life.

You were right to think about killing him. Maxwell wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. And he wanted you. In all its innocence and fragility. Now, after Joel broke his face, he would certainly take revenge, hitting you, which was the easiest target, because, obviously, he was cowardly enough to blame you instead of solving things with Joel.

Joel wouldn't let you submit to this dirty work to win your peace again.

***

You sat down, Joel walked away a little giving you space. Your fingers pressed your face, while you got up, slowly.

"Where are you going?" Joel was right behind you.

You turned to him. Much taller than you.

"I need to go, I have classes to teach, and they can't be suspicious..."

He took a step in front of you, packing your face with one hand, while analyzing the bandage he had made.

"How are you going to explain that?"

His hot hand was so comforting, you fought against the urge to rest your head on his hand.

You shrugged.

"I fell"

He sighed. Deep.

"Thank you, for..." you pointed a finger at your head "I'm going to pay for the medicines and also..."

"If I were to charge you, you would have already paid"

You arched your eyebrows, and nodded to him.

Your morning passed with you having to explain how clumsy you were and ended up hitting your head when you slipped into your own apartment.

"It was him, wasn't it?" Ellie asked after class.

"No... I fell"

Ellie shook her head in disapproval.

"You need to report this son of a bitch"

"Ellie, I fell, okay? Everything is fine. And don't use this language in my classroom"

Ellie was disappointed in you, you knew.

"Pay attention to lesson number 2 when you go to do the activity, I'll see you next week" you said before she left the room.

You spent the day worried about the possibility of someone entering your classroom, to take you stuck or disappear with you after what happened yesterday.

To your surprise Denise entered your room near the end of the day. The eyes snaps, the face taken by a panic.

"Did you hear about it?" She asked as soon as she closed the door behind her.

You weren't good with lies. But you tried to set up your best face by surprise.

"No, what?"

She stopped in front of your desk.

"Maxwell" she said a little tired.

You arched your eyebrows. Okay, you knew, he was probably disfigured after last night's punches.

Denise frowned.

"What happened to you?" She pointed at your forehead.

You shook your head.

"I fell..."

She nodded, processing the information.

"Okay, then get ready" she said leaning over your table "Maxwell was found today in the late afternoon"

You arched your eyebrows.

"Dead" she concluded.

Now you didn't have to pretend surprise, because you were really surprised, the beating he took was serious, but not to the point of him dying.

"And there's more..." Denise continued.

You could feel the blood from your face being drained to anywhere other than your body.

"He was found with his cock cut off, and inside his own mouth"

You leaned against your chair. Your hands covering your mouth. Your eyes lost in nothing.

"Do they already know who did that?”

Would it be possible? Joel, would you have been able to do that? Did he do that?

"FEDRA is investigating, they won't leave it aside, kill a soldier like this?!"

“Maybe it could have been a firefly thing”

"No... Jared" - her boyfriend - "said this was premeditated, it was someone who really wanted Maxwell dead"

You were silent.

"Don't you know anything?" Denise was speculating.

You looked at Denise.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, you were always together..."

"What?" Were you surprised by her assumption "together? We never even want to go out..."

"What did you want with that smuggler that night?"

You got up, gathering your things quickly, putting everything you could glimpse being important inside the bag.

"Sorry, I have to go" you murmured as you left the room.

"Wait!" Denise shouted "Jesus..."

You ran to your house, for no apparent reason, you just ran. Ignoring your throbbing head with every impact his feet made on the ground. You just wanted to be at home, in silence, to be able to process all things. If Denise, was wanting to link Maxwell's death to you - rightly so - what would FEDRA do?

As soon as you entered your apartment, you can't help but drag the shelf to the door. Even if Maxwell was dead. Supposedly.

You took a long shower, trying to wash away this whole crazy story. You wore a comfortable outfit. He made some tea. Trying to ignore the fact that his head was in latent flames.

Someone knocked on your door. Would it be Denise? She used to come without warning. Would it be Maxwell? Resurrected from the dead? Coming to torment you? The stunned soul coming to charge you for your murderous thoughts? Would it be FEDRA, to arrest you?

"It's me. Joel"

You stood still for a while. Looking at the closet in front of your door.

Until your brain remembers how to order the movements, and your legs move slowly, taking a break for you to leave your cup on the kitchen table, before dragging the cabinet from the door, and unlocking the braids from the door.

You opened the door. Joel was leaning on the side of the door. You faced each other for a moment.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

You blinked a few times. Opening the door more for him.

He came in, looking at the closet that he certainly heard you drag before you opened the door to him.

"You need to take another dose of the pills I gave you this morning" he watched your apartment "and you need to change the bandage"

You nodded to him.

He pointed to your chair, pulling one for him.

You sat down. Joel sat in front of you. You took your eyes on him today. He was a handsome man. The slightly gray hair, the eyes although almost always hard, were now attentive and careful.

He took off your bandage.

"You need to always keep it clean," he said, "it won't infect, it's good," he made an observation to himself.

He redid your bandage.

He took two pills from the pocket of his shirt.

"Take it, it's for pain and infections"

You took it, drinking immediately, with tea that was in your cup. Praying that the effect would be quick, and the pain would pass.

"Thank you," you murmured "for… everything"

He nodded. Looking at you.

"Why are you doing this?" You asked.

"Doing what?"

"Helping me... you defended me from Maxwell, then took me to your house, took care of my wound... why? These things don't seem to be things you usually do out there..."

Joel tilted his head to the side.

"What do I look like I'm doing over there?"

You smiled, looking away.

"I don't know” you shrugged “I thought you were someone bad, aggressive, I didn't expect to receive your help, in fact, you are very kind..."

"Only with you"

You look at each other for another moment, the silence hovering over you. You wanted to thank him, do something for him... You got up, going to one of your drawers, and removing a number of cards.

Joel shook his head before you even got to him.

"Take it, please..." you held it for him.

"I don't want to"

"Please, I don't know how to thank you"

He got up. Holding your hands together with your cards. His big hands, covering up yours. You observe the injuries of his hands. Your eyes meet his. Comfortably in silence. Joel looked at you deeply.

You expected him to say something, but contrary to that, he let go of your hand, kindly, walking towards the door.

"Joel?"

He turned to you.

"Yes"

"They found Maxwell's body this afternoon"

He nodded.

"FEDRA is investigating the cause of death"

He was silent.

You took a step towards him.

"Joel?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Was it you?" You looked at him carefully, you didn't want him to feel judged.

"Are you afraid of me?"

Joel seemed to feel pain when saying these words.

You walked to him, held his injured hands.

"No... I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of them"

Joel held your chin, smiled.

"Had the wound clean" he advises.

You nodded.

He turned around to leave. Stopping before, next to your closet.

"Sweetheart, you don't need it anymore," he pointed to the closet, "you're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll take care of you"