#The gal hanging over Danny is Secret

[pullbackandrelease]

I made these for a Secret Santa gift exchange over on the BatPham Community discord server. They were made for Strawberry, based off a prompt they provided! The BatPham Community server is a fandom server for a mixture of Batfamily and Danny Phantom content. (Batfamily, as in Batman's various family members... there's quite a few.)

[alphajocklover]

What about a G2S story about greasers? There's so few of those.

Imagine: A very lonely gay guy meets a rockabilly, greaser gang. They take him under their wing, which gay guy appreciates because of his loneliness. But slowly they start changing him, making him just like them.

In the end the lonely gay guy becomes a James Dean, Danny Zuco-wannabe with the gang becoming his new found family.

A lot of people think that Alphas and Betas are a relatively new thing. It makes sense to assume so in a way. Alphas as we know them are pretty new, but that’s only because Alpha culture has changed over time, just like ours. There were Alphas in the old west, in the ancient world, and even going back to the beginning of civilization as we know it. Recently I discovered an old book where someone had written down a number of stories about Alphas from the past. I guess I’m not the first person to document their behavior. One story in particular stuck with me though, so I’ve transcribed it here. Hope you enjoy.

Caleb Sparrow was a complete and utter nerd. An unhip clyde with a reputation for being a bit of a spaz. The kind of goof all the cool cats completely ignored. He was only really good at one thing: not standing out. A part of him hated that he was the way he was, that he was a loser with no friends. But a part of him was grateful. For a secretly queer man living in 1955, he was actually pretty lucky. No one bullied him (mainly because no one noticed him), his secret desires hadn’t been found out, and he had a good future ahead of him. He knew that eventually he’d land a steady job, find a swell gal who he could get along with well enough to marry, and live the traditional life his parents had always wanted of him. A part of him was grateful. But a part of him still hated it all. Hated how lonely he was, how he’d never find someone he’d really love, how his entire life was always going to be a lie. But he was resigned to it. Until… he met an Alpha named Biff.

Biff was everything Caleb wasn’t. He was the hippest greaser in town, with a handsome face, manly muscles, a souped up rag top and a gang of fellow greasers to hang with. Biff had it all. Sure all the squares all said he was bad news, but he didn’t care. He had it made in the shade. He had a different betty with him every night. That’s what made it so weird to everyone when Biff suddenly started being so friendly with Caleb. Caleb didn’t know what to make of it at first, and was pretty sure he was going to end up getting beat, but Biff was… well he was dreamy, so Caleb let himself believe that he really wanted to be his friend. He had no idea that Biff was just looking for a new Beta. Turning Caleb into the perfect Beta took less time than you’d expect. Caleb integrated into the gang with surprising ease, all of the other members treating him like they had been friends for life, and as he began to grow closer to the group and Biff, he began to change.

At first it was a slight change in style and lingo, trying to keep up with his new crew. Then he shot up several inches and began to pack on muscle, which the 19 year old brushed off as an overdue growth spurt. But over time the style changes became more and more drastic and his body grew at an even faster rate. Soon he wasn’t just the new kid, he was the second in command, right after Biff. That’s why everyone started calling him Deuce. Just like everyone else in the gang Deuce was muscular, cool, loved cars and was obsessed with Biff. Deuce eventually even came out to Biff and confessed his love, but Biff didn’t wanna deal with all the issues that came with having a queer beta, so he ‘suggested’ that Deuce was actually a pussy hound like him. Considering how many gals Deuce has played backseat bingo with I think Biff might have overdone it, but just like always he got what he wanted. Another manly, muscular, straight greaser for his gang.

**hey there guys! Never done anything with Greasers before, so it’s probably not as good as my usual stuff, but I had fun with it. Hope you all enjoy. Might revisit the idea of Alphas throughout history sometime**

[ladyfantasy98]

Female Protagonists, Empowerment, & Totally Spies!

So recently I’ve been watching old cartoons on Netflix, Amazon Prime, & Hulu,  to stave off quarantine-restlessness. Watching What’s New Scooby-Doo, Danny Phantom, and Totally Spies! has really brought me back to my childhood and been something nice, easy, and relaxing to engage in.

But watching Totally Spies! the other day gave me a revelation: what a positive and empowering show it is for young girls (and women) watching it.

The show follows three high school girls, best friends Clover, Samantha “Sam” and Alexandra “Alex”, as they assist a secret government agency called the “World Organization Of Human Protection (WOOHP)” as super spies. They are regularly whisked away from school and their everyday lives by hidden passages in lockers, restrooms, trashcans, and utility sheds; briefed on a mission by WOOHP director Jerry; given pretty cool gadgets; and sent on missions to find missing persons or stop villains from taking over the world. All while also dealing with the drama and woes of high school, including bullying, homework, romance and crushes, school dances, etc.

Now it’s not a perfect show. Watching it as a 22-year-old instead of a 10-year-old (so I’m not in the intended audience anymore, anyway) I can see the problems. Silly villains, generic world domination plots, a lack of respect towards physics, and sometimes cheesy or stilted dialogue, to name a few. And it’s not that great representation-wise, even though the Main Characters are teenage girls, and Alex is I think supposed to be Latina, she’s s “Ambiguously Brown” as TV Tropes would call it.

But at its core, Totally Spies! is a show about a trio of best girlfriends who Save the World practically every week. Clover, Sam, and Alex (especially Clover) can be vain, ditzy, and boy-obsessed, and they enjoy shopping at the mall and worrying about their appearances, like stereotypical teenage girls. But on missions, they prove themselves brave, smart, resourceful, clever, caring, and strong. And at the end of the day, they always have each other’s backs.

And this combination of typical teenage girlhood & super spy skills, while seeming contradictory, adds to the positive image of girls/women. I’ve read other articles that criticize shows (especially cops/detective shows) for making their female characters overly masculine who shun feminine clothing and interests.

But Totally Spies! lets their female characters embrace their feminine side while kicking bad guys’ (and gals’) butts. Even their weapons -- gadgets like Laser Lipstick, Bracelet Handcuffs, Butterfly Laser-Emitting Pendant, & Hoop Earring Communicator -- take traditional feminine products and give them a spy upgrade, allowing them to be both beautiful and practical.

I enjoyed watching Totally Spies! as a kid because of the action, the colorful animation, and the fact that the the protagonists were girls. Years later, I’ve been drawn back in by the nostalgia and the easy watchability. But I’m happy to realize now how empowering Totally Spies! was -- and is -- for female audiences. Despite its flaws, this show should be celebrated for the image it presents of its female teenage protagonists -- strong, brave, smart, & caring friends who like to hang out, dress up, and save the world every other Tuesday.

[lydiaandarry]

{How To Dress Similarly To Your Favorite Cartoon Characters Pt.2 (Using Five Examples!)}

Hello there!

     My name is Arabella but you can call me Arry, if it’s easier. I don’t know about you but I basically grew up on cartoons. I watched Cartoon Network all day and I used to get so much inspiration from cartoon characters that probably followed me into my older years. Personality and fashion-wise. Have you ever wanted to dress similar to one of your favorite cartoon characters yet not wanting to look like a cosplay or costume? Well, you’ve come to the right gal because that is exactly what I am going to be helping you with but before I get onto the five examples, we must go over some basic knowledge. Fashion can say a lot about a character, especially in cartoons where the clothes rarely change. It has to be iconic yet true to the personality being demonstrated in some sense. Five things go into analyzing and copying a cartoon characters style: 1) Color Palette 2) Aesthetic 3) Overall Impression 4) Fashion Items 5) How It Shapes Their Personality? These are five things we are going to keep in mind during our five examples. Let’s invade this topic.

(Nazz)

   Nazz from Ed Edd n’ Eddy is probably one of the easiest old cartoon characters to make modern. Especially since her style has come back into trend with layering. Now I didn't grow up with Ed Edd n’ Eddy because my mother was fearful that I would develop behavior similar to the boys. But whenever I did see images of it or short scenes, I loved Nazz’s fashion (next to Marie’s). Starting with the first thing to think about when recreating a style of any cartoon character, color palette. A color palette is quite important especially when it comes to cartoon characters because these colors can be forever associated with this character. Nazz’s color palette includes black, white, denim, red, and occasionally green. These colors are great because they can go great with each other and makes a strong color palette. Nazz’s aesthetic is a mixture between Girl Next Door and Tomboy. She has boyish elements that allows her to be ‘one of the boys’ yet she also has a fun, flirty girly side. The third thing to consider is the overall impression of their clothes to the world around them. Now this may seem odd but this is worth consideration because it depends on how you want to be taken. As people judge upon appearances and your clothes can say a lot about you. Nazz’s overall impression and how it makes people see her is that Nazz is seen as very attractive and everyone wants to hang out with her. She’s the female character that has a lot of friends and is overall popular and kind. She isn’t the stereotypical mean girl despite dressing nice and being friends with a lot of people. She breaks that stereotype and shows that you can be cool yet nice. The fourth thing to consider is fashion items, unless you are planning on copying Nazz’s style piece by piece. It is great to really observe it and take pieces of it that may fit into her character yet is good for everyday use and not a cosplay. Remember, it’s all about inspiration. With Nazz, I recommend for tops, basic plain color shirts, crop tops, ringer tees, cropped sweaters, and cami tops. For bottoms, high waisted shorts, basic jeans or ripped jeans, flared jeans, and pleated skirts. For shoes, sneakers like Vans or Converse. For accessories, a quirky pair of sunglasses. And last but not least, the fifth thing to consider is how does her clothes shape her personality? Nazz’s clothes shape her personality in a sense of how she wants to look good. Nazz is very particular on how she looks and despite being confident, is upset if she looks anything but good. Her appearance is very important to her. It shapes her personality in how she likes hanging out with boys more so over girls in the show and is seen as one of the boys due to how her clothes aren’t overly feminine. She’s a great beginner choice for people who want to try this out.

(Mandy)

   Ah yes, the girl I aspired to be when I was younger and probably scared my mother some more. Mandy from Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy. This is a fun character because her outfit… is completely different from her personality. She wears a pink flower dress, mary-janes and a headband. She looks like an innocent, girly girl but Mandy is evil. She’s a good type of evil but is still evil. Mandy’s color palette depends on where you want to take from it but I gathered white, black, pale pink, pale blue & pale yellow (counting the flower) and purple (her eyeshadow, at times). But if I was going to dress similarly, I would just do white, black and pale pink as the other colors are mere colors compared to those main three. Mandy doesn’t exactly have an aesthetic instead I guess she would be gothic with pink and a sort of doll-like quality. Mandy’s overall impression is that people mistake her for being sweet and innocent although her parents are terrified of her, everyone is mostly terrified of her. A grim reaper is terrified of her. Her clothes are deceiving but everyone knows that she is a very unhappy person due to her constant frown which was even in there inside the womb. Now onto the fun part, clothing choices. For jackets, I would suggest something like a Lazy Oaf jacket style (like their chore jackets) and oversized cardigans. For tops, mock necks, crop tops, layered shirts with a mock-neck under a shirt. Also pinafore dresses and a-line dresses. For bottoms, high-waisted shorts and pleated skirts. For shoes, mary-janes or sneakers. And for accessories, always have a headband on and maybe some skeleton or creepy accessories like a coffin backpack. Mandy’s clothing shapes her personality in a way for humor, she’s this scary person who can almost be a villain yet edges on being an anti-hero at most. It’s complete satire that she looks sweet and innocent with a gothic personality. So have fun with it because if anything, she shows that it’s not what is on the outside that counts after all. There’s a very creepy personality behind that color of pink.

(Sam Manson)

     Another favorite female character of mine. Okay, let’s say… that you don’t like pink or want to be a secret Goth. There is plenty of gothic female characters to choose from. But one of my favorites has always been Sam Manson from Danny Phantom. I mean, I loved that show in general. And I loved Sam’s design, even though I wasn’t allowed to wear crop-tops til I turned 18. Her color palette is purple, green, black. You’ve noticed that cartoon characters always seem to have a simple color palette. And of course, Sam’s aesthetic is gothic, even though she could also be eco-goth since I remember an episode of her wanting to save the Earth and becoming a vegetarian. For fashion choices, hm. For jackets, I feel like she would wear hoodies, oversized black denim jackets, and long coats or even a varsity jacket. For tops, crop-tops, band tees, mock-necks, muscle tees, fishnet tops and sheer tops with something underneath. If she wore a dress, it would probably be black and an a-line, once again with a mock-neck. For bottoms, plaid skirts, checkered shirts, pleated skirts, ripped jeans with fishnets underneath, high-waisted shorts. For shoes, Doc Martens, sneakers, mary-janes and platforms. For accessories, knee-high socks, fishnets, tights, chokers, patches and enamel pins, belt, and a cool backpack. Sam’s overall impression is kind of hard to sum up in a small summary since Danny Phantom is so complex so I recommend watching the show to get a better idea but it’s never really brought up as a main point in her character how she dresses. She’s a great gothic character for inspiration though.

(Valhallen)

   Okay now the first three characters and five characters of my last post were all girls. For those, who may not know Valhallen is a male character from “Justice Friends” which originated as a short from “Dexter’s Laboratory”, are you following me? Let’s say you’re a dude or you want to dress similar to a dude character. Valhallen is a great character to start with as he is a very simple character to modernized because you don’t even really have to go off his sense of style to dress similar to him. His color palette consists of black, yellow, and silver. Pretty simple. His aesthetic is kind of surfer mixed with metalhead mixed with Nordic god. He was created to be a parody of Thor. Which he succeeds greatly with. What is the overall impression of Valhallen? Well, he is quite a ladies man. He is definitely seen as the more attractive member. Valhallen doesn’t have much of an overall impression except the fact that the ladies love him from all realms and he is a fan favorite character. Onto the fun part! Fashion items. Now I chose Valhallen, because no offense but he does have a feminine touch on clothing that can easily be feminized. The dude wears a midriff. For jackets, denim jackets would suit, perhaps with patches of your favorite metal bands or enamel pins. For tops, crop-tops, midriffs, band tees, muscle tees, fishnet or sheer tops with something underneath, cropped camis. Don’t be afraid to show a lot of skin on your upper body. For bottoms, ripped jeans, basic jeans, high waisted shorts, bell bottoms. For shoes, knee high boots. For accessories, headpieces, fingerless gloves, studded jewelry, spiked belts. How does his clothes shape his personality? Well, he’s The Viking God of Rock. He has to look the part and this is basic metalhead fashion with God twists similar to Thor. He’s a goofy character who is hilariously rad and doesn’t take himself too seriously and his clothes show that. He’s less out there than Major Glory but can stand out more than The Infraggable Krunk. He’s obviously the more free-spirited one who isn’t afraid to be himself.

(Judy Jetson)

    Here is what I like to call expert mode because unlike the other four who have easily modernized looks. Judy is from the future yet has a vintage twist. Her clothes are not something a typical teenager or young adult would wear in this day and age. I mean, someone who isn’t as weird as me. So you have to kind of reinvent her and make her suit your taste yet keep elements about her that are amazing and what makes her lovely. Judy’s color palette is pale pink, red (in some lighting), darker pink, white and black. If anyone asks you about a known fact of me… I love pink with red and pink with black. I also love pink on pink. And Judy Jetson has two of my favorite pinks where it’s not Barbie Pink or Too Pink. The overall impression of Judy, well she’s seen as the teenage girl of the future. She’s boy-crazy, fun, has exciting hobbies, can be quite moody and sassy. She loves dancing, attends high school and spends her evening listening to her favorite boy bands. Parts of Judy have travelled into the future as I related to her a lot when I was sixteen. And still do! She can get out of hand sometimes and I feel like all girls do, even into early adult years. I’ve had my moments where I have overreacted. Onto fashion items! Now, with Judy, as I said before, you are going to have to reimagine outfits for her. With jackets, I suggest fit and flare, perhaps long jackets, something to show off the figure however. With tops, crop-tops, mock necks, fitted tops, fun bodysuits, sheer tops, about anything that is cool. With bottoms, flared skirts or pleated skirts, mini skirts, high-waisted shorts, suspender pants, pants or jeans. For dresses, pinafores, figure hugging, a-line. For shoes, sneakers, flats, boots, platforms. A tip for seeming more futuristic is adding in color palette fitting metallics and holographic. For accessories, tights, knee high socks, circle purses, star shaped things, hair bows, headbands, funky sunglasses, vintage gloves, roller-skates if you skate.  How does Judy’s clothes shape her personality? Well, her outfit is very youthful compared to her mother’s. She has more of a spark and quirky sense. Her clothes really show that she is bubbly and charismatic. She is out of this world. Something that I feel like girls should be more confident to try to be. To be unapologetically themselves. Just because her outfit isn’t exactly the future creators in the 60s were thinking of. It doesn’t mean that we can’t carry traits into this world.

    That was how to dress similarly to your favorite cartoon characters, part two! If you want to see part one, click here! Feel free to follow for more posts like this. Also feel free to like and reblog if you enjoyed it! I may turn this into a series as they are always a lot of fun. Just be you and have fun with fashion! I post every Wednesday and Saturday so I will see you on Wednesday! Peace out!

[cheshire-kas]

Confession Time? Here’s What I Got

@hollow-requiem

Following your prompt of Grey Ghost!

Valerie sat beside Danny on the rooftop of the big office building in downtown Amity. The two of them had just gotten off a fight with Skulker, and it was nothing. They had been fighting the other ghosts together instead of fighting each other ever the incident at Masters’ mansion. Danny groaned loudly beside her, falling back to float on the air as though laying down. "I am so sick of all these ghost attacks!"

"Yeah, you're telling me, ghost kid," Valerie said, unable to hide her fondness.

"You're not the human trying to run around and keep up with all your ecto-bullshit."

Danny seemed to pause before he looked over at her. "Hey, Valerie... What made you change your mind? You hated me for two years. Then you apologized, and we started kicking butt together. What changed?"

Valerie sighed, leaning back a bit herself. "You want the truth, Danny?"

She watched him sit up a little further, on alert. "The truth."

"I met Danielle." Looking over at him, Valerie smiled and brushed her hair away from her face. "Meeting her really put things into perspective. I mean, it's one thing to fight ghosts and kick them back into the Ghost Zone, right? But she's half human. And we watched her die. What kind of protector of humanity would I be if I let someone die just because of part of who they were?"

Danny seemed to watch her before smiling. He leaned over and let his hand rest on hers. She fought to hide the chill that ran through her at the touch, smile only widening at seeing his. "I'm really glad you think like that, Valerie. A lot of us just want that, you know. To be treated like...humans. A lot of us used to be human. I mean, you've heard the legend of Sydney Poindexter. He's a real kid- Ghost. He's a ghost, now, but he just really wants to be one of the cool kids, like any of us, really."

"He's real?" Valerie couldn't help her shock. "I thought he was just some story they told at school."

"Yeah, so did I," Danny groaned again. "Don't ask. That was a really long day."

Valerie slowly nodded. "Yeah... Meeting Danielle... And then, you know, seeing Masters transform into Plasmius."

"Woah- Wait, what?!" Danny was immediately sitting up, his hand tightening around hers. "You saw him? Did he see you? Does he know that you know? Has he threatened you-"

"Danny, Danny," Valerie laughed, shaking her head. "He didn't see me, he doesn't know, I'm fine. I'm a big tough girl, you know. Even got a gun and everything. I can handle myself against scum like him."

"Yeah, well... Plasmius and I still fight sometimes, and it's still a toss-up of who's gonna win. You can't blame me for worrying."

Valerie nodded and the two were back to watching the sky before Valerie spoke up again, "I'm getting kinda tired. How about we grab a burger tomorrow night, Fenton?"

She felt Danny tense, and knew the exact moment he processed what she said. "What?"

"Come on. Danielle and I are gal pals, now. You think she wouldn't have told me everything?" As she saw him start to frown, she quickly shook her head. "No- No, I could already figure it out after seeing Plasmius. It wasn't that hard to put together, Danny. You're worse at hiding secrets than Foley."

Danny did frown at her, though it was more of a pout, so she supposed it was cute. "Hey, I am not that bad, anymore."

"...No, I guess you're not." Valerie held her other hand out to him. "Fly me home?"

"...Yeah. Yeah, I will." Danny took both her hands and immediately, Valerie felt weightless as he began to float up, smiling at her with that totally dorky grin like the kid from middle school that wanted to be an astronaut. "Doing alright?"

"You kidding, Danny? This is awesome! How fast can you go?" Danny stared at her for a moment, looking to be in shock before he laughed and gave that smirk that was far more ghostly than it had any right to be.

"Question is how fast can you handle?" With that, Danny was taking off as fast as he could, Valerie wrapping her arms around him tightly with a laugh as she watched the city go by. "Hang on! Gonna kick it up a notch!"

"You can go faster?!" Danny sped up to prove his point, and while Valerie knew he wasn't taking her straight home, she couldn't say that she hated the detour.

Finally, the two of them landed on the balcony of Valerie's apartment. Cautiously touching her hair, Valerie laughed at feeling how wind blown and wild it was. Danny smiled and nodded, holding her hands. "So. Tomorrow at six?"

"Tomorrow at six sounds great, Danny."

"Valerie? Valerie, is that you out there?" Valerie's eyes widened, and she looked to Danny, but a light flashed, and it was Danny Fenton standing there.

"Hey, sorry about that, Mr. Gray. I kinda...snuck in." Her dad had just opened the door to see a very human Danny standing there with Valerie.

"Oh. Danny. I didn't hear you come in. Valerie? You know-"

"I know, I know Daddy. No boys on the weekends." Valerie turned to Danny with a smile. "Thanks for coming to see me, Danny."

"Yeah. So- Hey, can I leave the normal way?" Her dad pointed into the apartment, coaxing a giggle from Valerie as Danny started to leave, smiling at her over his shoulder and waving. Huh... Dating Danny. Dating Danny Phantom. Wasn't the first time she had the idea. Was a pretty good one, in fact.

[rigdicklucas]

Wonder Woman(2017) Spoiler Review

Zack Snyder’s latest foray into ruining the superhero genre had the potential to be something special but throws it all away for no reason at all.

By D. Lucas.

Let me tell you right away that this is not a movie you should be spending time on, let alone drive up to a theater for. It’s one of those rare occasions where the ingredients for a great film are all in there but it gets ruined by a terrible, terrible director, Zack Snyder—as if this surprises anyone anymore. If there’s a silver-lining to this CGI slugfest it’s the sliver of hope from the story by Patty Jenkins but it tries hard with little success, which is ironic since she had directed a film (2003′s Monster that won Charlize Theron her Oscar) and some interesting TV episodes. It would’ve been quite interesting to see had Warner Bros. allowed her to have a go at it. But, alas, we’re stuck with the Snyder and let’s just get this out of the way as fast as possible and get ready for that fun-superhero film coming this July. wink, wink.

There, if the director is not enough reason to skip this movie, which given his track-record shouldn’t be all that hard, then go ahead and read why the director is reason enough to skip it.

The movie begins with Diana (Gal Gadot) receiving a package in a truck with the Wayne Enterprises logo on it. Inside it is the actual photograph that we saw in Batman v Superman (Note how Zack made it so that even Wonder Woman needs a man’s help to get this photograph that is important to her). It is used to transition back to when Diana was a little girl on her paradise island, Themyscira, and how she grew up being denied training by her queen mother, Hippolyta, but was secretly trained by her general aunt, Antiope. For some stupid reason all this is intercut with a history-lesson about how Zeus made mankind and Ares corrupted them as the God of War and how Zeus again made Amazons to compensate for it which made Ares go mad and kill all the other gods. Luckily he was defeated by Zeus at the cost of his own life but not before making an ultimate sword called the Godkiller.

Gal Gadot Warner Bros.

The queen finds out about the secret training-sessions and seems upset at first but then pivots a full 180-degree and asks her sister to train Diana harder than any Amazon before. I mean, seriously? Whatever happened to sticking to established character traits? Only in a Zack Snyder film can this happen. I’m willing to bet Patty’s story had a long interlude in between but Zack decided he couldn’t wait to get to the messy fight sequences. And sure enough we get to Gal Gadot in the very next scene where she battles a couple of Amazons and then her aunt while her mother looks down from atop a hill on horseback. And sure enough it ends with a random shock-wave out of her bracelets—which we are to assume have grown along with her since the child Diana also had smaller ones on. Then Diana feels guilty for hurting her aunt and runs away only to find the crashing plane of Steve Trevor(Chris Pine).

She, of course, rescues him and a band of men breach into Themyscira who were in pursuit of Steve. The battle scene that Zack had been itching to get to is here and it plays out much like his oft-criticized sludge of slow motion and the-oh-so-important manner of shooting them. There’s a self-indulgent shot of the general Antiope grinning like a maniac as she marches into battle which could only be found in a Zack Snyder movie (another bet that Patty’s story didn’t include this).

The battle costs Antiope her life and the Amazons instead of impaling Steve right there like the warring faction that they are decide to interrogate him using some heated rope that makes you tell the truth. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the way Diana announces it as if it isn’t the most ridiculous thing ever.

Then follows the forced humor™ with Steve and Diana about man-parts and watches when out of the blue Diana just decides to betray her entire sisterhood and leave with this man who she’d known for less than a day. The feminist-front this film had been marketed on makes this move so very ironic I can’t believe Zack believed he could win over feminists like me with this. Humor™ in any superhero film not made by Marvel can only be reactionary and a cash grab.

Gal Gadot and Chris Pine Warner Bros.

And so we return to London with all of Zack Snyder’s favorite dark and drab aesthetic. You could just feel the relief he must have felt at this point! I’m surprised he didn’t cut the “It’s hideos” line by Gal which is clearly just another attempt at the Marvel-only humor™—honestly there are so many instances of such attempts that just fall flat on their face that it’s unintentionally hilarious.

The villain is obviously going to be the God of War that was weakened by Zeus in his climactic battle but his identity is supposed to be a secret. Anyone with any rational thinking capacity can figure out that it’s the dude that talks about peace at a meeting of generals! The gall of Zack Snyder is thinking it’s a well-kept secret by shamelessly inserting a red-herring in the German general Ludendorff. It is so blatant in its execution that his lackey poison-cook makes these pills for him, saying, “For you. To restore your strength.” As if we didn’t know he wasn’t a red-herring! Zack’s potential to keep assuming his audience as a pack of dumb sheep never ceases to amuse me.

Danny Huston Warner Bros.

Once Steve gathers his band of misfits and smuggles them to Belgium along with Diana, while sitting around a fire, there are some throwaway scenes masquerading as character moments that just toss out themes about the futility of war, a soldier’s PTSD, etc., which all deserve to be further expanded upon but this being a Snyder feature are left hanging like the hooked carcasses at a slaughterhouse.

Before long, Zack’s itch for another battle sequence becomes unbearable and we have our next action set piece. There’s nothing inventive or creative about this, just ticking off a list of cool-shot after cool-shot with the same tried-and-tired slow motion that even Zack should have gotten sick of by now. The most hypocritical thing about Wonder Woman here is just how easy she finds it to kill the innocent German soldiers under the influence of Ares and even finds it appropriate to dance with Steve to celebrate it later that evening. My third bet is that Patty’s story didn’t have all this killing and instead had Wonder Woman gently put out these soldiers because she truly believes only love can save the world. But Zack had to muddy it up with his 300-style brutality.

There’s an idiotic scene where one of Steve’s band just randomly find an automobile parked around which they then use to get Steve into a German party where Ludendorff will be. This is without an invitation, mind you. The damned proto-Nazis are that easy to fool in Zack’s dark and gritty universe and that brings us to when Ludendorff deploys the new gas weapon over the little town that Diana just saved by killing two dozen soldiers. It just has to be that dark, thank you very much. Unfortunately the ending only further devolved into what’s now Zack’s characteristic bad-CGI overload.

The plot-twist, like I already mentioned, comes unsurprisingly and is followed by the same bad-guy-vision-for-the-future that Zack used in Man of Steel except here Ares(David Thewlis) is a stand-in for General Zod. It is funny how this battle seems to be a polar opposite of the final battle in Man of Steel:

- Zod rips off his armor while Ares puts on one.

- Zod shows a future built over the dead remains of humanity while Ares shows … a future built on the dead remains of humanity.

- Zod is the more experienced one over Superman while … Ares is the more experienced one over Wonder Woman.

Okay, Ares is just Zod for Wonder Woman.

The sequences feel rather recycled if anyone’s seen Zack’s previous films but he expects us to oversee that because it’s a female superhero. Sorry, Zack, we’re not that stupid! When Steve Trevor sacrifices himself by flying the bio-weapon payload into the sky and shooting it, Diana gains new powers as she mourns him and simultaneously skates, mortally hurls around German soldiers, pummels Ares, and lifts a tank to crush the poison-cook, Dr. Maru, but reconsiders Maru for sequels and also because she just suffered a short-term memory loss by forgetting what Steve had told her before catching the plane. This seems to be a one-time thing though because the film doesn’t turn into Memento, or anything. She also remembers what Steve says about men not deserving to be protected but still should be, maybe and tells exactly that to Ares before she skates up to him and kills him using his own lightning bolt, so technically not murder (unlike MoS where Superman should’ve used Zod’s own hands to snap his neck like a true hero and technically not murder him. He could’ve stood up and smiled at that family he’d saved like Diana looks at the soldiers).

Wonder Woman is basically Zack’s go at making the same kind of film he always does but shrouded in the veil of Marvel humor™ and a good, straight story (thanks to Patty). But at the end of the day, Wonder Woman still can’t save itself from Zack Snyder.

Why pose big questions like why did Wonder Woman walk away from mankind when no one wants to give the answer anyway?

Bonus critiques:

-Zack’s sexual-predatory, exploitative lens makes a comeback in this shot:

-Just the general idea of scantily clad beautiful women (Amazons) being objectified at the beginning of the film and thinking it empowers them à la Sucker Punch, which suffered the additional burden of being written by Zack Snyder!