#The fact that Tommy will never get to met him

[frannyzooey]

Joel Miller x f!reader

Rating: E (age gap)

Summary: Best friends with younger one, you’ve known the Miller brothers since forever — you’ve wanted the older one for just as long.

a/n: it’s been a while! I’ve been writing over on Ao3, but thought I would pop in and say hi and happy summer ❤️ enjoy! —

Glancing at the clock on the wall, you wonder how much longer you need to stay before it’s appropriate to leave. 

You can’t even remember the name of the person who's talking at you – someone who said they took calc with you or something, back in high school. Brian, maybe? Ben? Picking at the label on the bottle in your hand, you tip the last swallow of warm beer into your mouth, grimacing at the taste. 

“Gimme a second,” you interrupt him. “I’ll be right back.”

Not a fuckin’ chance , you think to yourself. 

Navigating through the crowd of people packed into the Miller’s living room, you make your way towards the kitchen. Needing another beer to get through it all, you head straight for the fridge – only to see someone already there, their broad back facing you. When they straighten and shut the door, you reach out and pluck the beer from their hand.

“Thanks for the beer, Miller.”

Joel huffs, grabbing another one from the fridge. Turning to face you, he leans his hip against the counter. 

“You even old enough to drink?” Twisting the cap off, he takes a long, slow drink, his throat working with the motion. 

You roll your eyes, and his eyes drift down your body and back up again. 

Playing it cool, you clink your bottle against his. 

“Cheers, old man.”

His eyes narrow, and he waits a beat before tipping the bottle against his lips. 

His face has been a fixture in your life for as long as you’ve known Tommy –  a kid you met back in elementary school. Tommy was a few years older than you, Joel even older than him. The fact that you were younger never bothered Tommy –  you were just as daring as any boy his age, and he was more fun than any girl your own. A fixture by his side more often than not, you’d stuck together through middle school and then high school, through boyfriends and girlfriends, through Tommy’s enlistment after senior year. 

The entire time, Joel was there. 

In the beginning, you never paid him any attention. Busy working since he could, you barely saw him. The couple times you did see him at parties, it was only as Tommy’s ride, or showing up when Tommy got in trouble with his mouth. Like he never had any patience for parties or stuff like that; an aged man since forever. Even at their house, Joel had been…around, but he never stuck around for long. Always drifting away to go hang out in the garage, or in his room. 

It was during high school when you started looking at him differently. Started paying attention to him in a way you never did before. Starting noticing things like he never had a girl around –  or at least one that stuck , though you knew he knew his way around them, because you saw him in town sometimes. 

Walking out of a liquor store with a brown bag, a girl sitting in the passenger seat of his truck. 

Pulling open the door of the bar, his hand on the small of another girl’s back. 

Once, you saw him at the movie theater you worked at senior year. You still remember the heat that flooded your face when he strolled up to the ticket booth where you were standing, the broad smile he had on his face for his date, one that turned your insides warm. His arm was looped around her back, his hand resting on her ass with casual confidence. 

You’d never been so jealous of someone in your life. 

You left him behind (not that he ever knew it) when you went away to college. A visit back home after your first year timed with a visit home from Tommy,  Joel is right where you left him, still on the fringes. Only at the party to keep an eye on things, to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand, still keeping to himself. He’s been upstairs all night, only coming down every so often for another beer. 

The mystery of how he spent his time used to consume you back in your school-kid crush days…and it comes back full force, when he leaves you in the kitchen to go back up to his room. 

Leaving the noise of the party behind you, you climb the worn carpeted stairs. The second floor of their house is off limits to party guests, but you also know that doesn’t apply to you. Having been to this house more times than you can count, you know right where Joel’s bedroom is. You’ve never been in it though, which is part of the pull that drives you towards it – along with a slice of light that breaks through where he’s left the door cracked.

You nudge it open with your knuckle, to find him sitting inside. 

At a desk chair, his legs spread wide in his slouch. A beer rests in his hand, the other one holding a book and at your presence, he puts the book face down in his lap. 

He frowns. “Everything okay down there?”

“Yea. Just thought I’d come up and say hi. See what you’re doing.”

“Said hi in the kitchen,” he teases. He lifts the book with one hand. “And I was readin’.”

Used to his gruff sarcasm, you ignore it. “Any good?” 

His eyes follow you as you walk further into the room, sitting down on the edge of his bed. 

“Not really,” he answers. “Just waitin’ for everyone to leave.”

You know that’s not going to happen any time soon; another large group of people had walked in just as you made your way upstairs. 

A golden hue washes over everything, a single lamp burning on the desk, the colors of everything else dulled in the dim light. Shadows pool in the corners of the room, but he is lit, though only parts of him: the chestnut ends of his curls, his tanned skin, the stretch of his jeans across his thighs. The bed you sit on has a rumpled comforter, clearly having been slept in. 

Arousal pools low and heady between your hips. 

Has he ever brought another girl up here? Has he fucked anyone in this bed?

You imagine it briefly: his flushed cheeks, his heavy breathing, his muscles shifting under his skin. Your hand trembles, and you grip your beer tighter. 

“Already sick of bein’ downstairs?” he asks. 

You thumb at the condensation gathered on the bottle, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth. “Yea. Sort of. It’s always a little awkward when you come back, you know?”

He shakes his head. “Not really. Never been anywhere but here.”

Your shoulders slump, and you let out a sigh. “Right. But you know what I mean.”

Suddenly, the weight of exhaustion pulls at you: the smiles you had to force downstairs, the names you tried to recall, the crush of people and the fake enthusiasm. You came here for Tommy, and you’ve barely seen him tonight. Forgetting for a second that you’re not in Tommy’s bedroom, you relax and let yourself fall backwards on Joel’s bed. The second you do it, you freeze – but don’t correct it. 

You’re in Joel Miller’s bed. Lying down. 

You feel the hem of your shirt ride up, but don’t fix it. The sheets smell like him, and you hear him huff. 

You also feel the weight of his eyes on you. 

–

He should be more annoyed that you’re in his bedroom, but he can’t take his eyes off your legs: a mile long in your cutoffs, the slight peek at the curve of your ass in their ride high. The slice of soft skin he can see, between your waistband and your shirt. 

He watches you roll over and prop your head up on your hand, not liking at all how good you look in his bed. 

He’s been watching you since you came back. Watched you even before that, though he’d never admit it. Walking around their backyard in a tiny bikini when you lounge with Tommy by the pool, looking gorgeous as hell all windblown and carefree sitting in the passenger seat of Tommy’s truck, looking so fucking innocent and beautiful swamped in one of Tommy’s sweaters by the bonfires he’s been having at night since he came back.  

The sight of your ass in those shorts as you walk around their house has been imprinted on his mind all week. 

He sits up, clearing his throat. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he lets his head hang down between his shoulders. If he can avoid looking at you, maybe his cock will stop hardening with interest. 

“I think you better get back downstairs.”

“I just wanna catch up,” you reply innocently, looking anything but. 

He looks up, giving you a knowing look in reprimand. “That ain’t all you wanna do.”

He doesn’t know what compelled him to say that to you��, but he does know it to be true. He’s seen the look on your face on plenty of women before – women . You’re a girl . One he’s known since forever. One he never thought about until he did, and one he tried not to think about once he started. 

One who is way too fucking young for the things he’s thought about doing to you. 

“No?” you ask. “Why don’t you tell me what you think I wanna do?”

He shakes his head instead. 

The edges of your mouth curl up in a soft, teasing smile. “Joel Miller, a secret prude.” 

His head snaps up, “I ain’t no prude, honey, you’re just –”

“Honey?” Your eyebrows lift, your eyes sparkling with mischief. “I’m just what?”

“ Young. Too young.”

“I’m twenty.”

He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes and you cave. 

“Almost. In a few months.”

He huffs in disgust, dropping his head back down. “Jesus Christ. A baby.”

He feels you study him for a moment. 

“I missed you while I was gone, you know.”

The confession surprises him, and he looks up to find your face completely sober, truthful. 

“Did you miss me?” you ask quietly. 

The vulnerability on your face pulls at him, and even though he knows what will happen if he gets on that bed, he wants to. If only to tuck you against his chest and reassure you that he did. He really did. He knows you think he never noticed you, but that’s only because he made you feel that way. He couldn’t notice you, for both your sakes. 

“Just come…sit with me, okay?” you ask. “I’m not gonna bite.”

He doesn’t move for a moment, keeping his eyes on the floor. He feels you wait with bated breath, knowing full well that he should stand up and walk you out of his bedroom…but he can’t bring himself to leave you hanging like that. 

Instead, he stands, and walks over to the bed. 

Your face flashes with surprise that you try to hide, and he smirks. 

There is a look on your face he’s seen a million times — a bolstering sort of lift to your chin, the look of a tough girl that would follow his brother anywhere. A girl who never backed down, even when he could tell she was nervous. 

A girl he knows he shouldn’t want, but does anyway. 

He tests the waters, crawling onto his bed. Stretching out next to you, he sprawls across the mattress, his broad form partially covering yours in shadow.  He can feel the heat gather between your bodies. You look even younger close up, and he leans closer, unable to stop himself from pushing to see how far you’ll go.

He recognizes that same determined look on your face now, only this one is slightly different. This one is laced with lust, and want. So much fucking want it makes him ache. 

“Okay, big girl,” he drawls. “Now what?”

–

It’s his turn to be surprised when you lean in and press your mouth to his. 

You can tell because he momentarily freezes when your lips meet, his stubble brushing against your skin, your lips fitting neatly along the seam of his own.  You kiss him again, this time opening your mouth just enough to let him in and he takes your invitation, the taste of beer thick on his tongue when he slides it against yours. His hand comes up, cradling the curve of your jaw as you tilt your head to the side to deepen the kiss and a soft sound that catches in the back of your throat has his fingers flexing, pulling you closer. 

The sheets rustle beneath you when he takes over, his hold guiding you beneath him on the bed. He kisses you harder, longer, a deep groan rumbling from his chest, the light of the room blocked out behind him. His solid body weighs heavy on top of you, his denim clad hips pushing between your thighs with a grind and you open your legs wider, his hand sliding up the outside of your leg to hitch your knee around his hip. 

It’s sensory overload after wanting him for so long. You’ve daydreamed about this a million times, imagined it happening a million different ways, but you never thought it would be anything like this. Lost in the weighted haze of lust, drunk on the way he feels against you, head swimming with arousal, the crotch of your panties already so fucking wet that they slide over your achingly empty core with every rock of his hips into yours. Meeting the rolling grind of his hips with your own, you feel the weight of his cock press against you, his calloused hand covering your breast with a squeeze. His hips rock forward again, the grinding promise of what he’s capable of against the damp seam of your shorts and you are just about to beg him for more when he pulls back, standing. 

In one long stride, he shoves the door shut and locks it. 

Tugging his shirt off with a one handed grip over his head, you take in the sight of his broad, solid chest and the dusting of hair that scatters sparsely just under his collarbones. It’s thicker along his sternum, even thicker still just under his navel, where it leads into the waistband of his jeans. He looks so…big, from where you lay on the bed. Older, masculine in a way you’ve never seen on a boy your age. Your eyes run the length of his body and back up again, the outline of his thick cock pushing against the fly of his jeans making your cunt flutter. 

He opens the drawer next to his bed, tossing a condom down and there is something so arousing about the matter of fact action, the implied sight of it just sitting there, waiting for him. Black, with gold letters. When his hands drop to work open his belt buckle with single minded intent, you reach down to slide your shorts off. 

“Don’t.”

Your hands pause. 

“I wanna do that.”

You don’t even know what to say in response before he’s bending to grab you behind your knees, hauling you to the edge of the bed. Your shirt rides up your back, and sit up enough to tear it over your head, your bra following shortly after as his greedy eyes track every movement. His thick fingers pop open the button on your shorts, hooking under the fabric and he drags them down and off, bringing your panties along with them.  

Then he stands there, his hands on your knees. He pushes them apart, and you try not to squirm as he spreads you for him. 

“Goddamn.” The word pours out of his mouth, saturated with awe, low with lust. 

Your thighs flinch, your knees trying to pull together to hide yourself from the heat of his gaze, but he keeps a firm grasp on them, holding you open. 

“Don’t try to hide it from me now, honey.”

His eyes drop from your face to the gleaming spread of your cunt. He reaches down, his thumb brushing over your opening, and it’s so fucking filthy the way he drags it through the mess you’ve made for him. 

“Especially not when it’s this pretty,” he murmurs. 

He drops to his knees, your breath hitching when he tugs you closer to his mouth and guiding your legs over his bare shoulders, his mouth immediately seeks you out. 

“ Fuck .” 

The word slides into a moan when your body bows off the bed to chase the slick heat of his tongue. It smears wetness over everything, dipping inside you to drag upwards to your clit and then he’s fitting the bottom half of his face along your cunt with a messy, open mouthed kiss. 

He devours you there the same way he devoured your mouth earlier, and the sensation is simultaneously  too much but not enough, your hands finding purchase in his sheets. You fist them, twisting them in your grip as you start to rock your hips and you have never - never - had this done to you before, a tremble pouring sweet and thick down your spine to pool right under his mouth. 

His hands keep your thighs forced open, his shoulders spreading you wider and when his tongue starts to swirl firm, tight circles over your clit, it drags a hoarse moan out of your throat. 

Too consumed to care if you’re being too loud, every thought leaves your head when two thick fingers stroke delicately along  the dip of your opening, before sliding inside you with a filling stretch just as he starts to suck . His whiskered cheeks hollow with it, your words breathless and pleading. A stretch just to take his fingers , you close your eyes and feel your stomach drop when you think about taking his cock.

The thought alone sends you flying over the edge. 

When it happens, he groans into you just as loud as if he’s the one who’s come, and a second wave washes hot over your limbs when you peek down to see the upper half of his face between your spread thighs. His brows pinched together, his eyes closed tight, his white knuckled hold on your thighs. 

The music turns up louder downstairs, a shout of a crowd greeting new arrivals – but it’s lost in the intimacy of the bedroom. His satisfied low groans, your trembling thighs, his damp beard against your skin.  

Pulling back, he wipes your slick from his face with his hand – and then gives your cunt a sharp, flat swat. 

The action shocks you, your eyes widening and the grin on his face is charmingly boyish. Or would be, if he didn’t follow it with a filthy suck of the fingers that were just inside you. He stands, shucking his jeans and briefs off in one movement, and puts a knee on the bed between your legs, reaching for the condom. His large hands rip it open, and though you can feel his gaze rest heavily on you as he puts it on, your eyes are fixed firmly on his cock. 

It’s – big. Much bigger than you’ve ever seen, a grown man’s dick. He fists it lazily for a moment, the weight of it evident in his grip and when he places the condom over the tip and rolls it down to the base, you openly stare. The translucent rubber fits snug and tight, down to the thatch of hair at the base of his cock. 

When you finally drag your eyes up to his face, he looks smug. 

“Don’t worry, darlin’. It’ll fit.”

The amount of times you’ve thought about this moment is nothing compared to the real thing. The man standing in front of you has always been off limits, a complete mystery to you all these years, even as the subject of most of your debased fantasies. The realness of him — the solid width of his frame, the flush to his skin, the amount of bare, firm skin on display. You swallow hard, a bundle of nervous anticipation even though he just fucked you with his mouth. 

He settles his body on top of you, caging you underneath him and the press of his hot skin has all of your nerves scattering, evaporating into need . 

His mouth rests right next to your ear, a kiss brushed against the divot below it. 

“We’ll make it,” he whispers. 

If you thought his fingers were a snug fit, it’s nothingcompared to how full you feel as he slides in. The stretch almost to the point of pain save for how wet he got you beforehand, it still steals the air from your lungs as he pushes inside. You squirm underneath him, shifting to accommodate every single inch and his hand curls around your waist, his hips pushing forward with a final, hard thrust. 

His mouth brushes tenderly along your clenched jaw, letting you get used to it before his hips find a rolling rhythm. Every downstroke shoving you up underneath his hold, you hold on tight, hitching your knees up along his ribs and your feet slide over his tailbone, a whine crawling out of your outstretched throat. 

“This little pussy is so tight ,” he groans, his hot breath gusting over your skin. “So fucking tight.”

His hand shoves itself under your tailbone, angling your hips to take him deeper and his own groan sounds deep over your softer, higher one. 

“Do you have any idea how much I thought about fuckin’ you? How many different ways I’ve wanted to?”

Hearing him utter those words makes your chest crack open, your heart thundering underneath your rib cage. Everything you’ve ever wanted to hear, paired with more than you ever thought you would. 

He picks up pace, his hips a relentless, heavy pound into the cradle of your own, each thrust punching the air out of you – and your fingers claw into his forearms when he sits back on his heels, pushing your knees to your chest to fuck you harder. 

The bed pounds lewdly against the wall, the music from the party covering it up. 

“Joel,” you whine, a tear slipping from the corner of your eye. It feels like you’re being used by him, your body a tool for his own pleasure, your pliant, moldable body being positioned just for his use. It sends you higher, thinking about him doing the same for others, right here in this bed. 

You start to tense underneath him, the wave of slick, brutal pleasure pulling you under and when you come, it’s a wordless, breathless thing – your body pulling taut, your cunt squeezing him tight. He groans, dropping forward to cover your mouth with his, his hand sliding up to wrap around the nape of your neck with a grip and he forces himself deeper, his strokes urgent in their snap against you. 

He rests his forehead against yours, and through the haze of your freshly fucked gaze, he recognizes the same look from before. A girl who never backs down, a girl who knows how to hold her own. 

“I already want it again, Joel,” you breathe against his mouth, his heavy pants washing over your lips. “Next time, I’m gonna ride you. I’m gonna sit on your lap and you can watch me take it, okay?”

“Fuck,” he groans, his hips stuttering. They chase the slick warmth of your cunt, his eyes closing tight. 

“You’re fuckin’ trouble, you know that?” he rasps, his fingers threading into the hair at your nape, fisting it with a tug. The motion tips your head back for him, a victorious grin stretching across your face. 

“A pain in my ass since I met you,” he pants, letting out a deep groan. “A sweet piece of ass in my bed.”

You nod, the smile on your face melting into something pleasure soaked when he shifts the angle of his hips. 

“I’m gonna come inside this little cunt, okay? And then I’m gonna do it all over again. You ready, honey?”

“God yes.”

He buries his face in the damp crook of your neck when he comes, he back rounding as his hips still in their push against yours. He’s so deep you know you’re going to feel it tomorrow – more than you’ve ever taken, a stretch you know will make you ache every time you sit down. He holds onto you so tight that you can barely breathe, and it’s a special sort of heaven to be buried underneath the bulk of his body. Your cheek pressed against his curls, your chest compressed under his. Your hips sore from being spread so wide, your cunt still snug around him. 

He lifts just enough to see you, and opens his mouth – right when something crashes beneath his room. 

“What the fuck , Tommy,” he grumbles, and you laugh at his instant change of expression. He slips out from inside you with a groan, his hips imperceptibly shifting forward to chase the heat between your thighs. He presses a quick, hard kiss against your lips and then he’s dragging himself from the bed, tugging the condom off and tying it in a neat knot. 

Tossing it in the trash next to his bed, he grabs his jeans off the floor. 

“I’m gonna go downstairs and see what the hell that was,” he says, sliding them up over his bare ass. Buttoning them, he shoots you a look. “Don’t you dare fuckin’ get dressed.”

You gesture a wordless salute, and he shakes his head, smiling. 

“Smartass,” he grumbles, picking a shirt up off the floor. Sliding it over his head, he opens the door and disappears. 

“Tommy!” 

You hear him shout and a laugh bubbles up from your chest. 

“What the fuck was that?”

Stretching out, you slide against the warm, rumpled sheets and listen to the familiar sound of their deep voices. For the first time since you’ve been back, you feel like you’re home. 

Pressing your face into his pillow, you take a deep breath – and grin. 

[storiesforallfandoms]

moved on ~ thomas shelby;peaky blinders

word count: 2213

request?: no

description: in which his ex comes back after two years, and his fiancée is worried about what this means for their engagement

pairing: thomas shelby x female!reader

warnings: swearing, use of y/n

masterlist (one, two, three)

Tommy didn't expect to fall in love after Grace had ran off. He had loved her more than he loved anyone, and he thought he'd never find that love again.

Until he met (Y/N).

They met at an event Tommy had to attend. He only went to make an appearance, and was looking for a way to leave when he spotted her. Right away, he was taken by her. He spent the rest of the night talking to her, and even drove her home at the end of the night.

Within two months, Tommy had proposed. He couldn't risk losing this one. She made him feel even better than he had with Grace. (Y/N) was the one, he was sure of it. So, he asked her to marry him, and he was beyond ecstatic when she said yes.

Everything was perfect, until the day Tommy took (Y/N) to the races.

It was a scorching hot day in Birmingham. Tommy and his brothers were set to go to the races, and obviously he had asked (Y/N) to come with them. She was wearing a summer dress that Tommy had bought for her and, as he had predicted, she looked breathtaking in it. He couldn't keep his eyes - or his hands - off of her.

"You're going to cause a scandal," (Y/N) teased as Tommy's hand made its way under her dress again.

"No one's looking, love," Tommy assured her, moving her hair from her shoulder so he could start kissing her neck.

(Y/N) fought the pleasure his actions were giving her to push him away. As good as Tommy made her feel, she was no going to let him have his way with her in public.

"Can you get me something to drink?" she asked. "I'm parched, and quite hot."

"Of course, darling."

Tommy gave her a quick peck before going to find a concessions stand.

He was waiting for their drinks when a familiar voice said, "Tommy?"

He thought he imagined it, but he realized that couldn't be it. He hadn't even thought of her in years. There's no way he would suddenly be imagining her again. So, he allowed himself to turn, and there she was.

Grace.

Just as beautiful as the day she left him.

"I didn't expect to see you here," she said.

"I didn't expect to see you anywhere," Tommy responded. "I thought you fell off the face of the Earth. Since I never heard from you and all."

A flash of guilt showed on Grace's face. It made Tommy happy to know she felt guilty for what she did.

"I can't apologize enough - "

"No, you can't," Tommy said. He was finally given his drinks. He took them and began to walk away from her.

"Wait!" She took hold of his arm, stopping him in his tracks. "Please, let me explain. I'll tell you everything."

Tommy looked down at her hand. It was hard to miss the diamond ring on her ring finger.

"Will your husband be okay with that?"

She seemed to bristle a little at the comment, but she managed to keep her composure. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind me catching up with an old friend."

Tommy held his tongue from correcting her. He wanted to know the truth about what happened with Grace. Even if that's all their meeting was - which it would be - then it could at least be some closure for him. He agreed to Grace's proposal, but only under the condition that she meet him at the Garrison. He needed to have some sort of control in this situation.

It was only as Tommy was walking back to his seat that he realized he hadn't told Grace he was engaged. In fact, he had completely forgotten about (Y/N) for those few moments.

She was still in her seat wen he got back, eagerly watching the current race. The moment he laid his eyes on her, Tommy felt his heart swell. He realized that he felt nothing but contempt for Grace. He wasn't eager for their meeting at the Garrison as he would've been nearly two years ago. It was nothing more than a business meeting to him now, because his heart belonged to one woman.

(Y/N) looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. "You've been gone for some time. Did you get lost?"

He smiled back. Instead of responding, he sat with her and kissed her cheek. (Y/N) giggled and leaned into him.

Tommy thought about telling (Y/N) about Grace, but he wasn't sure how to. He didn't want her to get upset over Grace's appearance, and their agreement of a private meeting, but he knew there was no way to bring it up without (Y/N) getting upset. He couldn't blame her either. If the roles were reversed and one of (Y/N)'s exes were trying to reconnect with her...well, that person wouldn't be around much longer.

(Y/N) looked up at Tommy and nudged him. "Are you alright? You look deep in thought."

"I saw Grace," he blurted.

"Grace? Like...the Grace?" Tommy nodded. "When? Just then?" He nodded again. "Oh, wow. What did she say?"

"She asked if we could meet up to talk about her leaving."

"What did you say?"

"I told her we could meet at the Garrison."

(Y/N) nodded, her face unreadable. "When?"

"Tomorrow night."

"And...did you tell her about me?"

Tommy was silent. He couldn't lie to her, and his silence was enough of an answer. She turned away from him to focus on the race again. She felt so many emotions that she couldn't even place them. She knew Tommy loved her, and she knew he was loyal, but she was also aware of Tommy and Grace's past. He told her everything about their relationship when they first got together. So she knew how intense Tommy and Grace's relationship had been, and how broken he was when she left.

Tommy reached over and put his hand on her leg. "Love, look at me."

(Y/N) reluctantly turned to face her fiance.

"I will call the meeting off if it makes you uncomfortable," he said. "Or you can come and be there when it happens."

She shook her head. "No, I think that will likely make it more awkward."

Tommy cupped her face. "Do you trust me?"

"My mind is screaming that I shouldn't, but my heart says I do." She chuckled and added, "That sounded so cheesy."

"It did," Tommy agreed. He pulled her towards him to place a kiss on her lips. "I promise this is nothing more than a meeting to get some closure. Any love I felt for Grace disappeared when she did. You are the only woman who has my heart, and that will never change."

(Y/N) smiled and leaned into Tommy. "I believe you. Just...tell her about me the moment she shows up, okay?"

"I will, love."

~~~~~~

The next night, (Y/N) was pacing her and Tommy's shared living room. Tommy had left for his meeting with Grace moments ago. He had kissed her and told her he wouldn't be long, and she had smiled at him but didn't speak. Once he was gone, she had stood and immediately began to walk around the house. Her nerves were making it impossible to be still.

She told Tommy she had trusted him, and that wasn't a lie, but she couldn't help the gnawing feeling of unease and jealousy. It was a cliche to say, but it was Grace she didn't trust. She didn't know Grace besides what Tommy had told her about their previous relationship, and the fact that Grace was now married. But would that be enough to stop Grace from wanting to make a move on Tommy? Would Tommy's engagement be enough?

Her mind would not rest. She was starting to regret telling Tommy she wasn't going to accompany him to the meeting. Even if it would've been awkward, at least her mind would've been at ease.

Before she could register what she was doing, (Y/N) was pulling on a coat and heading out the door. She started walking towards the Garrison. She knew it was a bad idea to just drop in on Tommy and Grace's meeting, but the not knowing was killing her. She couldn't just stay home and wait for Tommy to come back.

It was a slow night at the pub. There were a few men sat along the bar, and three men sat around one table. Harry was wiping down some glassware at the bar when (Y/N) walked in. He regarded her and nodded towards the private room that the Shelby's frequented, signaling that Tommy was still in there. (Y/N) walked towards the room, intending to knock before entering, until she heard a woman's voice on the other side.

"I never meant to hurt you, Tommy. I know I betrayed you, and nothing can ever change that. But you have to know that I did love you - that I do love you. I left Birmingham because I knew it would be better for you if I did, but I never stopped thinking about you."

"What about your husband?" came Tommy's voice.

"I love him, but I'm not in love with him. He has been a marriage of convenience more than anything. He was there, and he had a good job and a good life, and I hadn't hurt him."

There was silence. (Y/N) could only imagine what was happening on the other side of the door. She hadn't missed Grace admitting to still being in love with Tommy, and even if it seemed Tommy had. Or maybe was just ignoring the fact that she said it.

Or maybe he was happy to hear it?

"I've missed you so much, Tommy," came Grace's voice, soft. "I've thought about you every day since I left. I've been hoping for a day where I could see you again, just one more time, and as for you to give me another chance."

(Y/N) could feel her heart breaking. Tears were welling up in her eyes as she backed away from the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Harry looking at her. She wouldn't look directly at him, but she could make out the look of pity on his face. He must've known what was happening in that room, or had some idea anyways.

She was about to leave when she heard Tommy say, "Any chances you had left when you did, Grace."

(Y/N)'s ears perked back up as she moved back towards the door.

"I loved you once, Grace. If you had come back, even after admitting to me your betrayal, I might've taken you back. But I've moved on now. I have found a woman that I love more than anything in this world, and who loves me just as much. There is nothing and no one in this world who could convince me to leave (Y/N), not even you."

There was a silence on the other side. It wasn't until the knob started to turn on the door that (Y/N) realized Grace was leaving. She quickly stumbled away from the door just before it swung open and hit her. She was stood frozen as she looked at Grace - beautiful, blonde, elegant Grace, stood in a crimson red dress and her hair curled. Grace seemed just as shocked to see someone standing on the other side, but swiftly moved around (Y/N) to exit the pub as quickly as possible.

Tommy was sat at the table with a lit cigarette to his mouth. He didn't look surprised to see (Y/N). He took a long drag and blew it out of the corner of his mouth, before motioning with his fingers for (Y/N) to join him.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to - "

"How much of it did you hear?" he asked.

"Well, I arrived sometime before her love confession."

"Which one?"

(Y/N) felt an angry heat rise in her face. "There were multiple?"

"There was two. Three, if you count her asking for another chance at the end there."

"Well, in that case I arrived before the second one."

Tommy reached out for his fiancée, gently touching her arm and pulling her to sit next to him.

"So you heard what I said to her, then?" he asked. (Y/N) nodded. "And you know I meant every word."

"Of course I do," she said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just shown up like this. I just couldn't settle down at home while I waited for you. I needed to be here."

"I did offer for you to sit in on the meeting." His tone was light and there was a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. That's how (Y/N) knew he wasn't being serious, or that he wasn't upset about her appearance.

"I know. I should've taken you up on that," she said. She leaned close to Tommy and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too, darling. Don't ever think that I don't."

"I won't. I promise."

[alchemistc]

She's not ...entirely sure this is a good idea.

Even as she raises her hand to knock she's second guessing herself.

The thing is - the thing is there aren't a lot of people in her life who don't take one look at her and make assumptions. She's petite, she's blonde, her face is eerily symmetrical.

When people see her, they think they know her.

Cap is great. The sort of man she wishes she'd known more of, growing up. The kind of man who stood in front of the entire crew and doled out cleaning duties and cooking duties to his men and didn't blink an eye handing her inventory, but pulled aside a guy six years into the job to inform him that if he made a snide comment about having to do Mona's job again he'd be looking for a new station. Respectfully.

The kind of man who let his crew cut loose and created a kind of family behind those bay doors, but didn't take their shit when they got out of hand

The kind of man who looked at her and just saw another firefighter.

Cap is great.

It's just...

Well, the guys don't go to Cap for advice, and she knows once upon a time that kind of hurt his feelings, but this feels like one of those things his husband is better equipped to handle.

("It's because he's older, right?" Cap had asked once, failing miserably at holding in a pout while the team around him demolished the roast he'd obviously spent hours prepping the night before.

Fred had still had half a loaf of bread in his mouth when he explained that talking to their boss about their sex lives just felt like an HR nightmare.

"So you go to my boyfriend instead?")

Mona's still considering turning heel and leaving the way she came when she hears whistling around the side of the house, and before she can make a break for it, Cap's husband is rounding the corner of the porch, winding his hands in a grease rag, and he's catching sight of her, raising a brow, slowing his steps.

He must see the panicked look in her eye.

"I can turn back around and pretend you were never here," he murmurs, the slightest hint of a smile on his face, and Mona feels every ounce of flight just seep from her bones.

Yeah. Okay. She gets why the guys all think he's the one to go to when they've royally fucked something up.

There's an ease to him, a gentleness that she knows for a fact was hard fought.

"No, I..."

The brow ticks up a little more.

"I just found a new sour Evan won't touch with a ten foot pole, if you're gonna be here a minute," Tommy says, and any resistance left vanishes. Mona's been to enough of Cap's barbecues to know his husband always has the best beer in the county.

"Yeah, okay."

Tommy crosses the length of the porch and glances glumly at his greasy hands. "You mind grabbing the door? Evan throws a fit every time I leave fingerprints behind."

She's interrupting his day, she realizes. He's a weird sort of semi-retired - flies for the county sometimes during wildfire season, flips classic cars from their huge ass garage around the side of the house, spends a month teaching courses to new pilots every year out of state and it's always the crankiest they ever get to see Cap. People charter his chopper, sometimes, although lately it seems like he only keeps the thing around so he can take Cap up to watch spectacular sunsets because they're the most sickeningly perfect couple she's ever met.

Mona grabs the door. Shuffles in ahead of him when he shows no signs of moving, and makes her way down the hall to the kitchen because she's been here enough times by now not to feel as weird about how welcoming they both were right away.

He uses his rag to pull open the sink cabinet and grab the heavy duty soap from underneath to wash his hands.

The scent rolls over her in waves, throwing her back about fifteen years to her parents tiny little apartment over the shop, her father's rough and callused hands soaking under shitty water pressure, the grease under his fingernails he could never quite scrape clean.

Tommy tips a chin at the fridge. "Grab me one, too? Bottle openers on the side."

There's an ease to the way he says it, like this is a normal occurrence, like Mona's ever stepped foot across the threshold for anything that wasn't a station-wide get together. She supposes for him it probably is. At least a few of the guys act like he's their dad, wandering into the house without even bothering to knock, gathering around him when he shows up at the station like lost little puppies.

He's used to it.

He hums his thank you when she sets one of the bottles on the island beside him, and Mona glances around to distract herself while he's drying his hands.

A couple dozen pictures of Cap and Tommy, in various stages of their lives.

The fridge is plastered with pictures. A couple she recognizes as Cap's sister and brother-in-law, two adorable kids at their knees. A guy standing next to a kid wearing a cap and gown and leaning on two crutches. An older man she's lovingly heard Cap refer to as basically his dad - the reason they eat better at work than anyone has the right to. A couple she'd seen at the wedding, standing with a kid she remembers Cap staring at like he was seeing a ghost. There's so many people that she doesn't know, but - there's the station pictures too. Candids of the boys when they were living in the Captain's house, back when Cap first got here, when she'd still been a year and a half from graduating high school and didn't have a fucking clue what she wanted to do with her life. The Christmas that Fred had cursed them with the q-word and Tommy had spent the day in the station kitchen putting together a meal they'd all stuck around to eat after shift despite the exhaustion seeping into their bones, all of A shift crammed together around a tiny wobbly table to squeeze into the picture.

She gets stuck on the picture of the two of them in hard hats, building what she's pretty sure is the wrap around porch she's snuck a few cigarettes on when the house gets a little overwhelming. There's something about the way they're looking at each other that makes her want to cry, a little.

Fuck.

Damnit.

Tommy leans over to tap the picture with a grin. "We had a blowout fight the night before our buddy took this picture," he says, the deep grooves of his smile stretched wide across his face. "I'd left my job and sold my house six months earlier to chase him across the country and he was convinced if he didn't find a way to turn every half-thought-out desire of mine into a reality that I was gonna vanish in the night. He bought the lumber without telling me and I came home to him and his best friend ripping out the stairs to the front door."

Mona's instantly drawn in.

He makes them sound like a train wreck.

If she's got the math right, that was her senior year. She remembers seeing them around town and thinking they were annoyingly sweet. She remembers her mom baking Tommy a casserole for the excuse of getting all the gossip about the Captain's mysterious paramour so she had the upper hand at her book club that weekend.

Tommy taps another. The two of them under a pergola, the expressions on their faces so disgustingly smitten Mona remembers wanting to blow a raspberry in the middle of the ceremony. She'd been so convinced she'd never let herself be so fucking dependent on another person for her happiness.

"He kept it a secret that he'd invited my father to the wedding until the night before. I spent most of my night with a punching bag instead of Evan." He points out another photo from the wedding. "The photographer tried to murder me when she saw my knuckles. Evan could barely fit the ring over my finger."

"Who snitched?" Mona asks, narrowing her eyes, and Tommy grins, huffs a laugh. He gestures vaguely at her face.

"You've got the look," he tells her, which doesn't really explain a whole lot. "And none of Evan's crew ever makes their first visit anything but love life issues."

"It could be something else," Mona argues, gesturing with her beer, and one of his brows ticks up. "It's not, but it could be."

"You want something to eat? Evan's been experimenting with cakes again, and the red velvet white chocolate escaped the discards."

"Is my so called look that bad?"

He grins. "Mostly I'm looking for an excuse for cake before noon."

Christ, he's good at this. It's actually a little eerie, how quickly he's set her at ease. It's been over a year and the guys still call her prickly when they think she can't hear them, but she never calls them out on it because they're not wrong. It takes her forever to warm up to people.

"Is that how this usually works? You butter us up with Cap's food and get us to spill our guts?"

He's already digging plates from a cabinet next to the stove. She can't see his expression, but she can picture the grin on his face. "Usually they raid my fridge and put their feet up on my coffee table before I've fully registered that they're here. It's sort of a novelty to get to act like a host in my own home."

That checks out, if she's being honest. They're all a bunch of rabid animals who've been emboldened by Cap's open door policy and his infectious smile and his incredibly hot and talented husband. She's never quite sure if the guys want to be him or screw him - not that Tommy's ever looked twice at anyone who wasn't Cap.

"I think I'm broken," Mona admits, the words coming out in a rush, her eyes on the dutch oven tucked under one of the wide kitchen windows.

Tommy slides a slice of fucking delicious looking cake her way and takes a swig of his beer. Waits.

Mona reaches for the fork and spills her guts.

---

"Oh, hey Mo," Cap says, stumbling his way over the threshold, eyes lighting on his husband and his expression going gooey.

Tommy broke into the rack of Banquet's an hour ago and Mona's pretty sure she's one with the couch. It's a good couch. When she'd told Tommy so twenty minutes ago there'd been a gleam in his eye she didn't understand.

She's still a little too buzzed to worry about the fact that she's oozing into the cushions and emotionally wrecked. She hasn't cried in front of another human being in at least six years. Tommy's probably a wizard, or something.

"Everything good?" Cap asks, and she knows that they've got a sort of agreement - unless Tommy thinks something is gonna affect the work, whatever Tommy talks about with them doesn't reach Cap's ears.

"Men," Mona huffs, and Cap pauses, shoots another look into the living room.

"Yeah. Men."

"No Cap. Men," she repeats, and he nods, a corner of his mouth quirking up.

"Oh. Men," he enunciates, and Mona feels the scowl on her face grow wider when the two of them share a sappy look. It's super fucking inconvenient to be surrounded by the proof of true fucking love when she's trying to convince herself she's already too jaded to find it. "If you wanna stay for dinner I can tell you the story of the time Tommy tried to leave me because he thought he could make my decisions for me."

Even Tommy's scowl is sappy as hell. It's gross. Shes having a hard time convincing herself it's not the best thing she's ever seen.

She tips her neck against the back of the couch to glance up at him. "Who snitched?"

Cap's laugh filters through the room, and right across from her, where the whole world and Mona can see, Tommy's expression goes warm and vulnerable, like the sound has soothed a few decades of wounds. "Word of advice? Never leave Harry with a secret and a crowded room."

[cjlouwho]

gimme buck and tommy meeting during a call and getting the chance to squeeze in a lil bantering and a goodbye smooch. i need it like i need air

“Well, fancy seeing you here.”

Buck turned around at the familiar voice, eyebrows furrowed in confusion even as the smile grew on his face. “Wha- I thought you were in the chopper?”

Tommy shook his head. “Parker's up there today. I may have asked if I could work ground ops when I heard the 118 was responding to the call too.”

It was a pretty intense fire that started on the roof of an apartment complex. With the wind, and the closeness of nearby buildings, there was worry it would spread fast if not quickly contained.

Thankfully, everything went smoothly. The building had been cleared and the fire was out. The crews from each department were now working on getting all their gear back in order so they could leave.

A blush rose on Buck's cheeks. “And why would you do that?”

“Oh, you know,” Tommy took a step closer to Buck, “I haven't seen Howie in a few weeks so I thought I'd catch u-”

Buck reached out and gave Tommy a playful push before he could finish the sentence. “Asshole,” he muttered.

Tommy laughed, face scrunching up tight. God, Buck loved that face.

“I wanted to see you, Evan,” he admitted. “It's been almost two weeks of opposite schedules. I'm about to file a report accusing the LAFD of being homophobic for keeping us apart.”

“I'd sign my name to it,” Buck agreed.

“So, not an overreaction?”

Buck moved even closer to Tommy. “If anything we should be doing more.”

Tommy's eyes moved to Buck's lips. “Anything specific in mind?”

“Guys, I'm seriously so close to throwing up,” Chimney interrupted, carrying the ax back to the truck. “Get a room.”

“In fifteen hours we will be in a room!” Buck yelled out to him, then quietly added for only Tommy to hear, “And we will not be leaving the room for forty-eight hours.”

Tommy smirked. “What if we get hungry?”

“Our lube is edible.”

“You know, Athena and I have made out between a firetruck or two,” Bobby mentioned as he passed by, patting Buck on the shoulder. “We leave in five.”

Years ago, Bobby would have been trying to steer Buck away from inappropriate workplace behavior, and maybe he still should be, but Buck had spent his last couple shifts becoming increasingly pouty. Plus, Tommy wasn't a one night- or, better yet, a one shift- stand. They were coming up on eight months together and apparently still couldn't get enough of each other.

Tommy would have laughed at the shocked look on Evan's face, but the go ahead from Bobby was all that he needed to be grabbing Evan's hand and leading him to a space between a fire truck and an ambulance. Tommy pushed him against the ambulance, brought his hands to Buck's waist, and practically smashed their lips together. Buck moaned, happily surprised as Tommy's tongue licked into his mouth. He wrapped his arms around Tommy's shoulders, bringing him closer.

“Where were you?” Buck asked when they pulled apart for air.

“West stairwell. You?” Tommy kissed him again before he could give an answer.

“East, mmm, east stairwell,” he gasped, Tommy working his way down Buck's jaw to his neck. “God, Tommy. We just m- missed each other.”

“Hmm,” Tommy hummed against the top of his collarbone, the vibrations giving Buck chills. He had never even felt Tommy undo his turnout jacket for better access. “Seems like we did that for quite a few years.”

Tommy knew how Buck felt about all their missed connections. He'd spent so much time going over all the events throughout the years where they could have or should have met, or almost did meet. While Buck did get bummed that they didn't know each other all those years ago, the fact that they finally did meet at what seemed to be the perfect time for them both was one of his biggest turn ons.

He reached up and got ahold of Tommy's face, bringing him back to his lips. “I love you... so much,” he mumbled out between kisses.

“I love... you more.”

“Amazing what you can see when you've got a bird's eye view,” a voice rang out over the radio. Tommy pulled back from their kiss, and they both looked up at the chopper hovering above them, giving a wave. “Parker will never let me hear the end of this,” Tommy laughed out.

Buck rolled his eyes playfully, then pressed the button on his radio. “I'm sure it's beautiful. I hope you took pictures.”

A few seconds passed before Parker got back on the radio. “Oh, don't you worry about that,” he said, laughter evident in his voice. The helicopter began to move away from above them. “Pilot Parker heading back to Harbor Station.”

Buck was starting to lean back in when the radio came to life again.

“Captain Nash to Buckley, we're heading out in one minute. I repeat, heading out in one minute.”

“Got it, Cap,” Buck answered. “On my way.”

Tommy sighed, gazing deeply into Evan's eyes. “I'll see you soon, okay? Be safe.”

“Fifteen hours?”

Tommy ran his hands up and down Evan's waist, pressing a final kiss to his lips before they had to part ways. “Fifteen hours.”

[stormythalamus]

agatha finale rant

so I’ve been seeing a lot of people complaining about the finale of Agatha and I wanted to give my two cents on their main points: 

1. “they used agatha’s show as a way to promote a man!!” well yes! that’s how marvel tv works im afraid. or any tv, really. wandavision was used to introduce agatha and monica, which led to their projects in the mcu (aaa, marvels). agatha introduced billy, leading to his future in visionquest or his solo series, which will introduce tommy and vision, which will lead to children’s crusade to reintroduce wanda. this is common for any tv show, but especially a big, connected franchise like marvel. i find it so concerning that even after all the promotion that showed us billy and agatha as co-leads, people were STILL shocked when the finale sets up a future story centered around him. like i hate to break it to yall but marvel wants money. and more shows means more money.

2. “they killed off a lesbian woman and not the gay man!” first of all, in the comics, agatha is a spirit guide for the scarlet witch. this form is her most comic accurate yet. also, did yall really think that was an unfair ending? or an ending PERIOD? all her death made me think of was the possibilities for the future with both billy AND rio. and again; rio was promoted as the ‘antagonist’ to agatha since the beginning. i don’t know how people went into this excepting a happily ever after for these two. they were always depicted as tragic lovers, and i honestly think the kiss of death was beautiful and poetic. i also don’t think this is the last we’re seeing of rio. and, as a side note, homophobia is still not okay! it doesn’t matter if you’re also gay; lesbians can be homophobic towards gay men, and gay men can be lesbophobic towards lesbians. and i’ve seen wayyyy too much of both in this fanbase. you can criticize characters and critique actors without bringing up their sexuality. we have enough incel homophobes doing that for us

3. if you’re still complaining about wanda not coming back i have no hope for you

4. this show, since day ZERO, was promoted as a show with billy and agatha as coleads. while i wish we had more backstory for how agatha and rio met, the salem flashbacks involving nicholas, the road scheme, and the song were much more important to the show. the parallels between nicky and billy were explored throughout the season a lot more than agatha and rios story (whether or not you like it, it’s still true (i personally wish we had a bit more on how they met 😭))

5. sending hate to actors about things their characters did is STILL not okay! and never will be!

6. this might be a hot take but if you’re only watching a show for a ship and don’t care about the story at all your opinion is irrelevant to me. like people who started watching after it was revealed in the show that agatha and rio were lovers (because, correct me if i’m wrong, this was never revealed before the episodes dropped) have no right to be upset when the show focuses on other things. and this is coming from a MASSIVE fan of agathario. and a lesbian. i loved the fact that i was watching characters who just happened to be lesbians have their own story. yes, i wish there was more agathario in the flashbacks. but i’m really not upset at all by what we got. and don’t get me wrong, people have every right to be disappointed, but they don’t have the right to hate on the creators and actors of the show. that’s not cool.

this is way longer than i thought it was gonna be 😭😭 hope everyone enjoyed the finale

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Family Tree

Summary: Joel Miller x Fe!Reader -> Joel is there for you when you give birth. In more ways than one.

Disclaimer: Mostly fluff, descriptions of giving birth, swearing, Joel and Reader had a one night stand. Joel being a dad to Ellie and your baby. Shirtless Joel Miller. Not Proof Read.

For what felt like the millionth time, you groaned. 

Your knuckles had turned completely white as you gripped onto the door frame between your room and your bathroom. 

Another contraction washed across your stomach and back once more. “Fuuuck.”

All you could do was breathe through it. And groan. How come nobody had told you childbirth would be this painful?

If Tommy didn’t hurry up soon, you might finally shoot him like you’d promised to do when you first met him. 

Maybe you should have threatened to shoot Joel instead. Then you wouldn’t be in so much pain. 

You could still remember when you met them, as if it was yesterday. You’d been working with the fireflies for a while. It was either them or Fedra, so…you took your chances. You’d been waiting in a building just outside of Boston waiting on two people Marlene had told you about over the radio. They’d pay you for your supplies. 

Only, they got there a day late. So, as you were roaming the building for the fortieth time, you’d heard a noise. Then a male voice. One thing led to another and you ended up threatening them, stepping out as they passed you completely. 

At the time, you hadn’t realised who they were. But they were definitely brothers. Same look. And you knew who was older. No man had that look in his eye if he wasn’t the asshole older brother, just trying to look out for his baby bro. 

Of course, after the younger one with his hands up finally blurted out who they were, you fact checked them before lowering your weapon. 

“Maybe ask us who we are before you put a gun on us.”

“Next time, don’t be late.” You told the older brother, Joel, before you walked away and picked up the supply box and dropped it at their feet. 

And somewhere between then and now, you and Joel had had one too many drinks after a day of patrolling which led to a slightly regrettable, although never forgettable, one night stand. 

And since that night, things had changed a lot more, too. 

By the time you found out you were pregnant, you were too far along to even have a semi-safe abortion. So, you made a choice. One you never wanted to have to make because for you, no child should have to be forced into a world where they would never be safe. Even in Jackson, people could still get hurt. 

And if anything happened to you, or Joel…they’d be left alone in a world without protection. At least, the kind of protection you and Joel would provide. 

Joel had never run faster in his life. The moment Tommy had come running towards the back plot of land with a look on his face like he was about to pass out, Joel knew something was wrong. 

“It’s Y/n…she’s…”

“Y/n? Is she okay? Tommy!” His little brother looked back at him. “Is she okay?!”

Joel couldn’t lie. Something had changed since that drunken night together. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what had changed but he’d consider going from still holding a grudge from when you nearly shot him and Tommy, to wanting to do the same to any other man who even dared to look in your direction, a change. 

His nights had gone from being alone whilst his daughter slept, for the first time in her life, peacefully down the hallway to having you by his side, and Ellie having an actual family. Maybe you weren’t her mom, but you were the closest thing she had to one. 

“She- she’s fine. It’s just-”

“Just what? Tommy! Tell me.”

“She’s in labour.”

One look towards the clear path and Joel took off like a shot. The hinges nearly came off the door as he burst inside, calling out your name. He heard you let out a deep groan of pain. 

“Up here!”

Taking the stairs two at a time, he finally made his way into the bedroom. You’d made it from the door to the dresser by the wall, hunched over, a hand on your belly. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Hey, hey, you okay? Y/n, look at me.”

You swatted his hands away and he stood still. “I’m fine, just pushing a watermelon out of my vagina.” Another contraction. They kept getting closer. 

“I’ll go and get some towel-”

As Joel turned to leave down the hall, you shook your head quickly and reached out for him. “No, no, no. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”

Holding onto his hand, you squeezed it tight. He smiled and stepped closer towards you. 

“We need to get you to the bed. How far apart are your contractions?”

“Uhhh,” you kept your eyes shut and swayed on the spot. If you could have ran away from your contractions, you would have done. “Maybe, like, seven-ish minutes. I don’t know. Just as one stops, I feel like I can’t recover in time.”

Joel nodded. “Okay. Think you can walk?”

You hummed as you nodded. “But quickly.”

“Okay.”

Joel tried his best to get you over to the bed as quickly as he could and helped you sit down on the edge. “I’m just gonna get some extra towels and things. I’ll be right back. I promise.”

“Okay.” You nodded your head. He’d be less than 10 normal steps away. He wasn’t leaving. But you still called after him. “Joel…”

“Yeah?”

You looked up at him. “I’m really scared.”

Joel read your expression for a moment. A lot of the time you could be harsh, or stand off-ish. That was part of the reason you and him got placed together on the patrol team. Neither of you could really stomach the others. Plus, you knew each other. You had a history. 

He leaned forward, a hand in your hair and his other in your own. He kissed your head. “I know, but you’re gonna be okay. I’ll make sure of it. I promise.”

“Okay.” You believed him. You trusted him. 

“I’ll be back. Just right down there.” You looked behind you before nodding and squeezing his hand once more. Then some more sets of boots tramped through the house from downstairs. Tommy and Maria. 

“Joel?!” Tommy called out for his brother. “Joel? Joel! Thank fuck. We brought what we could.”

“Have you called the doctor?”

“He’s on the other side of town but we’ve sent word.” Maria told him. Joel just nodded a thankyou. “Joel?”

He looked back at his sister-in-law. 

“She’ll be okay. This happens to a lot of women. And Y/n is one of the strongest. And so are you. Just be with her and you’ll both be okay.” 

For some reason, that eased Joel’s mind a little. The last time he’d been in this position was when Sarah was born, and that was in a hospital surrounded by midwives, doctors and nurses. Not in the middle of the world ending. 

Entering back into the room, Tommy and Maria followed. “How are you feeling?”

You laughed. “Like I’m pushing a bowling ball out of my ass.”

Maria laughed. “It’ll be all worth it. You’ll have your baby in your arms before you know it.”

“I don’t know whether to be excited by that or not.” One thing that played on your mind a lot during the sleepless nights was how childbirth would go. The act of actually pushing a human out of your body seemed way more daunting the closer your contractions got. 

But you also didn’t want the contractions to continue. They were fucking killing. 

“Can I feel? Just to see where the baby’s head is at?” You nodded and Maria started to press around your stomach. “How far apart are your contractions?”

“Seven-ish, ow, minutes.”

“Six.” Joel corrected as he watched another one wash over you. 

“Sounds like you’re still early.” 

“Early?!” 

Maria chuckled a little, remembering having the same reaction the first time she gave birth. “It can take a while, especially for a first time mom.”

You looked at Joel and groaned, “Oh, fuck you. You know, why can’t we just be like seahorses? Give all the pain to the men. We go through everything else.” 

“We do. We really, really do. But they wouldn’t be able to handle it. Hell, they can barely handle a cold.”

Joel and Tommy just shared a look; scared and confused if they should be slightly offended. 

“What was it like with yours?”

Maria took the time to explain as she crouched in front of you. “With my second, it was a little quicker. A lot more painful, but quicker. But my first? Thankfully I was able to have an epidural so it made it easier for me, but it took a while. I didn’t even know I was in labour for the first few days.”

“Days?!”

Maria chuckled. “Braxton hicks and labour pains kinda feel the same. I’d been so panicked when I had the first lot thinking I was going into early labour that I was too embarrassed to go in again when the second round came through. Turns out they were the real ones though. Have your waters broken?”

You nodded. Then unsure of yourself. “Yes. Well, I think so. In the bathroom.”

Maria stood for a moment and walked into the bathroom, seeing the puddle on the floor. “I kinda just sat on the toilet with the rest.” 

Maria nodded and came back. “Yeah, they’ve broken so that should speed things up a little at least. All we can do now is wait. Hopefully the doc gets here before your baby does. You guys thought of a name yet?”

Joel shook his head. “Not yet.”

“I kept changing my mind,” you admitted. 

“Well, you guys better hurry. She’ll be here soon.”

You looked from Joel to Maria. “How’d you know it’s gonna be a girl?”

She just shrugged with a content smile. “I’m good at these things.”

“Have you guys at least decided on a last name?” Tommy asked. “I know you guys aren’t exactly together but, maybe we can just go off that?”

Joel looked to you and you looked to Joel. 

“Suppose Y/l/n-”

You shook your head and cut him off. “Miller. I want them to have Miller. If that’s alright with you, at least?”

You didn’t fail to notice the look in Joel’s eye as you stood your ground for your baby to take his name. “Yeah, that’s okay. I’d like that.”

You smiled and reached out for his hand just before another contraction shot up and around your back. 

“Baby Miller it is, then.” Maria smiled. “We’ll give you two a minute. Get some things ready for you.”

“Thank you.” You smiled at Maria as Joel squatted down to the floor in front of you. Maria just nodded a kind smile before dragging her husband out with her. Finally, you looked back at Joel whose hand was tracing yours. 

“If you’re just doing it for me, you don’t have to call her Miller. If you want to give her your last name-”

You shook your head. “I want her to have your name, Joel. Mine isn’t all that important to me anymore. But what is, is her, and Ellie, and you. You’re important to me, Joel. And I want her to know that, too.”

Joel gave a warm, teary-eyed smile before kissing your hand and enclosing it in his own. “Besides, if anything happens to me, at least she’ll have a family. She won’t be alone. I know what it’s like to be alone in this world Joel. I never want that for her.”

Joel shook his head. “Nothing is going to happen to you. And she would have a family anyway. God knows Ellie is gonna protect this kid something fierce.”

You chuckled and leaned forward a little towards him. “She is, isn’t she?”

“I know it’s uncertain between you and me, but I know you mean a lot to Ellie. You’re the first…” Joel swallowed thickly before finally looking at you. “You’re the first person, outside of me, that she’s trusted in the same way.”

“I don’t take it for granted, Joel.”

“No, I know. I know. I just…you’ve got a family with us, too, Y/n. I just wanted you to know that.”

You smiled. “Thank you, Joel.”

As Joel looked at you with that same smile you always seemed to find on his lips whenever he looked at you like that, you pulled at his hand to bring him closer. It was just a pity that as he kneeled in front of you, his hands settling on either side of your face, a set of heavy footsteps interrupted the moment. 

“I’ve found some fresh towels and a hot cloth.” Maria didn’t seem to notice the moment she’d interpreted as, by the time she looked up, Joel was already on his feet. 

Time just felt like it passed slowly after that. Your contractions got closer and closer, until they just didn’t seem to get any closer. 

“I’ll be back in a few hours. Not much should change in the meantime.” That was what the doctor had told you before he left. Maria ignored him. 

“They all say that and then show back up after you’ve caught the baby in your hands. I’ll stay for a while if you’d like.”

You shook your head. “No, I’ll be okay. I think he might actually be right on this one.”

“Okay, but if something happens just send Ellie over. And I’ll be over in a second.”

You nodded, gripping Joel’s hand again leaving him to answer for you. “Thank you, Maria.” 

As Maria left, Ellie came back inside with another hot cloth and handed it to Joel. 

“I never want to have kids.” Ellie said as she took in the sight before her. “It looks fucking painful.”

“Ellie.” Joel said. 

“What? It does.”

Joel wrung out the cloth over the cold bowl of water beside him before he pressed it around your face and down the back of your neck. “You need to try and get some sleep.”

You nodded, already feeling exhausted. You doubted you’d be able to sleep through any of the pain you were experiencing at that moment. Maybe you’d just pass out finally. 

“So should you.” Joel said, turning to Ellie. 

“But I wanna stay.”

“Ellie, I’d only keep you up. You’ll know when I’m giving birth.” 

Ellie groaned and eventually Joel got her into bed. “Are you sure Y/n will be okay? Aren’t there meant to be doctors and things at one of these?”

Joel nodded as he tucked her in. “Usually. But a lot of women, you know, have home births. Do it all naturally. No painkillers or anything.”

“Really?” Ellie grimaced. “Why?”

Joel shrugged. “Some just didn’t want them. Others believed it made them stronger, or made their baby healthier.”

Ellie thought about her next question before she asked it. “Did Sarah’s mom have painkillers?”

There was a question Joel never thought he’d be asked. Especially by Ellie. 

But Joel answered honestly anyway. “I think she asked for them to give her all the drugs they had. I just remember the hospital calling me telling me to get there quickly.”

“Did you get there in time?”

Joel nodded, a distant smile on his face. “Yeah. Saw her come into the world. Then it finally hit me that I was a dad. Remember holdin’ her for the first time, too. She was so tiny. Had a pair of lungs on her, too. And when the nurse came in, she told me to take off my shirt. Something about skin to skin contact.”

Ellie chuckled. “Yeah, sure that was the only reason.”

Joel rolled his eyes and gave her the look, even if part of him agreed with her. 

“But she’ll be okay?”

Joel nodded. “She’ll be okay.”

Ellie relaxed a little. “Okay.”

“Now get some sleep. You might not be getting any for a while with a newborn in the house.”

She nodded and Joel switched off her light before pressing a kiss to her head as he stood and tucked the covers around her some more. “G’night.”

“Night.”

By the time Joel made it back into your bedroom, he found you sat up against the headboard, your leg bent up as the other lay flat and your hands holding onto your belly as you breathed out. 

“It took me since you went with Ellie but I’m a little comfortable.”

Joel smiled. “I’m glad. You need anything?”

You shook your head and breathed out. “No. Just sit with me?”

“I can do that.”

Kicking off his boots, Joel walked across the room and sat next to you, placing an arm around your shoulders and you leaned into him. Then you reached for his hand and placed it at the bottom of your belly. 

“That’ ‘er head?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

Joel smiled. Then he admitted something to you he hadn’t really said to himself out loud before. 

“I never thought this would happen again. Having a kid.”

You looked at him, a slight sadness in your eyes. “Really?”

He shook his head and leaned back, your hand still over his on your belly. “After Sarah…hell, even before. I remember holding her and just never wanting to take her outside of the hospital. She was my whole world. And after her mom left us, I was her’s.”

You leaned back yourself and watched Joel as he talked about his daughter. It was rare he ever talked about her, rarer when you first met him. 

“Guess I was happy with how things were for us, I never…never considered having a family bigger than me and her. And after she…” You could see him getting choked up. You held onto his hand. 

“After she died, it never crossed my mind again. Guess I found a family in Tess but I could never bring myself to tell her as much. But…I dunno. I just never saw this happening.”

You chuckled a little. “What? Having a one night stand with a woman who once threatened to shoot you and it resulting in a child?”

Joel chuckled, too. “Yeah, guess so.”

Silence washed over you both for a minute and then you let a question fall from your lips that you’d been thinking about for a while. 

“Do you regret it? What happened?”

“No.” Joel didn’t even have to think about his answer. “Not for a second. Do you?”

You answered honestly. “In the beginning, kinda. Not us. Just…I suppose not being careful. I never wanted to raise a baby in a world like this. Constantly on edge, fearful of leaving them alone and defenceless. But…I don’t know. I know the world won’t ever be cured but…I’m glad this is happening. For both of us.” 

A contraction shot through you. 

“Even if it means dealing with this shit.” You leaned forward and Joel’s hand came to your lower back, rubbing light circles. 

“If only we were seahorses.”

You laughed but hit him on the arm. “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts already.”

“Sorry,” Joel held back his own laugh. 

The next few hours passed very much in the same way. Truthful conversation and contractions. Until you gripped onto Joel’s hand. 

“Joel. Joel, Joel, Joel.”

“Hey, okay, take it easy? What is it?”

“I feel like I need to push.”

He shot up. “What?”

“I-I need to push. I – ahhh. Jesus, fuck.” Your hand slapped against his as you reached out to hold onto him. The contraction died away but you could already feel another one building. “You, fuck. You need to look.”

“I-”

“Just look.”

“Okay.”

Getting up, Joel rounded the bed and flicked the light on before helping you bend your knees. Pushing up the gown Maria had helped you into, he examined you as best as he could. “Oh, shit.”

“Oh, shit? What ‘oh, shit’? Oh, shit. Is something wrong?”

Joel shook his head, trying his best to remain calm. “No- sorry, wrong…wrong words. But you’re crowing. She’s crowing? You’re in labour.” 

“What?”

“Give me your hand.”

You did so and Joel guided it to touch where your baby’s head was already showing. 

“Oh, shit,” you looked at Joel. “Oh, shit. Maria. Get Maria.”

“ELLIE!”

The teen came tumbling out of her bedroom instantly. “Go and get Maria!”

“Already there!” Ellie yelled as she tumbled down the stairs and towards the front door. 

You cried out in pain as a contraction built up again. “Oww, Joel.”

“Okay. Okay, okay, okay.”

“Joel, you’re gonna have to deliver her.”

Joel didn’t know whether to beg you to cross your legs or agree. Thankfully he, in fear, went with the second option. 

“Okay.”

“Hold my hand.”

It all seemed to happen in a matter of seconds. Joel held onto your hand as you gave the last couple of pushes before he helped pull your baby the rest of the way out of the birth canal. Reaching over and grabbing a fresh towel, he gently patted her dry whilst she cried out, clearing her lungs completely. 

“Hey,” Joel was already crying. “Hey, I know. I know, baby girl. You can see your momma soon.”

Joel did everything he could from what Maria had told him a few hours prior. You just cried. 

“Baby girl? It’s a girl? We have a girl?”

Joel looked up at you and nodded, a wide smile on his face. “We have a girl.”

You cried even more. 

Tying off the umbilical cord before cutting it, Joel then carefully lifted his daughter in his hands before handing her over to you. Neither you or Joel could see clearly from the amount of happy tears. 

“We have a daughter.” Joel told you as you finally held her in your arms for the first time. “I’m so proud of you.”

For as much as you wanted to look up at Joel, you couldn’t tear your eyes from her face. You always wondered how people could tell who a baby looked like more, so early after they were born. But you just saw Joel. 

“Hello, you.” You pressed a gentle kiss to her head, hearing her cries settle as she listened to your voice. “I’m sorry if you heard a lot of swearing. Me and your dad are kinda new to this whole part of the process.”

Joel chuckles as he knelt by the bed, his arms around both of you before pressing a kiss to your temple. Then you had visitors. Ellie rushed in first, then Maria, then Tommy. 

“Wait, we missed it?”

“Guess she just wanted to say hi to everybody.”

Maria walked slowly over before sitting by your legs. “Oh, she’s gorgeous, Y/n.”

Tommy came and clapped his brother on the back, tears in his own eyes. “Man, how’d you feel?”

Joel couldn’t find the words, then he saw Ellie. “It’s okay. You can come and sit down.”

“I…I don’t wanna hurt anybody.”

You and Joel shook your heads. “You won’t hurt anybody. Ellie, look at me. I promise.”

You gestured to the empty spot of the bed beside you. “Come and sit with me.”

She looked to Joel for final confirmation and he nodded, so, being extra careful as she did so, she joined you by your side. 

“She’s so tiny. And red. Is that normal?”

All the adults nodded. “It’s the pressure, from being pushed.” Maria explained. “It’ll go down in a little bit.”

The next couple of hours was spent dealing with the shocks of afterbirth that nobody decided to tell you about, the doctor checking you over and giving you advice (Maria’s was better) before it was finally just you, Joel, Ellie and your little girl in your arms. 

“How do you feel about being a big sister, Ellie?”

“Scary. She’s so small.”

Joel smiled, his hand reaching over your shoulders and stroking the back of her head. “Crazy to think you were that small once.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

A few more moments passed in silence before Ellie got up and asked you and Joel to stay in your room. 

“What for?”

“I have a surprise, but it’s not ready yet. Just…don’t come out until I say, okay?”

You and Joel looked at each other and back to her. “Okay.”

And as the door shut, you eventually turned to Joel. “Wanna hold her? Maybe skin to skin? Maria said it helps with their happiness levels or something.”

Joel nodded before sitting up and removing his shirt. Carefully, you handed your daughter over to him and watched as he walked over towards the window with her laying on his chest. 

It was the most wholesome and somehow the hottest sight you had ever seen. 

Joel Miller, shirtless, rocking his newborn daughter into a peaceful calmness as she slept. Very carefully, you reached over and told Joel to stay put as you grabbed the camera from the bedside table and snapped a picture of them both. 

“Do you think I’ll be okay at this?” You asked Joel after a moment or two. “You’ve got two daughters already, but I’ve never actually had to raise a baby before. Do you think-”

Joel walked back over to the bed before sitting down to face you. “I think you’re a great mom. You’ve just given birth without any help. It’s gonna take some time getting used to everything, but that’s what Ellie and I are here for.”

“What if I screw up? The world is bad enough as it is.”

Joel shook his head. “Not one person knows how to be a parent when they first become one. Each kid is different, each baby is different. Even with Sarah it took me months before I thought I was doing something right. Trust me, you’re already doing great.”

Holding onto Joel's hand, you smiled. 

“Looks like we know who’s putting her down for a nap.”

Still on Joel’s chest, you saw the first little smile grace your daughter’s lips as her little lungs let out a content sigh against her dad’s chest. 

“You’re like a walking, talking, human heater.” You added. 

And for the next ten minutes, you just sat there, watching Joel hold onto his daughter as she slept soundly on his chest. An image that would never leave your mind for as long as you lived, but would also update as time went on. 

By the time Ellie opened the door, she took one look at Joel and gave a small laugh. “Not just the nurses then, huh.”

You were a little confused but Joel just smiled. “You finished yet? Or do we still have to wait?”

She smiled. “No, you can come and see now.”

“I might be a while.”

Ellie rushed forward. “Let me help you.”

And she did. 

It might have taken twenty minutes to get out of bed and down the hallway towards the baby’s nursery, but you all got there eventually. 

Ellie kept the door shut and turned around before helping Joel fix the blanket draped over his shoulder and chest, keeping your daughter warm. 

“If you don’t like it, I can take it down or redo it.”

“I’m sure we’ll all love it.” You smiled at her, and she smiled back as she looked across her family. 

“Okay.” She went to open the door but closed it once more. “Close your eyes? I’ll guide you inside.”

Joel had to turn around as she guided you inside before he closed his eyes and let Ellie very carefully lead him to your side. You could both hear her shuffling around the place, making sure everything was tidy. 

“Okay, now…open.”

Both you and Joel did so before taking in what was in front of you. 

On a shelf that Joel had put up less than two days ago, sat a freshly carved and burnt family tree. Each root led from the bottom of the tree to its own branch with a name on it. Joel, Y/n, Sarah, Ellie and in the middle was your baby girl’s name. 

“I-I know we’re not all blood but, I-I just wanted her to have something that showed she has a family.”

You were already crying, and when Ellie looked at Joel, she couldn’t gauge his reaction. “I…If you don’t like it-”

Joel was quick to shake his head. “I love it, Ellie. Thank you.”

Reaching over, you pulled Ellie into a hug that at first she was reluctant to return, she quickly melted into. “Sweetheart, it’s beautiful.”

“She’d love it, too.” Joel told Ellie and she awkwardly nodded with a smile. Neither father nor daughter had to exchange any more words than that. They both knew. 

They also knew that, every time they walked into the nursery, that tree was more than proof that you were all a family. Maybe you weren’t all blood. Maybe you and Joel hadn’t gotten together in the most conventional way, but you were all a family. 

And nothing would ever change that. 

[mmso-notlikethat]

Buck found out by accident.

It had been months since he’d last thought about calling Tommy—months since he stopped himself from scrolling through their old texts, staring at the little gray bubbles that no longer filled with words. Buck had told himself Tommy didn’t want to hear from him, that he was respecting the boundaries of a breakup.

But when the call came, everything Buck thought he knew shattered.

“This is the 217 captain,” the voice said, clipped and strained. “I thought you should know… Tommy Kinard’s been in a coma for the past three months.”

The words barely registered at first. Buck’s stomach dropped, his ears ringing. “What? A coma? What—how?”

The captain sighed on the other end of the line, explaining in halting sentences. An accident on a call. A head injury. No emergency contact listed. “I’ve been handling his medical decisions, but… I figured it was time someone who knew him better stepped in.”

Buck didn’t remember hanging up or getting in his truck. He only remembered sitting at Tommy’s bedside hours later, staring at the motionless figure he barely recognized. Tommy was thinner, his face pale and hollowed, the sharp edges of his cheekbones more pronounced. His hand, resting limply on the bed, felt cold when Buck hesitantly took it in his own.

At first, Buck visited every day. He brought books, even though Tommy couldn’t hear him, and flowers, even though Tommy couldn’t see them. He sat by the bed, rambling about the firehouse, about Maddie, about anything and everything just to fill the silence.

He told himself Tommy would wake up soon, that this was temporary.

But days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Life pressed on, relentless. The firehouse needed him. Maddie and Jee-Yun and his new niece.

One day turned into two, then a week, then two weeks. The visits came less often, the guilt creeping in every time Buck walked past the untouched vase of wilted flowers he’d brought the last time.

Ten years passed.

Buck had a new life now. He adopted Alex, a quiet little boy who had turned his world upside down in the best way. Alex was six now, a ball of energy and curiosity, and Buck loved him fiercely. But there was always something missing—a hollow ache that never went away. A piece of him still sat in that hospital room, holding Tommy’s hand, waiting for him to wake up.

When the call came, Buck didn’t know what to feel.

“This is Dr. Omar,” the voice said, calm but cautious. “I’ve been reviewing Mr. Kinard’s case, and I believe there’s something we missed. He isn’t in a full coma—he’s in a minimally conscious state. There’s activity there, more than we originally thought. With the right stimulation and therapy, there’s a chance he could wake up.”

Buck sat frozen, the words sinking in slowly. His breath caught, his chest tightening. “He’s been… he’s been aware?” he finally managed to say, his voice cracking.

“It’s possible,” Dr. Omar said gently. “Not fully, but enough to respond to certain stimuli. It’s risky, and it won’t happen overnight, but…”

“I’ll be there,” Buck interrupted, his voice trembling. “Just… start whatever you need to. I’ll be there.”

-

The hospital room felt too small when Buck walked in. His heart pounded as his eyes landed on Tommy, propped up in the hospital bed, looking pale and frail but awake. Awake.

Tommy’s gaze lifted slowly, and their eyes met. Buck froze, caught between relief and something heavier, sharper. He tried to speak, but the words tangled in his throat.

Tommy broke the silence first, his voice hoarse. “Alex,” he said softly, his lips quirking in the faintest of smiles. “How’s Alex?”

Buck’s breath hitched. He blinked, shaking his head. “Alex?” he echoed, his voice barely above a whisper.

Tommy nodded weakly. “Your kid. You… you used to talk about him. A lot.”

The weight of Tommy’s words hit Buck like a punch to the chest. The reality of it—the fact that Tommy knew, that he’d been aware—sank in all at once. His knees nearly buckled, and he stumbled forward, gripping the side of the bed for support.

“I stopped coming,” Buck said, his voice cracking. “Tommy, I—I stopped coming. I thought… I thought you’d never know. I thought—” He cut himself off, his face crumpling as guilt bled into every word. “I’m so sorry.”

Tommy’s brow furrowed, and he shifted slightly, wincing at the effort. “Evan…” he stopped, his face shifting into something like a smile, sad and fragile. “It’s fine. You didn’t owe me anything.”

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

Friday night. l Joel Miller

Summary:  you were friends who met on Friday night

Warnings:  +18, smut, swearing, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, sex with protection (good job!), mentioning masturbation

A/N: this has been on my mind for a few days now. it's not perfect, but i hope you like it. your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

"So when? Tell me, tell me, tell me."

You looked at Joel sprawled on your couch, his long legs were lying on the coffee table. This Friday night was definitely not supposed to go like this.

After a hard week, you were craving some relaxation. A hot bath, lotion rubbed into your skin, takeout, and some stupid reality show on TV. 

And then he showed up.

Joel Miller showed up at your door, bringing you the food containers you had recently brought him and Sarah dinner in. He had no plans to stop by, in fact Tommy was waiting for him at a bar nearby, but he really didn't feel like going there.

So he stayed. You both ate your Chinese food, sipped cold beer, and watched a show about young and beautiful people trying to date each other. This was your Friday night.

"Y/N, I won't judge you, you know that." Joel continued, digging into the box of food with his chopsticks. "Tell me, when was the last time you had a really good date?"

"A long time ago." You replied, feeling the heat creeping up your neck and chest. "Like... Last year? I mean... I thought it was a good date, but he didn't call after that."

"Really?" Joel looked at you in surprise. "What a fucking idiot!"

"Don't say that, you were part of it." You took a sip of your beer. "I shouldn't have answered your call. You asked me to pick Sarah up from training and sit with her for a while, because you were coming home pretty late."

"Shit!" His brown eyes looked like a scolded puppy. "I'm sorry. But you didn't say anything about me fucking up your date."

You shrugged. "That was a year ago, it's not relevant anymore."

Joel's gaze lingered on you for a moment as he analyzed your words. He never thought that by calling or writing to you, he was intruding on your private life. Or that you had another private life apart from him and Sarah.

You had been friends for a few years. It started with you taking Sarah to her friend's house because he couldn't get away from work. And then everything flew like an avalanche. You always found time for his daughter, and he could always count on your help. Sometimes you brought them dinner, it saved their lives when the projects he was working on completely consumed him.

Joel, however, was not just a taker. Whenever you asked him for help, like when you bought a new dresser or when you had a flat tire in your car - he was the first one at your door.

The fact that you were friends also meant that you gave each other presents for birthdays and holidays. You were good together.

"And you?" your voice tore him away from his thoughts about your date for a moment "When was the last time you did that? Or even better!" a sly smile crept onto your face "When was the last time you slept with a lady?"

Joel cleared his throat. He should have expected that, right?

"Pffff... Ummm... That was a long time ago." he replied, pretending he didn't feel embarrassed at all "You know. I'm a single father, I work a lot..."

"So what?" you wondered "I never thought you were lacking anything. Even more! I think it's a treasure to have a guy who knows how to use a drill. It's quite sexy."

"You think so?" he smiled.

"Sure! If you found a girlfriend, I doubt she'd let me use you like that. Sexy handyman."

"Fuck! Don't make fun of me!"

"I'm not doing that!" you laughed as he threw a pillow at you "You should be at that bar than here with me. You're wasting your potential, Joel."

"I'm where I wanted to be." he replied, reaching for the bottle and taking a few sips. "And you?" you looked up from your fried rice. "When was the last time you slept with someone?"

He immediately noticed that you were embarrassed. It even gave him a little satisfaction.

"I'm sure you've noticed that my love life is a disaster." you replied, trying to smile and seem relaxed. "The only thing that seems to live inside me is my vibrator."

You burst out laughing when those words left your mouth, and Joel chuckled himself.

"Fuck, that's pathetic!" you covered your face with your hands. "What's wrong with us, Joel? We should be fucking some super hot people right now! Any place, in any position!"

"One really nice lady would be enough for me." he put the empty bottle on the table and stretched. "By the way. Last time I was here, I mean when I was fixing your bedroom closet door, I also replaced the batteries in your vibrator. The poor thing was barely breathing."

"Oh! Thank you, I guess..."

"The drawer in the nightstand was ajar." he explained seeing your embarrassment. "I hope you'll think of me when you use it. Fuck, that sounded awful."

"What made you think I'm not doing that yet?"

When his dark eyes landed on you, you tried your best not to burst out laughing. A mixture of emotions and strange thoughts was written all over his face. You were sure that in a little while you'd bite your lip trying to hold back your laughter.

"Shit! We're on some really fucking dangerous ground, babe." He mumbled, shaking his head. "I didn't know you from this side."

"Maybe if you saw me as a woman..." you started, but Joel quickly interrupted you.

"Who else am I supposed to see in you?" he snorted. "I'm afraid that soon you'll run out of things I could fix, and then you'll start taking care of... I don't know, fucking flowers... and I don't know anything about that. You bring dinner to my house, you help me with Sarah..."

"Joel, I think you're doing great with Sarah. She adores you!"

"You know what I mean..." he sighed, scratching his already disheveled hair. "She's a young girl, she needs someone like you around her. But when you finally meet a guy, he's not going to let you spend time with a single father and his teenage daughter, right?"

You put the almost empty box on the coffee table and pulled your legs up onto the couch. You understood what Joel meant. Your friendship was something that required incredibly understanding partners if you wanted it to continue. You probably didn't even think about getting involved with someone else because of this what you both had, because of Joel.

The thought of giving up seeing him, listening to his voice, talking to him or just spending time with him doing such completely ordinary and boring things - God, it was terrifying.

He must have been thinking the same thing, because he suddenly fell silent as if what he had said had taken him out of the conversation.

He hadn't planned on ever telling you what he thought about you, honestly, he was afraid it would make you run away. He couldn't give you much, and he thought that a woman like you deserved everything that was best in the world.

"You know, I don't want you to think that me spending time with you is some form of pity." you began uncertainly, trying to find the right words for what you wanted to say "I really love it. You always make me feel good and in the right place. There's not much more I can do for you."

"You're already doing way too much." Joel's hand stroked your leg in a friendly manner "I guess we both benefit from this, right?"

"I guess so." you replied, smiling "Jesus! This is so awkward!"

"Think about how I feel!" Joel put his arms behind his head and stared at the TV "You have your vibrator, and I have to do it manually!"

You started to giggle, "But you definitely don't think about me then!"

"I don't know what gave you the idea that I don't do it. Fuck, I must have fallen out of practice when it comes to flirting."

"A little." you were still laughing, "But it's sweet, you know. And I'm glad we feel comfortable enough with each other to say things like that."

Joel nodded and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. You both focused your gaze on the TV screen again for a moment, but it had been a while since you had watched this show. Every word Joel said was going through your head. You felt several emotions at once, but they were all really nice.

You thought about how good you felt with this guy who treated you really well, even though you weren't in a relationship. At least not a romantic one.

And then the question came that changed everything that evening.

"Have you ever thought that you and I..." his voice was calm, but you knew he was weighing his words before he let them out. "Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we tried?"

"Tried what?" you asked. You had an idea what he meant, but you wanted to know that you were both on the same page.

"Sleep together. I mean, sex." You nodded. "Really? Fuck! I thought there was something wrong with me."

"Why?! Joel, I've always thought you were a handsome guy. And if it makes you feel any better, I've thought about it more than once. I guess that's why you had to change those batteries."

Your laughter filled the room again. If you both felt any unpleasant pressure, then it had definitely dropped to zero. Joel opened his second bottle of beer and took a sip.

"Would you like to have sex with me?"

"Yeah, I would." you replied, completely unfazed.

"Now?"

"Sure."

You had been feeling it for a while now. Excitement was spreading slowly through your body. In your head, although you fought it, all those images of Joel that you had been trying to hide until now appeared. You imagined him in such sinful situations that you were surprised he didn't see it in your eyes.

"I guess you don't have any condoms?" you made a face and he smiled "Okay, I'll go to the store to buy some."

"But let me check something first. If you let me…”

You moved over to him before he could stand up. When your hand touched his cheek, you both smiled nervously. His stubble tickled your hand gently. He didn't lag behind, his hand found its way to your thigh, stroking it gently.

You were the one who kissed him first. It was wonderful to finally feel his lips on yours. You kissed gently, but when you parted your lips a little, Joel took the initiative and slipped his tongue into your mouth. That was it. A shiver ran down your spine. His tongue caressed you as he deepened each kiss, and his hands quickly and efficiently pulled you onto his lap.

You couldn't stop kissing him, and he returned each kiss with such enthusiasm, as if he had been waiting for it for a really long time. You slid your fingers into his hair and tugged lightly, and Joel groaned quietly. The bulge in his jeans was rubbing hard against your thigh.

"Condoms." he panted. "We need... Fuck..."

"Yeah, I know..." your lips collided again. "Go. Now."

With considerable difficulty, you got off his lap. Your heart was beating like crazy.

"Ten minutes." he said, quickly standing and unconsciously adjusting his jeans, which had become a bit tighter, you giggled. "Don't move from here."

"I won't do that."

He leaned in once more, kissing you hard, and quickly left the apartment.

He came back just as he promised. For a split second you saw uncertainty in his eyes, but when he saw you were waiting for him he immediately brightened up.

"No judging." You said, quickly taking off his shirt "I don't look like those sexy girls from tv shows."

"Shut up!" He silenced you with a kiss as his hands ripped off your shorts "You're a thousand times sexier. I'm afraid I'll come before I get inside you."

"I don't care. We have all night, Joel."

The first time you saw him naked, it was better than anything you had imagined. His strong and wide shoulders, narrow waist and soft belly. His manhood was already hard and ready.

"Jesus, have you seen yourself?" His voice tore you from your whirlwind of thoughts "You look like a million dollars."

His eyes, full of admiration, wandered over your body. You suddenly felt a little embarrassed.

"Oh, don't hide it from me." he groaned as you tried to cover your breasts. "It's you. You're fucking perfect."

His large, warm hands cupped your face as he kissed you slowly. You felt the bed behind you and soon you were lying with him on top of you. It was overwhelming, feeling his weight on you as his lips trailed down your neck, to your sternum, kissing your breasts, nibbling on them gently. You moaned as Joel's mouth captured your nipple, sucking and teasing it with his tongue. One of his hands slid between your thighs and soon you felt his fingers running over your already slick folds.

"Is this for me?" he asked, lifting his eyes and looking at you with appreciation.

Heat crept up to your neck and cheeks. His bedroom eyes made your pussy drool at the sight of him. Joel was clearly delighted by this though.

"Let me make you feel good." he purred, kissing your breast a few times, then moving lower. Fuck. You weren't ready for this. A few kisses on your thighs, the feeling of his stubble brushing against your delicate skin, and then a slow lick of your folds. You closed your eyes, feeling as if all your nerves had gone crazy.

His mouth found the bundle of nerves that made your head spin with every movement of his tongue. Two of his fingers slid inside you, stretching your walls pleasantly. It was incredible to feel him. It seemed as if Joel took incredible pleasure in exploring your body and was quickly learning what you liked. His fingers pushed back and forth as he licked and sucked, and you couldn't manage anything but moans.

"Jesus, you're so beautiful right now, baby." he whispered as your body arched as his fingers touched that spot. "I've imagined you like this so many times. Naked, thighs spread, waiting for me."

"Joel... please..."

"I know, I know, baby." he kissed your thigh tenderly "I can feel you're close. You squeeze my fingers so nicely, suck them into you."

His movements became faster and stronger. You clenched your hands on the sheets feeling like you were losing control over your body.

"Let go, Y/N. I'm here, let go."

And you did. You moaned loudly as you reached your peak, and your legs trembled. It was amazing. He was amazing.

Before you could catch your breath Joel was on top of you again, his beard glistening with your juices, but you didn't mind. You put your hand on his neck and pulled him in, kissing him hard. You felt your taste on his lips. Addictive.

"I want to be inside you." he whispered, pressing his forehead to yours "I want it so bad."

"I want it too. I want to feel you, Joel."

He stood up and reached for the foil package, which he opened with his teeth. You watched as he put on a condom and leaned over you again. His tip slid over your entrance a few times before he slid inside you.

The air escaped your lungs as he pushed his entire length into you, stretching your delicate walls. The stretch felt so good. When his cock was inside you all the way to the base, you both froze for a moment.

"Fuck..." Joel whispered, tearing his gaze away from where he disappeared inside you and looking at your face "You're so tight, baby. You wrap me around so well..."

"And you're so big, I was afraid you wouldn't fit." You giggled and soon all the stress drained from you "I don't think I'll last much longer. It's wonderful to feel you."

"Don't worry, sweetie." His lips kissed yours lightly "Like you said, we have all night. Ready?"

You nodded and Joel pushed, going even deeper. His cock would slide out of you, then return with much greater force. You pulled your legs up to give him easier access. Joel found your hands and held them above your head. It gave him full control, and you didn't mind.

"Fuck. I don't know why we waited so long with this..." he gasped as his hips slammed into yours, the dirty sounds filling your ears. "I've been thinking about you for so long."

"Really? I thought... OOHHHH! I thought you only saw me as a friend..."

"Remember when you came to Sarah's soccer game? In those tight shorts? Fuck! I already wanted to drag you to the truck and fuck you hard."

"Jesus!" you bit your lip, Joel hitting exactly where you wanted him to, "When you were helping me with the air conditioning."

"What about that?"

"It must have been a million degrees here. I was melting, and then I saw your shirt lift up, exposing part of your lower back. Damn, I was waiting for you to go away so I could reach for that fucking vibrator."

"Fuck!" Joel hid his face in your hair, "You're going to kill me. Tell me you're close, I can't hold out much longer."

You were already on the edge, his cock pushing in exactly where you needed it. He let go of your hand, gripping your hip tightly. His movements were becoming increasingly erratic and unpredictable.

"Joel, I'm so close... so close..." you moaned.

His mouth unexpectedly captured your nipple, sucking it hard. That was it. A strong shiver ran through your body as the walls of your pussy clenched in a sweet spasm of pleasure flooding your body. Joel was right behind you. He didn't need much. When he felt you tighten around him, he was done. He came with a loud groan, burying his face in your shoulder, digging his fingers into your soft hip.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." he breathed out "You're amazing. Just fucking amazing."

"You're not bad either." You laughed quietly, wrapping your arms around him.

He wanted to stay in your arms, but you both knew he had to clean up. Joel lifted himself up and slid out of you, holding the end of the condom carefully, then went to throw it in the trash can in the bathroom.

"You have a really nice butt." You murmured as he laid down next to you again.

"You think so?" He laughed, "I think yours is much better, but thanks."

You lay next to each other, breathing deeply, in a sweet state of total fulfillment and relaxation. It felt nice to have him next to you, within arm's reach, in a more intimate way.

Joel must have been thinking the same thing, because soon his hand found yours in the sheets, he brought it to his lips and kissed it.

"Did you like it?" he asked, turning his head to look at you.

"Very much. I would gladly repeat it a few more times." you replied smiling widely "And you? What do you think about it?"

"Same here." he replied "But I wouldn't want it to destroy what is between us."

"Joel, I don't expect any declarations from you." you turned around and leaned on your elbow looking at him closely "We feel good together, I like you a lot, I actually have a soft spot for you for a long time. Let's just let it flow, you know. We'll see where it takes us."

"That's probably a good idea." he mumbled, his fingers brushing away strands of your hair "You're beautiful, you know..."

"Those are declarations!" you lightly patted him on the shoulder.

"No. That's a fact, actually."

You smiled, and his heart beat faster for a moment. He already knew he was lost, but he didn't want to say it. Not now, when you said 'no' to all declarations.

"Maybe you'd like to have dinner with me tomorrow?" he finally suggested "Sarah's on a school trip. She won't be back until Monday. We could have a nice time. See where it takes us..."

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"You know... I'm glad we did it."

"Me too." You leaned in, kissing him lightly on the corner of his mouth "And you know what else I'm happy about?" and seeing his questioning look you added "We still have a few condoms, and the night is still young."

"You're going to kill me, you know that?" Joel burst out laughing.

But his arms were already gathering you to him and you were lying on his chest, you liked this position and you were going to use it well.

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[screamlet]

i wish you would write an outtake from what are your intentions where tommy tries to explain that he was sooooo confused by eddie and buck and eddieandbuck at first and it made him feel insane

(for the "i wish you would write" game)

i miss these boys! but here's something that could have happened in what are your intentions? this would probably be set during chapter 11. you don't have to have read the story for it to make sense.

notes: established relationship bucktommy; tommy pov complete; 1.4k; rated cute for cute

read on the ao3 with the rest of the story!

---

It happens once in a while, that their days off are on an actual weekend, and those feel weirdly special to Tommy. He's participating in something… normal: it's 9 AM and he's lying in bed with his boyfriend, their limbs tangled into some mess that's not spooning as much as thrown in the cutlery drawer. Evan's legs are so long and they like to wind around Tommy's like a pair of vines; every shift that tightens makes him laugh. Their hands are linked on top of the covers and they've got nowhere to be. This is as close to perfect as life can get. 

So of course, his brain thinks of Eddie. 

It seems wild now, about six months into their relationship, that Tommy ever thought Eddie and Evan had something going on, because they're just… Eddie-and-Evan. Once Evan kissed him that first time, it felt like that question was answered and that door was shut. But that kiss was so… 

"Can I ask you something weird?"

"You promise?" Evan asks.

"Promise what?"

"That it'll be weird."

Tommy bites his shoulder. "Now your expectations are too high, so kick them back down a little, huh?" Evan shrugs and pushes back against Tommy's chest. "That time with the basketball game, when you messed up Eddie's ankle, and I came to talk to you after—"

"You mean our first kiss," Evan croons, dripping with sap and affection. 

"Yeah, yeah, I guess." Tommy kisses his shoulder like he's making a point. "Actually, even before that, when I was hanging out with Eddie but not you, I kept thinking: did you guys ever…"

"Ever…"

Tommy takes their joined hands and pats Evan's dick through the covers. Evan bursts out laughing.

"What? That's how you ask?"

"I'm trying to deflect from the fact that it's a dumb question!"

Evan glances over his shoulder. "You think it's dumb?"

Tommy makes a face and makes sure he can see it. "Yeah, now I do, but when I first met Eddie and I didn't know you, I wondered if the two of you…"

Evan shakes his head. "No. It's Eddie."

"He's a good-looking guy and you really were a dense-as-hell bisexual if it never occurred to you. Seriously? No guy crush or drunken—"

"It's Eddie."

"Yeah, exactly! You guys are joined at the hip and when it was just me and him—"

"Joined at the hip, not joined at the dick. It's Eddie." Evan's quiet for a second, like he's thinking. "I think Chim or Hen made fun of me when he first joined because I was really jealous of him and how cool he was, and he'd been in the army. Then on one of our first shifts, we extracted a live grenade that a dude had in his thigh? And—"

"You what."

"Okay, maybe now it sounds like how I acted when I first met you, less jealousy and more acting like an idiot, but—"

"No, the live grenade. It was where?"

Evan turns around. "It was in a dude's thigh. It was a collectible, but then it turned out it was a live round inside."

"And you survived?"

"We did! Eddie was so cool. He extracted it, right, and put it in one of those black boxes. The guy had a ton of blood loss so we got him out, got out of the ambulance, and then when the bomb squad sent in their robot, the whole ambulance blew up. And then that was it. Jealousy over, we were friends." Evan turns his head again. "Did you think we were together or something?"

"Hold on, I'm processing the live grenade thing. It blew up an ambulance. What the hell is your life?"

"Not the weirdest thing that ever happened to me."

"I'm so, so aware of that."

Evan nudges his elbow into Tommy's stomach. "What'd you think of me and Eddie?"

"So… you've gotta remember, okay? I walk around the world with a pair of big gay goggles that are invisibly welded to my head and they never come off, so… I was hanging out with Eddie and he was always talking about you! Always saying how much he loved you, you were his best friend, Christopher loved you, telling me you were so lovable, you were just the best guy in the world, and then Chris couldn't stop talking about you and he loved you so, you know."

"Huh."

Tommy unwraps himself from Evan's legs and sits up on his heels. "But that's the thing, he was so straight about it and—I can't explain it! All these gay things were coming out of his mouth, but all the vibes were like, even when I'm peeing I actively try not to think about my dick too much. I didn't get it. I still don't! And then Lucy compared you guys to the raptors in Jurassic Park, and how he was the bait but you were the clever girl about to jump me."

Evan laughs and tilts his head on the pillow, looking coy. "Really? I don't even know what that means."

"It made sense when I was insane, and I was completely insane. I wasn't even jealous, just confused!" Tommy huffs. "Confused and seriously horny when I got to your place to talk, but I didn't know!"

"Did you have to know?" Evan asks.

It rushes out of Tommy before he has time to think about it: "I mean, yeah. You two are pretty big guys, like, you could still punch me in the face if I read you wrong and hit on you. Not that you would, either of you, but." Evan reaches for his hand and Tommy half-smiles. "The gay goggles, right? They do more than set off awooga sirens when a hot guy walks by. You've gotta be sure about that stuff."

"Is that why you didn't call me?" Evan asks. "About getting a beer after we met up at Harbor and you abandoned me for Eddie?"

"Well. Yeah, kinda. I figured if this straight guy wants to hang out again, we'll hang out again. But if I ask you out—"

"You could have asked, though. Hanging out, just friends?"

Tommy takes a deep breath. "Even then, I think I knew I couldn't ask you out like that. Platonically. So I wanted to be sure. And you kept looking at me like you didn't want to be "just" friends, so—" Tommy groans and shifts around again so he's sitting cross legged on the bed. "Do you see what I mean? You drive me insane."

Evan reaches out and touches his chin, thumb in his cleft. "I love you. You're really sweet and completely insane."

"Obviously I'm fine now. Don't give me that look." 

Evan drags him back down to the bed. He tangles his legs with Tommy's again. This time they're facing each other, the better for Evan to wrap his arms around Tommy's back and kiss him, ensnare him forever. "Was that weird enough for you?" Tommy asks between kisses. 

"Getting there, but I've got a high tolerance," Evan says with a grin. "It's funny, though, you say those things—lots of people have said that about me and Eddie—but, I don't know. Literally never a thought in my head. Even when I used to go out with him and Chris and people would act like I'm also Chris's dad, I'd feel like: hey, they think I'm a dad, that's so cool. Not the Eddie part."

"So that's no to Eddie, yes to baby, got it." 

They freeze, suddenly, because that's—not a thing they've talked about—and maybe it's way too early to talk about—

"Can I ask you something really scary?" Evan asks quietly. "Can we put that question in a black box for a little bit and check it out later?"

"Leave it for when we've got our tactical gear and a bomb robot? Yeah, absolutely. I haven't even had coffee."

"We haven't even had coffee," Evan whines. "Let's go have coffee."

"Hey." Tommy holds him closer and kisses him. "I'll wait, okay? No rush."

Evan stares at him and nods slowly. "Yeah." When he kisses Tommy again, it's sure, not scared or worried. Confident, again. "We're not going anywhere." Tommy agrees, kisses him again, and stays. He loves him and he stays. 

---

read on the ao3 with the rest of the story!

[halflifebutawesome]

BEHOLD! FOR THE SECOND TIME, THE GBVRAI LINEUP! now with another weird old dude!

waves my hands around vaguely I wanted to make a nicer looking lineup and more coherent post actually explaining the au. I've now made 2 gbvrai lineups but never a plain old hlvrai lineup. Whatever.

There's a complete AU explanation and individual character profiles (?) under the cut! check it out! ASK ME ABOUT IT !!! SMILES!!!!!

The basic gist of this au is that the science team, are a group of ghost hunting paranormal researchers. The Ghostbusters. You mightve heard of them. This isn't a 1 for 1 au where certain characters take the role of others, it's more just. What if the science team existed in the Ghostbusters universe. They're just the Ghostbusters now.

On a particularly odd case, they bust a ghost that seems... off. It's sentient, it's talking back, and it's psychokinetic energy is off the charts.

Thinking nothing of it, they return to the firehouse and prep the trap for containment disposal. Gordon's the new guy, so he's the unlucky dude who's been assigned the job of disposing of the traps. All the while the ghost will NOT shut up. It's weirdly powerful and seems mostly unbothered. It's name is Benry, and he's a little freak.

the ghost containment unit has been unstable for a while, overfilled with ghosts, but they have to dispose of Benry somehow, so they go ahead with it.

In this AU I'm kind of combining the Resonance Cascade with the Manhattan Crossrip (the Manhattan crossrip is the big scary ghost event that happens at the end of GB1). Basically what happens is that Benrys weirdly powerful ghostly energy, combined with an unstable ghost containment unit, tears a big rip in the fabric between the ghost realm and ours, letting all sorts of ghouls and specters free.

Imagine the Resonance Cascade, with all the aliens getting out and ravaging Black Mesa, but it's a bunch of ghosts getting out and ravaging New York. Gordon and the rest of the team have to fight their way through the ghost filled streets of NYC, and close the crossrip.

Heres some closeups and more individual info/thoughts for the gang!!

GORDON FREEMAN! The new guy. Again, this is less a direct 1 for 1 swap au kind of deal, and more just putting these guys in situations. Gordon's HEV suit, tho, I wanna talk about.

In Ghostbusters canon, they DO have a weird fucked up hazard suit. It first appears in the TRGB episode "Xmas Marks The Spot", where Egon uses it to travel into the ghost realm. I know it makes another appearance in the comics, in a way that's more HEV-esque, but I never finished the comics so idk. It's real tho.

I imagine here that the ghost containment unit is more like the reactor in half life, where it's hazardous to be around for too long, probably bcos of like. I don't know. Concentrated psychokinetic energy. Sure. In any case he needs to wear the HEV to use the containment unit.

My design here is taking the chest piece, helmet, gloves and belts and modifying them to look a little more HEV-esque.

Bennyyyy. Benrey benry beny. He's a ghost, as far as they can tell. It would be more appropriate to call him an entity of sorts.

He's not a ghost simply for the fact that he wasn't ever human. He wasn't ever a living person that died. He's some pure, really powerful, concentrate entity/being that leaked through from the ghost realm. He looks like. A guy, for the most part, but he's a mimic. Something pretending to be human. He's been around for a while, and has settled into this form. He's mostly corporeal, but can phase in and out as he pleases (noclipping) Switching from corporeal/incorporeal when it's funny.

He met Tommy when they were both a lot younger, Benry being fresh out of the ghost realm, and have been bestfriends ever since. ☝️ my au my weirdly specific tommybenny dynamic. Dw about it

TOMMY & SUNKIST!!!! Tommy has grown up around ghosts his whole life, and is pretty in-tune with them. This is proven with his bond to Sunkist, who's decidedly not a real dog, and his longtime friendship with Benry.

I gave him the goggles cos. Tommy's my fave and Ray's my fave and I think they're fun. Also cos if it WAS a 1 to 1 swap I would def have Tommy as Ray. Anyway. He's been a part of the Ghostbusters since he was little, like I said he grew up with them and around them. He's really knowledgeable about ghost types and physics. He knows all the ghost rules.

Sunkist isn't like. His dead childhood dog cos that seems. Kind of sad. Instead she's kind of a church Grimm or hell hound. An entity taking the form of a big huge dog that Tommy befriended when he was a kid, and has now kind of bonded to him. She's pretty corporeal as far as ghosts go, and can interact w the physical environment pretty well.

DARNOLD ^^ my friend darnold. Darnolds not usually super involved in the actual ghostbusting, and prefers to stay behind. He's more of the research and tech kind of guy, he studies the readings and takes measurements.

He's interested in psychokinetic energy and ghost residue and all sorts of like. Ghost sciences. Why some people stay behind, why some people just seem to die and disappear, the properties of the ghost realm and the ghosts themselves. Corporeality and degradation of personhood the longer someone's been a ghost.

When the Resonance Crossrip happens, he opts to stay behind and observe the effects of the insane amounts of ghost energy on the corporeal world.

Hes also a transfer over from the ghost engineers! That's a fun thing for me. I love the ghost engineers idc frozen empire gave me everything I wanted

FORZEN. Forzen is... the same thing as Benry. A mimic, something taking the form of a normal ghost to blend in or hide in plain sight.

He came through with the Resonance Crossrip, but obviously like. He knew Benry before (we WERE bestfriends..). He's not as powerful, which is why he wasn't able to sneak through when Benry did. He's also not super corporeal. He can only interact with the physical world if he's exerting a LOT of energy. Prone to flickering in and out of vision.

Upon coming thru the Crossrip, he kind of just. Decided to hang around the firehouse. Didn't wanna go much further, for fear of being ghostbusted and sent back into the containment unit. The source is the last place they'd look for him!

Darnold, who's holed up in the firehouse, is more than delighted to meet a ghost who's sentient and willing to cooperate to do some tests and experimentation to get never before documented results. They bond and they're cutesit. ☝️ DARZEN WIN. hi splash 👋

Dr Coomer and Dr Bubby are two of the three original founders of the Ghostbusters! They've been around for a looooong time. They're also married obviously but that's like a given.

They helped found the Ghostbusters, having met in college while both were studying parapsychology. I imagine their like. Parapsychology -> Ghostbusters pipeline was very in line with how GB1 starts, where they used to work in an academic environment before getting kicked out and founding the GB.

They're also both. Psychic. Because frozen empire has once again given me everything. Coomers got some like. Idk something that lines up with his self awareness in HLVRAI, maybe prophecy? Vauge visions of the future? Bubby has pyrokinesis. Duh.

and... Mr. Coolatta..... Tommy's dad...he was one of the founders along w Coomer and Bubby and at some point he. Died. And is now a reeeally really powerful ghost. maybe from the exposure to ghost energy or smth?

Now hes got gman powers and just kinda hangs around. Pretty corporeal and solid and. Present. For lack of a better word. But he IS a dead guy. Used to be human.

This is why Tommy kind of grew up around ghosts and knows alot about them :) Mr Coolatta is pretty benevolent, and mostly just kind of spooky and fucked up.

And that's. About it? I believe?? PLEAAASE ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS I have so many thoughts. I've been working on this for like 2 months now. Lol.

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Okay, so this is a little inspired by @dazzle02's post right here. Enjoy! 🥰

"Let me move in with you," said Evan.

And.

And Tommy looked up at Evan.

Blinking.

There wasn't anything particularly special about tonight. Neither of them had that bad of a shift the day before, all things considered. It was after dinner. They were both in pajamas watching Shark Week. Besides Shark Week, there wasn't anything life-altering or important that would have made Tommy remember this lazy Thursday night.

But then again, something amazing always happened with Evan around.

Life-altering was Evan's modus operandi.

They met when Tommy was flying them into a hurricane. They got together after Evan maimed one of his best friends. Their second official date was at a last-minute hospital wedding when the original wedding had been canceled.

Dating Evan was nothing Tommy had ever experienced before.

And Tommy never wanted to stop.

"What?" Tommy laughed, not sure if he heard that right.

He was staring up at Evan. His head was in Evan's lap and Evan just - he kept playing with the curls in Tommy's hair; staring down at Tommy like he never wanted to look away from Tommy as he said, "Let me move in with you."

And it harkened back to that beer Evan still owed Tommy.

That Tommy was never going to let Evan give him. No, Tommy loved the idea of still being tied like that. To forever joke about the beer Evan still owed him.

"You want to move in with me?" asked Tommy.

And it wasn't that Tommy was against it. The moment Evan brought it up, all Tommy wanted to say was yes, yes, of course, Evan, yes.

But.

They had only been dating maybe four months at this point. Tommy wasn't against the breakneck pace Evan seemed the most comfortable in, but at the same time, that was a big decision. And that wasn't to say that Tommy didn't believe that Evan would want this, but it was always good to be absolutely sure.

"You've got a kickass garage. You've got the best beer in town. I heard a beast lives here. Why wouldn't I want to too?" asked Evan.

"Evan."

"Tommy."

Tommy snorted.

"Tommy, I hate my loft. I hate my fucking loft. I got it with my girlfriend Aly because she liked it, and then she almost immediately broke up with me. I haven't been able to decide on a damn couch in that place. I don't know why I have two balconies," said Evan, "But none of that is even why I'm offering this."

Tommy laughed.

"Offering?"

"Tommy, I - I miss you," said Evan with all his heart; a little broken.

Tommy reached out; placed a hand on Evan's cheek.

"Evan. I'm right here," said Tommy softly.

"I miss you when I wake up and you hadn't slept over. I miss you when I try out a new dish and you're not there to taste-test it. I miss seeing you just randomly reading Chef's Choice or The Dos and Donuts of Love or - or How to Find a Princess or Better Than People or The State of Us on your couch whenever I walk into your house with the key you gave me. I miss the lavender you insist on making your house smell like. I miss you when I get in my car and realize we won't be carpooling. That you won't insist on driving and I won't get to play you music as we start our drive early so we can take a scenic way to my work or yours. I just miss you. All the time. I want to fucking live in your pocket. Which is a lot. I know. But I want that. I want you. And I'm so sure you want that too."

And.

And okay, if they were being honest.

"Evan, I - I wake up and it feels empty if you're not here. If you're not sprawled on top of me when I wake up. If you're not laughing and insisting that we take a shower together. That if we do, we'll be saving water. Despite the fact that you know full well that it takes double the time with how distracted we get. I miss you when I walk up to my coffee maker and you're not there to play the 'guess how Tommy takes his coffee' game that I think you're failing on purpose at this point - "

"No, I'm not," said Evan like a liar.

"Oh, I know you are," laughed Tommy, "But I kind of love that because it's still fun. And I miss you when you're not there to get into my Mustang with that jerry-rigged contraption of yours that somehow forces Bluetooth to work on my stereo. And how you keep showing me all these new and amazing songs I never would have dreamed of finding on my own."

"People are sleeping on Kehlani," said Evan.

"Yeah. I know," agreed Tommy, "And - and I miss you when I don't get to kiss you goodbye and hear you say you'll see me after your shift. And I miss you when you're not there to pick me up or if I'm not there to pick you up and you kiss me hello and ask how my day was and tell me all about yours. And I'm not saying we need to be glued together. But I am saying that every moment I get with you makes my whole day better. My week. My month. My year. My life. And, uh. I don't know, maybe you owe me moving into my house."

Evan laughed.

"Oh, I owe you now, huh?"

"I mean, you offered. Pay up. Move in."

Evan laughed harder, leaning down to kiss Tommy. And it was an awkward angle, and the kiss was a bit messy, but it left Tommy breathless; left Tommy swimming in overwhelming yes.

"Okay. I guess I'm moving in," said Evan happily, his smile soft and so excited.

"Yeah, you are," said Tommy as he pulled Evan back into another mind-blowing kiss.

[cillianhead]

Twitterpated || Tommy Shelby x reader

summary: You and Tommy spend your first spring together in the sunshine.

this is just a little short n sweet blurb for you all

WARNINGS: Mostly Fluff, the tiniest bits of smuttiness... Tommy gets a bit handsy, cuss words/adult language. 18+ MINORS DNI

It wasn’t often that you’d have days like this in Birmingham. The sky was usually grey with gloom and rain all around, in fact, you were used to the clouds, and you were well acquainted with the bleakness that was Birmingham.

But here you sat with your legs draped across your husband's lap and the sun shining proudly in the sky. There wasn’t a single cloud in sight. It almost felt like something out of a daydream. You wore a pretty little sundress, one you never really got to wear considering the typically cold and dreary weather— but once again, it was warm for once. Warmer than what you were used to.

Tommy sat with an open shirt, pale skin exposed from beneath his unbuttoned dress shirt. Oh, he looked divine. Your soft, nimble fingers caress his hair, and for once, he's not smoking a cigarette. For once, Tommy's mind isn't somewhere else, it's entirely on this moment. One hand of his had slipped up underneath your skirt like the cheeky bastard that he was, thick fingers toying idly with the waistband of your skimpy little panties. It wasn't something Tommy thought he was capable of feeling. Contentment, that's what he felt. It clung to him, heavy in his chest, the feeling was sweet and syrupy in a way... You couldn't remember a time you had seen him so relaxed. Besides, when he was in bed with you, of course. Tommy wasn't sure he deserved to feel this way. You had been in his life for a good five years by now, you had given him two little children, and all of your unconditional love. You were the kind of woman he'd never question his loyalty to; he knew you just wanted him for him and not for whatever other reasons women had wanted him for in the past.

Though Tommy did sometimes question why someone like you-- pure, innocent, and sweet, would love someone like him-- dark, tortured, and incomplete. The picnic blanket beneath you was red and checkered, the perfect gingham pattern, and hell, there was even a wicker basket full of fruit and half-eaten baked goods. In your idyllic bliss, you were eager to tell Tommy about your day and he was eager to listen... or at least that's what you thought. You rambled cheerfully on about the kids, and Tommy would nod gruffly, hand squeezing your thigh and body leaning into yours just a little more. You didn't think much of it when his gaze drifted away from you and slightly off into the distance; you were so consumed in chatting away that you didn't even notice the sound of hooves trotting gently in the grass towards the two of you. There was a stern look on Tommy's face, a look of deep concentration that seemed to be slipping away second by second as he stared off into the distance.

And then there was that goddamned smile of his, that dazzling grin that had practically charmed the pants off of you when you first met. But he wasn't looking at you in this moment, no, he was looking at the beast before him. Tommy's eyes glimmered with a certain fondness you had only ever seen him look at you with. That's when you stopped talking, wondering who or what he could possibly be looking at with so much love.

It didn't surprise you to find out that it was a horse he was looking at.

"Tommy, what are you-" You started before following his line of sight, finding your eyes landing on Tommy's favorite horse of them all. She was a big black mare, her name was Hestia... And god, you couldn't even be mad at Tommy for giving love eyes to the horse instead of you. He was always easily distracted when it came to his horses. "Tommy!" You scolded with a light smack to his chest, causing him to break out of his trance and snap back to you. "Are you even listening?" You laughed incredulously. "'Course I am, baby... keep going..." Tommy grumbled, squeezing your hip reassuringly. But his head only turned to look up at the horse once again, who chuffed happily at the sight of him. "Hello, Hesty..." Tommy crooned, reaching one hand out to pat at her muzzle. "Looking well, girl... how you liking this weather, eh?" He asked as if the beast would respond. She let out another short series of huffs before wandering off to graze in the long pickle-green grass. As soon as Tommy's attention was back on you, you were colliding your body with his and latching your mouth onto those sweet pair of lips of his. It was too much. It was just too much. It turned you on when Tommy got all sweet and tender like that, it made you feel all fuzzy inside. The fact that he loved his horses so much... made your heart practically burst out of your chest. He grunted into the kiss, though swiftly responded in turn to your needy kisses with his tongue probing into your mouth and his hands gripping at the meat of your hips. Tommy loved it when you got like this. "Easy, girl..." He warned lowly as you straddled his hips. As you lifted your head from him to look down at him, there was a prideful sparkle in those cerulean eyes, a look that made your chest ache and your core throb. "Actin' like a bloody mountain lion, hm?" Whatever story you had to tell was completely gone from your mind, all that mattered to you now was feeling up your dearest husband and soaking in the warm rays of sunlight that were just so rare around these parts. It didn't matter that you were out in the open, it didn't matter that the birds and the bees would see you ravish your husband on this crimson picnic blanket. Right now, you were just two animals getting coupled up for the spring, just like all the other creatures who wandered nearby.

Even after all this time together, you were both undeniably and passionately twitterpated by one another. And it would stay that way for as long as you lived.

-

Hi all... I hope you enjoyed this sappy little piece, I miss you all... I know I don't write as much these days. I'm working my way through a really long Robert Capa fic which I hope to get out soon!

[alchemistc]

He's drunk when he sends it. Pissed because Buck won't just let this die. Tired of seeing his name flash across his screen, texts full of anger and sadness and hurt.

I suspect you've already met your last and it's not me he sends, and then turns off his phone and reaches for the bottle of whiskey on his top shelf.

---

If he'd been sober he would have known better. It's not even like it's been a pervasive thought - just an inkling at the start of things that seemed to be completely off base once he got to know everyone better, but looking back... He can see it. The built in life. The steadfast support. The knowledge that they'd always, always have each other's back. The kid who hero worshipped him.

The thing is he's fielding texts from Eddie, too, checking in and then circling around to being so goddamn judgmental that it's like they've coordinated their attacks to give Tommy no room to breathe.

He ended it to save himself from slipping so far under the surface he wouldn't make it back.

The fact that he's lost them both to his own fear is icing on the cake for the demon on his shoulder that keeps trying to remind him that once upon a time he'd fully thought Eddie and Buck were amicable exes.

---

He has to blink to figure out who's standing on his doorstep. The mustache is gone.

"If you meant who I think you mean, you're dumber than you look," Eddie says, and shoulders past Tommy before Tommy can even muster an affronted expression.

Tommy wanders after Eddie into his own kitchen, immediately annoyed that he looks more at home there than Tommy has felt in weeks. He'd gotten used to the loft - the space, the echoes, the lights of the city. The smell of his own aftershave on Buck's pillow.

They never spent much time here. The loft was closer - to Harbor, to the 118, to all the things in the city that tempted them out for a night. And staying at the loft meant he wouldn't have the echoes of Buck in every room, around every corner. (The echoes are in him, instead, and he still feels the absence like a lanced wound.) Tommy has always been good at making other people think he's good at putting distance between himself and them.

Eddie digs in a drawer, pulls out the bottle opener shaped like a cow and pops two tops. Holds one out for Tommy and scowls when Tommy wrinkles his nose at the Corona.

"Absolutely screw you if you think I'm driving halfway across town for you just to get the ones you like, right now."

Tommy can't argue that. He takes a drag and swallows. Stares. Is everyone else experiencing whiplash seeing him without the mustache? It looks fine but it'd taken so much fucking work to get used to it and now it's just gone. Clean shaven, an acre of skin he hasn't seen in months.

Tommy blinked and the entire world was different. Tommy freaked and the world changed.

"What are you doing here?"

Eddie's eyebrows both lift, a frank Are You Fucking Serious look on his face that makes Tommy want to take him to the mats and have it out in the garage instead of over beers.

"Buck may be spinning his wheels trying to figure out what the fuck you meant but I know damn well what you were implying."

That seems unlikely. Eddie always seems to be the last person to have a single clue what was going on, with Buck scraping in just before him. It's a tight race.

He used to find it charming.

(He absolutely does not still find it charming, he tells his heart, and wonders if he could hire some tiny asshole gnome to go stomp around in an atrium or two and get it to stop doing what it's doing. Fucking traitor.)

"Do you actually believe that, or is it some dumb excuse because you're terrified of being happy?"

Oh, that's fucking rich.

Tommy opens his mouth to tell him exactly that but Eddie just steamrolls right by him. "You don't have to point out the hypocrisy, jackass. I'm well aware of my own issues. Thing is - you're like, almost right. Buck does make me happy. Next to Chris there's no one else in the world I'd rather have by my side, rain or shine, good or bad. I love him. He's my person."

Tommy rolls his jaw. It's not a vindication to hear it.

"Except I'm not gay, Tommy. And I don't want that. I never have. And neither does Buck, just in case that argument was about to hit the airwaves."

"How do you know?"

Something sparks in the back of Eddie's eyes. Understanding. Triumph.

"You want an itemized list or a demonstration?"

Which is when Tommy knows he's stepped into an absolute minefield. No markers. Just free balling his way through a conversation that could explode with even the slightest pressure.

Eddie's got his phone out.

None of this is ideal.

When he looks up, his eyes land squarely on Tommy, who would like in this moment to be able to curl so far in on himself he gets sucked clean through the other side. "First of all, Buck may have just been improvising his entire journey of sexuality but for once I was trying to get ahead of the curve so that whole starry-eyed newly not straight vision you have of Buck is bullshit. You let him pull you along by the shirt strings for months without pressing pause and then you freak out when he thinks his speed and your speed are the same speed?"

This is feeling a whole lot like an ambush, now.

"Did you ever even try to slow him down?"

Tommy has some choice words that aren't remotely appropriate to say to someone who is at least tangentially still his friend, so he takes another swig of shitty beer. God, this shit is awful.

"You wanna know how I know I'm not his one? How I know he's not mine?"

Tommy really, really doesn't. Honestly he'd like to kick him out.

"Because he went at our friendship at the same warp speed pace he took your relationship and it never fucking scared me."

Proof in the pudding, for Tommy. He's not the sort of jackass who actually thinks he can make a different judgement call on someone else's sexuality than the one they've made themselves, but come on.

"Shannon's been dead for half a decade," Eddie says, voice dropping so suddenly Tommy feels it like an icy draft. "And maybe one day I'll make my peace with that. Maybe one day I'll get out from under it. The point is I've lost them both and the loss wasn't the goddamn same."

"Buck came back," Tommy argues.

Eddie scoffs. Wrinkles his nose. "Jeez, he wasn't kidding about how weird that sounds." His phone buzzes on the countertop, and Tommy wonders what the hell that look on his face means. "Don't change the subject. I'm not here to talk you into anything. I'm just here to drink a beer with you and tell you how goddamn stupid it is to think that an uncertain future with Evan Buckley isn't worth every second of terror it causes you."

"You don't know me as well as you think you do."

Eddie tips the bottle against his lips. Swallows. God, why hadn't Tommy just pursued the self-proclaimed straight guy for a couple weeks before he scratched the itch somewhere else and kept a friend, instead?

"Maybe." Eddie tips his head. "Maybe I do, though. Maybe in the months and months you were invited to all my mopey nights in with Buck and all the crazy crap we end up involved in at the station and all the times you couldn't shut up about him when he wasn't around and all the times I got to see you falling ass over teakettle for my best friend, I learned a fucking thing or two about Tommy Kinard." He wags his head back and forth. "Maybe."

"Is there a point to this?"

Eddie tips his eyes to his phone, and it's probably too late at this point for the suspicion to begin to creep in.

"I mostly just came to confront you about your completely off base bullshit excuses, but there's actually a pretty simple solution to at least one of your multitude of issues, so. Now we're waiting."

Tommy doesn't like the sound of that at all.

"Chris is mad at you, by the way."

It's a distraction. It's fully a - "Why is he mad at me?"

"I should actually thank you, because it's the first time he's actively talked to me in months," Eddie continues, like Tommy hadn't asked a question. "He's pissed because Buck is sad and there's literally nothing in the world that gets a rise out of the Diaz boys like sad Buck."

"You can just say you're pissed at me and go, Eddie."

"Oh I'm angry. Don't think I'm not. Mostly I'm just sad for you. You had six months to get to know Buck and never thought to yourself 'hes going to love me and it's going to hurt' until he skipped too far ahead in the program."

And that's - kind of the final straw. He's let Eddie get his licks in. He deserves it, he knows he does. Honestly it's a little cathartic to hear - to know exactly what Buck has spent his time dissecting post-Tommy. "That's all I ever thought about. Do you think I didn't know going in? I tried to put a stop to it before it even started and he just doubled down! Do you think for a second I wasn't viscously aware that I was setting myself up for -."

No. He's not gonna say it. He's not giving that to Eddie when he couldn't even give it to Ev-Buck. When he couldn't give it to Buck.

Eddie looks victorious anyway.

"And for six months you thought it was worth it."

"For six months I was too much of a coward to stop thinking about it."

Eddie drains the rest of his beer. "I'm not gonna lie. You screwed up pretty bad. Like. Astronomically bad. Giving up your location in a firefight bad."

Tommy does everything he can not to wince.

"It's salvageable, though. If you want it to be. If there's anything I know about Buck it's that second chances are his bread and butter." He's been dancing around saying anything of substance about Buck's feelings, in all of this, but the hints are there. As if the bouts of angry-depressive texts from Buck weren't clue enough.

"And what if it's not what I want?"

Eddie's eyes dart to his phone one more time. "Then you can make it a clean break in about ... three and a half minutes."

Tommy nearly tosses his beer across the room.

[thomaslittlegirl]

belong. thomas shelby

warnings; just fluff, sweet tommy. pt 2 -> click here!

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

the first thought thomas had when he saw you was that you didn't belong. you didn't belong in a horrible, rotten city like small heath.

you didn't belong to a family like yours, one that was neglected and couldn't give you the life you deserved.

the cheap dresses you wore did not match with the angelic beauty of your face, nor did your sweet way of acting with the brutality of the men of the town.

you were small, delicate... beautiful to corrupt. but thomas got a surprise; it was you who corrupted him. it was you who brought down the high, moisture-filled walls he had built around his heart.

now you are his.

thomas always leaves you out of his business. you are not involved in the family company and any member of it is strictly prohibited from talking to you about it or informing you of any of its shady dealings.

thomas protected you, thomas made you belong.

your old dresses were replaced by the most expensive in the country, cheap perfume by the most beautiful and floral that he found suitable for you, with any wealth you could want; with everything you always deserved.

now you live in a big, beautiful house, with maids willing to do any chore or activity you ask of them, without any need for you to have to do it like before.

even though you're rich now, shelby can't help but notice that you haven't blinded yourself to power and your essence is still the same that drove him crazy since he met you.

the sweet way in which you treat each of the maids, each of the guards and workers in the house makes their desire to protect you and spoil you even greater.

it's like you don't really realize that you are the queen of his house and his life itself.

while their dealings are strictly professional, yours come from the heart. it was the first time he saw you giving a beautiful and expensive dress to a maid when he understood it... or maybe when he saw you helping in the kitchen, regardless of the fact of dirtying your beautiful and delicate hands... or when he found you in the garden, helping the workers there and offering them a delicious meal before continuing with their activities.

the power and evil of his world did not corrupt you; they made you even sweeter.

today, like everyday, thomas comes home dragging his dirty, muddy shoes across the neat floor. the man takes off his heavy, expensive jacket and gets rid of his clothing as he climbs the stairs, heading to the room he now shares with the woman of his life. his favorite beret ends up on the bedroom floor and his gun ends up on your dresser, the one he had built especially for you.

when he finds you sitting on the bed reading, he finally releases the breath he didn't know he had been holding until then. he removes all clothing on his body and begins to walk softly to the bed, looking into your eyes with love and tiredness.

thomas lies on top of you, hugging you around the waist while his head rests on your abdomen. "sweet angel, i missed you." he murmurs, caressing the skin of your hips without breaking the hug.

you just need to whisper that you missed him too and hug him back so that he allows himself to break his invincible shell.

your cuddles lull him to sleep and he whispers i love you's silently in your stomach, promises.

thomas never felt like he belonged anywhere either, until he found your warmth.

[chronicowboy]

several sentence sunday

new fic is finished but it's not very christmassy so i'm going to wait a while before posting it. thought i'd give you a little sneaky peek to wet your whistle as it were:

He hits call. A ring. Two. Three. Four. Fi—

"Eddie?" Buck's voice rasps through the line, scratching some invisible itch deep in his gut. "A-are you okay?"

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Eddie asks, frowning. Hadn't even thought about the time, just thought about Buck and how he should be right there on the couch for Eddie to throw his legs over his lap. How his big hands should be burning through the material of Eddie's jeans as they share their final beer of the night.

"Yeah, but that's okay." A rustle. Eddie closes his eyes and imagines him sitting up in bed, curls adorably sleep rumpled. "Are you okay?"

"I'm grrrrreat," Eddie slurs, laughing to himself. "Tony the Tiger great."

"Are you drunk?" Buck asks, a little laugh in his voice. Eddie grins, triumphant.

"On victory!" Eddie basks in Buck's next chuckle like a cat finding the perfect ray of sun. "I won trivia night because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Mhm. Remembered all your facts. Giraffes hum. The universe is beige. The Moon will never leave the Earth even if The Moon is drifting away right now." Buck's breath hitches, something hurt in the sound. Eddie frowns, wants to chase away that hurt until he can live in the back of Buck's throat instead. It'd be warm. Buck would keep him safe there. "We got a hundred dollar bar tab!"

"We, huh?" Buck pries, gentle, quiet.

"Mhm. Morgan. The probie from work. Don't worry," Eddie rushes to add. "She's not best friend material. Just took pity on me for the night." He sighs. "I miss you."

"Eddie," Buck croaks. Another rustle. Another voice thick with sleep.

"Evan?" they mumble.

Eddie freezes all the way down to the breath in his lungs, lays there on the couch stock still, lungs burning, eyes wide.

"Is that Tommy?" he asks before he can think better of it. Buck lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a groan.

"No. No. Um, one second." His voice drifts, "I'll be back," and Eddie realises he's making that promise to whoever's lying next to him in bed, not Eddie. But that means Buck isn't going anywhere for now. Eddie gets to keep him whilst the stranger languishes alone in his bed. Buck never left him alone in that bed during quarantine. Not once. He listens to the pad of Buck's feet as he goes downstairs, the whoosh of the balcony door sliding open and closed again. "Just some guy I met at a bar."

"Oh." Eddie nods to himself, pursing his lips. "Sorry for interrupting."

"No, that's o-okay," Buck replies, voice unreadable. "You weren't really interrupting, Eddie. We were asleep."

"Right." Eddie nods again. Then, the words just fall out of his mouth. "Probably tired after... Y'know."

"Eddie." Buck takes a deep breath. "You okay?"

"Do you miss me?"

@danielsousa @jjudaslips @butchdiaz @outdiaz @shitouttabuck @poughkeepsies @saryasy @team-118 @that-sounds-mighty-oof-to-me @ambitiousbutrubbish @iamaniamscat @freetreasures @inell @chaoticlava101 @dangerpronebuddie @jacobglaser @doggirlbuck @rainbow-nerdss @faggotjonesss @unsteadylilactree @4thbrighteststar @laurenttheninth @missing-tony @eddiebabygirldiaz @try-set-me-on-fire (please let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist!!)

[inheritedbelly]

The weight of betrayal

"I'm sorry," I said, after accidentally turning all my weight onto my boyfriend while trying to get comfortable at night. My name is Tommy; I’m 22 years old… or rather, I used to be. I met my boyfriend on a dating site two years ago. When he told me he had magical abilities, I didn’t believe him. Until he proved it, right in front of me, making objects appear or change shape. After a few months of dating, I made a mistake and ended up cheating on Matt at a party. I didn’t intend to tell him, but… he’s magical, and he found out on his own. There was no way around it: he threw everything in my face, and I had no choice but to humiliate myself, begging for forgiveness. After all, I loved him. I made just one slip-up, which, in the end, came with a very high price.

"I used to be a good-looking, fit twink, everyone would stare at me, and I couldn’t help it that I was so drunk that night. Well, maybe a little bit of guilt," I thought.

“Well,” he said, “I can’t believe you had the nerve to do this to me. I don’t know if I can trust you again, but… I can make the most of this.” He grabbed one of his books and pointed his finger at me. I knew nothing good would come from this. “I’ll make sure you never betray me again. And since I like older, bigger guys… I’ll make the most of this.”

The result of this "game" is that today, here I am – a man in his 50s or 60s, old and fat. I never imagined I could be this big. Being old felt strange. I preferred lying down all day, and no one looked at me like they used to. I had no choice; Matt had said countless times that he would never undo the spell, no matter how much I insisted. All I could do was accept this new life as an old man. My back hurts, and I still haven’t gotten used to this huge belly. Being fat is a complicated experience – I sweat from the smallest effort and, all the time, I’m hungry. My deeper voice and advanced baldness give away my age.

But, when I think about it, not everything is as bad as it seems. After all, I love Matt, and someone like me – now old and fat – would hardly have another chance at a relationship. And, to my surprise, Matt seems to like it. In the afternoon, we sit on the couch, while he feeds me and strokes my belly, which has become a kind of giant cushion. At night, when we go to bed, he buries his face in my sagging chest, and at least now I fall asleep much faster than before, even though I snore loudly like a sleeping elephant. Everything feels much more affectionate than before, even though everyone thinks I'm Matt’s grandfather, not his boyfriend. And apparently, no one looks at me anymore. In fact, his exclusivity plan seems to have worked.

Although I want my old life back, I can’t deny that some things have improved, at least for Matt. He assured me that my life hasn’t been shortened – I’ll just keep this form until he also becomes an old, fat man like me. So, I guess it’s better to get used to this new appearance. After all, I kind of deserved what happened. I just wish my back didn’t hurt so much from having to carry this huge belly around…