#The episode is called ''Finding Mary McGuffin'' if anyone wanted to know.

[giantroboticplatypusbutt218]

I can't believe it took me so long to realize this.

There's an episode of Phineas and Ferb where Candace's special doll is accidentally sold to Doofenshmirtz in a yard sale. Doofenshmirtz then gives it to Vanessa, letting her know that he's been looking for the doll ever since she asked for it when she was little. Vanessa actually appreciates it, and puts it on a shelf... only for it to fall next to a charity bin that her mom puts it in and immediately donates when she's not looking. Vanessa then goes looking for it, basically competing to get it back before Candace does with the help of her brothers.

The thing I didn't realize, was the fantastic name the doll had.

Mary McGuffin.

For those who don't know, "McGuffin" is a reference to the MacGuffin trope. Basically, a MacGuffin is an important object that drives the plot solely by being sought out by the characters in the story.

And that's exactly what the the Mary McGuffin doll is. Vanessa and Candace want the doll, and the doll's only purpose in the plot is to be sought out by them.

I love this show so much.

[erbferbatinlerb]

sorry for the long post, i'm on mobile and cant put a read more but.... drumroll please.... due to popular demand here it is! Phineas Has ADHD: The Essay.

Hyperfixation on building/inventing things: Even more specifically amusement park rides ("Rollercoaster", "Rollercoaster The Musical", "One Good Scare", "Leave The Busting To Us", "Don't Even Blink", "Cheer Up Candace", "Delivery Of Destiny", etc.) Now, you can argue that he's a kid, and rides are fun, so of course he likes them, but if you look at it from a building standpoint, from an engineering standpoint? Phineas' interest lies in fun, of course, but he also must have an extreme interest in the engineering aspect of a ride in order to be skilled and knowledgeable enough to build them, and to be able to focus on the task so wholly.

He also gets incredibly attached to very specific things that some people often find strange, which seems like evidence of hyperfixation to me. (E.g.: aglets in "Tip of the Day", dental hygiene in "Bully Bust", Bulgarian folk dancing in "The Beak", detective movies in "Finding Mary McGuffin") hot tubs in "Bully Bromance Breakup", "Lotsa Latkes", "Swiss Family Phineas")

HYPERFOCUS: He and Ferb will dedicate their whole day to just one idea that they have. Phineas is able to weaponize his hyperfocusing talent incredibly well and stick to one task, but only if it is something he is extremely interested in — for example: In "Bully Bromance Breakup", he becomes almost unable to function without the stimulation of inventing, to the point where climbing a mountain with his friends—something he, by all accounts, should enjoy—becomes a difficult task for him.

He displays forgetfulness: In "Mom's Birthday", Phineas forgets it is his mom's birthday until he hears Candace mention it, and then he feels extremely guilty. We then see a montage of him, during various situations from the previous episodes (on the rollercoaster, etc.) telling Ferb: "We can't forget mom's birthday." Even though this was of course, a bit, if you take this as being canon (which there's no real reason not to), it means Phineas was constantly talking about their mom's birthday for weeks leading up to the event because he really didn't want to forget it and he was worried that he would (and in the end, he did), implying he may have a consistent tendency to be forgetful.

Phineas has an intense love of summer, and is implied to have a dislike for school—  which is natural for any kid his age, but it's not hard to imagine that he might feel cooped up and creatively stifled during school. Especially if we put his attitude towards school next to that of Baljeet, with whom he shares a love of learning and knowledge, it's hard to ignore the difference. Being as we've seen Phineas get agitated when he's not able to build and invent freely and on his own terms ("Bully Bromance Breakup", "Summer Belongs To You"), it's easy to imagine he may struggle in a public school environment.

He has impulsive and thrill-seeking tendencies, which are evident in many of the big ideas. ("Escape From Phineas Tower", "Rollercoaster", "Ain't No Kiddie Ride", "The Beak", "One Good Scare", "Phineas and Ferb-Busters", "Leave The Busting To Us", ETC.) Adrenaline-seeking behaviour is common in individuals with ADHD and goes hand-in-hand with a low tolerance for boredom which Phineas explicitly states himself to possess in the very first episode of the show. ("Rollercoaster")

However, on the flip side to his aversion to boredom, he can also spend literally hours just standing in the backyard, not even talking, if that's just what he feels like doing that day. ("Best Lazy Day Ever")

He is highly energetic and is the most talkative one of his friends. He has also suggested having an awareness and perhaps an insecurity that he talks too much in some situations. ("Misperceived Monotreme")

He sometimes has trouble with listening, and interrupts people, especially when he's excited: in "Ready For The Bettys", when they stumble upon Perry's lair, Phineas assumes Ferb built everything and doesn't listen, constantly interrupting when Ferb tries to protest; in "Hail Doofania", he assumes that he knows what Isabella is talking about (not having seen a rainbow before) and makes it his mission for the day to do what he thinks she means, and doesn't take the time to hear her out when she tries to explain otherwise because he's too invested in/excited about the project he has in mind.

Obliviousness / missing of social cues: The most obvious example is Isabella's crush on him, which he consistently fails to notice. ("Chronicles of Meap", "Meapless in Seattle", "That Sinking Feeling", "Happy New Year", "Summer Belongs To You", "Happy Birthday Isabella", "Doofapus", "It's No Picnic") He also seems not to understand that Candace wants to get them in trouble, nor that he actually probably would get in trouble if his mom knew what he and Ferb were doing. In fact, he gets excited about sharing their endeavors with Linda, clearly oblivious to the potential repercussions. ("Traffic Cam Caper", "What'd I Miss", "Suddenly Suzy")

Highlighted Episodic Evidence

Chronicles of Meap/Meapless in Seattle

Phineas's dismissal of Isabella's "cuteness" comments shows again his difficulty picking up on social cues, especially when distracted by a mission. He does not seem to understand, or at least does not acknowledge, Isabella's clear frustration with him. He does not understand that he is dismissing Isabella's feelings, because to him it feels obvious that she is cute and he doesn't think he needs to say it. Followed up in "Meapless in Seattle" with the "You think I'm cute?" "It's a scientific fact!" interaction—Phineas is not understanding that this isn't really how to give a compliment; he does not seem to realize that by not acknowledging Isabella's cuteness he could be hurting her feelings/nurturing her insecurities.

That Sinking Feeling

Once again, he misses cues from Isabella about her feelings for him, or if he understands them, he does not outwardly acknowledge them. He also tries to create romance for Mishti and Baljeet by taking "scientifically" romantic things, based upon his research (mostly the movie Titanic): candles, live music, the situation of a sinking ship... He over-does these things in a calculated way to try and curate the most scientifically romantic situation possible. This also mirrors Candace's opinion about his cold, calculated methods in "Perry Lays an Egg".

Cheer Up Candace

Phineas cares about Candace and when he sees her upset, he wants to help her, and he makes it his goal to do so. He hears the first step from Isabella's magazine is a makeover and he immediately thinks of a clown. He sets off to execute his plan without consulting anyone (except Ferb) and after it goes, as you can expect, not well, he realizes in hindsight that his impulsive idea was built on flawed logic. However, rather than dwell on this, he decides to dive right into the next step and he continues to do wildly over the top, fantastical versions of the magazine suggestions. I think this demonstrates a lack of understanding for social cues as well as impulsivity and impatience. Furthermore, he doesn't even wait to hear step two before setting out to achieve step one, and he doesn't ask Isabella her opinion or even listen to her suggestions once he has entered his own Idea Zone. Also, the Mix 'n' Mingle Machine is a great example of his unconventional and greatly efficiency-focused thought processes—  

he thinks of it as the most efficient way to meet as many people as possible in a short time, demonstrating a clear misunderstanding of what the actual intent of "meeting someone" was in the magazine. He is also basing this idea on his personal notions of what he finds fun, not what Candace would necessarily want.

Summer Belongs To You

When stranded on the island, Phineas shows an intense frustration when he's unable to put an optimistic spin on things. He also has a clear discomfort when he is without any tools to build with. Again, we see his hyperfocus on inventing (in this case: fixing the plane) get in the way of Isabella trying to have a romantic moment with him, and in the way of relaxing in general. She sees the sights of Paris, alone time with him, and chances to enjoy themselves, whereas Phineas sees things he could use as airplane parts, single-mindedly focused on his mission. And again he misses or does not acknowledge Isabella's frustration with him in the "It seemed like romance was a foregone conclusion" scene. This is strong evidence for Phineas' hyperfixation because he gets so caught up in his own world when it comes to inventing/building/working that he doesn't even notice what's going on around him, then he fails to see the irony of him identifying Candace&Jeremy and Ferb&Vanessa as romantic interests while entirely missing the fact that Isabella & him are also "a boy and a girl, alone in the city of love."

Also of note is his complete focus on completing the Summer Solstice goal. Because, despite the fact that they made it back to Danville safely after being in a pretty perilous situation—which should have become their main concern being as they were just stranded on an island with no food or way to call for help—he cannot be satisfied with that. Needing to get home before the sun sets for the sake of winning his bet and symbolically representing his worldview, he yells at candace when she doesn't want to get on the trike, because he's determined to still get there on time, intensely focused on both proving a point and upholding his personal values.

Happy Birthday Isabella

Isabella does not want an over-the-top surprise party, all she wants is to spend time alone with Phineas, but Phineas is so focused on his idea of her perfect birthday party that he does not seem to realize what her wishes are. He sends her away from him so that she won't know about the surprise, and does not even do so very gently (getting Buford to carry her away in a sack) instead of even asking her what she wants.

Bully Bromance Breakup

In this episode, Phineas is shown to get extremely distressed when he has to go even a short period of time without building/inventing anything. This is representative of a need for constant stimulation (which would explain why he is so adamant that he cannot put up with boredom). This also evidences his hyperfixation on building/inventing. The whole time that they're climbing the mountain with Baljeet, Phineas is completely preoccupied by his ideas for inventions, and after Baljeet rejects his ideas a few times, he gets increasingly agitated, eventually gets to a point where he is unable to climb anymore and has to get pulled up by the others, and he is shown rambling to himself about all of the invention ideas he has.

This is by no means a definitive list, and I'm sure there are many more moments in the show that provide evidence of these ideas, but this is the ones that stood out to me. Anyway, in conclusion, Phineas has ADHD. If you're still reading this incredibly long post by this point: uhh, thank you, I guess! Have a nice day. 💖

[theepsizet]

Me ranting about Chris Chibnall part 1: Historical Stories

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be ranting about the Chibnall era and how frustrated I am over the quality of it. Today we’ll be looking into historical stories and why they don’t work in Chibnall’s tenure as showrunner compared to his predecessors.

Watch for the tag “Chibnall rants” if you want to view more. With that out of the way, let’s get started.

While I could technically be making a YouTube video about this, plenty of others have already done so.

The thing is about the writing quality of the show is that it dropped. Dramatically. Chris Chibnall has a knack for writing crime dramas — anyone who has seen his work on Broadchurch and Life on Mars can agree with that — but so far he’s shown to be pretty bad with science-fiction such as Doctor Who. (This is evident in his episodes in the RTD and Moffat era, but that’s another entry for another time.)

One of the things that he often gets criticized for is the fact that he has this habit of putting “politics first, story next”. And yeah, he does. We’re about 24 episodes in, and it’s pretty obvious he’s only making firm political statements about humanity and society are the main focus rather than the plot & characters of a story.

The historical stories in his era of a blatant example of this. Since Doctor Who is a show about having adventures throughout time and space, it wouldn’t

Well... uh... yeah in this case it is.

Most of the historical stories in the Chibnall era — except for Demons of the Punjab but we’ll get to that — tend to have their main focus on real-world historical figures rather than the plot. Historical stories in Doctor Who tend to find the Doctor and their companions landing in a historical setting and, coincidentally, battling aliens alongside those historical figures. Usually the story will focus on what made the figure well-known and inquorate. And while it comes across as formulaic, it’s not a bad formula:

The Doctor and Rose battle ghosts with Charles Dickens.

The Doctor and Martha battle alien witches who share Shakespeare's genius for language.

The Doctor and Donna solve a murder mystery with Agatha Christie.

The Doctor, Amy, and Rory attempt to discover why a siren is plaguing Henry Avery’s crew.

And so on and so forth.

Except with the 13th Doctor... the stories focus on the historical figures, not the story. The best example is perhaps the weakest of these historical stories, Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror, where the Doctor and her companions spend 80% of the story learning about Tesla’s life (even going as far as to include Thomas Edison, who doesn’t do anything other than being an egocentric nuisance) and not bothering to deal with the fact that piratical alien scorpions are trying to kidnap him and take over the world. The Doctor solves the problem by simply pointing her sonic screwdriver pointing at the queen’s device and sending her back to her ship. She then tells Tesla to activate the tower and the Skithra leave Earth. The story then ends with the Doctor telling Yasmin about the future once they leave.

That’s it. That’s exactly what happens, and it’s jarring to think this is what Chibnall presents a historical story as. Pointless runaround and educating the audience about a historical figure, not caring about the conflict at all. It’s bland, pointless, and feels like a waste of time once you move on.

Before Chibnall became showrunner, Moffat presented a historical story called Let’s Kill Hitler, in which the Doctor, Amy, and Rory take their best friend Mels. At some point — for spoiler reasons I’m not saying — River appears and steals the show, allowing the audience to get invested in a River who just became herself.

The thing is, Hitler is simply locked up in a closet after 10 minutes of screentime. And while Let’s Kill Hitler is one of Moffat’s weaker scripts, the episodes mocks the idea of focusing only on a historical figure. Even the Teselecta is just a cheap time machine that represents the classic “touring through time” trope that is quite childish compared to what Doctor Who presents it it’s audience.

This is a complete opposite to something like Vincent and the Doctor, which is the complete reverse of the formulaic historical Doctor Who story. Instead it focuses on Vincent Van Gough and the only real reason it isn’t educational is because it focuses not on Van Gough’s life, but on his friendship with the Doctor and Amy, something that the recent historical tries to avoid; the Doctor instead visits them as a total stranger, rather than try and get along with them to not the situation too awkward (a great example is how the Doctor is going as far as to avoid interacting with Rosa in Rosa, which though might also be due to the racism at the time) .

Then there is the case of using historical figures for fan service. Both Spyfall: Part 2 and Rosa feature historical characters that barley impact the plot but just seem to be there just because the writers thought it would be a good idea. In Spyfall: Part 2, the Doctor just happens to meet Ada Lovelace and Noor Inayat Khan out of the blue and just because the writer [Chibnall] wanted her so. They’re only impact in the plot is, in Ada’s case, the Doctor finding a McGuffin from the previous story and landing in a different time period, and seeking shelter (both Ada and Noor’s case). In Rosa, while the episode tries and focuses on her, the weak antagonist and how easy the situation gets resolved leaves a pretty bad taste in the mouth. Rosa Parks is characterized well, good even, but the conflict doesn’t seem to serious. Technically speaking, Rosa Parks could have still gotten on the bus and still went to jail; the only difference is the bus-driver. The other problems include the fact that situation is resolved so easily, and well, again the inclusion of historical figures. Martin Luther King Jr. pops up, but he’s immediately sidelined, and seems to really only be there because the writers gave a shout-out along the lines of “hey this guy changed racism in America, he’s important and you should pay attention” rather than focus a story on him.

This feels like something the classic series would do. Speaking of which...

Classic Doctor Who started off as an educational show, and the earliest historical episodes did either focus on a time period or a person — i.e. the first Doctor’s tenure had an episode where the Doctor and his companions join Marco Polo and interact with King Richard the Lionheart during the Crusades — but historical stories pretty much mellowed out in favor of more science fiction approaches. When a historical story did show up, it was more focused on the science-fiction aspect of it, rather than the historical part.

There’s a self-aware joke of doing a historical Doctor Who story by —sorry everybody, but he’s clever — Douglas Adams, in the episode City of Death.

For those of you who don’t know, City of Death follows the 4th Doctor and Romana trying to stop an alien from travelling back in time and causing a paradox that will prevent his species from extinction. Indeed, he has to fund his time machine using six copies of the Mona Lisa, which the Doctor later has to go back and time and drop off the blank canvases so they can be painted for this future adventure.

...this feels like something Steven Moffat would write.

Anyways, during the first part the Doctor and Romana visit the Louvre and visit the Mona Lisa. While the 13th Doctor would be characterized at showing how amazing Leonardo Da Vinci was and how his work will impact humanity forever (similar to what she did in Rosa), this exchange occurs:

Romana: Why hasn’t she [the painting] gotten any eyebrows?

The Doctor: What? Is that all you can say? No eyebrows? We're talking about the Mona Lisa! It's the Mona—

(The Doctor inspects the painting more closely)

The Doctor: Good heavens, you're right. She hasn't got any eyebrows. Do you know, I never noticed that before.

Get it, it’s funny because it works? Ah, I guess I’ll see myself out.

So... yeah. That’s it for now. This is part 1 of me ranting about Chibnall’s poor Doctor Who writing.

Side-note: The reasons I didn’t talk about stories such as The Wtichfinders and The Haunting of Villa Diodati is because — at least in my opinion, feel free to complain in an ask — they worked as episodes, even if it dragged at times. The Witchfinders did a pretty good job at demonstrating the sexism and paranoia over something logical at the time and The Haunting of villa Diodati did a fantastic ghost story by following the formula of the new series. Mary Shelley and Frankenstein was the main focus, and the Doctor and her companions had an adventure inspired by, well, Frankenstein.

Also I don’t count Can You Hear Me? because the historical setting wasn’t very important; it wasn’t really a historical episode.

(Screenshots © copyrighted by the BBC; do NOT give me credit for the pictures)

[themurphyzone]

World’s Greatest Dad Ch 1

“Remember how you said if I got you a little Mary McGuffin doll, I’d be the world’s greatest dad?” 

“Yeah, when I was like, seven….”

 I was thinking about this quote the other night, and it occurred to me that the PnF fandom doesn’t have a lot of stories that involve a younger Vanessa. They’re out there, I remember there was one fanfic that had Vanessa and Heinz visiting Roger on Halloween night and she was dressed like a black cat. And if anyone recalls Emergency Procedures by Sage of Mudora, there was a certain flashback where you don’t know true seething hatred for Heinz’s sperm and egg donors until you’ve read it.

 Anyway, the episode Finding Mary McGuffin gave me the inspiration for this fic. I’ve been wanting to write a young Vanessa story for a while now.  Hope you enjoy!

Ch 1: Questions and Hot Chocolate

Ads blared on the television, filling the penthouse with saccharine, overly cheery songs about family and all the hot items on sale this holiday season. Heinz knew he was going to get Jingle Bells stuck in his head again, but he was too preoccupied with cleaning to care. He debated breaking out the Vacuum-inator to speed things along, but that particular creation tended to be unpredictable on its best days. And he refused to wade through a balcony filled with dust bunnies again.

Heinz sprayed the table with a cleaning solution, swiping a rag through the liquid. He held his turtleneck over his nose so he didn’t breathe in the harsh ammonia scent.

He had to keep moving. It was better than just sitting on the couch and wallowing. Especially when the rest of the city was so cheery with their carols and horse-drawn carriages and chiming bells.

It wasn’t that he hated it, per se.

He just didn’t care.

And there were more important things to do. For instance, making his little girl happy and trying to establish himself as enough of a threat to warrant a nemesis.

Speaking of his little girl, Charlene should’ve dropped her off by now. Heinz glanced at the clock. How could it already be five with no sign of them yet? He forced himself to breathe and relax before dialing Charlene’s cell number.

“C’mon pick up, pick up,” Heinz muttered as the phone continued to ring. “Why isn’t she picking up?”

“Hello, Heinz. Vanessa and I are just heading out the door. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” Charlene said smoothly, as if she didn’t care about punctuality.

Heinz sighed. “You’re an hour late.”

“I’m not,” Charlene sounded offended. Heinz could just picture that familiar eye roll. Vanessa had taken to doing the same thing recently. Must’ve gotten it from her mom. “Did you forget Daylight Savings ended last month?”

“What does Daylight Savings have to do with anything?” Heinz grumbled. But he glanced at the time displayed on the DVD player, then over to the analog clock on the wall. Sure enough, the DVD player held the correct time. Heinz pinched the bridge of his nose in embarrassment. “Sorry, you’re right. I never remember to change the analog. Didn’t mean to get all…accusatory there.”

There was a soft snort on the other end. “Apology accepted. You want to talk to Vanessa? I can’t be on the phone and drive at the same time.”

Heinz could feel his mood brighten considerably. “That would be great.”

“Here, Vanessa. Talk to Dad,” Charlene said. Vanessa said something in the background that Heinz couldn’t make out. “Just say hi.”

“Hi,” a quiet voice muttered.

“Hi, sweetie! Are you ready for the weekend?” Heinz asked.

Silence.

“I’ve got hot chocolate and a box of candy canes here. You like that stuff, right?” he pressed.

“Mm-hm.”

Vanessa loved chocolate. It was her version of almond brittle. He knew she wouldn’t be able to resist a mug of her favorite drink, especially now that a cold front had blown into Danville. While it wasn’t unusual that she was quiet on the phone, he thought she’d at least perk up over that.

Heinz decided to try one more time. Maybe he could get a general idea of what was happening. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” Vanessa said, though she didn’t sound like it. “See you in a few minutes.”

She hung up.

Heinz could only stare at the phone in disbelief, wondering if the current custody agreement had something to do with him raising a teenager in a seven-year old’s body.

“Hot chocolate mix, mugs, marshmallows, candy canes, and the milk is in the fridge,” Heinz reviewed, racking his brain for any items he might’ve missed. “Instant Hot Cocoa-inator. I should remember that for next year. And it’ll be nothing like the Instant Hot Coffee-inator. I think I still have blisters from that one.”

The mug didn’t reply.

“I have got to stop talking to myself like this,” he muttered. The doorbell rang, and Heinz grinned at the items on the counter. “And I’ll be right back, you guys are gonna cheer my baby girl up in a bit, okay?”

He rushed to the door, pausing briefly to remind himself that he shouldn’t fling the door open and embrace Vanessa right there. The week had gone by slower than Heinz would’ve liked. It had been way too long since he last saw her.

Both Charlene and Vanessa would say it’s only been two weeks, but that was still a long time.

After inhaling deeply to calm himself, Heinz opened the door.

The first thing he noticed was how heavily the two were bundled up. Scarves, coats, boots, and pretty much the entire winter deal. It must’ve been colder than he thought.

Charlene cleared her throat. “Well, hope you two have fun.”

“Hi, Dad,” Vanessa said. She busied herself by removing her gloves. A black backpack was slung over her shoulders.  

“Hey, go put your things away and come to the kitchen,” Heinz said. “I’m making both of us hot chocolate. Looks like you could use it.”

For more reasons than just the cold, he added silently as he watched her shuffle off to her room.

Once Vanessa was out of earshot, Charlene sighed. “Maybe you’ll have better luck with her. I think something happened at school this week, but she’s not handing over any details.”

“She isn’t being bullied, is she?” Heinz’s mouth tasted like sand, his memories of Big Black Boots Boris resurfacing briefly before he pushed that bully to the back of his mind (part of him was itching to make a scheme out of that).

“I’d have to call her teacher for a conference as soon as possible if that were the case. There’s a week and a half left before Winter Break,” Charlene mused, shooting Heinz a pointed look that clearly said she’d be handling the teacher portion if it came to that.

Heinz balked, but he knew she had a point. He’d gotten tossed out of the last Meet the Teacher night, and the school probably wouldn’t want him back on their property any time soon.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Heinz finally said. “No promises though.”

“You’ve gotten through to her before,” Charlene said. “I’m sure this time will be no different. Anyway, I’d better go. Those holiday cards aren’t going to write themselves. Be back on Sunday evening!”

“We’ve done this routine for two years!” Heinz called after her as she walked back to the elevator, annoyed that she thought he needed the reminder. “I already know it!”

He closed the door, mentally counting to ten to get his irritation out.

Vanessa was taking her time, he’d noticed. Heinz was about to knock on her bedroom door to check on her, but he knew she didn’t like being rushed. He decided to microwave the milk first and only check if she hadn’t come out by the time both mugs finished.

It was funny how time worked. Sometimes days passed in the blink of an eye, while others would drag on until the dull clicks of a clock would drive any sane person mad. It seemed like yesterday that Vanessa had learned to crawl and would stubbornly insist on following him everywhere. It was the first time Heinz had noticed just how unsafe the makeshift lab he’d set up in the basement could be. He didn’t want to find out if Vanessa had inherited his resistance to random things exploding.

Then the divorce happened.

Heinz and Charlene didn’t see eye to eye on many things. But they both agreed that Vanessa shouldn’t be denied a relationship with one parent.

Things worked out. Though the first few weekend visits had been awkward, Vanessa adjusted remarkably well. In fact, Heinz thought she adjusted better than he had.

“Dad, you’re being weird again,” a voice cut in.

Heinz blinked, realizing that he’d been staring down at two steaming mugs of milk. Vanessa must’ve come in while he’d been lost in his thoughts.

Wallowing, to be exact.

It was a habit he really needed to break.

Vanessa tossed a math workbook onto the table, rushing up to the counter to get a good look at the ingredients Heinz had set out.

“I don’t have whipped cream, but we’ll be fine without it,” Heinz said. “How many marshmallows do you want?”

“I can do it myself,” Vanessa declared, ripping open the hot chocolate mix and dumping it into her mug.

“How’s school going?” Heinz asked as he added the mix to his own cup. Vanessa was too focused on getting the last of the powder out to respond. “Just trying to make conversation.”

She glanced at the box of candy canes before slowly pushing it away.

“Not a fan?” he guessed. “Or is it the whole no candy before dinner thing? Cause you can have one. What your mother doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

Vanessa shook her head. “There’s a girl in Ms. Hanson’s class who looks like a candy cane. She wears red and white and she’s always carrying this huge stuffed Ducky Momo.”

It was the first time she’d spoken more a few sentences since arriving. Heinz couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. Then he saw Vanessa shooting a reproachful glare at him, and he figured that he wasn’t supposed to be smiling at whatever she was going to say. He took a sip of his drink as he focused on getting his mouth back to a neutral position.

“Is this girl being mean to you?” Heinz asked. The words were out of his mouth before he knew it. He couldn’t help but assume the worst. Or think up a whole bunch of complicated schemes that would nip this bullying thing in the bud before Vanessa was hurt.

Bullies would leave their mark forever.

He knew that all too well.

Vanessa added two marshmallows to her hot chocolate and carried it back to the table. “She’s not mean,” she said, resting her elbow on the table as she stirred her hot chocolate. “We talk sometimes. We were sitting at lunch together today.”

Heinz was just relieved that bullying didn’t seem to be the issue. “And what happened?”

“We talked,” Vanessa said. “She said her mom was remarrying and she was getting a new brother. Then I asked who her mom was married to before. And she said she didn’t remember his name, but he was gone. Then she grabbed her Ducky Momo and left.”

Suddenly the hot chocolate didn’t seem so appetizing anymore.

There was always the possibility of Charlene remarrying some stranger. She was financially stable and down to earth. But he couldn’t fathom Vanessa calling someone else ‘Dad.’ That honor belonged to him alone and there was no force in the world that could make him surrender it.

“And why you’re upset has something to do with this?” he asked, uncertain as to where this story was heading.

“I think I made her mad,” Vanessa said quietly. She breathed on her hot chocolate, creating small ripples along the surface. “Did I say something wrong?”

“You didn’t,” Heinz replied. He didn’t know all the details. Vanessa might’ve left something out. But it didn’t seem like a possibility. And he didn’t want her to imitate his self-blaming habit. “What did you mean by ‘he was gone’?”

Vanessa shrugged. “Gone.”

Which could mean a lot of things, but it was clear she didn’t know. Heinz decided to drop that part.

“You could say sorry if you’re worried about her being mad,” Heinz suggested.

“Okay,” Vanessa said, for once not arguing with him. She was biting her lip. There was something else on her mind.

Against his better judgment, Heinz decided to pry. “Are you thinking about anything else?”

“Are you going to be gone too?”

English words with multiple meanings were quickly rising to the top of his To Destroy list.

“I…I don’t understand,” Heinz sputtered, almost choking on a marshmallow. He seriously needed to brush up on what parenting books said about discussing heavy topics. “Gone as in left or gone as in… permanently gone?”

He couldn’t say dead.

And he wasn’t sure which option was worse.

“Both,” Vanessa said. She was giving him an odd look.

This was how the girl Vanessa had talked to must’ve felt. Heinz couldn’t blame her for stomping off if Vanessa’s questions made her uncomfortable. He was tempted to do the same thing.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Heinz said firmly as he dumped the empty mugs in the sink. It was taking all his effort to sound calm. “And I don’t have anywhere else I need to be. Just do your homework and I’ll cook dinner.”

Vanessa didn’t argue. She flipped to her assignment and got right to work.

A/N: Heinz, you’re a disaster. A lovable disaster but still.

It’s funny how Vanessa’s story about accidentally making Candace mad/uncomfortable came together because it didn’t start that way when I was planning it. Some things just write themselves, you know?

[sfdfmoviereviews]

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017) (WITH SPOILERS)

This won’t go the way you think.

Rian Johnson takes us back to Rey (Daisy Ridley), Finn (john Boyega), and the rest of the gang (except Han (see, I told you there’d be spoilers)). Not long after the events of JJ Abrams’ revival of the franchise, The Resistance is on the run from an emboldened First Order, and Rey seeks to coax Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) out of his hermitude. Hijinks, battles, learning, and the most startling Star Wars film you’ve ever seen ensue.

Where Abrams showed us that Lucasfilm under Disney knows how to make a Star Wars film, Johnsons shows us of just what a Star Wars film is capable. From the opening shot- which subverts the tradition of opening on the underside of a Star Destroyer- The Last Jedi constantly engages with and utterly destroys any expectation that events might play out as they have before. In truth we get a lot of the beats you might know from The Empire Strikes Back, just as we saw echos of A New Hope in The Force Awakens. But the darlings of trilogy structure are slaughtered here. Our hotshot heroes concoct a hair-brained caper to save the Resistance fleet, but it fails miserably and we are saved instead by to the wisdom and sacrifice of older women. Our unlikely chosen one charms the reluctant and secluded mentor, and seeks to follow his example of loving the villain, and is soundly flummoxed. McGuffins and Chekov’s guns and callbacks and even arch villains are all introduced, only to be summarily dispatched in the name of an achingly personal story.

That story is utterly disinterested in the conventional aims of heroes and villains. Our heroes lose the Star War pretty soundly in any measurable sense, but emerge with far greater moral integrity and sense of purpose than any victory might confer. The result is stunningly contemporary, as Rey treads a path between finding meaning in her past and the past of her mentor, and abandoning all learning and wisdom to pursue ego. Kylo Ren’s great tragedy is his inability to do the same. Or maybe it isn’t, there are layers and layers here to be sifted through ad nauseum if you so choose.

Tonally the film is far more pulpy than what we’ve seen before- one of the best fight scenes you’ll ever see starts with a shot in the colours of a Frank R Paul cover. There are cute creatures and foppish enemy generals and simple gags galore, particularly in the first act or so. But this ostensible japery works very subltely and effectively to prepare the audience for the surprises of the third act. The result is a film utterly unconcerned with Star Wars legacy, and able to pursue it’s own path with conviction and efficiency. Our heroes must find their own way in the galaxy now, and they shan’t be held back by tradition (nor, incidently, time spent on establishing shots of landing spaceships).

The sheer amount of risk involved means the film won’t work for everybody. Those gags can be a bit on the nose at times, and in truth the film doesn’t have time to properly address everything. Notably, while John Boyega’s Finn gets plenty to do- and thus introduces us to Kelly Marie Tran’s wonderful Rose Tico- his arc doesn’t make enough use of this stormtrooper-turned-rebel learning about the broader galaxy outside his life as a child soldier. The beats are there but the film is simply focused on other things and thus an interesting story- one that confronts the larger implications of a series called “Star Wars”- is left largely unexplored. Finn’s arc does give us more of Gwendoline Christie’s Captain Phasma, but not much. Phasma’s appearance is unsatisfying for anyone drawn to the character’s image, being neither particularly interesting, nor effectively subversive as say, having the character get knocked in the jetpack and bouncing down a hole. Overall Phasma’s appearance (or lack thereof) is a small detraction, and if you want more of the character you would do well to check out Delilah S Dawson’s excellent novel.

Design and cinematography are fantastic, with the usual ultra-detailed view of the Star Wars galaxy largely replaced with a few iconic, singular images. It’s very new (for Star Wars), and very good (universally).

Performances are uniformly strong. It must be noted that this film includes Laura Dern as a purple-haired space admiral Amilyn Holdo. Beyond the fact that she is playing a PURPLE-HAIRED SPACE ADMIRAL, Dern is fantastic, injecting her screen time with volumes of presence. She has tremendous chemistry with Oscar Isaac, and manages to convey a sense of a long friendship with Carrie Fisher’s General Leia in their single scene together. Fisher herself is fantastic here, again establishing a singular screen presence. Kelly Marie Tran’s Rose Tico is wonderfully earnest, and is a fine addition to the franchise. Boyega aand Ridley don’t get quite as much to do as Finn and Rey as they did previously, but nonetheless deliver. Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren is exquisitely balanced, offering both hope for redemption and iredeemable hate. Benicio del Toro is fantastic as a morally ambiguous rogue who is in fact just an asshole.

Johnson’s The Last Jedi takes the franchise to new and exciting places, and is unlike any Star War you’ve ever seen. If you haven’t seen it already, you should.

Tim

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Straight to the Dark

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. I hate this movie. I hate it. It’s bad, man. Fundamentally terrible. It’s a bad Star War. It’s a bad film in general. Everything is terrible. All of it. It’s so terrible. Here’s a list of the terrible stuff:

The Bad

Movie gives away the massive twist in a test crawl. It literally says that Palpatine called the galaxy and said, “Surprise, b*tch. Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.” That’s how this movie starts. That’s how i knew it was going to be a bad time.

Sh*t goes into montage of Kylo Ren murdering a bunch of nameless asshole. No plot progression of thematic weight. We don’t know who any of these assholes are, he’s just in the woods, with an entire battalion of Stormtroopers, murdering cats for one of the many, many, mcguffins in this fetch quest of a goddamn film.

Where did all of the Stormtrooper bodies go? They just f*cking disappeared. There’s, like, three of these asshole. Kylo had an entire ship of troops. The f*cc is shot continuity??

The movie doesn’t tell you this because f*ck being good at telling a story, but the people Kylo is slaughtering are Vader Occultists. hat’s right, they worship Darth Vader as a god and yet, here they are trying to murder his living, breathing, grandson? For real? He’s their version of Jesus and you’re going to fight him to the death over some sh*t that probably belongs to him anyway by birthright? Okey-dokey.

gain, none of that is stated or shown in the actual film. F*ck thematic weight or unique story telling, we got an entire original trilogy to wank instead.

So, five minutes in, Kylo finds Palpatine and the “Emporer” is like, “It was me, Barry.” and shows him a bunch of Snoke clones in a jar or some sh*t. Wat. What the f*ck ws all that sh*t Snoke was talking then? About being older than the Sith and talking all that good sh*t? How could Snoke have trained anyone in anything if he was a f*cking puppet the whole time??

Smash cut to Finn yelling about some sh*t. F*ck, they murdered the agency in this character, man. Former Stormtrooper, abandoning his space Nazi rhetoric to became a freedom fighter, who is possibly force sensitive? And he’s one of the six black folks in a galaxy, far, far, away? Hell yeah! Two movies later, syke! Finn is a weenie that can’t do anything by suck Rey’s dick. Welcome to Kathleen Kennedy’s “Force is Female” agenda, boys! Take all of the agency and creativity for the male leads and give it to Rey because f*ck you!

And before you brand me some neckbeard chauvinist, i have no problem with all of the mary sueness that is Rey. There are ways, in-universe, to explain that. No, i am upset that all of that mary sueness came at the expense of literally every other main character in this goddamn trilogy! It’s dope Rey is so strong for no goddamn reason. whatever, f*ck you, but to sacrifice and semblance of an interesting supporting cast? Really? are you serious right now? How does that a good story, make? specially when there was so much fertile ground to develop at the end of Awakens.

Uncanny valley Carrie Fisher. They cut old footage of her into this flick because Rey needs a master. guess what? Se had one. Guess what? Mark Hamil is actually still alive! Why did you need Fisher when you could have just not killed Luke or had him actually train her in Last Jedi or not killed him off so he could be around to enrich Episode IX like everyone had signed up for? Instead, yall decide to Frankenstein old footage of Carrie Fisher into this flick in the most clumsy way possible.

How the f*ck is Carrie Fisher versed well enough in the force to teach Rey anything?? What does she even know?? She literally stopped 30 f*cking years ago! How are you a master of anything?

So, the exposition in this movie is absurd. Cats just sit round in a group and tell you the plot. Constantly. There is literally no time for this film to actually show you hings barbecue we gotta get this sh*t done, so they just TELL you EVERYTHING in a goddamn MOVIE!

This movie feels like the climax of a film, for 2nd a half hours. And not just any film because Endgame did that to wildly different results, but a bad film. Like, a Michael Bay film. It feels like the ass shots and explosions of the end to a Michel Bay film, but the entire movie. It has about the same amount of substance and urgency as f*cking The Rock or some sh*t, with all of the narrative strength to boot.

They keep referring to Anakin’s lightsaber as Luke’s, this entire trilogy, and it’s pissing me off. Luke’s saber was green because he was a Jedi Sentinel. He wanted to know the ways of the Force. That was his path to Mastery. Anakin’s was blue because he was a Jedi Guardian. He wanted to use the force to protect those around him since he had lost so much. That’s why he was so skilled at dueling. Luke’s lightsaber f*cking disappeared or some sh*t. It ws never addressed.

Bro, this teleporting sh*t. For real? The Force is basically telekinesis and telepathy. It’s not magic, my dude. What the f*ck is this teleporting bullsh*t all of a sudden? There is no precedence for this in Legends or canon. you can’t keep ex machina-ing sh*t, especially when the driving force of your narrative is a goddamn mcguffin chase!

Jetpack Stormtroopers that launch from the back of desert motorcycles. The entire sentence is some sh*t a fourteen year old try-hard would write in his fan fiction. It has no place in a proper Star War. Bad J.J. Bad.

Stormtroopers can hit the broad side of a barn yet, this one jetpack trooper not only blew up both of your getaway vehicles, but did it mid flight? For real? b*tch, how? Were THEY using the goddamn force??

Nope! Plot contrivance because they needed to get tuck in that specific quicksand, right specifically now!

Force Heal? Really? F*ck, whatever, man. Force Heal. Force Teleport. F*ck, I’m surprised there’s not Force Time Travel. Sh*t man, there might be. Palpatine is alive and he blew the f*ck up when his Death Star did!

Everything about C-3PO and this stupid Sith dagger mcguffin. Everything.

Oh, Poe. I thought they did Finn dirty bit you? Holy sh*t. Dude was a Spice runner? Really? Not even a hint to any of that before but now, because there’s no time to actually flesh out his character properly, you just drop that? When we first met, you were an ace pilot and hero for the Resistance. Rian Johnson got his claws into you with Kathleen Kennedy’s blessing, and you became a mutinous manbaby. Now, you’re an outright space coke runner. Character assassination at it’s finest, if you can call what they gave Poe a character to begin with.

First Order blockade mcguffin, i choose you! Thank you faceless character i just met that Poe has apparently known for decades or whatever, f*ck you!

More Force Teleport fighting!

Dyad in the Force, huh? okay. I thought Snoke did that to f*ck with Kylo in the last movie but whatever. I don’t care anymore. F*ck you.

So Rey finds out she’s a Palpatine and has an emotional crisis. For less than a minute because f*ck emotional levity or character growth, we gott get this sh*t done!

So you introduce an entire platoon of Stormtrooper deserters, give Finn a non-Jedi love interest, and just gloss over all of that with a single conversation of exposition? Really? That could have been a really great part of his person journey but NOPE! F*CK YOU!!

Leia dies for no apparent reason. apparently, when you use your Force powers after a long time, you just croak? Okey-dokey.

Kylo Ren outright dominates Rey until he feels his mom die and Rey take an opportunity to sucker stab him in the gut. AND THEN she feels Leia die. Really? Why do you never see the force when you’re supposed to? Your f*cking master just just croaked and it visibly traumatized her sun and your first instinct is to f*king murder him? for real, b*tch?

Han Solo ghost. Apparently, that n*gga was a secret Jedi or some sh*t. I dunno. F*ck you.

So Rey heals Kylo, steals his ship, and flies off to Luke’s hermit world just to throw a goddamn tantrum until Luke’s Force Ghost shows up and tell her to calm her tits. He physically interacts with her. He raises his old X-Wing so she can fly to Pappy Palpatine’s Ice Shack.  WHY HAS HE NOT BEEN HELPING TO TRAIN HER THIS ENTIRE F*CKING TIME???

Speaking of that X-Wing, how the f*ck can it even fly?? It’s literally been underwater for at least two decades.

Also, Luke had a Jedi wayfinder? n*gga, how? Rey destroyed the one she got off the Death Star II corpse. Where the f*ck did this other one come from??

Pappy Palpatine has spent the last two or three decades creating a fleet of Star Destroyers with Death Star cannons connected to them and, in that time, he couldn’t clone himself a proper body? Are you serious?? I feel like resources probably should ave been devoted to that first. Motherf*cker has jars upon jars of Snokes but you expect me to believe that they couldn't create one, legitimate, clone? Are you serous? These motherf*ckers hollowed out an entire planet and put a gun in it that use suns as bullets, but you can’t clone a decent body to put yourself in? For real?

Speaking of these Death Star Destroyers, why do they still have the same goddamn weakness of the Death Star I?? Bro, you had sixty f*cking years to fix this ONE goddamn problem and Nope! Blow up the gun, blow up the ship! My guy, two Death Stars and a Starkiller Planet but you ain’t fix this one flaw??

Okay. Okay... Palpatine’s grand plan, aside for try-trying-tryinging-tryinginging the world gun plan again, is to have Rey kill him so his Force Ghost can Force Possess her body. What is she just walks away? What is he just says no? This is a bad plan, man.

Oh! i forgot. Hux was the spy. Because he outright says it, audibly, in the middle of a First Order starship, which is notorious for having all sorts of monitoring system like cameras and microphones, right before he’s murdered for being the spy! Bruh.

Ben Solo shows up, redeemed for some reason, and promptly gets his ass handed to him by the Knights of Ren. Until Rey Force Teleports his grandad’s light saber to him, at which point his entire style changes and he slaughters his bros. MAGIC!!

We Force Draining life  to regrow my zombie body out’chea, manq!

After Rey properly Mace Windu’s Pappy Palpatine into oblivion, she dies for no apparent reason. WHY??

Wasn’t this EXACTLY what Pappy wanted? he WANTED her to kill him so he could haunt her titties or some sh*t? You did exactly the plan, man! Why didn’t it work?? PLOT CONTRIVANCE, THAT’S WHY!

F*cking Reylo, dude. F*cking Reylo...

Ben dies at the end. For no goddamn reason. And fades away to Jedi Ghost immortality. Proper Skywalker boss sh*t!

I hope he Forced Knocked Up Rey. Gotta keep that line alive and Ben was caressing her tum-tum real passionately.

Why the f*ck would she just move into Luke’s house on Tatooine? That place is the worst! it’s got terrible history with all of the Skywalkers, including Anakin! That’s just bad juju right there.

Where the f*ck did Rey get that Yellow Kaiburr crystal from?

“I’m Rey. Rey Skywalker.”

You had forty, real life years, worth of material to pull from and seven years to come up with a way to stick this landing and you sh*t the bed this hard? Really? Nothing is earned. Nothing is deserved. It’s all just a sticky wet fart.

The Verdict

Admittedly, those are issues i had as a fan. I would put on my movie critic hat and properly critique why, functionally, this is a bad film but i am too tired to do that now. Look, man, this thing has potential. There are so many plot threads that could have gone somewhere but Rise is not about that life. They’re here to do everything in their power to retcon everything Last Jedi and Kathleen Kennedy allowed to happen therein. And they do that well enough but at the expense of their own goddamn narrative. This was course correction that should have been two, entire, separate, films. So much good sh*t could have been gleaned from this narrative if it was two proper movies but corporate was like nah, bruh. Get this sh*t done. We’ll stop making these things for two years and people will forget. Nope.

You can’t forget this sh*t. I can’t forget this clusterf*ck i just wasted my life watching. And it didn’t have to be! That’s what kills me! There is more than enough in this film to redeem the franchise. If this specific story was broken up; If these plot points and characters were given enough room to breathe, sh*t could have worked! Ther eis so much fertile ground here to craft a dope story for fans, old and new but NOPE! F*ck that! Cowabunga it is! We’re going to cram all of that sh*t into one movie and f*ck you! We’re going to spend half the narrative erasing The Last Jedi instead of progressing this plot because f*ck you! We’re going to bring back someone who had to be unspoken, impossibly, resurrected to win back the fans because f*ck you! Give them some goddamn Reylo because f*ck You! That’ll shut you the f*ck up! F*ck this movie, man. This sh*t could have been special but you let an ego driven, misandrist ruin forty years of canon for the clout.

Watching this goddamn movie made me piss blood, man, that’s how much it hurt.

[cupidsbower]

Making the most of teachable moments

Supernatural 12x12, “Stuck in the Middle (With You).”

Anon, a few days ago, you asked me, “Why drop the 'I love you' bomb right now? What do you think?” and lo, I have remembered, and actually have an answer for you! It’s all about the teachable moments, you see.

This isn’t the first time the show has used the phrase “teachable moment.” Way back in season 9, I believe, Dick Roman had a gross teachable moment that involved auto-cannibalism -- I didn’t watch that season (for which I’m newly grateful, because ewwwww), so I’m relying on transcripts and whatnot (I think elizabethrobertajones mentioned it in her meta too, which I haven’t finished reading yet). But anyway, as Dean tells us, teachable moments are important.

I mean, obviously he was being a little shit at the time, but what Dean says is nearly always Significant, and so it is here.

So, how do we recognise a teachable moment?

Recognize that your children often learn moral lessons unconsciously, in casual moments.

Be aware of situations that represent moral choices.

Talk with your children about the ethical challenges represented in everyday situations, the media and popular culture.

Praise your children for their ethical choices.

Point out ethical behavior in others.

Let your children see your own thought processes regarding ethical decisions. (x)

We have several different teachable moments in the episode, although I think it’s debatable that anyone learned anything from them (apart from Castiel).

All of these moments, Anon, are about love.

The episode opens with Mary and Mr Ketch, although we don’t know it’s Mary he’s talking to at first. Just that he asks for a story, a deliberate incongruous way of asking for a report, invoking bedtime stories which often have a moral to them.

In the background, we have a cliched be-bop song about true love, as “sweet as an angel.”

Lover Boy, by Toodlum Barker & Emil Lomax 

Put it all together, and we have the past raising its head. John is being evoked. Mary is still missing him, missing being a wife and partner, and loved by someone that doesn’t expect her to mother them. With hindsight, it’s obvious this is invoking John because by the end we know the McGuffin of the episode is the Colt. It has all that horrible history associated with it that Mary likely doesn’t know, but which is all about John and his obsession and loss after Mary’s death. In these opening moments of the episode, there’s something bittersweet and nostalgic about this song playing, and “Tell me a story.” John and Mary weren’t always a tragedy, even though it sometimes seems that way. Despite everything, there was love there too.

The next story we get is about cattle mutilations and missing virgins over breakfast, and it is a more of a story than Sam, Dean and Cas realise. We don’t know it yet, but Wally is lying at Mary’s behest. He doesn’t live long enough for a teachable moment.

Sure they all get an awesome power walk - most ironic ever, amirite? But poor Wally doesn’t live long enough to really appreciate the joke.

We learn about Wally’s lie in the flashback between he and Mary. We discover Mary has some kind of secret agenda, although not what it is. But the thing that interested me most was the song playing during this scene -- it’s a call-back to John again, and heartbreaking again.

Not For Me, by Bobby Darin

Mary tells us that technically she’s in her 60s in this conversation. Yeah, she is not okay. When she says to Sam, “Since when is life about getting what you want?” we should be reading it as a big fat red alert for just how not okay things are for Mary.

Do you know what the number one rule of storytelling is? It’s asking every main character, “What do you want?” And then showing us what they’ll do to try to get it.

So if Mary doesn’t think she’ll get what she wants -- and the subtext is telling us she wants love/John -- then what is motivating her? This is a woman who made a demon deal to get John back once before, remember. Do we even know what her limits are? If you’re not creeped out right now, you should be.

Skipping forward, we reach the climax of the episode, and at the tipping point of the season. Here is were we get our most important teachable moment.

Castiel’s love bomb

It is not a coincidence that Castiel looks towards Mary as well as Sam and Dean during this scene. The scene is obviously about many things, and a lot of meta has already been written about it, much of it excellent. It is about him loving Dean/Humanity and finally saying so. It is about the rule against angels loving humans that we learned about in 12x10. It is about taking the last chance to speak while he has it. It’s is about claiming family. It’s all of those things and more. But it’s also a reminder to Mary that families change and grow, that new people come into our lives, that love comes in other shapes than the ones in her memory, that love can change you for the better, that her sons are grown and have their own lives and can be more than a one-way emotional drain -- they can love back and be a support to her too, and so can the people they love.

And it’s also about the (unintended) consequences of Mary’s actions. The angel she always believed was watching over her boys has been mortally wounded as a direct result of her machinations. The family her boys made when she wasn’t there is going to be broken.

This is interesting. Heartbreaking, but super interesting.

It tells us a lot about whatever it is that Mary wants. She may have said to Sam that she doesn’t expect to get what she wants, but whatever this is, she must want it an awful lot to keep playing her hand after this.

Does she take the lesson of Castiel’s confession, though? Does the teachable moment work? I suspect not, or not yet. Later she tells Ketch that Castiel is one of her boys, the implication being that she accepted this love declaration, believed it, and valued it. But... she doesn’t come clean to Sam, Dean and Castiel either. Rather than honesty and sharing her plan, her response is to threaten death and destruction to the BMoL, an eye for an eye, and hello again Lily Sunder. We know how that ends already.

Is Mary doomed to repeat the same mistakes that Castiel, Dean, Sam and John have all made before her? Or will she figure it out and change the script?

Time for another teachable moment, perhaps. Because this is Crowley’s theme for the episode, and if anyone is an example of changing the script, it’s Crowley.

Crop Won’t Ever Come, by Robin Loxley & Jay Hawke 

Another fantastically chosen, but super depressing song. Crowley is still holding that torch for Dean, and it’s never going to end in anything good... well, not in terms of love. But it might in terms of Crowley’s soul. You never know.

What I enjoy about Crowley is that he’s actually all squishy inside, full of feelings, but he also has this genuine cunning streak that is nearly always underestimated. For all his personal investment in the Winchesters, there’s also a practical aspect to it -- the Winchesters win and win and win, so who wants them as an enemy? No-one smart, that’s who.

He’s at the point where he literally tells people the Winchesters always win, no matter what, and not to fuck with them, although he pitches it a bit differently depending on the audience -- calling them weapons to the weapons collector he’s trying to make a deal with, as a case in point. But no-one ever believes him. And then, for example, they get stuck in the middle by Sam wielding the Michael Lance and turn into dust. I do love a spot of black humour, and I’m sure Crowley does too. :)

I think the most delicious part of it is the way other demons roll their eyes and imply Crowley’s just saying that about the Winchesters because he���s their pet.

He really is Cas’ dark mirror in all things.

Anyway, he breaks the Lance, saves Cas, earns brownie points with the Winchesters, and thinks he has the Colt up his sleeve as insurance now that Ramiel is out of the picture. Poor Crowley. It’s so hard being the accidentally promoted King of Hell.

To return to the main theme of the episode: Love and Mary’s lesson, and being stuck. We have one final song to consider:

Stuck In The Middle With You, by Stealers Wheel

It’s surprisingly upbeat, right? And I think it’s because of that “you.” Being stuck is no fun, but with “you” has a different implication altogether, especially in light of Castiel’s love bomb.

The title of this episode is a pun, of course, as we do get two characters literally stuck in the middle. But it is also a metaphor.  It’s the middle of the season, half way between the set up of the themes (love through the lens of nature vs nurture) and their culmination. It’s the Sunrise Special, the moment that bridges day and night, darkness and light. It’s Humanity, stuck between Heaven and Hell. Crowley and Castiel, not quite Human, not quite Other. Mary, stuck half way between the past and the now, between her memories of her sons and the real men they are. It’s about love that’s stuck too, in a place between “chick flick moments” and the fear of never getting what you want -- ”Not for Me” and “Crop Won’t Ever Come.”

We just took a big step forward, though, on that last one. Because Castiel finally spoke, and Dean recognised the teachable moment and rewarded him for it too. He couldn’t say it back (yet), but he said, “Let’s go home,” and this time Castiel actually heard it.

Final things:

The British Men of Letters have terrible information. Where are they getting it? Do they even properly know what the gadgets and weapons they’ve got can do? I’m starting to think their gross incompetence is going to be their downfall.

Richard Speight Jr.’s direction was really slick. Very Tarantino, obviously, but I do love clever non-chron storytelling, and this was used to very good effect.

How does Lucifer fit into the season’s love theme? I’m fascinated - and want to find out.

Previously:

The Ministry of Information vs Wayward Sons Carrying On (12x01)

My, my, how can I resist you? (12x02) and follow-up about Bohemian Raphsody

So what am I so afraid of? (I think I love you) (12x03)

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy Down in my heart (Where?) (12x04) and a follow-up about the codependency and about Dean’s self-flagellation and issues with space

There can be only one! (12x05), and a follow-up conversation with elizabethrobertajones on Freud vs Schwartz.

They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes (12x06)  

Presenting the Immaculate Heart Reunion Tour (12x07)    

I’m still living the life where you get home and open the fridge and there’s half a pot of yogurt and a half a can of flat Coca-Cola. ~Alan Rickman (12x08, 12x09)

When the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men (12x10)    

in re (12x11)