#The demon nods for demons will always give a fair trial to anyone who requests one (heaven doesnt give second chances)

[kingofdandelions]

I kep telling myself im gonna go to sleep soon but who in thks hellscape am I lying to, im not gonna sleep soon i am a Dumbass who will impulsively read 3 fanfics, 400 tumblr posts and then doomscroll befor esleeping

[mystery-deer]

Kids (Wip)

Jake was great at looking after kids. Or, he assumed he was. People told him he was basically a kid so he imagined that babysitting would just be him and however many kids jumping around a bounce house and eating two types of cereal until their parents got back.

Which is why when Terry asked if there was anyone free to help babysit he volunteered immediately. 

“So what’s up with Cagney and Lace?” He asked, spinning around in his chair. “Don’t shorten my daughters’ names.” “What’s up with cags and the lace case?” He sang. “Cagney and lacey, braids of steel! Their big dad cooks their favorite meals and they go go go go go go to school and get good grades!” Terry looked upset at the butchering of his children’s names but very proud at how accomplished they were in his song. “It’s not them you’re going to be babysitting.” He explained, looking at a clipboard. “A lawyer, Laverne Holt is here and she-” There was a sudden clatter as Santiago rushed to their side, breathing heavily. “Damn Santiago!” Terry exclaimed. “Sir! I request to be allowed to help!” She demanded, slowly straightening out to her full (tiny) height. “Um.” “Sir, do you really trust Jake alone? To take care of such an important mission?” Jake held out his arms in disbelief. “Important? It’s just taking care of some lawyer’s kid! How hard is taking care of kids right Sarge?” “Yeah go with him.” Terry said immediately. “What!?” Cried Jake at the same time Amy started her speech with, “Laverene Holt is not just SOME lawyer!” It turned out that Laverene Holt was indeed not just some lawyer. She was also the most serious woman on the planet. She sat in the break room with her legs together, hands in her lap, face grave. Her son sat next to her in much the same position except he was sipping on what looked to be boxed water. Her daughter sat beside him, attempting to get off the couch every few seconds only to be gently pushed back in place by her brother. “Deborah, please stay seated.” He requested softly. Jake knew immediately he’d made a horrible mistake. Amy smiled and rushed to the Lawyer’s side, holding her hand out and gasping when it was taken. “Hello, I am Laverne Holt and I am relinquishing my children into your care for the better part of two hours while I take care of an urgent matter.” Jake scoffed, lawyers. “What is it? Lying to get some jerk back out onto the streets?” “Jake!” Amy cried, swinging her head back from him to the woman. “I’m so sorry about him, he’ll die if he isn’t given enough attention.” “I see.” Holt stared into his eyes, searching, prodding. “I wonder if your disdain of a fair trial implies something about your work.” She mused.  Jake looked away, feeling very uncomfortable with the too-much eye contact. Amy leaped in to defend him. “Oh, no Jake is- Detective Peralta isn’t-” “Well that doesn’t matter- right now. Right now I have other matters to attend to and so I will have to be off.” She bent down to be at eye level with her son, who had finished his water and been watching the conversation with the same silent intensity that his mother had. “Raymond, please look after your sister as you are the oldest. And please listen to Detective Santiago.” “I will.” “I will be back soon.” She repeated the same instructions to her daughter who smiled and babbled at her. “Aren’t you cute.” She said flatly before giving them both a hug. “I will be back soon.” And with that she was gone. Jake and Amy stared at the two children who looked back at them expectantly. “Uh..so..what are your names?” Amy started cheerfully. “My name is Raymond Jacob Holt.” He stated and then turned to his sister, lifting her up into his lap to keep her from falling off the couch. “And this is my younger sister, Deborah Rosa Holt.” “Oh hey, we have a Rosa! And my name’s Jacob!” “My sister’s middle name is from the civil rights hero Rosa Parks.” Raymond offered, Jake was unsure if this was just a fact or a reproach. “Cool!” He tried. “My middle name came from the fact that my father liked the name.” “Oh! That’s cool, it’s a cool name.” He grinned. “My father died a few months ago.” Raymond offered. “...........greeeeat.” “Not! That your father died!” Amy jumped in, glaring at Jake. “That’s very sad!” “Yes.” Raymond nodded, seemingly satisfied. “It is very sad. I am very sad about it.” He paused thoughtfully. “I would like to play.” Jake perked up, now THIS he could do. “Sure! What do you wanna play? Tag? Your sister might be a bit too young for that one...hide and seek? We might have a bouncy castle in storage somewhere-” “I would like to play with my trains.” Raymond interrupted, seeming perturbed by Jake’s suggestions. “And Deborah would like to chew on something.” He added, allowing her to chew on his empty box of water. “Is she teething?” Asked Amy. “No. She just enjoys it.” _________ Jake and Amy closed the door quietly to the playroom as Raymond marveled at the honestly very sad looking model train set. They had snuck out as he was telling his sister (who was chewing the leg of a barbie doll) about all the different parts of the train and its station. “Isn’t he the cutest?” Asked Amy at the same time Jake asked, “Isn’t that kid so weird!?” “What!? Amy, he’s like a little robot! Don’t tell me you didn’t see him drinking boxed water. What? Would Apple Juice ruin his circuitry?” “Maybe he likes water and is allergic to fruit like lots of people are!” Amy asserted defensively. “Either way you have to admit, at least he’s easy to take care of.” At that moment Jake felt something tiny kick him in the back of the knee and he went down like a sack of potatoes. “Ow! What the -!?” A demonic yet oddly cultured laugh filled the corridor and he looked up to see a small redheaded boy about Raymond’s age doing his best to loom over him. He was dressed even more properly than Raymond, wearing a button up shirt, dress pants, and suspenders. He looked like he had gotten lost on his way to a country club. “Can I help you?” Asked Amy. “No.” Said the boy, turning and walking down the hall. At that moment Terry appeared at the other end, out of breath and pointing dramatically past the detectives. “Stop that kid!” He screamed at the same moment the boy began to run. After ten minutes of chasing and hiding and finding him only for him to give them the slip they finally caught his ankle as he was attempting to crawl into a vent and brought him back to the bullpen. “We...we ...got’m sir….” Jake panted, falling into his chair as Amy handed him over to the Sarge. “Safe...and sound!” She wheezed, falling into her own. “Kevin!” Barked a man who must have been his father. “You had your mother worried sick you know that?” Kevin didn’t seem too bothered by this and stuck his tongue out at the detectives rather than listen to his father. Jake stuck his tongue right back out at him. “Kevin, did you hear me? Apologize right this instant.” Kevin’s entire demeanor sagged into sorrow as he walked over to his mother (who seemed like the kind of woman who was always worried about something, eyes wide and mouth set into a thin frown) “My deepest apologies mother.” He recited without emotion. “I simply wanted to see if there were other children I could play with.” His mother melted at his words and hugged him fiercely. His father looked unimpressed. “Oh of course!” She glanced around at the detectives. “I’m so sorry about him causing a bit of mischief but you know how it is, boys will be boys!” “Boys will be brats more like.” Jake muttered. Amy nodded slightly. “If you’re that eager to play go play with Martin.” The boy’s father demanded, pointing to the boy sitting next to Kevin’s mother. He had been being so quiet that no one had noticed him and he seemed none too pleased to be noticed now. “Martin’s boring.” Kevin murmured and this indictment seemed to make his brother curl up even further into himself. “We have a playroom!” Terry interceded before anyone started shouting. “And my detectives would be happy to supervise them in there. Right detectives?” “Uh we-” “Well Sarge I think-” “RIGHT. DETECTIVES?” “....Yeah I-” “Sure yeah we’d love to…” Terry escorted the two boys there with them (he didn’t trust Santiago or Peralta to be able to wrangle them if they weren’t confined to a single room). Raymond barely looked up when they entered. He was staring at a train which was in the station. “Hello.” He said. “Hey there!” Terry called happily, letting go of Kevin and his brother. “Whatcha doing there?” “Playing with my train.” “Oh? Is it supposed to be moving?” Raymond looked up, annoyed for the first time. “No. It can’t move for two minutes or else people will not be able to get on in time and there will be congestion in the tunnels.” “I seee…” Terry said, smiling though he was obviously confused. “Well, I think you’re being a very good train conductor!” “I am a station manager.” He said. “But thank you.” “Bah!” Terry looked down in surprise as Debbie grabbed at his ankle and stood, smiling and bobbing. “Hello there little cutie!” He cried happily, lifting her up and smiling as she giggled. “That’s Deborah, she’s my sister.” Raymond said, finally moving his train and stating a few train announcements clearly. “Please do not lean against the doors…” “Aww, she’s a little cutie pie...and she was left all ALONE in a room for god knows HOW long~??” He asked cheerfully, eyes squarely on his detectives. “We didn’t know we’d have to chase after Dennis the Menace over here!” Jake insisted, pointing at Kevin who had been whispering something to his brother and was now smiling politely. “We were going to get some snacks for them!” Amy cried, opening the door. “I’ll go get them now! What do you guys want? Not you Jake.” She said, seeing him open his mouth. “I would like some fruit, an apple is preferable.” Raymond said. “Baahhh….choochoo!” Debbie exclaimed, pointing at Raymond’s train which launched him into an explanation that it was NOT a steam engine Deborah this was a much more high tech model, you see- “I’d like chips please.” Kevin asked, swinging his legs. “Finally, someone normal-” Jake sighed. “But none with flavor. If you only have those disgusting red hot or barbeque chips then please don’t get me any.” “You’re all wastes of youth…” Jake groaned. “I..I want um..” Martin piped up, looking nervous in the same way his mother did. Perpetually. “Uh…” “He wants a lollipop.” Kevin said, annoyed by his brother’s hesitance. Martin nodded, relieved to not have to talk anymore. “Okay, I’ll be right back!” Amy said, repeating the orders as she walked back down the hall.