#The answer? Fuck if I know cause I didn't even know I could!
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We're sitting at the table I'm glaring at them. These heroes ("The Big Three" as they are known in the industry) are questioning me? ME? They're questioning ME???
These motherfuckers made me come to the Cape Crusaders big, tacky mansion to justify my actions to them?
The thing that pisses me off the most about their reservations is the fact that what I do SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT WORK than them. These idiots just punch bad guys in the face and send them to prison, just so they can escape and start the cycle over from scratch.
I've already saved so many more lives than they ever will. I've made more of a positive impact on this planet than anyone will ever know.
Because my power is to stop disasters, and the most effective way to do that is to prevent them.
No one knows how many wars I've stopped before they began, how many diseases I found vaccines for before they became epidemics, how many cities and countries I've helped create infrastructure for so they could avoid being over run by natural disasters.
And my job is made even more difficult than it sounds because no one can truly fathom how bad things would be if I don't use my powers. I have to fight ppl tooth and nail to get it anything to happen because they don't know how bad it'll be if it's not acted on.
No one sees what I see. They don't feel what I feel. They'll never know the particular ache in my chest that somehow has has an entire narrative wrapped in it whenever a potential disaster hits me. An ache that is so powerful that it's made my knees buckle multiple times.
And the feeling doesn't dissipate until the disaster is fully prevented. It means that when I know something needs to be done, I have to make sure it's dealt with, or-
It's destroying me in a way. Doing so much, all the time, with no compensation or recognition.
The heroes at least knew about my powers and know that I have nipped a bunch of really bad shit in the bud.
The villains thing has come up before and it's irritating. For years I thought it was because they were lazy and just were angling for help over shit that I didn't have time for, and in the big picture, didn't matter. Asking for even more help than I already provide.
I'm at my limit already.
But looking at these three at this table in this enormous, extravagant kitchen, it hits me how wrong I am.
These heroes don't have my powers. They can't foresee and stop disasters. For all they know, these clowns that rob banks and occasionally attack and murder people, can cause major disasters down the line. I'm not perfect, I can't stop all disasters. I have to sleep and eat and work a fucking day job.
I still feel residual aches from time to time for every disaster I've failed to stop.
They aren't trying to get more free work out of me, they're trying their best to figure out what villains can do major damage in the future.
They're scared.
"So, the way my powers work," I say while leaning back in my chair, "is that at some point, I know something will go from being an issue to a problem to a disaster. I can only intervene when I know it'll be disastrous, otherwise I can't use my powers, it's like they don't exist. Until something goes over the thresh hold of becoming a potential disaster, it's like I have no powers at all."
"How do you know when a disaster is going to happen? Is it like a vision?"
"It's more internal than that- it's like a feeling I guess...I'm not sure how to articulate it."
Huh, no one has ever bothered to ask me anything specific about my powers or the work I do. I don't have a lot of answers if they keep prodding.
"So, yeah, it's not that I'm neutral to villains, it's just all of the ones you guys been dealing with don't-" I yawned "- don't give me that feeling. I'll let you know if it changes."
I put my head in my hands. Fuck, I'm so tired. It's not like I can stop being a hero, I see the alternate world where I don't intervene, I feel it. But I'm so, so tired.
"Go take a nap."
My head shoots up, "What?"
The Masked Crusader (dumb ass name btw, just like his dumbass mansion) says it again, "Go take a nap. I'll make us all dinner. Go use my guest room and pass out for a bit.
Damn it, did I say I was tired out loud? Or was mind reading one of his superpowers? I can't remember, things have been so overwhelming recently, my memory is shot.
"No, the Masked Crusader can't read minds, that's me" Brainiac says.
Oh. Shit. Right.
"We just, we see you burning out, let us support you for once," chimed in the Singing Banshee.
This was not how I was expecting this conversation to go AT ALL.
Banshee continues, "You've got a lot of walls up, probably from years of running yourself into the ground saving thousands of people without any help. So, we're now going to help you."
"That's not a request by the way," the Masked Crusader says as he slides me a glass of water. "We're doing it whether you like it or not."
Shit, I hadn't even realized I was thirsty. Have I drank any water all today?
And then *BOOM* I get hit with it- the feeling of an impending but preventable disaster. But it's different than any other disasters I "felt" before.
It's me... It's me, in the near future, collapsing and being unable to do anything about, well anything. I wouldn't be able to stop future disasters, hell, I won't be able to function. And the only way to prevent it was to lean on these people.
This was a lot.
I chugged the rest of the water and wiped my mouth.
"Ok, thanks..." I whispered.
This was too much to think about right now. It was too much to feel right now. I'm not used to, I don't know, being taken care of. I don't know how to be supported.
I'll figure out a way to properly navigate this later. Right now I needed to lay the hell down.
You're a superhero who specializes exclusively in stopping disasters. The other heroes just don't understand why you need to remain neutral to the villains…
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@ anon
I think it might be actually dangerous to publish your ask, but I'm sure from my response people will be able to tell what it's about anyway.
You're full of actual, absolute shit if you're pretending not to know by now that verification processes to ensure the legitimacy of Ghazzawin's fundraisers have been undertaken, and that details about what these processes entail have been shared by several people. Several people, some of them currently in Gaza, put themselves through countless hours of work video-calling people, judging their knowledge of dialectical Arabic, seeing their faces and their children's faces and their living conditions, seeing IDs and bank information, asking invasive, personal questions that they didn't want to be asking & that the people responding probably didn't want to be answering, and physically visiting people in Gaza and video-recording their interactions, just so that people like you could be sure that these fundraisers were legitimate. If you're ignoring all of the blood & tears that went into that process just so you can hand-wring about scams, no one needs to be concerned with convincing you of the legitimacy of anything, because you were never going to donate to these people anyway. You are just looking for any plausible-sounding excuse not to do what you already didn't want to do.
If, by some miracle, you actually didn't know about the verified fundraiser spreadsheet (which is frankly still blameable bc, where on earth have you been?), then there it is. The post of mine that you're referring to never even mentioned responding to asks; using this spreadsheet is an absolutely valid, reasonable way of donating directly to families.
Now let me treat some of your statements as though they were questions (which, they were not).
How do people in Gaza have internet access?
Internet infrastructure in Gaza is very robust (e.g. in what cables are made of, how deep they're buried, amounts of redundancy in the system, &c.) because they have been getting bombed by Israel all the fucking time for decades, so they expect this infrastructure to be put through a lot. There have still--if you've been following the situation at all--been several outages caused by damage that Ghazzawin have needed to repair. Though I do have to say that I find it odd that you doubt Ghazzawin have internet access, but also say that you buy eSims...?
A lot of people right now are indeed connected via eSim, which to my understanding only need to connect to wifi once, right when they're activated. People put themselves at risk to connect to eSims because they need to get a good wifi signal, which usually means walking for several miles trying to find high ground. One of my contacts once urgently called me (this is the only time he hadn't just texted) because he had been told his friend had found a signal and so they needed an eSim right then, before they went back to their tent.
I've been trying for some time to connect another of my contacts in Gaza to an eSim, but we're not having success. At Crips for eSims for Gaza they / we (I'm on the server getting advice and helping out but I'm not using their funding; I'm using what people on tumblr have given me to purchase eSims with) keep a constantly updated sheet of which eSim providers use which networks and which networks work in which areas--because the situation is constantly changing. Because my contact doesn't have an eSim on a personal phone, she has to go to a central location to be allotted three hours of internet access from someone who has managed to get connected. Lots of people, on their fundraising posts and pages, specify exactly how they've gotten internet access, how difficult it's been for them to get it, and how stressful it is to be relying on this tenuous connection, spending hours away from their families (at high risk of being shot at by IOF soldiers the whole time), just to message people for hours straight and then go home again.
2. How do people in Gaza have tumblr accounts?
This is a stupid question. Anyone with an email address who is capable of picking a username and password can make a tumblr account. I have personally helped several of my contacts in Gaza with the process.
3. How do people in Gaza know to come into people's tumblr accounts?
This is also a stupid question. I don't really see how you could ask this question if you saw Palestinians as, like, real humans beings. You understand that people talk to each other, yes? Like with words? As soon as a few people had success fundraising to evacuate Gaza on tumblr (nearly a year ago... this news has had a lot of time to spread), obviously they told other people about it.
One of the ways that Israel conducts its genocidal war is through the destructiveness of frustration and boredom. It's a strange situation because everything is extremely dire, urgent, terrifying, and dirty, but there's also seldom anything to do. People are singing, telling stories, going to the beach, inventing games and contests, to entertain children, but also to entertain themselves. And this is the situation--with a bunch of desperate, bored people packed into a tiny piece of land--this is the situation that you think it's impossible for people to talk to each other in? Come on.
If you want to donate to Anera and World Food Kitchen and buy eSims, that's fantastic. Please do that. But if you are as ignorant of the particulars of what this situation is like as your ask makes you appear, then I hope you refrain from speaking on what the situation is like.
I've been nattering on for a long time so here's my call to action:
Decide what you're capable of giving right now, or the next time you get paid
Scroll down on the vetted fundraiser spreadsheet and find someone very low on funds, or with injured children who urgently need treatment or evacuation, and give that money.
AND / OR give it to the PCRF or the IRW
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Hello there :)
This is my first time requesting something but I was wondering if you could do prompt 7 with Loki?
Like maybe in the first Thor and they're having a ball and they're friends to lovers possibly?
I would be absolutely honored if you made this but no pressure 😁
Hope you have a great morning/noon/night ❤️
Hi hello! I love Loki so I hope you like how I've characterized him, this is supposed to be before he starts all the drama and maybe prevents it cause love conquers all ya know?
Loki (#7 finding a somewhat private area at a fancy party to fuck)
18+ f!reader. Creampie. Strength kink. Childhood friends to lovers. Semi public sex.
"So this is where you snuck off to." Loki only knew how to speak in a purr. You knew this, and yet it had still bothered you to listen to your childhood friend use his silver tongue on another woman. So you'd escaped to the balcony, mead in hand as you looked over the golden buildings of Asgard.
"I'm surprised you even noticed I was gone." Maybe the mead had gone to your head, or your centuries old crush was finally becoming too much to bear. You never spoke this way.
"I always notice you. Especially in that gown." Loki wondered if you knew what you did to him, wrapped in silk so close to your skin tone it almost looked like you were naked if he squinted.
"Really? Because I'm sure Lady Astrid would be happy to show you hers again." Yes, it was petty of you but your heart was aching. He'd been so close to her.
"Who?" Loki was genuinely confused, he'd made his rounds as expected of a Prince of Asgard, but he'd been distracted by you the whole time. He'd even used magic to keep an eye on you when you were out of his line of sight.
"The one you.. lingered with." You wouldn't face him, and for the first time in a hundred years Loki felt-- hopeful. Maybe his love for you could be returned after all.
"I'd do more than linger with you, if you'd let me. I'd spend a millenia groveling at your feet for a kiss." Loki closed the distance easily with his long legs, leaning against the balcony railing beside you.
"You're just saying that to make me feel better." You scoffed, "I don't need pity, even from you my Prince."
"Pity. That's what you think this is." Loki took your glass from your hand and set it aside, caging you against the balcony when you finally turned to look at him. He towered over you with something close to anger in his eyes.
"Maybe charming you isn't the answer then." His gaze flickered down to your lips a fraction of a second before he was kissing you. But even calling it a kiss wasn't fair. He was making love to your mouth. Sucking on your tongue, hand buried in your hair as he cradled you against him. His arm around your waist pulled you closer until you felt the hard length of him pressed into your stomach.
"Does this feel like pity to you?" He rasped when he finally pulled away, both of you breathless and panting. "I've wanted you too much for too long for you to ever imply I was offering out of pity."
"I didn't- didn't know," You were melting, the heat of his body through your thin dress was tearing down your defenses by the second.
"I was going to court you, before touching you. I wasn't going to be like Thor and bed you before I even asked for your hand. But maybe I need to be more like my brother for you to get the hint." Loki wasn't really even thinking before the words were spilling out of his mouth, because you were in his arms. He could see your pebbled nipples through the silk of your dress which he ached to taste. And he was so goddamn tired of being a gentleman if it meant you thought he didn't want you.
You were going to explode. His hands were greedy, grabbing at your ass and cupping your breast in his palm while he talked. Had you really been so mistaken?
"Maybe I should be more forward. Is that what you need little one?" Your cunt throbbed and you nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck and throwing aside your pride as you begged,
"Please? Need you, for so long now I've-" He shut you up with a kiss. This one even hungrier than the last as tugged your dress up your hips, cupping your sex and groaning when he felt how you drenched his fingers.
"Oh." He smiled wickedly as he traced your slit, feeling how your hole clenched down greedliy around the tip of his finger. "Hungry little thing isn't she?"
"Loki, please," you were lost in him. His clean yet intoxicating scent, the way his slender yet massive frame blocked you from view. It was like it was just the two of you in the whole realm.
"I don't know.. Don't want you to confuse this for a pity fuck." Loki was teasing you, and yet you could tell beneath it all he was truly hurt by your assumption.
"Prove me wrong then. Show me how much you want me." You pouted at him, trying to tug him closer as he freed his cock from his pants. The tip was flushed and sticky with arousal as he rutted against your folds to slick his shaft. Every grind of his cock against your cilt made you ache to be filled.
"As milday commands." It was a stretch to take him, but the slight burn was nothing in comparison to the bone deep relief you felt when he was sheathed in your wet heat.
His forehead dropped against yours as he cursed, eyeing the way your pussy was stuffed to the brim and creaming on him. He whistled low and appreciatively.
"This is not going to end here. Now that I know what you feel like," he swallowed thickly, thrusted a little deeper into you until you felt him in the back of your throat with still a few inches to spare. "I can't ever go without you again."
"You don't have to." You promised, wrapping your leg around his waist pulling him closer. It wasn't enough until his balls tapped against your ass. You'd taken all of him.
"I've waited too long to be gentle. But-" You were the one to silence him this time, nipping at his bottom lip so sharply you saw a bit of blood.
"I've waited longer." He grinned, more than a little feral over you. He picked you up and put your other leg over his hip- holding you up without even straining.
"Then you'll take me like a good little wife to be won't you?" You were stunned by his words but Loki didn't wait for an answer before he was fucking you mid air, using all his strength to lift you up and drop you on his cock over and over until you were screaming.
"Loki!" You knew he hadn't cast any spells for privacy, and yet you couldn't stop yourself.
"Louder, let all the women know who owns this cock." He growled in your ear, splitting you open and making your eyes cross every time he hit that spot inside you. Your legs were shaking around his waist as your orgasm grew like a wave threatening to drown you in pleasure.
"Loki, fuck, more!" Distantly you realized you would have to explain this to Heimdall at one point, but you were truly too fucked out to care.
"Good girl, just, like, that." Every word was met with a thrust inside your gummy walls that fluttered around his cock, sucking him in like your pussy never wanted him to pull out.
"You're going to make me cum, darling. Where do you want it?" He could still be somewhat of a gentleman. Give his lady options, like taking his load in her pussy or on her face.
"In-inside, please, want to give you a child!" Loki's grip on your thighs grew tight enough to bruise a mortal, but you merely moaned louder. He touched you like he owned you and you couldn't get enough.
"Want to give me an hier? Gonna be such a pretty little mother aren't you, fuck." His hand found your little bundle of nerves, and you whimpered as the wave broke. You came so hard you squirted, soaking his formal attire and ruining your dress without a drop of remorse.
"That's it darling, milk me. Take every drop I give you." His thrusts grew sloppy, the only sign of how out of control he felt as he started unloading in you. His heavy balls pumped spurt after spurt of seed against your cervix.
Only when he set you down on your feet did he pull out reluctantly, watching with rapt attention as his cum slid down your thigh. With a wave of his hand your clothes were righted and clean- but he left his cum leaking out of you as he offered his arm. The perfect picture of princely charm.
"Shall we announce the engagement then?"
#f!reader#loki x you#loki x reader#loki smut#loki laufeyson#loki odinson#loki#mina writes ☆#asks ☆#hundred follower event ☆
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PLEASE DO MORE OF IZZY ITS SO GOOD😜😜
˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖✮-------------------✮˖⁺‧₊˚ ˚₊‧⁺˖
surprise
you uncover a secret of izzy’s.
warnings: none
a/n: AHHHH MY FIRST REQUEST!!! tysm i hope you like this even tho it’s short 🙁🙁 also everyone don’t mind the spacing, my phone is still acting up (i need a new one so bad it’s insane).
it was a late summer’s evening and you and izzy were hanging out in the studio. downtown LA was busy as ever, and the cars provided a calming sort of ambience. it was just you two there. your boyfriend wanted to get some writing done without the other members of the band, and so he invited you to join him.
as izzy strummed his guitar, you stared out the window, just listening. the half-fleshed out melody provided a soundtrack to your daydream. until he messed up.
‟i keep fucking this up!” izzy complained, putting his guitar down and sighing.
you looked over at him. “babe, don’t worry about it. it’s fine. you aren’t even recording anything.”
he didn’t reply, but you could still feel the dissatisfaction. “what is this for?”
“a new song.”
“well… yeah. but do you know what it’s gonna be like? have you got lyrics yet?”
“i… dunno.” izzy coughed.
“what does that mean? you either do or don’t.” you laughed.
again, izzy didn’t reply. you eyed him up, trying to silently coax an answer out of him. it didn't work. but he seemed… embarrassed? that was unlike him. you pressed for information again.
“c’mon. are you hiding something from me?” you feigned sadness, clutching your hand to your chest.
“no. i just… wanted it to be a surprise.”
that caught your interest. the way he looked down at the floor was intriguing. was this a surprise for you?
“is this for me?” you giggled. it had to be. why else would he be acting so secretive?
“god, stop fucking pressing.” izzy huffed. he got up and left the room, reaching for his pocket as he did so, seemingly searching for his lighter.
you were taken aback. sure, you and izzy had both said much more awful things to eachother than that when you fought, but that was weird. you hadn’t meant anything by asking. the overreaction made you uneasy. what if it was for someone else? a secret girl?
you sat in the studio for a few minutes, staring at izzy’s guitar. you finally went to find him, and saw him leaning on the railing outside the building, smoking a cigarette. “hey,” you said, walking up beside him, “what’s wrong?”
izzy said nothing. he just took another drag of his cigarette. you looked up at the sky. it was sunset now. the tones of pink and yellow melted into eachother beautifully. minutes passed in silence, until izzy tapped you with his elbow and held out the nearly-done cigarette to you. you took it to your mouth and inhaled.
“look,” your boyfriend started, “i wanted it to be a surprise ‘cause i’m writing a song for you. well- songs. i wanted to perfect them and show you. y’know, with the rest of the guys.”
you looked over at him. songs? you hadn’t expected that. you and izzy hadn’t been going out for that long, only about four months. you didn’t think he could write multiple songs about you. that made you smile.
“am i really that important to you?” you laughed, stubbing out the cigarette on the railing the two of you were leaning on.
izzy pulled you in close to him, touching sides. “well, it would be kinda stupid if you weren’t. why would i be dating you then?”
“are any of these songs done? do they have a riff?”
“one does. if we go back in, i’ll show you.”
and so you dragged izzy back in eagerly.
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Their friend's rebuff of their apology stung. They knew in their mind that against all odds, the Hunter had succeeded in preventing things from getting any worse, but in their heart, they couldn't help but feel a sense of responsibility for any trouble coming from their home system.
It was a selfish sense, of course. One person, paracausal godslayer or no, couldn't control the actions of others. But... maybe, they could still make up for those actions.
"...Alright," they bluffed. The exo still had every intention of trying to help rebuild the arachnid's stock if they could help it. If not as recompense, then as a friend. "But I do in the very least, believe I owe you some answers."
They followed after their friend, cloak fluttering in the warm breeze behind them. Apollo couldn't meet Bibi's gaze, but they did follow it back toward Set... Fae had saved Bibi's life. A gesture the Gunslinger couldn't be any more grateful for. Fae certainly had a habit of that, after all...
Their chest hurt.
"It may take a while. I'll probably have to start with a cliffnotes version of my home system's history, from the Golden Age onward, and get a bit into my own personal history and exploits. But I'll get there."
Not that their offer of context wasn't simply a means of putting off having to discuss the Endless Night, but they would honestly rather discuss literally anything else, even Ghaul. At least Ghaul was a problem they were able to solve with bullets...
Set, meanwhile, could feel faer heart being squeezed in faer chest. It hurt. It hurt so badly that fae could just rip it out. But this wasn't the time for an angst-fueled suicide, as meaningless as the gesture would be. Next to faer was the hired hand fae had caused absolutely way too much trouble for, and drawn into way too personal of conflicts.
Not that the Stormcaller had any way of knowing faer greatest love and worst fucking nightmare was on this particular planet, damn the Arachs' eyes. And what were the chances that they and their little friend would be the ones to be most likely to have the resources Dead Orbit needed?
Fae figured that didn't matter much to Kallex though, and Set couldn't blame him.
"This... turned sour really quickly," Set conceded to the chimera, unable to meet his gaze. "I didn't expect my past to come back and fuck things up, and you shouldn't have been involved in a squabble like that at all, and I apologize for that."
Fae opened a screen to faer vault once more, making a mental note of the weapons fae had that could be of use to him, and those he and fae both could potentially sell for exorbitant amounts of this planet's currency. Especially as the Warlock felt fae were going to be here awhile...
"I'll tell you what. I'll knock the list down to those you have clear connections to get ahold of. I'll also increase my payment. I've got a rather packed arsenal, and I'm sure you could make some kind of use for some of these."
Fae'd compile a list later for the chimera, so he could decide what he wanted for himself, and what he could sell. Dead Orbit had a few gunsmiths on their fleet too, so that was a source of powerful weapons fae could exploit to keep faerself afloat.
For a moment there.. they sincerely weren't sure what was going to happen.
Bibi knew they wouldn't be in any state to assist if a fight were to break out again, nor really in a state to get themselves out of here either.
More than a bit shaken.. the events of it all, leading up to the sight of rusted metal piercing through the human's chest replays in their mind on loop.
Something rocking them to their core quite like that hasn't happened since....
A while.
They aren't sure what to say. If they should say anything at all in case they might set someone off.
Kallex, he couldn't care less. He's just tired of being caught up in this and wants the fuck out.
This was supposed to be easy and now he's gotten himself drug into more drama and stakes than he had any real interest in even for a good payout.
Words appear to win this time. Though provide no further answers and plenty more questions.
The chimera's brows raise behind his shades which he'd now fixed back into their proper place at the sudden swift healing this Set was capable of. Then again, he probably shouldn't be surprised considering he just witnessed faer come back from the dead like it was nothing.
He's quick to stand and brush himself off after that with a muttered thanks. More so put out there for professional sake than anything. His tail stirs back to life, seemingly having gotten knocked out somehow or another during the collapse.
Bibi's wings give a flutter of relief as the hunter's healing grenade connects and any pain fades away to a distant memory, allowing them to stand more upright to look at the wreckage of their makeshift workshop. Loosing all their projects stung, but it was all those supplies they'd obtained that were the real loss more than anything.
It's probably going to take them a while to rebuild even half of that. But.. they shake their head. It's the least of their worries right now.
"The fuck are you on about apologizing? It was gonna happen anyways. And you did come to back up my ass. If anything I should be thanking you for bothering to get involved in the first place. Apologizing that you did. I probably would have been screwed if you hadn't showed up."
Bibi insists, expression.. distant. Like something's eating at them, but they know that look. It's not like they want to be dwelling anyways.
They turn to leave with Apollo after casting one last look over their shoulder at Set, an uncertain look flashing in their eyes for just a moment.
"Don't worry about that stuff. It's, not that big a deal really. I'll.. figure it out. At least I know the prototypes were viable now. Kind of."
#Balanced on a Knife's Edge [ic; apollo-3]#Calling a Dead Storm [ic; set]#The Stars are the Limit [verse: merc]
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When I finally saw the 2022 10-year anniversary update for Imscared (2016/Steam Edition), part of my initial thoughts was this comparison, and you know what? I stand by it, so here's a visual... that ended up as less a meme and more as genuine art but nevertheless.
#void art#Imscared: A Pixelated Nightmare#Imscared Restorer#Vanny FNaF#I dunno if I should tag the other two since they're off to the sides#monika ddlc#amy martin faith#You may be asking yourself 'Visage... why did you fully render Vanny for this?'#The answer? Fuck if I know cause I didn't even know I could!#the effort I put into the art just kinda happened and then I kept running with it#Also fyi this is not me coming out swinging#I just simply must profess my incredible investment in whatever the fuck Restorer has going on#... in contrast to whatever the fuck was going on with Vanny#okay nah I am coming out swinging sorry#good lord I haven't posted something FNaF-related here in a long time#I should post more Imscared stuff though
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#welcome to another installment of: angel spits out all his thoughts about autism cause if he keeps them inside his head will explode#in today's episode: is it possible that my ''panic attacks'' have been autistic meltdowns all this time?#then answer is maybe!#ok so i was watching this youtube video from channel I'm autisticn now what? (check it out it's great!)#and meg was talking about the different types of autistic meltdowns and how they might manifest#and then in the comments people were discussing autistic meltdowns vs panic attacks and how cofused they used to be about them#and that got me thinking... there's a big thing that needs to happen during a panic attack for it to be a panic attack#and that is anxious thoughts... many people talk about fear of death during panic attacks#and that was never my experience. I don't feel like I'm going to die when I have these ''attacks''#they feel painful and like i'm completely out of control but my head is quite clear in that regard#i always thought it was because i don't think dying is like The Worst thing that could happen to me so maybe that was why#and it never ocurred to me that it could be an autistic meltdown because i always saw those as ''little boy hits his head against the wall'#(horrible i know) but it's more than that! (plus i sadly started self harming when the ''attack'' is too bad so not i fit that idea lol)#it's the uncontrollable crying. the throwing anything you have at hand across the room. the not being able to utter words#(other than ''no'' in my case) it's the complete lack of control#and that fits so much more to what i experience! i even related to meg's personal anecdote about a meltdown she had as a child#being separated from my mom made me go into full panic modes as a kid and that was seen as a tantrum but it was more than that to me!#and as an added bonus the only therapist i've ever seen in my life used to call my panic attacks ''pseudo-panic attacks''#because even she felt it didn't quite fit in the description (not that she was a good therapist so i can't put her as an example lol)#but anyways... yeah every day that goes by i'm more and more convinced I am autistic and it scares me to fucking death#because of the way my mom reacted when i first raised the question. so yeah this is for nothing lol nothing will change in my life#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#angel talks#personal
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"I'll keep that in mind." And he would, hoping there would be a day that a moment would arise, and he could give Leto that. A hand comes up to wave away the apology, shaking his head, "Don't apologize. I like it." It also helped him learn more about the other without having to ask certain questions. Seeing the soft blush return to Leto's cheeks caused a knot in his stomach he hadn't expected, it was the kind of knot you get when your crush does something that leaves you giddy. For a vampire who was always impulsive he resisted the urge to reach out and brush his fingertips against those blushing cheeks. For once, Levi didn't want to make the first move, he wanted Leto to make them. But the moment he was given the green light; he had every intention of touching every part of this man. Catching the gentle smile only made Levi more enamored with the other. Meeting Leto really felt like his life finally had a meaning, as crazy as it was to think such a thing in their first encounter. Perhaps tomorrow morning he would chalk this night up to some lucid drug infused vision, even if he wasn't on drugs at the moment.
Which is why he was going to keep the seashell safe, to remind himself that this was all real. Leto was real. It was impossible for him to know now, but this little seashell would be the light in his darkness. There would come a time in which he'd be in a very bad situation, because Leviathan was damn good at getting himself into trouble, and the seashell would give him every ounce of power he needed to get out. He'd fight anything, stand up to whatever, whoever, if it meant to make it back to this very spot amongst the other seashells and Leto. And no one had ever given him something so sweet. Normally all his encounters just wanted one thing, some of them didn't even remember his name, but they'd never given him much more than a phone number. He wished he had something to give in return to the other, but he did make a mental note to bring something upon their next run in with one another. Or so he hoped they would run back into each other. "Qui." He smiled, petting the spot where the seashell had nestled in within his shirt pocket.
Levi shrugged at the question about Reyna, unsure of how to really answer the question. "I don't know. I know that is probably a silly response, but truly...I don't know." For the first time in a very, VERY long time Levi can feel a bit of sadness begin to fill him. His brows furrow a little as he tries to process that feeling, giving a small sigh. "When she first left, I was broken. Not because I was in love with her, but because I felt like a failure. I didn't ask to be turned, and it hurt to know that I wasn't good enough for her. That she had chosen me for something, and I couldn't even do that right. I hated her for so long. Nights filled with violence just to spite her because I wanted her to catch wind of the bloodshed and come back. I wanted her to see the monster she truly created by leaving, and I wanted people to hurt the way I was hurting. But...eventually I realized that no matter which way I looked at it...this was my life now." He motions to himself, "And if I couldn't have control over being mortal or immortal, I could control my happiness. So, I began to travel more. I began to embrace the little moments in life, and the beauty this world has to offer. Then...I did begin to miss her. I searched high, low, everywhere I could to find her because I wanted her to see then that I wasn't such a waste. To show her that even monsters could become good enough. That I could be good enough for her and I could take on that position she wanted for me." Instead he chose to shift that need in another way, and thus began his string of one night stands with strangers. At least he was good enough for one night, which is more than he had ever felt. Levi softly chuckles, "And the fucked up part? As much as she fucked me over, I also have so much to thank her for." Like giving him the opportunity to be able to alive long enough to meet someone like Leto.
Now shifting to a lighter topic of conversation, Levi smiles, "Peru. I really loved Peru when I was there. The mountains, the people, the festivals, just all of it. I'd visit there again in a heartbeat." A bit of background noise occurs then which blocked out some of what Leto was saying and truly Levi had made a mistake when saying 'grandfather' but hearing Leto laugh like that? That officially made him want to keep on making said joke. He gives a big grin when the other thanks him, "Thank you for finding me amusing. Most just think I am an asshole." He was, but that wasn't the point right now. As Leto began answering the questions Levi had thrown his way the vampire soaked up every answer like a sponge. Animals, werejaguar, crepes, wagyu steak, it was all being stored in his mind and he would play it over and over during his time away. Anything to remind him of this man, of this moment. "I have no idea how to make wagyu steak properly, but I'll figure it out. That being said, I'm making you that one day. And as for me, I mostly enjoy exploring a new place. Exploring people, in a lot of ways than one, and going on adventures with whoever wants to go them. Thus we are here." He chuckled at the blood comment, smiling softly, "Fine. I also enjoy beignets and of course crepes. I've got a big sweet tooth. In terms of dishes, a giant bowl of authentic ramen is right up my alley. I like things that can make me feel a little warm when I eat them, like gumbo and soups. And it was my first time at that club. I might return to it when I next visit New Orleans, though." He says, in hopes the other would too. His gaze lingers on Leto when the other looks around a bit, nodding as his response. "Thank you for bringing me here, Leto." And here is where he would return whenever he'd visit New Orleans now, at least once. "This is my second time visiting, but I think it's becoming one of my favorite spots. I have a feeling I'll be returning in a couple of months. If you happen to be around....I'd love to see you again."
It felt like their time was coming to an end tonight, which made Levi want to savor this moment even more. While he didn't have anything physical to give Leto to remember him by, he would have the other remember him in another way. He pulls Leto into a tender, deep kiss. One in which a soft groan escapes into the other's mouth, only making him deepened the kiss more. He lets the kiss end naturally, pulling back with a soft smile, "You are something else, Leto.Truly."
"It's the truth though." At least, with the stranger, 'cause Leto feels like even if he was forced to lay bare in front of the vampire, he'd still feel safe. "Sorry cause that was a bit too much, but guess I've said worse." He admits, but his breath catches in his throat when Levi leans down and when he mentions Leto blushing—a soft red shade comes back to his cheek. The Underboss rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, chuckling. It sounds almost timid. His gaze lifts up again and catches Levi's—he smiles back gently. Has he ever seen someone more beautiful than this man, seriously?! Everything seems to be so organic between them—two birds dancing together without thoughts; just instinct. The next day, he'll question his own sanity, but tonight, the world has stopped for them both and he'll savor every fucking single second of their time together.
Leto feels Levi's gaze on him, but even though he'd done the same earlier, his mind cannot wrap itself around the idea that what Levi is saying could be about him. But he feels the squeeze to his hand as he talks about his father for a moment—a hand he doesn't want to let go of. He doesn't know it yet, but he'll always feel these butterflies in his stomach as they hold hands; even 15 years from now. He's too excited to let the vampire talk and when Levi asks for confirmation a out the seashell, he nods. "Yes. It's not much, but something to remember—" me. Leto doesn't expect the little shell to stay in the other's possession for long, but he likes to humor the idea that it will. Though, tonight would be a time he'd never forget; a moment engraved in his memories forever—the beginning of a great friendship and his first time beside the love of his life. "It's a good place to keep it." He chuckles, not taking the promise seriously.
"Yes, you. Who wouldn't want to know about you?" There's confusion in his own question. There's something so fascinating about the vampire—Leto is actually shocked he managed to get his attention and even more that Levi followed. "Anything you're willing to share, really." Because he'll take in everything the other man sas with a sponge. A frowns appears on his face as he listens; he wants to embrace Levi and apologize at the unfairness of not remembering his own family. Leto had very limited time with his parents, but he'd still take that over not remembering. "Do you miss her? Or like wish you could see her agaon." He asks concerned about Levi's life that sounded so lonely. I promise to say at your side as long as you'll allow it—he silently promises the unaware vampire. "Really?! It sounds fascinating! Which place have you loved the most?" Leto is genuinely fascinating—most of his travels have been work related.
When his hand is grabbed again, he realizes that it had been gone for a moment and it strangely saddens him for a sec. Levi is so gentle and it melts him—that is until he hears Levi call Suresh is grandfather. He knows it has to be an honest mistake, maybe the noise around them had made the vampire hear incorrectly, but it makes Leto bursts out in laughter. It's so pure and joyful; almost boyish. He laughs so much that tears corm at the corner of his eyes. "Godfather. Though, he is ancient!" He takes a deep breath, calming himself. "Thank you for that—I haven't laughed like this in forever!" Levi is really something. Another squeeze comes and this time, he hears the questions, but doesn't respond right away. Instead, he leans up to kiss the vampire again. "It's so easy talking with you. Thank you for being—you!" He murmurs as he breaks the kiss. "When I'm not helping my father manage his businesses, I spend as much time as I can at my animal sanctuary/shelter. Gotta admit that I love animals more than people. Probably cause I'm half werejaguar half shapeshifter. My favorite food? I love beignets and French crêpe with salty butter and maple syrup. And savory, cook me wagyu steak on the grill and I'm a happy man. And not really for that club. What about you? What do you love doing when you settle for a moment in one place?" Leto smiles at Levi, wanting to hear him talk more—he love his voice. "And hat about your favorite food, other than blood, cause that's cheating! And was it your firs time at that club?" He wants to know, cause he'd make a habit of going it that was a regular spot for the vampire. He gazes around for a moment and nods. "As much as I can. It's always peaceful for me. Especially when I'm feeling down and down want company or when I'm lonely." He gazes back up at Levi. "Do you come often in New Orleans?" I want to see you again.
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is it really really stupid to give her the gift. i know she’s not worth it and im making myself feel like shit over and over and i need to stop and it doesnt matter how sad or angry i am about it she’s not just gonna dump him and even if she did i wouldn’t like. want to be the second choice (not that i inherently would be. weirdo dream scenario) and it’s just not gonna affect her much to not see me anymore and i have to be okay with that. and im truthfully not rn but i have to be cause that’s the reality. anyway lost my point there
#like. i just cant imagine class being over monday and just being like. ok bye forever ig. or not rlly saying anything#idk guys im sorry i know ive gone on and on and on nonstop for months#it just sucks#even if i think back to monday like. it's classic baby steps of leading me on and i fortunately for once didnt nip at the bit right away#but just the little ways she looked at me and smiled or joked around. kinda flirty. just for her to yk#post the bereal today and hes in it and its like 'wait let me get a shirt on' so just blatantly fucking yk. didnt even have to do my sleuth#work. and like. i know maybe ive overreacted to a lot of it and over thought it and she really didn't intentionally do a lot of it#and wasn't ever confused or anything and i just told myself that to justify being sooooo bonkers over it. idk#so it's like. with all that in mind. no i should not give it to her i should just walk out of class and not talk to her again#but the wounded part of me the 17 yr old in me is desperately asking why it's so easy for someone to get over me#but she was never into me! or at least not enough yk. she has a boyfriend. and that yk. shouldve been enough#but i got so lost in all these little signs and feelings of tension and#i guess. lol look at me abt to say this. doesnt help to dwell (lol!) but who knows if it was mutual some of those times when it just Felt#tense. yk. or if she just has problems and really liked the ego boost#cause boy did i make it fucking easy to enjoy my attention! and i never ever ever shouldve done all that bc she wasnt mutually engaging#at least not till like. october. and only briefly. and i just. ugh#anyway :( whatever. i know the answer is no. i know it's no i know i shouldnt#but as i was saying. the wounded part of me wishes i could make her feel even a fraction of the hurt or even just fucking regret#but not pity. but regret for being an asshole. if i could just say something as my final word or something and still be dignified#but i just dk how that would happen. so. yeah#hopefully this is one of my runner up last posts about her#film girl saga
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#the dream we had last night#idk if any of it was rly anything more than the mishmash of thoughts n feelings n themes that dreams usually are#cause in the dream we.....begged whoever remembers it to tell us who it was. when it happened. WHAT happened#n there wasn't rly an answer but this. flashback or dream inside the dream.#no identity just this....shadowy person n i think he said things that we couldn't remember when wakin up#n i know it coulda been parsed from different unrelated memories but we felt it. no pain but the rest.#n it's rly rly rly fucking w/ me not knowing if it was just a senseless dream or if it was a message#it's not a who or when but it could be part of what#or it could be nothing i don't fucking KNOW#therapist asked us last time if we have any thoughts on what might've triggered the sudden increase in the intrusive thoughts etc#n we just said we don't know. cause we don't rly but. she didn't ask if it coulda been cause of what we talked about the time before#n idk if that's cause she didn't wanna put any unfounded suspicions in our head#or cause she suspects that was the reason but it wasn't safe for us to know#or i guess it coulda just been that she didn't even make the possible connection at all but idk that doesn't seem very likely#god i wish this was all just about me though. at least i was a grown ass adult when any of it started#i'd carry it all w/ a smile if it meant none of the kids had to. but it doesn't work that way does it#i just.....don't know if my entire role here is to be a substitute for the feelings. or am i meant to become a gateway to the real thing#could we just remember the what n maybe when but not who? that way we could at least start processing it w/o messing w/ the balance too much#also could we at least. remember if the bordering on paranoid delusions beliefs are smth we were actually told.#or are they just the result of a kid tryin to make sense of things that they had no chance of makin sense of#nothing fucking makes sense#spdrvent
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I promise you, This is the only loa post you'll ever need.
I promised and I will deliver.
Law of assumption basically means - what you assume to be true is true in your reality. That's it. That's all there is to it. But you guys just wanna overcomplicate this so much when all you got to do is assume in your favour and move on with that. Assume that your desire is already yours and persist on that.
Manifestation is INSTANT. The minute you decided you wanted it, the minute you decided that it is yours - It was done. That was it. It's already done. That is your new assumption, that is your story. As long as you persist in this there is nothing on Earth that could stop you from having it. BUT, there is one thing that can stop you from having it.
YOU, IT'S YOU. YOU ARE THE REASON. What other answer did you expect it to be?
The only thing to know here is this : The 3D is not what we change when manifesting, we change the 4D. The 3D simply reflects it. That is all.
You guys are so obsessed with changing the 3d, "trying" to manifest something, clicking on every clickbait video that says this is the technique you need to manifest your desire in 24 hours and all sorts of shit.
GUYS, GUYS GUYS PLEASEEEEE, Stop it. You are only telling yourself how you don't have it. You have got to realise that by now atleast! I mean c'mon. This is your reality, ok? You create every single part of it. If you can create it unconsciously, you sure as hell can do it consciously. You have to realise now and now that you are the creator of your reality. Don't let anything or anyone convince you otherwise.
Ok now I understand that some of you may be struggling so I am gonna be real straight with you. You are the one going back to the old story again and again. You're the one who is just overconsuming information instead of actually applying what you know. Stop this cycle. Look every single question you ask me again and again is an affirmation. An affirmation that tells everyone how you don't have what you want.
I've been persisting for two years but I didn't manifest it - Affirmation It feels impossible - Affirmation. Why aren't my affirmations working - Affirmation. Am I even doing this right? - Affirmation.
You are doing this to yourself. You get that??!
If you want it, you have to be willing to change yourself, to change your thoughts, to stay discplined in the story that you want. There's no other magical way to it. This is it. If you want it bad enough, OWN IT. FUCKING OWN IT AND PERSIST ON WHAT YOU WANT.
You know why you don't have it yet?? CAUSE YOU'RE SO FUCKING RELIANT ON THE 3D. Stop it. You aren't trying to change the 3d. Your only job is to change your 4d - your thoughts , your attention and awareness. The 3d has no other choice but to reflect it. 3d has no power and yk why? Cause it's so malleable and all it can ever do is reflect your 4d, your imagination. But your imagination - NOW that is in your hands, You can choose to think what you want, You can choose to accept what you want as true and just let your sc mind do it's magic. Thats all you need to know.
Now I get it, circumstances may same really really bad like almost impossible for you to believe that the opposite of what is actually there is actually the real reality. But you're just gonna have to do it anyway. Imagination - IS THE REAL REALITY. And there is nothing you can do to change it. SO accept that and change your thoughts.
DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE RN? CAUSE YOU DID IT, YOU FOUND OUT THE ULTIMATE TRUTH OF LIFE. HOW YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER, HOW YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR REALITY.
Now if you don't believe in all this and sees this as some manifestation crap then I'm respectfully asking you to get the fuck off my blog, I don't need you here if you don't need me.
But if you know that this is it, this is true then I want you to read very carefully what I am gonna say next because THIS IS IT -
is loa real for YOU? (yes) is manifestation real for YOU? (yes) so is your imagination the real reality in your life? (yes) - so obviously what you assume has to be real too right? So it is real and it is yours. You have it and you have it now. That's it. That's all there is to it. If you believe in this, If you can know this, You have to know that this is it, what you assume is true, IS true in your reality.
All you gotta do is persist. Persist in your new story. It doesn't matter what technique you guys use. Just know that it is done. Stop treating it like a process - MANIFESTATION IS NOT A PROCESS, IT IS INSTANT, IT WAS YOURS THE MINUTE YOU DECIDED SO. CREATION IS FINISHED, IT IS YOURS.
Just know that it's done. You're not waiting for something to happen in the 3D - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU ARE THE VALIDATION. WHY ASK YOURSELF WHERE IT IS - WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE IT.
Guys this is it, this is all you need, read it and reread it as many times you want to just get it in your head but trust me this is it.
You've got this!
Love, Shrads
#law of assumption#loassumption#loa#affirm and persist#loa tumblr#neville goddard#consciousness#loa blog#loatwt#imagination#affirm and saturate#affirming loa#robotic affirming#saturate your mind#saturation#persisting#assume and persist#persistence#manifestation is real#how to manifest#manifestation#manifest everything#manifesting#loablr#loa motivation#living in the end#desired reality#reality shifting#shifting community#consiousness
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rafe catching innocentvirgin!reader working out
warnings: smut, no actual sex but like graphic descriptions of fantasies so i think it counts? MDNI this is for my pilates princesses, i'm trying to get into it and whew i have so much respect for yall,,, ANYWAY hope u guys are staying healthy and safe!!! mwah
rafe was knocking on your door impatiently, wanting to see you more than anything after the day he had, finding out that the development he had been busting his ass for for months had been delayed, but you weren't answering the door or even his texts telling you to open the door; that didn't stop him, the man knowing where your parents kept the spare key, getting it out of a pot of asterias, opening the door. you'd told him he could only use it 'only in case of emergencies', but to him, this constituted as an emergency.
rafe didn't bother to put the key back as he walked further into the house, hearing the noise of the television coming from your living room. he made his way to the living room, his eyes widening slightly when he saw exactly what had you so busy.
you were splayed on the floor, a pink workout mat underneath you, watching some workout video on your tv while your headphones were on, wearing a pair of pink fitness shorts that made your ass look so good he was almost drooling, along with a white sports bra, turned away from him, one of your hands splayed on the ground while the other one was bent on your head, one of your knees on the mat while your other was reaching up.
"jesus christ." he mumbled as he stared at you, the curve of your ass in those pink shorts causing his dick to stir in his shorts.
only a few seconds later, you moved to sit down on the mat, only to be startled by your boyfriend shamelessly ogling you, letting out a small gasp as you basically fell on your ass on the mat, your eyes widening.
you took off your headphones, throwing them onto the couch behind you, and even though your face was already warm and flushed, it seemed to get worse when you noticed him staring at you. "rafe!" you exclaimed as you stood up, his eyes now locked onto your hardened nipples under the sports bra, your tits almost pressed together, a sheen of sweat running down your cleavage.
"jesus fucking christ." he said, licking his lips slightly as you took your pink zip-up jacket and put it on, yet the way it clung to your body and the small sliver of your sports bra did almost nothing to hide how delicious you looked. "no, no, baby, don't stop on my accord." rafe grinned, his hands on your waist, aware that he was sporting a pretty obvious hard-on as he pulled you closer.
"i don't want you to see me all gross and sweaty." you pouted, and the way you sucked your lip in made nothing to calm down the obvious tent in his shorts.
"you look so fucking sexy right now." he said, pulling you closer to him, and you could feel his hard-on press against your abdomen, the blonde letting out a small groan from only that contact. "literally, i've never... jesus."
"i'm not sexy right now." you roll your eyes, pushing away a stray hair that had stuck to your cheek, trying to look down in embarrassment.
"you're kidding, right?" rafe snorted, his hand going lower and lower, almost going to the curve to your ass. "i think you can feel how sexy you look, huh?" he took hold of your chin with his fingers, and lifted it up, making you look up at him. "if you didn't want to wait longer, do you know the things i'd do to you?"
"w-what?" you asked in a way that was almost a whisper, biting your lower lip as you looked at him through your lashes.
"fuck, i'd just rip that cute little set off and take you right here on the couch. i'd make you ride me, give you a workout that's much better than this crap you're doing, your tits bouncing in my face, my hands gripping those pretty thighs... shit, i might cum just thinking about it."
you softly smacked him in the chest, feeling a warmth in your abdomen only he managed to cause, sure that you'd never blushed so hard in your life. "raafee..."
he brings your face up to his, bringing your lips to his as he bent down slightly, the kiss much more heated than any other kiss that you'd shared, his hand now on the curve of your ass, squeezing it in a way that made you gasp against his lips, his other hand now in your hair.
after a moment, you pulled away breathlessly, his erection had somehow gotten even worse than before, your lips swollen and a doe-eyed look in your eyes. "we should... uh, we should stop, since, you know..."
"yeah, i know baby." he rolled his eyes exasperatedly, before chuckling softly. "god, i'm not gonna forget this little outfit in a while. lemme take a pic of it?"
"noo, i look gross!"
"don't talk about my girl like that." he tsked, taking hold of your jaw. "come on, i need something to get myself off to later."
"alright, fine." you scoffed and rolled your eyes, before letting out a small chuckle as you started unzipping your jacket.
#rafe cameron#outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#outer banks fanfiction#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#rafe x you#outerbanks rafe#rafe imagine#rafe obx#rafe cameron smut#obx smut#rafe fic#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron outer banks#outer banks smut#obx#obx fandom
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A duty— Capitano
Synopsis: You were set to marry a fatui... Wait, is that a fucking harbinger?!
Wc: 3.3k
Warning(s): fem reader for this one, reader gets called "wife", Capitano is described to have dark blue eyes (i swear i did my research and they said yes to dark blue eyes), MDNI masturbation but no sex between them.
Notes: don't ask the reason why you are in an arranged marriage, my brain is fried. You can come up with your own reasons ! Wrote this with my eyes cursing at me to sleep so half not proofread. Part 2 is out here. Part 3 is out here!
Tick tock.
You watched as the clock ticked louder than usual, cringing to yourself when the sound became unpleasant to you, it was ringing in your ears.
Even the fatui around you were like statue's, you considered for a minute to check if they were even alive and breathing.
The door then swinged opened, everyone's head suddenly lowering slightly which made you even more confused, but you mimicked their gestures nonetheless for respect.
Heavy footsteps echoed in the room, the sound only getting louder and heavier the closer it got you.
The steps finally stopped, and your glance up to see a big—no, giant man standing right infront of you. He seemed to be wearing a helmet to cover his face, long black hair that protrutes from the back of his helmet and over his shoulders, and the big coat that was full of fur draped around his shoulders.
You must say, he went all out with his appearance as a fatui.
"Are you perhaps..." You started, breaking the silence that hung think in the air, "... The person who I'm arranged to marry?" You finish off, tilting your head curiously.
He doesn't answer immediately, rather, he looks down at you, observing your features which makes you wipe your sweaty hands to your sides.
"Il Capitano," he finally spoke, a raspy voice, you noted. Capitano extended his arm out for you, and you willingly accepted it, giving it a gentle shake.
"Member of the fatui Harbingers."
His next words made your hand freeze. Did he just say Harbinger? Not even a normal fatui like you thought, but a whole harbinger. Standing right before you, and shaking your hand.
Well you were screwed because what the hell have you gotten yourself into.
You both were quiet now, staring at eachother that it's becoming almost painfully awkward.
"Your name?" He asks, letting your hand go and it's like you were snapped back to reality when you immediately blurt out your name.
He repeats your name like you were on his kill-off list, but that was just overthinking on your part.
"I'd like your company from now on." He announced, stepping a tad closer to you which made you hold in your breath.
"then i shall be at your company..." Giving him your best small smile, you bowed your head again.
•••
Your wedding basically consisted of a witness and marriage papers that needed your signature. You didn't even get the chance to wear a traditional wedding dress nor have a honeymoon, which you don't think is necessary for now since everything was going too fast for your liking.
And Marina, your new personal maid, has become your new friend in this big estate of Capitano's, teaching you everything you must and mustn't do. Kind of like a 101 guide on how to be a wife.
Ever since that day a two months ago, you have not done anything but cause trouble.
You wanted to go out? Well you need your husband's permission. You want to eat something? Ask Marina first and she'll whip it for you no problem, and no you're not allowed to cook by yourself. You bombarded Capitano with questions about himself, but his answers wouldn't be enough as they were about a word or a sentence long.
As boring as that is, this is your life now for... Archons know how long. But you remember it being temporary, if your memory did not fail you.
Capitano had returned back to the estate for the night, and for the first time, you greeted him at the front door with a smile, wishing you could see him smile back at you.
"My lord," you bow elegantly like how Marina taught you, speaking even softly like nothing ever happened a week ago, the fit you remember throwing at him, demanding an answer on why you couldn't do anything around.
The silence in the hallways was deafening, broken only by the clanking of his armor as he took a step closer to you, his towering figure cast an intimidating shadow upon you. "It is rare," he spoke in a blunt tone, "to see you this obedient." Capitano paused, his gaze scrutinizing your every move. "You have been behaving recently?"
You couldn't help but fidget with the hem of your clothes nervously like you have been caught, a nervous quiet laugh escaping your lips, "i believe I've always behaved."
Capitano let out a terse sigh at your answer, his eyes unflinching through the slits of his helmet. "To your luck," he muttered, "you have been... tolerable." The word 'tolerable' hung heavily in the air, making it clear that it was the most positive adjective he could summon about you.
"However," he added after a few moments, "you seem more compliant than usual today. This is an... interesting change." His tone was questioning, as if hinting that he was wary of your compliance, expecting a hidden scheme behind it.
"Shall we have dinner?" You change the topic, changing your position to stand by his side so that both of you could walk to the dining room together. Capitano nods curtly, acknowledging your suggestion. He allows you to approach, though there is a stiffness in his movements as he lets you stand by his side.
The two of you begin walking to the dining room, your husband's steps were heavy, and it was evident that he was still in his full armor, the sound of his footsteps filling the hall.
"You are not usually the one to suggest dinner," he commented, "I thought today was nice... Despite how i always fight you, forgive me." you mumble apologetically.
You become quiet when he doesn't answer back, your hands clasped infront of you instead.
You both soon reached the dining hall, now sat opposite eachother on the dining table, Capitano's gaze remained fixed upon you as you both sat across each other, the coldness in his eyes didn't waver as he observed you intently. The silence seemed to thicken as the only sound in the room was the clinking of silverware against the ceramic dinnerware.
"How was your trip?" You asked casually while stuffing some veggies in your mouth.
"The trip was... uneventful," he replied tersely, pausing briefly before continuing. "The usual Fatui business, nothing that concerns you, wife." His words were as biting as ever, indicating that he wasn't keen on discussing his business matters with you.
"nofing mfun?" You ask again with your mouth too full this time, "don't speak with your mouth full of food." You swallow your food down when you caught a glimpse of disappointment in his tone, maybe he was even frowning if you could see him behind his helmet.
"i will retire to my chambers after this," you place down the silverware on the tablecloth to reach for the glass of water next to you. Capitano doesn't answer, but he nods slowly in return.
•••
The world was still and the moon illuminated the grounds outside, casting a soft glow upon the landscape. You could hear the occasional sound of crickets and the whispered rustle of leaves, creating a peaceful atmosphere inside the expansive estate.
The minutes ticked by slowly, each one seemingly longer than the last as you anticipated Capitano's return this time. You fidgeted with the sheets, as you waited, you recalled Marina's words, a distant memory echoing in your head, "It is custom for a wife to wait for her husband to return before she retires to bed." You never did that, no. You would always sleep before he did and he would always wake up before you did. It was rare to even see him on your side of the bed, only sometimes when you would wake up from a sudden heavy weight shifting next to you.
Despite being married for quite some time, the connection between you two was still distant and cold. Capitano didn't seem to care for you on any emotional level, instead seeing you as a mere accessory to his life as a mighty Capitano of the Fatui Harbingers. A possession rather than a wife, you thought.
Capitano's steps echoed through the room as he stepped into your bedroom, his footsteps heavy and deliberate. He closed the door behind him with a thump, shutting out the outside world and isolating the two of you in the room.
He observed you quietly for a moment, "You're not in bed yet?"
"i was waiting for you."
"And why, pray tell, were you waiting for me?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Marina..." You mumble, standing up from the bed while looking away in a bit of embarrassment, "she taught me it was custom for a wife to wait for her husband."
Capitano seemed even more surprised upon hearing your answer, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Marina... I see," he said slowly, of her name sending a ripple of irritation through him. Capitano disliked Marina's influence on you and how she seethe mentioned to be teaching you things.
He strode closer to you, by now you were used to his presence that it would not make you involuntary step back, you instead wait for his next move.
Lifting his hand to take a few strands of your hair was the last thing you expected. The strands resting on his hand as he lifted it closer to his helmet, almost like a gesture of kissing your hair which made you blink rapidly.
"You don't have to," he whispered, his thumb gently caressing the strands, "don't have to listen to Marina or anyone. You may do your own thing in this estate. I just want you well taken care of and safe."
You think you may have just fallen in love with the man because... Why is your heart beating so fast that it could explode? Or wait, can he hear it?
Capitano then let go of your hair, walking past you as he started loosening the straps of his armor, "it is late," he muttered with a rasp, his hands working quickly to remove his armor. The sound of armor being unthreaded echoed through the room, punctuated by the clinks of metal.
Taking off his helmet next so casually made your eyebrows furrow and sit back on the bed with your head tilted to get a closer look at him.
His eyes were glowing dark blue, the most beautiful shade of blue you think you've ever seen. The prettiest face too despite his dark and intimidating aura.
"you're beautiful." You whispered in awe, though Capitano, who was half-way through removing his armor, paused for a moment as he heard your words. He wasn't expecting such a compliment from you. It was rare for you to praise him, preferring to defy him more often than not.
"Beautiful?" he repeated, his voice gruff, you noticed his expressions and tried to act cool, your fingers nervously scratching your neck out of habit when you get shy.
"You're beautiful too, my wife." This completely caught you off gaurd, but it doesn't stop you from smiling and laughing it off quietly.
"Goodnight." Your head rests on the pillow, and this time you face him in your sleep, and he makes the effort to mimick your gestures.
"Goodnight."
•••
"Marina, where is my wife?" That was the first thing he asked your personal maid the moment he arrived back from his mission. His head looking around rather than looking down directly at Marina.
"The lady should be at her chambers."
"She's not."
"What?" Poor Marina's eyes widened, she was sure she just gave you a basket of fruits and snacks in your room, even asking you if you needed anything else.
"... Forgive me, my lord. She's probably in the bat—"
"She's not in the bathroom." He replied in a low, dangerous tone that sent a shiver down her spine.
Where are you, my lady? Marinas thought through gritted teeth before exhaling out shakily, "i shall go find her at once." Marina began looking around every corner of the estate, and each room she opened without you in it, she would lose two years of her life with Capitano following her.
You couldn't have escaped, right?
Finally when she hurriedly went to the back of the estate, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw you sitting outside on the grass with the basket of goods she handed you earlier.
You wave your hands and both Capitano and Marina with a bright smile, causing his shoulders to relax when you were at last seen having fun by yourself.
"you're going to get me killed one day." Marina mouthed at you, but since there was some distance between you both, you just smiled and shrugged at her.
Capitano approached you slowly, his purposeful stride carrying him towards you with measured steps. You were perched on the grass, happily savoring the treats in your hands, when he suddenly materialized before you. "Sit." You pat the space next to you, to which he obliged without hesitation.
"Have you ever done this before?"
"No."
"Never? It's nice."
"You do seem to be enjoying yourself." He hums thoughtfully, and your smile widens, "The last couple of months have been interesting, and i get to know you better now." You say before popping a blueberry in your mouth to chew on.
"Blueberry?" You offer, raising your hand while holding a blueberry in between your thumb and forefinger.
You might think your husband is shy by how he looks around at first before taking off his helmet, cute. Eventually he leans to take the fruit between his teeth before chewing silently, the slight fruit juice glistening on his lips before his tongue along with his thumb swiped over his lower lip.
"you know," you suddenly speak, drawing your hips near him, "we've never kissed yet."
He pauses, staring at you while thinking deep about it, "does it bother you?"
"No, does the idea bother you?" Your question held a mixture of uncertainty and intrigue.
Without a warning, his hand held your left cheek with gentleness, his lips slotting against yours for three seconds max before it ended.
What?
Your eyes were wide open the whole three seconds of it too!
"What was that?" The horror in your eyes was evident, not because you were scared, but because you were caught off guard and your eyes were fucking open. Capitano, upon seeing your eyes, he immediately tried pulling away, thinking he might've scared you in some way.
But you were quick to hold his wrist firmly so it wouldn't leave your cheek. "I liked it." You blurt out with the reddest cheeks ever, and he's almost amused.
"But it was too fast," you clear your throat before tilting your head closer, "may i, husband?" How can he refuse when you asked so nicely too?
Your lips latch onto his for the second time, and this time, you were going to give him a proper kiss. With your lips moving with ease against his, the sounds of soft smacks of your lips together filling the air which makes the tips of his ears go red.
You don't continue after both of you pull away to catch your breath, your eyes staring deeply into eachother as he pressed his lips into a thin line.
"Let's not do this again," your heart almost drops at his words. Did you mess up again? Did he not like how it felt—
"In public, i meant. I wouldn't like anyone to see you in such a state."
You can definitely hear the crickets in your head. "So we can continue kissing?"
"Mm," he only hums back before reaching for his helmet to put it back on. "I have to leave, i will be back by midnight," and when he stands up, it was your cue to stand up to bid him goodbye.
"Take care, husband." You wrap you arms around him, and he circles his arms back around you into a tight hug. It was not your first hug together, so you got used to the feeling of not being able to breath for a couple of seconds before of his tight arms around you.
•••
Capitano expected you to be awake when he returned from a few errands he had to run earlier, expecting you to wait for for him so that both of you could sleep at the same time ever since you did that day.
But you were asleep, peaceful and relaxed on your shared bed. You, wearing nothing but a silky nightgown like you always do, the blanket shuffled messily on you which revealed your legs slightly parted, and your arms hugging the pillow underneath you.
You looked like an angel to him, so vulnerable.. so pretty like this—god was he pent up from today.
He hands clenched tightly into fists until his knuckles turned white as he looked away, instead busying himself in taking off his usually neat coat which was now covered in few splatters of crimson red.
The sound of the running water masked his muttering, instantly regretting his thoughtlessness. As he grabbed the bar of soap, he began to wash vigorously, trying to expel the memories of combat and the musky scent of carnage. His body couldn't be gentler with himself though, as he massaged his muscles that ached from the constant strain.
His heartbeat quickened as his mind wandered back to you. You were the sweetest thing in his life, and he would never ever hurt you, in fact, he would rather die than have your precious skin scratched. Or even cutting off the heads without hesitating if one would hurt you.
He hates himself for envisioning your body under his, or thinking about how skilled you would be with your tongue or hands. he thought he was a selfish lustful man for thinking of such thing when you were sound asleep and tired.
Unable to bear it any longer, he reached for himself, stroking slowly at first before heavier thrusts took over all while imagining how it would feel like to be inside your soft and warm cunt instead of his hard and rough fist. The steam from the shower served to muffle his low groans, half in agony, half in ecstasy. Closing his eyes, he pictured your warm smile or shy and embarrassed facial expressions as his release came steadily forth, his forehead hit the cool tiles as he let out a deep, satisfied sigh.
After taking a moment to get himself together, he turned off the water and faced the mirror. How can he go back to bed after jerking off to the thought of your smile and sleeping figure? He would very much rather bang his head on the wall.
But he dried off with a sigh and headed back to bed, trying to keep his eyes half closed with his back turned to you as he sinked down on the mattress, taking a bit of blanket to cover himself with his eyes forced shut.
Your sudden arms that enveloped around him from behind is what gave Capitano a scare. A literal scare to the big man.
Were you awake this whole time? Did you hear him back in the bathroom? Was he too loud?
But your soft snores made his stiff shoulders sag in relief, indicating you were still in deep in your dreams.
He decided to turn around to face you, looking down at how innocent you looked, how the moonlight seemed to glow on your face from the window, giving your features a glowy shine.
"You have ruined me," he whispered carefully while brushing off strands of your hair away from your face to press a goodnight kiss on your forehead. "I am yours, ruin me, break me, and love me as much as you want, my wife."
#il capitano#genshin impact#genshin impact x you#genshin impact x reader#il capitano x reader#capitano#capitano x reader#fatui harbingers#genshin harbingers#capitano x you#capitano smut#genshin impact capitano
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ALRIGHT, I ASKED FOREVER AGO, BUT WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY ISA LOOPS AU??
Heads up this contains a lot, and I mean A LOT of spoilers for In Stars And Time. Including: = Act 6 spoilers, including main mystery and secret encounter = Minimal Act 5 stuff = And a bunch of extra stuff that happens through Act 3 and 4. SO BASICALLY ALMOST EVERYTHING, FINISH THIS GAME COMPLETELY BEFORE READING (ESPECIALLY THAT ACT 6 ENCOUNTER, IT WILL LITERALLY BE THE FIRST THING I MENTION UNDER THE CUT)
With all those warnings out of the way-
IN REPETITION AND CHANGE
Initial Concepts:
I feel it's important to show these sketches because they were the first ideas I ever had. I wasn't even entirely sure I wanted to make an AU at this point, I didn't even know how I'd approach it. But I started sketching and it's been on my mind since- SO! Isa is stuck in the timeloop. I know what his wish is and he DOES have a Loop equivalent! The grumpy dandelion guy is Roboro (it/they/he). Their name is a very small play on Ouroboros and they call Isa "Seedling". However, this post is not about them, as I'm gonna talk about it and Isa's dynamic in a separate post. In short, Isa is his normal loud self up until Act 3, right? They beat the King, they reach the end, and whoops, the loop isn't broken. So now, what happens is that Isa starts getting his brains out. He starts thinking more analytically and tries to problem solve.
The more stuck he gets in his head, the less he's able to perceive his friends as real people, and more like them holding him back. Because even if Isa explains that he's smart, that they shouldn't be surprised if he says something, shock of all shocks, reasonable- They'll forget it the next loop.
So Isa is stuck with trying to portray his confident, loud, supportive facade- Which is fine! It wouldn't be the first time! But it progressively gets more and more frustrating, as he tries to find answers and simply looses the energy to pretend to be stupid.
TL;DR: Isa in the timeloop, unlike Siffrin, becomes more distant and cold rather then something more akin to Sif's mania.
NOW, MORE ART!!!
KILL KILL KILL:
I imagine Isa didn't have this encounter the same way that Sif did. Yeah, frankly, Isa is pissed with the sadness- But that's not why he goes through with this.
In this moment, Isa is trying to kill two birds with one stone. He's trying to get through this quickly, as well as reassure Mira that they can do this! If he shows how strong he is, then she'll feel safe right???
Poor Isabeau forgot that whenever he shows that he thinks ahead, he scares people. How could he forget that? How could he forget that he's inherently---
Family Quest:
I still think Odile is the one to call out to him (same with sus quest).
The hangouts I'm still figuring out, cause I don't think they'd too similar to base game- But, fun fact, at the end of this run, everyone agrees to keep travel together!
Isabeau brings it up, can't hurt if you can fix your mistakes right? And everyone agrees. The relief on Siffrin is the most palpable thing Isabeau has ever seen.
In this moment they love you. In this moment they all love you. In this moment---
Death Screen:
He loops back anyways. (This is one of the initial concepts that I ended up animating. This line in particular is when he reaches the end)
Act 5 Tarot Card:
NOW TO SEE MORE OF HIS PASSIVE AGRESSIVE SIDE
Thanks to @the-bitter-ocean for prescribing tarot cards to Isa (THEY ALL FUCK SO HARD) and for the RAW ASS LINE
If interacted with in act 5, predictably, Isa tears it apart. He doesn't need the divine judgement upon him, he's faced everyone's perception his entire life.
However, he tears it methodically. Tears it once in even pieces, twice, three times, and one of the pieces once more. In a way he isn't even getting his emotions out, it's like he's actively trying to tear it apart so it stops nagging him, like he wants to shut it up. Though, the Judgement card symbolizes rebirth, absolution and inner calling. In Act 6 he'd be able to look at it and find comfort and confidence in the card.
Act 5 Mirror:
And lastly, I have the Act 5 mirror picture. I haven't quite figured out how to make the normal ones work yet, however, I couldn't let go of the idea that Isa would not want to be in the picture.
The idea of seeing himself at all makes his head hurt and his stomach squeeze. The memory haunts him as he stands to the side and says the word. He didn't think the mirror would catch him.
AAAAND THAT'S ALL THE ART STUFF FOR NOW!!
I still have quite a bit of it to post, especially about Roboro, but I'm gonna leave it here for now.
I still gotta figure out the hangouts and potentially the dagger equivalent- but I have ideas for Bad Touch, the glass equivalent, and some extra little things that didn't happen in Siffrin's loops.
I needed to yap about this, because I've been slowly stacking up ideas and writing and I needed to share it at some point- If anyone read all this and has questions and stuff I fully welcome 'em!!
#in repetition and change#irac#in stars and time au#isat au#isat isa#in stars and time isabeau#irac isa#irac roboro#the title used to be the other way around so it was icar but the long version didn't feel right but now the short one is off#I can't win in these conditions/j#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#HOW DID I FORGET THE SPOILER TAG HOLY FUCK
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SEXUAL TENSION M.S.
bsf!Matt x fem!reader
summary: the sexual tension between you and your best friend Matt causes you two to ‘talk it out’ in the car
based on these requests available: here, here
warnings: filthy ass smut bro
word count: 3.2k
a/n: I’ve been so busy with work, but im glad i finally found the time to write something hope yall enjoy it :) this post is not proofread
➽───────────────❥
"Wait do you like him?" my friend asks with a smirk on her lips as she playfully pushes my shoulder.
I was hanging out with my friend at the beach tanning, eating some grapes, swimming and just taking in the sun.
"I don't know, it's like this weird sexual tension between us like I just feel that hot and bothered vibe coming from him," I say to my friend as I twirl a strand of my hair between my fingers.
"As in general or like just around you?" She asks me while raising an eyebrow. "Girl I don't know, we don't talk about how often we get laid," I say with a serious tone. "You should then," she answers as one corner of her lips rises up followed by a wink. "Can we not? I'm not asking Matt if he wants to fuck me or just fuck in general, let's change the subject," I say now slightly annoyed about how long this topic has dragged on.
I have to admit though, in the past couple of weeks there have been moments of strong sexual tension between me and my best friend Matt. I don't know what it is but every time we hang out in a group setting, I feel him throwing glances at me while fidgeting with his rings practically undressing me with his eyes, his eyes seem to scan me up and down, eventually meeting mine every time, his stare would get this hint of hunger like he's been starving for something, so I went for advice to my friend but she doesn't have a serious bone in her body so it obviously didn't go far.
Not even a second later I heard my phone ring. I turn it facing up to look who's calling. My friend leans in pushing up her sunglasses to see the caller as well. "Oh it's Matt, you should ask him if he's down to fuck," she says with a huge smile plastered across her face. "You're so funny," I say sarcastically as I roll my eyes before answering the phone.
"Hey!" I say as I bring up the phone to my ear.
"Hey, what are you up to?" Matt asks.
"Nothing much, I'm at the beach with a friend," I say as I turn my head to look at her, as soon as I do so, I see her standing on her knees humping the air before she points to my phone laughing. I instantly facepalm regretting that I even mentioned something to her.
"Hello, are you there?" I hear on the phone.
I snap back as I remember that I'm currently on the phone with Matt.
"Yeah sorry, what did you say," I say.
"I asked if the weather is nice, am I really that boring?" Matt says.
"No I was just looking at my friend, she was kicking down someone's sand castle," I lie as I search around with my free hand for something to throw at my friend. "Yeah the weather is nice, the water is really warm too, what are you doing?" I continue.
"I'm driving home, do you want to do something later?" Matt asks and I see my friend walking over to me kneeling next to me pressing her ear against my phone trying to hear what Matt is saying.
"Yeah I'm down, do you have something in mind?" I answer as I try to push my friend away with my elbow staring at her and shaking my head.
"Chris and Nick really want to see you, so I was thinking we could go to topgolf, and get something to eat after that," he offers.
I see my friend nodding her head up and down signaling me to say yes. How did she even hear that is beyond me.
"Yeah I'm down, should be fun," I say.
"Alright I'll pick you up at 7, see you then," he says before ending the call
I look down next to me and see one grape lying in the sand, without giving it a second thought, I pick it up and throw it at my friend. "You're such a child," I say as I roll my eyes smiling. "You still love me," she says sitting down smiling, finally relaxing after being on my case this whole time.
The sun had started to set and we decided to head back to my friend's house. The beach is like a 10 minute walk from her place. "What time is he picking you up?" My friend asks me.
"He's picking me up at 7, but it's not like you didn't know that already, you're so nosy," I say as I look down at my phone to see the time. "Shit it's 6:27 pm already, there's no way I'm gonna get back to my house and get ready in time.
"You can just get ready at my place," she offers. I nod and pull out my phone from my pocket and text Matt the new address.
We go into her house and I drop my bag at the door running for the bathroom to shower. I turn on the water and hop in.
"Are you really that excited to see him?" my friend asks as she opens the door to the bathroom. "What do you mean?" I ask her. "I mean you rushed to take a shower so fast, surely you're excited to meet up with him," she says as I hear her turning on the sink to wash her hands. "I'm literally just showering, I don't want to be sweaty, covered in sand, and gross, no matter who I'm meeting up with," I defend myself. "Whatever you say," my friend says as she leaves the bathroom.
I hopped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I went past the kitchen to my friend's room. I open the door and she's sitting in front of her vanity doing her skincare playing some music in the background.
My eyes lay upon an outfit lying down on her bed, it's a short jean skirt and a black lace tank top, I raise my eyebrow in confusion "What's this?" I ask. "It's an outfit for you to wear," she answers, I tilt my head. "Well unless you're gonna go to topgolf in sweats and a bathing suit, you should wear what's on the bed," she exclaims. "But this is what I would wear if we went clubbing not something I would wear hanging out with friends," I answer. "Trust me on this one," my friend replies. "You seriously need to move on," I say as I grab the outfit and put it on.
I check my phone to see the time, 7:05 pm it reads and as I was about to put down my phone I receive a text from Matt.
"I'm here" that's all the text says.
"I have to go," I say to my friend as I stand up from her vanity and head for the door. "Wait, just one more thing," she says as she runs over to me with a perfume bottle and sprays a few sprays on me. "What's that?" I ask. "It's a pheromone perfume, it's supposed to make guys crazy," she says, smiling proudly holding the bottle. I just sigh as I go for the door. "This way we'll find out if he wants to fuck in general or if he wants to fuck you!" my friend says happily, waving at me as I exit.
I get in the front seat as I see that Chris is sitting at the back. "Hey," Nick exclaims. "Hey," I say to everyone as I put on my seatbelt. "You look good," Matt says as he turns his head looking me up and down and Nick nods his head in agreement. "Thanks, guys," I say and we start driving. We're now driving for about 15 minutes, there's music blasting through the whole car as Nick and Chris are arguing, trying to scream over the loud music about which is the best spongebob episode making me giggle from time to time.
We're stopped at a red light and as I'm scrolling through my phone I feel someone's eyes on me, I pick up my head and see Matt looking at me, there it is again, that hungry stare, he's looking me up and down before his eyes again meet mine. I see him bite his lower lip before a little smirk creeps up on his lips. "You look so fucking good," he says, making me smile, his voice was deeper than usual. He turns his head to focus on the road again as the light turns green.
This is the vibe I was talking about with my friend earlier, we've never had this kind of tension between us before.
I turned my head back to see if Chris and Nick noticed his comment, and no they were still arguing, but the topic of the argument had changed to waffles and pancakes.
"We're here," Matt says as the car stops and he pulls out the keys from the engine and we all exit the car. As we go in, Nick goes to registration and pays for all of us. We all walk to our playing area and we all get something to snack on and some drinks.
"I'm up first," Matt says as he walks over to the playing area, he sets up the ball and swings the golf club. Next up is Nick, he does the same, now it's my turn, I walk up to the playing area, set up the ball, and take a swing with my golf club, I miss completely and I turn my head to look at everyone laughing, well almost everyone, Matt is the only one who's not laughing, which made me less embarrassed, I guess that's what best friends are for. "You need any help?" He asks, I nod my head and he stands up walking over to me.
I set myself up to take a shot and Matt walks over standing behind me, he puts his hands over mine "You have to hold the club tightly, okay?" Matt says as he tightens his grip around my hands. "Keep your back straight," he says and I straighten my back, which causes my butt to brush against his crotch. He inhales sharply before he continues, "Now swing," he says as he guides my hands with his swinging them to the side before hitting the golf ball and watching it fly away. I turn around to face Matt, "thank you," I say as I give him a hug. Before I get to pull away I feel his arm around the back of my neck as he leans into my ear, "you did so good," he says as he lets me go a slight grin forming on his lips, we walk back to the lounge area and Chris stands up as it is his turn now.
I was now sitting watching them play as I understood pretty quickly that there wasn't gonna be a golfer made out of me. Throughout the night I kept noticing Matt's glances, he's now sitting across from me, and he's staring me up and down as he's fidgeting with his rings. His gaze sends shivers down my spine, making me actually shiver and Nick notices.
"Are you cold? I left a sweater in the car, Matt can get it," he offers, " yeah that would be nice," I say as I look back at Matt and he seems to snap back into reality not really understanding what's going on.
"Come on Matt, I'm gonna go with you to get the sweater," I say to help him understand what's going on, he nods and stands up and we start walking to the car. I was actually glad that I managed to get him alone, I needed to understand what was going on with him, but I didn't want to ask with everyone around.
As we get to the car he unlocks it and I get into the front passenger seat and lean back to get the sweater Nick was talking about, as I grab the sweater I hear the door open, I turn my head to look and I see Matt leaning down, his arm resting against the open door. "You ready?" He asks. "No get in," I say as I lean back into my seat, placing the sweater in my lap. Matt gets in the car and closes the door. "What's up?" He asks. "I should be asking you that," I answer and Matt tilts his head confused by my statement.
"What's going on with you?" I ask. "What do you mean?" He answers me with a question not understanding what I'm talking about. I take a deep breath slightly nervous about what I'm going to say next, but I needed some clarity so I knew I had to ask. "Past couple of weeks you have been zoning out, staring at me," I state, I watch his face, waiting for his reaction. His expression grows dark, and once again his glare turns dark.
"You're driving me fucking insane, " he says his voice getting deeper again, "you don't know what you're doing to me, your sent, your presence," he says as he moves his stare from my eyes to my lips before licking his. "Tell me," I say as I put my arm on his bicep. "How about I show you instead," he says as a smirk appears on his lips. He leans over and grabs the outer side of my thigh, signaling me to move. I cautiously move over the center console his arms grabbing and holding my ass for support as he guides me to sit in his lap.
Without any warning he pushes his lips onto mine, kissing me roughly. One of my hands travel to his hair and the other one rests on his chest, his hands travel to my hips, pushing and guiding them back and forth, I let out a quiet moan as I break the kiss, "Matt this is wrong," I say as I try to calm down my breathing. "I don't care, I want you," he says as he smashes his lips back onto mine and I give into the kiss, he moves from my lips to my cheek and down to my jawline, his one hand still guiding my hips back and forth as the other hand moves over my ass grabbing it and slapping it.
I'm not fighting him and give into his touch fully, I throw my head back as I feel my panties getting wet and a moan slips past my lips, Matt takes advantage and attacks my neck, leaving wet kisses, slipping in a few bites as he's sucking on my sensitive skin leaving marks.
"Move up," he says, his voice is demanding. I move my ass up, both of my hands move to his shoulders as I hold them for support. He quickly unbuckles his belt and bucks up his hips sliding his jeans down along with his boxers. Matt's hand travels to my panties, he rubs against my clothed clit before sliding them to the side with one quick motion. He places his hands on my waist pushing me down and signaling me to sit down again.
He pushes his lips on my neck leaving sweet kisses around the dark marks he had created, he leans back and his eyes lock onto the hickeys, "pretty," he says as he grabs my jaw, his thumb brushing over the bruised, sensitive skin.
Matt grabs my ass as he moves me slightly up, positioning his dick against my entrance before pushing me down, I let my head fall on the nape of his neck as my elbows rest on his shoulders, my hands roaming his hair, I let out a moan as I start to move my hips.
"You feel so good princess," Matt groans, his hand tightly around my waist as the other one holds a tight grasp on my ass, his nails digging into my skin as I become a hot mess on top of him. "Matt," I moan out, my movements are sloppy and sensual.
"We can't be gone for too long," Matt whispers in my ear and suddenly fastens his thrusts underneath me. A sudden feeling of overbearing pleasure comes over me as I throw my head back no longer able to control my breath, moans and whimpers leave my mouth before I bite my lower lip trying to be quiet. "Baby don't be quiet, I'll make you scream my name," Matt growls deeply as his hand travels to my lower back holding me for support.
"Will you?" I manage to slip out between my moans as I start to grind faster on his cock. "You're such a brat," he says as his hand wraps around my hair pulling my head backward. His lips attack my collarbone, he's sucking and pulling on my skin slipping in a few bites, I hiss at the pain, "not so brave anymore huh," he says as he detaches from my collarbone before leaving a trail of kisses up my neck before meeting my lips.
"I'm," I whimper, my hands roaming around for something to hold onto as I feel my climax approach me. "You're?" Matt asks proudly as he's the one making me unable to finish my sentence. "Close," I manage to moan out between his hard thrusts and my grinding as we move in sync. "What was that huh?" He chuckles. I grab the collar of his shirt to pull myself together as I gather my strength to form a sentence.
"I'm so close Matt don't stop," I blur out, I feel my walls closing around his twitching cock. "You take my dick so well baby," Matt moans out sending me over the edge. "Matt," I scream out as my orgasm takes over me. Matt lets out a low growl-like moan, as I feel his seed pumping into me. I push my lips against his in order not to scream as I ride out my high.
"Oh my god Matt," I say as I move off of his cock and back to the seat next to him. "You did so good princess," he says as he leans in and kisses my forehead before he pulls up his pants. "We should get back," Matt says and I nod in agreement. I take Nick's sweater and pull it over my head putting it on.
As we step out of the car, I close the door and fix my short denim skirt and I see Matt fixing his belt. "I'm gonna leave the window slightly open," he says slightly chuckling pointing to the windows that had fully fogged up and I let out a small laugh as well.
"What took you two so long," Nick says as he looks at us and we try not to look suspicious. "We were talking," I say confidently, I see Nick shifting his eyes from Matt to me, and his eyes fall down to my neck as a smirk appears on his lips, "you got something here," Nick says as he brushes over his own neck with two fingers. My eyes immediately shoot to Matt as I slap his shoulder from the back.
I guess there definitely was some sexual tension between us that needed to be resolved.
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☆ introducing... pornstar!chris
chris was never shy about his profession... not at all, really. truthfully, he only stayed quiet about it as to not make other people uncomfortable. but of course, as soon as he was in front of the right crowd, and the questions started coming, it was like they'd never stop. "nah— no, i don't do all that fake shit," he answered, waving off his friend as he chuckled.
everyone looked to him as they sat around on the couches in your living room, some with wonder on their faces, others with confusion. you were skeptical, to say the least. "y'know what i mean, with those plots and all," chris continued on, "no one even likes that anymore. they wanna see real, unscripted fucking. all the dirty talking and moans, they're just not enjoyable if it's all for show."
"yeah, but i'm sure it's all played out anyways," you were quick to speak up, not thinking too much of the comment you'd made. though the words were simple in your mind, they immediately caused everyone's attention to turn to you, as if you'd told this something no one could've ever possibly thought up.
chris shook his head, grin unwavering. "nah, i scrap anything that seems even remotely forced."
"but porn's always forced, everyone knows that," you quipped, completely disregarding chris' 'professional' opinion.
"y'think so?"
the smirk that began to tug at his slips only seemed to further build the tension that had already started hanging in the air. "yeah," you stated bluntly, the way you crossed your arms gave you a snobbish look, but you didn't care. "i mean, seriously, all those loud moans and screaming and shit... nobody's really that loud, no matter how good it is. and there's just no way chicks are, like, squirting and shaking all the time— i wouldn't even be surprised if squirting wasn't even real."
by this time, chris had shifted comfortably in his seat on your couch, crossing his arms like you had and watching you with an almost unreadable intense stare. he wasn't offended by what you were saying, no. rather, he was curious. he could be way off, but something told him you didn't really know much of what you were talking about.
━━★
"mm-mm, baby, don't go all quiet on me now," chris hissed as his hips snapped to meet yours, his hand reaching to lift your chin and force you to look at him.
"c- chris!" you practically shrieked, hands reaching to claw at his biceps as your back bowed slightly off of your couch, eyes closed and mouth making a pouty little 'o' shape that had chris' ego blowing up his head.
the way his large length filled you up more than you ever had before, threatening to hit your cervix with each thrust had tears brimming at your waterline. your world was being rocked, in every sense of the word, and it was all his fault. he'd decided it was time to change your outlook on everything on one random night over a silly comment you'd made hours prior. "how loud could chicks 'never be'? was it -" he cut off his sentence to pull all the way back and snap his hips as hard as he possibly could, eliciting a loud mewl from you that echoed through your house, "that loud?"
you immediately clung to him, legs wrapping around his torso and arms throwing themselves around his neck. he breathed harshly and groaned in your ear, head dipping to practically nuzzle itself in between your neck and your shoulder for a moment.
chris couldn't help chuckle when he heard you pleading to him, mumbling on about how he was too big, and that you couldn't finish like this. but still, when he slowed down for you, you found yourself whining at the loss of friction, writhing beneath him as he lifted his head to make eye contact with the camera set up on your coffee table. "wait! wait, m'not—wait, no, ke- keep doing that," you rambled on, practically unable to control the babble falling from your lips.
so when you finally decided you were fully satisfied with what he was doing (as if you hadn't already been before), chris' eyebrow raised, realizing he'd really found it now; that gummy sweet spot that made your eyes roll back.
and he shot the lens focused on him a cocky gin before diving all the way back in, allowing his head to drop on your shoulder once more
w/c : 754 a/n : divider by issysh3ll
#cvntagious#★ ⋮ pornstar!chris#chris#chris sturniolo#christopher#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris smut#christopher sturniolo x reader#chris sturiolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#christopher sturniolo edits#christopher sturniolo au#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo#matt#matt girl#matthew sturniolo#matthew#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo fanfiction#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x you
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