#The Who Concert Tickets Cheap

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Going to see my favorite band in less than a week and I'm super excited! Only downside is it's like a 4 hour drive to Nashville.

[paracosim]

Ahh it looks like I’m becoming weirdly obsessed with opera again

[raindrop-21]

Sometimes I hate that I like Ghost

[hiiikiko]

𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓!𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖊 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

tlou m.list | caught in your web m.list

[a/n]: hi! i hope you’ll all accept this, i hv work today n i’ll be workin until like 9 p.m but i’ll make sure to write tmrw !! n ty for all the likes on this series ♡

‿̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿

♰ before ellie got bitten, she wore glasses but after she didn’t need them anymore. she still wears them with the lenses popped out though because she thinks she looks weird without them, although she doesn’t wear them at school that often

♰ when she gets in a fight with tommy or maria, she sneaks out her window and finds a nice quiet roof to sit and listen to music, sometimes smoke but she’s cut back since her vigilante career began

♰ she has backpacks hidden all over the city so she can make a quick change. there’s one at school, the library, oscorp labs, the planetarium, and your apartment

♰ she knows you can handle yourself but that doesn’t stop her from following you home, like, come on! new york city is pretty dangerous and don’t you like having your very own vigilante??

♰ might be a little stalkerish but she sometimes hangs out on the roof of the building across your apartment building so she can watch you go about your evening, she doesn’t mean to do it but somehow she always ends up there

♰ she carries pepper spray even though she has literal superpowers

♰ she’s trained her spider sense to be even more heightened so that she can fight with her airpods in

♰ she has a playlist for fighting bad guys

♰ even though she’s city renowned spiderman, she still helps the elderly cross the street and help cats out of trees (she’s a little hesistant to help the cats because of how hard it is to mend scratches on her suits fabric)

♰ she owns a spiderman figurine like what did you expect? she’s a fan girl of the avengers, she owns all their figurines and they are in mint condition so why wouldn’t she own her own?? like that has to be the coolest thing to her

♰ concert tickets are expensive so sometimes she uses her powers for “bad” and sneaks into venues (she says it’s anti capitalist but really, she’s just being cheap)

♰ she has nightmares about turning into a real spider, kinda like franz kafka (she actually read this book in freshman lit and it scarred her)

♰ another one of her biggest fears is like what if she’s having sex with someone and she’s fingering them and her webs somehow shoot up into them?? like how do you explain that to a doctor?? this keeps her up at night

♰ seeing you in spiderman merch makes the tips of her ears go red and her heart race

♰ she cringes whenever she sees spiderman edits on her fyp

♰ onlyfans ppl who make content in her suit kinda scare her LMAO

♰ she actually doesn’t mind that everyone assumes spidey is a man, it helps her hide her identity but it kinda pisses her off that people can’t tell she’s a girl?? like do you not see the boobs . (her suit actually flattens her and all the protection gear inside gives her a pretty boxy figure so you can’t really tell)

♰ she has a hate/love relationship with her webs because on one hand she’s scared of touching people and on the other, she likes that she can ‘glue’ her camera to her hands when she’s on more dangerous photo ops and that she doesn’t have to get up from her bed to get her guitar (although, one time she hit herself in the face because she didn’t get it fast enough)

♰ ellie’s a different type of spiderman.. she’s actually very violent! especially against criminals who hurt others just for fun, she’ll beat them to a bloody pulp and leave them their for the ambulance to find (she leaves a note apologizing to the emts and sheriff, but it’s not like she killed them! nobody thinks that spiderman could do this so they assume there’s another vigilante out there, a more violent one *ahem* deadpool)

♰ she met deadpool once.. never again

♰ much like her infected bite from the game, her spider bite has caused cobwebs to grow in her veins

[baby-splash]

Nobody talks about how fucking cool Edgar and Eric Jomfru are and it's actually so sad.

These guys attended EVERY Dethklok show, with ZERO injuries, meaning they traveled the entire world. Not only that, they turned it into a business- They sold merch on their website, which had hundreds of thousands of daily views. That's fandom clout you can never even dream of.

They had the balls to stand there and threaten Dethklok for money. After Eric is shot, Edgar still has enough drive to somehow evade several snipers and be captured alive, plot his escape, swim out with a kid on his back, and become an international terrorist capable of literal mind control. He lived with a guy who spent his entire life in near-perfect solitude and they seemed to get along pretty well. Imagine their little domestic day to day life, between the revengence.

He escaped a horde of angry burn victims, once again alive, infiltrated Mordhaus (and lived AGAIN) to take the brute force route of shooting Dethklok with a gun (Magnus could never) and was still able to put his hatred aside when he realized this isn't what Eric wanted.

Despite everything Dethklok put Edgar Jomfru through he was able to put aside his hatred (and he still says they make him sick to his stomach, in DSR) and admit they meant something to him- to his brother, to a lot of people- and were part of a greater whole that he didn't have a right to destroy. Something he was ultimately willing to put personal grudges aside and die for.

He and his brother dropped out of HARVARD to follow a metal band on the road and by all we're shown, their only regret was being hit by a drunk driver. They still made what looks to be a pretty comfortable, possibly even rich (concert tickets ain't cheap for Dethklok) lifestyle for themselves.

Edgar is never once truly inhibited by his disability and never allows it to define him, and it ISNT the source of his rage, or the start of his character arc. Do you know how rare that is?

They start off as typical toxic fans who have made their livelihood by feeling entitled to someone else's work, only to end up with a deeper respect for them as people and for their output as real art with meaning to the world. They could've been NASA scientists or some other kind of mad genius, but instead, they followed their passion for metal and that's honestly badass? Also they're from Ohio so you know they're self starters because there's fuck all to do there.

They never lose their virginity because they never lose, period.

[daengtokki]

𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝑒

Kim Seungmin/Female Reader

wc: 8.5k

rating: mature/explicit ಇ

comments: part three was heavily edited from it's original version. There are most likely some grammatical errors that I've glossed over from staring at the screen for so long. Feel free to send a message and let me know if you see anything wildly wrong.

→ PART ONE

→ PART TWO

Part 3 of 4

“You can’t be nervous if I’m nervous.”

He’s right. You take a deep breath and turn to face him again. Kiss him on the lips. Your free hand snakes around his waist, finds the hem of his shirt, and tucks underneath to run over his skin.

His muscles tighten for a second, then slowly relax as your hand moves upward against his side and back across his shoulder blade. He sighs as you touch him.

You haven’t felt this much of his body until now.

-

Your plane lands four hours later than scheduled. You’re tired, hungry, and your back is killing you. Korea Air is fine, and it always has been, but 13 hours in coach is something you’ll never get used to.

There were no plans to travel home up until three days ago, and it’s a miracle you got the week off to deal with your family. As much as you hate doing it, you don’t mind a change of scenery and a break from your typical work days in Korea.

Honestly, this is the perfect solution to the loneliness and monotony. It was only three weeks ago that you finally got to see Seungmin again, but it’s been a long three weeks. And he has kept his promise of keeping in touch.

Every single day since date number two, he's sent at least one text. You try to send messages only when he does, but occasionally you can’t help yourself, and you send something in the middle of your work day, or right before you go to bed. You’re still a little worried about being a bother, and holding back your clingy-ness has been difficult, but he always sends something back. Not always right away, but he does answer. And he sends selfies often—those texts are your favorite.

You have failed to mention that you’ve been on your way to Chicago (he sent a text about two hours ago, letting you know the first two shows had gone well), and that you’d be arriving the day before he would also be in the same city. But you’ll let him know soon. You don’t have much hope for getting to see him while you’re both here; he’s busy, and the last thing you want to do is bother him during a tight schedule. But he's been the only thing on your mind for weeks.

You managed to get a ticket to the Chicago concert the night you realized you be in town for it, but it wasn’t cheap. Even if you don’t get to see him alone, seeing him on stage will be worth the price.

____

“Who are you talking to?”

There’s a giggle in his ear, and a sharp chin lands on his shoulder. “Why are you smiliiing?”

IN grabs Seungmin’s shoulders and takes a seat directly behind him, giving him a good view of the phone in his friends hands.

“Don’t be nosy.”

“Is it the girl you’ve been talking to?”

Seungmin half turns and stares at IN, then looks him up and down, “What are you talking about?”

IN stares back wordlessly, a grin plastered on his face. He’s squinting his eyes at him accusingly. “I’m talking about the girl you’re always texting.”

Seungmin picks up his iced coffee, takes a sip, then releases himself from IN’s stare.

IN follows him across the room.

“Send her a cute selfie.”

“I already did.”

“Oh, haha!” He beams with pride at thinking he got him to slip up. “Did she send one back? Can I see her?”

“No. And no.”

“I won’t tell anyone else, I promise.”

“How did you know if nobody else knows?”

IN stops and thinks for a moment, then he side-eyes the other two members that are currently in the same room. They’re too far away to hear the conversation, but Seungmin stands and heads over to them.

“Chan?”

Chan turns and looks at him with a smile. He doesn’t get a chance to speak before Seungmin does.

“Did you tell IN about her?”

It takes him a few seconds to process what he’s being asked. “No, no…I didn’t tell anyone.” his voice lowers as he realizes what they’re talking about.

“How does he know?”

Chan peaks around him at IN, who’s already staring wide eyed. He beckons him over with two fingers, and he runs over, unbothered.

“How do you know?” He asks softly, very curiously. “I didn’t tell you.”

“I just guessed.”

Seungmin and Chan stare, speechless.

“I always see him smiling and laughing while he’s texting, and then taking selfies. I didn’t know he was actually texting…” he looks around at the others that just walked into the room. “…texting someone.” He whispers the last part.

“The less people that know, the better…” Chan says, but casually, as if he knows he doesn’t really have to tell IN. “It’s nothing serious, right Seungmin?”

“Huh…” he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. “Oh um, no…it’s not.”

Chan stares a little longer, “is it?”

Seungmin feels like his mind is being read. “We just talk a lot.”

He nods and leaves it at that. IN smiles at Seungmin once more before walking off. Then he pulls his phone out to check his notification.

Sounds like you guys had a good time. I did catch some fan videos from last night!

He smiles at the text, and then wonders what you’re doing up at four in the morning.

____

You pull out your phone, hoping the buzz in your pocket is him.

What are you doing up so late? Are you okay?

Oh, you forgot about the time difference. Maybe it’s time to let him know you’re not in Korea.

“I’m okay. I just landed in Chicago. I had a family thing come up, and I had to come home. I promise I’m not following you.”

You see him typing a few seconds after your message is delivered.

oh, you’re from Chicago! That’s so exciting that you’re here. Are you coming to the concert tomorrow night? Please come!

Before you have time to reply, he’s typing again…

Maybe not if you have family to see

“No, I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it”

let me know what seats you have…maybe I can get you closer

You’re trying to text him and stuff your bags into the trunk of you moms car at the same time.

“I don’t think they’re very close, but I’ll let you know as soon as I get home”

don’t worry, I’ll figure something out

“What are you so smiley about?” Your mom asks and slams the trunk shut.

“Just a text.”

____

“Sooo…”

“Soooo what?” Seungmin glances at IN. He has an inkling about what he’s getting at, and he’s trying not to indulge him too much. But Seungmin will admit that if any of them were going to find out prematurely, he's glad it was him.

“Can I see her?” He’s careful and quiet saying it. “Please?”

“Fine, give me a second.” He types a quick message and then pulls up the photos you’ve both shared. He finds one of the very few selfies you’ve sent him and shoves it a few inches from IN’s face.

He looks and his eyes widen, smirk grows. “Oh she’s not…” he stops himself and lowers his excited voice, “she’s not Korean? Oh she sent a text.” He giggled and tries to finish reading before Seungmin pulls the phone back.

“No, she’s not.”

“Where is she from?”

“Chicago. She’s here now, too.”

“Oh she’s gonna come see us tomorrow!”

Seungmin nods and types, “yeah, she is coming. I need to get her a better seat.”

“Sneak her into soundcheck.“

____

The next morning, you wake up to the buzzing of a text notification. A Seungmin message. You open it up and squint through sleepy, jet-lagged eyes. It’s barely 8 am. You slept an entire ten hours, at least.

Good morning 🤍 if you’re able to, come down to the venue at around 2!

A close-up selfie follows. You can only see his eye, a peace sign, and a little bit of hair.

And a heart emoji. That combination is a first.

You reply, set an alarm, and immediately fall back asleep.

And luckily, you don’t sleep through it. At eleven, you’re up, nervous, showered, more nervous, and then when it’s time to figure out your wardrobe, you feel like you’re going to puke. Knowing you’ll see Seungmin is keeping most of your nerves at bay, but the fact that it’ll be at an arena of this size, with this many people (you assume there will be a massive amount of fans already hanging around that early, because you know how concerts here are), and throw in the possibility of meeting his friends…you’re nervous.

____

It’s as busy near the venue as you expected. And you find yourself enjoying it, surprisingly. Seeing all of the fans gathered around and clearly having a good time, despite the heat, is nice.

You jump out of your Uber and send a text to Seungmin. You need a more accurate location to head to, but for now you don’t mind wandering around and people watching. Just a glance at someone seems to immediately give away their favorite member, and you make it a point to look for anyone who prefers your favorite.

A text message buzzes before you get too far.

there is a staff entrance at the box office, just walk in and pretend like you belong

That sounds like a terrible idea, but you trust him and head in that direction. It’s not very busy there, because the tickets have long since sold out, but there are staff members milling around. You don’t look like you belong, but you also know that attitude and demeanor can get you far, so…

____

Seungmin only mentioned his plan (IN’s, really) to Chan about ten minutes prior to his last message to you.

“I don’t know if that was the best idea,” he says. “Is she already here?”

“Yes, she’s somewhere outside. And I know.”

“Okay, I might have a solution. Wait here.”

Chan disappears for a few minutes, and in the meantime, Seungmin actually starts to feel a little nervous. His plan was simple: have you walk casually in through the staff entrance he’s already seen used many times that days, by many different people—some with and some without staff shirts or lanyards.

“Even if she gets in using your terrible plan,” Chan returns, and behind him is a man much larger and taller than either of them. “She can’t walk around alone or with you the entire time.”

“She gets her own bodyguard!”

“Chaperone. And she won’t look too out of place with him. “

“Thanks, Chan. Thank you, Jay.”

“No problem, buddy. Let’s go find her before she gets lost.” Jay pats Seungmin on the back and leads him down the hallway. “What does she look like?”

It’s a long walk toward the entrance, but both of them scan every person and group as they pass by. It gives the butterflies in his stomach more time to move up to his chest and throat.

“She’s right there!” Seungmin waves and gets your attention before approaching. He doesn’t want to make a scene, so he waits until none of the venue staff is around.

You have a hard time containing yourself when you finally catch sight of him. You don’t remember him ever smiling as wide as he is right now, and it makes your legs tremble a little.

You wave and wait for him to reach you.

“Hey…” Seungmin stands a few feet from you. He seems a little uneasy.

The man following behind him is obviously trying to keep some distance, but not too much distance. “I can turn away if it makes you both more comfortable.”

“No Jay, you’re fine,” Seungmin laughs but doesn’t look away from you.

“Is this your bodyguard?”

“He is, actually. But today he’s going to hang out with you so you don’t look out of place, and you have someone who knows what’s going on.”

“Oh, that's a relief.”

“But I’ll take you to our dressing room if you’d like…if you want to meet everyone."

"I'm...I do, but do you think it's too much? I mean, too much too soon?"

"Meeting them?" He thinks about it. His mouth is pushed to one side, puffing up his cheek. "I don't mind if you want to wait. We can always just go right out by the stage for soundcheck. You'll see them out there, they'll probably see you. You'll be a mystery."

"I like that idea. Maybe afterward I'll feel better about it."

He nods and waves Jay over. He still hasn’t taken his eyes off of you.

“You look nice.” He lowers his voice and and drops his gaze to the floor. But you can still see his smile.

____

You’re sitting a few rows back from the main stage. Your chaperone is a few yards away and much more relaxed out here. There are so many people working the sound check that your extra face is hardly out of place, so now you feel like you can relax and enjoy the view.

All eight of them are on stage, along with a few band members, and some techs. There’s a camera filming everything just off stage, and another directly on stage with them. You watch Seungmin as he interacts with it. He looks relaxed and happy. No more worry in his eyes.

You get out the earplugs he gave you, but for now you just enjoy listening to him speak into his mic and headset. He looks at you a few times, but subtly, trying not to direct too much attention.

One of the others keeps looking your way, you assume out of confusion or curiosity. Or both. It’s Lee Know. You watch as he walks along the edge of the stage closest to where you’re sitting. Another member joins him and looks out; this one is smiling, almost as wide as Seungmin smiled at you earlier. You know who everyone is thanks to the endless videos you've watched. It's IN.

You try not to make too much eye contact, but you don’t avoid them completely. They seem to know who you are.

Your chaperone appears next to again and takes a seat, “having a good time?”

“I am, thank you for dealing with me.”

“No problem, anything for these boys.”

“Do you know them well?”

“I’ve been working with them for a while now, so I’d say I do. How’d a girl like you meet Mr. Kim?”

The Mr. Kim is said with a bit of sarcasm, but a cute, playful sarcasm. And by a girl like you, you assume he means an American.

“I live in Korea, near where he grew up. We met through a friend. Do we seem like a weird match? I mean…we’re not a couple—"

“Are you sure about that? He’s looking at you right now with those big puppy dog eyes.”

Jay points up to Seungmin. When you look, he quickly smiles and waves before running back to the center of the stage.

____

Your adrenaline is off the charts at the end of the concert. You had an idea of what to expect from footage of other concerts, but being there in person, watching them…watching him, was obviously on another level. You feel like you’ve been introduced to a new little part of Seungmin’s personality. You feel closer to him.

Now you’re back outside in the fresh night air. You haven’t heard from him yet, but you’re not surprised. He’s probably exhausted. You stick around, though. He didn’t mention anything about seeing each other after the concert ended, so you don’t assume anything or get your hopes up (even though they are, by default, always up when it comes to him).

A small group of girls—you can’t really tell how old, maybe around your age—find a place to sit near you. They’re understandably excited and very loud, so you listen in as they talk about their favorite parts, favorite songs, and biases. The loudest of the group is a Felix fan. You sneak a glance at them and one of them notices you.

She waves, “are you here alone?”

You look around and then point to yourself, “Me? Oh, yeah I am.”

The rest of them wave you over with such enthusiasm that you can’t possibly deny them your presence.

“Was it your first concert? It was mine, but not theirs. We’re flying to California for the first two next week.” The girl who looks the youngest, and has a Han Quokka plush strapped to her gestures to the whole group. “Are you going to any more?”

“This is the only one I got a ticket for, so probably not.

“Who’s you bias?” The one who spoke to you first asks.

You hesitate for a moment. Who is your bias?

“It’s Seungmin.”

The girl continues talking, but you’re distracted by the buzzing of your phone. It’s him.

you are still around, yeah?

“Of course! I’m outside”

Now he’s calling. “Sorry, I gotta get this!” You excuse yourself from the group and answer.

“Hi, it’s a little loud out here.”

“Okay, I just figured calling would be easier. Come back in the way you did earlier, I’m already here.”

“Okay, I’m near there. Give me 10 seconds.”

He starts counting down…

“Okay…nine…”

You laugh and speed up a little—

“Eight…”

—but there are more people here and dodging them is not easy.

“Seven…six…five…”

“Count slower!”

“Fooooouur…three…”

You see the door and push through a couple much harder than you intend, but your hand is pushing the door open just as Seungmin says—

“Two! You did it!”

He’s a good distance away, but you can see his smile. He takes a few steps toward you, but lets you finish closing the gap. He holds out his arms and pulls you into a hug, which catches you off guard. You’re surprised oh makes him giggle. There’s nobody around except for Jay, but it still feels very bold.

“You were amazing.” You squeeze him a little tighter around the waist, and he reciprocates.

“Thank you…I hope you had a good time.”

“I did,” you slowly release him but keep a bit of his shirt clenched in your fist. “What’s your plan for tonight?”

“Hotel tonight…and I think we are leaving in the morning. Unless they change things last minute, which sometimes happens.”

“Well, at least you don’t have to leave right away. It’d be nice if you stayed in Chicago a little longer, though.”

“Yes, it would be nice.” You see him glance at Jay and lower his voice. “I can let you know which hotel, though. And I’ll text you my room number.“

“Oh?” You feel your face getting hot, and Seungmin’s cheeks have definitely turned a shade of pink.

“Unless I have to share the room.”

“Well, you just let know which hotel. And we’ll figure something out if we need to.”

He nods shyly and takes your face in his hands. He doesn’t pull you in for a kiss, though, just gently rubs his thumb over your cheek. And it’s somehow even better.

“I have to go, but I’ll text you.” He disappears with Jay around the corner.

And then you panic a little, because you weren’t ready for a hotel invitation. You’re having flashbacks of the last date, and how heavy things got for just a few minutes. And how Seungmin reacted, because he hasn’t gone that far with anyone yet.

Maybe that isn’t what he was getting at. You’ve spent plenty of time with him alone in your apartment, why would being alone in his hotel be any different?

It’s just a feeling. Just in the way he lowered his voice and blushed. Things will play out how they’re supposed to, though. No pressure. You’d never put him in an uncomfortable situation.

It might be a good idea to prepare anyway.

Going home seems pointless, because the hotel is most likely here in the city. You don’t want to waste time traveling home and then back. You’re already short on time as it is.

But when you find a convenience store to pop into, you get a look at yourself in the mirror. It could be worse, you suppose. It was a hot day, and the concert was no different. Besides, Seungmin has already seen you like this. It can’t be that bad.

But you do buy a water to chug, gum, and when you pass by the condoms, you stare at them for far too long. Buying them means you expect something to happen, and you feel weird about expecting it for some reason. Not buying them and being unprepared seems worse, though.

You grab a pack. You grab two, actually. You did get a quick feel of him before. And you remember it well. Now you just have to deal with the awkwardness of checking out with two different sizes of condoms.

You stuff your purchases between the mess of other things in your bag and walk aimlessly for a few blocks. It’s still crowded down here, even though it’s getting late, and you can’t help but start worrying when almost an hour passes with no text from a Seungmin.

Maybe you should have gone home and waited.

But just as the thought crosses your mind, you get a message.

“Here’s the address, and my room number is 1344.”

Your heart starts to race when you read it. He has his own room, so things will at least be easy. And the address is only another two blocks away.

____

You text him when you get to his room instead of knocking. You’re afraid to make any unnecessary noise. He's shuffling around in the room before the latch clicks and the doorknob turns.

Somehow every time you see him, he’s even better looking.

The door is closed and locked behind you before either of you speak.

“Hi…you got here fast!”

“I was close by. Was I too fast?” You look him up and down. He’s in sweatpants and a black t-shirt, and his hair is a little damp.

“No, definitely not. As long as I don’t look like a wet dog.”

“No, you look very handsome,” you grab a handful of his shirt and pull him toward you. “It’s a good look.”

He leans forward and kisses you on the forehead. Another romantic gesture. It gives you butterflies. You like it, but you can't help but be baffled by his very bold and distinct romantic gestures. Three weeks ago he had a hard time with your hypothetical dating question. But that was three weeks ago.

“Do you want something more comfortable to wear? I can give you one of my shirts.

Okay, so maybe he does want you to spend the night, “Yes, I'd like that.”

He grabs one from his bag and shakes it out. Then he brings it to his face to smell it, “this is clean.”

“Thanks,” you hold it up and look at it.

“It not very big on me, so it should fit okay.”

You head into the bathroom and look at yourself again, try to get the butterflies in your stomach to calm down. Big breath in, slow breath out. It doesn’t seem like he’s trying to drive you crazy, but he’s doing a very good job.

You start taking off your necklaces, your bracelets, and then peel off your shirt that’s long since dried from the sweating you did all day. You check yourself for any offending odors, and even though it’s not bad, you take the time clean up the best you can.

It’s been a while since you had to do a sink bath before a potential lay. And every single one before this wasn’t even worth it. Seungmin is different, though.

Now you wonder if this is the way you want things to go. In a hotel, very little preparation. But you may not see him again for a while after tonight. And if this feels good for him, it's good for you.

There is still the possibility that he won’t be ready.

You slip into his shirt, and it's still pretty big. The sleeves reach your elbows and the bottom hem just covers your shorts. You could walk out without them and he might not even realize it—you take them off and fold them up neatly with your shirt and jewelry, look at yourself one more time, and then head back out to him.

“Oh, that looks good on you,” he turns from his seat at the edge of the bed, then pats his hands on the spot next to him. “Come here.”

As you climb onto the bed and crawl toward him, he slowly lies down on his back. “Are you tired?”

“No, not tired,” he props himself up on his elbow to get a better look at you. “Not yet...it takes a while to relax after a concert." He pulls at the hem of your shirt and his fingers slide across your thigh. He takes his hand away, so you grab it and put it back. Seungmin takes the hint and slides his palm to the side and gently squeezes.

When he looks up at you, you grin, but he just lets himself fall forward so he can hide his face in the blanket. You hear a big sigh, and maybe a soft laugh.

“What’s the matter?” You lie down next to him and wait until he turns his face to yours. “Minnie?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Do you want to get cozy and watch something?”

“Yes, that sounds nice.”

You pull the blankets down and fluff the pillows while he gathers himself again. “Which side do you prefer?”

“I’m not sure, I don’t usually have to choose.”

“Okay, I’ll take the left side.” You cover yourself up and relax against the pillows.

Seungmin follows, but he stays on top of the blankets for a moment and stares at you. You stare back and say nothing. Then he crawls underneath them, too.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my hands to myself.” You say.

He just pushes himself into the pillows and pulls the blanket up to his chin without a word, but he turns himself to face you.

You do the same.

“If that’s what you want.” He says.

You roll your eyes around as if you’re thinking and hmm under your breath. “Can I come closer?”

He nods.

You scoot yourself toward him until you can rest your forehead against his. “That’s better.”

“Can’t watch anything like this.”

“Oh, no I guess not,” you move back a little and look him over. “Should we—“

“No,” he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you back. “This is good.”

You take the invitation and place your hand on his neck; he moves in for a kiss before you get the chance to, though. And he kisses hard enough to push you on your back.

For a moment you think this might be it, but you find yourself hesitating and softening your kiss. Then loosening the grip on his neck.

He pulls back and stares down at you.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do,” you cup his face and hold him there. “There’s no rush.”

“I know.” He comes back down, kisses you once, and then falls back at your side. But his arm remains draped over your stomach.

Your heart sinks a little. It feels like you don’t know what you want. Well, you do know you want him, but you’re nervous. Maybe just as nervous as he is. “Don’t think I don’t want to, because I do.”

Seungmin smiles and sets his head against your shoulder. “I know you do.”

He knows you want him. You’re glad he knows—and you love the way he says it.

“Are you stopping because you’re worried I’m not ready?”

“No, only you know that. I’m just a little nervous, I guess.”

“You’re nervous?”

“I am.”

“You can’t be nervous if I’m nervous.”

He’s right. You take a deep breath and turn to face him again. Kiss him on the lips. Your free hand snakes around his waist, finds the hem of his shirt, and tucks underneath to run over his skin.

His muscles tighten for a second, then slowly relax as your hand moves upward against his side and across his shoulder blade. He sighs as you touch him.

You haven’t felt this much of his body until now.

You keep going, touching his stomach, his chest. It’s then that you feel his hand on you. It’s warm moving across your thigh, over your hip. His touch is soft, but he squeezes when he pulls you closer.

Seungmin slides his hand down to the back of your thigh and brings you as close as he can manage.

He’s on top off you again, hand still on you. His hips are gently pushing into yours. You can feel him through his sweatpants, and now your brain only wants one thing: to get them off of him.

“Seungmin,” you get him to look at you. “Seungmin?”

“Mhm?”

You pull his shirt over his head and toss it aside.

“Yeah?” He kisses your neck and lifts your shirt. “Are you okay?”

You nod and help him get it off.

“Oh,” he laughs and touches the spot directly below your sternum. “Tattoo.”

He looks over you slowly, a little shyly, before placing a kiss on your collarbone. You run a hand across the back of his neck. The other slides down his stomach until it reaches the band of his sweatpants.

Your heart beats wildly in your throat as your hand disappears. Fingers wrap around him and feel every inch. He whimpers softly into your neck. The hand buried in his hair moves down and kneads hard into his shoulder as your fingers stroke him.

Seungmin’s face is still in your neck, breathing hard. Eventually he takes a hand and maneuvers it to pull at his sweatpants. You let go to help slide them down enough to free him.

He moans, a little apprehensively, when you touch him again. You know you have to take it easy; he’s obviously very sensitive and you want this to last as long as possible for him.

“I like hearing you, don’t be shy.”

He tries to hold back an embarrassed laugh, but he does a bad job of it.

“Are you comfortable in this position? I could…do this with you on your back.”

He nods, but you don’t know which part he’s nodding to.

“Lie down.”

You let go of him until he’s on his back and relaxing. His face is still flushed and his breathing is a little shaky, but his eyes are almost closed. He seems relaxed enough. You kiss him and wrap your hand around him again.

His eyes open fully when you begin to stroke him again. His lips part and you slide your tongue against his.

The moans coming from him become a little louder. His hand lightly grips and slides down you arm.

“I didn’t really prepare for this. It could be better…if we had lube.”

“It feels good.” He whispers and smiles into your mouth. “Oh, I do have some.”

“Where?” You slow down a bit and let go of his lips. “I can grab it.”

“It’s…” he laughs sleepily, “it’s in my bag on the chair, in the smaller black bag.”

You climb over him and jump off the bed. The bag is is already open and a few things have been pulled out, but you can see a small black bag on the side. “I found it,” you unzip it and look around.

“It’s in the other little bag inside of that.” He laughs again. “Everyone is very nosy.”

You unzip the second bag, and there it is. It’s small, and still looks pretty full. You turn and look at him, “for when you’re lonely and horny on the road.”

He laughs again. “Yes, exactly.”

You warm a small amount in your hand and push the blanket down a little. You’ve touched him, but you haven’t really looked anywhere besides his lips and eyes yet. Now you watch your hand slowly move up and down , and the warmth and slickness makes everything so much better. You can feel how good it is for him. Your heartbeat drops into your stomach and you can feel yourself getting wetter every time he lets himself moan.

But as wet as you think you might be, his size is still more intimidating than you expected.

“You’re very good at this.”

You don’t think you’ve ever heard his voice so soft.

“Yeah?”

He bites his lips and nods. “It feels so good.”

The room is warm, and the AC hasn't kicked on again. There are a few beads of sweat forming at his temple—you kiss him there and work your way down to his chest, then across his stomach.

The muscles tighten as you move across his hot skin, further and further down. When you slide your tongue across his head, he moans out the breath he’d been holding since you got to his chest. The sound he makes is desperate. He does it again when your lips close around him and your hand grips a little more tightly.

He wasn’t prepared for your mouth. He breathes out your name and it sends a wave of pleasure through you. His hand touches softly across your back and neck.

He says your name again.

“You okay, Minnie?” You kiss his stomach again and look up at him.

He nods and sits up, “can I touch you?”

You let go of him and straddle his stomach. He reaches for you and runs his fingers over the thin fabric. You put your hand over his and push your underwear to the side so he can feel you. There’s another, almost inaudible moan when he does.

Two fingers slip deep inside as you lean in to kiss him, and with your help, he gets the hang of moving inside of you.

You sigh sweetly into his mouth. You’re already much more sensitive than you normally would be. Every little movement he makes is causing just enough friction where you need it. The heel of his palm found your clit and you’re not sure he even realizes.

“I’m gonna come if you keep that up, wait a sec,” you stop his hand and take a deep breath.

“You are?” His voice cracks and he sits up more. His other hand has been digging into your hip, and he finally loosens his grip. There might be a bruise there later.

You grab his face and kiss him hard, then finally maneuver yourself out of your underwear while he’s there to keep you balanced. You reach behind and find his cock, stroke him a few times, and move back.

“Are you good if I…have a seat?” You laugh and wrap your other arm around his shoulder.

“Yes, very good,” he holds onto your waist to help steady you both.

When his head slides across you, he smiles and throws his head back. You do it again before carefully pushing him a little bit inside of you. It doesn’t take much to get another sound out of him.

“There’s a lot more to go,”

He looks drunk, but he smirks, “sorry.”

“For what?”

“For having a lot more to go,” he laughs.

“I’m not complaining.”

You push him deeper, just a little, because you’re not sure what your limit will be in this position.

And deeper. You watch him carefully. His eyes are closed and his mouth is open. You hold him tightly around the neck with both arms before slowly lifting yourself.

It takes a few more times before you find a rhythm , but when you do, you’re sure the sound Seungmin makes reaches the surrounding hotel rooms.

You try to quiet him with your mouth, but it only stifles him a little. You love the noise, but if the others are close enough to hear him, it might makes things awkward.

His hands hold your hips and slowly guide you up and down on his cock. You breath his name into his mouth, and he bites down on your lip.

His voice is a whisper. “Is it okay?”

“Yes,” you whine and push yourself as far down as you can. It stings, just a little, and only for a moment. “You feel so good.”

He leans back to watch himself slide inside of you, and the lusty, satisfied look on his face is making the ride even smoother. “Do I?” He takes your face in his hand and runs his thumb along your lips and cheek.

The room disappears and all that exists is the feeling of him; his breath on your neck, his voice in your ears. His hands grip you tighter, lifting you, and holding you steady when he fills you up again.

He’s not ready for it when you pick up your pace. His fingers dig hard into your hips—you hear him swear under his breath as he attempts to keep himself under control.

“Talk to me, I wanna hear your voice. Do you like it, Minnie?”

Seungmin kisses your neck, his lips graze over your ear, “yes,” he manages through the soft sounds he can’t hold back, “yes, fuck. You feel amazing.”

You pull him away and look at him, arms still wrapped firmly around his neck. One hand slides up and into his hair. “I like you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Under me, lost in it. I thought you were sexy before…but—“

“You think I’m sexy?” His smile is cute and tipsy, voice is airy. If it weren’t for you holding him up, he’d be flat on his back.

All of the sudden, you’re snapped back to reality. Seungmin is there, eyes wide, but the room is back. You’re no longer floating. You lost control and went a little too hard, and it hurt. You make a pained sound and all of your weight is on his shoulders.

“Did I hurt you?” He holds you up and pulls out, and you’re now relieved to be giving your burning thighs a break.

“No, no you didn’t,” You have to kiss him to get rid of the worried look on his face. “That was my fault.”

“We should change positions.”

You lay back on the pillows and grab his waist when he crawls over you. Your legs fall open and rest on either side of him.

“This is a bad angle for you to look at,” he smiles and hides his face in your neck.

You lift his face back up, “is that a joke? You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever had between my legs.”

He whispers a no and hides his face again, but at the same time, his fingertips slide down your thigh as if he’s teasing you.

”Sexiest…” you moan into his ear and wrap your legs around him to bring him closer.

You don’t need to give him any more direction. He explores you briefly with his fingers before guiding himself in the same way you did; slow and gentle.

“I’ll be careful…” he slides in easily in this position, stopping short to make sure he isn’t going too far.

You take his hips and carefully pull him in the rest of the way.

A rough groan jumps out of him when you meet. He stays there and looks at you until you brush the hair from his eyes and speak. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he smiles, looks down your body, then back up to your face. “Just like looking at you.”

“I’m the one with the view,” you kiss him and shift your hips, getting another sound out of him.

Now he’s finding a rhythm, but he’s much more reserved than you were. He seems to know his own limits, and maybe he’s trying not to overdo it and finish too fast.

“Is this okay?” He nuzzles into your ear and whispers before kissing you just below it.

“Yes,” your hands run up his sides and back, his neck, into his hair, “it’s perfect.”

He thrusts into you, very delicately, a few more times before slowing down. Then he stops completely, still inside of you. He’s breathing hard, eyes closed in concentration.

“Seungmin?”

“I just…need a few seconds.”

“Take your time,” you take his hand in yours and help his thumb find your clit.

He moves it in slow circles and watches you for any direction. But he does very well. He has a light touch, and a good pace. His hands are soft and warm. This, combined with him inside of you, looking down at you with eyes drunk with pleasure trying so hard not to come yet, is making everything happen very fast. But you don’t mind.

When he pulls out halfway and pushes back inside, you whimper and the pleased look on his face pushes you over the edge. He smiles and starts fucking you again, and he doesn't let up—you feel it coming. You moan much louder than you intend. He loves hearing it.

Your back arches up and your legs squeeze around him. It lasts a long time, and he doesn’t stop—just carefully touches you in the right spot until your body finally relaxes

“Wow…did you—”

You nod and try to catch your breath.

He doesn’t get through his question because it’s his turn. He comes hard and fast. The condom was completely forgotten up until this point, and he certainly doesn’t attempt to pull out. You don’t even allow yourself to dwell on it—you just enjoy the moment.

Seungmin’s mouth hangs open, and his eyes water. His moan is different this time; it’s more feral. His whole body tightens and moves in slow motion as his orgasm passes through him. He pumps into you until he can't take it anymore..

Then he’s catching his breath and regaining his composure. He comes down to kiss you, tucks an arm under your neck to bring you closer. He slowly pulls out and puts his weight on his knees.

“Come here…”

He listens and slowly lowers himself next to you. His hair is a little damp from sweat, and his face is pink. It’s a good look for him. You pull the sheet up and over both of you, then wipe at his brow with your thumb.

“That was nice,” he’s still catching his breath. His eyes close and you can see his body soften and relax on the pillows. “That was very nice.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“It was better than nice,” his eyes flutter open and he looks at you. Then he reaches out and pulls until there’s no space left between you. “It was much better than I thought it could be.”

“Wow,” you say into his neck. “That’s quite a compliment.”

“But I’m sorry, it’s probably not great that we didn’t use protection.”

“No, but I’ll take care of it in the morning.”

Someone’s phone buzzes.

“I think that was me,” Seungmin says and reaches behind him. His phone got lost somewhere underneath the blankets. As soon as he glances at the screen, he tosses it behind him again. “Are you going to stay the night?” He asks, arms tight around you again.

“I should get home before my mom starts to worry.”

He nods and tries to hide a pout.

“But you’re leaving in the morning, right?

“I think so, I’m not sure what time.”

“Would it be alright if I spent the night? So we can say goodbye.”

“Yes, that's a much better plan.”

“Can I use the shower?” You wiggle free of his grasp and look at him, “heat, concert, sex…that’s a lot to sleep in.”

Seungmin laughs and nods, “yes, go take a long hot shower.”

____

When you come back to the room, Seungmin is sitting at the desk writing. You can hear soft music playing from his phone. There are fresh clothes laid out on your side of the bed: the shirt you had on very briefly, and a pair of very comfy looking sweatpants.

“Are these for me?” You ask. He’s already cleaned up and redressed.

He closes his book he’s writing in and spins around in the chair, “yes, I’m sure they won’t fit very well, but they’re comfortable.”

“Thank you.” You drop your towel and pick up the shirt.

Seungmin stares at you as you pull it over your head, “what?” You laugh and grab the sweatpants. They are soft and they look expensive.

“Uhm, sorry…I didn’t see you without your bra before.”

You think he might be blushing.

“Oh!” You grab your chest, “I guess you didn’t. Come here.”

“Hm?” He smirks and walks toward you as you lift the shirt back over your head. “Oh…”

You take his hands and he immediately touches you, running his palms, and then his fingertips, over your nipples. They stiffen from his touch. He sits at the edge of the bed and pulls you closer, keeping one hand on your chest. The other runs down your side and over your ass. He squeezes and kisses the spot where your tattoo is.

This could turn into something very quickly, but right now you want nothing more than to get under the covers with him and sleep. You know he needs it.

“I like this,” he pulls at the hem of your shirt when you slip it back on. “You look cute in my clothes.”

____

It’s nice waking up next to him.

The room is still dark because the curtains are pulled shut, but not completely—little bits of sunlight make it in through the sides. You can see his sleeping face, cheek squashed against the pillow, lips slightly parted. He’s curled up tight in his spot with the blanket only covering his lower half, but one bare knee is far up enough to poke out.

His arm is reaching toward you, palm up and fingers curled. You slide your hand over the sheets and gently touch him. His fingers twitch and then close around yours.

He sighs deeply, then opens his eyes. First he looks at his hand holding onto yours, then his eyes move along your arm and up to where you’re laying on your pillow.

“Good morning,” he squeezes your hand and moves himself closer to you. “Did you sleep well?”

You nod and pull his hand up to your lips. “Did you?”

“Mhm, very well.”

“Did I tell you how amazing you were last night?” You ask and fluff his hair, “I mean…” you hide behind a hand, “I’m still asleep.”

“Well, I don’t know about…amazing.”

“The concert I mean!” you hide your face in the pillow, and Seungmin giggles as he tries to get you to look at him.

“I was okay I think.”

“The concert was…and you. I was focused on you the whole time.” You clarify as much as possible through your grin.

“You focused on Seungmin the whole time?”

“Yeah, the best part.

“And last night…last last night.” He smiles wide.

“Also focused on Seungmin.”

He pushes himself closer until his face disappears into your neck. “Thank you.”

A knock echoes through the room. Three heavy knocks. The voice that comes through is soft. “Seungmin, are you up?”

“Oh, it’s Lee Know. Stay here.”

You stay put and pull the covers up over your shoulders, but you turn to face the door. Seungmin opens the locks and pulls it open a few inches.

“What’s wrong? It’s still early.”

“I know, but I thought you might want to get breakfast,” Lee Know puts a palm on his side of the door and pushes, “can I not come in?”

“Uh, you can but…” Seungmin hesitates. “I’m not alone.” He gives in when Lee Know takes several steps into the room. He won’t be able to hide you for much longer.

“Oh,” he looks to the spot on the bed where you’re under a pile of covers. “Is it the girl, the one who was at the soundcheck?”

“Did IN tell you about her?.”

“No, Chan did. I should go. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to go,” you squeak out. You can just make him out from your spot, and when you pull the covers down from your nose, his whole body comes into view. Then you remember that one of them doesn't speak English very well, and you think it may have been him. You repeat yourself in Korean.

His eyes widen a bit. “Should we all get into bed, then?” He can be sarcastic and dry; you remember Seungmin mentioned that as well.

You sit up and look at him with a smirk on your face. “He’s the boss.” You nod toward Seungmin.

“You’re the boss,” Lee Know looks at Seungmin and winks. “Text me if you want to come.”

Now he turns to you, “nice to meet you,” he smirks and lets himself out.

Seungmin let’s out a long sigh when he’s gone.

“Come back to bed,” you move the blankets from his spot and fluff up his pillow. “Please.”

He listens and crawls back to your side. When he puts an arm around your waist and pulls you close, he says, “I was nervous about you meeting him.”

“Lee Know? Why were you nervous?”

“Am…am nervous, I guess.”

“You don’t think he’d like me?”

“The opposite, actually.” He hides his face in your chest and whines.

You oooh into his ear and it makes him giggle. “Does that tickle?” You move his hair and place a kiss there.

“I think you two are very similar.” Seungmin says. “You remind me of him sometimes, especially when we text.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” he shakes his head, still shoved into your chest. “But, I just think you’d like him.”

You scoot yourself down until you’re face to face with him, but he still doesn’t lift his gaze. “Hey, look at me.”

He doesn't.

"Minnie?"

This time he listens, but he also gives you his best puppy eyes.

“You think I’ll get to know him and like him more than I like you?”

Seungmin nods.

“And that he’ll steal me away from you?”

He nods again, then stops and shakes his head, "You're not really mine to be stolen away..." he scrunches his face up in thought, wondering if his English made any sense.

“Well, I’m a little flattered you’d think someone else would like me that much. I’m much more flattered you don’t wanna have me stolen away.”

He rubs his eyes and sits himself up on the bed. “I’m sorry, I know we already talked about this.”

“We can talk about it again if you want to.”

He shakes his head and gets back under the covers. His hands find you and start to paw—at your side, your hip. He slides one down your outer thigh, and slowly back up. Then he starts to talk anyway. “He also knows Choonhee very well.”

“Okay, I think I'm understanding. I could have possibly been set up with Lee Know instead of Seungmin?”

You can hear his dramatic whine from underneath the covers. “It is very possible.”

“But I was set up with you for a reason. And you’re the first person I went on a date with since I left home, so I got very lucky.”

“Lucky?”

“Yeah, lucky. Good dates are hard to find.”

Seungmin pokes his head out from the covers and smiles at you. “I’m glad I was a good date.”

"You were a perfect date."

"You should call me Minnie more." He says it's softly, but his hands are in a dangerous spot. "All the time. I like it.

"You were a perfect date, Minnie."

[dollfacedsl1ut]

Her first concert

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★

compendium : Karina and her friends decided to go to a local concert before college the guitarist caught her eye but to no avail she couldn’t get her number the next day when she moved into the college dorm a familiar guitar was found outside her neighbors door, when you walked outside she noticed why it looked familiar you were the guitarist she met at the concert maybe this would be her chance to finally talk to you or maybe even more

dynamic : !fan Karina x g!p guitarist reader

warnings : alcoholic drinking, heated make out session, mentions of vomit, tipsy driving

word count : 1.5k

a/n : made 10/11/23 let’s see when this’ll be posted HAHAHAHAHHSH okay enough I hope you guys enjoy if you say anything about the band name you will be found

Band name: Barrack Beetles

There will be made up characters Lalala idc hush there’s

Y/n : Guitarist

Eleanor : Drummer

Chloe : Vocalist/Singer WTV helps you sleep

Luna : Pianist

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆ ☆ ★

“Come on please it’s the last fun thing we can do before college tomorrow” winter one of karinas friends begged, karina still resisted shaking her head “why not it’ll be fun I swear” Giselle pitched in of course gi would know it was one of her favorite bands “fine…but if I don’t like it I’m coming straight back” Karina got off her bed rummaging through her of her many suitcases under her bed she pulled out a pair of black ripped jeans and a beige crop top that hung off her shoulder (spicy era outfit inspo) “simple enough” she groaned standing up before putting on her clothes matching with a pair of black dr martens.

“Are you finally ready we’re gonna be late” Karinas youngest friend ningning whined “yeah yeah hold on” spraying a bit of perfume on her neck and wrists Karina walked out her room making sure to grab an emergency whistle, her phone, and pepper spray for protection of course..

The car ride to the concert was filled with cheers and excitement Karina never seen her friends this happy to see a rock band before maybe she underestimated their excitement. The venue was crowded with loud music being heard from the outside “I’m totally gonna make luna sign my boobs” Giselle giggled “as if…” ningning glared at the older friend who just kept a smirk on her face Karina heard the girls talk about which member they were gonna make do what whether it’s sign their neck, face, tongue, back maybe if the band members liked them enough maybe their boobs like Giselle suggested, winter parked the car a few feet away from the entrance at this point the line was wrapped around the building.

“see I knew I should’ve stayed at the dorm” Karina groaned hitting her head against the window looking at the line “unless..I preordered virtual tickets so we can get her early access in” Giselle snickered pulling out her phone showing the tickets “seems legit….already let’s go” winter was the first one out the car whilst Karina was last the smell of cheap perfume from the girls in the line filled their nostrils, once they reached the beginning of the line Giselle showed the bouncer the tickets as he let them in through the red rope a bunch of “Day 1 fans” protesting and yelling profanities.

Walking in the club a rush of sweet booze filled their nostrils the sound of music rang in their ears as they shuffled their way to the front of the stage seeing a host pick up the mic he was a tall guys with long curly hair he had a few visible tats and a deep voice that made any girl go weak “Our next performers are a very popular band we Have Barrack Beetles(omg I hate this name)” the crowd cheered as a group of 4 women stood tall on stage with their punk clothing, mix dyed hair and tattoos and piercings the usual rebellious look

Karina gawked at one member the guitarist, the lights changed into a purple tint as the music started the song started with you aka the guitarist. Karina watched in awe as you balanced the pick in your hand strumming the guitar she was starting to regret not seeing you much sooner, she looked at her friends seeing them scream and giggle whilst dancing aggressively to the song.

After your band finished with a few songs on your latest album the 4 of you gathered together holding any handheld instruments in hand before introducing yourself to your fans, waving and winking to anyone who caught your eye even the blonde headed girl wearing the beige crop top she seemed like a new listener you couldn’t deny she was very beautiful, better than any other fans you had quick make out sessions with, After the time was up you walked backstage “I seen the way you looked at her dude” Chloe the vocalist said nudging you “she’s probably crazy like other fans…but she does have a pretty doll like face I dig that” you loosened the guitar strap tossing it over your shoulder before tightening it back around you “you say this about every fan that makes your dick hard y/n” Chloe glanced at you “maybe you’re right but still she’s pretty” after your band finished packing the equipment your manager piled it inside the car “you guys have 30 minutes until curfew have fun” your manager said getting into the drivers seat…

You guys scurried off into the club immediately going to the vip section, you turned down the bottle service only taking shot by shot you didn’t wanna be too hungover to go to school tomorrow but you didn’t wanna be too sober so that you didn’t get laid, After your 4th shot your body felt tingly but you still could function the blonde haired girl you seen earlier was in the booth across from you guys she noticed you and gave you a small smile, waving your hand you ushered her to come over with shaky legs the girl sat next to you..

“Hi I’m karina what’s your name.?” Her voice was quiet but you were close enough to hear her speak “hey I’m y/n” you looked her up and down taking in her pretty features “I can tell you’ve never been to one of our concerts before did you enjoy it” Karina nodded as her pale face heated up “you were really pretty on stage y/n” her confession made you chuckle slightly “thanks you’re pretty too I noticed you mumbling along to our lyrics but I didn’t mind” she looked at you with wide eyes as she laughed leaning her head against your shoulder her heart was beating fast..or was that yours it didn’t matter but you could tell she was nervous.

You cupped her face placing a gentle kiss on her pointy nose “you’re so fucking pretty doll face wanna’ kiss you all over” she smiled at the compliment before leaning forward and planting a kiss on your lips, you cupped the back of her head deepening the kiss her soft whimpers were muffled as she clawed at your shirt, you pulled her by her hips on your lap she moaned feeling your dick harden under her, before the kiss could get anymore intimate your band mate Luna yelled your name before telling you time was up, you groaned loudly placing Karina back on the sofa “sorry doll face maybe another Time yeah” you sat up trying to hide your bulge before walking with Luna back to the car.

Karina sat on the sofa horny and upset before she could even get her mind focused Giselle pulled her up “we gotta go winter threw up on a random girl while dancing…seems like she won’t be able to make it to school tomorrow” Giselle started to realize karinas disheveled state “you got laid??” A smile formed on her lips “almost..” Karina began to start to walk out the club with Giselle beside her “really?? Before me but with who??” Her questions started to give Karina a migraine but she still answered “the guitarist uhh y/n” Giselles eyes widen as she stopped in the middle of the parking lot “you’re serious?? What that’s wow-“ she couldn’t form sentences but she was happy for Karina if it was true “yeah we were making out then a girl came in and said her time was up and her manager was waiting” Karina sighed opening the door of the passenger seat and then flopping in the car, she glanced back seeing a sleeping winter and ningning on her phone “I’ve never seen her this wasted” Ning said still looking at her phone “well she’ll obvious gonna miss school tomorrow so I’ll just try to get her classes and cover them that’s if we have the same ones” the 3 nodded as Giselle drove back to their dorm apartment..

Parking the car near the elevator Giselle carried winter on her back as ning pressed the button for the top floor, the walk down the hall seemed long to their tipsy bodies as they walked to their room their neighbors door was wide open the trio gave each other looks before walking into their apartment before showering and heading to bed…

THE NEXT DAY

Karina sat up in bed stretching her limbs before putting on her slippers she walked to the bathroom brushing her teeth then doing her morning skincare she picked up her phone cheeks the time “7:57” her screams seemed like they could be heard blocks away “fuck I’m gonna be late” she quickly pulled out a simple outfit she knew the bell rung at 8:10 and after that you’d have to get a slip to access the building she checked the other rooms seeing Giselle and ningning gone but winter was still asleep she groaned grabbing her backpack and her dorm keycard before rushing out the door, as she locked it from the outside she noticed a familiar looking guitar on the ground and her neighbors door still open she heard their footsteps walking closer to the door but who see seen walk out was beyond her belief but before she could speak up you did “hey doll face long time no see how you been” the way you spoke made it seem like you were childhood friends, s’not like you and her weren’t practically gonna have sex in a public club but Karina didn’t get upset she just waved….

Prologue

[bjtch-craft]

"I'm a Rockstar Babe"

Todd Ingram X Bottom Male! Reader

☆ Summary: [Name] reunites with an old high-school friend turned rockstar things take a turn when they restart their old high-school ways.

☆ NSFW

☆Request: Yes or No

☆ Word count: 2,836

☆Genre: Angst to Smut (Kinda)

☆Warnings: Smut, degradation, manipulation (kinda, tbh I just tried making him cocky but rereading it it sounds like bro is manipulating), Bl♡wjobs, slapping, just douchy rockstar things, spitting (he's one of those ppl)

☆Authors note: Dude, I rewatched the movie and reread the novels, and why is Todd so mf fine like WHAT? And why are there no stories about this man? Anyways enjoy!! (P.s this has been in my drafts for like 2 months now and I've never finished editing it for some reason...)

Also look at the comic version of him like WHAT A CUTIE like yeah sure he's arrogant, narcissistic, uncaring, and may or may not be a pathological liar, and a walking red flag but like that red looking a little orange so??? PRAYING SOME OF YALL READ THIS!!

Did this count as being a groupie? No. It's not like I'm some obsessed super fan like Joseph I mean for fucks sake I knew Todd in high school [Name] thought as he lay on the mattress of the cheap motel room waiting for Todd to get out of the shower.

10:15 P.M. - some time earlier

[Name] was shoved and pushed around by the hundreds of thousands of fans who had gathered to watch the band play. The band in question was none other than The Clash at Demonhead. [Name] new one of the members (while technically two if you count Envy but they didn’t know each other. They were more of acquaintances really.) Todd Ingram who he was close friends with. Really close.

He'd given him head a couple of times (and slept with him too) but that didn't mean anything to them (yes it did.) it was what Todd considered a "bro-job" whatever the fuck that was. But that's not important (yes it is) what is important is how quickly their friendship ended after he got with Envy. They tried to keep in touch but after the band blew the absolute fuck up he cut ties with him.

Did it hurt? Yes. A lot. But [Name] didn't let it get to him he still supported Todd even if Todd himself didn't know it. [Name] bought every CD, vinyl, and cassette tape, and got tickets to most shows. He even tried to get backstage passes to rekindle his relationship with Todd but the prices were far out of his price range.

There have been times when for a quick second he'd seen Todd after a show or two and waved to him or said a quick word but he didn't recognize him. Which also hurt. How can you not recognize someone you spent almost TEN YEARS of your life with? But [Name] was determined to catch up with his best friend so after pulling a couple of night shifts and saving up some money he... still didn’t have enough.

10: 50 P.M.

"Todd's so hot!"

"Jesus Envys even hotter in person!"

"Why's that chick got a robotic arm?"

These are just some of the things [Name] heard throughout the event which was on the verge of ending.

12:10 A.M. - Later

The concert was over and [Name] pushed and shoved his way out of the venue and quickly rushed towards the back of the building looking for the band.

"Come on please don't tell me I missed them!"

His shoes thudded against the gravel, and as he rounded the corner a gate came into view.

"No. No, no, no, no!"

The gate door was slid open. How safe right?

"Envy? Do you wanna get a bite to eat or something?"

[Name] stopped for a moment as he saw Todd standing there his guitar case in hand talking to Envy. He took a deep breath and stepped through the gates. Fuck?

"T-todd?"

Todd turned to look at him a look of shock and anger upon his face.

"Who the hell let you in" Todd asked as he stepped closer to [Name] his voice coming off as aggressive as his eyes and hair started to glow.

"N-no one the gate was open."

"So you just snuck in?"

"I'm [Name], [First name], [Last name] we went to high school together. Remember?"

Todd's eyes and hair stopped glowing as his hair drifted back down in front of his face.

"You're kidding?!"

Todd dropped his guitar case and ran up to [Name] his tough guy rockstar persona shedding completely. He threw his arms around [Name] and pulled him into his chest. [Name] could feel the heat rising to two places as his face was smushed into Todd's rather large pecs.

"Todd you're squishing me..." [Name] said his voice muffled.

"Sorry!" He pulled away. "Jesus it's been a long time since we've seen each other... I'm a Rockstar!"

"I can see that!"

"Todd, what the fuck is going on," Envy asked?

Todd turned to look at them wrapping his arm around [Name's] waist. "This is [Name] from high school! He's my best friend remember?"

"While to me he looks like a fucking groupie! Let's go" Envy replied.

"I'm not a groupie..."

"Do you think he can come back to the motel with us?"

"No."

"Find some other cheap motel to fuck in," The Bionic arm bitch said.

"He's not a groupie and we're not gonna fuck! He's my friend and I wanna catch up with him!"

"Find. Another. Motel." Envy said the tone of her voice showed her annoyance more than anything.

12:30 A.M.

And they did find a cheap motel in an extremely unsafe part of town. Fits the stereotype, huh? A rockstar takes one of his fans to a cheap rundown-looking motel just to get it in.

[Name] once again was hugging Todd but this time was looking up at him.

"I'm so sorry for ghosting you [Name]."

"It's fine."

Todd's hands traveled down [Name's] back and reached his ass and groped it firmly, making [Name] let out an involuntary yelp. He pushed Todd off of him, causing the blonde boy to let out a laugh.

"What's the matter [Name] just like old times!"

"Todd aren't you dating Envy or something?"

He shifted his weight on his feet annoyingly.

"I'm a Rockstar babe we don't date," Todd said cockily.

"Oh?"

"I'm gonna hop in the shower. I know I reek of sweat... care to join me?"

"Smooth Todd.... real smooth."

He winked at [Name] and waltzed into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. After a minute or two he heard the shower go on.

Did this count as being a groupie? No. It's not like I'm some obsessed super fan like Joseph I mean for fucks sake I knew Todd in high school [Name] thought as he lay on the mattress of the cheap motel room waiting for Todd to get out of the shower.

"Do I wanna do this... again?"

The first time [Name] and Todd ever did anything together was on his eighteenth birthday. They were both unbelievably drunk, and both were bored lying on Todd's bed in silence. One of them now and then would say something, and they would have a short conversation.

"H-heyyy~ [Name] can I ask you for a favor," Todd asked his words coming out slurred.

"Yeah- hic! What'sss ~'s up?"

"Do you think you could um... s-suck me off?"

"Why?"

"Well, I'm one drunk! And two horny as fuck~! So can you?"

"You know what fuck it! You are my best friend!"

[Name] slid his basketball shorts off and then his boxers and grabbed at his length.

"I've never done this before so um... bear with me~."

Todd nodded his head a goofy grin on his face. "Do it as if someone's doing yours."

[Name] took him into his mouth slowly going down inch by inch the girth was almost too much to handle. Almost.

But that was years ago. They were two dumb eighteen-year-olds who were just helping each other out. But [Name] didn't feel that way anymore... but reminiscing on their old days made [Name] slowly begin to get hard in the shorts Todd had given him.

[Name] rubbed himself through the fabric and pushed down on it, making him release a soft moan. He needed Todd he didn't realize how badly he did until right then and there. The door opened to the bathroom, and [Name] quickly through the blanket over his lap.

Todd walked out with just a towel around his waist, his bulge catching [Names] eye as well as his body, which was still wet and glistened in the light.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting another pair of boxers, I forgot to bring them into the shower..." Todd looked at [Name] and noticed the tent that was forming underneath the blanket. "Aw, are you happy to see me like this again, baby?"

"What! No!"

"Come on..." He said huskily. The cockiness was back. "I heard you moan... were you thinking of the times I fucked you? The times you begged me to fill you up? The times I came on that pretty face of yours?"

[Name] could feel his cock growing harder with each question.

"N-no" [Name] whimpered out.

Todd walked to the side of the bed grabbed [Name's] hand and placed it on his groin.

"You miss my fat cock don't you," He asked his voice sounding oddly humiliating.

"I don't have to say anything."

Todd started to move his hips grinding his bulge against the palm of [Names] hand.

"Todd we can't... you have a girlfriend."

"I told you we rockstars don't really - truly date, and if anything, it's just another bro-job, remember?"

[Name] pulled his hand away and sat up and using both hands opened Todd's towel up causing his cock to pop out and slap against his happy trail.

"Fuck~," [Name] whispered out.

[Name] reached out and pumped his cock twice.

"Yeah that's it~ I know you fucking missed it haven't you?"

[Name] let go of Todd's cock and adjusted his position so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Todd backed up a little.

"Please don't like- hurt me that much. Please?"

Todd chuckled and ran his hand through his wet hair.

"You sweet dumb thing, you know I can't promise that."

[Name] grabbed Todd's cock once more and spat on it and stroked him off spreading the saliva over his cock.

"I haven't done this in a long time... so I'm a little rusty."

Todd smiled down at him. The grin was a mixture of amusement and humiliation.

[Name] placed the tip on his tongue and licked it gently before wrapping his lips around it and slowly going down on it.

[Name] couldn't lie he truly did miss this. Not only did he enjoy it, but it honestly made them closer as friends.

[Name] gagged on the base as he looked up at Todd with tearful eyes.

"Aww you look so cute with my big cock in your mouth," Todd said softly his voice coated in lust as he gently patted [Name's] cheek.

[Name] began to slowly come off his cock before Todd placed a hand on the back of his skull and slammed him back down causing him to gag and for drool to pour out of the sides of his mouth.

"Mmm-hmm-agh." [Name] groaned out.

Todd pulled his cock out of the boy's mouth and slapped it on either side of the guy's cheek.

"You took it so well [Name]~."

[Name] looked up at Todd with innocent eyes, his tongue sticking out a little as he gasped for air.

"Jesus you look so fucking gorgeous."

"I-I think you bruised the back of my throat!"

Todd grabs [Names] chin as he angles his head straight aligning his cock with [Names] lips.

Todd spat on his cock (and on [Names] face) and slammed it down [Names] throat before pulling out. [Name] stuck out his tongue and licked a stripe down his cock.

"You're such a fucking slut baby. I bet you've been craving my cock since you heard about our band haven't you?"

[Name] nodded his head embarrassingly. Todd placed a hand on the back of [Names] head and leaned in, planting a kiss on his lips as his hands traveled down his body. His hands reached the bottom of the boy's shirt and began to pull it up over his head, breaking the kiss in the process.

Todd pushes [Name] down onto the bed by his chest and crawls on top of him, attacking his neck, causing [name] to let out a soft moan. Todd kisses down his neck while unbuckling [Names] belt and gently pulls them off along with his boxers.

"I don't reckon you have a condom do you?"

"I have one in my wallet in my left pocket," [Name] says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Todd grabs [Names] jeans off the floor and pulls out the condom from the wallet before discarding them back onto the floor.

Todd rips the wrapping of the condom off with his teeth and slides the rubber on. He places [Bames] legs on his shoulders and lines himself up at his entrance.

[Name] squeezes his eyes shut as Todd pushes himself into him. A sudden wave of pain and pleasure washes over him, causing him to grab onto the sheets, twisting them in his hands. A soft whimper escapes his lips as Todd continues to push deeper into him.

"Shit- Todd, you're so fucking- ngh~ big!" [Name] whimpered out, causing Todd to look down at him with a cocky grin.

Todd had pushed himself into the other boy and slowly began to pull back out, only to slam back into him, which earned him a low groan.

"Does that feel good?"

[Name] nodded his head and let out a whimper. Todd began to rock his hips in and out of him, the tip occasionally brushing against his prostate. His thirst got faster and quicker he reached down and grabbed [Name's] hands and placed them above his head.

Todd began pounding into [Name]. The sound of skin against skin filled the room as well as screams of pleasure from both boys.

"Ugh~ F-fuck! You're going to har-!" [Name] wasn't able to finish his sentence as Todd delivered a gentle (but still hard) slap across his face.

"Don't tell me what the fuck to do!" Todd growled out.

[Names] cock twitched as pre-cum drizzled down his cock causing a moan to escape from his lips.

"Don't tell me you're into this shit you slut?"

"S-s-shut up Todd~"

Todd smirked and began rocking his hips.

"How bad do you want it?"

"W-what?" [Name] stuttered.

"I can pull out right now and leave and not let you finish you."

"Please don't~ I'll do anything!"

"Then admit it.'

"What?"

"Admit you're a filthy whore" Todd said his voice thick with lust.

"I'm not going to- ah~!"

Todd pulled out of [Name] leaving him feeling empty and somehow even more fucking desperate.

"Todd please" [Name] begged.

"Then say it."

"I-I’m a whore okay? Is that what you want to hear from me? I'm a fucking slut for you okay?!"

Todd looked down at [Name] with a cocky grin.

"Good boy."

Todd leaned back over [Name] and placed a soft kiss on his lips before pushing himself back into him. He wrapped his hand around [Name's] throat and began pounding into him. The sounds of skin against skin filled the room once again.

Todd raised his hand and brought it across [Names] face with enough power to cause a sting of pain leading [Name] to let out a dry moan.

"I can't believe your into this shit!" Todd said with a cheesy grin.

"Shut up!" The boy underneath him whined out.

Todd smirked and removed his hand from [Names] neck and grabbed him by the waist and slowed his thrusts.

"What are you- agh~!"

Todd pulled [Name] into him driving his cock deeper into him pushing past his prostate. [Names] jaw dropped as the sudden feeling causing a high pitched moan to erupt from his throat. Todd took this opportunity and grabbed his jaw holding it open and dipped his thumb into his mouth.

"Don't close your mouth got that?"

[Name] replied with a whimper as Todd's thurst became annoyingly slow as a string of spit slowly began to fall from his lips and landed in [Names] mouth.

[Named] closed his mouth after Todd gave him a look that practically yelled at him, too. Todd's slow thrust became faster and faster. Todd wrapped his hand around [Name's] dick and began jerking him off as [Name] placed his palm at the back of Todd's head.

"I'm so close!" Todd groaned out as his rhythm began to go out of sync.

His movements became harder and harder as he felt himself getting closer and closer to finishing.

"W-where- fuck~ where do you want it?" He moaned out.

"On me..."

Todd placed a hand behind [Names] head as his thurst became sloppy he spat once again at [Name] the salvia covering his face before pulling out and jerking himself off.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

With one final moan ropes of cum erupted from his cock covering [Names] body in white ropes. Todd pumped [Name's] cock for a minute before he came their cum mixing on his stomach. Todd scooped up some of his cum off of the boy's body with his index finger and popped it into [Names] mouth.

"How's it taste?"

"Salty... can you get me a towel?"

1:35 AM

[Name] lay on the cheap hotel's mattress, his head on Todd's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Hey, have you ever thought of being a roadie?'

"A what?"

"A roadie helps the band set up... you could be one for us so we could keep in touch and..." He wrapped his hand around [Names] body and groped his ass "Have some more time to ourselves."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THIS MAN IS SO FINE ARGH. I NEED HIM SO BAD LIKE I WANT HIM TO FULLY REARRANGE MY INSIDES.

Authors note!!

Again, sorry for the break. School is still once again kicking my ass :) I do plan on writing more over Christmas break, but I do have like half-written stories in my drafts, so here are some of them. (Some of them have titles, but they are to be determined, so kill me or wtv) .

Darry Jenner x Male reader (Fluff)

Miguel Ohara x Male reader (Smut)

Chad Meeks x Male reader (TBD)

Simon Kalivoda x Male reader (Fluff)

[aki-shun]

I don't know if you will accept this but can I get an Male Idol Mc x Savanaclaw. Fans of savanaclaw members pay for a special fan service with him. And as services can I ask Mc to wear a skirt or a dress.

Umm- After getting my life and other things in order, I went back to tumblr and started writing. I don't know if it was because of this or the cold I had, but I had a hard time writing and I drew a few sketches to make up for it, I hope you like it.

I don't remember if the gender of Jack's siblings was mentioned, but it is implied that he has a little sister and a little brother. Anyway I hope you like it

TW: Eng is not my first language, Feminization(?) not smut, but a little bit spacy drawings ;), maybe not but really a bit spacy, reader is a male but just used 'you' so you can read to if your a female or anythink-,Written by a writer who forgot how to write

Leona

Shit-I signed his hand with the veins I drew most beautifully.

Leona is a wealthy individual. That's why he has all kinds of products, whether limited edition or not. What do other people think of him? Rest assured, no one wants to turn into sand. That's why everyone in the palace is silent about this. The two rooms that the Cheka are not allowed to enter belong to Leona. The first one is his room, the second one is the room he reserved specifically for you. Of course, he has your products in his room too, but he still has a separate room for more and some special pieces.

Most of your concerts are at Sunset Savanah. Because your manager likes the amount that self-indulgent Leona pays for the 'personal space' he reserves for himself at your concerts. (No, your manager is not Azul or Ruggie). Regardless of your special events or fan meetings, he pays a premium for his own private 'fan event' meetings, let alone attending them all. At the end of the work, your manager is as happy as Leona :)

And again, at such a time, you accepted the request of your dear fan, who provided nearly 40% of the money you earned, to wear a skirt. Dear Seven- he was looking at you with perfect admiration but also like a mouse he was about to grab in his claws. After a few seconds of silence, he approached you, lifted you into the air and held you in his arms. Since this was the nth date you had stopped counting, you were used to this kind of thing. In fact, you liked receiving such behavior from such a person, whether it was because of his perfect face, wealth or perfect body.

If you feel uncomfortable, just let me know. No, I'm not disturbed. You just surprise me more and more every time. Aah~ then it's because your pulse is excited huh~

His face moved a little closer to you with his smug grin. He definitely had a face that could make him famous. No matter how flirtatious Leona was, he was trying not to get over the Idol-Fan relationship. (And yes, he still made you sit on his lap but- who wouldn't want that). One of his naughty hands tugged at the waistband of your skirt.

Leona. Your voice had a slightly harsh tone. Hahaha I'm just kidding but you know this will happen one day. Nothing like this will happen between an Idol and a fan. Who said our relationship would be Idol-Fan when that time comes?

He leaned into your right ear and said, 'You won't be an Idol forever and I won't be just a fan forever.'

Some feelings begin to arise in your heart because you are experiencing a scene that only weird writers can write. Maybe you can attribute it to the long time you spent with Leona, but my option is the first option :)

Jack

His siblings were always listening to you and they were constantly pressuring his younger siblings to take them to your concert. Your tickets weren't expensive, but they weren't cheap either.

One day, his siblingss came to him in a hurry. They showed him the screen and it showed that his new concert was near where they lived. Since the tickets had just gone on sale, they were cheaper. (I've never been to a concert in my life, so I don't know much about ticket prices, sorry). Moreover, there was a fan event for the first 30 ticket buyers, and their siblings didn't want to miss it. So he bought the tickets.

He wasn't your listener before the day of the concert, but after the concert is over - now you have a new fan, but he doesn't accept it. When it came to event time, it wasn't a big deal. It was a simple thing where there was some sort of meeting and talking to the fans and stuff. It was him and his siblings' turn to talk, and they were babbling on about how much they loved you until that moment.

[Name]-san, my brother runs away from me whenever I try to make him wear a skirt. Because this thing was so girly. I don't want to wear those stupid skirts! No, you're the stupid one!!

Great, his siblings are fighting in front of a stranger (you). You stop them while the fight is about to get more heated.

Why do you want to force your brother to wear a skirt? Because when he tries to wear trousers, he cannot remove his tail properly. That's why I wear a skirt for his, because it's easier. I'm not a girl! Only girls wear skirts! [Name]-san, can you show my brother that it is easier to wear a skirt? Let me show him..? Yes, would you wear the tail you wore with a skirt like in your concert in the City of Flowers?

Okay, your shocked, but if you reject your fan's request, you may get a lot of criticism from your manager, who is looking at you suggestively through the door. (That manager works for us, my friend 🙂).

O-okey, of course.

Jack is a little further away, just waiting for his siblings to finish their work. There is no more!

WHY IS THE SKIRT SO SHORT? Damn that tail you use looks like his- YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN TRY TO SPIN AROUND THAT TAIL. He's happy that you're such a kind idol to give your siblings a nice farewell hug. NO, HIS TAIL IS NOT WAGING. IT'S JUST THE WIND. YES, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THE WIND BLOWS EVEN IN A ROOM COVERED WITH WALLS ON FOUR SIDES!? NOW YOU KNOW!!

These were his thoughts :)

Ruggie

I couldn't draw a skirt in this pose and since I was too lazy to draw a new reference, imagine that there was a skirt in this picture (!)

He is a listener who listens to you with pleasure. But don't you think your tickets are too expensive? This makes his hyena heart ache. It just so happens that one of your tickets flies into his hand while he's walking on the street. No, it wasn't in anyone's back pocket. That ticket floated in the wind and fell into his palm :) Moreover, it was not such a simple ticket.

Ruggie is a fan like a fan. Just a more frugal version. That's why we should make the most of this ticket for all our fans. Even if they can't see it.

◜Time skip because I have a brain that can't function properly anymore due to the flu I had😔◞

He may have forgotten that people other than him have this ticket. But that won't stop him.

[Name]-san, could you wear a nice skirt for us fans? We'd love to see this.

Yes yes [Name]-san. We would like to see this.- a fan A cute skirt with ruffles would be really nice. What do you think [Name]-chan 😊-M Manager..! How long have you been here? *whispering 😃-M (Ugh, that look again. I definitely have to change that manager somehow [those who support the manager to stay, raise your hand✋])

Oh Big Seven! Can I take a photo of [Name]-san??-a another fan A great idea! Why don't we include some of these pictures in your new photo album?-M Manager- Come on [Name]-chan, give us some nice poses!-M This bitc- *Don't worry, no one heard it

Our beloved Ruggie now has new home screen images.

⫯ Since I did it in a bit of a hurry, the pictures are only for the white-skinned reader, but if requested (I will do it even if not), I will also edit the images for the dark-skinned reader. If anyone wants, I can tag them when I post. Just write in the comments whether you want to be tagged or not ^^

[mypiggishboyfrienddied]

. jennifers body .

೯⠀⁺ ⠀ 𖥻 𝗢𝟭 ⠀ᰋ leon k + afab! reader

೯⠀⁺ ⠀ 𖥻 𝗢2 ⠀ᰋ content warning . description of gore , drugging , rituals , kidnapping , dubcon/noncon etc etc just watch out

Tonight's the night. You managed to snag tickets for this underground band that yiu stumbled up on the radio , and they're finally coming to your small little town! God , you're so giddy for the lead singer too. He's cute. Pale skin , nice nose , nicer muscles.. Part of you dreams about swooning him and you both fall in love, happily ever after. But life doesn't work that way , so you'll just settle for touching his hand in the front row seats.

So far, you've tried on 5 different outfits and still aren't satisfied with anyone. Should you dress all cute and wear something modest , or something skimpy that shows your ass? Choices, so many choices. But such little time , and its slipping through your fingers like sand as your clock ticks down the seconds until you drive down to the bar they're performing at.

Eventually, you just decide on some jean shorts and a random band tee. Whatever , not impressive. You're not much of a looker anyway , it won't make a huge difference.

Walking down the hallway and to the kitchen to grab your keys , your mother is frowning at you from the table. "Do you need me to drive you?" She asks , arms crossed over her chest as she looks up at you. "What? No , mom , god. I'll be okay," you mumble , raising an eyebrow at her at the mere thought of your mom driving you places again. It's like she doesn't know how to let go of the fact you're an adult know , who can make rational (sort of) decisions. "I'm going now , I'll be back by 12." You call out , hurrying out of the house before she can bombard you with more questions.

Just like you expected, there's a bit of traffic on the way to the bar. Huh. Guess they aren't as underground as you thought they were. So much for being special and unique.

Hopping out of the car and locking it quickly , you shove your keys in your small purse and hurry inside. You bump into a few people and mumble apologies under your breath, glancing at all the other girls here. Fuck. They're all dressed so.. slutty. Dresses that show off their cleavage and tights that squeeze their smooth skin. A sudden wave of doubt washes over you , wincing sharply at the sudden realization that you look like a complete loser in your stupid shirt and stupid jeans. Won't get noticed with this on.

Pushing through the crowd of people around the stage , you finally make it up to the stage , where the band is prepping. There he is. Leon Kennedy. In his sexy , rockstar glory. You almost piss yourself from the pure excitement you feel , biting your lip and gripping the cheap beer in your hand. Its disgusting , thats for sure. But you don't drop it , too busy on focusing on the beautiful man on stage with that guitar. He's like a God, sent down from the heavens for all of your dirty fantasies and disturbingly long mastrubating sessions.

Once their done setting up, he grabs onto the microphone and clears his throat. "Helloo , to everyone in the crowd tonight!" He says with a toothy grin , eyes scanning over the sizeable crowd. "Thank you for having us here tonight. Truly an honor," he adds on , fixing his guitar strap and shaking his hands. "Now , let's get this show on the road , yeah?" The crowd cheers and whoops for them , and you can only stare at him.

You're glad you got here kind of early, snagged front view. Hes so close to you , you could jump up and touch his shoe if you wanted. Which you won't. But you've definitely considered it.

When he sings, your whole world goes blank and it seems like its just you and him. There's practically hearts in your eyes as you sigh, blinking slow and looking up at him from behind your eyelashes.

In your opinion, the show ended way too fast. Maybe its because you zoned out and only focused on Leon and his ass the whole time , but whatever. That post concert depression hits like a truck , and you frown as you watch them pack up. This was literally a once in a lifetime experience right here. Hot dudes in hot bands don't visit small towns everyday. It's just shifty fake Nirvana wannabes at the park , not actual bands. Damn , should've brought your camera.

With a weary sigh , you grab your purse from the stool and make a beeline for the door. What's the point in staying for the after concert or whatever they call it? Not like you drink.

You're halfway through the crowd when you feel a tap on your shoulder , glancing over your shoulder at the mystery person. Holy moly , it's him. Leon , in your face , right now! You suck in a gasp and smile awkwardly at him. "Oh , sorry. Am I in the way?" You asks , furrowing your brow and clenching your jaw. "Ah.. no. I saw you in the crowd. Let me buy you a drink?" He answers , chuckling and grinning at you.

No way. Wait till your mom hears about this one! "Oh," you mumble , chuckling a little bit nervously and scratching at your neck. "I don't usually drink , but , yeah. Okay." You decide on. Yeah , cool. Just let the hot rockstar know that you don't drink because you're a damn loser.

But , in all honestly , he doesn't care much for your looks. All he's looking for is a somebody , a vessel for the sacrifice he'll make tonight. He'll finally get what he and his band members want. Fame.

"So," he murmurs as he stares down at the random drinks he decided to buy , sitting next to you at the bar. "You like my band?" Do you like his band? Well , duh! You were sure your heart almost jumped out of your mouth when he locked eyes with you one time during the show. "Yeah , like it a lot." You nod your head , forcing the alcohol down your throat and coughing. It burns , bad. But you don't complain. I mean , it was free. Who doesn't like free?

"I hear you on the radio.. You're awesome," you say , looking up from the counter to stare at him again. He chuckles, patting your shoulder. "Yeah? I'm glad." Hes trying to butter you up, get you all wet and squirmy. And its working. He notices how you get a little shy and tap your nails on the wooden surface. He stares at you for a moment , scrutinizing you for a second. "Y'know , I never asked. What's your name?" He finally asks , raising an eyebrow at you. "Oh. Uhm , Y/N." You answer , nodding your head in acknowledgement.

"Cute." He hums, grinning like a wolf at tiger. "Thanks." You mutter with a small smile. He glances at your drink , noticing how you haven't drank half of it. "You gonna drink that or what?" He teases. He's joking obviously , but it makes you feel stupid. "Oh , I am. Yeah."

A few drinks and a few convincing pleas later , he finally manages to drag you out back to his van , stumbling over your shoes he coaxes you into the back. Everything is a blur after that. A blur of mumbles , the sound of pants unzipping , and the feeling of Leon bullying his dick into you.

His hand grips your wrists together and the other holds down your head , face smoothed against the cold surface of the van's floor. Strained moans and groans slip past your wet lips , gritting your teeth and inhaling sharply with each hard thrusts into your tight cunt. "Fuck," he shudders, breathy chuckle past your lips. "Y'so tight.. Thats how I know your virgin , aren't ya?" He mutters in your ear , looming over you and lifting your head to look at your distant look in your eyes.

You shouldn't have drank so much. You feel your drinks coming up all over again , head spinning and your muscles tensing. "Uugh.." you murmur , a weak attempt at a coherent sentence.

You still can't believe it. You're in this hot singers van , getting banged. Wow. Wait till your coworkers hear about this! They won't fuckin' believe it .

You don't know how long you've been in here , but you just know that you feel both great and sick. On one hand , it's great you finally lost your virginity! Sitting at home mastrubating to movies is boring after a while. And the way he hits the deepest parts of you your fingers can't even reach , god. Its wonderful. But at the same time , you feel sick. Sick that you let yourself go and drank so much. But the good outweighs the bad.

He pushes his hips against yours in rough , uneven paces , head banging against the instrument cases and your knees scraped up. Broken whimpers echo throughout the otherwise empty van , eyes fluttering back into your head and drool dripping down from your mouth. His grip on your wrists is bruising , bones creaking and twisted as you squirm. "Dont run from me," he mutters , gripping your cheeks and panting in your face. His breath smells like alcohol. Which isn't flattering , but whatever.

Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth , and you feel like you're watching this all happen from a 3rd person perspective. You squeeze your eyes shut and continue your choked moans , brow knitted together. "God , 'm gonna cum," he groans , leaning up and moving his hand up from your hair to grip your hip. Curses and murmurs slip from his lips , hips frantically rutting into you. His dick hits that same spot that makes you see stars , your body tingling and your stomach stirring with each thrust.

He doesn't say anything else, only a low shudder leaving his lips as he ends with a particularly hard thrusts, drawing a slightly pained moan from you. Hes spewing his load all inside you , your eyes rolling back and your muscles tensed. He sighs shakily and lets go of your wrists , watching them fall limp and pulling out of you. He watches his seed leak out of you , chuckling and patting your hips. "Damn , you don't say much , do you?"

You still can't really speak , nothing besides a whimper and sharp inhale. He zips up his pants and stuffs his dick back in his pants, rummaging through some stuff behind you. He pulls out a syringe , full of some drug. Something that'll shut you up.

The sharp feeling of a needle , and the sudden relief of unconsciousness is all you remember.

When you wake back up , on instinct , you try to sit up. But you can't. Your limbs are tied together , the heat of candles warming you up in the fall air. "W-What? What's going on?" You mumble , eyes wide as you try to figure out what part of town this is. Then, there he is. Leon. Leon with some book and a knife in his other hand. "O-Oh my god , oh my god!" You scream out , shaking your head and gasping. What the fucks going on?

"Geez , you're loud," he murmurs, raising an eyebrow at you and narrowing his eyes. "You'll be really silent in a bit though. Don't worry about it," he chuckles , shaking his head and clearing his throat. "I come here tonight to sacrifice the body of.." He pauses , glancing down at you. "Whatever your name is." You blink at him in horror , tugging on the ropes and trying not to break out into tears. "You're fucking crazy." You whine , skin burnt from the rubbing of rope.

He continues with his ritualistic phrases , reciting from that thick, bloody looking book in his hand. "Please , I-I'll do anything!" You plead , kicking your feet and ugly crying. He rolls his eyes at your offer. "Oh. , please. You just got lucky tonight. You're not getting out this easy. You're a 6 , at best," he laughs.

"Why are you doing this?" You ask . frown on your face as you pray and hope that a miracle will come and your ropes will magically break.

"For fame , baby. Sure , we perform shows and all that cool shit , but there's always more." He shrugs his shoulders , dropping the book and gripping the knife in his hand. "Me and my band , we want all we can get. Drugs , groupies with their own groupies , all that. And to get to that , we need to get through you , in short." He explains, raising the knife above his head. "W-Wait!" You shriek , eyes wide and your heart racing.

"With deepest malice , I deliver this victim onto thee.." he murmurs, the rest sounds incoherent and gibberish. All that can fall from your lips are pleas , begging for him to spare you and kill literally anybody like you. Not like you have a lot to live for , but you're young!

The blade of his knife pierces through your skin , digging into your flesh and spewing blood from the fresh wounds, tearing messy slashes all over your body wherever he can. Screams and sobs echo throughout the isolated forest, tears streaming down your face and mixing with the crimson staining your shirt and skin.

He's lost count of how many times he's stabbed you so far, he just knows that he's absolutely drenched in blood , along with the steel of his knife. He wipes some of the crimson on the unstained part of your pants, glancing up at your lifeless body. You're already starting to grow pale , skin drained and your blood pouring out of your deep wounds.

He whistles lowly , staring at your beaten and bloodied body. He went Jason on your ass , blood splattered on your shirt and leaking down your leg and staining your pants.

Leon steps back, admiring his handiwork. Your lifeless body lies before him, a testament to his dedication. He can already feel the power coursing through his veins, the promise of fame and fortune drawing ever closer.

With practiced movements, he begins the cleanup process. He's done this before, after all. The ropes are untied, your body wrapped in a tarp. He'll dispose of it later, deep in the woods where no one will find you.

Not like anybody would find you anybody. Soon, he'll have all he's ever dreamed of. Girls , more girls , drugs , shows at stadiums.

All thanks to you.

[zot3-flopped]

hi eastern european here. i remember reading some time ago article about eras' european leg and they interviewed some polish swifties, who themselves were surprised that tickets are selling well, because swiftie polish community is so small they feel like it's only bunch of them.

they of course failed to consider the fact that swift hasn't played in that part of europe before, so that among sold tickets there is gonna be huge chunk of people from poland and countries near it, who are not swifties, but are interested simply because it's her first appearance there, you know in a very something new, circus came to town, gimmicky way. an event good for local celebs and influencers to go and take bunch of video, photos etc to post as a content.

what also plays into ticket sales is the fact that a lot of swifties travel to many eras concerts and from western european and american perspective poland is cheap. krakow is literally one of favourite locations for brits to have bachelor parties and act like assholes in public, pissing to fountains and such. also that original price of ticket $498 is hilarious when you know that polish minimum pay after taxes is about $818. most of swift's fans are zoomers, so unless parents are giving them money, i don't really see a lot of poor students going on such gig for just one artist, way better to attend some music festival with a lot of musicians.

there is also always this overestimation on how american artists will do in europe, because music business on european countires favours heavily their own artists, while american stars are exactly that gimmicky thing that shows up only once in a while, so why even bother too much with them. but americans just don't get that and try over and over to win non-english native europe not knowing why it isn't working.

but it's funny to read that prices in poland went down do much, because it means that those initial reports about sales going well were just pr bullshit.

Thanks for sharing this.

[raydom-gamer]

Okay this is just a general obey me thought.

There's little spoilers in here but most of it is just common knowledge and stories about Mammon, it's just about a demon and his crows.

Am I the only one who finds it interesting that Mammon the Avatar of greed his familiar is a crow. I always just thought it was kind of funny because crows being notorious for liking shiny objects, Mammon notorious for stealing shiny possessions. But today I learned that crows are kind of a pack mentality. If a crow is deemed too greedy or selfish the rest of the crows will actually peck and shun the greedy crow. Which sounds very similar to when his brother is watch him tied up and hung from the ceiling. They point and laugh at him.

Crows are also notorious for getting items for other members of their murder when they suspect others being sad or stressed. I've only seen two examples of Mammon doing this which was when he thought Leviathan didn't win his concert tickets so he spent money on a cheap pin of one of Leviathan's new favorite anime. The other time being Beelzebub spending extra time on practice for his team, Mammon unprompted showed up and brought his little brother some extra snacks to get him through practice.

Crows are deemed some of the smartest animals in the world and their intelligence are considered on par with chimpanzees. Despite Mammon having very low grades in R.A.D., there's a card (in shall we date) that proves that he's actually very intelligent (especially in math) it's just you have to give him the right motivation to use it.

Crows are also notorious for holding grudges for generations. Mammon still complains about what some witches that he hasn't seen in a couple decades made him do because he requested money for them and they requested his services, only for them to give him stupid tasks. (Mostly because he was running away from his debt.) As well as being still upset about the time Leviathan broke into his room to steal a figurine that Mammon won at random.

Crows are also known to mate for life which is why they tend to be very rude and picky about partners even though some crows can be quite promiscuous and mate with other crows outside of their pairing. This could explain why he enjoys the attention but pushes it away most of the time because he has high standards. Of course that immediately changes when he sees MC giving someone else attention. He gets kind of snippety and territorial over MC by claiming that he is there first but is known to forgive MC in the end.

Crows are also known to steal other birds eggs or fledglings most of the time for food but also to study different birds behaviors. Other times is when the crows own eggs or fledglings have been killed and adopt other birds as their offspring. I know technically Mammon did not steal the child or adopt the child but he does send money to some witches to take care of a human orphan child that grew emotionally attached to him. Chances are the witches are going to use Mammon as a sponge to get as much money as they can from him. He's also been caught multiple times taking care of Luke like a little brother.

Crows have mob behavior and tend to harass bigger predators in order to take down the foe or to steal from it. Very similar to when Mammon convinces Leviathan, Beelzebub and MC to try to steal from Lucifer only to then have to take on Cerberus. Most of mamons ideas usually involve him convincing his brothers (not Lucifer) and MC into helping him with one of his scams.

I could keep going on and on by just Crow facts that I've learned today. It just really cracks me up to think about his behavior and realize that he acts very much like his familiar. Obviously there's some big differences in certain behaviors compared to crows but it makes me wonder if the DMs had taken in fact about crows and tried to humanize them so they could make a Baseline for certain behaviors.

After all we can all agree that Lucifer acts very much like a peacock. So I guess it shouldn't be all that shocking on how much Mammon behaves like a crow.

[ladykailitha]

If I Rescue You, Will You Rescue Me, Too? Part 6

Hello! Thank you for all the well wishes. Food poisoning is such a bitch. Completely knocked me for a six.

The plan is coming together, and the other CC boys come around.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

*

Steve managed to talk to both Eddie’s doctor and physical therapist. They said that he was in good shape and that as long as he didn’t overexert himself going to a concert in Indy shouldn’t be a problem.

That was the first step. He didn’t want to try and get a hold of the concert hall only to be told by the doctors that Eddie wasn’t well enough to go.

Steve bit his lip as he opened the Yellow Pages and began to flip through them. He didn’t even know what category the place would be under. He had looked at the flyer but if there was a phone number on it, he couldn’t see it. He first went to V for venues. But that really didn’t turn up anything. C for Concerts were concert halls for classical music and definitely not what he needed. He was about to give up when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Steve?” Nancy asked.

Steve straightened up. “Oh hey.”

“I’m sorry if this overstepping in any way, but Robin was telling me about you wanting to help get Eddie to see that concert in Indy,” she explained.

“No, no it’s fine,” he murmured. He just hoped that Robin didn’t tell her why he was doing this.

“I called up the venue and got the number to Metallica’s manager,” she continued.

“You what?!” Steve asked, nearly falling over with the shock.

“It’s really interesting how far one can get when flattering someone over the phone,” Nancy said in a tone that implied she was grinning from ear to ear.

“So what did the manager say?” Steve asked, suddenly very, very invested in her next words.

“They’re going to talk to the band and get back to you,” she said.

Steve deflated. “Well that’s a start. Thanks, Nance.”

Nancy chuckled. “I don’t think you understand, Steve. He’s going to talk to the band about backstage passes.”

Steve blinked. “Oh. Oh god. Seriously? Eddie would freak.”

Her chuckle became a full on laugh. “Yes. But I figured it would be best if they talked to you so that you could get all the details.”

Steve slid to the floor and laughed. “Oh god, this is going to freaking amazing. I talked to his doctors and they’ve cleared him to go.”

“That’s great,” Nancy said. “I better get off the phone in case they call.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, thanks for this.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. “And Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Just...make sure he makes you happy, yeah?” she asked quietly. “Because you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy.”

Steve sighed in relief. “Yeah. I will. Thanks again.”

Then they said their goodbyes.

He jumped up from the floor and cheered, pumping his fist. He danced and jumped, cheering and shouting for joy.

He just wanted two cheap seat tickets to a concert to cheer Eddie up. But this? This was life changing. This was a grand gesture of the highest order. Holy fuck.

“Whoo!!” he yelled.

Then walkie-talkie crackled to life. “Hey, Mother Hen, this is Genius Child, do you read me, over?”

“I did not agree those code names, over,” Steve snarked into his walkie.

Dustin laughed. “No, they were Robin’s idea, over.”

“Of course they were,” Steve grumbled. “What do you want, over.”

There was silence on the walkie for a moment. “Are you really trying to get Eddie to the Metallica concert this weekend?”

Steve sighed. Yep. Robin was going to die. “What about it?” He sighed again. “Over.”

“I was thinking about trying to get his battle vest cleaned so that you could give it back to him to wear to the concert,” Dustin said. “And my mom is willing to help us try and get the blood out. Over.”

Steve pressed his eyes closed and pinched his nose. He knew Dustin was only trying to help. But Steve didn’t want to give the vest back to Eddie. He wanted to hide it under his bed and only pull it out when he needed to. “Yeah sure, bud. We can do that. I’ll bring it over tomorrow. I’ve got to stay here, because I’m waiting for a phone call, over.”

“Great!” Dustin said cheerily. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Over and out.”

Steve stood there for who knows how long just wishing he hadn’t thought to do this. It was already getting out of hand. Now there were people demanding to help. It wasn’t about him and Eddie anymore. It was about the party doing something nice for Eddie.

He just wanted to unplug the phone, turn off the walkie-talkie and curl up into a ball and never leave, ever again. He slid to the floor of the kitchen in front of the dishwasher and sobbed.

And then the phone rang. He stood shakily to his feet and wiped the tears from his face. He cleared his throat and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Steve Harrington?” the voice asked.

“Yes, this is him,” Steve replied trying to put as much cheer into his voice as possible.

“I’m calling on behalf of Metallica,” he said. “I understand you have a fan that was recently hospitalized due to the tragedy that struck your town, is that right?”

This is for Eddie, this is for Eddie, Steve chanted in his head. “Yup, sure do. He’s a really good musician, too. He learned Master of Puppets on guitar by ear in just three weeks.”

“Really?” the guy said. “That’s fucking amazing. Here’s what the band is willing to do...”

And they discussed the whole plan and Steve was feeling better by the end of the conversation. Because this was all him.

He bit his lip and then blurted out. “Would it be all right it I wear ear plugs? I have a bad left ear that’s really sensitive and know your guys can get loud.”

The guy laughed. “No, no, it’s fine. Recommended in fact. I’ll tell you what, at the box office, I’ll leave a couple of pairs of the professional ones the band uses with your tickets.”

“Really? That would be great, thanks!” Steve thrilled to be going to the concert for the concert’s sake for the first time since this whole thing started.

Once they hang up Steve put his hands on his hips. All right. The party wanted to help? Then they were going to help with what Steve wanted and not their ideas.

He was doing this for Eddie. With Eddie. They weren’t going. He was. And he knew what his first step was.

Get a hold of Jeff Lawrence because Steve was going to need the names of a couple of shops.

He pulled out the White Pages and got to work. He wrote out his plan and began listing all the things he was going to need.

*

Despite all the work Steve was doing planning this trip to Indy, he was still working at the video shop and volunteering as well as visiting Eddie. He didn’t want to the other man to think that Steve hated him when he was trying to prove the opposite.

When he opened the store on Tuesday the first thing he did was have a conversation with his best friend. He finished telling her about everything Nancy and Dustin had done without prompting.

“Now,” he said with a menacing grin, “where would they have heard that I was taking Eddie to see Metallica, I wonder.”

Robin gulped. “Oh. Well, I was at the hospital talking to Wayne about the plan because I figured he’d need to know and Nancy happened to over hear and then Dustin came up and was asking about what we were talking about and the next thing I know everyone knows.”

Steve put both hands palm down on the counter, fingers slightly spread. “I can see where it got out of your hands, so I’m not going to be mad. But you have to understand...”

Robin sighed and jumped up on the counter next to his hands. “That now everyone is involved it’s less about you showing Eddie how much he means to you specifically and more about how much he means to all of us?”

Steve closed his eyes and nodded.

She put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Steve. It’s gone to hell and I didn’t mean it to.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I know you didn’t. But I was going to tell Wayne myself once I got all the details worked out. There’s no point in telling anyone anything until I had contacted the venue.” He put his head on her shoulder. “Which I am grateful to Nancy for doing that for me, because of course I am. But I still would have liked to have been able to figure it all out for myself.”  

“Yeah, fucked up,” she said softly. “I can call everyone off if you want.”

Steve shook his head. “No, I’m going to use this to my advantage. I’m going to make the party work for me for a change.”

“That’s the Steve Harrington, I know and love,” Robin said brightly. “Now let’s do this horrible minimum wage job to the least of our abilities.”

Steve laughed and they got down to business.

He was clocking out when a certain red-head came into the store. Steve nudged Robin’s shoulder on the way out. Vickie had clearly come to the store when she knew it would just be her and Robin.

Jeff was waiting for him outside the door. Behind him was Brian and Gareth. Suddenly Steve was very worried he was going to be jumped.

“I told these guys what you had planned for Eddie,” Jeff said, jutting his thumb at his friends behind him, “and they wanted to help.”

Gareth scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Eddie told us, you saved his life and it would be pretty shitty of us if we continued to drag you for shit you did two years ago.”

Brian still had his arms crossed. “But know this, if this is a prank to hurt Eddie, they’ll be finding pieces of you up and down the railway tracks for months.”

Steve gulped. “Not a prank. You can ask Nancy Wheeler or Dustin Henderson, they’ll both tell you it’s the real deal.”

Brian eyed him warily. “Maybe I will.”

Jeff stepped in between them. “Okay...that’s enough of the pissing contest.”

Brian and Steve reared their heads back as Gareth laughed.

“You know that’s what you guys were doing,” Gareth said shaking his head, “and you know it. We’re all here for Eddie and if Steve-o here wants to get our friend to the metal concert of the year if not decade, then we’re going to help in anyway possible, right Bri?”

Brian took a deep breath and let it out slow. “Yeah.”

“Good,” Jeff said, “now that we have that cleared out of the way, we’re going to take Steve metal shopping.”

Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12 Part 13 Part 14  Part 15 Part 16 Part 17  Part 18  Part 19  Part 20

Tag List: @anaibis @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369  @cr0w-culture @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666  @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @whalesharksart @nburkhardt @snapshotmaestro @shrimply-a-menace @theotalksalot @child-of-cthulhu @bookbinderbitch

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

Understood some readers would prefer to read on tumblr I stead of ao3, so here's a recent one!

January 30th, Thursday, 1998.

DAY 3 OF THE FRIENDSHIP EXPERIMENT, SECOND STAGE

Dear Galileo,

So as previously reported, the first day went well (a few complications aside). I should have been in quite optimistic spirits then, no?

A foolish question. Gretchen Grundler is quite chipper when she wants to be, but when metaphorical shit hits the metaphorical fan, she gets quite not metaphorically antsy.

Literally. I had to pretend I was a nice, peaceful ant for 15 minutes this morning because I could carry on.

Still, the day was… Another success, for the most part. In some ways, it was quite enlightening.

But I digress. Let me regale you with today’s experiment, which I shall title “The Spa Study, or, An Assessment of Ashley Armbruster’s Curious Craving for Curative Baths”.

Or, in short, “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Chill the Fuck Out Sometimes”.

It all started this morning, after I pretended to be an ant, where I proceeded to pretend I was telling my parents the truth about my future hangout partner…

“Woah, a-get you’ hands in the air

And get to clappin’ ‘em and, like, back and forth

Because-a this is what you thought it wasn’t

It be’s the brothers representin’ the Dirty Dozen

I be the F-R-O, the double G

And check out my man, he goes by the name of, er, uh…

Slim Shady, brain dead like Jim Brady

I’m a M-80, you little like that Kim lady

I’m buzzin, Dirty Dozen, naughty rotten rhymer

Cursin’ at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer

You wacker than the motherfucker you bit yo’ style from

You aint’ gon’ sell two copies if you press a double album

Admit it, fuck it, while we comin’ out in the open

I’m doin’ acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin’ dope then

My name is Marshall Mathers, Ii’m an alcoholic (Hi, Marshall)

I have a disease and they don’t know what to call it

Better hide your wallet ‘cause I’m comin’ up quick to strip yo’ cash

Bought a ticket to yo’ concert just to come and whip yo’ ass

Bitch, I’m comin’ out swingin’ so fast it’ll make yo’ eyes spin

You getting’ knocked the fuck out like Mike Tyson (pssh)

The proof is in the puddin’, just ask DeShaun Holton

I’ll slit yo’ motherfuckin’ throat worse than Ron Goldman

So when you see me on yo’ block with two Glocks

Screamin’, “Fuck the world” like 2Pac

I just don’t give a fuck

So put my tape back on the rack

Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack

I just don’t give a fuck

But see me on the street and duck

‘Cause you gon’ get stuck, stole and snuffed

‘Cause I just don’t give a fuck”

Sitting at the breakfast table (this time, the Grundlers had convinced her to at least eat some of their healthy and cheap grown up cereal), Gretchen twitchily jotted down details of the day’s experiment, one which she had yet to tell Ashley A, but didn’t feel like she would need much convincing.

If anything, she was still trying to convince herself.

‘I suppose it couldn’t hurt, really. Plus, scientists have to risk themselves all the time for the craft. Why, would the Curies have discovered radium if they hadn’t taken the plunge into cancer? Heck, if they weren’t truly careful, we would be making Godzilla movies about them!’, she muttered to herself, trying to motivate but mostly just spilling nervous thoughts onto the notebook like milk from her cereal bowl (which, coincidentally, was also spilling a little). The bran flakes floated by and popped like mines in a field, and Gretchen was the bomb defusal expert too busy writing about her lover at home to eat them.

‘…I must have my head checked. It can’t be healthy to have this many gay thoughts about a strictly platonic friend.’, Gretchen voiced, ignoring how dumb that statement sounded and resuming her antsy writing (not to be confused with her antsy acting upstairs).

Mr. Grundler, who was simply enjoying the music billowing from their radio, attempted to strike up conversation with his daughter, who he could tell was feeling the butterflies in her stomach. He knew her well enough by now to know the symptoms beforehand. ‘That Eminem could really be going places soon. I heard Dre might be helping him on his next LP.’

Gretchen let out an ‘Mm hmm’, the kind of Mm hmm that indicated she was only kind of listening and mostly sunk into her work. Phil recognized it, as he had emitted it many a time himself. Trying from another angle, he coughed ‘You know, they say a pair of more… Experienced eyes can often clear up what seems unclear right now.’

Gretchen simply nodded this time, eating air with her spoon instead of cereal.

Phil pursed his lips. This would take a little less subtlety, but would she allow that?

Slowly leaning over, as if he was simply assisting with homework (something which Phil never really had to do with Gretchen but still), he whispered ‘What’s grinding your gears?’.

Gretchen sighed, realizing he wasn’t gonna let up. This was unusual for her, since she normally reveled in listening to her father’s angle on things, even things she knew more about. She would have loved nothing more than to sit back a little and see his mind work, his eyes process the information, his lips curl a little as he considered the questions, his fingers gently tap on the paper, that sound that could rock her to sleep, the tiniest reveal of his true excitement at encountering a problem. To the Grundlers, such work was as fun as a rollercoaster.

But this wasn’t homework, or calculations for an experiment. This was something far more… Personal.

And Gretchen unfortunately couldn’t share it… Just yet.

‘It’s just…’, she suddenly closed the notebook, searching for a lie that wasn’t too mean. Was there a way to tell the truth without telling it? She’d have to try. ‘…I’m simply trying to figure out how to approach today’s hangout session with Ashley R.’

‘Well, that’s basically the truth.’, Gretchen thought, proud of her excuse. Ashley A would have somehow sputtered out some crap about suddenly being blind or whatnot, and still get away with it.

Phil nodded, hiding his knowing smile. It was sort of adorable that his daughter thought she was good at lying about this, considering she muttered everything she wrote at listening volume. ‘Hmm, I see. What is it this time?’

Seeing no reason to lie about the specific hangout, Gretchen didn’t. ‘It’s a… Spa thing.’

Mr. Grundler now understood the problem. ‘You know, Spas aren’t only for illustrious elitists with troves drowning in trinkets.’

Gretchen normally would have understood what he meant, but she was so anxious (even biting her pencil while fiddling it up and down) that she found herself blinking and mumbling out a ‘What?’

‘What your father means is that you don’t have to be a fancy pants to enjoy a nice little massage!’, Mrs. Grundler cried, marching in with her cleaning robot and repairing it on the table, right next to the orange juice. Such was a typical Grundler morning, and the three of them wouldn’t have it any other way. ‘I think it sounds rather fun! Great idea by Ashley A…’, Mrs. Grundler started, only for Mr. Grundler to wave his arms in alarm, morse code tapping S.O.S. Once more, Gretchen was too distracted to notice what she would have always noticed, so Mrs. Grundler got away with her slip and way too loudly stated ‘R, THAT IS, ASHLEY R!’

While Phil wiped his brow with his hand, Gretchen placed her chin on her palm, which was connected to her arm, which was on the table, in a spot of spilt milk. ‘Well, actually, it was… My idea.’

Both parents were silently surprised, but refused to judge. Gretchen was a growing girl, allowed to experiment with new things. Unlike other house holds… ‘Well, it’s riveting to see you so open to fresh ideas, Gretchen!’, Mrs. Grundler tried, hoping that would raise a tiny smile.

Gretchen still frowned however, the potential problems permeating in her mind’s eye. ‘I suppose… It’s just… It’s really important. Ashley R might have a few similarities with me, but she’s… Still an Ashley. She has hobbies and vocations that a lady of science and… Rowdy shenanigans such as myself isn’t quite accustomed to. Good friends must be able to walk in another’s shoes, or in this case, another’s natural habitat, and at least try and find common ground. Lions and Zebras both inhabit at the watering hole, after all.’

The Grundlers couldn’t have loved their daughter more if they tried. But they knew she wasn’t going to just let them hug her now, so they instead nodded softly and held each other’s hands, sharing very knowing looks. ‘I’m sure that it will work out swimmingly, Gretchen, even if you don’t like the spa date. HANG. I MEANT HANG.’, Mrs. Grundler sputtered while Mr. Grundler shook his head affectionately and patted Gretchen’s hand. ‘Plus, if you get worked up, remember the mantra we practiced.’

Gretchen nodded resolutely. ‘All the moons from Pluto to Earth.’

‘That’s the ticket! Now, you should probably get going. Want me to drive…’, Phil started, only for Doris to shake her head, making two fingers walk together. Phil ah’d and nodded, realizing. ‘That is, you should get going. You wouldn’t want to keep ASHLEY R waiting, would you?’, he winked at Doris, who couldn’t help but blush at her husband.

Gretchen, missing all this because this is a story about oblivious gays, did you think they’d stop being oblivious about other things, nodded once more and marched off, notebook and backpack at the ready. She still didn’t eat enough, but hey, at least she took a few bites. Plus, there was food in the mall.

As she stepped out of the front porch onto another oddly hot day for January, Gretchen looked back at her parents, who were now eagerly fixing the robot together as if it were the most romantic parental activity ever and smiled for the first time that morning. ‘I’m so lucky.’

Then, she grimaced, as she turned towards the street, remembering her challenge. ‘And here I am, trying to befriend someone who probably wouldn’t fix a robot at the breakfast table. Oh, I hope massages don’t kill brain cells.’

And so, she walked off, ready to face destiny with a pounding heart and sweaty palms.

Destiny arrived far too soon for her nerve’s tastes, in the form of a chipper but clearly tired Ashley A, still blinking away the sandman’s gift. The rich girl was yawning as she put her glasses on and used Gretchen’s tall figure to keep herself from falling until she balanced herself. ‘Long, restless night? I can relate.’, Gretchen questioned, as she kept writing in her notebook about the day’s experiment.

Ashley nodded and yawned again, lightly bapping her cheeks to wake up. ‘Those Dawson’s Creek, Party of Five, Spice World and Katie Winslet posters won’t put themselves up!’

‘I relate… Slightly less now.’, Gretchen admitted, as she weighed how to ask Ashley about her plan for the day.

Ashley then made her job easier for her, as she clasped her hands together and batted her eyelashes cutely. ‘So… What’s the next step in the Friendship Experiment? We buyin’ double the gum?’

Gretchen side eyed her with a smirk, shaking her head. ‘Unfortunately, Ms. Sequel, that’s not what we’re doing.’ Swallowing the ball of spit in her mouth, she choked out ‘It’s, well… Um…’

Lowering her voice to a near imperceptible whisper, she stammered ‘I was thinking of going to the… S-Spa…’

Ashley, however, could barely hear her, so she tilted her head and hummed in confusion. ‘Sorry, but I literally can’t hear you.’

‘Of course.’, Gretchen sighed in annoyance. Never an easy way out. Clearing her throat, she raised her voice a little. ‘I was thinking of going to the spa.’

‘...What?’, Ashley asked again, blinking in confusion. ‘You sound like you’re underwater.’

‘I was THINKING of GOING to the SPA!’, Gretchen raised her voice, now genuinely miffed, hoping no one in the vicinity heard her. She was clenching her fists and shaking, mostly from anxiety, but still.

Ashley stared at her blankly for too many seconds. ‘...What?’

‘I WAS THINKING OF GOING TO THE SPA!!!’, Gretchen shouted one last time, so loudly and strongly that it made the ear bud fly out of Ashley’s ear, emitting a low but noticeable “Tubthumping” by Chumbawama. Ashley sheepishly grinned. ‘Oh, right, I was listening to music.’, She giggled, wagging her finger and singing “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you are never gonna keep me down”.

Gretchen groaned, half frustrated with Ashley, half disappointed in herself for losing her cool like that. ‘Sorry, I’m just… Unsure of today’s experiment.’

‘How come?’, Ashley asked, and Gretchen remembered that she still hadn’t heard what they were gonna do today. Defeated, she muttered it while walking away. ‘I was thinking of going to the spa.’

Ashley’s high pitched gasp and squeal sent shockwaves of worry across Gretchen’s mind. ‘A SPA DATE?! OH, LITERALLY TOTALLY SCHWAY!!!’

Gretchen ignored her blush at the word date and waited for Ashley to finish her victory dance so she could elaborate. ‘Normally this wouldn’t be my cup of tea, but this is a crucial part of the experiment, one that, if not passed, jeopardizes the entire relationship.’

Ashley slowed her dance and gulped, alarmed at the serious tone. ‘Talk about a buzz kill. Why so on the real, Gretch?’

‘Because, Ash, true friends are open to each other’s more… Unique interests, even if they are markedly different.’

Ashley nodded and mumbled ‘I see…’, and Gretchen rolled her eyes, understanding what that meant. ‘You don’t get it.’

‘Not a clue.’

‘It means that my idea of a good time does NOT involve cucumber slices on one’s eyes or a mud bath, which I thought was something you people hated.’, Gretchen explained, not hiding her disdain for the activity.

Ashley, meanwhile, was still confused, as evidenced by her tapping on her chin while avoiding all the cracks on the street. ‘But didn’t we go to the spa all the way back in THE GREAT ASHLEY BAMBOOZLING CAPER? You didn’t seem to mind it that much.’

‘Adrenaline plus we were so close to succeeding that I could have put up with a black hole. But that was work. This is fun, and I take it VERY seriously. Why do you think the gang and I get into misadventures once a week I mean day?’, Gretchen illuminated, not bothering to skip the cracks, little twigs snapping at her heels.

Ashley shrugged, finding Gretchen’s attitude perplexing. ‘Girl, take a chill pill. It’s just a spa! It’s not gonna bite!’

‘See, that’s my point! You practically live and breathe that kind of stuff, and I find it as inviting as dinner with a female praying mantis. Which is bad.’, she quickly elaborated, Ashley beginning to understand. ‘If I don’t like this, then maybe I won’t like other stuff, like going shopping for clothes, or gossiping, or…’

‘A sleepover, I get it.’, Ashley bit her lip, now nervous too. This was a lot more important than she realized. She could also now see how strained Gretchen seemed. Her hands kept wringing each other, her fingers often twirled around while tapping each other, her teeth grinded, and she seemed to clench everything, even her shoulders. Was she always this anxious?

Suddenly, it melted away a little, as Ashley placed a smooth, soft and comforting palm on Gretchen’s clenching shoulder. ‘Hey, maybe you’ll like it. After all, I tried something very different and unusual lately, and it’s been pretty dope.’

‘Which is?’, Gretchen asked, not bothering to look back.

‘Hanging out with this pretty wicked brainiac, yea tall, hella smart, answers to Gretchen Grundler, ever heard of her?’

Gretchen finally looked back, and Ashley flashed that winning smile of hers, and she couldn’t stay worried, at least, for now. ‘You have a real annoying habit of growing on me, you noticed?’, Gretchen smirked, squeezing Ashley’s hand, who squeezed back. ‘You would know.’

Suddenly, they realized they had reached school, and quickly separated, shoes slapping off the playground pavement. ‘Mall, 15:30 sharp, got it?’, Gretchen cried, as she quickly joined Vince’s kickball team.

‘I’ll come up with a good excuse!’, Ashley flashed her two thumbs up, before dumping her disguise and quick changing into Ashley A behind a bush shaped like a closet. ‘I’m getting better at this lying shit!’, Ashley praised herself, only to run into Ashley B, the two now lying on the ground, Ashley T and Q helping them up respectively. ‘Owie…’, both of them muttered, opening their eyes to now see each other. Ashley A immediately turned nervous while Ashley B grinned, unknowingly turning an already complicated day far more difficult. ‘Oh, Ashley A! Great! We were, like, wondering where you were and stuff!’

‘Oh, I… Took the scenic route!’, Ashley A excused, a shaky smile doing the salsa on her lips. ‘Gretchen’s kinda pretty, so it’s not totally a lie…’, Ashley thought, a thought which would bite her in the behind relatively soon.

‘Totally, totally, very schway.’, Ashley B waved it off, clearly more interested in what she had to say. Ashley A was really getting tired of that. ‘Did I use to do that all the time? No wonder Gretchen’s worried. What if she thinks I wouldn’t try for her?’

While Ashley got lost in her worried thoughts, Ashley B ordered Ashley T to lay down the morning report for them, and Ashley Q led them into the clubhouse while there was still time before class. Soon, they were in The Ashley’s famous hangout, it feeling like a strange place almost after so long for Ashley A. Three of them were now sitting on the velvet red couch underneath light pink sashes, and opening up the secret candy bar, Ashley Q passed them a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup bag each, as they snacked and gossiped, the “Spiceworld” album ringing out banger after banger.

‘So, first, Megan is TOTALLY packing fake Jordans. I heard Library Kid and I think some other girl talking about it while I was at the library returning some… Magazines.’, Ashley T dished out, stuttering towards the end, hoping no one caught her white lie. They WERE magazines… Just with a lot of pictures of people fighting. Totally normal. ‘Oh, and Jenny, she’s trying to shake it up with a blue top that does NOT match her ginger hair at all. Like, I know they’re complimentary colors, but, well, Jenny just doesn’t pull it off.’, she lied truly there, but that was the point. No one got to be fashionable BUT The Ashley’s, and Ashley B and Q giggled haughtily and nodded while they popped in peanut butter cups. ‘How true, wouldn’t you say, Ashley A?’

Ashley A snapped out of her daydreaming and hurriedly nodded, a non-committal ‘Mmm hmm’. Truthfully, she was haunted by two specific thoughts, two that made her feel like she was having an out of body experience: 1. She really didn’t like how all their gossip was mean, and 2. Gretchen.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t picture Gretchen there, sitting between Q and T, laughing with them and sipping some ice green tea, sharing her own gossip, even gossip that wasn’t mean. It just wasn’t like her, was it? ‘She’s nothing like them. And, in a way, that means she’s nothing like me. That’s a LOT of differences.’

If she couldn’t imagine Gretchen chilling at the clubhouse, how could she ever enjoy a spa? Or a shopping day? Or a sleepover?!

And vice versa: Could Ashley truly hang out in the dirty playground? Play kickball? Conduct experiments? Could she, even in disguise, fit in with the likes of Spinelli and Gus, kids she had bullied since the moment she laid her eyes on them?

‘Ashley A? Ashley A!’

Two finger snaps sent Ashley A crashing back to reality, observing Ashley B’s miffed expression. ‘Girl, am I talking to the hand or not? I was just reporting that I heard there’s a girl who’s crushing on Gus! Gus!! How aren’t you rolling on the floor laughing?’

Ashley A gulped. Once, she would have found that hilarious. But now, it just felt so… Mean. Could she really do that?

‘Fake it till you make it’, she thought, and with a brave breath, she emitted a fake laugh, far too shrill and loud for her, but thankfully enough to cast away the suspicion for now. ‘That really… Totally helps my mood!’

‘Oh, are you okay?’, Ashley T asked, genuinely worried, but Ashley B simply ignored, clearly caring more about the response to her dirt and less about the responder. ‘Oh, by the way, who’s paying for the spa this time? I’d bother to memorize the paying chart but that’s Ashley A’s job, as our most beloved president. I could do it, but you know, duty calls for her.’, B reminded, just a tinge of jealousy coloring her words, as she filed her nails perhaps a little too angrily.

Ashley A’s face turned pale (but for once, not to her liking). ‘Mall Day Thursday!’, she exclaimed, as if she were the subject of an edvard munch painting.

‘Um, duh! Ashley, you are REALLY distracted today. Not very presidential…’, Ashley B once again stung her friend, while Q and T gave Ashley A weird looks. It was only their weekly tradition. HOW did she forget?

‘Oh, right, of course! I’m just… Well, you see…’, Ashley A scrambled for an excuse. She couldn’t be at two places at the same time, right?

‘...Better keep that for a far more pressing situation.’, Ashley A decided, unknowingly setting up a truly disastrous scenario. For now, she needed a good lie. But what? ‘I…’, she felt her heart pound and her palms sweat (‘Eww’), as the other Ashley’s now bore holes in her face, squinting at her strange behavior. She couldn’t let Gretchen down! She just couldn’t! That would be a catastrophe!

Catastrophe.

Cat-astrophe.

Cat.

‘Sometimes, my genius impresses even me.’, Ashley smirked at the 4th wall, which was very pretty today, someone must have dusted lately.

‘...Muffin! Muffin, my poor little baby snuggly wuggly lil angel schmoopsie poo googly bear is feeling…’, Ashley paused for dramatic effect, a hand over her shoulder, eyes closed, as she prayed to God that this would work. ‘...Ill!’

The other Ashleys all seemed confused, tilting their heads.

Ashley A realized her mistake and was quick to correct it. ‘Oh, I meant bad Ill, not good ill.’

The three Ashleys all gasped accordingly, reacting apropos: Ashley T was dabbing her tear stained cheeks with her pink handkerchief, Ashley Q had already fainted, and Ashley B was already phoning 9-1-1, stating ‘Yes, it is an emergency, my daddy will cut the funding if you don’t answer right now! Cancer patients? What did they ever do for me?’

Ashley A panicked, realizing that could lead to her being discovered. ‘Oh, don’t worry, it’s only… Starting stages! But someone must volunteer to be with my baby girl, and I would never trust my family with her!’, she reassured, waving her arms all over.

Ashley Q and T bought it, simply happy Ashley M had proper care, but Ashley B did have a habit of making things harder for Ashley A. ‘Well, while it is disappointing, we totally understand! A valid excuse, for sure! But we should come over, anyway. Just to offer a helping hand to our honorary member! A sick kitty is nothing to be sneezed at!’

She couldn’t really tell them not to go. Sighing, Ashley A realized she’d owe Menlo another favor, but at least she and Gretchen would be safe. ‘No further complications’, she thought with a relieved smile, as she popped in another Peanut Butter Cup.

Meanwhile, in Ms. Finster’s office, further complications were indeed being formulated that very instant.

‘Randall! Randall!!’, Ms. Finster cried out, huffing and puffing after a hard training session. ‘Where could that blasted boy be?!’, she muttered, pacing around her room in her usual drill sergeant way; Methodical and precise. Every movement, every action, had to be carefully coordinated and planned. EVERYTHING had to be under control. ‘Lest there be chaos. Lest there be anarchy. Lest there be…’, Finster nearly finished her tragic muse, only for the door to open with a slam, a panting Randall instantly falling to his knees in apology. ‘Finster, please, accept my most humble apology, I was just doing what you said…’, Randall started, but Finster was quick to wave him off, sitting at her desk, the lack of light making her seem dramatic and all powerful, beady eyes glaring back from her thin spectacles. ‘I have no time for groveling, Randall. I KNOW you were doing what I said. If you weren’t, you’d be sitting your sorry little keyster in detention!’

Taking a moment to relax (but still ever alert), Finster snapped her fingers. ‘Morning report, boy, let’s hear it.’

‘Of course!’, Randall cried, a little more excited than usual. Finster noticed the inflection immediately. She had a way with that. Sniffing the truth from your soul in an instant. Meanwhile, Randall flipped through his notebook, which was color coded, for a change. ‘You’ll be pleased to know I’ve sorted it through priority levels!’, Randall boasted, half ego trip half genuine desire to please his superior. ‘See, Green is your usual garden variety trouble, some half baked Hustler Kid operation, Lawson being a plain old jerk, etc. Then we have Orange, for slightly more troubling news, say, Mundy, Kurst, Sue Bob and Lazy Kid are up to something, or King Bob is getting a little too big for his throne. Now, Red is normally the most dangerous color, but I was thinking that could be reserved for Detweiller and his gang, since they’re usually your top priority, and that’s because currently our focus is on the Ashley’s, hence the Purple section, I thought that was pretty clever of me, since Purple is the Ashley color…’

‘I asked for a morning report, Randall, not bootleg Bob Ross. Give me the 4-1-1, stat!’, Finster ordered, clearly a little impatient this morning. Randall would normally have bitten back at any kid saying that to him, but instead he quickly whipped out a ready made thermos of the blackest coffee he could find that morning at the farmer’s market and poured her a mug. Not a word had to be shared. It was a routine as familiar as family dinner for the duo.

Pertaining to her report request, Randall nodded gently, still a little upset that his color coding went unnoticed. ‘As you wish, Finster. I did as you said, tailed the Ashley’s meeting. Who would have suspected the plush pile? I must say, it was quite comfortable! Nicer than an action figure pile, anyway. That was a pretty whomping Friday…’

Finster raised one eyebrow while sipping, not needing to look. Randall stared down at his feet and muttered an apology. ‘That is, that was a pretty crummy Friday.’

Finster grunted, indicating he continue. In the darkness of the office, the only real light emitted from Randall’s eyes, glad to have someone’s attention for once. ‘Well, I can’t say I got a LOT of dirt, but we’re not dealing with any Sunday School getup here, Finster. Ashley A isn’t attending the weekly mall visit.’

‘So? She hasn’t the last few weeks, last week excepted, thanks to that so called sickness of hers. Probably wanted to be pampered, even if it meant missing out on her quality time with her sycophantic crew.’, Finster ignored the intel, but Randall insisted, clearing his throat. ‘But see, that’s the thing… Ashley told them she was taking care of her sick cat. Only she didn’t want them to visit just yet.’

‘...Randall, I’m missing the part where this turns into dirt.’, Finster complained, voice rising in frustration. ‘If you don’t have anything to say, then stop wasting my time and get to class already!’

Randall, panicking at the mistaken assumption of his failure, was quick to correct. ‘But Ms. Finster! I know her cat isn’t sick!’

Finster, still not believing, began to stand up to open the door. ‘Randall, don’t make me kick you out. It’s humiliating for the both of us.’

On his knees again and clutching her leg, Randall cried ‘I know because she told Gretchen she’d come up with an excuse!’

THAT stopped Finster. Like a mole looking up from the ground onto the sun, Finster’s wrinkly rat like face scrunched up as she opened the blinds to her office, exposing the blinding sunlight and most importantly: Her domain.

‘Grundler? Considering her company, she steers clear of my iron fist more than one would assume.’, Finster muttered, Randall the only recipient of her turning gears. ‘Sure, she’s got that troublemaker gene, but only in association with Detweiller. What could POSSIBLY get her to become strange bedfellows with Armbruster?’

‘That’s what I was thinking! And remember what I told you about a few weeks ago, when Ashley was running around school with her backpack?’, Randall added, but Finster was already advancing in her plan. ‘Yes, yes… Yes, it’s time.’

‘Time? Time for what?’, Randall asked, checking his schedule. ‘I don’t need to massage your feet until…’

‘Not that, boy! It’s time for the PLAN!’, Finster emphasized, and suddenly, Randall realized, and gulped, nervous. ‘I’m… I’m still not sure about this, Finster. I mean, I’m more of a secret listener. A “Hide behind the bush and peak” listener. A “Doesn’t disguise himself as a girl to collect info” listener. Point is… Why a girl?’

‘I’m on budget watch thanks to the Cafeteria incident. Who knew so many parents would find interrogations “excessive”?’, Finster explained, but she didn’t seem as firm. She shared a sympathetic look. ‘Unfortunately, we can only use drama club costumes, and the only ones that fit your scrawny little body are girl ones.’

‘Oh man… I knew I should have stuck to that fitness regimen you suggested.’, Randall groaned, sounding guilty. Finster knew the tone well, and tried to lower her usual firm and rigid tone to reassure him. ‘It’s just a costume, Randall. Think of it as… Acting!’, she snapped her fingers, remembering Randall’s failed dream of playing Santa Claus at the school play.

As predicted, Randall’s eyes instantly lit up, and he wiggled his arms, unable to hold his excitement back. ‘You’re right, Finster! That’ll show that snooty club what for!’

‘Exactly! Plus, if we bag the Ashley’s, you know what that would mean for the school?’, Finster reminded him of their broader goals, as she stared down at the children in the playground. Kickball, marbles, other extracurricular activities… It all seemed rather by the numbers. But Finster saw more, knew more.

‘Look at them, Randall. So blind to the threats of their own indulgence. They let hustlers and bullies and Ashley’s get away with anything, which makes them think they can bend my rules, twist my codes. They think I’m unfair, think I’m some kind of monster. But they don’t understand… I’m the only thing standing between them and total anarchy. I’m protecting them. You realize that, don’t you, Randall?’

It was an honest question, a momentary crack of doubt, and Randall was quick to nod. ‘I’m dressing up like a girl for you, am I not, Finster? You don’t find this cause alone!’

Finster nearly allowed herself a small smile, but…

‘I can’t. Not after… Him. I can’t trust anyone again.’, she reminded herself, so she remained vigilant. Randall had to truly earn such a thing as a smile from Muriel Finster. ‘Attention, soldier. Actions speak louder than words.’

Randall, understanding, saluted as hard as he could, then ran off to put on his disguise.

Finster saluted back, nodding, before sitting down at her desk, darkness spreading once again, except around her eyes. A necessary devil for a playground full of potential demons. Someone had to stand guard.

‘Someone has to protect them from themselves.’, she grunted, staring at a framed photograph of a ginger woman and blonde man, straight from the late 60’s, with smiles too innocent for this world.

Meanwhile, just before the class bell rang, the Gang reconvened by the see saw. ‘How was the kickball g…’, TJ started, only for Gretchen to walk past, lost in her own thoughts. She just kept writing in her notebook, looking and sounding stressed, her anxious mutters sticking with the gang as they saw her depart without a word nor a look.

‘...Ame?’, TJ scratched his head, while Gus (who was on the see saw with Mikey) worriedly stared at Vince, wiping his sweat from the game. ‘Gretchen acting weird again?’

‘You better believe it, Short Stop.’, Vince grunted, leaning on a part of the jungle gym, his brows furrowed in a way only someone who really cared did. ‘I don’t get it. She usually enjoys being on my team. Did I forget to brush my teeth? Maybe she just doesn’t like kickball anymore? Is my hair okay?’

‘Your hair’s fine, get off it!’, Spinelli rolled her eyes, before offering a dark glare at the departing Gretchen. ‘I smell something fishy, however.’

‘Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to eat my tuna sandwich.’, Mikey apologized, on the other end of the swing, worried about his friends suspicions.

‘I have to admit, something seems off. Gretchen never acts like that during kickball.’, TJ thought, a flash of concern across his eyes. Was Gretchen hiding something from them? If so, what? Was it wrong to want to know?

‘I say we do something about it. It’s been like this for weeks! We should follow her today and see what she’s up to!’, Spinelli pitched, wiggling her fingers around as if she was already spying Gretchen doing something devious.

Mikey gulped, thinking back to his discovery of a crush… Which to answer if he was right or wrong would sort of defeat the purpose of this story, would it not? ‘Um… I don’t know… Isn’t that a breach of Gretchen’s privacy?’

‘No it’s not! It’s just making sure she’s… Okay! You know? As the caring friends we are! Very caring!’, Vince added enthusiastically, cringing at his tone. He must have sounded so dumb.

‘Yeah, but… Would any of us like it if Gretchen spied on us?’, Gus countered, trying desperately to lower Mikey on his end of the see saw. ‘My dad says that spies are the most despised of all military positions! He’s not one for exaggeration with that sort of thing!’

‘I guess the deciding vote is yours, Teej. What do you say?’, Spinneli asked, hoping he would agree… Just because she was really passionate about this, no other reason!

TJ rubbed his chin. As leader, he always had to make hard calls, but this one was up there. He totally saw where Mikey and Gus came from, but…

‘Sometimes you gotta bend the rules to do what’s right. I’ve always thought that. All right. We’re doing it. We’re spying on Gretchen.’, TJ declared, rubbing his fist in his palm. The reactions were mixed, but relenting. There was no backing off now.

A moment of tranquil worry settled on the gang…

‘Yes, let’s spy on Gretchen indeed!’

The kids all turned around to see a disguised Randall, with a clearly fake wig, terribly applied lipstick, and an old timey dress. He looked like he was out of a Shakespeare play about bad liars. Waving his hand, he spoke in a stupidly shrill voice. ‘Oh, heh heh, my name is… Randall-ina! Ain’t I pretty?’

‘Randall, are you whomping serious? Get outta here before I treat you to a knuckle sandwich!’, Spinelli roared at him, Randall running off in fear.

‘...That was weird.’, TJ commented, while Vince shrugged. Mikey then got off, crossing his arms in protest at the decision to spy, while Gus flew off from the force of the see saw finally moving. ‘I’m okay! Randall-ina broke my fall!’, Gus reassured, while Randall moaned in pain.

‘I’m telling you, it’s gonna be FABULOUS!’, Ashley shrieked with excitement, as she and Gretchen rode on the Grundler Comet, only at a far more sane pace this time. There was no major rush, after all. The excited popular girl, wearing her “embarrassing according to the Ashleys” helmet, hung on tight to Gretchen’s waist as the duo cycled through the same old sights and sounds of the town: Families tossing frisbees in the park, dogs barking to and fro, the warm scent of raised donuts and hot tamales dancing with scrapple and pierogi, sunlight sparkling off toy store windows, clouds lazily floating by, and a constant permeating atmosphere that could be summed up in one word: Busy. Not as busy as New York, but what was?

Gretchen, still feeling quite anxious (her stomach was hurting a bit and her bike handles were drenching with her palm sweat), momentarily swiveled her head back to answer. ‘I’m telling you, I have understandable reservations!’

‘I’m telling you, you’re overthinking it!’, Ashley countered, shaking her head and wishing Gretchen would just let loose already. Couldn’t be so hard.

‘I’m telling you, you’re underthinking it!’, Gretchen retorted, rolling her eyes, wind blowing her hair into Ashley’s face.

Ashley, moving her face up, suddenly widened her eyes and turned white. ‘I’m telling you, TURN RIGHT TURN RIGHT TURN RIGHT!’

Gretchen, turning back, gasped as she saw the gigantic truck full of cat food, and sharply turned right, sending the Grundler Comet flying towards the mall, the two girls somehow parking perfectly after turning around and around in circles wildly.

‘...Well, I guess now you’ll REALLY feel how relaxing it is, huh?’, Ashley joked sheepishly, as Gretchen gave her an annoyed glance and wrote down tersely “Bad cycling partner, ironically.”

Ashley gulped, rubbing her neck sheepishly as Gretchen trudged into the mall, clearly a little miffed. ‘I really need to make this work for Gretchen, or I could fail the experiment!’, Ashley thought in worry, and she rushed inside, trying to act like the most gracious host possible, as if she owned the mall. In a way, she did, to be fair. ‘Can I offer you an Auntie Anne’s Pretzel? We could get the Original Nuggets, or maybe the Cinnamon Sugar, you know, if you like it sweet! And an Orange Julius Original? We can share, or I can pay for two orders, you know, I have the money after all!’, Ashley offered sweetly, curtseying, hoping Gretchen was a fan of that kind of stuff.

Gretchen raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you trying to butter me up?’

‘I just really want this to work.’, Ashley said through gritted teeth, eyes flying back and forth, hoping Gretchen would take her offer. Her outstretched hand twitched like a caffeine addled squirrel with a hard 9-5 at a major stock market.

Gretchen sighed and rolled her eyes, staring trepidatiously at the soft as the first winter snow hand. ‘I don’t really see how sugar’s gonna calm me down.’

‘It calms me down.’

‘You’re a scientific anomaly.’

‘I’m gonna take that as a compliment.’, Ashley grinned and wiggled her eyebrows, finally making Gretchen laugh. She had to resist pumping her fist at her success.

Gretchen, fighting back the urge to tell her how fun she is even at the worst times, said ‘Okay, look, I love sugar too, I’m just saying, I don’t know how that’s gonna calm me down.’

‘Gretch, please. You said that we need to try each other’s interests. How will we if we don’t, you know, try?’, Ashley countered, and Gretchen had to admit, she was making sense. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she grunted ‘I’m sorry. I’m just… I don’t know. I think I’m just having an anxious day.’

‘Is there anything I can do?’, Ashley instantly asked, despite probably not understanding what anxiety really meant, and in a way, that was enough. Gretchen couldn’t help but smile, and while she still felt nervous as all hell, she patted her friend’s shoulder. ‘You already are. Come on, don’t let me chicken out. Let’s see if all this expensive stuff really deserves to be expensive.’

‘It’s not that expensive.’, Ashley countered, only to understand how large the gulf was between her and Gretchen’s finances. Stifling an awkward cough, she mumbled ‘For… Me, not for others. I am not the only person in the world.’

‘Just take me there.’, Gretchen nudged her, feeling a little lighter. Happily, Ashley clasped her hand and they raced to get their snacks before their spa date. In a way, Gretchen was grateful for the prelude, but still, she wished they could get this over with ASAP. ‘Who knows what could go wrong if we don’t hurry up?’, she thought, tapping her chin, unaware of how right she truly was.

‘All right, Ashleys! Stand at attention!’, Ashley B ordered, feeling quite pleased, as she, Ashley Q and Ashley T (all dressed in adorable differently colored nurse outfits) all marched towards the Armbruster house, then stopped in front of the door. Ashley B took out a small yellow notebook with a bumblebee color pattern and fuzzy covers, and opened it at a specific page, clearing her throat. She had waited so long to deliver a leadership speech like this, and with Ashley A currently at her house, this was her chance to prove she could do it too. ‘Maybe even better’, Ashley B chuckled to herself as she laid down the law. ‘Distinguished Ashleys before me, do you know WHY we’re gracing this already hallowed abode with our most esteemed presence?’

Ashley Q and Ashley T, the former curtseying as a salute, the latter playing a tiny pink bugle, exchanged curious glances. ‘Um, yeah? Ashley M is sick and…’, they both started, only for Ashley B to offer them a look that could kill. ‘Procedure, people! Have you no penchant for pomp OR circumstance?’

‘Wow, Ashley B really worked on her vocabulary.’, Ashley T commented, and Ashley Q nodded. ‘Must be her way to succeed as acting president of the Ashleys.’

The two curtsied silently, allowing B to have the room.

‘I’ve never had the room before. Is THIS what Ashley A felt like this whole time? No wonder she was, like, totally drunk with power and junk, this shit is schway all the way, baby!’, Ashley B thought to herself, taking it in for a moment, before delivering her speech.

‘Ahem. Distinguished Ashleys before me, do you know WHY we’re gracing this already hallowed abode with our most esteemed presence? It is because one of our own, an honorary member but still, lays in her mother’s bed most unwell and owie. Owchie, even!’

Ashley Q and Ashley T both shed sympathetic tears, blowing their noses with custom Ashley handkerchiefs (each their own signature color, light blue and light green).

‘Yes, but we mustn’t mourn!’, Ashley B declared authoritatively, fist raised in the air. She tried to sound as in charge as she could, as powerful as she could muster, as Ashley A as she could. ‘Ashley M needs us, as much as we need the Backstreet Boys! Maybe even more!’

‘That’s a lot!’, Ashley T gasped audibly to convince herself that was true, while Ashley Q seemed very alert and alarmed. ‘Even more than Kevin?’

‘Even more than Nick!’, Ashley B insisted, making the others gasp for real at her comparison of Ashley M to the Backstreet Boys. ‘This really is a CATASTROPHE!’, Ashley T accidentally joked, which made Ashley Q giggle just a little. ‘You’re so silly, Ashley T.’, she remarked, and Ashley T swore this was how she was supposed to feel when staring at all those “cute” boy posters.

Ashley B, annoyed at the loss of attention, snapped her fingers to get it back. ‘Focus, people, focus! We need to help that kitty, stat! Do we have everything we need?’

Ashley Q and T lifted a ton of medical toys that their little sisters had, sort of proof that perhaps they weren’t as mature as they thought they were. ‘Yes, ma’am!’

‘Great! Then let’s, like, totally do this thing!’, Ashley B ordered, and with closed proud eyes, she marched in with Q and T, opening the door without even knocking. Inside the famously stylish house, one could only see Mrs. Armbruster, who was wearing quite the fashionable mink fur and smoking from one of those thin opera cigarette holders Cruella De Vil would use. Blowing out a dollar sign smoke ring, she lightly observed the girls entering her house, chuckling a little, and called out to them for a moment. ‘And where are you fancy little angels off to now?’

The other Ashley’s gasped once more, hearts hammering in their chests. To gain the attention of Ashley A the first, even momentarily, was considered an honor as sacred as attending an Ashley Birthday party! Ashley Q and T instantly bowed down, which even Ashley B found a bit much, as she simply curtsied. ‘Mrs. Armbruster, we are simply attending to your daughter’s cat, who is currently under the weather!’

‘Cat… Cat… Right, Ashley has a cat. I suppose once she dies she could make a great purse. Anyway, like, whose initiative was this? My daughter’s not one to ask for help… That would be MOST disappointing.’, Mrs. Armbruster blew another smoke ring as she enunciated her words, the smog billowing towards Ashley B, who coughed and wheezed from it. ‘Oh, no!’, Ashley B was quick to correct, half to save Ashley A’s face (for all their recent problems, she still did care about her), half to earn some face herself. ‘I, like, totally came up with this mission myself, pretty bomb, am I right?’

‘Very bomb.’, Mrs. Armbruster’s smoke covered all but her eyes, which sparkled like rare gems, with a hint of fire behind them. She actually drew close then and cupped Ashley B’s chin, making Q and T shocked (and a tad jealous). ‘Yes… Yes, I see now truly why I knew you’d make a great companion for my little pet. You have the makings of a real O.G all that.’

‘Heh, just… Keepin’ it real, Mrs. Armbruster!’, Ashley B gave a two finger salute and winking. It took all her might not to scream right there and then.

‘Well, off you pop, now!’, Mrs. Armbruster declared, and just before the three girls were out of earshot and up the stairs, she declared (in a voice loud enough for anyone to hear, especially her daughter, if she was there) ‘Ashley A Jr. could benefit from your example. A rising star such as yourself is hard to eclipse.’

Ashley B would have died on the spot right there, but instead, she kept her cool and nodded, before slowly getting out of sight and sound alongside the other Ashleys. Once they were safe to celebrate, they did so enthusiastically. ‘Did you HEAR that?!’, Ashley B cried, fanning her face as tears streaked down. ‘She thinks I’m a rising star! An O.G! All that!’

‘Say psyche right now!’, Ashley Q and T called, still shocked (and happy) about this development. Sure, a part of them was a little envious, but Ashley B’s smile made it worth it.

‘I can’t WAIT to brag to Ashley A about this!’, Ashley B crowed, as they opened the door to her room, expecting a sick Ashley M and a doting Ashley A, probably wearing her own matching nursing outfit.

Instead, they were met with a bored Ashley M, who was reading one of Ashley’s old Tiger Beat issues (a 1996 one all about Brad Pitt, the 4 posters already shared between the 4 Ashleys), snuggling in her custom made kitty bathrobe with A.M inscribed in gold lettering, and letting out sensible chuckles at a rerun of last night’s new Friends episode, “The One with Rachel’s Crush”. And on top of the bed, organizing all the Tiger Beats by alphabetical order (of course) was… “Ashley A” (Menlo in his disguise).

‘Ashley M doesn’t… Look sick.’, Ashley T scratched her head, confused. She and Ashley Q still approached carefully, holding up plastic stethoscopes. ‘I don’t want to interrupt her during educational television, so let’s wait until there’s a Rachel scene, she won’t miss anything.’, Q proposed, T nodding in agreement.

Ashley B (rolling her eyes at the Rachel hate), soon turned her attention to “Ashley A”, finding all this rather… Odd. ‘Ashley A? You look… Different.’

“Ashley A”, panicking at the sudden intrusion he didn’t hear (he often got lost in his work), coughed awkwardly and squeaked in an absolutely terrible impression. Without the hazmat suit she had to wear when “Ashley A” had cooties, Ashley B could suddenly hear that there was something very off with Ashley’s voice. How had she not heard it until now? ‘You sound different too…’, Ashley B trailed off, mind working overtime. Something fishy was going on here.

“Ashley A” knew he had to do something, so trying his best, he hurriedly made up an excuse. ‘Oh, like, um, what is this, “Little Red Riding Hood”? I’m totally, like, confused! Ugh!’, he blurted out, hoping that would stave off the trouble.

It seemed to work a little. Ashley B may not have recognized the voice, but the mannerisms were on point. ‘Huh… Maybe I need my ears checked.’, Ashley B commented, still unsure, but putting it down to being hungry. She hadn’t had a treat for a whole hour! Speaking of… ‘Ashley T, fetch us all some snacks, chop chop!’, she clapped her hands, and Ashley T rushed downstairs. Ashley Q, raising an eyebrow while scratching Ashley M’s belly, questioned this. ‘Shouldn’t we be all hands on deck for this?’

‘Ashley Q, puh-lease, is this not what Ashley A would do? It’s simply common Ashley procedure!’, Ashley B fanned herself with her clipboard, hiding the fact that bossing around for a change was thrilling her. Is that what ordering people around felt like? And right next to the supposed president?

‘Well, shouldn’t Ashley A have done that? She’s right here.’, Ashley Q reminded her, making Ashley B frown in frustration. Why was it so hard to just let her enjoy the acting president role, even for a minute? ‘May I remind you Ashley A hasn’t acted very Ashley like for a while? I know we reinstated her, but I’m just saying, maybe I could serve as a reminder to her of how an Ashley president acts!’, Ashley B argued, making Ashley Q eye her suspiciously. ‘I thought we put that behind us.’

‘I agree! Ashley A hasn’t done anything wrong! That is, I haven’t done anything wrong! Heh heh.’, “Ashley A” agreed with Q, but it was this agreement that got both present Ashleys to stare at her with lingering doubts. A quick whispering session occurred. ‘Like, is it just me, or like, was that not at all like Ashley post the Purple Day Fiasco?’, Ashley B voiced, and Ashley Q had to agree. ‘Most unlike her!’

The two, now certain something was up, nodded at each other and signaled the approaching Ashley T of a “Potential Whack Stowaway” (A Code Orange for the Ashley’s, conveyed with a click of shoes and two twists of a nose). Understanding the gravity of the situation, Ashley T took up her position as “distracted with Ashley M” (alongside Ashley Q), while Ashley B, quick on her feet, improvised a perfect authentication question. ‘Pretty presidential of me, if I do say so myself.’, Ashley B smirked as she laid down on the bed and draped a sinister arm around “Ashley A’s” shoulder, making the latter gulp. ‘Now, “Ashley A”, tell me… How exactly is Ashley M over here sick?’

“Ashley A” didn’t flinch. The real Ashley A had prepared him for this eventuality, and he grinned sassily, stating ‘She’d accidentally overheard some ancient country music only our daddy's like.’

This was no lie, to be fair. Ashley A had told Menlo to play some when he arrived, and Menlo had delivered a thousand apologies from her to Ashley M, who understood, albeit after quite the hissy fit.

Ashley B was undeterred, however. In fact, she barely seemed phased, as she moved onto the next question. ‘Well… What about that Rachel, huh? She’s really taking over the show, huh?’, Ashley B “complained”, winking at Ashley Q and T, who giggled, knowing full well how A and B always insisted Rachel was the best character during “Friends” arguments.

“Ashley A” was ahead of the game once again, though, simply voicing ‘Don’t be silly, Ashley B, we all know Rachel carries the show, and anyone who doesn’t think so can talk to the hand!’

“Ashley A” was so proud of herself, that she nearly high fived herself. ‘Who’s a bad Ashley A now, huh?’, he thought, sniffing importantly. ‘She’s sure to marry me now! Oh, we’ll find the nicest IRS bureau in town, and we’ll use rulers to measure our vows, and…’

But Ashley B really was a force of nature right now. Paired up with the confidence she gained from Mrs. Armbruster’s compliments, and her growing rage at her best friend potentially stabbing her in the back again, Ashley B noticed which scene was playing right now…

Rachel: Hi!

Joey and Phoebe: Hey!

Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It’s just so frustrating!

Phoebe: Why don’t you ask him out?

Joey: Oh, Yeah, Totally! That’s such a turn-on!

Rachel: Really? It doesn’t seem desperate?

Joey: Oh-ooh, that’s the turn-on.

Phoebe: He just got a divorce, right?

Rachel: Mmm-Hmm.

Phoebe: So, he’s probably really nervous around women, y’know? Maybe… You just have to make the first move.

Rachel: Yeah, but I’ve never asked a guy out before.

Phoebe: You’ve never asked a guy out?!?!

Rachel: No, have you?

Phoebe: Thousands of times!!! …That doesn’t make me sound too good, does it?

Rachel: I don’t even know how I would go about it.

Joey: Oh, oh, oh, oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say… “How you doin’?”

Phoebe: Oh, please!

Joey: Hey… How you doin’?

Phoebe (looks at him and giggles, charmed)

Ashley B, smiling a crocodile smile, suddenly squeezed “Ashley A’s” hand, and absent mindedly stated ‘Isn’t that catchphrase SOOOOOOOOO funny? Isn’t it like, totally the most bomb catchphrase ever?’

Ashley Q and Ashley T, understanding the trap, silently giggled as they waited for it to snap.

“Ashley A”, unaware of its nature, finally fumbled the ball at the 5 yard line. ‘Oh, um, yeah! Like, totally the most bomb!’

‘A HA!!!’, Ashley B cried, grabbing the wig and throwing it out, revealing none other than Menlo. ‘H…How did you know? I know everything about Ashley A!’, Menlo cried, while Ashley Q and T proceeded to boo and jeer, disgusted at this intrusion. ‘Shall we stone him, Ashley B?’, Ashley Q asked, her and T lifting up their converses.

‘No, no, that would be a waste of a good mirror. It’s okay, I’ll handle this.’, Ashley B waved them off, power flowing through her veins. They listened to her. She was in charge again!

Slowly lifting Menlo up to her, a malicious grin growing on her like a snake stretching across branches, Ashley B explained. ‘Dear, dumb Menlo, who better stop breathing lest I catch his cooties…’

Menlo did as he was told, pathetic as ever.

‘You may know all there is to know about our wayward Ashley… But you don’t know all about “Friends”. That isn’t a catchphrase. Joey’s never said that before, and I doubt he will ever say that again.’

Ashley B’s grip tightened, hurting Menlo’s neck. ‘However, there is something about Ashley A you do know that I would simply ADORE hear, some dirt, gossip, whatever you wanna call it, that I would KILL to know.’

Menlo’s eyes shivered in fright, while Ashley M, scared out of her wits for her mama, raced outside to warn her. ‘W���What?’, he asked, life flashing before his eyes. Mostly, it was just folders, files, and Ashley A’s disgusted looks at him.

Ashley B’s voice was as sweet as honey, but as toxic as a bee sting. ‘Where… Is… Ashley… A?’

Meanwhile, over at the mall, things were only getting worse for our would be friends, as the gang slowly approached it, having spotted Gretchen walking into it, but crucially not Ashley R.

‘The mall. Where financial prudence goes to die.’, T.J remarked, with a strange sort of pride.

‘And friendships, apparently!’, Spinelli declared angrily, rubbing her fist in her palm. Mikey was quick to calm her down with a soft hand on her shoulder. ‘Now, hold on, let’s… Let’s not assume the worst!’

‘Mikey’s right, Spinelli. Gretchen is far too smart and sophisticated for that!’, Vince added, quickly checking himself in the mirror and fixing his hair. ‘I’m sure that if anything, it’s someone taking advantage of her!’

‘Or she got her brain sucked out by an alien!’, Gus declared in fear, shivering and shaking like a leaf. T.J had to hold his shoulders to settle him down. ‘Thanks.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Gus! Gretchen’s brain is far too big for that!’, T.J calmed him down, while Vince nodded enthusiastically. ‘Look, guys, let’s not make a big deal out of this. We’re just… Concerned friends, seeing if Gretchen’s okay. I mean, maybe she just felt like going to the mall on her own! She’s allowed to!’

‘Of course she is, but I still think something’s off.’, Spinelli mumbled, feeling the potential betrayal already lace her heart with shrapnel.

‘Sorry, I think my egg salad sandwich went bad.’, Mikey apologized, throwing it away.

‘Not… Look, I’m speaking metaphorically! Aren’t you all about that poetic stuff?’, Spinelli pointed at Mikey with a huff. Mikey sighed sadly, thinking of his betrayal of Gretchen here. ‘How true, and how broken I am at the thought of spying on our dear friend, Gretchen.’

‘Guys, please…’, T.J again tried to calm the group down, hating how it felt. ‘We are not betraying Gretchen, nor is she betraying us! How many times have we all acted kind of different for a while, only for it to be a good thing, huh?’

T.J pointed at Vince. ‘Vince, remember when you gave up on Kickball? That failure got you to be better than ever!’

‘That’s true, I am pretty wicked at Kickball now. If only Gretchen still cared.’, Vince muttered, but he still accepted T.J’s point.

‘And you, Gus! Remember when you lost your glasses and became “Guy”? Sure, you acted like a real jerk, but it got you to see the real you ain’t half bad!’, T.J. nudged Gus affectionately, and Gus smiled cheerily back. ‘Yeah, that’s true! And the same thing happened when I was King for a while! Huh, talk about a rerun.’

‘And Mikey, didn’t those singing lessons really help your confidence, even if it meant you falling for that teacher for a while?’, T.J. tapped Mikey’s shoulder, while Mikey simply replied ‘For a while?’.

‘I’ll ignore that. And Spinelli, you literally went to ballet class once! Ballet! Not to mention that pageant with Vince! And how did that go, against all odds?’, He smirked that annoyingly lovable smirk that made Spinelli want to punch him or kiss him, and the pintsized powerhouse blushed a deep red. ‘Okay, okay, Teej, we get your point, sheesh.’

‘All I’m saying is that Gretchen would NEVER judge us without at least being sure. And even if something bad was happening, she would be worried, not mad! We owe her that much, don’t we?’, T.J. reminded them all, and everyone, regardless of their feelings, nodded passionately.

‘Exactly! Now, come on, let’s go spy on our friend! …Wow, there’s just no way to say that out loud without feeling awkward.’, T.J. rubbed the back of his neck, as he and his friends walked right inside, prepared to face a potentially terrifying destiny.

‘Oh, and don’t forget the personal 11 minute Journey I went on!’, a voice cried from behind them.

All the gang simply blinked in confusion. ‘And… You are?’, Vince asked, shrugging.

Randall, dressed in an admittedly better disguise this time, but still clearly Randall, smiled from underneath his ginger wig and waved a plastic purse around, the dollar sign tag still attached to it. ‘Mandy! It’s like Randy, but without the R!’

‘You’re gonna be Skilled without the S if you’re not out of here in 3 seconds!’, Spinelli cried, shaking her fist, and Randall bolted off, screaming in fear.

‘Wow, WHAT is his deal?’, T.J. wondered, as the others all shook their heads. ‘Must be a dry snitching season.’, Vince pondered, as the gang finally started making progress in the mall. They all agreed to split up, to cover more ground that way.

They’d find Gretchen, no matter what.

And at the same time, the Ashleys (sans Ashley A) all arrived, Menlo carrying Ashley B on his back, Ashley Q and Ashley T making up the rear and searching near and far. ‘I’m telling you, she’s not here!’, Menlo cried, loyal to the end, but Ashley B shook her head. ‘Obviously she’s here. We were supposed to be here today. She probably wanted to get a head start on the fro yo, the selfish… Oh, when I get my hands on her!’, Ashley B growled, so angry she was turning red and thirsty. ‘Menlo, Diet Coke me.’, Menlo sadly handed her the bottle, which she began drinking from.

‘I can’t believe Ashley A would betray us like that again.’, Ashley T sighed sadly, hugging herself as she and Q passed the Orange Julius, where Ashley A and Gretchen were still at, ordering their drinks, blissfully ignorant of what was behind them. ‘I thought… I thought everything was back to normal…’

‘Now, chin up, T! We don’t know that for sure! You know how B gets, all spazzy and stuff!’, Q tried to cheer her friend up, as she placed a finger underneath her chin. ‘Come on, let me see that pretty and fancy smile!’

Ashley T, as if under a spell, smiled as nicely as she could. From her POV, Ashley Q looked like an angel, dressed in the finest silks and jewels, while also rolling a basketball on her head for some reason. ‘There. Feel better?’

‘Always…’, Ashley T whispered when Ashley Q moved up ahead, totally unaware of her effect on the girl. ‘Gosh, I hope a boy just like her rolls by already. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was some kind of lesbo!’

Well, with all those complications, we should probably head back to our heroes! Let’s see how their experiment is going…

‘Soooo…’, Ashley drawled out, hiding her blatant nerves with a sort of playful cadence that didn’t fit her rapidly blinking eyes. ‘How’s the Cinnamon Sugar Pretzel? And the Orange Julius Original? Are they… Yummy yummy in the tummy? Hmmmm?’

Gretchen rolled her eyes at the customary crappy acting she was now used to from Ashley, as she sipped on her drink. ‘They’re good, Ashley! Why do I have to tell you to calm down? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?’

Ashley sighed, kicking a stray empty box of chicken nuggets and looking around at the mall that normally made her so happy. ‘I guess you put me a little on edge here. I just want you to see how fun my side of the ‘hood can be.’

‘Never say ‘hood again.’, Gretchen half joked, but she felt bad about creating even more tension. ‘I can’t help how I feel, Ashley. Anxiety isn’t something I can just switch off.’

‘I know. I just wish I could switch it off for you. I just know we can pass this experiment!’, Ashley exclaimed, as she swung on one of the poles near the Abercrombie's. Realizing something, Ashley suddenly grinned. ‘...Maybe I can!’, she cried, leaping off the pole and holding her arms aloft, the entire mall’s selection behind her. ‘How about we take a small tour, Ashley A style? That is, Ashley R style!’, she winked from behind her dumb fake glasses, making Gretchen’s dumb heart skip a beat. Blushing, she crossed her arms. ‘I’m not sure we should divert from the plan. In fact, that kinda makes my anxiety worse…’, Gretchen insisted, but Ashley insisted too. ‘Come on, let loose, just a little! You’ll never know if you don’t try! Isn’t that what I did in the museum?’

Gretchen was about to correct Ashley, only for her outstretched finger to begin tapping on her chin. ‘That’s… A good point.’

Ashley drew closer, offering her hand, the one so ridiculously soft and soothing. ‘She must use high quality moisturizer and soap and… Stuff.’, Gretchen gulped, hesitantly taking it. ‘The Schway express is off, choo choo!’, Ashley cried, and so, they were off, Gretchen still a little scared, Ashley grinning with belief, even with an old song playing from the PA that she normally would have considered “ancient and boring”.

(Sh-Boom - The Crew Cuts)

“Life Could Be a Dream

Sh-Boom, If I Could Take You To a Paradise Up Above”

First, Ashley took her up in the elevator, excitedly pointing out all her favorite sights, while weirdly catchy elevator music played. Gretchen got a little queasy, but she tried to keep her lunch in.

Rushing through the top floor, Ashley spun Gretchen into Anchor Blue, nabbing her a pair of baggy denim jeans. When Gretchen (who eyed the jeans with a little bit of desire) raised an eyebrow, Ashley flashed her Credit Card, that sparkled with the words “Armbruster Infinite Charge”, and Gretchen actually relaxed a little, admiring the comfort.

“If You Will Tell Me I’m the Only One That You Love

Life Could Be a Dream, Sweetheart, Hello, Hello Again

Sh-Boom and Hopin’ We’ll Meet Again, Boom”

At B.Dalton, among all the cozy book shelves and afternoon fall lighting, Ashley chuckled as she read the opening pages of The Baby-Sitter’s Club #11 (“Kristy and the Snobs”), nudging Gretchen, who smiled while holding a copy of “Pride and Prejudice”. They then exchanged the copies, nodding in interest despite themselves.

Then, at The Body Shop, Ashley applied some body butter onto Gretchen’s palms, explaining to her how her stress makes her skin rougher. Gretchen admired her skin, pleasantly surprised at how effective the lotion was, as she and Ashley compared their palms by touching them. Gretchen then blushed, as she stared at Ashley, excitedly explaining how it worked, not dissimilar to how she herself would explain a scientific concept.

“Life Could Be a Dream

If Only All my Precious Plans Would Come True

If You Would Let Me Spend my Whole Life Loving You

Life Could Be a Dream, Sweetheart (do-roo-do-do, sh-boom)”

Gretchen wore an uncertain grimace, considering all the things that could go wrong. Ashley, noticing it, quickly spotted a store perhaps more Gretchen’s speed, and took her to The Nature Company, where they admired Amethysts, Tiger Eyes, Telescopes, and other special gemstones. After some help from the store owner, Ashley and Gretchen had matching Rose Quartz pins, one on Ashley’s bow tie and one on Gretchen’s new jeans.

Then, at F.Y.E., the two left the store wearing new T-Shirts (a Biggie shirt for Gretchen and a Simpsons shirt for Ashley A, the two complementing each other’s looks(.

“Everytime I Look At You

Something is on my Mind

If You Do What I Want You To

Baby, We’d Be So Fine”

At this weird new place called “Build-a-Bear”, Gretchen acquiesced to trying something very Ashley: Making a cutesy Teddy Bear. Sure, she had one at home, but it was different to actually make one, and give it all kind of Ashley flourishes (like a hair bow and glitter). Still, she gave it a sporting try, and to show solidarity, Ashley made a very scientific and serious looking bear. The two bears finished, the girls chinked them like wine glasses, giggling at the action.

Then, Ashley stared with admiration and affection at Gretchen as she couldn’t help but tap her feet on the KB Toy store’s floor piano, as The Backstreet Boys song Ashley once sang next to her “Anywhere For You”. Brushing up to her, she danced a little too, and they both smiled, actually feeling calm, as they subtly swayed on the floor piano, every note horribly off key, except for their connection.

“Oh, Life Could Be a Dream

Sh-Boom, If I Could Take You to a Paradise Up Above

Sh-Boom, and Tell Me Darling, I’m the Only One That You Love

Life Could Be a Dream, Sweetheart, Hello, Hello Again

Sh-Boom, and Hopin’ We’ll Meet Again, Boom

Oh, Life Could Be a Dream

Life Could Be a Dream, Sweetheart!”

In quick succession, the girls ogled the display window at Cache’s, imagining dressing so fancy and jokingly pretending to be ridiculously snobbish ladies; Gretchen sat back and let Ashley geek out at the Disney Store, enjoying her hyperfixating; checked out the stuff at Claire’s, with Ashley secretly buying a gift for Gretchen for their sleepover; blushed at the Victoria’s Secret display window, for different (yet also very similar) reasons; and messed around at a photo booth, as any two friends would. For a moment, who could have guessed they were forbidden?

The first photo was very serious and dry, as if they were from the Victorian Era; Then, they took a silly photo, Ashley sticking her tongue out, Gretchen making monkey noises; Then, Ashley made a kissy face at the camera, stifling a laugh as Gretchen flipped it off for jokes; and finally, they took a genuine photo, heads leaning as they smiled.

And one didn’t have to ask to see Gretchen was feeling a lot calmer.

So much so, that when Ashley saw how late it was and explained they had to go to the spa immediately, she found herself strolling down the mall towards it… Happily.

‘Ashley Armbruster, you really are a scientific anomaly.’, Gretchen observed, barely holding back a lovesick grin, as they entered the place, unaware of the impending arrival of the Gang and the Ashley’s…

About 15 minutes later, give or take, I’m not some all seeing god…

Wait…

Regardless, about 15 minutes later, two very different gangs with very similar motivations began approaching the last area they hadn’t checked.

‘I don’t get it! Every place I checked told me there was some girl matching Gretchen’s description who had just left, but I was never there on time to actually see her!’, Vince ranted, arms outstretched in disbelief. ‘I’ve struck out more than a paraplegic blind batter playing blackjack!’

‘Well, maybe if you hadn’t taken so long to describe her each time…’, Spinelli grumbled, making Vince blush and huff. ‘I was BEING professional, Spinneli! Unlike you, grabbing people with glasses and interrogating them!’

‘Guys, guys, let’s not go there! She’s gotta be somewhere, and there’s only one place we haven’t checked!’, T.J reminded them, pointing above to…

‘The Spa?’, they all tilted their heads in question, before staring at each other in confusion. ‘Gretchen doesn’t seem like the kind of girl to do that. That’s more of a…’, Vince started, only for him to be interrupted by the other approaching group.

‘Of an Ashley A thing to do, yes! It all makes literally SOOOO much sense now! Ditching us so she can hog the sauna room all for herself! I’d be proud if I wasn’t so frikin’ MAD!’, Ashley B declared, motioning for Menlo to drop her down. ‘Go, boy, buy yourself something nice.’, she flipped a chocolate coin onto his palm, as he frowned in frustration. ‘My queen isn’t there! Let lightning strike me down if I lie!’

Thunder clouds gathered above the mall’s roof. Everyone shakily stepped away from Menlo just in case.

‘Ashleys! See, I told you something smells funny!’, Spinelli wagged a finger in the air, eager to mess up those girls' makeup.

Mikey rubbed his chin in thought as he lifted a bowl with a clown fish in it. ‘I don’t know, he doesn’t seem to smell like anything.’

‘MIKEY, I SWEAR TO GOD…’

Ashley B lifted her palm, as if that was supposed to silence them all, then proceeded to talk even though they didn’t follow suit. ‘Step aside, Freaky Five! This 11 is passing judgment on a former 10!’

‘Math now too? Is there ANYTHING you won’t ruin?!’, Spinneli cried, shaking her fist as Ashley B, who smugly smirked at the display. ‘Um, Spinneli? You hate math.’, Gus reminded, shivering between their two faces. ‘It’s the principal, Gus.’ ‘Where?!’, Gus cried, ducking, while T.J. sighed, having to step in between again. ‘Look, Ashley B, you don’t own the spa. We just want to find our friend Gretchen and see if everything’s okay with her, you want to find Ashley A and, I guess, beat the whomps out of her, not our problem. I’m sure we can all just stay out of each other’s ways.’

Ashley B considered it, before nodding slowly. ‘I suppose I can relent. But I warn you, Detweiller: If your geekasaurus has turned a hair on Ashley A’s head wack, the prank ceasefire is off!’

‘And the same the other way, Boulet!’, Spinneli threatened in return, and an uneasy deal was set in place.

‘Ashley Q, Ashley T, let’s head inside, chop chop!’, Ashley B clapped for her assistants, eyes closed, only to open them and meet with no one. ‘Um, like, where ARE you?’, she cried, impatient, tapping her foot and looking around.

Ashley Q sighed, staring longingly at the TV screens, showing a rerun of a game from earlier that day, Minnesota Timberwolves at LA Lakers (114-121). On another screen was Golden State at Chicago with Michael Jordan (80-87) and Philadelphia 76ers at Atlanta Hawks (99-109). Her eyes seemed to glitter like they were supposed to from more… Acceptably Ashley fare. But she just couldn’t help it. The squeaking of the shoes on the floor… The speed and artistry, like a dance conducted with a full painter’s palette, a dance of motion and form she knew she could perform if just given the chance… The buzzer, the chants, the commentary, the thrill, the rush, of something secret and wrong that felt so so right. It scratched an itch in her brain… No, it was more like a sugar rush, like one of those jumping candy chocolates, that sparkled and popped and flew in your mouth, until all you could feel was the wind in your hair and the air between you and the basket. It must have felt like heaven to fly, even if only for just a moment.

‘They really should bring Micheal Williams on, Minnesota. He’s still got the most consecutive free throws made record, 97, from between March 24th, 1993 to November 9th, 1993. But Flip Saunders, girlfriend, I swear, it’s like he and Crunch the Wolf switch brains sometimes. How are they EVER gonna win a title? Though they’re definitely better than our 76ers. I swear, I could replace those morons. I’d be just like Lola Bunny. I’ve already got the looks, after all.’, Ashley Q ranted quietly, whipping her hair and allowing herself, just once, to express this secret desire. After all, no one was…

‘You definitely have the looks.’

Ashley Q’s eyes widened, and she swiveled her head to meet Ashley T, whose palm was glued to a comic book shop window, specifically at Robin #51 (Vol.2) which showed the Tim Drake version of the character with temporary super speed. Ashley Q would have understood (if, albeit, with quite the outraged stare) if Ashley T was referring to the junk literature before her.

But she was staring right at her fellow Ashley.

Ashley T blushed and shut her mouth, while Ashley Q blinked in surprise and felt her heart hammer. Then the two realized the other could see what they were staring at.

‘...All that stuff I said? Was, um, an impression, yes, an impression of a lame loser basketball fan! I am… I am definitely not one! It’s just a phase!’, Ashley Q lied badly, hating how forced it all sounded. Why couldn’t it come easier to her? Why couldn’t this dumb basketball illness pass?

‘And all the stuff I said about that yucky comic book and also you totally don’t mean anything, I was making fun of my little brother, who… Has a big crush on you, yes. I don’t… I… I am sure it’s just a phase too…’, Ashley T whispered, but Ashley Q simply shrugged. ‘You said stuff?’

Ashley T didn’t know rather she was grateful to be ignored again, or kinda miffed about it, but she chose the former option. ‘No, I… I didn’t say anything at all. Like, totally, yeah.’

‘Totally, like, yeah.’, Ashley Q nodded, and they ran off to join Ashley B, their hearts just a little heavier from their denial…

Meanwhile, inside the spa’s massage room…

(“Together Again” - Janet Jackson)

For once, there was nothing but darkness and a seering white light on the frayed edges of sight. For once, there was freedom where there used to be tension. For once, Gretchen truly opened herself to the stressful concept of “Was she more similar to an Ashley than she thought?”, and shockingly, incredibly…

She didn’t mind the positive answer.

‘Ooh… Oh… I didn’t even know a shoulder could feel that good.’, Gretchen sort of exhaled, as her masseuse’s strong arms kneaded her joints into relaxation. It wouldn’t truly solve her tight shoulder problem medically, but still, it felt nice to have a short reprieve. Ashley, eyes closed too, as she got light chops on her back, grinned at the sound of that. ‘So, like, are you, like, liking it?’

‘Enough not to point out how you murdered grammar with that sentence.’, Gretchen smirked, and Ashley didn’t need to see it to feel it, even if technically Gretchen still critiqued her. Wrapped in tights (that were thankfully available to rent due to Ashley’s frequent customer status), Gretchen searched for the pain she was supposed to feel, and found none, allowing her to operate better. It was like all her senses were at fuller capacity. ‘Even that song doesn’t sound as bad as the first time you played it.’

Ashley had to hold back a cheer. ‘Janet Jackson would probably be a little insulted that that took a massage though.’

‘Eh, she should just come here and relax too.’, Gretchen quipped, and the two girls laughed, as they entered the last phases of this stage, both sat next to each other as they got final shoulder rubs. ‘So, what do we have after this? My anticipation is at a startling boiling point.’, Gretchen admitted, while Ashley (not even needing to look) recited from memory her usual routine. ‘Well, next we have the Rhassoul mud chamber, which I know sounds gross and icky but…’

‘Ashley, I may not be a cosmetics expert, but I know about healing mud.’, Gretchen rolled her eyes fondly, and Ashley chuckled. ‘Can you blame me? It DOES sound WACK.’

‘You should destress like I have. You were SO right. What was I all so worried about? Ooh, a mall and spa day with my buddy Ashley R! Quick, alert the national guard!’, Gretchen joked, making siren noises with her mouth, before suddenly leaning over to Ashley, almost melting on her. ‘I couldn’t do this with my other friends. Eye opening experiences are worth a lot of points in the Friendship Experiment.’

Ashley could barely suppress her excitement, shaking giddily, which annoyed her masseuse. Her fists pumped up and down as she voiced hopefully ‘So does that mean we’re currently passing?’

‘Passing, winning, soaring, boring, snoring, roaring, lion, lion-o, DAY-OOOOO, DAY-OOOOOOO, DAYLIGHT COME AND WE WANT GO HOMEEEEE!’, Gretchen suddenly slurred, waving her arms all about and sounding kind of, frankly, insane. Ashley, getting a little worried, waved her arm across Gretchen. ‘Gretch? Earth to Gretch? Like, are you literally okay?’

‘Hardly, uncool but still blood relative of Ashley A.’, Gretchen’s masseuse informed, eyeing her customer worriedly while flashing a light in her eyes. ‘I’ve never dealt with a body THIS tense. I doubt she’s ever felt THIS relaxed. She might be TOO loose.’

Ashley shrugged, confused at this admittedly vague explanation. ‘In Ashley?’

‘She’s, like, totally drunk on bein’ chill, yo.’, Ashley’s big tough Swedish masseuse translated, making Ashley nod like a scholar having just cracked the Da Vinchi code. ‘That sounds… Bad.’

‘Oh, don’t worry! As long as you don’t have to hide some complicated and convoluted lie from your closest friends, it won’t matter at all!’, the first masseuse replied, making them stand up. ‘Now, come on, join the mud chamber! Your cousin's other friends are already there!’

Ashley A really could have used that mud mask, since she just turned as white as a sheet. Her knees began shaking like jell-o and her teeth chattered like a corny Halloween decoration from Prickly’s last school bash. If it weren’t for her massage, she would have crumpled like a fallen curtain. Instead, she was light as a feather while she leaned on Gretchen for moral support. ‘God, like, why are you such a cruster to me? If this is because I sneak 17 magazines into Sunday church, I’ll stop, just Cut. It. Out.’

‘What’s up, dawg?’, Gretchen suddenly asked, making Ashley gape. Gretchen only used slang if she was trying to make fun of someone (usually Ashley) or make a very specific point about their friendship. What was this relaxation doing to her? ‘You seem to be hella trippin’. We just illin’ out at this joint, homie. Take a chill pill like me and go with the flow, honey.’

Ashley felt like dying, and not just because Gretchen had used honey (‘I know I’m pretty but there’s no reason to emphasize it, Gretch! We can practice “how to flirt with boys” later!’), but also because she could see the other Ashley’s, and her face was now too red to blend into the white room. Plus, she didn’t have her glasses on, because she was about to cover her face in mud, duh. ‘OMG, OMG, what do I do, what do I do?!’, Ashley panic gasped, as she and Gretchen got seated and had mud masks applied, right next to the other Ashley’s.

Ashley B, still unable to see properly thanks to her mask, voiced to Ashley Q and T ‘Girls, are you, like, sure you haven’t even heard a whisper of Ashley A’s treacherous voice?’

‘Not so far, no.’, Ashley Q informed, enjoying the heating chamber. She could pretend as if she was enjoying post game recovery for a basketball team, not that she’d tell anyone that. ‘But I thought I heard something. Someone said “We just illin’ out at this joint, homie”, which was weird, because nobody else talks like us except for…’

Ashley A felt her heart jump into her throat, as she gasped a little too hard and began choking on the steam from the heating chamber. She had to do something, and fast, or the Friendship Experiment she and Gretchen were acing was gonna go from Hero to Zero!

‘Who’s that? I thought we were the only customers here! What do they think “Private Session” means?!’, Ashley B ranted, while Ashley Q and T exchanged alert glances. ‘You don’t think it’s Ashley A, right?’, Ashley T ventured, and Ashley B suddenly snapped into business, smirking like a tiger before dinnertime. ‘Oh, well, that changes things, doesn’t it? Ashley A, is that you coughing like the sneaky snake you are?!’.

‘Any ideas, Gretch?’, Ashley tried, but Gretchen was practically knocked out from relaxation, clearly unable to provide any sensible plans. ‘Which means it’s time for a dumb one. Yay. My specialty.’, Ashley A sarcastically groaned as she latched onto the first idea that popped into her mind, hoping it would only illicit two eye rolls from Gretchen later.

Clearing her throat and sitting atop Gretchen’s shoulders (hoping that all the steam and mud would disguise them enough), Ashley performed a pitch perfect impression of… ‘Why, Ashley Boulet, I do, like, believe you are mistaken. I am Ashley A, but not the one you hang with, so to speak, ha ha.’

It was pretty impressive, and Gretchen would have rated it if she wasn’t practically high. Ashley had managed to attune her voice to generate all the dry and dulcet tones of her mother, sounding both sophisticated and calculated, like every word was designed to achieve some sort of goal. Right now, though, Ashley A had one goal: Get the FUCK away from her friends.

For their part, the other Ashley’s instantly tensed up (maybe they needed a massage now too) and practically saluted out of respect and fear. ‘Mrs. Armbruster! What an unexpected honor! Twice in one day!’

Ashley had to suppress a double take. ‘Twice in one day? My mommy’s never spoken to my friends before. Heck, she rarely speaks to me. She’s far too busy. Freaky…’, she mused, feeling just the tiniest ember of envy, but dismissing it. It wasn’t like her mother loved her friends more, that would be ridiculous, and the sort of behavior that truly deserved two Gretchen eye rolls.

Returning to character (and trying not to shake any mud onto Gretchen), Ashley A carried on with the deception of her friends, leaning into the role as far as she could. ‘Uh, yes, yes, twice in one day. Like, um, I’m impressed to see you taking care of your skin in such a whack climate as this. Great minds think alike and junk.’

Ashley B couldn’t believe it. One conversation praising her grace was one thing, but two? She bit on Ashley T’s hand (the latter doing all she could not to yelp), making Ashley A wince a little. ‘Since when was B THAT obsessed with my mommy? You have one yourself!’. Meanwhile, Ashley Q steered them back onto the business side of things. ‘Yeah, um, say, did you, like, see Ashley A around here? Your daughter, that is. We just have this feeling that…’

‘OH, NO, NOT AT ALL!’, Ashley A exclaimed too loudly, before centering herself. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath (“If I can’t see them, they’re technically not there!”), she reiterated ‘Why, if Ashley A were here, I think I would know, no? She’s, um, elsewhere, um, trying to get the special deluxe cat food for her sick little darling Muffin. But there was, um…’, she remembered the food truck she and Gretchen had nearly crashed into, and smirked, snapping her fingers. ‘A freak accident with a bicycle, yes! That’s what’s been holding her up!’, she lied, thinking how her mother probably didn’t know where she was at any situation, let alone now. ‘The sacrifices a working woman makes. An inspiration to us all!’, Ashley A sighed to herself, waiting for her friends to finally buy what she was selling.

‘I mean, like, she can be pretty sneaky…’, Ashley B started, and then, in a flash, Ashley A realized she had an advantage. Ashley B’s strange fixation on praise from her own mother meant that she would hang on her every word, right? Especially negative ones. ‘Um, like, EXCUSE ME? Hello? Are you, like, doubting me word? You think I’m, what, frontin’?’, Ashley A boomed in her most scolding maternal voice, and Ashley B’s big head shrunk to the size of a pitiful raisin. ‘Frontin’? Never! I, I would never… That is, I didn’t mean to imply… It wasn’t an insult…’, Ashley B desperately looked for her friend’s help, but Ashley Q was busy kissing Ashley T’s hand boo boo better, and Ashley T was busy being the gayest girl in the story, which was saying something considering the presence of Ashley A and Gretchen.

Relishing the role a little too much perhaps (Ashley B HAD caused her a world of grief lately), Ashley A leaned into theatrics and let out a laugh that would make Ursula proud. ‘You know what I think? I think that good little Ashley’s are to be seen flaunting fabulous fashion, not heard spouting the shit, except I mean that in the bad way and not the good way, ugh!’

Ashley B was practically quaking by now, her eyes flashing with visions of her social standing plummeting down from a healthy third place (behind the two Ashley A’s) to a pathetic 420th (just about ahead of Randal). ‘Wait, wait, I…’

‘And just when you think that the dissing is over, you dare suspect my daughter of being a lying loser? LAME. Talk to the hand, Ashley B, because this O.G is fiendin’ to outtie.’, Ashley A boomed, barely able to hold her grin back. ‘Won’t Gretchen be proud of how I sold this!’, she thought, getting a little too excited at the image of a proud and impressed Gretchen.

By this point, Ashley B was so scared that her social life was dead, that she was on her knees, mud splattering a little on her tights. ‘Don’t bounce, Mrs. Armbruster! I swear I meant no harm! If you really think Ashley A ain’t here, then she ain’t here, right, girls?’, she asked, desperate for their co-operation.

‘But didn’t you say…’, Ashley Q started, while Ashley T was just nodding, afraid of another bite, but Ashley B fired her a death stare and Q decided to just comply. ‘That is, um, yeah! Probably just these spa fumes making us woozy! Oh boy! They make you say all kinds of weird things!’

Suddenly, “Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden started playing, and Gretchen chose the worst time to talk. ‘Oh, snap, this song is da bomb, dawg! I don’t know why I didn’t care for it when you first played it!’.

Then, as if Gretchen wanted to add a heart attack to the list of ailments Ashley A was currently undergoing, the genius girl began to sing loudly (and quite off key) “I’ll Be Your Dream, I’ll Be Your Wish, I’ll Be Your Fantasy! I’ll Be Your Hope, I’ll Be Your Love, Be Everything That You Need! I Love You More With Every Breath Truly, Madly, Deeply Do…”.

Ashley A, panicking, went for the hail Mary so she and Gretchen could make a run for it to the Jacuzzi. ‘OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, MY, UM, HUSBAND, YES, HUSBAND, IS CALLING ME FROM THE PHONE THAT I DEFINITELY HAVE HIDDEN HERE AND IS SINGING TO ME AGAIN! YOU KNOW HUSBANDS, WITH THEIR FAMOUSLY… HIGH PITCHED 9 YEAR OLD GIRL VOICES! LIKE, TOTALLY RELATABLE, MAD TRUE, HELLA NOT A LIE, WELL I GOTTA BANANA SPLIT OUTTA HERE AND DO SOME WORK AT MY OFFICE PLACE WHERE I DO THE WORK, YOU KNOW, THE WORK OFFICE PLACE, FAMOUS STORE NAME, WHO DOESN’T GO THERE, NO ONE, BECAUSE THEN THEY WOULD BE SQUARE, LIKE A HOUSE, A HOUSE I SHOULD BE HEADED TO, THAT IS WORK, WORK IS ALSO SQUARE, SQUARE IS THE NEW BLACK, YOU KNOW, ANYWAY I SHOULD REALLY LEAVE NOW, BE GOOD, TRUST ASHLEY A, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MUDDY FACE BELOW ME, BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!’

And with that, Ashley A puppeteered Gretchen out of the room like a rat using a ginger twink to cook soup in a movie that wouldn't be out for another 9 years. As they passed a mirror, Gretchen muttered ‘Schwing!’, at Ashley A’s detoxed skin, but both girls had no time to think about what that specific slang meant about Gretchen’s subconscious.

The three other Ashley’s sat there, gobsmacked, literally gaping, as workers came in to clean the mud off their faces. Clearly, there was only one logical conclusion to all that they witnessed:

‘Wow, Ashley Q is right. These fumes really are making us woozy.’, Ashley B confessed, blinking over and over to make sure she was actually awake. Ashley Q nodded uneasily, while Ashley T simply sighed wistfully. ‘Wow, Mr. Armbruster has a lovely singing voice! It’s so authentic and natural!’

‘It sounded like he was screeching. Like a cat.’, Ashley Q countered.

‘That’s what makes it natural!’, Ashley T argued, as we move on from this predicament, and onto the next, because even at a place DESIGNED for relaxing, our heroes can’t dodge THE PLOT ™.

Now with the Jacuzzi room in sight, Ashley was hoping that she could wake Gretchen up, just in case anything else bad happened. ‘Then again…’, she considered, the lax part of her brain butting in. ‘Who’s to say there’s anything else? Outside of the Ashley’s, who else could possibly give us trouble?’

However, when Ashley glided through the door, her eyes were met with the exact problem she anticipated at first: Gretchen’s friends, The Gang, surrounding the entire area like a low budget cop show that would get canceled after the first episode. ‘Great, Law and Order: Jacuzzi Unit is here!’, Ashley commented in frustration but also alarm, desperate to hide Gretchen from her friends, as she covered her friend’s eyes (I never said she was smart).

Gretchen, however, was still woozy and out of it, and instead of do something nice and constructive like co-operate and hide, she chose to stare down at Ashley with a look most queer. ‘Let me break it down, Ash: You’re hella bangin’, one fine and phat wifey, feel me? Why don’t you and I bounce outtie here and stop pretending we’re not close friends feelin’ things in this spa tonight? Just keepin’ it real, ‘cause you are all that and a bag of chips!’

Now, if Ashley had enough brain cells right now, she would have realized that Gretchen’s subconscious had been accidentally unlocked and the girl was spilling her true feelings both about her and the friendship experiment, and that all this denial and delaying was stunting their relationship, and that they should just take it easy and all that, until they inevitably confront the romantic feelings they were beginning to harbor.

But unfortunately, Ashley was born with a serious case of “Neverenoughbraincells-itis”, so she instead ignored all that romantic slang and instead said ‘Gretchen, this is no time to compliment me! Our covers are about to be blown!’

‘Heh, heh… You have a cute nose. Boop!’, Gretchen booped Ashley’s nose, before pretending she was an airplane. Ashley, massaging her temples, decided she had to come up with a plan on the spot. ‘Okay, Ashley, think, think, how do we get smart Gretchen back? This is literally the hardest thing ever!’

She then pouted and crossed her arms. ‘Dang it, if the real Gretchen was here she’d tell me how it can’t literally be the hardest thing ever because that wouldn’t be objective or some crap.’

That’s when the idea hit her. Finger up in the air, she cried ‘Eureka!’, and grabbed Gretchen before she could finish her scheduled flight to Acapulco. ‘Gretch, Gretch! Check this out, I can recite all the plants in order!’

Ashley smugly grinned as she realized Gretchen’s reaction to this could be pretty funny. ‘I’m allowed a little fun on the job.’, she thought, before reciting right into her friend’s glazed over eyes. ‘Saturn, Mars, Neptune, Venus, Pluto, Mercury, Jupiter, Earth, Uranus!’

Like a magic spell, Gretchen shook her head, the wooziness and relaxation gone, and with slightly hunched shoulders and a pained expression of pure cringe, she sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose, and corrected. ‘Ashley, are you serious? It’s Mer…’

‘Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto.’, Ashley finished for her with a satisfied grin. ‘I do listen, you know.’

‘Wait, so why…’, Gretchen started, only to get a relieved hug from Ashley. ‘Welcome back, Gretchy! You were kinda… Well, fucking insane back there!’, she exclaimed happily, nuzzling into her friend’s cheeks.

‘Must have been the fumes, and a reaction to being super relaxed. But at least I’m back to normal. Did I say anything weird when I was, quote, “fucking insane”?’, Gretchen asked, curious as to the effects, a scientist as ever.

Ashley suddenly blushed, remembering how odd the terms were. It probably meant nothing, but a part of her didn’t want to think about it again, lest she get all confused. ‘Um, we can go over that later, what matters is that your friends are here! We could be exposed!’

‘Oh, no! This is EXACTLY what I was fearing!’, Gretchen began to shake and shiver, stress rushing back like a river during low tide. Ashley, deducing rightly that a stressed Gretchen won’t solve things, shook her head. ‘No, no, Gretchen! We need you to be calm, not coco for Coco Puffs!’

‘You think I wouldn’t love to just do that in a snap?’, Gretchen illustrated with a finger snap. ‘It’s easy for you to say, but I’m not like you!’, she declared perhaps a little too loudly, exasperated with the situation more than Ashley.

Ashley bit her lip, looking guilty at the floor, hands clasped behind her back. She was clearly upset about insulting Gretchen. ‘S…Sorry. I didn’t mean to make little of it, it’s just… We need to stay hidden.’

‘I know, I know…’, Gretchen slowly calmed down as she said these words, and she exercised some breathing techniques, grasping for something to center her. Feeling Ashley’s hand, she clasped it and focused on the moment. She was here, she was in trouble, and she had to get out of it, and she could get through it because she was smart enough to do so. Later, she could worry about the potential consequences. Later. ‘Right now… Please… Let me just get this hurdle done. Please.’, Gretchen whispered, and her stress melted ever so slightly. Not totally, but enough to see and hear clearly.

Releasing her panic (but not Ashley’s hand), Gretchen stared at her partner in crime and nodded. ‘Okay, I’m ready. Describe the situation. Leave no detail behind.’

‘Well, just before I had to distract the Ashley’s by pretending to be my mom and telling them I wasn’t here, and now all your friends are searching the Jacuzzi room we’re in the corner of.’, Ashley quickly explained, worried about being overheard. Gretchen leaned in to whisper, the girls so close to each other they could feel each other’s breathing. ‘Okay, so here’s what we’re going to do: You’re gonna keep watch for the Ashley’s and distract them as Ashley R if needed. But I am going to also be Ashley R.’

‘Wait, why? Wouldn’t it be easier if I…’, Ashley started, but Gretchen shushed her, eyes darting everywhere. ‘I need to do this myself, okay? Just trust me. Let’s exchange glasses.’

‘Won’t that make you squint?’, Ashley pointed out, confused, but Gretchen nodded as she took her glasses off. ‘Exactly. Every change to my look in this steamy place will add to the illusion. Here, fix my hair to look more Ashley esque.’

‘I mean, I only have my hands here, it’s not gonna be perfect.’, Ashley reminded as she began doing just so.

‘It doesn’t need to be perfect. Their eyes will form the rest from the squinting. Now, go and scout them out. I need to lie to my friends.’, Gretchen expressed, trying to remove the sting by just saying it, but it didn’t help much. As Ashley saluted and ran off to look out for the other Ashleys, Gretchen, now looking like Ashley R, hoped that her impression would work as she marched towards the jacuzzi (which would also help disguise her).

Slowly settling into the jet streams (which began relaxing her muscles, which worried her, since Ashley R couldn’t sound too much like Ashley A), Gretchen decided to rip the bandaid off and just call out for her friends. ‘Hey, um, who’s there? Am I interrupting something?’, she declared in an uncannily perfect impression. The implications did not occur to Gretchen.

The Gang, all hearing the mostly unfamiliar voice, turned around towards the source, the jacuzzi. ‘H-Hello? A-Anyone in there?’, Gus stuttered, unsettled by the sudden presence in the room. ‘Shh! No one can know we snuck in, guys!’, T.J. shushed them, and bravely ventured towards the voice. ‘Depends. Who are you?’

‘I’m just a customer, if you’re worried about that. I won’t tell. That’s an… An Ashley R guarantee!’, Gretchen vowed, crossing her heart, which made her feel grosser. ‘This must have been what Pinocchio felt.’, she wondered, hating how often she was now lying to her friends.

The reveal startled the gang. ‘Ashley R? Aren’t you that fake Ashley that Gretchen likes?’, Spinelli exclaimed, worrying Gretchen. Everyone knew of Spinelli’s violent resentment of The Ashleys. ‘Um, yes, that’s me, ha ha. Average old Ashley R.’, Gretchen doubled down, hoping she wouldn’t need to explain to a doctor she was bitten by a 9 year old, not a dog.

Instead, Spinelli laughed affectionately and reached out to shake her hand, which Gretchen just about managed to find. ‘Us Fake Ashley’s gotta stick together! You palling up with Gretchen must really get their designer jeans in a twist! I respect that!’, she said in a revered voice only reserved for her bestest friends. ‘Then again, I am one already.’, Gretchen mused, as the others all sat down around her, feeling safe now. ‘Plus, anyone who likes Gretchen is good in our book! Except for that slime, Jeffery.’, Vince grumbled, clenching his fist. ‘What a creep. She deserves much better.’

‘Heh, heh, yeah…’, Gretchen trailed off, trying her best not to think of the important other reason she had left out as to why she hated Jeffery’s approaches.

‘Anyway, speaking of Gretchen, that’s why we’re here. We’ve been trying to find her.’, T.J. explained, sounding a little guilty, which alarmed Gretchen. Hiding that in a veneer of curiosity, she mumbled ‘Oh? How come?’.

‘Well, she’s been really distracted. No one really liked the idea of tracking her down, but we couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong, you know?’, Gus explained, even though all of them were feeling guilty about it when voicing it like that.

‘Not me. When Gretchen’s ready to tell us, she can. I say we wait it out, like good friends!’, Mikey insisted, crossing his arms and protesting over on the other side. Gretchen couldn’t help but appreciate it. ‘Good ol’ Mikey.’

Gretchen didn’t want to hurt her friends. She knew that deep down they were worried for good reason, and that they really didn’t mean any harm. But she also knew they wouldn’t understand why she and Ashley A needed to try and be friends. There was no choice. She had to lie to them, and try and get them off the scent, even if that meant a little guilt tripping.

Still, it broke Gretchen’s heart to twist a metaphorical knife into their chests. ‘Well, as someone whose been… Befriending Gretchen as of late, I… I personally think she’s okay. She’s, um, she’s always thinking about you guys, and she still really loves hanging out. She’s just, well… Making a new friend as well. Me.’

Well, that part wasn’t a lie.

‘And, well, I personally think she’d be a little… Hurt if she knew her friends couldn’t just trust her when she felt like doing something else.’

That part was a lie, one she barely managed to choke out. While obviously she didn’t think it was totally fair that she couldn’t just be friends with Ashley A, she couldn’t blame her old friends at all. The Ashleys had done many, many terrible things to them, especially Spinelli and Gus. She herself had promised an explanation, gave a very half baked one, then kept on disappearing. Obviously she was allowed to, but she would have expected some sort of answer too. Plus, they weren’t envious, like The Ashleys. They were worried.

‘Maybe… Maybe I can call the whole thing off… Maybe I can just tell them now, get through the fallout, and stop all this hiding.’, Gretchen thought, feeling the stress waves hit her. Maybe that’s how she could calm down.

Yet, when she suddenly caught sight of Ashley A, waving to her that the other Ashley’s weren’t arriving, when she caught sight of her face, the total opposite of the hard and rigid girl who had been a terror to her friends, a girl who instantly made her feel calmer no matter the situation…

She knew that no god or physical force in the universe could truly get her to give up now.

‘Just saying. I’m not trying to cause any trouble between you guys.’, Gretchen finished, unable to stare them in the face.

‘She’s got a point… Maybe we should just ask her? Or at least wait and see if this is just a short term thing?’, T.J. pitched, and while Spinelli was still a little unsure, the gang all nodded at this. After all, they truly didn’t want to hurt her feelings. ‘Finally, some common sense!’, Mikey cheered, and like that, they just left, bidding “Ashley R” farewell.

As Gretchen sighed in relief, Ashley A made her way towards her and sunk into the jacuzzi, sighing in relief. ‘Ooh, that’s good! So, I see that you got through to them?’

‘Yeah…’, Gretchen muttered sadly, making circles in the pool. Ashley, noticing her sad face (and needing her fake glasses back) swam over to her and they exchanged spectacles. Then, Ashley placed her hand on Gretchen’s. ‘Hey… You okay, Gretchy?’

Gretchen closed her eyes, and the alarm bells rang and rang. ‘No.’

‘...If you want to call it off, I… I understand.’, Ashley lied, preferring to suffer than to see Gretchen suffer. She hugged herself, feeling colder than she was supposed to.

Gretchen shook her head despite the pains she felt from her tension. ‘No, I… No, that’s not what I want. I just… I also want to be able to tell my friends. To not hide all of this. To be sure of us. I just… I just wish it wasn’t so hard.’

Ashley sympathetically nodded, clasping the hand harder. ‘I know how you feel.’

The two floated in silence, the jet streams doing their best to soothe them, but not succeeding.

Finally, after a long time, Gretchen roused her courage to speak. ‘Look, can we… Can we be more careful, please? I don’t want to lie to my friends again. I don’t want to look behind my back all the time when we do this. I want to be able to have fun with you without feeling like a criminal.’

‘We were careful, no?’, Ashley countered, but Gretchen shook her head. ‘We had to pretend to be other people, Ashley. We have to do better.’

Blinking away tears and feeling her heartbeat in her throat, she turned to Ashley with a pleading tone. ‘Please… I don’t want to live in fear with you.’

Ashley understood how serious this was, and she offered her pinkie. ‘More careful. Promise. Pinkie promise.’

Gretchen knew by now Ashley’s pinkie promises meant something, and so, they locked pinkies and nodded, another vow made between them.

And for a few glorious minutes, the alarm bells rang less, and the shadows felt smaller. Letting out a deep breath, Gretchen couldn’t help but smile as she admitted ‘This was… Nice.’

‘Yeah, the jacuzzi is great…’

‘No, I mean, all of it. Even before the spa.’

Ashley looked at Gretchen.

Gretchen looked at Ashley.

Ashley smiled. ‘It was, wasn’t it?’

Gretchen smiled. ‘Like, totally.’

And the soft laugh they shared could only be heard by them and their hearts beating in synchronization.

Outside, meanwhile, while The Ashley’s all left the mall in haste and fear (though Ashley B still felt a suspicion in the back of her mind), The Gang were leaving the mall in a mixed mood: All a little guilty over Gretchen, and all really annoyed by Randal’s latest lame disguise. ‘Nice try, shrimp, but you’re wearing the same clothes!’, Spinelli aimed her fist at him, and he just ran back into the mall, shouting in fear. ‘That oughta do it.’, Vince mused, as T.J. shook his head. ‘Weird, weird kid.’

‘Weird’s an understatement, Detweiler. I’d also use bizarre, offbeat, quirky, outlandish, eccentric, unconventional, unorthodox, idiosyncratic, and my personal favorite, outré. That’s French for startling!’

The gang all turned around, startled by the voice behind them. It was upbeat and almost New Yorkie, as if she belonged to a 1940’s screwball comedy. Holding in one hand a notebook with the Eiffel Tower on it and on one ear a chewed on pencil, there stood a girl about Spinelli’s size, wearing a purple jacket, a black and white striped shirt, golden bracelets, a short blonde bob (akin to Stacey McGill from The Babysitters Club), and green ankle boots. And that was without mentioning her ruby red glasses, black beret, and sky blue scarf.

Sashaying towards the gang, she waved a business card and smirked confidently. ‘Penny. Penny Bly. At your service.’, she bowed, while the gang scratched their heads. ‘Bly… Are you Library Kid’s older sister?’, T.J. ventured, and Penny nodded matter of factly. ‘Books run in the family. She reads them, I write them. Well, actually, I write news articles, but you know. School paper.’

‘We have a school paper?’, Mikey asked in excitement. ‘Why did no one tell me?’

‘New thing. They had to exchange me from across town for it. Budget finally cleared up after Prickly lost his foosball table.’, Penny took out a lollipop and bit onto the stick as if it was a cigarette.

‘Okay, cool, but what’s that got to do with us?’, Vince questioned, eyebrow raised. ‘Yeah, we’re not conducting any interviews!’, Spinelli rejected, also suspicious.

‘Nah, nah, nothin’ like that! I’m just here for my first big story, the one everyone’s wondering about…’, Penny explained, a fire in her eyes glowing with pure excitement and hunger.

‘What’s going on with Gretchen Grundler?’

[prod-ddeonu]

TIGHTY WHITIES | p.js

episode 4: tick, tick, boom.

pairing: college! Jay x fem! reader

CW/TW: enemies to lovers, smau, angst, fluff, smut, horrible comedy, slice of life, jay gets exposed BAD, kys jokes, assault, drinking, mentions of bullying and anger issues, arguing, they're both pretty bad in this one but Jay def took the cake

synopsis: You and Park Jongseong have been enemies for years. Heck, the two of you grew up picking fights with each other. A hateful war of tricks and deceit turns from bad to worse, however, when you finally trump him. Nobody can come back from having a photo of themself in tighty whities sent to the entire school, right?

status: ongoing!

taglist: open! (fill out the google form to be added! your user should be tagged on the masterlist and the next chapter after you submit!)

word count: 1.08k

You were simply sitting down and enjoying a nice relaxing moment in the quad, watching the water spill from the fountain. Sure, the world may have been on fire behind you, but you just wanted to watch the water droplets soar downwards.

A harsh set of footsteps land beside you. You already knew who it was by the way his feet stomped down. He cleared his throat once, loudly.

You twisted your neck to look at him, your eyes meeting his. The cockiness in your stare may have only served to boil his blood, you thought, but anyone in your position would have their ego boosted.

You'd just won a war that had gone on for fifteen long years. Since the day you were six and truly felt that hatred tear through your tiny heart for the first time, the two of you had been in a constant game of cat and mouse.

Jay was going to a sold-out movie with his friends? You used a burner email to tell him his purchase hadn't gone through, and that his card was frozen due to fraudulent activity.

Jay was going to a restaurant with his friends? You called the owner, posing as another restaurant owner, to kindly inform him of a man named Jay that would send back countless meals till he had hundreds of dollars worth of food for free.

These methods may have been on the more cruel side, but Jay never took a blow silently. No, Jay would strike back with even more force, it seems.

Jay had once catfished a very popular BELIFT University student athelete as you and proceeded to make the entire baseball team hate you.

Jay had also posted your phone number on numerous social media platforms, telling the world to call the number for ridiculously cheap resale tickets to a concert.

Although everyone watching this game considered it a prank war, you knew it was so much more. Everyone else looking from the outside in only saw your plans blow up in Jay's face, or vice versa.

Only you could see the hatred in Jay's eyes when he looked at you. You'd catch him glaring at you during the day, his once dark brown eyes glowing with the fire burning behind his pupils. You could see the scowl he'd bite back when you passed him on campus, almost as if it pained him to just be near you.

Likewise, only Jay was able to interpret the evil behind your burning stares. Only Jay was able to feel the goosebumps forming on his arms from the slick of your slimy, fake, forced smiles. The only time he'd ever seen you genuinely smile since first grade was when he ate shit, and you knew that.

Jay's shadow loomed over your body. "Y/N, can we talk?"

You smiled at him. "Sure, Jay, what's up?" You cheerily harped.

He took one look at you before rolling his eyes, tongue pushing against his cheek. "Don't give me that happy-go-lucky shit," Jay scoffed and shook his head. His hand raked through his dark hair. "I know you're hiding your cocky ass smirk behind that smile."

"Oh, but, Jay," You slightly dropped your smile, "I'm extremely happy at the moment. I feel as though I've accomplished a life goal, y'know?"

His stare turned from angry to furious.

Jay was now standing in front of you, his phone shoved into your face. "Explain what the fuck this is," he growled. Before you was the exact photo you'd stolen from his mom's old Facebook, and your ultimate trump card.

"Jay!" You feigned bashfulness. "I didn't think we knew each other well enough for you to expose yourself to me like this! Oh, my eyes!"

He grew increasingly frustrated with your sarcasm, you could see it. The only thing that gave you close to the same dopamine effect as ruining his day was lighting the very short fuse attached to his time-bomb temper.

Tick.

"Fucking hell, Y/N, can you be goddamn serious for once? This is too fucking far!" Jay shouted, turning the heads of bystanders.

You cocked a brow, mirroring his own habit. "Your own mom posted that photo, Jay. Anyone could already see it. I just brought it to the crowd you knew," you shrugged.

He looked up to the sky and let out a dark, gutteral laugh. "My God. My fucking God," he mumbled. "You're so insufferable, fuck! You do this shit all the time, and for what? To make my day worse? Do you get off to making everyone else miserable?"

"I don't make everyone else miserable. Just you."

Tick.

By now, numerous people had gathered with their phones in their hands. Most were recording, you figured.

"No, Y/N! You make everyone's lives suck. You and this petty bullshit you pull daily, nobody fucking likes it. Nobody likes you, Y/N," Jay pointed at her with his index finger, his phone long forgotten in the other hand.

You stood up, closing the distance further between the two of you. Your noses could almost touch if you leaned in.

You scoffed at him this time. "Oh, please, Jay. You're so obsessed with me, it's like you're in love with me or something"

Boom.

Jay looked at you with a glare that could melt metal. If looks could kill, the entire country would have become an entire crater that that instant.

"I wish your old friends would've bullied you worse, maybe then you wouldn't have become the aggravating piece of shit you are now."

You were physically taken aback. Your breath caught in your throat as your eyes lost their iron-hot touch. You brought your hand to your mouth in shock.

The crowd around you murmered. "Did he really just say that?" One girl whispered behind you.

Jay's own look shifted from anger to guilt as the weight of his own words hit him.

"I didn't mean that," he quickly said. "I am so sorry, I didn't-"

You smiled back at him. "No, Jay, I get it. I really do," you backed away. "I started it. I- I crossed the line first, I get it."

Jay went to apologize again, but you walked away before he could. Jay could only look at the ground in a mixture of shock and shame as you walked away, swallowing your nausea and pain back down into the depths of your body.

notes: yea jay and y/n def said some stuff they can't take back 😭

BACK | MASTERLIST | NEXT

tags: @deobitifull @eladandan @rikakhairana-blog @igotkkaebsonged

[hihigherdi]

I was hanging out on the deck with Bud last night when I realized I’d forgotten I bought tickets to Sting in relatively small venue in San Francisco that I love called the Masonic, a famous location where musicians love to perform. I paused for a second and wondered if it was weird to go to a concert after my manic posting and weird mood, but I’m cheap as hell and hate to waste anything so I threw a sweater on and hopped in an Uber. And it was fun, I sang and danced - there are a million clips I could have posted on all of golden oldies but I love this one because it shows his talent. I’m fully comfortable going to stuff alone, I actually like it in the event I want to leave early but I was missing my friends not being there who couldn’t make it.

I am hardly ever on Facebook but a lot of people I know are. I ended up writing a post about the election, conservative Christianity (that I was part of for a long time) that is so difficult to know how to address. I was a little scared, they can get angry and defensive despite me spending a lot of time being deliberate about not yelling at anybody. I said they the ads from Harris campaign that Christian women were scared of their husbands was disrespectful. I’m sure that exists but it lets these white woken off the hook - many are very strong and their vote was a fuck you to Woke Culture (though the economy is important too). They have so much power in the country but they are like doctors who self-regulate - they don’t change unless it’s their own idea, so pronouns, anti-racism, BLM - none of it ever had a chance. They don’t accept behavioral boundaries and expectations that they don’t create themselves, so to think they can be influenced from the outside is likely wasted energy. That anti-racism, and-sexism, LGBTQIA rights will only happen on a large scale if they are behaviors they come up with in their own - they don’t accept moral truths from anyone except themselves and get defensive when asked, so I was not applying energy in debate or discussion anymore. I’m an outsider. I’m woke culture the second I ask them to do something, I’m the Evil One. And frankly it’s pretty arrogant that I would think I’m some kind of teacher anyway. There’s tons of things we can do together but I’m parting ways on these areas. It made a couple of people angry and very defensive but I didn’t engage.

I hate that stuff but I do know that for my problematic generation, it’s where important conversations happen and they know my investment in them. I got a lot of DMs, some angry comments that had some good points and a mix of other thought. I’m not indulging the inner Diane drama anymore, buckling up and getting creative on how to move forward. Being a dick to everyone that voted for him kind of feels good in the short-term but I know I’d regret it, it just doesn’t feel right to me personally. Others are in a different place.

Today, I went to acupuncture and damn, it was painful. My body is sore from all of the walking but he did note how much weight I’ve lost, which was nice (he knows I’m working on it).

Now Bud and I are snuggled on the couch under a toasty electric blanket. I fell asleep at 4am this morning, turns out a Diet Coke at 4pm when you’ve hardly had any caffeine is not the best idea. So I’ll sleep well tonight.

Hope you are resting well, grieving where needed and finding some hope in what we can learn from this and what we can do right now to have massive impact. It’s surreal bring back to having to protect Black and Brown women on the street but we are.