#The US Air Hockey Association says otherwise you cheat.

[unfortunatelyaaron]

...

I'm re-evaluating that bet for the sake of my kitchen...

How about we change it to doing the dishes? Low risk of burning the house down.

Air hockey rematch years later except this time a certain someone isn't allowed to block the goal with his arms.

@dreamwalker-elliott, loser cooks breakfast tomorrow.

[statusquoergo]

Alright, let’s do this.

As to be expected, we open on the afterglow of the Season 8 finale. I personally found this scene to be pretty cringy, but I have actual criticisms of the current Darvey relationship that’ll come up later, so I’m going to leave it alone for now; the only thing I’ll say about the scene with Louis is that I found the heavy-handedness of the sexual innuendo to be extremely childish and tediously predictable. Oh, and the whole “Wait let’s not tell anyone right away” thing is pretty much letter for letter the same rationale that Mike and Rachel used for keeping it a secret that they had moved up their wedding date; that is to say, little to no forethought and almost guaranteed to end up Not How They Planned. No, wait, one more thing: I can only assume that Harvey’s panic about Louis finding him at Donna’s apartment is the result of sleep deprivation and delirium because dude, if you need a place to hide out for awhile, the bedroom is right down the hall. Or fuck, crouch down behind the kitchen counter, I don’t care. Hide in the bathroom. You have options.

(Okay, one more thing: “You didn’t see what was right in front of your face for 12 years.” What. I mean… Seriously, what. Does time even exist in this universe?)

Next up, Alex introduces us, in a very much not-off-the-record encounter, to what I can only assume will be the driving conflict of this season: the New York State Bar Association (NYSBA) has caught wind of the Ethics Committee hearing that ousted Robert Zane, and now they’re taking it upon themselves to restore the integrity of the firm currently known as Zane Specter Litt Wheeler Williams, by any means necessary, starting with the removal of Zane’s name from the letterhead.

This is bullshit.

The NYSBA is a voluntary agency with no actual legislative capability. As per the association’s website, “it does not license, regulate nor investigate an [attorney’s] ability to practice law.” New York Rules of Professional Conduct Rule 7.5 (Professional Notices, Letterheads, and Signs) prohibits Robert from representing himself as a practicing member of the bar, or a current partner at the firm, but it permits the firm to continue representing itself with his name, if they so choose. So the Bar Association has zero capacity to back up this stupid request, but more to the point, I have no idea why they even care. There are over 9,800 law firms currently operating in New York City; statistically, the probability that every single one of them represents the pinnacle of legalistic integrity is insanely low, and considering the amount of turnover and increasingly public turmoil at GSVD/PH/PD/PDS/PS/PSL/SL/ZSL/ZSLWW, it must be years since it’s been a remotely reputable institution.

Moving on! Samantha and Harvey land on a tangible outcome of Robert’s decision to take the fall for Donna and Harvey: The firm is hemorrhaging clients. Samantha determines that Eric Kaldor is responsible for the sudden turnaround, but honestly, I’m surprised the firm has any clients left at this point anyway. Thomas Kessler has the right idea when he walks out the door with the casual reminder that Harvey manipulated him into lying at the hearing (which, by the way, was conducted by the New York State Legislative Ethics Commission, not the Bar Association); instead of freaking out about this frankly inevitable outcome, maybe Harvey et al. should take a minute to appreciate the fact that Kessler isn’t seeking to have them all disbarred.

Special shout-out to Louis’s stellar one-liner: “I wanna check and see how bad our reputation is.” (Spoiler alert: It’s very bad.)

As it happens, Samantha is right about Kaldor because of course she is, which leads to a semi-violent encounter set at a hockey rink, for some reason, where we get to see some cracks in the purportedly strong allegiance between Samantha and Harvey, and Samantha reminds us the viewers that she’s a badass with a short temper as she shoves Kaldor up against the boards and I’m forced to wonder exactly where these claims of a unified front are coming from all of a sudden. Basically all of Season 8 was spent drawing battle lines up and down the firm, but now that Robert’s gone, they have some magical allegiance to one another? If it’s a direct result of Robert’s actions and subsequent departure, I have to assume these amicable feelings are going to fade as the adrenaline rush dies down; otherwise it’s just a convenient plot device, but to be fair, that’s pretty on-brand, so I can’t give them too much shit for it.

You know what I absolutely can give them shit for?

Darvey.

(Please, you knew this was coming.)

The first of my actual criticisms of them for this episode: Donna’s breakup with Thomas, and Harvey becoming an unwitting enabler of unfaithfulness. Way back in February, at the end of Season 8, one of the concerns aired about Donna and Harvey hooking up was that Donna was still in a relationship with Thomas, and infidelity, if I recall correctly, is a bit of a sore spot for Harvey. Korsh admitted that an explicit breakup scene was filmed for s08e16 and removed from the final cut, but the implication as I read it was that as far as the showrunners were concerned, Donna and Thomas had come to a mutual understanding that they were done and he was out of the picture, the poor guy. Not so! Now, retconning for the win, we have the privilege of watching them break up over the phone, which is of course the epitome of class.

True, that was tactless, but the real sticky wicket here is Harvey and Donna’s conversation about the breakup once it’s over and done with. Harvey is rightly alarmed at his role, but the thing that gets me, aside from how quickly he seems to just go with her assurance that everything is fine and he “didn’t do anything wrong,” is that his response to her revealing that she and Thomas were still a couple when he came over isn’t “Why didn’t you say anything,” it isn’t “Why didn’t you stop me.” It isn’t “You know how I feel about cheating.” No, it’s “I would never have.” It’s an apology.

Now, maybe this is narrow-minded of me, but I always figured that Harvey’s whole problem with cheating was the whole…cheating part. Apparently not; it seems that issues only arise when Harvey is the one doing the cheating (see: Paula [s07e11]), or in a position to accuse the cheater directly from a third-party perspective (see: Lily [s02e10], Mike [s02e12], Marcus [s08e05]). (For real, he almost beat the shit out of Mike without knowing anything beyond “there was infidelity involved here”; Mike, who was exactly in the position Harvey is in now—the third party sleeping with an otherwise involved woman—refuses to tell him how he got beaten up with no explanation but that it’s because of the story Harvey told him about Lily cheating on Gordon, and Harvey’s response is “You got off easy.”) The otherwise unattached participant gets a free pass. BUT WAIT! Harvey was furious with Bobby when he saw him with Lily (s05e10), and tried to throw him out of his parents’ house; there must be some other explanation. Maybe Donna is just the prettiest princess in all the land and the fact that it’s her doing the cheating is enough to relieve all of Harvey’s built-in trauma? Well if that isn’t just the laziest goddamn rationale I can think of. Oh, so maybe, just maybe, Harvey is going to get some real, actual therapy this season and do some honest exploration of his apparently much-more-complex-than-previously-anticipated relationship with infidelity!

Right. I bet that’s it.

It’s possible that this will come back again later in the season, but I can’t tell yet what direction they’re planning to take the Darvey trajectory, so I don’t want to start throwing out assumptions. Now that they’ve confronted it so blatantly, I hope they don’t abandon it like this, but who knows.

In the meantime, Louis is still trying to boost recruitment efforts, this time by badgering Professor Gerard into letting him be the keynote speaker at Harvard’s upcoming Ethics Conference. I don’t really have much to say about this subplot except that it’s one of the stupidest and most illogical things they could’ve come up with; can you just imagine Louis speaking at an ethics conference? Gerard is right that Harvard students won’t be snowed by Louis making some pretty speech about the firm’s integrity, and the Q&A would be a disaster! Not to mention, the conference probably has a keynote lined up already, and it’s not like there won’t be other speakers there; Louis doesn’t need to be top billing to get his five minutes, assuming anyone would listen to a single word he has to say. Oh, and am I seriously supposed to believe that they’re experiencing a sudden drop in top-tier applications now? As opposed to…the past, what, three years? Four years? However long it’s been in this nonsense timeline since Mike went to prison (after which point they were also bemoaning a lack of applicants). But actually, why wouldn’t students be applying here? If the firm is desperate for interviewees, it’s practically a sure thing that everyone will get through to the first round, so even if the students have no intention of accepting an offer, having the interview is great practice for firms where they actually care about getting a job.

Part II