#The Styrofoam Chair Saga

[moongothic]

The Styrofoam Chair Saga

Part 4: Upholstery Hell, the Grand Finale. I regret everything

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

When planning things out, I had measured out the size of the old fabric pieces of the chair, with the intent of using those as templates to cut out the new pieces to make the reupholstering easier. So I got the nececary amount of fabric, in an obnoxious yellow because I’ve wanted an obnoxious yellow chair for years now, and got to work (with Honey there to lend me a paw)

Had to do all this on the floor because I don’t have a table big enough for this (it barely even fit on the floor lol)

So I laid everything down and pinned all the pieces, it did take a few tries for me to make sure I was able to fit everything on there while making sure the old fabric pieces were straight and not wrinkled (even ironed the pieces between the attempts, didn’t take photos of all of them though)

Didn’t take photos of it but after I got everything laid down, I drew the outlines of the front and back pieces before cutting them, but only them! I didn’t cut the fabric for the front of chair (like the bit under your knees when you sit on the chair) nor the cushion.

With the two pieces cut though, it was time for me to try to pin them together to check if they fit onto the chair before sewing them together. And... before we get into that, I have to apologize a little bit. I was fully planning on taking photos of each step of the process once I had a step nailed down. So when my first attempt failed, I didn’t take a photo of it. And when my second attempt failed, I didn’t take a photo of it. Nor the third, nor the fourth, and whoops there’s a lot of stuff missing all out of sudden. So, yeah, sorry about that.

But indeed, when I tried fitting the pieces onto the chair, it didn’t fit. I tried pinning the two pieces of fabric together WHILE they were sitting on top of the chair, and they wouldn’t line up. I tried MULTIPLE TIMES to get them to line up neatly without any wrinkles, but it would not work.

And I had a horrible realization.

See, much like the original foam on the chair, the original fabric must’ve been made specially so it’d fit onto the chair perfectly with only two large fabric pieces and a single seam connecting the two. But the fabric I was using WASN’T made to fit the round shape of the chair. So no matter what I would do, there would be no way for me to reupholster chair the same way it had been upholstered originally. What I was trying to do was more or less the same as trying to cover a ball with a piece of paper without wrinkling it.

So this was not going to work, not at all. It was literally impossible. (Or who knows, maybe it would’ve been possible if I was like a professional upholsterer who knew what they were doing, but alas, I am but a dumbass)

(Minor note, just to make sure it wasn’t the extra cushioning causing this issue I even tried to see if the old fabric pieces would go back onto the chair neatly if I haphazardly sewed them together, and yeah, they did. The original pieces went back onto the chair perfectly, so it wasn’t the foam causing this)

To try to figure out what the fuck I should do, I went onto YouTube to look for videos of how people would reupholster egg chairs, and while I couldn’t find anything quite like this chair, I did come to the conclusion that fabric needed to be cut into smaller sections and sewn together to get it as smooth as possible.

Now, to try to make sure I didn’t waste too much fabric at this point, I got some other leftover fabric I had to make a rough template. I did do both sides of the chair but only took this photo of when I was working with the template

So, I did six template pieces, tried pinning them together on the chair before transfering them onto the proper fabric (with a lot of seam allowance). And it was this point when I realized I would not have enough fabric to do the whole chair. As in, the fabric I had would be enough for the chair itself, but I wouldn’t have enough for the cushion. So that fucking sucks

But I had to keep on going. With the proper fabric pieces cut, I tried pinning them together, and well. I had no idea how to do this really. I wasn’t sure how to pin the fabric pieces together, I literally just didn’t know the proper technique for it. I could lay them and pin them onto the foam of the chair nicely and get them pretty even and flat, but when it came to actually attaching them together so I could then remove the fabric and sew everything together... I was completely lost. No idea what to do. Especially because the fabric pieces (due to me not having quite enough for the chair anymore) weren’t symmetrical, it wasn’t like I would be able to pin them together on the chair upside down, sew them together and then flip the fabric inside out again before putting it onto the chair. With the pieces non-symmetrical, I was worried I’d fuck it up, and god knows I had already spent like 90€ on the fabric, and I already needed more for the seat cushion!! I did not want to double the amount I’d need!!

After consulting YouTube once again I found a pretty good video showing a technique of a professional upholsterer, who straight up hand-sewed the fabric on the chair. And as much as I didn’t want to do it, because it’d be a pain in the ass, I figured it was my best shot.

I’d handsew it first, then remove the fabric off the chair, redo it on my sewing machine (to make sure it’d hold) and cut off excess fabric (just to make sure there wouldn’t be too much excess material on the inside)

So. I started working at it.

It was a lot of work, and this entire process took me multiple nights

Not gonna lie though, I was feeling pretty confident lookin at the top seam of the chair and how smooth it was looking, so much so I thought I could get away with not doing redoing the sewing with a machine

But the back ruined my confidence, I could not get the back to look smooth no matter how many times I tried to do it by hand.

So indeed, I took off the fabric, redid parts of the sewing with the machine and did my best to redo the back. And this took a lot of time... Like, let me break down the process for you.

Look at how the fabric sits on the chair and try to spot issues and figure out how to fix them

Remove the fabric off the chair carefully

Take it to the sewing machine

Put it back onto the chair, carefully taking time to make sure it was in the right spot

Rinse and repeat. I did this a dozen times if not more, often I had to rip my old sewing off between different attemps (and pin the fabric together before I could resew it), it was slow, it was annoying as hell. I tried to make sure I did small adjustments too, just to try to avoid making massive mistakes, so I’d often go over the same spot and tighten it multiple times. Not to mention, often when I’d tighten one loose spot, the next time I’d fit the fabric onto the chair another spot would be loose, so I’d go and fix that, only for the first spot to be loose again the next time I’d put the fabric onto the chair-- it was a mess

And the sad part is, I kinda went overboard with that. I kept on adjusting and tightening the fabric, and worst of all, I cut off excess fabric from between the seams at one point because I was worried the excess fabric was causing some of the bumps and what not in the fabric.

That was a massive mistake.

Because I made the fabric too tight, but more on that a little bit later.

After a lot of work on the chair, I came to the conclusion that the only way for me to actually get the fabric to sit right on the chair was to just fucking staple it down already. I had been avoiding that so desperately because I wanted to do the sewing on the machine (I just did not trust the durability of my hand stitching), and I wouldn’t be able to make any more major adjustments to the fabric once I’d staple it down (at least, not easily, since I’d have to rip out god damn staples if I needed to fix anything). But needless to fucking say, as careful as I tried to be to make sure the fabric sat roughly in the same spot on the chair every time I put it back onto it, it would never be 100% in the exact same position (which I’m sure was also contributing to the whole adjustment limbo). The only way to end this mess was to just fucking nail it down already.

So I did.

And this is when the tightness of the fabric truly showed. It had been kind of hard to notice because I could only hold the fabric down so much with my hands to see how it’d sit on the seat of the chair, but yeah, as I had been adjusting and tightening the back of the chair, I had accidentally been pulling on the front of it, causing it to be too tight

It’s really hard to show in photos, you’d have to feel it to get it, so you just have to believe me when I say, the fabric isn’t loose in these photos, it’s too tight

But since I had already cut off so much excess fabric, there wasn’t really much I could do anymore. So I did my best to staple it all down (slightly hard actually since the staple gun couldn’t quite get into the tight corners) first on the seat...

And then on the bottom. And yes, there’s extra wrinkles in the fabric, I had known that was going to happen ever since I did the template pieces. The only way to have avoided those would’ve been to make the back five pieces instead of three, but I figured, the small wrinkles would be less of a hassle and less noticable than the large seams extra pieces would’ve created.

With everything stapled down, I attached the chair to its foot firmly, and started assessing the situation.

It was looking bad

I was still kind of telling myself the front of the seat was fine (even though it wasn’t, the fabric was tight as a drum and wasn’t touching the foam underneath it in many places, even with this bottom piece placed on top of the seat), but I really wasn’t happy with the back.

So I said fuck it and decided to try and fix the loose, droopy parts of the back by sewing them by hand over the old sewing.

While I was at it, I also had to finish up these corners on the front and make sure they looked clean, and... I ended up ripping the old sewing I had done on the left side, there was just too much fabric sitting here so I wanted to redo it, even if my handsewing wouldn’t be as clean as the machine job

And while I was at it... the seat really was bothering me a lot. And to fix the front left side I already had to rip some of the staples off so I ended up, just...

...Removing more staples and ripping this seam to redo it by hand.

I knew it was not going to look as good. But I really wanted and hoped that if I redid this part, I’d be able to loosen up the fabric a little bit, just enough that the fabric would sit nicer on the seat.

This looks objectively worse. The wrinkles are worse. But it doesn’t FEEL as bad

Like, I had realized that this had all been a huge mistake when my first few attempts at pinning the two large fabric pieces had failed. I already knew then I should’ve just gone to a professional and paid extra for a better end-result. But it’s too fucking late now. This is what I’m going with. It’s an expensive, wrinkly mess, but it’s MY mess

Again, the back is wrinkly from my hand sewing, but the fabric isn’t droopy anymore, and really, that’s all I can ask for at this stage. I need that silver lining man

With that all done though... The main body of the chair is almost down. All I need to do is cover up the styrofoam on the front of the chair, and then it’s time for the seat cushion.

So, first off, I decided to reuse the original foam piece here instead of replacing it. Like, it looks nasty, but there isn’t anything truly wrong with it, so I’m just gonna leave it and live with it. I did glue the foam piece onto the board that goes onto the seat-- I believe it had been glued on there originally, there was some glue residue on both pieces and it just made more sense to me to glue it down, otherwise it’d be loose and move around and that’d be no good.

Using some foam glue I attached the foam piece onto that board, and it was time to cover it up with fabric.

Now, because I had messed up in so many ways with the reupholstery so far, the original fabric piece that used to cover this foam piece wouldn’t be the right shape nor size anymore, since, as you can see in the photo below, there’s so styrofoam peeking thru some gaps on the sides.

So I had to make a custom fabric piece for this. I made a bunch of measurements onto the little fabric I had left over (just BARELY enough to do this bit), cut it up, pinned the sides...

...and sewed them. I only have to sew the sides to make them clean, but the bottom and the top don’t matter since both will get sapled down and hidden from view (and I left some excess fabric on the bottom because I don’t care, if anything it’ll help with stapling the fabric down since I’ll have more to work with)

Before I started stapling the fabric down though, one little thing; I cut out a small piece of the original fabric, and hid it inside the chair. It’s just sitting loose there, not stapled or glued down, and that’s fine, it’s there to be a fun little memory, that’s all.

Anyways I carefully pinned down the fabric into it’s spot before I stapled the top edge to the board/cushion.

With that, I slowly handsewed the sides of the fabric to the chair, starting at the top and going down until I reached the bottom. On the (our) right side I had actually folded the fabric too much, so it didn’t actually reach the fabric on the chair, leaving this sliver of styrofoam showing. I could’ve left it like that, it’s not like you’d ever see the sliver since it’s on the bottom of the chair, but, while I haven’t been doing a good job with this chair, I’m not gonna be lazy and sloppy! So I gently ripped the machine sewing I had done on that side so I could refold the fabric, this time making sure there was just enough material that it could reach the chair’s fabric, and sewed that.

Then, with all that done I stapled the bottom, trying to make sure that the inevitable wrinkles would be as minimal and wouldn’t be visible from above.

And here we are!

That front piece has been attached! I’m past grieving and have reached acceptance with this chair, it looks terrible but it’s done!

Now, lastly, it was time to do the cushion. And indeed I was out of fabric at this point so I had to go buy more, which was a little scary because I was afraid the store could be entirely out of it, I distinctly remembered there not being much left when I bought some months ago.

BUT! Miraculously they did have more of this same fabric. SO I got just the bare minimum amount I needed so I could do the cushion.

I had a very simple plan on how to do the cushion. Just. Flip the fabric around, sew the sides with a machine, turn it inside out, slip the cushion inside the fabric and hand sew the opening on the other end. Sounded simple enough, eh? I was terrified though, because I Did Not Want To Fuck This Up and I was afraid my plan would go terribly wrong

But, I rolled with my plan anyways, starting with encasing the cushion with the fabric and pinning it all down

(BTW, I did want to leave the handsewn side on the inside of the chair, since it’d be neatly hidden that way while the outside facing part would have no seam at all, but I came to the realization that the cushion would probably be too wide to try to slip into the fabric that way around, it’d be easier this way.)

Pulled the cushion out, took the fabric to the sewing machine, and once done, I carefuly tried it on the cushion, felt like it was okay and chopped off the excess fabric.

Now I do have to say, just getting the fabric onto the cushion was extremely hard, since the fabric doesn’t just slip smoothly on there, the cushion foam has texture which grips onto the fabric etc etc. So there was a little bit of looseness on the other end of the cushion, but I figured and hoped I’d be able to fix that later with some hand sewing.

So, after turning the fabric inside out and a lot of struggle, I managed to get the cushion into its spot, and I began hand sewing the opening shut (after folding the fabric inside)

A few hours later, I had a cushion! This is what it looked like!

A little lumpy, but I hoped it’d look good once put on the chair, so I tried it on and... The fabric was too loose. Like, I had to leave the fabric a little loose so the cushion could slide in, but in the end the fabric was just loose enough that when I put the cushion onto the chair, the excess fabric would pool on the sides into a wrinkly mess.

So I spent a few hours more, ripping the machine sewing and then hand sewing the sides, this time VERY TIGHT, so there wouldn’t be excess fabric etc.

Before I started working on the cushion I did think about just doing it by hand from the start, and yeah, in hindsight, it probably would’ve been easier if I had done it like that instead of insisting on using my sewing machine. But it is what it is, and what it is, is done!

The difference may not be obvious but I swear it’s there, the fabric isn’t loose on the cushion anymore, it’s tight but in a good way!

And so. It was time to end the Styrofoam Chair Saga.

I should’ve just thrown this chair out when I realized it was broken.

Or at least taken it to be reupholstered by a professional.

But what’s done is done. I’ve learned many things from this god forsaken project. I never want to refinish a chair like this ever again. It looks like fucking shit.

But. It is done.

Place your bets now to see how long it’ll take for the skeleton of the chair to break along with the styrofoam, leaving the whole chair completely unusable and all my work an absolute waste of time and money.

[bangtaninink]

heir!jimin being a total a-hole to you when you first meet, building a love-hate relationship until you learn he is totally crushing on you and leaves you speechless when he kisses your cheek

Blame It On My Confidence

Summary: the heir of Bangtan Enterprises is a major pain in your ass, and yet, as much as you try to fight it, you can still feel the inevitable happening (heir!au)

“So that’s the guy who’s going to inherit the company when his dad kicks the bucket,” Taehyung says, craning his neck to peer through the blinds of the staff break room to get a glimpse of the man who’s just walked into the office in a suit that could probably be bought with three of your monthly paychecks.

“Yeah. What an asshole,” you say, not looking up from the book in your hands. Beside you, Jungkook lets out a strangled noise, almost spitting out his mouthful of food.

“Oh my god, noona. What if he hears you?��� he says, fixing his glasses where they’ve slid down the bridge of his nose as he puts his chopsticks down.

“He’s all the way over there, Jungkook. How’s he gonna hear me?”

“I-I dunno. What if he decides to check out the security camera footage today while he’s checking out the building? He’s gonna fire your ass.”

“Doubt it,” you scoff. “They’d never find another secretary willing to deal with his ungrateful ass. And his dad’s demands on top of that.”

“What’re we all talking about?” Seokjin says as he walks into the break room, dropping himself into the seat beside Taehyung.

“_____ just called Park Jimin an asshole,” Taehyung answers; Seokjin’s eyes grow wide.

“Are you nuts? Why would you say something like that out loud?”

“Hey, I’m just speakin’ the truth,” you say, shutting your book and setting it down on the table in front of you. “He came in here last week asking me to make twenty copies of last quarter’s financial reports for his dad, and when I’m finished printing them out, he tells me he doesn’t need them anymore because he just remembered everyone uses laptops and tablets during meetings. Therefore, asshole.”

The three of them shake their heads with disbelief.

“You have more balls than everyone in this building combined, noona,” Jungkook says, standing up to throw his styrofoam cup in the trash. “The Park family controls almost half the country’s cell phones and you can sit there, calling the next CEO an asshole without even blinking an eye.” You hum quietly in thought.

“Yeah, pretty much.” You smile and pick up your book. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must return and serve our boss and young master.”

                                                      ▫▫▫

You’re in the middle of typing up an email when the desk phone besides you starts to ring. You take a deep breath, careful to maintain composure, knowing full well the CEO and his son can see you.

“Yes, sir?” you answer, looking over your computer monitor and past the glass walls of your boss’ office with a tight-lipped smile.

“In here for a moment, please,” the CEO says, putting the phone down before you can even answer. You take another deep breath before standing, tucking your chair under your desk before stepping into the CEO’s office.

“What can I do for you, sir?”

“I need you to make copies of this to circulate around the staff,” the CEO says, not even looking up from his desk as he holds out a folder towards you, expecting you to take it without another word. “I’d like these new policies implemented by the end of the week.”

“For each employee or one for each department?” you ask, taking the folder, well aware of the way Jimin doesn’t his eyes off of you from where he’s seated at the other end of the room on the couch.

“Whatever’s easier for you. Also I need you to call Kim and organise a lunch to discuss our business proposal, and an email to Choi to confirm next month’s dinner.”

“Right away, sir.” You’re about to bow and return back to your desk when the CEO speaks up again.

“Oh. And Jimin would like a coffee. Fetch one for him, will you?”

                                                      ▫▫▫

Jungkook raises an eyebrow at you as you pass his desk, your hair slightly disheveled from the wind outside. You shoot him a look, and in an instant he knows not to say a word. You’re quick to shed your coat and scarf at your desk, haphazardly draping them over the back of your chair before combing your fingers through your hair in a weak attempt to tame it before stepping back into the CEO’s office.

“Your coffee, sir,” you say, holding the paper cup out towards Jimin. He takes his time sitting up before taking it from you.

“Cappuccino with one shot of hazelnut and soy milk?” he asks, bringing the cup to his lips.

“Yes, sir.” You turn to the CEO. “Choi has confirmed your dinner next month. You have a table booked on the fifteenth under his name. I can remind you of it when the date draws near. Your lunch with Kim will be next Wednesday on the twenty-second at noon. The usual place.” You take another deep breath, clasping your hands in front of you. “Will that be all, sir?”

“Yes. Thank you.” You bow and turn on your heels to walk out.

“Oh, _____?” You steel yourself at the sound of Jimin’s voice, forcing yourself to turn towards him with a smile.

“Sir?”

“Next time, ask for the Arabica beans. Robusta is far too bitter for my liking.”

                                                      ▫▫▫

You mash your fingers against the buttons of the photocopier, muttering curses under your breath at Jimin. The photocopier whirs as it begins to print out page after page, and you take the convenience of the momentary calm and privacy of the photocopy room to groan quietly with frustration.

The calm does not last for very long, however, when the photocopier begins to beep at you.

“Christ. What now?” you mutter, reading off the error message coming up on the display: a paper jam and an empty ink cartridge. “Great.” You sigh, and step out, making sure to hang the out of order sign on the door.

You walk back to your desk, a few of the employees you pass avoiding your eyes at the look on your face as you angrily pick up your phone and dial a number.

“You’ve got Yoongi,” Yoongi answers.

“Got a paper jam and empty ink cartridges,” you say.

“On my way.”

                                                      ▫▫▫

“What’d you do? Did you punch the photocopier again?” Yoongi asks, crouching down as he opens up the side of the photocopier. “I told you to stop doing that.”

“No, I didn’t punch it,” you reply from where you’re standing in the doorway, arms crossed over your chest as you lean against the wall. “This time.” Yoongi snorts.

“So what did you do?”

“Nothing!”

“Alright, alright. Don’t get your panties in a twist, _____. You seemed snarky enough on the phone. What’s up your butt?” You sigh.

“Jimin’s here again.”

“Ah. The young master returns. The saga continues.”

“Shut up.”

“I wonder why he’s such a dick to you though. His dad seems nice enough.”

“That’s what I’m confused about too. The boss is relatively chill. I mean, he’s straight to the point most of the time, but other than that, he’s a breeze. But Jimin…”

“Maybe he’s trying to get into your pants,” Yoongi suggests.

“Ha!” you cry out, a little too loudly. “Good one, Yoongs.”

“Hey. You never know. He might not know how to approach you properly when you’ve got a frown permanently etched on your face anytime you’re in the same room as him.”

“Well that’s his fault. He was an ass the first time I met him.”

“What’d he do?”

“Made me make twenty copies of a report and then scrapped them all as soon as I was done.”

“Classic,” Yoongi chuckles, pulling out a pile of crumpled up paper from between a pair of rollers, fingers quick to be stained with ink.

“And then just earlier, he made me fetch him a coffee outside of the office, and had the nerve to tell me I didn’t get the right beans.”

“A coffee snob. Why am I not surprised?” You watch as he replaces the cover on the side of the photocopier, standing up and dusting off his hands before turning his attention to the display screen. “But I still think he probably likes you.”

“That’s nuts,” you reply.

“Hey. i would if I was in his position.”

“Yoongi, you’re gay.”

“That’s why I said if I was in his position. I’m not, so… you’re still not my type. No offence.” You laugh and shake your head.

“I’m sure Hoseok will be glad to hear that. Thanks, Yoongs.”

“No problem. Try not to punch the photocopier. Or any of the machines around the office, for that matter.”

                                                      ▫▫▫

The next morning is cold, with a breeze nipping at your cheeks, even when half your face is already buried in your scarf. You’ll be damned if you start the morning without a coffee, knowing that, yet again, Jimin’ll be at the office today. This calls for a double shot.

The cafe is warm, a welcome relief from the terrible weather outside. You reach into your bag for your wallet, joining the end of the queue.

“Good morning. What can I get for you?” the cashier asks.

“Hi, can I grab a Venti double shot latte with one sugar,” you say, already reaching for your coffee card and money.

“Sure. Anything else?”

“That’s a–” You pause and think: you’re already here; should you buy Jimin’s coffee now and save yourself from another trip out of the office, beat him to the punch? The answer is pretty clear to you. “Actually, I’ll grab a Venti soy cappuccino with a shot of hazelnut as well.”

“Sure thing.”

“And could you use the Arabica beans for that cappuccino? I have a very picky boss.”

“I feel that,” the cashier laughs, scanning your coffee card and taking your money. “Won’t be too long.”

                                                     ▫▫▫

You’re one of the first few people in the office by the time you get there, and you take the moment of peace to settle yourself and prepare for the day ahead. As your computer warms up, you pull out a small compact mirror from your handbag, checking on your makeup.

It isn’t long before employees start to pour in, your coffee still piping hot when the floor is filled. The elevator doors open just as you’re getting to work on a pile of paperwork, not batting a lash when the CEO and his son step out and cross the room to enter the office.

“Good morning, sir,” you greet, not taking your eyes away from your computer monitor as you hold out a stack of papers with messages you’ve taken down for the CEO. “You have a meeting today with Kang and his brother at ten, and another meeting with Lee at three.”

“Thank you, _____,” the CEO replies, taking the messages from you with an acknowledging nod. “I’ll be having lunch with my wife and son later, so I’ll trust you to keep an eye on the office until I return.”

“Of course, sir.”

He disappears into his office, but Jimin slows down to lean against your table, a smug look on his face as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Morning, _____.”

“Good morning,” you reply, briefly glancing over at him before returning your attention to your computer monitor, reaching for your coffee. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“You can start by grabbing me a coffee,” he says, watching you take a sip. Barely disrupting your routine, you reach around to pick up his coffee from behind your computer, setting it down on your desk next to him.

“Arabica bean soy cappuccino with a shot of hazelnut,” you announce, fighting back a grin. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch Jimin straighten up, no longer smirking as he looks back and forth between you and the coffee. “Will that be all, sir?”

“Um… y-yeah. Thank you.”

It isn’t until he’s walked off with his coffee to join his father that you smile to yourself and take another sip.

_____, one; Jimin, zero.

                                                     ▫▫▫

“Bangtan Enterprises. This is _____. How may I help you?”

“_____, it’s me,” Yoongi says.

“Oh, hey. What’s up? Need to order more supplies?” you ask, reaching for a pen and a notepad.

“Nah, not yet. I’ve got some gossip.”

“Oh. And you’re calling me over the work line to tell me? Where someone could overhear us?”

“Hey. What’s life without a bit of thrill? Anyway, I’ve got some details on your young master.” You roll your eyes.

“Not interested, Yoongs.”

“Oh, I think you will be, considering it involves you too.”

“Come on. I’ve got a bunch of reports to write up and file, and emails to write. Can’t this wa–”

“He likes you.” Your sentence goes unfinished as you straighten up, furrowing your eyebrows.

“Come again?” you ask.

“I was right. Park Jimin, heir to Bangtan Enterprises, wants a slice of the _____ cake.”

“Liar. How the hell would you even know something like that?”

“Hoseok told me.”

“How would he know?”

“He’s friends with Namjoon, who happens to be Seokjin’s boyfriend, who happens to be one of Jimin’s best friends.”

“How does Hoseok even end up in that kind of circle?”

“I’ll explain it all to you another day. The point is, I was right. The young master has the hots for his dad’s secretary.”

“You called me just to tell me this?”

“Hell yeah, I did!” he calls out over the phone, a little too loud for your ear to handle. “I wish I said it to your face though. I would’ve loved to see your reaction.” You spin your chair around at the sound of the elevator doors opening, straightening up as you watch the CEO and Jimin step out, returning from their lunch.

“Okay, I’d love to stay and chat, but they’ve just got back from lunch and I gotta get back to work,” you say, cradling the phone with your shoulder as you reach out and pretend to type away.

“Keep me updated. Let me know if he tries to touch your butt or something.”

“That’s sexual harassment, Yoongs.”

“It’s also the most action you would’ve gotten in months if he did so don’t act like you’d hate it if it actually happened.”

“Bye, Yoongi.”

                                                     ▫▫▫

“_____? Could you come in here for a second, please?”

“Of course, sir.” You put down the phone and stand, smoothing out your skirt before stepping into the CEO’s office.

“I need you to accompany Jimin somewhere,” the CEO says, setting his glasses down onto his desk.

“Sir?”

“I have some contracts I need picked up over on the other side of Gangnam. Unfortunately, with my meeting with Lee in about half an hour, I won’t be able to get them myself. I’d like you to go with Jimin just to make sure everything’s in order, seeing as you know the contracts in and out. I mean, you did help me write them up.”

“You… want me to go right now, sir.”

“That’s right. There should be a car waiting for the both of you downstairs.”

Jimin stands from where he’d been sitting on the sofa, fixing his suit jacket and slacks before grinning at you.

“Well. No time like the present. Shall we go?” he asks, tucking his hands in his pockets as he cocks an eyebrow.

“What about my work, sir?” you ask the CEO.

“It won’t take long,” he replies, picking up his glasses again, a silent gesture to indicate that the conversation is coming to a close. “But if it does take longer than expected, you will be compensated, don’t worry.”

You steel yourself, quietly taking a deep breath before bowing and glancing over at Jimin, stepping out of the office to grab your coat and scarf off of the back of your chair. Jimin follows behind you, waiting by your desk as you grab your stuff, watching with a satisfied smile as you get ready without a word of complaint. He’s sure you’re hating all of this, and he doesn’t blame you, considering it had been his idea. Truthfully, he’d been expecting more resistance from you, surprised to find you biting your tongue and holding your words as you follow him to the elevators, ignoring the number of looks the both of you get along the way. He doesn’t miss the way you lock eyes with a few employees – a Kim Taehyung and a Jeon Jungkook, if he remembers correctly – before the silver doors close, a brief shrug of your shoulders the only response they get to their confusion before you’re out of sight.

“You must not get out much, huh,” Jimin says, leaning against the back wall of the elevator.

“Sorry?”

“You must not get out much, if that’s the kind of response you’re getting from everyone watching you get into an elevator.”

“Oh.” You clear your throat quietly, smoothing out the lapels of your coat. “I don’t think it’s me leaving that’s so shocking, sir.”

“Really? Then what is?”

“The fact that I’m leaving with you.” Jimin arches an eyebrow, a gesture you see from his reflection in the elevator doors.

“Is that right?” he says. “And how, may I ask, is that something to be shocked about?”

You meet his eyes in his reflection, and give him a small, somewhat knowing, smile just as the doors start to open.

“No reason.”

                                                    ▫▫▫

Jimin’s jaw tenses as he gets into the car, unbuttoning his suit jacket as he gets comfortable against the leather seat. You follow right behind him, smoothing out your skirt once you’re seated, and unravelling your scarf as the driver starts to pull away from the sidewalk.

The leather portfolio full of papers rests flat on your lap, and you watch as Gangnam passes you, illuminated by the afternoon sun. It’s almost exciting to be out of the office for the corporate equivalent of an errand run, so relaxed you almost forget this all still counts as work.

And then, just as you’re starting to get comfortable, a curt clearing of the throat interrupts the calm.

“So,” Jimin says, fixing the pleats of his slacks. “I understand this is your first job out of college.”

“It is,” you answer, sitting up straighter.

“Five years in the secretarial position… how’s that been?” You turn to face Jimin, eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Fine,” you say, tentatively. “I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t enjoy it. Sir.” Jimin hums quietly, and turns to look out the window; you stay still.

The quiet is, at the very least, unnerving and uncomfortable. You have no idea what he’s going to say next, or when, and for the duration of the car ride, you’re left on edge, anticipation something you’re not even sure is going to come.

Eventually, the car slows, and comes to a stop in front of a concrete building covered in polished glass windows. The driver lets Jimin out first, then you, and you stand in awe, gaping at the sheer size of the place. Jimin, on the other hand, remains unphased, buttoning up his suit jacket and fixing his sleeves before being led inside. You quickly follow behind, clutching your portfolio close to your chest.

                                                   ▫▫▫

“Hey, Jimin. Hey, _____!”

You’re pleasantly surprised when Hoseok emerges from his office to greet you, the smile on your lips present before you can even stop yourself.

“Hi, hyung,” Jimin says, smiling a little. “Um, I didn’t know you knew _____.”

“Oh, we go way back, don’t we, babe?” You roll your eyes.

“Yeah. Unfortunately,” you reply.

“Come in, come in,” Hoseok says, waving you both into his office.

You sink into the leather chairs across from Hoseok’s desk, watching Jimin do the same.

“The contracts, right?”

“Yep,” you answer, crossing your legs.

“How’s Yoongi?”

“Haven’t seen him today, but I’m going to assume he’s the usual.”

“Ah. Just checking. He might still be a little salty about me making a vegetarian dinner last night.” You scrunch up your nose.

“Yikes.”

“To be fair though, he did say he wanted to start eating better. Detox himself or something. I’m just helping him out.”

“Not sure cutting out meat was the right decision though,” you laugh.

“Probably not, yeah,” Hoseok laughs back.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin interrupts, eyebrows furrowed with either annoyance or confusion. “Who’s Yoongi?”

“My husband, _____’s old college roommate, and Bangtan Enterprises’ oh-so handy maintenance man.” Jimin straightens up, eyes widening slightly.

“Your… husband’s our maintenance man, hyung?”

“I mean, he’s more than qualified to be in similar shoes to you and me, Jimin. But he insisted on staying in his current position. Why he decided to do that is beyond me.”

“Maybe me and him’ll start up our own company to rival the both of yours,” you suggest, chuckling as you pick off bits of lint from your skirt.

“Jesus Christ, please don’t,” Hoseok replies, genuinely dreading the idea. “Don’t even joke about that. I don’t even wanna think about what you two could do to this company, and Jimin’s almost-company.” Jimin scoffs.

“Like a secretary and a maintenance man could take on our companies, hyung,” he says. With a straight face, Hoseok looks right at Jimin.

“Yeah, um… not to freak you out or, y’know, make you look like an idiot or anything, but your dad’s secretary and your maintenance man could be some of the greatest people in this business. _____ and Yoongi both hold Masters in business management and corporate finance, both graduated as valedictorians, and both really don’t need to be working for you and your dad.”

With lips slightly parted, Jimin slowly turns to look at you where you sit, calm as you flip through the pages in your portfolio.

“I wouldn’t be so quick to judge, Jimin-ah.”

You stand and clear your throat, smiling as you set your portfolio down on your seat.

“Excuse me. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom,” you say, bowing slightly in Jimin’s direction before leaving the room.

“Hey, how many copies did you need of the signed contract?” Hoseok asks, flicking through the folders in his filing cabinet.

“You didn’t tell me she had a Masters, hyung,” Jimin says, eyes glued to the door even after you’d already left.

“Hmm? Oh. I thought you already knew that. And the fact that I was married to Yoongi.”

“I feel like a dick.”

“You should. You act like a real big one from what I hear, and in this situation, a big dick ain’t a good thing. I thought you said you like her.”

“I do.”

“Doesn’t seem like it, bro.”

“Well, I just… don’t know how to do it properly. Do you, like, have any advice? How’d you woo your husband?” Hoseok narrows his eyes slightly, deep in thought; all of a sudden, he makes a face and shakes his head.

“No, we shouldn’t go into detail about that. Although, what I can tell you is that we met because of _____.” Jimin sighs, sinking into his chair.

“That’s not very helpful.”

“Look. All you need to do is not be an ass, okay? Don’t be cocky, don’t make any snide comments, don’t flaunt your money or brag about being the sole heir of Bangtan Enterprises. And for God’s sake, don’t make her buy you coffee every morning, dude. That kind of shit doesn’t impress her.”

“Then what does?” Hoseok taps his fingers against the edge of the filing cabinet.

“Wine,” he says eventually, clicking his fingers once.

“Wine?” Jimin repeats, confused.

“Jesus, I don’t know anyone else that knows more about wine than _____. She’s as picky about wine as you are about coffee beans.”

“Hyung, I don’t know shit about wine.”

“Well.” Hoseok casts his eyes to the door, watching as you approach it. “Then I suggest you do a bit of research if you want to have anything to talk about with her.”

                                                  ▫▫▫

“Noona.”

“Yes, Jungkook?” you say, not looking away from your computer monitor, fingers tapping away at your keyboard.

“Uh…”

“Do you have something you need me to scan or file?”

“No…”

“Do you have something I can pretend to scan or file so that you have a reason to be standing at my desk?” Jungkook blinks.

“One sec.” You briefly glance over your monitor to watch him walk back to his desk, fighting back a smile as you watch him pick up the first stack of papers he sees before walking back to your desk. “Here, noona.”

“Thanks.” You make a show of flipping through the pages, reading off words you’ve already read and pretending to review his report thoroughly.

“What’d you do today, noona?” Jungkook asks, playing with your pen holder. “With that Jimin guy, I mean.”

“Went to pay Hoseok a visit, actually.”

“Yoongi hyung’s husband?”

“Mhm.”

“What for?”

“Needed to pick up some contracts for the CEO.” Jungkook hums a little. “Why?”

“What was it like? I mean, what was he like?”

“Actually,” you say, looking up from the pages in your hand. “Not that bad today. Except I think that might’ve just been because Hoseok was there. The car ride back here was… interesting.”

“Interesting how?”

“Well, for one, it’s the quietest I’ve ever seen him. He hardly said a word.”

“He didn’t even annoy you? Didn’t even try?”

“Nope,” you reply, handing back the papers to Jungkook. “Weird, right?”

“Yeah. Really weird.” His gaze shifts to the CEO’s office before looking back at you. “Mmm. I better go. I’ll see you later in the break room, noona.”

“Sure.”

As Jungkook leaves and returns to his cubicle, your desk phone starts to ring. You check the caller ID before answering.

“Yes, sir?”

“A word, please, _____.”

“Of course.” You stand, watching as Jungkook, Taehyung and Seokjin all turn their heads towards you when you do. You walk into the CEO’s office, surprised to see Jimin sitting in a chair beside his father, and not on the sofa. “What can I do for you, sir?”

“I’d like you to accompany my wife, my son, and I at dinner tonight. If you don’t have any existing plans already, that is.” You raise your eyebrows, surprised.

“Sir?”

“Dinner? You do have dinner, don’t you, _____?” he says, chuckling.

“O-of course, sir. I just--”

“Great. We can leave when the day finishes.”

Your mouth opens and shuts dumbly as you fail to find any other words to say. Your eyes dart back and forth between the CEO and his son, the latter not meeting your eyes as he continues to focus on his phone. You settle for bowing and excusing yourself before leaving the room, dropping yourself back into your desk chair, confused as to what had just happened.

(In front, you see Jungkook, Taehyung, and Seokjin peer over their cubicle walls at you, trying to meet your gaze.)

                                                 ▫▫▫

“He did what?” Taehyung asks, grains of rice stuck to the corners of his mouth; you lean over to pick them off.

“He invited me to dinner. With his wife and Jimin,” you answer.

“Just like that?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you gonna go?” Seokjin asks, putting his chopsticks down.

“Do I have a choice? My boss is asking me to go to dinner with his family. I’m not sure I have any valid excuses to give him and reject the invitation.”

“You could tell him you think his son’s a dick,” Jungkook suggests; you snort.

“Hey. If you’re okay with today being the last day you see me in this building, then sure. I’ll tell him that, Jungkook.”

“Oh yeah.”

The door to the break room opens, and to your surprise, Yoongi walks in, unclipping his utility belt and dropping it on the table, sighing tiredly as he falls into the seat next to you.

“Fancy seeing you here, hyung,” Taehyung says, one eyebrow raised.

“Mmm,” Yoongi hums, reaching for your soda can and taking a sip. “That Jimin guy said there was something wrong with the heating in his dad’s office or something. And then I get there, and it’s perfectly fine. What a waste of gas. You’re right, _____. He is a dick.”

“I told you,” you say.

“He called you over to fix something that wasn’t even broken?” Jungkook asks.

“Yeah. And I would’ve left straight away if he didn’t insist on asking me a billion questions. Why’d you tell him about my Masters degree?”

“I didn’t. Hoseok did,” you reply. “We went over to his office a couple hours ago to pick up some contracts. I joked about starting up a company with you, Jimin said that was impossible, and then your husband went and told the young master about our ‘educational background’.”

“Huh.” Yoongi taps his fingers against the metal tab of your soda can, thinking. “That’s probably why he tried to offer me a job.”

“Hey, hyung. Why don’t you wanna work here?” Taehyung asks.

“Studying corporate finance only made me hate it more. Hoseok can take care of all of that. I’m happy being the maintenance man, thanks.” With a quiet groan, Yoongi pushes himself up, picking up his utility belt. “Well. I better get back and lodge a stupid report for the not-broken heating system.”

“Just leave it,” you say, waving your hand. “That just means more unnecessary work for the both of us, and if the young master wants to complain, then he can lodge the report if he wants.” Yoongi nods, taking one more sip from your soda before putting the can back down.

“That guy must really like you.”

There are coughs all around the table as Seokjin, Taehyung and Jungkook try not to choke on their food.

“Wait, what?” Jungkook asks.

“Oh, you didn’t tell them? Hoseok told me that the young master has the hots for Miss Secretary here,” Yoongi says, grinning.

“He does?” Taehyung asks, eyes wide.

“Yup.”

“No way,” you argue. “This might be the first time Hoseok’s got his information wrong, okay?”

“_____. He literally just asked me what you like to eat and if you really are as big of a wine buff as Hoseok makes you out to be. The dude likes you.” You groan and hold your head in your hands.

“Oh. That’s weird as hell,” Seokjin says. “But also means everything kind of makes sense now.”

“Don’t you start as well,” you say, glaring in Seokjin’s direction.

“Hey. Look on the bright side,” Yoongi says. “You’re gonna get a free fancy dinner and get to talk someone else’s ear off about your goddamn fermented grape fetish. Have fun. Me and Seok won’t wait up for you.”

                                                 ▫▫▫

Your eyes scan the restaurant with three parts awe and two parts nervousness, because this is the first time you’ve ever been here, and for some odd reason, there are barely any other occupied tables. It’s almost dead silent, save for the sound of clattering silverware and sizzling coming from the kitchen.

You’re sitting next to Jimin, trying to ignore the fact that the two seats across from you are still vacant. You bring your gaze down to the menu in front of you, pretending to read off the names of dishes you have no way of pronouncing fluently, trying not to grow more anxious by the minute.

You had gotten into the car with Jimin, and only Jimin, who’d said to you that his dad had left in a different car earlier to pick up his mom. His parents, he’d said, would be meeting you both at the restaurant.

A waiter, dressed in a neatly pressed dress shirt and slacks, approaches your table with a smile.

“Good evening,” he greets. “May I interest you both in some wine to start the meal?” To your surprise, Jimin waves his hand, motioning for you to choose without looking up from his menu.

“Um... do... your parents prefer red or white?” you ask Jimin; he shrugs.

“I don’t think they mind, really.”

“Oh. What about you then? Red or white?” Jimin shrugs again.

“Up to you. I’m not the expert here.” You watch his eyes widen suddenly, as if he’s just realised what he’s said, that perhaps he’s given away too much.

“Okay,” you reply, slightly hesitant before you turn back to the waiter. “I think we’ll play it safe and take an Australian Shiraz and a Sauvignon Blanc, preferably French.”

“Right away, ma’am,” the waiter replies, bowing slightly before walking to the bar.

Another quiet falls over the both of you once you’re both alone again, and you turn your attention back to the menu, trying to decipher the foreign words.

“How long have you been interested in wine?” Jimin asks, his voice cutting through the silence so suddenly you almost flinch.

“Oh. Uh, a couple of years now. I studied on exchange in the States for six months during my undergraduate years and went on some wine tour in the Napa Valley while I was there.” Jimin nods slowly, still not taking his eyes away from the menu.

“Any particular reason why wine became so interesting to you?”

“Not really. Maybe because it was a nice break from crunching numbers and analysing market patterns in the stock exchange.”

“Ah.” Out of the corner of your eye, you watch Jimin tap his finger against the edge of the menu as if contemplating something. “Can I ask you another question?”

“Go ahead, sir,” you reply.

(You miss his features flinching at the formality.)

“Was Hoseok hyung telling the truth when he said that you and his husband were more than qualified to take our spots?” You lower your menu back down onto the table, slowly turning to look at Jimin.

“He was, but me and Yoongi don’t like to brag about it or flaunt it around. We’re more than content where we are, sir,” you say.

“You don’t have to be so formal, _____,” Jimin says. “We’re the same age. You don’t need to call me sir all the time. Save it for my dad.”

“Oh.” You turn to look at the still-empty seat in front of you, nodding once just as the waiter approaches your table again with two bottles of wine. “What... how am I supposed to address you then?”

“Jimin’s fine.”

                                                ▫▫▫

You’re almost done with your first glass of wine, and Jimin’s parents still have not shown up.

You let Jimin order, a little impressed at the way the words roll off his tongue as if he’s been speaking Italian his entire life, and it isn’t until you see the waiter start to bring out the first course that you decide to say anything.

“Um... your parents...” you start, hesitant to reach out for your napkin to unfold and place over your lap like Jimin is doing. He pauses.

“Oh yeah. My parents. Hold on, I’ll call them.”

Jimin puts his napkin down and reaches into his suit jacket pocket, pulling out his phone. You reach for your glass of wine just as he dials and brings his phone to his ear, turning away from you politely. He speaks quietly, low enough that you can’t exactly make out what he’s saying. 

The waiter is setting down the first set of plates in front of you and Jimin when he ends the call.

“They’re not coming,” he says, staring down, almost glaring, at his phone.

“What?” you ask, eyes wide.

“It’s my mom. She’s not feeling well. Some allergic reaction to some new face cream or something.”

You stare down at the plate in front of you, eyebrows slightly furrowed with confusion, mind reeling. Beside you, Jimin does the same.

“So... what do we do now?”

                                                ▫▫▫

The dinner continues, and, much to your surprise, it isn’t as horrible as you’d been anticipating.

During the first course and another glass of wine, you’ve unintentionally revealed a good portion of your life outside of work to Jimin: to living with Yoongi and Hoseok; keeping an eye on your baby cousin, Jungkook; and how you came to know the Kim brothers in marketing. It’s interesting to watch Jimin pay so much attention to every word that slips out of you, barely phased by the way the waiters take your empty plates and replace them with the next course.

Isn’t it weird to live with a married couple? Why do you need to keep an eye on Jungkook? Is it true that Seokjin and Taehyung have been asked by the media and publicity department to model for the company?

Sometimes; because he’s a giant man baby; yes.

The pasta is perfectly cooked, but your mind isn’t focused on the food, but on the way Jimin’s head nods every now and again, the corners of his eyes crinkling up at the edges slightly when he laughs at your retelling of the time you’d gone fishing with your uncle and Jungkook back in Busan, and your cousin had, without really thinking, stuck his hand into the water and pulled out a fish with his bare hands.

He pours you another glass, and you do the same when it starts to run low on wine, and as dessert is brought out, you start to gain a little insight as to the kind of person Jimin really is.

You barely need to apply any pressure to your fork to cut through the tiramisu as Jimin lets you know that he’s an only child in a family that almost drowns in financial wealth. The slightly bitter coffee and cocoa flavours are eased by the tart mascarpone on your tongue as he relieves his college days, of requesting to be dropped off two blocks away from campus to avoid the weird looks at his chauffeured transport, and steering clear of branded clothing and accessories to keep suspicions for fellow students at bay.

You’re cleansing the richness of the dessert in your mouth with the sharpness of the wine you sip, finding that Jimin doesn’t really have friends that haven’t been introduced to him because of their bank accounts and societal ranking, that he doesn’t even consider them friends really but more so acquaintances that share nothing but wealth and greed in common.

The both of you have almost finished the entire bottle of red wine when you realise that maybe you had judged the guy too early.

                                                ▫▫▫

By the time the dinner has finished, Jimin has paid the bill and given you the unopened bottle of Sauvignon Blanc to take home.

The both of you are waiting on the sidewalk, waiting as his driver brings the car around to pick the both of you up, your breath coming out in small plumes of white smoke in the chilly evening air. You don’t mean to shiver, or much less for Jimin to notice, but you do, and he does, and pretty soon he’s draped his coat over your shoulders to keep you warm. You protest, albeit weakly because you can’t deny how warm you’re feeling now, but Jimin insists and ignores your pleas for him to take his coat back.

He lets you in first, much to the confusion of his driver who stops walking around the car to open the door for Jimin, instead returning to the driver’s seat.

The drive back to your apartment is quiet again, but not uncomfortable this time around. You watch as the streetlights blur into a colourful mess outside, and, before you know it, the driver is pulling up on the sidewalk right outside your apartment building.

“Well. Thank you for dinner and the wine, s-- Jimin,” you say, pulling his coat off of your shoulders and returning it to him.

“You’re welcome,” he replies, smiling a little. “I apologise on my parents’ behalf for them not showing up.”

“That’s alright. I... surprisingly enough, actually kind of enjoyed it, so...”

The leather seats groan quietly as Jimin leans over the middle seat, gently holding onto your wrist to stop you from leaving immediately before pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at the office then,” he says, slowly releasing his hold on you. Blinking, you’re speechless for a moment as you turn to look at him.

“Um... right. Y-yeah,” you say, stumbling over your words; Jimin’s smiles a little wider. “Good... night, Jimin.”

“Goodnight, _____.”

                                                ▫▫▫

(”So? How was dinner?” Hoseok asks before you’ve even managed to step in properly.

“Um.”

“Wow. You got the young master to buy you a bottle of wine?” Yoongi says from the sofa. “Impressive. How much is that worth?”

“Couple hundred dollars,” you reply, slightly dazed. “It’s imported, so...”

The both of them raise an eyebrow at you.

“You okay? You seem a little out of it, _____,” Hoseok says, sitting up slightly and bumping Yoongi’s shoulder in the process. You carelessly thrust the bottle of wine into Yoongi’s hands when he reaches out for it, dropping yourself into the adjacent arm chair, not even bothering to take your coat and scarf off, your bag still hanging off your shoulder. “_____?”

“Jimin likes me,” you say, voice so quiet, they almost don’t hear you over the sound coming from the television. But they do, and you watch as their eyes grow wide with realisation.

“What happened?”

“Fucking spill.”)

[mayracolman573-blog]

Upali Amarasinghe, Bharat R.

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[moongothic]

The Styrofoam Chair Saga

Part 3: Foam Hell. The Hell Never Ends. There is No Escape.

[Part 1] [Part 2]

I was going to wait and post a Third and Final Part to this saga once the chair was fully completed, but There Have Been Some Issues and it’s still not done. I’ve been working on this chair for months, it’s fucking November, and it’s not done. So I’m splitting the reupholstery into multiple parts just so I can post SOMETHING for a change. Side effect is that some of this will be slightly out of chronological order but nothing major

You know I thought things would get easier from here on out now that the structural issues of the chair had been fixed? I was a fool. The Pain Never Ends.

So, after the previous work was completed I got my hands on some extra supplies I knew I’d need to finish the chair; new foam, new fabric and even a staple gun.

Now as you can see from the photo, the old foam had been custom made/shaped for the chair so that the parts of the foam that touched the seat were a few centimeters thick, while the top, outside edge of the foam was quite thin. There was no way for me to get foam Just Like That to replace the old, so I chose to get foam that was about 2 cm thick all the way (2 cm being the approx thickest the original foam was)

But applying it to the chair was going to be the real issue. You see, normally, you’d glue the foam onto the chair’s frame, but that wasn’t going to work here. This is because foam glue isn’t suitable for styrofoam, it makes styrofoam melt. I did a quick test on some scrap pieces, and while it did theoretically attach this tiny piece of old foam onto the styrofoam, the styrofoam melted a lot, and I didn’t want to risk damaging the chair or ruining it if it didn’t adhere properly.

So I had to think of some other way to attach the new foam onto the chair. But that wasn’t going to be easy, because nothing sticks to fucking styrofoam. Now the styrofoam craft glue was one option, but I was completely out of it, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to order some online (especially because it only comes in tiny ass tubes which surely wouldn’t have been enough for the whole chair, and the tubes aren’t particularly cheap)

After a lot of thinking... I figured... I could just try... basic white PVA glue..? Just water it down a bit so it’d be easier to spread with a large brush and give it a shot? I knew it wouldn’t melt the styrofoam so the worst that could happen would be for the foam to not stick, really

But first, before I could glue anything, I had to cut the shape of the inner edge of the chair. Anything and everything that would stick out on the outside I could trim later, but the area near the seat had to be cut down first.

With the foam piece cut though, it was time.

I applied glue onto parts of the chair and tried to apply the foam on there.

It wouldn’t stick.

With hindsight I can say it was because I watered it down, it was too wet and the foam couldn’t grab onto the chair. But I didn’t quite understand that yet, so I just struggled in absolute pain and horror, desperately trying to think of how to hold down the foam in multiple places at once so the glue would dry and hold the two together.

I was SO desperate that I even tried to use a hair dryer to make the glue dry faster. And at one point I kind of lost my balance and pushed the dryer directly into the foam

So now there’s a nice burn mark right in the middle of it, where the dryer went through and melted parts of the foam

After a lot of struggling and some help from my dad I did manage to get some of the key parts to stay down, so I let things dry before going back and drying to get (non-diluted) glue brushed into spots where the foam wasn’t glued down.

The real tricky part was figuring out what to do with the edges of the outside though; with the parts around the seat I was able to just put down some weights and misc heavy junk to hold the foam down and make sure it was being pushed onto the styrofoam, but with the edges I wouldn’t be able to do that and I sure as hell didn’t want to spend all fucking night holding down the foam for hours and hours on end

After I cut the excess foam from around the chair, I had an idea. Painters tape.

Painters tape would surely hold down the foam strongly enough they’d dry together but without damaging the surface of either material or leaving any residue onto the chair! It’d be unintrusive and easy to remove!

So tape it down I did, and just for extra measure I even stuck down needles just to make sure the tape wouldn’t come off (conveniently the needles wouldn’t even leave marks onto the foam)

Lo and behold, it worked. After much struggle, the foam had been glued down. It wasn’t a good job, really, but it was done. I then trimmed the edge again, this time trying to get it as nice and even as I could

There was one casualty though where I accidentally cut off too much foam, which I then pached with the help of the foam glue lmao

Now that the inside/seat-side of the chair was done, it was time for the outside

I had been debating whether or not I should do this for a while, but I came to the conclusion that it’d be for the best if I added a soft, thin cushion/foam onto the outside of the chair too. It wasn’t there originally, but I wanted to add it because the styrofoam was quite dented, bumpy and uneven on the outside (partially my fault due to man-handling the chair, but also some of it was there already when I started working on the chair). Not to mention, the screws on the skeleton of the chair did protude quite a bit, so I figured that if I added a soft cushioning on the outside of the chair, it could hide those imperfections

So I got some of that foam and got to work

This time the glueing process was quite a bit easier, since I knew to NOT water down the glue, but also due to the shape of the chair, I was able to take advantage of gravity this time around. So I just laid down some glue and the foam on top, allowing it to glue as so

Once dry I trimmed the excess and then glued down some loose spots around the edges again, and the glue job was done!

Full disclosure, I didn’t remember to take these photos of the chair until months later just before I stapled down the fabric (like, today), so there’s been plenty of time for a nice layer of cat hair to accumulate on the chair (which is very visible in the photos above (thank god the fur is white lmao)). And I had to temporarily attach the chair to its foot while working with the fabric, just so I could see what the hell I was doing, it wasn’t perma-attached yet in the photos above.

All things considdered, the materials I had and how some things didn’t work together, I didn’t do a horrible job applying the new foam, this part turned out pretty decent. Or it would’ve turned out decent had I not lost my balance at that one point and melted the foam on the chair with that hair dryer. It’s mainly just upsetting because I ruined the foam before the chair was even finished, and the only way to fix it would’ve been to remove the whole foam and get a new piece entirely. All around a giant waste of money. Definitely dampened my mood

But aside from that one mistake, it did turn out kind of decent, and I’m kind of proud of myself (but not really) for managing to do this. And I kind of want to hang onto that small amount of pride I have there, because god fucking knows the actual reupholstery has been a complete trainwreck. IT’S DOWN HILL FROM HERE BOYS, SEE YOU IN PART 4

[Part 4]

[moongothic]

The Styrofoam Chair Saga

Part Two: I’m In Hell

[Part 1]

It has been six, nearly seven months since I began working on this chair in December 2021. The chair, that was supposed to be an easy fix, that turned out to be a nightmare project to get into usable condition again.

The main reason I had to leave this chair On Hold was because I came to the conclusion that my best chance at fixing this chair would require woodworking, and there was no way in hell I’d do painstaking, precise woodworking in the middle of winter, so the chair was left to wait until the weather was right and I had gathered all the courage required to start working on the chair again.

Because I am absolutely terrified of this chair now, and I’m terrified I might destroy it during my attempt at fixing it. Yeah the weather has been fine for a month now and I’ve just been too scared to even start this project until now (but also I had been trying to finish Some Other Nightmare Projects (see; that fucking lamp) before jumping into a “new” one).

But yeah, I started with trying to reinforce the crack in the chair with the styrofoam glue I bought back in December

I did my best to just go all around the chair, showing the tip of the glue tube as deep as I could into the chair and pouring as much glue in there as I could, and I do think it has helped the chair a little bit, it definitely feels sturdy enough for me that I’m comfortable manhandling it a bit now where as before I was kinda scared to handle it

But it’s definitely not sturdy enough I’d trust my weight on it. I wasn’t able to get glue super deep into the crack so it’s not glued all the way through, and in some places (like in the picture above) there’s just been losses in the styrofoam, so even after I poured an absurd amount of glue into the crack, there’s still empty voids in there.

Also, the styrofoam glue is like, a crafting supply, it’s not meant to handle the weight of a person

So, as I already knew, the chair needs “a skeleton”

I marked down roughly onto the chair where I’d be putting the skeleton, measured out how much wood I’d need and started by cutting the pieces that would make up the central “spine”

(I got just this simple thing of lumber, it’s like 2x4 cm and 3,3 meters long, I figured it’d be the best shape and size for the chair. The styrofoam isn’t super thick so I don’t want to risk damaging it by carving out too much material, but I still need the wood to be thick enough that I can attach the spine pieces with screws)

There’s two pieces of plywood that go with the chair, one is meant to go under the chair to help hold the chair in place when it’s attached to its foot. My plan is that the skeleton is going to go between the chair and that plywood piece, so I had to carve out this indentation into the first piece of the spine so I wouldn’t have to carve out a needlessly deep slot into the styrofoam instead.

Carving that out with a knife took forever and left my thumb sore for days. Definitely not something I would’ve wanted to do in the middle of winter

But, with the indentation carved out, it was time to start carving out the slot for the piece...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

There’s no going back anymooooore

If this doesn’t work out the way I want it to I will die instantly

During the carving of the styrofoam I did try to collect as much of it as I could-- the shit’s static-y as fuck and gets everywhere like glitter (I mean they are both plastic...) so I did have to just vaccuum up the small bits every 10 minutes or so just to make sure I didn’t get buried in it. But the larger carvings I tried to collect into some jars.

In woodworking you can combine glue and wooddust to create a custom wood filler (one that matches the wood your working with pretty perfectly) to, well, fill gaps in the wood. I’m hoping that I could maybe try grounding up some of this stuff and combine it with the styrofoam glue to then try to fill up some of the cracks in the chair. Not sure if it’ll work out or not, but it’s worth a shot

But, after a lot of carving, I managed to make a slot for the first piece of the spine, the center spine! The piece here was still needing some trimming and adjusting in this photo, but as you can see, it did fit pretty nicely! Nice enough I could fit the bottom plywood piece into its slot!

And then I had to repeat the carving process for the other pieces. I did think of a way to speed things up a bit (literally just using a saw to make 4~mm deep cuts into the wood that make this waffle pattern; this made it so that I could literally chip out chunks of the wood with a knife much easier and faster than if I tried to just carve out the whole thing. And, of course, used my sander to make sure I got it as clean and flat at the end)

Aaand, after a lot of work the carving was done! All three bottom pieces for the spine were done!

Realizing now I didn’t take photos of them, but I did cut the “extension pieces” for the skeleton’s sides too, but here you can only see the extension piece for the central spine.

So I proceeded to carve out the slots for the other two bottom pieces. It created an absolute mess, let me tell you (I really was vaccuuming every 5 minutes or so during this, and I did fill like three large jars with styrofoam pieces)

While carving the sides, I did find the where the crack in the styrofoam goes. In fact, I discovered there was a massive air bubble in the chair, exactly where the crack was going through (which makes sense, of course that spot would be weaker than the rest of the chair, it’s natural the crack would go through there)

I also found where the crack was going on the left side of the chair; it was thankfully much smaller though, and had no air bubbles. Still, it was a little scary, getting to see the damage like that

With the slots carved out, I could then try to fit the wood pieces in!

Looks good!

And the bottom plywood piece fit over them perfectly too!

Everything was going fantastic! I even filled out some of the voids in the styrofoam with glue and the styrofoam bits at this point!

And then I carved a slot on the right side for the extension piece and the pieces didn’t fit together

The bottom piece wasn’t long enough and couldn’t reach the extension

The extension piece couldn’t even go together with the bottom because I had cut the angle on it extremely wrong

It just wouldn’t go into its slot

Like, below is an approximation of how the pieces should’ve gone together

You can clearly see how short the bottom piece is

It’s way too fucking small

Oh, and when I did a glue test on the central spine, to see if it and the extension would go into their slot

They wouldn’t

The angle was all wrong

This is where I lost all my steam

I spent a week or two, just cutting and recutting the angles of the extension pieces, over and over again, just trying to figure out what angle they had to be in so they’d fit into the slot when glued together, and I couldn’t, I could not figure it out for the life of me. I tried steep cuts, and they wouldn’t fit. I tried flat cuts, and they would not fit

I gave up and didn’t even look at the chair for almost a month because I was so upset and tired.

I even decided I wouldn’t even do the extension part on the left side of the chair, like, if I couldn’t figure out how to do the extension on the right, how the fuck was I going to pull it off on the left.

Eventually I did figure out the correct angle for the right side, where the pieces would fit into the slots, but by this point, after so much cutting the extension piece had become far too short to be used (which was unavoidable, couldn’t figure out the right angle without cutting the piece and trying different angles, I had accepted that) and the bottom piece had been too short from the begining, so I had to recut the pieces entirely from scratch

My only comfort was knowing that, because by this point I had given up on doing an extension on the left side, I could reuse the left side extension piece (which I had cut before I decided to give up on it). But the bottom piece would require more work

(Pictured below: A) Glue test where the extension fits into its slot nice, but the bottom piece can’t reach its slot. The angle is wrong. B) The bottom piece fits into its slot, but it’s too short at both ends, and the extension doesn’t sit flat in its slot)

While I had figured out the right side, the center was still fucking with me

But, I figured I’d try to just finish the right side while I still knew what I’d need to do to make it work, since the right side should be harder than the center spine. So I continued and prepared the new pieces for the right side. I tried cutting them into the right shape+size to fit into the slot

They didn’t fit the slot

The cut wasn’t straight

I can’t put into words what I was going through mentally

Like, the thing is, I had been using a basic ass saw to cut the pieces, and even the slightest little movement can warp your cut, which, for a precise thing like this, was not great. Sawing the wood pieces was so fucking hard that it kind of made me wonder if I should buy a fucking table saw because clearly it was the only way I’d get a clean, straight cut.

My ranting aside, I struggled with the side for like another week until I miraculously re-discovered the right-ish angle again, and proceeded with getting the pieces permanently attached. During the glue test I attached the two pieces with screws; dad had warned me that the extension piece could break since the screws would be going straight into the wood fibers instead of across them, so I wanted to make the holes now so that, if the wood did shatter, maybe wouldn’t loose too much time having to redo my work (AGAIN)

Fortunately, the wood did not split though, and with the holes ready, I could take the right spine apart knowing I could reattach them again perfectly

And yeah, it’s far from perfect, but it does its job

So. Back into the wood carving. Again

With the pieces recut and completed

They were reattached with the screws and some glue for good measure

Yes, the cut is far from perfect, it’s not even, and I didn’t even make sure the screws wouldn’t bulge out from the chair. I just. I did not have it in me to try and carve out slots for the screws, I was (and I still am) so fucking tired from this whole mess.

With the right side done and the left side super done, I had to figure out the center. The central spine which had been confusing me for eons now

And, I did two things; I redid the central extension piece from scratch with a specific angle on it, and I shaved some extra foam off the chair, just to make the slot an itty bitty tiny bit bigger from one spot

I didn’t take photos of it, but the pieces finally fit together. They went into the slot perfectly* during my glue-test.

I almost screamed because I was so happy.

Fortunately all I then had to do was do the screw thing again before doing the final attachment, and boom, it was done. The central spine was done

I did still have to sand down some extra wood that was sticking out at the end of both spines, just to make sure they were nice and flush with the styrofoam, but my sander made easy work of that.

And there they were. Done. Completed. The skeleton had been built. Finally. After so much struggling and pain.

Now I had said they fit in *perfectly, and that is, indeed, with an asterisk.

I couldn’t get the pieces to go into the slots completely flat, so what I ended up doing was regluing some styrofoam into the chair in the spots that would otherwise end up empty. I don’t think they probably added much if any structural support, but I prefered filling those spots rather than leaving them empty

And, yeah

The skeleton’s done.

You know what that means

Okay so. My dad had all the way back in December bought me some new screws+bolts to replace the originals of the chair, since the originals were cut in half so they could be removed (also they weren’t standard screws so they required some specific kind of bolts, the originals had been lost, and I did want to go hunting for).

Dad had accidentally bough 3 screws that were the exact right size, and one that was just a little too short.

I did a test with just the three screws I had, and...

The chair was making a lot of noise

Like, just sitting down on it, it was making so much noise

I was so scared, I couldn’t tell if it was because of the missing screw and me not attaching the chair pieces super firmly, or because the styrofoam was on the verge of breaking despite the skeleton

I was so scared my months of suffering with this chair were a waste of time

But, we went to the same hardware store to get that final, fourth screw. It cost 0,15€. We got home. I attached the screw, and tightened all four screws.

It was sturdy. It didn’t creak, or make any kind of noise.

It’s sturdy.

It’s fixed.

The chair has been fixed

(Yes I took the photo pre-final screw, shush)

And here’s the skeleton. Looks rough, yes, I will probably/definitely shove some extra styrofoam into the empty holes after I glue the skeleton pieces onto the chair.

And yeah, the screws are pointing out pretty obviously.

I’m thinking I might get some light foam cushion and put that on the outside of the chair, not just the inside, I feel like that would help hide not just the screws but also even out some of the bumps and indentations on the styrofoam itself.

But the skeleton is done. The chair has been reinforced.

I can now, finally, try to reupholster it.

[Part 3]

[moongothic]

The Styrofoam Chair Saga

Part Fucking One

So. Backstory.

I used to have this old chair for a few years during middle school that I used as my desk chair. I can’t remember where it came from, I think we had just had it since forever, it just happened to land into my use for a few years. It was a decent enough chair, p comfy, p nice, but over the years it started to wear out until one day, it just kind of cracked

I can’t remember what happened exactly, but suddenly the chair had become unstable, like I was afraid to lean or sit on it lest it break out from underneath me. So I complained to my mom about it and how I needed a new chair for my desk and how this one needed to be thrown out yaddi yadda. Shockingly to me she got kind of mad about the condition the chair was in, and absolutely refused to throw it out because she really liked the chair (IDK it could’ve been from her grandma or her late brother, or it could’ve been a designer chair maybe, or maybe she just thought it looked cool, I don’t know why, she just liked that chair a lot, and refused to let go of it).

Mom said she was going to fix it up and reupholster it, and so the chair just went into our basement to wait until my mom would have the time and energy to fix it up.

And she never got around to it.

And the time has come for me to decide whether it’s going in the trash, or if I will fix it.

And you know I’m trying to fucking fix this god forsaken thing, we wouldn’t fucking be here rn if that wasn’t the bloody case

So I don’t have a proper Before photo of the chair, my mom had seemingly removed the chair-part from the metal foot, so when I started working on it, it was already kind of disassembled (not that there was much to disassemble). So I don’t have any proper photos of it in its original, full glory

But you can definitely see what a piss poor condition this chair was when I started working on it in late November/early December (2021).

(The blue ball of fabric is the original fabric that went on the cushion, it had just completely come off because of how ripped it had become)

My goal is/was to just replace the old foam on the chair (because of the massive tear on the side) and give it a nice new fabric (preferably an obnoxious yellow one that’d match the sidetable I refinished last fall so my Retro Gaming Station could look nice and obnoxious). But as you will fucking see, shit wasn’t going to be as easy as I had foolishly assumed.

Now yeah, it’s been like a damn decade since this chair was put away, so I didn’t remember what had exactly happened to it when it became unstable. Like, when I saw that it was unattached from the foot, I kind of just assumed it just needed to be reattached to the foot properly so it’d be nice and secure again, meaning it’d be an easy fix.

But yeah, the work had to begin with me removing the old fabric from the chair as it needed to be completely replaced along with the original foam, both were absolutely disgusting and badly ripped as you can tell. (Also like, they were in our basement where my mom used to smoke, they don’t smell like tobacco but the fabric and some of the more exposed foam does have that gross yellow hue to it now)

I began by removing a piece of cushioned... IDK let’s pretend it’s plywood, a piece of cushioned plywood that was sitting over the seat, under the loose, extra cushion. I got access to the area where the fabric had been stapled to the bottom of the seat, so I slowly began my mission of gently ripping those staples out so I could get the fabric off as one piece (so that I could later use it to measure a new piece of fabric to reupholster the chair).

After the top was done, it was the bottom’s turn. So many staples...

More staples. At this point I had removed the cushioned bottom piece though. And the four bolts you see here are the what connect the chair to the foot of the chair, the bolts just go through it and you tighten it with nuts.

Anyway I kept on slowly ripping out those staples, it genuinely took me like four hours to finish

And then I made this fucking discovery.

There’s a big ol’ crack in the styrofoam.

Now I couldn’t really tell the full damage going on here due to the fabric and the cushion foam covering most of the chair, but that can’t be good.

After many hours though, I had finished removing the staples, meaning I could now just rip off the fabric and the foam from the chair.

That said the chair was fucking filthy and there was no way I was going to work any further on this in my room, no way, I don’t want this dust in my room, and it was like way past midnight, so the rest of the work had to wait until the next day.

SO NEXT FUCKING DAY

Now I could’ve just pulled the fabric right off the chair because it wasn’t being held in place or anything, but I figured it’d be easier to rip the seams on the two pieces of fabric when it was like this so I started with that (also the fabric was nasty and I didn’t want to hold on my lap while ripping the seams so)

Here it is, with the fabric removed, which meant I could then proceed to removing the old foam too. Fortunately for me, the chair was old, and so the old glue had degraded greatly (and it was on styrofoam, it’s not like anything sticks to styrofoam) so I was able to pull it off easily

BUT IT WAS FUCKING NASTY

Like I can’t fucking tell if that’s DUST that had accumulated inside the chair or if that’s just the old glue, but regardless, FUCKING NASTY. I had my vaccuum literally right next to me so I could vaccuum that shit right away, it was dreadful

GROSS

But, with the foam removed, the chair was then revealed

Styrofoam body with two pieces of plywood, one on the bottom and one on the seat, with four bolts going through the styrofoam to hold them all in place.

And the cracks were pretty bad.

Now before I get further into the crack problem, there was another problem; namely, the bolts. The original nuts that came with this chair are long gone, and without those, the chair can’t be reattached to the original foot. I went through all the misc nuts we had in storage, and I just couldn’t find anything that fit into this chair, so it’s very likely this old chair might’ve had custom, funky bolts on it, that require very specific nuts. And I have no way to figure out what kind they’d need to be, and where to even find replacements.

On top of that, the bolts were seemingly soldered on there, so you couldn’t even just pull them out and replace them.

At this point I just ended up asking my father for advice because I was extremely fucking stumped on what the hell to do, and he did help me out by cutting the bolts so they could be removed entirely and then replaced with new ones.

As an added benefit, we got to remove the plywood pieces from the styrofoam too, which gave us an Even Better Look at the crack in the chair

And oh boy

The entire chair has almost cracked in half

I honestly didn’t expect this to be this bad either, when I started this project I genuinely thought the only issue was that it needed to be reupholstered and reattached to the foot, I didn’t realize that when the chair cracked years ago it actually cracked

Now the thing is, this is fucking styrofoam. Nothing fucking attaches to styrofoam. At first I thought I could maybe just give the chair extra support with duct tape but that shit doesn’t attach to styrofoam, like, it comes off just as easily as it goes on there.

And the crack is really bad, like there is a sliver holding the chair back in one piece but it is a small sliver, and like. When I try to push the seat and the back together, I can’t really get it together, the crack stays there? I can’t tell if some styrofoam has just come off so the crack has become larger, or if some has gotten inside the crack so it can’t be brought back together, but whatever the case, it’s bad

So fixing this chair is not an easy task. And considdering it’s just styrofoam, it’s arguably not even worth the effort I’m meaning to put into it. But the chair has stupid sentimental value, so I’m going to give it a shot anyways.

Right now, the plan is to try to glue the crack together as well as I humanly can. I’ve even gone and bought some styrofoam glue specifically for this bloody project with the prayer that it’ll actually stick since it’s meant for styrofoam.

But styrofoam glue is like... Not furniture glue, it’s for crafts projects, it’s not meant to be able to handle human weight or anything. So even if I glue the chair together, it probably won’t hold for long.

And I thought about it long and hard, and I think there’s only one way to fix this chair.

It needs a spine. It needs like, an exo-skeleton, that will support it from the outside, so even if the crack reopened or even if the chair split in half, if the skeleton cups around the styrofoam, it’ll hold it together.

That’s my plan. Make a skeleton, then cut “a slot” into the back of the chair so sit it into it, so it won’t just out or anything.

The only thing is, I don’t think I can make that “spine” out of anything else but wood (I don’t know how to work with metal, and with wood I could really shave it down and sand it and do my best to make sure the skeleton really fits into the profile of the chair).

And I don’t really have like, a wood working studio or anything. And I can’t start sawing and sanding wood in a space surrounded by other normal furniture, I don’t want to get that saw dust all over the place.

So I need to do that all outside.

And it’s fucking winter right now.

It’s cold, and there’s like half a meter of snow outside.

I need to wait until fucking summer to finish this project

Or spring, I can get back to this in spring, I just need it to be not below freezing and covered in beautiful snow.

And so ends Part Fucking One of the Styrofoam Chair Saga, let us hope it will be continued later this year, and let us fucking hope I can pull this fucking thing off

[Part 2]