#The Monsters will eat you immediately

[spotaus]

So this might seem like a weird question, and this IS going anonymously because of it BUT

How many characters in New Age would be able to describe the taste of human flesh.

I feel like with the provided backstory, Killer could be a candidate for it, and I wouldn't be surprised if Nim had some sort of whim at some point even though I'm pretty sure you said they were vegetarian but I could have hallucinated that or smth

You can very much ignore this if you feel uncomfortable with it, btw. I just find this interesting

Hi anon, this ask is unhinged abd I love it SO dearly, please feel free to send more if you get the urge 💖 this is actually something exciting I hadn't even thought about! So... let's see who all I can list off for this idea...

-> Killer. Like u said Anon, I think he IS the most likely candidate! I don't think that it's a meal he'd have eaten often, nor would he openly joke about it, but I think that somewhere like the Temple where he was raised, or on the streets after he left Chara (the Black Market wasn't picky-) would be where it happened.

-> Nim. Oh. Yeah. She would've, I'm sure. (Also tbf I have no idea if I said that or not, my memory is SO bad, I'd probably have to check w/ Ancha lol- but for this let's imagine she's not.) I don't think anyone would be able to convince her if she knew what it was up-front (she thinks humans are lesser, but kinda in the way ppl don't usually think of brown bears as a food source?) But she's definitely had it before. 'Exotic cuts' that she never bothered to fact check lmao. Fancy and expensive, so she bought them!

-> Dust. Now, this one is a little weird, but I have good reason! Dust has a reputation to uphold when he's a crime lord, and has to get along with leaders of other crime branches to keep his power AND keep the lines running. One of the other kingdoms (which I'm establishing is basically full of shape-shifters which eat human flesh) was a prime source of income for Dust because they had a LOT of animal meat they weren't harvesting. In meetings, well, sometimes the meal involved the dishes of that kingdom, so human flesh! (He will NOT admit it didn't taste bad.)

-> Fresh. And no, not for the reason he'd normally know lmao. I think that Fresh's connection with the beasts (which I now realize are kinda stand-ins for his furby collection-) leads some of then to bring him gifts! And he lives usually out in the wilderness so a hunt is a hunt, y'know? Monsters are off-limits but like. If the beast brings him *just* the meat? He takes his chances abd hopes it's not People. (Some of it is, and he knows it, he could definitely identify it if given to him 🙏)

-> Reaper. He's not proud of it anymore, but back in the day when he was the general? Bringer of Death? Yeah, he ate a guy once. Used it as a fear tactic against their enemies, which in his defense DID work. But he wouldn't do it again. He would recognize the taste tho!

Soooo..... 5 of the New Age characters would be able to describe the taste of human flesh! (At least for the main cast lol-)

I do have honorary mentions though.

-> Ink: Has bitten people enough to *probably* have an idea of the taste.

-> Geno: Tried to do it "for science" when he was in the academy working on decay magic. (He reversed the decay enough that the flesh was fresh, he was curious!) He was told that if he did they'd suspend him, so he missed his opportunity :(

-> Cross: Can't tell you about the taste of flesh, but human blood used to get into his mouth all the time when he worked in his old kingdom, so he could tell you about that instead!

[gaoau]

tiny frog, big spider

who doesn't like frogs? even tarantulas end up welcoming them into their burrows. (Lucy doesn't like Nanao, though.)

pairing — Kisaragi Nanao x fem!reader

01. where the line between commensalism… 02. …and mutualism blurs 03. fundamentals of consistent reading 04. about the spider host and other interactions 05. that look shared across the table

“talk to me, even if without words.”

[ originally written: 11/04/2023 ]

[clonerightsagenda]

Falin has a talent for speaking with the dead and Marcille whipped necromancy (?) out of her back pocket... they are truly made for each other

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

Talking to the cishet about kinks and I mentioned intox kink cause yeah and he went “but you don’t drink???” So of course my mouth opened up and said “yeah and I don’t like guns either but that doesn’t stop the gun kink”

The cishet is shocked I tell you shocked and horrified

[milkweedman]

Ok I changed my mind, these are my babies now.

Ok I will be the first to admit that sleep deprivation makes me hysterical, and all these guys needed was a good wash and dry. And I really ought to iron them as well, although I doubt I will. In my defense tho, I haven't woven with cotton in a while, and I forgot that warp-faced lifeless garbage washes into very sturdy and neat little things.

I mean, look at that--I havent washed the very first towel yet because I didnt hemstitch it, and the difference between it and a washed one is pretty stark.

Only thing is they did, predictably, shrink a lot. The two square ones I was hoping could be dish mats are much more napkin sized now, and I have once again produced. Small hand towels. Should have cut out one of the squares and added that extra length to everything else. I am still really happy with them though. Especially the hemstitching. I wasn't all that comfortable hemstitching before this--usually I did either rolled hems or fellstitching or else tassels--the last hem only took 2 and half minutes, and it's 190 ish ends. So it's way faster than I thought it would be ! Plus, my mom inherited a bunch of (much finer) handwoven Italian textiles from her dad, and they all had a very short fringe almost like this. Just with like 1/10th the epi xD.

...I really want a finer dent reed.

Anyway. Now I just gotta put my fuckin loom back together, and then the big blanket project that I've been putting off for months.

[talesofsymphoniac]

So I'm speedrunning Utena again to see how I feel about the "Shadow Girls are Anthy's Projections" concept, and instead I'm thinking about how Chu-chu spends a lot of time hanging out with Utena without Anthy.

Like at first he's with Anthy all the time but you start having Utena take care of him when Anthy's not even there-- obviously Chu-chu stays behind when Anthy visits Akio but also things like Utena taking him for a walk at night because she's taking care of him.

And this is based on vibes only but it's always seemed to me that Chu-chu does not necessarily play the same manipulation games that Anthy does. He's not luring Utena out or purposefully distracting her, imo. He's just. Anthy's friend. Her first one.

[marzipanandminutiae]

did Ofelia Pan'sLabyrinth write this

The thing is. I would eat the grapes. I would eat the pomegranate seeds. I would eat the Turkish delights. It doesn’t matter what the stakes are if you put a little plate of snacks out in front of me I’ll eat them.

[lavenderprose]

Emmrich actually IS the suave and charismatic gentleman we've all been waiting for. Forget your Alistairs and your Cullens. Emmrich says dear and darling and has enough Big Dick Energy that you sense him coming from three rooms away. What's that shift in the air? Emmrich's natural necromantic aura touching the Fade? Well yes but also the sound of his monster cock swinging in his perfectly tailored trousers.

Emmrich talks to Rook like there's a love letter addressed to them specifically lodged in his voice box. He touches them like he paid money for the privilege. Emmrich uses his wealth to help others, he is NOT a person who desires power, and he expects the same of others. One time he looked at Rook and said, "The only good noble is a dead one," and even though Rook knew he was talking about the residents of the Necropolis, or perhaps because of that, it made Rook so wet they had to go sit down against a tree and bang their head a little to calm down.

Sometimes Rook shows up in Emmrich's room of an evening and without even missing a beat Emmrich says, "Come have a seat, darling," and Rook sits next to him only for him to tut and pat his knee. Immediately, Rook is perched there like he's Santa Claus.

"The things one can sense when truly in tune with the fade are inspiring," Emmrich says, and other such nonsense as his touch finds the path of least resistance to Rook's skin without hesitation. His fingers are cool and kind and they trace up the side of Rook's ribs like they might slot perfectly between them, like Rook was built as a home for his hand.

"You're killing me," Rook says, because he is, because Rook could actually choke and die from how badly they want to feel Emmrich's mustache on their thighs.

"Yes, but only a little death," Emmrich says. He smiles and his bangles jingle merrily away as he plays with Rook's chest. "Every time I touch your body, I'm already longing for the moment I'll touch it again."

"Guh," says Rook. "Hrng. Hunh."

"I quite agree. I find that words fail me when it comes to...how you make me feel, dearest." This is what Emmrich says, but fails utterly to demonstrate as he leans in and delicately bites Rook's earlobe, whispering seventeen of the twenty filthiest things Rook has ever heard. Things like I'll eat you like a cake, though you're more delicious and the Fade sings your name when I'm in you and--

"If I have to hear ONE MORE THING about that necromancer's cock," seethes Solas, who did NOT know that he was signing up for nightly pornographic lullabies when he decided to kick it in the back of Rook's head. This is the fourth time he's said that this week. He will hear many, many more things about that necromancer's cock.

"YES EMMRICH," echoes through the Fade, "Gods YES, harder! Give it to me!"

The spirits of the Fade, who like Emmrich a whole helluva lot more than they like Solas right now, twirl and giggle.

[depresseddepot]

my big monster beast wild man of a cat (toby) got into a fight with the baby (odie) and this is the first time the baby has gotten his whole ass kicked and he is so confused

pictured: the bitter brothers (toby is green, joey is orange and white, odie is brown and white)

[lucky-clover-gazette]

god. the way she’s so rude specifically to the doctor. how she keeps reacting like he’s condescending to her, even though both ruby and ricky are speaking the same way. the fact that she’s smitten with ricky and able to run and perform complex tasks when he asks, but resists the doctor’s doctor-ing at every turn. the cold open is her reacting to him with immediate disgust and blocking him. “i thought that you just looked the same.” “i knew i was right to hate you.” “he’s going to be so disciplined.” “he’s not as stupid as he looks.” the doctor keeps being like “the monsters must be differentiating who to eat for some [superficial, silly] reason - height, perfume, astral signs, etc,” and for the slug monsters it is something silly, it’s the first letter of their last name, but at the end we realize that to these actual human beings, race is the metric through which they judge the quality of the people around them, and despite him literally being The Doctor of Doctor Who, the Guy Who Saves People And That’s the Show, he is not worth their time… fuck.

like, if it was any other doctor, the entire episode would have unfolded differently. they would have taken the ride in the tardis. but with this doctor, they don’t. and then it ends.

[clonerightsagenda]

Amestris isn't exactly spoiled for choice given most of their neighbors hate their guts but I do think it's funny that a neighboring world leader tried to kill their president on three separate occasions in front of witnesses and two years later they're making trade deals with him like

[wibben]

Photogenic

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nanami does not like his picture taken.

It’s a shame, really, because he’s painfully and effortlessly photogenic. Even the begrudging shots – the ones taken mid-grimace or right as that frown of his settles in – turn out looking unfairly good.

You’d seen it firsthand. There was that one birthday dinner at Shoko’s, where she’d caught him mid-toast, glass raised and mouth sloping into a small, tolerant smile as she snapped a quick shot of the table. The photo looked like something out of a magazine ad, his cheeks warmed from the sake, his eyes a little brighter. But when she’d tried to show him, he shook his head with an unimpressed grunt.

Or the time Gojo had insisted on a group photo after a team mission. Gojo teased Kento into standing there, arms crossed and brow knitted in simmering annoyance, looking thoroughly put out. But somehow, he just looked like he was on the cover of GQ: chin tilted just right, sleeves rolled up perfectly, even his hair slightly tousled from the fight before. You might’ve whimpered a little when Kento insisted it be deleted (and maybe almost sobbed again with joy when Gojo refused).

No matter the context, Kento managed to look remarkable. And yet, he loathed each and every photo ever taken of him.

You couldn’t quite place where this aversion came from. Maybe a bad childhood haircut immortalized in an old family album, or one too many “just one more!”s from well-meaning friends. Either way, you’d mostly given up trying to capture him on camera. He existed as some sort of cryptid, like Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster: either you knew him in person, or he didn’t exist at all. But that hadn’t stopped Yuji – occasional agent of chaos – from sneaking in a few shots here and there. And that’s where your favorite picture of him came from.

You remember the day it was taken vividly. 

You’d insisted on a celebratory lunch for Yuji – a reward for a particularly tough job handled with flying colors (or, in short, because he’d actually listened to Kento’s instructions). Yuji joked his way through most of the meal, poking fun at everything from Kento’s meticulous folding of his napkin to his tactical approach to his plate, eating in the order of salad, then sides, then his main course. 

It had been right after you’d done… well, you couldn’t remember exactly what, as unremarkable as it was. Maybe a bad impression of Gojo, maybe a terrible joke. But whatever it was, Kento broke, his shoulders dropping as he graced the table with a genuine, unrestrained laugh that only you seemed capable of pulling out of him. Yuji had been quick to draw, snapping the photo before either of you noticed. 

Later, Yuji sent it to you with a sly grin. “Mrs. Nanami’s gotta have the good stuff,” he’d whispered, nudging you as he tilted his phone towards you. 

You stared, speechless, your heart doing a little stammering skip. There it was – Kento, your Kento, laughing, his shoulders relaxed, the faint lines by his eyes softened by that rare brightness in his gaze as he looked at you. You couldn’t help it; you’d immediately favorited it the moment it hit your inbox, tucked it into a private album, and maybe, possibly, looked at it embarrassingly often.

A few weeks later, though not remotely forgotten to you, it remained blissfully unknown to him.

One evening as you flipped through your camera roll, Kento leaned over the back of the couch, his arm bracing himself as he studied the photos of the fancy dinner the two of you had recently gone to. You’d taken more than one, trying to capture every detail of the delicate plating at his insistence so he could try and recreate it at home.

“Do you have a close-up of that risotto?” he asked, leaning in closer, his arm casually wound around the front of your chest and his breath drifting soft feathers across your cheek. “I want to see how they plated it.”

You nodded with an affirmative hum, flipping back a few photos – only to scroll back just a bit too far and that picture fills your screen, in all of it’s HD, no-longer-secret glory.

Your heart tripped as Kento’s gaze landed on it. You felt the warmth of his presence beside you grow a bit more rigid as he examined the photo, brows raising ever so slightly.

“...That isn’t dinner,” he remarked, clearing his throat beside your ear.

“Oh! That’s, um, just a… candid,” you stumbled, trying desperately for nonchalance. “Yuji took it, and it’s a really nice picture and I don’t have many, so I just…” your efforts to play it cool are skillfully undone by the plucking of your nerves… self-imposed, of course, because Kento remains quiet.

But he was still looking at it, brows drawing together as he studied it with a rare, quiet intensity.

“You favorited it,” he murmured, eyes flicking back to you.

His voice was low, gentle, but you stewed with nervousness all the same. “Well, I mean – look at you!” you laughed, feeling shy under his gaze, like you’d been caught doing something you shouldn’t have. “The only pictures I have of you smiling are from our wedding! Let me have this–”

Kento plucked the phone from your hands and you screeched, immediately trying to claw it back. “Wait, don’t delete it!” you laughed, a cauldron of nerves and panic bubbling in your chest as he holds it just out of reach of your swiping hands, his mouth curving in that calm way it always does. You’re sure he’s about to grumble about “nonsense” or “unnecessary photos” or “living in the moment.”

But he didn’t delete it. Instead, he adjusted his glasses and held your phone closer to his face, gazing down at the screen with a gentleness that stopped your protests cold. You caught the flicker of something tender in his eyes as he studied the photo – lingering on you, the way you lean toward him, how happy you look together.

He was silent for a moment, the slightest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. Then, almost shyly, “Could you… send it to me?”

You felt your eyebrows lift to be lost in your hairline, staring at him as if he’d just asked for the moon. “You… you want me to send it?”

He nodded. “Yes. I think I’d like to keep it.”

Your heart did a little stutter, a flash of warmth rushing to your face as you quickly sent him the photo. You didn’t think your grin could get any wider – but it did as you watched him save it, his expression somewhere between fond and exasperated, like he wasn’t quite sure how he’d gotten here, holding on to a picture of himself simply because it had been yours.

The next morning, with toothbrush in hand and foam dripping down your chin, you checked your phone and blinked, frozen in the middle of a brushstroke. That picture – that picture – was staring back at you as his profile picture, right there on the one or two social media accounts he’d reluctantly made but never actually used. You barely resisted the urge to squeal.

And then, later that day, it happened again: catching the briefest flash of his phone screen across the kitchen table, you saw the photo on his lock screen too. He looked up, catching your wide-eyed staring with a soft smile, one that was just for you, and undeniably better than any picture could ever be.

[masteri-0]

Come on guys, don't leave these in the tags, I miss them sometimes (says the one that likes to place all their thoughts in the tags..)

I imagine the courting would work sort of like demon courting, but also different in certain ways. From what I seem to recall (I can't tell if this is canon or fanon), demons kinda beat up their partners as proof that they, themself, are stronger and therefore can provide and protect. On the other hand, dragons go about trying to murder their person of interest to see if their potential mate has what it takes to provide for their young and uh, survive bonding events ☺️

So it's different intensity and intention, but would look quite similar on the outside. Ofc, that's not all it is. Dragons have hoards, and if they consider you in the highest regard, they may part with select belongings as gifts. But don't expect it to happen, and definitely not often, it really depends.

Also SY absolutely clocks onto what MBJ is doing immediately. Results in earlier revelations for Moshang. He's just very judgemental, looking at the Icy Lord™ persistently beating up this scrawny pathetic hamster of a man that clearly doesn't even want to fight back. Where's the appeal? Isn't that just bullying? Just add him to your hoard if you like him so much.

And on that note, family building isn't the only way to get a dragon's love and attention! This inspo came to me whilst replying to the comments, but there's no limits to a dragon's hoard! Which can totally include living beings, sentient or otherwise. That... May have caused issues in the past, in SY's old world, but that's a story for another day! One could totally become a hoard member (not that it happens often, what with dragons being mostly unknown and all, at least their types). And that's what I imagine YQY would be. He shows up with all those hoard-worthy gifts and looks like a kicked puppy, SQQ-Yuan can't help but be endeared.

What does it mean to be a hoard member, you ask? Well, guaranteed protection, for one. Maybe possessiveness and control for some dragons, it depends on the dragon. SY is on the more relaxed side of the spectrum, so YQY lucked out (or maybe not, that guy honestly might've preferred it, who knows). Anyways, main difference between being in a dragon's hoard vs family, is that they always ensure the wellbeing of their hoard. The sect leader looks more tired than usual? Dragged to bed or bullied into his nest to sleep. SY absolutely ignores any misunderstandings and cues ppl are getting from this, or the complicated past his host body shares with his hoard member. You know, like the smart dragon he is. YQY is absolutely overjoyed, but he also needs his Xiao Jiu to tone down a little- (when he called him Xiao Jiu, SQQ hissed and looked like he would bite his head off). It was a good thing he was the strongest cultivator of his generation, because God forbid he shows up with some sort of injury, SY might be out for blood.

(The Peak Lords are furiously testing for possession)

Went on a tangent there, but anyw, hoards! Instead of the typical gold and valuables, hoards generally consist of what dragons find precious and hyperfixate on. Truly fitting the ADHD peak, Yuan. Ofc, shinies and valuables make their way in there naturally, but they don't all consist of priceless goods or artifacts, once again it ranges from dragon to dragon.

I like to imagine that SY's hoard as SQQ consists of a whole assortment of fans and choice monster parts, some of those from LQG (ideal mate!!). Wld say rare plants as well, but despite fanon interpretations, canon SY doesn't actually seem to have much interest in the different plants and flowers used as plot devices. Also, if his hoard ever contained a plant that Qian Cao maybe really needed, that'll just cause quite a bit of conflict.

SY's hoard in his old world is absolutely still with him tho. How, you ask? Ever try to separate a dragon from its hoard? ☺️🔪 He would have truly done everything in his power to eviscerate the damn system, consequences be damned. System realised SQQ wouldn't be able to direct the story properly in that state either, so now he basically has the privilege of a neverending inventory for his hoard, with all his belongings from his old world included, under the condition that no inhabitants of his current world would be allowed to see it. I reckon this would give rise to funny shenanigans between the transmigrator duo. Also, funny scenarios like him pulling out neverending fans from his sleeves, that actually came from his inventory (Shen-shixiong why do you have so many fans in your sleeves?!), or even just those hilarious memes of people pulling huge or numerous objects out of a small space.

Oh, Shen Yuan absolutely does that, it was even written into one of my reblogs, but then I didn't know you had to press save as draft specifically and deleted the whole thing... With other things... Sighhh. Let me try to rmb what I wrote...

LQG, decidedly not on the same page: it's just what Bai Zhan does as training. Why should your disciples be trying to kill you?

SQQ ignores any further questions and decides that the children must just not have enough training! He's heard their wishes! Man he is so good at this parenting thing!

QJP now harbours a lifetime grudge against BZP. Shizun, they're the scholarly peak. Shizunnn! They've raised their skill level, but at what cost?

SQQ frequently sends his disciples out on monster hunts and such, as tests, for experience, to hone their skills... Etc. All perfectly normal for a Shizun to do, if it wasn't for the sheer level of difficulty of some of them. There absolutely have been interventions by Peak Lords, because, are you trying to get those disciples of yours killed, Shen-shixiong???

But... Once the disciples are actually questioned, none of them seem truly dissatisfied. Sure, their shizun sends them out on all manners of quests, generally forcing them to utilize all they have and push their limits in order to complete it (even dragon younglings cannot be called weak-), but no one is ever truly in danger of dying, even if there are injuries aplenty (but also someone better tell SY soon that human young can't regenerate their limbs-). Ofc, there have been instances where the disciples have almost died, but Shizun is always there at the sidelines, swooping in to rescue his ki- uh, the disciple in question, and then promptly mauling the creature responsible before he turns back to cluck and fuss over the disciple. Despite that, everyone still tries their darnest tho, for one, it's to make their Shizun proud, but also more importantly, despite the fussing and coddling immediately after, the disciple in question is always subjected to training from hell in the near future.

Also concerningly brought up to the Peak Lords' notice, SQQ seems to deeply lament about how none of his kids, even grown up as they are, have taken a shot at him (in a murderous way). Sure, it's cute how they stick to him so much and seem really attached, but he could've sworn he wasn't this attached to his parents, even as a hatchling? Was it because he was still a juvenile, and therefore didn't exert the same pressure as an adult, so the kids don't feel the same compulsion to attack him??

Regardless, peak lords try to subtly question SQQ to gauge his mental state. Could it be the grief of losing his favourite disciple causing all of this...? But, nope. An off-handed remark from SQQ-Y abt his fun experience of trying to murder his mom has them realizing that, oh, nevermind, SQQ just has a skewed perception of what normal is. How did they never notice this before???

Meanwhile YQY is just ??? When did this happen?

A few of them could catch on that something may not exactly be adding up. How is that thought in any way normal and persist for so long? I want this to end in a reveal eventually, someway or another, and writing all of this out is making me more and more tempted to just write a fic abt it.

What should I name this AU? Just dragon au? Lol. Unhinged dragon AU.

Here are the people that made the tags: @arsonisticscholar @howam-i-theparent

Just had a sudden thought of Dragon!Shen Yuan (or any creature really) AU, where it was like a normal rite of passage for parents to raise their young (protectively, they're not jerks, just uh, very unsafe for human children, or just humans in general...), then throw them into some sort of extreme trial to prove their strength, when they're deemed ready. Oh, and it was normal, expected, even, to take a go at your parents and try to murder them as a proof of superiority, or smt like that. Doesn't mean they don't love each other! Dragons just have a different way of showing care, that's all. What's a lil play fighting?

Anyw, main point is, SY transmigrates into SQQ with this mentality. Sees his cute little sheep. Falls in love instantly and adopts him. But oh! Oh, the protagonist is so weak, so malnourished! He's gonna nurture him and make sure he's well taken care of! Such a scrawny little sheep can't possibly survive anything! Oh? What's that? He has to push the scrawny baby into the abyss? Well! Makes sense, but that's years into the future, and he has time to make sure they grow up big and strong yet! Cue all the canonical pampering.

I'd imagine during LBH's disciple days, he receives a lot more comments about him going out into the world, and there's less matchmaking from Shizun, since SY believes that girls will flock naturally to him if he's strong enough, so there's also more emphasis on his training, as well as the training of other disciples on the peak. I'm not sure how he'll react to Bai Zhan disciples. Does he comment on their strength and set off the QJP disciples, causing an interpeak war? Does he still hold the same annoyance for them and property damage?

By the time the IAC rolls around, SQQ has already sent his not so little white sheep all over to gain experience, and deemed him ready for his 'coming of age' (close to human adulthood too, he'll do fineee). There is far less tears and hesitation. When the time comes and LBH's seal is broken, SQQ feels the increase in power and the last of his worry dissipates. He basically just looks at his kid, nods, and chucks him in. Dusts off his hands and pats himself on the back. One child down, however many more to go. Oh, they grow up so fast... (Was LBH freaking out during this? Oh well, must be the nerves, he knew the feeling well. But he's read the book and knows what's going to happen. His kid will be okay, and he'll naturally gain confidence after surviving in there!... No one ever said dragons were GOOD at feelings ...)

Of course, it takes some time to adjust to the absence, but there's less grieving and freaking out over his impending doom. Sure, he's judging the original work a little. Limbless and hanging, really? SY much prefers a clean death, thank you. (How he died in his previous life is up to interpretation). But that's besides the point, his favourite is off on his trial, and it's about time to test a few of his other kiddos too (single dad to, uh, how many?)

Shen Qingqiu gains reputation as a sadistic (?) teacher that puts his disciples through dangerous missions seemingly without care, but unlike in the past, he seems to love the kids and dotes on them off-missions, so no one's really sure what's going on with... That. (He's still waiting for one of them, any of them, to try and kill him? Where's the bonding?? Was he not doing enough???)

So when LBH returns, things go uh, differently. SQQ is just here, waiting in anticipation, appreciating how his kid's all grown up, and seeing the scheme to unfold. Safe to say, people are confused. (Him, especially. What do you mean, his kid isn't trying to kill him?? Really, where did he go so wrong in parenting? None of his kids want to bond with him the proper way!!)

(I imagine SY being a better fighter than in canon due to literal trial of fire as a dragonet, and I'm not sure if he would've gotten hit with without a cure at all during the invasion in consideration of this)

[bunnis-monsters]

Different monsters reactions to your period

warning: lots of period sex, pussy eating, and blood. You have been warned!

A/N: I’m on my period and wanted to write something horny and comforting…

Werecreatures/hybrids are already going insane when you ovulate, but once you start bleeding they can’t resist properly mounting and mating you. You’re their sweet mate, and they both want to breed you and help with the pain by fucking you and eating you out until you’re too tired to think.

Vampires of course are immediately drawn to your pussy, the smell of your blood making them drool. Some are pushing your panties to the side the second you start your period, knowing before you do. They become attached to your pussy, and possibly save some of your blood for later once they’ve had their fill. They especially love to save your cum that’s mixed with period blood, finding the taste exquisite.

Mermen get extremely protective during this time, afraid you’ll attract some underwater predator that thinks you’re easy prey becuase you’re bleeding. They’ll get horny, but are more focused on protecting than procreating. They will slip into you and sing to you as they fill you will cum, though!

Androids are immediately worried, fussing over you as they scan your body to check your health status. They give you medicine, keep you in bed, and fuck their fingers into you to help soothe your bloody cunt. They sink their synthetic cock into you, claiming it’s to help with your pain, but really they just want to fuck that pretty pussy of yours and hear you mewl like never before.

Nagas stay coiled around you, struggling to understand your strange body and why they feel so horny and protective over you during this time. It makes them anxious, and they’re extra clingy as you keep their cock warm. They’re strangely fascinated by the way blood oozes from your pussy while they bounce you lightly, and definitely end up tasting it. They get addicted to it, now you have a needy, pussy drunk naga on your hands. At least it makes you feel better to cum while you’re cramping…

Incubi/demons of course become sex crazed, and you don’t get much rest while they’re keeping you pinned down. Your pussy is always puffy and abused during this time, and they lick up every last drop of your blood, seeing it as a sign that you’re healthy and ready to make love and produce offspring. After your period they become the clingiest, most doting partners ever and feel kind of bad that they went insane while you were menstruating.

[monstersholygrail]

Monster bf who has the most sensitive ears experiencing his first Fourth of July. Before now he had always stayed in his solitude. But now that he has you, he finally wants to experience the festivities.

What he wasn’t expecting was for loud cracks to burst through the sky without warning. Upon the first snap of a firework, your Monster boyfriend squirms, loud whimpering leaving him.

He quickly scrambles into your arms, ears pulling back as you two watch the fireworks from your backward. You jolt in surprise but quickly open your arms to him.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You ask, not even thinking about his hyper sensitive hearing. Your bf whines again as more fireworks go off.

“What is that insufferable noise?!” your Monster bf whimpers. Your hands soothingly move up and down his back as he burrows closer to your body, trying to lessen the impact.

“Oh, it’s- it’s just the fireworks, love,” you explain. But seeing your bfs reaction, realization soon dawns on you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think. C’mere, let me shield you.”

Your bf immediately takes you up on your offer. It isn’t until Monster bf closes your thick thighs over his ears that he sighs in relief. The sound quieter yet just as frightening as the fireworks continue to crackle.

Monster bf doesn’t try and stop from moving in closer to you. Needing your closeness and comfort. His nose grinding itself into your cunt, soaking up your heat and letting your scent consume him. Your light gasps only helping him.

As the fireworks continue, Monster bf continues to nuzzle and grind his snout into your cunt. Your sweet pussy distracting him from the fireworks. Nosing your panties aside, his tongue delves inside you, fighting your orgasm to wash over you both.

You moan and rock into his mouth, your bf moving with you and grinding into the blanket below you in order to keep your thighs firmly placed over his ears. His tongue ravages you, dipping as deeply into your pussy as he can the longer the fireworks go off.

As the finale starts, Monster bf growls loudly and eats your pussy like it’s his saving grace. Your orgasm crashes into you and you cry out, your essence gushing all over his face. You ride out your high as the finale concludes, whimpering as overstimulation begins.

When your boyfriend lifts himself off you, his eyes are wild and filled with both fear and need. His claws tickle at your thighs as he looks over you. “I think I may still be in need of some comforting,” he rumbles darkly.

[witchywcmans]

PLEASE, EAT. | LAIOS TOUDEN

synopsis ━━ after you've been bitten by a sea serpent, you know the consequences are either death or the possibility of turning into one yourself. thankfully for you, laios touden is the devourer of all things monster and he is dedicated to getting that venom out of you. (laios x f!reader.)

content warnings ━━ sex pollen-adjacent, cunnilingus + fingering, praise, breath play (kinda, if you squint), semi-public sex, multiple orgasms. nsfw (minors + ageless blogs dni).

word count ━━ 3k

song inspiration ━━ too sweet, hozier / more than friends, isabel larosa

author's note ━━ this is the first time I've ever written and posted an x reader one-shot on here, so please be gentle with me lol. I usually only write x oc fics bc I'm a yapper and I love creating characters. but alas...I was perusing the laios x reader tag and wanted to read something with this plot, couldn't find it, so I figured I'd just do it myself 🫡

🪽 part i: PLEASE, EAT. / part ii: FORBIDDEN FRUIT. / part iii: TOO SWEET.

This was definitely one of the worst situations you’d been in.

You had joined Laios’ adventuring party just a few months prior. They had found you on floor 3 of the dungeon, shivering and mourning the loss of your father. His body, dead in your arms, and beside him lay the lifeless body of a ghoul you had killed. At first, the party’s leader, Laios Touden, had only been interested in taking the ghoul's body so they could use its bones for utensils after the flesh rotted off. But it was Marcille who noticed the tears in your eyes, how you trembled from the cold, and suggested they take you in. You almost declined, not wanting to leave your father’s body, but knowing he’d soon turned into a monster left you with only one option. Your father had been with you for the past twenty-five years of your life, and now, you were leaving his dead body in a dungeon to travel with a group of strangers.

You soon came to appreciate your new party, though, and you felt your father’s spirit within each of them. Marcille had his kindness, Chilchuck had a comparable wit, Senshi was gifted with excellent cooking skills, and Laios … well, you were still figuring that out. And surprisingly, it was Laios who you began to connect with the most. His knowledge of monsters was unmatched, and he had a passion for learning how to prepare them while they traveled deeper into the dungeon. He was overtly blunt, much like you, and possessed similar advanced fighting skills due to both your fathers' teachings.

Sometimes … sometimes though, you found yourself staring at him more than you should have. His face was abnormally perfect, as if he’d been carved by an artist. His tousled ash-blonde hair reminded you of a lion, and his eyes … sometimes you could’ve sworn they were made out of gold, shimmering like molten lava. Each time you thought this way, you smacked yourself when no one else was looking. I mean, Laios was your friend, your party leader. Having a crush, especially in circumstances like these, was unethical. You had always been focused on one thing: helping your party and making it out of this dungeon alive, for your father. You wouldn’t let a little crush deter you.

Everything had been all well and good until today, when you and your party reached the end of floor 4. When Laios had struggled to fight off a sea serpent, you joined him in the lukewarm water, using your crossbow to shoot the creature in the head. Finally, Laios was able to step in to slice the serpent’s head off … but not before the creature could snap its jaw, tearing one fang down your hip. You jumped back, screaming as you felt the venom seep into you instantly. Some said sea serpent venom would kill you immediately, others said it turned you into one of them, cursing you to haunt the waters with them as penance. As soon as the head was cut, Laios carried you away from the water, and the last thing you heard was Marcille cursing him out before you were rendered unconscious. 

You were woken up – hours, maybe days later – by a drop of water hitting your face every few seconds. Lifting your head from the makeshift tunic pillow, you took in your surroundings. You were at the entrance of floor 5, in a damp corner of cobblestone, while water dripped down onto the floor every so often. There was a moist bandage covering your side where the serpent’s fang had cut into you, part of your tunic ripped to shreds. Hunger boiled in your stomach, making you groan and rub your head. Laios was sitting just a few feet away, a small fire in front of him to keep warm. Marcille had to have helped him with that; there was no way to craft a fire in an area this damp.

“Am I dead?” You asked softly. 

Laios immediately turned in your direction, his mouth lifting in a smile. “Of course not.”

Your stomach did flip flops as you took in his smile, hunger consuming you. You needed something to eat – bad. Your body felt hot and sweaty, and you wondered if it was just from the humidity, even though Laios didn’t look affected. Sitting up, you informed him, “Well, that was one of two options my father said would happen from a sea serpent bite. Which means …” You lifted the bandage up, noticing the gills that started to form on the healing wound. A turquoise hue surrounded the gills, almost like a bruise. “Oh, fuck,” you muttered.

Laios stood, looming over you while asking, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s the other option,” you replied, too hungry to cry. “The bite is –”

“– Turning you into a sea serpent,” Laios finished. “Honestly, I thought that was just a myth. But when the bite didn’t kill you …” His mouth twitched, tongue darting out to wet the corners of his lips. “We have to suck the venom out. That has to stop the mutation.”

Your head snapped up. “Huh?” 

But as soon as your eyes met his, you started to wondered if what you were experiencing was hunger after all. Perhaps … a different kind of hunger. Laios stared down at you, the sparkling gold replaced by a dark hazel. It was just you two in this little corner of the dungeon, but you suddenly felt exposed, so naked, under his gaze. Your body was hot all over, sweat sticking to uncomfortable places. And your thighs … a burning need emerged between them, soaking the thin linen of your undergarments. This had to be a symptom of the bite, but it suddenly didn’t matter anymore. Your worry had been replaced by an ache that only he could fix.

No – absolutely not. You couldn’t. You shouldn’t. You were turning into a sea serpent.

But the need between your legs still throbbed.

“It’s like when a snake bites you on the surface,” Laios said, crouching down to your eye level. His closeness made your heart rate pick up. You realized then that he had shed his armor, kneeling in front of you in just his gambeson, which clung to his muscles and wide frame. “A sea serpent is part snake. Sucking out the venom should stop the mutation. You’ll probably experience symptoms from the bite for a few more hours, but they’ll stop eventually.” 

He started to peel back the bandage, taking a look at the gills forming on your hip when you gripped his wrist. Immediately, his skin burned, making you even more hot. You ripped your hand away from him, and with sweat trickling down the side of your face, you said, “Don’t you think this is … weird? Maybe Marcille should do it.”

“Marcille and the others just went back to another part of the level to find dinner. They won’t return for an hour, at least. This can’t wait.” He inspected the turquoise gills with concern, before his eyes snapped back to yours, noticing the way your black pupils filled almost the entire iris. “Do you not trust me?”

“Of course, I trust you. It’s just …” What exactly was the reason again? Oh, yes, it was pulsating hunger dripping between your legs from the bite, and you were terrified how you’d react the second his lips wrapped around your wound. The symptoms would just get worse. But he was right – this was the only way. Fuck, this had to be the most embarrassing thing you’d ever experienced. 

“Fine,” you finally relented, lying back down on the cobblestone. You did your best to get comfortable, but the makeshift pillow hardly provided much cushion between you and the floor.  “What should I do?”

“Nothing, just lay back and let me take care of it.” Laios lifted your tunic a smidge, and just the tenor of his voice made your ache even worse. “We’re just gonna … get this out of the way. And then …” His fingers hooked on the waistband of your pants, and you immediately clutched his collar. If you touched his skin again, you were sure to moan.

Laios looked from where your hand was gripping him and back to your eyes. “Your pants need to be off so I can have better access to the mutation. It’s on your hip.” You swallowed hard, knowing he was right, and your hand started to slip off his collar. “We’re friends, right?” He asked.

You nodded weakly.

“Good,” he smiled again, and you struggled to hold back a plea for him to touch you. He pulled down your pants, tossing them to the side. For a moment, he paused, taking in your soaked underwear and running his fingers over the mutation on your hip. He licked his lips again, and then said in a rather blunt tone, “You’re so –”

“Don’t say it,” you cut in, snapping your eyes shut to prevent further embarrassment.  Though you had never minded Laois’ occasional lack of social cues, this was one of those moments you needed anything but. “Just get the venom out.”

Laios tugged your underwear down a little to see if the mutation had spread. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he informed you, lowering his head to your hip. “I’ve read that these bites can have a multitude of internal symptoms. Nightmares ... sweating … fever …” He ran his tongue over the gills, making your breath hitch instantly. “… And especially, arousal. Neat, huh?” He chuckled, and just his warm breath on the gills made you even more wet. “Don’t worry, I got you,” he assured before finally wrapping his mouth on the wound.

Your body burned even hotter than before as soon as his lips touched your skin. He sucked the venom out of you, spitting out blue globs every other second. His hands gripped your side, digging into your flesh and leaving crescent shapes from his nails. As you felt the gills start to close up, you couldn’t help but moan and arch into nothing. This felt better than any time you masturbated … any time you imagined your party leader above you … Fuck, who would’ve thought sucking sea serpent venom out of you would feel this good? Thank the gods the rest of their party was off catching dinner. You couldn’t deal with them possibly hearing this.

It surprised you when your orgasm flooded through you like a crashing wave. As Laios finished sucking out the last of the venom and the mutation closed, your arousal came to a definite peak and you let out a whine. You grabbed his arm, cumming from absolutely no stimulation.

Laios didn’t seem to mind though. In fact, he was mostly preoccupied with inspecting the area. You opened your eyes, your cheeks tinged pink, and saw the globs of venom to the left dissipate to nothing but water. You pinched the bridge of your nose, “I’m sorry, I –”

“The mutation closed. I was right!” Laios looked down at you, a big grin covering his face. “How do you feel?”

“Well, I definitely don’t feel a second set of lungs on my hip anymore.” You lifted your hand when you noticed a trickle of blue staining his lip, wiping it away with your thumb. “But I … my body is still …” The ache inside you had simmered slightly, but it was still there, lingering underneath the surface. 

This was genuinely humiliating. Maybe you should’ve just decided to turn into a sea serpent after all.

Laios grabbed your wrist before you could pull away from his face. He leaned into your palm, running his long nose down to your inner wrist. “Your skin is so warm. I can still smell how aroused you are from the serpent bite.” His eyes burned into yours, keeping your hand close to his face. “I can help. Do you need another release?”

Your cheeks got even more red when he acknowledged your orgasm. Shaking your head, you said, “I couldn’t ask you to do that. I can just –”

“I’d be honored to,” he replied, quite gruffly and persistent. His fingers tugged your underwear down with precision and ease, despite the damp fabric clinging to you. He spread your legs wide and placed them on his shoulders. Lowering himself down, he inhaled the scent of your climax and hooked his arms around your inner thighs. He smiled up at you – your pretty face red with embarrassment – all dopey-eyed and grateful. “You lot like to call me the devourer of monsters. Perhaps I should devour the last bit of monster out of you.”

He inhaled again, groaning like he typically did when he was hungry. His hot breath against your achingly wet pussy made you whimper with desperation. “You smell so good down here,” he whispered. “I’d wager you taste even better.”

You gasped as soon as he dove between your legs, licking a stripe through your folds, tasting your recent orgasm. He flicked his tongue over your clit before sucking on it with feverish excitement. Slick gathered on his tongue and he whined, needing more. So much more. You were the most delicious meal he’d ever tasted. Better than any monster, better than anything on the surface. 

“So good,” he muttered into your pussy, lapping against your clit, doing anything that would get him more of your arousal. “You taste so, so good.”

You whimpered out his name and attempted to close your legs, but he held them opened with all his strength. His arms wrapped around your thighs went tight, bruising the sensitive flesh. Your jaw went slack while your own hands scrambled for purchase, eventually landing in his cropped hair. You tugged, hips bucking against his face, making him groan even more. This allowed him to hold your hips a little higher, and his tongue finally dipped into your leaking entrance. You heard him grunt the second he plunged his tongue deeper, his nose nuzzling your clit. 

He devoured you like a starved man. He devoured you like you were a boiled scorpion, or roast basilisk, or – even better – like sweet, delicious homemade cheesecake. 

“Laios,” you whined, feeling your fever dissolve with each lap of his tongue. “Laios, it’s … fuck – it’s okay, I feel –”

“Need more,” he muttered, his voice low and laced with need. He was practically humping the stone floor as he buried his tongue as far as it could go inside you. Your hips couldn’t stop bucking forward, riding his face as you felt your orgasm building at the base of your stomach. Laios was completely transfixed. He wanted to be here, nestled between your thighs, for every meal. He’d take you away from the rest of the group before dinner, lapping away to the sounds of your pleas and whimpers, so help him gods. He’d do this every day, every night, whenever you wanted, for as long as he was alive. Fuck monsters. He could survive off the taste of you for the rest of his life.

Slipping his tongue out of your hole, he went back to sucking on your throbbing clit and feeling your legs start to tremble. You had to be close to another release, and he was desperate to taste it. He paid all his attention on your clit, snaking one hand up and sinking two fingers knuckle-deep into your entrance in tandem. “Fuck,” you moaned, tugging on his hair once again, “fuck – gods, Laios. I – I’m s-so close –”

“Please,” he begged, smearing your slick all over his mouth. “Please, you’re so good. Need to see how you taste when you release on my tongue.” His own hips continued to buck against the floor.

You choked on a cry when you finally came all over his tongue. He groaned, loud and drawn out, when he finally got a taste of your sweet climax, knowing that it was him that brought you to this point. The orgasm felt long, like the ocean bringing you in and out, and your whole body trembled. He continued lapping at your clit as it pulsed under his tongue, his fingers curling inside you through your orgasm. When you finally breathed out and started to come down from the high of it all, Laios stayed between your thighs, allowing his tongue to gently swirl your clit. Maybe if he continued, he could taste a little more of you …

You found your voice, hoarse from overstimulation. “Laios, please, you have to stop,” you begged, yanking his head up from between your legs. His mouth was covered in your slick, and then he was giving you that dopey expression again, making your heart clench. Your body was no longer hot and sweaty. Laios had completely cured you of the sea serpent bite with that expert mouth of his. He unwound his arms from your thighs, bringing his fingers that were still covered with your wetness to his mouth, tasting the last of your orgasm. You watched him, eyes wide and cheeks blushing, until he was looking at you again with those golden doe eyes.

“That was amazing,” he said, like he was in a haze. When your eyes flickered down, you realized he was hard in his pants, but it wasn’t like he even noticed himself with the way he was staring at you. “We should do that again sometime.”

He stood up, and you scrambled to pull your clothes back on before the group came back. You stammered, “It’s okay, uh – we don’t have to. Especially if you don’t want to. We could just –”

“I want to,” he cut in, a determined look in his eyes. “What are friends for, right?”