#The House of Heterodyne

[annoyinglandmagazine]

Caranthir at the annual Feanorian strategy meeting: You know, we could just chuck it all and turn to piracy. It would be a LOT easier.

[girl-genius-comic-tourney]

Round 2

[inbarfink]

It’s really fascinating to compare the way Agatha handles the Heterodyne Legacy compared to her father and uncle. Because these are the two known generations of ‘Heroic’ Heterodynes after a long, long legacy of the Heterodyne family being known primarily as Evil Bastards - but they have such a totally opposite relationship with that villainous legacy.

Bill and Barry grew up deep inside that Evil Heterodyne Legacy and know all about how truly rotten it really is. Their father was an Old Heterodyne to the bone and an Extremely Reprehensible Human Being. Like, not just Cartoon Evil Overlord stuff - according to the Novels, he forced Bill and Barry’s mom to marry him by threatening her family. And he tried to kill them because they weren’t evil enough to his tastes. 

And when their mom killed him to protect her sons, the Castle killed her in retaliation. The very manifestation of the Heterodyne Legacy has cost them their beloved mother who just saved their life. And all of this in addition to the fact a non-evil Heterodyne was really an unthinkable concept when the Boys started - meaning they had to work extra hard to distance themselves from their family if they wanted anyone outside of Mechanicsburg to trust them.

And Heterodyne Boys worked very very hard to prove to the world that they’re not monsters. Both to fight off against the constant suspicions that they were monsters, and because they most likely wanted as little to do with their father’s legacy as Spark-ly possible. For them the Heterodyne Legacy was mostly kind of a Curse, the thing that tormented their mother and killed her and almost killed them, the thing that makes people wary of them.

And as such, they distanced themselves from anything that’s even remotely to do with that old legacy of monsters, from anything evil or scary or messy or ugly. Much to the chagrin of the Castle, the House of Heterodyne’s many other monsters, the Jager Horde Mechanicsburg’s proud Evil Minion population and many others who felt abandoned by them for the sake of PR.

Then there’s Agatha Heterodyne. And it’s not just that Agatha grew up in a post-Heterodyne-Boys world where the general populace associates the family name less with evil barbarous mad kings and more with good-natured heroism. Where even those who remember the Old Heterodynes are at least willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Where even those who would like her to be like the Old Heterodynes are at least willing to give her some wiggle room to express herself....

It is all of that, but more importantly Agatha didn’t grow up as a Heterodyne at all.

She grew up as Agatha Clay, with the Spark-Suppressing Locket that dulled her mind and made her a miserable klutzy mess who couldn’t do anything right. She grew up hating the constant feeling of being powerless.

And discovering that she’s a Heterodyne came up… pretty close to realizing she’s a Spark, and both of these revelations gave her a certain kind of Power that she never got to have before. She is now both a powerful Spark and a powerful political player in this grand Europa political chess board. 

And as much as she has the same heroic values and upbringing as the Boys did (courtesy of Barry and the Construct Duo), not growing up so up-close-and-personal with the worst consequences of the Old Heterodyne’s evil means she’s not as immediately repulsed by it like the Boys were. 

She encountered all of these old monstrous pieces of the Heterodyne Legacy - the Jagers, the Castle, Mechanicsburg, even just the fear her name can put into people’s hearts - not as the Evil Legacy Forced Upon Her. But stuff that was taken away from her, and she had to earn back. And in a world stacked so heavily against her, so determined to rob her of her agency and newfound sense of power, these things represent the assertion and security of her power.

For the Heterodyne Boys, the worst thing they could ever imagine being was monsters - like their father and the rest of their family was. For Agatha Heterodyne, the worst thing she could imagine is being powerless again. She would take being seen as a monster a thousand times over being condescended and ignored ever again. 

Being seen as a monster isn’t actually all that bad at all, she discovered. 

All of these things together make Agatha not quite the second generation of Actually Heroic Heterodyne or just another link in the Old Heterodyne Legacy - but another new kind of Heterodyne altogether. One that can both retain a moral code and embrace the family’s monstreness at the same time. 

[greenygal]

POV: You are Dimo. You are a Jäger, one of a group who are ferociously loyal to their Heterodyne masters and famously social with each other. You have always had these touchstones to lean on.

Except…suddenly there aren’t any Heterodynes. Everything is in chaos and a mysterious enemy is ravaging Europa. For everyone’s sake, the Jägergenerals make a deal to serve under a new master, Baron Wulfenbach.

Except…the Jägers are still loyal to the House of Heterodyne. So to honor that loyalty, you volunteer to go looking for a Heterodyne. You know, in case one is hidden behind the couch cushions or whatever. And it’s rough! You are officially detached from the Jägers. You can’t come back unless you find a stray Heterodyne, whom you have no reason to think actually exists, so you’re probably going to be out here forever or until you die. Which is a real possibility, because everybody in Europa hates Jägers due to all those centuries serving some of the worst sparks in Europa. (Which, all right, is fair, but still. It’s hurtful.) But you have your fellow volunteers, a little squad of three. You have another Jäger, Jenka, checking in periodically and generally riding herd. And somewhere out there are the rest of the Jägers and the Jägergenerals, doing fine. And over the years you adapt to independence; you learn to plan, and you even find yourself giving orders to the others sometimes.

And then you find an actual Heterodyne, holy shit! She’s eighteen, alone, and green as grass, but she’s got steel in her spine and she’s a crazy strong spark; you have a new mistress! Best day ever!

Except…she gets implanted with the mind of The Enemy. That’s not great. (This happened to her after you found her. You Have Failed Your Heterodyne. ETA: Also you only know about it because you listened sneakily at the door. You’re not sure this is proper Jäger behavior.) But never mind that, she’s got it under control, you all get to Mechanicsburg and she kicks ass and does SCIENCE! and fixes the Castle and reclaims the city and at the end of it she is secure as the new Heterodyne of Mechanicsburg.

Except…

Except then something happens to Mechanicsburg. Is it permanent? Dunno. But the Heterodyne was in there. The Jägergenerals were in there. Anyone in authority in Mechanicsburg was in there. Even Baron Wulfenbach was in there.

A bunch of Jägers were not in there. And they don’t know what to do without someone giving them orders, and…look, you didn’t mean to become a General. Honest. But Jenka’s off monitoring the situation in the rest of Europa, and the only remaining Jägergeneral has somehow gone undercover on the personal staff of the new Baron. They gotta be where they are, and you gotta be where you are, managing dozens of increasingly desperate Jägers and human refugees and trying to figure out what the fuck to do next.

And then the Heterodyne shows up somehow! All is not lost! She’s determined to fix everything! And someone else can be in charge now! Yay!

Except…remember the Enemy? Yeah. She’s still in the Heterodyne’s head. There are things that aren’t safe for her to know. So you have to keep secrets from your Heterodyne, and manage those things yourself without her catching on. It’s hard, but you do it. You do it so well, in fact, that you have a sinking feeling that people are just going to keep asking you to be responsible for things. You’re doomed.

POV: You are Dimo, and you need a drink. And a vacation.

…you’ll probably get the drink?

[big-ass-magnet]

Bill would have made a great old-school Heterodyne, apparently.

Can you imagine if Teodora had failed? If Bill was the very good Heterodyne he was always meant to be?

(He did try, really he did, out of affection for his mother if nothing else, but then Father would always come striding in and shout first one to the torture room gets to throw the knife switch! and what kind of ten year old would be able to sit and listen to lectures on compassion in the face of such temptation?)

The Heterodyne Boys are the terrors of Europa, riding into battle side-by-side. The last thing many a terrified innocent sees is the boys giving their victorious thumbs up, just as the fire comes raining down.

Bill would still fall for Lucrezia, but instead of trying to turn her to the side of Good, he is enthralled by her evil and she by his strength and power. Love is as blinding to the Evil as it is to the Good, and he doesn't see her for what she is, even when the rest of the town does.

(Not that anyone is more likely to tell an Evil Bill his wife is the bad kind of crazy, not when he'd react with less "quiet disapproval" and more "catapult you into the sun".)

Lucrezia is still Lucrezia and she craves control and power and dominance and she would probably be driven up the wall by her darling ruthless William allowing the Castle and the Jägers and the seneschal to snark and argue and this town is supposed to be slavishly loyal; where is the blind obedience, where is the trembling deference?

The "Other" attack still happens. Bill is still driven half-mad by grief. (Or perhaps half-sane.) Bill swears bloody revenge, Bill is going to find the Spark who did this and wipe them from existence.

And then the strangest thing happens.

Suddenly, the Heterodyne riding in at the head of a Jäger horde means a rescue. It means an unstoppable army beating back against the revenants, and while they're hardly going to help you pick up the pieces and rebuild afterwards, you know you're going to live.

(The first time they arrive at a besieged town to cheers instead of screams, the Heterodynes and Jägers react like feral cats being offered bowls of wet food--they don't not like it, but they're skittish and wary and will maybe hide under a dumpster for a few minutes until you go away.)

And then one day the Jägers come home, sans Heterodynes. The masters have gone where they cannot follow, and no one is sure when or even if they will be coming back.

Their work during the Other War has won Mechanicsburg enough good will that no one immediately went steamrolling over them when the boys vanished, but they've all spent the last few years since Bill and Barry disappeared holding very very still and being very very quiet, hoping no one remembers that they're still there. Sooner or later, they're going to have to go to this new Wulfenbach Empire for help.

AND HOO BOY DOES KLAUS HAVE HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM. At least in canon, Bill and Barry had done the big stuff already and Klaus was (correctly or not) only concerned with rehabilitating the Jägers.

To reuse the metaphor, Klaus has to take an abandoned building housing an entire colony of feral cats and turn it into a cat cafe.

[bigasswritingmagnet]

The Jagerfrät, Part 2: Lunch and Learn

Modern day AU Agatha goes to Mechanicsburg University and discovers another part of her family legacy: The Jägerfrat. After rescuing/being discovered by three of the fraternity members, they buy her lunch, and Dimo gives her an impromptu history lesson.

Chapter 1 | AO3 Link

It was technically Theta Phi Theta Fraternity, but they were known to one and all as the Jägerfrat. It was the oldest fraternity in the country, and probably the most notorious. They were popular on Mechanicsburg University grounds, and absolutely nowhere else. On their own, they were a troublemaking rabble, known for drinking bars dry, picking fights, and tipping poorly.

But when a Heterodyne arrived…

Agatha had heard the stories. They’d burned a bar down. They’d terrorized every university within driving distance with “pranks” that usually resulted in real bodily harm and property damage in the thousands - minimum. They were the reason the Galați Goats no longer had a live animal mascot.

Every Heterodyne who had ever gone to Mechanicsburg University (which was all of them) had been a member.

Except for the last two.

“I mean, I wasn’t there, but we’re big on like, oral history and shit, y’know, so I know how it went down. It was like...everybody can’t like everybody, but the dudes didn’t even want to know us, y’know? We were embarrassing to them.”

Dimo had won the most emotionally charged game of rock-paper scissors Agatha had ever seen, and therefore was the one who got to ride with Agatha and give directions to a place that served ‘the most dope-ass sandwiches you ever ate in your life, no joke’. He sat slouched in the seat with his knees pressed against the dashboard, twirling his baseball cap on his finger. With each revolution, the enamel snarling demon face pinned to the brim caught the sunlight in a brief flash of gold.

“They made everybody tone it way, wayyy down. No more ragers, no more raids, no more anything . And the frat was not happy about it—I heard one guy straight up tried to knife them.”

“ What?”

“Yeah! Got expelled and everything, it was wild. The house heads burned his name off the wall with a fuckin’ blowtorch.”

Agatha knew why Uncle Barry had never told her stories about things he and his brother had done, but...maybe he could have squeezed in a few? Dropped casual hints? Something to prepare her for the inevitable reveal, the day she would have to face her legacy.

“If everyone was so unhappy about it, why did they do it?”

Dimo looked blank.

“Do what?”

“My father and Uncle Barry didn’t even join the fraternity; what authority did they have to tell the Jägers how to run it?”

“They were the Heterodynes,” Dimo said.

“But they weren’t in the fraternity.”

“But they were the Heterodynes,” Dimo said again. Suddenly he grinned and sat up, jamming his hat back on his head. “Turn here! This is it!”

“ This is the place?” Agatha exclaimed. Despite her trepidation, she obeyed the instruction and pulled into the parking lot of what she had assumed was an abandoned shack left over from a horror movie set.

Twenty minutes later, she was sitting on a half-rotten picnic table and staring down, wide eyed, at the perfectly pressed ham and cheese panini she had just tentatively bitten into.

“This is...the best thing I have ever tasted in my life,” she marveled.

“Told you, bro!” Maxim said. Beside him, Oggie managed to shove half a triple-decker club sandwich into his mouth in one bite.

“The guy who runs it used to be in the frat, sorta, so we get free sodas,” Dimo said.

“Also his granddaughter is smokin’ hot and totally into me,” Maxim said, preening.

“She is so not,” Oggie said.

“How the fuck would you know?” Maxim demanded.

“Cause you flirted with her and she hit you with a side of meat.”

“That was an accident, and she gave me her number after,” Maxim said, glaring.

“How can you sorta be in a fraternity?” Agatha asked, taking another bite of her sandwich.

“You hang around the house and help out with the parties, but you don’t do any of the pledging or drink the Jägerdraught.”

Agatha’s brow furrowed.

“Drink the what?”

The three boys glanced at each other, and Agatha sighed.

“I know very little about what my family used to do,” she said. “Outside of rumor and what I got off of the internet, I know almost nothing. Uncle Barry never liked to talk about it. He and my father worked hard to distance themselves from all of it, and he tried to do the same for--to me. You said they were embarrassed about it, I'm starting to think they were ashamed of it."

“Are you?” Dimo asked.

The table went quiet. The three Jägers were staring at her with startlingly solemn expressions. They didn’t know it, but it was a question that Agatha had been considering for a while now. Even not counting the college shenanigans, her family had been responsible for shady business deals, violent corporate take overs, and more tax fraud than you could shake a stick at.

But when she’d visited Mechanicsburg University last spring, she’d found herself drawn to it in a way she couldn’t quite name.

“I still have to go sign in and get my dorm keys,” she said, “but I’d like to see the fraternity house when I’m done.”

Their eyes lit up, and there was as much relief as excitement, but before a word could be said, a shadow fell over the table.

“ Where the hell have you idiots been?”

The girl standing over them was a few years older than Agatha. She had flaxen-blonde hair that was almost white, and furious brown eyes that bored into each young man in turn. Agatha could see the sunburn on her cheeks, despite the large sunhat on her head. Which—Agatha almost couldn’t believe her eyes—had a Jäger symbol pinned to the purple ribbon on the top.

“Jenka!” Maxim cried, winningly. Oggie let out an oof as a shaggy brown head the size of a toddler shoved itself over his shoulder, black eyes fixed on Oggie’s sandwich.

“Ayy, Füst, my man!” Oggie said with delight, and pulled out a slice of chicken for the dog.

“Why are none of you assholes answering your phones, where the fuck is my car, and who the hell is this?”

The three boys grinned broadly.

“This,” Dimo said, and Oggie and Maxim drummed their hands on the table in a drum roll. “Is Agatha. Heterodyne.”

“Tadaaaa!”

[voronosity]

For Want of a Nail: Girl Genius AU

Dingbots can't pick locks they can't reach. Or perhaps the jail is guarded from the outside, and our little friend is caught before it can help its creator. Whatever the reason, the geisters in Sturmhalten who told Agatha of the Holy Child were never freed.

How would the pieces fall? Tinka is successful leading Agatha to her new Storm King, then to her circus. Agatha was let free by Tarvek with an invitation to return and help with the Muses, no battle in her mind. Tarvek scrapes by without being stabbed or shot multiple times.

The old Prince Aaronev is still dead, and The Baron still arrives ready for a confrontation with the Other. Unfortunately for him, The 7th Groundnaut Mechanical, The 5th Airborne, a wing of the Hoomhoffers, and two Bug Squads arrive hours, if not days, after the circus fled as fast as they could (while still being On Stage). It will take them longer to reach Mechanicsburg without a stolen Wulfenbach airship, but they will reach it all the same. Zeetha never met her father, but Lars is alive and no chicken houses fell on the Baron.

Anevka is alive, for all that you can call her that. She has a poor imitation of Agatha's Voice, but it will be of no help against the Baron. Tarvek was never QUITE desperate enough to pull out the Spark Wasp. No hologram accused the Baron of being The Other, and Klaus hasn't been wasped or firmly convinced of Lucrezia's presence. He will no longer be rushed to the great hospital, nor will he be desperate to carpet bomb Mechanicsburg. He shows up prepared, but still open for diplomatic discussion with the newly officiated Lady Heterodyne.

What comes next is anyone's guess.

[its-to-the-death]

Glasses Swag Sequel Round 1

Time to start the tournament! Here is our bracket:

I can tell some of these are going to be crazy already. The matchups are randomized so blame the computer if you don't like them. The pictures are always a little small first round, but the matchups will also be listed below the cut of this post. Once the polls are out, they'll link to their designated poll.

Just for the first round, I'm going to split the polls across two days. The first batch will be out on Wednesday, June 5 and the second batch will be out Thursday, June 6. All polls run for a week.

Propaganda is always welcome and I will reblog anything that has at least a little explanation as to why your glasses character is superior.

Be nice and have fun!

Wednesday, June 5 polls

Adrian Andrews (Ace Attorney) vs Sniper/Mick Mundy (Team Fortress 2)

Kristopher Gavin (Ace Attorney) vs Doppo Kunikida (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Peter Spankoffski (Nerdy Prudes Must Die) vs Stanley Pines (Gravity Falls)

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (The Muppets) vs Maria Calavera (RWBY)

Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls) vs Waldo (Where's Waldo)

Medic/Ludwig (Team Fortress 2) vs Seymour Krelborn (Little Shop of Horrors)

Specs/Glasses (Splatoon manga/Coroika) vs Odile (In Stars and Time)

Tech (Star Wars: The Bad Batch) vs Garnet (Steven Universe)

Klaus Baudelaire (A Series of Unfortunate Events) vs Dr. Newton Geiszler (Pacific Rim)

Ibara Saegusa (Ensemble Stars!!) vs Dirk Strider (Homestuck)

Lilith Clawthorne (The Owl House) vs Kei Tsukishima (Haikyuu)

Tedd Verres (El Goonish Shive) vs Liu Sang (Daomu Biji)

Trisana Chandler (Circle of Magic by Tamora Pierce) vs Jackson Jekyll (Monster High)

Yakou Furio (Master Detective Archives: Raincode) vs Baizhu (Genshin Impact)

Tsumugi Aoba (Ensemble Stars!!) vs Simon Petrikov (Adventure Time)

Edward Nygma/The Riddler (DC) vs Chuckie Finster (Rugrats)

Thursday, June 6 polls

Lawrence Fletcher (Phineas and Fern) vs Sissel (Ghost Trick)

Dave Strider (Homestuck) vs Tenya Iida (My Hero Academia)

Sadness (Inside Out) vs Coco Adel (RWBY)

Kim Kitsuragi (Disco Elysium) vs Austin Powers (Austin Powers)

Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney) vs Tomi Kisaragi (13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim)

Shen Wei (Guardian) vs Geordi La Forge (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Johnny Bravo (Johnny Bravo) vs The Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)

Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai) vs Lil Hal/Autoresponder (Homestuck)

Gendo Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Taylor Hebert/Skitter (Worm/Parahumans)

Colress (Pokemon) vs Sci-Twi (My Little Pony: Equestria Girls)

Halara Nightmare (Master Detective Archives: Raincode) vs Bedman/Romeo (Guilty Gear)

Riz Gukgak (Dimension 20: Fantasy High) vs Newton Pulsifer (Good Omens)

Jason Grace (Heroes of Olympus) vs Xianyun (Genshin Impact)

Qifrey (Witch Hat Atelier) vs Palamedes Sextus (The Locked Tomb)

Gideon Nav (The Locked Tomb) vs Calvin's dad (Calvin and Hobbes)

Cricket (Wings of Fire) vs Agatha Heterodyne (Girl Genius)

[phoenixyfriend]

If you're still taking titles here's three that feel like they could be a series or standalones

A Haunted House is a Happy Home.

The House is Haunted by the People in it.

Haunted Houses are the Homes We Build for Ourselves.

send me a made-up fic title and i’ll tell you what i would write to go with it

A Haunted House is a Happy Home: Girl Genius fic, modern au. Agatha is a 'haunted hotel' owner/hostess, using her ancestral home (Castle Heterodyne) as the setting for murder mystery dinner theater, goth weddings, and week long Immersion Vacations. Perspective is from a visitor going through one of those events.

The House is Haunted by the People in it: Swapping over to Star Wars, also modern au. Exploration of some very broken and generally awful relationships between a family, in this case the disaster lineage. The ones that are actually dead (Qui-Gon, Komari, Xanatos, etc.) aren't ghosts or anything, but their absence is a character in its own right, given how it shapes the relationships between Yoda, Dooku, and the younger generations.

Haunted Houses are the Homes We Build for Ourselves: Miraculous Ladybug, Adrinette as The Addams Family. Is there a plot? Unclear. But they are creepy and they are kooky, mysterious and spooky, and wait I've got it the plot is Alya trying to get The Scoop on the weird rich goths on the hill.

[calmingpi]

Hey kids!

Do you have a science minded fashion doll, but the pink play mansions on the market just aren't cutting it for her? Well be unafraid no longer: for a limited time only, Agatha's Life in the Murderhouse Playset™ is available this holiday season!

Make dinner in the Castle's kitchen, grab a book out of the miniature library, and take a nap in the expansive master bedroom (beds for boyfriends not included). Whoops, make sure you avoid the traps around the house! Those kitchen knives are almost as sharp as the real thing! What's this? A secret lab in the highest tower? Perfect for strapping victims to the table and hitting them with your new fright ray! You can even hear Castle Heterodyne's jokes and torture suggestions!

Wowie! Just about everything can be done in Agatha's Life in the Murderhouse Playset™! (Batteries not included, Basement of Horrors® sold separately.)

[girl-genius-comic-tourney]

Round 4 (semi-finals)

[anonymous-character-tournament]

Season 1 Participants, aka characters you can't submit for Season 2

Abed Nadir from Community

Takao Hiyama from Mirai Nikki

Rue Koroha alias Princess Kraehe from Princess Tutu

Vasilis Deerlington from Blackout Hospital

Kanatsun from Entropic Float

Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece

Gord from Dead End: Paranormal Park

Yuni alias Cure Cosmo from Star Twinkle Precure

Erin Parker from Ordem Paranormal

Alina Starkov from Shadow & Bone

Shikamaru Nara from Naruto

Luciano Carvalho from Ordem Paranormal

Mrs Coulter from His Dark Materials (TV show)

The Snatcher from A Hat in Time

Soren from Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance and Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn

Blon Fel-fotch Pasameer Day Slitheen from Doctor Who

Kaladin Stormblessed from The Stormlight Archive

Gabriel from ULTRAKILL

Alicent Hightower from House of the Dragon

Agatha Volkomenn from Ordem Paranormal

Fanny from Battle for Dream Island

Jonathan Harker from Dracula

Mathangi "Maya" Mantra alias Mathangi Ten Meti from Kill Six Billion Demons

Sasuke Uchiha from Naruto

RGB from The Property of Hate

Test tube from Inanimate Insanity

Peril from Wings of Fire

Magolor from Kirby's Return to Dream Land

Kamisato Ayaka from Genshin Impact

Nathan Ford from Leverage

Mercymorn from The Locked Tomb

Caeden from The Licanius Trilogy

Phone Guy from five Nights at Freddy's

Red Velvet Cookie from Cookie Run

Ukiyo Ace from Kamen Rider Geats

Alanna of Trebond from Song of the Lioness

Gordon Freeman from Half-Life

Ortus Nigenad from The Locked Tomb

Vic Sage alias The Question from DC Comics

Edelgard from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Soap from Inanimate Insanity

Lancelot from the Arthurian Cycle

Kirby from Kirby

Bernkastel from Umineko: When They Cry

Gaius from Fire Emblem: Awakening

Ashton Greymoore from Critical Role Campaign Three: Bells Hells

Tobari Durandal Kumohire from Nabari no Ou

Yoite from Nabari no Ou

Yuuki Terumi alias Takehaya Susano'o from Blazblue

Vanitas from Vanitas no Carte

Marina Ida from Splatoon 2

Marcia Overstrand from The Septimus Heap

Noé Archiviste from Vanitas no Carte

Will Graham from Hannibal

Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives

Anders from Dragon Age 2

Kris Dreemurr from Deltarune

Nagito Komaeda from Super Danganrompa 2: Goodbye Despair

Denji from Chainsaw Man

Raistlin Majere from The Dragonlance Chronicles

Jayfeather from Warrior Cats

Asa Mitaka from Chainsaw Man

Homura Akemi from Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Bain from Payday: the Heist and Payday 2

Kaworu Nagisa from Neon Genesis Evangelion

Zim from Invader Zim

Zeke von Genbu from Xenoblade Chronicles 2

Vash the Stampede from Trigun

Jesse Faden from Control

Peridot from Steven Universe

Kevin from Welcome to Nightvale

Gingi from Dialtown: Phone Dating Sim

Randy Jade from Dialtown: Phone Dating Sim

Nick Valentine from Fallout 4

Makoto Misumi from Tsuki ga Michibiku Isekai Douchuu

Max from Camp Camp

Pearl from Splatoon 2

Volo from Pokémon Legends: Arceus

Gabriel-Bede from Eidolon POP

Wanderer from Genshin Impact

Adrien Agreste from Myraculous Ladybug

RoboKing from Katamari Forever

Marie from Splatoon

N from Pokémon Black & White

Link from The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Milligan from the Mysterious Benedict Society

Oscar from The Umbrella Academy (TV show)

Apollo Justice from Ace Attorney

Carlos the Scientist from Welcome to Nightvale

Taako from The Adventure Zone: Balance

Lavernius Tucker from Red vs. Blue

Klavier Gavin from Ace Attorney

HiMERU from Ensemble Stars!

Agatha Heterodyne from Girl Genius

Max Headroom from Max Headroom: 20 Minutes Into the Future and The Original Max Talking Headroom Show

Ron Delite from Ace Attorney

Xie Lian from Heaven's Official Blessing

Yumyulack from Solar Opposites

Grelle Sutcliff from Black Butler

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas & Ferb

Sunless alias Sunny from Shadow Slave

Qifrey from Witch Hat Atelier

Miss Piggy from The Muppets

Aether from Genshin Impact

Luciferen from Your Wings and Mine

Phosphophylite from Houseki no Kuni

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III from How to Train Your Dragon (book series)

Kyle Rayner alias Green Lantern from DC Comics

Meng Zhi from Lang Ya Bang

Maze Myers from the Ebon Ward

Alys Hunter from Itopia

Enid Sinclair from Wednesday

Dina Saruyama from Dumbing of Age

Silvana Greone from Noir

Noise from Roleslaying with Roman

Rincewind from Discworld

Grantaire from Les Misérables (book)

Gideon Nav from the Locked Tomb

Harrowhark Nonagesimus from the Locked Tomb

Seishin Muroi from Shiki

Himeno from Chainsaw Man

Stacy from Kikai Sentai Zenkaiger

Red from Angry Birds

Benjamin Sisko from Star trek: Deep Space Nine

Donatello from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Kian from Ordem Paranormal

BoJack Horseman from BoJack Horseman

Diane Nguyen from BoJack Horseman

Arven from Pokémon Scarlet & Violet

Joshua Kiryu from The World Ends with You

Oswald Cobblepot alias The Penguin from gotham (TV series)

Artemy Burakh from Patologic

James Wilson from House MD

Mari from Drawn to Life

T.O.B.O.R. from MySims

Irene Adler from the Sherlock Holmes canon

Luo Binghe from Scum Villain Self Saving System

Wayne Terrisborn from Mistborn Era 2

Kell Maresh from Shades of Magic

Sam Lloyd alias Sergei Lubovitch from The Diviners

Linhardt von Hevring from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings (Peter Jackson movies)

Happosai from Ranma 1/2

Naoto Shirogane from Persona 4

Jiang Cheng from Mo Dao Zu Shi

Juno Steel from The Penumbra Podcast

Mr. Pages from Fallen London

Sissel from Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective

Briana "Bree" Matthews from The Legendborn Cycle

Marsh from Mistborn

Bellatine Yaga from Thistlefoot

Jaeger from Finder

Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation

Beverly Toegold V from Not Another DnD Podcast

Darkstalker from Wings of Fire

Death the Kid from Soul Eater

Guido Mista from JoJo's Bizzarre Adventure: Golden Wing

Odo from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Faith Lehane from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Szeth-son-son-Vallano from The Stormlight Archive

Balat Davar from The Stormlight Archive

Sanjeet from Raybearer

Jamshid e-Pramukh from the Daevabad Trilogy

Aerin from The Hero and the Crown

Asakura Hao from Shaman King

Ulaam from Tress of the Emerald Sea

Swaine from Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch

Elsa from Lackadaisy

Lilith Clawthorne from The Owl House

Sloane Parker from Eidolon POP

Madoc from The Folk of the Air

Suren alias Wren from The Folk of the Air

Alina Gray from Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story

Shin-Ah from Yona of the Dawn

Shinra Kishitani from Durarara!!

Czesław Meyer from Baccano!

Griffin from The Invisible Man (book)

Galacta Knight from Kirby

Pop from Happy tree Friends

Kyu sugardust from HuniePop

Locke Lamora from Gentlemen Bastards

Nathaniel Thorn from Sorcery of Thorns

Dorothy from Rune Factory 2

Hajime Tanaka from Odd Taxi

The Administrator from Team Fortress 2

Ruby from Disco Elysium

Zero from Katana ZERO

Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley from Homestuck^2: Beyond Canon

Genly Ai from The Left Hand of Darkness

Moana from Moana

Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones

Kaveh from Genshin Impact

The Fool alias Beloved alias Amber from The Realm of the Enderlings

Fitz farseer from The Realm of the Enderlings

Orimar Vale from Campaign: Starjacks

Gable from Campaign: Starjacks

Laios Touden from Dungeon Meshi

Togata from Fire Punch

Niji from Rainbow and Black

Bree Van Der Kamp from Desperate Housewives

Lynette Scavo from Desperate Housewives

Atsushi Ren alias Nero from The Boy Who Fell

Raiden alias Jack from Metal Gear Solid

Ryuunosuke Naruhodo from The great Ace Attorney

Herlock Sholmes from The Great Ace Attorney

Lin Davar from The Stormlight Archive

Tunuva Melim from A Day of Fallen Night

Clariel from The Old Kingdom series

Thomas Thorne from Ghosts BBC

Walter De Courcey from Chess: The Musical

John Dough from John Dough and the Cherub

Chick the Cherub from John Dough and the Cherub

Raine Whispers from The Owl House

Davos Seaworth from A Song of Ice and Fire

Sunny from OMORI

Owen from VALORANT

John Ward from Faith: The Unholy Trinity

Hrathen from Elantris

The High Ki of Twi from The Enchanted Island of Yew

Kazuma Kiryu from Yakuza

Button-Bright from the Oz series

Hancock from Fallout 4

Michael from The Good Place

Yoko Littner from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

The Toy Soldier from The Mechanisms

Alexei "Hawk" Press from White Noise

Lime from Witch's Heart

Cecil Palmer from Welcome of Nightvale

Michael Shelley from The Magnus Archives

Jonny d'Ville from The Mechanisms

Alan Grant from Jurassic Park (1993 movie)

Sardonyx from Steven Universe

Nanashi from 1bitHeart

Quint from Jaws

Annoying Orange from The Annoying Orange

Theobald "Teo" Leonhart from The Lie-Eating Dragon

Star Seeker from Star Seekre in: The Secret of the Sorcerous Standoff

Ice King from Adventure Time

Carmen Sandiego from Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego

Asher Kendrell from Transistor

Jugglus Juggler from Ultraman Orb

Gai Kurenai from Ultraman Orb

Marvin from Falsettos

Arthur Gingerbread from DeathSitter

Rumplestiltskin from Once Upon a Time

The Narrator from The Stanley Parable

Princess Ozma from the Oz series

Niko from OneShot

Doc from Stray

Scout from Team Fortress 2

Kabbu from Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling

Nanami Kiryuu from Revolutionary Girl Utena

Doppo Kunikuda from Bunguo Stray Dogs

Mr. Freeze from DC Comics

Sherlock Holmes from the Sherlock Holmes canon

Professor James Moriarty from the Sherlock Holmes canon

[iztarshi]

For the WIP ask, I want to hear about the Jägerpets!

Jägerpets is on AO3 but hasn't been updated since 2017 *hides face*

Unlike a lot of my older fics which are probably abandoned I keep rotating this one though!

The Jägers are genetically engineered pets, supposedly created from gibbons, but in actuality created from young children. Lucrezia is behind it because of course she is.

Agatha winds up with three of them - you can guess which three! - and also with Jenka hanging around. Jenka is very wary of humans because before she ran away her owner had her defanged, so she won't approach Agatha or come inside the house.

Agatha walked downstairs, deliberately slowly. Whoever it was had gone and she didn’t want to look like she was chasing.

‘Where did your friend go?’ she asked, leaning out of the patio doors.

‘Jenka dun like owners,’ Maxim said.

‘Does anyone feed her?’ Agatha asked.

Dimo shook his head, expression anxious. ‘She useta feed uz, sometimes.’

‘She wants uz to leave,’ Oggie added, hugging her leg as if to reassure her he wasn’t considering it. ‘She dun think hyu’s safe.’

‘I see. Well, I wouldn’t want to scare her more, but if she comes back she’s welcome to stay and play with you.’

Maxim startled her by throwing his arms around her and declaring, ‘Hyu iz the best!’

Which was how Jenka became a semi-regular presence in Agatha’s yard. She disappeared at the slightest hint Agatha was watching, but if Agatha was safely engaged on the other side of the house she’d start to hear a little girl’s voice raised in play. Once Agatha startled Jenka badly by running down full tilt because she’d seen a brown animal in the yard that her mind had parsed as bear. After Jenka fled, and the animal pushed its way through the hedge after her, Agatha realised it had been a Newfoundland.

Which is where I'm stuck because I need to deal with Jenka's situation before I have Agatha go home to visit her Heterodyne relatives for Christmas, I think. I can't just have Agatha leave her there in the cold.

I'm thinking of having something happen to Füst, especially since Klaus runs a pet rescue (and not just one that rescues Jägerpets). I need to do some research into animal rescue, though.

[big-ass-magnet]

Girl Genius character alignment nonsense I could not get out of my head.

I know the dungeons and dragons alignment charts are up to a LOT of interpretation, which is why people always argue when someone assigns blorbos to the wrong square.

HOWEVER.

We are all generally in agreement that the "lawful" part of lawful good, neutral, and evil does not mean the 'things you can go to jail for' type laws, yes? You can do evil things without doing anything illegal (gestures at capitalism) and you can do good things that are illegal (gestures at capitalism again). "Lawful" means a personal code of ethics and honor (or dishonor) that a character follows.

(if you DON'T agree with that, just pretend for the duration of this post; play with me in this space)

Lawful evil can do chaotic evil things without compromising being lawful--the archetype of evil characters who are convinced they are good because everything they do is a means to a greater end. Chaotic evil is when you, at your core, first and foremost form your beliefs and make your choices based on a foundation of "because I want to".

An evil paladin who burns down people's houses for fun can still be lawful evil because of their devotion to their oath--if they have the kind of oath that allows or encourages house burning.

(you can probably guess where I am going with this)

Jägers have done and are in no way opposed to chaotic evil stuff. That is not up for debate. They enjoy violence and destruction, and they will cause it whenever they can, but they don't leave Mechanicsburg on a raid for the fun of it. The Mechanicsburg citizens who ride with them absolutely do it for the fun, for the glory, to get chicks. The Jägers ride with their Heterodyne.

In the novelizations, it's specifically mentioned (in my favorite gag in the whole series) that Bill and Barry turned the town from chaotic evil to lawful evil, and managed to do so because they had the support of the Jägers. When Bill and Barry did good, the Jägers were fascinated, even curious about trying it, because there is nothing in the troth that says you serve your Heterodyne only by setting things on fire.

Mechanicsburg and the people within were chaotic evil; the Jägers, by virtue of their troth, were already lawful evil. Hell, you could make the argument that they were and are lawful neutral, and where they are on the morality scale is up to the Heterodyne.

and bill and barry could have made them good if they hadn't decided unilaterally that all monsters are evil and not worth saving unless they are human on the outside I GUESS

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[bigasswritingmagnet]

Relatively Speaking, This Will Probably be Fine (Ch 5)

Fandom: Girl Genius Rating: T Summary: Everyone knows Agatha Sannikova can't be a Heterodyne, even if she did arrive mysteriously one night to live with Lady Teodora and Lord Saturnus. She's got those headaches, and she's not too bright - she's not even a Spark! She does get along quite well with Lord Saturnus, which is a bit odd, but she's had a very good affect on his health. Lady Teodora doesn't like the kind of, er, "life lessons" he's tried to teach her, but Agatha hasn't set anyone on fire or unleashed any terrifying monstrosities on the town.

...what do you mean, tempting fate?

<Last Chapter | Chapter One | Next Chapter > AO3 Link

It took Agatha twenty minutes to walk to and from school, and she was always on time. If Teodora began to prepare Agatha’s after school snack at three o’clock exactly, she could always have it ready just as she came through the door.

Thus she was startled when she was only halfway through warming the milk for the hot chocolate and the front door slammed.

“Agatha? You’re home earl—”

Saturnus’ door opened and slammed shut. Alarmed, Teodora turned off the stove and hurried out of the kitchen, into Saturnus’ room, and her heart shattered.

Agatha was kneeling by the bed, face pressed against the blankets as she sobbed, her whole body shaking. Saturnus had one hand on her head, stroking her hair with great effort. His eyes met Teodora’s, and she was shocked to see such pain and grief in them. Saturnus flicked his gaze between Teodora and Agatha, pleadingly.

“Agatha, darling,” Teodora said, putting her hands on Agatha’s shoulders. “What happened?”

“Everyone is always so awful,” Agatha sobbed. “We had a group project and no one wanted to work with me and the teacher had to make them, and they complained about it right in front of me! And then they wouldn’t let me do anything because they said I’d ruin it because I’m too stupid!”

She once more dissolved into tears.

“Oh, you’re not stupid, Agatha—”

“I am! I am stupid! I’m stupid and useless and broken!”

“Oh, Agatha...” Teodora knelt down, pulled the girl into her arms and held her tightly. “They’re wrong, and you know it. You’re a very smart girl! You’re not useless, and you are certainly not broken.”

And then Saturnus and Agatha shared a look. It was commiserating, rueful and slightly weary, and Teodora tamped down the indignence that rose up at the sight of it. Indignence, and panic.

“Come on, dear,” she said, rising to her feet. “Change out of your uniform, and you and I will go work in the garden for a bit.”

Agatha hesitated, looking at her grandfather, but Saturnus tipped his head in a brief nod and flicked his fingers in a shooing motion.

Agatha allowed herself to be led out of the room, but she was quiet as she changed and joined Teodora outside.

It had taken weeks of arguing before Saturnus agreed to let her live outside the castle, but when he had finally presented the house to her, Teodora had had to admit it was a lovely place. She had not asked for a backyard or a garden, but Saturnus had provided it anyway. Half of it was taken up by the shed, which had originally been a stable for the family’s horses.

The rest was flowerbeds, filled with plants that would bloom in all seasons and times of day. Alone in such a terrible place, Teodora had wanted to be sure she could always escape to something beautiful.

Teodora gave Agatha a trowel and bucket and set her to weeding, then let her be. She wouldn’t push the girl to speak--let Agatha be alone with her thoughts, until she was ready to speak on her own.

While she clipped dead leaves from a rosebush, Teodora thought again about the look shared between Agatha and Saturnus. It had been a look that suggested more familiarity than should have been possible with a man who could barely move, let alone speak.

Teodora had allowed her to spend time with him only because she assumed he was in no position to influence her. What if he had found a way?

“I hate them,” Agatha said, abruptly.

“Who?”

“The other kids. The teachers. I hate all of them. They’re all so awful for no reason.”

“People can be cruel,” Teodora admitted. “The world can be unkind to people who are different. The important thing is not to let it make you unkind.”

“Why shouldn’t I be unkind?” Agatha demanded. She began to stab at the dirt sullenly with the trowel. “If everyone is going to be mean to me, why shouldn’t I be mean back? They started it.”

An almost familiar conversation.

“Do you want other people to feel the way you feel?”

Agatha was quiet for a moment, tugging at weeds .

“Sometimes,” she muttered.

“Not the children at school. Other people. Strangers.”

“Of course not.”

“Then you must stay kind. If you aren’t careful, you can end up like them—hurting people because it makes you feel stronger.”

Agatha considered this with an expression that made Teodora warily. Sure enough:

“So...I should only be mean to people who are mean to me first.”

Oh dear.

“Not...exactly what I meant.”

“Are you going to tell me I have to be the bigger person?” Agatha asked, her nose wrinkling. “Because I hate when people tell me that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. But you have to be careful about things like ‘being mean back’. It’s very easy to justify doing terrible things. How mean does someone have to be, and how mean do you get to be in return?”

She put her hand on Agatha’s shoulder.

“The world can be unkind,” she said again. “It does not need us to make it worse.”

“But it’s hard,” Agatha whined. “I don’t want to be nice.”

“You do,” Teodora said. “You want other people to stop being mean. It’s hard to be nice when people aren’t nice back.” She smiled sadly. “One day, things will be easier. I promise you.”

“You can’t promise that,” Agatha said.

“But I will anyway,” Teodora insisted. “The other children will grow up and realize that they were wrong to tease you, and feel sorry for what they’ve done.”

Because they will learn they were teasing their Heterodyne, and what will that do to those minions in training?

“And then you will be glad you were kind to them, because then you get to be morally superior.”

Agatha burst out laughing. Teodora smiled and stroked her cheek.

“So will you try to be kind? For me?”

“Okay,” Agatha said. “I’ll try.”

[its-to-the-death]

Glasses Swag Sequel Round 2

A lot of those round 1 matches were close and there were some last call comebacks. Here's the updated bracket:

Polls for this round will be out on Saturday, June 15 and last for a week. Matchups are under the cut as always.

Be nice and have fun!

Adrian Andrews (Ace Attorney) vs Doppo Kunikida (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Stanley Pines (Gravity Falls) vs Dr. Bunsen Honeydew (The Muppets)

Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls) vs Seymour Krelborn (Little Shop of Horrors)

Odile (In Stars and Time) vs Garnet (Steven Universe)

Dr. Newton Geiszler (Pacific Rim) vs Dirk Strider (Homestuck)

Lilith Clawthorne (The Owl House) vs Liu Sang (Daomu Biji)

Trisana Chandler (Circle of Magic by Tamora Pierce) vs Baizhu (Genshin Impact)

Simon Petrikov (Adventure Time) vs Edward Nygma/The Riddler (DC)

Sissel (Ghost Trick) vs Dave Strider (Homestuck)

Sadness (Inside Out) vs Kim Kitsuragi (Disco Elysium)

Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney) vs Geordi La Forge (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

Johnny Bravo (Johnny Bravo) vs Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai)

Taylor Hebert/Skitter (Worm/Parahumans) vs Sci-Twi (My Little Pony: Equestria Girls)

Bedman/Romeo (Guilty Gear) vs Riz Gukgak (Dimension 20: Fantasy High)

Jason Grace (Heroes of Olympus) vs Qifrey (Witch Hat Atelier)

Calvin's dad (Calvin and Hobbes) vs Agatha Heterodyne (Girl Genius)