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absolxguardian · 5 years ago

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How Flint’s war could have been won

A while ago I made a post saying that I believed that Flint and co could have won the war to drive Europe out of the new world. I didn’t want to do a whole big write up, unless someone was interested. But @artsymoth is, so here you go. It’s very long, so the rest is under the cut

Terminology

For the colonial rulers of the New World, I’m generally going to use the term “Christendom” rather than Europe. When it comes to the motivations of the war, things will get religious very quickly. Also, the Ottomans will be very important, and their Empire will be very important to the war.

I’m going to refer to Flint’s allies as the Alliance, even before I think they’d come up with the name. The full name would be the Alliance of the Americas (translated to whatever their language’s word for the continents are for their various native allies), since that’s the least relative to Europe name they could come up with. And it really will be an alliance, not a single army or would be nation.

Shortly after the show ends

Let’s just say that Madi was able to convince Silver to continue to prosecute the war is the change in the timeline. Just like in the show, the conflict between one’s own personal emancipation and freedom for all of their people will be the biggest threat to the success of the war. Because with Rogers dead and the cache secured, Jack becomes the immediate threat.

Jack Rackham

Without Silver, Jack has no hope to kill Flint. Beyond the status of wealth, he was born into, Jack is privileged and not invested in the war for ideological reasons. We see time and again that he cares more about safety for him and the people he loves than helping those like him. Either Flint is forced to kill Jack, or Jack, changing with the winds like he always does, never mentions the deal he had with Marion Guthrie. If Jack is spared, he will remain the biggest liability the Alliance possesses in the early days of the war. Featherstone is loyal to Max, but he lacks the shrewdness and will to do anything other than follow Jack when he’s the length of a continent away from Max. If Jack plays his hand, since Featherstone is known to be unreliable, he’ll be killed with Jack. As for the individual members of the crew, it will depend on each man’s reputation and temperament.

As for Anne and Max, Jack has no chance to outsail the news of Flint’s war. Two scenarios are possible. One, through the use of their new and less recognizable allies, Max and Anne are smuggled out of Boston. However, with Jack dead, Max and Anne would be assumed to be traitors as well. It is also possible that the Alliance simply doesn’t have the resources to spare. Marion’s patience towards Anne and Max will quickly tire when she realizes Jack is either dead or a traitor. But she seems to respect Max, so it’s possible that Marion will train Max as a protegee, well until Boston is economically destabilized.

Barbados

After regrouping on the Maroon’s island, the Alliance will next set their sight on Barbados, as it was already described currently revolting. With the massive disparity between the enslaved and white populations, the Alliance would simply need to help them take out the few entrenched positions and prevent any outside navel support.

As Barbados was one of England’s most successful sugar colonies, this would greatly bloody England’s economic nose and attract its ire, much more than the loss of Nassau. But England is currently defending against Spain in the war of the Quadruple Alliance, and so long as Flint doesn’t announce his true intentions, not only would England be distracted, but they’d likely still only be seen as a blip.

Julius arguing that the Maroons should fold to protect what they already managed to protect would likely dissolve when seeing an entire island of his people freed.

The Alliance would also have the chance to make another vital connection in the aftermath of the liberation of Barbados. Jewish merchants started the sugar trade on Barbados, but were pushed out by the English when the venture became established and profitable. As long as Flint made his intentions for a New World free of any racial and religious restrictions (a much better offer than England’s or any at the time) and a Spanish Empire humiliated, a fair amount of said Sephardim would join the Alliance, providing vital connections.

In that same episode, other pirates were talking about how easy it would be to take Jamaica, but if the Alliance were to bide their time, as the Sephardim from Barbados would explain, Jamaica could be handed to them even more easily. So I’ll discuss it in its appropriate section.

Nassau

With the Spanish gone and Roger’s dead, taking Nassau would be more of a symbol to Flint’s pirate allies than anything more The crews left would know the winds were turning, and would side with the Alliance instantly. I think the sheer fact that the Alliance needs sailors is the only thing that would keep Silver from fulfilling his threat to destroy any former pirates who took the pardon. Mapleton has likely filled the power vacuum and in return for Hudson’s assistance, sent the handmaid away to London. Mapleton would remain the governor equivalent of Nassau, although she is another liability to Flint. If at this point Max has rejoined the Alliance and totally wasn’t planning on betraying it a few months ago, she’d be who the Alliance actually appoints, with the assumption that she could bring Mapleton under control. Nassau would also become the Alliance de facto capital, if only because of how hard it is to reach the Maroon camp. This is where all the important meetings would occur.

Allies

Corsairs

What do you need for a pirate alliance? Well more pirates. The corsairs of the Barbary Coast and Medditerean are natural allies for Flint. Corsair crews also contained more Africans (especially former slaves) and Muslims than Caribean pirates, so they’d be more prone to accept Flint’s radical ideology. It’s likely that a handful of corsairs end up on pirate crews, and they certainly knew about each other, especially crews that hunted closer to Africa. So someone would be there to offer up such an idea as a suggestion and provide a way to meet them.

These pirates, especially the Barbary corsairs would, if they all worked together, cause the transatlantic slave trade to become unprofitable. And despite the language barrier (historically Caribbean pirate crews sold slaves just taken from Africa but recruited second generation slaves), many of those Africans could join the crews. The rest would obviously be returned, gaining the trust of their tribes. But I don’t think they’d be of much use, because given my understanding the level of colonialism at this time in Africa was simply of the “taking slaves” variety. But the economy of the Americas would stall even before the Alliance took each location because of part of the triangle trade no longer worked.

Many corsairs were privateers under contract from the Ottoman Empire or Morocco, and well, that’s going to be the biggest ally Flint gets, and the one that allows him to win the war.

The Ottoman Empire (also Morocco)

While the Ottoman Empire may not agree with Flint’s anarchist ideals, they just want to take away their biggest enemies’ economic advantage. It’s just not practical for the Ottoman Empire to have New World colonies. The Ottoman Empire can provide the Alliance with all the resources of a great power.

Morocco (and any other independent North African states, Morocco is just the one I know about) can provide all of their privateers. At the time, Morocco was threatened by Spain and the Ottomans. Now with the Ottomans on their side against Spain, they’d have a secure position.

And this is where it gets religious. Once the alliance with the Ottomans is made public, this isn’t some insurgents against England, it’s Christendom vs the Muslims (propaganda wise). I’ll discuss what that would mean for Europe itself later. But as a quick teaser, especially if Flint is openly bi and makes his promises of freedom for all regardless of race, religion, or gender, Christendom is going to paint him as literally the Antichrist. And I don’t mean propaganda and general hatred. I mean people are going to break out millennialism and revelations again. Jesus is going to come down from Heaven and fight Flint. But I’ll discuss if this inherent threat to Christendom will be more of a First Crusade or a Fourth Crusade later.

Jews

Now, this is how the Alliance will take Jamacia, almost the same way the Brittish did a generation ago. For a variety of reasons, Jamacia was full of Jewish/converso colonists. They provided the fifth collum the Brittish needed to take Jamacia. Cromwell offered them the right to practice their religion openly, but not protection from prosecution nor equal rights. With the help of the Sephardim recruited from Barbados, those same connections could be reestablished. If Anne and Max are part of the Alliance, their connections in Port Royal could also be used. The interior of Jamacia was also full of Maroons allied with the native Taino. An assault from both sides, accompanied with the usual slave revolt (the Alliance’s general tactic for the West Indies) will hand Jamacia to the Alliance. Jamaica is vitally important as a port because it is the best port to stop by when entering the West Indies.

Many of the Jews of the Netherlands (although those who hold a lot of stocks in the dutch west India company wouldn’t) would defect in their merchant ships to the Alliance. I could also see the Ottomans offering their jews (and other ethnic minorities in the Empire) the same rights as the Alliance would (the restrictions on Jews in Muslim nations did exist but were generally better than anything Christendom had) to prevent defections. Although as I’ll discuss later, this alliance may not be the best for the Jews of the rest of Christendom.

Natives

Most of the natives of South America would be too genocided to provide much assistance to the Alliance, but the survivors can provide information about the interior and help begin a guerrilla war to take colonies. The fact many of them are already allied with Maroons means their help would be easy to secure.

But in North America, the natives are the key to taking the 13 colonies. If they’re armed with European weapons and all working together, they can push back against the Brittish and the French. If the alliance is kept secret at first, France and England would be too busy fighting the Alliance War to provide much assistance. Then Alliance ships are in Boston Harbor. At this point, if Jack is with the Alliance, Max and Anne would be able to join them.

Defectors

Once the war really gets going, defection from Europe would be made almost impossible. But from captured ships, especially with how England is going to be impressing more people, defection will occur at a higher rate than previously. Crew members, weather navy or merchant, will be executed if they don’t defect, rather than set free without their goods. Because this is now a war. And it’s not a war between “respectable” Christian powers, but a war against savages and infidels. Christendom won’t follow the rules for PoWs at the time, and neither will the Alliance.

But queer people, protestants living in Catholic countries, Catholics living in protestant countries, and Jews will reliably defect when given the chance. I could even see them joining ships with the hope that they will be boarded. “Mark” Read was also part of the royal navy in the war of the quadruple alliance (in Black Sails), and given the chance, she would defect.

Trading

The cache won’t be of much use if the Alliance can’t find anyone to trade with. The same goes for Columbus’ secret gold mine (if it exists and is found) and Peru and Mexico’s silver mines once they’re captured (with the Urca de Lima in possession of gold, there has got to a gold mine in some spainish colony in this universe). Without slave labor, their output will only be a fraction of what Spain could manage, but still. Who can they trade with? The Ottomans are already providing them with resources as allies and the sugar plantations are being converted into food-bearing farms by those not interested in fighting. Some of the cache and silver can be used to stimulate the Ottoman economy and their trading partners, but I think they could probably cut some side deal with Russia. Since this is a big important war for the fate of Christendom, they can’t openly support the Alliance, but economically they’d want to hurt their western neighbors. They’ve also been Orthodox for centuries, so they’re not as religiously bound. The Jews living in Russia would provide the go-betweens. The same goes for the Holy Roman Empire, except the HRE is in the most danger from the Ottomans. But the HRE was notorious for not being able to control its princes, so a few lords more concerned about the short term could be swayed as well.

The biggest threats

Infighting

Oppressed groups can easily end up fighting each other. Pirates just want money and freedom, they aren’t concerned about the Africans and natives fighting their own war. The protestants could end up fighting the Catholics. Minority Christian sects might not be able to put aside their hatred of Jews and Muslims despite the promise of their own freedom. Different native tribes won’t work together because of their grudges. People start questioning the authority held by Madi because of their sexism and Flint because of their homophobia. People try to turn the Alliance to their own ends because of their own selfishness. The biggest threat to the Alliance is that some groups are promised amnesty in exchange for betraying the Alliance. Or they could splinter into different factions and Christendom picks them off one by one. As the war gets harder and more losses are sustained, the odds of this happening increase. The same factors that stopped the war before it began in the show could easily bring it all crashing down.

Christendom gets it shit together

Earlier I referenced the crusades. Those didn’t go well because, despite the political power of religion in the middle ages, people are still selfish, xenophobic, and more concerned about the realpolitik than ideals. Now the powers of Western Europe’s entire economic system is under threat, but they still might not work together. Fighting two enemies in a war is a lot easier than fighting an alliance of two enemies. Especially since Spain just finished going to war with the other European powers. Various armies may get distracted fighting over newly reclaimed land instead of continuing on. And despite the Ottomans, this would mostly be a Spain, France, England, and Dutch affair. Eastern and northern Europe would be less likely to get involved.

And unlike during the crusades, the protestant reformation now divides Christendom. The Pope can’t even try to unite everyone under his banner. Especially if the Ottomans use their navy rather than army to the support the Alliance, the HRE won’t feel too pressured to respond.

The main advantages that the Alliance has against Christendom are the benefits of defensive guerilla warfare, especially when it’s the “stand in a line a shoot” time period for warfare and this fact. If Christendom’s entire resources were to act in parallel to each other, Flint would stand no chance. But they probably can’t.

Reactionary Conservatism

It is a known principle that when challenged, a society will double down on its oppressive elements to defend itself. Just like how the slaves of the other plantations on Nassau were used as hostages against the slaves of the Underhill plantation, something similar will happen across the world. The cost will be high.

Slavemasters will become more paranoid about revolution. They can’t kill their entire stock, it just won’t work, but punishments will become worse. Once the news of alliances with native tribes gets out, the colonists will preemptively renew the efforts against their native neighbors.

Even if the Alliance didn’t offer total religious freedom and have Jewish allies, pogroms would still happen. They wouldn’t be organized, but the increased anti-semitic violence during the Crusades proves that it doesn’t matter. The destruction of the Holy Specluche resulted in the massacre of a Jewish community in France. But with Jews accepted by the Alliance, it’s even worse. The governments wouldn’t even bother with exile, those Jews would just run to the Alliance. Spanish ire towards New Christians would return, remembering how once conversos cost them Peru and then Jamacia, and are doing that again.

The same heightened religious persecution would effect Catholics in protestant countries and Protestants in Catholic countries. Such persecution and atrocities could also keep the Protestant and Catholic countries from playing nice with each other. This increased fear against the other could also turn Protestants against each other. I feel like the majority Protestant religion in each country would become more state-controlled, just like the Anglican Church. But such tightening would turn even protestant countries against each other. Fearing the other gets pretty inconvenient when you have to team up to fight the greater other. But I don’t know enough about each individual country’s religions, and also there would be a difference between the ignored hate crimes committed in rural villages and official government policy. Maybe this outside pressure could cause the reformation to end, but I’m not sure? Depends on how much Christendom gets its shit together. It’s much easier to hate someone who’s beliefs are a bit to the left of yours than those that are radically different. The Quakers probably won’t make it out of this alive, the pacifism and lack of accepting central authority will do that to you.

English discrimination against the Scottish, Welsh, and Irish would increase. This is just after the most recent Jacobite rebellion and the Alliance might not be offering them their homeland, but it’s offering them a place to start over free. The white allies found in colonies would most likely be poor non-English.

To add to the list of how Flint fighting this war makes things worse for the people he’s trying to help trapped in Christendom, the Alliance’s open acceptance of queerness would be matched by increased persecution in their enemies. Low key wealthy queer people, especially male ones, wouldn’t be given the benefit of the doubt anymore. Places who didn’t bother with enforcing their anti-sodomy laws would do so again.

Because the war is a threat to society itself, paranoia will reach Red Scare levels. And the government doesn’t have to pretend to respect free speech this time! The newborn Enlightenment would be strangled in its crib.

After the war

But then the war ends. It’s too much for Christendom to take. The high taxes they must raise to fund this war has probably caused at least a few internal conflicts. Maybe a civil war knocks some big player out of the game. Who knows?

The entirety of the New World is surrendered to the Alliance. The Ottomans get a few of their own concessions. Other than an initial agreement that any Jews/crypto-Jews remaining after the latest round of Inquisition get to travel to the Alliance, movement between the Alliance and Christendom will be restricted tightly. One's best bet would be to manage to get to the Ottoman Empire and go from there. America really would become the mythic land of freedom only spoken of in whispers. There probably isn’t an explicit ban against the African slave trade, but without the New World, it isn’t profitable anymore. Trade with the east either has to go through the Ottomans or around Africa. That trade is stopped by “oh those totally aren’t privateers who raided you, those are pirates” raids and those pirates who want to remain on the account move to the Mediterranian.

The Americas

Flint was never interested in nation building. But since no one wants to be delivered from one monarch to another, the resulting small allied states probably run on a combination of the pirate crew system and the Iroquois’ great law of peace. After that, I don’t know what will happen. Without Europe and with slave labor, can western style soicety remain in the New World? How long until they break out into war with each other? What culture is created by a blending of native and European culture without the oppression? Will interconnected soicety fall apart or will commerce continue? I don’t know. But a happy ending is only happy because of when you end it.

Europe

The scenario I have for Europe is very dark, literally. It’s another dark age. I’ve considered it being like the French being inspired by the Americans on a larger scale, but there aren’t any Enlightenment texts to inspire it and no one in Christendom was taking notes and listening to ambassadors.

The economy of Europe will collapse. There was a direct challenge to soicety, and it succeeded. Unless someone starts the Industrial Revolution, and fast, capitalism’s rise will be halted and slowly fall. And the horrors of war has marked everything. The ideas of the Renaissance are looked at with a new suspicion. Things like Thomas Hamilton’s saloons won’t happen anymore. Civil wars will flare across the Christendom. Russia, and to a lesser extent the rest of Eastern Europe will get out of it fine, but they will not tolerate any sort of subversive ideas. The HRE was already declining, and the war might have provided the last push in this timeline.

Despite things getting worse, the Alliance can’t go on the offensive. They won’t have the home field advantage “just wait them out” guerilla warfare tactics available, most of the Alliance just wants to secure safety for their people, and if they were to move against Christendom, the Ottomans would want the land for themselves. Driving royals out of some of their land is also a lot less messy than getting rid of them altogether.

The Ottoman Empire

It’s time for the Islamic Golden Age 2. Unlike Christendom, they won’t get the clock turned back when it comes to ideas. The Enlightenment, especially with the good trade relationship with the Americas, will happen here. But I doubt the Ottoman Empire will become as radical as the Americas. It’s still an Empire. They’ll move into a weakened Europe. Perhaps it will become a constitutional monarchy, partially modeled off of how the American states govern themselves. Perhaps, especially with how Sultans have to kill all their brothers, it will get so big it will just break into smaller states.

Africa and the East

Colonialism wave 2 will hit Africa sooner, at the hands of the Ottomans. Colonialism in the style of the scramble for Africa conquest, or perhaps, since there won’t be that much racism involved, Africa will be treated like other parts of the Ottoman Empire. Maybe the resultant states will scrabble for it themselves and take bits out of China. Or maybe since it doesn’t have enough seeds of capitalism, the industrial revolution will take much longer. At this point, I don’t know. Maybe some Maroons will suspect this and make sure the African tribes have European weapons. Will anyone ever bother to gunboat open Japan? How long until tyrants rise again in the Americas and they’re the ones to conquer the east?

The Inherent Randomness

Maybe there’s some lesser factor that would most certainly have a much bigger impact in this timeline that I don’t know about. I’d love if someone could tell me. I have a lot of spots in my knowledge here and would love to discuss and add on to this idea.

But there are things that can’t be predicted. Flint could get fatally shot securing Barbados and that’s how things end. Maybe elements and people that are irrelevant in our world are important in this timeline. That why I didn’t outline how I think they would win in the military sense. That would require responding to things and I don’t know what those things are. The farther and farther one goes through this essay, the less certain I am about these things. One thing I do know for certain, is that the TLDR for the war is an alliance with the Ottomans. They’re the only state powerful enough who’s own capabilities means they’ll actually ally with Flint.

Silver is right. The cost would be so high. It’s a war, and entering into this war is double or nothing.

#black sails #black sails season 4

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mst3kproject · 6 years ago

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504: Secret Agent Super Dragon

Let’s move on to another oft-overlooked subset of MST3K – the Budget Bond films. These are always very bad, but often a lot of fun if you’re in the right kind of mood.

Brian Cooper is Super Dragon, pulled out of retirement to find out who’s distributing poisoned chewing gum to co-eds! Boy, if that doesn’t sound like the setup for a thrilling spy caper, nothing does! The plot seems to revolve around a Dutch student named Christine Bruder, so Cooper goes to Amsterdam looking for her. There, in between fucking his female colleagues and flirting with every woman he sees, he learns that Bruder was part of a plot to smuggle deadly drugs into the United States, hidden in fake Ming vases. An evil conspiracy is planning to dope the free world on a chemical that will cause us to violently attack one another, and then… uh, I don’t know what happens after that, but it’s probably safe to assume it’ll end in the bad guys ruling the world. That’s always the goal.

What’s with that spy movie cliché about the glamorous secret agent who sleeps with every woman he meets? Friends, enemies, co-workers, random waitresses… our suave hero loses no chance to insert Tab A into Slot B. He can’t walk down the street without having women throw themselves at him. This trope has been parodied to hell and back in everything from Austin Powers to The Million Eyes of Sumuru and it’s actually sort of weird to see it played straight, as it is here. As a PSA to my readers: never sleep with a glamorous secret agent. He probably has like nine venereal diseases.

The weirdest thing in the movie is a facet of this trope: it’s the bit where Cooper and Agent Farrell are busily smooching when a man breaks into her apartment and tries to kill them. They fight him off, and he commits suicide so they can’t question him. Cooper then throws his body out the window, turns the soundtrack back on, and the couple just pick up where they left off! Maybe it’s because I’m not a glamorous secret agent but I gotta agree with Tom Servo on this one: I don’t think I could have sex in the same room where I just watched a guy kill himself. It wouldn’t be right, you know?

I will say that this indifference towards death bothers me less here than it did in Master Ninja I, but the characters in Secret Agent Super Dragon have presumably have years of both physical training to kill and psychological coaching to deal with the consequences. Even so, just getting right back to the makeout session before the body’s even had a chance to cool seems unnecessarily callous.

The other trope I notice a lot of in Secret Agent Super Dragon is the death trap. Our hero’s life is threatened repeatedly but always in some contrived way that allows him a chance to escape. The first time he’s tied to a rail so some machine can come along and roll over his head. He gets out in the nick of time and it crushes a can of red paint instead. The second time he’s nailed into a coffin and thrown into the river. He holds his breath and inflates a flotation device. The third time, he’s trapped in a building rigged to explode. His buddy flies in with a helicopter. Why doesn’t anybody just shoot this guy? Villains that stupid don’t deserve to take over the world!

Yet another thing that stands out as remarkably dumb is the cause the charity auction is supposed to support – ‘an International Hospital for Babies with Malnutrition’. Okay, so, imagine you’re somebody whose child is starving, which probably means you’re dirt poor. Instead of sending food to you, these people expect you to bring the baby to a hospital, which may be in another country, so that they can feed the kid there. Is the complete impracticality of this supposed to be our clue that it’s a scam? The script never references that, though. Did somebody just pick a bunch of charitable-sounding words? Was it a bad translation of something that actually made sense in the original language? Are the writers just that stupid? We’ll probably never know.

Beyond that… it’s honestly really hard to say anything deeper about Secret Agent Super Dragon, because this is another movie that’s not very ambitious. It has some vague themes about drugs as the downfall of western civilization, but its characters don’t have appreciable arcs and there’s not much by way of symbolism for me to analyze. All it wants is to keep us mindlessly entertained for an hour and a half – and there’s nothing wrong with that, honestly, but Super Dragon isn’t even any good at it. Trying to watch without Joel and the bots I found myself drifting repeatedly. There’s the charming super-spy, the parade of blandly beautiful women, the evil mastermind with a vague plan to take over the world, the easily-escaped death traps… we’ve done this all before, and Super Dragon doesn’t even use the stereotypes in skillful or interesting ways.

The thing about spy movie tropes is they’re so easy to parody, and have been parodied so many times, that even somebody who doesn’t actually watch spy movies can spot them because we all absorb them through pop-culture osmosis. Playing them straight therefore runs a very serious risk of boring the audience. Of course Agent Farrell is working for the bad guys, because in a story like this, a character like her does – and of course she falls in love with Cooper and betrays her bosses for him. None of this stuff is even really foreshadowed (except that Farrell dyes her hair – can’t trust those unnatural redheads!) but we still know it’s coming because we’ve seen the same shit in fifty other movies. The bad guy wants to cleanse the world so it can be made anew? Been there. The movie wallows in misogyny but in all the same old ways, so I’ve got nothing new to say about it.

Throughout the film people talk about the ‘legendary Super Dragon’ but I don’t think we ever get a reason why Cooper’s so great. Bond films begin with a breathtaking action setpiece to show us that our hero has nifty gadgets and balls of steel – Secret Agent Super Dragon begins with Cooper playing dead by the pool. His most remarkable ability seems to be holding his breath for a really long time, and his gadgeteer, the kleptomaniacal Babyface, makes most of his gadgets out of literal toys. I think this might be a joke about the obvious miniatures some of these movies use�� but I’m not sure. All I’m sure of is when that dinosaur waddled into the room I was halfway expecting it to demand the return of the Golden Ninja Warrior.

About the only place where the movie seems to accidentally brush by a real statement is in a moment that resembles a historical reference. Cooper has infiltrated a conspiracy meeting (by wearing a half-mask that leaves his rather distinctive chin fully visible) at which the Big Bad, Mr. Lamas, is delivering an expository monologue: their factory in India is in full production of the drug, which will be shipped to America in phony Ming vases and bring the world to its knees! If you’re going to talk about drugs making and breaking empires, China and India are where it happened.

In the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries, the East India Company fostered opium addiction in China because they wanted cheap tea and because the British government had vague plans, which never came anywhere close to fruition, to add China to their empire. The opium to feed this addiction was grown in India, often by farmers who would rather have been growing actual food but owed too much money to the EIC. This all led to the Opium Wars and a lot of other unpleasantness in which the British Empire came out looking even more like assholes than they usually did. In a story about conquering the world through drug addiction, then, having the drugs created in India and slipped into something Chinese looks like a reference to history repeating itself.

It may also mean something else. Secret Agent Super Dragon is relentlessly white, set mostly in a city in northwestern Europe, where conspiracies of middle-aged white guys drink booze and decide the fate of nations. The actual work that makes this possible, however, is being done by people of colour in the east. Not only does this seem to reference how western nations use other countries as battlegrounds and bargaining chips in their own power struggles, it can also serve as a reminder of something we frequently forget: a lot of what makes our comfortable lives possible comes from other countries, made by people who could never afford to buy it. My eyeglasses, the sweater I’m wearing, and the chair I’m sitting on were all made in China. Our entire economy depends on cheap foreign labor, and I wonder sometimes how much longer that can last before the whole thing falls apart.

Is any of this the movie’s intentional theme or message? I doubt it. The historical reference seems to be just a ‘hey, look how clever we are!’ moment and the rest probably goes no deeper than ‘oh, no, our children are doing drugs!’, which has been on the verge of ending civilization since at least the thirties. Secret Agent Super Dragon is just a dumb trashy Eurospy movie, and not even a very good one. I don’t hate it, but mostly because it’s not worth that kind of effort. The MST3K treatment renders it infinitely more enjoyable, especially when Tom and Crow do Jazz.

Agent Cooper was played by actor Ray Danton, who died in 1992, a year before the episode aired. Probably all for the best. I doubt he’d have been into all those jokes about how his character is perfectly smooth.

#mst3k #reviews #secret agent super dragon #60s

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laclasseworld-blog · 10 months ago

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laclasse · 2 years ago

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Get the Best Dutch Language Translation in India

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didanawisgi · 7 years ago

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Pyrate Surgeons By Cindy Vallar

In 1617 John Woodall published a book entitled The Surgeon’s Mate. Never before had anyone bothered to pen an instruction manual to help the surgeon at sea, or whoever acted in that capacity in his absence. Copies were included in medical chests. Woodall’s book became a “bible” to many. Considered the Father of Sea Surgery, Woodall practiced what he preached. At sixteen he apprenticed with a barber-surgeon, and three years later, he was a military surgeon. Eventually he became the surgeon general of the East India Company.

One must understand that the world of medicine in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries differed from medicine today. There were two classes of doctors, and not all of them were treated with the respect one currently associates with this field. A physician graduated from university. He was a gentleman concerned with knowledge, desiring to learn as much as he could about the human body. If a patient fell ill or was injured, the physician prescribed medicines to assist in the patient’s recovery, but he rarely examined, or even saw, any patients. Barber-surgeons, however, treated and operated on their patients, but the law prohibited them from writing prescriptions. They acquired their skills through an apprenticeship. While they performed amputations more than other types of surgery, they made most of their money from bloodletting, lancing boils, and pulling teeth. Closely aligned with the doctors were apothecaries, (druggists/pharmacists now), who mixed medications, or physics as they were called then. From behind the shop’s counter, the apothecary dispensed free medical advice with the pills and purges he concocted from the ingredients kept in the many bottles lining his shelves.

Both barber-surgeons and physicians crossed paths with pirates, in part because the Royal College of Surgeons in Scotland certified eighty percent of all doctors. Since there weren’t enough jobs at home for these men, they set sail for distant shores. Sometimes pirates attacked their ships, and the doctors became pyrate surgeons whether they wanted to or not. Unlike other men who went on the account, though, surgeons did not have to sign the Articles of Agreement. If the pirates seized another vessel with a doctor on board, the forced surgeon was free to go and the new man became the pirates’ surgeon. Regardless of whether these doctors signed the articles or not, they received 1¼ shares of any plundered booty. That sum usually surpassed what a legitimate ship’s surgeon might earn in a month, for those wages averaged £3 to £4. Alexandre Exquemelin, one of the more famous of the pyrate surgeons, wrote, “…[A] competent salary for the surgeon and his chest of medicaments…usually is rated at 200 or 250 pieces-of-eight.” (Esquemeling, 60 – approximately $6000-$7500 today)

Pyrate surgeons were some of the more literate men aboard their ships, but not all vessels had a doctor on board. If this was the case, if a man became sick, he might or might not get better since whoever tended him guessed at what to do, especially if no one could read the labels on the medicine bottles, for those were often written in Latin. If a pirate had the misfortune of being wounded and had to have a limb amputated, that job fell to the carpenter because his tools were similar to those the surgeon used. Good pyrate surgeons relied not only on their training, but also on the knowledge they acquired when they came in contact with native peoples, who sometimes knew remedies unknown to the Europeans.

The pirates considered these learned men valuable. The loss of one might mean the difference between life and death, and the rogues knew this. Surgeons, however, were as susceptible to disease and imprisonment as the rest of the pirates. When the buccaneers raided Arica, Chile, Exquemelin told of the loss of nine doctors “…taken prisoners…while they were dressing the wounded at the hospital; which loss of our surgeons increased our damage very much…” (Esquemeling, 274) For the pirates, the capture of those nine men was greater than the forty who died in the attack.

So who were the pyrate surgeons? Perhaps the best known is Alexandre Olivier Exquemelin (also known as Exmelin or Oexmelin or John Esquemeling). His fame came not from his medical skill, but from a bestseller he wrote. Originally published in Dutch in 1678, De Americaenshe Zee-Rovers was translated into several languages. Six years later, two separate editions of his book appeared in English, and the book is still available today under the title The Buccaneers of America. An extraordinary source of information about the pirates of the seventeenth century, the book does contain some errors. “…[T]he reliability of Exquemelin as a source…is that he is almost never totally and utterly wrong and sometimes is remarkably right….” There are so many adventures included in the book, though, that he probably did not participate in all of them. “He makes too many elementary mistakes in naming people and places and he very often gets a story just a little bit wrong, as if he had heard it in a tavern rather than experienced the events himself.” (Earle, 251)

Historians are uncertain as to Exquemelin’s origins, but he was probably Flemish or French. He arrived in Saint Domingue aboard the Saint Jean in July 1666 as an engagé (indentured servant). His first master was “the wickedest rogue in the whole island,” and after three years, Exquemelin fell ill. (Marley, 144) Unfit to work, he was sold to a kind barber-surgeon, who taught Exquemelin to be a surgeon like himself. After one year, his master “offered to set me free for 150 pieces of eight, agreeing to wait for payment until I had earned the money.” (Marley, 144) Exquemelin may have sailed with Jean-David Nau (l’Olonnais), but he was with Henry Morgan when he sacked Panama in 1671, as he is listed on the ship’s roster. His accounts of Morgan are laced with derogatory comments, and the admiral sued Exquemelin’s publishers for slander and libel. The court awarded Morgan £200 and ordered the publisher to revise future editions of the book.

Three years later, Exquemelin retired from plundering and returned to Europe. He studied medicine while living in Amsterdam, and became a doctor in October 1679, according to the Surgeon’s Guild. In 1697 he returned to the West Indies aboard the eighty-four-gun Sceptre, commanded by Admiral Bernard de Pointis, and participated in the sack of Cartagena. Ten years later, he was living in France, but historians do not know when he died.

After receiving his Bachelor of Medicine degree from Cambridge University and his license from the Royal College of Physicians, Thomas Dover opened his practice in Bristol, England. Then in 1708, at the age of 48, he changed careers to become a privateer on Woodes Rogers’ expedition. On 2 February 1709, they were off Juan Fernandez Island when someone spotted a beacon fire ashore. Not wishing to encounter any Spaniards, Rogers sent a few armed men to investigate. One of those men was Dover. Instead of finding the enemy, they came upon “a man clothed in goat skins, who looked wilder than the first owners of them.” (Cordingly, 140) “He had so much forgot his Language for want of Use, that we could scarce understand him, for he seem’d to speak his words by halves.” (Souhami, 133) After being marooned on the island for more than four years, Alexander Selkirk rejoined his fellow Englishmen on their privateering venture.

After the privateers seized a Spanish vessel, Dover was named her captain in spite of having no navigational skills. In April 1709, he participated in the sacking of Guayaquil (Ecuador). At the time of the attack on the town, plague was present and many of the dead were stacked in the local churches, which the pirates ransacked. In the process, they were exposed to the disease.

I ordered the surgeons to bleed them in both Arms, and to go round to them all, with Command to leave them bleeding till all were blooded, and then come and tie them up in their Turns. They lay bleeding and fainting, so long, that I could not conceive they could lose less than an hundred Ounces each Man. (Eloesser, 45-46)

Near Acapulco, they captured another ship with booty totaling more than £1,000,000. After sailing around the world, Rogers’ expedition returned to England in October 1711, at which time Dover retired from his pirating ways. His total earnings from the venture included wages of £422, £100 in “storm money,” £24 of “plunder money,” and booty worth £2,755.

After his retirement, Dover became a respected physician in London. He saw patients every day at the Jerusalem Coffeehouse on Cecil Street, Strand. He invented what became known as “Dover’s Powder,” which contained ipecac and opium. This medicine was just the thing if the patient suffered from a cold, a cough, insomnia, rheumatism, pleurisy, or dysentery, and was still in use at the beginning of the twentieth century. Dover also acquired a nickname, “Doctor Quicksilver,” because he prescribed large doses of mercury for whatever ailed his patients. Before his death in 1742 at the age of eighty-two, he wrote The Ancient Physician’s Legacy to His Country. It was successful enough to be printed seven or eight times.

In 1721 Bartholomew Roberts and his fellow pirates captured a merchant ship christened Mercy. On board was the ship’s surgeon, a man named Peter Scudamore. Unlike most pyrate surgeons, this man willingly signed Roberts’ Articles of Agreement, and afterward boasted that he was the first surgeon to do so. He also boarded seized prizes. From the King Solomon he confiscated that ship’s surgeon’s instruments and medicines. He also took a backgammon board, but only retained it after winning a violent argument with a fellow pirate.

Scudamore’s signature on the articles, of course, also became his death warrant, for after Roberts was killed during an encounter with a ship of the British Royal Navy, his men were taken prisoner. Scudamore was pronounced guilty and condemned to hang at Cape Coast Castle in Africa. During his imprisonment, he repented his evil ways and on hearing his fate, he begged the court to grant him three days of grace so he could pray and read the Bible. When he finally stood on the gallows at the age of thirty-five, he asked those who came to watch him hang to sing Psalm 31 with him.

1In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed; deliver me in thy righteousness! 2Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me! 3For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me. 4Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength. 5Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth.

Growing dissension amongst the pirates forced the council to convene. During this meeting, they ousted Bartholomew Sharp as captain and elected John Watling to replace him. They decided to attack another fort, but this proved an unsuccessful venture. During their disorganized retreat, the Spanish crushed some pirates with boulders and fired upon those still standing. Half of the men returned to their ships, but Watling was slain. The enemy paraded his impaled head around the town. Also left behind were three surgeons, leaving Wafer the only one to tend the pirates.

Since most men refused to permit Sharp to become captain again, the buccaneers separated. Ringrose went with Sharp aboard the Trinity. Dampier and Wafer followed John Cook, a “very intelligent person,” “a sensible man.” On 17 April 1681, they and forty-one others sailed north in canoes to trudge back over the Isthmus of Darien (Isthmus of Panama). Unfortunately, they began their six-hundred-mile trek at the start of the rainy season; the violent and relentless rain made the tangled jungle almost impossible to cross. While they rested at an Indian plantation on 5 May, disaster struck. Lionel Wafer later wrote, “I was sitting on the Ground near one of our Men, who was drying of Gunpowder in a Silver Plate, but not managing it as he should, it blew up, and scorch’d my Knee to that degree, that the Bone was left bare, the Flesh being torn away, and my Thigh burnt for a great way above it. I applied to it immediately such Remedies as I had in my Knapsack, and being unwilling to be left behind by my Companions, I made hard shift to jog on….” (Wafer, 4) Unable to carry anything, Wafer gave all his medicines and belongings to a slave, who later disappeared into the jungle with those items, and “…left me depriv’d of wherewithal to dress my Sore; insomuch that my Pain increasing upon me, and being not able to trudge it further through Rivers and Woods, I took leave of my Company, and set up my Rest among the Darien Indians.” (Wafer, 5)

Under the care of the Indians, Wafer got better. They “…apply’d to my Knee some Herbs, which they first chew’d in their Mouths to the consistency of a Paste, and putting it on a Plaintain-Leaf, laid it upon the Sore. This prov’d so effectual that in about 20 Days use of this Poultess, which they applied fresh every Day, I was perfectly cured; except only a Weakness in that Knee, which remain’d long after, and a Benummedness which I sometimes find in it to this Day.” (Wafer, 6)

Later, Wafer had the opportunity to repay the Indians’ kindness. Lacenta, the leader of those living in the southern portion of the isthmus, had several wives. When one fell ill, Wafer watched how the tribal doctors treated her.

It so happen’d, that one of Lacenta’s Wives being indisposed, was to be let Blood; which the Indians perform in this manner. The Patient is seated on a Stone in the River, and one with a small Bow shoots little Arrows into the naked Body of the Patient, up and down; shooting them as fast as he can, and not missing any part. But the Arrows are gaged, so that they penetrate no farther than we generally thrust our Lancets. And if by chance they hit a Vein which is full of Wind, and the Blood spurts out a little, they will leap and skip about, shewing many Antick Gestures, by way of rejoicing and triumph.

I bound up her Arm with a piece of Bark, and with my Lancet breached a Vein. But this rash attempt had like to have cost me my Life. For Lacenta seeing the Blood issue out in a Stream, which us’d to come only drop by drop, got hold of his Lance, and swore by his Tooth, that if she did otherwise than well, he would have my Heart’s Blood. I was not moved, but desired him to be patient, and I drew off about 12 Ounces, and bound up her Arm, and desired she might rest till the next Day, by which means the Fever abated, and she had not another Fit. This gained me so much Reputation, that Lacenta came to me, and before all his Attendants, bowed, and kiss’d my Hand. Then the rest came thick about me, and some kissed my Hand, others my Knee, and some my Foot, after which I was taken up into a Hammock, and carried on Men’s Shoulders, Lacenta himself making a Speech in my Praise, and commending me as much Superiour to any of their Doctors. Thus I was carried from Plantation to Plantation, and lived in great Splendor and Repute, administring both Physick and Phlebotomy to those that wanted. For tho’ I lost my Salves and Plaisters, when the Negro ran away with my Knapsack, yet I preserv’d a Box of Instruments, and a few Medicaments wrapt up in an Oil Cloth, by having them in my Pocket, where I generally carried them. (Wafer, 19)

Richard Brown served as the surgeon-general of Henry Morgan’s fleet. He survived many adventures, including an explosion aboard the Oxford that almost killed Morgan. While anchored off Cow Island, south of Hispaniola, the admiral dined aboard the flagship with his commanders on 2 January 1669. Brown wrote, “I was eating my dinner with the rest when the mainmast blew out and fell upon Captains Aylette and Bigford and others and knocked them on the head. I saved myself by getting astride the mizzenmast.” (Goss, 67) Whether an accident or sabotage, the powder magazine ignited, and the explosion killed around two hundred men. Morgan, and those men who sat on the same side of the table as himself, survived, as did ten crewmembers, according to Browne. Those who occupied the chairs on the side opposite Morgan died.

Other known pyrate surgeons include John Ballet, who sailed with Woodes Rogers aboard the Duke. Ballet was Third Mate on that voyage, rather than surgeon, yet that was his trade by training. He had been the surgeon, however, on an earlier privateering venture that included William Dampier.

Adam Comrie was the Elizabeth’s surgeon when a squadron of pirates under Bartholomew Roberts attacked the ship. Comrie tended the pirates against his will, and later gave evidence against them at trial.

John Hincher studied medicine at Edinburgh University. After Edward Low captured the vessel Hincher sailed on, Low forced him to become a pyrate surgeon. After he punched Low for denigrating his handiwork, Hincher transferred to another pirate vessel, the Rebecca. Captured by HMS Greyhoundin 1723 and imprisoned on charges of piracy in Newport, Rhode Island, he was acquitted in July of that year. So was a seventeen-year-old lad. The other twenty-four pirates were hanged.

An apothecary, rather than a surgeon, Mr. Hopkins assisted Doctor Dover aboard the Duchess. His mates described Hopkins as a “very good-tempered, sober man, and very well beloved by the whole ship’s company.” (Lampe, 9) Unlike Dover, though, he did not survive the voyage.

While Thomas Lodge didn’t serve as a ship’s surgeon while on the account, he later became a doctor. Born around 1557, he was the son of Sir Thomas Lodge, a grocer and Lord Mayor of London. Trained to be a merchant, he preferred poetry and joined the pirates in 1584. “Having with Captain Clarke made a voyage to the Islands of Terceras and the Canaries, to beguile the time with labour, I writ this book, rough, as hatched in the storms of the ocean, and feathered in the surges of many periolous seas,” he wrote. (Goss, 193)

In the fall of 1591, Lodge sailed with Sir Thomas Cavendish aboard the Desire, a vessel of 140 tons. Their destination was Brazil, where they attacked the town of Santa while its citizens attended mass. The pirates remained there until 22 January 1592, and during his stay, Lodge resided at the College of the Jesuits and spent much of his time in the library. Once they returned to sea, they sailed south. During a storm near the cliffs of Patagonia, he wrote “Margarite of America,” an Arcadian romance.

At one point, they brought aboard dried penguins for victuals, which became tainted.

…[A]fter we had passed the Equinoctiall toward the North, our men began to fall sick of such a monstrous disease, as I thinke the like was never hearde of: for in their ankles it began to swell; from thence in two daies it would be in their breasts, so that they could not draw their breath, and then fell into their cods; and their cods and yards did swell most grievously, and most dreadfully to behold, so that they could neither stand, lie, nor goe. Whereupon our men grew made with griefe. (Eloesser, 48)

…[A]ll our men died except 16, of which there were but 5 able to move. The captaine was in good health, the master indifferent, captain Cotton and my selfe swolne and short winded, yet better than the rest that were sicke…upon us 5 only the labour of the ship did stand. (Eloesser, 48)

George Wilson was another victim of Bartholomew Roberts – taken not once, but twice. Like Scudamore, he voluntarily joined the pirates, but an unexpected separation forced him to live with an African tribe at Sestos. Five months later, Captain Sharp of the Elizabeth paid his ransom, goods valued at £3 5 shillings. Soon after, Roberts captured that vessel, and Wilson once again went on the account. His failure to dress wounds, though, earned him a dire threat from the pirate captain. Do his duty or lose his ears!

After Roberts’ death, the pirates were captured and tried. Wilson was found guilty and sentenced to hang, but never did. He informed on a group of mutinous prisoners, which earned him a stay of execution until the king decided what to do with him. Wilson died in Africa.

Howell Davis and his men seized a ship off Hispaniola in 1718 and forced Archibald Murray to join them as their surgeon. The son of Murray of Deuchar, Archibald later testified in Edinburgh against several pirates the authorities arrested, including an Irish rogue named Walter Kennedy. Another pirate, “Lord” John Clerk, believed Murray should hang more than several of the other condemned men.

I think they [pirates] are much wronged and unjustly condemned. Sentence might very justly have passed on the Doctor and me, for he and I were long engaged in these wicked Courses. But these poor men they are taken by us and…forced to the Working of the ship, which if they had refused they would have been shot to Death that Moment.(Graham, 57)

Robert Hunter of Kilmarnock was another Scot who became a forced pyrate surgeon. At the age of twenty-six, he sailed aboard the Jeremiah and Anne when she was taken by George Lowther. Hunter served aboard the Happy Delivery for almost a year. In 1723 Lowther sailed to a secluded cove on the island of Blanquilla, off the coast of Venezuela. While careening his vessel, Captain Walter Moore on the Eagle captured Lowther, Hunter, and the pirates.

Hunter, however, was not the first surgeon Lowther had forced. Early in 1722, John Crawford, also a Scot, was taken from the Greyhound as she sailed for Boston. Crawford did not take kindly to his capture and defied the pirates. He and several of the merchantman’s officers had lit fuses placed between their fingers. The agony of burning skin eventually caused someone to reveal the whereabouts of the hidden gold dust aboard their ship.

Mr. Bullock, one of three surgeons among Bartholomew Sharp’s men, “had been drinking while we assaulted the fort, and thus would not come with us when they were called.” (Lampe, 8) As a result, when the pirates fled Arica after their disastrous raid, he was left behind and captured by Spaniards. They forced him to divulge the prearranged smoke signals the pirates used to signal their vessels to send the longboats to pick them up, but the buccaneers had already returned to their ships before the soldiers could act on this information.

James Ferguson, a Scot from Paisley, was Samuel Bellamy’s surgeon. He may have become a pyrate surgeon to escape punishment as a rebel after participating in the Rising of 1715, one of the Jacobite rebellions to return the House of Stuart to the British throne. Ferguson died when the Whydahsank in the storm off Cape Cod in 1717. Among the artifacts recovered from the wreckage in the twentieth century was a syringe containing mercury, which may have belonged to Ferguson.

For additional information on Pyrate Surgeons I recommend:

Pyrate Surgeons Bibliography

Burl, Aubrey. Black Barty. Sutton, 2006. Cordingly, David. Under the Black Flag. Random House, 1995. Druett, Joan. Rough Medicine: Surgeons at Sea in the Age of Sail. Routledge, 2000. Earle, Peter. The Sack of Panama. St. Martin’s Press, 2007. Eloesser, Leo. “Pirate and Buccaneer Doctors,” Annals of Medical History VIII:1, 31-60. Esquemeling, John. The Buccaneers of America. Rio Grande Press, 1992. Exquemelin, Alexander O. The Buccaneers of America translated by Alexis Brown. Dover, 2000. Gosse, Philip. The Pirates’ Who’s Who. Rio Grande Press, 1924. Graham, Eric J. Seawolves: Pirates and the Scots. Birlinn, 2005. Lampe, Christine Markel. “Surgeons in the Sweet Trade,” No Quarter Given (July 1999), 8-9. Malt, Ronald A. “Lionel Wafer—Surgeon to the Buccaneers,” Journal of the History of Medicine and Allied Sciences XIV:10 (1959), 459-474. Marley, David F. Pirates and Privateers of the Americas. ABC-Clio, 1994. Marx, Jenifer. Pirates and Privateers of the Caribbean. Kriegar, 1992. Rediker, Marcus. Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Cambridge University, 1987. Selinger, Gail. Complete Idiot’s Guide to Pirates. Penguin, 2006. Souhami, Diana. Selkirk’s Island. Harcourt, 2001. Wafer, Lionel. A New Voyage and Description of the Isthmus of America. Printed for James Knapton, 1699.

#pirate #Privateer #pyrate surgeons #Cindy Vallar #vintage medicine #corsairs #corsair #navy #history #medical history #john woodall #the surgions mate

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delshlangcnsl · 5 years ago

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hellowordpar · 4 years ago

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jonathanbogart · 7 years ago

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Melodier: Nordic Corporatist Pop and New Wave

Part IV. Youtube. Previously (I, II, III). Dutch, Danish, Swedish, Norwegian, Icelandic, and Finnish pop between 1981 and 1987. Tracklisting below, notes after that.

Elisabeth, “En sømand som dig”

Doe Maar, “De bom”

Belaboris, “Kuolleet peilit”

Lustans Lakejer, “Diamanter”

Lillie-Ane, “Meg selv”

Arbeid Adelt!, “Lekker westers”

Geisha, “Kesä”

Det Neodepressionistiske Danseorkester, “Godt nok mørkt”

Cherry, “Vang me”

Tappi Tíkarrass, “Kríó”

Eva Dahlgren, “Guldgrävarsång”

Svart Klovn, “Knust knekt”

Het Goede Doel, “Net zo lief gefortuneerd”

tv-2, “Vil du danse med mig (nå- nå mix)”

Lolita Pop, “Regn av dagar”

Cirkus Modern, “Karianne”

Madou, “Witte nachten”

Tuula Amberla, “Lulu”

Grafík, “Þúsund sinnum segðu já”

Klein Orkest, “Over de muur”

Di Leva, “I morgon”

Melodier: nordic corporatist pop and new wave

So far in this survey, I’ve been looking at pop scenes in languages I may not entirely speak, but am at least comfortable with. Moving into northern Europe means I’ve left the Romance family behind, and am at the mercy of fan transcribers and Google Translate if I want to understand the lyrics to the songs I enjoy. Lyrics aren’t everything (I couldn’t tell you what some of my favorite songs in English are about) but they’re enough that I’ve at least tried to look up everything I’m presenting for you in this series.

This entry collects together a bunch of nation-states that aren’t necessarily related culturally or historically. Scandinavia only refers to three countries: Denmark, Norway, and Sweden. Adding Finland and Iceland makes the “Nordic” countries; but adding in the Netherlands (and Dutch-speaking Belgium, or Flanders), as I have, isn’t anything as far as UN statistical calculations are concerned. They all fit together in my head, though, because they are all stable, prosperous, and socially liberal Western nations with Germanic linguistic roots (except Finland), NATO (except Sweden and Finland) and EU (except Norway) membership, and an extensive welfare state linked to strong unionized labor and government oversight of business: the “corporatist” social organization of my subtitle.

They are all also collectively central to white supremacists’ imagined European identity, and their liberal welfare policies are frequently cited (by racists) as unworkable in more heterogeneous societies. So i’m a little hesitant to be extremely fulsome in my praise here, lest anyone get the wrong idea. For the record, money, access, and individual creativity have far more to do with making great pop music than genetics.

Still, there is undoubtedly an enviable Northern European pop tradition. A lot of that can be traced to a single act: the Swedish ABBA, who borrowed liberally from US and UK pop forms to build a global pop empire based on careful production and universal sentiments. Thanks in part to their pioneering efforts, as well as Dutch acts like Shocking Blue and Golden Earring, a great deal of Northern European pop music was produced in English, with local languages often reserved for traditional folk, comedy records, sentimental ballads — or punk rock. There was particularly a gender-based split here: female Dutch, Danish, and Swedish pop stars were, like Frida and Agnetha, more likely to sing in a universal and generic English, while male rockers could afford to be poets and philosophers in the vernacular. (This is a generalization; but the phenomenon is by no means exclusive to northern Europe, or even across languages.) But regardless of language, there was a Nordic emphasis on slickness of production that means that this mix may, record for record, sound the most expensive of any in this summertime European excavation.

Which is another way of saying it’s the most pop. The low-density Scandinavian countries have few urban populist music traditions like Portuguese fado, Spanish flamenco, French musette, Greek rebetiko, or even Italian canzone napoletana: Protestant hymnody, fishing songs, and a rather austere nineteenth-century European concert repertoire are the most prominent native cultural influences. When American, and especially American Black, music made its midcentury European Invasion (far stronger and more lasting than any Invasion US pop ever suffered), it gave Northern European youth an emotional as well as a physical pop vocabulary. This, the second generation of European rock, made it perhaps more political and personal, but by no means less international.

Because pop is an international language, even when the lyrics are not. Although the subfocus of these mixes has been “new wave,” meaning the sometimes eccentric and often electronic music made under the twin influences of punk and disco, there was less of a noodly self-important rock tradition in these nations than in the English- (or Italian-) speaking world for a new wave to rebel against. Pop thrills remained consistent; only the tools changed.

“Melodier” is the Danish, Swedish, and Norwegian word for “melodies,” and it came to mind because the annual pre-Eurovision national pop contests in the Nordic countries are mostly named some variation of the Swedish Melodifestivalen.

The linguistic breakdowns in the mix, roughly following population counts, are as follows; six Dutch (of which two are Flemish), four Swedish, three each Danish, Norwegian and Finnish, and two Icelandic. Fans of twenty-first century Scandinavian pop may hear some material that presages later developments: a lot happened between ABBA and Robyn, and I’m excited to possibly introduce you to some of it.

1. Elisabeth En sømand som dig Genlyd | Aarhus, 1984

The coastal peninsula-and-archipelago nation of Denmark has been a seafaring one since the Vikings, etc. — but this song isn’t about those ancient sagas, but more recent colonial history, as the lover “Jakarta Danny” is presumably a merchant marine in the service of the Dutch East India Company. Elisabeth first became known to the Danish pop audience as the frontwoman of Voxpop, a Blondie-like pop group, and her first solo album in 1984 is a quiet classic of sultry mid-80s pop moves. This, the leadoff track, uses naval metaphors for sex: the title means “A Seaman Like You,” and the next line is “sailing in me.” The video makes it even more explicit, in more ways than one. She’s still active (her whole catalog is on Spotify), and often does children’s music now.

2. Doe Maar De bom Sky | Amsterdam, 1982

The two-tone wave in the UK had a corresponding wave in the Low Countries and Scandinavia: goofy white dudes are drawn to ska music, as Orange County can attest. Doe Maar (“go ahead,” with connotations of anger or sulkiness) were the Madness of Holland, with a string of skanking, socially observant hits. “De bom,” one of their biggest, means “The Bomb,” and is about the hideous irony of being told to go to school, get a job, and save for retirement, all under the threat of nuclear annihilation.

3. Belaboris Kuolleet peilit Femme Fatale | Helsinki, 1982

The Finnish girl group Belaboris (named for Lugosi and Karloff) was manufactured by producer Kimmo Miettinen, a Malcolm McLaren-esque figure who hired girls to sing and look pretty while a hired band played new wave music. “Kuolleet peilit” (Dead Mirror?) is a minimal-disco jam with a detached vocal by Vilma Vainikainen that looks forward to spacy twenty-first century house: in Finland, such synthpop was known as “futu,” short for futurist. When Belaboris had a second big hit in 1984, it was as an entirely different set of pretty girls.

4. Lustans Lakejer Diamanter Stranded | Stockholm, 1982

In the twenty-first century, Swedish pop is synonymous with a certain ruthless muscularity, often considered the result of pop producer Max Martin’s heavy-metal past. But even here in the early 80s, fey New Romantic band Lustans Lakejer (Lackeys of Lust) takes time out from frontman Johan Kinde’s baleful sneering about diamonds being a girl’s best friend for a flashy guitar solo that fits into glam, post-punk, and metal traditions. Lustans Lakejer were a novelty in late-70s/early-80s Swedish pop, a well-dressed band who proclaimed that their clothes were as important as their music; when Kinde had finally had enough of posing, he dissolved the band, only returning to the name occasionally as a solo act over the years.

5. Lillie-Ane Meg selv RCA Victor | Oslo, 1983

If I were approaching these mixes sensibly, I’d only be including music that had been reissued on CD, or was available on streaming platforms, or something. But having access to the more eclectic and unremunerated catalog of YouTube has ruined me: once I’d heard Lillie-Ane, I couldn’t not include her. She’d been the voice of Norwegian synthpop trio Plann, but her classical training and avant-garde sympathies made her solo material — what I’ve heard of it, which is not enough — weirder and more galvanizing than the rather derivative music she’s still better known for in Norway. She died in 2004; her swooping voice and dense harmonies on “Meg Selv” (Myself) deserve wider appreciation.

6. Arbeid Adelt! Lekker Westers Parlophone | Brussels, 1983

Flemish Belgium in the 1980s is justly famous for its industrial-music scene, with acts like Front 242 and Neon Judgment pioneering sounds that would form the basis of many electronic-rock hybrids in the 1990s. Few of them sang in Dutch, however, apart from Arbeid Adelt!, whose early records were prankstery lock-groove new wave. Once Luc van Acker (later of Revolting Cocks) joined, though, things got harsher, and “Lekker Westers” (Yummy Westerners), with its satirical singsong melody over dissonant grooves, is halfway between their Devoesque beginnngs and the industrial harshness that put Belgium on the map

7. Geisha Kesä Johanna | Helsinki, 1983

The all-female Finnish trio Geisha only released a single EP during their brief existence, but because it was on the legendary Helsinki indie label Johanna, they’ve been compiled and fondly remembered by Finnish rock fans for decades since. “Kesä” (Summer) is of a piece with the moody, dry sound of Finnish goth rock of the period, but its danceable rhythm and spectacular clattery all-percussion instrumental break suggest that they had a lot more to offer beyond being a distaff Musta Paraati.

8. Det Neodepressionistiske Danseorkester Godt nok mørkt Genlyd | Aarhus, 1986

A Danish band that began as an art-installation soundtrack and ended as a sampladelic pop act, DND (for short; their full title, as might be presumed, translates as The Neodepressionist Dance-Band) were rather inspired by the Talking Heads’ combination of dance rhythms and irony-laden cultural critique; their debut album was called Flere sange om sex og arbejde, or More Songs About Sex and Work. This song, “Good Enough [in the] Dark,” features leader Helge Dürrfeld mutter-rapping about the limits of perception while a passionate saxophone wheels endlessly and a sassy chorus chants the title.

9. Cherry Vang me Vertigo | Utrecht, 1982

Cherry Wijdenbosch is, if not the first person of color to appear in these mixes (which reflects my desire to keep back some key acts from former colonies for later inclusion around the globe more than any unadulterated whiteness of 80s European pop), is certainly the first Black woman. Of mixed Indonesian and Surinamese (which latter is to say African slave) descent, she had a couple of jazz-inflected Nederpop hits in the early 80s before becoming a cabaret act. Her debut single, “Vang me” (Catch Me), is a breezy but clear-eyed love song that borrows some of Jona Lewie’s dry music-hall delivery and adds a Manhattan Transfer kick to the middle eight.

10. Tappi Tíkarrass Kríó Gramm | Reykjavik, 1983

The eighteen-year-old singer, with her clear, youthful, and powerful voice, is nearly the only reason anyone has heard of this post-punk band; if she had not gone on to front bands K.U.K.L. and Sugarcubes, not to mention her own global superstardom as a mononymic solo artist, Tappi Tíkarrass might be an undiscovered gem rather than a pored-over Da Vinci Code by which adepts seek to unlock the mysteries of her sacred genius. This song, which predicts the soft-loud dynamics of 90s alt-rock with almost a shrug, is, according to internet Björkologists, the cry of an elderly man searching for his tern.

11. Eva Dahlgren Guldgrävarsång Polar | Stockholm, 1984

Discovered on a 1978 talent show, Dahlgren wouldn’t be a true pan-Scandinavian star until her 1991 adult-pop classic En blekt blondins hjärta (A Bleach Blonde’s Heart), but I really like her 1984 album Ett fönster mot gatan (A Window to the Street). The title of this slow-burn anthem, the leadoff track, can be translated as “Gold-digger’s song,” and is a reference to an early twentieth-century Swedish hit about Swedish immigrants failing to strike it rich in America: Dahlgren interiorizes the sentiment, making it a song about a streetwalker who dreams of finding a place where she can “kiss my brothers and sisters.” She would come out as gay in the 1990s, and is married to her partner of many years.

12. Svart Klovn Knust knekt Uniton | Oslo, 1983

Probably the most legendary Norwegian minimal-synth (I almost said synthpop, and then I remembered a-ha) single, “Knust knekt” (Shattered Jacks, as in the playing card) is a miniature masterpiece of mood. The lyrics, as far as I can determine, are standard post-punk gloom about moral corruption, but the sound and image of Svart Klovn (Black Clown), the alter ego of Svenn Jakobsen, are among the most striking in all Scandinavian pop.

13. Het Goede Doel Net zo lief gefortuneerd CNR | Utrecht, 1984

Dutch new wave duo Het Goede Doel (The Good Cause) were second only to Doe Maar in popularity, with a string of sarcastic, melodic hits that occasionally remind me of mid-period XTC. The opening orchestral hits belie the crooning tenderness of this portrait of callowness and privilege (the title is “Just So Sweet [and] Wealthy”), only tipping its satiric hand when Henk Westbroek sings on the prechorus that naturally he wanted to marry his mother.

14. tv-2 Vil du danse med mig CBS | Copenhagen, 1984

Akin to U2 in their longevity, success, and consistency (they’ve had the same four-man lineup since 1982), tv-2 are perhaps the most successful Danish band ever. Formed from the ashes of prog-hippy band Taurus and new-wave band Kliché, they started with an industrial sound that gradually brightened: this song (Will You Dance With Me) is one of the signature sounds of mid-80s Scandinavian pop. With muttered verses about how shitty men are after the initial bloom of romance is over, the chorus (and its saxophone riff) returning constantly to the moment when he asks her to dance is a sharp and poignant evocation of memory.

15. Lolita Pop Regn av dagar Mistlur | Stockholm, 1985

The small city of Örebro in inland Sweden was far distant from the Paisley Underground scene swirling around Los Angeles in the early 80s, but a band with the same influences — the Velvet Underground, Roxy Music, the Beatles — formed there, and with crisp Stockholm production seemed to predict the alternate-tuned 90s of Tanya Donelly and Letters to Cleo. “Regn av dagar” is “Rain for Days,” and the lyric is similarly 90s-depressed, while the rock band behind singer Karin Wistrand chimes and chugs along.

16. Cirkus Modern Karianne Sonet | Oslo, 1984

The songs I’ve chosen from Norway are all representative of more left-of-center pop than the more mainstream work I’ve chosen from Sweden and Denmark. Partly that reflects the the fact that Norway was just a smaller regional scene, but partly it’s that Norwegian pop is not well documented online. Cirkus Modern were a moderately successful post-punk act who produced two albums and an EP, which makes them by far the most prolific Norwegian act represented here: “Karianne” is a joyfully raucous (and slightly unsettling) jam that reminds me of when the Cure went pop circa “Lovecats.”

17. Madou Witte nachten Lark | Antwerp, 1982

The Dutch musical genre of “kleinkunst” (literally “little art”) can be compared to the German “kabarett” (cabaret) but includes folk-musical forms and socially critical lyrics. Madou, an experimental Flemish band centered around singer Vera Coomans and pianist and composer Wiet Van de Leest, brought kleinkunst into the new wave scene, with dark songs about abuse, incest, and suicide. “Witte nachten” (white or sleepless nights), despite its vaudevillian bounce, is sung from the perspective of a child whose mother shares her bed to escape the father’s fists.

18. Tuula Amberla Lulu Selecta | Turku, 1984

I may have stretched the definition of new wave to the breaking point with “Lulu” — the jazz manouche violin and general 1930s air (at least until the crisp Cars-y electric guitar solo) might sound too much like a nostalgia act for the rest of this mix. But Tuula Amberla was the lead singer of gothy post-punk band Liikkuvat Lapset, and the lyrics, written by doctor and songwriter Jukka Alihanka after a poem by sculptor and architect Alpo Jaakola, are about the decadent nightlife of modern Helsinki, as the video makes clear.

19. Grafík Þúsund sinnum segðu já GRAF | Reykjavik, 1984

Iceland’s vibrant and highly original music scene has gotten really short shrift from this mix, thanks to its tiny population. There’s lots more to dig into where this came from. But when I ran an initial survey of European music of 1984 some months ago, this sparkling gem of a pop song stood out immediately. Part Huey Lewis (that shiny production), part Prefab Sprout (those lovelorn melodies), all Grafík, perhaps Iceland’s premier pop-rock band of the 80s (at least until the Sugarcubes came along), “A Thousand TImes Say Yes” is a plea for total romantic commitment that comes across in any language.

20. Klein Orkest Over de muur Polydor | Amsterdam, 1984

One of the key songs of the Cold-War 80s, “Over de muur” is sometimes classed as a protest song, but if so it’s hard to parse which side it’s protesting. Making a clear-eyed examination of the repressive idealism of the Communist East as well as of the gluttonous “freedom” of the Democratic West, singer Harrie Jekkers’ real sympathies are with the birds who can fly over the Berlin Wall at will, as he imagines a day when the people will be able to do the same.

21. Di Leva I morgon Mistlur | Stockholm, 1987

Born Sven Thomas Magnusson, he adopted the stage name Thomas Di Leva when he joined the punk band the Pillisnorks as a teenager. His next band was Modern Art, and he went solo in 1982, at the age of 19. One of the most fascinating and creative Swedish pop stars of the early 80s, he drew inspiration from glam, electronic experiments, traditional pop, and eventually, Eastern mysticism. Those New Age leanings are all over “I morgon” (Tomorrow), which combines an up-to-the-moment U2 chug with Di Leva’s early-70s Bowie wail to create an extended, lightly trippy meditation on being, time, and the unknowableness of reality. He’s since become a New Age guru and life coach; but his early music is still really interesting.

Okay, that’s it. Join me next time when I’ll be looking at the Neue Deutsche Welle (and the Neue Österreichische Welle, and the Neue Schweizer Welle). I’m over the hump: there are three mixes left to go in this series. Thanks for reading and listening. If you want to talk to me about what I’ve compiled, or what I’ve said about it. I’m around.

#my mixology career

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viesupportblogs · 6 years ago

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southeastasianists · 8 years ago

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Masturah Alatas takes a close look at the legacy and impact of her father’s seminal study of ‘Malayness’, The Myth of the Lazy Native, which turns 40 this year.

“Our Production Manager estimates that we would very likely have finished copies of both books in December, and would therefore be able to publish in January, 1977.”

With these long-awaited words that reached Singapore in a letter dated 14 September 1976, Malaysian sociologist Syed Hussein Alatas (1928-2007) received confirmation that his books, The Myth of the Lazy Native and Intellectuals in Developing Societies, would finally be published in London by Frank Cass.

Murray Mindlin was the Cass editor who wrote the letter. He also happened to be the Hebrew translator of James Joyce’s Ulysses, a fitting fact since The Myth of the Lazy Native (henceforth Lazy Native) was caught up in its own, long-drawn-out publishing odyssey. Shunned by publishers in Malaysia and Singapore, Alatas first submitted Intellectuals to Frank Cass in early 1972 at the suggestion of social anthropologist, Ernest Gellner. In corresponding with Cass editors about that book, later the same year Alatas casually mentioned that he was completing the Lazy Native that he had started working on in 1966.

“At the moment I am finishing a manuscript of about 100,000 words on the myth of the lazy native in the Philippines, Indonesia and Malaysia, from the 16th to the 20th centuries. It is a study of the function and origin of this myth in the colonial ideology. Dutch, Malay and English sources are used. The discipline applied is the sociology of knowledge. To the best of my knowledge, this is the first work of its kind,” Alatas wrote.

Young editor Jim Muir, who would later become the BBC’s correspondent for the Middle East, immediately asked to see the manuscript. Struck by the title and subject, he felt Lazy Native “would probably fit very well into our Library of Peasant Studies.”

The story of the publishing vicissitudes of Lazy Native is documented in my book, The Life in the Writing (2010), as is the work’s international reception by the likes of Victor Gordon Kiernan, Edward W Said, Ziauddin Sardar and many others.

There are several ways to assess the status of Lazy Native in the 40 years of its existence. We can check databases to see where it has been cited and syllabi to know where it is taught. Social media will give us an idea of who is reading it, talking about it, and going to conferences, seminars and festivals where it is studied.

One could say that a revived interest in the book is due, in part, to the efforts of his son and my brother, Syed Farid Alatas, a sociologist at the National University of Singapore, not just through teaching, public speaking and his own writing but also because he solicited a reprint of a paperback and more affordable edition of Lazy Native from Routledge (2010). Malaysians will remember that the hardback Cass edition of Lazy Native once went for over 400 ringgit (roughly $US90 in today’s money). Syed Farid Alatas was also proactive in getting a second edition of the Malay translation of the book, Mitos Pribumi Malas, reissued with Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka (2009).

It is worth mentioning—as translation studies scholar Nazry Bahrawi has noted—that the Malay translation, or rather adaptation of Lazy Native from the 1987 Indonesian translation, contains some omissions, including excluded lines and passages that are present in both the English and Indonesian versions. One omission is the line “The degradation of the Malay character is an attempt by the ruling party to absolve itself from blame for real or expected failures to ensure the progress of the Malay community” (Lazy Native, 1977, p 181). The book contains no note from the translator, Zainab Kassim, as to the reasons for these omissions.

Whatever the case, we can conclude that irrespective of the availability of the book in English and Malay, what the quality of the Malay translation is, or how much or little it is actually read and talked about, Lazy Native seems to have found its place in the sun as a classic, and not just because Bahrawi and other scholars recognise it as a seminal text located within postcolonial theory. Not only has the Lazy Native walked right out of the Library of Peasant Studies into the libraries of Malay studies, cultural studies, sociology, history and literature—not to mention the personal libraries of many Malaysians— the book also seems to be sitting in the collective Malaysian imagination as a disgruntled trope, even though Syed Hussein Alatas himself had doubts about how many people had actually read and understood it.

It is therefore legitimate to ask: after 40 years, is the myth of the lazy native still a myth? Former Malaysian Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad seems not to think so. According to him, the Malays are lazy because they don’t study hard enough, they can’t master English and they prefer to become Mat Rempit (motorcycle gangsters). What is missing from the narrative is if it is laziness or hard work that has to do with how the current Prime Minister, Najib Razak, was able to allegedly channel more than $1 billion into his personal bank accounts.

Historian Zaharah Sulaiman, instead, believes that if “Malays are called lazy and not innovative, it’s because the knowledge, the peoples who have the knowledge have gone extinct,” and that ‘foreign invasions’ that led to the ‘grabbing’ of riches has a lot to do with the extinction of this knowledge.

But in the chapter “The disappearance of the indigenous trading class”, Alatas does not so simplistically attribute the destruction of the trading class to foreign invasion. If anything, he provides sociological analysis showing how local rulers were sometimes complicit with colonial masters in bringing about the disappearance of the native trading class — for example when local chiefs acted as agents for the Dutch East India Company.

Alatas framed his critique of colonial capitalism that exploited the image of the lazy native with economic and sociological analyses. Indeed, he called it “colonial capitalism” and not white capitalism. And nowhere in Lazy Native does he blame the other ethnicities of Malaysia—the Chinese or the Indians—for the condition of the Malays.

It is important to understand this to distance the kind of critique Alatas performs in Lazy Native and the language he uses from, say, rants about “Chinese privilege” in Singapore, in which the term itself makes a direct link of ethnicity—one ethnicity in particular—to majority class and political privilege, and abuse of power. If Alatas has tried to help us see the wrongness in the ideological necessity of giving laziness a Malay face, we are invited to think about the wrongness in the ideological insistence of giving a Chinese face to privilege.

Finally, Lazy Native has inadvertently generated it own myth that needs to be debunked if we are to understand what unique scholarship really means— the claim that the book contributed to Edward W Said’s thesis on Orientalism. This claim has been made by several scholars all over the world.

Orientalism (1978) was already written and sent off to the publisher when Alatas’ book came out the year before Said’s did. At the time, the two men never even knew or corresponded with each other.

I know this because both men told me so.

Masturah Alatas is a writer and teacher who lives in Macerata, Italy. She is the author of The girl who made it snow in Singapore (2008) and The life in the writing (2010), a memoir-biography about her father, Syed Hussein Alatas.

The Myth of the Native Lazy marks 40 years of publication today

#Southeast Asia #Malaysia #Southeast Asian Scholars #Syed Hussein Alatas #The Myth Of The Lazy Native

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