#Thats fine! shes an adult! she needs the little joys she can get | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

katslitg · 5 years ago

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how the open heart lis would react to you being pregnant. (obvs jackie’s pregnant in her scenario.)

Jackie Varma:

god she’d be pissed!!!!!!

“what do you mean positive??? check the other ten tests!!!!”

“jack, all of them say posi-“ “shut up!!!”

she’d be mad, mostly at herself for not being careful enough

pregnancy on top of money problems is rough

good thing you two already live together

wouldnt acknowledge it until she started showing

“dr varma, ure pregnant???” “yeah, just ignore it.”

shed ignore you at the beginning, not knowing what to do

“jackie, c’mon, you cant keep ignoring me! it takes to two to tango!” “i can and i will,”

when you finally force her to come shopping for baby clothes, supplies, furniture etc, she loves it

“omg look how adorable! can you believe our baby’s feet are this small!”

she’d become insecure further into the pregnancy

“what if im not going to be a good mom, hm?”

“don’t say that, jack, you’ll be a great mom,”

you two would move into the your room, since it had a better view and change her room into a nursery

the boys would help you put everything together.

“bryce, that’s not where its supposed to be- ykw forget it.”

“jesus, dr ramsey do you even know how to-“ bryce would shut up just seeing ethan give him a glare

“see i knew raf would come around to save the day” she’d flirt with him, making him blush

cutest mood swings ever!!!

“all im saying is he’s a fucking jerk and i- ohhh sienna are those donuts?”

jackie would get stressed at the weirdest moments, and you kiss her and cuddle with her to calm her down

“mc, you know i hate kids, why did this have to happen to us!!!!”

she’d slowly come to terms with the fact that she was going to become a parent

god giving birth would scare this woman, and trust me not a lot of things scare her

“mc, what if-“ “jack, breath, everything will be fine!”

when you two found out you’d have a daughter she smiled

“at least i wont have to deal with a little mc” she’d joke

when she got in labour she’d curse at everyone!!!

“AND YOU! YOU MC ARE THE WORST ONE HERE! GETTING ME PREGNANT AND THAN MAKING ME DO THE HARD PART I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!”

“uhhh....”

after a couple of years, the three of you would move into a bigger apartment, still close to the hospital

god, your daughter absolutely lovessssssssss aunt sienna and uncle elijah!!!! these two dorks would hang around with her all the time

“dad, can i stay at aunt sienna’s after school?”

“she’s working today sweetheart but mommy will be there to pick you up”

you two would have some sweet, annoying nicknames for her

love, sweetheart, sugar, honey etc

Bryce Lahela:

he’d be excited and scared

he would freeze when he found the positive pregnancy test in his trashcan

“i wanted to tell you but seems like you already found out,”

he’d shut you out and be less loud at work

“bryce, please talk to me” “uhh, cant have a long shift today”

but one day you’d show up to his apartment, keiki opened the door

“oh hey keiki, is bryce home?” “yeah come in”

youd try to get him to talk but man he was not feeling it

“i just need some space mc,”

wouldnt even take a week for him to come over and apologize to you

“im just not sure if i’d make a good dad, i mean i had two bad examples growing up, what if i-“

youd cut him off with a kiss

“no need to stress, bryce, im certain you will make a great dad!”

you two would have to look for a bigger place, and also someone to fill your spot at the apartment

sienna, elijah and jackie would help you decorate the nursery

“jackie those colours do not match with the blankets i bought” sienna would say while jackie just rolled her eyes

“well maybe you shouldn’ve bought so! many! blankets!” jackie said while holding up multiple blankets

“guys please its mc and bryce’s child we can’t fight over this” elijah was the only one who would think rationally

when you found out you were having a son bryce almost jumped into the air

“a little bryce,,,,” he’d say with heart eyes, making you roll your eyes

when you went into labour, he’d be the one freaking out

“can’t believe im saying this when im the one in labour, but good god bryce calm down!”

uncle raf!!!!! aunt kyra!!!!!

rafael and kyra would absolutely adore your son!!!! theyd fight over whose turn it was to babysit

“kyra, you had him last weekend!” “but mc said he always talks about how fun aunt kyra is!”

“why dont you two take him to the park together? he loves both aunt kyra and uncle rafael equally” bryce would say, making the two adults reluctantly agree

“finally a moment alone with the woman of my dreams” he said the second they left, making you chuckle

keiki would hang out with your son. occasionally.

“aunt keiki can you read me a bedtime story?” “right. im aunt keiki.”

she’d love it secretly

Rafael Averio: (pretending sora doesnt exist here lol)

this man would beam with joy!!!

he had always dreamt of having a big family of his own

“youre pregnant?” “yeah.... i-“ he’d kiss you before you could even say anything else

would brag to everyone about it

“do you guys know im goin-“ “going to be a dad? yes raf you told us like a million times” his paramedic friends would say

it was even funnier when you saw how some people avoided him because of it

would not leave ur side

“jesus ever heard of personal space?” “oops sorry”

he’d be at ur apartment all the time

“raf, not that we don’t enjoy you being here but don’t you idk have other friends?” jackie would try to get him out of the house

sienna’d be fine with it since he would help her cook n bake stuff

“i didnt know you cooked!” “not really just some stuff i picked up from my grandma”

he’d sleep over at your apartment

when you got insecure he’d talk to you and make u forgot about it in a certain way ;)

“what if im not a good mom? or what if your fanily doesn’t approve of me?? oh good god this is not going how i imagined-“ “relax, you know my family loves you, now get over here”

you’d move in with him, and get someone to fill ur spot in the apartment

the two of you going to the senior center together!!!

“now edith you better not get to comfortable” you’d joke, earning a laugh from rafael

kyra and bryce would come over and help with the nursery, of course it was after the boys’ gym day so bryce dragged ethan with them

“hey gu- oh hey dr ramsey!” you’d say with a bright smile when you opened the front door.

“kyra not that i dont love you but what even is this?” “yeah i tried to make a blanket but as you can see it backfired”

“uhm ethan you sure that this is the color we picked out?” bryce would panic, knowing damn well they didnt do the one you asked them to do right

“well good thing aunt kyra did got the good color” she’d go get it from the car while the two men started at her in confussion

when you found out you were having a girl he got super excited

“a little mc running around the house” he’d say, already coming up with names

when you’d go into labour he’d put up a calm gentle persona while in reality he wanted to screammmmm

uncle bryce n aunt jackie!!!

u cant tell me bryce n raf havent become close friends

“hey dad can uncle bryce and aunt jackie stay for dinner?” “sweetie youre ignoring the rest of our guests”

even tho they would admit it bryce and jackie loved babysitting her

“do you want to come with uncle bryce?” “bryce thats enough its MY day!”

his family would come around often, bringing gifts every single time

his grandma would try to get him to propose, earning glares from him

when your daughter heard juliana say something along the lines of “when is the wedding” she’d get super excited!!!

“are you two really getting married??!!”

Ethan Ramsey:

you two would already be in an awkward position bc of the gwyneth thing

what was worse was that he admitted to not wanting to get married and have children

god, that little fight on the way to leland and at house took a toll on you, so when june came to check on you back in the hospital you told her

“so, youre pregnant?” “yeah” you’d sob

she wouldnt force you to tell her who the dad is, but it was obvious

before the fight you’d always come to the diagnostics team’s meetings with a smile on your face but now it was a neutral face or sometimes even a frown

soooo ethan found out. not directly from you, but from june, resulting in another fight

“you told june but not me?” “you dont even want kids i cant just casually bring it up!”

the awkwardness would be there for a while, im talking 2-3 months

“enough already! you two talk this out! not only is this bad enough for the two of you but also for me and baz! think about us! and our patients!” june’d snap one day

you’d talk it out, still awkward around each other

“jesus, ethan we can’t keep doing this, i have an appointment to check on the little one, you want to join?” you would try to keep the awkwardness at a certain level, he’d nod with a smile on his face

so when he found out he was having a son, he’d be happy, still very scared but very happy

“im sorry, mc. i acted as a jerk and didnt listen to your needs. i want to be in your and our baby’s lives.”

he’d ask you to move in with him, which you reluctantly agreed to, i mean there wasnt even enough space for a nursery in your apartment

sienna would invite herself and elijah over to help you with the nursery , since they knew about you two since that time after the hearing

“thank you, trinh,” ethan would say as he accepted the cookies she had baked

“i helped too. just so you know” elijah chimed in, earning a chuckle from you

god labour was the worst, you had to do an emergency c section since it was a bit too early for the baby to be born

so when they send your son off to the nicu, ethan would be there the whole time, very worried

“dr ramsey, you should go we’ll take care of him” the nurses would try to get him out of there with no luck, “no its fine i just want to stay here”

when you two could finally go home he would make sure to never youre side

“mc do you need anything? want me to bring you something to drink? maybe an extra blanke-“ “ethan shut uppppppppppppppppp its 3 am”

of course your friends would come over but not as often since they had to take care of their interns and stuff

uncle baz and aunt june!!!!!

“AUNT JUNE!!!!” he’d yell when you, june and baz picked him up from the daycare at the hospital

“wow so youre just ignoring uncle baz?” baz would act hurt, making the boy laugh

#hope this is sorta ok lmfao #open heart #jackie varma #bryce lahela #rafael aveiro #ethan ramsey #jackie x mc #bryce x mc #rafael x mc #ethan x mc #open heart hc #headcanon

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hordakin · 5 years ago

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On the Subject of Hordak, His Parallels with Catra, His Bond with Entrapta, and the Possibility of Him Getting a Redemption Arc

Obviously this is a subject of MUCH controversy within the Spop fandom, and I'm probably just going to stir up even more issues, but the aforementioned things are subjects i find INCREDIBLY fascinating and dammit I want to talk about it, because as usual (almost*) everyone else is glancing over it and not giving it all the in depth analysis it deserves.

Just a preface, my 'screenshots' are probably going to be absolutely hideous because I do not have the time nor the resources to get high quality ones--sooo I'm just taking pictures with my phone!

I'm no good at keeping my posts organized, so please forgive any other messiness as well--I'm hyperfixated and filled with frantic energy.

Lets start out simply with the Juiciest meat on the bone--Hordak's Could-Be Redemption Arc!

This is the topic that has the most people in a tizzy--for completely valid reasons, to be fair! Hordak, as of right now, is a horrible person. There's no skirting over it, there's no sugar coating it, he's a grade A piece of shit manipulative dictator, and things he's done are unforgivable.

What joy it is, then, that being forgiven has absolutely nothing to do with redemption!!!

Redemption is about changing your ways, and doing what you can to FIX or make up for the villainous things you've done--NOT being forgiven for them, which is what seems to be the hang up for a lot of people who are against the idea of a Hordak redemption arc, the people who don't like his sympathetic backstory.

I've seen more than a few posts of people Screaming in fury, proclaiming their anguish and disgust that the writers are trying to make them """forgive""" Hordak, when.... That's. Literally not what the writers are doing. They are just giving a character a backstory and human characteristics. So he'll be relatable. You know, like characters in media are SUPPOSED to be. Funny how that works, right?

Anyway, his frustrates me immensely, especially when these are the same people still pushing for a Catra redemption arc (to be fair, i am still one of those people too, but her choices in the last season have severely lowered my enthusiasm and hopes for it. There’s a long, tiring road ahead of her, as well as for us as an audience, if she is going to be redeemed at all). It frustrates me because of Hordak and Catra's lifestory parallels. These people act as if they are leagues different, when they really... Really aren't. If Catra still deserves redemption because she was abused into thinking the way she does, then so does Hordak, because he was obviously abused too.

The way I see it, Catra is like... A younger Hordak. Hordak right before and during Prime discovering his defects and sending him off to die. For a lot of season 1 and 2, she was in her prime in regards to her standing as a member of the Horde. She became force captain, and she did her work well, just as Hordak had once been Horde Prime's top general--but then they showed some kind of weakness, some kind of incompetence, and then they were cast away;

And it doesn't even stop there! Because right after being exiled, guess what they both do? They take over and begin to Rule the local denizens of the place they were exiled to--Hordak forms the Etherian Horde, and Catra takes one look at the Crimson Waste gangs and says "My City Now".

The main differences I see between Hordak and Catra are, Firstly, their friendships. The bonds they've formed (and broken) during the series (as well as if/how they changed them).

Hordak --

Total number of friends, past and present: 2 or 3 (Entrapta and Imp, 3 if you count Emily)

How much he values them: given his tract record of abandoning and belittling people, he doesn't belittle or mistreat Entrapta or Imp, in fact openly showing affection for/praising both of them rather openly--which is to say, he must value them a lot.

How he treats them: like i said up there--with open praise, affection, and respect. He takes care to never actually harm or yell at them in a way that targets them--when he yells or snaps, its not because hes mad at them, its because of something else. On top of that, he keeps it limited--he does not go on rants. He shouts his bit, takes a breath, then turns around and asks them to leave. Which is something i guarantee EVERY person on the face of the earth has done before. Ppl lose their tempers, it's normal, and does NOT make them abusive.

Catra --

Total number of friends, past and present: 6 or 8 (Adora, Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio, Scorpia, Entrapta, and 8 if you count Kyle 2 and her four armed Lizard friend)

How much she values them: this is tough one. Clearly, her main priority is Adora--shes Catra's endgame Bestie, the person she really WANTS to be friends with the most. She puts effort into her relationship with Adora. Second comes Scorpia--Scorpia is very slowly weaseling her way into Catra's heart, and it shows, especially on this last season. Catra starts to show more vulnerability around her, and they have more emotionally charged interactions, that clearly have a positive impact on Catra. Catra is BEGGINING to put effort into her friendship with Scorpia, but it is a s l o w process. Everyone else.... Catra frankly couldn't give less of a shit about. They're an ontourage to her, not friends. But they see her as their friend. She doesn't put any effort there--everyone else does.

How she treats them: just like i said above again. She doesn't not care about most of her relationships. She fixates on one or two, and leaves the others in the dust until she has a use for them, because she doesn't see them as friends, she sees them as lackeys.

Secondly, another difference is their motivations and the choices they make because of them.

While they were both originally seeking recognition and praise from their superiors--Hordak trying to take over Etheria for Horde Prime to prove he's still useful despite his defects, and Catra...:

And then, after that, the Shadow Weaver issue comes to Catra’s attention, and Catra’s Motivation shifts COMPLETELY, because she hasn’t been given the time she needs to heal and let go of that portion of her baggage.

--I’m losing shitloads of eloquently worded paragraphs sharing my points over and over again so I’ve moved to desktop now because i am NOT giving up on sharing this, let me try again, sorry if it suddenly feels offtrack, i swear the connections are still there--

Now that their current motivations are in play, let’s talk about how their CHOICES (and their friendships) tell us which of them is more ripely suited to a redemption arc at this point in the series.

Hordak makes a friend. This is most likely the first friend he has EVER truly had, but they make it work, because they have similar interests and there is no sense of hierarchy between them--She is very clearly not afraid of him, and he is long past trying to make her afraid. She doesn’t push him to be better, no--She thinks he’s fine the way he is. She has no desire to ‘fix him’, because she doesn’t see anything wrong with him being a ‘bad guy’. However, I will say that (albeit unintentionally) she is... Gently nudging him towards being neutral. Hordak’s goal since day one has been to contact Horde Prime, because he likely had been brainwashed or indoctrinated to believe that there WAS no other option than to do so. Seek approval, and nothing else. “For the Horde” and nothing else. Because he hasn’t fully realized... That Horde Prime can’t touch him. He’s like... A young adult, who just moved out of his parents house--You know the posts! He’d become so accustomed to the lifestyle he had before, that now when he goes shopping and thinks “Hey I want ice cream for breakfast tomorrow!” he deflates and walks on to the veggies aisle because of the parental voice telling him “You can’t have ice cream for breakfast” in his head, but now... The parent isn’t there. He CAN have ice cream for breakfast, it just hasn’t hit him yet. Then, Entrapta shows up. “For science!” she says, and Hordak probably quirks his eyebrow, because she is odd, and thats an odd thing to say--but that, right there, is the little thing that starts to help him realize that, ‘hey.... Horde Prime isn’t here. I can do anything I want!’ And tat Anything can easily include turning around and becoming a better person.

Catra makes a new friend. Catra has had many friends before, at least one of which she cared about VERY deeply, who has since then left and moved on to other friends. She tried to get Catra to follow her to the better, healthier side of life that she’s found, to make friends with the other people too--but Catra refused, and it would not be a stretch to say it was because of jealousy/possessive feelings. Catra is like that toxic friend who lurks on the social media of someone who’s cut them off, simultaneous seething with anger and looking for reasons to hate them, while also vying for the chance to be friends with them again, and go back to the way things ‘used to be’. Now, she has that new friend, who cares about her just as much if not MORE than the last friend did--she sees how Catra wallows in self pity and negative emotions over the last friend, and how unhappy it’s really making her. Scorpia wants to help her move past that--to live her life free from the reigns of her past, and to embrace the happiness that other, new parts of life can give her. But Catra. Doesn’t. Listen. She doesn’t care. She sees the possibility of happiness, dips her toes into it (Crimson Waste party), but then decides “No, I don’t want this. I’d rather be spiteful. I’d rather be vengeful. I’d rather be unhappy, and I want everyone else to be unhappy too.”

People get so mad that Hordak is a trying to take over Etheria, trying to RULE over everyone on it--They call him ‘genocidal’ even though, by definition, he’s literally not--and demand that people admit how bad he is because of it, as if we weren’t already. Yet... The only people I see condemning Catra for doing something SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE for just as selfish a reason, is most notably NOT those people demanding we condemn Hordak left and right. The hypocrisy is extremely thick in this fandom right now--let’s leave it at that.

Point is; As of right now in canon, Catra is LITERALLY a worse person than Hordak, and when you really look at their actions, it’s easy to see that there are many more realistic and easy ways for Hordak to be redeemed than their are for Catra, and that’s the fuckin’ tea!

#hordak #catra #entrapdak #spop #shera princesses of power #spop spoilers #spop meta #hordakwrites

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entitynotincluded · 6 years ago

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April 5th 2019;

2:56 am/4:05 am

I cant sleep and my whole body is physically aching. All these people that hurt me keep cycling through my mind.

First my dad... Luis... Why could you never show me love or even that you were proud of me. My youngest memories are of you being drunk and passed out. Yet I still loved you and idolized you with all my heart. You were my strong and hilarious dad! No one could stop you! You were out all day keeping the bad guys in jail so how could you be bad? When the divorce happened and you disappeared entirely. Any part of you that I thought I had was gone and I lost the dad I had grown so attached to. Any love that I felt you had for me left and it felt like an eternity till you said “I love you” to me again. I know you’ve said you love me before.. But that was when I was so young. I barely remember it. After all this time why? Why did you finally say it right as you left me again.

Mom... I don’t remember much before the divorce.. I wish I did. I wish I could remember you’re smile from back then. Who you were before my dads lies and cheatings were discovered. I see all these pictures of you back then. You looked so light and happy. Now when you smile I feel uneasy at times. When we left dad you started to drink and party... a lot. Living with Nana feels like the begining of the nightmare. That’s when you would go to work, come home to change and then head out again. Till you’d come home covered in the scent of booze, cologne and sweat. You’d just climb in bed, laughing because I had turned your creepy dolls away from me so they werent looking at me, then pass out. You never could tell that I had spent all night crying... worried you wouldnt return. I sat in that room staring out the window just waiting for you. I just wanted the mom that would read and sing me to sleep back. I wanted so badly for you to just be my loving mom again. I thought you being gone was the worst. Soon I learned you being there was living hell.

When you were with Luis still sure you guys would pull my ear and spank me... That was so rare though. After the split though... It was like a switch flipped in you and I became the punching bag to all your frustrations. It felt like everyday you would be hitting my ass raw. Pulling my ear so hard and constantly that it felt like it would fall off. Shaming me in public. Did you feel powerful bending me over in those stores, all those people watching, and just hitting me till I was screaming in pain because I could barely stand anymore. You would be worse behind closed doors. I wasn’t allowed outside a lot because I was always grounded or I hadn’t cleared my plans with you at least a week in advance. I lived in constant fear of you. When the front door opened.. what mood would you be in?? How long could I hide in my room before you came for me?? Some days you would just come home; tell me to go to my room, take off my pants and bend over. Thats you be there soon with the spoon or spatula. I can still remember how that wood felt on my bare skin. The marks that were left. The tears that would seem to never stop. “I’ll stop when you stop crying. Why are you still crying?” I learned to not cry because of that. Emotions would only bring me pain so why did I need them? After you would leave though and that door would close (that is if it was allowed to be closed, which it usually wasnt) I would just cry. Forcing myself to be quiet so I wouldn’t draw your attention again. I’m an adult now so you don’t do that to me now. Yet I still feel so much fear to you sometimes.

Harleigh/Zeih... You were supposed to love me. Did you ever really care about me? Or was I just someone you dated cause why not?? You were polyamourous, yeah I was ok with that. I just wanted to know I had a special part in your heart. You could do what you wanted with people and I would have been fine with it. BUT you hid it from me. You withdrew from me and slept with some of my at the time closest friends. I had to learn from your roommate that you were having sex with these people. Then to have your dad call me and defend you? All I wanted was for you to reach out to me.. Talk to me. For when you saw me.. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!! To come after me and just show some form of guilt or caring. But no.. You iust watched me break every time and cry while trying to run and hide.

You probably never learned this but... one of the people you were busy spending all your time with... Romancing and screwing... That son of a bitch would later take advantage of me. Thats for later in this hell of a post though. First you Harleigh.. You get to know how what you did affected me... I already had trust and abandonment issues. You knew this... After this though... I just lost all sense of trust. Those I dated after you were because I felt the need to say yes not cause I wanted to. I remeber one guys name after you and thats cause I know I hurt him and for that I’m truly sorry. It took YEARS for me to finally, FINALLY feel attached to someone again. To fully love them. He is so much to me but god damn am I terrifed. I’m so scared of history repeating. You know why I’m so scared?? Because of you Harleigh... Harleigb you are the reason my heart fucking turned to dust. After you I stopped eating because maybe you found my body disgusting?? I identified as Asexual at the time but had been willing to have sex if that was what you really desired from me. I was willing to be that vulnerable with you. Yet you twisted it and shattered me. I stopped eating, my body would just start puking everyday... I lost all sense of time.

That is until Sam.

Sam... You through all of this had been there for me to go to and cry. When hugged me it felt like a shield. I thought you were my genuine friend. I called you my older brother sometimes for gods sake. But no... You took my trust and shattered it too. I just wanted a ride to my best friends house after a long day of guys being creepy and flipping my skirt up. You offered me a ride so I could avoid the creeps on the bus. Did you plan to take me up to that hill/mountaint that day? When did you deside that was the destination? All I remember is Ninja Sex Party playing in your speakers and driving past my friends house. I was so confused but I trusted you.

I got out of that car and looked at the view you had wanted me to see.

I sat on the rock like you told me to.

I was being the good little girl everyone told me to be.

Then next thing I know.. your mouth is on mine. Your hands just touching and clawing at my chest. Suddenly you had pushed my skirt up.. it felt like you were clawing at my tights... like you would rip them off at any second.. You had asked if I wanted you to go in my underwear. How many god damn times did I say no and shake my head??? Were my tears not enough for you?!!!! Apparently not. Your strong hands that had held me so many times suddenly were violating me. I remember your touch on my vagina.. You made a comment about how I shouldnt be embarrassed that I wasnt bare down there. You finallt took me to my friends house when you were done with me and after that you never spoke to me again.

Dylan... you were a minor part in all of this. You were just a boy that wanted his dick to get sucked. And I was just a boy that wanted some weed. Yet that wasn’t all... you knew I had a small crush on you... You joked about it to me. You led me along and ditched me right as one of my close friends that you liked started talking to you again. You left me like some road kill. Why couldnt you at least stay and be my friend?? No. You had to completely stop talking to me. So for that fuck you. You never cared when I cried. Never came when I was crying and on the verge. Just begging for some form of help.

After all this I tried to stop eating and existing. I went to an out patient program and acted like a good recovering depressed child. I just wanted to play happy until the day I snapped and killed myself. Now though... Now I feel so happy. Everyday I get to talk to the love of my life. He sees my pain. It scares him yes. But it doesn’t scare him away. If anything it brings him closer. He wants to be there for me and I want to be there for him. I don’t have to be fake happy anymore.

I just get to be genuinely happy!

He makes living through all of this worth it and so much more. There will be hard times in the future. I accept this. Yet I feel so much more prepared to face it as long as I have my soulmate, James. He makes me not hate the world anymore. In fact now I don’t hold hate towards any of these people except you Sam.

My mother: I love her dearly even though she terrifies me

My father: I want to trust you and feel a bond if that were possible

Dylan: We were both so young I just hope you learned and are a better person now

Harleigh: I hope you find joy in your life. Though it would bring me so much joy if you could see like once in public with my James. I just want you to see how much better of a person he is than you will EVER be.

#ramblings #feelings #text

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kaywinette · 7 years ago

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Waterpark

To celebrate the beginning of summer break, Kenny, Lee, Katjaa, Duck, and Clementine all head to the waterpark for a day of fun! Another adoable request from @mettatonlover858 i love these requests so much omg thank youuuu!!!

Lee was quick to regret his decision of sitting in the back with the kids so Katjaa didnt have to. Duck and Clementine were relentless in trying to bother each other, and Lee was in the middle of it. To keep the kids entertained for the ride Katjaa had brought some coloring books and markers for them, which was immediately proven to be a bad idea. Duck accidentally ended up coloring off of his book and onto his swim trunks, and not wanting to be the only one with an orange marker, he reached over Lees lap to color on some of Clementines dress. In retaliation, Clementine tried to jump and attack the older boy. Small hands reaching for the boy's throat before Lees able to catch her.

Lee always found it amusing how Clementine was an angel and sweet to everyone she meets, but when shes around Duck, she turns into a monster. Guess the older boy just knows how to push her buttons. The entire car ride Lee is keeping the kids from attacking each other, much to their disappointment.

"Lee, are you sure you don't want to sit in the front on the way back? I'm sure I can handle the kids just fine," Katjaa offers for the thousandth time.

"Trust me, I'm fine. Really, its a piece of cake," Lee smiles at the woman as Ducks hand fly's past to grab and tug at one of the buns on top of Clementine's head. The girl screams and also reaches past lee to try and grab a handful of Ducks buzzed hair before Lee is separating the two once again.

After what felt like hours, they arrive at the popular water park. Duck and Lee get out one door, before Lee's head to Clementine's side to help try and fix her hair best he could. It's not like he did a good job at styling her hair in the first place though, since what was supposed to be two buns on top of her head turned out to just be two pigtails on top of her head with stray curls flying in every direction. But either way, Lee thought the girl looked adorable.

"Clementine darling, come here so I can put some sunscreen on you," Katjaa calls from behind the truck. Once Lee does what he could for her hair, he sends her over.

"We're raising a couple of monsters, Lee," Kenny laughs as he gets out of the front seat, securing his cap on his head as he shuts the door. Walking over to his friend as Lee rolls his eyes.

"Maybe. The thing is, Clementine only acts this way around Duck," Lee shakes his head, crossing his arms.

"It's cause she wants to prove to him that he ain't any stronger than him just cause he's older," Kenny explains with a shrug, watching as Clementine sticks her tongue out at the older boy while Katjaa rubs sunscreen into her cheeks.

"Okay, now you Ducky," Katjaa says, turning to her son who quickly begins to protest.

"Mooooom, 'm not gonna burn. I dont need any sunscreen!" The boy whines, even going so far to stomp his foot in a mini tantrum, hands balled into fists at his sides. Katjaa starts to insist that he does before Kenny stops her.

"Naw Kat. If the boy says he ain't gonna burn, then he ain't gonna burn." Kenny smirks, nodding towards his son who grins triumphantly up at his mother.

"Fine...fine. Let's just get in the water. It's hot out here." Katjaa says, pulling the bag of towels onto her shoulder before heading towards the entrance to the water park. Duck immeditiatly begins to run off across the parking lot, much to the horror of his parents, and wanting to catch up, Clem begins to run too before Lee coughs, catching the girls attention.

"Sorry Lee," The girl mumbles, waiting for Lee to catch up to her. He takes her hand before they continue towards the entrance, where Duck was already waiting.

"Kenneth Junior! Never do that again!" Katjaa scolds once shes close enough to the boy, very gently slapping her sons shoulder. Duck whines and rubs his shoulder while Katjaa continues to scold him. Slowly but surely, the two families find themselves finding a spot on the sand the waterpark has played out.

Lee helps Clmeneint out of her coverup dress, making sure to place it somewhere safe, so it's not all sandy when Clem puts it on again.

"Oh, Clementine! That is a very pretty swimsuit," Katjaa compliments and Clementine looks down at her own swimsuit. It was a sort of two piece where the top was long, reaching just above Clementine belly button, and the bottoms were a sort of skirt/short combination. Clementine thought it was pretty too.

"Thank you!" The girl happily smiles at the mother before Duck is racing past her and into the wave pool. "Duck! Wait up!" Clementine whines before chasing after her friend.

"When I saw it, I knew I had to buy it," Lee smirked, standing up straight again. The swimsuit was white, and had little cut oranges spread all over it. Katjaa rolls her eyes at that and laughs softly.

"Well, you have very good taste then." She compliments, but Lee shakes his head.

"Carley actually picked it out first. She couldn't stop laughing when she showed it to us. Clem wasnt too amused by the joke, but she thought it was pretty cute nonthe less"Lee shrugs, smiling at the memory from a few days ago.

"Its a shame she couldn't make it, I would have loved to catch up with her some." Katjaa sighs as she sits on a beach hair.

"Carleys pretty upset about it as well, but she said she promises to make it up to us, whatever that means." Lee chuckles before Clementine and Duck are calling for him and Kenny, yelling at them to come play. The two fathers share an already tired look before heading towards the wave pool where the two kids were trying to drown each other.

Once the adults were close enough, Duck popped out from under the water where Clementine was holding him, spitting some water out of his mouth before speaking.

"Dad! Can we play chicken? Pleeeaasseee?" The boy begs, grabbing and tugging on his fathers hands, as if bothering him would get him to agree. Kenny looks around, trying to see if he can find any rules against the game before shrugging.

"Sure, why not. Lee? What do you say?" Kenny asks, turning to look at his friend.

"CHicken? Whats that?" Lee asks, standing at the edge of the wave pool, the water just barley covering his feet.

"Its a game where we put our kids on our shoulders, and basically they just try to knock eachother off. Duck thinks its the best game." Kenny rolls his eyes, and Lee just laughs a little.

"Alright fine. Sounds fun." He nods, and looks at Clementine, "What about you sweet pea?" He asks. Clementine seems to hesitate for a few moments before slowly nodding. "Okay then, its settled!" Lee smiles as Duck cheers. The four wade deeper into the water, stopping when the water reaches just above Lees hips. Kenny and Lee then both lift the children onto their shoulders before Kenny starts to go over the rules.

"Okay, so me and Lee cant interfere, thats rule number one. Rule number two is no punching, biting, or slapping, but pushing. And rule number three is try not to kick me or Lee in the face for the love of god." Kenny finishes and Duck starts to wiggle up on his fathers shoulders, eager to get the game started with. "Okay jesus Duck, calm down. We can start in three..." Kenny starts to countdown.

At one, Lee and Kenny both step close to eachother as the children try to push eachother away. Lee struggles to keep his balance as Duck shoves Clem backwards, but hes able to keep the two up and above water. Eventually, Clem gives one good push that sends the father and son underwater.

"You cheated!" Duck sputters once he resurfaces.

"Prove it," Clementine calls, still sitting up on Lees shoulders.

"Let's go again." Duck demands, not wanting to lose to a girl, especially not Clementine.

"Fine! I'll just win again." Clementine grins, and Duck gets back on Kennys shoulders. And just like Clem predicted, she wins again. Before Duck can remand a rematch, Lee is taking Clem off his shoulders.

"Okay, I think we're done. You came too close to kicking me in the nose Duck." Lee says, making Duck pout. "Why dont we go to the slides?" Lee offers, and suddenly the kids aren't so disappointed in the ending of their game. "Ken, why don't you go keep Katjaa some company while I take the kids to the slides?" Lee offers, and Kenny nods, patting Lees back.

"Good luck Lee. Try not to lose them." Kenny jokes before going to sit with his wife. Lee quickly ussures the kids to the slides. Once at the top, Duck was the first to go down all by himself, but Clementine is a little more hesitant.

"Can't you go down with me?" She asks, turning to frown up at the adult.

"Sorry Clem, but the rules say one at a time," Lee explains before Clementine is turning toward the lifeguard on duty.

"Please! Just this once can he come down with me! I'm not brave enough to go down on my own yet." The girl pleads, even pulling her puppy eyes at the redheaded woman. The woman seems to hesitate, glancing at the little girl and the rule sign before sighing.

"You know what, I won't tell nobody if you dont," The woman bends down to the girls height, giving her a smile, which Clementine returns.

"Thank you..." Clementine pauses to read the womans nametag, "Bonnie!" After thanking the woman, Clementine pulls lee to the slide. She sits in his lap, and they wait until Bonnie gives them a thumbs up before they slide down.

Clementine screams out of joy the entire way down, and even Lee lets out a chuckle as they slow down at the end. Once its over, Clementine gets up and holds out her hands to help Lee up as well.

"Took you guys long enough!" Duck calls before sprinting off toward another water ride.

"Duck!! Wait!" Clementine calls, running after him quickly, "Lee, cmon!" Clementine yells at the adult, making him laugh and calmly walk after the two children.

The families spend another couple of hours in the sun and water, occasionally switching the kids off so the one who had been watching them could rest for a bit. Eventually, the kids stopped running around, and were much too tired to do anything else. So they decide to head home. Lee helps Clem back into her coverup, and Katjaa forces Duck to put back on his T-shirt, which he complains immensely about, especially now that his shoulders and face are red and hot with sunburns.

Katjaa carries her son back to the car, while Lee and Clementine walk hand in hand. Lee gets in the middle of the backseat while Katjaa sets Duck down next to him. He helps Clem in and helps her buckle up before leaning back in the seat. Kenny gets in the drivers seat, and Katjaa into the passenger side, before they're driving home. It doesn't take long for the two kids to pass out, using both of Lee's shoulders as pillows. Soon enough, Lee feels himself nodding off from the long and exciting day.

Lee gently rests his head on top of Clementines, letting his eyes slowly shut, planning to just take a quick break, but quickly ends up falling asleep as well.

When Katjaa notices the three sleeping beauties in the backseat, she immediately takes out her camera to snap a picture while laughing softly.

"Carley is going to love this." The woman smiles as she turns back in her seat, looking over the amazing picture with a smile.

#hi its 2am #Clementine twdg #Clementine #Lee twdg #Lee Everett #Duck twdg #Kenny twdg #Katjaa twdg #The walking dead game #The walking dead game fanfic #The walking dead game fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #Im tired #goodnight

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vonseal · 8 years ago

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what im weak for this week

yet again, im dumb so we have two weeks worth! i’ll be on top of it next time, i promise!

this is real long, forewarning, but you guys are such good writers sooooo

(from now on, im keeping a running draft that i will just post once a week, this takes so long when i wait two weeks omg)

two boys; one bed by fivepixelphan

(tbh this sounds like it’s going to be dirtier than it is) (and in case you’re wondering, it’s 0% dirty, 100% cute) i love socky and i dont love unrequited feelings and so i was pretty covered in this fic, because it’s SOCKY WITH A HAPPY ENDING! all i wanted was a happy ending while reading through this fic, so bless fivepixelphan for coming through for me! <3

faking it by koutarous

when moonbin needs a fake boyfriend, who does he choose? obviously eunwoo because binu lives forever in our hearts!!! this sort of reminded me of coffee prince, without the whole “eunwoo is a girl holy cow” type of thing going on, which is just fine with me! i love the plot, because it’s corny and cliched and that’s legit my middle name (corny and cliched - it’s no longer Vonseal). please please please read this! it was just perfect!

you & me by sanhasbinu

why do i expect happy fics, all of a sudden there is an influx of angst and my heart is being ripped from my chest. sanahasbinu has been on here before with an angsty fic (cotton candy, check it out), and i thought maybe i wouldn’t have to deal with the pain anymore, but i do. i do. and i love every second of the heart-wrenching feels (i’m 21 and i still use feels unironically, lord save me).

i saw an angel by parkjinwoes

SOMEONE GIFTED SOCKY TO ME!!! i cried reading it, it was long and funny and sort of sad at times, i just wanted them both to be happy together, but then this line: However, Yoon Sanha is also terrible at keeping secrets and feelings to himself. Oblivious to him, Park Minhyuk is too good at doing that. THAT MADE ME REALIZE i gotta trudge through the sad first before getting to the happy. but when i got to the happy, BOY OH MAN it was definitely happy. big recommendation right here!

centaurea cyanus by A_N_D_Y

I WAS SO SCARED OMG. usually with these hanahaki type of fics (tbh i still dont fully understand what the hanahaki thing is or how it came about, but i’ve read three astro fics relating to this so i may or may not be a sorta-expert), someone ends up dying??? annnnnd i really thought death would come in this fic. and i dont want to tell how it ends, but pls understand binu is forever alive and well within our hearts (and maybe the fic, i may or may not be giving away the ending)

shopping list by Shinigamibutter

when she releases cute myungjin, she really release cute myungjin. i mean, this was so fluffy and domestic and i just wanted it to go on forever and ever. never before has a shopping trip been so interesting!!! never before has it filled me with such joy and happiness! also BUTT GROPING YES (you guys learned my weakness)

like a game of hide-and-seek by kimtaehyungsleftpinky

frat boy jinwoo is something i never knew i needed in my life, but good golly, i did need it. coupled with cat owner myungjun (also my weakness - cats and myungjun, how dare) this fic was just perfect??? i want to know more about their relationship and “I don’t like your cat.” Jinwoo muttered and looked at Marco in disgust. Myungjun gasped and covered Marco’s ears as if the cat had understood what Jinwoo had said. this just made my entire day, that’s a me thing, hashtag relatable.

our own space travels, shall we leave? by spaceviolet (vividplum)

MINHYUK IS THE TRUE MVP OF THIS FIC. i wish i had barista minhyuk all the time. but we have more socky (i am REALLY loving this sudden rush of socky fics, you guys rock!) and SANHA GETS STOOD UP and i’ll punch whoever stood him up. but minhyuk is ready with the correct drink order, bless this barista, and his pals are hilarious and i just had a lot of feelings for this fic <3

soft rock by birdbrainberke

soft pebble minhyuk, so soft and so in love with yoon sanha. this is the socky sequel (is it a sequel?) to the broken bones fic i posted and raved about recently, and oh my good golly, i love this so much. i love the insight to minhyuk’s character, and the reasons he does the things he does and says the things he says. also he is #savage towards bin, which cracks me up, and i love birdbrainberke and all his beautiful, wonderful fics <3

blood, sweat & tears by jiminaddiction

(is this a bts reference? i’ve only heard three bts songs, but i think this is a bts reference?) so im a little nervous about this one because it’s got some crazy tags that make me scared for the future. I DO NOT LIKE SADNESS AND PAIN and i think i’m going to get it. im a soft, meek marshmallow, and i finally found some Moonrock and I KNOW THERE WILL BE SADNESS AND PAIN. but i think i can trudge through, i will be strong!

cliche by Shinigamibutter

THIS IS SO SOFT AND CUTE BINU how do you write such cute and soft binu??? idk, but i love the little descriptions of bin’s smile and eunwoo’s absolute infatuation with him, like this is short and sweet and it pierces my heart with the cute, bless u for this!

the sweet ride home by diametrical

idk if you guys know this, but i love kids and i love families and i love astro, so when you just combine all three of these into one, im just a melted pile of gooey feelings. binu and eunwoo as a single dad kills my heart it just melts it all completely. this was so well-written, too, and i found myself ready to sacrifice someone to get more of it (i jest only slightly).

made in the a.m. by koutarous

tbh mj is me drinking - i’ve been forbidden to drink at work events anymore because i am easily drunk, i am not sorry for my low alcohol tolerance and neither is mj, apparently, because he does it regardless. i didnt expect the MYUNGJIN BUT I GOT THE MYUNGJIN and i may or may not have just fallen in love with it???? bless u for writing this (underage drinking = big no no)

secret by j_kwanboo

JINCHA!!! JIN. CHA. tbh thats all that i need sometimes, some good ol jincha (flashback to jinjin calling eunwoo pretty and my heart melting, that was so cute), and this is cute jincha and also SANHA LOSES HIS INNOCENT EYES, PLEASE SPARE MY CHILD!!! i really loved this fic, i laughed at it and i will hug poor sanha and give him back his purity.

who wrote the book on goodbye? by Rach4040

when i was younger, i thought i was so mature for liking that dear john book by that-fantastic-romance-author-whose-name-escapes-me, but then i realized i hate those goodbyes for lengthy periods of time, so by all accounts i should hate this, but i can’t because it’s cute and pure and it is a little sad, but i know it will be happy in the end!!! <3

train to busan astro au by @glowingjinjin

i am still very mad at this whole fic, do not read if you value your heart in one piece, im not even kidding i just cried over this a lot and im waiting for some cute myungjin, lanna, or else i might punch someone in the face, not naming names at all, but even going back to link this fic made me get flashbacks and i feel empty inside thinking about it. how dare u. dont read this, on second thought, it’s painful.

UPDATED FICS FROM LAST TWO WEEKS -

problems with pastry by sanhasbinu: im glad mj survived war ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^

hide and seek by Mintwho (NaCltyRy): mj, why do you gotta be this way??? also why do you gotta write a fic making me choose between my bias and my bias wrecker, like im so sad

the year we met by fivepixelphan: MY HEART IS SLOWLY BEING MENDED IM DYING IN CUTE FEELS NOW

medley by sassysavagesanha (RedJusticeLibra): i get so hyped whenever this gets updated, you always deliver such cute socky!!!

stray romance by Alette: MJ: im an adult i cant just come willy-nilly. ROCKY: eunwoo has boyfriend. MJ: im coming willy-nilly. i love.

and if you ever have anything you think i need to check out, hit me up with that fic, fams. i dont even care if it’s your own. i check a03 regularly, so if it’s something posted elsewhere, pls let me know!

#what makes me weak this week #aka i love you guys and your writing

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chiefdancingbear · 7 years ago

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The Simpernaturals: Asher’s Birthday

Good Morning everyone! I’m once again here to update you all in the goings on of our favorite legacy family!

The very next day dawned and it took Asher-Rose a minute to realize that today she turned into a very fine young adult! The minute that she got out of bed, her Mom and Dad came in singing happy birthday while giving her her gifts.

“Good morning! Happy birthday!” her parents exclaimed.

“Thankyou!!”

“How are you?”

“Great now that I got to see you guys and all of these gifts!”

“Its just two”

“I know.....two very perfect gifts” Asher-Rose said as she was opening them. The first was a curious key. “A.....a key? Did you get me a car?”

“No......its to the lock on a house that we are having built”

“No way! You......you bought me a.......”

“House, yes.....” Ben said.

“Just think of this as a birthday and wedding present........” Erika said with a wink.

“Wedding? Im not getting married.....”

“Not yet anyway and.its still being built” Ben laughed. Asher was wondering just what this meant, but decided to thank them just the same. Opening the next gift, she saw a spa day that was already planned out for her and money.

Looking curiously up at her Mom, prompted Erika to tell her, “Its so we can get gorgeous and then later I am sure that you’ll want to go out for your birthday”

Asher got up and hugged them both, “I love you two........a house......I just can’t believe it! Thats a pretty huge gift.........still, I am trying to figure out how you figure that I will be getting married though....” she chuckled.

“Actually, what your Mother meant was, this is our way of telling you that we approve of James. I know youve had some pretty big thoughts about how you want your life to play out and this is something that shows you that no matter what, we want you to be able to spread your wings and fly” Ben explained further.

Asher was so happy she could cry tears of joy. However, she had a call from James to look forward to and she needed to get ready for her big day.

The minute that Asher came out of her room and into the kitchen to try to find her Mom, there was Ben working on mixing drinks. She cringed some as he made some mistakes, but she loved to see her Dad working tirelessly on his craft. He had such determination! His love of cooking, baking, and drink making inspired her to do the same so they had a real connection where this was concerned. This was her way to learn how to do things.

Next she knew, Erika had come in just as Ben had finally figured out the right concoction for a drink that had recently been giving him problems. She clapped and told him how impressed she was and then, turning to Asher, told her that they ought to be on their way.

As the day progressed, Erika and Asher had not only gotten their nails done but had also gotten massages too. Just as they left totally relaxed from The Wishing Well Spa, James called Asher.

“Hey Sweet Cheeks......Happy birthday!”

“Thanks Honey!”

“So, I have the perfect place to take you for your birthday!”

“Where?”

“The Blue Bear!”

“That’s like our hangout......of course its perfect because we always go there” Asher laughed.

“True......but still......that place holds a lot of good memories for us!”

“Also, we can have dinner on Mom and Dad! They just so happened to give me money to use for dinner out!”

“Perfect! I’ll pick you up at 5:30pm?”

“Sure!!” Asher said looking at her watch. She had exactly two hours to get home, get cleaned up, and put on makeup.

Once home, Asher-Rose rushed to her room and started to get ready and within, what seemed only a minute to Asher who was hurrying along her way, an hour James came and they were off.

They made it into the restaurant in enough time that the evening had not really gotten underway just yet. However, upon approaching the hostess, she noticed that she wasn’t really in a good mood. She decided to try to be sweet and ask politely no matter what, just like her parents taught her. James was busy at the bar getting them drinks.

“WHAT can I do for you, YOUR HIGHNESS” the hostess fumed.

“Ummm......my boyfriend and I would like a table please?”

“Oh well, right this way.........I only live to serve you and our guests” she rolled her eyes.

“Are.......are you okay?”

“OH just peachy dearie......the cook is sick so we have a newbie who doesn’t know worth a shit about cooking, Im supposed to have a helper but she called out “sick” too. Therefore leaving ME all by myself.......” she ranted.

“Oh dear! Im just glad that its not that busy, just yet.......maybe it’ll get better” Asher tried being nice to this surly hostess. The hostess again rolled her eyes but remained silent as she showed her and her boyfriend to a seat.

After the hostess went away, James was a little upset. Mainly because he wanted tonight to be perfect, but to Asher-Rose, it was. She had to remind him of that and even decided to make funny faces to cheer them both up. Then, when they finally ordered and was waiting for their food, Asher suddenly remembered her homework.

“Homework? Now?” James scratched his head.

“Yeah, I missed this part of my homework and need to finish it or else I don’t graduate!”

“And you couldn’t have done it earlier?”

“Well, no sweetie, I was trying to get all beautified to see you”

“You’re already beautiful!” James chuckled.

“Awww thankyou!”

“Its true!” James said and looked at her homework. He realized where she was as far as her studies were concerned. He remembered that he had passed already with flying colors. ��Need any help?”

“No thanks Hon......and I am really sorry about this, I just have to get it done. I am almost there and the rest of the evening will be all about us!” Asher said. To this, she was true to her word. The food came, her homework was done, and they laughed and talked the whole evening through.

“So, what did you get from your parents anyway?”

“Well, the money you know about........but......I got another gift. A BIG gift” she breathed evenly. Yet another talk about how they ought to take things slow, but she had to tell him. It was just too good not to. “I, I got a key to a house that is being built”

“A house? Really? That......that’s.....awesome!” James said excitedly.

“Yeah, Mom said ‘just think of it as both a birthday and wedding gift’“

“Wedding? What wedding?”

“Its supposed to be symbolic, okay? I told them about how things went with you and I the last time we hung out” she got red now.

“That’s still bugging you?”

“No.....cause I had a really good talk about it with my parents”

“Good, Im glad.......really, I do really want you to be my wife someday.......I just don’t see why the rush”

“Yeah.......so.........so the house was supposed to be their way of saying that they approve of us together”

“Well, I am glad honey.......thats amazing” James softened and kissed her. By this time they had paid for their meal and were headed on their way back to Asher’s.

It was then that Asher got comfortable and by then her cake was ready. They gathered, sang to her, and she blew out the candles on the cake. It really had been the perfect evening and it wasn’t even close to being over yet.

So ends another update! Thanks for reading and hope you all stick around for more!

#simblr #sims 4 #simpernaturalreboot #simpernaturallegacy #simpernaturalsecondgen

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smuttyfairy · 8 years ago

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i am so fucking frustrated rn because my dad arrived here from the us with his new wife after seven years. i'm still mad at him for neglecting his responsibilities to us and what he did to my mom but i hate how everyone is so against to us seeing him. i missed him so much. i love my dad a lot. i haven't seen him since i was in elementary and i dont know what to do anymore. im just really really sad about the whole thing bc my mom's ok with meeting him but my dad insists on bringing his new wife+

his new wife is nice and i get why my dad fell in love with her. shes nice and calm and shes takes care of my dad dearly. shes very supportive of him and maybe thats why dad liked her. my mom is nice too but when my dad went overseas to work he cheated on my mom a couple times. i get why my mom hated my dad. i hate him too for it and i will never forgive him for the terrible things he put us through but no matter what happens. hes still my dad. i havent talked to him properly for the past+

6yrs (and maybe a couple months) that he wasnt with us. ive only recently talked to him and i just really wanna see my dad you know. my mom wont let me and i understand where shes coming from. but i hate how controlling she is of everything. she kinda hates me right now for always talking to my dad and getting excited for his arrival here. im just torn between everything. everything makes me wanna runaway or hurt myself because this is all too much for me. even my relatives are not helping my+

mom get over the whole thing. they're provoking her and drilling her head with bad thoughts instead of telling her to let go of thing. i know it's hard and maybe a little insensitive of me to tell my mom to just let it go and be happy and i should never get tired of comforting her but it's so hard for me you know. im only human and im 17 yrs old. ive been dealing with this ever since my early elementary years. im so done and fed up with everything. it's kinda ungrateful of me to say that i hate+

my life because we're pretty well off but yes i do hate my life because i want a whole family. i would sound like a total hypocrite if i say that the material things in life doesnt make me happy. it only gives me temporary joy & what i want is permanent happiness. im sorry if this is too long i just needed to vent out & i didnt want to bug my best friends because their vacation has just started & i want them to not worry about me. thank you & i hope i didnt annoy u guys for this long ass message

Hey love! So sorry for the late reply I really wanted to sit down and reply to this since its a personal problem. I’m so sorry to hear about the relationship you have with your parents and that it must be rough :/ I can understand where your mother is coming from although there is no need for her to be so controlling of your life as you are 17 years old, almost an adult (in the US at least). Your father messed up and ruined his relationship with your mother and family and while he did make a mistake or two, it is true; he is still your father. As a father’s daughter its perfectly fine and natural to feel excited to see your dad even though he has hurt your mother. He is your dad, and you still love him im sure. Forgiveness doesn’t come too easily and perhaps your mother has crossed that just yet so she may still have those spiteful feelings toward him. Maybe that is why she doesn’t want you seeing him too. Though soon enough, when you become a legal adult, your mom will have no so in what you do and what you want to do and who you want to see. Talk it out with your mother and tell her how you feel and just try to have her understand how you see it in your eyes. You love them both, and hopefully equally. If you have done this already, then I’m sorry hun, I’m not sure what else to tell you other than sorry :c No one could possibly be happy when they’re in a situation like this. I hope things will work out for you soon and that you overcome this issue and try to feel better

-Love,

Admin Sf

#Anonymous

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adhdvane · 3 years ago

Note

Anon back again, don't worry about delay in answer! I'm not expecting you to reply in a matter of seconds and I'm patient anyway! (●'◡'●) (and yeah, tumblr's notification system kinda suck so really, not your fault haha)

I understand your struggle with fics all too well lol I'm sure a time will come when it just clicks and you can write the good stuff ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ And no need to feel bad if you haven't posted a lot on ao3! You don't have to have 1000 fics or 200k word-long fics for your works to be enjoyable!! Even little ficlets and drabbles are good to have around ♥

It's good of you to have taken time for yourself if you needed it ♥ And yeah, completely understandable to hesitate and come back to fandom in general with the current state of things (a couple years ago I made an IE/Go sideblog and I'm still terrified that someone is going to come up and yell at me for shipping the characters lmao And that's without counting the Problematic™ fics I wrote when I was 16 lmao)

Regarding your tags, I'm just sitting there like starry-eyed because YES TenKyou. I'm DELIGHTED to know that's your preference because that's mine too for the ship asklhjkh

As for Todd and Prof Mirror, that's a tough and personal question, so good luck! (I'm thinking Todd topping's nice but does it make the prof kink better or not is the question!! ALSO in the french version, I know there's a line from Todd going like "Mirror was already being called Professor before he was a professor" so maybe he's not the only one with a prof kink, just from a different angle, hah)

(you say sorry for rambling, but joke's on you, I ramble too! Sorry for clustering your blog though woops Have a good day! (´･ω･`) )

rip, okay, once again i apologize about this one being even later, mostly bc i saw it early, but i haven't been able to sit down and respond to it. this week was the last week of the month so i actually had a lot to do at work and was able to go in every day (as opposed to 1 - 2 days bc business is still so slow). but at the end of the month i do invoicing for inventory charges for that month for each customer. though i was able to actually get a lot of it done sooner than usual (bc i actually started the process on tuesday instead of thursday), there were still three big ones i couldn't even do until thursday bc they had several orders in production that didn't get shipped until thursday. I was going to finally get to this ask on friday when i got home (we only work half days on friday and close at noon)… but the new gbf event had started… and uhg… a sho centric event. g od.

rest of the word vomit under the cut

before i just—IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT THIS GBF RAMBLING FEEL FREE TO SKIP BELOW TO THE END THE GBF OF RAMBLE—this event askjdsjkdfslkdjsdjg talk about giving the antag his redemption art event. the emotional growth in sho. so many new assets to save… there are fricking 6 different versions of his character labeled _painful (_painful, _painful2, etc.), and like so many zoom in's that basically every one of his images has an _up version (the battle ones ((the ones of him on his gearcycle)) also have a bunch of _up2 versions that are zoomed in between the default and _up close up) anyways these in particular kill me.

sho "i'm-not-going-to-cry-or-show-expresions-of-gratitude" awkwardly smiling and crying in this event (while also repeatedly getting the shit kicked out of him/getting hurt. having a moment of breaking down from exhaustion and pain, in the rain, before deciding he has to swallow his pride. every single english word that comes out of his mouth, cv: taniyama kishou is a gift (on a side note i can't believe he fucking played alpha in chronostone. like thats fucking hilarious a va and voicalist capable of such range and drama voicing alpha and his serious monotone ass). Sho (@tsubasa): You showed me the light before—[…] Tsubasa: Wait, what? Whaddya mean I showed you the light? ((you mean when he punched you in the fucking face at the end of the previous event of this series?))). I mean I already shipped bc of the their last event, how can you not ship the guy screaming he's going to kill the protag w/the protag esp after getting punched in the face by the protag at the end makes him calm down and be like fine i guess you win i'm not going to try to kill you know and our gangs don't have to fight. also they're both like 16 (or at least tsubasa is canon 16 (a yeas totally looks like a 16 year old) and sho is at least still in school and at least confirmed to be a minor (not age of majority, which idk what that is exactly in universe, could be 18, could be 20, bc it is fantasy, but it's also japanese, thoguh japan's age of majority is actually lowering from 20 to 18 next april (2022), drinking/smoking/gambling age will still be 20, and the comment in this event was about we're still minors save the smoking for when you're an adult). sho could arguably be 18 or 19 and still believably in school and be considered a minor legally (if in universe gbf follows japanese laws) considering the time he spent in juvie he could easily have been held back. gbf will probably just make him tsubasa's age if a canon age is release. but thinking about sho being 19 and tsubasa being 16 would make some ppl upset and that brings me joy. (also just how funny it could be thinking about (bc everyone is perpetually the same age) how later when sho a year older and legally being able to drink, and tsubasa not, and despite the fact sho being like i will break the laws about physically assaulting a guy but underage drinking, smoking, and drugs is a no-no is fucking hilarious. (the app is rated t so i guess there's only so much you can do…) (oh and one last note, a character in the event asking if sho enjoys the pain and is a masochist, to have other character be like dude you can't just ask someone that. sho saying no he doesn't enjoy the pain. only for later when they are escaping, a character noting "You look rather happy about all this. Now I'm sure youre a masochist." gbf first crushing my sho masochist headcanon and then building it back up in this event, thank u gbf). anways, rip that was a lot and not even everything, as you can see i have been… distracted by this event. apologies

—END OF GBF RAMBLE—

oh god worry about ppl like that in ina like, there really people out there who don't want you shipping ficitional children?????? and the main ina cast is roughly between 12-15. and got i started watching ina in 2013 when i was 19. which apparently for some people is like bad uwu because it's a show for young teenagers (like lol too bad i'm 27 and even though i haven't kept up with aries i still love ina and all the little babies and wont stop shipping). i didn't even know there was people out there who get UPSET AT AGING UP??? like wtf???? sorry i want them to be old enough to marry, adopt children, have a job, and also f.uck. the dpk au is my lifeblood (and has a lot of Problematic™ content that's never even been posted online anywhere bc it used to be an rp. my favorite is that out of all the relationships in the au, tenma and kyousuke's is probably the most unhealthy bc of kyousuke's mental health. some very bad things happened to fei (per request of my rp partner) (part of vanfeny and garsha's revenge on saru as they were sent to megun while saru walks around ''free'' (what exactly is free is a whole other lore mess in itself that i wrote up about post chrono stone future). and that just lead to more bad things fei then did to himself. problematic™ content 9492347 in the dpk au, shipping ozrock and lalaya. (even worse, bc of lore planning i did for the au and decided how their species worked, lalaya is about 6.5 cycles (faram obius years) or roughly 130 earth years and biologically similar to 13 year earth years, and ozrock is about 48 Ixal years roughly 48 earth years and biologically similar to 24 earth years. so like even a worse ship. i mean just ignore cultural norms would be different on an alien planet and also she's royalty and has an obligation to be wed even younger and is probably socially more mature than a human 13 year old. rip sorry i just like alien stuff. a lot of this was also because wouldn't it be great for lalaya to have a really long lifespan so the human friends she makes get older faster and also die way before her :) ina's gunna hurt me with the bug aliens then i'm going to… continue to hurt myself with more alien life span stuff.)

Anyways, With TenKyou, idk I think it's easy to paint tenma as the innocent ~pure baby~ and kyousuke as ~bad boy~ bc of the first inago… and seed kyousuke was a little bastard man (affectionate). which would idk explain the default to kyouten. but like kyousuke chills the hell out in chrono stone and galaxy. and just bc tenma is a dumbass with a heart of gold obsessed with soccer doesn't necessarily mean he's has to be ~innocent baby 受け~ trope. (not that these are the only tropes that decide) (maybe it's bc i sort of like messing with what it must be like to be the main protagonists best friend and watch him continue to overcome everything and be in the spot light and how everyone praises him. kyousuke with self-esteem issues, looking back at all the problems he's caused, tenma has flaws but they're either negligible or something to love about him and mine have only hurt others. disregarding his own goddamn plot armor in the past. complex, emotional, suffering kyousuke is how i like my kyousuke. need we even get into how god eden was canonically revealed to be physically/mentally abusing seeds and that whole can of worms) (also just "nervous baby i don't know how to approach tenma" kyousuke, "cheeky little shit doesn't have any regards to personal space and boundries" tenma) at least if anyone starts giving me shit about an ina ship or problematic fictional ina content, i can always respond with something i drew back in 2015.

back to the matter of new snap though… that line is so familiar (im pretty sure it's in the eng txt, i have it set to jpn audio tho). i recently started keeping a log of the messages that pop up on the camp, lab, and map screens (but haven't saved too many bc i get distracted or at least i know i'm missing quite a few i have vague memories of). (also idk why my first thought to that line was mirror responding with "That was because you were the one calling me that.") there actually were a couple messages i saved initially that would be useful for fic writing:

Todd: "The professor used to be kinda reckless back in the day. I suppose after 10 year he must've calmed down a bit."

and

Mirror: "Todd's calmed down since I last saw him. Or maybe he's just acting mature because you kids are around…"

possible implications from these that I'm deciding to consider for headcanons:

both reckless and wild in their early 20's but that's not unusual, so they were acting like reckless young adults when they were 20. makes sense.

because mirror mentions the last time i saw him (which is definitely implied not 10 years ago since todd had a research team pin so obviously he's been around a bit since the lab was established) meaning todd is potentially still a chaotic bastard but is just trying to act like an adult in front of the kids. beautiful.

and on that note another wonderful Tood message:

Todd: "I never invited Phil to be my pupil—he just declared himself my "number one student" and started tagging along! But honestly…I was kind of flattered."

the possibility that when todd showed up in game, after that cutscene he went to talk to mirror like "this 10 year old just started following me and wont go away, pls help. what do i do?????"

this unsupervised 10 year old just followed a ~30 year old man into the wilderness and somehow just declares todd is mentor (and took the research team pin from todd to ''borrow''). this is a hostage situation. todd is the hostage.

the idea that perhaps todd just got back from a long expedition and was glad to be back and spend time with mirror, except this kid started following him around and wont leave him alone or go away, and then when he got to the lab there were two more kids there. how the fuck am i supposed to get it on with mirror when we have little alone time and when we finally do we're constantly at risk of being interrupted and/or walked-in on. (that last part was mainly the premise of the fic i wanted to write. "these kids are a handful how are we supposed to have intimate time. especially bc they're all so young and have child energy levels and when they go to bed i am already fucking exhausted." i'm thinking it might work better as like a drabble collection, that way i don't have to adhere to a plot line and can pick and choose scenarios to write because i keep winding up with more scenario ideas that i can nearly piece together into a coherent timeline anymore.)

(also a bit that rita becomes suspicious that they are 100% fu.cking even though all that happened was mirror wasn't asleep up in his bed above the lab and fell asleep in one of the bungalows w/todd and then tried to cover it up like haha what no, i was checking on todd he's not feeling well uh… what? where are my pants? oh. oh i can't believe i just totally got out of bed and left the lab without my pants haha.) (todd and mirror just trying to keep their relationship a secrete out of fear of rumors spreading and it affecting the lab's funding, even though rumors definitely started ages ago but neither of them realize). (also todd doesn't trust phil to keep his mouth shut and doesn't like the optics of the random 10 year old who started following him (UNSUPERVISED) just blabbing to his parents about how his cool mentor is dating the professor at the lab like yikes that could end badly worst case scenario.)

(i like the idea of mirror playing along with todd's ki.nk, albeit a little awkward sometimes (not very good at being intentionally 'sexy' about it, but that's not what todd wants anyways bc it's already inherenty sexy for him). Phill has a message "I barely get half the stuff the professor talks about. Do you?" and i can only image if he said that to todd

todd: （人*´∀｀）i know it's hot

phil: what)

anyways i hope you don't mind me rambling even more on your asks like this. last time i totally just cut chunks out to be smaller but this time… i'm going to leave things in rip.

#ask #anon #thank you or bearing with me #i haven't been on tumblr the whole week oops #sammy be quiet #i have been thinking about them a lot though #alSO RIP I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT TENKYOU A LOTT TO BECAUSE OF YOU #listening to ina music on the way to work every day this week #but also now i've just entered tsubasa/sho hell because of the new gbf event #their previous event was in 2018 so it's been some time #i didn't except sho to ever get content again #and now i know he's gunna get a gacha release when the banner changes to gala #and i want him so bad #if i don't get him.......... i would be willing to later sup ticket his ass though it'll be a while til he'd be ticketable rip #cw kink mention ///////#the dpk au means a lot to me even now #also speaking of ina shipping my first ina ship tsunatachi and god there was a really good doujin artist on pixiv oh boy #some people on here would lose their shit over like so much of pixiv's content #idk man #i apologize if some stuff doesn't make sense bc brain just vomits out words and thinks everything is in the correct order

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myinnerletters · 5 years ago

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Covid 19 Ramblings.

28.04.20

Wtf. i dont even really know where to start with all of this, because I feel a million waves and thoughts of overwhelmed. It’s in my chest and in my heart and it feels like drowning, and suffocating and not being enough.

Never enough. Nothing’s ever enough. Career. Life. Friends. It’s all never enough. i dont know how to deal with my emotions. I don’t know how to feel them without feeling like I’m a crazy person, a feeling and a habit taught at 16 years old. Any emotion feels out of control. Feels like i’m spiralling out. I feel like im mourning for the life i had, and i’m scared i’ll never be able to return to the things that once bought me joy. WIll I ever be able to perform my show again? will there be space for the arts again? The world feels scary, and it feels like it’s cut out for the rich, conservative, like minded people who don’t like individuality and don’t want people thinking for themselves or standing up for themselves. I know there are signs for hope everywhere but i dont feel hope. I feel sad. I feel empty. I feel lonely. I feel like a pain in everyones way, and that no one cares about me. I know this is dramatic, and like a teenager thing to write.

So many people i know value their partners, they are their everything. For me, my friends were my everything. But when it comes down to it, i don’t think i matter or mean anything to them. People say so, but i think thats because i’m good at making people feel good. I’m a rock.

Juliet wanted to talk about her mother and then she wrote a piece and asked me to read it. And the suffocating rose up in me, and i had to listen to music to drown out the silence. And i realised in that moment, that I need noise. I need distracting. Silence for me is as good as being ignored. Silence is someone hating you, someone saying they are done with you, pretending you are not important to them. And then Juliet tried to psychoanalyse me and tell me that i needed to feel that emotion, but i dont need her to tell me that when i’ve spent the last six years deeply unpacking it all.

I feel like i’m in the way. I feel like I don’t know what my purpose is. I know mum always says i know what i want but i feel so jaded now, so over it, so full of doubt and self criticism. Like my dreams and my realities cant happen. Like i dont have the same energy to pursue the things that i once thought mattered so much. Who am i if none of this matters anymore? Why do i do what i do?

And then theres the matter of dating. And the fact that, I dated an asshole last year who got me to open up. Who made me feel like I could finally cut the bullshit and have an adult relationship, something i despise that i’ve wanted. He was such a dick, constantly nitpicking me, constantly making “jokes”, constantly trying to put me down. Why? I know I never really fit the jewish school mould, but that’s fine. That’s never been me. Why did he despise my difference and think it strange and weird and want to change it. Why was i weird, and say weird things, and not as mature as him - because i chose the arts and because i was kooky? i dont think I’ll ever understand.

But now i’m so guarded. I’m so over it. I’m so ... cold? a bitch. just a bitch. I like cant handle a joke, a guy teases me and I start to get defensive. Why am i being a sarcastic bitch. Why am i pushing them away and then being like surprised when they do. Why do i keep picking assholes, expecting them to be different.

I feel like i’ve always felt like I knew these truths about me that no one else knew. The “i’m not talented” and “i’m cursed” and somehwere deep down “i’m destined for great things”. I’ve told myself for so long that I am cursed, that i dont deserve the good things, that theres no one out there for me, and that this pattern will keep continuing.

Pre covid, i was really starting to get into the groove and making some good decisions for my life. I didn’t feel the need to search for love, I was investing the time in myself. Now i’m seperated from my friends and family, I miss everyone so much and I feel so alone. Rebecca can go to a beach house, jacqui can go shelter with her boyfriend. And then im left alone here, with a cat, crying for an entire week because my PMS is so bad and then i fear the gynaecologist gas lighting me and men gashlighting me and its a spiral.

Tonight i stopped messaging people, i felt so shit about myself. Told myself no one cared about me. Told myself they didnt care and found me annoying. I always feel that way. That people think im annoying. That i’m in the way. That i’m a nuisance. And i hang out with rebecca and its fun, and then i come up here into my room and cry again and feel uncertain and overwhelemed and like i’ll never be able to achieve anything again, and that my world as I’ve known it is over for good and theres no way forward.

It feels like giving up. It feels like constantly giving up. It feels like no energy and no motivation and no inspiration because there’s no end date in sight. I wish i could go back even to January, to hobart which was both so hard and sad and so full of joy. I wish i could hug my family a little closer when i saw them in feb, i wish i hadnt made mum feel like shit. I wish i could hug each and every one of my friends more and stayed present instead of worryign about a future that is literally on pause. I wish i had gone out more before. I wish I had lived instead of living my life according to rules i put in place in my head to tick off and complete for success. I wish i’d enjoyed my time on stage and not seeked out an award nomination for validation on my craft. I wish everything back then hadn’t felt like nothing and not enough, cause now when nothing is happening, those things feel like the world and I wish i could have lived in those warm moments of joy and excitement, instead of telling myself that they werent enough and that i had to strive harder for more. I miss the simple things the most now. I’m so sad thinking about all the things I miss. I miss my family so much. I’m worried so much about them. I wish things could kind of go back. Not to the world we were living because that didn’t work. But i wish i could go back and enjoy my life because I miss it all.

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

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Exploring the U.S. by RV: The price of adventure

Shares 352 Two years ago today, Kim and I returned to Portland after fifteen months traveling the United States in an RV. Believe it or not, Ive never published an article about the trip and how much it cost. Although we kept a travel blog for most of the adventure (including a page that documented our expenses), Ive never gathered everything into one place. Until now. Today, I want to share just how much we spent on the journey and some of our favorite stops along the way. It seems like the perfect post to celebrate the start of summer, dont you think? The Lure of Adventure All my life, Ive wanted to take a roadtrip across the United States. When I was young, I was lured by the adventure. I wanted to climb mountains, swim rivers, and explore canyons. The older I got, the more fascinated I became by the countrys regional differences. The U.S. is huge, a fact that most foreign visitors forget. Most American citizens dont even realize how big the country is. I wanted to see and experience it all. Although Ive dreamed of a cross-country roadtrip, its never been practical. As a boy, my family was poor. My parents didnt have money for something like this. As a young adult, I couldnt afford it either. For a long time, I was deep in debt. Besides, where would I find the time? I had to work! To top things off, my wife had zero interest in driving cross country. But in my forties, a curious set of circumstances came together to move my epic roadtrip from dream to reality. One day in early 2014, my girlfriend Kim asked me out of the blue, What do you think about taking a cross-country roadtrip? What did I think? Hell yeah! is what I thought Making a Plan As Kim and I began to discuss this adventure, our biggest concern was money. As a financial writer, Im acutely aware that every dollar I spend today is roughly equivalent to seven dollars I could have in retirement. Every day, I preach the power of saving. I wanted to keep our trip as cost-effective as possible. (Besides, Kim would have to quit her job as a dental hygienist in order to travel a huge financial sacrifice.) My goal was to keep our costs under $50 per person per day. In fact, I had high hopes we could do the trip for $33 per person per day (for a total of $24,000). But the U.S. is expensive. How could Kim and I make this happen? From the start, we knew hotels were out. Even cheap lodging would be far too expensive for us to stay within budget. Personally, I liked the idea of bicycling across the country like my friends Dakota and Chelsea have done. Kim wasnt keen on the idea. (Nor was she willing to make the trip by motorcycle despite being a die-hard Harley girl.) After a lot of research, and after talking with Chris and Cherie from Technomadia, I came to a conclusion: The best balance of cost and comfort would come from crossing the country in an RV. With this bare outline of a plan, the true trip prep began. Searching for Bigfoot After deciding to travel by RV, there were more questions to answer. Neither of us had experience with recreational vehicles. Among other things, we needed to figure out: Should we buy a truck and a trailer?Would it be better to buy a motorhome and tow my 2004 Mini Cooper?What about new or used? With used, you never know what youre getting. But a new RV costs $80,000 or more and loses value quickly.How much space did we need? What kinds of amenities? After crunching the numbers, there was an obvious best choice for us. If we bought a used motorhome, we could tow a car we already owned while (we hoped) avoiding a big hit from depreciation. In fact, if we were diligent every step of the way, it might even be possible to resell our RV after the trip and recoup most of what wed paid for it! We spent the autumn of 2014 patiently sifting through Craigslist ads for used motorhomes. We visited dealerships. We attended the local RV Expo. We walked through dozens of models searching for the right fit. Some were too long. Some were too short. Some were too fancy. Many were run-down and in a state of disrepair. Finally, in early January 2015, we found the perfect rig: a 2005 Bigfoot 30MH29RQ. (Translation: A 29-foot motorhome with a queen bed in the rear.) The owner wanted $38,000 for it a fair price. He wouldnt budge when I tried to negotiate, but I was okay with that. My research revealed he was actually selling a slightly better model, one worth a few thousand dollars more than he was asking. We bought it. [embedded content] Over the next two months, Kim and I prepped Bigfoot for departure. We spent $2000 making minor repairs and installing a towbar on the Mini Cooper. We cleaned the motorhome from top to bottom. We took weekend test trips to RV parks around Oregon and Washington. When all was said and done, wed invested $40,000 to get our caravan ready for the road. Into the West Kim and I left Portland on the morning of 25 March 2015, my forty-sixth birthday. We sped through Oregon we love the state, but were both familiar with it and entered northern California. We spent our first week on the road exploring the Redwoods and weaving through wine country. Along the way, we got a crash course in driving a motorhome. Near Cloverdale, California we took a wrong turn onto a cliff-side gravel road. We stopped immediately. Good thing, too. Turns out a week earlier some other poor soul had driven his RV over the side of the cliff. East of Sacramento, we took another wrong turn and found ourselves driving down a narrow dike road during rush hour while high winds buffeted the RV. Very scary. At times we felt like Lucy and Desi in The Long, Long Trailer, but after a couple of weeks Kim and I had learned how to handle our motorhome, both on the road and off. [embedded content] Early in the trip, our expenses were out of sight. We ate out too often. We bought too much wine. We did too many touristy things without searching for discounts. We rationalized that since we were visiting all of these new places (and might never return), we might as well pay to experience them to the fullest. This was a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, after all. The problem, of course, was that lots of fun costs lots of money. Ten days into the trip, our average spending was over $120 per day (or over $60 per person per day) almost twice what wed hoped to spend. Yikes! We tightened the purse strings. We stopped eating out so much and cooked in the motorhome. (We cook a lot at home normally, so this wasnt a tough transition.) We bought a National Parks pass, perhaps the best purchase of our entire trip. (For an $80 one-time fee, you get one year of unlimited access to all sorts of government-owned sites.) We learned to entertain ourselves at night with books and boardgames and a hard drive filled with old movies and an iPad filled with comic books. During our 33 days in California, we marveled at the states vast variety of terrain. We drove through forests and deserts, skirted ocean cliffsides and walked across mountain streams. We hated L.A. traffic not recommended when youre in a motorhome towing a car but enjoyed almost everything else. We loved Arizona even more. Maybe we had low expectations, but we were blown away by the magnificent scenery of the Grand Canyon state. For nineteen days, we basked in the warm spring sun and admired the colorful rock formations. It was in Arizona that we discovered the joys of drycamping (or boondocking). For the first seven weeks of our trip, we mostly stayed in RV parks and campgrounds. At $20 to $50 per night (with the average park costs around $35), lodging was our biggest expense by far. Drycamping costs nothing. All you do is find a spot where you can legally park for the night National Forest land, a friends driveway, certain businesses and casinos and set up camp. You dont have access to electricity or fresh water, but thats okay. The beauty of an RV is that its self-contained. (Our Bigfoot had a generator for electricity and a 63-gallon freshwater tank.) After boondocking only once during our first 50 days on the road, we managed to live off the grid for 33 of the next 80 nights. Once we began pinching pennies, our travel costs plummeted. We werent spending $120 per day anymore. Our average daily spending fell to $50, which lowered the trip average to about $80 per day. A Costly Repair With all this frugality, did we feel like we were depriving ourselves? Not at all! As we made our way from Arizona to Utah to Colorado, we found we could still afford wine and an occasional restaurant meal. Plus, we were paying to do a lot of touristy things, such as soak in the hot springs in Ouray and ride the narrow-gauge train from Durango to Silverton. At the end of May, we stopped for a week to visit family and friends near Denver. During this break, our RV costs dropped to zero no fuel or lodging expenses while we stayed with Kims mother and hung out with Mr. Money Mustache which allowed us to spend a little more on fun. Good thing too because Fort Collins has a great beer scene. We hit the road again in early June, making our way into Wyoming to visit Yellowstone and the Tetons. We zipped over to Idaho to spend time with Kims father in Sun Valley. From there, we drove north into Montana to lounge around Flathead Lake and explore Glacier National Park. Costs stayed low as we crossed Montana to enter the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota. After celebrating Independence Day in Deadwood, our average daily spending for the trip was about $84. We felt good about that number. Itd be nice if it were lower, but $42 per day per person seemed reasonable. At that rate, the trip would cost us $30,000 for the entire year. On July 8th, the tenor of our trip changed. So did our costs. We were cruising across the vast emptiness of central South Dakota when the motorhomes engine overheated. We pulled off to give it a rest. The oil level looked fine, but I added more just in case. It didnt help. An hour down the highway, the engine seized up completely. Turns out Bigfoot had spun a bearing and the engine was toast. (Also turns out that spun bearings are not uncommon with this particular engine.) Unfortunately, we were in the middle of nowhere. The nearest town was Plankinton, South Dakota (population 707). Fortunately, the folks in Plankinton were friendly. The owners of the local garage diagnosed the problem and ordered parts. Meanwhile, we got to know the owners of the only RV park in town. We spent ten days drinking beer with Plankintonians while exploring nearby attractions such as the Corn Palace and the real-life homestead of Laura Ingalls Wilder. In the end, the engine repair cost $7751.39. Ouch! We did not count this against our daily trip budget but instead factored it into our overhead, much like we had with the purchase price of the RV. (You might choose to account for it differently.) The Expensive East When the new engine was ready, we waved good-bye to our new friends in Plankinton. We drove through Minnesota to Wisconsin, where we spent a week in the Great North Woods. (At the recommendation of world traveler Gary Arndt, whom we had lunch with near Milwaukee, we took a boat ride out to view the amazing Apostle Islands.) After eating our fill of Wisconsin cheese, we crossed into Michigans upper peninsula and then drove south to Indianas Amish country, where we rested for a week. (We also took the time to dart into Chicago for an overnight trip.) From there, we moved to Indianapolis and Cincinnati. As we made our way east, we noticed some interesting changes. First, there were fewer opportunities for boondocking. Theres less government-owned land in the East than there is in the West. (The western U.S. is largely government land, which means lots of places to camp for free.)Second, while gasoline prices were lower in the east, everything else was more expensive. RV parks were more expensive. Groceries were more expensive. Beer and wine were more expensive. Restaurants, especially, were more expensive. Our average daily spending started to creep upward. By the time we reached Ohio in mid-August, we were shelling out $120 per day again. After 150 days on the road, the average for the entire trip was $93.48 per day (or $46.74 per person). By this point it was clear that we couldnt spend a year on the road for our initial $24,000 budget. (You might, but we couldnt. Not while enjoying the lifestyle we wanted.) Even $30,000 for the year seemed unlikely. We revised our budget upward to $36,000 (or about $50 per person per day) not counting the expensive engine repair. We had plenty in savings, so we could afford to stretch some, but we still wanted to spend as little as possible. From Cincinnati, we traveled to beautiful West Virginia, then north to Cleveland. After that, we hopped over to Niagara Falls, where we camped for a few days at a winery. (We helped bottle brandy and bought a few bottles of wine in exchange for firewood and a place to park.) Stopping in Savannah During September, we sort of lost our steam. The enthusiasm wed had at the start of the trip petered out. Instead of exploring Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and North Carolina, we holed up in the RV and worked. It might sound crazy, but we missed being productive and making money! Being hermits saved us money, of course, but we felt like we were wasting an opportunity. After much discussion, we decided to take a break. We spent a week driving around the eastern seaboard, looking for a place to park for the winter. We fell in love with Savannah, Georgia, so we rented a condo and put the RV in storage. For six months, we lived a relatively normal life. Kim found full-time work as a dental hygienist, and I launched Money Boss (which Ive been folding into Get Rich Slowly since re-purchasing this site). Our six months in Savannah were interesting. I had never lived outside of Oregon, so I suffered some culture shock. I always say that Im relatively conservative for the Portland area but that still makes me pretty liberal for anywhere in the southeastern U.S.! While in Savannah, we didnt just work. We made sure to have some fun too. Over Christmas, we flew to New York City for a long weekend, where we got to hang out with some of our favorite money bloggers. In February, we took a couple of weeks to tour the state of Florida, from Jacksonville to Tampa to Miami to Key West to the Kennedy Space Center. Important note: By this time nearly one year into our trip Kim and I had both started packing on the pounds. Sad but true. We were eating great food and drinking great beer everywhere we went, and we were out of our exercise routine. Not good. After returning from Florida, we began planning for our return trip to Potland. It had taken us six months to make it from the Pacific to Atlanta. It seamed reasonable to budget the same amount of time for heading home. Old Pros If this were a travel blog, Id cover the return trip in depth. A lot of fun stuff happened during our final three months on the road. But this is a money blog, and Im trying to focus this article on the financial side of our journey. As a result, Im going to gloss over a lot. Financially, not much exciting happened. From the start, the return leg felt different. For one thing, we were old pros at the whole RVing thing by this point. At the start of the trip, everything had been new and exciting and even a little scary. A year later, however, Kim and I had things down to a science. We were no longer freaked out by little problems. On our first day back on the road, one of our headlights went out. No problem! Kim promptly repaired it. The return trip felt different too because we spent less time with friends and family. While we did stop to see people along the way, we didnt have nearly as many contacts in southern states as we had in the north. Also, we spent much more time in state parks during the drive home. Traveling east, our camping spots had been varied. Sometimes, we parked in driveways of friends or family. Other times, we did drycamping on Forest Service land. Many of our campsites were located in Thousand Trails parks, which means they were essentially free. (Kim had access to an annual pass through her father.) But these options were few and far between in the Southeast, so we learned to love state parks, which are cheap and plentiful all over the United States. (State parks can get busy on holiday weekends, but otherwise are nearly empty especially midweek.) Finally, we changed the pace of our travel. On the outbound leg, we moved camp every two or three days. (We moved every 2.84 days, to be precise.) But going home, we intentionally slowed down. We tried to say four or five days in each location. (Until we picked up our puppy in Oklahoma about which, more in a moment we moved every 4.25 days.) In short, we stayed in each location nearly twice as long on our way west as we had on our way east. The Journey Home We had intended to spend six months driving home, just as wed spent six months getting to Savannah. That was the plan. We knew that our first two months would be spent carving an S through the southeastern United States. And, surprisingly enough, those two months went as we thought they would. We left Savannah at the end of March and drove to Asheville, North Carolina. (This town is like a training ground for hipster who arent ready for the West Coast, I observed.) We visited Dollywood and Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Eastern Tennessee. We dallied a few days in Nashville home to the worst drivers we encountered on the entire trip (no joke!) where we had a lot of fun immersing ourselves in country music culture. I was pleased to see the Taylor Swift exhibit at the Country Music Hall of Fame! One of our favorite stops on the entire trip came in Lexington, Kentucky. For one, we got to hang out with friends for the first time in months. More than that, northern Kentucky is beautiful, filled with rolling green hills and horse pastures. Kim and I spent our fourth anniversary as a couple watching the races at Keeneland. And, of course, we sampled the Bourbon trail. [embedded content] From Kentucky, we drove west to St. Louis, then to central Missouri. My grandmother was born near Lake of the Ozarks, so I spent my time there trying to imagine what it must have been like for her as a girl 100 years ago. (By the way, did you know that the Ozark Mountains are the opposite of most mountains? Most mountains are formed when land thrusts up from the Earths crust. The Ozarks were formed by erosion when the vast inland sea that once occupied the space between the Rockies and the Appalachians drained away.) Our next stop was special. In late April 2016, we drove into northeast Oklahoma to visit my cousin Gwen and her family. She and her husband Henry moved from Oregon many years ago, and they now own a 100-acre creek hollow outside Tahlequah, Oklahoma. (Tahlequah has two claims to fame. First, its the endpoint of the Trail of Tears. Second, its the setting for Where the Red Fern Grows. In fact, one scene in the book takes place on my cousins property!) From Tahlequah, we doubled back on ourselves, turning east. This part of our trip was educational, to say the least. We got to see some of the poorer parts of the country. We spent a couple of nights in beautiful Hot Springs, Arkansas, for instance. Hot Springs was once a booming resort town, popular with tourists from the East Coast. Today, the downtown area is a hollow core of what it once was (although there are a lot of people doing their best to save it). Memphis was even worse. Kim and I spent several days in the Memphis area, driving down into Mississippi to travel the Blues Highway. This part of the U.S. is poor. Its infrastructure roads and services and so on is falling apart. It was shocking. (About a month after we drove the Blues Highway, we stayed a few days in Natchez, Mississippi, a few hundred miles south. Conditions in that region were even worse.) Our eastward extent ended in Huntsville, Alabama, where we enjoyed spending time with my college roommate and his boyfriend. From there, we headed south to the Gulf of Mexico, which we followed from Gulf Shores, Alabama to New Orleans. Kim and I loved southern Louisiana. The culture is distinct. The people are friendly. The food is amazing. It was here that we realized our favorite parts of the United States are those that retain a distinct character. You see, much of the U.S. has become homogenized. Indianpolis could be Orlando could be Sacramento could be Cleveland. No knock on any of these cities, but theres a sameness about them despite the unique aspects of each of them. Cities like Miami and New York and New Orleans, however, feel very different. Theyre unique. They have a unique culture, and they cling to it in the face of pressure to conform. As a result, theyre the most fun places to visit. (In each case, we believe this is because the population of these places is so diverse.) Our leg across the Mississippi to Houston was interesting. And frustrating. It was the Friday of Memorial Day weekend 2016, and the heavens opened up. It rained and rained and rained. Texas isnt equipped to handle so much rain. There was flooding everywhere, and roads became impassable. What ought to have been a five-hour drive to our campground turned into eight or nine hours of struggling to get where we wanted to go. We had to change plans and camp at the first place we could find with open space. As you know, Texas is h-u-g-e. I mentioned earlier that the United States is larger than most folks realize. Well, Texas is too. During our nearly two weeks there, we visited Houston, San Antonio, Austin, and Dallas. Even with all of that driving, we barely scratched the surface of the state. The Home Stretch At this point, we were just over two months into our planned six-month return trip. We had planned to head toward west Texas, then revisit some of our favorite western spots from the previous year. That plan changed when: The couple who had been watching our condo in Portland found a home of their own. The extended housesitting gig worked out well for them because they were between places. It gave them time to be patient and purchase the perfect house. But once they found it, they were eager to leave. (And understandably so.) As a result, we needed to return to Portland sooner than anticipated.We got a dog. When wed stopped in Tahlequah, Oklahoma in late April, Kim fell in love with a litter of puppies. Can we take one home? she asked. At the time, I argued against it. But over the next few weeks, she whittled down my defenses. By the time we reached Dallas just a few hours from Tahlequah I agreed we could get a dog. So, after our time in Dallas, we returned to the 100-acre creek hollow where my cousin lives. We picked out our puppy (which we named Tahlequah, naturally) and spent a few days getting her used to the RV. When we felt like she was ready, we hit the road making a bee-line directly for home. But even when youre trying to make tracks in an RV, things still take time. Despite the fact that we were rushing the last part of the trip, it took us three weeks to get from northeastern Oklahoma to northwestern Oregon. We spent our first two nights with the puppy in tiny Kingman, Kansas. There, we enjoyed one of our favorite campsites: An entire country fairground where we were the only guests. We had the run of the place, which was awesome because we could get the puppy used to us and we could get used to her. Plus, the fairground was cheap cheap cheap. Note: By the way, we found this location with our copy of the book Free and Low-Cost Campgrounds, which was a godsend on the trip. Although were all accustomed to great cell service in cities, the reality is that most of the U.S. has shitty coverage. Theres just no need for it in sparsely populated areas, and most of the U.S. is sparsely populated. (This fact surprised me, by the way. For some reason, I thought the reality was population density but the opposite is true.) As a result, when youre doing an extended road trip, you need important info in print format. From Kansas, we drove through the most barren stretch of our entire trip eastern Colorado to visit Kims mother in Fort Collins (and to see our pal Mr. Money Mustache once more). Then we burned rubber (literallytwo of the RV tires started to fall apart!) to make it to her father outside Boise. We spent the last two days of the trip visiting my brother in central Oregon, then on 29 June 2016, we pulled into Portland. At long last, we were home. Culture Shock at Home Once Kim and I returned home, we experienced unexpected culture shock. After fifteen months of what was essentially an extended holiday (despite the fact we both worked in Savannah), normal life feltwell, normal life felt crazy. We were overwhelmed by the busy-ness of it all: the pace, the scheduling, all of the requests for time and attention. Why is this so tough for us? I asked after a couple of weeks at home. I dont know, Kim said. But it sucks. She was right. It did suck. About that time, I read Guardians of Being, a short book that mixes the philosophy of Eckhart Tolle with the animal art of Patrick McDonnell (from Mutts). Tolle, of course, is best known for his massive bestseller, The Power of Now, which encourages readers to get out of their heads and be more present in the moment. I was struck by this quote from Guardians: Most of us live in a world of mental abstraction, conceptualization, and image making a world of thought. We are immersed in a continuous stream of mental noiseWe get lost in doing, thinking, remembering, anticipating lost in a maze of complexity and a world of problems. While we were on the road, Kim and I lived in the Now. We were always present in the moment. We might have vague plans for where we wanted to be in a few days or a few weeks, but mostly we made things up as we went along. Where do you want to go next? Kim might ask, and then wed pick a spot. Where should we camp tonight? I might ask as we drove to the new town, and Kim would find a campground. What should we do for dinner? Should we visit that park? This site is awesome lets stay a few more nights. Nearly everything we did was spontaneous. We had no plans or commitments and it was wonderful. But back home, even without jobs to go to and few plans, the pace of modern life was staggering. We were always doing something with somebody. We scheduled appointments and anticipated commitments. We had to-do lists. We went to the gym three mornings a week, took the puppy to puppy classes, agreed to help colleagues, and so on. There was so much going on that there was never a chance to simply be present in the Here and Now. We had no margin in our lives. And the stuff! There was so much stuff! We had few possessions in the motorhome; we didnt miss what we did not have. At home, even though we had less than many folks, we were surrounded by tons of stuff. Tons of stuff! So many books! So many clothes! So many dishes! So much in every closet and cupboard. Kim and I were overwhelmed because we made a sudden transition from doing and having very little to doing and having a lot. All of the stuff and commitments comes with mental baggage. It takes brainwidth. Even after we had settled down, we found it tough to resume normal life. Kim went back to work four days a week as a dental hygienist. I resumed writing and giving speaking gigs. We did our best to return to our old lifebut it all felt wrong, like old clothes that no longer fit. So, we bought a place in the country. We have access to the city when we want it. Mostly, though, we stay at home and enjoy the relaxed pace with our ever-growing zoo. It feels good to not be racing around so much. It feels nice to just be, you know? Getting Rid of Bigfoot Aside from the culture shock, Kim and I faced another problem upon our return. We no longer needed a motorhome. It was time to sell our loyal companion. For some reason, we thought selling the RV would be simple. It wasnt. From the time we started the process which was eight or nine months after returning home it took a year to actually get rid of Bigfoot. We started by listing the rig on both Craigslist and RV Trader. Plus, I created a sales page that contained more information than we could fit in a normal advertisement. We waited. And waited. And waited. Nobody seemed interested. Maybe were asking too much, Kim suggested after a few months with zero responses. We had purchased the RV for $38,000, remember, and then spent nearly $8000 to replace the engine. By our reckoning, we had a $46,000 vehicle on our hands (and wed made other upgrades too!) so we wanted $40,000 in return. Nobody wanted to pay $40,000. We lowered the price to $38,000. As a result, we received a few email inquiries, but nobody came out to see the RV in person. We lowered the price to $35,000. We got more email inquiries, but still nobody wanted to view it. When we lowered the price to $32,000, we finally got a reasonable number of responses and had a few people come out to take a look at the motorhome. We also learned that the price wasnt the only thing holding people back. To us, the fact that Bigfoot had a new engine was a selling point. Turns out, thats a red flag to a lot of people. Their reasoning is that if the engine went out once, itll go out again. This baffles me, but thats what people were telling us. Weve got to get rid of that thing, Kim said last Christmas. I know, I said. Its an albatross. Lets lower the price to $30,000. After we lowered the price to $30,000, we immediately had buyers interested. We were flooded with email. One guy drove out right away to look at the RV. I cant have money for you until Monday, he told us. Will you hold it for me? Given our inability to sell the thing, you might think wed take him up on his offer. But we didnt. The next day, a couple drove seven hours from Sandpoint, Idaho to look at the motorhome. Weve been looking all over for a Bigfoot! they told us. After several hours of inspecting the rig, they made us an offer: $28,000. We accepted. After three years of ownership, we were rid of the RV. The Great Reckoning So, this is a money blog. The most important question to answer is: How much did this trip cost us? Great question. We dont have a precise answer, but Ill share as many numbers as I can so that you can decide whether a trip like this would be worth it for your family. Because Im a money nerd, I keep detailed stats on most of my life. The RV trip is no different. I have a spreadsheet with detailed trip info, and I published trip stats at my travel blog. Here are some highlights: During 283 days on the road, we spent 371.3 hours (15.5 days total!) driving the RV across the U.S. We put 17,250 miles on the motorhome and 17,718 miles on the Mini Cooper. Thats a total of 34,968 miles driven about 1.5 times the circumference of the Earth! Between the two vehicles, we drove an average of 120 miles per day.Everyone wonders about fuel efficiency in an RV. Well, it sucks. We had hoped to average 10 miles per gallon; we got 7.7. (No, replacing the engine didnt make things better.) The motorhome consumed 2202.6 gallons of fuel at an average price of $2.48 per gallon. It cost us 32 cents per mile to drive that beast and thats only counting gasoline.On the first leg of the trip, we spent a total of $17,137.07 for budgeted daily items. Fuel and routine maintenance for the motorhome and car ate up a third of that budget. Food (both groceries and restaurants) consumed another third. We spent $3086 on lodging, which works out to $16.24 per night. The remaining $2000 was spent on alcohol, fun, and miscellaneous expenses. (Our stats for the return leg werent as detailed.)About two-thirds of our nights were spent in campgrounds or RV parks. We drycamped 19% of the time on the way east (but not once on the way home). We spent 18% of our nights in somebodys home or driveway. We visited 38 states. We spent the most time in California (33 nights) and Colorado (25 nights). We loved them all.Arizona and West Virginia were the two most beautiful states we saw on our trip, although the area around Jackson, Wyoming was probably the single prettiest place. Charleston, South Carolina and Lafayette, Louisiana had the best food (the Midwest had the worst) and Ommegang Brewery in Cooperstown, New York had the best beer. The worst drivers? Orlando, Savannah, and especially Nashville. To me, the most important numbers is what Id call our base costs. These are the combination of gas and lodging, the costs for keeping the RV in action. During the first leg of our trip, our base costs were $35.09 per day (with an overall cost of $90.20 per day). During the second leg, our base costs were $41.25 per day (and I didnt keep track of total costs). How much you would spend beyond these base costs is, well, up to you. Obviously, we were spending an extra $50 to $60 per day, or about $25 to $30 per person. This includes food and fun but it does not include the cost of the RV and/or maintenance. (Our net cost for the RV was $10,000 $38,000 purchase price, $28,000 sale price plus the $7751.39 for engine replacement.) And dont forget that we spent about $2000 to furnish the RV before setting out, plus had to make miscellaneous repairs. My guess (and this is only a guess) is that our total cost for for the RV trip outside daily expenses was $23,500. This equates to about $80 per day. If you add this to our ongoing daily expenses, you get a total of $170 per day. Lets round that to $175 per day. [Note that these are corrected numbers. My original calculation of daily cost forgot the engine repair. Oops.] All told, to live like we did on the road which was living well it cost about $180 per day (or about $5400 per month) for two people. Im sure it can be done for less. And we met tons of people who spend much more. I realize that not everyone can afford this sort of adventure. Nor do many people have the ability to pick up and leave their lives for six or twelve or eighteen months. In other words, this isnt the sort of trip that everyone has the time and money to make happen. But for those who do have the resources, exploring the United States by motorhome can be relatively affordable especially if your engine doesnt need to be replaced! On the Road Again? Heres the thing: Our story is not unique. Theres this idea that RVing is only for old people with more time and money than sense. Sure, there are plenty of retired couples out there in brand-new $200,000 luxury motorhomes, but there are also a surprising number of younger couples on the road full time including couples with kids! Everyone we talked to reported the same thing: If youre careful, its perfectly possible to live large in a motorhome on a modest budget. There are plenty of awesome side-effects too. The trip strengthened my relationship with Kim. (If you can make things work in 245 square feet, you can certainly do it in a larger space!) It taught us that we need far less Stuff to live than we thought. The best side effect of all? Realizing just how awesome everybody is. Im not joking. The media has whipped us into a state of hysteria in this country. The Left hates the Right. The Right hates the Left. Nobody talks or takes time to understand the other side. Thats bullshit, to be honest. During our fifteen months away from Portland, we had two bad experiences and they werent even that bad. (Maybe the people were just having off days?) Universally, everybody was friendly and polite and fun. This morning, as I was finishing this article, Kim and I got to talking. Wouldnt it be fun to do a trip like that again? she asked. Maybe we should buy another RV. Haha. Maybe. I told her we should put it off until next year. Our adventure across the U.S. truly was the trip of a lifetime. What are you waiting for? If you too have always dreamed of an epic cross-country roadtrip, get cracking. Draw up a plan. Save your money. Make it happen. Shares 352 https://www.getrichslowly.org/us-by-rv/

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beautifullybrokensblog-blog · 7 years ago

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Life Imatating art. Im a warrior. Dont get it wrong i have survived, but im not a survivor IM A WARRIOR!

#evenMorriganwascrushbylove, #homewreckerthisallyou #owie

Are you proud of Who You Are. Do you like Who You Are. I don’t know how you could! I couldn’t like somebody who purposely hurts children and ruins their homes. I couldn’t like someone who would knowingly cause pain 4 no reason other then she had a ache in her crotch. Did it make you feel accomplished or strong, 2 get your hands on my husband. Real strength is in doing what’s right. Strong women get their own man, not act like sneaky whoring holes that cant understand right from wrong. How do you sleep at night I ask because my children can’t they keep having nightmares about a divorce or if I leave. You took their security way. Shame on you curse you they dont deserve someone like you taking there home and family from them on a whim, how alful. You put them through this only because you want to see if you could, just some game to you, a challenge but its nothing, you dont even really cared about anyone. you have destroyed seven people my family is shattered your affair with my husband has stripped my home of joy so I asked you are you proud? it doesn’t seem right that you get to smile well my adult children worry about a mother that seems empty anymore they watch me fight for so long just to live now i wish i hadnt. Why did you walk in and take what little bit of joy and hope and happiness I had. Take the pride of family and make it a joke. You took form him to my husband, he lost the respect, lost the trust of his children wife nieghbors church. You stole from the children the sleep and carefree youth, the younger two keep having nightmares since this happened they’re afraid if I leave or we get divorced what will happen to them,they remember what it was like before me and they know what it’s been like up until now the short lived happiness of family and wholeness and none of us are sure we can do that anymore and here’s a really screwed-up thing if you cared about him you would have thought about these things you would have thought about the fact that if I don’t pay the rent and I’m not here if I leave my husband he will lose this house because he cannot even afford the rent on his income muchless add electrinity Child Care food xcetera. I on the other hand would be just fine my monthly annuity would go up by $450 my medical would be reinstated at full free and I have family here now. I am heartbroken I truly have lost everything I love my family but you don’t care about that you just wanted to get laid. I want you to fully understand the situation you caused the selfishness of your actions I hope someday that you feel the anguish of having to go on while simultaneously know that the happiness the joy and the trust, everything you believed has dissolved just suddenly gone. because some girl walked into your life ripped your family like you did mine. I hope that you have to hit your knees like I do and that you pray you wont wake up the next morning because these nothing worth the pain you gonna feel. and I hope you feel the crushing despair of waking up the next morning and knowing you’re still there and the situation still exist and then the other woman still exist but she’s smiling and you’ve got no smiles only uncertainty there is no choices left really, cant leave without children lossing everything, dont want stay anymore because now there is nothing to stay for. And you cant just get over it and forgive because you nolonger have a heart to forgive with. I hope you have to come to a decision for sake of the children because without you they won’t have a home they won’t have their care because you’re the only mother they’ve ever had and see it’s a little different than other children because these kids have already gone through being abandoned these kids have already been shipped from foster home to foster home. and while your head spins and you can’t think straight and all you hear is your own silent screaming inside. you have to paste on a smile and you have to do day-to-day life and you have to see doctors and therapist and help your children and you have to pretend everything’s okay even though you’re dead inside. The love you felt is fire that only burns you tourtures you. they emptiness were your faith in love and husband were is now dark cold ugly impossising and swallows all hope all of you like black whole devoring your soul .And the pain spreads he looses frieds and his family, then three verry good people who called him dad nolonger can look at him with out shame and anger. we are all stuck in a Time Loop of endless imploding doom what gives you the right to be so flippent with other people lives and well being. You devastated me in a way ( I have to give you credit because you did to me but cancer couldn’t, being raped couldn’t, losing family couldn’t) your actions brought me to my knees your actions have taken form my kids their sense of values our sense of family their belief in wedding vows loyalty and honesty. you ruined the respect for their father and you’ve left them wondering if relationships never work. If anybody is ever faithful because I mean Dad couldn’t do it, oh but I did and there witnessed to what i got for it. All I can do is think about the whole situation over and over and there is no going backwards no matter what I do there’s no fixing it it’s just too smashed up. One of the things I thought of since my husband wasn’t exactly faithful honest or trustworthy wasn’t exactly respectful of our marriage. Maybe he wasn’t completely honest with you either about me. So I introduce myself I am the woman the wife the mother you so casually took all hope from. the ones whose foundest memories are now only painful I am his wife we have been for 8 years you probably don’t know. But when I met him he had nowhere to live is children were in foster care and about to be adopted out his oldest son had already been adopted . He was struggling to get sober, he had court issues and fines and a record. but I fell in love so I gave him a place to live with me and my children in my home and I filed all the paperwork with the courts to get his kids back I took him to all of his DUI classes & parenting classes, anger management things that he had to do for the courts. I took him for his drug testing I got him his Sr 29 I paid for his alcohol classes and I made sure that he was able to go through with every hoop CPS through at him. and then together we went back to court with CPS and we got custody now something you should know is his little daughter Mia and Andrew had been in the foster care system being bounced around for almost 1&½ yrs at that point they were only 33mo and six when I brought them home. It was hard those first 6 years I was the sole provider. So he could do all the things that the courts and CPS wanted him to do. Then there was his criminal history he was unable to get a job so I got all the paperwork and I wrote his dissertation for his judge and I got a lawyer to stand in court with him so he had an opportunity actually talk to the judge and I expunged his record. now he has been working for just over a year. And this last month March was the first month in 8 years that my husband’s pay any rent we split it. he has contributed to electric bill twice in 8 years. so you see I keep the roof over our heads and his children I keep the power on I get them to school I take them to doctors to therapy I do the all the homework I clean the whole house, he doesn’t do housework at least never has I do the laundry I watch the children this is my day. I get up at 5:30 I have half hour to make coffee take a shower and come to life before I wake up the kids they get on a school bus at 6:30 then I clean the house I start whatever laundry check to see what bills need to be paid or what appointments need to be kept and then my husband rolls out of bed at 10 I drop him off at work we leave here at 11:30 I get back home at 12:30 I now have two hours to clean other people’s toilets to subsidize our income so I can put food on the table because at 2:30 somebody has to be here to get Andrew off the bus because if you don’t know Andrew is physically and mentally disabled and he requires 24/7 care it does not go to regular school he’s in a day program Mia gets home at 4:30 usually I’ve gotten Andrews homework done by then I know it’s time to Mia. Next I have to make dinner so it can be served at 6:30 cuz one of the things with Andrew is autism and he has to have a schedule thats consistent or it throws him into episode he also has ADHD and oppositional Defiance disorder which means that any day the school can call me to come pick him up because he’s not getting along. if im not here what happens to them. I can make it with out him I do have my annuity from the cancer. A long fought lawsuit after years ago the government put a magnesium plant at the bottom of the hill we lived on. my mother, father, three Sisters two brothers and my grandmother have all died from cancer I am sole Survivor after 12 surgerys so I get paid every month a breakup of award from the lawsuit that’s what Shawn lives off my misfortunes. I have to stay up and get him after work, and am expected to have time together while he unwinds after work im lucky if i get more than 4 hrs a sleep a day. I havent had a day with out his kids in yrs. I was home with his kids, paying his way, loosing my medical care while him and his kid get free medical through state, because the kids are not my bio. so i nolonger have depents and his income is held against me but i get no bennifits or bills paid from him no it gose to his games and nights out with friends, and fucking around with you. You two get drunk and go dancing at the bar, and full around in front of all my nieghbors. He gets pulled over and gose to jail for dui and i get all your fucked off inappropriate sex text to him. So for all my doing “the right thing” for being his rock and wife in every sense possible. Along comes you and 1000’s of dollars in fines and court fees and impound fees. As it is he only sees his kids while they are awke for 8 hrs wk after school on Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time hes asleep when there leaving for school and they’re already asleep when he gets home. But you two can go out on the town? I have only been out with my husband with out his kids 3 x in 6 yrs. How dare you how dare both of you. That is some shady shit, you two did to this family so dirty AND YOU HAD NO RIGHT OR REASON TOO. If there is any justice in this world i hope it finds you. I hope you get a taste of my life. I hope you get cancer, i hope you get so sick and your teath fall out from it the chemo and the puking. I home the treatment robes your bones of strenght and you get degenerate disc disease and loose use of different extremities all the time with no warning,. and you get to feel the pain of neuropathy from having a stroke. Be cause your so physically over extended and exhausted from doing it all for your family. And I hope you fall madley deeply in love with some that you would do everything for them and you get to be a mom but to kid that are his not yours and then i hope someone like you comes along and and suduces your husband and it ruins everything and you have to hold those kids why they cry and beg you make it work cause there scared to death of the life had before you, and everyone including that other woman knows, if you go thats exactly were they will be. So you really cant do any thing but struggle to breath and cry and hurt in ways no one ever should. And i want you know i mean really understand what a selfish awful person you are. i want you to beg for death like i do because of you. The only difference between us then will be you will have deserved it.

Amy cannday and your little check out friend now the world knows what you are

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

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Exploring the U.S. by RV: The price of adventure

Shares 348 Two years ago today, Kim and I returned to Portland after fifteen months traveling the United States in an RV. Believe it or not, Ive never published an article about the trip and how much it cost. Although we kept a travel blog for most of the adventure (including a page that documented our expenses), Ive never gathered everything into one place. Until now. Today, I want to share just how much we spent on the journey and some of our favorite stops along the way. It seems like the perfect post to celebrate the start of summer, dont you think?

The Lure of Adventure All my life, Ive wanted to take a roadtrip across the United States. When I was young, I was lured by the adventure. I wanted to climb mountains, swim rivers, and explore canyons. The older I got, the more fascinated I became by the countrys regional differences. The U.S. is huge, a fact that most foreign visitors forget. Most American citizens dont even realize how big the country is. I wanted to see and experience it all. Although Ive dreamed of a cross-country roadtrip, its never been practical. As a boy, my family was poor. My parents didnt have money for something like this. As a young adult, I couldnt afford it either. For a long time, I was deep in debt. Besides, where would I find the time? I had to work! To top things off, my wife had zero interest in driving cross country. But in my forties, a curious set of circumstances came together to move my epic roadtrip from dream to reality. One day in early 2014, my girlfriend Kim asked me out of the blue, What do you think about taking a cross-country roadtrip? What did I think? Hell yeah! is what I thought Making a Plan As Kim and I began to discuss this adventure, our biggest concern was money. As a financial writer, Im acutely aware that every dollar I spend today is roughly equivalent to seven dollars I could have in retirement. Every day, I preach the power of saving. I wanted to keep our trip as cost-effective as possible. (Besides, Kim would have to quit her job as a dental hygienist in order to travel a huge financial sacrifice.) My goal was to keep our costs under $50 per person per day. In fact, I had high hopes we could do the trip for $33 per person per day (for a total of $24,000). But the U.S. is expensive. How could Kim and I make this happen? From the start, we knew hotels were out. Even cheap lodging would be far too expensive for us to stay within budget. Personally, I liked the idea of bicycling across the country like my friends Dakota and Chelsea have done. Kim wasnt keen on the idea. (Nor was she willing to make the trip by motorcycle despite being a die-hard Harley girl.) After a lot of research, and after talking with Chris and Cherie from Technomadia, I came to a conclusion: The best balance of cost and comfort would come from crossing the country in an RV. With this bare outline of a plan, the true trip prep began. Searching for Bigfoot After deciding to travel by RV, there were more questions to answer. Neither of us had experience with recreational vehicles. Among other things, we needed to figure out: Should we buy a truck and a trailer?Would it be better to buy a motorhome and tow my 2004 Mini Cooper?What about new or used? With used, you never know what youre getting. But a new RV costs $80,000 or more and loses value quickly.How much space did we need? What kinds of amenities? After crunching the numbers, there was an obvious best choice for us. If we bought a used motorhome, we could tow a car we already owned while (we hoped) avoiding a big hit from depreciation. In fact, if we were diligent every step of the way, it might even be possible to resell our RV after the trip and recoup most of what wed paid for it! We spent the autumn of 2014 patiently sifting through Craigslist ads for used motorhomes. We visited dealerships. We attended the local RV Expo. We walked through dozens of models searching for the right fit. Some were too long. Some were too short. Some were too fancy. Many were run-down and in a state of disrepair. Finally, in early January 2015, we found the perfect rig: a 2005 Bigfoot 30MH29RQ. (Translation: A 29-foot motorhome with a queen bed in the rear.) The owner wanted $38,000 for it a fair price. He wouldnt budge when I tried to negotiate, but I was okay with that. My research revealed he was actually selling a slightly better model, one worth a few thousand dollars more than he was asking. We bought it. [embedded content] Over the next two months, Kim and I prepped Bigfoot for departure. We spent $2000 making minor repairs and installing a towbar on the Mini Cooper. We cleaned the motorhome from top to bottom. We took weekend test trips to RV parks around Oregon and Washington. When all was said and done, wed invested $40,000 to get our caravan ready for the road. Into the West Kim and I left Portland on the morning of 25 March 2015, my forty-sixth birthday. We sped through Oregon we love the state, but were both familiar with it and entered northern California. We spent our first week on the road exploring the Redwoods and weaving through wine country.

Along the way, we got a crash course in driving a motorhome. Near Cloverdale, California we took a wrong turn onto a cliff-side gravel road. We stopped immediately. Good thing, too. Turns out a week earlier some other poor soul had driven his RV over the side of the cliff. East of Sacramento, we took another wrong turn and found ourselves driving down a narrow dike road during rush hour while high winds buffeted the RV. Very scary. At times we felt like Lucy and Desi in The Long, Long Trailer, but after a couple of weeks Kim and I had learned how to handle our motorhome, both on the road and off. [embedded content] Early in the trip, our expenses were out of sight. We ate out too often. We bought too much wine. We did too many touristy things without searching for discounts. We rationalized that since we were visiting all of these new places (and might never return), we might as well pay to experience them to the fullest. This was a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, after all. The problem, of course, was that lots of fun costs lots of money. Ten days into the trip, our average spending was over $120 per day (or over $60 per person per day) almost twice what wed hoped to spend. Yikes! We tightened the purse strings. We stopped eating out so much and cooked in the motorhome. (We cook a lot at home normally, so this wasnt a tough transition.) We bought a National Parks pass, perhaps the best purchase of our entire trip. (For an $80 one-time fee, you get one year of unlimited access to all sorts of government-owned sites.) We learned to entertain ourselves at night with books and boardgames and a hard drive filled with old movies and an iPad filled with comic books.

During our 33 days in California, we marveled at the states vast variety of terrain. We drove through forests and deserts, skirted ocean cliffsides and walked across mountain streams. We hated L.A. traffic not recommended when youre in a motorhome towing a car but enjoyed almost everything else.

We loved Arizona even more. Maybe we had low expectations, but we were blown away by the magnificent scenery of the Grand Canyon state. For nineteen days, we basked in the warm spring sun and admired the colorful rock formations.

It was in Arizona that we discovered the joys of drycamping (or boondocking). For the first seven weeks of our trip, we mostly stayed in RV parks and campgrounds. At $20 to $50 per night (with the average park costs around $35), lodging was our biggest expense by far. Drycamping costs nothing. All you do is find a spot where you can legally park for the night National Forest land, a friends driveway, certain businesses and casinos and set up camp. You dont have access to electricity or fresh water, but thats okay. The beauty of an RV is that its self-contained. (Our Bigfoot had a generator for electricity and a 63-gallon freshwater tank.)

After boondocking only once during our first 50 days on the road, we managed to live off the grid for 33 of the next 80 nights. Once we began pinching pennies, our travel costs plummeted. We werent spending $120 per day anymore. Our average daily spending fell to $50, which lowered the trip average to about $80 per day. A Costly Repair With all this frugality, did we feel like we were depriving ourselves? Not at all! As we made our way from Arizona to Utah to Colorado, we found we could still afford wine and an occasional restaurant meal. Plus, we were paying to do a lot of touristy things, such as soak in the hot springs in Ouray and ride the narrow-gauge train from Durango to Silverton. At the end of May, we stopped for a week to visit family and friends near Denver. During this break, our RV costs dropped to zero no fuel or lodging expenses while we stayed with Kims mother and hung out with Mr. Money Mustache which allowed us to spend a little more on fun. Good thing too because Fort Collins has a great beer scene.

We hit the road again in early June, making our way into Wyoming to visit Yellowstone and the Tetons. We zipped over to Idaho to spend time with Kims father in Sun Valley. From there, we drove north into Montana to lounge around Flathead Lake and explore Glacier National Park. Costs stayed low as we crossed Montana to enter the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota.

After celebrating Independence Day in Deadwood, our average daily spending for the trip was about $84. We felt good about that number. Itd be nice if it were lower, but $42 per day per person seemed reasonable. At that rate, the trip would cost us $30,000 for the entire year. On July 8th, the tenor of our trip changed. So did our costs. We were cruising across the vast emptiness of central South Dakota when the motorhomes engine overheated. We pulled off to give it a rest. The oil level looked fine, but I added more just in case. It didnt help. An hour down the highway, the engine seized up completely. Turns out Bigfoot had spun a bearing and the engine was toast. (Also turns out that spun bearings are not uncommon with this particular engine.)

Unfortunately, we were in the middle of nowhere. The nearest town was Plankinton, South Dakota (population 707). Fortunately, the folks in Plankinton were friendly. The owners of the local garage diagnosed the problem and ordered parts. Meanwhile, we got to know the owners of the only RV park in town. We spent ten days drinking beer with Plankintonians while exploring nearby attractions such as the Corn Palace and the real-life homestead of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

In the end, the engine repair cost $7751.39. Ouch! We did not count this against our daily trip budget but instead factored it into our overhead, much like we had with the purchase price of the RV. (You might choose to account for it differently.) The Expensive East When the new engine was ready, we waved good-bye to our new friends in Plankinton. We drove through Minnesota to Wisconsin, where we spent a week in the Great North Woods. (At the recommendation of world traveler Gary Arndt, whom we had lunch with near Milwaukee, we took a boat ride out to view the amazing Apostle Islands.)

After eating our fill of Wisconsin cheese, we crossed into Michigans upper peninsula and then drove south to Indianas Amish country, where we rested for a week. (We also took the time to dart into Chicago for an overnight trip.) From there, we moved to Indianapolis and Cincinnati. As we made our way east, we noticed some interesting changes. First, there were fewer opportunities for boondocking. Theres less government-owned land in the East than there is in the West. (The western U.S. is largely government land, which means lots of places to camp for free.)Second, while gasoline prices were lower in the east, everything else was more expensive. RV parks were more expensive. Groceries were more expensive. Beer and wine were more expensive. Restaurants, especially, were more expensive. Our average daily spending started to creep upward. By the time we reached Ohio in mid-August, we were shelling out $120 per day again. After 150 days on the road, the average for the entire trip was $93.48 per day (or $46.74 per person). By this point it was clear that we couldnt spend a year on the road for our initial $24,000 budget. (You might, but we couldnt. Not while enjoying the lifestyle we wanted.) Even $30,000 for the year seemed unlikely. We revised our budget upward to $36,000 (or about $50 per person per day) not counting the expensive engine repair. We had plenty in savings, so we could afford to stretch some, but we still wanted to spend as little as possible. From Cincinnati, we traveled to beautiful West Virginia, then north to Cleveland. After that, we hopped over to Niagara Falls, where we camped for a few days at a winery. (We helped bottle brandy and bought a few bottles of wine in exchange for firewood and a place to park.)

Stopping in Savannah During September, we sort of lost our steam. The enthusiasm wed had at the start of the trip petered out. Instead of exploring Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and North Carolina, we holed up in the RV and worked. It might sound crazy, but we missed being productive and making money! Being hermits saved us money, of course, but we felt like we were wasting an opportunity. After much discussion, we decided to take a break. We spent a week driving around the eastern seaboard, looking for a place to park for the winter. We fell in love with Savannah, Georgia, so we rented a condo and put the RV in storage. For six months, we lived a relatively normal life. Kim found full-time work as a dental hygienist, and I launched Money Boss (which Ive been folding into Get Rich Slowly since re-purchasing this site).

Our six months in Savannah were interesting. I had never lived outside of Oregon, so I suffered some culture shock. I always say that Im relatively conservative for the Portland area but that still makes me pretty liberal for anywhere in the southeastern U.S.! While in Savannah, we didnt just work. We made sure to have some fun too. Over Christmas, we flew to New York City for a long weekend, where we got to hang out with some of our favorite money bloggers. In February, we took a couple of weeks to tour the state of Florida, from Jacksonville to Tampa to Miami to Key West to the Kennedy Space Center.

Important note: By this time nearly one year into our trip Kim and I had both started packing on the pounds. Sad but true. We were eating great food and drinking great beer everywhere we went, and we were out of our exercise routine. Not good. After returning from Florida, we began planning for our return trip to Potland. It had taken us six months to make it from the Pacific to Atlanta. It seamed reasonable to budget the same amount of time for heading home. Old Pros If this were a travel blog, Id cover the return trip in depth. A lot of fun stuff happened during our final three months on the road. But this is a money blog, and Im trying to focus this article on the financial side of our journey. As a result, Im going to gloss over a lot. Financially, not much exciting happened. From the start, the return leg felt different. For one thing, we were old pros at the whole RVing thing by this point. At the start of the trip, everything had been new and exciting and even a little scary. A year later, however, Kim and I had things down to a science. We were no longer freaked out by little problems. On our first day back on the road, one of our headlights went out. No problem! Kim promptly repaired it.

The return trip felt different too because we spent less time with friends and family. While we did stop to see people along the way, we didnt have nearly as many contacts in southern states as we had in the north. Also, we spent much more time in state parks during the drive home. Traveling east, our camping spots had been varied. Sometimes, we parked in driveways of friends or family. Other times, we did drycamping on Forest Service land. Many of our campsites were located in Thousand Trails parks, which means they were essentially free. (Kim had access to an annual pass through her father.) But these options were few and far between in the Southeast, so we learned to love state parks, which are cheap and plentiful all over the United States. (State parks can get busy on holiday weekends, but otherwise are nearly empty especially midweek.) Finally, we changed the pace of our travel. On the outbound leg, we moved camp every two or three days. (We moved every 2.84 days, to be precise.) But going home, we intentionally slowed down. We tried to say four or five days in each location. (Until we picked up our puppy in Oklahoma about which, more in a moment we moved every 4.25 days.) In short, we stayed in each location nearly twice as long on our way west as we had on our way east. The Journey Home We had intended to spend six months driving home, just as wed spent six months getting to Savannah. That was the plan. We knew that our first two months would be spent carving an S through the southeastern United States. And, surprisingly enough, those two months went as we thought they would. We left Savannah at the end of March and drove to Asheville, North Carolina. (This town is like a training ground for hipster who arent ready for the West Coast, I observed.) We visited Dollywood and Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Eastern Tennessee. We dallied a few days in Nashville home to the worst drivers we encountered on the entire trip (no joke!) where we had a lot of fun immersing ourselves in country music culture. I was pleased to see the Taylor Swift exhibit at the Country Music Hall of Fame!

One of our favorite stops on the entire trip came in Lexington, Kentucky. For one, we got to hang out with friends for the first time in months. More than that, northern Kentucky is beautiful, filled with rolling green hills and horse pastures. Kim and I spent our fourth anniversary as a couple watching the races at Keeneland. And, of course, we sampled the Bourbon trail. [embedded content] From Kentucky, we drove west to St. Louis, then to central Missouri. My grandmother was born near Lake of the Ozarks, so I spent my time there trying to imagine what it must have been like for her as a girl 100 years ago. (By the way, did you know that the Ozark Mountains are the opposite of most mountains? Most mountains are formed when land thrusts up from the Earths crust. The Ozarks were formed by erosion when the vast inland sea that once occupied the space between the Rockies and the Appalachians drained away.) Our next stop was special. In late April 2016, we drove into northeast Oklahoma to visit my cousin Gwen and her family. She and her husband Henry moved from Oregon many years ago, and they now own a 100-acre creek hollow outside Tahlequah, Oklahoma. (Tahlequah has two claims to fame. First, its the endpoint of the Trail of Tears. Second, its the setting for Where the Red Fern Grows. In fact, one scene in the book takes place on my cousins property!)

From Tahlequah, we doubled back on ourselves, turning east. This part of our trip was educational, to say the least. We got to see some of the poorer parts of the country. We spent a couple of nights in beautiful Hot Springs, Arkansas, for instance. Hot Springs was once a booming resort town, popular with tourists from the East Coast. Today, the downtown area is a hollow core of what it once was (although there are a lot of people doing their best to save it). Memphis was even worse. Kim and I spent several days in the Memphis area, driving down into Mississippi to travel the Blues Highway. This part of the U.S. is poor. Its infrastructure roads and services and so on is falling apart. It was shocking. (About a month after we drove the Blues Highway, we stayed a few days in Natchez, Mississippi, a few hundred miles south. Conditions in that region were even worse.) Our eastward extent ended in Huntsville, Alabama, where we enjoyed spending time with my college roommate and his boyfriend. From there, we headed south to the Gulf of Mexico, which we followed from Gulf Shores, Alabama to New Orleans.

Kim and I loved southern Louisiana. The culture is distinct. The people are friendly. The food is amazing. It was here that we realized our favorite parts of the United States are those that retain a distinct character. You see, much of the U.S. has become homogenized. Indianpolis could be Orlando could be Sacramento could be Cleveland. No knock on any of these cities, but theres a sameness about them despite the unique aspects of each of them. Cities like Miami and New York and New Orleans, however, feel very different. Theyre unique. They have a unique culture, and they cling to it in the face of pressure to conform. As a result, theyre the most fun places to visit. (In each case, we believe this is because the population of these places is so diverse.) Our leg across the Mississippi to Houston was interesting. And frustrating. It was the Friday of Memorial Day weekend 2016, and the heavens opened up. It rained and rained and rained. Texas isnt equipped to handle so much rain. There was flooding everywhere, and roads became impassable. What ought to have been a five-hour drive to our campground turned into eight or nine hours of struggling to get where we wanted to go. We had to change plans and camp at the first place we could find with open space.

As you know, Texas is h-u-g-e. I mentioned earlier that the United States is larger than most folks realize. Well, Texas is too. During our nearly two weeks there, we visited Houston, San Antonio, Austin, and Dallas. Even with all of that driving, we barely scratched the surface of the state. The Home Stretch At this point, we were just over two months into our planned six-month return trip. We had planned to head toward west Texas, then revisit some of our favorite western spots from the previous year. That plan changed when: The couple who had been watching our condo in Portland found a home of their own. The extended housesitting gig worked out well for them because they were between places. It gave them time to be patient and purchase the perfect house. But once they found it, they were eager to leave. (And understandably so.) As a result, we needed to return to Portland sooner than anticipated.We got a dog. When wed stopped in Tahlequah, Oklahoma in late April, Kim fell in love with a litter of puppies. Can we take one home? she asked. At the time, I argued against it. But over the next few weeks, she whittled down my defenses. By the time we reached Dallas just a few hours from Tahlequah I agreed we could get a dog. So, after our time in Dallas, we returned to the 100-acre creek hollow where my cousin lives. We picked out our puppy (which we named Tahlequah, naturally) and spent a few days getting her used to the RV. When we felt like she was ready, we hit the road making a bee-line directly for home.

But even when youre trying to make tracks in an RV, things still take time. Despite the fact that we were rushing the last part of the trip, it took us three weeks to get from northeastern Oklahoma to northwestern Oregon. We spent our first two nights with the puppy in tiny Kingman, Kansas. There, we enjoyed one of our favorite campsites: An entire country fairground where we were the only guests. We had the run of the place, which was awesome because we could get the puppy used to us and we could get used to her. Plus, the fairground was cheap cheap cheap. Note: By the way, we found this location with our copy of the book Free and Low-Cost Campgrounds, which was a godsend on the trip. Although were all accustomed to great cell service in cities, the reality is that most of the U.S. has shitty coverage. Theres just no need for it in sparsely populated areas, and most of the U.S. is sparsely populated. (This fact surprised me, by the way. For some reason, I thought the reality was population density but the opposite is true.) As a result, when youre doing an extended road trip, you need important info in print format.

From Kansas, we drove through the most barren stretch of our entire trip eastern Colorado to visit Kims mother in Fort Collins (and to see our pal Mr. Money Mustache once more). Then we burned rubber (literallytwo of the RV tires started to fall apart!) to make it to her father outside Boise. We spent the last two days of the trip visiting my brother in central Oregon, then on 29 June 2016, we pulled into Portland. At long last, we were home.

Culture Shock at Home Once Kim and I returned home, we experienced unexpected culture shock. After fifteen months of what was essentially an extended holiday (despite the fact we both worked in Savannah), normal life feltwell, normal life felt crazy. We were overwhelmed by the busy-ness of it all: the pace, the scheduling, all of the requests for time and attention. Why is this so tough for us? I asked after a couple of weeks at home. I dont know, Kim said. But it sucks. She was right. It did suck. About that time, I read Guardians of Being, a short book that mixes the philosophy of Eckhart Tolle with the animal art of Patrick McDonnell (from Mutts). Tolle, of course, is best known for his massive bestseller, The Power of Now, which encourages readers to get out of their heads and be more present in the moment. I was struck by this quote from Guardians: Most of us live in a world of mental abstraction, conceptualization, and image making a world of thought. We are immersed in a continuous stream of mental noiseWe get lost in doing, thinking, remembering, anticipating lost in a maze of complexity and a world of problems. While we were on the road, Kim and I lived in the Now. We were always present in the moment. We might have vague plans for where we wanted to be in a few days or a few weeks, but mostly we made things up as we went along. Where do you want to go next? Kim might ask, and then wed pick a spot. Where should we camp tonight? I might ask as we drove to the new town, and Kim would find a campground. What should we do for dinner? Should we visit that park? This site is awesome lets stay a few more nights. Nearly everything we did was spontaneous. We had no plans or commitments and it was wonderful. But back home, even without jobs to go to and few plans, the pace of modern life was staggering. We were always doing something with somebody. We scheduled appointments and anticipated commitments. We had to-do lists. We went to the gym three mornings a week, took the puppy to puppy classes, agreed to help colleagues, and so on. There was so much going on that there was never a chance to simply be present in the Here and Now. We had no margin in our lives. And the stuff! There was so much stuff! We had few possessions in the motorhome; we didnt miss what we did not have. At home, even though we had less than many folks, we were surrounded by tons of stuff. Tons of stuff! So many books! So many clothes! So many dishes! So much in every closet and cupboard. Kim and I were overwhelmed because we made a sudden transition from doing and having very little to doing and having a lot. All of the stuff and commitments comes with mental baggage. It takes brainwidth. Even after we had settled down, we found it tough to resume normal life. Kim went back to work four days a week as a dental hygienist. I resumed writing and giving speaking gigs. We did our best to return to our old lifebut it all felt wrong, like old clothes that no longer fit. So, we bought a place in the country. We have access to the city when we want it. Mostly, though, we stay at home and enjoy the relaxed pace with our ever-growing zoo. It feels good to not be racing around so much. It feels nice to just be, you know?

Getting Rid of Bigfoot Aside from the culture shock, Kim and I faced another problem upon our return. We no longer needed a motorhome. It was time to sell our loyal companion. For some reason, we thought selling the RV would be simple. It wasnt. From the time we started the process which was eight or nine months after returning home it took a year to actually get rid of Bigfoot. We started by listing the rig on both Craigslist and RV Trader. Plus, I created a sales page that contained more information than we could fit in a normal advertisement. We waited. And waited. And waited. Nobody seemed interested. Maybe were asking too much, Kim suggested after a few months with zero responses. We had purchased the RV for $38,000, remember, and then spent nearly $8000 to replace the engine. By our reckoning, we had a $46,000 vehicle on our hands (and wed made other upgrades too!) so we wanted $40,000 in return. Nobody wanted to pay $40,000. We lowered the price to $38,000. As a result, we received a few email inquiries, but nobody came out to see the RV in person. We lowered the price to $35,000. We got more email inquiries, but still nobody wanted to view it. When we lowered the price to $32,000, we finally got a reasonable number of responses and had a few people come out to take a look at the motorhome. We also learned that the price wasnt the only thing holding people back. To us, the fact that Bigfoot had a new engine was a selling point. Turns out, thats a red flag to a lot of people. Their reasoning is that if the engine went out once, itll go out again. This baffles me, but thats what people were telling us. Weve got to get rid of that thing, Kim said last Christmas. I know, I said. Its an albatross. Lets lower the price to $30,000. After we lowered the price to $30,000, we immediately had buyers interested. We were flooded with email. One guy drove out right away to look at the RV. I cant have money for you until Monday, he told us. Will you hold it for me? Given our inability to sell the thing, you might think wed take him up on his offer. But we didnt. The next day, a couple drove seven hours from Sandpoint, Idaho to look at the motorhome. Weve been looking all over for a Bigfoot! they told us. After several hours of inspecting the rig, they made us an offer: $28,000. We accepted. After three years of ownership, we were rid of the RV. The Great Reckoning So, this is a money blog. The most important question to answer is: How much did this trip cost us? Great question. We dont have a precise answer, but Ill share as many numbers as I can so that you can decide whether a trip like this would be worth it for your family.

Because Im a money nerd, I keep detailed stats on most of my life. The RV trip is no different. I have a spreadsheet with detailed trip info, and I published trip stats at my travel blog. Here are some highlights: During 283 days on the road, we spent 371.3 hours (15.5 days total!) driving the RV across the U.S. We put 17,250 miles on the motorhome and 17,718 miles on the Mini Cooper. Thats a total of 34,968 miles driven about 1.5 times the circumference of the Earth! Between the two vehicles, we drove an average of 120 miles per day.Everyone wonders about fuel efficiency in an RV. Well, it sucks. We had hoped to average 10 miles per gallon; we got 7.7. (No, replacing the engine didnt make things better.) The motorhome consumed 2202.6 gallons of fuel at an average price of $2.48 per gallon. It cost us 32 cents per mile to drive that beast and thats only counting gasoline.On the first leg of the trip, we spent a total of $17,137.07 for budgeted daily items. Fuel and routine maintenance for the motorhome and car ate up a third of that budget. Food (both groceries and restaurants) consumed another third. We spent $3086 on lodging, which works out to $16.24 per night. The remaining $2000 was spent on alcohol, fun, and miscellaneous expenses. (Our stats for the return leg werent as detailed.)About two-thirds of our nights were spent in campgrounds or RV parks. We drycamped 19% of the time on the way east (but not once on the way home). We spent 18% of our nights in somebodys home or driveway. We visited 38 states. We spent the most time in California (33 nights) and Colorado (25 nights). We loved them all.Arizona and West Virginia were the two most beautiful states we saw on our trip, although the area around Jackson, Wyoming was probably the single prettiest place. Charleston, South Carolina and Lafayette, Louisiana had the best food (the Midwest had the worst) and Ommegang Brewery in Cooperstown, New York had the best beer. The worst drivers? Orlando, Savannah, and especially Nashville. To me, the most important numbers is what Id call our base costs. These are the combination of gas and lodging, the costs for keeping the RV in action. During the first leg of our trip, our base costs were $35.09 per day (with an overall cost of $90.20 per day). During the second leg, our base costs were $41.25 per day (and I didnt keep track of total costs). How much you would spend beyond these base costs is, well, up to you. Obviously, we were spending an extra $50 to $60 per day, or about $25 to $30 per person. This includes food and fun but it does not include the cost of the RV and/or maintenance. (Our net cost for the RV was $10,000 $38,000 purchase price, $28,000 sale price plus the $7751.39 for engine replacement.) And dont forget that we spent about $2000 to furnish the RV before setting out, plus had to make miscellaneous repairs. My guess (and this is only a guess) is that our total cost for for the RV trip outside daily expenses was $23,500. This equates to about $80 per day. If you add this to our ongoing daily expenses, you get a total of $170 per day. Lets round that to $175 per day. [Note that these are corrected numbers. My original calculation of daily cost forgot the engine repair. Oops.] All told, to live like we did on the road which was living well it cost about $180 per day (or about $5400 per month) for two people. Im sure it can be done for less. And we met tons of people who spend much more. I realize that not everyone can afford this sort of adventure. Nor do many people have the ability to pick up and leave their lives for six or twelve or eighteen months. In other words, this isnt the sort of trip that everyone has the time and money to make happen. But for those who do have the resources, exploring the United States by motorhome can be relatively affordable especially if your engine doesnt need to be replaced!

On the Road Again? Heres the thing: Our story is not unique. Theres this idea that RVing is only for old people with more time and money than sense. Sure, there are plenty of retired couples out there in brand-new $200,000 luxury motorhomes, but there are also a surprising number of younger couples on the road full time including couples with kids! Everyone we talked to reported the same thing: If youre careful, its perfectly possible to live large in a motorhome on a modest budget. There are plenty of awesome side-effects too. The trip strengthened my relationship with Kim. (If you can make things work in 245 square feet, you can certainly do it in a larger space!) It taught us that we need far less Stuff to live than we thought. The best side effect of all? Realizing just how awesome everybody is. Im not joking. The media has whipped us into a state of hysteria in this country. The Left hates the Right. The Right hates the Left. Nobody talks or takes time to understand the other side. Thats bullshit, to be honest. During our fifteen months away from Portland, we had two bad experiences and they werent even that bad. (Maybe the people were just having off days?) Universally, everybody was friendly and polite and fun. This morning, as I was finishing this article, Kim and I got to talking. Wouldnt it be fun to do a trip like that again? she asked. Maybe we should buy another RV. Haha. Maybe. I told her we should put it off until next year. Our adventure across the U.S. truly was the trip of a lifetime. What are you waiting for? If you too have always dreamed of an epic cross-country roadtrip, get cracking. Draw up a plan. Save your money. Make it happen.

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