#That's not unconditional love. That's not whole-hearted forgiveness. That's essentially blackmail.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

(religion discussion tw, probably inferrable as negative to xtianity but mostly just me being BAFFLED.)

tl;dr I am SO glad the gods I follow don't blackmail me for their forgiveness. And so very grateful my goddess doesn't demand repayment for making mistakes.

I didn't realize it until recent years, but one of the things about xtianity that bothers me at this age is the whole thing that's like... "sin must be paid for in blood to be forgiven."

That doesn't feel like forgiveness.

That feels like PAYBACK.

"Eye for an eye, blood for blood."

Is that really what you want to base your morality on? You know that phrase that goes, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"?

"You made this deity mad, so now you have to sacrifice something (or have something sacrificed for you / indulgences / etc.) to be able to have the eternal life this deity promised you."

Like?

???????

I don't have good words for this and I'm not writing a collegiate essay here, I'm just kind of venting New Thoughts. Reblogs are off because I don't want bad-faith engagement with this.

I don't even want an eternal afterlife (I believe deeply in reincarnation), but if I *did*, when I did, why would I want an afterlife based on vengeance and repayment?

I had the revelation not too long ago (a year, two years ago?), while reading... something from a recommended reading list for believing in yourself, something that was written from an xtian perspective (The Dream Giver maybe?), and I realized...

My religion has NEVER used fear to control people.

My priestess doesn't make threats to coerce her people into decisions.

There's more freedom of will than xtianity has ever given me, because I am not making my decisions for fear of the consequences.

I am making my decision with true FREEDOM. With truly my OWN judgement. Truly, deeply, absolutely 100% free to make whatever decisions I want.

And she won't try to stop me!

Yes, there will be consequences, whatever I do. But I'm not staking my entire soul on them.

I can make a mistake, and I don't have to prostrate myself and beg forgiveness for it to pass by and allow me to grow.

I can make a bad decision, even one that flies directly against my creed, and I don't have to lean on blood sacrifice to promise me I'll be okay.

I am my own redemption.

It just bemuses me very deeply, the more distance I put between myself and the xtian faith, that this religion that claims to be of compassion and forgiveness is truly about blood sacrifice.

Like, that's the whole Thing with the Christ in Christian, Jesus's Blood Sacrifice.

Because your God wouldn't have forgiven us if something didn't shed blood over it. Whether animal or man or demigod.

He had to sacrifice his "only begotten son" to forgive the world for its sins.

Of being human.

Of making mistakes.

Of being a species that is forever learning and striving and toiling, and which has emotions and limited perspectives and shortsightedness built into our amygdalas, whose powers of reason and kindness can be overcome by the most basic functions of our sympathetic nervous system.

Supposedly he made us that way, and then got mad at us for it?

I could never follow a god that does that.

Granted, my "goddess" at this phase of my life has a bit of a.... hands-off approach. And I think I function best like that. Give me guidance when I seek it, but don't meddle in my affairs. I'm certain there's Something she's working in my life. I'm not entirely sure what she's trying to do, but I'm determined to figure it out! She gives me pretty free rein with the whole Life Mission thing.

I know that she's working through me, and I know that in recent years I've strayed a bit. There's been a lot to process...

But she doesn't make me "make up for it". She doesn't scold me, or smite me, or demand groveling.

Granted, I actively sought her out. (There's some Weirdness with my spirit guide kind of being the whole reason, but like. There was fondness there through her long before I was actually TAKEN there...)

Anyways, my point is, even choosing to follow her lead has been My Decision, made entirely of My Own Free Will. There was no threat upon inaction, no carrot and no stick, no call for blood to be spilled (quite the opposite, actually-- a call to AVOID it!).

And now that I have escaped the internalized Looming Threat of Disapproval From On High, I can look at it and wonder where love fits into that picture.

I never respected my parents for punishing me for making an honest mistake.

Why should I be asked to respect that from a god?