#That was hot

[leopardom]

[starsinthesky5]

this specific moment is giving older brother trying to prevent younger brother from picking a fight he doesn’t really want to pick 😭

[jetblkhotelmirror]

porter calling jace by his last name and telling him he would kill him again did something to me

[multifandominfj]

Miranda can’t come to the phone right now.

Why?

Vintage Lesbians caused her to have a heart arrhythmia and she needs 7-14 days to recover.

[ofthedirewolves]

“Orym just blue screens”

Honestly same

[catsaurofmagiccomedy]

HOW HE DEALT W THE SIRENS THOOOOO

[5mary5]

🫠🫠🫠

[autumn-opossum]

I really didn’t think I’d ever be shipping Crosshair and Ventress but here we are

[taylormarieee]

WIFE, YOU WANTED MORE IDEAS AND A GOT A NICE RAW ONE FOR YOU:

dbsf!rick has to stay at your alexandrian house for a while... as you sneak back in from a night out, you hear muffled moans coming from his room... catching him with his cock in hand, crying your name😉💗

YEAAAAHGSHJHDDJSH It's a need...not a want but a desire... I would have him **** me into oblivion. He can **** me anyday... Eat me out like steak... Stuff me like a Thanksgiving Turkey...

You were never one for sneaking out but there was a really cool secret party that your friends were planning and they invited you and who were you to say no to a good time?

You quietly sneak back into your room, undetected. 'Yes, my pillow diversion always works', you thought to yourself.

You take off your jacket, getting ready to go to bed when you hear something muffled in the next room over.

You assumed it was your Dad talking to his friends or something but then you heard your name.

You freeze. It was faint but it was still heard by you. You quietly tiptoe to the door and put your ear against it to listen further.

"Oh fuck, Yea, Just like t-that baby." The mysterious voice whispers out.

You freeze. Ugh were your mom and dad having sex?? Not something you wanna hear.

But as your about to walk away, you remember your Parents Car ot being in the drive way.

Instead it was a beat-up pick-up truck. That could only mean one thing.

Rick was here. But why? He never comes over unless my dad tells him to.

You turn back around and quickly open the door. You quietly make your way down the hallway to the room where the noises are coming from.

You see a little bit of light, so the door is cracked open. You push the door open a tad bit and to your surprise you see a needy little Rick thrusting up into his hand moaning your name.

God damn, did he look hot jerking off.

Sweat on his forehead. Wrinkles from him furrowing his eyebrows. Mouth wide open letting out sinful groans and moans.

Tears on his face as he edges himself. "Oh yes! Fuck babygirl, just like that."

"I'm gonna cum down that pretty little throat of yours." He moans out.

You bite your lip and squeeze your thighs together. How badly you wanted to catch him in the act but you were afraid you'd get caught.

This was something to be continued another time. You quickly go back to your room, change into a t-shirt and underwear and quietly touch yourself to the image of Rick.

Silently praying he walked in on you. Silently wishing that his was his fingers pounding into your soaking cunt.

One can only hope, right?

Taglist: @murdadixon @sinsandsweetness @versatilehater @carlsdarling @grixonsdoll @catt-leya @dixongrimesgirl

[trapanrotr]

mikio fumbled so hard it's actually tragic

[8rtisoc]

MACKINNON DROPPING THE GLOVES

[slothxio]

watched deadpool & wolverine yesterday, rated it a 2/10 cause they didn’t fckn nasty on screen

[periodcostumefantasylover]

The Darkling literally growling

[joeyisourranger]

WHERE MOM KEEPS THE VELVEETA

[justporo]

A Night of Song and Laughter (Part 11)

In this Astarion gets scolded by a dwarf (naturally he hates it) and Tav and Astarion have to run from the police, because ACAB, amirite? (All Cityguards Are Beautiful) Also they really can't seem to catch a break...

There can only be one song for this: Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

(Gif from here!)

“Are we being kicked out?”, you asked the dwarf flabbergasted. “How rude and after we played circus monkeys for you”, Astarion immediately added and clicked his tongue.

“Nay, lass, it is nah that”, the dwarf answered and doubling over again trying to get some air in his lungs. Astarion looked quizzically at him and raised a pale eyebrow. “It’s the cityguard, they’ve been asking ‘bout ye. They’re already swarming in downstairs. Don sent me to find ye, he’s tryna hold their captain off by the entrance.” You turned to Astarion with shock in your eyes – would this night never end with all its damn surprises? The vampire looked just as shocked as you.

“Now, stop starin’ at each other, get outta here, come on”, the dwarf hurried you and waved for you to follow. “Maybe we can sneak ye out while Don is talking to ‘em. Gods, I always knew it’d be a bad idea to have no back entrance.” You swallowed but quickly went to follow him. So did Astarion.

You let the dwarf go a few steps ahead so you could lean back to the vampire while walking along the corridor. “Do you think this is about you showing Miyena and Eodin… you know?”, you whispered to him. “I don’t know but I don’t intend to find out”, he answered dryly.

“Did they say why exactly they were looking for us?”, you raised your voice to ask Kirin while rushing behind him. The dwarf threw you a look over his shoulder that asked if you were an imbecile and he actually even stopped walking. “Yeah, lass, of course. I brewed ‘em a nice cuppa and then we braided each other’s beards while talking ‘bout it. NAY! Of course, they did not!” Kirin was outraged and helplessly threw his hands in the air: “I don’t know and I don’t know what ye might’ve done to deserve it and I don’t want to know. All I do know, is, that there’s gonna be trouble. If they find ye, there’s gonna be trouble and if they don’t find ye there will probably be even more. We aren’t exactly popular with the city officials so they gonna take up any excuse they can get to annoy us.” Your brows furrowed at that and Astarion asked: “Thankful as I am for it, but why exactly are you trying to sneak us out then if you could just hand us over?”

The dwarf had already reached for the handle of the door that would lead back to the gallery. He sighed defeatedly and turned around once more, putting his hands on his hips: “Come here, elf, if ye please.” Astarion surely didn’t look inclined to do anything of the sort. “I said come ‘ere, boy!”, Kirin said through gritted teeth and curled a finger at Astarion. That made the vampire cautiously step closer, on his face a mix of distrust and disgust. Kirin angrily waved him to bow down to which Astarion reacted only begrudgingly. When they were almost nose to nose, the dwarf spoke, spittle flying from his mouth and hitting Astarion who’s eye twitched murderously: “Let’s get one thing very clear, little elven lordling, or whatever ye might be. I am nah doing this for ye!“ He stuck one stubby finger towards Astarion’s face. “I’m only doing this for ye lassie here. Because. I. Don’t. Like. Ye. Pretty Boy!” H  He  

Astarion’s whole being screamed murder. You remembered a certain threat he had offered regarding the dwarf’s nicknames for him and quickly dragged him back towards you by a handful of his shirt. “Let’s just go, please”, you begged the both of them. The men stared at each other a moment longer then Kirin broke it off and waved you to go. The elf wiped his face off by rubbing his upper arm against his face, still wearing a disgusted facial expression. Then he looked at you as if asking for pity. “Knock it off, Astarion”, you simply told him and went after Kirin.

There still were plenty of people on the gallery and in the tavern as a whole. But you could quickly make out several men and women in silver armour prancing about the place. Most prominently at the entrance was the supposed captain of the group of guards in argument with Don. It wasn’t hard to make out that they were arguing quite intensely – you could hear their voices but not what they said. As the three of you were walking downstairs while trying to look inconspicuous you saw the captain wave an order to two of his men who immediately propped up their halberds towards Don’s face. The bouncer lifted his arms in defence.

You had arrived at the bottom of the stairs and Kirin motioned you to follow him, walking mostly along the walls of the big room. You tried to bypass the guests and tables and especially the guards that had spread out downstairs. While slowly but steadily passing through the crowd you noticed how Astarion swiftly picked up a cloak from behind someone’s seat and in one smooth movement threw it around his shoulders. He lifted the hood over his telltale white curls and then softly nudged you to walk between him and the wall so he could try and also hide you with the cloak.

As you came closer to the entrance you could finally make out the discussion going on between Don and the captain of the city guard. “Drop the act! Tell me where they are or watch me and my guards tear through every crevice of this shithole”, the captain just screamed at the bouncer. You were almost at the entrance through which people walked in and out of the establishment. Trying to not raise any suspicion you lowered your gaze and moved closer to Astarion – just a pair of lovers passing by.

“What damned act, I’ve been trying to tell...”, Don was just about to say as the guard crossed his arms over his armoured chest, obviously done with his opponents excuses. His eyes wandered while zoning out from the bouncer’s words… and that’s when he spotted you when you tried to sneak a cautious look. The captain’s head perked up as he saw you and he immediately raised a hand: “Hold, you there! With the red hair! I can see you you know.” You cursed under your breath and gritted your teeth. “Shit”, you heard Astarion say beside you. He stopped and immediately also dropped the hood trying to seem as honest and innocent as possible. Kirin disappeared into the crowd once more having failed his escort quest.

You opted to act surprised, looking at the guard in confused fashion and pointing a finger at yourself in a “Who? Me?” sort of way. “Yeah yeah, you, don’t look so surprised, you little dipshit. Are you Tav?” Astarion immediately hissed at him for calling you names and taking a step in front of you. But you grabbed him by his elbow and took a step forth yourself. “I don’t know, depends on who’s asking. For example, for someone calling me ‘little dipshit’ the name’s ‘kiss my goddamn arse’”, you said and smiled sickly-sweet at him. You knew that it was a terrible idea for you to piss of the city guard but you’ve just about had it for the night.

Astarion snickered softly beside you, earning him a more than displeased and with the wave of two fingers two halberds pointing at his face. The vampire rolled his eyes and mumbled something about the state of humour in this city.

The captain sauntered closer to you, you nervously already thought about how you could possibly get out of this situation. When the guard stood directly in front of you so that the silver of his breastplate shone in your face, he spoke down to you. You could see that he was human – and quite a lot taller than you, at least one head and broad-shouldered too. You also saw that only his chest was covered by plating.

“For the formalities’ sake: I am Captain Gerrit of the Third Division of the Lower City Guard. Now you know, now tell me who you are!”, he ordered. You raised your chin at him defiantly and crossing your arms not letting yourself be impressed by his display of rank. “What’s it to you, Captain Gerrit of the so and so?”, you pressed him further. Gerrit’s eyes narrowed at you, you could see that his patience with you was fading. You heard Astarion chuckle again behind you, then wince: “Ouw, keep those away from me, as far as I know, laughing still hasn’t been outlawed, yet.” “Watch it, elf”, Gerrit spat toward him then he focused on you again, angling his head. “Oh nothing really, only that I’d be taking you into custody if you happened to be that Tav”, he answered. “Because if you were that Tav, I know you’d belong to a band of thieves I’ve been looking to capture for the better part of a year.” “And who told you that?”, Astarion chimed in and stepped closer to you despite the weapons pointed at him. He curved around them and stood directly behind you and stared up at the captain who was also at least half a head taller than the rogue. “A tiefling woman with a, dare I say, severe case of resting bitch face and a whimpering man that looked like a beaten puppy? Because may I tell you they have been pestering us the whole evening and of course they’d tell y…”, Astarion went on but was interrupted by Gerrit now being very annoyed at the both of you and lifting a hand in harsh motion that even prompted the vampire to shut up. You felt your time to act was running out…

“You are indeed correct”, the captain offered from behind gritted teeth “and I also happen to know that they were also part of your little band of thieves and they are already in custody. And so are you two go…”

Time was up. With all the force you could muster you lifted your knee to kick the bastard in the balls. Gerrit simply hmpfed and was sent to his knees.

Astarion didn’t lose a moment, whirled the stolen cloak around the two other guards who were still pointing their weapons at him but could only react with shock. He had them wrapped up as if they were wearing an oversized scarf and then tugged on the ends to make their heads in their shiny helmets clank against each other. They went down as well and you both turned to fucking run.

You stumbled through the crowd, pushing people out your way, without a word agreeing to try and make it to the balcony again. You raced directly to the stairs while Astarion had to take detour to dodge the swipe of another halberd and then was blocked by another guard. But instead of trying to fight him, Astarion leapt for the table next to the guard, placed his hands flat on it and swung his legs over it in a swift athletic motion. At the staircase to the gallery another guard was just about to block your way, screaming “Stop!” at you. But he was kicked in the knee pits and also received a mug of beer over his head once it was in reach for his assailant – Kirin. “Don’t touch the lass!“, the dwarf screamed viciously as the guard fell on his face.

“Thanks”, you shouted to him passing by and racing up the steps. Even Astarion mustered a wink for the dwarf and then ran after you. You made it to the balcony without further interruption. By the noise you had heard behind you, you had precious moments until your assailants would even reach the gallery.

“The dwarf grows on me”, Astarion said breathlessly. You simply waved in agreement, trying to catch your breath. “And also”, Astarion continued, gasping for air “Tav Hammerknee strikes again, it seems.”

You didn’t even have it in you anymore to react to his audacity, so you just went to the railing to look down. “It’s a bit of a drop, but after everything… I think we can make it. Although I almost broke my neck one time trying to get down there…” Astarion walked up next to you and looked down as well: “From this height? Darling, I guess you can be happy your career as a thief is over you must’ve been terrible at it.” And with these loving parting words he climbed over the railing and let himself hang from the bottom edge of the balcony before letting go and landing elegantly in a deep crouch before standing up again.

He dusted some invisible lint off his shirt then looked up at you: “Easy.” Asshole. “I’ll have you know that the last time I was blackout drunk”, you spat back. “So barely worse than tonight.” You snorted at that and started to climb over the railing, copying his moves.

“I’ll catch you, love, don’t worry. I won’t let this be the end after everyth…” You had already let yourself drop into his open arms. The sudden impact drew all the air from his lungs, but he did safely catch you.

“Gotcha”, he whispered and slowly put you down. Then he tried to sort out the mess your hair had become. “Well, running from the city guard certainly was a first time for me.” “Aww, I love when I can be there for your first times, Astarion“, you cooed at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. He looked positively done with you.

“Let’s just go home?”, he asked you with a smile. “Let’s!”