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elliewritesfantasy · 5 years ago

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A Distillation of Stephen King’s On Writing

(Or, as I might more accurately put it, a more selfish post of me pretending to be smart under the guise of another person’s wisdom.)

I posted a few months ago that I was reading On Writing, a book by novelist Stephen King that tells the story of how he became a writer, and his advice for other writers just starting out. Due to college being an absolute monster sucking off all my energy, I have not had time to finish it and sort through the jungle of sticky notes I posted to the inside pages. Now, I have more time than I know what to do with, as a lot of us do (thank you, coronavirus).

As an amateur, I learned a lot, and I wanted to communicate some of the things I learned. I hope this helps!

Advice for Writers from Stephen King

(with my lovely commentary and the page numbers)

1. “...you must not come lightly to the blank page.” (106)

He goes on to talk about how writing cannot be done frivolously. In the paragraph right after, King states, “But it’s writing, damn it, not washing the car or putting on eyeliner. If you can take it seriously, we can do business.” I agree. True writers take their craft seriously. We love it, we embrace it, and then we smother it to death. I think there is a balance to what we do. We need to put thought into our story, otherwise it won’t make sense. If we overthink everything, however, it won’t ever get done. You have to give serious thought to your writing unless its going to be a facade and if anyone else gives it any serious thought, it’ll go up in smoke. Just don’t take it too seriously (in other words, don’t be hard on yourself).

2. “Common tools go on top. The commonest of all, the bread of writing, is vocabulary. In this case, you can happily pack what you have without the slightest guilt and inferiority.” (114)

I really enjoy this part. He goes on to give several examples of good vocabulary. Some examples that come from old novels that use words we don’t normally find in our common conversations. Other examples from stories that use words anyone would know. And a third that uses accents to create characters. As a writer, I sometimes feel pressured to write like the greats. You know, authors like Fyodor Dostoevsky or Jane Austen, whose writing seemed at times that they plucked the biggest words from a list of synonyms to seem smart (of course they didn’t, but you get my point). The breadth of vocabulary doesn’t matter. What does matter is how you use it. The cleverness behind word placing means more than trying to find the longest word that means the same thing as simply writing “He was sad” to seem smart.

3. “...fear is at the root of most bad writing. If one is writing for one’s own pleasure, that fear may be mild - timidity is the word I’ve used here. If, however, one is working under a deadline ... that fear may be intense.” (127)

Here, he combines a lot of ideas. Most of what he says culminates in the idea that we get lazy in fear and fall back on things like adverbs, passive actions, and then on the other side of the spectrum, being too diverse in language to seem more intelligent when the first word you thought of was the smartest you could be. He talks about the importance of the word “said”, and how you should use it without fear. The phrase “said is dead” is one of the stupidest in my opinion. If you want a good example of going too far to not use said, I suggest reading the famous fanfiction My Immortal. This example is hyperbole, but it gets the point across. In simple terms, DON’T BE SO SCARED. STOP IT. My fantasy novel has sat finished for over a year simply because I am so scared to read it for a second draft. Realize you have the ability within you to write beautiful prose. You just have to relax and allow it to take over.

4. “If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” (145)

Writers need practice like anyone else. The first time in your life that you sit down and write a novel won’t end with the world’s finest masterpiece, and that is okay (or, if it does, tell me your secrets because you are a genius). I started writing when I was really young. And it was shitty. I straight up copied Percy Jackson and wrote a story about Greek gods. I copied Avatar the Last Airbender and wrote a story about people who could control the elements. I would never try and publish those stories because that is, first of all, plagiarism, and second of all, they suck. But by doing that, and also writing things like fanfiction, I learned how to write well. I learned the rules in a safe place. Eventually, I felt strong enough to break free and write original stories. I read hundreds of books when I was a kid, and I allowed myself to write shittily. And I still write badly. It’s the way you learn. Don’t get down on yourself.

5. “Story is honorable and trustworthy; plot is shifty, and best kept under house arrest.” (170).

I have heard a lot of people complain about modern literature and the fact that everything is purely staged around plot. I think this is true, to an extent. You cannot rely on your plot to simply keep plodding on despite everything else. Your characters have to make decisions, they have to have motivations, and extenuating factors need to shove things in a forward motion. A story contains good characters, a strong setting, and of course, a good plot. That plot though has to be joined by many other attributes. In the end, all of these things make a story. Sometimes it seems like I am not making up my own story. I am simply listening to my characters tell it. I just have the mere pleasure of writing it down. When your story is real to you; when you are the one digging up gems and not letting your plot do it for you, that is when good storytelling is born.

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I know this was long. I have dozens more sticky notes within the pages, so I am more than happy to make more parts to this. Of course, take my advice and Stephen King’s with a grain of salt. We are both human beings and we both have our opinions. There is no one way of doing something. Find what works for you, and go at it like there’s no tomorrow. And please, don’t stop writing.

#writing #writeblr #stephen king #writing advice #advice #on writing #books #storytelling #plot #characters #novels #writing tips #writing goals #inspiration

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ask-de-writer · 5 years ago

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DARING DO and the ADVENTURE of the X'IBIAN VASE! : MLP Fan Fiction : Part 8 of 21

Return to the Master Story Index

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DARING DO and the

ADVENTURE of the X'IBIAN VASE!

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck) @ask-de-writer

And

Carmen Pondiego @askcarmenpondiego

Cover Art by

Doctor Dimension

52630 words

Writing begun 08/26/15

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Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may reblog the story. They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions, provided that such things are done without charge. I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fictions is actively encouraged.

///////////////////////

Jeremy was fuming when he was let out of the hold. He stomped to the rail and pointed to modest sized twin turret iron clad ship, clearly made for river work. It was fairly broad and shallow of draft. It was flying the Imperial flag and had a blue pennon below it.

“Look there! The Imperial Navy is about to take down this cheap collection junks that you call the Pirate Queen!”

Soree tapped his shoulder and pointed to the blue pennon. “That is the pennon of Qushi Han Le. It is one of her River Monitors. It has been assigned to escort us to Cantrot.”

Jeremy stopped cold, like he had run headfirst into a solid brick wall. “How could that happen? That is the Imperial Naval ensign.”

Soree chuckled. “Qushi Han Le OWNS the entire Imperial Navy. How could you have missed reading about it in our expedition information on cultures, customs and lands that we will need to deal with along the route?”

“What! That is insane! How could some pirate own the navy?”

Soree gave Jeremy a deeply troubled gaze. “It is in the material that you were given for the expedition. You did not read it or you could not ask that.

“I must let Doctor Do know at once. You have nearly got us killed at least twice since we arrived. In the Empire, NEVER assume that because somepony is polite or seems harmless that you can insult them or push them around verbally. That can get you killed on the spot. They put a very high premium on courtesy.”

“What? Was she carrying a gun or something?”

“No, Jeremy. She had seven snipers with modern rifles aimed at us. She only needed to signal and we would have been shot down.”

Jeremy shook his head. “Makes no sense. We are from EQUESTRIA. They HAVE to treat us with respect. Even you, in spite of being from an inferior …”

He was talking to empty air. The sound of her hooves clattering on the companionway steps was all that was left. He realized that he was not totally alone. Daring Do was sitting on a line tub next to the Sea Sage’s main mast, watching.

Soree emerged carrying two talwars, swords ornately made and curved, though not as much as most scimitars. The tips were widened out to nearly twice the width of the rest of the blade and came to a wicked point. These weapons were, in spite of the rich ornamentation, businesslike blades made for both slashing and point work.

Soree held them out, hilts first. “Choose the weapon. I am challenging you to a duel. I have had enough of your superiority and insults.

“These swords are practice spelled. They will not cut or bruise living flesh nor break any bone. They WILL hurt severely if edge or point touches living flesh.

“Choose!”

Jeremy sneered, “I don’t have to …”

Daring Do cut across his words with, “Yes, Jeremy. You do. When you insult members of the expedition you put the whole enterprise at risk. I will not allow it. That is in the expedition profile that you were given.

“Fight Soree now or spend the rest of the time until we return waiting for us in one of Qushi Han Le’s prison cells.”

Jeremy tried to divert the demand by snorting, “I hear that bribes go a long way around here! You bribed that ignorant pirate with a cheap imitation tea set!”

Daring Do’s face froze. “Jeremy. Retract that at once.

“Qushi Han Le holds TWO advanced degrees from the Royal University of Equestria. One is in Antiquities which she studied under me. She was a better student than you!

“Her other degree is in naval architecture, weapons and strategy.

“Both were granted Summa Cum Laude. She speaks and writes six languages fluently.

“The tea set is genuine and part of the things recovered during the Darkling Expedition. It was a promised gift in return for her freely given assistance on that expedition.”

“So what? A bribe is a bribe!”

Daring Do’s backhoofed slap across his face nearly took him from his feet. “Soree is not the only one you will fight! I challenge you too! You have just called me a liar. I gave my FRIEND AND FORMER STUDENT a gift from PRINCESS LUNA and myself for ASSISTANCE ALREADY GIVEN!”

Turning to Soree, Daring Do offered, “The many insults to you and your culture have precedence. Your duel shall be first.”

Soree grimly held out the swords again, hilt first. “If you refuse to choose, I have the choice. If you refuse to fight, you go to the jail cell, as Doctor Do has ordered.”

Jeremy reached and made a fast grab and swing, striking at Soree without warning. Her block was so fast that his weapon did not even get close.

Her words cut to the bone. “I expected that sort of cowardice from one so low as yourself. I was not disappointed.”

Instead of striking back, she stepped back, weapon at guard.

Jeremy slowly realized that she was waiting for him to strike again. He paused and then made an actual pass of arms, striking high to allow the rebound from her block to add speed and power to a low line cut. It was stopped cold. She had let her weapon drive back some, taking the energy from his attack.

Her riposte slithered up along his blade toward his chest.

A blinding pain dropped him to his knees, sword falling to the deck.

He got up slowly, panting as the pain receded. Daring Do had recovered the sword. Soree hoofed over hers.

In a few moments the pain was only a memory. It was intended to teach, not disable. He faced a grim Daring Do, holding out the weapons hilt first.

He was far more cautious this time. Taking the sword, he backed off. Daring Do nodded to herself as she hefted the blade that she had. She swept it through several practice cuts and made a trial lunge.

Jeremy made a sweeping cut attack while Daring Do was extended from her lunge. Her block deflected his sword, letting it swing on past her. Her own stroke paralleled his now out of control cut. The blinding pain in his shoulder forced him to drop his sword again!

Daring Do picked it up and suggested, “Go below and READ. Read the expedition materials that you were given. Read the the Daring Do and the Adventure of the Darkling’s Tomb.

“It is a popularization, true. It is also totally accurate. Everything in it happened just as told. Much of the customs that we will be running into, and the consequences of breaking them are explained in it.”

He stared at her incredulously. “Those things really did happen like that?”

“Yes, Jeremy, they did.”

It was a chastened Jeremy who went below. As he was descending the companionway, he heard, “These are lovely weapons, Soree! I never used a talwar before! Can we work out together?”

That was followed almost immediately by the swift clashing of steel on steel!

It was completely dark outside of his stateroom when he heard Soree and Daring Do saunter past. “That was a wonderful workout, Doctor Do! I have not had a real challenge in simply ages! You scored on me three times already! That is amazing for learning the Talwar!”

“It was great, Soree! I love that safety spell on the blades! It is far superior to the one I use at the Adventurer’s Guild! It really pushes me to learn about how that extra tip weight works! I would have said blade heavy before I found out how to use it!”

A closing stateroom door cut off the conversation.

It was not long before there was a knock at his door. Expecting Soree or Daring Do, Jeremy opened it.

Dressed in black from head to hooves was the golden mare, Qushi Han Le. Trembling, he backed up a step. She entered so silently that she might as well have been a ghost.

She signed for silence and suggested softly, “Sit. We need to talk privately. For her own reasons, Doctor Do values you or you would not be here. It is out of respect to her that I wish you to live. That is what this conversation is about.”

Jeremy realized that his door, which always creaked, had shut silently. He sat.

So did Qushi Han Le. “We must talk of two things or you will die in this land. The first is of bribes. The second is of courtesy.

“So, first. Bribes. I know that you have a low opinion of bribes where you come from. I have lived years in Equestria, studying at your Great Universities.

“Therefore I must ask you, what is a bribe for and what purpose does it serve?”

Jeremy was deeply puzzled by the question. He shook his head, “As far as I know, a bribe is to make the one who demands it richer for doing something that he or she was supposed to do in the first place.”

Sadly, Qushi Han Le replied, “That way of thought will get you killed here. In your land, you are totally correct. Here you could not be more wrong if you tried. Let me give you an example.

“Here, beggars are licensed. The license fee is small and in exigency may be paid later, after the beggar has earned enough copper cash to pay it. Along with the fee he may pay the tribunal a bribe of some few coppers and receive for his bribe greater consideration from the Justice than a wealthy merchant seeking a license for trade and paying a whole string of silver cash. Do you know why?”

Jeremy shook his head. “I don’t understand that at all. Why would the beggar get more for so much less?”

Qushi Han Le smiled at him. “The admission of ignorance is the first step on the path of wisdom.”

She paused while footfalls passed in the corridor outside. “The bribe is a recognition of the importance of the person bribed. It has no thing to do with the amount at all. Thus, the wealthy merchant may be offering a trivial amount with his large bribe while the beggar may be offering all that he has.

“Our fees and taxes are low and are always paid to the purpose intended by our Magistrates, Justices and others. They will NEVER demand a bribe nor set the amount. It is our custom to make them the offer which shows them proper respect. That bribe is for them and them alone.

“Do you grasp this principle?”

Jeremy thought deeply before nodding. “I believe so. This sort of sets my world on edge, if you follow. I will need to study the idea for a while before I am comfortable with it.”

“You have taken the second step on the path of wisdom.

“Now we must discuss courtesy. You lack it greatly. That lack can be fatal here. First, the bow and second, restraint of speech.

“I know that you have seen our people bowing to each other. I know that you have made fun of it or dismissed it. Your Soree put her hoof squarely on it. We place a very high premium upon courtesy. The bow is the first and very important part of that courtesy.

“There are three grades of bow. Those who are of higher station may bow by a mere inclination of the head. Equals bow some from the waist. Those of low station bow deeply from the waist.

“Your first bow to a stranger whose station you do not know or are unsure of should be the bow of equals. Their return bow will set their station. Thereafter you will bow to them accordingly. Few will falsely bow a higher station than they properly have. They die quickly. Do you understand?”

Jeremy thought carefully and Qushi Han Le let him.

“Um, I think so. Do you need to keep bowing every time that you have something to say?”

“Once precedence is established, you may, if you are equals use the bob of high station between you FOR THAT CONVERSATION. Use a slightly deeper one than a head bob if the one you speak to is higher.

“These rules make our society run more smoothly.”

Jeremy sat among his papers and the open book, staring at it with new eyes.

“Now, Jeremy, we come to restraint of your tongue. I have heard some of what you called me. I had to restrain my sharpshooters three times from killing you on the deck of this ship. They were deeply offended by your words about me and my culture.”

Jeremy paused and then tried a deep bow, saying, “I thank you for giving this unworthy one the chance to live and learn. I will likely find this the hardest of the lessons of this land.”

Thinking very deeply, Jeremy offered, “If you will deign to accept it, I have something for you.”

He rummaged in his luggage and removed a small, carefully wrapped object. He handed it over to the Pirate Queen. Delicately she unwrapped it. Her breath drew in admiringly.

Examining it minutely, she finally said, “How did you get so perfect a copy of this figurine from the Darkling Collection? Ordinary museum and study copies are never this well done.”

Jeremy nodded. “I know. This is my talent. I can take almost any ancient thing and make a copy of it so good that if I do not mark it, it can be taken for an original. I can often, but not always, fill in missing parts. This is one of five that Doctor Do had me reproduce back at the Royal University.

“She wanted them for surface studies and then returned them to me.”

Bowing to Jeremy the bow of an equal, Qushi Han Le wrapped the figurine and left as silently as she came.

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#DARING DO AND THE ADVENTURE OF THE X'IBIAN VASE #Part 8 #MLP Fan Fiction #Written by De Writer and Carmen Pondiego

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mattandsaraproductions · 5 years ago

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Hey @riteofashkente sometime during the last ice age, you asked me to expand on my comments about CS Lewis and the Problem of Susan. Going through my drafts, I found a mostly written post, so here it (finally) is:

So, first, the sexism; and second, the dilemma resulting from Lewis’s careless writing.

First: The whole nylons, lipsticks, and parties thing. Now, it’s true that the text doesn’t say Susan is going to hell for this. But that’s hardly the criticism, though it’s a response you hear from people who think that’s the criticism. Lewis’s defenders always say something along the lines of “The issue isn’t stockings and lipsticks, it’s that Susan is shallow.” My reply to this is quite simple: Yes, Lewis assuredly did mean to write that Susan’s flaw is shallowness, in contrast to her siblings’ praying to Aslan or whatever. But that’s one hell of a backhanded compliment to him. The problem is that Lewis’s shorthand for being shallow is “things coded as feminine.” This is the man who treated women’s tan lines as a moral failing, so I think this matter is pretty well settled. Lewis’s intent means precisely jack when what we’re criticizing is his sexist attitudes.

We also have the defense “He wasn't a misogynist” as if what we’re criticizing him for were misogyny rather than sexism. Not only is something like “The Shoddy Lands” (the aforementioned “eww tan lines, women’s bodies are gross when they aren't for men”) obviously misogynistic, in the case of Susan it’s sexism (as beliefs about women) rather than misogyny (as moralizing or policing the social order) that’s at issue. While, depending on how we interpret what’s going on, Susan’s fate might also be argued to be an instance of Lewis’s misogyny, it’s primarily the sexism that’s the issue. Lewis’s beliefs about women - in particular, their inferiority to men, the proper place of women in society, etc. - are what explains why his shorthand for “this character is shallow” is that she likes lipstick rather than, for example, literally any other thing someone might be obsessed with. After all, what Lewis needs is merely that Susan have some interest that takes precedence over Aslan. What he says is that she’s interested in stereotypically feminine things like makeup and parties, because to Lewis those things are inherently shallow (being that they’re feminine). CS Lewis was a right dick, is what I’m saying.

Now, part of the problem is that this all happens off-page. And since Lewis was never overly interested in the inner psychological life of his characters (more on that below), it jars with readers’ idea of who Susan is that now – in contrast to the character we read, and with none of this development happening on the page – Susan has become this shallow, flighty character. That’s bad writing.

In the absence of any A to B character-building that shows us how Susan has changed, all we have is this quick “She’s become silly and conceited.” It’s telling rather than showing, which is something the books are full of (again: Lewis is a bad fiction writer. His characters are chess pieces for his Platonism apologia (Lewis was a Platonist who mistook himself for a Christian), rather than being people in a story, and his hostility to consent in no way helps this. But those are several other topics). The problem, again, is not Lewis’s intent to write that Susan is shallow. It’s that Lewis, needing to get the point across quickly, reaches for things that are not gender-neutral. Done and dusted, as far as he’s concerned, because femininity is evidence of shallowness to him. That’s the problem.

But... I don’t think it’s the full problem. The above is the issues with Lewis’s sexist writing, but there’s another thing, which is less commented on, that I take to be the real Problem of Susan. It’s a dilemma, and it goes like this:

Either the Pevensie children remember everything that happened to them in Narnia, or they don’t. If they don’t (as in the beginning of Prince Caspian when they don't remember Narnia except as a kind of dream), then Susan cannot be faulted (as her siblings think) for treating Narnia as a game they played to amuse themselves during the Blitz. On this horn of the dilemma, if the Pevensies do not remember Narnia with the waking clarity of memory, Susan cannot be blamed for not remembering.

And if they do remember? If Susan does remember Narnia? Then the matter is so much worse. For remember, they all grew up in Narnia. Susan is a queen, with a court and official duties and suitors. She is an adult, thrust back into the body of a teenager, at an age and time when she will not be listened to. That’s horrifying. Nylons, and lipsticks, and parties, then, are not evidence of shallowness, but a way Susan can regain some measure of standing in a society that treats her as unimportant because of her age and gender (an analysis of femininity that Lewis would surely have hated, since he hated “New Women” for denying innate femininity (see, for example, the woman who’s head of Eustace and Jill’s school). That is, for Lewis, lipstick and nylons are bad because of women’s independence, not because sex. It’s not that sex bothered him; it’s that he didn’t like that women weren’t seeking men’s approval (Susan doesn't want your approval. She is a Queen of Narnia, after all). On this horn of the dilemma, Susan isn’t shallow, rather, she’s trying to regain what was lost in a world which is not her own anymore.

So if Susan can remember Narnia, then her siblings are being judgy, sexist assholes (and since this is Narnia, where characters have opinions by authorial fiat, Lewis is being a judgy, sexist asshole too). But suppose Susan cannot remember Narnia. I don’t see why we should blame Susan for liking nylons and lipstick and parties on this account either, unless you think no one who likes those things can be anything but vain and shallow. Time and again, in Narnia and other writings, Lewis judged his characters for not doing what he wanted and for not liking the same things he liked. Vegetarians (CS Lewis was against soy boys before it was cool), people of color, modernity, insufficiently masculine men (see: vegetarians), female clergy, outspoken women, butch women, young women, old women.

Luckily for all of us, modern children’s fantasy is a big place, and we can leave behind Christian apologetics masquerading as mediocre literature.

#narnia #cs lewis

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junker-town · 5 years ago

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A cereal draft, because we are a sports website

Photo by: Jeffrey Greenberg/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

You have three picks; what’s the best breakfast/toddler-dinner lineup you can make?

Guess what, jerks? It’s Saturday morning and we’re talking about cereal.

A spirited Slack channel debate about, huh, black jelly beans turned into a long and arduous discussion about which cereals reign supreme in this world. After 15 minutes of “several people are typing” notifications at the bottom of the screen, several ALL CAPS dissertations on the status of breakfast marshmallow, and a lengthy explanation of what bran is, we were instructed to bring this dysfunction to the world at large by our interim editor-in-chief Graham MacAree (please direct all complaints to graham.macaree at sbnation.com).

Yes, as the MLB playoffs rage on, the NBA nears its opening tipoff (check out our incredible preview here), and the NFL and NHL roar through their regular seasons, we devoted entirely too much time to a breakfast cereal fantasy draft. The rules were simple; five writers took part in three rounds of a randomly-ordered snake draft. Best three-cereal lineup takes all.

How are we going to judge that? That’ll be up to you to vote for in our poll below. The winner will receive nothing, but the loser will be relentlessly mocked and have to put their embarrassing failure on all future resumes going forward:

SB Nation, start date - present - wrote stuff - talked about punting - showed the world my ass RE: horrible cereal selections

Here we go:

1. Harry Lyles Jr. - Honey Bunches of Oats

I’m fully prepared to get roasted for this pick, and I encourage you all to tell me why I’m wrong, whether it be in the comments or on Twitter. However, I feel my reasoning is fair, and here’s why.

A good cereal tastes good, and this one is absolutely delicious. It’s got a good mix of tasting healthy, while also being sweet, but not overbearing. In making my No. 1 overall selection, I asked myself what cereal could I live with if I had to eat it every day for the rest of my life, and this was an easy answer. I’m a big fan of incredibly sweet and delicious cereals, but Honey Bunches of Oats felt like a good balance between I Feel Like This Is Healthy and This Is Delicious.

That’s enough to be the top pick, for me.

2. Hector Diaz - Cocoa Pebbles

Not only is it one of the best cereals, but it eventually becomes chocolate milk. That’s a bonus, which makes it a high-upside cereal on top of the already-high expectations for a chocolatey rice breakfast food with Flintstones characters on the box. And if you prefer Cocoa Puffs, you don’t respect the roof of your mouth.

3. Christian D’Andrea - Fruity Pebbles

Did I panic when the inferior chocolate version of the only cereal endorsed by a caveman was picked? MAYBE. Fruity Pebbles was getting snapped up early no matter what though; every bite is a sugary firework in your mouth. And they’re one of the rare cereals that get better as it absorbs more milk. Dredging up rainbow-colored mud from the bottom of your milk swamp is the most rewarding part of a Fruity Pebbles morning.

4. James Brady - Honey Nut Cheerios

My goal was to go for mass appeal — cereals that are unassailable in their universal greatness. So I went with an old standby, one that is perhaps overshadowed in sales by regular Cheerios, but far superior in every way. Maybe everybody doesn’t get hype for them, but who turns down a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios? Bad people, that’s who. Harry came close when he went with the Honey Bunches of Oats out of the gate, but letting the Honey Nut Cheerios slip to four overall was a mistake tbh.

5. Eric Stephen - Cap’n Crunch

The best crunch in the breakfast game, this cereal both lives up to its name and honors its leader’s climb through the naval ranks. I love everything about this cereal, whether it includes Crunchberries or not. The lone drawback of this delectable treat is that it wreaks havoc with the palate. This does not deter my enjoyment of Cap’n Crunch, as I hate the roof of my mouth. I’m eating a Hot Pocket as I type this.

6. Stephen - Golden Grahams

Outside of s’mores, I never cared much for graham crackers. Unless they came in a miniature, much crispier form and drenched in milk. Golden Grahams was among the best cereals at holding its firmness in milk. There are no soggy messes on my team.

7. Brady - Cinnamon Toast Crunch

In sticking with my mass appeal scheme, I was hoping that Eric wouldn’t grab these with his two picks. While he grabbed one of my favorites, the criminally under-appreciated Golden Grahams, I was always looking for Cinnamon Toast Crunch as my second pick. They’re delicious, and anybody should be able to see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I get that cinnamon is a relatively strong spice and can put some people off, but those people are bad people.

8. D’Andrea - Lucky Charms

Sugar surrounded by tiny scraps of cardboard — much different than James’ selection of scraps of cardboard coated with sugar. Eat the Charms within five minutes or you’re stuck shoveling hyperglycemic hamster bedding into your mouth.

Unlike Cap’n Crunch, it actually tastes like something, at least. The fact that nothing-ass Rice Krispies got their own dessert bar and this sugar menagerie didn’t is quite possibly the greatest upset in the breakfast world.

9. Diaz - Froot Loops

I have to admit that my preferred picks were chosen earlier than expected, but you can’t knock this pick. It’s sugary. It’s iconic. It may not have the upside that Cocoa Pebbles has, but it has a solid floor. This is a safe pick, in my opinion.

10. Lyles - Cheerios

Yes, basic Cheerios. This is a very bulletproof cereal that can be enjoyed by babies with a mush brain to people on their last breaths (not to get all morbid, but it’s the truth). Regular Cheerios are delicious, heart-healthy, and can be sweetened with a teaspoon or less of sugar, if you want to give them a kick. The idea that Cheerios could fall to No. 10 is incredible, and I couldn’t pass them up.

11. Lyles - Honey Smacks

This was a tough pick, because I am a huge fan of Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries. But those tear the roof of your mouth by the time you get to the bottom of the box, and for that, they lose points. And no, I’m not willing to let them “soak” to soften them up before eating them. As soon as milk touches cereal, it’s time to boogie. Soggy cereal, like french fries, suck.

Honey Smacks, however, are delicious, sweet, and the favorite of Hall of Fame wide receiver Randy Moss. So they have to be a great value at No. 11, right?

12. Diaz - Frosted Mini Wheats

Surprise! This cereal is bound to be the most uninspiring yet most solid pick out of the whole bunch. You get all the sugar from the other cereals with the semblance of it being healthy with the help of the shredded wheat. Think of this cereal as a tight end that mostly plays like a receiver. Surely, no one else will pick a more questionable cereal in this draft, but this is a fine choice to me.

13. D’Andrea - Cracklin’ Oat Bran

Cheerios, a cereal for toddlers and the elderly, and Mini-Wheats, which I’ve only seen in the wild at my grandmother’s house, both went before me. AND YET I was the one getting roasted for picking an old man cereal at No. 13. Anyone roasting me for drafting COB clearly hasn’t tasted it before. It’s dense and surprisingly sweet. Just like Hector.

And it doesn’t matter when the last time you bought this cereal was. If you’ve ever had it before, that 80s-ass, exceedingly polite box is the only one you envision when you hear the word “Cracklin.”

14. Brady - Reese’s Puffs

This one is part mass appeal, part “James would eat this every day until his death, which would probably come quicker because eating Reese’s Puffs every day is probably not good for your health.” And I don’t care. They’re DELICIOUS and they make for some amazing peanut butter chocolate milk (holy Christ is that a thing you can buy? I gotta go do some Googling.)

Plus, come on — following Harry picking the boring-ass regular Cheerios followed by Hector picking the Philip Rivers of cereal in Frosted Mini Wheats which itself was followed by the old-ass man pick of Cracklin’ Oat Bran ... I had to make a splash. And that splash was into a giant swimming pool filled with Reese’s Puffs.

15. Stephen - Honeycomb

I went with another strong structural cereal here, with the larger Honeycomb bites holding their shape longer than most. While other cereals crumble and wilt in the fourth quarter, my team is much better conditioned to close out this win. I absolutely loved the taste of Honeycomb, but I’d be lying if I didn’t include the commercial jingle as a huge reason for my allegiance to this cereal.

youtube

“Honeycomb’s big, YEAH YEAH YEAH!” The 1980s owned.

Final rosters:

Team Lyles

Honey Bunches of Oats

Cheerios

Honey Smacks

Team Diaz

Cocoa Pebbles

Froot Loops

Frosted Mini Wheats

Team D’Andrea

Fruity Pebbles

Lucky Charms

Cracklin’ Oat Bran

Team Brady

Honey Nut Cheerios

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Reese’s Puffs

Team Stephen

Cap’n Crunch

Golden Grahams

Honeycomb

So who won? Vote now, so the loser may be heckled into breakfast retirement.

0 notes

funkymbtifiction · 8 years ago

Note

Hi Charity as you are an ENFP I wanted to ask you how to do you see Si and Te in you? How was it clear for you that you were Ne dom and Fi aux and not the contrary? You said in the past that you cinsidered yourself socially introvert or shy, which I think is my case and I'm not sure about INFP or ENFP for me. Thanks a lot

My main way of recognizing my status as an extrovert, beyond my need for external stimulation all the time (NOTHING HAS HAPPENED IN TEN MINUTES, MY LIFE SUCKS) is that I am not a Fi-dom. So excuse me, while I once again travel into the land of indecisive Ne to illustrate my point; then I will return to your initial question.

If you compare the INFPs on this blog to the ENFPs, you will notice that the INFP’s Fi is often very prominent and “runs the show.” This is also true with real life INFPs, who as judging dominants, have and express very strong opinions. Since they are in contact with their inner self most of the time, they often know what they like and dislike, what they want to do or refuse to do, and how they FEEL about most things. There is rarely indecision on that point, especially when it comes to the strength of their inner moral focus.

While I have extremely strong opinions in a few areas, in the broader scope of reality, I am far more indecisive and disconnected from my feelings, to the point where half the time, I rationalize them out with Te, or question my “right” to feel this way at all, rather than just use them. Something I admire about INFPs is they tend to be more decisive than I am, especially in their likes and dislikes. As a Ne-dom, my likes and dislikes can change from day to day.

An INFP I know had a fight with her friends once and door-slammed all of them. She knew how she felt, that they were dissing her opinions and not respecting her true self, and after she had enough, she was done. And she did not waffle on that decision. She just quit. She made up with them much later on, but only after her temper cooled, and she had space and time to mature in her own way (and they matured also). She knew what she wanted: them gone. For now.

I complained the other day to my mother about Elizabeth of York in Philippa Gregory’s novel / miniseries, The White Princess. She is so indecisive. She changes her mind from one chapter to the next about who she is, what she wants, and answers “I don’t know” to half the questions posed to her. Some days she likes her husband, some days she doesn’t; she intends to give up on him, then turns around and falls for him again. It’s seriously annoying.

Once I got done with my rant, my mother smiled and said, “So she’s basically you, in literary form.”

Gee, thanks mom.

My mouth hung open for a couple of seconds, while my Fi had a little tantrum, and then my Te immediately snapped in and I went: “I guess. But I’d make a BAD heroine. Heroines need to be decisive! Books need plots! Heroines need to know what they want, or at least figure it out, and get there, not be lost in indecision! The plot must move forward!”

Unlike me. =P

Ne-dom makes me changeable. And it annoys me. One day, I might want this. The next day, I might not. One day, I might decide that this friend sucks. The next day, I might think I was wrong and they’re awesome. They did not change. My Ne flipped the situation around for a different perspective. It runs right over my Fi and what it wants, all the time. This means that I either do not KNOW what I want or cannot ADMIT to myself what I want, nor give myself permission to want it. It annoys me, it annoys my parents, it annoys my friends, and it annoys my cat. But that’s how it is.

I WISH I had some Fi to haul Ne’s ass into a chair and decide: NOPE. But no, instead Ne hauls me around with Fi going “Um… I don’t know how I feel yet?”

But anyway, rant aside: back to your question.

How do I see Si and Te in me?

I see Te a lot when I ‘temporarily loop’ in order to avoid dealing with my feelings. I do not LIKE my feelings. I consider them a major pain in the butt. When my grandpa died, I was a wreck before it happened. I didn’t even know him that well, but it took him a long time to die. His organs slowly shut down. I was so immersed in the pain of what was happening to my loved ones, that I cried way more than any of them. But after his death, my Te immediately kicked in. Mom wanted to clear out his house. Like, immediately. That’s how she copes.

So we did. I put aside my emotions, went into that house, and went through all my grandparents’ stuff. We filled a dumpster. I organized everything we decided to keep in piles for the family to choose from after the funeral. A lot of my decisions were people-motivated – my cousins loved playing these games with Grandma. Shall we keep them? I’ll make sure they have all the pieces and put them in nice piles. I did the funeral video. Everyone needs a Ne-dom for that. It wasn’t just about Grandpa, it was about his life. His dreams. His parents. The culture he grew up in. I managed the voice-over, without falling to pieces.

And then, I moved on.

My Si is very poor. I may be adverse to CHANGE when people announce it (and I have to deal with it a lot, my parents literally cannot live six months without changing their house around, the yard, etc) but I am not stuck in the past. Half the time it never comes to my mind. The past flows beyond me. A day can seem a week ago, and three years ago can seem like yesterday. I gaped when a friend showed me a picture recently with 2014 stamped on the bottom. That was that long ago!? My grasp on time sucks. My awareness of time sucks. My own carelessness with time… sucks. A Si-friend recently said, “You should take more pictures with your cat. You will want them when she’s eventually gone.”

I stared at her. “I will?”

See, I don’t think like that. When people, places, things, are gone, I miss them. I love them. I still think about them sometimes, but they are gone. I do not pour over pictures. I do not sit and endlessly talk about the past. I do not want to think about the past. I moved on.

Sometimes, people tell me I should slow down, or take more time with that, since they do not want me to “look back one day, and regret this moment.”

Thing is, that probably won’t happen. I rarely go back.

Unless I hurt someone badly, and never received their forgiveness, or am beating myself up about something I should have done to stop something bad from happening, I don’t look back and regret. You cannot drive a car staring into your rear view mirror. In that way, I am careless. But I don’t know how to NOT be careless. Things matter right now, and then they’re gone. I loved that show, but it’s canceled. There’s new stuff to watch. I take in so much of it (as a Ne-dom), only a few things stick longer than six months.

And sometimes, I desperately want them to stick. I sit with someone or something loving it, immersed in its beauty, and think, “How can I hold onto it? I already feel it slipping away! WHY CAN’T I APPRECIATE THIS MORE?”

Inferior Si.

This is going to sound weird, because it is weird. But, under stress… I start obsessively tinkering with sensory elements. I’ve been editing and rewriting a book for what seems like forever (forever to me is four months, but I don’t want to talk about how this is the eighth draft of the fourth version of this book in two years) which is very tedious, Si-driven work. My Te is happy to help out with deadlines, and charts, and word counts, and I have a nice little sheet of paper with things marked on it, where I enter my progress each day to keep myself motivated. But I swear on my soul, yesterday when I opened the file, my Si went nuts and said: I don’t like this font. It curls funny. Change it.

So I did.

And then I sat there for at least ten minutes, changing the font, again and again, then the sizing several times. I printed out a page to see how it will look in book form, then promptly forgot which configuration I used (poor Si!) and had to print several more sheets in different sizes. I never did figure out which was the font and what size I used for that first sheet. (Shame, I like it the best.) Then I resized the file across my screen, to try and get the font to ‘curl’ how I like it, so I could read it. I cannot read it, unless it’s the right size. And font. And I must edit so there are no paragraphs that end with one word on the next line.

(Are you laughing yet? Is that not pathetic? Welcome to my life.)

Screw inferior Si. It’s bullshit.

I never know how to say this without hurting feelings but… Fi-doms are sensitive and since INFPs have higher Si, they do not forgive you fast.

Think about two terrific insults against NFPs (from future husbands) in literature and compare them to how you process things.

Gilbert Blythe pulls Anne Shirley’s braid and calls her carrots. The little INFP smashes her slate against his head and screams at him in class. She then tells Diana “the iron has entered my soul: I shall never forgive him,” and proceeds to ignore him, compete with him, and refuse to speak to him. For years. Gibert has to grovel to get on her good side, many times. She is super sensitive and her emotions flare up immediately. “You hurt me EXCRUCIATINGLY,” she says. She means it. He DID.

Mr. Darcy insults Lizzie’s appearance (she is not handsome enough to tempt me into a dance – ie, she’s not that pretty) in Pride & Prejudice. ENFP Lizzie gapes at him, then promptly turns it into a joke. She never brings it up again. She’s mad, but more mad about what he does to Jane than his insult. She finally confronts him when he proposes, but not about that. No, it was not the insult that hit her; it was the impression she formed of his character, based on it. And when he writes her a letter that basically calls out her family for being loud, obnoxious, inappropriate trash, she is pissed but has enough high Te to realize: he has every right to feel that way about us, based on what he saw. Once she realizes WHY he thinks how he does, her anger cools. And her mind changes about him. The anger dissipates.

Did he hurt her? Sure. Deeply? Not so much.

Someone walked up to my INFP the other day and insulted her appearance. It hurt. A lot. She will probably never speak to him again.

A person insulted me to my face at dinner a few years ago. He basically implied the people I work with and the caliber of their work is poor, and I should do a better job selecting the material we work on together. (IE: Wow, you suck.) I bitch-slapped him good with a Te-snarl comeback and … promptly moved on. I was mildly annoyed by it, and it certainly colored our interactions from that point on, but I wasn’t hurt by it so much as annoyed. We stayed “friends.”

I can count the number of times people have actually hurt my feelings on one hand. My Te is strong.

How do I know this?

I’m one of the first people to come up with a rational, non-emotional “fix it” to problems. I often discount my own feelings or put them aside entirely, to get a job done. I remember one time, a friend PM’d me after I wrote a movie review and said, “But did you LIKE it?? You wrote an excellent review, but it was so non-emotional I don’t even know what YOU thought of it.” I criticized the poor elements and talked about the good ones, but there was none of “me” there.

I admit, I was a little more emotionally reactive as a child / young teeanger, but Fi still wasn’t running the show. Most Fi-dom children are very sensitive. When asked what I was like, various family members (without consulting one another) have laughed and said, “Your focus was on being a comedian. You wanted to make people laugh. But you were not especially emotional.”

I’m not. It’s true. Sometimes to my own determent.

- ENFP Mod

PS: If you get to the end of this certain you are an NFP, but you don’t know what you do in a situation in order to compare it to Lizzie or Anne’s emotional reactions, congrats: that’s shitastic inferior Si. You are an indecisive Ne-dom.

#question #enfp #infp #enfp x infp #mbti

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thrashermaxey · 6 years ago

Text

Ramblings: Dobber with thoughts on Chiarelli, Talbot’s future, his Midseason Awards ballot and more (Jan 28)

***

I released the 11th annual Midseason Fantasy Guide just 17 days ago – still relevant thanks to the All-Star Break pressing pause on the season, but won’t be for much longer. It has deeper, more-ready prospect info, plus KHL/Euro/NCAA free agents, trade block musings, an analysis of your league’s playoff schedule and of course second-half projections. It’s a great way to step back and take a look at your team, take a look at your league, and figure out a strategy for the second half. It also supports the site and damn if it isn’t a great read. It’s also my longest ever at 231 (!) pages. Pick it up here!

Regarding the Peter Chiarelli firing. I thought he did a solid job in Boston, especially early on, and thought Edmonton hired a good one. Clearly I was wrong. But one thing I won’t pin on him is his drafting of Jesse Puljujarvi. He had to draft him or fans would have been up in arms. Besides that, Puljujarvi was widely believed to have fallen into his lap as a gift. I begrudge him the Hall for Larsson deal as a bad trade, but that’s also a statement of the way things are in the NHL. If Larsson was a forward, that deal doesn’t happen. If Larsson was making $6 million per year, that deal doesn’t happen. If Larsson was an RFA, that deal doesn’t happen. In the salary cap era where decent minute-munching defensemen with upside are a rare commodity, they become overpriced. So it was a bad deal, but not the worst in NHL history as many say (I also never in a million years would have guessed Hall would ever win the Hart Trophy). I figured at the time it was the 20th best forward in the league who is injury prone, for the 65th best defenseman in the league who has some upside. Instead it turned into the fifth best forward (give or take) for the 90th best defenseman (give or take). Had it turned out that Hall remained the 20th best forward and Larsson improved to the 40th best defenseman, well we’d look at that deal differently. But it was bad deal after bad signing after bad luck that all added up.

What I think is the true reason for Chiarelli’s poor results and ultimate firing is his handling of staff. Nobody talks about this because the big trades (Larsson and Reinhart), draft picks (Puljujarvi) and signings (i.e. Milan Lucic) get the headlines. But bottom line is he could have prevented a lot of this if he had a firmer hand on his overall business. The scouting staff has been truly terrible. Maybe they don’t need a full purging the way the Leafs did several years ago, but I’m sure a good half of them have to go. There is no excuse for poor late-round picks time after time. There is no excuse for going after Griffin Reinhart if a proper scout (or several scouts!) watched him play. And besides the scouts, Chiarelli needed to have more of a say in what the coach does. I don’t know if it’s still the case, but the Oilers used to have an analytics staff (and if that’s no longer the case, then that’s another shortfall of Chiarelli’s). If they advised something repeatedly and consistently, he needed to listen and insist that his coach react to it. Catch it early on that Lucic was better as a third-liner than a first-liner. Understand quickly that Kris Russell doesn’t need to be signed long term. Stress to the coach that a player like Ty Rattie is either first line or waste-of-time. Give him 10 good games in a row there, or even 15. Then send him to the minors if it doesn’t work. None of this one game here, one game there, with press box or fourth-line duties in between… because that’s just wasting everyone’s time. If your coach won't cooperate with that plan, then don’t sign Rattie to a one-year deal. That’s a communication-with-the-coach issue. Have a better scouting staff in place – both amateur and pro – have an analytics staff (if you don’t have one) and have better communication with the coaching staff (a firmer hand, too), and results would have been much different even with a couple of bad moves and signings.

That’s all I have on that for today.

The PHWA midseason awards can be found here. I had a ballot, and here is who I voted for:

Hart – Johnny Gaudreau, Blake Wheeler, Nikita Kucherov. Kucherov won. I had him third because of Brayden Point (who I had fifth). Point is so underrated it’s ridonk. In fact, I wonder if Point being in the lineup gives Tampa more wins than Kucherov. Things that make you go hmmmm. And I love Kucherov, he’s one of my favorite players, this isn't a knock against him.

Norris – Mark Giordano, Brent Burns, Kris Letang. Giordano won. I almost put Morgan Rielly in, but had him fourth.

Calder – Elias Pettersson, Rasmus Dahlin, Miro Heiskanen. The end result was exactly as I had voted.

Lady Byng – Aleksander Barkov, Morgan Rielly, Teuvo Teravainen. Almost went exactly as I voted.

Selke – Travis Zajac, Sean Couturier, Anthony Cirelli. I had the winner, Bergeron, fifth, and the runner-up Barkov fourth. I looked at penalty killing, zone starts, effectiveness at driving possession, and even offensive production. I felt these three were the best fit overall considering those factors. Zajac very underrated and the other two will be on Selke ballots in the future, mark my words. Voters went for the sexy 'name' picks.

Vezina – Frederik Andersen, Marc-Andre Fleury, John Gibson. Slide Gibson up to the front of the line and Andersen down to the third spot but I did vote on the three finalists.

Jack Adams – Bill Peters, Gerard Gallant, Claude Julien. Barry Trotz won, as I think most fans and media are shocked about how the Isles are doing. On my part, the Islanders are about six points ahead of the pace I projected them on. He’s not going to get my vote because of three extra wins. Then again, looking at it now, why did I put Gallant there? In the end, Vegas is still an expansion team and he is still working wonders with them. The first line has become ordinary and yet he’s coaxed offense from the other lines to make up for it.

Rod Langway (defensive defenseman) – Ivan Provorov, Ryan Murray, Seth Jones – Voters gave it to Mattias Ekholm. Journalists vote, and I don’t think many dig into the numbers the way I do. The sexier names got the votes here, too – Ekholm, Giordano, Victor Hedman.

Comeback Player – Ryan Murray, Mark Giordano, Cam Atkinson. Robin Lehner won this one, and this is my bad. I missed Lehner, stupidly. He would have been my first. I was reaching with Atkinson, unable to find a suitable player to vote for at third.

GM of the Year – I asked if I could vote for Steve Yzerman and Mark Spector shot me down. But Frank Seravalli said that I should do it because it would generate discussion. But the two emails were far enough apart that I had already changed my vote. Something to think about, though – Yzerman made that team and he left on his own terms. The best team in the league. Should the GM of the Year go to the GM who is no longer a GM? Anyway, my vote went to David Poile, Doug Wilson, Brad Treliving. The latter won, and for some reason Lou Lamoriello got third even though he did absolutely nothing but screw up the Jan Kovar stuff.

Look at this comment here in a recent Ramblings. Guy almost had his trade vetoed in late November for giving up Tyler Seguin for Mark Giordano. Now look at the deal today. This is one great reason why you should be very careful with your veto rules. Only veto if you are one hundred percent certain that it is a ‘buddy deal’ meant to stack one of the teams to give them the win. That is it. Do not veto bad trades that are just bad trades. Imagine if the trade was vetoed and he lost out on the possible Norris Trophy winner?

Just sifting through the stats leaders and I noticed that Mark Giordano is tied with Evgeni Malkin with 52 points. However, Giordano’s plus/minus is better by plus-48 (!). He’s plus-29 and Malkin is plus-19. Yes, it’s a stupid stat, but crazy discrepancies like that interest me. We’re approximately 48 games into the season so Giordano has literally been on the ice for an extra goal-for vs. goal-against for each game, as opposed to Malkin.

I’ve been driving the point home again and again that you should follow the contract in trying to best-guess the goaltending environment in today’s NHL. Cam Talbot had the big contract and was given start after start despite being the inferior goalie this year – you saw this time and again even in the first half of January. The Mikko Koskinen signing of a long-term contract has now changed that dynamic. Now “following the contract” leads us to follow Koskinen, not Talbot. Just in case you needed clarification on that, or a reinforcing opinion.

So what happens with Talbot? Can he bounce back with another team? Flip a coin on that one. Lots of moving parts. Today, and this could change with more signings, but today it looks as though this summer will be the most wide-open goalie market in history. Tons of unrestricted free agents of which Talbot is one. It’s a game of musical chairs, but it’s also a balancing act. If he sets his price too high, teams will sign one of the many other options. If he sets his price too low, he’ll be a backup. The line is probably $3 million. So $2.9 million is a backup situation, $3.1 million is at least first dibs on being a starter. If, say, Corey Crawford has to retire then perhaps Chicago signs Talbot for $3.1 million. Talbot gets dibs as the starter, probably starts blowing it, and then Collin Delia gradually elbows his way in thanks to the perfect scenario (no expectations and no pressure). Or he signs for $1.75 to be Anaheim’s backup. But watch the number and adjust accordingly. I don’t have high hopes for him, but after seeing Devan Dubnyk turn his career around in Arizona-Minnesota and seeing Brian Elliott and Robin Lehner enjoy rebounds at different times in their careers, I wouldn’t be the house on anything regarding Talbot.

Frozen Tools update – last week we added starting goalie info (from Goalie Post) to each goalie’s player profile, whether or not he starts that day. Now we’ve added DobberProspects links to the player’s scouting profile is the player is still a prospect. Simply go to the Info/Analysis tab. Check out Antti Suomela as an example. And, furthermore, we have added Dobbernomics information in the Info/Analysis tab (with his DN value and his FPTS). Check Nikita Kucherov as an example.

It’s the All-Star Break and these Ramblings still seem a little light, so I was down the rabbit hole that is Frozen Tools and ran some reports based on the last two months. Looking at things since December 1, Johnny Gaudreau leads all scorers with 44 points in 25 games (Kucherov has 43, Patrick Kane at 42).

Other stats since December 1

Most Hits

Matt Martin 103

Lawson Crouse 93

Brandon Tanev 89

William Carrier 85

Adam Larsson 84

Milan Lucic 84

Name that sticks out further down the list – Zach Aston-Reese with 76 Hits despite just 19 games.

Most BLKS

Andy Green 65

Alex Edler 62

Travis Hamonic 61

Olli Maatta 60

Name that sticks out further down the list – Jordan Oesterle at 47 BLKS

Most FO Wins with at least 56% success

Ryan O’Reilly 327 (56.9%)

Jonathan Toews 323 (56.1%)

Sidney Crosby 306 (57.8%)

Travis Zajac 262 (59.0%)

Sean Couturier 247 (61.1%)

John Tavares 237 (56.2%)

Name that sticks out further down the list – Derek Ryan at 131, but he’s at a 61.8% win rate.

Name that sticks out further down the list for a different reason – Mark Scheifele has 231 FOW…but 290 FOL for a 44.3% win rate. Yikes!

Best in-close shot ratio – this is where I compare shots taken (by forwards, minimum 20 games since December 1) at the 0-15 feet range compared to their shots taken 31-45 foot range. It’s interesting to see the types of players we own – do they drive the net or do the play the perimeter and have a great, accurate shot. Here are the net drivers and garbage-goal types:

Warren Foegele 21 shots at 0-15 feet, zero shots at 31-45 feet. Ratio of infinity!

Anders Lee 29 and two, 14.50

Wayne Simmonds 28 and five, 5.60

Joe Pavelski 24 and five, 4.80

Connor McDavid 36 and nine, 4.00

Sam Bennett 20 and five, 4.00

Worst in-close shot ratio – on the other hand, players with a lot of shots from a distance are the guys with that laser-beam shot that finds the holes:

Patrik Laine four shots at 0-15 feet, 31 shots at 31-45 feet, 0.13 ratio.

Jesper Bratt two and 13, 0.15

Artemi Panarin six and 34, 0.18

Kevin Labanc two and 11, 0.18

Claude Giroux six and 30, 0.20

See you next Monday.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-dobber-with-thoughts-on-chiarelli-talbots-future-his-midseason-awards-ballot-and-more-jan-28/

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ask-de-writer · 7 years ago

Text

Daring Do and the Adventure of the X'ibian Vase : MLP Fan Fiction : Part 8 of 21

This link leads to the whole tale

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to MLP Fan Fiction

Daring Do

and the Adventure of the X'ibian Vase!

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

And

Carmen Pondiego

Cover Art by

Doctor Dimension

52630 words

Writing begun 08/26/15

//////////////

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fictions is actively encouraged.

///////////////////////

“Look there! The Imperial Navy is about to take down this cheap collection junks that you call the Pirate Queen!”

Soree tapped his shoulder and pointed to the blue pennon. “That is the pennon of Qushi Han Le. It is one of her River Monitors. It has been assigned to escort us to Cantrot.”

Jeremy stopped cold, like he had run headfirst into a solid brick wall. “How could that happen? That is the Imperial Naval ensign.”

“What! That is insane! How could some pirate own the navy?”

Soree gave Jeremy a deeply troubled gaze. “It is in the material that you were given for the expedition. You did not read it or you could not ask that.

“What? Was she carrying a gun or something?”

“No, Jeremy. She had seven snipers with modern rifles aimed at us. She only needed to signal and we would have been shot down.”

Jeremy shook his head. “Makes no sense. We are from EQUESTRIA. They HAVE to treat us with respect. Even you, in spite of being from an inferior . . .”

Soree held them out, hilts first. “Choose the weapon. I am challenging you to a duel. I have had enough of your superiority and insults.

“These swords are practice spelled. They will not cut or bruise living flesh nor break any bone. They WILL hurt severely if edge or point touches living flesh.

“Choose!”

Jeremy sneered, “I don't have to . . .”

“Fight Soree now or spend the rest of the time until we return waiting for us in one of Qushi Han Le's prison cells.”

Jeremy tried to divert the demand by snorting, “I hear that bribes go a long way around here! You bribed that ignorant pirate with a cheap imitation tea set!”

Daring Do's face froze. “Jeremy. Retract that at once.

“Qushi Han Le holds TWO advanced degrees from the Royal University of Equestria. One is in Antiquities which she studied under me. She was a better student than you!

“Her other degree is in naval architecture, weapons and strategy.

“Both were granted Summa Cum Laude. She speaks and writes six languages fluently.

“The tea set is genuine and part of the things recovered during the Darkling Expedition. It was a promised gift in return for her freely given assistance on that expedition.”

“So what? A bribe is a bribe!”

Daring Do's backhoofed slap across his face nearly took him from his feet. “Soree is not the only one you will fight! I challenge you too! You have just called me a liar. I gave my FRIEND AND FORMER STUDENT a gift from PRINCESS LUNA and myself for ASSISTANCE ALREADY GIVEN!”

Turning to Soree, Daring Do offered, “The many insults to you and your culture have precedence. Your duel shall be first.”

Soree grimly held out the swords again, hilt first. “If you refuse to choose, I have the choice. If you refuse to fight, you go to the jail cell, as Doctor Do has ordered.”

Jeremy reached and made a fast grab and swing, striking at Soree without warning. Her block was so fast that his weapon did not even get close.

Her words cut to the bone. “I expected that sort of cowardice from one so low as yourself. I was not disappointed.”

Instead of striking back, she stepped back, weapon at guard.

Jeremy slowly realized that she was waiting for him to strike again. He paused and then made an actual pass of arms, striking high, and allowing the rebound from her block to add speed and power to low line cut. It was stopped cold. She had let her weapon drive back some, taking energy from his attack.

Her riposte slithered up along his blade toward his chest.

A blinding pain dropped him to his knees, sword falling to the deck.

He got up slowly, panting as the pain receded. Daring Do had recovered the sword. Soree hoofed over hers.

In a few moments the pain was only a memory. It was intended to teach, not disable. He faced a grim Daring Do, holding out the weapons hilt first.

Jeremy made a sweeping cut attack while Daring Do was extended from her lunge. Her block deflected his sword, letting it swing on past her. Her own stroke paralleled his out of control cut. The blinding pain in his shoulder forced him to drop his sword again!

Daring Do picked it up and suggested, “Go below and READ. Read the expedition materials that you were given. Read the the Daring Do and the Adventure of the Darkling's Tomb.

He stared at her incredulously. “Those things really did happen like that?”

“Yes, Jeremy, they did.”

It was a chastened Jeremy who went below. As he was descending the companionway, he heard, “These are lovely weapons, Soree! I never used a talwar before! Can we work out together?”

That was followed almost immediately by the swift clashing of steel on steel!

“It was great, Soree! I love that safety spell on the blades! It is far superior to the one I use at the Adventurer's Guild! It really pushes me to learn about how that extra tip weight works! I would have said blade heavy before I found out how to use it!”

A closing stateroom door cut off the conversation.

It was not long before there was a knock at his door. Expecting Soree or Daring Do, Jeremy opened it.

Dressed in black from head to hooves was the golden mare, Qushi Han Le. Trembling, he backed up a step. She entered so silently that she might as well have been a ghost.

She signed for silence and suggested softly, “Sit. We need to talk privately. For her own reasons, Doctor Do values you or you would not be here. It is of respect to her that I wish you to live. That is what this conversation is about.”

Jeremy realized that his door, which always creaked, had shut silently. He sat.

So did Qushi Han Le. “We must talk of two things or you will die in this land. The first is of bribes. The second is of courtesy.

“So, first. Bribes. I know that you have a low opinion of bribes where you come from. I have lived years in Equestria, studying at your Great Universities.

“Therefore I must ask you, what is a bribe for and what purpose does it serve?”

Sadly, Qushi Han Le replied, “That way of thought will get you killed here. In your land, you are totally correct. Here you could not be more wrong if you tried. Let me give you an example.

Jeremy shook his head. “I don't understand that at all. Why would the beggar get more for so much less?”

Qushi Han Le smiled at him. “The admission of ignorance is the first step on the path of wisdom.”

“Do you grasp this principle?”

Jeremy thought deeply before nodding. “I believe so. This sort of sets my world on edge, if you follow. I will need to study the idea for a while before I am comfortable with it.”

“You have taken the second step on the path of wisdom.

“Now we must discuss courtesy. You lack it greatly. That lack can be fatal here. First, the bow and second, restraint of speech.

“There are three grades of bow. Those who are of higher station may bow by a mere inclination of the head. Equals bow some from the waist. Those of low station bow deeply from the waist.

Jeremy thought carefully and Qushi Han Le let him.

“Um, I think so. Do you need to keep bowing every time that you have something to say?”

“These rules make our society run more smoothly.”

Jeremy sat among his papers and the open book, staring at it with new eyes.

Jeremy paused and then tried a deep bow, saying, “I thank you for giving this unworthy one the chance to live and learn. I will likely find this the hardest of the lessons of this land.”

Thinking very deeply, Jeremy offered, “If you will deign to accept it, I have something for you.”

He rummaged in his luggage and removed a small, carefully wrapped object. He handed it over to the Pirate Queen. Delicately she unwrapped it. Her breath drew in admiringly.

Examining it minutely, she finally said, “How did you get so perfect a copy of this figurine from the Darkling Collection? Ordinary museum and study copies are never this well done.”

“She wanted them for surface studies and then returned them to me.”

Bowing to Jeremy the bow of an equal, Qushi Han Le wrapped the figurine and left as silently as she came.

(to be continued)

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#Daring Do and the Adventure of the X'ibian Vase #MLP Fan Fiction #Daring Do #co written by De Writer and Carmen Pondiego #Part 8 of 21

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