#That it's not selfish or cruel to resent being in a position you should never have had to be in

[anyoldfandom]

I am so. So fucking tired. And so fucking sorry.

I am so sorry to everyone else who feels as if they have to do something good for the world. Everyone who can't afford nihilism even when they're depressed, everyone who knows they must make sacrifices for the greater good. I'm so sorry to all the activists who never wanted to be activists. Everyone who wanted to do something else yet knows now they can't. To everyone in the position where they can make a sacrifice, who knows they must, even with how much it hurts, because those who could so easily change the world for the better refuse to do so. That we have to suffer and fight and scream because of their tradition, their profits, their bigotry, that they refuse to let go.

I'm so sorry to everyone who believes in hope because giving up is too horrifying. I'm so sorry for all the comments of those telling you you're brave, and strong, and noble for doing this - yet are unwilling to do anything to help. Those that comment on your work, how important it is, those that think it is passion that drives you forwards when it is fear. Because we are told, implicitly, that our fear and pain are not desirable. That they are not how to reach people, how to make true change.

Those of us who had other dreams we gave up on. Things we love that have been relegated to hobbies because the change we need to make is more important. Those of us who have curled up and cried with our hopelessness yet still have to get up each day and try. Because there is nothing left to do but try.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry the world is like this. I'm sorry that we have to fight so that one day, others might not. I'm sorry that we may never see the fruits of our labors, that there may not be a future to look forwards to, despite all our efforts.

I'm sorry that we have no choice but to try.

[writernopal]

Nopal! Please, please tell me more about lizardfolk women - I don't recall seeing them on page that much?

What's the current fashion? What's their typical role in the society? Anything else about them you want to share?

Sam! Thank you for the ask!!

Oh my Lizardfolk ladies! This is going to be SUPER LONG because this topic is so loaded and you are getting me so STARTED on it lol so I'll put most of it under a cut because I have A LOT to say! i think you may have just unlocked the longest info-dump/unprompted close reading of my own work so congrats lol Before we get into the meaty lore, I'll address this point!

I don't recall seeing them on page that much?

This is both intentional and something that happened as a by-product of who the main characters are in AASOAF. Let me explain.

CW: misogyny, aggressive patriarchy, mentions of enslavement

AASOAF is primarily told through the lens of Mariel and Axtapor, joined later by the POV's of Fay and Wilkes in AASOAF 2 and 3, but of that cast, Axtapor is the closest to typical Lizardfolk society and experience. But here's the thing: he's a male and because he was brought up in the highly patriarchal system of Lizardfolk, he (and we as readers) start the series from that perspective. That is, mostly blind or flat out ignoring the experience and role of women in Lizardfolk society aside from reciting the surface effects that directly impact him and his experience as a man.

To quote him from AASOAF 1:

[My grandmother] had always resented my grandfather for turning her children into cruel, unfeeling people. Her daughters were not that way, but she never saw them again after they were wed. That was customary since a wife should live with her husband to raise his children and support his clan. As a result, she was left surrounded by her sons, and sons were rarely influenced by their mothers in The Empire.  Most men saw them as a bother more than anything. I know I certainly did. My own mother was a stifled, sad creature who had to simper and bow just right lest she offend my father. It was exhausting to bear witness to. And grandmothers were, more or less, nonexistent to their grandsons, making the relationship that my grandmother and I had a strange one. They didn’t form connections with them, let alone write and visit with one another as we did. I was well past marrying age too. If there should be anyone I should be spending time with of the opposite sex, it should be my wife.

There are a few other instances where in AASOAF 1 when he speaks about women in a pretty derogatory/selfish and frankly, misogynistic way that reflects his upbringing:

In the past, I’d never imagined a woman doing anything for me beyond being intimate. And it had never mattered to me if a woman enjoyed being in my company or if she wanted to spend time doing simple things with me. Their opinions of me also didn’t matter too much so long as I was satisfied...

I narrowed my eyes in her direction. She wasn’t even in half-mourning. Husbands had the option to be in half-mourning after the passing of their wives, but wives weren’t given such a choice.

This, along with the intentional omission of their mention is not only meant to construct Axtapor's character, especially because these criticisms are largely omitted when he speaks about his grandmother, but the Empire as a whole since we don't physically visit that location in any significant way until AASOAF 2.

So the absence/narrow representation of Lizardfolk women is there precisely to make you ask the question that you posed and to make you uncomfortable. You are forcefully put in the shoes of someone who has benefited from that position in the overall hierarchy and presented with his view which is taken and supported as fact in the context of the story. His grandmother, Lady Fisla, tries to knock some sense into him but he mostly brushes her off and decides shutting up is easier than having it out with her. This contributes to the overall narrative of the female experience and unseen struggle that is both a prominent theme and undercurrent throughout the work.

Snippet of that here:

“And your luck is much better than that of your sisters’, who, despite being born into the same family as you, have no choice but to live under [your father's] thumb until they are married. At which point, they are to be crushed by their husbands instead. You, Axtapor, have the world laid at your feet because you are male and because you are nobility. You have the great fortune that your legs can simply walk you to freedom. Those around you are not the same. They are not your equals. Never forget that and do not use it as a weapon or measure for which you pass judgment upon others.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I just nodded instead.  She so rarely lectured me and was usually rather calm, even unbothered, but for those few moments, she changed completely. I wondered how such a transformation might be possible given her usual demeanor, but I supposed I had stricken a nerve.

This starts to change in AASOAF 2 and definitely in AASOAF 3, with the introduction of Lizardfolk women to the cast and the perspective of an eye-opened Axtapor who has become more aware of their struggles and circumstances due to the events of AASOAF 1. In AASOAF 2 especially, we start to examine how the nature of his upbringing is also harmful to him via his internal monologue and interactions with Mariel and in AASOAF 3 things come to a head and a lot of his core values are challenged along with that of other Lizardfolk men around him. But I won't get into that here!

DEEP BREATH NOW

What's the current fashion?

So I talked a bit about fashion here but I'll pull the more relevant bits out of that!

Each house has a style they prefer. House of War prefers styles similar to traditional Thai dress, the House of Law prefers styles similar to 17th-century Japanese garments, and the House of Dreams prefers styles similar to Mughal period Indian fashion. Their winter wear, when they have need of it, is heavily inspired by Mongolian fashion. Additionally, corsets are favored by women of the Holtep Empire. These are not the undergarments you might imagine for human people, nor are they worn all the time, usually only for special occasions and usually only by the nobility. They are worn with special robes that expose the midriff and are made of steel. They are more like armor than anything else, and unlike human corsets are meant solely for aesthetic purposes; they don't support breasts (bc they don't have any) and are intended to emphasize how small a woman's waist is. It is the most desired of traits in the Empire.

Those of nobility would of course wear finer, more elaborate garments than those of the lower and working classes.

What's their typical role in the society?

Their role is seen exclusively as a method to continue lineages, to form clan alliances via marriage, to raise her husband's children (no, they are not considered hers), and support his clan. They have little to no agency over their own affairs or lives unless they are widowed or otherwise "socially encumbered" (I'll come back to that in a second).

To quote Axtapor from AASOAF 2:

Daughters did as they were commanded in The Empire. They married the man her father selected for her and popped out as many clutches as her husband demanded of her. The practice didn’t bother me for a long time; it just seemed like a fact of life, but that was no longer the case. It wasn’t right; how could it be?! But unbelievably, to every man here, and quite possibly every man in The Empire, it was. It was as right as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. These women were not living beings with feelings; they were playthings, pawns in their game to move upwards, being crushed over and over and expected to smile like they were grateful for it!

So despite being awarded, lands, titles, and wealth upon completing their ikismals, they are mostly named as custodians of those things to hold them as a kind of dowry to be absorbed completely by her husband when she marries. I should note, even the ikismal ceremonies for women are unbalanced against those for men.

Men are instructed to survive in the wilds for five days with nothing but a knife and bring back a kill by the end of it. Women are symbolically thrown out into the desert to survive, by way of being placed in a hut where she must meditate for the whole of the five days. By the end, she is expected to have shaken off her girlhood mentality via this meditation and is deemed patient and rational enough to enter society properly. They are left without food or water though, just like the men, so it is possible that they can perish during this time as the men do. Once they enter society the expectation is that they fully support their husband's endeavors and largely remain silent about it.

NOW

This is not the case if a woman is widowed or "socially encumbered." If she is widowed, Oepus law states (yes this is for all women on Oepus, not just the Empire) that she observes mourning practices (clothing, rituals, etc) according to her country of residence and that she cannot take another partner for two years. This is the doing of The Pale Kings and their relationship with Priestesses of Shanta which is a separate thing that I won't get into here.

However, in the Empire, a woman is not forced to remarry once she is widowed. The idea behind this is that she has served her "purpose" and as long as she's had children with her late husband, then she is no longer of use. She is typically bequeathed with some amount of wealth and a private estate or residence according to her husband's station and a portion of his slaves. She has no rank and is not recognized as a matriarch of her family, despite bearing the clan name and still being associated with her late husband's station. She may come and go as she pleases and is at the top of the "woman pecking order" because she has done her duty. Lady Fisla falls into this category, and is cited as a great lady by Axtapor and female peers in her circle, but the men of Clan Oxlo still don't treat her with much respect.

Now for the "socially encumbered." These are women that for one reason or another, are deemed not fit for marriage. Either because they don't have a large enough dowry, they come from a clan of low repute, have committed a social taboo, etc, etc. Basically if they have any "undesirable" trait they can fall into this category. This is highly subjective but can be enough to punt someone down several social ranks. Other women in this category are those who are considered caretakers to other members of their family, be that children, the disabled, or injured. This means that professions like nursing, teaching, and childcare provided to those outside the home, including extended family, are frowned upon and not considered feminine or proper for a lady to engage in. Axtapor's cousin, Lady Idhi, falls into this category.

She, however, is not afforded any wealth or other luxuries as her grandmother is due to her widowed status. Instead, she thrives off her own dowry, another thing which is seen as taboo because it's considered theft. As a result, she is largely excommunicated from Clan Oxlo goings on and does not have the 'rights' to enter the marriage market. This status essentially means you're invisible which can be a good and a bad thing because you're pretty much isolated from any help if you ever need it.

Anything else about them you want to share?

They are incredibly shrewd and bold, something that you can see in almost all of the Lizardfolk women mentioned in the series including, Lady Fisla, Lady Idhi, Lady Phreldra (Axtapor's mother) and historical figures like the woman behind Solas Week, Mother Mazvah, and Lady Maliah, First Empress of The Holtep Empire, more on her here. As experienced members of society, they understand that to get ahead in their world they must operate underhandedly and silently, gaming the system in their favor where they can. This is pretty apparent in the beginning of AASOAF 2 and will play a pretty big role in AASOAF 3. As a side note, this shrewdness is also demonstrated by Fay due to her closeness with her adoptive Lizardfolk family.

Axtapor's sisters, Lady Ulsei and Lady Egra, don't fall into this category and are portrayed as quite transparent and lacking substance but this is because the two of them are used to explore the effects of their upbringing in the wider world of Oepus similar to the way Axtapor is used throughout the series. What I will say is that these two are key players in the latter half of AASOAF 3.

And finally, we have Alma, Fay and Wilkes' adoptive mother, who is more representative of the lower/working class experience of Lizardfolk women that I didn't even touch on in this post. I might make a separate one about her with that context in mind since there is a lot to her story that deserves to have it's own place.

[ravenspeakrp]

Welcome to Raven’s Peak, Dusto, we’re excited to have you! Lincoln Moreau (Vampire, Charles Michael Davis) has been accepted. Please be sure to stop by the CHECKLIST for the follow list, tags to track, and other reminders.

OUT OF CHARACTER 

NAME: Dusto PRONOUNS: He/him AGE: 29 TIMEZONE:  EST TRIGGERS: None

IN CHARACTER 

FULL NAME: Lincoln Moreau. This is not his birthname; he adopts a new name after every Rule of 500 rest (More on this in the bio below) SPECIES: Vampire AGE: Very old DATE OF BIRTH: Actual birth date unknown, celebrates his turning date, which is December 3rd GENDER IDENTITY: Cis-Male NEIGHBORHOOD: Hidden Hills OCCUPATION: Investor WORKPLACE: Moreau Investments POSITIVE TRAITS: Charming, Ambitious, Charismatic NEGATIVE TRAITS: Vengeful, Hedonistic, Unforgiving LENGTH OF TIME IN RAVEN’S PEAK: Originally from Raven’s Peak, but has not been back in centuries...UNTIL NOW (Dun dun dun!) FACE CLAIM: Charles Michael Davis 

BIOGRAPHY

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse, cruelty, murder, illness, drug use, alcohol use

Lincoln Moreau’s claim of being The First Progeny, a title he has proudly worn for most of his existence, is a hard one to dispute; he may not be the very first vampire to ever be sired from a member of the Original family, but he also very well may be, and he most certainly is amongst the first vampires to ever be created. What is known for certain, is that Lincoln was the very first vampire that Victor Morgrave ever turned, and the gift which was bestowed upon him is not one that he took for granted. 

To understand why the man who would become Lincoln Moreau would embrace vampirism so vehemently, it is important to understand where he came from. The conditions that he’d been living in prior to the change had been less than ideal, though the less diplomatic would go as far as to say they were cruel. Things had started off well enough; he’d been adopted into a great house as a young boy, and loved by the father, who had taken him in off the street, at least as much as he loved the children who were of his bloodline, if not a little bit more so. But when the father passed away of illness and the eldest brother, who had always hated Lincoln and resented him for how much of his father’s affection he received, became the man of the house, Lincoln’s treatment underwent a dramatic shift. Though allowed to stay, he was forced to live in the stables with the horses, and made to carry out both the most physically demanding, and morally demeaning of tasks imaginable, whilst also suffering from terrible physical and verbal torment at the hands of the eldest sibling. Worst of all though, was the fact that he was forbidden from being social with the other siblings, whom he had been raised as kin with, and eventually, out of fear of their brother if they did not, they too turned cruel towards Lincoln. He was treated worse than should be allowable by one’s humanity, and year over year, as he lived a life without a single moment of pleasure, his rage, his bitterness, and his resentment grew; and he swore one day he would have his revenge.

What I failed to mention is that this supposed “great house” which Lincoln had once been welcomed into, but he was now basically a prisoner in, was located in the town of Raven’s Peak during the days of The Four Families, prior to the splitting of the stone which would change the world forever. And it was during this time that Lincoln first came into contact with the man who would go on to be one of the four original vampires, Victor Morgrave. Victor had been visiting the house to attend to some business with the eldest brother, when the brother brought him out to the stables to show him his favourite pastime; tormenting Lincoln. Even then, when Victor himself was a rather selfish and arrogant man, seeing the treatment of Lincoln stirred feelings of pity within him, and though he did not try to put a stop to the treatment that day, he never forgot about what the elder brother had done, nor the pain that Lincoln had suffered. 

And so, when the all too familiar tale of the rock splitting the witches being changed unfolded, and Victor Morgrave now found himself to be a vampire, he remembered what Lincoln had gone through, and, driven by an instinct that he did not understand, he knew that to offer Lincoln his blood was to offer him a chance at not only liberation, but the revenge that he so greatly desired. 

With his new power, Lincoln exacted his revenge upon the family that had made his life Hell on Earth for so many years. Then, with justice done, he found himself contemplating what to do next. He stayed in Raven’s Peak for a time, becoming the new master of the house that he had been thrown out of doors from as a young child. But as satisfying as this was, he soon found himself growing bored of the life that he had once desired to have more than anything, and filled with a desire to explore the world beyond Raven’s Peak, and see what it had to offer him.

As it turns out, the world beyond had more to offer him than he ever could have imagined was possible. For a man who had spent most of his life enduring unbearable abuse, to discover how many pleasures the world contained was an intoxicating experience, often times quite literally, and he found himself indulging in all of it, perhaps, on some level, trying to make up for lost time.

But as the years wore on and the truth of his eternal existence set in as being the reality he was now facing, Lincoln decided that the best thing he could do for himself was give himself some reprieve from the world; and the best thing he could do for the world was give it some reprieve from him. He never wanted the pleasure he derived from the world to wane or dwindle; he wanted to enjoy it all every bit as much for the rest of his eternal existence as he had the very first time. And so he instituted The Rule of 500, which decreed that every 500 years, he would lay down and sleep for a century, so that he would be able to awaken and find the world new and young and beautiful again.

Since then, the man who calls himself The First Progeny has built himself an empire. What began as a desire to invest in the ventures of people that he saw potential in, soon grew to become a full fledged investment company, which has had its hands and funds involved in helping to nurture some truly remarkable, not to mention many highly lucrative, companies, organizations, artists, and in one case, even a kingdom. What’s more, in cases where both loyalty and excellence are exhibited, Lincoln has bestowed the gift of immortality upon those whose interests align with his own; something which he considers to be the most sacred of investment that he can make in a person. With the fortune which he has accumulated, and the massive network of loyal partners that he’s sired for himself, there’s almost nothing that Lincoln can’t have if he wants it; and he wants it all. Though all should beware, that if you intend to make friends with Lincoln, don’t ever consider letting him down, and especially not betraying him; because Lincoln Moreau does not forgive those who disappoint him, and those who betray him? Well, let’s just put it this way: Lincoln’s entire life as a vampire has been ruled by the endless pursuit of pleasure, and nothing, absolutely nothing, brings him greater pleasure than exacting revenge on those who have betrayed or done wrong to him.

Now, Lincoln leaves behind what has been his home for the past two centuries, New Orleans, to return to Raven’s Peak for the first time since he left countless centuries ago. While he’s certain that being back will stir some memories that would be better buried deep, he can’t help but be curious to see how the place has changed in his time away, and he hopes that, perhaps, he can create some new, happier memories that will redefine what his birthplace as a vampire means within his mind.

EXTRAS

FILLING CONNECTION: No INSPIRATIONS: N/A

[polkanight]

Can we talk about Soren? I want to talk about Soren.

(I may eventually talk about Claudia in another post but I’m not certain)

(also SPOILERS FROM TDP SEASON4)

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So, I’m watching tdp from season 1 and knowing how things unfold, my stomach churns by seeing how Viren treats BOTH Soren and Claudia, but I want to focus on Soren bc he’s closer to my experience as the child of a narcissist parent.

Being the child of a NP (someone who’s emotionally immature and relies on their children to meet their needs), on your teen years, felt like walking on thin ice 24/7. I never knew what would trigger a critic, a snark comment about my body, my intelligence, my ability to compromise and to finish tasks, etc.

I was, more than once, called silly, dumb, aloof, to watch my weight, to watch how I dress, etc, etc. all of that coated with the premise of love, of “I’m teaching you how to do things”, of “I’m your tutor, your mentor, your only friend, your only safe harbor”, someone, the only one I could “rely on”.

This comes at the cost of the development of our sense of self-worth. As child of NP parents notice this, we’re taken by an anger, a strong desire to put up distance from NP and at the same time the utter panic of not being able to do it, being triggered when we get a message or a visit by NP. It's also very interesting to see how Soren and Claudia developed these issues in very distinct ways, but both triggered by being raised as someone who most likely is a NP.

(look at him defying the idea that magic- the very craft of Viren, the sole identity of Claudia - is something all-positive to be ever-cherished)

Growing up, we learn that our mood revolves around our NP, and no matter what we do, we know we’ll never get the approval or even the sympathy of the NP. They carry the room with them, their needs, ideas and wants must always be a priority, even if it means dragging the house down.

I’ll quote this:

“Until they have a need that’s being met.”

And here my Soren dam cracked in s4, and my heart races and my breath catches for a fictional little boy.

You should stop if you don’t want Spoilers of S4.

-

I had a really REALLY REALLY hard time when Soren finds Claudia and I anticipated that he would eventually find out Viren was alive, but I honestly wasn’t ready for his talk with Claudia, and I also have a few cents to spare.

Claudia tells Soren that “Humans understand suffering because it goes back over generations.”

And Soren is trying to his deep, beautiful, bright core to break this cycle of resentment, violence and remorse. (mygod he’s so precious god help me)

Then, Claudia comes in with the (involuntary/naturalized) family blackmail.

“Without magic you would be dead. Without dad’s magic.”

The guilty trip, being indebted, being trapped in the cycle, but we want out, and to hell with what we owe. We owe them nothing, because they took our sense of self and we build it from the entangled emotional mess that it is our heart.

I can see his face looking up at the image of his until-then deceased parent, I think I will carry this for a long while because I had no idea how it would affect me, but the fact is that more than once, a child of a NP parent will think of how things will be by the time the NP is “gone for good”.

I give zero fucks if people think this is ungrateful, spiteful, selfish, mean, cruel, but the fact is that being stripped of your self-steem and of the ability to grow to the things you love, to grow to life, is the spiteful, selfish and mean thing.

When he tells Claudia that they don’t have to do what Viren wants, he’s expressing a well-known mixture of pain, guilt and relief by thinking the NP is dead.

They aren’t around anymore, the weight of their impossible standards are over, we are free from their grasp, we can pursue our passions, we can thrive in our relationships with people from out of our blood relatives circle. If it seems exaggerated, it’s because these are all things that the NP meet with cynicism. There is “no life, no real friends, nothing can replace your family”. And I say that’s bullshit.

Whereas I have relatives that I truly love, I have friends who have provided growth, patience, love and support, we have learned from each other, we have fought and forgive, we give each other space when needed, we are not seen as an extension of their self, we can be a proper person.

Can you understand how much this means to Soren? How much he thrives by being around Callum, whom is endlessly curious about magic but at the same time wary of it, by finding purpose in protecting Ezran and by fighting alongside Rayla. Soren knows and feels how he changed, he’s more confident to trust in his sense with animals (this is so beautiful too, I can’t even), and he is smart, he has such wisdom, and this is shown since s1.

I never understood people who treat him as a dumb annoying comic relief. He is the very soul of the changes that need to happen in the conflict between Xadia and Katolis, and I only hope that Viren eats an entire humble pie so he proves he’s not actually a NP and that he acts the way he does out of pure desperation and hubris.

I truly hope Viren sees his lovely, smart and incredible boy for what he really is, and not as an extension of his hurt self.

[servantofthefates]

How to Understand Astrological Aspects

When you know what they really mean, aspects are not at all intimidating.

STEP 1: Think of the planets as people.

SUN

This planet rules Leo, so think of the Sun as that. Someone fiery, positive, active and extroverted. Charming and childlike, fun and protective. Can also be hot-tempered, arrogant and egotistic.

MOON

This planet rules Cancer, so think of the Moon as that. Someone caring, nurturing, motherly and healing. Sensitive yet strong. Can also be passive-aggressive, clingy, needy and moody.

MERCURY

This planet rules Gemini and Virgo, so think of Mercury as their combination. Someone who straddles extroversion and introversion. Intelligent and sociable but can be manipulative and critical.

VENUS

This planet rules Taurus and Libra, so think of Venus as their combination. Someone who enjoys comfort and beauty. Not shy, but not loud either. Soft yet tough. Can be too vain and self-indulgent.

MARS

This planet rules Aries, so think of Mars as that. Someone ambitious, brave, daring and leader-like. Craves friendship while staying independent. Can be dominating, aggressive and controlling.

JUPITER

This planet rules Sagittarius, so think of Jupiter as that. Someone quite lighthearted, communicative, open-minded and optimistic. Can also be too childish, lazy, unreliable and tactless.

SATURN

This planet rules Capricorn, so think of Saturn as that. Someone very patient, strategic-minded, bold and motivated. Determined yet pessimistic. Can also be selfish, cruel, cynical and ruthless.

URANUS

This planet rules Aquarius, so think of Uranus as that. Someone friendly, altruistic, smart and innovative. And yet too scattered sometimes in the way they think. Can also be cold and detached.

NEPTUNE

This planet rules Pisces, so think of Neptune as that. Someone creative, sweet, romantic, intuitive, sensitive and mystical. Can also be too dependent, unrealistic, fearful and self-pitying.

PLUTO

This planet rules Scorpio, so think of Pluto as that. Someone dark and mysterious. Very passionate, loving, loyal and intense. Can also be vindictive, paranoid, vengeful and brutal.

STEP 2: Think of the aspects as rooms.

CONJUNCTION (0°)

This is when two planets are in the same room, sitting right next to each other. Hence zero degrees apart — as if there is zero distance between them.

Depending on their personalities, they may or may not get along. Some might like having someone so close by, while others may resent having their personal space invaded.

SEXTILE (60°)

This is when two planets are in the same room, with a comfortable space between the two of them. Hence 60 degrees apart — not too near, not too far.

They get to enjoy the freedom to move around, as well as the other planet’s company. Best of both worlds. The two of them are very happy.

SQUARE (90°)

This is when two planets find themselves together in the same room, with each planet blocking the other’s view. Hence 90 degrees apart — not really close, but still close enough to disturb one another’s line of sight.

Say, one is blocking the TV, while the other is blocking the mountains through the window. Annoyed, they both keep yelling at each other to move over.

TRINE (120°)

This is when two planets are occupying neighboring rooms. Say, one is in the kitchen, cooking; while the other is in the dining room, setting the table. Hence 120 degrees apart — with enough breathing space and distance to appreciate each other’s worth.

They are doing their own tasks, but they have a similar goal. Working in harmony, they both feel merry.

OPPOSITION (180°)

This is when two planets are in opposite rooms inside the same house, avoiding each other. Hence 180 degrees apart — truly distant, wanting nothing to do with one another.

Instead of actually enjoying their time, they spend all their effort trying to loudly ignore each other. Like two children needing the other kid to know they are angry with them.

STEP 3: Interpret them all together.

Now that you understand what each of them means, you should be able to interpret any aspect simply by combining them.

MARS CONJUNCT PLUTO

If Mars is aggressive and dominating… Pluto is vindictive and brutal… and a conjunction means the two of them are in the same room, sitting next to each other… then:

A woman born when Mars was conjunct Pluto is likely to be very athletic and competitive (Mars-Aries). But do not expect her to be fair or sportsmanlike. Her intensity and vengefulness (Pluto-Scorpio) might lead her to cheat and injure her opponents.

SATURN OPPOSITE NEPTUNE

If Saturn is determined and motivated… and Neptune is creative and intuitive… but they are in opposition, stopping each other from being their best… then:

When Saturn is opposite Neptune in the sky, we could all experience a time of high anxiety and low self-esteem. Our cynical and pessimistic side, which we usually succeed in suppressing (Saturn-Capricorn), could be dug up and brought to light by our heightened sense of fear and self-pity (Neptune-Pisces).

SUN TRINE JUPITER

If the Sun is positive and childlike… Jupiter is lighthearted and optimistic… and a trine means they are working together in harmony… then:

A man born when the Sun was trining Jupiter is likely to lead a very happy life. He could forgive wrongs easily, never letting pain linger in his heart (Sun-Leo). And whenever things are gloomy, his faith that they will get better sooner or later should always keep sadness at bay (Jupiter-Sagittarius).

All you need to remember are the temperaments of the 10 Planets and the effects of the 5 Major Aspects. Using that knowledge, you can easily assess anyone’s personality, and pay attention to the sky to make reliable predictions about humanity’s destiny.

[justcleodora]

...

"Mother says I am disappointing the God's," was what Cleodora wanted to say. Her voice would have sounded small, and her shoulders would have drawn together as though she could shield herself from simply the God's condemning eyes. Cleodora did not say this however, it would be a while before she admitted her core concerns about her connection to the land and the gift of foresight.

Tajhana was right, Cleodoras mother was always insisting she saw two paths for her daughter. One was a path of escalating selfishness and disconnect from her gift, her gods and even her family. The other path was one where Cleodora was as clear sighted as her names sake, and an important member of the family. Both paths sounded extreme in Cleodoras mind, two extreme opposites that made the Nymph wonder if her mother was simply trying to manipulate her unruly daughter.

Cleodora, instead, pouted her lips, as a soft line formed between her brows. She was uncomfortable, to say the least. The nymph adored making a good impression, stunning people with her good looks or with something devilish she might have proclaimed. But this, discussing the gift she felt in her heart she simply had no talent for, and being confronted about it by this beauty... it was wholly cruel, and Cleodora resented her dear mother for it.

Still the sound of the teahouse perked her up. Cleodora knew exactly which tea house Tajhana referred to, some of her siblings enjoyed the haven, and Cleodora had avoided it for the same reason she was unhappy with this conversation; it seemed to shine the burning suns eye on her flaws. It would however be an opportunity, work wise at least.

"You want me to train under you at the tea house?" The Nymph asked, unable to help herself. She imagined the looks of jealousy off her sisters and Cleodora couldn't help but smile at the thought. Her mother would be entirely too proud, though which was off putting... she considered Tajhanas gentle prodding.

Ultimately she had little talent and would fail and bomb, the humiliation would be twicefold because then someone outside of her huge family would know. Cleodora had a sinking feeling that her heart couldn't take that kind of defeat. On the other hand, Tajhana had a reputation, a grand one and Celodora envisioned the respect and acceptance she might acquire from being associated with the seer. She could picture herself walking behind Tajhana in a public space. Cleodora would look regal and composed, humble and dignified standing behind the seer, she could almost hear the excited gossiping around them. The nymphs heart skipped several beats, the perfect tableaux of beauty and power in her imagination almost knocking her back.

"What do you think you should do with me once I prove myself useless?" Cleodora asked, an eyebrow raising as she imagined Tajhana's heavy sigh of defeat, a single glum shake of the head towards Cleodora's mother, and the entire family then hurriedly ushering the disgraced nymph from the teahouse. Never to return again. Cleodora decided then and there, that the catastrophe would quite positively kill her. She would fall into a catatonic sleep and never wake up again. She had no other choice, what was she to do, show her face around town, around her family? For shame.

"It's one thing to walk away from the gift, and another to have the gift be ever so slightly out of reach..." Cleodora confided in the stranger, assuming Tajhana would have understood what she couldn't say out loud. While the confession came out easily, it was not one Cleodora had shared with anyone besides a single sibling when she was little. Instinctively, Cleodora sucked in her lower lip and bit down hard on the plump skin, hard enough to bruise.

There was a moment where pink seemed to flash over Cleodora's eyes that Tajhana only just caught, curious if it was perhaps something instinctual and emotional, or if it was indeed some sort of foresight coming to the surface in reaction to seeing Tajhana's own so prominently displayed. It was certainly curious and Tajhana intended to see if she could draw it out again eventually, as Cleodora's eyes did shift back to blue quickly.

"Why would a God do such a thing?" Tajhana responded, because while the various Gods that gave gifts or purpose to people could be benevolent for the most part, in Tajhana's in experience, they were disinterested and selfish, their own emotions weighing more heavily on them than that of those who believed in them, or held some connection to them. "Why would a God care about you specifically? Why would they care what gifts you've attained unless it benefitted them?" she continued, glancing at the store as Cleodora suggested she was made for manual labour.

Eventually as Cleodora continued on her mother her eyes came back to the nymph. "Perhaps your mother cares more than a God, and desires your visions clearer so you are as strong as you have the potential to be?" Tajhana mused, allowing her eyes to close, the fold of her lid lingering for a moment before eventually it was as though it was not there at all. "Perhaps if she has a sight of her own she knows you are not a lost cause, and that your potential is far greater than the 'giggly nymphs' around her," she continued. "All things you would know the answers too if you were willing to practice with me."

Tajhana adjusted the fabric that draped over her form, feeling it slowly shift off her shoulder, but continued her thoughts. "You need not practice with me, if you truly feel you are hopeless, but the Teahouse is still a place of relaxation and freedom from judgement," she insisted, a softness to her words that were perhaps more pleading than her other statements. In the end she could only push people so much, but she could always hope they still desired an exploration of self, even if it was just conversationally. "No one person is one thing that they have ever done or experienced. You could simply enjoy a warm drink with someone kind."

[robininthelabyrinth]

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 4 - ao3 -

“Qishan Wen has sent the invitations for the discussion conference,” their father said. “They will be holding a competition.”

The elders murmured thoughtfully in response.

Lan Qiren wasn’t sure why, since the Wen sect always held some sort of competition when it was their turn – the other sects tended to vary the main event, feasts and hunts and academic discussions, but the Wen sect loved competitions. Although perhaps it was just Wen Ruohan himself who did; since he’d been the sect leader for so long, it was impossible to tell the difference between his preferences and his sect’s.

“Qingheng-jun can lead the disciples,” one of the sect elders said, and Lan Qiren’s brother stood and saluted respectfully before sitting back down. “As for the rest…what skills should we select for?”

“Equestrianism,” their father said. “And music.”

“Music?” one of Lan Qiren’s teachers – an old man who usually all but slept through these meetings, but respected enough that no one commented on it – asked, blinking awake and rubbing his eyes in a way that suggested he thought he was being discreet.  “Since when does Qishan Wen appreciate music?”

Lan Qiren's teacher in music, who'd clearly been about to ask the same question, shut his mouth with a poorly-hidden smile.

“They don’t have to appreciate it,” another teacher, this one of swordsmanship, said, his tone distant and cynical. “They just have to have someone in mind that they think will win. Qishan Wen values victory over all else.”

“And they are crafty," yet another said, nodding. "Including it in the listing might be a stratagem to get us to send more disciples talented in music and fewer in other areas, to reduce our chances of winning the main event –”

“Both riding and music are listed as the main events,” Lan Qiren’s father said, his cold clear tone slashing through the others’ voices and putting an end to the debate. “Let us proceed in selecting disciples to attend.”

The list was quickly settled, and for once Lan Qiren was nominated to go. He hoped it was on account of his musical talents, which he was pretty proud of, although he acknowledged it might very well be due to his heritage. He made plans to go to visit the library pavilion at once, thinking about what scores might be appropriate to study in preparation – based on the description in the invitation, there would be a technical challenge, in which they would all play the same piece, and then an individual selection where each player could show off their personal skills…

“Looking forward to showing off for your lover?”

Lan Qiren slowed to a stop. It was one of the wittier, more personable disciples, a distant cousin of his named Lan Ganhui – one of the ones that thought they were funny, and others seemed to agree.

“Are you talking to me?” he asked, puzzled. It seemed as if he were, but at the same time... “I don’t have a lover.”

“Really?” His cousin was smiling. “But we’ve all heard how highly Sect Leader Wen thinks of you.”

Lan Qiren blinked. “He complimented me once. Three years ago. When I was thirteen.”

With the benefit of hindsight and age, it was clear to him that his father must have been right about Wen Ruohan’s motives: he had only been making trouble deliberately, trying to stir things up. A test of his brother’s mettle as the prospective new leader of the Lan sect, no doubt.

Occasional teasing aside, what were the chances that he'd actually found Lan Qiren to be interesting?

“You’re far too modest, Qiren-xiong. Everyone knows how picky Sect Leader Wen can be – you must have done something to get his attention.”

Lan Qiren was not good at understanding people and their subtleties as a general rule, but he had sufficient practice at childish taunts to understand the implication, and he felt his ears burn.

“Do not speak ill of people,” he said, putting his hands behind his back to hide how his fists clenched. “You should report to the discipline hall for violating the rules.”

“Violation excused,” his brother said from behind him, voice calm – even cold – as always. “Don’t take things so seriously, Qiren; it’s only joking between friends.”

Lan Qiren was not friends with Lan Ganhui, but he probably should be. It was his duty as one of the heirs of the main clan to be magnanimous with the other disciples of the sect.

As irritating a task as that might be.

“Walk with me,” his brother ordered, and naturally Lan Qiren obeyed.

They went in silence for a while, their path the familiar one used to make the rounds of the Cloud Recesses – it was a task they were all assigned once they were old enough, and Lan Qiren recognized the twists and turns of it at once. He wondered what that meant, if anything.

If he were with one of his teachers, he would be able to extrapolate that the subject of imminent discussion was not a serious one; that they felt they could both fulfill their duties and speak with him meant that it was not a subject that required their full attention. But somehow, despite their closer relation, Lan Qiren sometimes felt as if he did not understand his brother anywhere near as well as he understood his teachers: it was possible that in this case the subject  was  important, but his brother more capable than their teachers of splitting his time and attention, or maybe simply didn’t care about one of the two tasks he was performing.

That was one of the things Lan Qiren had never really understood about his brother. His brother was the great hope of their Lan sect, the bright light of their generation; when he finally became sect leader, it was expected that he would help lead them to an ascendant position in the cultivation world and allow their clan to flourish, one andall. Yet sometimes it seemed as if he saw his duties as merely a burden, to be completed as quickly as possible – he was always trying to do more than one task at a time, trying to finish and put them aside, as if he had compared them to some ideal in his mind and found them wanting, purposeless, and therefore irrelevant, even if the task were key to the well-being of their sect.

Their teacher in swordsmanship – one of the few people his brother seemed to really like, though of course he was properly filial to all his teachers – said that he had the best chance of any in their generation of becoming a true immortal, if only he devoted himself, and Lan Qiren supposed that that was his brother’s goal. After all, hadn’t Wen Ruohan raised his sect higher and higher simply on account of having been there longer than anyone else…?

“This will be your first discussion conference in several years,” his brother said, drawing Lan Qiren’s attention. “Will it not?”

“Since the last time our sect hosted,” Lan Qiren agreed. It had been the Jiang the year after, and at fourteen he was too young to go to an official conference; then the Jin the year after that, and the Lan sect never sent too many people to suffer the rush and bustle of Lanling City. If he had had some extraordinary achievements, they might have sent him, but he didn’t.

This year, though, he was sixteen – just under the official age of eligibility for those not in the main families of the Great Sects, which was seventeen – and known to have some talent in one of the areas in question, so it would be a loss of face for their family  not  to send him. Otherwise, he suspected they would have waited another year until the discussion conference was held by the Nie sect, who as a close ally to the Lan sect would offer a much safer way to be introduced to the cultivation world.

“I see,” his brother said, and continued walking some distance. “You will need to be mindful of your actions, of course.”

“Of course,” Lan Qiren echoed, and despite his best efforts he felt some dissatisfaction. Beyond the resentment he bore him on account of their mother’s death, his brother had never really paid him all that much attention; Lan Qiren had been assured by several of his teachers that he was merely imagining how much his brother didn’t like him, or at least that the irritation would pass as he got older and more accomplished, less of an embarrassment. Most of the time, his brother’s gaze was turned inside to himself and his own cultivation efforts just like their father before him, so it made sense for him not to know too much about Lan Qiren, but…still. It wasn’t exactly like Lan Qiren was a known troublemaker that needed to be taken aside and especially warned to be on his best behavior.

He idolized his brother, Lan Qiren reminded himself. Just like everyone else. It was only the itchy emotionality of adolescence that was causing him such frustration.

“You understand what you did wrong, then, and will not repeat it.”

“…what I did wrong?” Lan Qiren ground his teeth together, realized he was doing it, and stopped at once. No one else had ever said he had done something wrong during that discussion conference, but perhaps they were only being polite. “Xiongzhang, I am too ignorant, and do not understand. Please tell me what you mean.”

His brother looked at him sidelong. “In connection with Sect Leader Wen.”

“Xiongzhang! I didn’t –”

“You are old enough now to understand how dangerous he is,” his brother said, cutting him off, and Lan Qiren fell silent, because that much was true. When he’d been thirteen and even more single-minded than he was today (and truly, how could he condemn his brother’s disinterest in so many things when he himself was similarly focused on his own interests?), he had been ignorant of the rumors that swirled around Wen Ruohan. It was said that beneath his seemingly composed countenance, he could be violent and moody, impulsive and selfish and cruel – how he had to have the best of everything for himself, and would stop at nothing to obtain whatever it was, no matter who it harmed. And then there were the stories of his mysterious Fire Palace, where he was said to collect implements of torture and to enjoy sating his bloodlust by practicing them upon those unfortunate enough to be his prisoners –

How much of that was true and how much merely rumor, Lan Qiren did not know, but he knew that it was well-accepted enough to be considered news rather than frivolous gossip.

"Yes, xiongzhang," he muttered, and dropped his eyes to the ground. "I know."

"This isn't like last time. We're going to be in the Nightless City, on his ground, not ours - you're not adept at politics, so you might not know it, but Sect Leader Wen's arrogance is beyond belief; he only sometimes considers himself to be bound by the laws and customs of the cultivation world, not like the rest of us. If something happens, I won't be able to protect you."

Lan Qiren nodded. He appreciated his brother's concern for him.

"Try to avoid him entirely," his brother instructed. "And if you do end up seeing him, don't pester him this time! Think beyond yourself: our sect cannot afford to draw his ire, if it turns out that he does not find you as amusing as he did before.”

It hadn’t been Lan Qiren’s fault that Wen Ruohan had found him amusing the first time. It wasn’t like he intended on spending time with the man – it had just happened!

“And what if he approaches me?” Lan Qiren asked, more to be contrary than out of any actual belief it would really happen. Wen Ruohan had seen him as a tool to needle his brother, nothing more, and had probably put him out of his mind long ago - it'd been three years, after all, and Lan Qiren was very young still; if it hadn't been for the Wen sect's selection of music as a main event, he probably wouldn't be going along at all.

“If he starts speaking with you, then you are to respond gracefully, and comply with his wishes until such time as someone can come to collect you.”

Lan Qiren frowned. “Are you sure?"

His brother stopped and frowned at him.

"I just mean, we've met in person before," Lan Qiren explained. "He won't mistake me for a servant; he'll know who I am. And the Great Sects are all equal, so isn't there a chance that we might lose face if one of our main bloodline yields to everything he wants at first request, as if we were some nameless clan beneath his…”

“Are you questioning me?”

Lan Qiren faltered. “No, xiongzhang.”

“I don’t want anything disturbing the discussion conference,” his brother said, his gaze already sliding away and his fists tight at his sides. Lan Qiren thought over his words and was ashamed of himself: he shouldn't have reminded his brother that he was part of the main bloodline, same as him; he knew it was a painful subject for his brother, and to bring it up anyway probably came across as arrogant and tactless. “I am acting as leader for this trip, and the responsibility for everything that happens is mine. Do not make me lose face. Do you understand?”

“Yes, xiongzhang. I won’t lose face for the sect.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Ayato Ecstasy [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in the guest room at Banmaden

Cordelia: ...

Yui: ( I am so glad she only suffered minor injuries... )

( Vampires really are sturdy. I was worried since I could only do first aid, but I’m pretty sure it’ll suffice... )

Cordelia: ...Karl...

Yui: ( She really must love him deeply to call out his name in her sleep... )

( Karlheinz... )

( I wonder what he is like? )

...

ー The scene shifts to the outer area of Banmaden

Ayato: ...Haah...Fuck...

( Why is she so worried about that woman? )

( Why...? )

( ...Why am I feeling this complicated as well...? )

...Lame...

ー Ayato steps away as the scene shifts back to the guest room

Cordelia: ...Nn...

Yui: ( Ah... )

Cordelia: ...Aah...

Yui: ...Um...How do you feel?

Cordelia: ...Oh...I’m not dead yet, am I...?

Yui: ...You were lucky to survive, so please don’t say that.

Cordelia: ...You...

...Hmph. There is no point in living in a world where Karl isn’t by my side...

Ayato is a fool as well...I’m sure he held back somewhat. That is why he is a failure.

Yui: ...

Cordelia: But...You are the biggest fool out of everyone. You had the perfect opportunity to get rid of me, yet you decided to be a miss goody-two shoes and treat my wounds? Do you have a few screws loose.

Yui: When you put it like that, perhaps my efforts have been in vain but...

I did not want you to disappear.

Because I can relate to you...and your strong feelings for someone else.

Cordelia: ...

...Hmph. This is exactly why I dislike having to deal with ignorant little girls who have yet to find out how this world works. Your naivety makes me sick.

Your own feelings are disgusting. Could you not group them together with mine?

My love is...My love for Karlheinz...is more beautiful than anything else in this world.

Yui: ( To think she feels for him so strongly... )

...Um...What kind of man is Karlheinz-san exactly?

Cordelia: ...Excuse me? Are you trying to compete with me?

Yui: I-I’m not!

It’s just...I’m just curious what the person you love so strongly is like.

Cordelia: Hmph...

Yui: ( I guess she won’t tell me after all... )

Cordelia: ...

...Karl is...

Yui: ...!

Cordelia: ...He genuinely was kind to me always.

He treated me quite well after our marriage. He would listen to every single one of my selfish requests.

Nfu~ I am not a fool either. I had a faint suspicion that he might have some sort of ulterior motive...

...But...

I was happy...I felt blessed just by being together with him.

Once he flashes his smile, not a single woman can escape his grasp...

Yet, on the bed, he would only talk to me...It felt like a dream.

Every time he did, I could feel my love for him grow stronger.

At some point...I began to desire his everything.

So much so that I wanted to be the one to eventually end his life, since you only get to experience death once...!

I doubt you can understand that? The feeling of loving someone to dead...

Yui: ...

Cordelia: My cruel behavior towards Ayato and his brothers was all done out of spite towards him as well.

Seeing the children of the woman you love get treated in such a way should at least do something to you, no?

I could care less about words like ‘I like you’ or ‘I love you’. 

There was only one thing I wanted. ーー His heart. (1)

I wanted his heart to overflow from emotions for me, burning with love to the point of madness.

...But...Right now, I have not achieved anything. I...

Yui: ( Cordelia... )

Cordelia: ...Uu.

Yui: ( She truly did love Karlheinz...This strongly. )

( As for him...I wonder how he felt? )

( Did he...not love her back? )

( If he could not love her, then why didn’t he just genuinely tell her so? )

( Cordelia described him as ‘kind’, but I... )

...

*Thud*

Yui: ...I-Is someone there...?

( ...Am I hearing things...? )

...

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall

Ayato: Haah, haah, haah...

( ...What was that just now...? )

( Why was she crying like that...!? )

( You’re supposed to be a thoroughly despicable wench beyond saving, no!? )

( Yet right now, that same woman is... )

...

( ...The Old Man... )

( Does he know everything? )

( Nothing is a mystery to him. )

( Right, he knew...Yet he never gave her what she truly wanted... )

( He simply put a sweet smile on his face, continuing to keep her by his side. )

( In that case... )

( In that case, the root of all evil isーー )

Monologue

Everything Cordelia has done up till now.

I wonder how many people have been hurt,

or twisted by her behavior?

Said reality cannot be altered.

However. 

I have found out,

about Cordelia’s feelings

towards Karlheinz-san.

So...

I could no longer bring myself to resent her.

I wonder if that means,

I am betraying Ayato-kun

in one way or another?

No, I’m not.

I love Ayato-kun,

so very much.

However, I wonder how I should convey,

these complicated feelings to him...?

Yui: ( Where did Ayato-kun go...? )

( Ah, there he is...! )

( But...What should I say to him? )

...

Ayato: ...Nn...?

Oi, Chichinashi! What are you doing standin’ ‘round over there?

Yui: Ah...!

ー Ayato approaches her

Ayato: Hm? What’s wrong?

Yui: W-Well...

( I wonder what happened to him? He looks as if he got a breakthrough or something... )

Ayato: Cat got your tongue or something?

Well, there’s something I have to tell you, so you appeared just on time.

Yui: Tell me...?

Ayato: Exactly!

It’s ‘bout that shitty hag.

Yui: ...

Ayato: How should I put this...I feel like it’s gonna be kinda odd comin’ from me ...or rather I’m in no position to say this...

But...You know...

Thanks for treatin’ her injuries.

Yui: Ayato-kun...!

Ayato: Let me tell you just in case! I haven’t forgiven that old hag for everythin’ she did!

However...I can’t put it into words very well, but I came to a lot of realizations myself.

...I’m sure she must have had it rough as well.

Yui: ...Yeah...

( He hasn’t forgiven Cordelia. He can’t forgive her. Yet... )

( I can tell that he is trying his best to face her. )

( Rather than keeping it all to myself, I should have put more faith in Ayato-kun and talked to him on how I felt about the situation. )

( I’m sorry, Ayato-kun. And also... )

ーー I love you.

Ayato: A-Aah!? The fuck are you sayin’ all of a sudden...!?

Yui: I felt as if I just had to tell you that right now.

Ayato: H-Hm...Well, it’s not like I didn’t know already that you’re head over heels for me!

Yui: Yeah. But, I grew to love you even more. I really do love you, Ayato-kun.

Ayato: ...

ー He suddenly bites her

Ayato: S-Shut up! Nn...!

Yui: Ah...

Ayato: ...Haah...Nn...

Yui: ...Nn...

Ayato: ...Hah...Nn...Phew...

Hehe, what’s wrong, Chichinashi? Look at that ecstatic expression on your face. How does it feel, huh?

Yui: That’s...Well...

...It feels good.

Ayato: Wha...!?

T-The fuck has gotten into you!? What are you sayin’...!?

Yui: I-I mean...It’s you who’s biting me after all...! So...

( T-The words just slipped out of my mouth, how embarrassing...! )

Ayato: You idiot! You’re too damn cute...Nn...

Yui: Ah...

Ayato: ...Nn...Haah...Nn...Phew...

Yui: ( Ayato-kun... )

( I really...do love you... )

ー The scene shifts to the balcony

Shin: Haahー... Look at them getting it on in plain sight...Don’t they realize we’d rather not have to see that...

Carla: ...

Shin: Say, Nii-san? Why are we letting them do as they please? I’ve reached my limit. 

At this rate, they’re only going to deepen their bond and head straight towards their happy end, no?

Carla: ーー That is fine.

Shin: Eh...?

Carla: Everything is progressing smoothly. All that is left is...

ー Carla steps away

Shin: Ah...Nii-san!

ー Shin chases after him

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 心 or ‘kokoro’ is a very difficult term to translate in Japanese because it can mean a lot of different things from ‘heart’ to ‘soul’, ‘mind’ and even ‘feelings’. In this context, I think Cordelia just wanted Karlheinz to show her any other emotion than his usual ‘gentle smile’ which charms all of the ladies. 

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

<- [ Maniac Epilogue ] [ Ecstasy 01 ] ->

[scftizuku]

Why no other character besides Deku works as the main character of My Hero Academia

Deku is the only one who can be the main character of My Hero Academia. He’s one of the only people who is starting to question hero society and can understand all perspectives

Reasons on why other characters wouldn’t work: from what I see constantly people who claim that “Deku is a horrible Mc” would preach about Bakugou, Todoroki, Kirishima and Mirio being better ones instead.

Onward to why Bakugou wouldn’t work as a Mc.

Now as of how his character arc is going right now Bakugou is the deurotagonist (and is made to foil with Deku) if we were to take away Deku as a entirely from being the lead (which I’m gonna assume those who say so would want him to be a side character) that would erase the empathizes on Bakugou’s atonement arc which comes with the growth he has to undergo. As of what we know about Bakugou’s personality he’s brash, smart, and a bit perceptive. He has been a gifted child ever since a young age and people have always told him how amazing he is. For him to have OFA from the start of the series would just enforce that narrative (which from what we know already in canon wasn’t good for him as a character) it would be hard for the audience to see Bakugou go through any type of changes since OFA would be with him from the start and his early introduction showcased that he has grown up with everyones validation and them telling him that he is the best. Having OFA will just feed into that toxicity that hero society had engrained into his head.

Bakugou from the beginning of the series was someone who only saw his perspective on the matter (in a way a bit selfish) being able to understand those around you and fight against the impossible in terms of how cruel society is a theme in mha. He started off as someone who just wanted to win all his battles and be better then All Might (which again taking Deku out of the picture he would have never learned the importance of saving those around him).

Considering he already had the qualifications of becoming a hero since the beginning what type of challenges would he have to go thought? He never faced any kind of backlash for being quirkless or not being good enough.

In all honestly Bakugou fits his role perfectly as a deurotoganist so it’s hard for me to truly understand how having him as the main character would make the series 10 times better. In the case scenario that Deku is a side character the character type that we would be getting is his pre development self (basically season one Bakugou)

Summary (bullet point format)

Bakugou:

Without Deku involved as the Mc he would never be the guy he is today

The Mc version we would be getting is his pre development self

Bakugou is a emotionally constipated character which wouldn’t work for the role of Mc

Their would be no need for him to have OFA considering that everyone around him already praised him for having a quirk. It would in a way be handed to him and also feed into Bakugou’s ego that he is the best

Kirishima Eijirou:

This one won’t be long to explain as Kirishima’s personality kind of embodies a typical shounen male lead. He’s said to be one of the mood makers of the class in canon (as according to Horikoshi). In the canon storyline we have gotten his backstory during the Overhaul arc. He was a child who struggled to stand up against the villains (as we have seen Ashido do so in one of the flashbacks) he lacked confidence (which you could say is a good starter) but like Bakugou he never had to face the consequences of being told that he couldn’t be a hero because he was quirkless.

Although it would be a bit hard to tell what Kirishima would do if he were put into a situation where he would have to fight a villain and try to see their viewpoint (as we have seen from Deku and Gentle Criminal). I can add that Kirishima idolized Crimson Riot not All Might (so that in itself wouldn’t have made sense if he were to have OFA since their is no connection between the two). 

One last thing but his self condience issue that he had while growing up was already tackled and dealt with in the Overhaul arc while he was fighting to protecting Fatgum (his mentor) and this already paid off for him since we have seen him save Ashido in the war arc against Gigantomachia.

Kirishima:

Didn’t idolize All Might so the audience wouldn’t really be invested in the connection he could have with him if he were to have OFA or how that starter point of idolizing someone could turn into a genuine bond.

Never was told that he couldn’t be a hero because of something he didn’t have (which that core element allowed fans to see the struggles that Deku went threw)

Not enough material of Kirishima’s perspective in terms of villains and how he feels about hero society

His character archetype if anything would be just playing it safe since their are plenty of goofy type of characters who are usually the main character in shounen series.

Mirio Togata:

Now when it comes to Mirio he’s bubbly, accepting, and inviting. Nothing wrong with his personality being explored as a main character. I’d say the issue with him being the lead would lie with the fact that if he were to step up and take on Deku’s role he wouldn’t really question the wrongs of hero society and in a way would be another All Might in that regard. What we do know is that he was a student that was under Sir Nighteye (and we all know how poorly Nighteye treated Deku in the Overhaul arc) their may be a chance that Mirio might adopt some of Nighteye’s thoughts on hero society despite being the positive, bubbly sunshine that he is. From how canon depicts Mirio he is apart of the current big 3; and was shown to be loved by everyone. From a narrative standpoint their wouldn’t be much to explore with him if he were to be the main character since he had no inner turmoil. Another point i’d like to bring up with Mirio is how he lost his quirk to Overhaul while Deku defeated him. Mirio’s fight with Overhaul was the first big fight he had in the series and considering that some people make claims that Mirio would have a better handle of OFA over Deku I just want to remind everyone that he would be more likely to have that power taken from him (which that kind of worries me). Lastly I’d like to point out that Mirio himself dosen’t face any internal conflict or have any major player that makes the audience want to explore more of his character. He kind of takes everything at face value and dosen’t question any of it which (if the theme of hero society being corrupt and going to be broken down into a healthier one is gonna happen in this series that already debunks Mirio making any type of change to whats happening to the villains).

Mirio:

Since Mirio’s introduction he has been well liked by everyone. It would be hard narratively speaking to have a main character who does not start out with a struggle (even if that hardship isn’t so huge) 

His viewpoints of hero’s society would be similar to All Might as he would not challenge the corruption that the story heavily showcases in the war arc

Mirio dosen’t face any internal conflict or have anything that makes the audience want to dive more into his character (or to learn more about his thought process)

His first major fight being against Overhaul caused him to lose his quirk so it would be hard for me to believe that he can actually keep OFA without losing it.

Todoroki Shouto:

Now onward to my last person on the list. I haven’t heard to many people try to claim that Shouto should be the main character but I have seen some sad takes on it. Anyway similar to Bakugou and how involved Deku was in his atonement arc. Shouto would have never been the character we all know and love without Deku fighting him at the Sports Festival and making the claim that his “power is his.” enforcing that the quirk Shouto has is his own and not his father (which was something that we’ve seen Shouto struggle with during that arc). Now from the perspective that we sideline Deku and that he isn’t a main character we can safety say that the version of his character that we would be getting instead of his current one is in Sero’s words “early roki.”. Meaning we would have a main character who appears cold and showing a resentment towards his father (remember Deku’s involvement allowed Shouto to change as a person and for the audience to see his story unfold).

Also considering All Might needs to be present in this situation we did see Shouto watching him on tv with Rei holding him in his lap. He does admire All Might (but not to the extent that Bakugou and Midoriya do). I’d also like to add that Shouto was one of the only two students that got in U.A through recommendations (meaning U.A already saw his talents so giving him OFA wouldn’t really mean much if his potential has already been seen by others beforehand).

Now i do admit that having a character who is a victim of abuse take the reigns of the story is interesting I mean Horikoshi does a great job showcasing him and his family (and I do believe that he will know about OFA and that Deku will be the one to tell him).

Shouto:

His admiration for All Might wasn’t really explored enough (we do know that he looked up to him as a hero figure when he was a child but his love for him does not go as far as Bakugou or Midoriya)

Considering that Deku played a big part in Todoroki accepting himself for who he is and the quirk that he had.... the version of him that we would have had as a main character would be early roki

Similar to Bakugou he already has a quirk from the beginning so their would be no need for All Might to give Shouto his power

Shouto was one of the two students who gotten into U.A through recommendations so it wouldn’t make sense to not see the main character’s struggles from the beginning (as we had seen Deku take the entrance exam the first time having a quirk

Why Deku works best as the main character of the series?

Now I know what you guys are thinking “there are many thread on this discussion so why are you doing it?” I’ve decided to tackle this topic since this redundant argument keeps popping up despite Deku proving to the fandom how amazing he is as our main character. 

Izuku:

Since Deku’s introduction in the series we have known that he can overthink at times and has written about all the types of heroes in his notebook (including their strengthens and weakness) meaning he’s perceptive and well informed about the world around him

His fight with Gentle Criminal showed fans that he can understand different types of perspectives while still fighting for the side of justice

Along with the second point this is such a good trait that would benefit him in his future confrontations with Shigaraki (who is the main villain of the series)

He has showcased time and time again how strong he has become and as fans we got to see him start off as a young quirkless boy whose dreams were merely just dreams to a boy holding the weight of the world in his grasp.

Him being emotional is just a bonus because he teaches young boys that its okay to cry and unlike how shounen usually is with having most of their main male characters just carry the “tough men act.” Deku embraces that side of him to be vulnerable and teach people that crying isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign that he is human

Young Izuku (middle school him) was shown to have parallel All Might when he was younger.

He is a main character who can make such an impact on other people (examples being Bakugou, Todoroki, and even characters like NightEye who once believed that the future couldn’t be changed)

This is my first serious post guys. My next post will tackle whether the series will conclude with the wonder duo (Bakugou and Deku) or origin trio (Bakugou, Deku, and Todoroki) I am talking about future hero combinations just so everyone knows. 

[hemera989]

Hot Takes: Yukio Okumura

Aka, 'My Analysis Of Yukio That No One Asked For And Yet I Will Give It Anyways’ asjhdkajshfs also, tw for talk of attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression and trauma!

The main reason I felt it necessary to give My Take on Yukio was not entirely because I love him and feel like he’s a lot more immature and human than people like to think though that is a large chunk of the reason. It was rather because recent manga chapters have really gone on to shake up how I view him, and it helps to write things down.

I feel like perhaps it’s best to start chronologically in a way, because there’s no one event that really led to the reveal of Yukio as he is today- depressed, suicidal, and destructive. There is no one reason to point a finger at, or one life event to deconstruct. He’s a product of his personality, childhood, and the overall events that led to his birth. And what better way to start a childhood off, than with bullying?

Considering how traumatic bullying can be, it’s just a little bit surprising to see how much it tends to get glossed over (for both Rin and Yukio). This is where I believe Yukio’s inferiority complex may have developed, or at least started becoming prominent. He was teased and harassed as a child, and unable to defend himself besides relying on Rin to protect him. While Rin was only doing so out of genuine love and care for Yukio, this is likely where his twisted opinion of their relationship began. Rin was good and kind and strong, and defended him out of love, and Yukio was weak and a crybaby, and resented both Rin and himself for how little he was able to protect himself on his own. 

This is where we can see his mindset begin to develop; Rin = good and strong, and Yukio = weak and bad. This even extends to Shiro, which we can see somewhat in what I believe is the Kraken arc.

This also becomes what I believe is the core of Yukio’s character- he does not like himself. Because he hates himself so thoroughly, he doesn’t believe that he deserves to be liked, or even that he genuinely can be liked for who he is. We see this in his conversation with Rin during the Aomori arc, where he remarks to Rin that if Shiemi knew the ‘real’ him, she would hate him. He believes that he is an unlikable person, to both himself and others. 

In a way, this also stems from his relationship with Rin. Rin is in no way at fault for why Yukio is the way that he is, but the friction between their two personalities does deepen their own insecurities. Because Rin is reckless and headstrong, Yukio is forced to be the ‘mean guy’, the one to put his foot down, the one to say ‘no’ because he knows that Rin isn’t often capable of doing so himself. He is forced into responsibilities too intense for him to properly handle both due to Rin’s position as the inheritor of the blue flames, and due to his brother’s personality as the goofy, fun-having teen. (If you’ve ever had siblings, or, hell, even had to be the voice of reason in a situation where people are having reckless fun, you know exactly how this feels.)

When you take how his personality is, you can see exactly how his position as an exorcist has exacerbated this to an almost extreme amount. Though Shiro didn’t do so intentionally, he almost single-handedly createted one of Yukio’s most damaging mindsets- that becoming strong is the only way forward for Yukio. 

(Don’t take this as Shiro slander, I love that man and he tried his best with the complicated history he already has with childhood) Through trying to give Yukio the chance to seize strength for himself, he set off quite a few chain reactions within Yukio’s mindset. First, he associated strength as a person with physical strength. Second, he associated worth as a person with physical strength. Third, he associated Yukio’s strength and worth with Rin, by making exorcism a way to protect Rin from other demons. Foruth, in my opinion, we can see the reduction of Yukio and Shiro’s relationship from a father-son bond to a teacher- student bond. Now, Yukio begins to lose his main support system- his father. Shiro is no longer his dad, but the paladin, a strong man who offered him an unhealthy way forward in life. 

In one decision, we can see how Yukio’s self hatred found an external focus to worsen itself for him. Yukio believes that he is a weak, worthless, and unlikable person. But, now, he does have a purpose, something in life that is worth living for. He begins to develop his entire concept of himself as a person on that of becoming an exorcist, becoming strong, and protecting his brother. He hates himself, but he knows that he can do one thing- protect Rin.

We can also see where his superiority complex begins to develop. Being born human while his brother was born clearly demonic, Yukio has more worth in the eyes of the True Cross. Being the good child, and the smart child with a plan for his future, he has more worth in the eyes of society. He is better than his brother, and he knows it, but he also knows that Rin is (in his eyes) inherently good and kind, and Yukio is not. He is better, but he is also lesser than Rin.

Protecting his brother is also where I believe his relationship with Rin begins to deteriorate to a dramatic extent. Yukio wants strongly to protect him, because that’s where he believes his worth as a person is, but in a way, he resents the burden that’s been placed on him. He has to be the responsible one, the mean one, the assertive one, the negotiator, the one to clean up Rin’s messes, the one to fix everything, the one to give up his entire childhood just for exorcism to protect Rin. Yukio is a child, and one who was denied the chance to be one. He was never allowed the chance to selfishly externalize his emotions (like children should be ALLOWED to do, imo) and so never learned how to process his own emotions.

At this point in his life, he resents Rin for being ‘allowed’ to be selfish and destructive, he resents Rin and the world for having this burden of responsibility put on his shoulders, and he resents himself still for being an unlikable, weak, and worthless person, and for resenting Rin and the world. He is vastly, vastly unhappy and hateful towards himself, and is already suffering in the assortment of circumstances he finds himself in.

And then throw in a murdered dad, because why not?

Now, the burden that was placed on him and shared between himself and Shiro, is now solely on him. On top of having his father suddenly and traumatically killed, he is now responsible (in his mind) for Rin. One could argue Mephisto, but he proved... extremely quickly that he was not interested in the finer details of guardianship LMAO. Yukio now is the sole bearer of Rin’s wellbeing, and he finds very quickly that this is a role he does not (and cannot, as a child himself) succeed in.

Yukio has been thrust abruptly into the world of becoming a parent, in an extremely twisted and awful way. He is a child, in an adult field, surrounded by adults, treated as an adult, and now he essentially is the parent of Rin. This is complicated enough with Rin’s personality, but then you have to add in that Rin is the illegitimate and illegal son of Satan, and his very existence, if revealed, would lead to his certain death. As Rin reveals his powers, gets sentenced to execution, picks fights with Amaimon, uses his powers across Kyoto and in damn near every public space whenever possible, Yukio’s distress and mental state begins to worsen as he realizes that he is failing. 

We can see him begin to externalize his mounting frustrations and anger and fear, through reprimanding Rin harshly, threatening Suguro, threatening Mephisto, and also that scene where he punched the shit out of Rin for being reckless. Yukio needs his brother alive, because Rin is his only family left, and because his worth as a person is tied directly to protecting Rin. It is his only purpose in life, and he is failing at it, and he deeply resents Rin for making it difficult, and himself for failing. His downward spiral begins to become visible around these points, and we can also see the start of his worsening habit of taking his volatile emotions out on others physically.

He is progressively being backed into a corner with no way out, and like a wounded animal, he is lashing out at anyone who dares come close. Yukio’s violent and hurtful behavior towards others is not because he’s an uptight asshole who does it for fun, but because he’s a traumatized, depressed, and suicidal child who is losing the one person he has left and who gives his life worth. He has no substantial guidance from the adults around him, and for all intents and purposes, he is alone. He wants to rely on Rin, but because Rin has a tendency to process negative emotions by shoving them down and away, Yukio can’t rely on him.

This is what I think is the most heartbreaking aspect of Yukio. He is a hurt and lonely child, who is deeply mentally ill, who is losing his brother and lashing out at others because he doesn’t know what else to do. He is acutely aware that he is being cruel and unkind, and he doesn’t want to be. He wants to be good, and kind, and liked, and valued. He doesn’t want to hurt others.

This scene makes this obvious. This is what I believe is the cliff’s edge where Yukio takes the drop that leads him to where he is in the manga now. He is terribly lonely, and hateful, but in a moment where he lashes out emotionally, he managed to do something he feels is well and wholly despicable. Shiemi is the one person he cares for genuinely, healthily, and truly. She wants to help him because she cares for him, and yet he hurts her for daring to mention his largest insecurity- and he knows that.You can see it written across his expression- he’s shocked, and horrified with himself for how he lost control. His hands are shaking.

He managed to do the one thing he feared above all, and that was to let Shiemi see who he ‘truly’ was. He hurt someone who unselfishly cared for him, and this is where he begins to think that he has gone past the point of no return. He is so awful, and terrible, that he hurt someone as kind as Shiemi. He is so worthless that he is failing at the one job that gives his life meaning. He is so evil and cruel that he has shoved everyone away, and now he truly has no one left.

He is worthless, and evil, and terrible- this is how Yukio views himself. Why not kill himself, and then the world would be rid of him?

Except, now another wrench has been thrown in. Yukio finds that, with Satan possessing his eye, he has become worse that worthless and evil and terrible. Now, his life poses a threat to humanity, by allowing Satan a way into Assiah. His life isn’t just worthless now, it’s become an active threat to the world, in his mind. Now, he can rationalize that his death is necessary. He is suicidal, but he has convinced himself that it’s fine, because he needs to die anyways.

This is where I believe he is in the manga, now. He is convinced that he has to die, and says it’s because he wants to save the world from Satan, but it is extremely likely that it’s mostly because he is extremely suicidal. He is hellbent (pardon the pun) on his own death. He will stop at nothing to secure his own death, no matter what it takes. His trauma, his mental illness, his self-hatred- they’re all open and exposed, now. If he’s an evil, unlikable, and cruel person, why not commit to it? Why not make himself the most evil, the most unlikable, the most cruel, if it means someone will finally get tired enough to truly put himself out of his misery?

He’s cast aside his true kindness and gentleness, and has embraced what he believes to be his ‘true’ self. He will die, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.

That’s my take on him, what I believe his mindset is and how it developed. Yukio is not a hero. He hurt Shiemi, threatened his students, threatened his guardian, and shot Rin multiple times. Whether or not Rin heals from it is irrelevant, Yukio still made the conscious choice to harm Rin, and others. But, he has never done so because he is evil inside. He’s done so because he’s a wounded animal, lashing out, determined to secure his own death. He is a traumatized child who has hurt others. 

He deserves kindness and understanding, but also to be held accountable for his actions. He’s what I believe to be the embodiment of the ugly side of mental illness that many people are resistant to see. His character is uncomfortable to read, because he is startlingly real and three-dimensional. Like many of the characters in aoex, he cannot be classified as good or bad. He is a complex person, with good and bad aspects, like any person in real life.

godDAMN could someone give him a HUG and some THERAPY PLEASE.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Ateez: Others Disapprove Of Their S/O

A/N: Not a warning, but this was pretty angsty.

Kim Hongjoong:

He knew it was a bad idea to join the others at this party. You were both in the same line of work, you were bound to run into each other sooner or later. Hongjoong tried his best to make sure it was later and not soon. That's why he kept himself locked in his studio or in the practice room. He didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to think about you, he refused to allow his mind to wander back to your relationship. If he kept his mind somewhere else, kept it occupied into another task, maybe memories of you wouldn't creep up on him, and then his heart wouldn't hurt.

His members dragged him out eventually though, wanting him to have some fun after being cooped up for so long.

"Why should they care anyways? They're partly responsible for what happened."

He thought to himself as he sat in a corner, the liquor in his cup still untouched. He wasn't just resented at them for being so negative about his relationship with you. He was also angry at you for deciding to end it, for giving up, for not fighting for the love he believed was stronger than anything else.

His gaze wondered around the room, the music that was blasting full volume suddenly muted when he caught sight of you. You were just as shocked to see him. All the feelings he tried to lock away hit him immediately. There you were, still so beautiful to him, still holding on to his heart and taking his breath away like the first time you met.....

But he couldn't let you know that. When you made way to reach out to him, he stood up and walked away, refusing to look at you anymore. He was still hurt and angry at you. Maybe one day he'll forgive you.....

"But I can't do it right now...."

Park Seonghwa:

Seonghwa tried so hard to protect you from the harsh words that were sometimes said about you, from the criticism that was unnecessarily and so wrongly thrown at you. But you weren't stupid.

You knew what his parents thought of you, you could feel their disapproval of you from miles away. You tried to ignore it at first, but after some time you couldn't. Their words were always in the back of your mind. And you thought maybe it would be better for Seonghwa if you just left him.

"No."

He didn't even let you finish your sentence, he immediately responded.

"Seonghwa please don't make this difficult." You begged him.

"It's not difficult at all Y/N! I love you, you love me! Why should it matter what others think?!" He didn't want to raise his voice at you, but he was so emotional right now.

"Seonghwa......they're your parents...." You sobbed, unable to say anything anymore.

Seonghwa began crying as well. His arms held you close to him, not wanting and not willing to let you go. Not yet.

"Y/N listen to me. I know it's selfish to ask you to stay when you're hurting so much, but I promise you that I love you. I love you and I won't let anyone or anything come between us. But please.......stay with me...."

He was begging you at this point and deep down, you knew you had no strength to say no.

Jeong Yunho:

You hated the stares his friends would give you, hated the way they immediately judged you before even getting to know you. But most of all, you hated the way Yunho pretended like it wasn't real. You knew it wasn't his fault, he always tried to keep a positive vibe for you two. But you just couldn't anymore.

"Yunho stop! Just stop and face reality! Your friends hate me!" You finally snapped one time.

Yunho just sat there, scared. You've never raised your voice at him before.

"N-no they don't-"

"Yes they do!" You cut him off.

"Maybe they just need time-"

"Yunho, just stop......let's just stop all this."

Those were the last words you said to him. And for almost a month, Yunho hardly went out or even got out of bed. He was broken, no longer the happy puppy he was before. He longed for you.

That's when his friends realized how wrong they were and how they needed to fix things as quickly as possible. And thus a long phone call ensued, apologies were given and a fast drive to the dorm was scheduled.

Yunho was oblivious to all this. He was currently curled up in a ball, hidden in his blankets. He didn't even bother paying attention to the opening of his door.

"Guys, just leave me alone." He said, but was not expecting to hear the voice he had been wanting to hear for a while.

"Yunho....."

Uncovering himself from the blankets, he looked up, wondering if it was a dream, if his mind was only seeing things, or you really were standing there in front of him.

"Y/N...."

Kang Yeosang:

Yeosang was frustrated. It irked him to no end that you cared so much about everyone's opinions. Yes it made him angry that people couldn't be happy about you two, but he never gave a damn about people's opinions and he had hoped you wouldn't either.

"Why should we care about what others say about us? It's not wrong." He felt like he was repeating himself over and over again.

"Because sooner or later you are going to care when they decide to leave you." You tried reasoning with him.

"Bullshit. I'm not going to care, wanna know why? I trust them enough to know they won't leave me, just like I trust you."

You kept quiet and your silence scared him.

"Because....you wouldn't leave me either.... right?" He seemed to ask that question more as a reassurance to himself than to you.

You looked down.

"Yeosang.....I'm sorry." Was all you could say.

"Oh my God!"

Yeosang ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, tears threatening to spill out, but he refused to let you see him cry. He was stronger than this. His fists slammed the table that he was reclining over, and he stayed quiet, trying to compose himself. You walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeosang-"

"No! You know what?! Just leave if you're going to! Might as well get it over with! You obviously don't care about me enough to stay despite what others think!"

He cut you off and pushed your hand away, not even sparing you one last glance. You walked over to the front door, looked back at the man you love one last time before whispering:

"Goodbye Yeosang. I love you."

He didn't respond, he just heard the door shut behind you. And immediately, he regretted everything, but he knew there was nothing he could do....

"It's over...."

Choi San:

The company was giving you a really hard time. They really didn't want your relationship with San to continue. You tried to be strong at first, but they hit you with the one thing that easily changed your mind.

"What if his career gets ruined because of you?"

That hit you hard. You knew how passionate San was about his job. He loved it. And you couldn't.....you didn't want to ruin something he worked so hard for. You loved him so much and were willing to step away from his life if it meant sparing him that situation.

"You're what?" San couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I'm breaking up with you." You repeated yourself, trying hard not to cry in front of him.

San stayed silent, so many questions running through his head. 'What went wrong? Why all of a sudden? Was it something he did?'

"Please tell me you're kidding....I mean you were fine and happy recently....I don't understand." At this point, he was just mumbling whatever came to his head.

"Don't try to understand. Just make things easier for yourself and leave."

You didn't mean to sound cold or indifferent to him. But you knew that if you showed him you cared, or that you were hurting, he'd never let you go and you wouldn't be able to hold on to your resolution.

"...... Is there someone else?"

You were shaken up by his assumption. You wanted to scream 'Of course not! I've only loved you and only you!', but you didn't, you just stayed silent and straight faced. Your silence was worse for San.

"Fine."

He scoffed and proceeded to make his way out the door, out of your life, taking with him your heart while his was shattered to a million pieces.

Song Mingi:

Mingi just blinked and stayed standing there silently, wondering if he heard you right or not.

"Haha. That was a really funny joke baby." He giggled awkwardly, hoping you really were kidding.

"Mingi..... I'm serious."

He swallowed harshly, looking into your eyes and seeing how serious you were.

"Please tell me this is some sort of prank, a cruel prank. Please..... anything but that it's the truth..."

You could tell he was losing his mind, his voice was getting higher and higher.

"Mingi.....please calm-"

"Don't tell me to calm down Y/N! How can I be calm when you're trying to break up with me?! You're my whole world! I love you! Please don't do this to me!"

By this point he was on his knees, his arms wrapped around your waist, sobbing face hidden in your abdomen. He was holding on to you like his life depended on it. He didn't want to let you go, he couldn't. If he did, you'd disappear from his life forever.

Seeing him suffering so much made you realize you couldn't follow through. You loved him, and he loved you. You could no longer put up any resistance.

"Mingi...... I'm sorry..." You whispered as your hands gently stroked his head.

"Please don't say that unless you take what you said back." He was shaking at this point.

Bending down, you pulled him into a tight hug.

"I love you Song Mingi. And I'll never leave you."

Jung Wooyoung:

Wooyoung knew what other people thought of you. He usually tried to ignore it, figuring they'd stop eventually. But he reached his limit when they suggested he broke up with you.

"I'm sorry what?" Wooyoung's eyes were practically daring them to repeat what they said.

"I just think it'd be better if you two broke it off. Think about what your fans would think if word got out." They tried to explain themselves.

Wooyoung chuckled sarcastically.

"My fans are not some judgmental assholes like you. They'll understand and support me. And you know what? They'll love Y/N just as much as I do. And I suggest you shut that mouth of yours before I shut it for you. Never speak of my significant other again."

It escalated even more and you ended up finding out when Wooyoung came over to your place. He tried to hide it, but right away you noticed his busted lip and bruised temple.

"Jung Wooyoung. What kind of trouble did you manage to get yourself into this time?" You were ready to nag at him as you started looking through your first aid kit.

"Well by the time I'm finished telling you what happened, you won't be able to deny that I love you."

And you really couldn't. You really felt lucky to know Wooyoung had thick skin like you and you both loved each other too much to pay attention to what other people said. Although his thick skin got him into trouble constantly, you wouldn't have him any other way.

Choi Jongho:

Jongho and you tried to ignore the criticisms that others threw at you. You could take what they said about you, but you couldn't stand it when they dragged Jongho into it. And he was the same, he hated all the unnecessary backlash that was thrown at you. You both tried everything to make them change their minds, try to make them understand you two, but it proved to be impossible.

"Should we just break up?" You questioned him.

It wasn't anything new, you've heard others suggest it anyway.

"I don't want to.....but I don't want you getting hurt because of me." Jongho felt selfish if he asked you to stay. He didn't want you to suffer anymore.

"And I don't want you hurting, nor do I want your career to suffer damage." You confessed.

And so it was decided: you opted for breaking things off for the meantime. But you weren't completely giving up. You both promised that in the future you'd be back together, hopefully by then everyone would mature and be more accepting.

"I'll always love you. And I'll wait for you. Just please..... wait for me as well." Jongho cupped your cheeks and kissed you fervently, knowing it'd be a while until he'd be able to do it again

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners. And excuse me while I go dry my tears and blow out my nose

[rahleeyah]

sometimes i wish EO wasn't endgame, and honestly i love them but continue to be so on the fence about it all

the funny part is, i have no long-term resentful bone in my body, i can be mean and vicious and a bit vengefull but i could never be done with the love of my life, even after some of the shit we've gone through, some of the things i have felt and been made to feel, some of the things i have heard, some that hurt so badly but that i needed to hear

so i should understand olivia, i should understand how it is to feel unable to give up, to let go, to be done with someone, i should know that one look or move would be all it takes for my anger to subside, i also know that my rage burns bright and short and that i immediatly feel bad about it after because i don't want that to define me, to be how people and the person i love most remembers and knows me

but i feel vengeful for olivia, i feel like i need to protect her at all costs, and sometimes i am unwilling to believe that the one who hurt her the most is also the one who can make her the happiest, for some reasons that thought makes my heart ache, it makes me not believe in justice and i wish that elliot would just understand what it is she has been feeling her whole life, about people leaving, about her feeling she's not enough or, actually, too much

i can relate to olivia, i know how she feels because i feel it too, being too much and not enough at the same time is a burden to live with and i think, somehow, elliot tries to understand but he doesn't know and he will never know and sometimes, sometimes i just wish he could actually get into her head and her heart to finally, finally understand completely what is feels like

but the worse part is, the ones who actually don't understand are the ones the best equiped to heal you, because they try so much to get it that they do the work, they listen, they try and i know elliot can be that person, the one who completes her, who gets her in another beautiful way, who sees who she is, the real her, olivia

but sometimes i also want her to not be olivia all the time and to be selfish and to just say to hell with it and just take what she wants instead and not give it, give it, give it

so yeah, i wish they would end up together, but i also wish they wouldn't, i guess i will be happy and frustrated either way

Something I think is important to remember, when we talk about how Elliot leaving hurt Olivia, is that Elliot is also a person and Olivia knows this.

I don't think I agree with your thesis; is Elliot's departure the thing that hurt her most? No, I think Lewis did the most damage, emotionally as well as physically, bc he took away her control and her understanding of herself. Elliot's departure hurt but she wasn't in therapy over it. Sheila's betrayal hurt worse, I would argue. Bc Olivia didn't trust her but she wanted a family so goddamn bad she let her in anyway, and very nearly lost her son in the process, and blamed herself for it.

The thing is. What Elliot did, leaving, wasn't about hurting Olivia, and she knows this. He wasn't being cruel to her. He made a decision and one of the consequences of that decision is that she was hurt, but there are also positive outcomes with that decision. His family - the family both he and Liv have always put first - will be taken care of. He won't lose his pension, his reputation. He leaves his job on his own terms. Liv won't be dragged thru the mud alongside him.

Also!!! Remember!!! The part where he killed a teenager!!!! He is grappling with an actual serious trauma. And Liv knows this. Liv knows he wasn't trying to hurt her. He wasn't even being particularly selfish, imo; it's not like he wanted to go. Oh he could have answered the phone; ok well Liv knows where he lives and she's turned up uninvited to talk sense into him before. Why didn't she?

A) bc they're not real but b) I think she understands, on some level, why he had to go, and that she has to let him.

His marriage is not just an inconvenience to him. As far as he is concerned it is never going away; he loves his wife, he loves his kids, he believes in his god and the vows he has made, and he wants to be the man who stays. With that in mind it is kinder of him to leave Olivia than to continue to keep her in his orbit, bound to him and yet not ever his. He can't have her, and letting her go hurts her but it gives her the chance to maybe find happiness elsewhere.

You've pointed out that he does understand, better than pretty much anyone, exactly how Olivia feels, exactly how much she needed him, how she struggles with abandonment and feeling like no one wants her, bc she has told him more about herself, given more of herself to him than she has to anyone else and also he walked beside her for so long. They know each other. She knows his secrets and he knows her. So what makes him a threat? That he is the one who loves her most, and therefore is the one who can hurt her most?

The people we love most by default have the ability to hurt us more than anyone else, not because they choose to (yes, they know which buttons to press and which words cut the deepest but willfully inflicting pain for the sake of it is not love) but because they are so bound up in us. Their choices affect us more deeply than the choices of people we care less about. When you build a life with someone, every move they make has the ability to shake you bc you have the same foundation. It doesn't make them cruel. We have to learn to bend together.

The only way to protect Olivia from this pain is for her to never share her life with anyone else. If she doesn't depend on anyone she won't be hurt. If there's anyone who matters, tho, there is a risk of pain. That's life.

I hear you wanting to protect her and I fully get that but I don't see Elliot as a threat. Yes, his leaving hurt her. Yes, he could hurt her again. Anyone could. Anyone she loved, no matter who he was, could hurt her, bc she loves him and he could leave.

Their journey isn't over yet, either. We don't know how their coming together is gonna look. We don't know what kinda work they're gonna put in, what kinda conversations they're gonna have. So we don't know what this looks like.

And also. Fiction gives us a safe place to explore dynamics we maybe wouldn't want in real life and that's ok. Wanting them to be together in fiction doesn't erase your moral judgment, or your knowledge that you'd want better for yourself in a relationship.

So. Idk what to tell you, really. Your feelings are your own and you may just stay conflicted and that's ok!!! We all bring our own baggage to the table and sometimes we can't help but project our own feelings onto the characters, and sometimes that means we're gonna react differently to stuff than other people do. That's just human. I'm sorry if you feel you're struggling with this, but I hope that eventually you find some peace.

[12-16-91-stark]

I know you don't have the time, but there are some docs that caught my attention: Lost to Me; Home for the Holidays and Me Before You.

You're fine, no worries!!!

Lost to Me is again part of 12.16 to Endgame, it's just the first part I had written for it and for some reason when I continued with a different scene i made it in a dif word doc? lol But here is another taste...

Howard entered the room slowly. The air was chilled and he had to suppress a shiver as he gently closed the door behind him, making sure that the privacy shade on the window was pulled down. The light was dim and he kept his sights on the pristine white tiles of the floor, unable to bring his eyes up to look at the slab in the center of the room. His heart pounded away like a freight train in his chest and he felt the the first droplets of sweat forming at his temple and around his collar despite the cool temperature.

He could do this. He owed it to his son. Right foot forward, then left, and repeat.

---

Home for the Holidays is an IronFamily Thanksgiving in a post-Endgame, Tony lives world <3

Peter spent Thanksgiving morning simultaneously with his face pushed to the glass looking out over the front of the apartment and running to the kitchen to help Aunt May with the food preparations. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade was on the tv in the living room, the announcer’s fawning over the new balloons and artists as they performed. Years and years ago Peter remembered when Aunt May and Uncle Ben had taken him to watch the parade and ended up scarring him when the Barney balloon impaled itself on a lamp post and came crashing down. He hadn’t gone to see the parade in person since then. Even if they did have a superhero section featuring Spiderman this year.

It was the first major holiday his mentor, kinda Dad (though he would NEVER admit that anywhere but the comfort of his own brain), would finally be able to attend since he had finally been released, after months in the hospital.

Life had been very touch and go, for Tony Stark after the battle against Thanos. When he should have been taking his final breaths, Dr. Strange had stepped in and helped save him. Peter didn’t know the exact details of what had occurred. One minute they had been on the battlefield and the next they were in South Korea with Helen Cho. Afterwards he hadn’t really cared what happened as long as it meant that his mentor had survived.

Tony lost an arm, the one that had snapped, and he probably wouldn’t ever hear properly again out of his right ear either. The severity of the scarring had been lessened but the damage to the skin ran deep due to the magical properties of the gauntlet, so part of Tony’s face would always be marred by the lightning shaped scars. (Thor had been quick to reassure how warrior like this made Tony.)

There had been a lot of tears in that waiting room but Peter mostly remembered Pepper’s calm determination in light of the uphill battle she and Tony would journey together. Limbs could be replaced with prosthetics and Stark Industries already held a medical patent on high tech hearing aids from where Tony had created them years earlier for Clint. The psychological healing and the rigorous physical therapy regimen would take longer, but it was a small price for Tony’s life.

---

Me Before You is a brief little scene based off the book/movie, just putting Pepperony in the shoes of the main characters. Tony was injured in an accident, paralyzing him from the neck down and wants to end his life. Pepper is the caretaker who accidentally falls in love with him and is determined to change his mind.

"There's got to be something that can be done, Tony. I can't just let you do this."

"It's not your choice to decide Pepper. I decided this a long time ago. I'm not getting any better and I won't get better. This is my life now. I'm an engineer who can't build. I can't walk, I can't go to the bathroom or get out of bed. I will never be able to make love to you the way you deserve. This is not a life that I want."

"So, that's it then? You're just going to give up like that? No one else gets a say?"

"It's my life, Pep."

"You are so incredibly selfish, you know that? How dare you bring me on here...make me fall in love with you and then only now tell me you want to kill yourself?"

"It's euthanasia, not suicide."

"It's suicide, Tony. Paint it up with all your medical terms and fly off to Switzerland but at the end of the day you're still choosing to die."

"It's not that simple…"

"Does Rhodey know? Or your mom? Do any of them know what you have planned?"

Tony swallowed harshly and turned his head away from Pepper, hair falling in front of his eyes, hiding the stinging tears that had appeared during their argument.

"They don't do they? When were you going to tell them? After you were dead? Send them a note through Jarvis?"

"Pep…"

"No, don't Pep me. You can't…" she began to falter, the hysterical edge in her voice turning to tears. "You can't do this to the people who love you, Tony. You can't. Please, don't do this."

Tony watched the sobs begin to wreck through her body wordlessly. He would give anything to be able to wrap his arms around her and hold her close to him. But he couldn't. He was a prisoner in his own body, couldn't she understand that?

How he wished he had met her before all of this, but he hadn't. He would never live a normal life again. Maybe she would stay with him now, and maybe she did love him now too, but eventually his condition would drive her away. She would tire of taking care of him, grow tired of not being able to do what normal couples do and then what? He couldn't bear to one day look into her eyes and see that resentment there. Better to cut it off now, to go forward with what he had planned from the minute he woke up from that accident.

"Pepper, please," he whispered through his own tears, begging her to understand.

Instead she moved from her position at the door and came to where he sat in his chair and collapsed into his lap, tears still falling. The scent of her shampoo filled his nostrils as she settled against him and he breathed her in, soaking up every breath, every tear.

"Please, don't do this," she whispered against his neck.

"I'm sorry." He leaned his head against her, stubble brushing against her cheek. "I'm so sorry Pep. You weren't supposed to love me."

She clung tighter to his neck and god how he relished being able to feel her there.

"I'm going to change your mind." Her tears had stopped and her voice was steady and resolute against his ear. He could almost believe her when she said that, but he knew that there was nothing that could be done.

"You can't."

"I will."

He just sighed and leaned against her further. He knew he would let her try. He didn't want to leave her yet, but he knew it was cruel to get her hopes up and lead her further along. It was only going to hurt her more in the end, but Tony Stark had always been a selfish bastard and he would take every moment he had left with her.

[heartslogos]

newfragile yellows [1163]

If they had been lovers, Ellana thinks she would understand. Somehow, if the Iron Bull had been her lover, her brother’s actions would have been something she would wrap her mind around. And possibly, in time, make peace with. They would have been wrong, still, of course. And she still would never forgive him.

But she would be able to understand.

She would be able to wrap her mind around it, to look at the situation and see some faint trail of reason to it, some guiding hand behind his rationale.

After all, if the situation was reversed, would Ellana not harbor similar thoughts? If Mahanon had a lover of his own, one that pulled him away from her when he is the only person she has, she too would feel a powerful jealousy. An envy. Maybe she would even do the same as he has done now. She, too, is a carrier of the dark thoughts of winter.

They were cast from the same, frozen stone. They were conceived by the same, persisting tear.

Ellana can look at her brother as if he were her mirror and know the ugly truths of him.

That is why this is such a shock. A betrayal. This terrible thing that he has done to her.

She’s always known the depths of Mahanon’s soul, as he knows hers. She knows the dark places his mind can go, the cruel things he is capable of. And she thought, clearly erroneously, that she knew his restraint. Ellana never imagined her brother betraying her in this way.

If she knew him then he knew her.

For all that they had grown apart, for all of the animosity that had sprouted between them like sharp leaved weeds, they were still —

He should have known, understood, that even if she found joy with someone else, she would not leave him. She may come close to ripping his throat out with her bare hands, she may never speak to him again, but she would not leave him no matter what else fell between them.

Ellana could, and did, for all these years suffer silently through unhappiness and discontent. For her duty, for her brother, for their kingdom, she bore through it with grit teeth and seething resentment she pushed down deep and away from her conscious mind. And she was ready to continue doing so forever. Until the day a new Winter King would take the throne. Beyond that, even.

If Mahanon looked at her he would have known.

So why then? Why do this?

It was unnecessary. It was cruel. It was selfish.

(It was everything one would expect from the King of Winter, in hindsight.)

If the Iron Bull had been her lover, she thinks she could have understood and seen herself in his position doing something much the same.

But he was not her lover. Maybe he could have been, maybe in some other life she would welcome advances of such a nature.

That is another life, a different world. In this one, they were not lovers. They were companions.

Their touches, if any, were as chaste as touching furniture, as being touched by wind. They never spoke to each other at odd hours. There was always someone present. Nothing untoward happened.

Unless one would count making Ellana smile. Making her laugh. Making her feel anything other than contempt and distaste for life.

There was no reason for Mahanon to go after the Iron Bull. There was no threat to the throne, the kingdom, to Ellana’s person. The only reason Mahanon had to go after the Iron Bull was the fact that he was an existence in Ellana’s life that wasn’t Mahanon.

If Ellana could she would retaliate. But Mahanon has no one close to him. Only Ellana.

What a miserable pair they are.

Ellana draws herself up, and out, and away. She is in the air, she is in the stone, she is in the shadows.

“You know me as you know your own face,” Ellana says. Soft as snow. Soft as smothering. “You knew I would never leave you. You knew I would never turn my sharpness, my dark fury, onto you. You knew it. And you struck anyway. Never explain yourself to me. I do not care to know. I would say you’ve disappointed me, my king, my brother. But that would imply I had an expectation in this field. I did not. I expected nothing from you, and yet you pushed yourself in anyway.”

She takes her palm to her brother’s ice cold face, smoothing her thumb over his cheek, tracing his jaw with her bones. She looks into the dark, empty cold of his eyes, the rigid line of his mouth.

She loves him. She hates him. They are not mutually exclusive things, but they cannot coexist either.

“Do you remember?” Ellana asks him. She blots out the rest of the world. The other King and her consort, the Duke, the palace, everything and everyone.

She shrinks the world down until it is the two of them again, in the lonely and cramped dark. The world was smaller then, but it was warmer. Sweeter. Clearer.

“Do you remember that you left me first?” Ellana asks. “You left me there. In the dark. In the cold. And you only came back when you needed me. Did I not go to you willingly? Did I not put this crown upon your head? Did I not volunteer to consign myself back to that lonely darkness for you? Have you, in your paranoia, forgotten? Oh, how I love you. So violently. So furiously. If you were going to be like this you should have left me behind forever, you know. But I’ve tasted the world and I’ve grown a furious hunger for it. You cannot put me back in a bottle. You cannot set me on some shelf to sit and wait for you.”

Mahanon’s hand touches hers, long fingers curling around her wrist as he pulls her hand from his face to kiss the center of it. Pain blooms in her bones. A cold deeper even than her own that makes her hand spasm in his grip.

“And do you remember?” Mahanon returns. “It was by my hand that you tasted this world. And it is by my hand that you remain in it. Remember your place. Remember your purpose.”

[randomidiocyncrazies]

2.43 and the absolution of Chika’s responsibility

tw: discussion of self-harm and attempted suicide

since ep 5 of 2.43 has been out for a while, i can talk about how i think the failed suicide attempt by Chika’s former teammate and long time friend could’ve been handled without making it solely the nefarious plot of the Meisei assholes

i understand that Chika needed a clean break from his former teammates, and revealing the most traumatizing thing that happened to him is just a sick, cruel ‘prank’ organized by them gives him the motivation to fully cut ties. however, i think this plot twist weakens the narrative, and makes Chika a less compelling character by absolving his (perceived) wrongdoing by more of less reducing him to a victim of the other Meisei kids. 

i also want to be clear: even if Chika was responsible for Yoshino actually attempting suicide (not just faking it as he turned out to be), he should still have the chance to work through that and move on from it. Chika never intended harm to Yoshino, and he clearly has remorse for what he thought he had a part in.

in my mind, the current situation only needs slight tweaks to still have Chika as a protagonist you can root for, without necessarily taking away his part in driving someone to self-harm. the events will still place more accountability on the other Meisei kids than on Chika, and could actually highlight Chika’s positive qualities while also acknowledging the less savory aspects of his personality.

(because, let’s face it, he does have a difficult personality, and it’s annoying that it’s not really acknowledged after this point.)

the situation: Chika gets more and more annoyed by the team’s mediocre performance, and the others resent Chika’s blunt, insulting attitude the more he criticizes them. when they’re talking shit about Chika, the topic eventually turns to “haha maybe golden boy would change his tune if someone died.”

canon: Yoshino fakes a suicide attempt to quit volleyball without being ‘hated’, the others are all in on the ‘joke’ of the fake suicide. Chika is traumatized for something that ultimately isn’t his fault

proposed tweaks: like canon, Yoshino still does it, but he had actually been contemplating doing it for real to escape from what he thought was an inescapable situation. in addition to just being harsh on his teammates’ skills, we also see Chika accusing Yoshino of half-assing it and abandoning their promise to make it to the Spring Tournament. whether by accident or on purpose, Yoshino had inflicted a more serious wound than his accomplices had been prepared for; as the ‘prank’ spirals out of control, the others used Chika as a scapegoat to bury their own guilt in the incident. (Yoshino survives and had since talked to professionals about it: he felt guilty & selfish for wanting to leave, and trapped because of all the other things tying him to volleyball (his mom’s role in the PTA, his promise with Chika etc), and he felt like there wasn’t any other way to escape from the situation he placed himself in.)

in this version, Chika is still relatively blameless in the whole incident; the only thing that could possibly be attributed to him was his harsh criticism and inadvertent pressure on Yoshino, which is only a part of what drove Yoshino to do it. by bringing up the pact to go to the nationals together, it reinforces that Chika actually isn’t just a lone wolf, and he truly wants a team he could stand side-by-side with at the national courts. it also shows that, although Chika’s passion for the sport and his desire to have teammates he could share that joy with is real, he can be too focused on the end goal at the expense of interpersonal relationships.

also, the other Meisei boys still come off as worse than Chika, since they 1) see no problem with faking a suicide to teach someone else a lesson and 2) were the ones who encouraged Yoshino to do it and 3) placed all the blame on Chika and bullied him out of Meisei Middle School when their scheme spiraled out of control—all of which will allow the audience to continue to root for Chika even though he played some part in the suicide attempt.

furthermore, as i’ve said near the beginning of this post, i personally think that even if Yoshino attempted suicide solely because of Chika’s harsh (relentless?) criticisms, i don’t think this automatically makes Chika irredeemable. he clearly didn’t intend for Yoshino getting hurt, and in the book it’s something that haunts him and he feels guilty about it. from what we see during his interactions with his teammates in Monshiro Middle School (before Yuni threw his tantrum, which Chika took it to mean that Yuni doesn’t want him as a teammate either), he does try to help them become better and praises Yuni at practice, showing that he can recognize the difference in skill level and encourage others to do better—though he is of course upset if he sees them slacking off/not working hard to fulfill their potential (and he’s entitled to that imo).

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

I don't want Percy to be MC's friend. He's a complete jerk who only cares about himself more than his friends, parents and siblings but at least, he learned his mistake in the last Harry Potter movie. Watch the video called "The Entire Life of Percy Weasley (Harry Potter Explained)"

I can’t say that I agree, anon, though I can understand finding Percy obnoxious, especially in this game. His personality can definitely rub people the wrong way. However, having just watched the video, I have to say that I think it’s very one-sided. I’ll try and go through everything that it talks about - under the cut because I have no filter.

Fred and George

To say that he didn’t like his brothers Fred and George, and that he wanted to control them, isn’t really accurate and it doesn’t acknowledge that whenever Fred and George were mentioned in conjunction with Percy, they were usually bullying him. Vandalizing his Head Boy badge, even though he was proud of having gotten the position and it meant a lot to him. Or the time that they literally sent him dragon dung. Or the time that they tried to leave him for dead in a Pyramid tomb. And it was played for laughs. I’m not condemning Fred and George because they were the human embodiment of the chaos alignment, so it makes sense that they would butt heads with Percy. Brothers pick on each other, I know it happens. But it’s not fair to act like Percy feeling distant from his other siblings was his own fault. Fred and George were really popular with the Weasleys and other kids. Percy, by comparison, was just tolerated. Even though he was the model student and the one who followed rules, and the twins were constantly causing trouble. Why should Percy be ashamed of doing what he’s supposed to do? Why shouldn’t he want attention and validation from his family? Maybe the reason he talked constantly about his accomplishments was because he wanted to be appreciated.

The other Weasleys

Most of the moments where he doesn’t get along with his family in the early books are not moments that Percy himself initiates. It’s primarily Ron, Ginny, or the Twins picking on him. He didn’t even feel like he could tell his family he was dating someone because he guessed (correctly) that they would bully him for it. Speaking of that, Ginny promised she would keep Percy’s secret, and then turned around and told basically everyone. 

Despite all this, Percy very clearly cared about his family, well before Deathly Hallows. Like the time he boasted about Ron helping to win the House Cup. The time he tried to comfort Ginny, believing she was upset about Ron. The time he scolded Ron over this and warned him to stop going near the site of the Basilisk attacks because of how it would look. Or the time he watched out for Harry because Mrs. Weasley asked him to, “like an extremely pompous guard dog” as the video says. (Like I said, very one-sided.) Or the time that he refused to let go of Ron after Ron was used as a hostage in the Second Task. The video also attributes the end of Percy’s relationship with Penelope to him working too much in GOF...but there’s literally nothing in the books that ever suggests that.

The Triwizard Tournament

Like Bill, Percy is show constantly shown to be a good leader. He was named Prefect and Head Boy and he utterly embraced the positions. But the video mostly focuses on how proud he was of having gotten these positions and now enough on how he got them...because he earned them. In the same breath as talking about how he would apparate in the house every morning just to prove he could the video also talks about how Crouch barely gave Percy the time of day. Couldn’t be bothered to remember his name and just gave him pointless tasks. Despite how excited Percy was and how eagerly he would talk about all this to the rest of his family, who found it boring and avoided the topic. Percy is all alone in GOF. Even more so than he has been before. It’s really no wonder that he poured himself into his work and looked to the Ministry for support and validation, because he wasn’t getting any at home. He was just being belittled and humiliated at every turn. Of course, once Crouch was imperius’d, Percy thought he was finally getting recognition, but he was just being used. He was being set up as the fall guy. Even the villains are indirectly dismissive of this character! 

Because Crouch was out of commission, Percy was having to deal with all his work. So to say that he valued laws and rules over his own family is not only cruel, it’s completely wrong. Percy is resentful of them because to him, it feels like their actions are creating more stress for him at work and ruining that environment for him too. Ruining his dreams. The Ministry (and the video) blames Percy for not figuring out that something was off about Crouch, but it was still the same hand-writing, so why would Percy question it? 

The Estrangement

His supposed reprieve came when Fudge hired him as a Personal Assistant. Percy was excited and came home, hoping his Dad would be proud of him. But like always, Percy was disappointed. Arthur was right in his suspicions about why Fudge hired Percy, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that Percy heard “You aren’t good enough to have gotten this job.” He heard Arthur refuse to believe that he might have actually earned this. That he was succeeding. “No Percy, this job isn’t real. The one person who’s actually valued you in recent memory is just manipulating you and it’s totally our fault for siding with Dumbledore, but I won’t admit to that.” That’s how it felt. And yeah, it was one time too many. The Weasleys have never conveyed to Percy that they appreciate him or want him around, so why should he want to stick around? Why didn’t anyone step in sooner, or come to his defense when he was taking the fall for Crouch? Why is it only when their agenda is threatened that they say something? And Percy is the selfish one? Why should he believe Voldemort has returned? I agree that what he said to Arthur about Arthur’s reputation and their family was horrible...but I think Percy-Antis view this as totally without cause. And the cause is clear. 

I take issue with how the video describes Percy slamming the door in Molly’s face “without even giving her a chance.” Because that scene was never depicted. We don’t know what happened or what was said. We don’t know how long the conversation may have lasted. But y’know, if I was Percy, I don’t think I’d even answer the door. He’s made his choice - cut ties with his family. To Molly’s credit, she was one of the only Weasleys who praised his accomplishments...but neither she nor Arthur ever did anything about the constant, constant bullying. That might be pretty hard to forgive, and Percy never receives any apology for it. He’s the only one who apologies in the end.

The letter that Percy sends Ron seems pretty terrible until you look at it from from the perspective that he’s genuinely trying to protect his little brother. Which he has always done in his own way. It’s an olive branch. Look, the word on the street is that Harry Potter is constantly lying and potentially dangerous. Percy might very well have made the judgment call that his family was blinded by their loyalty to him. It’s not like Percy and Harry were ever close. Think about it. After befriending Harry, Ron consistently got involved in dangerous adventures like confronting acromantulas, dementors, devil’s snare, the list goes on. It’s not unreasonable at all that Percy might want Harry to stay away from Ron. I’ll agree that giving Umbridge an endorsement is jaw-dropping...but we don’t see them interact. Umbridge might have put on a completely different face around Percy. Or he might have simply trusted Fudge and repeated his words. We just don’t know.

Fudge’s Departure

Dumbledore said that it’s harder to forgive someone for being right, then it is for being wrong. I’m not going to go off on a Dumbledore-bashing tirade right now, because that’s hardly the point -  but while that is very wise advice in general...it completely misses the real point of why Percy left. It doesn’t matter if Dumbledore was right and Fudge was wrong. (Though Percy no doubt felt horrible and humiliated yet again when he realized that.) What matters is that Percy’s family pushed him away and made him feel so isolated that Fudge valuing him was the only good thing going on in his life. Percy leaving doesn’t make him an asshole. But it does say a lot, not about him, that he decided Fudge’s approval and his job at the Ministry were worth moving out and cutting off all contact with his family. Dumbledore's assessment of Percy’s feelings once again ignores any responsibility that his family has in why he left in the first place.I genuinely do love the Weasleys to no end (just look at my URL) but their relationship to Percy was toxic.

 Scrimgeour, like Fudge, used Percy to get to the Weasleys, and forced him to pretend that he wanted to see them when he didn’t. Try to imagine being in that position, especially when Molly was the only one who even acted happy to see him. Fred, George and Ginny threw food at him. Literally why would Percy ever want to see them again if this was the welcome that he got? It was already painful for him and they did not make it any easier. Sure, I know that it was probably painful for them too, but they were once again not even considering Percy’s feelings, just their own. 

The Battle of Hogwarts 

I’ve already talked about how Percy apologies for everything, and the other Weasleys apologize for nothing. Not gonna lie, this is realistic to an uncomfortable level. Family members who have been mistreated wind up being the ones to apologize because they miss their family, even though they often aren’t completely to blame. But this is probably never going to be addressed because immediately after the reconciliation, Fred died. Just imagine how much undeserved guilt Percy felt about that. And then look to the epilogue where there’s one final humorous moment about Harry seeing Percy at King’s Cross and making a mental note to avoid him. Literally nothing has changed. Percy is still the joke of the family. He’s just accepted it because without them, he’s alone. He’s learned to see himself as the problem, and not them. 

...I am such a nerd. But I hope you can see where I’m coming from as well. Again, I love The Weasleys. I adore Fred and George. But Percy is not, and was never a bad guy. In some ways, he’s my favorite Weasley. I do love his character arc. But...I just...I wish there had been some apology from the twins as well.