ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
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The misunderstanding of how Sophie "didn't realize her feelings for Keefe" in this fandom is wild tbh.
It's not that she had no choice in what she was feeling. It's that she had a crush on Fitz basically from the beginning--one based mostly on looks at first--that slowly developed into more as their relationship became closer. But Sophie had already acknowledged that she had a crush on him from basically the day they met.
That wasn't her first thought when she met Keefe. She noticed he was attractive, sure, but she was used to the suspicious way everyone looked like the epitome of human beauty standards by now. So she didn't view all of her interactions with Keefe through the same lens through which she viewed her interactions with Fitz.
She developed very close relationships with both boys, even just as friends. It's clear from Sophie's actions and behavior around Keefe that she cares about him, is comfortable with him, and their relationship truly is stronger than a lot of her other friendships. Even just as a friendship.
She also devloped a very close friendship with Fitz. It's clear that they trust each other a lot, especially in the earlier books, and their cognate bond only strengthened that. There was clearly something special about their friendship as well. But Sophie saw all of the moments through the lens of her crush.
Love is a choice, but feelings can creep up on you. They really can. If they couldn't, maybe I'd be able to stop having a stupid crush on one of my gay best friends, cause that's seriously going nowhere. Sophie developed feelings for Keefe slowly, while she also had feelings for Fitz. That's part of what was so complicated.
So in Lodestar, when Keefe grabs her hand and feels her "heart emotions," it's not that he's feeling her real emotions, and her head is all filled with Fitz but all of that is just superficial emotions. What's really happening is that he's feeling from her the emotions she has yet to name. When Sophie enhances him, Keefe doesn't need Sophie to acknowledge to herself what the feelings are in order for him to know them.
Are you guys all seriously telling me you've never had a crush on someone that you told yourself wasn't a crush very convincingly for a long time, only to eventually realize that it was definitely a crush for a lot of that tme? Because... that's a normal thing that happens sometimes.
It's not that Fitz was in her head and Keefe was in her heart. Both of them were probably in her heart, because she'd developed close relationships with both of them and began to have romantic feelings for them both. But she hadn't thought about her feelings for Keefe, whereas she spent a lot of time thinking about her feelings for Fitz. That's why Keefe could only tell her feelings for him when he could feel her heart emotions.
She also just... began to lose some of her feelings for Fitz around Legacy, and her feelings for Keefe definitely grew. It doesn't mean her feelings for Fitz were never real, but I can't say I'm surprised that a fifteen-year-old girl ended up changing her mind about what she wanted.
Anyway, I'm not saying it's a plot line you have to like, but I think a lot of people, including a lot of sokeefe shippers, think that the idea was "Fitz was in Sophie's head (she THOUGHT she liked him) but Keefe was in her heart (she ACTUALLY liked him and didn't even realize it!)" and that's just. Not even what happened. That's not the point of the whole head/heart emotions thing at all.
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imagine you're luce, and you're born the heir to a mafia family. you're mafia-born, and so of course also mafia-raised, and then also a donna-to-be. you're raised to be able to take on the role, to be good and capable at it, are taught to make one of your core beliefs about how the many must come before the few, because the family must always come first. you're going to be the donna, of course you must always prioritize the family above all else, it's your foremost and most important duty.
if caring about the few too comes at the price of the many, comes at the price of the family, is it even worth it? if the happiness gained from it comes at the price of a greater suffering for others, is there even any meaning to it, even if it's your happiness we're talking about? you understand, don't you?
you're not sure if you do, but you care about your family, love it, want to do right by it once you become their donna, so you nod, listen and learn.
(you don't have to be taught the pain and loss and guilt and anger and bitterness is a fair price to pay for the pain you decide has to be inflicted and the sacrifices you decide must be made, including by yourself. it's the least you could do, even.)
imagine you're luce, and the gift of foresight runs through your blood.
you would not call it a gift. you did not ask for it either. and you'll never come to see it as something wanted by you.
you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course it's exactly the way you wanted it to go. you can see the future, and it happened exactly as you saw it would, so of course you didn't care to try hard enough to change it. you saw the future before the shape of it had yet to be breathed into existence, and who's to say it didn't come into existence only because you saw it happen? you saw the future, and it happened worse than it had to for it.
you can see the future, but you still can't make it anything else than what it was always going to be. you can even make the visions happen at your will, but you still have no say on what you see or how much you see. you still can only be the witness of it before anyone else can.
it does mean double and longer the happiness sometimes, means relief and gratefulness and hope beyond words, and it'd be cruel of you to voice out loud your feelings for others to hear the many more times it means something else.
you can see the future, and it doesn't make it any kinder on you than on anyone else, does not give you any more power or control over it than anyone else, but at least you can see the future. you're given the time to make peace with it, to brace yourself for it, to bargain with it, to plead and beg and fight against it however desperately and hopelessly, even if in the end it still happens exactly as you saw it would.
(you can see the future, and it still doesn't hurt you any less than anyone else when it happens, but you don't expect anymore for anyone to hold you any less responsible for it anyway. it would be nice for someone to do it one day, but you understand.)
you can see the future, and you decide it's a kindness to both yourself and others to keep it for yourself as much as possible whenever you can.
imagine you're luce, and your family has this set of rings they've looked after and protected for as long as your family has existed. they're one set of three of the most important artifacts in the world, ones that help in safeguarding its existence and balance. they're duty, the very first one and the most important one your family was created for.
the pacifier around your mother's neck is duty too, and the most important and powerful artifact among twenty-one in safeguarding the world and its balance. it's been passed down in your family too, from mother to daughter. it's duty, but less tied to your family and much more to the blood running through your veins. it's a curse, in fact, as it demands heavy sacrifices the rings don't, and one that can only be tied to the blood running through your veins.
(your mother looks at you as if expecting some kind of reaction from you, and you can only wonder at which point you weren't supposed to see it as a given. duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for a long time now. is it even duty if it doesn't require any sacrifices from you?)
imagine you're luce, and your mother dies for duty. she's the donna, and so she dies for your family. she's the sky arcobaleno, and so she dies for the world. she's your mother, but she dies anyway, doesn't fight it either, even knowing she will leave you behind, even knowing she won't ever get to see what you look like all grown-up.
everywhere you look, duty stares back at you, from your mother and the pacifier around her neck, her love for your family and the life she gives up for it, her love for you and how she dies anyway while you're still only a child. duty, from your family members and how they die for you and kill for you, how they do both at your command, how their lives are in the palms of your hands and how they weigh only as much as you allow them to at a time. duty, from the knowledge your foresight gives you and the shackles tied to the blood running through your veins.
your mother's only duty while she lives too. she loves you, but she'd have had to give birth to you anyway even if she didn't. she loves you, but she still gave birth to you even knowing the kind of life you'd have to live, the kind of hands you'd inevitably end up with, the burdens she'd have to lay on your shoulders, passing them down from her own. because she loves you, she finds the resolve to raise you to be able to face all of it head-on and come out on top, but she'd have had to raise you much the same way anyway even if she didn't.
(she doesn't die for you, doesn't fight to be able to keep living with you, and this, too, is your mother surrendering to duty one last time.)
(you're so sick of it, so angry at it, so hateful and resentful against it. you're so stifled by it to the point you've stopped being able to breathe for a long time now. or you would have been if they had taught you how to face duty in this way too.
it's for the better they didn't. a silver lining, sparing you pain that isn't necessary for you to go through. everyone you turn to only teaches you how to keep holding your breath longer, and you listen and learn, obedient and dutiful as you've ever been.
you're grateful for it too. really, you are.)
everywhere you look, there's no room for you to so much as question any of it, let alone anything more. duty is commendable, something you ought to look up to and strive towards, strive to achieve. duty is the right thing to do. of course it is.
(you exhale a breath of relief that shakes you down to your very core.
thank god, it's at least the right thing to do.
you're grateful for it beyond words. really, you are.)
imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know the choice you'll make when climbing that mountain, when standing on top of it, when waiting for a bright light to shine down on you from above. you know the choice you'll make then, even when pregnant with your daughter.
it doesn't matter since how long you knew, be it years, months, days, hours or minutes before. all that matters is that before you can even contemplate the idea of making another choice and all its implications and possible consequences, before the thought can even come alive in your mind, you already know the choice you'll make.
(you can see the future, but just because you already saw it, it doesn't mean it's now set in stone.
you can see the future, but just because you're given the chance to fight to change it, it doesn't mean it still won't happen every bit like you saw it.
it doesn't mean it can't still happen even worse than how you first saw it happen because you fought to change it, no matter how already dreadful it originally was.)
imagine you're luce, and before it even happens, you know they'll be others with you standing on top of that mountain. you're the only one who'll know it before it happens.
(because you can see the future.
and oh, you did not ask for it.)
they're strangers, people you don't owe anything to. adults who choose to show up at the first meeting, and to show up to every following mission after that. the chosen seven, whose ambitions and prides lead them to walk the path of the seven strongest too once laid down in front of them.
you don't force their hands in making any of those choices for them. you're not responsible for any of them.
you become coworkers then, accomplices, your hands stained in blood to various extent, but now dipping in the same pool of blood as you strive towards the same goal together. you have each other's backs, learn each other's strengths and weaknesses, learn each other's personalities, likes and dislikes. you keep having to spend more time together as the missions keep coming your way.
inevitably, you come to care about them. even more damning, they come to care about you in return. enough so they'll look after your daughter even after what'll happen on top of that mountain. enough so they'll look after your granddaughter too, warmly and fondly enough she'll call one of them uncle.
you're still the only one who knows they'll stand together with you on top of that mountain, not knowing what'll happen on it like you do.
and you do care about them, you swear you do. really, you do.
(you care about them the same way your mother cared about you, and how she still raised you to have steel in you and be made of sharp edges you know how to use. you care about them the same way you care about your family, and how you still send them to their deaths as needed so the rest of your family you care about just the same can keep on living longer and safely. this is the only way you've had the chance to learn how to care and love.
duty and sacrifices have been one and the same for you for as long as you can remember. it doesn't matter at which point sacrifices came to mean love to you too.
and most of all, you love your daughter more than anything else in the world.)
imagine you're luce, and this is who you are. this is who you've been raised to be, the only way you've been given room to grow up to be. this is the life you've lived and the kind of life that has shaped you as the person you are now. this is what you've been taught and told is the best version of yourself you could have grown up to be. this is who you ended up being by what you've been taught and told are all the right choices to make.
you're still the only one who knows what is about to happen on top of that mountain. it hasn't happened yet. the fate of the world hangs on what'll happen on top of that mountain, the same world you'll have to give birth to your daughter in. the same daughter you're currently pregnant with.
now imagine you're luce, look me in the eye and tell me you'd know how to even form the thought of the possibility of there being any other choice to make. look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't look at the only choice in front of you, and know deep in your bones it's the only right choice to make. that it is right of you to make it. because it simply has to be.
(imagine you're luce, and you're not doomed by the narrative. of course, you're not.
why would you need to be when the narrative has painstakingly shaped you all your life to become its perfect, faithful and dutiful sacrificial lamb?
and then, imagine you're luce, and you're even grateful for it, so, so very grateful it held up its end of the bargain too.
truly, you are.)
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Sibling Shuffle: Roll With The Punches
Hey guys! Sorry for the wait!
Context: this takes place a little bit after Megaman 7. Roll’s home, now, and since Piano at most messed up the organization on their computer and/or toppled a chair (just to appease Bass), they didn’t have to do much in the way of cleanup at the lab.
LORE: Roll, like Rock, doesn’t want to hurt anyone. That said, Roll does threaten Wily at Buster-Point, much like Rock in the original.
To be fair, Roll had had a REALLY rough day. I mean, first Wily attacked the city again, forcing her to fight again. Then, she met someone she thought was her friend, and, while it was a little bit annoying that Blues and Dr. Light didn’t seem to trust her, she could understand their concerns to some extent. Then Piano got hurt, so, because of course she does, Roll sends Piano to Dr. Light - her dad had always fixed her when she needed fixing; he could help Piano! But then, all of a sudden, no one is answering when she calls. Roll returns home in a panic, and while (thankfully) her family is okay, just locked out of the computer room - and Piano turns out to have been a Wilybot with intentions to infiltrate Light Labs, steal some blueprints, and use them to destroy her.
Roll had thought at least she and Rock wouldn’t be fighting alone this time. Instead, it was another trick, and Roll kinda rapid-fire cycled through the stages of grief over her & Piano’s (now former) friendship. With Wily gleefully rubbing salt in that fresh wound, after everything he did - to the city, to her friends, her brothers, her father, and everything and everyone she cared about - she hit her breaking point.
Anger can be pretty dangerous. It can make you want, do, or say things you wouldn’t usually want, do, or say. And in that moment, Roll didn’t just want Wily to stop.
She wanted him to never put anyone through that all again.
Once Roll had calmed down a bit, though, her earlier dark desire to pull the trigger scared her a bit. I mean, she doesn’t want to hurt people. She’s not malicious. Why had she gotten so mad? What if she had pulled the trigger? Was it even possible for her to, under those circumstances?
The other Lights could tell that she was bothered by what happened, but they were letting her come to them. Though Rock started doing things that comforted him in hopes that Roll would receive that feeling, Dr. Light let her know that she could talk to him a few times, and Blues gave her space (because he would want space if something happened that left him that shaken).
When Roll eventually did seek one of them out, it was Blues. His function of just "being himself" implies (at least to him) “make your own choices,” because you can’t be your own person of you’re not making your own choices. For this reason, he is well-versed in loopholes. (He sees them as him fulfilling his purpose by doing what he wants despite what he is told to do). If anyone could reassure her about whether or not she could’ve actually done it, it would probably be him.
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Additional Trivia (& Details):
I was on Pinterest for some pose references and I saw this cute skirt with a kinda overalls build and heart-shaped pockets. I thought it was adorable and immediately wanted to draw Roll wearing something similar. And, like I said I might, I gave her the scarf to match her brothers!
I looked at the events of game 7 and asked what could’ve possibly driven someone - especially someone like Roll (or Rock) - to the point where they are actively threatening this man’s life when they have never done so before. The TLDR of what I came up with? Roll was trying to scare him, but also wanted to fire because of all the accumulated stress. However, the fact that he wasn’t putting a human in immediate life-threatening danger meant that she couldn’t fire no matter how much she wanted to in that moment.
Blues’s alternate outfit is inspired by his other 2 canon-to-something casual outfits. Mostly the one from Rockman: Yomigaeru Blues, but also a bit the Megamix one. (Not that much of his Megamix one, but kinda.)
Blues isn’t lying. The first law (or, the way they were programmed with it at least) requires the human to be putting another human in active life-threatening danger in order to justify breaking it. It’s the strictest of the 3 laws.
Roll’s nickname. One thing I noticed I kept doing when thinking up scenes was Blues occasionally nicknaming friends & family members. So far, I’ve come up with “Rolly-Poly” for Roll, “Rocky Road” for Rock, and the much-less-creative “Tem/Temp” for Tempo.
(To note is the fact that Rhythm does the same thing when I am thinking of interactions with her, but her nicknames are more poking fun at someone. Like in my head, she calls Rock “Blue” and Blues “Red” just because she is an instigator of chaos and thinks it’s funny.)
You guys have to tell me whether or not you like the alt outfits or not.
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