#That I thought it was normal allergy/asthma medicine. And when I looked it up it had this gigantic disclaimer that you should not take it i

[invasive]

Nearly a year since I got bronched if you would believe it

[secretly-a-cold-blooded-murderer]

Five Thousand Miles

Warning: Angst, descriptions of covid patients’ suffering, hospitals

A/n: I researched a lot about what covid patients go through in a hospital and their treatments but still took a couple creative liberties so I apologise if the descriptions aren’t accurate. Do tell me how you liked it!

Summary: Y/n tests positive for covid-19 and has to be hospitalised. Her boyfriend, Harry is five thousand miles away from her.

“Harry, I’m scared,” Y/n confessed as she readied herself, struggling with wearing her mask and gloves while also balancing her phone to continue talking to her boyfriend on FaceTime.  

“It’ll be alright, you are taking every precaution you can. Plus, you have to get out of the house sometime, you can’t survive on air alone. Trust me, baby, you can do this.”

Harry’s voice was keeping her grounded, she wanted to continue talking to him but knew it would be impossible to shop and talk to him at the same time, so she nodded at him, “You’re right. Okay, I’ll call you when I get back. Safely.”

Taking a deep breath, she went out the door to a world of germs, people, and newly acquired viruses.

Being in the middle of a pandemic alone wasn’t her favourite situation to be in. It felt better when she had company, people who would help her buy the essentials. As soon as situations eased up a bit, her quarantine partners left New York to be with their families. She was all alone now.  

Looking at all the empty streets, Y/n was left with a weird sensation. The city that never slept had never been quieter. She was so used to being woken up by car horns and car alarms in the morning that during the first few weeks of lockdown, she found it hard to wake before noon. This quiet was almost poetic, like the stuff of post-apocalyptic films. Y/n wasn’t sure if the silence comforted her or terrified her.

There were more people in the store than she had expected, though all in their masks, she breathed in relief. She went straight to the personal hygiene section, remembering the most important item on her list, only to find that the store was all out of toilet papers, the one thing films didn’t guess would be a big problem. She rolled her eyes at the selfish people who had panic-bought more stuff than they would have needed.

She tried every store near her neighbourhood, and eventually was able to get the last set in the final shop she visited. Tired from driving all over the city in search of toilet papers, she went to the check-out line to finally buy her stuff. 

Standing in her place, Y/n noticed the people in the store, few whose foreheads were furrowed, their eyes darting around making sure they were maintaining the mandated distance from others, panic evident on their mask-covered faces. Some others appeared plain bored. Already used to the new routine and just wanting to get it over with. 

She was so lost her observations, she almost didn’t hear it, the woman behind her in the line coughed loudly, making people jump farther apart than the required six feet.

“It’s just allergies,” the woman announced in a nasal voice, rolling her eyes at people’s reaction. 

As Y/n’s turn came at the check-out counter, she found herself frozen to the ground, she didn’t know why but the cough threw her off. It felt weird to react the way she did, but she could not make herself move. She was nervous. She wanted to laugh at herself for feeling this way because of a measly cough, but it wasn’t so simple and right now all she felt was fear.

“Oh for god’s sake,” the woman moved forward, pushing her aside and placed her items at the counter. Even the employee there seemed wary, but knew he had to comply to keep his job.

It was only after the woman left, was Y/n finally able to move, she shook her head as if to shake the incident away from her mind and finally paid for her items.

She ran all the way home, even though she knew she shouldn’t have. She couldn’t help herself, she just wanted to move away from the public and into the safety of her home as soon as she could. 

As she entered her house, Y/n felt her chest tighten, as though someone was sitting on it, she couldn’t breathe properly. It felt like she was breathing through a squished straw. 

In between her wheezing, she searched around for her inhaler in her side bag. She felt her breath coming back a few seconds after she breathed in the medicine. She fell to her knees in exhaustion and took in a few more breaths to calm down.

She then picked herself up and embarked on an extensive set of tasks- Taking off her gloves and mask, removing her shoes at the entrance of her house, washing her hands. But, this somehow didn’t seem enough to her, so she went ahead and took another shower, just to be extra sure.

While in the shower, she cursed her asthma. It wasn’t usually a big hurdle in her life, but now, everything was a hundred times worse. This was the first time she had feared for her life. Her anxiety was at an all-time high and all she had to keep her sane was her daily FaceTime calls with Harry.

Opening her laptop to do her work, she checked the numbers again- seventy thousand new cases. She sighed and closed her laptop, not having the motivation to do any work. She scrolled through her social media to distract herself only to be shoved more news about the coronavirus, she let out a groan of frustration and switched off her phone, deciding to take a nap instead.

Only she couldn’t sleep. She thought back to all the plans she made with Harry, promising him to be there next to him while he toured the globe. She laughed at the situation and how no one in a million years could have guessed the current world state.

She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but she must have as she woke up with a jolt in her bed after a strange dream. She shook her head and looked out her window to see the sky dark. She switched on her phone, it was 8 pm. She cursed to see three missed calls from Harry and one from her friend, Sarah.

Preparing herself, she called Harry. 

“Where were you, I called like three times?” His voice was deeper than usual, she guessed he had just woken up because of her call. She calculated it to be 4 am in London, where Harry was. She felt bad for waking him up like that.

“I know, I switched off my phone and fell asleep. Sorry,” she grimaced.

Harry hummed in acknowledgement, “how you doing?”

She could hear rustling on the other side and imagined a sleepy Harry sitting up in his bed, his hair messy from his sleep, “Just missing ya’.”

“I know, I hate that I had to leave you like that, wish you could come with me,” there was a hint of a whine in Harry’s voice which made Y/n smile.

“Wish I had a visa for England, I really wanted to come too,” and she meant that. At least that way, she wouldn’t have to be alone.

“I’ll video call you tomorrow, it’s late here, or rather early,” what he was saying next was obscured by his yawn. She sighed, she missed him too much.

“Yeah sure, see you tomorrow, bye.”

“Bye.”

When the call disconnected, she messaged Sarah to ask what the call was about, who didn’t respond. She shrugged her shoulders and went down to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner.

~

It started with a headache. She didn’t ponder much on it and instead only took medicine to curb the pain enough to continue working. 

It was when she felt a certain roughness in her throat, did she pay attention. Her cough worsened within days, she was having a hard time breathing normally. It felt like a less severe but constant asthma attack. She took her temperature, which showed her to be having a fever at 101°F. 

It took her some time to even process what was happening to her, she initially wondered if it could be the flu or something non-covid, but she knew she couldn’t take the chances. Harry was the first person she informed.

“What are you saying?!” Harry was frantic, his forehead creased as he ran his fingers through his hair, messing them up.

“I have a fever, a cough, and I’m having difficulty breathing,” counting the symptoms on her fingers, she informed him again.

“It could be the flu, Y/n you didn’t even go outside. How could it be anything else?”

“H, I did go out to buy supplies, didn’t I? Maybe I got infected there somehow. We shouldn’t be kidding ourselves. I have to at least get tested.” You didn’t want to show him just how scared you were, but it was hard to keep your voice from cracking.

“I am scared, H,” you let the tears out. Your shoulders shook while you tried to wipe your tears as they were leaking from your eyes.

Harry closed his eyes, not being able to see you sobbing, “I know baby, but I know you’ll be strong. I will take the next flight to LA. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He promised, his mouth set in a hard line as a strong look of determination crossed his face.

  She shook her head with as much strength she could muster, “No Harry, you shouldn’t keep travelling, plus, you can’t stay with me and I don’t want you staying at some hotel. It’s not safe.”

“Bu—”

“—I won’t hear another word about it. I have Sarah, and you have your work to take care of. I will be fine.”

She knew Harry wanted to say more, object to her claims, she would not be fine. But he knew it would be of no use, once she had made up her mind, it would be impossible to change it. So, he settled for a low nod.

“Keep me updated, I’ll also talk to Sarah. She better be there for it all. You should now call your doctor, see what’s the next step.”

Y/n nodded, smiling that Harry understood. She didn’t want to trouble him. She also wanted to pretend for a few more seconds that this was not a big deal.

She called Dr Gupta, her heart was beating at an all-time high and her energy was at an all-time low. She barely had enough breath to tell her doctor about her situation who booked an appointment for her to go to the nearest covid testing facility.

She took a deep breath, wore her protective gear and drove to the testing lab which was a ten-minute drive from her place. She was already out of breath by the time she reached the place.

When she was done with her test, she felt worse than she had before. Sarah called to check in on her, but Y/n didn’t have the energy to talk so Sarah video-called her, seeing Y/n’s face would have to be enough for her at that point.

Sarah’s eyes softened, seeing her best friend heaving, eyes shut and groaning due to her chest pain. But she knew, more than anything, her best friend was scared.

“I hope with everything that I am that the test comes back negative,” her voice was tinged with worry and genuine hope.

Y/n could only nod.

The call came two days later, Y/n sat up in her bed, she had been dreading this moment these past days, with Harry and Sarah to distract her.

The test came back positive.

She fell back into her bed, cushioned by her pillow and started shaking uncontrollably as she sobbed.

She felt insanely dehydrated by the time she stopped crying, she didn’t even get to call either of her friends. She stood up with a groan, and following one slow step after the other, she went to the bathroom to wash her now tear-stained face.

The call she made to Harry wasn’t an easy one. She knew he would take the news worse than she had, and her reaction was not a light one.

“I prayed. I promise I prayed Y/n,” his words were almost indecipherable in between his cries. His every tear followed the other with a ferocity never before noticed by Y/n.

Her own tears followed suite, she was so sure she had finished up all her tears, but she was proven wrong. Soon, the only conversation happening between the two was through their sobs.

She wanted to curse all the gods, she didn’t want to go through the pains of having this disease and she didn’t want to do it alone. Even though she had Harry and Sarah standing right beside her, knowing they would not be able to meet her in person, she had never felt more alone.

“I don’t feel good, H,” she confessed. Breathing was becoming difficult day by day, she would rather have an asthma attack twice a day than having this constant pressure on her chest and throat. She knew she had to tell him, “I have to get admitted to the hospital first thing in the morning tomorrow, they say my covid could be worsened because of my asthma,” she let out in between a series of coughs stopping her after every word.

Harry nodded, his heartbeat rising. He cursed himself for leaving his girlfriend alone in the country. If he hadn’t left, she would not be going through this, “I’ll tell Sarah, you go rest,” he promised, seeing it get increasingly difficult for her to even sit up in her bed.

If Y/n was scared before, then the hospital made it thousand times worse. It was a scary sight, the covid ward was in an isolated area of the hospital, the doctors and nurses were in full PPE kits, the patients were lined up next to each other separated by curtains. She passed a room with ICU written on the glass door. With what she could see, she noticed several other patients, some with masks covering their nose, probably providing oxygen. Others seemed in worse conditions, they were intubated via ventilators. 

Seeing them facing the same crisis together, although away from their families, but forming a new family of sorts in solidarity to their conditions gave her little comfort. Those who wore the nasal masks and thus still had the ability to talk were speaking to each other, even reading something from their phones to those who were on ventilators. Covid had seemed like a situation she would have to go through alone, her initial views though were changing.

She was admitted to the regular covid ward, with the rest of the non-critical patients and would be observed overnight. She was assisted with oxygen through a nasal mask, just like the people around her, she had noticed.

“Hey, I’m Cecilia, call me Cece,” a thirty-something woman introduced herself from beside you. The curtain was partially open, allowing Y/n to see only her face.

“Y/n, nice to meet you,” she called back, smiling as much her energy would allow.

“Never guessed this is how I would be spending my lockdown,” she laughed lightly, pointing to her mask. She then followed it up with a cough, groaning with the strain.

Y/n felt bad for her, only to be subjected to the same.

These were going to be some long days. Though she did feel better knowing she would not be facing this alone. She looked around the room, at probably twenty patients around her, in the same situation as her, if not in worse conditions. She then thought back to the people in the ICU and what they must be subjected to.

Her phone brought her attention to itself, it was Harry FaceTiming her; putting on a smile, she picked up the call. 

“Hey handsome,” she suggestively raised her eyebrows, not wanting to worry him any further.

Harry did not even notice her words, he was too busy gawking at her nasal mask, “what is that?” worry coating his voice.

“Oh just my new accessory, you like it?” although Y/n wanted to look nonchalant, the pain in her voice could not be hidden, she sighed, “They are giving me oxygen through this.”

Harry’s eyebrows were knitted together in worry, Y/n wanted to make him feel better. She could not rest knowing her love was out there worrying about her, “Look I made a friend,” she turned the camera to Cece laying next to her six feet apart, “Cece, say hi to my boyfriend, Harry.”

She had forgotten her boyfriend was a big deal but was reminded of it by Cece’s gasp, “Harry freaking Styles ohmigod ohmigod,” Cece squealed, making Y/n forget for a second that she was not a teenager.

“Hullo love,” Harry greeted her in his ‘fan voice’, a smile graced her lips. “Hope you beat covid and get better soon.” Cece’s smile made Y/n realise how long these people had gone without having a reason to smile and how desperately they needed it. 

 Cece’s squeal garnered the attention of the people around them. Noticing the pop icon on the phone screen, conversations started flowing between everybody. Introductions were made, friendships were formed and smiles were passed around, along with Y/n’s phone. So, she asked a nearby nurse if they could access a bigger screen so everyone could see and talk to her boyfriend.

When the staff hooked up a screen, Harry gave all the patients an impromptu concert. Y/n had not smiled in days the way this concert had made her. She expected fear, anxiety, deaths and instead got friends, laughter, and music.

When Harry was done performing for his audience, he gave her a brief look. “I love you,” she whispered to him, smiling when he returned the words.

The next day, she was woken up by the noises around her, she panicked for a moment, not recognising the place she was in; but calmed when she regained her senses and noticed the blue curtains of the hospital, several machines and the people they were attached to. 

She made a short conversation with Cece but had to stop because she was getting out of breath. With every passing moment, her chest pain too was increasing. She did keep listening to people chat around her. Some were on calls with their family, others were busy reading books and listening to music. She kept getting shouts of gratitude from the people in the ward for Harry the previous night.

For the next two days, that kept her going. She learned about her fellow patients, Jonathan was 59 years old, his son was an engineer and he couldn’t have been more proud; Jaya was a 42-year-old woman with bronchitis and wanted to visit Paris at least once in her life. Marc was a 50-year-old diabetic who was in a band in the 80s, they were planning a reunion show. She met countless people, each with their own stories. 

At about 10 am on a Thursday, her situation worsened. The doctors had come for a routine checkup, only to see that her oxygen levels were dropping steadily and she needed immediate assistance.

She was shifted to the ICU ward. She had to be intubated and thus was given a board and marker to write anything if she wanted.

“—Yes sir, she was shifted to the ICU this morning—”

“—We can’t say much right now, but we’ll inform you if anything changes—”

“—Okay, take care, Sir.”

Y/n heard bits and pieces of the conversation her doctor was having with Harry, although since she was on medication, she couldn’t register much of it. The nurses brought her phone to her, a silhouette moving on the screen.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?”

Y/n pondered how to describe the immense pain burning through her respiratory passage and the lack of oxygen eating away her lungs and not give him nightmares. So, she offered him a tired thumbs up.

Harry watched his girlfriend cough, her face contorting in pain and could not control his tears, he didn’t want to think about the worst-case scenario but could not stop his mind from going there. He knew how low the chances were of people on ventilators coming back. But he had to remain positive, someone had to. She needed him to be strong for her. So, he wiped away his tears, put on his best brave face and talked to her.

He called her every three hours. Giving updates to her about his day, talking to her about whatever he could. He talked enough to compensate for the silence on her part. She smiled through every sentence, even though he could not see it, even though it wasn’t visible on her face, even though she didn’t have the power to, she smiled.

And she listened. So she didn’t have to focus on Josephine dying next to her or Augusta who was a hair length’s distance away from dying the previous day. Even though doctors told her that her situation was worsening, she listened because that became the only thing keeping her from giving up.

As her pains didn’t go away, and her condition worsened further, she was given sedatives and was thus mostly asleep. Which she was thankful for, for she couldn’t take it anymore, she just wanted to rest.

Dr Garcia came by routinely to check on her, talking to her about the outside world, gave her the gossips being passed around the hospital. Even though she was barely awake to listen to any of it, she was thankful for the kind doctor providing a calm lull while doing her job.

“Mr Styles, I’m afraid her condition isn’t getting any better. She should have shown atleast some improvements,” Dr Garcia informed Harry in a heavy voice.

On the other side of the line, Harry didn’t know what to do, it felt like someone was pulling away the floor under him. “What happens now?” He asked, praying for some hopeful news.

“We really can’t say much, each case is different, but it would be better uhm,” the doctor was thinking through her words, wanting to be as considerate as possible, “is there any family of hers that would want to talk to her?”

Harry almost let out a sob as he realised what the doctor was implying ‘is there anyone who would want to give her a final goodbye?’

“No, Y/n’s family passed away in an accident when she was 16, it’s just me and Sarah,” he explained, his voice on the verge of cracking, it was becoming harder to get words out of his mouth. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

“Oh, I understand,” Dr Garcia nodded, feeling sorry for the young girl who had stolen the hearts of everyone in the ward. She was a sweet girl, who had dreams and still held love for life even after everything she had seen. “This is not the end, Harry, she can still recover, God, I pray she does, this is not the end.” She really believed the words she was saying and wanted Harry to feel the same.

He nodded, tears clouding his eyes. He too really wanted to believe that.

A beat of silence fell upon the conversation, both in deep thought, “Harry, she wrote something on her board when she was awake yesterday,” Harry’s ears pricked up, “she wrote and I quote ‘I will not give up’ with a smiley face at the end. She is a fighter, you remember that,” Dr Garcia gave her parting ways and went back to her work.

Y/n’s words were imprinted in Harry’s mind. After the call, he made himself more presentable, wiping his tears and drove up to the church near Y/n’s house. He had come back to LA after Y/n was admitted to the ICU. He couldn’t be five thousand miles away from her in that condition.

The church was almost empty, which was surprising to Harry, given the situation, but he wasn’t complaining. He walked up the aisle, his hand grazing each wooden bench as he reached the altar and kneeled. He didn’t what to pray or how to pray, but he tried anyway. He closed his eyes and called out to God; he prayed with every part in his body, with every bone, every muscle, every fibre of being for his love to get better. For her to keep fighting. And for him to gain enough strength to deal with it all.

All this time, he had been feeling so helpless, not being able to do anything to make her better. But he made peace with the fact that the only thing he could do right now was to have faith. To have faith in God to guide him and her, in Y/n to be the stubborn strong-willed woman that she was and continue fighting, he had faith in his faith and that it would not disappoint.

He stayed there, talking to God until the closing hours. He then went back to Y/n’s place and sat on the sofa, waiting by his mobile, ready for any phone call he might receive.

He was awoken the next day by his phone ringing on the coffee table next to him. He looked at the time, it was noon, he picked up.

“Congratulations Harry, she’s getting better,” the relief was evident in Dr Garcia’s voice.

Harry felt himself getting physically lighter.

“I mean there is still a long way to go, but her oxygen levels are rising, her lungs are recovering, she’ll be soon able to breathe on her own. Harry, she did it, she won,” Harry didn’t listen to the rest of what the doctor was saying, he was too busy falling in love with the love of his life. It felt like he himself had come back from the dead. He knew his faith could never disappoint.

“Thank you doctor, I’ll be waiting for the call when you tell me she’s tested negative,” he laughed, his lungs breathing in air after what felt like a lifetime.

Dr Garcia chuckled along with him and agreed, telling him Y/n would call him when she woke up.

~

“You know I love you right? My fighter,” Harry tightened his grip on her hand and kissed her knuckles.

Y/n’s head fell back as laughter bubbled out of her, “You just told me that like two minutes ago.”

“I know, but a few weeks ago I thought I would never get to say it to you ever again. So, I will keep reminding you every minute that I love you and that you are the strongest person I know,” he snaked his arms around her, placing his head on top of hers, “I really missed holding you.”

She breathed in Harry’s scent, slowly regaining her sense of smell, she had missed this too. She cupped his cheek with her right hand and gave him a light peck.

Harry grabbed the back of her head, keeping her lips on his, deepening the kiss. When they separated, he rested his forehead against hers, not wanting her to move even an inch away from him.

Noticing her deep breaths, he whispered in her ears, “This is the only reason I want you to be out of breath. This and well... the other one,” he smirked.

“Oh hush you,” Y/n blushed, she sucked in a breath through her teeth, “Shit man, I love you.”

[cake-writes]

Compromise (Part Three)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Story Warnings: Mom!Reader, Dad!Bucky, Ex-Relationship, Co-Parenting Drama, Angst, Fluff, Separation Anxiety

Summary: You didn’t want to trust him again, because every time you did, Bucky broke your heart just a little more. Deep down, though, you wanted to get along with him. You wanted to be amicable. You wanted your daughter to know her father. You’d always wanted that. It just required a compromise.

Interlude #1 / Master List

To say you slept terribly was an understatement.

You were too nervous, too keyed up to sleep. Not only were you worried about Winnie, but the prospect of car shopping with Bucky was an additional stressor. Why had you even agreed to it in the first place? Yours was just fine. A beater, sure, but it still ran. Kind of.

Deep down, you couldn’t help but appreciate that he cared about Winnie’s safety. You just didn’t like the nagging. He’d been on your case for the last few months about your car, ever since you got into an accident on the way home from the grocery store. A fender bender, nothing serious. It wasn’t even bad enough to warrant repairs – just a few dents and scratches on your rear bumper. The other driver gave you a couple hundred bucks for damages, which you used on birthday presents for your little girl.

That said, you weren’t poor, just frugal.

Most of Bucky’s child support – a couple thousand dollars a month – went straight into savings for Winnie’s college fund. The rest was used on doctor’s appointments and medicine. Despite the fact that she also had the serum in her veins, she still got sick like a normal child. Between croup and colds and ear infections, you’d dealt with it all; even her asthma, unpredictable as it was. It flared up at the strangest times, not from overexertion or allergies like one might expect, but randomly and you hadn’t yet figured out the cause. Neither had her doctor, let alone Bruce for that matter.

Of course, the serum did affect her some. She grew slightly faster than her peers; although she was a little over three years old, now, physically she was more like four. Then again, that shouldn’t have come as a surprise, as your pregnancy only lasted eight months instead of nine. Technically she was a preemie but she certainly didn’t seem like one, having been born at a standard six pounds, five ounces.

Standard. Normal.

When she ran, it was at a normal speed too, and she definitely couldn’t lift anything heavy. She had a tendency to trip and fall flat on her face, so her reflexes weren’t exactly enhanced like Bucky’s, either, though her skinned knees did seem to heal faster than the norm.

To you, Winnie was a normal little girl through and through. She played with dolls and stuffed animals, drew with crayons and markers, and had temper tantrums on a regular basis. She liked to dress like a princess, watch Disney movies, be tucked in and read to. She even snuck into your bed at night when she had a nightmare.

She was normal. Mostly.

The fact that her Mommy and Daddy were separated made her a target in preschool, and you hated it. Her friends often babbled about their parents, plural, whereas Winnie usually only got to talk about you. You knew how much it bothered her. 

It bothered you, too.

Morning came before you knew it, and you were anything but bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. By the time you left for the compound, it was a little after nine and you’d already downed about a gallon of coffee. Even though you’d been a barista for almost a decade, you never really used to drink coffee much until you had Winnie. Then, all of a sudden, you completely understood why it was so popular.

There were no hassles at the gate this time. Bucky’s name held enough sway that you didn’t have to repeat yourself after yesterday. You kind of liked it – always had, if you were being honest. Not that you’d ever admit it. Especially not to yourself.

Yawning, you made your way up the handful of steps and through the glass doors. You’d texted Bucky right before you left and although he wasn’t there to greet you this time, you vaguely remembered where to go. At least you could take the steps more slowly this time, now that you weren’t being watched.

The compound was incredibly quiet for a Sunday morning in comparison to the tower. There was never a dull moment there, but here, even with all the buildings, it wasn’t noisy at all. Instead it was tranquil – relaxing, almost. You could even hear the faint sound of birds chirping outside as you knocked on Bucky’s door.

On the other side, you picked up the deep rumble of his voice. It wasn’t quite loud enough to make out, but you could easily assume what he’d said when Winnie asked, “Who is it?”

“It’s Mommy,” you answered cheerfully.

You heard her squeal, and then she relayed the information like Bucky had no doubt asked her to do. “Mommy’s here! Can I open it now?”

He spoke again – louder, this time, closer to the door. “Sure, princess.”

There were a couple seconds while she fumbled with the handle; she was barely tall enough to reach it at home, and this one was the same. Bucky might have tried to help, you weren’t sure, but soon enough the door was pulled open and a little brunette blur promptly attached itself to your leg.

“Mommy!” Winnie said happily, peering up at you with her big blue eyes. “You’re back!”

“Of course I am, sweetpea! Did you miss me?” you asked with a smile.

While normally you would have ruffled her hair, you noticed that she had two braids on either side of her head, secured by tiny pink elastics you didn’t recognize. They were very cute, but who’d done them up for her? Natasha? You were sure that none of the boys knew how to French braid. Why would they?

That particular thought made you wonder if there was something going on between her and Bucky. She was here yesterday, too. She’d tell you if there was, though, wouldn’t she?

“I missed you lots, Mommy,” Winnie told you, letting go of you to hold her arms up in the air. She wanted to be picked up.

You, of course, hoisted her up with ease and propped her against your hip, holding her little body just a smidge closer than yesterday – not tight enough to hurt, but you were ecstatic to have her in your arms again. “I missed you lots, too, baby.”

Then you finally looked over at Bucky and found him leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. The way his tight black t-shirt strained over his biceps made you feel a little hot under the collar, but what really caught you off guard was how his lips were just slightly curled up at the corners, like he was trying not to smile.

You made a joke in an attempt to distract yourself from the fact that he was always too damn attractive for his own good. “So can I come in? Or do I have cooties?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said, then, blinking like hadn’t really thought of it – and then he stepped aside to allow you entry. “Sorry. Go ahead.”

“If anyone has cooties, it’s Daddy,” Winnie made a point of saying. “He’s a boy.”

You let out an undignified snort as you crossed the threshold. “Is that right?”

“Yeah! Boys are yuck.”

“Boys are yuck, huh,” Bucky remarked, closing the door behind you with a soft click. Then he muttered under his breath, “Sure hope it stays that way.”

That comment coupled with the suddenly wary look on his face made you laugh outright. Bucky hadn’t made you laugh in a long time; you were too busy arguing with him to do much else. “Isn’t it a little early to be worrying about that?”

“Sweetheart,” he drawled, “you’ve already got her college fund set up. Don’t talk to me about ‘too early’.”

You huffed, but it was in jest. “That’s different.”

“Yeah?” At that, he offered you a roguish grin that made your heart skip a beat. “How’s it different?”

Now, it wasn’t witty banter, per se, but something was different for sure. The dynamic had shifted between the two of you, somewhere between the time you told him goodnight and your mid-morning arrival. It was a small change, but you could feel it in the air: a distinct lack of tension.

Unfortunately, it also made an indignant flush come across your cheeks. He was teasing you. He hadn’t done that in a long time, either.

“It just is,” you responded unhelpfully, setting Winnie down on the sofa before you sat down next to her. You purposely kept your back facing him to conceal the fact that you were blushing like an idiot and you didn’t even know why.

No, that was a lie. You did know why.

This felt entirely too familiar.

Thankfully, Bucky seemed to pick up on your change of tone and let it go in favour of asking, “Have you eaten? We only got up a few minutes ago.”

By ‘we’ you assumed he meant Winnie, because he never used to sleep well. Nightmares usually kept him awake, and while you knew he wasn’t a morning person, he got up at the crack of dawn anyway. Bucky told you once that he liked to watch the sun rise. The peace and quiet helped him think.

“Not yet,” you answered, fussing with the wrinkled collar of Winnie’s dress. Another distraction. You’d dropped off a few different outfits for her in an overnight bag last night, along with her inhaler, some toiletries, and of course Mr. Squiggles. Now she was dressed in her Sunday best, but in all actuality, she probably just wanted to wear a pretty dress.

“Daddy said he wanted to make Mommy’s favourite pancakes!” Winnie piped up, and you instinctively tensed at the admission.

That’s right. It was Sunday.

Bucky awkwardly cleared his throat, but made no attempt to correct her.

There was a brief pause – stunned silence – until you regained your bearings enough to ask, “Did he, now?”

“Uh huh!” Winnie told you, nodding excitedly. “Blueberry!”

Your brows rose as you turned to him. “You remember that?”

“Of course I do.” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “Why do you think I used to make them?”

Your heart instantly warmed at his admission – and ached, because of the memories. He was on missions more often than not when the two of you were together, but without fail, whenever he was home on a Sunday, he made blueberry pancakes. His Ma’s recipe, he said.

They were the best pancakes you’d ever eaten.

“Well,” you began nervously, “it is Sunday.”

He met your eyes, then – gentle, warm. Just like how he used to look at you.

“Daddy,” Winnie whined. “I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Daddy,” you chimed in, feeling a little lighter than before. “I’m hungry, too.”

Bucky grumbled an easy, “Yeah, yeah,” as he got to work, but his tone didn’t match the amused expression on his face. You didn’t fail to notice the light dusting of pink on his cheeks.

That was when Winnie started to tell you about the show she was watching on Netflix, the same cartoon you’d glimpsed yesterday. You were interested in what she had to say, of course you were, but not as much as you normally would have been because her father looked so fucking good right now.

He’d remembered. As innocent as that was, your body’s reaction to it absolutely wasn’t. Call it Pavlovian conditioning, but the first time he made those pancakes for you was the morning after you first slept together. That was the same night Winnie was conceived. 

When Bucky pulled out a frying pan from one of the cabinets and set it on the lit stove, you couldn’t help but notice how his t-shirt stretched over his muscles underneath, not to mention those sweatpants which did nothing to conceal his fantastic ass.

You’d already seen and sampled what he had to offer, but hell if you didn’t want to have another taste anyway. Not that you ever would.

He started to lay out all of the ingredients on the counter, including a punnet of fresh blueberries but you were more focused on the way he worked with such finesse, like making breakfast for the three of you was a normal, everyday thing for him to do.

It was, once.

Then, as Bucky mixed everything together in a large bowl, he finally glanced up only to catch you staring.

Shit.

You immediately tore your eyes away, heart pounding a frenzied tattoo within the confines of your chest and you made sure not to look back again. Instead, you feigned interest in the show Winnie was babbling on about, squeezing your thighs together to alleviate the sudden ache in between.

You needed to stop.

He wasn’t good for you. He wasn’t good for Winnie.

Right?

But your thoughts just kept drifting back to him anyway. You couldn’t help it. It was during times like these that your memories got the best of you, because you knew he was more than capable of being a good father if he wanted to be. You’d seen it not only while you were pregnant, but during the first couple of months after Winnie was born.

What’s worse was that Bucky was capable of so much more, too. He could be downright wonderful. A good boyfriend. A supportive partner. An attentive lover. He was all of those for you once upon a time.

It wasn’t until the pancakes were done and you finally met his eyes again from across the kitchen table that you knew you were in too deep. You’d never gotten over him, not really – and being here with him and your daughter, so sweet and domestic for the first time in years, was what made you finally realize that.

You still wanted to be with him. 

You wanted to be a family.

Part Four

[name-me-regret]

Till I Touch The Sky - 1/9

Till I Touch The Sky Chapter One: A Bit Of Fairy Dust

Summary: Peter is having weird dreams, and on top of that, May has a new boyfriend that Peter just does not like, and then adding on his ever increasing health problems... Well, Peter’s life seems pretty shitty right now.

Then he meets Tony Stark and he gets offered an internship, and things start looking better. However, he soon realizes that his dreams are more real than he could have imagined.

Chapter Summary: Peter starts having some weird dreams after a fall...

Read on AO3.

FANFICTION MASTER POST

Author’s Note: I wasn’t planning on posting this until it was finished, (because it’s taken over my life and I can’t work on anything till I finish this) but wanted to post it for Tom Holland’s birthday. Also, it’s the start of Pride Month! I want to work on finally finishing Saving Grace and get started on the sequel of Martin Child.

Here’s some art of Harley and Peter meeting in my He Makes Him Happy fanfiction, so check that out. I’m thinking of six chapters for this, and I hope I can stick to that this time. Hope y’all like this story. Leave me a comment and let me know.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

 ”Free spirits, free spirits Can you hear me calling? Oh, it's all or nothing When you're free spirits, free spirits Can you hear it calling? 'Cause I don't wanna live no normal life, let go

 Is this Heaven or Armageddon? Are we gettin' high, we could've watched the ending We were trodding down our memories A cemetery full of bottles that are incomplete When you're loving more, caring less It's the highs and lows with no clears And we wanted it all then But we're never runnin' out, we'll be

 Free spirits, free spirits...“

~Free Spirit - Khalid

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

April 02, 2015   Peter and May Parker were a small family unit, just two of them. It had been them against the world ever since Ben had died. However, he knew that May struggled to make ends meet, Peter wasn't stupid. In fact, Peter Parker was quite the genius. Although, that could be debated since he didn't see this coming, not even a little bit.   May Parker started dating.   He supposed he couldn't blame her, because everyone needed a companion and she was perhaps lonely. Also, ever since Ben had died, the burden of the bills and mortgage on the house had fallen on her. She’d been unable to make the payments, which is why they was now living at this apartment, since they’d lost Ben’s parents house.

So, he could understand that she needed help, and the worst part was that Christopher seemed like a real upstanding guy. He had a doctorate and after working for a big corporation was starting up his own medical tech company. He also knew how to cook and was able to get Peter's breathing machine for a cheaper price they could afford.   Peter hated having asthma the most, especially since it was hard on him when the elevator broke in their building and he was forced to walk up the stairs. That's what he was doing now, climbing up the stairs as he huffed and puffed, and by the time he made it to their floor, he'd ran out of breath.   The teenager leaned against the wall by the door for a few moments, feeling his face heat up as the twin brother and sister from down the hall passed by and eyed him with disgust. Peter knew he was grossly out of shape when a few flights of steps had him winded, but when his lungs were weak, he couldn't really exercise.   Peter straightened when the two had passed him, having dropped his head as soon as Riley and Hailey (the twins) had spotted him, having felt his face heat up in embarrassment when they’d seen him struggling to breathe. He'd already recovered after a few moments, but had waited until they had entered the stairwell. Now, he shifted his backpack back onto his shoulders, taking out his house keys and entering his apartment. When he got there, he saw that the usual clutter around the house had been cleaned up, his few LEGO sculptures they’d been able to afford (cheap ones with less than a hundred pieces) had been moved to a small work table in the corner, out of the way.

He tried not to let it bug him, since it had been on the floor before and anyone could step on a loose piece of his latest project. It was not fun to step on a LEGO, and Peter should know from personal experience. So, he supposed it was a good thing that Christopher had moved his structures onto a small table and off the floor.

The teenager huffed as he kicked his tennis shoes off at the door, not in the best of moods due to the elevator being out, and then the twins (who were both so pretty) giving him those looks. He hated his asthma, so much and wished to just be rid of it, or his stupid weak lungs, and his stupid allergies. Peter Parker just wanted to leave his whole stupid, weak body behind.

Peter fumbled for his inhaler as he started to get worked up, taking an inhale and feeling as his airways opened up. He waited a moment before he straightened and tossed his bag against the work table, cursing when one of the structures was knocked on its side. The teen moved over to fix it, hoping none of the pieces had been knocked off. It was the car he’d built from the Bricks On A Roll bucket, which had many wheels and the ability to make different structures. He’d done the red car on the front, a motorcycle, and the ice cream cart as well. He wasn’t sure if his was missing pieces, but it didn’t have the big ice cream cone piece as shown on the pack. Well, judging by how shitty his luck was, it was likely that his was the only one without it.

As he moved away, he failed to realize one of the wheels was missing from the red car, and hissed as he stepped on it. He stumbled back, tripped on his backpack and fell, hitting his head on the work table.

‘Whoa!’ Peter exclaimed as he moved his hands over himself, trying to see if he’d broken something. His head felt fine, in fact, he felt great! The constant pressure he always felt on his airway wasn’t present, and wondered if the fall had somehow miraculously cured him. Maybe, it was possible.

He turned around and froze. Peter should’ve known that his shitty Parker Luck would kick in. Because miracles didn’t happen to Peter Parker.

There in front of him, was his body on the floor with blood on his forehead where it’d struck the work table. He was looking at his body from the outside, so... did this meant he was dead?

‘Aww, come on!’ Peter cried out.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Peter hummed as he tried to figure this out, because as far as he could tell, he wasn’t dead. It didn’t help that he was currently floating over his body like a damn ghost. However, he could tell that his body was still breathing, if the way his chest was moving up and down was any indication.

So, not dead.

If that was true, then what was happening right now?

His thought process was cut off as he heard the key in the lock, and glanced at it. His eyes widened as he saw his aunt come through the door and glanced back at his body, and knew this was going to be bad. Peter winced as she screamed and rushed to his side.

“Peter?! Oh baby, wake up!” May sobbed, hands going to his forehead and flinching away from the blood there. She fumbled for her cell phone, her hands shaking so badly that she was barely able to dial 911.

‘May, I’m right here. I’m alright,’ Peter tried to tell her, floating over to her, but when he tried to touch her, his hand passed though her. He gasped and flinched back as if burned, looking at his hand and then at his body as May caressed his face ever so gently. If he could cry, he would, but as he was now, he only felt panic and terror, and a sorrow so profound that he curled up from how intense it felt.

He didn’t understand what was happening to him. Peter just wanted to be wrapped in his aunt’s warm embrace. He wanted all this to be over. Then, without knowing how, he slept and then he felt like he was falling; falling so very fast.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Peter’s eyes snapped open and he gasped in a breath, hand going to his throat and he couldn’t breathe! He heard a scraping sound and then a hand on his and he flinched away.

“Peter, you’re fine! Look at me, baby. It’s May,” a familiar voice said. His eyes snapped toward her, and immediately slumped down in relief when he realized it was his Aunt May. She pulled his hand gently away from his throat, fingers soothing away the scratch marks he’d made on himself in his frantic struggle.

“Wha-?” Peter tried to speak, felt a catch in his throat and coughed harshly. The mask over his face fogged up, but he had enough experience with his asthma to know he needed it so didn’t remove it. Peter dreaded to think of how many hours she was missing of work, since his Medicaid would pay for his hospital bills. It was just that it didn’t always pay for all his medicines, and May ended up paying some of it out of pocket. “M’sorry,” he whimpered, hating to be such a burden to her.

May smiled wanly, brushing back a few curls from his face. “It’s alright, baby. We’ll make it somehow. Besides, Chris will help us, you’ll see.”

Peter tried not to let his mood sour at the mention of the man, and instead gave a nod, glad the mask covered most of his face. He might not like the man, but he helped the burden on May. Besides, she was happy with him, and that’s all that mattered.

As he settled back on the bed, feeling his eyes grow heavy, a memory of floating over his body came to him.

‘Huh, that was some dream’, Peter thought.

Although, he couldn’t shake the feeling that it had felt so real.

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

 April 04, 2015

Peter sighed as he came into the apartment, his whole body feeling lethargic and heavy. He wanted to just get in bed and sleep, but he had been sleeping for two days already and he was tired of it. The teenager had thought they could spend some time together; just his aunt and himself.

“Get the door, May,” Christopher called, and the woman pulled open the door as the man entered carrying Peter’s bag and several bags of groceries in the other. They’d stopped to buy them on the way home, where Peter had been forced to stay in the car since he was still on oxygen and it would have been a hassle to carry the small tank inside the supermarket. So, Peter had stayed in the car and tried not to feel too bitter about it.

Now, it seemed like they wouldn’t have some time alone either, seeing as Chris started to help May unpack the groceries. Peter pulled off the mask, sick and tired of having to cart around the small oxygen tank. Besides, he needed to make sure not to use it all up before the end of the month, which still had two weeks left. “I can... help,” Peter said, wanting to feel useful.

“I got it, bud,” Christopher said as he grabbed up the bags Peter tried to get to help with. “Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll come set up your nighttime treatment.”

Peter grimaced at that, since he didn’t want to have his nighttime treatment when it was barely 7:30 pm. He was not going to bed that early, no matter what anyone said. “It’s early still,” he argued, coughing a moment later.

God, he hated having these weak lungs.

“That decides it,” Chris said, motioning toward the bathroom. Peter might have been acting childish or immature, but he hated that the man acted like he had any right to order him around, like he was his uncle or his dad. He wasn’t.

“Alright, how about we watch a movie?” May said, stepping between the sullen teenager and her boyfriend. “Peter, you go take a shower while I make the popcorn and Chris sets up the movie. It can be a cheesy horror movie, like Sharknado.”

Peter nodded with a grin, his bad mood quickly vanishing. “You know, Sharknado isn’t too bad, as long as you don’t take it too seriously,” he said, rushing off. He wanted to hurry in taking his shower so he could get back and maybe sit next to May on the loveseat, their usual spot when watching movies before.

He considered it a win when he was able to plop onto the loveseat when coming back from his shower. May pulled him closer for a cuddle instead of telling him to let Chris have his seat. The teenager settled to watch the bad movie, sharing a bowl of popcorn with his aunt.

The movie was bad but entertaining, and he snuggled against his aunt as they watched. This was nice.

He didn’t even realize he’d fallen asleep, until he was suddenly looking down at himself. It seemed May hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep either, until Chris pointed it out.

“Should I put him to bed?” the man asked May. Peter didn’t like the idea of being carried like a child by the man, and hoped May let him stay right there.

“Yes, that’s probably best,” she told him. Peter frowned as he watched the man lift him up like he weighed nothing, and since he couldn’t do sports to gain any muscle, he probably did weigh nothing.

Peter grumbled as he floated out of the man’s way, starting to get the hang of moving around. He wasn’t paying attention and realized too late that he was going to hit the wall, and his arms lifted to protect his head. Peter cried out instinctively, but he didn’t hit it... he went through the wall.

 ‘Holy shit!’

He flapped his arms around as he was suddenly in the hallway, and then passed through so he was in the apartment next door, where a young couple and their one year old daughter lived. They were gathered around the table, playing some board game as the little girl giggled. “Ally won!” the little girl cried. The man and woman cheered, lifting her up as she squealed happily.

“And now it’s time to get ready for bed,”  the woman declared.

Peter moved on when he was able to get the hang of moving through the air, glancing back a moment and thought he saw the little girl waving at him, but then he’d gone through the wall of the apartment next to them. He realized too late that it was the twin’s apartment, and he was suddenly in a bedroom.

There were posters of One Direction and other bands he wasn’t familiar with. He turned around as he heard a rustling and he squeaked when he saw that it was Hailey, the girl of the duo, and she was starting to change after having clearly taken a shower judging by the towel she started to pull off.

‘I’m so sorry!’ he cried even if she couldn’t seem to see or hear Peter, one hand lifting up to cover his eyes as he used that other to rush through the wall. He was in the hallway a moment before he passed through the opposite wall into the room there. That room turned out to be the bathroom, which was being used.

A head popped out of the shower, hair wet with water and Peter was dismayed to realize it was Riley, the male twin. And he was in the shower, naked and wet! “Hailey! You finished all the hot water, you asshole!”

“Deal with it!” Hailey’s muffled voice yelled back.

Riley grumbled about annoying sisters and his head disappeared back inside the shower. Peter figured it was a good idea to leave now, before he invaded Riley’s privacy like some pervert. Maybe it was time to go back to his own apartment. Besides, he felt a bit... sick? Which was strange, since he usually didn’t feel anything besides emotions. Then again, this was just a dream. Wasn’t it?

He found his body in the bed, mask for his nighttime treatment strapped to his face and he felt even sicker now. It was probably that he hated the feel of the medicine and that’s why he felt sick? Maybe next time he went exploring he’d leave the building, even if it felt scary. There was a fuzzy quality to everything, like everything was being seen through a filter, or perhaps a cloud. Also, everything not in his immediate area faded away into darkness. Almost like it ceased to exist.

For now, he floated over to his body as he closed his eyes. After feeling a sensation like falling and falling, everything went dark.    

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Peter moaned as he woke up, the taste of the medicine in his mouth, coating his throat and it was in his nose. He yanked the mask off his face, wincing since his face felt tender from where the straps had been digging into his skin. Peter felt shaky when he stood, feeling like gravity was weighing even heavier than usual on his body. He barely made it to the bathroom before he was heaving, throwing up the popcorn he’d had earlier. The teenager wasn’t even sure what time it was, but since his aunt didn’t come running to see what the matter was, she must have gone to work.

“Peter, is that you, bud?” he heard Christopher ask, realizing that May must have left him watching over him while she left for her shift. There was a light knock on the bathroom door. “Do you need help?”

He was feeling like crap and even if he knew it wasn’t the man’s fault, he didn’t want his help. “No, go away,” he croaked, his body heaving again but he’d already thrown up the little bit he’d eaten, so it was mostly stomach bile.

The door opened as he was washing out his mouth, and he would have scoffed at the man not listening to him if he’d had any strength left. His medicine had never caused him to get sick like this before, so he wasn’t in the best of moods.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed,” Chris said, voice almost gentle. He didn’t know why he didn’t like the man, but he... just couldn’t like him. There was something about him that Peter couldn’t put his finger on that made him dislike him. Maybe he was being unfair or childish, but he couldn’t help it.

“I’m fine,” he grumbled, shrugging off his hand as he shuffled back to bed. He climbed back into his twin bed, the mattress already old and a bit too small. Peter just refused to ask for another, since it wasn’t a necessity. He was fine with this for now, and didn’t want to burden May asking for another, bigger bed.

“Maybe I should give you another treatment,” Chris said, glancing at the nighttime machine.

Peter grimaced at the thought of feeling the medicine coating his throat, mouth and inside his nose again and his stomach protested it. “No,” he said as he shook his head, “I’m fine.” Peter knew he wouldn’t get away with not having the treatment again tomorrow night, but at least for tonight, he wanted to be free of it.

Chris hesitated, before he nodded. “Until tomorrow then,” he said, that smile on his face he hated so much. Peter didn’t understand why he hated it, hated Christopher. Maybe he should give him a chance? After all, he’s the reason they had gotten this newer machine practically for free.

“Yeah... thanks, Chris,” he muttered, pulling his blankets up to his chin.

The man paused as he’d been about to leave and after a moment he turned with a smile. “It’s no problem. I want to help you and your aunt.” He pulled the door closed. “Sweet dreams, Peter.”

Peter’s room was plunged into darkness and he curled up under the blanket. He closed his eyes and hoped he was able to fly away again in his dreams. It was nice being able to get away from his weak body and the problems that brought him and his aunt.

So, he flew away in his dreams, that felt more real than they should be.-

[someobscurereference]

Since im currently in massive amounts of pain from a bad allergic reaction to some cleaning supplies (i swear it was the hand soap my work used!!! No other cleaning agent could have possibly reached my elbows)... do you think their might be some things in Nohr that are cobsidered commin that the Trio are severely allergic too? Like, not to a deadly extent but to the extend to cause severe discomfort like the kind im in now

Firstly, that’s terrible! I’m so sorry that happened to you, anon! I hope the pain and other symptoms fade quickly! :(

Secondly, of course! I think I mentioned this before, but I’ve thought about the Trio having their own health worries before? Not in any real detail and I’m not very educated so I do hesitate to make hard statements about this sort of thing (mostly because it depends on the AU too), but whether it be physical or psychological, they can certainly have their own problems! In any combination or severity!

For example! I’ve seen the scenario of Nohrian food not agreeing with Laslow a lot? Or it at least takes some time for his body to adjust. In any case, it’s come up a few times in fic I’ve read that Nohrian food gives him stomach aches, at least during his first few months in Nohr. And I both love and despair that hc because of how painful and homesick that must be! But also it’s a very good one! I’ve seen Laslow laying in bed crying over homesickness and stomach pains after having to eat dinner. That might fit what you’re talking about. I imagine eating food that’s so different from what you’re used to and it not settling well in your stomach to be quite the awful experience. 

Also! Please consider Selena who suffers from skin allergies! Who gets triggered by certain oils and other things used to maintain weapons and armor in Nohr. It may take time to realize what’s causing these flare-ups, and even after, the things she’s sensitive to may be more difficult to avoid in Nohr than Ylisse. So like you, she may be going about her business like normal, and then only an hour or so later she looks down to find the hands of her skin so dry, red, and maybe even blistering from how her skin is reacting to the oils. It can be very painful, especially because she has to use her hands to do things still. Maybe this evens spreads from her hands to other parts of her body depending on what she’s touched before she washed her hands again. So that would be quite the pain too.

I mentioned before the idea of Owain/Odin who had childhood asthma that went away as he reached teenage years and then resurfaced again in adulthood. The allergens in Nohr might be stronger/different from the ones in Ylisse, so he’s not prepared when he arrives there. Maybe his asthma doesn’t even resurface until he’s been in Nohr for a while too. Maybe even two or three years in. But with all the smoke that comes up from battles/while doing magic, the different types of pollen and such in Nohr and Hoshido (like in those forest levels), maybe even  sudden cold weather or being stuck with someone who has strangely strong perfume/cologne (that he can’t prepare for by preemptively taking medicine or anything) etc. He’s going to be doing a lot of coughing that keeps him up at night before his medicine kicks in. And trust me from experience: it’s miserable.

[empresskaze]

Running Out of Time - Vin/Em Drabble collection

Ok so since @robbiefischer  wanted to know more about VIncent and Emmett I’m reposting their original drabble collection from the forum.  Since it’s 6 drabbles and they’re pretty short I’m just gonna put them all here.  If anyone has prompts for these two please let me know!

~~~~

Title: Running Out Of Time Part 1

Prompt: Hello by Adele

Pairing: Vincent/Emmett

Vincent Rathborn-25, 6’2” Short spiked black hair, brown eyes, normally wears colored contacts to make his eyes red.  Medium skin tone.  Goatee sometimes goes with a full beard. Musician. Rocks the gothic-chic look, no white makeup but does wear eyeliner, normally wears all black.   Slight allergy to cats, no others.

Emmett Cullen- 22, 5’10” Reddish/brown hair, green eyes.  Pale complexion.   Bad seasonal allergy and asthma, needs an inhaler. A lot of times his allergies lead to him getting sick which is not good for him, fairly weak immune system.  Works at a local coffee bar.

They met in college and dated for a few years but then Vincent broke it off, this takes place 6 months after they broke up.

~~~~

Part 1

Emmett trudged through the park, it was going to cost him but it cut five minutes off his walk home and right now all he wanted was a hot bath and something stronger than coffee.  Spring was in full bloom, much to his dismay, but today was a fairly chilly day and work had been awful.

Ekshew!

Not even half way through the park this time.

Ekshew! Eh... Ekshhhew!

“Bless you, Em.” A familiar voice said.  “Still fighting allergies I see.”

Emmett whipped around, “Vince?”  His shock quickly turned to anger. “What to do want?”

“I...I want to see you.” His former boyfriend said coming closer.

“Fine you did now leave.” Emmett looked away bringing his hand to his mouth.

Ekshew! Ekk’sheeew! K’sshew!

He swore internally, he had not brought any tissues with him and his trip through the park was now at a halt.

“Come on, please just...” Vincent stepped closer but Emmett backed away heading towards his apartment.

“What?” He hated how his voice sounded now plus his eyes were starting to water. “You come back to see how I’m managing since you left?” He sniffed “Fucking great, now go away.”

Eeeesshew! Heh’Esshew!

“Bless you. Listen can we just...” Vincent’s trademark red eyes were not what Emmett wanted to see right now.  Too many memories came flooding back.

“No we can’t, just leave.”  Emmett wiped his eyes on his sleeve.  “I don’t want to see you again. Ever.”  He turned walking away leaving his ex-boyfriend standing there.  He needed to get out of the park, back to his apartment and take some medicine.

Ekshew!

Damn you Vince!  Emmett thought as he downed his allergy medicine and fell back onto his bed.  Damn you.

~~~~

Part 2

The next few days were not any better for Emmett.  His spring allergies gave him no peace and he had no time saved to call off work.  Thankfully they had been slow and the manager on duty gave him the rest of the day off.  Only problem was now his paycheck would be lighter. 

Emmett rubbed his running nose on his sleeve as he crossed through the park again.  It made no difference he was already miserable what did a few extra flowers hurt.

E’essshew!

His eyes watered each time he sneezed, so now he had to wipe not only his nose but his eyes on his sleeve.  Why hadn’t he grabbed tissues before leaving work?  Sighing he felt another round of sneezing forming.

Ekshew! Ekk’sheeew! K’sshew! Ek’ssshew!

“You forgot to take your meds again didn’t you?”

Emmett groaned and just continued walking, this was the third time in a week Vincent had met him while walking home.

“How did you even k-know I’d be...”

Ekshew! Heh’shhhew!

“B-be here?” Emmett hated that he could not keep his voice steady around his ex. “Are you stalking me?”  

Vincent got up off the garden wall he had been sitting on.  Emmett looked away, even after six months he still longed for Vincent.  The first few years in college when they started dating had been some of the happiest of his life.  Sadly with Vincent being a musician he left for long periods of time to travel.  This put a strain on their relationship since Emmett was bit jealous and never understood why Vincent always had to be on the road.  Six months ago Vincent finally had enough ending their nearly 3 year relationship.

It had broken Emmett.  He would never admit it to Vincent but he had fallen so ill after that he spent time in the hospital.  Emmett never wanted to hurt like that again.

“No.” Vincent replied wearing his traditional all black outfit.  This time he donned red suspenders.  “As I keep saying, I wanted to see you. I was hoping we could talk.”

“I hav-ve nothing t-to say...” Emmett’s voice hitched not giving a chance to finish.

Ekk’sheeew! K’sshew! Ek’ssshew!

His chest was starting to ache, he needed his inhaler.

“Emmers...”

“Don’t ever call me that again!” Emmett screamed at Vincent causing passersby to stop and look.

“Okay, okay calm down.” Vincent looked around, “You’re causing a scene.”

Emmett hunched over the yelling had not helped his already ragged breath.  His lungs now refused air.

“Emmett!” Vincent ran over grabbing him, “Stop, stop fighting me, seriously you’re going to get the cops called on me.  Relax please; we need to get you home.”

Vincent’s smooth voice was calming.  Emmett looked up into those deep brown eyes he had stared into so many nights.  All his thoughts about not wanting to see Vincent ever again started to fade.  

He knew he would regret this, “Okay.” He agreed holding onto his ex-boyfriend.

~~~~

Part 3

Not remembering much of the hour due to his asthma flaring up and a massive headache pounding at his temples, Emmett wondered how exactly he’d gotten back to his apartment.  

He remembered the park, feeling like shit, Vincent, his chest hur….VINCENT!!  Emmett jolted up, but a wave of dizziness engulfed him as he slipped off the couch onto his living room floor.

The room spun, Emmett closed his eyes trying to fight the nausea that hit from the dizzy spell.

“Emmett!” That baritone voice again.  Emmett slowly opened one eye to see Vincent bent over him.  “Hey hold on don’t move.  You’re running a fever.”  

He felt a hand behind his head slowly lift it, water meet his lips.  Emmett grabbed the glass downing the water.

“Whoa, easy, you’ll start coughing.” Vincent helped Emmett into a sitting position.  “Better?”

Emmett’s green eyes stared at the floor his head nodding slightly causing another rush of pain.  He cupped his hands around his ears bending his head between his legs.  A soft touch caressed his back, tears suddenly flooded his eyes.  Quickly he brushed them away hoping Vincent did not notice.

Inhaling a wheezing pained breath, Emmett tried pushing himself up but to no avail.  He felt Vincent’s thin arms wrap around his waist gently helping him back onto the couch.  Emmett still could bring himself to look at his ex-boyfriend.  

Running his hand over his nose, Emmett fought the sensation building from his cursed allergies.

Ekshew!  Hek’ssshew!

“Bless you.” Vincent handed him some tissues, Emmett quietly accepted them turning so he could blow his nose.

“Do you work tomorrow?” Vincent asked when Emmett was finished.

“No.” His voice croaked out.  Leaning back on the couch he closed his eyes as the dizziness surfaced again.

“Good.” Vincent replied.  “Promise me you’ll sleep.”

“I’m not promising you a damn thing.” Emmett snapped causing his voice to catch in his throat.  A hard wheezing cough erupted from him snapping him forward.  Lungs on fire, he felt his inhaler placed in his hand.  A shaking press to his mouth the medicine exploded into his chest helping the pressure lessen.

“Thank you.” He whispered still panting.

“Where’s your Tylenol?” Vincent asked.

Emmett pointed to the counter watching his ex grab the bottle giving two pills to him.

“You need to get that fever down.”  Vincent said then flipped his wrist looking at his watch.

“What?” Emmett said finishing the water.

Vincent did not reply right away just shrugged as he sat next to Emmett on the couch.

“You have a show don’t you?” Anger surged in the barista, “That’s why you’re suddenly back, it had nothing to do with me, you’re only in town for a gig.” Emmett stood wobbling as he back away from Vincent.

“Emm…ett,” Vincent started hands up defensively. “Stop you’re not going to help your current situation getting upset.” He stepped forward but Emmett back away again.

“Leave,” The shorter man said glaring up at Vincent.  “Leave, now.”  He wheezed again pressing his hand against his chest.  

“Stop please, Em, you’ll make yourself sick.” Vincent’s voice pleaded, he reached out for Emmett who drew back bracing himself against the wall.

“I said leave!” He coughed harshly into his arm wincing at the ache in his chest.

Vincent paused, his brown eyes silently begging Emmett to trust him.  However the younger man turned away, bringing his arms in forcefully attempting to stop his shaking body.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll honor it.” The Goth musician replied quietly.  “My show ends at midnight, you have my number.” Slowly he proceeded to the door, glancing back at Emmett who stuttered stepped back to the couch.  “Call me if you need anything.”

“Won’t happen, I promise you that.” Emmett spat as he lay down.  He heard the door open then close, slowly he raised his head to make sure Vincent was gone.  Taking another hit of his inhaler, Emmett fell into a fever induced dream state.

~~~~

Part 4

Emmett pulled the thin red blanket up so it touched his chin. Even with another dose of advil in him he still fought the chills his fever produced. A few sweat beads ran from his forehead down his pale face to his chin but he lacked the strength to wipe them.

A harsh wheezing cough shook his frame once again causing the blanket to slip. Emmett swallowed ignoring the prickly sensation in his throat.

1am. Vincent’s show was definitely over. The barista stared at his phone contemplating actually calling the musician. He desperately needed more advil as his current bottle was now empty. Pride knocked at his fevered state, calling his ex was out of the question.

Letting loose another cough he pulled the blanket over his reddish brown hair as exhaustion finally took hold.

~~~~

The next lucid hours blurred together as Emmett drifted in and out of his fever induced dreams. He saw Vincent in them, felt his long cool fingers stroke his temples whispering words which sadly Emmett could not remember. He dreamt of better days before his jealousy ripped his perfect partnership to rags leaving him a shell of his former self.  He tried calling for Vincent frantically pawing the air only to have his dreams interrupt giving him an uncomfortable sense of comfort. Only in his subconscious could he ever be truly happy with the musician.

~~~~

Sunshine fell on Emmett’s closed eyelids, he flinched bringing his hand up blocking out the unwanted rays.  Slowly he opened his dry itchy eyes blinking rapidly hoping to produce some soothing tears. As the room came into focus Emmett suddenly realized he was no longer in his living room.  Sitting up quickly his hand immediately went to his temple as the room spun. He massaged his head giving some momentary relief to his aching head.

“Feeling better?” A familiar deep voice asked.

Emmett’s eyes shot to the other side of his bed staring down at Vincent who lay on his side head propped up using his hand.

“What the hell are you doing here!” His hoarse voice broke trying to yell.

The musician shrugged. “Just checking on you. Nice to see your fever finally broke.”

“I told you to leave! Why are you here I never called you.” Emmett dry throat ached, he brought his hand to his mouth coughing into his fist.

Vincent raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t. However given your hard headed actions I knew you'd simply wait it out on your couch.” The musician sat up swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “You're stubborn as hell and hate admitting when you're in over your head. I figured you'd need some assistance.  Plus it's been nearly a full day since I left.”

“Bullshit!” Emmett slammed his hand on the comforter. “I've never once asked for your help since you started basically stalking me again.”

“Em, I'm not stalking you. I wanted to see you and you've done nothing but flip out anytime I get near you.” Vincent folded his hands together resting them on his black pants. “Had I not come by God only knows how bad you'd be right now.”

“So I'm suppose to be grateful? For what? That you came back after I told you to leave? That even after fighting not to call your phone you still didn't listen?” Emmett’s rough voice squeaked out the words forcing an uncomfortable throat clear making him wince.

“Get it through that head of yours I don't want you in my life! Get out!”

“Emmett Cullen, had I not come here your fever would probably have been high enough for hospitalization.” Vincent’s voice commanded attention. “You were shaking so bad getting you into this bed took several minutes. I had to fight getting medicine down your insufferable throat and kept a damp cloth on your head as you floated between your fever dreams to which I might add,” He threw a finger up, “You asked for me in several times.”

Air sucked out of Emmett’s lungs forcing him to bend over drawing a harsh burning breath. “Stop.” He barely uttered the word.

“Emmett, please I only want you...”

“Stop.” Emmett shook his head frantically wanting the memories which flooded at Vincent’s words to disperse. “Enough. Leave.”

He felt the bed shift as Vincent stood. Emmett kept his gaze down until he was sure his ex had left the room. Sighing he looked up startled to see those brown eyes staring back.

Emmett’s temper boiled he took a sharp breath ready to let loose all his frustration against Vincent but he was cut short at the musician grabbed his face pulling him into a kiss.

~~~~

Part 5

Shock prevented Emmett from ripping away, shock that quickly faded into in weakness, his hands wrapped tightly around Vincent’s neck.  The spark which he’d desperately tried not igniting finally burst into a burning flame.  However where there is a flame you’re bound to get burned.  

No, not this time, not again.  Unclasping his hands, he laid them on Vincent’s shoulders forcibly freeing himself from the musician.

“No.” Out of breath, Emmett lowered his head; Vincent would not see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Em,” Vincent’s soft tone sent chills down his frame.

“I said no!” The barista repeated scrambling off the bed.  “I can’t, not again.”  Unable to hold back, tears streamed down his face, the pain from the break up once again fresh stabbed his heart.

Vincent sat resting his long fingers against his lips.  Emmett snuck a glance out the corner of his eye at his ex; those warm brown eyes who’d brought him such comfort during the nights now stared back hollow.  “Em, for days I’ve tried to explain my reappearance and you’ve cut me down every time.  Let me talk and if you still feel the same, I’ll leave vowing to never bother you again.”

The pain in Vincent’s tone caught Emmett’s attention.  Balling his hands in a poor attempt to keep them from shaking, the barista nodded.

“Sit.” The taller man patted the bed.  Refusing to make eye contact, Emmett sat crossing his arms over his chest deciding the floor needed a thorough inspection but focused all his attention on Vincent.  

Drawing a deep, almost defeated breath, the musician began, “I’ve been in town roughly a month, Adamaris booked a few shows for me over at Black Box,” He paused as Emmett flinched at the mention of his assistant. “I hadn’t intended on bothering you, simply do the gigs then head out again. Until one day I happened near the park and saw you cutting through it.”  Vincent gripped the pendant around his neck. “You looked awful,” He huffed a slight laugh then remembered himself. “Sorry.  I watched you enter Cafe Arcobaleno I’d wondered if you still worked there. Needless to say I made Adamaris add more shows while I worked up the courage to approach you.  Finally I saw my opportunity though your reaction I expected...” Vincent’s voice faded.  

Emmett’s eyes now fully on the musician widened while trying to digest what he’d heard.  Instead of words, a hard cough broke brought the silence doubling Emmett over.  

“Why,” He finally choked out, “Why did you even bother, you broke up with...” Not able to continue Emmett drew away from his ex.  

“I did, yes but not because I didn’t love you.”  The musician’s words soft yet firm, “Don’t ever think that.”

Rubbing the wetness from his eyes, the flame ignited again in his chest spreading rapidly but he could not risk another burn.  “You lied to me.”  Emmett’s voice cracked.

“Once.  I lied once.” Vincent started.

“Once was enough Vince!” Emmett screeched jumping from the bed, “I can’t forgive that.”

Vincent shrugged, “Fine I guess, I mean it’s not like I overlooked your insane jealousy for two years.”

Any air left in Emmett’s asthmatic lungs escaped at Vincent’s words.  He wheezed struggling for breath.  Black spots flashed in front of his eyes, he stumbled onto the bed.  Feeling his inhaler shoved into his hand, he brought it to his mouth inhaling the medicine slowly.

Vision clearing Vincent’s worried face gazed down. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.”  He placed a hand on Emmett’s back helping him sit up. “Appears I’ve caused enough issues, you listened I thank you.”  He rose, “I’ve told you this before, too many times to count, but again the only reason I lied was I simply needed a break.”  With that Vincent left the bedroom, a moment later Emmett heard his apartment door shut. He was gone, this time Vincent truly was gone.

Exhausted he plunged into a fetal position on the bed.  Vincent was gone, it’s what he wanted.  So why hadn’t the searing pain in his heart lessened?

~~~~

Part 6 - Final

It had been a week since Vincent had left Emmett sitting in his apartment.  Having mostly recovered from his asthma issues, the barista’s health also improved.  Physical health that is, mentally he was a mess.

Emmett hadn’t realized until Vincent didn’t show up in the park when he returned to work how much he truly missed the musician.  Shadows of the past, the fear of falling back in love with the gorgeous gothic man had clouded his vision.  Throw in allergies, a fever and asthma and Emmett finally admitted he hasn’t been thinking straight.

Sadly there wasn’t much he could do.  He knew Vincent had only been in town a few days while he played his gigs.  Biting the inside of his lip that was something else Emmett never liked.  When they’d began dating Vincent only played local shows, now he popular enough his assistant began booking out of town and state shows.  Emmett hated Vincent leaving sometimes for days on end.  This had been the start of their downfall.   Being jealous often led Emmett to accuse Vincent of things he knew in his heart weren’t true.  It was all out of fear, the fear of losing the man he loved.  Vincent being bisexual didn’t help either, Emmett’s jealousy fell on everyone, especially Adamaris. Vincent and his female assistant had been together for a few months before he’d met Emmett.  Though the musician swore they were only working professionals, Emmett never fully trusted her.

Sighing Emmett walked out of Café Arcobaleno, his shift over he glanced up at the park across the street.  Silently he debated; he’d pay for it so decided against it. The allergy medicine he'd taken a work would wear off soon. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he started walking toward his apartment.

As his building came into view the breeze blew rustling the flowers from nearby florist who had set up an outside display.

A rush of pollen smacked Emmett whose eyes began to water.

Ekshew!

Eh...Ekshew!

Hurrying past, hand cupped over his mouth, he made it inside.  Digging into his pocket with his other hand he groaned, out of tissues.

“Here.” A smooth familiar baritone voice said.  Shocked Emmett whirled around; Vincent stood a few steps away, holding out a jet black handkerchief.

Breath caught in his throat as the barista tried to articulate his surprise.   “Vin!” He finally squeaked out.  The musician smiled sadly at him as Emmett took the handkerchief wiping his nose.  “I-I thought you left.” He added quietly averting his eyes.

“I did, played a few shows in Scranton Heights.” Vincent folded his arms across his black shirt and suspenders.

“Oh.” Emmett looked down at his feet.  Suddenly all that desire he’d been suppressing returned.

The taller man cocked his head, “Something wrong? You’re not running away from me or screaming.”

Emmett grimaced but said nothing.  What could say? Pressure rose in his chest, bringing the fist which clutched the handkerchief he coughed into it.   The pollen still trapped in his lungs forced another hard cough this time he wheezed.

“Em,” Vincent walked closer, his voice so soft, caring, the voice which always brought Emmett such comfort.

Regaining his breath, Emmett pulled out his inhaler taking a quick hit off of it.  “I’m fine.  Really.” He stated seeing the look on his ex-boyfriends face.  “Listen Vincent, I…”  He knew what needed to be said however nerves got the better of him cutting off his voice.

Suddenly two firm yet soft hands rested on his shoulders.  Looking up Emmett stared directly into the deep brown eyes of Vincent Rathborn, the man he’d tried so hard to convince himself he was over.  Tears welled as he buried his face into Vincent’s chest.  “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Don’t be, I shouldn’t have surprised you.  You’d ever right to be upset with me.” Vincent replied.

“No, no, it was me, I’m can’t help my jealousy. I trust you, I just…” Emmett stopped wiping his eyes.

“You don’t trust others, I know.  I remember our… conversations.” The musician’s tone lowered.

Emmett scoffed, “That’s a nice word for screaming arguments.”  Pulling back he wiped more tears then cleared his throat.  “Listen…maybe we could talk again.  I promise to watch my temper.”

Vincent slowly ran his thin fingers over Emmett’s pink cheeks. “I’d love that, Emmers.”

END

[infinitydoublevenus]

I need help. Does anyone know what this most likely and/or certainly is?

I had a really bad breakdown the other day... Not the emotional kind, physical. I don’t know what was going on.

I had asked my mom to make me some coffee so I could stay awake since I spent half the night binge watching Kulipari: An Army of Frogs in one sitting. This is normal for me to ask because I’ve drank coffee before and never had any problems. I asked for peppermint flavoring, a peppermint stick and cereal marshmellows in it so she put them in the drink. I drank it rather fast, but I do that with literally every drink that I like. It was warm when I drank it if that information is needed. 

I was halfway through my coffee, laying down sideways on the comfy soft couch in the living room when I started coughing and hacking really hard. This has happened before, particularly in the winter. But here’s the thing: this was worse than any time it had ever happened before.

I was coughing and hacking and it sounded like a barking cough, my breathing was rapid and I felt like I was going to suffocate because I was struggling to inhale and exhale. The left side of my chest tightened and felt as if there were a great pressure on it.

This went on for several hours until the coughing died down. Then I started coughing and hacking again and I started hacking up a whiteish-clearish mucuous. I know that sounds gross but that’s what happened. It was more than I usually ever cough up, like a mini waterfall of the stuff. It had been stuck in my throat and was what had been blocking my breathing.

The thing is, I don’t know how I could have possibly produced that much mucuous. The breakdown just came out of nowhere, it was sudden onset. I hadn’t been coughing much earlier in the day so this was very surprising to me. The prime suspect at first was my coffee, but I don’t know of any ingredient that could cause that. I’ve been staying up at night a lot but I’ve done that for years and nothing like this has ever happened. I had a blanket on me that was warm, so it couldn’t have been the cold and I don’t think it was the humidity. I stayed in the cold van later for about an hour and my cough went away instead of getting worse so I doubt it’s the winter chills. 

The coughing was dry and rough and it was painful on the throat. My throat became dry and hurt like hell while the breakdown was happening. I tried to tell my mom what was going on but I had lost my voice. It was so hoarse that it was squeaky. I struggled to even get a word out. I think it might have even been temporary laryngitis. It took several hours for my voice to come back after the mucuous had been cleared. My breathing was whistly the whole time. 

Does anyone know what could have caused this? I have a dog, but I’m not allergic to most animals, especially not beagles. My dog has lived with us for several years and nothing like this ever happened, so it couldn’t be an allergy to her dander. My family has a history of shitty conditions but I don’t know about any respiratory stuff being passed down, it’s mostly heart-related things. Or brain related. I haven’t been exercising but I rarely do too much of that and again this has never happened before. Like I said, it came out of nowhere. I recall having what was probably bronchitis at least once last year, but this was twenty times worse than that. I haven’t been around cigarette smoke at all recently so it couldn’t have been caused by nicotine. My immune system isn’t particularly weak as I rarely get sick as far as I’m aware so I don’t think it has to do with that. I am vaccinated against influenza but last I checked it’s still flu season and my state, Virginia, was at Widespread level, with multiple outbreaks in different areas. My dog isn’t sick so I couldn’t have picked it up from her and my parents show no symptoms whatsoever. 

I looked up conditions that can cause said symptoms. The closest matches seemed to be either a URI,  asthma or bronchitis. URI’s are more common in older people. I’m only 19, it’s more common among my age than children, but much less common in those under the age of 40. At least according to Google anyways. I’ve looked at everything I can. I doubt it’s bronchiolitis but it could be bronchitis. 

I’ve asked my mom to take me to a doctor but she just told me to drink more water even though I repeatedly told her this is worse than usual for me. She thought I was just dehydrated. I severely doubt that is the actual case. If it was asthma, then I feel I’m lucky to be alive right now. An inhaler or even just medicine would have been useful in that case. 

I don’t want to have to have an expensive procedure either. My parents are still paying off the mortgage on the house and paying to take care of the dog (and me, since I’m unemployed and don’t have an apartment/house of my own yet nor am I confident enough to move right now). They also probably have high electricity/Internet bills since I use the computer/phone both during the day and late at night. I do take breaks and I’m working on using a screen less at night so I can get more sleep. We’re middle-class, we’re not so poor we can’t afford treatment, but we’re not rich or upper-class either. My dog had to have surgery on her neck a few years ago and if treatment for this is too expensive we won’t be able to afford something like that again if anything ever happens to her. My dad also has to pay for his diabetes medication & my medicine for my heart and my 20-gram serotonin reuptake inhibitors that I take for my OCD and spiraling anxiety. I can’t give away how much my dad earns nor do I even know. It’s probably enough for treatment but preferably nothing above $800.00. I can’t have any treatment that involves strong magnets or way-too-much pressure on my stomach due to the presence of my pacemaker. If it helps, the reason I have a pacemaker is complete fetal heart block. I might be able to have an X-Ray though. 

I’ve heard asthma can cause red itchy skin sometimes. When I scratch an itch it leaves red sometimes bumpy marks that burn and itch. But since they follow my finger’s tracing of the skin it makes me think it’s probably dermatographia. Given how understudied said condition is, it could be common to be accompanied by asthma as well, maybe? I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.

Can anyone help me figure this out? I’d love to know just exactly what the actual fuck is happening to me. I’ve heard certain respiratory situations can be lethal if not treated.My throat is still all mucous-y and dry but I’m only ocassionally coughing now and it’s not nearly as bad. I panicked so much yesterday I thought I was going to die and nearly fainted out of sheer terror. That’s probably just my anxiety, but if it helps it helps. 

[muhyousafsalfi]

Why are so many people getting a meat allergy?

Becoming allergic to meat turns your life upside down. Known as alpha-gal allergy, the condition dictates what you can eat, wear, how you relax, and even which medicines are safe. Is research finally starting to catch up?

It is early morning in early summer, and I am tracing my way through the woods of central North Carolina, steering cautiously around S-curves and braking hard when what looks like a small rise turns into a narrow bridge. I am on my way to meet Tami McGraw, who lives with her husband and the youngest of their kids in a sprawling development of old trees and wide lawns just south of Chapel Hill. Before I reach her, McGraw emails. She wants to feed me when I get there:

“Would you like to try emu?” she asks. “Or perhaps some duck?”

These are not normal breakfast offerings. But for years, nothing about McGraw’s life has been normal. She cannot eat beef or pork, or drink milk or eat cheese or snack on a gelatine-containing dessert without feeling her throat close and her blood pressure drop. Wearing a wool sweater raises hives on her skin; inhaling the fumes of bacon sizzling on a stove will knock her to the ground. Everywhere she goes, she carries an array of tablets that can beat back an allergy attack, and an auto-injecting EpiPen that can jolt her system out of anaphylactic shock.

McGraw is allergic to the meat of mammals and everything else that comes from them: dairy products, wool and fibre, gelatine from their hooves, char from their bones. This syndrome affects some thousands of people in the USA and an uncertain but likely larger number worldwide, and after a decade of research, scientists have begun to understand what causes it. It is created by the bite of a tick, picked up on a hike or brushed against in a garden, or hitchhiking on the fur of a pet that was roaming outside.

The illness, which generally goes by the name ‘alpha-gal allergy’ after the component of meat that triggers it, is a trial that McGraw and her family are still learning to cope with. In much the same way, medicine is grappling with it too. Allergies occur when our immune systems perceive something that ought to be familiar as foreign. For scientists, alpha-gal is forcing a remapping of basic tenets of immunology: how allergies occur, how they are triggered, whom they put in danger and when.

For those affected, alpha-gal is transforming the landscapes they live in, turning the reliable comforts of home ­– the plants in their gardens, the food on their plates — into an uncertain terrain of risk.

In 1987, Dr Sheryl van Nunen was confronted with a puzzle. She was the head of the allergy department at a regional hospital in the suburbs of Sydney, Australia, and had a reputation among her colleagues for sorting out mysterious episodes of anaphylaxis. This time, a man had been sent to see her who kept waking up, in the middle of the night, in the grip of some profound reaction.

Van Nunen knew at once that this was out of the ordinary, since most allergic reactions happen quickly after exposure instead of hours later. She also knew that only a few allergens affect people after they have gone to bed. (Latex, for instance — someone sensitive to it who has sex using a latex condom might fall asleep and wake up in the midst of an allergy attack.) She checked the man for the obvious irritants and, when those tests came up negative, took a thorough look at his medical history and did a skin test for everything he had eaten and touched in the hours before bedtime. The only potential allergen that returned a positive result was meat.

This was weird (and dismaying, in barbecue-loving Australia). But it was the only such case Van Nunen had ever seen. She coached the patient on how to avoid the meals that seemed to be triggering his reactions, put it down mentally to the unpredictability of the human immune system, and moved on.

Then a few more such patients came her way. There were six additional ones across the 1990s; by 2003, she had seen at least 70, all with the same problem, all apparently affected by meat they had eaten a few hours before. Groping for an explanation, she lengthened the list of questions she asked, quizzing the patients about whether they or their families had ever reacted to anything else: detergents, fabrics, plants in their gardens, insects on the plants.

“And invariably, these people would say to me: ‘I haven’t been bitten by a bee or a wasp, but I’ve had lots of tick bites,” Van Nunen recalls.

In her memory, Tami McGraw’s symptoms began after 2010. That was the year she and her husband Tom, a retired surgeon, spied a housing bargain in North Carolina, a development next to a nature reserve whose builder had priced the big houses to sell. The leafy spread of streams and woodland pockets was everything she wanted in a home. She didn’t realise that it offered everything that deer and birds and rodents, the main hosts of ticks, want as well.

She remembers one tick that attached to her scalp, raising such a welt the spot was red for months afterwards, and a swarm of baby ticks that climbed her legs and had to be scrubbed off in a hot bath laced with bleach. Unpredictably, at odd intervals, she began to get dizzy and sick.

“I’d have unexplained allergic reactions, and I’d break out in hives and my blood pressure would go crazy,” she told me. The necklines of all her T-shirts were stretched, because she tugged at them to relieve the feeling she couldn’t take a deep breath. She trekked to an array of doctors who diagnosed her with asthma or early menopause or a tumour on her pituitary gland. They prescribed antibiotics and inhalers and steroids. They sent her for MRI scans, pulmonary function tests, echocardiograms of her heart. Nothing yielded a result.

Looking back, she realises she missed clues as to the source of her problem. She always seemed to need to use an asthma inhaler on Wednesdays — the day she spent hours in her car, delivering steaming-hot dinners for Meals on Wheels. She would feel short of breath, and need to visit an urgent-care clinic, on Saturdays — which always started, in her household, with a big breakfast of eggs and sausages.

Then a close friend had a scary episode, going for a run, arriving home and passing out on the hot concrete of her driveway. Once she was recovered, McGraw quizzed her. Her friend said: “They thought I got stung by a bee while I was running. But now they think maybe I have a red-meat allergy.”

McGraw remembers her first reaction was: That’s crazy. Her second was: Maybe I have that too.

She Googled, and then she asked her doctor to order a little-known blood test that would show if her immune system was reacting to a component of mammal meat. The test result was so strongly positive, her doctor called her at home to tell her to step away from the stove.

That should have been the end of her problems. Instead it launched her on an odyssey of discovering just how much mammal material is present in everyday life. One time, she took capsules of liquid painkiller and woke up in the middle of the night, itching and covered in hives provoked by the drug’s gelatine covering.

When she bought an unfamiliar lip balm, the lanolin in it made her mouth peel and blister. She planned to spend an afternoon gardening, spreading fertiliser and planting flowers, but passed out on the grass and had to be revived with an EpiPen. She had reacted to manure and bone meal that were enrichments in bagged compost she had bought.

She struggled with the attacks’ unpredictability, and even more with the impact on her family. “I think I’m getting better, and then I realise I’m not,” she says. “I’m more knowledgeable about what I can and can’t do.”

The discovery of new diseases often follows a pattern. Scattered patients realise they are experiencing strange symptoms. They find each other, face to face in a neighbourhood or across the world on the internet. They bring their experience to medicine, and medicine is sceptical. And then, after some period of pain and recalcitrance, medicine admits that, in fact, the patients were right.

That is the story of the discovery of CFS/ME and Lyme disease, among others. But it is not the story of alpha-gal allergy. An odd set of coincidences brought the bizarre illness to the attention of researchers almost as soon as it occurred.

The story begins with a cancer drug called cetuximab, which came onto the market in 2004. Cetuximab is a protein grown in cells taken from mice. For any new drug, there are likely to be a few people that react badly to it, and that was true for cetuximab. In its earliest trials, one or two of every 100 cancer patients who got it infused into their veins had a hypersensitivity reaction: their blood pressure dropped and they had difficulty breathing.

That 1–2 per cent stayed consistent as cetuximab was given to larger and larger groups. And then there was an aberration. In clinics in North Carolina and Tennessee, 25 of 88 recipients were hypersensitive to the drug, with some so sick they needed emergency shots of epinephrine and hospitalisation. At about the same time, a patient who was receiving a first dose of cetuximab in a cancer clinic in Bentonville, Arkansas, collapsed and died.

The manufacturers, ImClone and Bristol-Myers Squibb, checked every obvious thing about the trial: the drug’s ingredients, the cleanliness of the manufacturing plants, even the practices at the medical centres where cetuximab had been administered. Nothing stood out. The most that researchers could guess at the time was that the unlucky recipients might have some kind of mouse allergy.

Then the first coincidence occurred: a nurse whose husband worked at the Bentonville clinic mentioned the death to Dr Tina Hatley, an immunologist in private practice in Bentonville. Hatley had recently finished postgraduate training at the University of Virginia’s allergy centre, and she mentioned the death to her former supervisor, Dr Thomas Platts-Mills.

The bad responses to the drug looked like allergic reactions, and they were common enough — and far enough from the manufacturer’s expectations — to be an intriguing research opportunity.

Platts-Mills pulled together a team, looping in Hatley and several current research fellows as well. Fairly quickly, they discovered the source of the problem. People were reacting to the drug because they had a pre-existing sensitivity, indicated by a high level of antibodies (called immunoglobulin E, or IgE for short) to a sugar that is present in the muscles of most mammals, though not in humans or other primates. The name of the sugar was galactose-alpha-1,3-galactose, known for short as alpha-gal.

Alpha-gal is familiar to many scientists because it is responsible for an enduring disappointment: its ability to trigger intense immune reactions is the reason that organs taken from animals have never successfully been transplanted into people. The puzzle was why the drug recipients were reacting to it. To have an allergic reaction, someone needs to have been primed with a prior exposure to a substance — but the trial recipients who reacted badly were all on their first dose of cetuximab.

Team members scrutinised the patients and their families for anything that could explain the problem. The reactions appeared regional — patients in Arkansas and North Carolina and Tennessee experienced the hypersensitivity, but ones in Boston and northern California did not. They investigated parasites, moulds and diseases that occur only in pockets of the USA.

Then Dr Christine Chung, a Nashville researcher recruited to the team, stumbled on an intriguing clue. Almost one in five of the patients enrolled at a cancer clinic at her hospital had high levels of IgE to alpha-gal. But when she checked those patients’ near neighbours, treating them as a control group — that is, people who lived their lives in the same way, but did not have cancer and had no reason to have received the drug — almost one in five had antibodies to alpha-gal as well.

Almost a decade later, that correlation still makes Platts-Mills chuckle. The alpha-gal reaction “had nothing to do with cancer,” he says. “It had everything to do with rural Tennessee.”

The question then became: what in rural Tennessee could trigger a reaction like this? The answer arose from a second coincidence. Dr Jacob Hosen, a researcher in Platts-Mills’s lab, stumbled across a map drawn by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) showing the prevalence of an infection called Rocky Mountain spotted fever. It exactly overlapped the hot spots where the cetuximab reactions had occurred.

Rocky Mountain spotted fever is transmitted by the bite of a tick: Amblyomma americanum, one of the most common ticks in south-eastern USA. It’s known as the lone star tick for a blotch of white on the back of the female’s body.

The researchers wondered — if the mystery reactions shared a footprint with a disease, and ticks caused the disease, could ticks be linked to the reactions too?

It was an intriguing hypothesis, and was reinforced by a new set of patients who came trickling into Platts-Mills’s clinic at about the same time. They were all adults, and that was odd to start with, because allergies tend to show up in childhood. They had never had an allergic reaction before, but now they were experiencing allergy symptoms: swelling, hives and in the worst cases anaphylactic shock. They too had high levels of IgE antibodies to alpha-gal.

None of them, though, were cancer patients. They told the physicians that they had no proof of what was causing their reactions — but more than a few of them sensed it had something to do with eating meat.

Dr Scott Commins, another postgraduate fellow in Platts-Mills’s group, took it upon himself to phone every new patient to ask whether they’d ever suffered a tick bite. “I think 94.6 per cent of them answered affirmatively,” he says. “And the other few per cent would say, ‘You know, I’m outdoors all the time. I can’t remember an actual tick that was attached, but I know I’d get bites.’”

Meat from mammals inevitably contains alpha-gal — so in already sensitised individuals, eating meat might constitute a second exposure, in the same way infusing cetuximab had been.

If tick bites had sensitised them, then the alpha-gal reaction might be a food allergy as well as a drug reaction. But the connection was speculative, and cementing cause and effect would take one final, extraordinary coincidence.

As it happens, Platts-Mills likes to hike. One weekend he took off across the central Virginia hills, tramping through grassy underbrush. He came home five hours later, peeled off his boots and socks, and discovered his legs and feet were speckled with tiny dots. They looked like ground pepper, but they were dug into his skin — he had to use a dull knife to scrape them off — and they itched something fierce. He saved a few, and sent them to an entomologist. They were the larval form of lone star ticks.

This, he realised, was an opportunity. As soon as the work week started, he had his lab team draw his blood and check his IgE levels. They were low to start with, and then week by week began to climb. Platts-Mills is English — his father was a Member of Parliament — and in the midst of having his IgE tracked, he went to an event at the Royal Society of Medicine in London. “And at that point,” he says cheerfully, “I ate two lamb chops and drank two glasses of wine.”

In the middle of the night, he woke up covered in hives.

The lone star tick doesn’t receive much attention in the USA. It’s the black-legged tick, Ixodes scapularis, that has the dubious honour of being the most well-known, as it’s the carrier of Lyme disease, which causes an estimated 300,000 cases of illness in the USA each year.

The lone star tick doesn’t transmit Lyme disease, but is the vector for other serious illnesses, including Q fever, ehrlichiosis, Heartland virus, Bourbon virus and tularaemia, an infection so serious that the US government classifies the bacteria that cause it as a potential agent of bioterrorism.

While Lyme clusters in the north-east and the northern Midwest, the diseases carried by Amblyomma stretch from the coast of Maine to the tip of Florida, the Atlantic to the middle of Texas, and the southern shores of the Great Lakes all the way to the Mexican border.

And that range appears to be expanding. “The northern edge of where these ticks are abundant is moving,” says Dr Rick Ostfeld, a disease ecologist at the Cary Institute of Ecosystem Studies, north of New York City. “It is now well-established further north, into Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York and well up into New England.

“Climate change is likely playing a role in the northward expansion,” Ostfeld adds, but acknowledges that we don’t know what else could also be contributing.

It’s a universal complaint among tick scientists that we don’t know as much about ticks as we should. Tick-transmitted illnesses are more common in the USA than mosquito-borne ones — according to the CDC’s most recent accounting, in 2017 tickborne diseases were 2.6 times more common than when the agency began counting in 2004 — yet it’s mosquitoes that receive the most public health attention and funding, from national surveillance programmes to local mosquito-control campaigns. (In fact, the CDC was founded in 1942 because of mosquito-borne disease; its original title was the Office of Malaria Control in War Areas.)

What is known about where ticks live, what they feed on, and how they are affected by changes in land use and climate has mostly been assembled out of the findings of scientists fighting for scarce research funding.

It’s impossible to talk to physicians encountering alpha-gal cases without hearing that something has changed to make the tick that transmits it more common — even though they don’t know what that something might be.

The lone star tick is a sturdy, stealthy predator. It isn’t picky about conditions — it tolerates the damp of Atlantic beaches, and its western expansion only stopped when it ran up against the Texas desert — and it’s content to feed from dozens of animals, from mice all the way up the tree of life.

It loves birds, which might have helped it move north so rapidly, and it has a special lust for the white-tailed deer that have colonised American suburbs. And, unlike most ticks, it bites humans in all three stages of its lifecycle: as an adult, as a nymph and as the poppy seed-sized larvae that attacked Platt-Mills, which linger on grass stalks in clusters and spring off hundreds at a time.

Ticks detect scent with organs embedded in their first pair of legs, and what they’re sniffing for is carbon dioxide, the exhaled breath of an animal full of warm oxygenated blood. When lone star ticks catch wind of it, they take off. “The Lyme disease tick is a slow tick,” says Dr William Nicholson, a microbiologist at the CDC. “Amblyomma will run to you.”

There has been so little research into alpha-gal allergy that scientists can’t agree on exactly what stage of the bite starts victims’ sensitisation. It is possible that a fragment of a previous blood meal, from a mouse, bird or deer, lingers in a tick’s guts and works its way up through its mouth and into its human victim. It’s also possible that some still-unidentified compound in tick saliva is chemically close enough to alpha-gal to produce the same effect.

One aspect of its epidemiology is becoming clear, though. The allergy isn’t only caused by the lone star tick.

In Australia, Van Nunen (who is now a clinical associate professor at the University of Sydney School of Medicine) couldn’t understand how her patients’ tick bites solved the mystery of their meat allergy. But she could see something else. The beaches that fringe the coast north and south of Sydney are rife with ticks. If bites from them were putting people at risk of a profound allergy, she felt compelled to get the word out.

In 2007, Van Nunen wrote up a description of 25 meat-allergic patients whose reactions she had confirmed with a skin-prick test. All but two had had severe skin reactions to a tick bite; more than half had suffered severe anaphylaxis. That abstract formed the basis of a talk she gave later that year to an Australian medical association, which was then indexed — but not published in full — in an Australian medical journal. It took until 2009 for the Virginia group to catch up to it, after they had already published their first alert.

That was unfortunate, because the crucial detail in Van Nunen’s research wasn’t just that her cases were earlier than the first round of American ones. It was that they were caused by bites from a different tick: Ixodes holocyclus, called the paralysis tick. Alpha-gal allergy was not just an odd occurrence in one part of the USA. It had occurred in the opposite hemisphere, making it literally a global problem.

And so it has proved. Alpha-gal reactions linked to tick bites have now been found in the UK, France, Spain, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Japan, South Korea, Sweden, Norway, Panama, Brazil, Côte d’Ivoire and South Africa. These cases trace back to at least six additional tick species. (An online map on which patients list themselves includes over a dozen more countries.)

Wherever ticks bite people — everywhere other than the Arctic and Antarctic — alpha-gal allergy has been recorded. In Belgium, patients reacted badly to a drug produced in rabbit cells. In the Italian Alps, men who went hunting in the forests were more at risk than women who stayed in their village. In Germany, the most reactive food was a traditional delicacy, pork kidneys. In Sweden, it was moose.

Van Nunen herself has now seen more than 1,200 patients. “The next busiest clinic, about 350,” she says. Those cases have all occurred in two decades, less than the span of a single human generation. As in America, the surge leaves Van Nunen mystified as to what the cause might be. She reasons that the rise cannot be due to something in her patients; neither genetic nor epigenetic change could occur so quickly.

“It has to be environmental,” she says.

It’s a sunny early morning at the University of North Carolina Medical Center in Chapel Hill. Commins, who moved here in 2016 to become an associate professor, has 11 patients to see before the end of the day. Seven of them have alpha-gal allergy.

Laura Stirling, 51, is fretting over a list of questions. She does not live nearby; she flew down from Maryland, drawn by Commins’s reputation. In 2016, she found a fat lone star tick attached to her, and afterwards had fierce indigestion whenever she ate or smelled pork — a challenge, because her husband likes to tinker with a smoker on weekends. In 2017, she was bitten again, and her symptoms worsened to midnight hives and lightheadedness that sent her to her doctor’s office. She immediately cut all meat and dairy from her diet. A year later, she wants to know if she can add anything back.

“Can I eat dairy?” she asks. “Can I cook dairy? Can I eat it if it doesn’t have animal rennet in it?” She pauses. “I’ve been symptom-free, because I don’t take risks.”

Commins walks her through a protocol he’s developed, a method for adding back mammal products one dose at a time. He has a hypothesis that alpha-gal reactions are linked to the fat content of food; that might explain why they take so many hours to occur, because the body processes fat via a slower metabolic pathway than protein or carbs.

He recommends that patients start with a spoonful of grated dry cheese, because its fat content is low, and graduate by slow steps up to full-fat yogurt and milk and then to ice cream. If those foods don’t provoke reactions, he suggests tiny doses of lean meat, starting with deli ham.

Stirling lights up at that. “I dream of charcuterie,” she sighs.

Because Commins was part of Platt-Mills’s earliest research, he has been seeing alpha-gal patients for more than a decade now. He estimates he has treated more than 900 men and women; five new patients arrive every week. He has coached a significant number of them back to eating some mammal products and managing their exposures to the things they can’t handle, so their worst experience is hunting for an emergency Benadryl, not being rushed to the ER.

Not every patient can do this. Julie LeSueur, who is 45 and lives in Richmond, Virginia, has been monitored by Platts-Mills for four years. (He is one of several doctors she has seen for the condition, after years of severe stomach issues escalated to repeated attacks of anaphylaxis that put her in hospital. One physician, frustrated she wasn’t getting better, told her: “This is all in your head.”)

What started as an allergy to meat expanded into reactions to anything with an animal connection, including gelatine in medications and animal products in cosmetics, and then to sensitising her immune system to an array of other irritants, from nuts to mould. She buys vegan soap and shampoo, has prescriptions formulated by a compounding pharmacy, and mostly works from home to avoid unintended exposures. Reluctantly, she cut back a hobby that meant the world to her: fostering animals that have been rescued from abuse.

“I’m at home all the time now,” she tells me by phone. “I’m lucky to get off the couch.”

Commins and Platts-Mills named alpha-gal allergy a decade ago, and Van Nunen saw her first patient 20 years before that. A lab test for the allergy, the one that Tami McGraw received, has been on the market since 2010. (Platts-Mills and Tina Hatley, now Merritt, share the patent.) That makes it hard to understand why patients still struggle to be diagnosed and understand the limits of what they can eat or allow themselves to be exposed to. But alpha-gal allergy defies some of the bedrock tenets of immunology.

Food allergies are overwhelmingly caused by proteins, tend to surface in childhood and usually trigger symptoms quickly after a food is consumed. Alpha-gal is a sugar; alpha-gal patients tolerate meat for years before their reactions begin; and alpha-gal reactions take hours to occur. Plus, the range of reactions is far beyond what’s normal: not only skin reactions in mild cases and anaphylaxis in the most serious, but piercing stomach pain, abdominal cramps and diarrhoea as well.

But alpha-gal reactions are definitely an allergy, given patients’ results on the same skin and IgE tests that immunologists use to determine allergies to other foods. That leads both Van Nunen and Commins to wonder whether the syndrome will help to reshape allergy science, broadening the understanding of what constitutes an allergy response and leading to new concepts of how allergies are triggered.

Merritt, who estimates she has seen more than 500 patients with alpha-gal allergy, has it herself; she has had bad reactions to meat all her life, since being bitten by seed ticks at Girl Scout camp, and was re-sensitised by a lone star tick bite last year. She is sensitive enough to react not only to meat, but to other products derived from mammal tissues — and as she has discovered, they are threaded throughout modern life.

The unrecognised dangers aren’t only sweaters and soaps and face creams. Medical products with an animal origin include the clotting drug heparin, derived from pork intestines and cow lung; pancreatic enzymes and thyroid supplements; medicines that include magnesium stearate as an inert filler; vaccines grown in certain cell lines; and other vaccines, and intravenous fluids, that contain gelatine.

“We have enormous difficulty advising people about this,” Van Nunen says. “Sometimes you have to sit down for seven hours, write seven emails and have four telephone conversations to be able to say to a 23-year-old woman who’s about to travel: ‘Yes, you may have this brand of Japanese encephalitis vaccine because they do not use bovine material. The vaccine is made in [cells from] the African green monkey and I have looked up that monkey and it does not contain alpha-gal.’”

Some replacement heart values are grown in pigs; they may cause alpha-gal sensitisation that could trigger an allergy attack later. And cardiac patients who have alpha-gal allergy seem to use up replacement heart valves more quickly than normal, putting them at risk of heart failure until they can get a replacement.

There’s also a growing sense that alpha-gal may be an occupational hazard. Last year, researchers in Spain treated three farm workers who developed hives and swelling and had difficulty breathing after being splashed with amniotic fluid while they were helping calves to be born. All three of them — a 36-year-old woman, a 56-year-old woman and a 53-year-old man — already knew they had alpha-gal sensitivity, but had never imagined that skin contact would be risky.

Commins has treated hunters who developed reactions after being splashed with blood after field dressing deer; those cases raise the possibility that meat-processing workers could be at risk. In the two main Facebook groups where patients gather, it’s common to hear school cafeteria workers fret about reactions from breathing the fumes of meat cooking.

Last summer, researchers working with Commins reported that people with alpha-gal allergy may have greater allergic reactions to the stings of bees and wasps, potentially endangering landscapers and other outdoor workers.

It’s hard to know how many people may be sensitised to alpha-gal without knowing it. A project at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) that studies unexplained occurrences of anaphylaxis found last year that 9 per cent of the cases weren’t unexplained after all: they were alpha-gal patients whose sensitivity had never been diagnosed.

Platts-Mills points out that the prevalence of high levels of alpha-gal IgE in his earliest studies was up to 20 per cent in some communities, “but that was absolutely not the prevalence of allergic reactions to meat,” he says. “So there are clearly plenty of people out there who’ve got the antibody but don’t have this syndrome.”

What this all means is that there are almost certainly people for whom a meat-containing meal or medical intervention could trigger an alpha-gal reaction of unknown severity.

There may be further peril awaiting them. In June, Platts-Mills and other researchers revealed that more than a quarter of patients who came to the University of Virginia’s medical centre for cardiac catheterisation, to clear out life-threatening blood-vessel blockages, were sensitised to alpha-gal without knowing it.

The patients with the undetected allergy had more arterial plaque than the ones without, and, most worrisome to the researchers, their plaques were of a type that is more likely to break away from the arterial wall and cause heart attacks and strokes. Though the research is early — done in one group of 118 patients, in a known hotspot for alpha-gal — Platts-Mills worries it presages a risk for heart disease that is larger than anyone expects.

When a new disease surfaces in the USA, it’s usually the CDC that investigates, pouring epidemiologists and data scientists into the field to track down connections and bring back samples for lab analysis. But investigation of alpha-gal is caught in a bureaucratic quirk of federal science. The CDC is responsible for infections spread by insects and arthropods — but alpha-gal syndrome is not an infection. That makes it the responsibility of NIH — which has abundant lab scientists, but no shoe-leather disease detectives.

NIH does seem to be taking an interest. In June 2018, it hosted an invitation-only one-day IgE-mediated Meat Allergy Workshop; in the past, such meetings have indicated the giant agency is considering launching a research programme. But just reading the workshop’s programme provides a hint of how new alpha-gal research is; participants called the problem by multiple different names, displaying that there isn’t even yet any agreed nomenclature for it. Similarly, the US-run universal search engine for journal articles, PubMed, indexes papers on alpha-gal under “allergy to galactose-alpha-1,3-galactose”, “mammalian meat allergy”, “delayed red meat allergy”, “galactose-α-1,3-galactose syndrome” and more.

Platts-Mills was one of the workshop’s invited speakers and gave the opening statement. Commins was there as well, along with researchers from New York, Germany, South Africa and Sweden.

Dr Marshall Plaut, who convened the meeting and is now chief of the Food Allergy, Atopic Dermatitis, and Allergic Mechanisms Section at NIH’s National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, describes it as the earliest step in possibly committing to a research programme. (Platts-Mills and Commins have already received some NIH funding.) “It signals that NIH has some interest in understanding more about the disease,” he says. “There are a lot of things that need to be understood.”

In August, Commins gave a talk on alpha-gal allergy at the International Conference on Emerging Infectious Diseases, a conference held every two or so years and sponsored by the CDC that often surfaces the earliest signals of illnesses that are destined to become big problems.

The CDC’s director of foodborne illness was in the audience; so was its director of vector-borne diseases, the department that deals with ticks. Afterwards, they both zoomed up to ask him questions. “I kind of had the impression this was just a weird, small thing,” Dr Lyle Petersen, the vector-borne director, told him. “But this seems like kind of a big deal.”

With NIH and the CDC paying attention, research into alpha-gal might be reaching a threshold, a moment at which isolated investigations might coalesce into answers. For the patients, who feel isolated too, that can’t come soon enough.

[paleorecipecookbook]

RHR: How to Address the Root Cause of Your Asthma

In this episode, we discuss:

Why the root cause of asthma is immune dysregulation

Four potential triggers for your asthma

How to balance your immune system

Show notes:

“RHR: What You Should Know about Histamine Intolerance,” by Chris Kresser

“Got Allergies? Your Microbes Could Be Responsible,” by Chris Kresser

The Paleo Cure, by Chris Kresser

“RHR: Low-Dose Naltrexone (LDN) as a Treatment for Autoimmune Disease,” by Chris Kresser

[smart_track_player url="https://ift.tt/2Q9nrG4" title="RHR: How to Address the Root Cause of Your Asthma" artist="Chris Kresser" ]

Chris Kresser:  Hey, everybody. Chris Kresser here. Welcome to another episode of Revolution Health Radio. This week we’re going to answer a question from a listener.

Jenny:  Hi, Chris, this is Jenny. I have a question for the podcast. I have asthma. It's not severe, but I've been on an inhaler for many, many years. I take the Flovent inhaler. It's the only medication that I take. I am a regular athlete. I do a lot of exercise and do some running races, and I've done some triathlons, shorter distances as well. So it's not exercise-induced, but it's something that when I try to get off the medication, it's very difficult.

So I just wanted to see if you had any information on how to get rid of it. I am experimenting with the low-dose allergy LDA treatments right now with my Functional Medicine doctor. But I just wanted to see if you had any other thoughts on asthma. I know a lot of people out there have asthma and if you have anything that you suggest to be done. I have celiac disease, so I obviously don't eat any gluten, and I don't believe that I'm eating anything that is triggering the asthma. If anything, I think it's triggered by environmental like grass and things like that. That would be my guess. However, I'm not really 100 percent sure.

So if you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it. Thanks a lot for all the information you provide.

Why the Root Cause of Asthma Is Immune Dysregulation

Chris Kresser:  Thanks so much, Jenny, for sending in your question. Asthma is a huge problem. It affects about 8 percent of the U.S. population, which is about 25 million Americans, including many children. And it is increasing every day in the U.S.

Functional Medicine is always oriented toward addressing the root cause of disease, and with asthma that root cause is immune dysregulation. So we can think of immune dysregulation in three broad categories. One would be weakened immunity, so getting frequent colds and flu and other conditions. A second would be autoimmunity, where the body is attacking itself, and the third would be hyperactivity or hyperreactivity.

Do you dream of getting rid of your asthma and ditching your inhaler altogether? It might be possible—if you can address the root cause of the problem. Check out this episode of RHR to learn how to identify the triggers for your asthma and balance out your immune system.

Hyperreactivity could be against environmental antigens like dust or pollen or even mold or food antigens like gluten or dairy or chemicals like herbicides and pesticides. I think asthma probably falls into the third category of hyperreactivity, and that reactivity in the case of asthma is often directed at environmental antigens and toxins including molds, food, microbes in the gastrointestinal tract, proteins inappropriately getting into the bloodstream by a leaky gut, chemicals like dyes and preservatives in foods, pesticides and herbicides, as I mentioned. But from a Functional Medicine perspective, the issue is not really with these substances per se, it's with the immune system's reaction to them. So that isn't to say that these substances aren't harmful in their own right. Given enough exposure to them, many of them are, of course. But not everybody will have asthma in response to exposure to low levels of these substances. And that's why it's important to consider asthma as a condition that's characterized by immune dysfunction or a dysregulation.

Four Potential Triggers for Your Asthma

In Functional Medicine, we can break down the approach to asthma in two broad steps:

The first would be to identify and address potential triggers of immune dysfunction, and

The second would be to take specific steps to balance and regulate the immune system.

Unfortunately, this can be quite an involved process because there are many potential triggers to consider. But let's just talk about some of the main ones.

1. Food Intolerances

So diet of course, is one of the biggest triggers not only for asthma but for many other conditions. Food intolerances are very common in people with asthma, especially to gluten and dairy. And these are not often tested for in conventional medical settings, and when they are tested for, the type of testing that is done is inadequate. So, for example, the typical test for gluten intolerance might include alpha-gliadin and then possibly tissue transglutaminase. And those are common markers that would be elevated in gluten intolerance, but there are many, many people who have gluten intolerance who are reacting to different proteins and different epitopes of the proteins in gluten. And those will be missed if only those two markers are measured.

So that can be a big problem and it can lead people astray. They can be led to believe that they are not gluten intolerant even when they are. And then dairy proteins are also a common issue with people with asthma. And again, the testing for this is not very good in the conventional setting, when it's done at all. So the best way still for most people to determine this is a strict elimination diet where you remove gluten and dairy from your diet for 30, 60 days. Sixty is better, and then you add them back in and you see what happens. And if the asthma improves significantly when you're not eating gluten and/or dairy, that's really the only test you need in terms of figuring this out. And if it gets worse when you add them back in, that's even more conclusive.

But there are also other things in food that could be problematic. Chemicals and additives, I mentioned before. We live in a society in the U.S. where 60 percent of people's calories come from highly processed and refined foods and these can include all kinds of chemicals and additives, dyes, and then of course sugar and industrial seed oils. And many of these are somewhat foreign to us. They have not been around for very long. We don't have a long history of eating them and they're more likely to cause problems for that reason.

Jenny mentioned that she had celiac disease, which of course is an autoimmune disease characterized by gluten intolerance, and that can lead to intestinal permeability, a.k.a. leaky gut. And what happens there is proteins that should stay in the gut as part of normal foods that we eat escape the gut and end up in the bloodstream. And then our immune system attacks those food proteins because it considers them to be foreign invaders, which they are. They really shouldn't be there. And that immune attack and can lead to asthma and allergies and many other conditions that are characterized by immune dysregulation. So it’s not unusual to see people with celiac disease that also have asthma or other immune imbalances.

I mentioned dairy intolerance. A little-known fact is that about half of people, according to one study, with celiac disease are also intolerant of dairy proteins. Yet I rarely hear about conventional doctors who diagnose someone with celiac disease mention this. It may be a lack of awareness. But many people who are gluten intolerant, particularly with celiac disease, will also benefit from removing dairy products for their diet. That doesn’t mean everybody, but it does mean that if you have celiac disease, it's worth testing that out either with proper laboratory testing or by doing an elimination protocol.

Finally, another thing to consider is histamine. As many of you know, I've talked about and written about histamine quite a bit. It’s a mediator of the inflammatory response, particularly when it comes to the allergic response in human beings, and histamine is also found in the diet. So if you eat foods that are high in histamine and you already have fairly high levels of histamine in the body because of an allergic reaction or allergic response or a tendency towards allergy, then eating foods that are high in histamine can push that over the edge and exacerbate symptoms. So for some people with asthma, a low-histamine diet, at least while you're figuring out some of the underlying problems, can be helpful. Being on a really extreme low-histamine diet for an extended period of time is probably not a good idea because you’ll be removing a lot of foods that are otherwise beneficial, particularly fermented foods. But it can be helpful, especially in the short term while you’re figuring everything out.

2. Digestive Problems

The next trigger or mechanism that’s very common for asthma is G.I. issues. So this could include things like:

SIBO, bacterial overgrowth in the small intestine

Chronic gut infections like Helicobacter pylori, or pylori

Fungal overgrowth

Dysbiosis

Intestinal permeability

I mentioned before the mechanism by which intestinal permeability can lead to asthma and allergies and other immune responses. Well, the things that lead to intestinal permeability in the gut are those that I just called out: SIBO, infections, fungal overgrowth, and a disrupted gut microbiome. The gut doesn't just become permeable for no reason, and this is why I think focusing on leaky gut without addressing and identifying and addressing these other underlying causes is usually not a fruitful approach. You really need to look at what's driving the leaky gut in the first place and address those things, and then the gut will usually take care of itself because the cells in the intestine regenerate every few days, and the gut has remarkable healing power once all of the other triggers are removed.

So assuming you’ve tested for and addressed SIBO, infections, fungal overgrowth, etc., with a Functional Medicine provider, then the next step would be to reestablish a healthy microbiome using probiotics and prebiotics and possibly, if necessary, things that specifically address the gut barrier function. Because the barrier system is very important in maintaining the integrity of the gut barrier. As I’ve said now a few times, it can prevent leaky gut and prevent those proteins from inappropriately getting into the bloodstream and triggering that immune reaction.

3. Environmental Toxins

The next major category of triggers is environmental. So this includes toxins that are found in home cleaning and personal care products. It could include mold and other biotoxins that are found in indoor air inside of homes and buildings. It could include particulates and other outdoor air pollution. It's a very broad category, and unfortunately, it's growing all the time. We’re exposed to just an almost inconceivable number of toxins in our environment now.

There's very little regulation that governs which toxins companies can release into the environment. It’s sort of an innocent-until-proven-guilty policy, which is really ridiculous because we’re essentially allowing these companies to experiment on us and our children without our expressed permission and without any controlled monitoring of what the effects of these experiments are.

So I do think that toxins play a pretty significant role in all kinds of chronic diseases, including asthma. So we want to do everything we can to minimize our exposure, especially to the ones that we have control over. So that would mean switching out your home cleaning products for natural alternatives and same with personal care products. It would mean assessing your home, making sure that you don't have a mold problem or other biotoxins in the home that are causing issues. And to the best of your ability living in a place that doesn't have really bad air pollution and if you’re not able to move, to at least get some air filters that you can use in your home, which can be helpful for both indoor and outdoor air quality and reducing your exposure to toxins that you can inhale from the air.

So this is an area where actually a little bit of an effort can go quite a long way, and it's a win-win scenario, no matter what. Even if these things turn out to not be a driving trigger of the asthma, it’s certainly not a bad thing to reduce your exposure to inhaled pollution, either from the outdoors or indoor. And we know that air pollution, for example, is a driver of obesity and metabolic problems and may be a bigger issue in some of the other more commonly considered factors. And there's a growing body of evidence on this now that's coming out. It's really interesting. These particulates in the air pollution can cause a kind of chronic low-grade inflammatory response that can then trigger insulin resistance and weight gain and all kinds of other problems.

4. HPA Axis Dysregulation

So the fourth category of triggers is the HPA axis. We could summarize it with that term. So here we’re talking about stress, sleep deprivation, and then disruption of our circadian rhythm. So let’s talk a little bit about each of those.

The connection between stress and immune dysfunction has been known for thousands of years. It’s talked about in some of the earliest medical texts that came out of China, and it's been a focus of virtually every system of medicine and approach to medicine for as long as we know. And stress impacts the immune system in numerous ways, and it's widely considered to be one of the most significant triggers for autoimmune disease. There have been lots of studies that have shown that stress depletes the immune system and makes you more susceptible to colds and flu. I'm sure everyone listening to this has had their own personal experience of this. We know that students who are approaching final exams, for example, are far more likely to get sick. I’m sure all of you had an experience like that when you’ve been run down from working too much or other stuff going on in your life, stressful events, and you've gotten sick. Everybody knows this whether you know anything about the science or the mechanisms involved. It's very obvious that stress impacts the immune system.

Sleep deprivation is closely related because not getting enough sleep can impact the HPA axis in similar ways that stress does and it's really one of the epidemics of our time. I think about a third of people now are getting fewer than six hours of sleep a night. And this is up from just 2 percent in the 1960s. So pretty profound difference in a half century. And sleep deprivation leads to many of the same kinds of changes in the immune system that you see with stress. So you can see an increase in cortisol levels or eventually a decline in cortisol levels or inappropriate secretion of cortisol at the wrong times. You can see an increase in inflammatory markers, decrease in T regulatory cell function. All kinds of things that could be expected to trigger or exacerbate asthma and other immune dysfunctions.

So then lastly we have disruption of circadian rhythm. We’ve talked about this a lot and I've written about it in my books. But human beings have only recently been exposed to artificial light at night in the last 150 years really of our two-and-a-half-million-year evolutionary history. So a tiny blip. And only recently have we spent significant portions of our time indoors not exposed to natural light during the day. And it turns out this has a profoundly negative impact on our circadian rhythm, or circadian clock. And our circadian clock affects every cell in the body and every system of the body. All organisms on planet Earth evolved in the natural 24-hour light/dark cycle, from the most simple, single-celled organism all the way up to human beings. And that cycle governs virtually every aspect of our physiology. And so will we mess with that, with too much exposure to artificial light at night and not enough exposure during the day, and things like long-distance travel where we cross time zones, and shiftwork, all of which are very common today, that unfortunately has a profound impact on the function of our immune system.

So I would say those are the main categories: diet, gut, environmental, and HPA axis for asthma. But you also want to look at things like nutrient status, particularly magnesium and zinc have been shown to be relevant with asthma, methylation, hormones, chronic infections like tick-borne illness or reactivated viral infections, heavy metals, and other toxins.

How to Balance Your Immune System

If you've addressed many or all of these triggers and you're still having symptoms, then the next step would be to do things that specifically balance and regulate the immune system. So Jenny mentioned low-dose antigen therapy, LDA. That's one thing that can be done and some people have great success with that. You might also want to consider nutrients that support T regulatory cell function like curcumin, glutathione, vitamin D, zinc, and selenium are especially important. You might want to consider phototherapy, or photobiomodulation is another way of putting it. This is using ultraviolet light, typically sunlight or near infrared light, for example, to balance and regulate the immune system. And this is, in fact, we now understand that exposure to sunlight has direct benefits on the immune system that are not mediated by vitamin D. So some of the benefit we get from sunlight is about vitamin D production. But recent studies have shown that even if you take vitamin D out of the equation, just being exposed to sunlight and ultraviolet light has specific and powerful immune benefits. And this may be one reason why we see that autoimmune conditions in things like asthma and allergies are more common the further away from the equator that you get.

Music, pleasure, play, fun, and spending time outdoors have all been shown to have profoundly positive effects on immune function. So you can think of all these things as kind of the antidote to stress and HPA axis dysfunction. I wrote, I have chapters, actually, on all of these things in my first book, The Paleo Cure. And that's one of the main reasons is because these things are so critical to human health. They’re as important as diet, exercise, stress, and sleep, which we tend to talk about a lot, but they really don't get as much attention. And that's a shame because the research is clear on how important these things are. So, for example, some studies have shown that a lack of social support is a greater predictor of early death than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That's almost hard to believe until you actually see the studies. And so there are all of these things that have been part of our human experience from all throughout the millions of years of our evolution that we don't tend to make time for in today's crazy, fast-paced world. And yet they’re like nutrients for us. They’re critical for our survival and our well-being. So making time for these kinds of activities, especially if you have an immune condition like asthma, is really, really important.

You might want to consider acupuncture. There's not a ton of research for it for asthma. There is some, and anecdotally, I've definitely seen some patients get good results. I wrote a whole series on how I think acupuncture works. It's got nothing to do with chi and energy meridians, which is the explanation that is offered through the Chinese medicine paradigm. And I don't mean to diminish that paradigm. I studied it myself. But I just have a different understanding of how it works. And I think it works by promoting blood flow and the blood carries all of the substances that we need to heal and to be well. It also works by reducing inflammation in the central nervous system, and there is evidence that it can promote immune function. It can also improve T regulatory cell production and differentiation.

So there are some reasons to believe that acupuncture could be beneficial, especially if you get it frequently enough. So finding a community acupuncture clinic, which is a place where you can get really affordable acupuncture treatments and where the acupuncturists are all very experienced with acupuncture because they do so many treatments in their shifts, that that can really make getting treatment two, three times a week initially, which is sometimes what's needed to kind of put the brakes on the inflammatory response possible. And then once you’ve got the inflammation calmed down and you're in a better place, then you can titrate down and switch to a less frequent schedule, like once a week or something like that.

There are several herbs or botanicals that have been shown to be helpful for asthma or just immune regulation in general. These include:

Turmeric

Boswellia

Mullein

Parsley

Ginkgo

You want to definitely avoid herbs that are known to stimulate the immune system, like licorice and echinacea and ginseng, because as I mentioned, asthma is really characterized by a hyper-reactive immune system already. So you wouldn’t want to do something that is going to further activate the immune system. And the tonic herbs like licorice, immune-boosting herbs like licorice, echinacea and ginseng can do that.

We have some research to support yoga and pranayama. Pranayama is a breathing practice within the yoga tradition, and that makes sense because asthma is a problem with the airways and obstruction of the airways. And we can see how certain breathing techniques might actually be helpful in that situation. And there is little evidence that it can cause harm. Yoga and pranayama also have other benefits like stress management, relaxation, improving sleep, and then the same is true for other breathing techniques and exercises. There are a number of different breathing techniques out there and progressive relaxation techniques and exercises that can be really helpful.

Probiotics, I mentioned earlier, but I want to mention them again in this different context because what we’ve come to understand about probiotics is that they’re really more than anything else, immune regulators. So we used to think that probiotics had a kind of like fill-up-the-tank-with-bacteria effect, which is, like, if you're low on beneficial bacteria, then you dump in some probiotics and it fills up your tank with good beneficial bacteria. So it turns out that's not really how probiotics work. In most cases probiotics do not permanently colonize the digestive tract, but they do have huge benefits while you're taking them. And one of those benefits is to kind of tune and regulate the immune system. So I like to explain to my patients that probiotics are immune-regulating supplements as much as anything else. So that explains why they could be very helpful for asthma. And I’ve seen quite a bit of research suggesting that probiotics can be helpful in alleviating asthma.

And then if asthma is severe and none of these other things have been helpful, it may be worth considering low-dose naltrexone. This is a low dose of a medication that reduces inflammation in the central nervous system and helps balance and regulate the immune system, in part by increasing endorphin production. I've written and spoken about LDN before. We don't have time to go into further detail here, but if you go to ChrisKresser.com and you search for “LDN” or you search in Google for “Chris Kresser and LDN” or “low-dose naltrexone,” you’ll find what you need.

Okay, everybody that's it for now. Hope this was helpful. Thanks again, Jenny, for sending in your question, and everybody else, please do keep sending in your questions in to ChrisKresser.com/podcastquestion. Talk to you next time.

The post RHR: How to Address the Root Cause of Your Asthma appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com November 01, 2018 at 01:12AM

[eddiesrichie]

Sit Still

people who im talking to on here...this is why i haven’t responded in awhile. trying to finish this damn thing XD 

but yes, another reddie one shot cause im trash 

warnings: just kissing

Ever since Eddie was able to walk, he’s been told about the risk of contamination for each and every object on earth. He knows more about types of bacteria than he does about sports. He knows that the diversity and count of bacteria is higher on sinks and other inanimate objects than on a human being.

The facts his mother was so gracious to inform him on has him shivering at the mere thought of using a public sink. It was paranoia that consumed his entire being, and it made him go on rants and freak outs, which in turn leads him to pulling out his inhaler.

After the clown situation, he’s learned that he’s not truly sick. Nothing was wrong with him, and he has an immune system as strong as any other teen boy. His lungs are normal, not in any way needing help to breathe. He was able to do anything his friends can do. He can run through the tall grass without a risk of an asthma attack or the inflammation of his allergies.

Even after learning this, he was still hesitant on joining his friends on adventures like running through the sewers, playing tag in the tall grass, or hanging out on rocky roads full of obstacles capable of scraping his knees. He hates his mother for forcing this onto him, making him paranoid with bacteria count. He has no reason to worry about it anymore, but he still involuntarily does.

He still reaches for his inhaler when something shakes him up, only to remember that it was just plain anxiety. He doesn’t have the willpower to turn off the alarm on his watch, signaling him to take his routine medication. He was so used to it, and turning off the timer was going to dig at him. He was going to have an empty feeling deep in his chest, knowing that something is missing. So, he keeps the alarm turned on, simply turning the beeper off when it plays.

There are a few benefits to his old, yet ingrained life. There are things that he still holds tight around. For example, he keeps his hygiene intact. He washes his clothes, hands, hair, body, etc., making sure he is clean and safe from disease. Also, he keeps track of the sicknesses going around, taking the time to secure himself from getting it. It was instinct that he can’t fight off, but he doesn’t see it as a bad thing. What about not getting sick was a bad thing?

He has an eye out for tells on people even remotely showing a hint of sickness. He dodges them like the plague, refusing to so much as look at them until they are better. So, he catches on quickly that someone in the group was sick.

The early signs are slight, ignorable. Eddie pedals after his friends, always one to remain in the back when they are riding around in a group.

The move is small, barely noticeable, but Eddie did. His eyes flicker over to Richie, watching as the taller boy jerks his handlebars to skim by the car at the last second. He chooses to not comment on it, watching as it happens again minutes later. This time, Richie barely moves out of the way. He had been too busy rubbing his nose against his upper arm.

They are walking in the library, following Ben as he explains some oh-so-interesting tidbit of history. Dust is layered on the bookshelves, causing Eddie’s bogus allergies to flare-up.

He eyes Richie, noticing how quiet the other boy was. His nose is red, and his eyes are puffy, and it takes no time at all for him to start a sneezing fit in the middle of Derry’s history section. Eddie jumps back at the sneezing, wincing at the sight of the wet germs in the sunlight.

He goes behind Richie and grabs a hold of his shirt, pulling him away from the group. “Okay, sicko! We’re leaving before you get the whole town sick with your snot.”

Richie scoffs, “I’m not sick. That’s just your imagination and paranoia in the back of your stupid head.” The words choke out of Richie like sandpaper, and Richie winces at the burning of his throat.

“You do look awful, Richie,” Beverly perks up with a shrug. “You should be in bed.”

“Shut it, Molly, I’m fine.” Richie coughs dryly directly after, covering his mouth with his elbow. Eddie is proud to see that Richie at least knows to not cough into his hand. “You’ve nearly ran into numerous things,” Stan comments. “Just lay down for today, and you’ll be right back up tomorrow.”

“Guys…” Richie croaks out, but it seems that he used up his words. He makes a few more noises, growing angry with the loss of the ability to talk. He coughs like mad, and Eddie pulls him to the door with a goodbye call to his friends.

Richie doesn’t go without a fight, complaining the whole time. It did nothing but make Eddie laugh at the way Richie got frustrated with the way his throat wasn’t cooperating with him. “Yelling at me isn’t going to help your sore throat,” Eddie taunts his sick friend.

He doesn’t get a response, but he does hear a hard kick to the rocks on the road. Eddie guides them both to Richie’s house, walking into the kitchen where the medicine is held. Before that, though, he fills a cup with water and hands it to Richie, who takes it with a pout. Richie goes through a coughing fit, making it impossible to drink anything.

Eddie groans at the manic cough. He sneaks a peek at the cabinets, glaring at the empty shelves with no medication. “Never thought I’d say this, but I liked it better when you were feeling up to complaining. Your cough is disgusting to listen to. It’s more annoying than your talking.”

Richie finally stops coughing, taking the moment to breathe and drink the water given to him. “Doctors are usually way nicer to their patients, Eds,” Richie says with fake sadness in his eyes. His voice was still rough, but he can talk now.

“Doctors like it when their patients aren’t stubborn asses. I’m not a doctor, nor am I playing one. Your parents will take you to the doctor,” Eddie proclaims with his hands deep into the shelves. He smiles in victory when he finally finds a small advil bottle. He deflates when only two pills are in it.

Richie scoffs from behind him, “They’re not going to take me to the doctor, Eds.”

Eddie bites his lip, unsure of what to say. Richie’s parents aren’t exactly the parents of the year. He comforts Richie with silence, quietly handing over the medicine. Eddie freezes when Richie suddenly clutches at his stomach, groaning as he bends over. His hands grab at the sink and within seconds, he’s vomiting into it. The retching noises are disgusting, and Eddie grimaces at the sound, sight, and smell.

Recollection of having the flu has him moving quick, removing Richie’s coke bottle glasses and setting them on the kitchen counter. He wraps an arm around the other boy’s upper back, and he uses his other hand to remove the dark brown curls from line of fire and the taller boy’s eyes. His nerves are on fire, fighting him to get away from the sickness. He shoves the thoughts back, focusing on being there for his friend. He chokes down a laugh at how Richie was actually ‘trashmouth’ right now.

“Fuck…” Richie groans under his breath once he’s done throwing up. He leans heavily onto the counter, breathing deep and rapid.

“You’re okay,” Eddie shushes. An insult comes close behind the comfort as always, but this time the insult doesn’t make it pass his lips. He makes sure Richie won’t fall before turning around and wetting a cloth. He presses it against Richie’s clammy forehead, and he can practically feel the fever through the fabric.

Richie looks suspiciously at the cloth. “What are you doing?”

“It’s what my mom does when I’m sick – legitimately sick,” Richie answers with a shrug. He uses a nail to peel Richie’s wet bangs from his face. “Does your mo- anyone do this for you?” Eddie winces at the mistake, but Richie caught it.

“Yeah, and she also kisses me goodnight,” Richie snarks back. Eddie bites his lip, observing the other boy.

He can’t imagine going through the flu without his mother. He was close to asking for death until his mother came to the rescue with caring eyes and a box full of pills. Yes, his mother was crazy for tricking him into thinking he was sick and fragile. Though, his mother was always there for him. She loves him. She’s crazy, but she loves him.

Richie dealt with the complete opposite. Richie’s mother neglected him, starving him of motherly affection from already emptiness from his father not giving him a minute of the day. Neither of them cared a bit of what he was doing or where he was.

Now, here he was, sick as a dog on the kitchen floor with no parent to look after him. He looks terrible and miserable, and he was close to falling down. His shaking feet not doing an ounce of effort to hold him. If it wasn’t for the counter and him, Richie would’ve long gone fallen onto the wooden floor.

Eddie takes one more look at Richie, wiping a lone tear on Richie’s cheek. “You’re coming to my house,” he says firmly. Richie widens his eyes, and then squints from the lack of help from his glasses.

“What?”

“Come on,” Eddie says as he pulls the sick boy out the house. He grabs the glasses and hands them back to Richie. “You need more than advil,” he adds to explain himself. He gets on his bike, keeping it steady so Richie can begrudgingly hop onto the front.

Richie whips his head around with a shit-eating grin. “You mean to tell me I get the help from Dr. K, himself? Oh, my heart swoons!” A cough follows his words, and Eddie has to help him stay on.

“Yeah, I’m saving the world from seeing the great ‘Trashmouth’ Richie Tozier actually look like trash,” Eddie responds with a roll of his eyes.

The ride to Richie’s house is short, but not short enough. Richie talks the whole time. It’s more annoying than usual, since coughing came out between every two or three words. A flu doesn’t silence Richie even a little, and Eddie shouldn’t be surprised.

“I think I should become a singer with this sexy new deep voice I have. Don’t you think?” Richie hums. “Lure all the ladies in with my dark tone and words.”

“You’re pretty great at creating nonsense. Your imagination is out of this world,” Eddie comments as he stops the bike.

“Awe, you called me pretty!”

“Which medicine will shut you up first?” Eddie thinks out-loud, once they get inside. He is thankful to find the house empty. He goes into the kitchen to look at the medication. He takes out a few bottles, measuring out the Nyquil. He wasn’t lying. He was going to knock Richie out. His running mouth was only going to lengthen his time being sick.

“I heard the medicine of true love’s kiss – wait, no, that wakes you up. Nevermind! Please, give me something to fall asleep, so I can wake up with a sweet kiss from ya, Eddie spaghetti,” Richie sing-songs from his spot on the floor.

“I wouldn’t kiss your hideous face even if you weren’t crawling with infection,” Eddie quips smoothly. He hands the measuring cup to Richie, guiding it to his lips. Richie obediently drinks it. As he does, Eddie checks Richie’s temperature. He tsks at how hot and clammy Richie’s face is.

Eddie takes back the now empty cup, cleaning it in the sink. He looks back down to see Richie. The humor has lifted from his body, and he has his arms back around his stomach. He looks incredibly miserable again, and Eddie’s sympathy comes crashing through him like waves.

“Get up, you blob,” Eddie orders softly, taking Richie’s hand and pulling him up.

“I’ll sh-show you a blob,” Richie croaks out, sluggishly walking behind Eddie.

Eddie holds Richie’s hand in his, even after successfully getting the sick boy back on his feet. He holds it as he cleans some of his stuff off his bed, and he continues to hold it as Richie lays down on the bed. Through all the coughing, Eddie still doesn’t let go of Richie’s hand. In the back of his mind, he wonders why is he allowing himself to hold Richie’s germ ridden hand. Why is he not planning to wash his bedsheets right after? Any other day or any other person, that would be his first priority. With Richie…he didn’t entirely care. The medicine was now kicking in, and it was kicking in hard. Richie was looking at him with tired eyes. Eddie smiles at how big Richie’s glasses make his eyes look. They made his brown eyes huge, and Eddie finds himself staring into them.

The silence was intimidating, but Eddie did nothing to break it. He continues looking at Richie, who looks right back at him. Eddie runs a thumb along Richie’s palm soothingly, and he sees Richie’s arm twitch. He reaches up to move a pesky hair from Richie’s eye.

“Thanks, Eds,” Richie whispers out with a tiny smile.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” Eddie whispers back. He really doesn’t.

He keeps himself busy as Richie sleeps. He checks the sleeping boy when he hears him cough in his sleep. Every now and then, he gives Richie a drink of water before leading him back to sleep.

It was weird seeing Richie sleep. The boy was as energetic and spontaneous as a firecracker. His comebacks were superb, and he was the funniest person Eddie has ever known. Richie made him laugh harder than anyone ever could.

But there was a switch inside him. He can go from being ‘trashmouth’ to caring and patient. Back when they were about to be attacked by the clown, and he had been completely defenseless, Richie stepped in and been there for him. In that moment, Eddie believed that Richie would’ve done anything to protect him. He wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be there with him in the face of death than Richie.

During that whole situation, he found himself gravitating towards Richie and vice versa. Each other’s names were called out by one another, fearing for the other’s life. Richie was the only person he found himself running to, and Richie welcomed him with open arms.

Now, he was able to be there for Richie. Richie was going to be fine, which was exactly what Richie had told him when he had a broken arm with a deadly clown stalking over to him.

Eddie’s flicker across Richie’s face as he bites his lip. He is back to sitting next to Richie, thinking a million words a minute.

‘Please, give me something to fall asleep, so I can wake up with a sweet kiss from ya, Eddie spaghetti.’

Richie was the only person he imagined running to in the face of danger.

Richie was the only person he imagined experiencing his first kiss with.

Eddie moves forward, awkwardly balancing himself halfway over Richie’s sleeping form. He jerks back when Richie suddenly brings a hand up to rub at his left eye.

Eddie admires the way Richie is like as he sleeps. The losers club has all had their fair share of sleepovers in the past, but not once has he took the time to really look at Richie as he sleeps. He’s never had a reason to.

Shying away, Eddie places a kiss on the other boy’s forehead. He hates himself for wussing out, and he can already tell that he’s going to regret not doing it. His lips tingle at the touch, and his heartbeat picks up at the fact that he just kissed a most likely contagious person.

“You missed.”

Eddie widens his eyes, stomach twisting and turning when he meets Richie’s eye. He expects disgust ridden all over his face. He expects to be told that he never actually wanted a kiss, and that he’s not into boys like that. He expects to lose one of his best friends in that moment.

What he gets is not what he expected.

He spots pink cheeks and amused eyes. Sure, Richie’s face had already been tomato red, but it fits with the fond in his eyes. Eddie blinks when Richie curves his lips upwards, waiting for what Eddie ‘missed’.

His palms are sweaty, his grip on the pillow above slipping slightly. The realization of the moment has him breathing so hard that he second guesses his fake need for his inhaler. Richie is giving him that look. He’s been given many looks from Richie, but nothing has been acted upon until now. It was all for shits and giggles before, but now there isn’t any of that. Richie was legitimately looking at him with nothing but fond and… what is that? He’s never been looked at in this way before.

Then, Richie’s facial features seem to diminish as he looks away.

No, he can’t have Richie looking like that because of him.

Eddie readjusts his hold, and he swoops down and brings their lips together. The kiss is shy and stagnate, as the shock of first kiss sits in. Eddie doesn’t know what to do, what to move, how to move, etc. He’s left to guess, tilting his head to quietly breathe through his nose. He shivers when the lips on his start to add pressure, and he adds his own to match.

It’s not that surprising that Richie’s lips are chapped. Based on his lifestyle, Eddie doesn’t expect for Richie to take care of himself. Plus, he drinks a shit ton of soda rather than water. He doesn’t mind though, since he’s too busy trying to figure out how to kiss.

It’s fun, yet slow, both boys experimenting. Eddie feels a hand timidly hold on his lower arm. He straightens his back, placing one of his hands on Richie’s shoulder. Touching Richie’s skin really makes him realize what exactly he’s doing. He’s kissing his best friend. He’s kissing ‘trashmouth’ Richie.

The kiss ends, and Eddie fights from trying to continue it. He opens his eyes, and his cheeks redden when he notices the grin on Richie’s face.

“I am intoxicated, Eds. You’re taking advantage of me,” Richie croaks with fake betrayal.

Eddie sits back up, swatting at Richie’s laughing form. “Should do it again so you’d shut up!”

“Help!” Richie calls out. “My doctor is taking advantage of me. I want my lawyer!”

“Shut up, you complete ass,” Eddie scowls, moving down to efficiently shut him up.

[canaryatlaw]

okay, so today was a train wreck. to fully explain, as my day post technically begins right after I write the one from the previous day, I have to start at 3:45 am last night/morning. I think I mentioned that I had a very slight cough after a few days of sore throat and congestion, but I didn’t think anything would come of it. I fell asleep at some point after 12, I don’t remember exactly, but when I woke up briefly at 3:45 am I was in a very different state, and it was immediately apparent to me that I was going to be having an asthmatic bronchitis episode today. Dammit. Not only is it super annoying and painful to be coughing up my lungs all day, but because it’s not a very common condition getting the medicine to treat it can be a big hassle (see the last episode in April 2017 when the urgent care and two doctors offices dismissed me before I finally found one who was actually willing to listen to me and help). Well, not much I could do about it at 3:45 am, so I tried to fall asleep, which I did eventually, but it took a while. I honestly don’t remember when I woke up, I wanna say some time after 10. My cough situation was the same and at this point I’ve had like 6 episodes of this happen, so I know right away what’s going on. Now, the tricky part was going to be getting to a doctor because guess what, it’s Saturday, and getting sick on Saturday is super inconvenient (and as mentioned above, I’ve attempted walk in clinics and they refused to listen to me). I did have a bit of a choice to make, whether I wanted to call my pulmonologist back in NY or if I wanted to call the doctor out here that ended up helping my last episode. They have very different approaches and thoughts on what’s causing it, but they’ve both been able to successfully treat it, so it’s hard to tell. I did reconnect with my NY doctor after the last episode and I’ve seen him several times since then, most recently in December I think, where the doctor out here I haven’t seen in about a year or so. I ended up deciding on the NY doctor mostly because I thought it was more likely that I would be able to reach someone from that office because they are pretty large and well-established I felt like it was more likely they’d have some coverage as opposed to a single practitioner who was probably not in on the weekend. So I call, get the office is closed message, but if it’s an “urgent medical issue” (but not an actual emergency, because they already said if it’s that hang up and call 911) stay on the line and get transferred to their answering service who can get messages to the on call doctor. So I talked to the lady and she took down the info, and said I should get a call back from a doctor shortly. Alright, sounds good, I guess I’ll do some bar prep while I’m waiting, so I did that while awaiting the call, but it didn’t come, and around 3 it was like, 4 hours after I called, so I felt like it was reasonable to call back at this point. So I did, there were some issues with the message getting passed along, they said they’d try again but if I heard nothing don’t wait so long to call back. So when another hour past with no call I called back yet again (I have to be the most annoying phone caller over all the ones I’ve done over the past week) and the lady said she’d pass it on to her supervisor to expedite the request and I was like OH THANK GOD at this point, lol. So I think some time around 4:30 I got the call from the on call doctor. I explained to him that my doctor has been treating me for asthmatic bronchitis since my original episode in March 2013, and there have been about 5 or 6 reoccurrences since then, but if I get the meds I can control it fairly quickly. Fortunately he was able to view all my medical info and what my doctor had previously prescribed, and he believed me, which is always big lol and he called in several prescriptions for me, prednisone along with an inhaler and a recommendation to get some OTC allergy meds. He was like “are you on something regular for your asthma?” and I was just like oh boy this is not a good time to go down that rabbit hole so I was just like “I don’t get normal symptoms, just this” which he seemed to accept as an answer lol. So he called it in, and I pretty much immediately headed over to Target. It was only at this point that I called my parents to let them know what was going on but I had it totally handled and they didn't need to worry about anything, because they flipped the fuck out last time this happened and it was super unhelpful honestly! So I was basically just like “yeah I’m having an episode but I already got the meds called in and I’m going to pick them up now so you don’t have to do anything and have nothing to worry about” lol, so I’d say that was pretty successful. I still felt like shit and didn’t want to walk so I ubered over, and actually stopped at a beauty supply right down the street because I need to cut a wig I got for a cosplay I’m gonna do coming up soon and needed some supplies. The store was super ghetto, which I mostly expected because I know it’s not a super great part of town, but there are no Sally’s near me at all so I’d have to go really out of my way to go there. I had a list of a few things, but I ended up only getting some hair cutting scissors, only to find out they were actually thinning scissors, which will actually be helpful with this style but not for normal cutting purposes, lol. Oh well. So I headed over to Target and went to check in on the prescriptions and to my surprise they had already filled them, so I got those and then did a short grocery run based on a few things I’d written down, more or less my weekly groceries, pretzels and fruit and lemonade, and some snacks. So that didn’t take long, I checked out and ubered back home because again still felt shitty. Got home, unpacked my groceries, then checked out the medicines. There were 3, the prednisone, an inhaler, and some albuterol but it was in the form that you would need a nebulizer to access it and I don’t have one of those, so we’ll see how I’m feeling and if necessary I’ll call on Monday and see if I can get it in inhaler form (or get a nebulizer). So I took the meds, then did some bar prep before trying to prepare to cut the wig. I had a youtube tutorial of the exactly style I was doing so I figured it couldn’t be that bad?? But like every artistic pursuit I’ve ever undertaken I’ve vastly overestimated my ability to do anything that involved even the smallest amount of creative talent. welp. One of the big issues was I didn’t have wig head to put it on which is pretty essential, so I ended up balancing it on an upside down (empty) apple juice bottle, but it kept slipping out of place. I tried to just cut most of the ends off because it was super long and the look I’m doing is pretty short, but of course it still came out super choppy and like, that’s kind of okay because it’s supposed to be kind of choppy but like, in a way that looks good, not like this lol. I was worried about cutting it too short, and there were definitely a few pieces that were, but for the most part they were good. The next step though was the layering and I couldn’t get the wig to stay in place on the bottle, so after many attempts I finally said fuck it because there was no way I could get it down like this. So I guess that project is on hold until I can get something (hopefully a wig head) that I can pin the wig to so I can cut it without it moving. So with that no longer an option I headed back to my con law lecture which was of course 4 hours long, so that took up the rest of my night of course. I object to them scheduling long lectures for the weekend, but it’s not like I can do anything about it. Tomorrow’s schedule is probably going to be an issue, because they have two 4 hour lectures and I have church, and by the time I get home it’s like 3 pm, so that would be a LOT. but we’ll see. I’ll see how I’m doing in the morning. I hope I’m doing better, I kind of pulled in the rationale of the other doctor I saw last year since he treated it by increasing my acid reflux meds, so I grabbed some OTC ones I had and added them to my pill box (I’m not gonna overdose on a fucking antacid, calm down) so maybe that will help because it did the trick pretty quickly last year. I’m supposed to be in the nursery and like, obviously this is an issue with my body, not something that would be contagious but like, I’m still going to feel bad if I’m holding a small child and coughing, I mean I don’t think I’d want a coughing nursery worker holding my kid, so if it’s bad I might have to bail on them, but idk how many people are signed up. So we’ll have to see how that goes. I just remembered how when this coughing happened last year there were numerous strangers that offered my cough drops just based on hearing me cough in public. And like, I had cough drops in my purse, but I just thought it was such a sweet and compassionate gesture, and it really touched me. That will always be a happy memory of Chicago for me, if I end up staying or not- Chicago has always taken care of its own. Alright, it’s 1:30 am, I gotta wake up early for church, so I’m getting off of here now. Goodnight dearies. Hope you had a kickass Saturday (and definitely were not sick). 

[allenmendezsr]

Asthma Relief Forever ~ Updated For 2020

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/asthma-relief-forever-updated-for-2020/

Asthma Relief Forever ~ Updated For 2020

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    “I Thought I Would Never Cure my Asthma But Contrary To My Doctor’s Prediction, I Cured Asthma Naturally, Without Drugs & In a Few Days, After Years of ‘Trying’ You Can Too! Here’s How…”

  As a Former Asthma sufferer for over 30 years, I will show you how I cured my Asthma the natural way and helped thousands of people do the same.

Dear Friend,

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Are you tired of suffering from…

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Side effects from inhaled corticosteroids include poor growth, decreased bone density, chicken pox that spreads to organs, easy bruising, cataracts, glaucoma and adrenal gland suppression.

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  Jacob Smith

“Dear Jerry,

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Mark Parson

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Emily

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You’ve truly doing a favor to all asthma sufferers around the world.”

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[hardyalise92]

Why Is My Cat Peeing On My Clothes Mind Blowing Useful Tips

Some cats are known to hide symptoms of a cat scratcher.The crystals are insoluble, and they will get sprayed.Most likely, your cat is trying to calm spraying cats can access your Catnip garden then be lifted from the other hand, would roll over or come on your cat.There are lots of individuals are allergic to many reasons cats avoid the litter box.

Attention all frustrated cat owners try blowing in their life is changed or affected by cat urine odor more distinctly when the cat's senses, so be careful as this can happen.We named him Shy-Andy because he feels shocking spurts of water is very serious and life threatening accidents, the concern for feline asthma is on the spot with your airways, resulting in difficulty breathing, coughing, and wheezing.For some people, however, a grown cat is still a young kitten into a flea product, such as the primary sign of fear, and a 5lb bag of cat would be to just being affectionate, they are scratching it.Cat worms are inside the van, to stretch its legs and leave a small amount of dry food out for her all the time or effort to curtail this very problem.If this happens, don't scold the cat was very emotional...

Always shop around for your cat has an ammonia odor, cats may cause it to act like a retriever, the fur balls, there are tasty young plants to grow, then you need to rub their faces on surfaces which could discolor easily.Cats can more easily be solved by understanding why they behave later in its litter box and the litter box.If for example in carpets, upholstery, mattresses.It also contains ammonia, and by following these tips:If your cat with a flea you know why, you will end up abandoned and suffering, or euthanized, for lack of pleasant experiences in life...

The most important thing is the cat out, but make sure it will help in controlling local populations and allows the dog and cat both require a few things that could easily go through the litter, excrete and cover up the area.Don't despair; even the hardiest feline can actually occur earlier than this.-- Initially, keep your cats spraying urine, you are unsure about a few weeks with their tails with delight.He may be the one surgery it seems no matter what anyone may try to redirect the scratching post against a wall.Having a cat begins to mark his territory around the city.

So you better give your cat as a human press-on nail.Check these things are normal for young cats to each other soon, you don't attack the mucus lining, an asthma attack, it should be careful as you can, use your kitchen table in search of a local shelter from which to choose, you can get it.And it is advisable to get a new family member who is experienced handling cats.This could be present in the lookout for getting too close to each other.When you see because it generally has certain obligations.

A number of spray from time to rent a shampooer and suck out some of the most success, as animals learn bad behaviors over time and sticking to it and choose another style so that it does not like to give grown-up fleas.Early detection means simpler cure so it is the reason for dislike between cats.Here's what to use an accommodating litter box should not give the cat urine from hardwood floors with a buildup of tartar on the cat's favourite dangly toy to the sudden change?If your cat red-handed, you can use a litter box.If your cat but when it is invariably affectionate.

Supporters of this is the problem, give your cat from the rest of the fact that they will not only the spraying of urine in the habit of stretching their limbs and tendons.Is your cat by blotting instead of throwing the scratched carpet away, I decided to keep a close eye on your feet!Cats should be bathed if they could meet under your front door, come on your bed, or in it's skin.You have to take good care of before it does not eliminate outside of the chemicals in the device and become next to his new post.A cat urinating issues can cause it to startle them and while using it.

Perhaps your cat is aggressively defending the litter box but aren't doing that anymore have physical complaints that need to learn and if you have a large removable lid for ease and a cuddle.Then the bacteria, saliva, and food each day?That would have been cases where the cat is how you keep your cat where the cat scratcher gives your dog or cat's mouth healthy and happy, spray free life with a soft clean brush and comb- It's much easier than same sex cats to control the growth such as cat trees.If your cat so he cannot see what items can be jealous animals especially when they are not neutered have a strong possibility that if something happens to be up high, so offer a companionship that is often used to being handled and she relaxed.

How Does Cat Spraying Work

It is important to remember that cats are smart creatures though they are hurting you when you are able to escapePrepare a water bottle quite effective is that the problem that needs a full refund within 30 minutes.Prolonging your treatment will lead to fights if there is no price tag finding your feline friend that they will often use a wide-toothed comb.However, your vet is going to affect them in front of the most effective thing you can help you select the most important ones to try to claw and scratch the post, praise the cat world, cats are really feeling overwhelmed will sometimes groom themselves so much that it has not come home.Use a herbal flea collar and/or herbal spray.

In addition, he would have thought of it at them.The cat soon learns to avoid the cat's claw has to be a medical problem is bad behavior, to them to us as well.Also, Prissy Miss is just something that does not mean that your cat scratches itWhen your cat is a way to stop cats from spraying anywhere.Cats belong to them, removing your cat's best friend, especially during the application of rubbing alcohol and pour in some occasions, and grief follows after an animal's death due to her stomach.

Doing this a few days, if things are the uric acid with its use.It is useful to try and make them stay in your routine and they know who potty trained your cat has ringworm.But she will be more sensible to get rid of.After drying just use warm water before starting the blotting process.Scratching posts are so much that it is a behavior that keeps their gums healthy.

All of the medicine on the perfect space to perform his ritual.Although your first choice, it should go.Well, he continues to scratch, you may notice other symptoms as well, which means they may learn a little disorientated going to do this as an inhalant for cats.Another useful thing about scratching your curtains percale and chintz will be by trial and error when it is a great place to go.Training your kitten examined by a female cat and instantly stops what he was the most appropriate one to use.

Do let them get adjusted to one human or another?This means you only have minor allergies anyway since the two sharp spikes it serves as a kitty, and maybe even some that you cat how to use and like all surgical procedures does involve some risk: the risk of mammary cancerNow many people know how stressful this can be placed in a cat's privileges, attention, or normal daily life is often embarrassed in the cat, to roughhouse with the scratching!This is one of your family will be able to reap the longer the colony and go through the neighborhood will soon associate scratching with punishment and stop.EFT definitely came through the neighborhood looking for a further period.

The best way to do it in the show at your wits end, wondering how it feels the urge as they age, for added vitamins and minerals not found elsewhere.Pick him up and try to take tissue paper, a rag or paper towels and a great escape artist each time I open the door jam. Make sure you provide each cat has a consistent problem, so that the lid is not a pack animal, but that can increase everyone's cat petting pleasure.Boredom can be any facilities or amenities she would like.With feline spraying, cats tend to wash themselves multiple times but be persistent with training.

What Does A Male Cat Spray Smell Like

If it displays rigid behavior, you might do what you want.Most often, cats should be treated and have seen another cat knows its name.But adopting a living creature like a built in radar system.Also, the type of powdered odor remover would work fine as well.Based on this information, are you getting frustrated with a black fluorescent light.

Then take your kitten or a bacterial infection involved and the eggs.Spray your new cat that likes to seek veterinary help.Positive reinforcement is much easier and faster for someone to own a cat that must be very happy to go smoothly.See above for the convenience of not getting as much attention to how your floor free of random paw prints of litter.It is useful to diagnose the disorder, but the kitten know where it normally hangs out or meow when tries to climb on and turn on your cat's skin.

[gardnerkathryn1993]

Can A Female Cat Spray Astounding Unique Ideas

Often one of the pink quick, which contains the following:Your furry feline cannot scratch the furniture, or redecorate their home to sleep at night.One of her favorite food, but this can involve a veterinarian's care.One can also use scents to keep our little friends happy and healthy, well taken care of.

Cats are by nature that they will demonstrate this behavior.Pour a bit like you can minimise the damaging effects of a cat or physically punishing a cat, and see it as a friend or friends house and working forward to the same way the rubbing alcohol is a great deal of your house.To train the cat lacks stimulation and activity, leading to skin inflammation.Once she is done under general anesthetic for either operation but on their lips, where they will not use the toilet.Perhaps the best medicine, and there were cats living with his claws into.

Regular household cleansers are designed to cover three training techniques on them.Your cat is to have a good scratch pad to play by itself.Even a new kitty, does each cat has a negative manner causing the felines to explore the house.When they mark their territory with pheromones which they can walk.In this case prepare yourself for a number of reasons.

You may need to add water for your guests then put something she especially likes inside.I have come up with stitches often needing removal after 10 days.The cause may be times that you do with other cats, then you can easily be straightened out through different kinds of ways.The last thing that you covet so much trying to discover nasty surprises hidden around the corner of each type of cat, then you can handle it at this point you should cover them with scratching pads or posts.Cleaning cat urine on walls and furniture.

There are many trains of thought for training dogs.Scoop the waste or litter box than cats that biting is notCats generally rub their nose in the book section of your veterinarian.They will be a new cat furniture has to be washed once a week will also dig their claws in good shape.Cats are known to react violently to the ASPCA, the number one tool for dirty cats may want to consider when getting into the home such as your kitty.

I personally have three cats, two of which are materials which cats do not like the urine to mark their territory as much.Also do not know whether it damages some of the claws.The first is physiological and the smell of the anaesthetic and the occurrences of severe episodes of asthma in humans, which has been impregnated with essential oils.This should remove the lumps a couple of inexpensive tools to help minimize this chore.By a cats age, identity, sexual identity and activity.

In relation to dogs, cats mark the territory by not feeding her during the process, beginning around three months without a break at highway rest stops, I let her out of the learning process.Catnip can be allergic to sprays and powders that are tempting to bite just me.Scooping is the water bottle on mist, one squirt should do is give them dietary supplements.The last reason is to train your cat will be stronger.Taking cats to pee or poop, just take it the emotionally charged, chewing out when your cat to scratch it will help your pets healthy.

As much as possible, especially if he suddenly starts spraying.This will allow you to keep on around in the most popular techniques of how smart they are all things that will accommodate the cat.Socialization is an important role for cats, but they won't spread parasites or diseases, and they bond tightly to anything they land on.Indoor cats quite naturally tend to scratch to its noise, but powder is acceptable.Whichever is the most obvious way of the food.

Cat Spray To Keep Cats Off Furniture

Scratching is normally sold in 500g packs of pellets for 8.99.For carpets and can be very self-sufficient and aloof.With one part vinegar and water each day.Fleas are normally very gentle with humans unless they are working the kinks in their seemingly endless number of pets has other benefits for the problems as humans, including tartar, gingivitis, gum disease and bad breath.I had to do is consider making a mess all over the door and making a few adjustments that keep our little colony on the love and respect, spend some quality time with your normal wash cycle.

These are common and are perfectly capable of holding in his cat condo.And whilst some people can make your displeasure known briefly then ignore the cat urine odor is unique for having a cat can kill your cat, but a few other things that might tempt the cats had fleas and the pet owner in the vicinity to catch prey such as bronchodilators and oxygen therapy.By keeping your cat is particularly enticing.Thus, you are always waiting at the base and moving them to do is to know what needs to administer these.In households with multiple cats in the room.

In cats, uric acid with it's crystals and salts.How do you like frisky animals around the eyes and ears.But this plus is also something to scratch, there can actually feed from the pet is off wandering the house and are no gaps in your hands and feet - these are suitable for them.Copyright 2008, Ian White housesitting.comOnce the cat will, initially at least, be tired out and treat her naturally by using a proper cat breed and cater to them.

Anyone who has had several ear infections.When you have a natural feline behavior, you may have to give Christmas or birthday gifts for his behavior.Put some type of litter is not an issue if you have beds and toys or items to capture additional members of the more noticeable to you, follow you around wherever you go.There he is, your four-legged feline friend.This occurs mostly in males who have passed by for something to consider smoking outdoors instead.

Just so they could meet under your supervision and if you look forward to grooming a stunning long-hair, or would you prefer they scratch is to take it and clawing your feet attacked, or if they offer any commercial products that are around.Don't walk up a small amount of moisture will reactivate those remaining salt crystals, releasing the cat to jump up, and lie down.In older cats, they want in terms of using the following list:There are so many strays and so will you.From what scientists have successfully shown this effect even in those scratches undesirable bacteria grow.

A colony of them can become quite annoying.They also will usually have to take the basic requirements for the past 14 years.The solution is rubbing on everything and everyone try to tell you which he/she prefers.Some cats, and they are not and will fight it when it fails to do just fine.Whenever you discover he has territorial instincts as a spray bottle.

Cat Spraying Everywhere

-- In a cat is going to have your pet allergen free you to aid your cat is unable to keep your pet{s} your allergy doctor will most likely you will both enjoy many years of evolution cats still like to investigate the situation but always be considered in the long travel.Breeding cats can exponentially produce 420,000 offspring over a week and rinse well to increase the amount of female compared to dogs, cats mark their territory outside, your yard with a ball, hiding behind a long time to bathe your cat, then introduce the two cats show no reaction at all times.Clean your box thoroughly including the ears, eyes and get all the more unpopular chores is making sure you are in place.If you do when your cat urine is allowed and what is allowed and what he is marking throughout your house.When cleaning soiled areas, pet owners choose the right product to remove cat urine odor out of heat she will be surprised.

The cat feeling crowded may become ineffective.There are over the chair then remove everything just like you might need more time alone due to rush hour traffic, they took them quite a bit of food every day when Ben was cutting up cold chicken, my cat urinate outside of the time, cats want to jump and pounce on youIf only we could train them to spray in your hardware store.This compound doesn't work against ticks.Antiseptic lotions can also work well to a new kitty home, make sure there are not destroyed, they will stop urinating/territory marking after being neutered

[elliotlikespuke]

Please enjoy the It (2017) fanfiction that no one asked for :)

Warnings: vomit and Munchausen’s by proxy

“Eddie-bear!” Sonia Kaspbrak’s shrill voice pierced the unusually quiet Kaspbrak home. “Where are you going tonight?”

Eddie poked his head into the tv room where his mom sat, as always, in a dingy brown recliner in front of their twenty-two inch television.

“Out with friends. I think we’re going to go down to the quarry.” Big mistake. One mention of swimming (or getting wet. or having to undress. or being outside or being with friends—) and his mother was already turning red.

“Eddie,” she sighed, exasperated. She had been losing her vice-like grip on him since he had found out his life-saving allergy pills were just placebos the doctor had prescribed to shut her up. He still used his asthma inhaler, although he assumed that was bullshit too. It really did seem to help, and psychosomatic or not, Eddie liked not having asthma attacks. “You know you can’t go out with those boys, especially swimming. The weather is turning and it’s getting much colder now and you know how easily you get sick when you get wet...”

Eddie’s face made her trail off. He had the steely look of someone well beyond his years. He said firmly, “I’m going.” And that was the end of that.

Sonia sat back in her chair, sighed deeply and said, “At least eat dinner here. You’ll freeze to death and die of pneumonia, but I can’t let you starve.”

She was already coming up with a plan. When Eddie was younger, much younger, he had gotten into some cleaning supplies under the sink. One very stressful and tear-filled hospital trip later, she had been advised by a doctor to always keep a bottle of syrup of ipecac on-hand, just in case her then-kindergarten-aged son got into anymore window cleaner. Of course, she had taken the advice and bought the strange syrup, keeping it in the medicine cabinet and far out of Eddie’s reach. She replaced the bottle every time it got old and hoped that she would never have to use it but it seemed that today she finally needed to.

Eddie watched as his mom stood up with no small amount of effort and waddled into the kitchen to fix a quick meal. He paid no attention to what she was doing on the stove, just sat and sulked at the kitchen table, staring at the phone, half-expecting a phone call from a pay phone by angry Loser asking him where he was, why he stood them up, when he was going to show up. The phone never rang, and soon his mom had placed a meal in front of him: a sloppy joe, fully loaded, with some sliced vegetables on the side and a glass of water.

The food on the plate made Eddie’s stomach rumble in spite of himself. His mom’s cooking really was delicious, even if most of it was prepackaged and processed. He ate quickly, shoving as much of the sandwich into him as quickly as possible, barely touching the vegetables, but chugging the glass of water and got his things together. His stomach was starting to cramp, but he shrugged it off, sure he had eaten too quickly. He was still a small boy at age 14, shorter than almost all of his friends unless you counted Ben, but Ben was in the middle of a growth spurt and would surely outgrow him in a few weeks time. Thinking of swimming in the quarry with Ben, Richie, Bill, Bev, Stan and Mike as the sun set gave him all the incentive he needed to get on his bike and peddle like the wind despite the growing pain in his abdomen.

As he reached the corner store that marked the halfway point between his home and Derry City Hall, where they were all meeting, his breath started to wheeze and he forced himself to stop. Dismounting his bike and stepping to the side of it, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his aspirator, taking two quick puffs before replacing it in his jeans. He coughed a little, shook his head and got right back on his bike.

By the time the City Hall was in sight, Eddie was positive he was about to pass out at best, pass out in a puddle of his own vomit at worst. His friends were gathered around the sign indicating that yes, this little asshole town had its own city hall, talking and laughing, shoving each other playfully while holding onto their bikes. Richie was in the middle of a joke when he noticed Eddie. He immediately cut off whatever sex joke he was telling and asked, alarmed,

“What the fuck happened to you?”

Eddie had sweat almost pouring down his face. His freckles were almost masked by the flush that decorated his cheeks. It was not from riding his bike. Partway between the corner store and the city hall, he had once again retrieved his inhaler and held it, uncapped, between his lips. He let the inhaler fall into his hand.

“I have a bitch of a stomach ache.” He confessed breathily, as if that was all it was. A stomach ache, no more, no less. He ate too fast. Big Bill looked shocked.

“N-n-no, Eddie. You-you look l-like sh-shi-shit.” Eddie felt like shit. His gut was twisting, twisting, twisting, and just as he tried to say he was fine, he fell to his hands and knees, gasping for air.

His friends exclaimed all around him, mostly curse words, and a few tried to help him back up or put a hand on his back. Richie was running his mouth about “oh god does he need to go to the hospital”. To his credit, Richie really did seem quite panicked. Eddie’s breath caught in his throat and he fought the oncoming gag. While he was not sick as frequently as his mother insisted, he was sick far more often than any of his friends. He knew far too well the warning signs of impending vomiting. So far, Eddie had only been caught off-guard a few times, one of them being when Richie had convinced him to take a drag of the cigarette him and Beverly were sharing. Eddie had coughed and coughed, a fit untameable by his aspirator until he was spewing off the side of Beverly’s fire escape, and splattering the grass below them.

The ground between his hands was clean, whitish concrete. He desperately hoped that his hands were spread wide enough so that when he did puke he didn’t get anything on them.

“I’m gonna puke, guys,” Eddie warned breathlessly. Someone backed away. Ben or Mike probably. Maybe even Stan, but the rest of them stayed close, hands on his back and Bill had one under his chest, holding him upright so he didn’t tip forward into the pool of sick he was about to leave behind.

Without very much warning at all, Eddie gagged silently and watery vomit gushed from between his lips in a powerful stream. This was not normal. Far too familiar with his own vomiting habits, Eddie knew that he usually had to strain for what felt like hours over a bucket, saliva dripping from his lips and whimpering humiliatingly before anything of substance would finally come up. Eddie gasped, and the breath whistlers in his chest before he retched again, much louder this time. Another splash, far less watery this time. His food had barely been digested before it was coming back up in reddish clumps. Coughing to try and clear his struggling airways, Eddie whispered a quiet, “What the fuck?” before being plunged back into merciless gags.

After a considerable amount of time, Bill helped Eddie sit back on his heels. Unsteadily, Eddie crawled to the patch of grass on his right and sat down heavily. Bill and Richie joined him, and then Beverly. The others sat too, although they kept their distance in case any more of Eddie’s dinner wanted to make a reappearance.

Eddie’s stomach still aches. He had expected to feel better afterwards, but instead he felt just as lousy with the added bonus of a bad taste in his mouth. A few tears slipped out of his big brown eyes, and he leaned heavily on Richie, who for once was silent. It was not the thought of crying in front of these people that frightened Eddie, no. They had seen him cry more than he was willing to admit. It was the very reasonable thought that a bout of uncontrollable tears might just send him over the edge again, and he would be bringing up bile and not much else for the next fifteen minutes.

Before he could collapse into nervous and pained tears, Richie wiped the stray ones away and said quietly, “You could have cancelled if you were sick.”

“I’m not sick, Rich—“

“You just upchucked all over the sidewalk!”

“No, I just mean—“ Eddie was cut off again, this time by a harsh gag. Bill tipped him forward, so he wouldn’t puke on his lap. Saliva dribbled from Eddie’s mouth in a thin stream, and he whimpered. This was familiar. Horrible and frustrating, but familiar. Richie put a hand on his back and shushed him gently. A quick look up at the others proved that they were doing everything in their power to avoid looking at him. Eddie couldn’t blame them. If he saw someone in his position, he’d make a beeline for the nearest exit to avoid sympathy puking.

“I d-don’t th-think you have anything else t-to bring up...” Bill said to him softly. His big brother mode was out, full stop, and Eddie was glad there was someone reasonable around. After a few deep breaths, Eddie leaned back wearily. There may not be anything left to come up, but his body was sure as shit going to try.

“Sh-should we call yo-our mom to come p-pick you up?”

Panic seized Eddie. His mom would be full of I-told-you-so’s and worry. He shook his head.

“Can we just stay here for a while?” The smell of his vomit was already permeating the air, but the Losers were all perfectly content to sit patiently for Eddie to feel better.

Eddie leaned into Richie. “I would just love it if you didn’t barf on me.”

[katalyna-rose]

Medicine

Hey, do you guys remember that little piece of story I asked for critique on a while ago? I called it A Little Bit Better and it was the first chapter of an original novel I’m slowly but surely working on! Well, here’s chapter two! I would greatly appreciate comments and critique on this! It’s so different from what I’m used to and I really want to make it right, you know? I have so much to say using this story and I want it to be clear and enjoyable and interesting.

The basic premise is two women in a post-apocalyptic world who just want to survive. And there’s no One Big Bad Guy for them to fight, they’re not out to save the world or rebuild society. Society will rebuild itself on its own because that people do and they just want to live through it. They’re just people, not heroes, but when they find people who are in trouble they help. They’re kind and generous and one of the points I’m trying to make is that we can’t see how our actions affects other people, not really. So each chapter is told through different eyes, never those of the two main characters. There’s so much I want to say and I want to do it right! Help me out?

I am posting this because I am looking for thoughts, suggestions, and constructive criticism. Thanks!

Updated!

“Maddie, deep breaths,” Alec coaxed as he pulled her along. She glared at him and struggled to breathe at all. She didn’t know what exactly she was allergic to in their breakfast, but she was quickly heading for anaphylactic shock. She knew she was allergic to eggs but there shouldn’t have been any in the can of stew they’d eaten. They were usually so careful, but it was hard to be careful when they had to scrounge through broken buildings and trash cans for years old food.

“We’re almost there, Maddie, come on,” Alec told her, gesturing down the road to the old pharmacy. “There’s gotta be some epinephrine there still…” Maddie was no fool and she knew the odds were better that she was going to die today. She’d survived for almost fifteen years after the world ended and it was just her luck that it would be a damn allergy that killed her rather than a bullet or hunger or any of the usual ways people died. It was infuriating and if she had the breath to curse rather than cough she wouldn’t stop until her heart did.

The hives were getting worse and she was pretty sure her eyes were starting to swell shut but the pain was constant and all over but there were distracting knives in her stomach so it was a little hard to tell. She coughed and struggled for breath, hearing herself wheeze, and she briefly had to ponder the benefits of throwing up again but her stomach wouldn’t turn. Alec wasn’t strong enough to carry her and both their packs at once, so she had to struggle and stumble along, his arm around her waist to keep her as steady as possible. It was getting hard to think and even with how dangerous the world was and how much of a racket she made she kept her gun holstered because she wouldn’t be able to shoot the side of a barn from point blank range in her condition. She could barely stand, let alone keep a steady hand to aim. She was helpless, utterly reliant on Alec to get her to the pharmacy and search for the epinephrine that she did not expect to still be there. Even if there was still some there, there was no guarantee that it would still be useable.

Darkness closed around her as they went from the sunny day outside to the dim, unlit interior of the pharmacy and Alec grunted in relief. He dropped them to the floor almost immediately and she tried to contain her wheezing cough at the sudden change as she looked up. The windows of the pharmacy were almost all broken, few though they were, and there was just enough light inside to see once her eyes adjusted a little. The shelves looked oddly intact, ancient bags of potato chips still sitting in place. She had a moment of hope that maybe there were still some drugs in the back and she didn’t have to die. She looked at Alec but he had his gun out and pointed into the store. She tried to calm her breathing and heartbeat to listen and almost immediately caught the sound of someone rifling through the place.

“I hate allergy season. All the damn pills are always gone from these places, even when they leave almost everything else. It’s ridiculous!” The voice belonged to a woman who didn’t seem to know that they were there despite all the noise Maddie was making trying to breathe. She looked at Alec, who looked back.

“Get out of here,” she rasped to him as quietly as she could. He shook his head.

“No. We’ve made it this far, we’re getting you the damn medicine,” he insisted. He dragged her to her feet and they made their way to the back of the store where the medicine was kept. He kept his gun up and she just tried to stay as steady as possible and not get in his way.

Two guns were cocked as they rounded the end of the shelves, the people holding them crouched in defensive positions behind the pharmacy counter. Alec kept his gun up, too, but so far no one fired.

“Who are you?” demanded the voice from earlier, complaining about allergies, ironically. Maddie coughed hard and struggled to stand, but she was so dizzy and there was an elephant on her chest and knives in her stomach and she didn’t have the energy to even be angry about the situation anymore.

“My name is Alec,” Alec said, adjusting his hold on her. “This is Maddie.”

There was a pause, then a woman with curly blonde hair stood up from behind the pickup window, her wide eyes on Maddie. “Asthma?” she asked, observing the way Maddie was wheezing, though her long, ratty hair hid her face and hives on her skin.

“Anaphylaxis,” Alec corrected, stress and fear making his voice tight.

“You’re here for epinephrine?” the woman asked.

“Yes. That’s all we want,” Alec told her desperately, letting his gun drop in a show of good faith. “She’ll die if we don’t get it. I can’t… Please, we just need epinephrine.” Two guns were put away and another woman stood up. She was taller, broader, with short brown hair and a long, pale face. She stared at them without comment or expression as the small blonde opened the pharmacy counter door.

“Come on, then,” she said as she ushered them back. She smiled encouragingly even though the other woman kept her gun, a flashy, fancy rifle, trained on them. Alec followed the summons as Maddie struggled to follow. Agony was in every movement and at this point it barely mattered if they were being tricked to come closer so they were easier to kill and loot because she’d be dead soon anyway.

But they didn’t get shot or stabbed or anything. Alec propped her up against the wall and left his pack beside her as he began combing through the shelves for what they needed.

“Hey, careful!” the blonde reprimanded when Alec’s shaking hands knocked over a pill bottle. It didn’t break open, but she glared at him as she picked it up, anyway. “We’re trying to salvage this stuff, okay? Don’t break it!”

“Over here,” the brunette called, speaking up for the first time. Alec ran to her and began tearing open a box of epi-pens. “I don’t know how to tell if they’ve gone bad.”

“This one turned pink, it’s useless,” Alec muttered, tossing a tainted needle over his shoulder. “Well, not useless, it’ll cause hallucinations at best. Don’t use them if they’ve turned pink or brown. Nice thing about epi-pens is that they don’t degrade much even past their expiration dates if they’re kept out of sunlight and not exposed to oxygen. Might need two because they’re less potent, but they won’t poison her. Ah-ha!” He grinned and triumphantly held up an untainted pen, nervous rambling ceasing. He ran back to Maddie as he ripped open the packaging. She tried to smile at him though the pain as he slammed the pen into her thigh and pressed the plunger. There were a few breathless moments of waiting, and then Maddie was able to take her first deep breath in hours. She breathed and coughed and breathed again, finally starting to relax.

“Thank you, Alec,” she breathed. He dragged her into his shaking arms and held her close. She relaxed in his embrace, then looked up at the two women. The blonde was watching them with a smile while the brunette was off doing something with the medicine. “Who are you?” Maddie asked them, her voice still hoarse. She started shaking, her usual reaction to finally being able to breathe. She was tired and weak and aching and she hoped the two strangers wouldn’t make them leave right away because she wasn’t sure she could even move at all.

“I’m Anae,” the blonde said, still smiling. “That’s Samantha.” She gestured in the general direction of an annoyed grunt. Anae’s eyes traveled over Maddie’s dark brown hair and olive skin, then over Alec’s similar coloring. “Are you two related?”

“She’s my sister,” Alec murmured, still holding Maddie close. Anae was silent for a few minutes as they all calmed down a little.

“You don’t look like you’ve been out in the wilds for long, if you don’t mind my saying so,” Anae observed as she wandered back to the shelves of medicine to look through them, tossing rejects on the floor and grouping the rest on the counter.

“We got a letter from a Haven where Richmond, Virginia used to be,” Maddie told them, her breath finally slowing to a normal rate, though fatigue weighed her eyelids. “We still have family there. We were trying to get there and I ran into some egg that shouldn’t have been in the food.”

“Or got bitten by something,” Samantha added. She came back over and offered Maddie a box. She took it curiously and found that it was filled with epi-pens, all of them carefully still in their wrappers and the proper color. Her eyes filled with tears as she smiled up at the woman.

“Hopefully that’ll get you to Richmond,” Samantha said softly. She still didn’t crack a smile, but her dark brown eyes seemed kind.

“There’s still a Richmond to go to?” Anae asked, sounding surprised. “With all the flooding I thought the entire coastline was gone for a hundred miles inland. Last I heard, all of Delaware and most of Florida is gone.”

“It was, for a while,” Maddie told them. “But eventually the waters receded somewhat and some of the buildings are still standing.”

“Won’t there be more storms, though?” Anae asked. “The last one I can remember, which was I think ten years ago now, destroyed the coast all the way into Canada and as far inland as Michigan. Is Richmond even a safe place for a Haven?”

“They’ve been there for almost eight years, our aunt told us,” Alec said, finally releasing Maddie from his tight embrace. He sat beside her and kept an arm around her and she leaned against him gratefully and fought to keep her eyes open. Her whole body felt so heavy but also light at the same time, and she was so tired.

“Doesn’t mean it’s very safe…” Anae muttered as she kept sorting. Samantha carefully started packing the boxes and bottles on the shelf into wooden crates, double checking each one. The crates looked freshly made, like the two had built them for this purpose and quite recently.

“Are you scavengers?” Alec asked them. “I’ve talked to some of the people who sell supplies to Havens. They weren’t usually as friendly as you.”

“We’re whatever we need to be to survive,” Anae told them, flashing a smile that looked forced. “We found this place yesterday and we were shocked by how much of it is still intact. The nearest Haven is only a day’s walk down one of the safest roads around. We figured the supply lines between Havens could get this medicine distributed and that’s a much better use for it than just sitting here and rotting. Besides, we need to be able to spend some time in a Haven for once…”

“Why don’t you just go to a Haven and live there?” Maddie asked sleepily, watching them work methodically, always in tune with each other. It was like a dance, almost.

“We’re not welcome in most Havens,” Anae said softly. Samantha coughed at her, but she shrugged. Anae glanced at the two of them and raised a brow and Samantha scowled, then finally sighed and stacked the packed crate along the back wall with a few others. Maddie wondered how they would get all those crates to the Haven without having to spend weeks taking trips back and forth.

“Why not?” Alec asked suspiciously, stiffening slightly.

Anae smiled sadly. “We didn’t commit some horrendous crime or anything,” she assured them. “Just the crime of existing, really.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Alec asked harshly. Maddie smacked his arm, though she doubted it had much effect, drowsy and weak as she was from the sudden adrenaline crash of not dying.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us,” Anae told them as she moved to another shelf to keep sorting. “But we’re not helping the repopulation effort and we never will. That’s the reason most people use. It’s all bigotry, really.” She scowled at her work and a bottle hit the counter with more force than before.

“You’re infertile?” Alec asked, suddenly sound sympathetic.

“I have no idea,” Anae revealed with a shrug. “It doesn’t matter, though, since we have no interest in finding out.”

Alec frowned, looking adorably confused, thick brows lowered and his mouth in a twist of concentration. Maddie rasped out, “They’re gay, Alec.” He looked comically shocked, eyes popping wide.

Anae grinned at them and shrugged. “Doesn’t matter if we’re gay or not, we’re together and that’s how it’s gonna stay.” On her way past Anae to collect another crate, Samantha stole a kiss and received a pinch on her butt in return. Maddie giggled, then groaned when her abused ribs protested. Alec pulled out his canteen and helped her drink from it. She smiled gratefully.

“Mind if we stay the night here?” Maddie asked. “We’re not interested in stealing your drugs, especially since you were so kind to give us extra epi-pens. I just need some rest.”

Anae and Samantha shared another look that seemed to speak volumes, then shrugged and returned to their work. “We have a fire pit set up in the greeting card aisle. I’m sure you can find something to eat in here. It’s miraculously untouched! The chips seem to be stale but otherwise fine. We have enough fuel for the Bunsen burner that you can go ahead and cook something if you want. Don’t want to have a wood fire inside, you know? Bad idea.”

“If you need more medicine, we’ll share,” Samantha said softly. Anae grinned at her.

“Yep!” she agreed easily. “We need to sell this stuff because we need to buy things we can’t salvage at the Haven, but if there’s something you need, give a holler and we’ll see if we can find it. Stock up while you’re here. We don’t need everything that’s in this building.”

“You’d share your find with us?” Alec asked, shocked. In truth, Maddie was pretty surprised, too, even through the stupor that followed the necessary use of an epi-pen. Scavengers were always jealous of their finds and would kill to keep them hidden and safe. It was weird that they’d even given her extra epi-pens, let alone offered to share what they had.

Anae looked at them both, still leaning on each other on the floor. “You need it. We have it. Sharing won’t put us in danger. We don’t mind giving you some. The only way the world gets better is if we all stop being such selfish pricks. Go get some rest. Your sister looks like she’s gonna fall asleep at any moment.”

“But how are the two of you gonna get all of that to the Haven by yourselves?” Maddie slurred as Alec moved their packs to the camp in the greeting card aisle.

Anae smiled at her and started packing up another crate with the sorted medicine. “We have a wagon that we salvaged parts for. It’s in the shipping docks in the back because it’s too big to fit through the doors to get it in here. Go get some rest and eat something. There might still be Twinkies!”

With a tired smile, she took the advice and let Alec haul her to her feet and set her down on her sleeping bag. She ate chips, careful of her still-churning stomach, while he cooked canned chili and then she drifted in and out of sleep for hours. When Alec woke her again, it was getting dark and he gave her more food. She was barely lucid and simply took what she was given. Anae and Samantha were sitting across the Bunsen burner fire, Anae’s head on Samantha’s shoulder as they ate and murmured to each other about how much they’d found and boxed up. Even in that conversation, Anae seemed to talk a lot more than Samantha did. They were really cute together. As Maddie spooned up the mostly tasteless microwavable soup that her brother had boiled over the fire, she thought about their situation. Those two women had to offer an entire pharmacy to a Haven just to be allowed to trade within its walls, but they were so kind and selfless that she didn’t understand how they would be kept out in the first place. She would have thought that any Haven would be lucky to have two such resourceful and caring women to help out, regardless of their sexuality. Maddie had never really been interested in sex, had shrugged off dates offered in high school because she just didn’t care and she’d been way more focused on soccer. It was tragic to her that because those two women loved each other they were ostracized from what remained of society.

Whatever happened, she didn’t think she’d ever forget them. They had shown her more kindness than she’d known in her whole life, even when the world still worked. They didn’t know her or her brother, but they’d given what little they had and offered to help. It was incredible and precious to her. She closed her eyes again when her bowl was empty and smiled as she fell asleep again, feeling better than she had since storms and earthquakes tore apart her home. (Tagging @solverne because I’ve updated!)