#Thank you for coming to Oversharing About My Family: It's Going

[ranvwoop]

another #Family Whining Post

[alllgator-blood]

'FOGGY STREETS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS'

(part 3/3)

I'm gonna infodump about the backstory of this comic, don't feel obligated to read it because it's not cotl related it's just personal stuff, I just want to be able to write about it somewhere cause I can't really talk to anyone about it.

As always, thanks for reading this far, sorry my stuff has been such a bummer so consistently. This comic goes out to all my "christmas induced depression" homies, I left my house maybe like ~5 times all month and it was NOT pleasant hearing "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!" on the radio when I'm so ready for it to be over. Gonna take it reaaaaal easy til the year ends, you guys take it easy too!! Got some asks I have to respond to when I'm more stable but probably no new comic pages til january

Alright uhhh so this part of the comic is pretty much taken directly from the last time I saw my great-grandma alive, a few days before christmas. She didn't remember me, but at the nursing home there was a piano, and I sat down and played some stuff because I didn't know what to say. I was really into lisa the painful rpg at the time, and I played that "I've got the joy" song that the villain sings without realizing it was an old christian campfire song. She didn't really say much or move that whole night, just kind of gave me a polite blank smile, but started singing the words when I played the notes to that song.

I kinda stopped in shock, my dad frantically asked me to keep playing, so I did. While the comic I made is way more sappy than the actual moment was, I wish I'd cherished the moment longer. I didn't know it was the last time I'd see her alive. Every family christmas was held at her house when she was around, so it's been weird the past few years. I actually lost another dementia-addled grandma to cancer on christmas eve in 2009, so the holiday was already kind of weird for me on top of everything else that makes me sad this time of year. That's what part 2 was about, I'll spare the details but I wrote leshy to act out how I felt back then. Why are we all sad? This is supposed to be a happy time, all the decorations are up and we're almost all here, so why is everyone smiling yet everything feels so wrong? I feel like since leshy's canonically the most ignorant one to things lurking below the surface, he'd be the one to try and make everyone feel better but not quite understand why everyone is so miserable. My first memory of having self injurious behavior came from then, hence why I had leshy pull his leaves off in the last comic. It was confusing and frustrating and I was just old enough to comprehend something was wrong, but not old enough to understand the depth of it, it DEFINITELY didn't help that nobody helped me back then so I made leshy's siblings actually come in clutch instead of grabbing him/yelling at him.

That night with the piano was something that's stuck with me the few years she's been gone, but I felt kind of strange when I asked my dad and my sister about it and neither of them remembered it. The room we were in was completely empty so nobody else witnessed it but us three. I myself have a history of head trauma and memory loss (plus, native americans are disproportionately more likely to develop dementia... lucky us) so if I ever forgot about that moment, there'd be nobody left to remember it. Sometimes when I do comics, it's my way of going "this happened at some point, and the only evidence it ever happened was me witnessing it, so if something happens to me I want the memory to stay alive in some form."

Anyway. The autistic urge to overshare, am I right? Idk what my religious ass great-grandma would think of me drawing demonic comics about my last memory of her, she'd probably think it's funny though cause she raised my dad whose interests have always been "death metal and devil worship". I'm not sure if anyone read this far, I just hope my dumb comics can convey the things I can't say with my voice and struggle to say through text. None of this was supposed to be "feel bad for me!! Woe is me!!", it was supposed to me more like...cathartic? Healing? I almost didn't post this comic because it felt kinda weird, but seeing people connect with it made it worth it imo. Thank you

[blue-lights-to-dreams]

Golden Light (pt. 2) // H.S.

part 2 to Golden Light! please read that first if you haven't already!

synopsis: you and Harry go back to your apartment after your date, and learn a little more about each other in the process.

warnings: smut, kissing, fingering (f receiving), i think that's it?

wc: 3.6k

a/n: the (maybe) long-awaited sequel to Golden Light as so many of you requested! thank you all so much for all of the love on that work, i'm so happy you guys enjoyed it. let me know what you think of this and if you'd like to see a part 3! :)

----------

The crackle of the fireplace (and the wine you were drinking) was almost enough to soothe your nerves. Almost. 

You and Harry were sprawled on your living room floor, backs against the couch, enjoying the heat radiating from the fire as Harry described what he had gotten his family for Christmas this year. It was only the beginning of December, but he had everyone’s gifts already. He was so prepared, and the gifts he picked were so thoughtful. Each came with a backstory of exactly why he chose it, usually after the person mentioned something in passing once or twice. 

A vintage whale-shaped coffee mug for his sister, who’d talked about how much she enjoyed a documentary about them over brunch one day. A beautiful landscape by a local painter for his mother after she admired another of her works when they’d gone to the art museum. He’d even gotten a custom doll made for his goddaughter after she complained one day that none of the ones at the store looked like her.

You’d picked out a riesling from your small stash of wine when you two arrived at your flat, remembering that’s what Harry preferred. You’d quickly changed into soft shorts and a graphic t-shirt, needing out of your dress, before the two of you settled on the floor and fell back into comfortable chatter.

It was probably for the better that he was the one speaking at the moment, because you could feel your head get fuzzier with each sip from your glass. As much as you tried to stay focused, you couldn’t help but run your eyes up his frame. He’d draped his blazer over the back of one of your barstools as he’d come in, leaving him in just his slacks and half-unbuttoned dress shirt. He looked stunning.

Harry noticed the way you were looking at him but elected not to say anything as he continued his story. “I’m really hoping she’s going to like it. How about you? Anything special you’ve gotten for anyone?”

His question snapped you out of your mild stupor, and you racked your brain. “Not really – I’m not nearly as prepared as you are. I only need to get a couple of things, though. Just something for my mom and a few for my friends. Nothing major.”

“No siblings?” He asked.

“Nope. Well, I do have them, but they’re my step-siblings, and I don’t think I’ve seen them since I was like 14 or so. My dad kind of packed them up and ran for the hills with his new wife at that point.” Your statement was blunt, and you picked at the skin around your nails as you explained. It wasn’t anything you had a hard time discussing anymore, given it had been upwards of 10 years. 

“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that,” Harry looked like he didn’t know what to say. You probably should have said that differently, you thought, not wanting to overshare and make him uncomfortable.

“It’s fine, Harry. It was a long time ago, and probably for the better. My mom and I have only gotten closer since then, and I wouldn’t change it.” He nodded in understanding with a small smile but didn’t respond, letting his gaze drift to the artwork hung over the mantle of the fireplace.

A hush fell between the two of you, the noise of the fire and your creaky New York City radiator the only things audible. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, just calm and peaceful. You stood to open the window – the heat was getting to be too much. It was nearing midnight at this point, so there wasn’t much commotion on your street, but the sound of cars driving by now and then was familiar and soothing.

You returned to your seat, slightly closer to Harry than you had been previously. He seemed deep in thought, arm draped lazily over the seat of the couch behind him. His eyes hadn’t left the window after they followed your movement there.

“Whatcha thinking about?” You questioned softly, turning to face him and pulling your knees to your chest, leaning to rest your shoulder against the cushions. You didn’t mean to pry, but you wanted to know what was going on inside that pretty head of his.

“Honestly,” he exhaled, brows furrowing slightly, “you.”

“Me?” Not the answer you’d expected.

“Yes, you,” he spoke with a hint of teasing, flashing a quick smile at you before glancing away. “I was thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve enjoyed myself this much on a date. I really like you, Y/N.” His eyes returned to yours like they were searching for your response.

His earnestness left you speechless for a moment. You stared back at him - his eyes were so green, so beautiful, like waves were crashing against white sand just behind his pupils.

“I like you too, Harry.” He relaxed slightly, shifting his position a hair. “This is definitely the best date I’ve been on in a long time.” You weren’t always great at expressing emotion, but it was only fair for him to know how you felt too.

He grinned, then, and pushed himself up to slide closer to you on the floor. His eyes were still locked on yours, both of you smiling at each other like giddy teenagers. His arm was almost around you now but remained on the couch as you lowered your legs, returning them to a cross-legged position. Harry reached forward, brushing a stray piece of hair behind your ear before allowing his hand to rest gently on the side of your neck, thumb caressing your jawbone slowly. He looked you up and down, again admiring how gorgeous you looked before flitting his eyes to your lips. 

He inhaled briskly, hand not halting its movements on your face. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, of course. You don’t have to ask, but I appreciate it.” As much as you liked Harry being a gentleman, right now, you honestly just wanted him to be anything but.

He nodded quickly before pulling you forward, pressing his lips to yours. It started with slow, gentle movements of your lips together, but quickly became much more desperate. His hands roamed your face before moving to your waist, gripping the skin above your hips just firmly enough to drive you crazy. Your hands were pressed to his chest over his thin silk shirt, and you could feel the muscles there flex as he moved his hands around your body. You weren’t normally one to care about muscles, but something about his drove you crazy.

Harry’s thumbs brushed your lower ribs as he deepened the kiss, stealing your breath for a moment. Your hands instinctively moved to his hair, fingers knotting through and gently gripping his short curls. A small groan left his throat, shooting straight to your core. His hands suddenly gripped your hips harshly, lifting you to pull you into his lap. He swallowed the small gasp you let out as he did so, flattening his hands on your back to pull you against him as you settled on his thighs. The kiss was sloppy, now, almost depraved, as he tried to pull you as close as physically possible. The way you were tugging his hair was driving him wild, you could tell, and it only encouraged you.

You pulled away from his mouth for just a second as your fingers moved to toy with the small buttons of his shirt. “Can I take this off?”

“Please,” Harry sighed, loosening his grip on you so you had the space to work. As you undid the last button, he pulled away from the couch and shrugged the shirt off, allowing it to fall onto the floor behind him.

He was breathtaking. At dinner, you could see the tattooed heads of what you assumed to be two small birds peeking out from under his shirt, but you weren’t expecting him to have so many more. Those swallows sat just underneath his collarbone, above a large butterfly on his stomach that almost appeared lifelike, the ink stretching and compressing as he breathed. His left arm was nearly covered in various small symbols and words, and you made a mental note to ask about them later. 

Your hands returned to his chest, this time without barriers. The skin there was soft to the touch but you could feel the firm muscle underneath. It was warm. Hot.

The corner of Harry’s mouth twitched as he tried to suppress a smirk at your wide-eyed gaze. After a few seconds of letting you stare, he pulled your lips back to his, unable to wait. It was just as desperate as before.

His large hands slowly slid down your back as your mouths moved together, finding the hem of your shirt before reaching underneath it to grab your hips. The feeling of his warm hands contrasted with the cold metal of the rings he wore, pulling a small gasp from you.

His firm grip on your hips was short-lived as his hands quickly began drifting upwards, thumbs slightly massaging your lower ribs. Fingers splayed on your back, Harry felt you pant into the kiss, unable to catch your breath.

He pulled away for a second, removing his hands from your skin. A small groan escaped you at the loss of warmth, which you hoped Harry didn’t notice. One hand moved to hold your face and the other bunched the hem of your shirt and tugged on it slightly. 

“Can I take this off?” He asked, not breaking eye contact. He needed to make sure you were okay with it, just like he would with whatever else ended up happening that night.

You nodded quickly, helping him lift the shirt over your head and toss it onto the floor beside you. He gripped your shoulders and pushed you away slightly so he could see you.

Harry thought you were stunning. His eyes raked longingly over every inch of you - shoulders, arms, breasts, and stomach, taking it all in. His hands slid off your shoulders to press against your ribs again, thumbs brushing the skin just under your bra. He tore his eyes away from the fabric and skin, gazing at you slack-jawed with blown-out pupils.

“Y’so beautiful, Y/N,” he panted, words slurred slightly from the breathlessness, and your heart just about burst in your chest. You weren’t used to being looked at like this, and it made you nervous, but the look in Harry’s eyes told you there was nothing to be afraid of. He didn’t look like he just wanted to fuck you – he looked like he wanted to worship you.

Instead of a response, you smashed your lips back to his. One of the hands gripping your ribs shifted to cup you over your bra, and you couldn’t help the moan that you let out. This only spurred Harry on as he followed suit, groaning into your mouth. The noise was divine – a low, throaty rumble that went straight to your core.

You needed more of his skin on you. Now. 

You reached behind yourself and unhooked your bra, shaking it off your shoulders until it dropped to the floor on top of your shirt. While you appreciated Harry asking for permission to continue with everything, you couldn’t wait until he worked up the nerve to ask you before feeling his bare hands on your chest.

He took your invitation to continue grasping at your breast, this time with no barrier. A louder moan left you as his thumb brushed over your nipple, electricity pulsing through your veins. Harry groaned into your mouth again, his other hand resting on your ass and bringing it forward until you sat directly on top of his length. It pressed deliciously against you, pulling another gasp from your throat. He was hard beneath you as you ground back on him, hips rocking in sync with the kiss.

You broke away for a moment to catch your breath, continuing to move against him. Your head fell back until you were panting up at the ceiling. Harry wasted no time in connecting his lips with your neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, licks, and soft bites along it and down to your shoulder blades. The room was quiet apart from the symphony of both of your breathing, the crackle of the fire, and the odd car passing by.

He continued to kiss down your body to the soft tissue of your breast, capturing your nipple in his mouth. The feeling was heaven as his tongue flicked the bud before moving to the other side, his thumb replacing it. His other hand was reaching down your stomach to the button of your shorts, toying with the seams of the fabric. He removed his mouth from you, and you had to hold back a whine of disappointment.

“Is it alright if we get these off of you?” he asked tenderly, staring into you again. You nodded hastily, helping him unbutton them and lifting your hips so he could pull the fabric down your legs and over your knees. You kicked them off, leaving you in just your underwear as he looked you up and down again.

With the layer of fabric gone, your center met his again. You could feel the warmth radiating from his shaft as you pressed onto him, the two of you both groaning in pleasure. The rigid zipper of his pants rubbed firmly against your clit addictively.

A sudden wave of insecurity rushed over you as you realized the situation you’d put yourself in. Here you were, on a blind date with a near stranger, and you were already sitting on top of him in just your underwear while he was still in his pants. It wasn’t like you to give in to a man this quickly, but Harry’s face and smile and body and charm had gotten into your head and pushed away your ability to reason. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be doing this - it was quite the opposite, you were having a lovely time. You just didn’t want Harry to think you were easy, or that this was your plan.

You didn’t realize your movements against Harry had stilled until he was holding your face again, forcing you to look at him. He knew you were in your head about something, and he needed to find out what before taking things any further.

“Y/N, hey, what’s wrong? Do y’need to stop?” His voice was thick with concern as he searched your eyes for discomfort. You shook your head hurriedly, not wanting him to think you weren’t enjoying yourself.

“No, no, I’m fine,” you sighed, face flushing in embarrassment. “I’m just– I’m not usually the type to fuck on the first date. I don’t want you to think that was all I wanted from you.”

“Well, ‘f it helps, I wasn’t planning on having sex with you tonight.” Before you could react negatively (as you were about to) he quickly continued, “I just want to make you feel good tonight. You said you’ve been stressed out all week about work, and I just want to make that go away for you for a while. S’that okay, baby?”

Of course, he knew the perfect thing to say. Your eyes nearly rolled back into your head at how considerate he was, and the pet name at the end was the cherry on top. “That sounds really nice. Thank you, Harry.”

He chuckled before lifting your hips off of his and setting you on the floor next to him, making sure you were close to the fireplace so you didn’t get cold. His hands prompted you to turn your body so you were parallel to the couch. One hand took root in your hair while the other caressed the bare skin on your hip as he kissed you again, slower this time. Harry used your hair as leverage to slowly pull you down until you were on your back on the floor, him slotted between your open legs.

“I want to take care of you, sweetheart, is that okay?” As if you would say no.

Your whiny ‘yes’ was rewarded with his hands caressing your inner thighs slowly, teasingly. You assumed you were noticeably soaked, the baby pink cotton of your underwear unforgiving when it came to hiding your arousal. He massaged the soft skin, moving upwards until his thumb brushed over the fabric’s seam nestled in the crease of your thigh. Your hips moved of their own accord, lifting in search of any friction they could find. Harry tsked quietly, securing a hand on your hip and pushing it back down on the floor.

He rolled onto his side from between your legs, supporting himself on an elbow with his hand cradling your head and wrapping an ankle around your leg to keep them open. His other hand traced a soft line over the wet patch between your legs, fingers brushing your clit with a feather-light touch. You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Harry, please,” you whined, trying to regulate your breathing. 

He chuckled teasingly. “What d’you need, baby? Use your words.”

“I need –” you cut yourself off, unsure of why you were embarrassed to say it when you knew he already knew what you wanted. “I need you to touch me, please.”

That was all he needed before he slipped his fingers underneath your underwear and swiped them through your wet folds. The contact was heavenly, forcing a choked moan from your throat as he drew circles around your clit in a precise rhythm. He was obviously experienced, building that warm feeling in your stomach faster than even you could yourself.

“Need these off,” he ordered, tugging your underwear down your legs and helping you kick them off before he hooked an ankle around your knee and spread your legs again. His hand returned to your core, this time with his thumb pressing on your clit and his middle finger teasing your entrance. Your soft groan encouraged him to slide it into you, pulling a myriad of lush sounds from your mouth as he pumped in and out. When he curled his fingers into you and brushed against the spongy patch that felt so good, you thought you were a goner. That was until he slipped his ring finger in alongside his middle and picked up his motions on your clit once more. It didn’t take long at all for you to reach the edge, the feeling building in your insides until you felt like a rubber band about to snap.

“Harry, I’m gonna –” a prolonged moan interrupted your statement.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he spoke softly in your ear, leaving a small kiss on your cheekbone. “Let it go for me.”

That was all you needed. The rubber band inside you snapped, and your orgasm washed over you like a tsunami. You clenched tightly around Harry’s fingers, hips writhing, as he worked you through your release. He whispered praises in your ear but you could barely hear them as the room seemed to disappear, leaving just you and the feeling of Harry’s touch. You had to grip his wrist to remove his hand from you after a few seconds, the continued motion turning overstimulating quickly. 

After taking a moment to catch your breath, you rolled onto your side to throw an arm around Harry’s neck and pull him closer to you. Your nakedness was catching up to you as not even the warmth from the fireplace was enough.

Harry quickly realized how cold you were and turned to grab the throw blanket off of the couch, draping it over both of you. That was something you were quickly learning about Harry – he was very attentive, and he seemed to be able to anticipate your needs before you even realized them yourself.

After a few moments of quiet, the sounds of your breathing mixing with the other ambient noises, you spoke. “Are you sure you don’t want me to do anything for you? I feel bad leaving you, you know, high and dry.”

He laughed, leaning down to press a kiss against your hair. “I promise m’okay, Y/N. What you can do for me, though, is let me clean you up and get you in bed. Our backs are going to kill us tomorrow if we stay on this floor any longer.”

----------

After Harry helped you clean up and change into a fresh pair of pajamas, he slipped out of his trousers, leaving him in just his boxers. You’d both crawled into your bed, and you rested your head against his bare chest as his arm stroked small circles on your shoulder. It took everything in you not to fall asleep, but you didn’t want this night with him to end quite yet.

“Harry?” you whispered, not wanting to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere in the room with your words.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Thank you for everything tonight. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed myself this much, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate that.”

“Y’ don’t have to thank me – I had just as good of a time. You’re really special, Y/N. I’d love to do this again, if you’d let me?”

“Which part?” you laughed, “the dinner part or the after-dinner part?”

“Well, honestly, preferably both.” You were both laughing now, his stomach muscles tensing under your hand. 

“I think I’d be okay with that,” you agreed, knowing deep down you’d probably beg on your hands and knees for him to let you see him again.

“Thank you, baby. Now get some sleep.” He pressed another kiss to your hair and pulled you tighter to his chest, his other hand ensuring the blankets were tucked snugly around your shoulders before he allowed his body to sink back against the pillows. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Harry.” You drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a certain brown-haired boy that you knew wouldn’t be leaving your mind anytime soon.

[feminist-space]

Article by Fortesa Latifi:

"Being the child of an influencer, Vanessa tells me, was the equivalent of having a full-time job—and then some. She remembers late nights in which the family recorded and rerecorded videos until her mother considered them perfect and days when creating content for the blog stretched into her homeschooling time. If she expressed her unease, she was told the family needed her. “It was like after this next campaign, maybe we could have more time to relax. And then it would never happen,” she says. She was around 10 years old when she realized her life was different from that of other children. When she went to other kids’ houses, she was surprised by how they lived. “I felt strange that they didn’t have to work on social media or blog posts, or constantly pose for pictures or videos,” she says. “I realized they didn’t have to worry about their family's financial situation or contribute to it.”

Vanessa, who requested anonymity to speak freely about her family dynamics, says she helped create content for huge companies like Huggies and Hasbro when her mom landed endorsement deals. When she reached puberty and began menstruating, her mother had her do sponsored posts for sanitary pads. “It was so mortifying,” she says. “I just felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.”

Being part of an influencer family changed everything about her life, Vanessa says. “Sometimes I didn’t know where the separation was between what was real and what was curated for social media.” And her mother’s online presence indelibly warped their relationship. “Being an influencer kid turned my relationship with my mom into more of an employer-employee relationship than a parent-child one,” she says. “Once you cross the line from being family to being coworkers, you can’t really go back.”

...

Khanbalinov has had zero new offers since he took his kids offline. “When we were showing our kids, brands were rolling in left and right—clothing companies, apps, paper towel companies, food brands. They all wanted us to work with them,” he says. “Once we stopped, we reached out to the brands we had lined up and 99 percent of them dropped out because they wanted kids to showcase their products. And I fought back, like, you guys are a paper towel company—why do you need a kid selling your stuff?”

The law has woefully lagged behind the culture here, but there’s signs that policymakers might finally be catching up. In 2023, in addition to Illinois, three other states—New York, Washington State, and New Jersey—proposed bills to protect influencer kids. Contrast that with the flurry of legislative activity in just the first two months of 2024. Seven more states—Maryland, Georgia, Ohio, Missouri, California, Arizona, Minnesota—have introduced similar legislation. Some of the bills are going one step further to protect the privacy of the kids featured in this content. In some states, proposed legislation would include a clause that borrows from a European legal doctrine known as the “right to be forgotten”—it would allow someone who was featured in content when they were a child to request that platforms permanently delete those posts. None of the current legislation introduced, however, would outright bar the practice of featuring minors in monetized content.

...

The movement on this issue was glacial for years, but it finally feels like the ice has thawed. Much of that progress is thanks to activists like Cam Barrett (she/they), a 25-year-old creator (@softscorpio) who uses TikTok to talk about her experience of being overshared in their childhood and adolescence. Barrett doesn’t go by her legal name anymore because of the online history it’s tied to. “I love my legal name,” Barrett tells me. “I just don’t love the digital footprint attached to it.” Last year, Barrett testified in front of the Washington State legislature as a proponent of a bill to protect influencer kids. This year, they testified again—this time, in front of the Maryland legislature.

“As a former content kid myself, I know what it’s like to grow up with a digital footprint I never asked for,” Barrett told the Maryland House of Delegates Economic Matters Committee in February. “As my mom posted to the world my first-ever menstrual cycle, as she posted to the world the intimate details about me being adopted, her platform grew and I had no say in what was posted.” And yet, Cam says her activism has been healing.

For Cam and other influencer children, getting a paycheck won’t give them back what they lost—a normal childhood unobstructed by the cameras pushed into their faces. But it could be the beginning of some version of restitution. “My friends say I’m fighting for little Cam,” she tells me. “It feels very healing because I didn’t have anyone to fight for me as a kid.”"

Read the full article here: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a60125272/sharenting-parenting-influencer-cost-children/

[icyg4l]

PAC: What Would Happen If You Had a Friend Like You?

Hello beautiful people! I thank you guys so much for the support I’ve received over the past couple of months and even this past weekend. I will continue to make content that resonates with my collective. I am delivering my new PAC as promised, even though it was supposed to come out last night (oopsie lol). Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy this one. It is inspired by tears and frustration of those who feel taken for granted in their friendships (including myself). Please don’t hesitate to book a reading with me if you would like to receive a personal reading. Without further ado, please select your pile.

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-4)

Pile One: If you had a friend like you, PIle One, I think that you would meet them while working/interning for a company. I think that this person would be the fresh air to the heavy atmosphere surrounding y’all. I see that you are both sophisticated professionals who know how to handle conflict calmly for the most part. It’s hard for you both to “pop off” and this may be a problem within you guys’ friendship. You both must learn how to be okay with not letting things go off the hook. You must be intentional with the way you navigate or you will be screwed over every time. I feel that if you had a friend like you, you would be very suspicious of this person because you can’t put a finger on why you feel this way. This person will be equally suspicious. But once you actually talk to each other, you will share stories and experiences regarding business ideas, your dream career environments, many of you will bond over being the only women at work and even sharing secrets about your family dynamics. I could see that you will run a business with this person and it will be successful. It may take a while to hit this bump but it’s definitely possible. Lastly, beware of oversharing too soon or jumping to conclusions. Take it slow, babe. There will be slip ups between the both of you but it’s best that you become strict with yourself on what it means to have a healthy friendship.

Cards Used: Queen of Cups, The Chariot, The Emperor, The Tower (RX), 9 of Wands, 6 of Swords 

extras: nipsey hussle. “motivate” saweetie. moldavite. overbite. 

Pile Two: It’s very interesting how your story will play out, Pile Two. It’ll be a story to tell your grandchildren. So what I am getting from your pile is that you will meet your other half during a breakup. But the thing is, this person will partially be the reason for your breakup. I see the scenario of women getting played by a guy. The movie ‘John Tucker Must Die’ comes to mind. Also, the storyline between Teddy, Spencer and Skylar from Good Luck Charlie comes to mind. You guys will find comfort in each other during this painful period. Many people would stay away from “the other woman”, but you won’t because your situation is unique. I feel like if you are dealing with someone right now, they have two sides to them. They could have air sign placements. I feel like when you come face-to-face with this person, you will not feel any sort of anger or resentment towards them. You will cry in this person’s arms and immediately feel at home. But you should know that once you feel that you want to move on from this, the bond that once existed will change and this change will more than likely not be taken lightly. So enjoy your time with this person for the moment being, Pile Two. Have conversations with this person about how the dynamic will change overtime to prepare for it.

Cards Used:The World, 3 of Swords, Two of Cups, Wheel of Fortune, King of Cups (RX)

extras: igbo tribe. medulla. voguing practice. thelma and louise. grief counseling. hideous bangs.

Pile Three: I feel like this group is into music. You may want to move to one of the music capitals like Atlanta, Nashville, New York or Miami to pursue a music career. In my third eye, I am seeing snippets of the pilot episode of ‘Star’. The premise of the show is the formation, trials and tribulations of a girl group. There are two sisters and a best friend that are in this girl group. During the pilot, the blonde sister has to physically fight her sister’s abuser to bring her to Atlanta so that they can move to Atlanta with their aunt. After this, they are proactive in jumpstarting their career even with drama, drugs and whatnot clouding their future. Now, I feel like your friend will obviously be a newcomer in the music industry as well. It is best if y’all work together. I see that if this person has a kid, you will be the child’s godparent. I also see some notoriety, fame and recognition coming with this person once you all decide to work together. This will only happen because y’all collaborated; if y’all went solo, the same result would not happen. But you need to be aware of doing things in vain. You and them both need to think about each other because the spotlight can blind people’s true intentions. Think clearly. But I feel like y’all would actually be friends for a long time despite any differences that may occur because of vanity. There’s chemistry that y’all have with each other that you will not have with anyone else so cherish each other while you all are still here.

Cards Used: 10 of Cups, Four of Discs (RX), The Star, The Empress, 8 of Cups, 6 of Wands, King of Wands 

extras: girl groups. ‘musically inclined.’ music industry. tlc. money grab. “cut the check.” “ain’t shit sweet.”

Pile Four: And last but not least, Pile Four. Your situation will involve meeting someone who is also addicted to something. You have their vices so do they. I am channeling the energy of Edward Norton and Maria Singer. They are liars. They show up at AA meetings for fun and catch each other in a lie. I feel like this friendship will be about holding each other accountable. I am also channeling Rue and her sponsor, Ali. They have an uncle-niece relationship. I believe that you all will have a significant difference in maturity. And this will be the reason why you bump heads. Someone believes that they know more than the other person because they’ve been doing it longer or they don’t believe that their vice is worthy of being taken seriously. Now, this vice could be drugs, sex, over/undereating, online shopping, gambling, playing video games, etc. Now, when you meet this person, you will be put off because you won’t know any better. But this person will leave a strong impact on your life. It is best that you keep them around because you won’t know what you got till it’s gone. Taking this person for granted will be the worst thing that you can do because there is no one else that will hold you accountable like them, Pile Four. 

Cards Used: 9 of Discs, Princess of Cups, Temperance, 6 of Wands, The High Priestess, The Hermit, 9 of Wands 

extras: low fade haircut. burning hair. electric slide. goal chaser. fear of death. close call. chewing ice.

[doctorhare]

no for incest being fine cause 1. it is a ripe environment for abuse especially when it’s parent/child, 2. potential issues re: inbreeding and the effects this may have on the children that can result from this relationship, 3. the one irl experience of incest i was privy to was this girl in my partner’s end of the polycule cheating on her partner with her twin

tldr i’m no if there’s potential for abuse and inbreeding, besides that who gives a shit

Speaks to you first because you’re the first no who’s been COURAGEOUS and BRAVE enough to SPEAK! Going one by one with you on your points now but backwards

3. That is so fucking crazy but also not the first time I’ve heard of someone in a polycule cheating with their twin. Do you think we could find enough to do a study on this. Also I’m listening to a twincest playlist while answering this so it’s adding to my experience. Anyway that’s crazy. I’ve never known anyone involved in consensual irl incest At least as far as I’m aware

2. So inbreeding stuff is actually the one thing I have a nonnuanced take on in this regard. I think a lot of the issues people have with the idea of inbreeding is a direct result of eugenics and we probably would not consider it such a major issue if not for eugenics setting us up to think about which people/relationships are genetically ok for reproduction. Like to put it another way, if there’s an individual whose genetics mean their child would be predisposed to birth defects no matter who the other parent is, what would you think of them having children? Obviously I’m strawmanning at you but my point is that I think incest is just like, the one scrap left where it’s universally ok to go “these people reproducing would be bad because it would create unhealthy or disabled people”

I feel like I took the long way of saying that LMAO but I’m on my fone and we’re chatting so it’s fine. I’ll rephrase if someone tells me I sound like lorem ipsum hahaha. But basically the inbreeding stuff is the one bit where I’m like “yea this is entirely a nonissue” cus I don’t like the idea that creating children with birth defects has any moral points in either direction. Does that make sense?

3. I agree with this but also I think the family structure as a whole is designed in favor of abuse. If incestuous abuse happens it’s because of familial abuse, not necessarily because of the romantic/sexual aspect. If that makes sense? Like uh ok let me overshare to explain what I mean lol. I’m a victim of both emotional incest & CSA from different perpetrators. I don’t think either of those people thought of what they were doing as sexual or romantic. It was just having power given to them by the standard family structure and abusing it. So we’re looking at incest in both cases but neither of them were seeking incest and the incestuous part wasn’t what caused the abuse to happen. Does that make sense?

I don’t mean to say that incest CAN’T be the origin of abuse but what I mean to say is that the things we treat as normal aspects of Family are often just as damaging if not more damaging than explicit incest. Again i literally do agree with you but when it comes to like, a Morality question, I don’t care about the incest itself as a factor at all. Cuz familial abuse is rooted in family itself, not perversions of family

Very rambly and not super put together but again we’re chatting lmao. Thank u for sending ur take !! I hope my block of text doesn’t scare anyone hahaha

[parkerdoeswriting]

Not Allowed

(TASM! Peter x GN Reader)

category: angst > fluff blurb

summary: reader is having issues with their mom, peter is there for them. 

warnings: family issues (specifically mum issues), cringe vent fanfic, very specific to my life so if you relate i feel sorry for you LMAOOO

word count: 0.5k

A/N: This is kinda a VERY cringey vent post🤩 not doing good cuz MY MUM is driving me up the walls with her favouritism of my brothers and her inability to let me live my life! 

Knock knock knock… 

Peter’s ears perk up at the noise, instantly getting up. He had been home alone after Aunt May went out with some of her friends, and they both weren’t expecting company. He quickly descends down the stairs, checking the peephole before opening. He doesn’t see anyone and so he opens, wondering if they got mail. But when he opens the door, he isn’t expecting what he sees. 

You’re sitting on the Parker’s front porch steps, your hands buried into the palm of  your hands as you cry. His eyes widen at the sight of you, automatically going into comfort mode.

“Babe, you okay?” he sits next to you, his arms instinctively wrapping around you. 

You shake your head, his hands still holding your face. He rests his chin on your shoulder and he presses chaste kisses to your temple, trying to comfort you. 

“Sorry” You weep softly, wiping my eyes. 

You look at him, your eyes red as your lip quivers. Your face is red from embarrassment, your hands shaking as you try to stop crying.

“Don’t be sorry, let's go inside and talk, alright?” he speaks softly, cupping your cheek with his hands. 

You nod slowly, his hands going from your cheek to your hands, pulling you up. He leads you inside, heading to the living room, his hand never once letting go of yours. You both sit down on the couch, wrapping a blanket around the two of you. He turns on your favourite movie, waiting for your words to start falling out.

“Well, my mum, she’s just been so mean?” you sniffle, cuddling up to him.

“She’s been totally inconsiderate that this is my life and I don’t want to “fit in” with everyone.” you add, biting the inside of your mouth. 

“I just wish she could understand I don’t wanna be a carbon copy of her, and that I'd like to do things, to learn different things!” you bring your knees up to your chest, hugging them to your body. 

“I’m sorry” he frowns, pressing chaste kisses to your face. 

“It’s whatever, I dunno” you wipe your eyes again. 

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” he asks softly, his hands going up to play with your hair.

“Yeah, and everytime she completely misses the point and discredits my feelings every time!” you exclaim, your fists balling in frustration.

You can see his mouth curling into a frown as he tries to think of something to say, his hands pull you closer to him, your face contorts as you try not to cry again. 

“I’m sorry, I’m probably oversharing or whatever” you try to back away from his grip, putting on your half assed poker face. 

“No, come back” he frowns, grasping onto your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours. 

He manages to pull you back despite your best efforts, screw having a superhero as a boyfriend. His legs wrap around you, trapping you in as he attacks your face with kisses.

“I’m sorry your mum is treating you like this, you don’t deserve that” he says in between kisses. 

“I just want her to be supportive of me” you sniffle, your eyes all teary. 

“I know, just know I’ll love you no matter what and you can always talk to me about anything” his face resting in the crook of your neck.  “Thanks babe” your head leans against him.

[kieselgeist]

Helloooooooooo Do you have any headcanons about Phantom ?

Aaaa! Oh boy do I have headcanons about him! 

I would love to infodump and overshare so much rn, but I might post my huge fanfiction project about him one day- And I don’t wanna take too much away from that. Here's just a bit.

Very very important: Bug appreciation. Loves bugs and bats (obviously).

When Papa summoned Phantom, it wasn’t the best time for everyone. They summoned him in the storage basement with not the best preparation. Where, of course, Phantom got startled and ran off immediately. So the first night was spent by almost all the ghouls searching the basement and later the entire ministry to find the scared new ghoul. 

They were not so successful. 

Even tho you’d think a ghoul should be able to sniff out another hellish creature, none of them could find any trace of him. This got the others joking that they’re looking for a ghost, for a phantom. And that name just stuck when he was ‘found’ by Rain. While he was wary of all the other ghouls at first, he felt okay approaching the calmest of them all first.

Since none of the ghouls remember anything from before their summoning, Phantom also doesn’t recall his time in hell yet. If he still had those memories.. he’d remember his real name, how he involuntarily lived among full grown demons, and that being the reason for understanding their infernal speech. While ghouls can usually only speak a lesser tongue, Phantom is able to read and understand most of the demonic language too. 

He carried a lot out of hell with him. He doesn’t conciously know of his ability to better disappear into the shadows and hide his scent away from other creatures. He doesn’t remember why the noise of thunder makes his heart sink and causes an incomparable fear as if there is something seated deep inside his subconscious. He doesn’t recall where his scars come from and why they are so discolored. 

While he notices that all of the ghouls and Papa seem distant and their hearts stricken with grief, he tries his hardest to fit in with the family. And he gets in fights with a heartbroken and volatile Sodo. Who does not seem to accept him at all, but also is the one who’s forced to teach him how to play guitar. 

Ghouls pick up new skills very quickly and are good learners for nearly every task, but Phantom exceeds even that. He practises hard, fights for approval and master’s the rhythm guitar in a timeframe that seemed impossible. 

It’s his calling and his nature, and he does it well. His guitar becomes his most important possession and he plays it in every free second. 

He enjoys nighttime and the ministry’s garden. Loves the taste of honey, oranges and -as ghouls do- blood. He watches reality TV with mountain; reads ancient books with Rain; plays pranks on the others with Aurora; has deep talks with Swiss when there’s a storm outside; and fucks up Papa’s sermons on more than one occasion. 

His oral fixation means chewing on anything there is to chew, which unfortunately, sometimes is his bug friends in the garden. He tries very hard to regain lost memories from hell to chase answers, but at the same time wants to move on and fully be a part of his new family.

But don’t assume everything else is going as well as his playing guitar. This ghoul is adhd incarnate and is way too curious about the human world. He learns things that he’d probably be better off not knowing, pokes around in the past and asks his Papa about the previous ghouls and Papas. He causes big trouble and drags the attention of some very unpleasant people to the ministry.

He also grows close to the other ghouls, but especially close to one of them. He finds comfort and a safe haven in his arms.

Thank you for asking my probably favorite question <3

[panda-noosh]

hello, I used to read your voltron fanfics back on 2017-2018 when I was on the equivalent of 8th grade. Now I am graduating university, and I heard of the news of Voltron being removed from netflix on December. I immediately remembered everything, including your fanfics, and I was curious to ask about how you feel about voltron being removed? Personally I thought I wouldn't care but I'm feeling included to rewatch it and it's coming back as intensely as before lol anyways, i was having a rough time back then but i remember doing everything possible to read what you posted, (a bit of oversharing but!) when my family couldn't pay for wi-fi i was sitting on top of the bathroom sink trying to get the neighbours wi-fi just to screenshot every bit of your fics just so i could read them when I left home or left the bathroom lol, good times. I hope you're doing well!

this is so sweet :’). i was having a pretty rough day today and this message has really just brightened everything for me, so thank you so much. overall, im doing okay at the moment. adult things haha.

how i feel about voltron going - pretty sad tbh. i remember that show being such a hyperfixation for me back in the day, and i would tell my family about it when they didn’t really care lol. i wrote thousands upon thousands of words for that show and i still go back and reread those fanfics sometimes, just remembering how good it felt to write them and how much fun i had. i hope i can rewatch it elsewhere someday! it will be missed❤️

[shootingstarrfish]

Omg hiii I looove oversharing about my blorbos 😋

Anyway Simeon is my favorite guy ever and has been since the beginning I'm completely obsessed with him bc he's literally perfect tell my WHY on gods green earth he's always getting swept under the rug. Why does this man never get any attention and when he does why is he mischaracterized. He's got it all. He's tall and handsome in kind of an ethereal effeminate way, he's sweet and kind but not a pushover, he's one of the most tragic characters in the game, he's the perfect muse for a religious trauma arc, a corruption arc, a "the calm collected one who's always having a good time finally snaps and goes apeshit" arc, I mean come on. Come on. Every time I remember that his main sin is wrath despite him being SO chill and gentle on the outside I want to giggle a little bit. My beautiful princess with identity issues and slutty waist I'm so sorry everyone ignores you

Solomon though. I don't remember how I felt about him at first (other than lots of gender envy) but he wasn't a favorite until I came back to the fandom after being absent for ages. Like damn this man is everything. He's so complicated /pos that I cant even articulate why I love him so much but he's so well written (maybe one of the only ones who are written halfway decently) and SO tragic. The way he's so desperately in love with the mc and is forced to watch them go for literally anyone else but would still do anything for them and ask for nothing but a little bit of loyalty in return is scrumptious. Also the way immortality just kinda fucks you up after a while when you're only human. I've been very tempted to put him in a poly ship with my mc and Simeon bc he deserves it but for now he just has to watch from afar as the man he loves endlessly makes out with his best friend that he also kinda sorta has a little crush on bc making the gays suffer brings me copious amounts of joy. He's also the "always totally calm and collected no matter what but actually has really strong feelings that he works to keep in check" type like Simeon and I love that for him. One of the fics I'm reading has him once become so panicked over the MC's wellbeing that he completely loses his composure. Yelling, trembling, the whole nine yards and it was fucking glorious, I love seeing characters like him break.

Also I have to talk a little about Lucifer. He's not generally a favorite but I just think it's funny how I went from hating his guts bc I thought he was an asshole to to liking him a lot bc I have a weak spot for big brother characters. He loves his family so so so much and just has trouble showing it properly!! He's still an asshole and an uptight prick but I like that about him now. My mc had the same development with him as I did, he went from "I hate this motherfucker I wanna kill him also he kinda scares me" to "this is my big brother we are holding hands :)" in the span of like a year and a half and it's really funny. Lucifer thought he was finally getting a sensible housemate and friend but ended up getting another insufferable, headache indicung little brother figure instead. Also I kinda have a non canon ship between him and my MC's father bc the idea is SO funny but also a little cute bc they compliment each other real well. My mc would become homophobic so fast if he found out and thinking about it is incredibly entertaining

thank u for oversharing teehee <333

the side characters are sooo fun and interesting i wish so badly that theyd get to be ever so slightly less on the side :,D

the dynamic between your mc and simeon and solomon PAIN UGH i love it.. <333 my heart hurts for solo but the yearning.... MMM

and absolutely felt about lucifer, i wish i could hate him and leave it at that but he makes it so hard. i have such a complicated relationship with this man but i cant bring myself to genuinely hate him hahaha

[intertexts]

since I can't talk about my favorite bits that made me go AUGH bc of things you dont know about yet. give me ur favorite bit. what was ur favorite bit in that fic. gimme the authors notes behind the scenes ramble

AUAUAUAUA.... u r so nice 2 meee godddd what the hell. exploding u💥💥💥!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY. OK. OK. AUTHORS NOTES.

things i included that i am VERY IFFY ON but nevertheless went for:

>i think there's like 70/30 odds that they (dakota) try to do the putting ashe's headphones with thank you scientist or smth blaring on him to try & bring him back thing. can't tell you if it'll work or not but it has to come up. nevertheless i think if u were stuck in yr head for a year with the fucking trickster u would appreciate some quiet!!!!!! & its just. idk man. that's what i'd spiral over. what if one day u wake up n u don't even like all the stuff u love anymore. etc.

>I'M ALSO TAKING. A REALLY FUCKING LONG SHOT by explicitly referring to wiwi as alive? honestly? like it's a 50/50, i think that all the stuff w/ the heart etc should continue to have thematic resonance, but also i don't know how that will work with the wisps when they..... return? (<- using this word in the loosest possible way i just don't know how else to say it. when theyre onscreen again??) i'm sure the wisp thing gets some resolution i have no doubt. and i don't know if "whisperer william" and "alive body traits" are mutually exclusive. idk. idk. we'll see!!

>i'm assuming tide will make another appearance b4 the season ends. idgaf if he shows in deadwood or not i fucking HOPE NOT but i just thought man. he Would come to bring them all back n take care of them. i think he and mark should get to have a really long slightly more. real? conversation on how much parenting fucking sucks and is stressful and terrifying and they feel bad at it.

MY FAVORITE BIT. goddd. iiii. ok. i have a lot of Thoughts on wingfics & idk. i guess i always think they're a bit too easy. u have wings that u Never Ever Let Anyone Touch Except Family And Lovers and u Let Someone Preen Them and what-- there isn't even any terrifying indecipherable swirl of emotions about it?? it isn't even scary?? (& also the whole Why Is It Good When People Touch Ur Wings. "because it is" okay??? and why then?? i also am guilty of this but at least theres like. two sentences about it.) & when there's hybrid shit & its like ok suddenly u woke up with Searing Pain in ur back and things writhing around in there breaking through yr skin and bone to get out and-- thats IT??? there isn't even gonna be any lasting trauma about it? you're not even gonna feel weird about being permanently Different now? it isn't even inconvenient and painful?? so ig that's like-- the core of this one, lmao. obviously i have. Thoughts and Feelings on the whole prime nonconsensually and irrevocably changing ur body defenders thing. like. of course. thesis statement of my blog. & i have thoughts about. being a vessel & not getting any say in it, ig. idk. i hate when people take my stuff without asking!! the idea of someone taking my ME without asking is like, viscerally terrifying 2 me. not unpacking that moving on etc.... my favorite bit is ig ashe having conflicting and messy emotions on liking the way it feels. freaking out and trying 2 stonewall it out & eventually just. letting himself have the good thing. oversharing 9pm time but idk... ashe is a little Like Me in that he was a fucking shut in & never had friends until he was a teenager and doesn't really. know much about it? didn't have much experience in it? so he's really satisfying to write not in a projection-y way but an ah! i KNOW what this is like i can write this correctly!! very scary!!!! very 24/7 butterflies in ur stomach!! OH. I LIED. ACTUALLY. my favorite bit is ashe unconsciously using words & such abt capacitors and voltage and electricity etc. bc of growing up with an electrician dad :] very very small and minor but i have a lot of fucking emotions abt it actually!!! anyway. yeag <333

other behind the scenes thing: in my head wiwi is freaking the FUCK out the entire time he is going shit SHIT SHIT i'm so fucking bad at this shittttttttttttt is this what it's like for dakota to deal with me. is this what i'm like. shit. what do vynce and dakota do. hes like. cartoon running putting down the tracks just in front of the train this entire time <33 this is important to me.

[lymtw]

Mal, I have the worst social anxiety too, I blush at EVERYTHING. I hate talking in public or even with my friends and family sometimes because I will blush at some point and I just want to avoid it soooo bad, it makes me so uncomfortable and I feel everyone feel so awkward too omgggggg I cringe so bad. I know the solution for it is just saying what I want to say without the fear of blushing and just doing it even if I do blush but… I don’t feel ready for that. I’d just be quiet and laugh when ppl laugh but that’s it and I’m a HUGE extrovert at heart. I want to talk with my friends, make them laugh, and share stories, and ask questions, meet new people, I’m just too embarrassed. Anyway, sorry for all that sharing! lol, just wanted to say I love shy girlfriend DEEPLY because I’m just like her and Toji loves her, and he’s patient with her and aaaahhh 🥰🥰🥰 I’m so in love, so thank you so much for feeding us so well!

Yup, yup, yup. Everything you mentioned is completely valid. It's always easier said than done to just be like "hey, I should act this way instead of the way I'm acting now."

Insert Mal oversharing again 😪: I remember in the past I would try to plan the way I was going to act and be around everyone the night before. I realized it was a borderline robotic thing to do and it never actually worked because I couldn't predict how the next day was going to turn out. I always planned around neutral days (not good, not bad) but never considered fully bad days, and that's what really made things tough. My natural introverted way of being would come back when I was too overwhelmed or felt like I was dragging people down, and me being the delicate flower I am, I would break down.

So, you go at your own pace, and do whatever you need to do to stay content and comfortable. It'll come naturally. When you least expect it, you'll be popping off telling a story and you won't even realize that you haven't stopped talking. That's how natural it will be. And those who support you will listen through and through and ask questions. You'll even have some of those moments where the conversation branches off because they were able to relate to what you told them and they want to share that with you.

Never apologize to me for sharing :) I will always match the energy I am given in these types of messages. As i've said before, I love hearing about how my writing resonates with its readers and how they find comfort in these little stories.

Needless to say, my affinity for lover boy Toji is immense and this series is one of my most cherished possessions because of how much it highlights that aspect of him. Anywaysss, thank you for sharing this and thank you so much for your support 😊💙

[localwhiskeyuncle]

you have DIED BEFORE? Is it rude to ask for details.............

Yep! Guessing you're from the replies on that poll lol hi. Lucky for you I'm a chronic oversharer so, no, I don't find it rude.

I'll throw the long winded personal lore about that time I died under the cut.

I was 19 and as teenagers are wont to do I didn't take the best care of myself—smoked a pack a day, drank often, abused my birth control prescription so I could date around without worrying about my period (I promise that's relevant). I was also highly suicidal and in a wildly toxic relationship and genuinely just did not value my life/health.

At work one day I was hit with the most awful chest pain and immediately left because I thought it was a heart attack. I went to the urgent care next to my work and they said, "ohh, honey we don't take your insurance... you should probably leave." I was like I think I'm dying but okay????

So I went to the ER. I get there and explain the debilitating pain I'm in and that I think I'm having a heart attack. The receptionist looks me up and down and says, "Are you sure you're not just overdosing?" Like what?? Just because I'm young?? ALSO, if I WERE overdosing, I'd still be a human person in need of help???? I told her yeah I'm fucking positive it's not an overdose, and she dismissively tells me it will be a several hour wait. So I said fuck it and left.

I lived 35mins away from the town I worked in, so I drove to my town and went to the ER there. They barely even looked at me before telling me that I just had pneumonia and to go home. So I did. Only to wake up a few hours later already screaming, the pain was so intense I started screaming at the top of my lungs in my sleep. My family rushed me back to the hospital, and I'm lying there and I hear the same doctor who told me I 'just had pneumonia' say, "oh... oh no." What do you meannnn 'oh no'???

After that it gets very blurry because they instantly pumped me full of dilaudid and I stayed in that haze for probably over a month. I remember getting into the ambulance (nearest hospital that could handle more severe cases was an hour away). I remember thinking it was disorienting to look out the back window and see the world moving in the opposite direction that I'm used to. It's pretty much black after that with only snippets of memories for the next month or two. I only remember small things—I was literally on a constant dilaudid drip. Everything is hazy and comes in and out and sometimes a memory will be triggered by something, but unfortunately I just have a big chunk of missing time. (I do have a CRAZY story of how I met my then boyfriend's mom in this state, but maybe another time.)

I was told later I died on the hour long ambulance ride just briefly and that I spent my first several days in the ICU. I genuinely don't remember a second of any of that. It's always bothered me that I don't remember what dying is like.

I ended up having several blood clots in both lungs, as well as fluid pretty much filling both lungs. Not only were my lungs full of clots, I was literally drowning on dry land. In the like month? two months? I spent at the hospital they didn't diagnose me, though they (kind of?) tried. I had a ton of biopsies done, I had chest tubes put in to drain my lungs and I believe they studied that fluid, they were constantly drawing blood. But I left and they said, "Weird, don't know why that happened. Bye!" (unfortunately, they also over-prescribed my opioids and I almost overdosed at home just by following the instructions on the bottle, but again, maybe a story for another time.)

It took two years, but I finally got the answer: lupus and fibromyalgia. You see, the reason the birth control is relevant, is that excess estrogen causes your blood to clot if you have lupus. I was skipping the sugar pills and jumping into the next pack more often than not, I was literally shoving my body full of estrogen for like a year straight. Whoops. Thanks American sex ed.

I came out of the experience far more terrified of death than I was before, and it stayed that way for a long time. For several years I was just always afraid. I stopped smoking, I (eventually) left the toxic relationship, I tried to be health conscious. And you know what? Mostly it sucked. Being scared all the damn time is exhausting. Pretty much the only things that actually made me feel good were leaving my ex and no longer being suicidal.

So, in my "learning myself post-breakup" era I dug deep into that and realized I don't have control over any of it. None of us do. What I can do is live authentically. What I can do is tell my loved ones how much I love them as much as possible. What I can do is enjoy the time I do have. So I've become very free? in a way? and I'm not scared anymore, really. I think that dying has honestly enriched my relationship with death. I'm not religious and dying didn't change that, but I'm not desperate for death anymore nor am I terrified of it. It just is what it is and I'm getting by on small joys.

[eddywoww]

hi i don’t wanna overstep, and if i am pls just ignore ! but if there’s anything we can do please let us know. we all care about you beyond the user and fandom content and want the best for you and your family’s wellbeing. i know they’re probably vent posts, and i 100% respect the hell out of that, but i just wanted to let you know that i hear and see you and if there’s anything that we can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let us know <3

you’re one of my coolest mutuals and i’m always absolutely blown away by your writing and appreciate how much you do for the fandom, and i know other people do, as well. you’re loved and appreciated and yeah - sending you only the Best <3

If it comes down to it, I’ll start a gofundme. It’s the last thing I want to do but things have been so fucking hard these last few months and my entire families life is precarious rn. We have no real way out currently but we’re trying to figure anything out. I can only afford so much and I would like to get into a house for me, my partner, and my mom (this is a whole other thing for my mom but that’s beside the point) but I have to try and figure things out. If I end up needing help, I’ll probably succumb to that even if I feel fucking awful doing so. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about this entire thing and I wish I could just show everyone what exactly is happening and why it’s so legally hard to do anything.

I feel like I’ll just overstep by complaining and I’ll start annoying everyone on here by not doing what they want me to do. I’m really really trying. I feel that I am mostly safe. Things had been going better and now they’re very bad again, so. Im worried. I’ll keep everyone updated on what happens and what I’m doing about it (mostly, I don’t want to overstep or overshare)

Thank you for being kind and talking to me about it. I feel so fucking out of it and distressed lately, like a cat clawing my way out of water. I just wish the world would stop for one day or I could like, wish things into being better. I’d never ask for anything else because this is so painful, I feel like I’m losing it

[pamsimmerstories]

and always when they're getting closer...

previous || next

[freya]: you really came. you know you could use the front door, right? my parents are at my grandma’s

[avery]: hm, i didn’t know that.

[freya]: i thought i mentioned it.

[avery]: i don’t think you have.

[freya]: ok. anyway... you didn’t have to come here. it’s winterfest’s eve. you and your family should be together

[avery]: dad and mom are tired because of the toddlers, collin was reading a book that he said was changing his life, but he fell asleep while reading it. i’ll be having more fun here than staying there

-

[freya]: i’m not sleeping with you

[avery]: ????????

[freya]: i’m just saying

[avery]: who said i want to sleep with you?

[freya]: just in case you’re having ideas. you said i should say no to jasper in case he wanted to come... now you’re saying we’re having fun together... just because i’m having sex with him, it doesn’t mean i’ll have sex with you either

[avery]: well, i wasn’t thinking about that. i meant because i brought beer and i wouldn’t take advantage of you. you thik so low of me, freya.

[freya]: i honestly don’t know what to think about you anymore. you’re always hot and cold, avery. i never know what to expect.

-

[avery]: so, why you and collin don’t talk about whatever happened between you two?

[freya]: what do you wanna know?

[avery]: why are you so miserable? did he say something? did he explain?

[freya]: he didn’t tell you?

[avery]: no. i asked him, but he was being vague.

[freya]: well, he confessed that he likes me, but he said i--, well, it doesn’t matter... he said we can’t be friends because he has feelings for me and he needs to stay away so this feeling go away.

[avery]: i’m sorry about that. he’s being a bit harsh on you.

[freya]: i guess i deserved it. i knew about it, but i chose to ignore so i wouldn’t lose him. i understand why he’s doing it. but it’s like losing a family, he was my family.

[avery]: i know he is. i wish i could put some sense into him, but he’s stubborn [freya]: it’s okay. i’ll be fine. and avery, thank you... thank you for this. [avery]: yeah, *clears throat* sure.

-

[freya]: i think i need another beer. i overshared and now i feel embarrassed.

[avery]: nah, it’s okay. i’ll grab another one for you

[maxbegone]

happy wednesday! this was fueled by matcha and two prickly pear sodas my friend made me at work! and thank you for the tag @iboatedhere ♥️

June shoves Alex as she climbs into bed that night. Nora climbs in after her, going up the middle and laying between them both. Gentle thunder rolls in the distance, and a flash of lightning brightens the room for a moment.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Alex swats at her. “Those are my ribs, Nora!”

She gives his hair a solid tug, and he swats her again, nearly making contact with her face this time. “Relax, Alejandro. You’ll live.”

“Why couldn’t you two sleep on the floor?” June groans from her pillow.

“Because you’d never subject us to that.”

“That’s not true. I would never subject you to that,” she says to Nora. “Alex, on the other hand…”

“Hey! I’m your brother.”

She lifts her head up to look at him. “So?”

“You’d feed me to the wolves,” he deadpans, “wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, in a goddamn heartbeat.”

“You guys are entertaining,” Nora laughs. There’s a pause before she continues. “So, what do you think of our visitors?”

“I’ll tell you what I don’t think,” June starts. “That they’ll kill us in our sleep.”

“Morbid, bug.”

“What? You think they will?”

“No,” Alex says. “They didn’t have anything when we searched them.”

“It’s not like they can’t choke us out or or rob us blind or smuggle us with a pillow or something,” Nora suggests rather casually. “Or set the house on fire.”

“Now who’s morbid?”

“They’re fine,”Alex tells them both. When Nora hums a sly little tune, Alex gives her a look. “What?”

“They are definitely fine.”

“Oh my god.”

“You’re telling me they’re not?”

“I—” Alex cuts himself off. “That is not up to me to decide.”

June snorts. “Says who?”

And, well. Alex really doesn’t know how to answer that. So he doesn’t.

“But,” June continues. “That Pez really is somethin’.”

“Mm, yes he is,” Nora agrees. “Maybe he passed out so you’d take care of him.”

June laughs. “That would be quite the move, but I am not opposed to it.”

“Wait, you’re calling him Pez?” Alex asks.

“Yeah, he told me to.” June rolls onto her side and smiles conspiratoraly at Nora, Alex suddenly being shoved from the conversation. “Do you think he’s single?”

“I mean, literally everybody’s single in the apocalypse.”

“But do you think he and Henry are a thing?”

Alex can’t see her face, but he imagines that Nora scrunches up her nose. “Maybe? Maybe not?”

“They’re not,” Alex finds himself butting in. He immediately freezes when the girls look at him, and he does his best to play it off as nonchalant. “They’re…friends. Family.”

Nora rolls over, a mischevious glint in her eye. “Is that something Henry told you?”

“More or less.”

“He said Percy’s his only family,” Alex tells them, feeling a little too much like he’s oversharing. “They were in Brooklyn when everything went down.”

Nora whistles. “Shit.”

“Weird how we could have run into them before all of this,” June mutters. “Makes me think we should’ve gone to Black Flamingo more often.”

“Mm, no. Not after the bouncer incident.” Alex looks pointedly at Nora. “Right?”

“Shut up.”

“Oh my God!” June laughs. “I forgot about that!”

“How could you possibly forget?” Alex asks as he props himself up on his elbow. “Nora literally knocked the guy out cold for—”

In one swift motion, Nora takes the pillow from under her head and smacks him in the face with enough force that he nearly rolls off the bed. “Hey, the dude had it coming!”

“What the hell? I wasn’t saying he didn’t!”

She takes her pillow back before Alex can even swing it at her and huffs. “I was drunk and on a mission.”

“Yes, we’re all well aware of you becoming a vigilnate when you’re drunk,” June chimes.

“And now she carries a machete on her hip at all times.”

“Hey.” She points scoldingly at Alex. “Don’t make fun of Gertrude.”

He rolls his eyes. “And where is Gertrude, anyway?”

“She’s not in the room with the guy who passed out on the way to the house this afternoon, don’t worry. She’s under the bed.”

Alex looks at June over Nora. “Did either of us have this version of Nora on the bingo card three years ago?”

“Alex, nothing we had on that bingo card was even close to our machete-wielding supercomputer.”

Nora blows a raspberry. “Computers are outdated.”

“Whatever.” June hits her pillow a few times to fluff it, then settles in and closes her eyes. “I’m going to sleep now. Please stop talking.”

Alex spends the night with Nora’s knee in his back and periodically waking up from the storm.

He spends half the time he’s awake thinking about the two strangers taking up his room and Nora’s. Percy — or Pez, he supposes — comes across his mind every so often, but Alex mostly finds himself thinking about Henry; the fear in his eyes, the shakiness in his voice, how badly Alex wished he could have comforted him more.

It’s a wild thought, he knows that. But he supposes this is what several years into an apocalypse will do.