#Teso Dos Bichos

[sleepyscully]

3x18 Teso Dos Bichos

[azure-firecracker]

Credit to @much-brighter-ink for making me this meme.

(FYI I don’t think the word ethnic is a good word to use, but I know it’s exactly what whoever made this score was thinking).

[winchesticles67]

Dana Scully, The X Files, s3e18 (Teso Dos Bichos)

Fun fact about this episode: Gillian Anderson is allergic to cats, so the cat that attacks Scully is actually a puppet.

[teiasviago]

THE X-FILES 3.18 | “Teso Dos Bichos”

[x-files-scripts]

The X-Files - “Teso dos Bichos”

Written by John Shiban

February 7, 1996 (PINK)

Cut lines:

Alternate scene:

Alternate scene: Scully suspects cannibalism...

Alternate ending: Mulder packs up the urn himself...

[all-eyes-lead-to-the-truth]

All Eyes Lead to the Truth | Teso Dos Bichos (3x18)

Blue and red lights whirl past as the fourth Boston P.D. vehicle rolls onto the scene.

“Hey Donnie,” Officer Ezra Harris greets his friend with a nod. His fellow officer boldly using the medical examiner’s car as a table to log evidence is about as new on the job as he is, but Ezra wouldn’t dare markup Dr. Sara’s hood. She may be hot, but she is ruthless. “Where’s the good Doc?”

“When you gonna give up, man? She’s out of our league.” Donnie rolls his eyes. “She’s not here, anyway. She’s looking for the body.”

Ezra pauses on his way toward the crime scene. “Looking for it?” 

“Excuse me?” a pretty redheaded woman in a suit calls. “Can I get some help over here, please?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Ezra hollers back.

“Ma’am,” Donnie teases. “She’s one of the Feds. Better hurry and kiss some ass, Rook.”

He would tell Donnie to kiss his rookie ass, but bites his tongue when the Fed promptly reminds him to bring an evidence bag with him. Ezra hurries his way to the victim’s car, its hood popped, the petite agent hunching over inside. 

He’s about to introduce himself before she mumbles something about “mutilation.” Ezra grimaces instead.

“Glove up,” she tells him nonchalantly, pulling a stray latex glove from her pocket. “Looks like we’ll need to.”

Ezra snaps on a pair of gloves and tries not to gag at the metallic mixture of blood and motor oil. The way the thick globs of blood spattered across the car’s engine matches the color of her hair perfectly makes his stomach churn. “Is that…”

“A rat?” She nods down at something sticking out of the alternator. “What’s left of it.”

He takes out the plastic evidence bag and holds it open as the agent drapes her unopened glove around her fingers and pulls out a rat tail attached to a bloody stump. 

Jesus.

She holds the remains of the rodent aloft and lets it fall heavily into the bag. “Label that.”

Ezra balks. “As what?

Her blue eyes blink up at him, incredulous, as if the answer is obvious.

“Partial rat body part,” she states matter of factly before walking away. 

Ezra sighs. Rats? 

When’s the last time he had a tetanus shot, anyway? Last year. When that stray dog bit him on the ass hard enough to tear through his favorite pair of Hanes. He shakes his head, setting what’s left of the rat inside the back of the squad car with the rest of the evidence. 

He doesn’t get paid enough for this shit.

***

It’s ten at night and he’s starving. He’d skipped dinner to search for more missing people and is now forced to play guard dog to a man who might be the next Jack the Ripper if the torn up bodies and eviscerated intestines tossed in trees are his doing. 

He really doesn’t get paid enough for this shit.

“Donnie?” he calls into his radio. Nothing but static. “Yo Donnie, what’s your location?” Still nothing. Ezra shakes his head at the thought of his friend too busy sucking up to the sexy medical examiner to respond. Lucky bastard.

He turns and pounds on the closed door he’s guarding. 

“Dr. Bilac? You good in there?” The guy did not look so hot when Agents Mulder and Scully were questioning him. In fact, he looked about as good as Ezra feels about this case. 

Silence.

He opens the door to an empty room. 

“Shit!”

***

Ezra rushes out to meet the voices he hears down the hall. 

“…Just don’t let yourself be so convinced of the extreme possibilities while ignoring the routine ones, Mulder.”

“Ah Scully, that’s what I've got you for.”

Man, he really does not want to tell the Feds and the museum man that Ripper Bilac is missing too. But he does, and it doesn’t go over well.

“You didn't hear anything?” Agent Scully asks, exasperated once again.

“Nothing,” Ezra insists. “I heard nothing.”

Agent Mulder swipes his fingers across something gross on the floor and blurts, “What about a rat?”

More rats? Oh, hell no! 

They all make their way over to a vent surrounded by scratch marks and spattered blood. The museum worker explains the vent leads to the sewers and Feds leave in a hurry, searching for a bleeding Bilac, or for whatever it was that dragged him off.

Ezra groans. “I don’t get paid enough to deal with partial rat body parts, ancient curses, and missing bodies.”

“You? I’m just a museum night guard,” the man scoffs. “Hey, what’s that?”

“Not sure.” Ezra shines his flashlight on the orange clump sticking out of the vent. “Looks like… fur.” 

“Is that from a rat, you think?”

“You ever see an orange rat?”

“Well whatever it was, it ran through that opening fast enough to rip a chunk of—”

BANG!

“What the fu—”

“AH!” Something furry leaps from the busted out vent and clings to the back of Ezra’s uniform. His flashlight falls to the floor with a thump. “Get it off, get it off!”

“It’s a goddamn cat!” the guard hollers. 

The shorthair hisses as sharp claws slice through his skin. 

“Fuck!” Ezra reaches back and grabs the cat by the scruff of its neck, flinging the animal over his shoulder in panic. He blinks and the cat is gone. “God, I think it bit me!”

Time for another tetanus shot.

“Must be feral,” the guard huffs, as out of breath as Ezra feels. “Where’d it go?”

An ominous chorus of hissing and wailing mewls seep through the air vent. 

“Same place I’m about to be…” Ezra locks eyes with the worried guard. “The hell outta here!”

The two men race one another out of the room, leaving the flashlight illuminating the blood-tinged fur.

Because no, Ezra definitely doesn’t get paid enough for this shit.

Read the rest of All Eyes Lead to the Truth on Ao3!

@monikafilefan

[mararhodus]

X-Files Rewatch Twitter Thoughts Megapost

-In the first Tooms episode, Tom, Scully’s douchebag friend from the academy, calls her Mrs. Spooky and… y’know, I’m surprised calling Mulder and her Mr. & Mrs. Spooky isn’t more common in the fandom

-This rewatch has brought forth Space as a potential candidate for worst episode of the show, because Jesus Christ it's like if you made the most boring version of Apollo 13, added a ghost, and had Mulder and Scully stand around giving color commentary

-Genuinely so funny watching Baywatching Nights in the middle of an X-Files rewatch cuz like X-Files has some absolute dogshit episodes, but it’s still built around some of the most talented actors, writers, and sfx artists ever on TV, but Baywatch is Baywatch

-I love that by season 3, basically half the dialogue between Mulder and Scully is Mulder asking to be pegged and Scully going “Not right now, we’ve got work to do.”

-Teso Dos Bichos is a truly godawful episode, but it’s still a better 90’s horror story about cats than Sleepwalkers. I mean, I’d only really make this choice with a gun to my head, but at least I can say that it doesn’t involve incest.

-Gender Bender is an absolute fucking yikes all the way around. Even setting aside the thick layer of 90’s transphobia that coats it, it is *very* casual about Scully almost getting raped.

-Watching an episode where the killer is targeting fat women and the first victim of the episode doesn’t even weigh 200 pounds… I swear to god, the 90’s were fucked

-So I know that the ending of Paper Hearts seems to discount it, but like being one of Roche‘s victims is the only explanation The X-Files gives for Samantha Mulder’s death that makes remotely any sense, right?

[laku-incarnate]

The X-Files, Teso dos Bichos (3x18), 1996

[whatsnewalycat]

The only good part of the cats episode of The X-Files is that hot guy. And also I guess how funny it is.

[california-112]

Attack of the cats???

[sassmill]

When you think it’s starting to rain again but actually you’re standing underneath entrails

[twogravesinsomecemetery]

rewatched teso dos bichos bc of reasons and i'm actually dying LMAO that ending is EVEN MORE HYSTERICAL than I remember ???? They fully just?? run away from some cats ???

[mashnotesofthemythopoeic]

[leiascully]

Just a reminder that I'm still taking "I wish you wrote" prompts.

[july-19th-club]

oh nooooo x files DOES have a bugs and the bugs is . kittycats. and some weird conceptions about ecuador