#Terminally online

[whydidisavethistomyphone]

[prokopetz]

I think we're starting to dilute the meaning of "terminally online". Like, no, it's not terminally online to have eccentric opinions about a popular TV show – people like that existed before "online" was a thing. Unless we're talking at least an "it's homophobic for gay furries to have rat fursonas because they're depicting gay people as vermin", the onlineness falls well short of terminal.

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

1900s queer community: We are defined by our love and joy. We will celebrate and persevere and be happy. In the future, we will have the respect we deserve, but for now, we will smile as an act of defiance.

2020s queer community: if you aren't suffering 24/7 then you don't get to be a part of the Real Queers club

[longing-for-rain]

Tumblr is the site where everyone has 12 extreme kinks they picked up on Wattpad but thinks actual sex is disgusting, and if you point out the connection between those two things you’ll get death threats

[mikubilliards]

My niche online community is better than your niche online community

Source: It was revealed to me by an oracle

[mitchelf-citadel]

Maya at 3 AM

Maya's phone died, leaving her to handle the overwhelming feelings of anxiety and existential dread alone.

Ongezellig

[idiomagic]

I'm nonbinary and ace. The last thing I would ever want to do is misgender someone, or make someone experience dysphoria. I am also a 55 year old. I was a teenager in the 80s, in California, and it hardwired my vocabulary. I've seen so many posts of people saying Gen X is no longer allowed to say 'dude', because it misgenders people. And I gotta say...y'all do not understand the basic parts of speech. When a Gen Xer says something like 'Dude. That's bonkers.' the 'Dude' is not a form of address. It's a type of exclamation. We are not calling YOU dude. It is only tangentially related to you, at all. "Dude" is an exclamation. It is the equivalent of 'holy shit' or 'omg'. All of which would be very clear if y'all thought about it for half a second. We're not saying 'Madam/sir, that's bonkers.' We're saying 'Holy shit! That's bonkers.' I'm too old to have my vocabulary policed by terminally online kids. Y'all are exhausting.

[ihonestlycanttellyou]

Tumblr stop putting unhinged antis on my dash challenge

"Get help or kill yourself" - So true, bestie. Antis are such normal people.

[visgrapplinghooks]

a very long fucking rant about neurodivergence, the internet, controversy, and conflict

I've done my best to try to make references to specific dramas and situations as vague as possible, since I really don't want to stir shit with the fucking losers who care way more about which total stranger to me abused another total stranger to me than I do. If you're the kind of person who cares strongly about creating villains and victim narratives, this post probably isn't for you.

The internet is kinda bad for neurodivergent people, particularly people with innate social communication dysfunctions (autistic people). I've been noticing this for a while, but every other internet controversy I observe seems to have neurodivergence in some way involved. Typically, some kind of longstanding mental illness, very frequently autism spectrum disorder as well. Three streamers I know of that have all had controversies where they get grossly misunderstood or misrepresented by others and dogpiled by internet communities, all three of them diagnosed autistic. A situation regarding one autistic YouTuber crossing the boundaries of another autistic content creator due to what appears from the outside to me as a failure of communication. Another who kinda defined the term "lolcow", well… I don't think I need to go too much into that. There was that thing with another autistic creator ages ago posting sexually explicit messages in their Discord server where minors were present. I would argue almost all of these controversies mentioned are in some way related to being neurodivergent and their engagement with the internet.

A lot of the people I'm referencing are Old Guard online or have been online for a long time. Being streamers also kinda necessitates you immerse yourself in online culture quite heavily. Humans, to develop adequate social response mechanisms for human and serious things and communicate them appropriately, typically need regular socialization. For neurodivergent people, this is often not an option. The real world sucks.

The problem with autism in particular, and this has been noted by autism groups irl, is that there really is no such thing as an "obvious" cue. Depending on how severe the social cognition impairment is, you may not learn any social responses at all for your entire early adult life and need them explicitly stated to you. In dangerous cases, your grip on reality can get so broken that you don't know what is and isn't acceptable. There's a genuine and real problem of autistic people (men in particular) failing to learn appropriate sexual boundaries. There's also a problem of autistic people not learning how to advocate when they're uncomfortable due to childhood experiences. This is very obviously going to lead to some pretty fucking bad situations, especially between two autistic people.

To neurodivergent people as a whole, this is also a thing of "your social environment dictates what behavior you think is normal". And if your "normal" is environments like YouTube comments, Reddit, internet forums, Tumblr, then what you think is acceptable is completely insane to the average person. And while this can function well-enough for most things, this often fails to be adequate socialization for things like human friendships and sexual situations. This, again, is likely to lead to problems. On top of that, there is a tendency for the internet to be… rather ableist. Online mobs tend to be very obsessively hypercritical of neurodivergent people in particular (often autistic people), because they give off "bad vibes" to them or otherwise come off as abrasive. The problem with this is that the average human is ableist as fuck. It's been demonstrated that most allistic people can clock autistic people as "weird" within moments of meeting or interacting with them. The same goes for neurotypicals and most neurodivergent people. This tends to then frame large swathes of the internet's perceptions of people's behavior and lead to generally higher rates of scrutiny for neurodivergent people online, again, leading to the generation of controversy.

Essentially, the first premise I'm outlining here is the internet is a bit of a controversy and boundary-crossing factory, and the prime subjects of this are overwhelmingly going to be neurodivergent people. Particularly those with some kind of social communication problem. In fact, you also see this with some creators with ADHD (especially streamers) impulsively saying shit on stream and that getting clipped and used against them. The second premise is the nature of "culpability" and "blame". One of the biggest issues with controversies online is that they're very focused on the act of blaming someone or the framing of a person as a bad actor. This becomes especially dicey when a lot of controversies are about interpersonal interactions and relationships that you would never have heard of or cared about if not for the internet. Very rarely are there interactions (between adults, at least) where one party is a unilaterally bad actor.

Putting the proneness of blame together with the issues of boundaries and social communication, you're more likely to end up with oversimplified framing of very nuanced and complex social interactions. My reading of the aforementioned situation with the two autistic content creators for example, for example, even when it was initially a hot topic, is that, "this reads like an autistic person who has no idea what boundaries are". Upon learning that the other party was also autistic, it also made a lot of sense as to why they didn't just tell them to stop or explicitly state their discomfort with it, either. Autistic people can often be bad at setting boundaries for themselves. That's not an excuse for one's behavior, but I think it's a meaningful analysis.

Escaping the specifics of that particular situation and discussing things as a whole… who exactly is to blame in situations like this? I think, in a lot of ways, the desire to jump to blaming people or villainizing them leads to more harm than good. This is especially in cases where they respond very poorly to online backlash and criticism. Most human beings would probably become mentally ill after being an online public figure. If you have something that already predisposes you to bad stress reactions, this kind of thing could be devastating for your personal life.

It's long been my stance that 90% of the things that online influencers get held under super high scrutiny for would not stick nearly as hard to actual celebrities. I think due to the "intimate" nature of internet parasociality, online figures are just easier targets than real celebrities, most of the time. That being said, this does not mean individuals involved in these controversies are wholly innocent or blameless. I'm sure in every controversy imaginable, someone could have communicated better, explained themselves better, worked harder to recognize boundaries, etc. My take here is that in most cases, the fixation on complete fucking strangers placing blame on people and being super emotionally and parasocially invested in these controversies just worsens them and in many cases may cause or exacerbate them.

I don't want to equivocate violating sexual boundaries and sexual harassment with saying cringe online discourse shit. They're not equally bad. However, I do think there are common interpersonal and particularly online structural mechanisms that operate and enact during such controversies.

This also applies to neurotypical people, in general, as normalized social environments create some bad behaviors and tendencies. However, I do think neurodivergent - and specifically autistic people - are disproportionately likely to be impacted by it.

To wrap up this rant, I'll close with something vague about myself. I've been in some online communities I probably shouldn't have been. I've been on Discord since I was a young adolescent. Before that, I was a forum lurker and even poster. I have done things and said things to others I shouldn't have. I also know that I am autistic and grew up on the internet. It took me until this year to realize how much that even impacted me as an individual online and in person. Humans, particularly neurodivergent humans, are kind of just bundles of neuroses that clash with other bundles of neuroses and will often seriously hurt each other during those clashes. I'm certain other ND adults, other neurodivergent adults in here included, would probably have the worst and weirdest shit about their histories brought up and scrutinized if they were to become a public figure online. It'd be absolute hell. And gods forbid it hasn't crossed boundaries into something that seriously harms others, but sometimes that happens, too. I don't think that failing to develop and then tripping over yourself so hard that you won't be able to get up should be the defining experience of every neurodivergent person online.

Addendum: it's just idk dude I have no idea what I don't know maybe I'm doing cringe unacceptable shit right now and nobody's told me yet but people will still blame me for not just magically Knowing that I shouldn't be doing it because it's "obvious" and then some piece of shit will make some fucking bluesky or X thread about it in 5 years and then other lowlifes will doxx me why do we just accept that the internet works this way?

[frankbichito]

(╥﹏╥)

[marcusbrutus]

I feel like I have a tumblr anon in my brain…. Like a tiny cop. But it’s an chronically online anonymous weirdo. And every thought I have, I get “anons” telling me how it’s problematic and I should kill my self LOL The other morning I saw an RFK sign and I thought doesn’t he have brain worms, someone running for president shouldn't have brain worms. maybe apply for literally any other job. and the anon was like ummm ableist much? Like WHAT. I turned off anon on tumblr a while ago, so even if I post something “risky”, someone will have to tell me what they think to my face. They can’t hide. Even posts I think are innocuous can be wildly misinterpreted, and someone will probably call me problematic. But even if no one says anything, I still hear it. In my brain. Sometimes I delete things because the thought is so strong. I’m probably not gonna make it to any heaven or enlightenment because I can’t forgive yourfaveisproblematic. In my mind, Tumblr was great before then, or at least it felt that way, and that blog sewed the seeds for cancel culture in the future. That stuff sticks to my brain, even if I don’t want it too. When you put sins like "said disabled people shouldn't be alive" on the same level as "has a tattoo in a language they don't natively speak," it is very confusing to a people-pleasing undiagnosed autistic 14 year old. I felt/feel like I can’t like anyone or anything because it’s ~problematic~ I worry it will never go away, because it affected me in my developing years, 14-19 I want to get better, but it’s hard. I wish I could run from the internet, but I can’t. It’s a part of life now. It’s how we stay connected. But it’s also like…. Idk. The internet used to be my safe space, right? Deviantart. Early tumblr. Seeing weird people like me made me feel less alone. I was a weeb surrounded by “preps” for lack of a better word, not that I didn’t have friends but NONE of them were into what I was into, you know? And no one became as obsessive about things like books and anime like I did, except online. But now it’s like, idk, corruption of the garden of Eden. But instead of me eating the fruit, the garden/internet ate the fruit. The world is too different now… I can’t keep up. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. Things happen faster now. Trends will last half a year when in the past they would have lasted a decade. I hate knowing everything all of the time. I hate that my garden is now a cesspool.

I’m just angry that people on tumblr and lefty spaces online are so blind to their own propaganda, and calling it out is “hate.” Like idk, I guess I expected better from people who are supposed to be ~intellectuals~. Well, if YouTube video essays have taught me anything, style over substance goes a LONG way. And they’re like “oh we’re so compassionate and we want a better future” but they tell everyone to kill themselves and laugh when red states get devastated by natural disasters it's not just that but it's like…. if you're not constantly aware of everything, you're ~part ofthe problem~ #wakeupamerica. silence is violence, blah blah blah. it's just hard because i grew up with a strict dad so learned to be a people pleaser. i'm extremely sensitive to guilt and shame. and all most of the internet has done since 2014 is shame everyone for everything. you're either with Us (good, pure, morally righteous) or you're with Them (problematic, evil). you don't want to be gasp problematic, do you? you don't want to have a callout post made about you and lose all your friends, right? well, keep you nose clean and reblog all the right posts so we know which side you're on an maybe, maybe we'll leave you alone. i have the stress of someone in debt to a mob boss. nah it's more like… i have the stress of everyone in the scarlet letter and im hoping everyone will keep their eyes on the Villain of the Week and leave me alone there's a decent video called "how to radicalize a normie." i say decent because it treats radicalization like a right-wing only issue and the "answer" to right wing radicalization is, of course left wing radicalization. "Even though they're on the bad, evil side, there's still hope because we can get them to our good, morally righteous side!" That kinda bs, and I say bs not in a left vs right way. According to my dad I'm a full blown communist! I'm saying it in the sense that the answer to radicalization isn't "just radicalize them to the other side." That's not at all helpful. You might as well tell an alcoholic who likes jameson to just switch to jack daniels. It's all poison, it's all harmful. ANYWAY, he talks about how most people don't set out to be radicalized, the politics comes to them. That happened to me - but on the left. And I'm sure if I left a comment on his video saying as much, he'd say it didn't happen or say it was a good thing. On tumblr, I came for anime. And for the first year, I got anime. But then I got really intense political stuff. "silence is violence." "i see you not reblogging this." "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention." I was 14-15, sheltered as fuck, I don't know anything about the world but now tumblr is convincing me that I know more about political issues than anyone. And it changed me. And it fucked me up. and I want to get unfucked. But I don't know how. I feel like an internet alcoholic. Like, even if I do stop using it, it will still be there, haunting me, forever, you know? because all my friends use it, not just you guys but irl friends. and the internet is effecting the real world. I miss the days when there was the internet, then there was reality. but now the internet is the reality. That's why I also fell so hard for the [REDACTED] stuff. Tumblr made me think everyone was [REDACTED] because like 99% of tumblr is [REDACTED], and I was worried about it because god help you if you question anything or show the slightest bit of concern. God help you if you're not full steam ahead on everything. I want to escape the matrix. I hate the hypocrisy…. And I hate even more that I’m also a hypocrite. I fall for group think and propaganda but act like I’m above it all. I hate social media but use it every day. YouTube too. I guess that’s why I get so mad when I see them act like that. It reminds me of me. People think the consequences of social media on a teenage girl are like "omg I was feeling good about myself….. but then I saw a model on Instagram… alas. I will never be her. I weep."

But it's more like: Oh my gosh, I just saw a post asking for mutual aid (aka MONEY, BABY) and I scrolled past. What if they died because they couldn’t afford food because I didn’t reblog their post? But what if I DID reblog their post, but it was a scam, and I led my followers to give money to someone who didn’t need it instead of someone who did?

I was hoping to share more examples, but I'm worried someone will misinterpret, and even though anon is off, the anon in my brain is on. always. on. i keep going back to the internet because i keep expecting it to get good again… like how it was. for some reason, i can't accept that it will no longer be my safe space. i wish i had a massive angel to keep me out, or something. like the actual garden of eden. I have to accept that it will never get better. I have not only an addiction to the internet, but to the obsessive thoughts it brings. By wishing it will get better, and continuing to use it, I am chasing a dragon. That is to say, I'm hoping for the same feelings I got from initially using the internet. No one ever catches the dragon. anyway, if you read all that... thank you so much! i'm taking a break from the internet, until mid november at least. maybe by then, it will be better. or not. we'll see.

[axxio-sriracha]

How do you explain to somebody who's A: Never read Harry Potter, and B: Not horrifically terminally online that your life is literally consumed by the main character's dead father's group of dead best friends.

And ALSO that they're gay and desperately trying to prove themselves to the world even though we don't have enough canon information to know if they knew how to fucking read??

Asking for a friend.

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

Sometimes you see an awful community online and fear it's widespread, but it's not widespread, it's just that everyone in that community never logs off

[boof-chamber]

[deathwhoregutfucker]

Chronically Online Mayhem Headcanons!

TRIGGER WARNING: PRO-ANA MENTIONED IN PELLE"S HC

Varg

Varg is loud and wrong on twitter all the time

He’s always arguing with Øystein and trying to piss him off

He’d fall for it for a little bit, but then he’d learn that Varg only wants a reaction so he’d stop responding and he would look like a fucking moron (so euro wins in this situation)

An ‘anonymous hacker’ (Øystein Aarseth) would leak his dick pics and they’d go fucking viral

He would make 100 different burner accounts on Yelp to give Helvete bad reviews

And he would have all of his Burzum fanboys mass report Øystein and send hatemail to Helvete

He would also have a scandal where he liked gay porn and Øystein would screenshot that shit 

Øystein

Harassing Varg on twitter

Making thirst traps of Varg on tiktok and he’d be superrr popular too

He’d be the person who made that edit of Varg Vikernes

And because Varg is so egotistical he would watch the account all the time, and eventually he’d message the account talking about how much he loved the edits (he has them all saved in a folder and he watches them whenever he feels shitty)

And then he’d ask for the account number…

And guess what! It’s Oyster!!!

And he would be pissed and curse him out and call him an assortment of homophobic slurs (that he can also reclaim!!)

And Øystein would try to cancel him but it wouldn’t work because

But anyways, he would always repost memes from Necro’s meme account and he’d save all of them and post them on the Helvete instagram story every once in a while

He would also have an alt twitter to post gay porn on…(probably the same account that Varg liked!!)

And he would subtweet Varg all the time too

Necrobutcher

He’s a funny fella

Pretty unproblematic, but he’d flirt with Øystein “IRONICALLY” in those twitter comments

Oh, he would save those dick pics from Varg too

He’d be the first one that Øystein would show them to

And his Meme page would be super popular

He would also be a reddit and discord moderator, no question about that

Hellhammer

Hellhammer would be ‘too good’ for social media

He’d have twitter but he wouldn’t use it that much because it’s “too much drama” (real)

But he would be all up on facebook

He’d be on facebook like crazy but he’s mostly just post music stuff

Pelle

Oh boy

Just like @svgarcaine said, he would have a pro-ana tumblr blog

He would have it all aesthetic and shit too

And he would have besties on there, he would talk about how he would wanna go see them

And his body would be posted on Pintrest ALL of the fucking time  

He would be an icon among the pro-ana community

And Varg would somehow find his account and save his pictures for COMPLETELY GAY AND HOMOSEXUAL STRAIGHT REASONS OKAYY!!?!?!?