#Tell me When I&039;m Dead

[milkybonya]

corner store (part i)

order 039, anon: large milk tea with taro balls for ptg's Changgu

warnings: mentions of killing, gunfire, smoking, suggestive content

summary: Changgu, your local corner store worker. oh, did i mention he works for the mafia?

barista 🥛's 💌: ty to monsta x for singlehandedly giving me enough motivation to write this shitE OKAY goodnight <3

[x]

ever since you moved out into an apartment of your own, you've had terrible nightmares. someone's always watching over you in your house and it always feels so real. but ever since you met a certain someone just below your apartment, everything faded away.

who knew the pretty boy in the black turtleneck who sold you crappy iced coffee at the local corner store was actually one of the most skilled killers in the city? you certainly didn't.

you garnered your crush for him privately, rushing down to the corner store every day of the week even if you didn't need anything.

i need a coffee right now.

i'm running low on shampoo.

i'm craving apples.

any excuse you came up with lead you to that pretty boy behind the counter

Changgu, his name tag read. his fluffy hair and delicate smile were enough to make you weak and have you holding onto the counter as he cashed you out. he made you melt.

"at 5:32am, police received a report from locals that gunshots were being fired. after arriving at the scene, they were met with dead bodies sprawled around the area. the bodies were identified as members of a local gang, and the group behind the crime are thought to be none other than the mafia.

the mafia often leaves a symbol behind when they commit crimes. it takes the form of a simple 'x'. if you see this symbol on anyone or in any location, please contact the local police at--"

"ah, how silly. crime is crime. it's always happening, right?" Changgu told you after switching off the old TV in the corner store.

he cashed out your items for you and placed them in a bag, sliding them towards you and wishing you well. you turned away from him after watching him roll up his sleeves and reach for a hidden pack of cigarettes just under the counter.

-

a few days pass and Changgu's replaced by someone else in the corner store. you ask the new person what happened to Changgu, and he replies saying he'll be back soon after taking care of some business. the newbie's nametag reads 'Hyunggu'.

-

"hey, someone was asking about you in the corner store today," Hyunggu tells Changgu as he checks the ammunition in his gun.

"ah, it must've been the regular. you did tell them i'd be back, right?" Changgu asked Hyunggu, scanning his friend's expression.

Hyunggu nodded and smirked, saying, "you've never cared about anyone like this before."

Changgu scoffs but knows Hyunggu hit the nail on the head. there's something about you that makes you so unforgettable in Changgu's mind.

-

when Changgu's back at the corner store, you race to the counter with empty hands.

"how've you been?" you ask.

he throws you the same, sweet smile he always does and tells you he's been just fine.

"not buying anything today?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at your empty hands.

"oh! no, uh... i just forgot to pick anything up--" you start to explain, but Changgu cuts you off.

"it's fine, i'm just playing! you don't have to buy anything if you don't want to. want a coffee, on the house?" he asks, already grabbing a cup before you can even agree.

he slides you the cup after he's done pouring it for you, watching you take a sip with a smile.

"how've you been, sweetie?" he asks.

"m-me, i--"

it's only then, when he slightly leans his head back and his bangs shift slightly that the deep bruise on his forehead is revealed. he knows, right away, that your cut-off sentence is because of his bruised skin.

"ah, don't worry about this, it's--"

he leans his neck away from you and the fabric of his turtleneck struggles to stay in place, reveal two thin, black lines that seem to be travelling towards each other.

X.

Changgu notices where your eyes are and he quickly pulls up his turtleneck, pretending to organize something under the counter.

"it's getting dark, you should probably head home," Changgu says, and you take that as your cue to leave. but you don't forget the mark you saw on his neck.

-

"what would it take to get you to remove that turtleneck?"

Changgu laughs hearing you speak the words that you didn't even realize the double meaning of until after you spoke.

"maybe in the right mood, back at my place," he flirts, and you shake your head at him, trying to hide your red-stained cheeks.

"you're hiding something," you say.

"everyone's hiding a lot of things," he retorts, scanning your snacks and adding up the total cost.

"no, i--"

"i can tell you more about it if you wait until the end of my shift tonight," Changgu cuts you off as he tightly grips the counter, the outline of his knuckles clearly showing.

he's holding on for dear life, trying to ground himself as he feels himself falling deeper for you.

"i'll go for a walk and come back later, then," you say, grabbing your snacks.

Changgu's cold hand reaches for your wrist.

"it's dark out, don't leave," he says.

"what do i do, then?" you ask, turning back to face him.

his eyes flit from side-to-side as he thinks, then he throws you a smile.

"keep me company? there's a chair here, behind me."

"your manager won't get mad?"

"the manager's my best friend; you met him before."

you throw him a confused look, and he tells you that Hyunggu is the manager of this corner store.

"i'd expect someone older to manage this place," you say, stepping behind the counter and sitting on a beanbag somewhere next to Changgu.

"people often expect older people to do a lot of things, but you'll be surprised to find out how many young people get all the dirty work done."

-

unsurprisingly, you end up in Changgu's bed, tracing the mark on his neck that was indeed an 'X', the mark of a mafia member. he turns his head to look at you, shifting from his back to his side and drowning his neck tattoo in his pillow.

"are you glad now you know?" he asks, his voice raspy.

"i'm just glad, point-blank glad," you respond and he smiles--that soft smile that first captured your heart.

"how could someone with a smile like yours and soft, fluffy hair be a killer?" you ask, running your fingers through his locks.

"maybe 'cause i made a deal with the devil and somehow ended up in this mess?"

the way you cock your head at him each time you're confused drives Changgu just a little insane. he has to squeeze his eyes shut to avoid kissing the life out of you.

"the nightmares you had, dear, they were real. since you moved here, someone's been keeping tabs on you 'cause you moved into the flat of a mafia enemy."

"Changgu... how do you know about my nightmares?" you ask.

"you don't remember telling me?" he asks.

you watch his bicep flex as he shifts his arm. you definitely don't remember...

"i just ran petty errands for the mafia before. Hyunggu told me to keep charge of this corner store for him and keep an eye on you to make sure the mafia didn't step out of line when watching you. they almost did a few times, but i made sure it never happened."

"Hyunggu told you?"

"he's a few levels above me in the mafia hierarchy."

"he's in the mafia?"

"yes, dear. is this too much? should i stop?" Changgu asks, cupping one of your cheeks in his hand. his touch is cool.

"no, it's okay. go ahead," you reassure.

"the mafia got mad at me for meddling in their business. i told them to stop being so nosy and meddling in your life, and they told me they would keep that promise if i joined as a hitman--"

"you're a hitman?"

"i'm sorry, am i making you anxious?" Changgu asks, a worried expression on his face.

"you became a hitman just to protect me? did i even know you back then?"

"you came by the corner store quite a bit," Changgu recalls, smiling fondly at the memory.

"you realize none of this makes sense, right?" you ask him.

Changgu nods, pulling you towards his chest.

"isn't it more beautiful because it's so chaotic?" he asks you and you can't help but agree.

what a mess you've gotten yourself into.

part ii

[kjsimmill]

Book review: Steven Ramirez, Even The Dead Will Bleed (@byStevenRamirez )

Book review: Steven Ramirez, Even The Dead Will Bleed (@byStevenRamirez ) #Bookreview

Phase one, infect a local population and turn them into engineered zombies. Phase two, relocate the patients who had the mutated strain for further experimentation. That appeared to have been the plan for Baseborn Identity Research, or at least the immediate one, but they hadn’t taken into account Dave Pulaski, and his insatiable desire to avenge his wife’s death. They were playing the long game,…

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 039: Deku VS Todoroki 2 - Flashback Boogaloo

Previously on BnHA: Todoroki and Izuku began their one on one! Todoroki blasted ice attacks at Deku and Deku broke up each one with mini One for All finger smashes. Todoroki’s right side slowly froze up, but meanwhile Deku went through all five fingers on his right hand and then proceeded to blow up his entire fucking left arm. You’d think this would have been the end of it, but no, this motherfucker then went and busted out another smash through his already-mangled right hand. Rather than going into shock at this point like a normal person, Deku fucking screamed at Todoroki to use his full power, because apparently he wants to die in the most spectacular way possible. I don’t even know.

Today on BnHA: Everyone just sits back and watches while Deku destroys his own body in his crazed attempts to get Shouto to use his left side. It’s not fun. Then Shouto starts having flashbacks to his horrifying past. This is even less fun. Basically no one is having a good time here. But eventually something in Shouto clicks when Deku yells at him that his power is his own. And then Shouto finally fires up his left side. So that part at least is fun, but the rest of it has me needing some damn blood pressure medication you guys.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 91 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

oh my god literally the first panel is a baby Shouto POV of his mom

I don’t know if I’m ready for this chapter guys

“when did I forget what came after that?” oh my god. is it so bad his mind blocked the memory for self-preservation reasons or something

Todoroki is really mad that Deku would suggest something so absurd as him using his full power. I assume Deku is going to tell him something similar to the “you’re not your dad” thing that he already said to Endeavor earlier

seriously Shouto, you can use your full power and still piss your dad off

now he’s really mad and he’s charging right at Deku

that’s maybe not the best plan

meanwhile Bakugou is watching intently and it’s so cute I have to post the panel

you go ahead and take your notes kiddo. you’re gonna need ‘em if you end up having to battle him yourself

now that they’re up close Deku is using the microwave trick again!

BUT HE’S STILL USING HIS RIGHT ARM. WHAT GOOD IS THE MICROWAVE TRICK IF THE ARM’S ALREADY FUCKED UP

PLEASE DON’T PUNCH HIM WITH A CLOSED FIST WITH YOUR BROKEN HAND, I MAY ACTUALLY FAINT OH MY GOD

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW DEKU!!!!!!

has Horikoshi ever broken any of his bones?!! COME BACK AND WRITE THIS SCENE AGAIN AFTER YOU’VE BROKEN A BONE, ASSHOLE. COME BACK AND TELL ME THAT HE CAN FUCKING DO THAT AND NOT FALL DOWN SOBBING AFTERWARDS

the only possible explanation I can come up with is that he’s somehow completely hopped up on the adrenaline of it all and isn’t actually feeling the full pain just yet

but he SHOULD be, because that’s the body’s way of telling him, “DON’T FUCKING PUNCH ANYONE WITH THIS HAND YOU COLOSSALLY STUPID FUCK!!!”

anyway, Todoroki is FLYING ACROSS THE RING, but DEKU SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD AND NOW I’M JUST MAD, DAMN IT

whoever wins this match has to fight either Shiozaki or Iida next, depending on who wins their match (probably Iida). and then after that, either Bakugou or Tokoyami (probably Bakugou). but I don’t know if either of these guys will actually be up for that at this rate

I can’t believe it, but Todoroki actually doesn’t look too good. just use your stupid left side already, Shouto

JESUS CHRIST CAN WE GET AN ACTUAL RESPONSIBLE ADULT OUT HERE??? ANYONE?? AIZAWA????

he’s agreeing with my hypothesis that Deku is so hopped up on adrenaline that he’s not feeling the full pain of what he’s doing to his body. and he’s already done so much damage that it can’t all be fixed in a single healing session. that’s what I’ve been fucking saying

should they stop the match? ABSOLUTELY. will they stop the match?? FUCKING WHAT DO YOU THINK

fucking hell, even Aizawa and All Might are just watching in awed admiration

SUPERHEROES ARE THE FUCKING WORST

Deku’s gonna be in the hospital for a fucking month and ALL OF THIS IS ON YOU SADISTIC FUCKS

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAIIIIINED

oh my god finally

YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE A FIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT OKAY. YEESHHH

now he’s... biting... his thumb...

aaand that’s another smash

this is fucking horrifying. I’m not enjoying this at all, not even gonna pretend. it’s just absurd to me at this point that they would let this keep dragging out. I hope this inspires a series of rule changes to future sports festivals to lessen the risk of children doing irreversible damage to their bodies all for the sake of a fucking exhibition match

Shouto asks why Deku is going this far and Deku says he’s “just trying to meet expectations”

All Might you need to sit down with this boy after this and explain where he’s supposed to draw the line in this regard. like, when you did the plus ultra thing? that was for a good cause! sacrificing yourself to save other people’s lives! but he’s just doing it because he has something to prove and it’s the dumbest fucking thing, ugh

sorry guys, I might be bitching about this the entire chapter if this keeps up

“I want to be a smiling, dependable, cool hero!” Deku fucking shrieks

then you might want to step back about twenty feet and take a good long look at what you’re doing so far to accomplish those goals, Deku. because right now, “smiling” and “dependable” are not the words that come to mind

OH MY GOD!!!

BABY SHOUTO WITH NO SCAR!!!

RED ALERT. GOT MY BOX OF TISSUES OUT. ICE CREAM IN THE FREEZER AND ASMR PLAYLIST CUED UP ON YOUTUBE IF I NEED SOMETHING TO CALM ME DOWN AFTER THIS SHIT

Deku says he can’t begin to imagine what Shouto’s experiences have been like or how fierce his determination must be, but...

oh my god more flashbacks oh my god oh my god

(ETA: adding this note a couple years after the fact to warn people reading these recaps for the first time that my initial reaction to the full Shouto backstory was kind of intense. I really blew up at Rei in particular because without getting into any detail, that scene hit close to home for me in regard to some experiences I had while growing up. so I kind of projected a bit without meaning to. anyway, please see here for the “part 2″ version of this post, and fwiw Rei is now one of my favorite characters.)

THIS CHAPTER IS MAKING ME SO FUCKING ANGRY I’M GONNA FUCKING HULK OUT. SHIT. FUCKING SHIT

SHOUTO’S SCREAMING AT DEKU TO SHUT UP AND I FUCKING AGREE. YOU JUST SAID YOURSELF THAT YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF WHAT HE’S BEEN THROUGH AND NOW’S REALLY NOT THE TIME TO START FUCKING PREACHING AT HIM OVER WHETHER OR NOT HE’S SERIOUS ABOUT HIS GOAL

NOW BABY SHOUTO IS HUGGIN’ HIS MOM AND SAYING THAT HE HATES DADDY AND DOESN’T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM

BECAUSE HIS DADDY “BULLIES” HIS MOMMY OH MY GOD

HE KEEPS REPEATING THAT HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT

WHY DID WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS STUPID FLASHBACK. I WANNA GO HOME

I KNOW IT’S MY FAULT!! I ASKED FOR ANGST!! I KNOW!! I’M SORRY! I NEVER LEARN SOBB

SHOUTO’S MOM IS PATTING HIS HEAD GENTLY

DEKU IS SCREAMING AT SHOUTO AGAIN. STOP SCREAMING AT HIM!!!

BABY SHOUTO IS LOOKING AT THE WINDOW AT SOME KIDS PLAYING

-- THOSE ARE HIS BROTHERS?????!

AND HIS DAD SAYS NOT TO LOOK AT THEM, “THEY BELONG TO A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN YOU”

JESUS CHRIST. DID ENDEAVOR JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDE TO BE THE WORST??? JUST LIKE, THE WORST EVER? SINCE HE COULDN’T BE THE BEST, HE DECIDED TO BE THE WORST?!

LIKE, IF I HAD A GUN WITH TWO BULLETS AND WAS TRAPPED IN A ROOM WITH ENDEAVOR, MINETA, AND THE SKYPE VILLAIN, I WOULD SHOOT ENDEAVOR TWICE AND THEN PISTOL WHIP HIS DYING ASS UNTIL IT STOPPED TWITCHING??

NOW SHOUTO IS WALKING BY THE KITCHEN AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S ALREADY CRYING FROM SOMETHING (ABUSE, PROBABLY!!) AND HE’S OVERHEARING HIS MOM TALKING ON THE PHONE AND SHE’S SAYING THAT SHE CAN’T TAKE IT AND SOMETIMES THE LOOKS AT SHOUTO AND HIS LEFT SIDE AND HATES WHAT SHE SEES

WHAT A FUCKING THING FOR YOUR CHILD TO OVERHEAR!! AND I SEE A KETTLE ON THE STOVE! SHOULD I BE PREPARING MYSELF TO PUNCH MY COMPUTER SCREEN

SHE SAYS SHE CAN’T RAISE HIM ANYMORE

HE’S LOOKING UP AT HER WITH WIDE EYES

SHE’S LOOKING AT HIM LIKE... I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT. I DON’T WANT TO DESCRIBE IT OR POST IT

AND THE NEXT PANEL AFTER THAT IS HIM WITH A BANDAGE OVER HIS LEFT EYE

I HOPE SHE FUCKING WENT TO JAIL FOR FUCKING LIFE. MAN, I DON’T EVEN CARE. I HAVE ALL THE SYMPATHY FOR HER, RIGHT UP UNTIL SHE (A) LEFT HERSELF AND SHOUTO IN THAT SITUATION RATHER THAN TRYING TO REMOVE HIM FROM IT, AND THEN (B) FUCKING MAIMED HER OWN FUCKING CHILD, WHO LITERALLY HAD NO ONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR HER

I HATE THIS!!! I HATE ALL OF THIS!!!! I HATE THAT I AGREE WITH ENDEAVOR’S DECISION! I HATE THAT SHE ENDED UP PAYING FOR HIS GARBAGE BEHAVIOR! AND I HATE THAT SHOUTO IS NOW STUCK WITH HIM ALL ALONE!

AND IT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING IN SHOUTO JUST SNAPPED FROM THAT POINT ON AND HE BECAME DETERMINED TO DEFY HIM

BACK TO THE FIGHT OMG

DEKU IS GOING FULL SHOUNEN JESUS

OH MY GOD AND IT FLASHES BACK TO BABY SHOUTO AGAIN

AND HE’S WATCHING A VIDEO, AND IT’S AN INTERVIEW WITH FUCKING ALL MIGHT

HE SAYS QUIRKS ARE PASSED FROM PARENT TO CHILD, BUT IT’S NOT JUST THAT AND “ONE MUST RECOGNIZE AND APPRECIATE ONESELF”

FUUUUUUUUUUCK

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS THE SAME BABY BOY CRUSH ON ALL MIGHT THAT BABY DEKU HAD

I’M JUST SO MAD AND UPSET THAT THIS WOMAN COULD HURT THIS CHILD, KNOWING FULL WELL HOW DIFFERENT HE WAS FROM HIS FATHER, HOW MUCH HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM, AND HOW MUCH THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT HURT HIM

OH MY GOD AND NOW PRESENT-DAY TODOROKI LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO CRY

PROBABLY WHEN THE SAME WOMAN WHO SHOWED YOU THAT VIDEO LOST HER MIND AND POURED SCALDING WATER ON YOUR FACE

WELP

I just want to press pause for a sec and let you guys know that I’ve been listening to my “fight music” playlist during my readthrough of this chapter, and this scene was absolutely perfectly timed. got to this point RIGHT when I read that panel. I got so fucking fired up lol

so finally Todoroki has gotten over his stupid insistence on not using his left side! yay! I think Deku could have picked a better sort of therapy than this, personally, but hey! anyways, are you happy now dude?

you know what, forget I asked. no one cares about you

I’m just happy for this little guy:

THAT WEIRD SMILE AT THE END I CAN’T I’M FUCKING DEAD. HE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND DORKY

ALSO, WAY TO BLOW ANY CHANCE THAT BAKUGOU OR ANYONE ELSE HAD OF DEFEATING HIM LOL. MIGHT AS WELL JUST WRAP UP THIS COMPETITION NOW

(ETA: well I mean. it would’ve been true if this breakthrough had actually stuck lol)

well, Deku, you did it. you can pass out now

BONUS: 

Kouda’s pure, sweet face is all the ASMR I need after this chapter that fucked up my emotions in every possible way!

gotta tell you guys, I liked his design from the start. but this?

this just seals the deal. he is in fact the best character in the whole series. THIS WHOLE TIME IT WAS KOUDA, who the fuck would have ever thought