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06/10/23

you know, i never thought my life would be this way. i remember coming on here & pouring out my thoughts & feelings. seeing my friends everyday before work, after work. mind you, i don't have the same job anymore. when covid hit i was really going thru it financially. i was put in situations that made me stronger. well, in the sense of defending myself yes. controlling my emotions. are my emotions actually controlled? or have i learned to express myself a little too... much? to the point where my emotions take over completely & i black out, not knowing what i actually do or say? you see, i was always the type to hide & stuff my feelings in a box. & would write about them instead of tell someone how i feel. i learned that a close mouth does not get fed & the only way people can understand you is if you speak up. what i also learned, is that even when you speak up, people don't really listen. so you have to shout. & all of this shouting has become exhausting. so i took a different approach. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. do i regret my actions? of course. 100%. but guess what? i'm being heard. i'm understood.

fast forward yeah yeah. now i'm being put in situations again. situations that i've been thru before. but how long can i last? i'm really starting to break here. all this strength is gonna snap eventually. think of it as a rock. & the situations is water. the rock is submerged in water ok, nothing is happening to the rock. but overtime, the rock starts to erode. little by little. the rock has to get out of the water. i have to get out of this situation. how??? i'm driving myself insane putting myself in these situations praying for a different outcome when i know what the outcome is. i don't know. i don't know what i'm doing.

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Tigers Jaw // Cool

(I know, it’s pretty crappy)

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Suck my tongue when we kissin

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messy room

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alinaevanss via instagram 

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