#TW health issues

[bamsara]

ok no yeah i hate human hormones and body chemicals actaully because the anxiety caused some physical symptoms and i had muscle spasms and speech problems for 30ish minutes and i havent had a Moment™️ like that in like 6 months, i think this game is rigged

also, i should stop drinking caffeine. again. attempt 2# at quitting caffeine i believe in us

also 2x i want to art stream. i want to draw. i will force this body to my will

[alexalblondo]

Oh god did you see the video of Lance trying to get out of his car?? He looked seriously unwell. Apparently Alex had to go to the medical center as well.

https://x.com/cvsualsabotage/status/1711091688393871516?s=46&t=FLKcwAHs7aplum54J4FqtA

I am gonna throw up myself watching this, I need them to rebel

[aghostnamedcalamity]

how will Benjamin react when Mordecai eventually dies?

So (keeping in mind that this is completely in my headcanon!) I always felt Mordecai would make it to a ripe age considering his strict dietary habits. However, I imagined he’d suffer a major health issue near the end. He has a genetic predisposition to strokes from his father’s side and his mother passed from Parkinson’s in my headcanon.

Benjamin by this point is working as a doctor at Barnes Hospital so he is more than capable of aiding Mordecai in his time of need, and he does. He does his best to help him be comfortable. I think he would process Mordecai’s passing with grace. He’ll be understandably sad at the loss but content with the way he left. With a full life and plenty of memories. Unlike when his mother passed, which caused a lot of emotional turmoil and grief due to unresolved issues.

[turtletaubwrites]

I got the fucking job, y'all!!! 😭✨🙏🏼

(Details of the fuckery I've been dealing with for the past year below now that I'm finally getting out!!! cw: vent post, rant, toxic workplace, financial struggles, mention of impact on health, lynna being excited and sappy at the end, lol)

I loved my company. I had coached the CEO for six months before giving him my business proposal because I fell in love with the work they did in supporting adults with developmental disabilities to become more independent. The culture and values of this program was above and beyond what I'd seen at the time (and sadly still).

I was initially hired to be a director for the non profit side, but since I got hired a month before Covid, that role no longer existed. So I did what so many "older siblings/chronic people pleasers" would do. I took on EVERY other role/responsibility needed.

I helped them open and manage a new office and county. I created a HIPAA compliant filing system that would allow managers in all counties to access documents and prevent data loss when a manager was out or left the company (which had happened multiple times. The original director left after embezzling, and they literally didn't know how to get into their own billing system without her 🥴). I wrote a staff and client training curriculum with twelve months of content, and 13 modules each month of various topics, such as finances, safety, nutrition, community integration, etc (which I did mainly on my own time 🤦‍♀️ and do not have the rights to use, unfortunately). And so much more.

There were so many issues over the years, so much drama, and fraud, and not enough staff/clients, so I had to take on a full caseload of clients on top of my other duties.

I adore working with clients, but with my own disabilities, I can't physically handle a full caseload. For five years, they kept telling me that "once we hire more staff, you'll get the position/pay we promised."

Well, starting last year and into this year they had months and months of repeated late paychecks that put me in debt after the medical leave I had to take because of the stress from this job causing a manic episode. For MONTHS, at least one paycheck a month would be 1-3 weeks late with only a days notice. I didn't know how to manage my staff when none of us were getting paid.

I had to borrow money for gas so that I could take my clients to their medical appointments.

My physical and mental health have deteriorated drastically due to this job, over the last year especially, and I've been feeling hopeless.

I was about to try for unemployment until they told me that they were going bankrupt, and starting a new company. I decided to see if all the loyalty they requested of me would be reciprocated now that their debts were gone, so I gave them a proposal for the type of position they hired me for and had promised me for so long.

They didn't fucking reply for 2 weeks, then said the best they could do was a $1 raise, and that "ONCE THEY HIRE MORE STAFF THEY'LL GIVE ME THAT POSITION."

And did they give me that $1 raise? Nope. They fucking TOOK a $2 incentive pay that I'd already been receiving for months off of my pay. For the first month with the new company, their paystub didn't have my pay listed on it, so I didn't realize until the end of the month that I'd made $300 less than I should have.

They gave me a $2 "raise" when I requested compensation for the late and overcharge fees they had caused from all the late paychecks. The $2 that I had already had before they fucking took it away, and hadn't realized they'd taken away until a few days after they told me about the "raise."

This company meant everything to me. I believed the hype. I believed the lies for loyalty. I put so much of myself into it, and I have been falling to pieces for years.

But the first interview I got was for EXACTLY the job I wanted, and they liked me so much that they're offering me a dollar over the listed pay range for the position!! It'll still be tight for awhile since it's the same pay I had without the $2 incentive, but I won't be driving clients all over the county everyday. Plus the structure! The consistent schedule! It's got all the things I loved about the other job, but now it has actual support, it's accessible for my needs, and I get to focus on my strengths and skills that I want to use. I can't get over the extra dollar part though. It hasn't sunk in yet, but I knew I killed the interview. It was last Thursday, and they said I'd hear from them by the end of this week. But they called me at the beginning of the week to offer me more money than they would normally give for this job! All of their questions were amazing. We were vibin' about compassion and patience, fidget toys, how to motivate staff without reprimanding them, and what progress/success looks like for people with severe mental illnesses/developmental disabilities. It felt like every single question brought out one of my strengths or passions, and they asked if we could go over the normal time for the interview. Then they thanked me at the end when I requested a 2-3 week out start date so that I could make sure my clients were set up before I leave. They all literally paused, and thanked me for asking that. The actual compassion I felt from these people for their clients was intense, and I'm so excited to work in that environment. This job is exactly what I was looking for, only BETTER. I get to use what I learned from that shit show. I still get to help people. And I get to take care of myself while doing it.

3 WEEKS!!!!

I've got so much shit to do to prepare for the job, and I'm going to try to get my current clients as set up as I can before I go. I'm trying to figure out a professional way to tell them to find a different program. I've been dealing with a lot of guilt over leaving my clients because they don't have anyone else, but this last year as beaten me into the ground. I have to leave.

So fuck that company, and the shitty couple that made me all those promises. I'm going to work my fucking ass off for the next three weeks, but it's not for them. It's for the clients who deserve better.

Oh, so many feelings, y'all!

I'm so excited to have a regular schedule, and not ever have to cover shifts, or work late or weekends all the time. I'm so excited to not be drained from driving and walking all over the place six days a week.

I'm excited because I've been wanting to have the time and the spoons to take some classes on writing and editing, because this is what I really want to do!

I can't wait to have a job that I don't have to carry home with me, so I can just tippy tappy on my keyboard to my heart's content. 🥰

I love writing so much, and there is absolutely no way I would have survived this last year if I hadn't started writing and interacting with all of you wonderful souls during my medical leave.

Thank you all so very much 🙏🏼

~ Lynna 💜✨

[mayhems-cannon]

update: had some blood tests results come in, turns out the exhaustion and depression do have an actual physical reason, so far from what we have it seems to be due to my thyroid not producing enough hormones? the symptoms line up almost perfectly to what i have so huh

hope my gp and obgyn can maybe tell us more but yeah

[descendinginto-madness]

exhausted.

word count: 439

content warnings: mentions of self-destructive behavior, mentions of a character in a very bad state

summary: N/A

author's notes: well uh. at first i was like what if i kill someone for this prompt again, because i only knew i wanted to write about Welt, but then i decided nah. that's for day 26. :). and tomorrow is Emile again because they can't catch a break :3

“You look tired.”

Welt turns his head away from the parlor car's window, his gaze focusing on Himeko as she approaches him. He didn't hear her enter; only noticing her when she spoke. He can spot the concern on her face and it causes him to smile softly, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. As much as he's trying to look like everything’s alright, he's also aware that the exhaustion he feels right now must be rather obvious - which Himeko has taken note of already, and the look in his eyes - almost empty.

“I'm fine,” he replies, though. He looks away, at the countless stars outside the Astral Express, and Himeko stops right next to him with a quiet sigh. He can feel her gaze on himself, but he doesn't move.

“You know I can tell that's not true,” she replies. “It’s late. You should go and rest.”

He sighs in response. 

“I'm fine,” he repeats, with a little more firmness in his voice now, but without anger. He could never get angry at her for worrying about him, even if he doesn't always appreciate it - or thinks there was no need for it. Right now, it's the former; especially since he's pretty sure he won't fall asleep anyway. There's way too much going on in his mind right now.

“I wouldn't be able to–”

He speaks again, but she interrupts him, placing a hand on his shoulder and causing him to finally look back at her.

“Welt.” Similarly to his, her voice carries no anger, but there's a bit more edge to it now, and it doesn't disappear as she goes on. “You’re not invincible. You need sleep, like everyone else.”

“I'm not tired.”

“Welt Yang.” It's almost a hiss now, she is suddenly much harsher, but he can't really blame her.

He'd much rather prefer it if she just let him be, though.

“If you're trying to punish yourself by neglecting yourself even more, then stop, right this instant.” She's annoyed at him, of course she is; he can hear it quite clearly. “What happened isn't your fault. It's not anyone's fault. And you can't act like it is. Please,” she adds, and the last word is spoken in a much softer way. “You look like you're about to collapse.”

He wants to argue with her but then he thinks of the fight they lost, of the Express’s infirmary, and of Dan Heng laying there, most likely still unconscious, and of the fact they aren't sure when he will even wake up, and suddenly all of his strength is gone.

Alright. He'll go rest.

He nods. 

divider by @/cafekitsune

[fishymom-art]

So I wanna talk about my experience with the game “8:11”

OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS!

TW: Panic Attack, Health Issues

I want to immediately say that I absolutely loved playing this game. The art style is an absolute delight, the sound design and the music are great, and the characters are very unique and beautiful, and I love all of them. All the designs of other characters are wonderful and never seen before. All in all I think this game is fantastic, especially considering that it’s an indi-game.

But there are two things I want to mention.

First of all, the reason why there’s a trigger warning. While playing this game, my heart went ballistic. First two times it was just a horrible pain in the chest, probably caused by stress. But yesterday I had a panic attack while playing it. I was visibly shaking for at least 5 minutes after that. Despite me being almost done (yes, I continued playing despite everything, because I didn’t know the pain was caused by the game), after yesterday, I decided not to finish the game. It was just not worth risking my own health.

Now, I want to say that this is just one instance. I’m known for having problems with stress. But I’ve never had a panic attack, heightened heart beat and visible shaking due to one game. On one hand, good job, you managed to make a very disturbing game. One the other, it is literally dangerous to one’s health.

I know that in the beginning they ask if you want to see a graphic depiction of Leon’s death, but there was nothing about depiction or mention of anything else later on in the game.

So that’s one thing. The other is that the game is very overwhelming (which could also be the reason for the panic attack).

The story follows a non-binary priest Ryker who goes to a cursed, abandoned Basilica to investigate the death of their friend/father figure Leon, and hoping to avenge him. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, I really hoped it was.

But sadly, the story was… well, too much. In the sense, that there were a lot of things that were slightly unnecessary, and made the plot confusing, because at some point the main story is lost behind all the additional things.

For example, there is a romantic line with another character by the name of Accardi and a few other romantic lines between other characters (f.e Accardi and Juliek). I found it slightly unnecessary because it deviated from the main plot soooo much. I would’ve understood if it was somehow connected, but that story was completely out of place. A nice change of pace in some places, but still out of place.

The other big thing was the complicated story behind the past of the Basilica. Basically, the priests acted as surgeons too, practicing some unorthodox methods on the deceased, forming their own ways to revive or pass them on to the afterlife. There is also a thing called Generations, connected to it. I assume it’s just what the people are called after they die? A new generation of their life begins? I dunno. Again, very confusing.

This is all started with the return of a character Gabriel who in the beginning of the game died by his head being blown up because he looked into a cursed book. Which I think was awesome. It was a great way to show what this book is capable of. But bringing him back in the middle of the game for him to die soon anyway and thus beginning a different part of lore (aka Basilica’s curse)? It was confusing. I think the whole thing with generations, surgeons, and Gabriel could’ve been taken out and maybe put into a sequel. Then the characters could’ve concentrated more on the original story about grief and loss. But because of that new supernatural cultist thing, the story gets lost by the end of the game and it becomes confusing.

There is also just a lot of moments that are, again, unnecessary. A lot of Ryker’s dream sequences made the story confusing. Some of the flashbacks with Leon were unnecessary (except the one where they met and the one in the tent, because it shows the reason why Ryker became a priest. I think those were very important and interesting).

Also, God, the Basilica itself is just so incredibly confusing. I know it has something to do with the curse, but I think if you wanted to make it giant, you could’ve executed it in a slightly different way. Maybe make it giant, but do a little nudge nudge wink wink to the reason (maybe through hidden books or Easter eggs) and the curse, but talk about it in the sequel more, so the player can concentrate on Leon.

The supernatural, the talking to the dead, and all of that is very cool. I think adding the thing that Ryker is special in some way is very cool and could be done in a fantastic way, but it’s confusing in the end, because you don’t exactly understand what makes them so special.

And then there’s Vittorino. I have mixed feelings about him. He does carry most of the story and most of the best scenes in the game, but god I wish there was a bit more to his character. If you want to make him a semi bad guy, then commit to it. When he just appeared, it was clear who he is and how, but then he gets lost in his madness and his motivation becomes unclear and repetitive. Also there are scenes of him being blind??? But then he’s not????? And there’s a semi-secret door where he is a literal monster?????????? Huh??????

Also all the dream sequences get mixed with reality and you just don’t understand what is what at some point.

ALSO ALSO. THE BEETLE??? What was his purpose??? God, I loved his character and to be honest, I think his design is my favourite, but like. He’s supposed to be Ryker’s guardian angel but then bashes their head against the sink just for the Hell if it??? Make up your mind, man, you confuse me.

And don’t even get me started on Dante’s story. I was okay with it completely the whole time, but by the end it all turns on its head and like. Huh? What? Was he a human or not??? Huh???

Yeah, anyway. The game is great, but the writing seems more like a draft. There are wonderful and great ideas that were executed poorly. It has great potential and it is legit scary and I hope to see more. The characters feel loved by the creator and this is what I adore about this game. It feels loved. But then again, this post exists. Thank you!

[devilander]

hi guys! sorry for going mia, i have been suffering from some severe medical issues these last few days, so i couldn't participate much on fandom things nor answer the requests properly! i'm hopeful things will get better in the next few days and i'll be able to post more content, so sorry about this!

[zestialmorde]

Mod is taking another small break that may or may not be noticed (Idk if the queue will clear before I’m back) I am an ancient old man in the body of a 22 year old and am having heart issues

[alexalblondo]

holy shit

[xhopsalong]

If you're a mutual I've chatted with on Discord or even just here on Tumblr, I'm just makin a scattershot announcement that I'm having some increasingly serious health issues in part based on the stress of my living situation and so if I drop off the face of the earth it truly was nothing personal and I've had a good time chatting with the lot of you.

Not trying to be majorly alarming just planning for the worst while hoping for something better. If you see me keep posting it means I'm continuing to improve my situation, which *does* have if not an end date at least the chance to work for something more sustainable and not frankly at times nightmarish. If not, it's been real. Had some of the most chill times of my life with some of y'all over the past few years, as well as many genuinely enjoyable casual convos. Hope everyone keeps finding stuff to enjoy about the world.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello Kait, how are you doing? I hope your day have been well and the cold season is not too bad at your place.

Actually, I've been sick for a while now and went to the clinic a few hours ago. I feel like... I'm tired of dealing with sickness and medication. Of course, I'm not sick enough to the point of having chronic illness. But I'm also not that healthy either since I've always prone to getting sick since I was a child.

I used to have countless doctor appointments back then. Sometimes, I even have to go through 3 different doctors from different departments on the same day. I don't even know if I have the right to complain about this when there's literally a lot of people out there going through worse illness than me...

But I'm really not coping well with all these medications. Sometimes the side effect can be harsh to deal with too. I wish I could say to someone that I don't want to take pills after pills anymore. At some point my stomach churned at the thought of hospitals and clinics because I don't want to go through the appointments again.

I also hate how physically and mentally vulnerable I am whenever I got sick. I'm always the one who take care of myself and while it taught me how to be independent, sometimes... I just wish I had someone to take care of me. I want to know how it feels like to be taken care of for once in my life.

I guess that's where Saeran comes into the picture. The fact that he knows exactly what I feel about everything and would be glad to nurse me back into health... it's a nice thought, a nice distraction even for a bit.

I'm sorry for the long ask. I have a lot of things in mind and this sickness is making me want to let everything out of my system.

Saeran has been to Hell and back when it comes to his health.

Things have been looking a lot better for him ever since he got out of Mint Eye. However, leaving that place didn't instantaneously free him of what he had been dealing with since he was a small child. It simply allowed him to begin the process of taking care of himself properly, and while he is doing that more often these days, his immune system is shot and he is susceptible to your seasonal flu and cold a lot more than your average guy.

A small cold could knock him out of his shoes whether he likes it or not. It's not the best time in the world when he gets sick, but boy, he has learned all kinds of tricks and tools in his research online. Sure, it is possible to a doctor now, God knows Jumin has helped him get a lot of help that he couldn't have otherwise had before, but still, being able to take care of himself is no walk in the park. He can't just sleep off the illness all day long.

There are other things he can do, and any trick he learns going into the back of his head to not only help him, but to take care of his loved ones, too. Sure, it's a learning curve to make sure you're comfortable, but the same can be said about anyone! He just has to find how what helps you feel best. What meals are easy? Do you like to rest? Do you prefer to bundle up? Do you watch comfort shoes? What drink do you like when you feel anxious?

Whatever you need, he's got you covered!

But, today, most of all, what you might need is for him to be by your side as you try to rest. His hand tracing patterns into the back of your shirt again and again, your tired eyes shutting as soon as you nuzzle your head against his chest, and his voice ringing through your ears like a rumble.

"I know you feel awful right now, but I'm here for you, my love. I wish I could take the pain away, but I know I can't... so, I'll do the next best thing... and hold you close to my heart... so our love can remind you that you're not alone, no matter how bad you feel."

[pitruli]

Hey guys I'm back !! Did I miss anything bigbsincelast week ?Excuse me if my typing is all over the place right now it's part of the recovery haha I was about to infoump about the crab situation but actually that felt unes especially long so I'm gonna shorten it the best I can hahabut now, that it's finally all behind I feel the need to explain at least a bit ^^"

So you know, the jokes about having. A CRAB I had been making for a few months ?

Well it's gone now, ! Like, gone gone N!! Woohoo !

I'm trying to keep it short but^^'' warning for medical issues and surgery if you're uncomfortable with talks about these (a friend of my family almost fel unconscious when whe tried to explain everything to him, I kno it can throwpeople off quite a bit (not surprising tho,)

Back In October, just when I turned 22, hospital found out a spot we had been surv eying in my brain for more than a year was actually a (non cancerous) tumour and needed to be removed through surgery,c,

"the Crab" is just how I ended up talking about it with friends just to cope after a few days, If anything happened it was always because of the crab haha (no)

Due to being left handed, the functions the most at risk inß my brain were languages (cause apparrently it's t' s more common for left hnaded peopleto have their languangue center more to the right, ... Where emy "crab"Was spotted so to make sure nothing is dammged2 I ,I would have to be concoiuous during the surgery, so they could test my ability to speak (in Both french and English, an make sure they removed as most they can without turning me mute or something lateron haha

So sxi months of preparation laed me to last fri day’ morn.ng, the surgery itzsel f ,went all supér ell! But the concoiuous part sas ßomrrhing to go through for real, sbur honestly I'm more surprised I didn't have a break down lzst minute from axietyry an tried to escape the waiting room hahaa

I çan't eeseally draw for now , even just holding a spoon is tricky lately, but it's just the recovery process, I have to shake myself.a little and go relearn stuff by myself., So I hope tomorrow is can go and doodle for a bit and hopefully see a see progress! Other than that, language should be all normal within a few months, so don't mind me if I'm wonky at times, I'll try my best to write,well enough!!and train whenever I can

I have a mega head scar now tho! I think it's quite epic, I look like I got into some fucking wild shit haha

And the thing is totally removed btw, if it (ever,),grows back, I won't be bothered for years to come !

[omgcatboi]

So you are more than double your starting weight congratulations 👍👍👍. So what has Been the most surprising thing so far with the weight you have gained so what has been

Well, I didn't expect to be so sore from walking short distances. I also get winded just from standing up sometimes because I'm so heavy. Oh! When i get out of the pool after being in it for over an hour, I can barely breathe from the weight on my heart and lungs. I'm a lot lighter in water!

[alexalblondo]

not to be mean but Oh. My. God. he is in fact insane

[vroomian]

Okay. Mood stabilized. I’ve been reading and the diagnosis isn’t completely terrible. I can still like. Do stuff. So.

I need to lose weight but that was already the plan. I don’t have to completely change my diet. I only have to shoft the portions of it. I’m already committed to exercising.

I was always going to have to deal with this. It runs in both sides of my family. I just know about it now I guess.