#TO LOTIONIZE

[blairwitchapologist]

has anyone else been seeing the tweets about a lotion from sephora that attracts spiders

[demonboyhalo]

"average person sees 3 spiders a year" factoid is a statistical error. Sephora Georg, who attracts 3 million horny spiders with the spider sex lotion, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[nonranghaes]

“ooh, you smell good.” chris inhales deep, the smell of your coconut lotion strong since you just applied it. he’s curled his arms around you, hugging you from behind as he sneaks a little kiss against the side of your neck. “you gonna share?”

its silly, but its the moments like this that you live for the most. sharing lotion with your partner, who thanks you and rubs it into his own skin with this giddy grin on his face. he steals so much of your things since moving in together: body wash, lotion, shampoo… all things he happily replaces without complaint.

“sometimes i think you’re obsessed with smelling like me,” you muse aloud while you continue to get ready for bed.

he says nothing at first. “you…” he pokes your back for emphasis, “you stole my cologne first.” he’s still grinning when you look at him, confident he’s won whatever conversation this is.

because he’s right: you ‘stole’ (was happily given upon request, actually) a bottle of his cologne when you had to go away for a work thing, before the two of you started living together.

“so,” he says, “this is just payback.”

you just roll your eyes. this just means war from here on out: you’ll start stealing his things, too. just to get him back and see that cheeky smile.

[lenyavok]

Lotion Seller

[alithographica]

Regret to inform you lotion spider post is probably fake, in the notes there are People pointing out the same reviewer has been periodically posting the exact same review over and over

I am devastated, nobody talk to me unless you can make spider lotion real

Spiders if you’re reading this you have a huge opportunity to commit to the bit here

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[catmask]

actually hi heres a photodump from the last week ^_^ im starting to take pictures of stuff more whenever i think its cute

[eroticlamb]

Philosophy: Sweet talk and Sweet on you shampoo and body lotion ୨ৎ

[riverofrainbows]

Eliot Spencer. Listen to me i am obsessed with the man. He is so incredibly stereotypically masculine, and hardcore so, yet at the same time really isn't in ways that would be damning for the 2000s and early 2010s. Long hair, not unusually tall, the most emotionally aware one and most in tune with his emotions on the whole team. (Not that the others don't also have points in that area, but they're all terrible at it in some way and Eliot scores by far the most points.) He has a hobby that's not James Bond like (cooking), and he gets to be goofy while being unquestioned as the most badass guy in the room. And yes he makes inappropriate jokes about lesbians and goes all no homo at physical affection from other men, and younger people probably don't find him quite as monumental as i do in terms of masculinity. But his behaviour never reflects those jokes or the no homo, and he was the red blooded american former military guy character on a big network tv show in the year 2009. For which he was a severely mild case. He treats the other characters as people and not stereotypes, in the way the whole show does, and he has long hair he puts up in ponytails and half buns that have his side bangs falling out (you need to understand what big of a deal the manbun was in like 2013, so much so that they had to invent a word). He's emotional and doesn't actually mean his gruffness most of the time, and doesn't thinks himself above certain tasks or people. He wears ridiculous little outfits without putting up a show about his threatened masculinity, and he's the most emotionally intelligent one outside of cons. He wears little jewellery in his hair sometimes, and little braids even (yes braided hair was a no go), he plays guitar and sings earnest love songs not just to try to get laid (love songs would only be permissible in the immediate context of romance), and whenever they have a young woman as a client, that reminds him of home i presume, he works with so much effort and respect for them as the one he's in service to, and respects their opinion strongly. He wears glasses, and reads books and is way too nerdy for an action hero type of the 2010s. He is great with kids, and unironically so (there were multiple big shows and movies about the topic of "men needing to deal with children on their own" with the entire premise of that being ridiculous and them being naturally bad at it). He's the most stereotypically action hero type masculine guy on the show, and he does get strive or posture for power or dominance in their team, is content with a contributing role and trusting on the expertise of the others, and he is not portrayed as the most valuable one or as that behaviour being beneath him. He undresses so he and the woman he's fighting with are on equal ground reading undress. He is shorter than the others and continuously portrayed as the most dangerous one in any room, and height differences afe never deemphasised via cinematography (seriously, to be regarded as sufficiently masculine in western films they either get really tall actors or employ a variety of camera angles and boxes to give that impression. But just think of Eliot in the pilot when rescuing Hardison in the first break in, standing behind the group of security guys who all look way taller than him and more physically impressive with weapons and all. And then Eliot just in a t-shirt with no weapon but himself.) He has long hair (again, mainstream sufficiently masculine guys didn't do that back then, or now if we think of it (not that long at least)).

The show and all it's characters were a goddamn marvel back in 2009, and sadly in many ways still are today, 15 years later.

And he heals my little broken heart regarding gender stereotypes and masculinity, my heart that grew up in the 2000s and has so much difficulty accepting that my gender is valid. Bless him for it.

[chellychuu]

Strawberry scented 🍓🤍

[catboy-autism]

why are you alterhuman/nonhuman? wrong answers only

I'll go first: instead of using normal lotion on me, my mom used lotion made for horse, cattle, cats, and dogs

[sergle]

some ppl are scared of ebay, and I think it's so funny because it'll be like. one of my sisters wanted to know where I got a particular lotion, I sent her the ebay link, and she's like omg I'm scared, what if they take my card information..... GIRL. amazon is worse!!!!

[florietas]

[lenyavok]

Lotion Seller

[capturedbeauty]

[lostlavenderer]

Me when I only put lotion on my tattoos and not the rest of my skin